48: Confronting Trevor Wallace for dating BOTH of us - Ep.48
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Hit an intro. Hello and welcome back to the cancelled podcast. That was a collab intro. That was hot. Hi Trevor Wallace. Hey I'm matching Brooke so this is pretty big. Yeah so I'm like it's

Just saying. So if you're listening to the audio version, just picture two really hot people. That's what we're... Absolutely. That's the vibe we're going for. I am genuinely surprised you wanted to come on the Canceled Podcast. He's been waiting. Why did you have to break the news to Howie Mandel? He didn't even ask. It was his daughter. Okay. The podcast host. The whole bang bus situation. I don't know what's happening. But the daughter was like... Somebody wrote in and said, I heard you and Tana hooked up. And I just was like, I'm not going to talk to Howie Mandel about what I do...

I did rewatch it after we did like the whole expose. I rewatched it and I was like, actually, that was the only way he really could have handled it. What am I going to go into my, spill my Pawn Stars routine? The only funny thing that happened with that is a girl I was with saw that clip of you talking about it. She's like, wait, he did the Pawn Stars thing to me. You just,

- You stole my thing. - Oh, is that your move? - No, it's just a funny thing to do. So I guess, yeah, it's a move. - You just stole my first topic of conversation. - What? This is your podcast, you can cut that out. You can put yours in. - No, it's not. - Ready, set, go. - I'm not gonna cut it out. - Take two. - For the people that don't know, Trevor and I have the same manager, right? - Yes. - And the other night it was our manager's birthday. - Scooter Braun. - It's Scooter Braun. - Ariana, Tiana, Trevor. - My manager invited me to his birthday party and not you. - His classic, I get there and he goes, "Oh, I thought you were out of town."

So we have this whole tangent about like who he likes more. Like we're not really sure. Whatever. But I decided that I should invite Trevor and like surprise Seth with Trevor. You know what I mean? That's her favorite thing to do is invite people who are not invited to.

two things i was just happy to be thought of for this i'm like i miss you i wanted to hang out like i thought it'd be fun well you missed and so i invite you and then you text me the most rogue insane thing ever like as again as if we like dated bro you're like i'm bringing a girl like is that okay i'm like i didn't know i but like like what do you think i was gonna be like hurt no not even like that i just want to show with random people to your place

I don't want you to be intimidated. I make everything so about me. I make everything so about me. Like in my little narcissistic brain, I'm like, oh my God, he loves me. Like why is he asking me if he can bring a girl? I just don't want to show up to your place with random people. You and the girl get here and everyone's like having a little pregame shot, just chit-chatting around or whatever. And the girl like kind of pulls me aside and she's like, and she's like, he did the Pawn Stars thing to me too.

That is really bad. Of course. You could have done like Storage Wars or something. That's for my wife. Oh, okay, okay, okay. My strange addiction. Oh, I love TLC. They are really just the best network. Did you ever watch John and Kate Plus 8? No. You have such a fixation on John and Kate Plus 8. What is it? Was that your show? Is it like they have sex with the gay people? No, they had eight kids, John and Kate.

Did. And then they got divorced. So cheaper by the dozen. She was like the first octomom. Oh, octomom. Was that it? I thought those were two separate things. No, octomom, there is like the octomom. But like she was, or maybe not. No, octomom is the lady who had eight kids at once. That's her own LLC. No, but then Kate had like six at once. Like they did like IVF or something. Something went wrong. IVF. IVF. Ivermectin. Okay.

A horse tranquilizer. I know that is ketamine around here. That's so common, though. You have multiples when you do IVF because they put seven eggs in there. So she had six kids? At once and then had already had two. But usually some of them don't take. So the octomom accidentally had eight. Imagine that. And it was pretty out of order. I'm killing myself. No, you don't do a vaginal birth if you have eight kids. I hate it that I said that. I'm so sorry for saying vaginal.

Wait, what did you just say? I don't know. I said, like, put him out like a boba straw. Oh. Tapioca. That's just eight kids coming out. By the seventh one, you're like, you're lubed up. We're ready to go. I've never had a child, so I don't know. Lubed up is crazy. What do you call it? We also were watching Dated and Related, and then you made it like an avid known thing that you had to switch to Pawn Stars. I kind of think it's like. I don't even know what Dated and Related is. Hmm.

You watched it with me. I was just so in love. I couldn't even think about the team. I'm sorry for that, all right? It's a crazy thing. You don't have to say sorry. I think it says a lot about you. No, I was just listening to that episode right before going on stage, literally in Arizona, where you guys did it. And I was watching that episode. I was like, are they being mean? I can't tell her now. Because you'd say something fucked up. They'd be like, we love you, Trevor. And then we'd go back to it. Like this fucking idiot in his little electric scooter going up the stairs. We really do do that. I spoke highly of you the first time. You did? Yeah.

You did. We really do do that, though. Like, tell an awful story about someone and be like, but we love you. Come uncanceled anytime. Like, they don't want to. Love you, girl. We always wanted to have you uncanceled, though. That was, like, our first guest that we said before we started back up again. Amazing. Love it. So I brought gifts. You brought gifts for us? Yeah, just to clear the air. I want everybody who watches and listens to Cancel to be like, he's a good guy. Okay. Because I brought gifts tailored to you guys. I'm so excited. I brought great gifts for you guys. Jake, Paul, get in here. No, I brought great gifts.

She just starts crying. Oh, I'm so excited. Brooke, I know you love McDonald's, so I got you a Happy Meal. That's actually so sweet. Is he going to hand me like a meth pipe? No, I got you milk because that's an insane thing to order. Do you like milk? I love milk. But how did you know that?

I'm Nardwar. Have I spoken? I'm Nardwar. You drink milk? Do you like milk? I love milk. 1%? I always say on the Canceled Podcast, I say we should bring milk back. That's why people call our mommy milkers. Well, that's why you should be canceled. They call you what? That's why they call our mommy milkers. That's why? Yeah. They do not call me that. Just Harry Josie. Look, well, there you go. I got you some milk and happy milk. That's actually so sweet. This is the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given. Is it the apple slices or the mini french fry? Oh, I don't know. I'm going to do an unboxing. I had somebody pick it up for me. And who was...

I have an assistant. I have my own page. Oh, it is Apple Slices. Oh, let's go. Wait, I got a toy too. What's the toy? Well, it is. Not the toys Tana has around her house. It's a sex joke. Oh, it's something light year. Buzz light year? There's only one light year. Isn't there the tires? No, it's good year. Wait, no, this is like, I'm not kidding. This is the best thing you could have possibly gifted me. Oh, and Tana, I hope I live up to the hype. I brought you a vape. The wrong one.

That's so kind and then that's so unkind. I looked in your pool. There's five vapes at the bottom of your pool. I really actually have to talk about that for a second. I was throwing a party the other day and everyone kept asking me to hit my vapes and then they'd bring them back to me and they'd be dead and then I was just like not in the right state of mind so I was throwing them in the pool.

