46: Tana got in a FIST FIGHT in France - Ep.46
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to be here i'm so excited too i feel like you've been gone for ages i've been gone for three weeks the last episode um as you guys may or may not have seen was a bi-coastal episode um you keep saying do you know what bi-coastal i mean bi-continental i mean yeah yeah there you go i just like bi-coastal where i just roll i just let it happen it was hilarious you and amari ate page and i the fuck up i think it was amazing tana called us beforehand and she goes do not drink i don't want you guys slurring it up i'm blacked out and you know what she was doing slurring it up

up absolutely slurring it's funny because well I shot the saving grace podcast before then and in London and people have like wanted me to do that for so long and like she's amazing like if she was here she'd be our best friend like you'd love her and the team was just like got all these American foods for me like all this champagne and like

They all like wanted to drink, you know? So it was like, not that they pressured me, obviously I was like down, but I'm just saying, and then we podcast for like two and a half hours while drinking. By the time we got to canceled. It's like when we did the Sophia episode and by the time we did her episode, you were like. Yeah. I might've approved a too sped up version and all the comments were like. I know you just sounded like, um, like literally like Alvin in the chipmunk. Yeah.

It was a little scary. All the comments thought I was like doing whippets or something like the fact that anything like that can happen to me. Like my voice is sped up and people are like, oh my God, are you on whippets? Are you doing helium? Tana, don't let London turn you into that. It's like, are people doing helium? That's what they say in London. Like we're doing helium. And they like the balloons. I don't know. Like at parties in London, you'll walk in and the floor is all covered with balloons, but they're filled with like whippets.

Not that I've ever taken part in that. Deadass. What's the science behind? Can you? Okay, never mind. I really don't know the science behind that. Anyway, no whippets for Tana, just a sped up podcast. Yeah, just a sped up podcast and no whippets. I don't know where to begin. I think you have to tell me about your London trip. London slash Paris slash Saint-Tropez. Slash Italy. Saint-Tropez is in France, I think, but I don't know anything, so...

Is it Ari nodding off camera looking so disgusted that I don't know that? Should I break it down for you? Uh-huh. It's funny because I have two specific stories that I want to tell you so bad. One where I fought a woman, I tried to fight a 55-year-old woman and... That seems like an unfair advantage. That's why I didn't do it. That's good. But I guess I could just take it from the top, right? Yeah. Start at the beginning. Well, so I went to London to shoot 20 vs. 1 with the side men. I heard it was really funny. It...

so funny. It's just like, Brooke, you would have killed yourself. Like, what you have to do to these people. Because here, I'm going into this shit, and I talked about this on the last episode, so I'll make it quick, but like,

Yeah, I'm going into this shit thinking like maybe I'm going to find love today. And like some of the guys are hot and like we're probably not love but like dick. Okay, yeah. But like and we're hitting it off and whatever but the third round they put the earpiece in you and you have to do whatever they tell you to do and say. Oh, I would have such a hard time because I don't like hurting people's feelings. And just like creating such an uncomfortable environment. Like I made a guy like shave his beard and then like told him to get the

fuck out like I wouldn't even like you like I wouldn't like you if you don't shave your beard I was chasing a grown man with a ping pong paddle saying that like it's my dream to be a dominatrix and he was like get the fuck away from me that girl needs literal like pills but isn't it your dream to be a dominatrix well we can get into that

Oh my God. So yeah, we shoot the video and it went really well and I love them. And that was like amazing highlight trip. But after we were in London for a couple of days, it was super fun. But you already know London's not like necessarily my favorite place in the world. This was one of my favorite trips there. Like it maybe slowly I'm in a redemption arc and there are so many sexy sexies there. So we might need to go back. I do love that accent. I think the canceled tour will end up stopping over there. I know. I can't wait. I'm like, I want to go. Let's go to Ireland.

Ireland is fun. That's my dream. There's like castles everywhere. It's cute in their little accents. But then I decided I wanted to go to Paris. And I want to tell you a story so badly. Don't tell me but. Tell me the story. I know everyone in the world hates when someone is like, I have a story to tell you, but I have to tell you later. And I feel like I'm like blue balling you and blue balling the audience. Yeah, you're edging us. But I feel like...

The story might hurt some people if I tell it. All our stories hurt people. And I know for a fact on tour, I'm telling the full story on stage because it's no phones. Literally, yes. We can say whatever I feel like. Next week in New Haven, next week in Pittsburgh, next week in Harrisburg, I am telling this story in full. And I'm not even going to be able to make eye contact with the crowd after. Oh, I'm so excited. It's dark. I could barely tell my closest friends.