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when i was a child and i learned to swim they used to put stuff at the bottom of the pool to go dive to it so if you have kids one day keep the vapes down go get mommy's vape go get mommy's vape is a real thing a mom says to this day yeah absolutely have you guys seen those videos of the people like throwing the kids in the water and then they like bob to the baptism no no it's like how you teach a kid to like turn over like they're teaching babies how to swim oh my god i've seen those videos it'll be like eight months old and they just throw them in the ocean and then they like they go

And the kid turns over. This does it? Yes. It's definitely just like borderline like a not okay thing to do. I mean, it's actually really smart because now your kid knows how to swim. But like. But not swim, but just to like, they know to turn over so that they don't drown. Yeah, but the pros and cons aren't great on that. I see those a lot on like, my For You page says a lot about me, I guess, and I see those a lot. But it's like, they're funny. They're funny videos because it's kind of like. Is it drowning? I don't know. I feel like. What? What?

don't want children to drown it's just like the concept of it's i don't want children to drown okay isn't that what um casey anthony casey anthony did she's like she lives in florida just walked around you know that my sister my sister was in prison with case casey anthony that sentence alone lets me know you definitely drink milk what did you just say to me i swear to god my sister was in prison with casey anthony

Isn't that weird that that's like a flex? Like, I was in prison with a case. No, it really was. What was your sister in prison for? Aggravated DUI. Aggravated DUI? It's aggravated if you have like more than three, I think. Sorry, Tori. Wait, what does aggravated mean? Well, also aggravated can mean that they put the like breathalyzer in your car and then you have someone else blow into it so that you can still drive drunk, which is not funny. Yeah.

But she's sober now. Turn on or turn off if a guy has a DUI, you got to blow into it in the car. It's a good car though. Urus. Lamborghini Urus. It's a Urus. No, see, I wouldn't date a guy with Urus. Really? Why? Tacky.

It's also just insane to spend a quarter of a million dollars on an SUV. Why do I want a Urus? She wants one so dang. I think they're cool. I joke all the time. Like a black one. No, they're cool. I would date a guy with a Urus, but not with a breathalyzer in his Urus probably. Yeah. It's kind of cool though. All right, babe, you ready?

People will make their kids do it. My mom used to make me pee in a cup. What? So that she could pass her drug test. I'm like, anyone else have a topic? No, that's great. I mean, it's kind of a life hack. It is. Like drug testing, you have your kids do it. How does she approach you? She's like, hey, Brookie, who wants McDonald's? Well, when you're that young, it's like, sure, I'll...

You don't know what's going on. Yeah. Was it for work? I would make people pee in cups for me at work. And it's just, or at school, it's the most humbling thing ever to just know, like inside my little juicy couture bag was like a notebook and like pens and like a cup of warm piss. You know, like it definitely. What did you ever have to pee in a cup for? Jobs.

school you get enough trouble really wow yeah yeah what job we haven't at i worked at plato's closet what is that that is they were practicing i think anyone work at plato's closet and not do drugs what is plato's closet um it's like it's like a consignment store it's like yeah it's a thrift store where people come in and sell their things so your job is to go through the stuff that like people bring in and it was honestly you think you'd want them on drugs for that

That's what I'm saying. Everybody fucking coked out. It's like, yeah, I organize everything by thread count. Yeah. I 100% agree. And the people that are coming in to sell it, keep in mind this was in Vegas. So it's like all crackheads that are bringing in like the most. You know what else is in Vegas? Pawn stars. Ladies and gentlemen. What?

what a callback i went there you've been there yeah i've been there have you been on an episode no i've never been on an episode for some reason that was the one thing my family wanted to go do like if i was there i saw my parents i'd make a scene there like like every time i land at lax i think there's gonna be paparazzi that's not how this works but like i'll be like you call him that's what i found out that's hilarious you can call him you stage it but i thought that they'd always be at lax so if i went to pawn stars that's how i would act it'd be like

Oops, I think this is just a $40,000 baseball card. And then I just show a little. So you are weirdly into it. 100%. It's a great show. But like that was a little like sexual to me.

See? Just the way he was talking about it. He's a little too excited. Okay, so what would you prefer a guy put on the TV? Whoa, great question. See, I think there's... It can't be too interesting because you don't want them to like, you know... I really love when it's an Adam Sandler movie because then if I'm bored during the sex, I can also watch the movie. Okay. Tell me you've never done that. You're giving a blowjob and you're low-key just watching the movie. Where are your eyes and where is his body when you're watching the screen? Just 69ing? No, I don't know.

I'm going celibate though. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I've decided. For how long? She says it every week. Every week I say it. I've just hit like a new high or low depending on the way you look at things, you know.

I want to tell this story on the podcast, but I don't think I can. But would Trevor be a good person to break it to? Yeah, absolutely. I'm having a bit of a crisis right now. Okay. Because I think that I've taken my sexual escapades too far. It's possible. I think that... Yeah, I know you pretty well. Not that well. How far is too far? No.

And I already felt this way after coming back from Europe. I have, I could tell that story as well. Please. Did you fall in love in Europe? A little bit. Actually, I went to Ibiza. I was the ugliest person there by a mile. Like no one good looking in Ibiza. Everybody's gorgeous. Everybody's gorgeous. Oh shit. Even the dogs are kind of hot. I feel like cut that part out. I was the ugliest man that by far, nobody looked at me. The only time I got recognized once he goes, are you on YouTube shorts? I said, what the fuck did you just say to me? That's,

That's such a ball game. It's a hilarious thing. Like so specific. Are you on YouTube shorts? I mean, yeah. I hear that's where the money's at. It's just such a random, like, are you on Facebook reels? Like, yo, do you make videos or TikTok or Instagram? How old was the person who recognized you?

I have no idea. Maybe 21. You were on ketamine and 2C-B probably. Exactly. It's Ibiza. I was naked. I think it's such a pick-me thing when American people say Ibiza. So I said it the other day, and that's why you just said that. I know it. No, it's not. It's not. I said it the other day because I've said Ibiza so many times, and every time someone corrects me, although...

it's so tacky to me when you like in the middle of a sentence will say like something in like the proper accent i went on a date one time with a guy who ordered like was ordering it was like a french place and he goes can i have a croissant yeah i was like what the fuck did you even the server was like a croissant yeah like what the fuck so this is a dunkin donuts

No, I find that very awkward too. Yeah, so no Ibiza for me anymore. She talked me out of it. Usually people correct you if they're like, you mean Ibiza? I know, but I just got tired of being embarrassed. So then I said Ibiza and Tana was like, what the fuck did you just say? I'm also just triggered because I was just with someone in Europe who's a friend of mine who lives in London. And he was saying Ibiza every five minutes. And it got to the point where I was like, say Ibiza again. And I'm going to literally overdose. Porsche. It's like Porsche. But I'm never going to say Porsche. I'm going to say Porsche. Yeah.

I understand. Yeah, I don't... It's just not... It's not my journey. It's not my thing. It gives me the ick. But anyways. I mean, neither. I'm stupid anyway. I guess I'll start with my Europe escapade because I think we can lead up to this. Yeah. And if you feel as though you may be involved in this story... Click out. You should stop watching. Yeah. Holy shit. And I'm going to protect all identities here. I'm excited. And if for some reason you feel as though you can find these people as a canceled viewer...

So I plead with you to simply not. Is this London store? Is this the reason you want to go sell a bit? This is one of the reasons I want to go sell a bit. And then we'll move on to how I got home and really decided that I want to go. I love it. OK, so I was in London and then I go to Paris in it.

- In it, Tuesday. - Sorry, I always just say that. - And so I get to Paris and we're staying at what is my dream hotel. I've wanted to stay there my entire fucking life. It is the most beautiful, stunning place. - La Quinta Inn. - La Quinta, yeah. It was a Hampton Inn. And we get there and we're so excited. We've been there for like 12 hours, whatever. And we go down to eat in the lobby at the lobby restaurant.

And we're sitting there and we're enjoying our food and the waiter comes over. He looks to me.

to Timothee Chalamet. Nice. And this is so beyond my type. Like I know for a fact I could break this man in half with my two hands. Like I might be doubling him on the pounds here. I'm not even kidding. No, not literally. Okay. And Paige and Ty are making so much fun of me because you know how I get like when I want someone like it's very much like he's like still he's like still or sparkling and I'm like he

like what do you want to eat i'm like i want the chicken wings please like oh shit being a whore a stupid fucking whore and page and tyra making so much fun of me like he's coming over and they're like can i get a fork do you like you know just and the bit keeps going and now i'm just playing into it like i can't stop doing it but he's also giving me like fuck me eyes back and i'm like

How fun. All right. And I realized, you know, as the time goes on, we continue to flirt. I have a couple glasses of champagne because I realized that I have to work up the courage to hit on this man. Like he can't hit on me because of his job. I usually at a nice hotel, like someone can't like,

yeah fuck up their job by hitting on you you know and so now you're choking on your choking on him he's so narrow his spirit's still in you oh i miss him so much i should call him um and so after relaying a bunch of different things that i could say to him to try to hit on him i decide on albert einstein of a statement really

What do you do for fun here? Oh, God. It's fucking Google. What is this? That's a really good one. That's what my big brain decides on what you do for fun here. But for some reason, he's down with it. He's like, oh, I go to this club. It's just whatever, like telling me this club. We exchange phone numbers and we start texting. And Paige, Ty, and I go to dinner and he's texting me and he's like,

Oh, actually, I'm right down the street from where you're having dinner. Perfect. You should come like whatever. And I get there and I just kind of immediately realize it's over. It's up and it's stuck. I'm like the chemistry is there. And like he's so hot. And it's just the place he took us to was stunning. And like he works in the service industry, too. So he's so hospitable. He's taking care of us. He's paying for it. It's sexy. It's sexy. And then finally, he's like, do you guys want to come to my apartment after this? Duh. Duh.

And you're like Paige and Ty actually can't. No, no, no. They come because I'm you know, I'm scared that I'm scared that everyone's a murderer. So I'm like Paige, Ty, I will do anything to ensure that you come with because what if this man is a murderer? You're also on the other side of the world. So it's like a lot of variables. And like what is cool to die in Paris? What do you say? I said sounds like an MGK song.

I think it is an MGK song. Die in Paris? It'd be cool to die in Paris? It really is. That's more like a Black Bear song, maybe. Both. No, it is. Sniffing Vicodin in Paris is a Black Bear song. Of course I know that. I love him. He's great. Yeah, he hates you. Does he? He hates you? Yeah, he's cringing wherever he is that I just said his name. Sorry. And so we get to his apartment. It's so nice.

I'm shook. Are they paying like that at the... Come to find out he comes from family money. They bought it for him. It's beautiful. I'm like, I'm never leaving. And so he's just providing us with alcohol and like whatever we want, whatever. And we all end up getting pretty drunk and I start hooking up with him.

What are Paige and Ty doing at this point? They're on the balcony smoking cigarettes and like sabering bottles of champagne with knives. Oh, okay. Like what you do in Paris. In Paris, yeah, it's fine. And like he gave them the ox so they're blasting Taylor Swift. Okay. They're on, you know them, they just giggle in the corner. He's like, these fucking Americans are so weird.

Yeah, like just imagine, please don't be in love. Why Taylor Swift? This man has never heard this in his life. Always Taylor Swift. She's everywhere. I asked him his favorite type of music though and he said French house music. So I don't really think this was his journey. House anything. It's like, uh oh. French house. And so...

What even is French house music? I don't know. I didn't ask. I said me too. I love it so much. God, you're in love with this man. So where does the story go awry? This sounds great. I know. I'll fly to Paris to fuck this man. Yeah. No. And you should. Everyone should. It's so life changing. I'm serious. Do it now. And so I go in his room.

And we start hooking up. Oh, I think I know where this is going in my head, but I'm not going to say it. No pond stars. No electric wheelchair. Over the pond stars. Yeah. Over the pond. That's the fucking best joke I'll ever say today. Over the pond. That's London, isn't it? Wait, I don't get it. Over the pond. Over the pond. People go over the pond. That means you're going to like London. Over the pond. Over the pond.

Con stars. Joe Bond. Let's be honest. You did good. I love it. Let's talk about fucking this man. He was uncircumcised. Is this what we're getting to? No. Circumcised. Really? I really don't know why he was circumcised, but I didn't ask any questions. He takes out his penis. Okay.

and I want to... I just want to say this. Like, and I mean this. This is not an over-exaggeration. I promise. Like, I can show you those videos if you want to see them. Videos? So many videos. We're not supposed to show videos to each other. No, he has full permission. He's like, show whoever you want. I look amazing. Okay, so he has a big dick. Nobody with a small penis can show everybody. The biggest dick I've ever seen in my entire life. He had that baguette on him. Bible, I'm talking... And the skinny, skinny, tall ones always have it going for them. Give us a visual. I would say 12 inches. 11. That's too many inches. I'm not...

I would say at least. What did you do with the other seven? What the fuck? Like probably five of my hands. You were not doing it. I'm always measuring with my hands low key. I do it every time. Hands? Multiple? So many. Have you ever? Never mind. No, what? Say it. Say it. No, I don't want to say it. You have to now. Like when sometimes you can't use a whole hand, like you have to like leave your pinky out. Have you ever had one of those? Yeah, when did that happen?

If a girl ever does that, I go, oh, she's trying to be fancy. I have a little pinky out. It's that small dick energy right there. Oh, she's jerking me off like a glass of pinot. So then he takes out a box. A box. A box. And I cannot make this up to you. This box, if I'm standing, comes up to like my knees of sex toys. Oh, okay.

He's one of those. He's one of those. And so I can leave out like some details of this one, I guess. Here's what I'm going to say. And I really can't make eye contact with Trevor or Aaron while I say this. I came 20 times. I don't even, I don't think I want the eye contact. I started counting at 13. Is he paying you to just plug this on the podcast? No, no, no. That's not possible. I started counting at 13. I was like, okay, 14. First of all, women don't come. Let's be real. 16.

It's a hoax. Wait, I, yeah, I can't. 20 is crazy. Well, think about the box up to my knees. Like, think about the gizmos and gadgets this man was. Yeah, but there's like a reset period. Yeah. I mean, I was in there for a cool four and a half hours. Like, when we left, the sun came up. Wow. That's five times an hour. Yeah. Good math. Thank you. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So, having a big dick and toys. Refractory period included. Yeah.

I promise you I cannot make this up. I put it as the best sex of my life on this list. Okay? Okay. Listen, I'm happy for you. And so Paige and Ty are like- Are they still there when you left? Yeah, they waited for me. They're great friends. So they heard 20 fucking uh all night. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Alongside of Taylor Swift. Paige said that it didn't even sound like hot or like sexual. It sounded like zoo animal noises. That I was just like actually like screaming like an orangutan.

I am scared. This is like nowhere near like where it ends. Okay. A couple nights go by.