I know that I'll tell it in full at some point on the podcast. But three months down the line, hold her to it, you guys. Essentially, some of the choices I made on the rest of this European call-me-by-your-name summer trip have led me to celibacy. And I think I've seen this film before. It is so different than anything I've ever experienced. I have hit...

how do you say my ceiling? No, I, you know what I think is going to happen to you soon? What? Is you're going to get so, it's going to be like that celebrity we talked about a couple episodes ago. You're going to get so bored that you're going to start having guys shit on tables. No, because no, no, no, no, no. I, I already think that I, I've hit my, like I, I hit my ceiling. You're already at the shit on tables. I mean, no one shit anywhere, but to me it's like the equivalent. Like I did things that were that like unforgivable. No,

Yeah, but maybe. I don't know. To the point that it's like, I don't need to do this anymore. I don't need to have sex. I like, I can't really walk like right now even. And it's been like a couple days.

I was limping through the airport. I'm not even kidding you. Like, I was like, it was bad. I've told everyone obviously off camera and every, when I told Hunter, he started crying when I told him this story. Like, laughed so hard he cried, but like still like, was like, Tana, even for you, like even for you, like this is like insane. And I can't wait to tell the story, but I'm going to give it a week or two in order to spare some feelings. Okay. Maybe start walking again. But as we're in Paris, I,

This man who really likes me flew there to see me from L.A. Yes. I want to unpack all of that as well with you because it was very, very sweet. And we had this whole conversation, you and I, on like the previous podcast about how like a sweet guy who does everything for you and like just loves you and is so sweet and

Is amazing. But sometimes it's just not the vet. I don't think it's for... I think I would rather have someone hate me. Okay. I know. And I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I just mean like...

Yeah, I don't know. It's just, is it a little too much? Yeah, it just. Are you getting the ick? It's beyond that. I don't know. It's not. I need someone with a little grit, I think. Yeah, there's nothing gritty about that man. Like, and he's just so sweet. And we had an amazing time. Like, nothing against him at all. He's amazing. I think he also deserves a girl who's like golden retriever energy back. I agree with that. Versus like rabid. But maybe that's his appeal. Maybe that's why he's into you. He's like, she's gritty for me.

Okay. You are pretty gritty, I will say. He brought his friend who is loaded the house down boots. And we had a whole conversation about this on the podcast last time we talked.

I love me a man like that, especially when they're my friend, you know, and they're not, you know. Yeah. And so he comes out to Paris with him and he is just swiper McSwiperson. He is just swiping the card for everything we want to do and being awesome, an awesome tour guide and like just like taking us to whatever we wanted to do that was so fun and whatever. And we decided a couple of days into them being in Paris that we wanted to go on a wine tour.

Have you ever been on a wine tour? I actually have been on several wine tours. How did you get around on the wine tour?

Via like ATV vibe, like a little golf cart situation. Things with wheels, yeah. Yeah. Okay, I want to start off the story with that fucking preface. Okay. And all over the world. That's all I've ever, any wine tour I've ever done, America or not. Were you on a horse or something? I would have loved to be on a horse. Allow me. I would have been clopping through that vineyard on a motherfucking horse. Oh, no. Let me tell you this story. His friend, I don't know if he wants me to say his name, so...

We'll call him Seth. Seth was, that's my manager's name. He doesn't want that. Hold on.

We'll call him Rob. So Rob was like, you guys want to go on a wine tour? Let me book it. And he was like, I went on this wine tour last time. Like we were just golf carting all around. There was a vineyard dog and the dog would like follow us around. It was super cute. And we just drank wine and had so much fun and whatever. And I'm like, perfect. That sounds amazing. Book it. So he reaches out to the people and requests to book the same wine tour he went on last time. After it's booked, they tell me, you're going to have to be at the train station tomorrow morning.

At 8 a.m. The train station? We're in France, like central France, and it's in the north of France. It's like four hours away. Okay. And so they're like, and I, 8 a.m., you know, that's my kryptonite. That's, I'm heartbroken already just knowing I have to do that. But it's like, listen, he booked this amazing wine tour. It's fine. The night before we go out with some friends and we have a very long night together.

I think Ty and I were like fist fighting under the Eiffel Tower at like 4.30 a.m. Like...