And I'm about to leave Paris. And I'm like, I need to see this guy one more time. I can't allow. I can't allow that to be the only time. And also, I love him. He's so funny. I think being so funny, too, when you're like first language is not even English. Yeah, I feel like it would be hard to be funny in another language. Like, and so I'm just so impressed. And it's just like, I love him. He's doing like gag gifs with his dick. He's like, calm. Yeah.

And so I go back the final night and I just am going to save the escapades that it took me to get there because they will hurt some other people. But just know I had to really do some magic tricks to get myself back to this man's house. And so Paige, Ty and I go.

and this time it's different you know he's like here's the wine for page and tie like here's the ox like we've got business to do entertaining the children like damn yeah because we've been like sexting for like all the days like so on iMessage or whatsapp because whatsapp is a different level of horny everything feels horny on whatsapp i've definitely sexted on whatsapp in my life but this one don't the photos automatically like save to your phone if you're on whatsapp so now all of a sudden you that happened to me one time was with my boyfriend i opened his

a camera roll and I was like who sent you that oh that's true yeah anyways we know this time it's like straight to business you know what I mean yes and no talking we get in this room and the beds in most apartments from Paris are

like come down from the ceiling like you take like a metal wire oh is it like one of those that like folds no it doesn't fold down it like there's like four holes in the wall and it's like in the ceiling and then he has a pulley bed like but it's like on chains it's bougie yeah it's funny to like like take it to the floor and then just come quick and then you just put it back all the way up to the top

like it's so awkward to be like uh so did you finish no but no no there was none of that energy okay yeah i'm like pull that fucking bed down and so he pulls the bed down and we revisit the box the

the box of okay things you know maybe he just like lives in like a sex dungeon do you ever think about that uh yeah but i mean a really nice one i'm down for it um and so this bed is hanging from four chains on the wall nice and this man handcuffs my first arm to chain one and my second arm to chain two how big is the bed and like a like a queen okay maybe a king

my ankle to chain three and my other ankle to chain four. I'd be so nervous to sneeze. And so he starts fucking me. And then after a while, he opens the sex toy box to... Oh my God, I can't say this. I can't even believe I'm saying this on cancel. This is like really actually... I can Bible say this is the worst sexual story I've ever told on this podcast. It is just so unspeakable. He takes out...

I'm serious. Hold on. He takes out a double-ended glass dildo that is like 10 inches long. Wait, double-ended. Can you describe? I need more detail than that. Like two penises but one. A gummy worm. Oh, so it's like a penis on each side. Yeah. Why would it ever have to be? Oh. Guess where it goes. Oh, no. He puts it in my ass and then...

I put it in his ass. Like a scissoring. That's like fucking airdrop and sex right there. You guys were human centipeding? Like, we're like in a scissor situation because my legs are like this in the X. You scissored him. Not scissored, but like, you know what I mean? Like...

Wait, I can't. Hold on. And then honestly, to make matters worse, I'm like leaning forward and sucking his dick. I could keep going. It gets so much. Are you still handcuffed? Yeah. Wait, how if it's in your ass and his ass, how are you sucking his like leaning forward? It'll come out of my ass a little. I don't I don't know. I've never done anything like that. That'd be the funniest thing to ever walk in on. Like so many layers to that.

This sounds romantic. How did it end? We eventually stopped doing all that and then I was unhandcuffed. Then we had normal... We fucked for five and a half hours again. That's just too long. I'm actually not kidding you. The next day, I was like,

limping for like days. Yeah. Like limping and limping and limping. And the next day he was just serving other tables. Would you like some more escargot? Seriously, that's kind of scary. I didn't go back to the restaurant. There was no way I could look at it. You couldn't walk. Like I honestly, I don't know if I could respect a man after that. I know, but weirdly I can.

Come 20 times. We know. Yeah, he knows what he wants. He's a man. Yeah, 20 times. Never mind. And it's like hot that you're like so secure with it. Like you're just, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, that is. Yeah. Okay. And so then we leave to go to Italy.

and like four days go by and we're texting all day whatever blah blah blah and he texts me i booked a flight to italy i'll see you tomorrow at 3 p.m god you have all these guys flying out for you what am i doing wrong you're so right i never do things like that okay like that no no no you're out of town it's fun i guess so yeah yeah foreign dick does it even count this is on the other side of the pond you know

Oh. Extra credit. There it is. Yeah. On the side of the pond. And now I don't know how to tell the rest of this story, but let's just say. That's the rest. Wait, what else happens? What sex toys did he bring to Italy? That's what I want to know. What did TSA see? A leash and a collar. Who used it? Him or you? I used everything this time. It was like. So he was on the leash. I was on the leash. Oh. Okay. Huh? Oh, no.

Did you bark when you had it on? No. I feel like you let out one. I can is the thing.

That's awesome. We could talk about anything else as well. Listen, I got nothing that hits that level of entertainment. I needed someone else here to hear it, honest to God, because I don't know if I would have had the time. I can't believe this is going out there on the internet. I really can't. There's nothing wrong. That's the point of it all. I thought that story was going to have a different ending or I thought it was going to end bad, but it sounds great, honestly. It sounds like you... Yeah, I don't know why that would make you want to go celibate. I feel like that would make you honestly just want to do it more.

No, I was crawling on the Naples, Italy airport floor, asking God why this happened to me. Did you still have the leash on or no? Paige is walking me. That's a great story. It's not. You know...

It's great material and you're living a life to talk about because when you guys go on tour, this is the stuff they want to hear. Nobody wants to say, oh, I'm celibate. Cool. Would you fuck a fleshlight on a Tuesday night? Boring. I don't know. I invited my dad to the last live show and he left like, oh, wow. Oh, really? Yeah. It was like a lot of stuff like that. But did, is your dad like familiar with the podcast and does he listen?

I don't think he's an active listener, but I think that he knows. Everything I do. She's like, your podcast is probably the one thing I won't tune into. Yeah, that's probably the best part. I get it. I get it.

Do you have any advice for us going on tour? Yeah. I think, first of all, it's exhausting. And you're going to be in all these cities and everyone's going to be like, did you go here? Did you do this? No. You wake up in a hotel, especially when you go East Coast, you lose time. You wake up at like 4 p.m. and you're like, oh, the show's in 20 minutes. Like it's at like 7. So you literally just sleep and you like just kind of go to the venue super early, soundchecking, kind of hang out there. What do you think we should do on stage? Have you ever toured a podcast or do you just like... We've done a few live shows as a podcast. Okay, perfect. What do you do? It's just hard to do a podcast because...

live because my instincts are stand up so it makes I want to like chase a laughter but here you're just being real like if there's a crowd here your response to people laughing is going to be different so like I just play to the crowd it's going to be hard to like banter how you guys do without people interrupting yeah that's what I noticed is like the whole time it's like us talking out never to each other exactly and then when you guys are talking to each other you're like looking for the laughs maybe so it's like harder to talk

Well, inevitably, you'll start talking to each other. Then somebody will yell out like, talk about the French man with the giant hog. And then you're like, all right. So you like pan into it. But a live podcast is fun. It's unscripted. And I think that's the best way it is. At the end of the day, they're just excited to see you guys. That's the advice that everyone gives us. But I want someone to be like, go out there and do this. It'll make the crowd. I know. I mean, I know my friends do Girls Gotta Eat podcast. And they have people come up on stage.

So you guys could like, if you tell a story,

about like let's say use that french guy's dick for an example bring the dick as a guest um no but what you can do is like does anybody in the crowd have a story uh similar to that so you guys tell a story then you bring somebody up to talk about their story and then you guys just make comments on their story that's so scary though because like because i have the worst luck with that every time i've ever done that on tour i'll pick someone and they'll come and be like actually i just had no story i just like love you or she had a live she had a like live spotify show one time where it was like people would call in

and like I feel like sometimes it would be like either the story was anticlimactic or like you know but listen I'll do anything I just get scared because like not that they don't want to see me but they really want to see her so then I'm there like

That's less pressure, right? Yeah, probably. I don't know. I'm excited. That's for you. It really does. I don't know what I'm going to tell on stage. That where you can have people like write down like their story and then you read it and then you have somebody like screen it before you do it. That way you don't get any like duds. That's true. That's smart. So what's your love life like? I'm single. I'm trying to date, trying to find love in this damn town. I just, I've been going on a lot of dates and it's just a lot of like...

Immediately like oh this isn't good chemistry Yeah okay But then you just sit there and you're like I'm like slay No I'm just kidding I don't know I'm just looking for love in this town Trying to find it I don't know what I'm doing wrong or right I think I've gotten to the point And maybe my Parisian encounter like Made this feel a little more Prominent than it is But like is there love in LA? No Maybe like Chatsworth You can go to the valley Yeah

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, like, a lot of it's fun. I don't know. I'm just kind of dating, but I tour a lot and I'm always kind of gone. So it's hard to stay here and whatnot. But I don't know. It's just funny. Like, I...

I feel like I have big shoes to fill in this town just because like, I'll go on a date with a girl and she's like, Oh yeah. Like my ex also toured and I'll be like, Oh, that's so cool. Like, was he in a band or something? And she's like, yeah. Do you know the 1975? And I'm like, fucking yeah. I know the 1970s. You dated Maddie Healy. Yeah. I think we know who that is. And then it's like, my ex used to work at Jamba Juice. Like how the fuck am I supposed to fill these leads? You can't. You're Trevor Wallace. You're you and you're an icon. Yeah. Perfect. That's going to also, I've been on, you know, probably hasn't dated anyone funnier.

True. I'm just kidding. There's funny people out there. Unless she's like us. But it's usually the funny girls are the craziest ones. I think your girl the other night might have been a little bit of a Tana fan. She took selfies with me. Really? Maybe fuck her after. To Pond Stars and think of me. We did. Yeah. We just watched Cancel Podcast and made love. Yeah, she's a fun girl. She's really beautiful. Yeah, she's... What do you pull?

Tell every single camera in here. This guy fucks. Sometimes. I don't know. I don't know what the hell is going on. I don't have any cool stories like that. I went to Amsterdam and Spain. No bitches. Really? No bitches. How? I feel like those are all the girls who like come with guys. Right? And.

And I feel like Trevor's very much the type where you, I feel like you kind of let things naturally come to you. Like you're not going to go up to a girl and be like, so how are you finding Ibiza? I hope not. Yeah, no, no. I, I, no, I never go up to people. I think it's embarrassing. Really? Yeah. You've never hit on anyone in your life? I mean, I do, but like, I think best case scenario is kind of like, somebody's like,

Are you? And then I'm like, oh, because then you say best case scenario is that they're a fan. I think he did say that. Not a fan, but like if they're just like, I don't know, maybe they just want. Yeah, I don't know. I have that when I first saw you. I have like a hard time differentiating between people I actually know or like.

have just seen so like we met at Whitney's and I literally was like oh hey like thinking you were my friend and I was like oh shit he's not my friend we see enough people on the internet enough times you're like we know each other yeah but I didn't I didn't

No, I don't even think it's the fan aspect. I think it's just like, I think rejection to me is so, like, I don't know why it fucks my head so much. So if I go up to a hot chick and she's like, no, then the rest of the night I'm just sitting there just listening to Marvin's room in my head being like, God, what did I do wrong? So you guys went on a date? We did. We did. So did you. And don't be rude. We didn't go on a date. I came up with bunny ears and rode the wheel. Yeah, Tony's in bunny ears. Also, we can cut this part, but you kept saying in the interview, like,

Oh my God, I was so drunk when I was there. Girl, you were doing the 75 hard. You were sober for that shit. You were. No, I wasn't sober. I wasn't sober. No, because this was in October and I started 75 hard in January. I just don't want the people listening to that episode when you're talking about it to be like, Trevor's having hammer girls come over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we'd been texting for like a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And clearly like-

I'm me. Yeah, no. Like, I don't think. No, and I wasn't that drunk. I remember everything and was like not. We were chilling. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, no way in hell. Yeah, and then, you know, I don't know why, but like at the Whitney thing, we like knew each other. I didn't know you, but I was like, I know you. But we never met each other. What was your dinner date like?

Can you rate your experience with both of us? One to ten. Oh, I... We were talking about this before. I... Rate your experience with her. One to ten. I don't know if I want this to happen, actually. You're going to get a ten. I'm going to get a three. I don't think so. I was fully clothed. So was I, right? No bunny ears in sight. Right? I think...

I think we all have to go on one more date together just so I can really feel it out. Just all three of us? That's honestly so funny. Wait, that's such a good idea. Mini bachelor. That's like a good little PR thing. Like we're just in a throuple with Trevor Wallace. That is really funny. We're just sitting at a booth at Saddle Ranch. I think we could do something with that. I'm sitting on one side. You're on the other two. Ladies. I wanted to bring one rose, but I stopped at a Whole Foods before this. They don't have roses there. That's what I thought you were going to do because you were telling me that. I was going to do one rose and then just be like funny and be like, you will fight over my love.

Wait, that is funny. I think we should just bring him on tour and then we won't have to say a word because that's his thing. Beautiful. I love it. Oh, like he'll talk on stage? I will do the jokey jokes on microphone. You guys are going to love tour. But yeah, Rae, Rae, fight for me. Please stop. I just actually wanted to know. Ours was like very wholesome. Like we literally... Yeah, we just went to dinner. I was honestly blacked out beforehand. Also... Oh, fuck.

Yeah. In the episode where you guys talk about me and my fucking Ponstars, you said you went on two dates that day? Was that the first or the last date?

Who was the first man? You're sitting over here like I'm so wholesome. I would never French man. Massive cock. I'm a wholesome. You went on two dates. Okay, but it's too changed. What is happening? Did you hear the context? Like I had already had the date planned with you. Okay. Okay. And you were the better one. You were the one who actually set up. So it was after. Yeah. Yeah.

What? I dropped you off at like 11. No, no, no. It was your, you were, you were the second. Oh, hold up. I'm getting some dude sloppy. No, no. Here I am taking you to Nobu with the shitty seat next to the kitchen. No, it was just like a, just like a, I saw him briefly for like a second during the day. Why is it so? Yeah, the double date. But. He,

This is why you can't find love-in-laws. I think I'm having a wholesome night at Noble. Well, it was an accidental coincidence. I had been planning the other one. Coincidence? Girl, you're just saying shit. No, the accidental coincidence is so funny. It was a coincidence. Yeah. That had been planned for so long, but it was just like it kept getting like moved around. But then yours was already planned. So then it just happened to be like he was like, oh, what if we did it during the day on Saturday? And I was like, I am free. But I drank during that date.

So then I was like drunk already when I got to your date. I'm just another stoppy old butt stop. No, but it was like, it was, I, she asked me which date was better and I said yours. I'm a good guy.