It was just a very long, wild, super fun night. And we all go to bed at about 6 a.m. Well, that's not going to work. And so then they wake me up at 8 a.m. And they say, not only do we have to be... They wake me up, no, at like 6.30. And they're like, not only do we have to be... I get it. I get it. I can't do all the timing thing. You'll figure it out. Put the pieces together. They wake me up and...

They're like, not only do we have to get up and go right now to this wine tour, but we have to switch Airbnbs. So I've slept for one hour. I'm rolling my tank tops. I'm covered in sweat. I'm fucking hungover as fuck. Like, I didn't sleep at all. Everyone's talking, chit-chat, chatty Cathy, shut the fuck up. I'm already just... On edge. And there's like...

50 flights of stairs to get up to where we are. So we're rolling these big ass bags like downstairs and just getting all this, whatever. We finally get to the train station. To my surprise, the woman who is our tour guide, who is taking us on the tour,

is there to greet us at the train station. Keep in mind where we're going is like three hours away. So did she come all the way there? She came all the way there. That's a good. I'm actually going to be calling her by her name. Oh, is she horrible? Cynthia. Is that Cynthia? I wrote it down. Let me make sure it's fucking Cynthia. Cynthia. Cynthia. Cynthia. Cynthia. Oh, we get to the train station and I'm I haven't eaten. I'm so hungover.

They tell us there's going to be food on the train. There's going to be food there. We get on the train. There's no food on the train. There's no food at the wine tour. I find out. I'm like, oh, great. Now I'm starving. I'm exhausted. I'm hungover. I'm sad. And she starts immediately talking to us. And she asks a question that for me is going to be the entire preface of my frustration with this story. Okay? Okay. She looks at all of us and she says, this tour can go one of two ways. Would you like to have a fun tour? Yes.

Or an educational tour. Why the fuck would I want to have an educational tour? I guess that is like what a wine tour is for. Yeah, but I think that our age range is not necessarily whatever. And I appreciate the question. Thank you for asking. We all come to the consensus. Hey, we didn't really sleep last night. We're super tired. We'd like to go on a fun wine tour. Right? So then I put in my headphones.

For what is probably one minute. And I intend on sleeping on this two and a half hour train ride. You know, girl dinner. I'm going to have sleep for breakfast. At least get some rest before we go on this long day. You got to charge up. And I feel a tap on my shoulder. Oh. As I'm dozing off. It's Cynthia. Cynthia. I take my headphone out.

And she proceeds to go on a 30 minute tangent to me about why Vouv Clicquot champagne is called Vouv Clicquot champagne. Shut the fuck up, Cynthia. And Ty has a video of me that I'll try to insert in this podcast. And I'm looking at her and I'm still trying to be nice, but I have tears in my eyes. I'm like, oh, that's amazing. You should have just told her you already knew. Yeah, she could tell by the look of you.

You don't speak English? So then, as she's on this entire tangent, she lets us know that we will be spending the day walking approximately six or seven miles. No. There are no golf carts. There are no cars. There are no ATVs. There are no bikes. There are no horses. There are no skateboards. There are no fucking hoverboards. There are no rollerblades. We will be walking...

six or seven miles. Absolutely not. I would have turned that train around. It's 8 a.m. First thing I ask, how do I get on the next train back to France? It's not my thing. Yeah, like that is not going to work. And then...

Rob is asking her, like, what do you mean the tour I took last time is, like, was on a golf cart or whatever? And she's like, yeah, no, that's not this one. Like, I booked you on a different one. I thought you'd like it more. Oh, I thought you would like it more, Cynthia. That is not your job. Paige was wearing heels. Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Paige was wearing lemon pepper fucking steppers. Like, first of all, still a rogue choice for a wine tour, Paige. I don't know why. Yeah, no, never is that appropriate for a wine tour. If you're going to invite people on something to walk seven fucking miles, don't you think you should... Say where you're walking. Bring your Air Maxes. Yeah. You know what I mean? What the fuck is going on? And I literally have to put on my sunglasses because I start crying. Like, I just... I'm like...

Just the frustration of it all when you're like overtired like that and just already on edge. I've already lugged a million suitcases. I fucking slept for one hour. You've done all your physical labor for the day. The only amount of time I can have to sleep, you are telling me the origin of Vouv Clicquot when I don't even have Vouv Clicquot in my fucking hand. Like maybe if I had a glass of Vouv, I would be more excited to hear about it. You know what I mean? Whole nine, right? And then I put my headphones back in. I'm trying to chill again. Another tap on my shoulder. She lets us know.