I'm sorry. I don't like how quiet it got. Do I know the other guy? But you went on a date with my friend. Who was your friend? Her. We didn't go on a date technically. Okay, well to him it was definitely like Pawn Stars. It's like your dream. Oh my God. I still think about that night. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Did I know the guy before? Maybe. Where'd you guys go? I don't think.

don't think so let's compare dates here i took you to nobu and they gave us the worst seat in the house please tell him what the first date was please please yeah you have to she literally said she got double fisted by a french man i know it was like all the time i'm good podcast hey it was like also when you said on your podcast you're like i did trevor's little stiff socks podcast the little was unnecessary

We do well on audio, okay? You do so well. You do so well. I didn't mean little like that. I get it. What was the date beforehand? It was like a picnic at a lookout. This guy's crushing it. Yeah. Did you guys hook up? No. No? No. Damn. I wouldn't do that. Like a prude? Yeah. So anyway. Who was the guy?

I, he's referred to on the podcast as Mr. Flaky Flake because he's a flake. And that's how we ended up accidentally going on a date the same day as your date. So did you tell Mr. Flaky Flake you had plans at night for another date? Or you're like, oh, I did not. No, I lied to both of you. I think I told you that. You were like, oh, college friends were in town. Why would you say that?

I was drunk. Yeah. Here I am thinking she's a wholesome woman. Like she's showing your friends LA. Maybe she took him to like, you're showing something. I was drunk. That was like the first, like, what was I going to say? Like I had a picnic. Like, who'd you have a picnic with? I'm not going to ask that.

I would probably ask that. You would have been totally asked. I don't know. This guy's crushing it. It was the first thing that came to my mind. I don't know. Yeah. College friends in town. What did I? No, but I told him the same thing. I probably even asked. I told him that I had dinner with college friends. I don't even know any college friends. You're like, I don't even have friends. At all. Yeah. I don't know. Sorry. That was a lie. Look, I get it. It is. It's tough out there.

But it was an accident. It's just nice to know that women are fuckboys too. And it's wholesome to know that. No, but I hadn't gone on a date in like three, four months prior to that. And then I just happened to. Yeah. Huh? The same. But when I heard that, I was like, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up. Accident. I was listening to that podcast with headphones on and a magnifying glass on the screen. I was like, what are y'all talking about?

I'm sorry. Well, I didn't want to cancel because I wanted to go on the date. That was sweet. Yeah, see? That was really sweet. Okay, so we're all just terrible, really. Yeah, and apparently I'm some kind of fucking whore. No, it's just so funny. I'm some kind of fucking whore. Never again. Nobody's a whore here. We're all just living life, trying to figure it out. Yeah, we're dating in LA. So how long are you going to go solo for? Honestly, if I can even just make it to the show we have in Connecticut in 36 hours. Do you hook up with...

girls on tour not really i have not really more so i don't know i just trust la girls more which is weird enough i just because like you're in the scene you get it entertainment this and that like the last thing you want to do is like hook up with some chick in like new brunswick new jersey and she's like you're my ticket to hollywood yeah that's fair i don't know i have a friend who's like a female dj and she was um fucking a guy in like a random city and

and she turned around there and doggy and she turned around and he was like taking a selfie style video no and what's funny is this girl is so crazy that she just took the camera and started like talking to it like just kept her recording and then sent it to his group chat and was like because he was gonna do this anyways like i'll just do it yeah the girl's trying to take it be real and in bed and i was like whoa this is weird and she's like oh no like you weren't even gonna be in it girl the camera's pointed at me

That was kind of weird to me. And I was like, ah, this is... Because at the end of the day, it's just like...

yeah i get i actually never ever ever do hook up with just like like this paris person was such an anomaly like normally i have to know you and know your intentions but i just trusted him because of his third leg yeah he had that fucking big dick energy yeah and also like the road you're just exhausted aaron just like looks so yeah that's true i feel like but if i were like if i were touring and i was just like well like i say yeah like we've all i mean definitely have like

Those road hookups are kind of fun because it's in the moment. You're like, what a good show. Hey, you're cool. What's going on? Yeah. Whatever. None of that for me on this tour. Honestly, I feel very lucky that our audience is 95% women. Not that I'm not bi, but- Can I open the show? What? 95% woman? Oh, can I? Is your audience a lot of girls too? No, it's actually very mixed. Really? I love my fan base. It's very-

post college but also like couples and married people I guess you have like the frat boy end of it too I'm just happy that ours is for the most part like little girls because imagine it was like hella guys like I would just be I would love it no cause guys don't laugh at anything you don't want a fan base that's all dudes like all women aren't funny to men that's just like a fact like men don't think women are funny or should be anyway okay so we're saying

He thought about the PR answer. He thought about what he could have said and then he was like, you know what? No, because I think you guys are funny. Aw, that's nice. Aw, thank you. I'm also trying to fuck now. But no, I think you're going to have an awesome time on tour. And the thing is, you can do whatever you want. There's no right or wrong way to do touring. You should bring a gallon of milk on every single stage on every single show and then pick one person to come up and you pour it on the both of them. What the fuck?

It sounds like it would get views, to be honest. Yeah. Then people would see it on Melrose, like, it's the milk bitch! Yeah.

I don't mind. I think we should really bring back cow's milk. I think it's so stupid that we've added so many others. I hate it. It is a crazy thing. It's funny how like 10 years ago it was like, you strong bones, but now you drink it. I know. Remember how like milk was like literally marketed as like the most healthy thing for you? It's like pus. Drink your milk. It's like, don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. I don't like milk because it reminds me of my childhood trauma. My dad really liked milk and he didn't really like me. Like what about like, aw.

Some things require milk. Spaghetti requires milk. What? If you're having a plate of spaghetti, you have to have a glass of milk. Where are you from again? Arizona. You forgot where I was from? Doesn't that give Iowa? Well, I don't know what's fucking real or not. College friends are in town. Girl. I'm so sorry. Who was the man? Show me him. I like spaghetti with sour cream. What the fuck? Mm-hmm.

So yeah, you don't, you have to. And if you want to get real spunky, this was on iCarly and I thought it was a bit. And is it sour cream just fucking a different form of milk? Yeah, for some reason it's like I will eat butter and sour cream by the spoonful. My sister used to eat butter by like the cube as a child. He turns butter. No, I don't. I can see it. He's Amish. Are you really? No. He's reformed. We're from the Amish area, yeah. Where? Me and Steven.

Amish, Amish Aaron. Dude, I saw Amish when I was on tour. Tour you see. I saw Amish. I saw a flock of Amish. I saw Jewish. No, there's a show. It's called Breaking Amish. Have you seen it? Yes. It's phenomenal. Of course I have. That's another like pawn store. I don't watch like normal TV. Like I don't watch. That is normal TV. Yeah, but like when I, but no, like normal TV is like the idol and like, like

like actual succession i'm over there like do the fucking homage or beefing again claudia touched an iphone like i love i love shitty tv like my strange addiction is topped give that an emmy are these all on the same channel i feel like they all tlc i think so what's the one with the oh the duggars were you into the duggars i don't know if you can say that word anymore i know we're not supposed to i like my

This is called, this is called canceled. The Duggars did get canceled. I love you. Oh, you don't want to know. I love them. Like 90 days. Like there's nothing better than these motherfuckers have no chemistry. I should go on that show. No chemistry. Like you're married. What's your dream show to go on like that? If you could go on one, probably 90 day fiance. Mine's survivor. Survive. Oh,

Honestly true I want to go on Survivor Just so I can grow out a beard For 30 days straight And not get judged For having shitty facial hair Oh that's fair Oh my god Imagine the pubes

Because when they make the girls wear bikinis, how come they don't have like active bushes? That you can see their leg hair sometimes like flowing in the wind. I watched literally like 16 season Survivor in the beginning of quarantine. I don't know. My Strange Addiction was so funny. Well, you know, a lot of those are sage. Like, do you know Trisha Paytas had an episode of My Strange Addiction? What was her addiction? Tanning. Like tanning beds. I really am addicted to that. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, they're all staged. There's one where some dude's eating a mattress. And you're like, I really hope he's not fucking feeding over a Serta or sitting asleep. But isn't that like an illness? It's like tikka something?

I think there's a lot of illness on the TLC network. I want to do a sketch that's like how TLC pitches shows. Oh, you lose. She's 600 pounds. Like, we don't get it. But like, and she's ambidextrous. So like, you're getting closer. And she's colorblind. Okay. Okay. They just like push the envelope so far. And then who the fuck would watch that? Fast forward to that. Now you're watching it. Like the pimple popper. All that. My fucking thousand pound wife. All this shit. My thousand pound wife. These are like all like, you're like, why would you watch this? But then you're just fascinated.

That is really like, I don't know what show I would go on if I could go on a show. I feel like I'd want to be on my 600 pound life just to see what it's like. You'd have to be rolled into the back of a minivan with no seats. You're right. That's fucked up. You'd want to be on it like as a cast member who is also 600 pounds? Yes. No. Yeah. So the opposite of Ozempic. We'll get to the happy bit then. We'll imagine like, no, okay. I'm getting into dangerous territory here.

new subject just a little bit wait did you just like date a guy on 600 pound lives no but i would and the people know it you really would so what are you guys types you like skinny cigarette boys yeah but apparently anything what do you like picnics i have like a other men we're matching brooke it was an accident and he's gone that was the last time i saw him oh good what's his name doxan can't tell you can i see a photo after you're hurt

You're a little... Are you gagging on the Frenchman spirit right now? My type is like... Actually, I don't really think I have a type. I feel like everybody has been completely, completely different. I was going to say something, but it's so offensive, so I won't. But it historically has not worked out for me, so I think I'm going to switch it up soon. It's good. Yeah, maybe that's what we all need to do. Just switch it up. You don't need to go celibate. Just switch it up. Yeah, my type is... I'm like comedians. We know.

- Your type. - Tattoos, dying, under eye bags, like deep rooted issues. - Face tats. - Yeah, makes music questionable if it's good or bad. - Bad. - Yeah. - Is it harder if a guy's really bad at music or really good at music? - Really good. - Really? - Yeah, but bad's kind of fun. - Right. - 'Cause bad's fun 'cause you can kind of be like telling them what to like, oh, maybe don't do that. - Have people written songs about you? - So many. - Really? - So many heard. - I just got a new song written about me, but it's nice.

actually okay that's good oh but oh fuck like diss tracks or just like i'll miss you so much i don't know what accent that was they're usually historically on average mean yeah well your last thing is fucked up my life you know oh that's kind of cool energy any like notable songs i don't know like isn't that jocelyn song written about logan paul it is that's pretty cool it's a good song it's a great i would love to live your brain so are you shooting your shot on canceled olivia

She and I have the same birthday, so she's probably just like me. Interesting. So you want to go get some milk and cookies after this? This is a hard watch. Shoot your shot. What's up? It is like getting laid off the canceled podcast is probably super real. Do you get weird DMs ever now? Well, even Seth gets them. Seth said like...

no i was saying seth said you posted him and immediately got dms no way he told you the tana like ripple effect is crazy wait tell me tell me yeah dude even your security guard is getting hosed honestly my security guard actually does get hosed he has a lot of people saying well aaron's hot jeffrey shore wait i'm so excited could you imagine like deleted them well could you just tell me like what the gist yeah i mean it was like immediately after it was like immediately after we feel really good about my

but it is funny like what people will latch on to uh when they do dm you either in my stand-up or like i did theo von's podcast flex that's the biggest flex i love him done it twice he's my fucking boy i love him and i hope everybody just dm'd him being like i want to go on and he was like okay i'll let you know but i'm all potted out right now he yeah no he goes sick he records like crazy in advance

Really? No, he doesn't. But I said on there, I had a story in Dallas where some girl was like, have chocolate sauce off my titties. This was years ago. And then the DMs after that podcast were like, you can have chocolate sauce off my titties. So people will just like, whatever you say, like, so some guy will DM you and be like, I can give you more of that 2%, you know, like they will make a milk pun and make,

and convert it to the penis yeah and you'll have guys dm you because of this podcast and they'll be like you don't need to go celebrate after tonight they like just find the one thing the one little tiny thing revert it back to you mine are never that nice mine are like yeah like my minor like i feel like all the guys decided my dms to like random guys are always gonna reference like jake paul they're like i'll give you better than jake oh i wouldn't like yeah it's awful or like yeah but like you like all these like tattooed like heroin boys like i do but they're not like creative

They're not going to shoot their shot nicely. But I kind of mean random people. The tattooed heroin boys will be like, sup, thot. And I'm like, God, you're so sweet. Oh my God. Do you slide in girls' DMs? Starting to more. I forget that you can.

I just, I just, I like rejection. I just like fucks my head so much. So if I send it and then they don't say anything in two days, I'm like, oh, fuck you then. Maybe they didn't do it. If you do, what's your like go-to? Like, what do you say? My friend, actually Chad Churley's. I love him. He, he told me something funny. I've just been experimenting now. Chad does mom question mark. And then it just leaves it up open. You know, where does that go? Interesting. I would respond to that. I said one the other day, I saw you on this one clothing brand.

Now I'm here. Help. What do I do? It's terrible. Wait, what did you have? That's awful.

I'm just kidding. So terrible. Wait, you... But that one... What do you mean, what did I have? There was one that got shared recently. God sent me here. That's good. But no, no, no, it's not. It isn't good because now everybody knows about it. People have actually been sliding my DMs crazy saying God sent me here now. So I guess you're right. They do watch it. You write back this pussy atheist and then block him. This pussy atheist. But... But that one was kind of a bit. Like, I got, like, dared to do it. It's something like Lila says a lot. That's good, though. But, like...

I like a good old-fashioned hi. Me too, but then it's like I wouldn't respond to a hi, so it's like why would they respond to a hi? But if they want you, they're going to respond. If not, and then you can kind of play off hi. You know, like if they're like they don't want you, it can just be like, oh, just saying hi. Hi, it's kind of just like it's essentially like when a girl sends a gif on Bumble. You're like, what are we doing here? There's no substance. My hinge literally says like no gifs, please. Like I hate it.

I don't know why a gif is like my biggest ick in the world. It's just like lazy. And it's just, it also, like if you do like a gif from the office, like you're not laying shit down. No guy's ever done like a fucking meme of Jim and Pam. Like this could be us. Shut up. I feel like I just don't, I just don't think. So what, what should I be doing? Help me out ladies. What do I do? How do I go on dates when the girl's not on a date before the other date? That was,

It's a real accident and I feel really bad about it. No, it's just funny. So how do I slide? What do I do? Well, you had good, like we had a lot of cat conversation in the beginning. That was like, that gets me. It's national cat day. Is it? Shut up. Is it actually? What are we doing to celebrate? It's almost like you saw my outfit when I walked in the door and then you changed. We're literally matching. We couldn't be matching more.