First of all, the history of one of these sellers for another 20. This woman, I have never met someone who flaps their fucking gums like this. And I will get into why I think she's a cunt a little bit, okay? But flapping her gums, flapping her gums. And she happens to just drop a fact that one of the sellers that we'll be hiking to has like 550 stairs to get up to the top. Cement stairs outside. And I look at her and I'm like,

Can we skip that one? And she's like, you cannot skip that one. It is the origin of this and this. And I go, I don't care if Barack Obama was at the top of those stairs. I am not fucking walking up those stairs today, Cynthia. I'll die. It's not even like I'm physically in people. And she looks at me and she goes, well, normally I can ask for elderly people, but...

But since we have someone with mobility issues on this trip, I'll have to ask them if we can get an elevator. Yeah, we sure do. Mobility issues? Fuck you. Okay? And everything is so condescending. It's giving like the Addison Rae nose crunch. Like, I'll see if we can do something for someone with mobility issues. And I'm like, oh, this is funny.

is going to get hit before we even get off this train. Like whole nine just being terrible, whatever. We get off the train and she lets us know that we will be walking. And keep in mind, it is 847 in the morning. You know, our day has just begun. That we will be walking a mile and a half through the city to even get

to the start of the wine tour. They couldn't have called a new... What's going... Where were you? Do you want to know the population of the town I was in? The population of the motherfucking town I was in. Do I? Like... 300! Oh my God. 300! It's like Aaron's hometown. What?

300 300 people live there I swear to god I think I saw one car like it's giving a couple Vespas like I'm picturing like tumbleweeds like worse like sincerely worse I would have rode the tumbleweed bro like I don't know how to explain it it's terrible so we're walking and we're walking and she keeps turning around to me and being like are you okay are you okay eyes on the road Cynthia are you okay yeah and like laughing like are you okay like you don't and it's like

Had I known I was signing up for an Ironman today, maybe I would have slept for 12 fucking hours and then and I'd have my air maxes on and I'd be here. I would have popped an Adderall and drank a fucking Celsius and then we can do this. But like, fuck you and your are you? And it's not genuine. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's just being a whore. And she's.

educating us on everything that's happening, like what the grass is fertilized with and how, keep in mind, there's not a glass of wine in my hand at all. Like I am just. Yeah, see, all of this should have started after you started drinking because then I might be like, okay, what's the like history of VOOF, dude? Oh, just you wait, my girly, girly, girly pop.

And it's also freezing cold outside, like weather, wind, like light rain. That's better than it being hot, right? I don't know. I don't know at this point. And so now we're walking and we're walking through these pastures for what?

like an hour probably to finally get to this wine tour. And finally, I just cannot hear another word about the fertilization of the grass. And it's not even like she's just educating us on the tour. It's like this woman is telling us her whole life story and her daughters and what her husband does and how many people live in the vineyard and who they are and whatever. And like, did we not tell you we didn't want an educational tour? Like, have you ever shut the fuck up for six seconds? It's like,

Yeah, see, it's like why ask if you're not going to really give you the choice. And at this point, I'm like heavy breathing. Like I would just like silence, you know, like at least I can just look at the view and like enjoy some silence. So eventually I put in my headphones.

And I'm listening to Elevated Heartbreak by Jaden Osler. I'm just picking music I want to hear and just trying to enjoy myself. And it's like everyone's also talking to me like, do you want me to carry you? Do you want me to help you? And it's like, oh my God, everyone just shut the fuck up. Like I just need to like deep breathe. And I'm just having a panic attack. And we're probably an hour 15 in. So we're about to be to the wine tour. And she turns around and she taps me. I take my headphone out.

And she says, can you please take your headphones out? No, bitch. You are being extremely disrespectful. Cynthia? Wee poo! Literally. Wee poo!

I dropped out of school because of like you. I don't want to learn about fertilization of grass in the middle of France in a town of a population of 300 at 834 a.m. after I've just walked a mile and a half and there's yet to be a glass of wine in my hand. And how many ways are there to fertilize grass? And just all these things, just everything.

Like I can't express to you the amount of talking and education. I felt bad for the people who like chose to engage, you know, like imagine Paige with her 30,000th. That's crazy. Yeah. Oh my God. That's crazy. Exhausting. Like just utterly just. I didn't hear Paige now. Like why?

And that was the point where I went from Tana to Trina. Like there was no Tana. Tana was left at the train station. I look her and I, you know me too. When I get so mad, I'm laughing. Like it's not even like, I could see you like, I literally, you want me to what? Like, I'm just laughing. I'm in utter disbelief. And we finally get to the actual wine cellar place, you know?