Like if I saw us walking down Melrose, I'd be like, wow, I want what they have. And we honestly kind of look, I said that on the way here or before you got here, I said, my biggest fear in life is being on a siblings are dating. Have you, you know, Instagram? Oh my God. Imagine being on that. You posted that like young photo of you today. And I was like, that looks like me, like the freckles and the ginger, but all you can't tell, but I have freckles. I'm wrong. I gaslighted you. What? It's on October 29th. It's, it's,

The August 8th. I don't care. Every day is National Cat Day. Yeah. All these days don't mean anything. He texted me afterwards a photo of my bunny ears on his bed and he said, this is a power move, LMAO. It is. Because now what? Now you have to go back for your bunny ears. You left those there on purpose and you know it. I 100% did and I wouldn't admit it until later. And you took a photo of me wearing the bunny ears, also holding a vape. It looks like an album cover. It's a good photo. It is a good photo. I responded and said, almost left them on the stair chair.

The stair chair is great. I think that's a really cool thing to have in your house. Honestly, I think you should install one in your new house. I'm going to. I feel like it would save you a lot of time and effort. Or I'll, you know, maybe after hearing today's episode, I'll put some chains on my bed and be like, oh, ladies. I was going to say that during that story. I think that's arguably a lot weirder than the stair chair. Yeah. The stair chair also wasn't my choice. It was my landlord. It was handcuffs.

50 like they just happen to work really well with the type of you guys know i didn't put that on myself right like my landlord yeah i assumed as yes my landlord was like gaslighting me i was like oh you should take this out he's like yeah but if we take him out there's gonna be a lot of ugly holes in the stairs i was like sir i think it's cool i think right now yeah yeah i'm like the chair anymore oh man

So you don't have the, you didn't bring it with you. You didn't think. No, I don't. I don't know, man. This has been an episode for sure. I'm having an episode. I'm actually happy for you in the France story. Are you? Yeah. Because it's like you, like you're going abroad story. You'll never forget that. Like, you feel like everybody has like a story. Like, like you'll be like 48 smoking a cigarette and your little kids running around. You're like the France days. You kids don't know about Pepe LeFuckinPew. Yeah.

Like you lived, you did it. You went across the world, you met a foreign man, you got dicked down in a BDSM chamber

It's inspirational. Should we have him on the podcast when he comes here? All these hoes are going to Mykonos for what? Shitty dick, you got it. I'm proud of you. I went to Amsterdam, no hoes. Spain, no hoes. Better luck next time. Well, now all the canceled thotties are going to come running trying to go to Amsterdam and Spain with you. I'm out. You definitely won. I beat that. I beat that.

Please. Do you have anything you, any stories you want to share? I don't. I'm sorry. I didn't really come in with anything good today. Well, also it's like hard to like match that level. Like that was so. We don't like, I feel like I'll tell a story like that and he'll be like, listen to what happened with my cat. But do you ever come in and have like those like crazy episodes where you're like, girl, sit down. No. I fucked a man in a porta potty.

Oh, I did have an incident behind Barney's Beanery. Oh, you told me. Yeah, that was fun. You told me about that. And then we drove past Barney's Beanery and I was like, wouldn't it be funny to recreate that? Yeah.

Barney's Beter has the least sexual appeal name in the world. It does. But for me. There was something so funny about that. I like a good story. The people that attend there, though, are like my type, peak type. Yeah, like the guys, like the cigarettes of it all. I will say I went there like recently after a show. It's a cool vibe. Like the people that hang out there, it all felt like a movie scene. Yeah. Like a set, like a certain person. Yeah, so you see how that could happen. Of course.

Well, guys, thank you for coming on Stiff Socks. This was a beautiful episode. Yeah, I've been wanting to do it just so your people who listen to Canceled aren't like...

My comment. We don't hate Trevor. We love Trevor. Yeah, exactly. The comments after the episode dropped like were so annoying because I would post anything. I'd be like just like reaching for something in a photo book. Is that how you were reaching for Tana? Is that how you were reaching for Ponslet? Like everything. I couldn't do anything without it. I hate that that comes like with the territory of like what we do because I love to tell stories about shit, but I hate when people find themselves

Well, if we hadn't said your name. If we hadn't said your name, they would have known it was about you anyway. Well, and also, if you guys hadn't called me out, I probably would have kept doing the Pawn Stars thing, and eventually, like, it's just...

It gets sad after a point. I got to get a new TV show. You really do. You do, but I don't know. I'm trying to think of what actually would be like a hot TV show to watch. The Roku loading screen. Roku City. Roku City. The amount of people that got pipes Roku City is crazy. That is actually probably crazy. It's a good mood lighting. It's kind of like purpley and dark. That's probably right up there with like, are you still watching? Yeah. Yeah. Someone should make a show called like, are you still watching? And it's like specifically for people who hook up to it. It's our planet. Yeah.

yeah our planet that's your move aaron david attenborough fuck yeah you listen to it but that's like too like slow how he talks like would not make me aroused only done that once you fucked to the b movie once more than once unfortunately the same movie i don't know it's like actually like a weirdly like like she like develops feelings for it's actually like a really strange movie if you think about it's kind of sexual

But that wasn't my choice. I had like an insane amount of sex in a period of my life to George Lopez. Yeah, it was because of the time that it was on Nick at Night. I didn't time me over that, yeah. And that makes perfect sense. No, no, not when I was 14. Oh. Like at my last house. Like a year ago. See, you got those go-to shows. Because you're not watching the watch. Yeah, and just imagine like you're writing something all of a sudden. It's like... And you're like...

It is pretty good like hype music. You're like, fuck yeah! So the B movie, were you guys watching it? And then you were watching it. No, I think that was just like his thing that he... Oh, I spelt my mouth. Every guy has a thing and they all suck. My roommate in college used to play fucking country music while doing sex. While doing sex is so funny. Yeah.

i've done sex before that's why you can't like fuck with a guy who likes house music that's because it's like why would i want to listen to that i kind of am like cool country's like country's the vibe country made you fall in love with the girl is like my go-to i guess i don't listen to the weekend at all unless i'm getting the week weekend 20 hours yeah but because it just works if you're trying to like come off as like normal to someone like you can put on the weekend and you like look pretty normal okay my go-to you know but i'm right i'm like writing all this down

yeah i want to hear the episode where you come in and you're like man i fucked a man and his cock was a pool noodle this show is huge some no way hopefully soon why there's just a lot to do with pools around here we have like we can't do it again we've got to give this man a break i know the next time we talk about him he's got to be just like trevor he's got to come on the show like otherwise we are just getting creepy at this point long story we'll tell you after great

Lots to see after. I want to see this photo of this date dude and I want to see his French man's penis. You're going to have to see it all. I'm not going to lie. Trevor, my favorite episodes are when a friend just comes on and like talk shit about life and it's not like a whole interview. So I love that. Interview podcasts suck. We had you. Please, I'm happy to just be here. I've never once hated you. I just had to tell my story and now you know the whole truth. And I'm sorry for going on two dates in one day. It will never happen again.

but we love you so very much trevor wallace guys go listen to the stiff podcast and yes come see us on tour trevor is actually going to be a special guest at every show because we're going to be in a throuple bye