And my headphones are out and I'm trying my best. And then she tells us that we're now going to be hiking up to one of these vineyards. And I'm like, listen, at this point, I check my steps app. I am at like 9,800 steps. That's too many steps if you haven't even had a glass of wine. At 9.05 in the morning in the middle of freezing cold France with Cynthia.

And I turned to my friend and I'm like, can I, I'm so sorry to do this to you. I will obviously pay for it. If you guys want to stay, I don't want to be the person that's going to like ruin your day. I don't think anyone wanted to stay, but I just still, I didn't want that to be anyone's problem. I was like, and obviously there's no Uber there and there's no car rentals and there's no nothing. I was like, can you please call me a car service from France? Like,

from Paris to come and get me. I think that I will be a damper to everyone's day. And then she's just looking at me like, really? Are you sure you want to do that? Really? Yes, Cynthia. I am. Yeah, I have never been more sure. So positive. It's crazy. And

I'm like, I actually don't even want to do all this walking with her like at all. They wanted to do the whole walking tour and then go drink wine after and sample them. So it would have just been like another four miles, like so sober. I've never. So were there people on this tour who wanted the education of it all? Yeah. That's the problem. Like everyone else there was like 45 or like you could just agile people like knew it was this wearing fucking clothes.

workout. Oh, so wait, was it not just your group? No, there were different tour guides. And you know what sucks too is a lot of them were like fun and young and nice. Like we somehow got stuck with Miss Frizzle in her 80s. You know? And...

I'm like, can you just take me inside the vineyard? Like, can I skip the walking and just get right to the like wine tasting part? Like at this point, I just need. Yeah, like honestly, I'll pay extra. Just give me a glass. And it's just so not about the money to her. You can tell it's like she's her passion. Yes. But her passion to the point that she's like angry that we don't want this education. And it's like, well, we paid you. We told you we wanted to have fun. And like, again, this Iron Man is not it for me. It's not fun.

Cynthia. And so she takes us inside to what is like a little area overlooking the vineyard with tables where people come in and they try the wine. And we're all like, fine, let's just do this, whatever. Leave us with our bottles of wine, whatever. We all sit down around this table. Everyone's winded. We're so excited to finally crack a bottle of wine. She pulls up a chair. She sits down with us. With you. Yeah.

And she sits down with us and I'm just heartbroken. I'm getting riled up for you. And then my friend lets me know that the soonest car that can come from Paris is going to take three hours. So I will now be with Cynthia around this table for three hours. And she gets out all the bottles of wine and says,

doesn't open them up talks for another 45 minutes and imagine me just sitting there staring at them like please fucking open it please fucking crack it now like absolutely just talking about her family talking about absolutely everything and she asks us one more time she's like are you sure that you want to go back you guys have a lunch reservation for after the tour at like 2 p.m is she coming to that too absolutely absolutely she would have been coming to that and we're

we're like yeah we're sure we want to go back like this just is I'm sorry this isn't what we signed up for like we really appreciate everything that you're doing whatever and then she starts talking to me directly and she's like are you sure you want to go back like you really want me to cancel the reservation are you sure yes or no and I'm just saying yes yes I'm sure I'm sorry I'm sure yes but it's like escalating like she's like I hate when I make

my point clear and someone is still questioning me. I said I want to stop. Amari, if you would have been there, we would have mollywhopped that woman. Like, thank fucking God it was other people who are like better than...

The fighters. Like if it was Ari, like if it was the volatile Vegas ones would have fucking spit in that bitch's face. I think even I would have been mad and you know how I feel in those situations. You and I would have been so fun. We would have been so, so fun. You would have been so furious, bro. She finally opens the bottles of wine and pours up a glass for everyone. Is it a baby glass? It is maybe a teaspoon.

of wine in this glass and she's having us shake it through the motions I want to hear it go she's having us shake it through the motions see the stems and I get that that's like a little bit of a part of a wine tour so I'm playing along I'm trying my fucking but there are tears in my eyes okay like I am so so unhappy but I'm trying my best you know

And she has us take a sip. She's making us gargle it and swish it around and tell us how it feels in the roof of our mouth and telling us why it feels that way in the roof of our mouth, why, whatever. And then how to pour it out of them. All this. Oh, my gosh. Do you think she's trolling you? No. I feel like if I were Cynthia, I'd be like, ooh, watch this. I think she had a touch of the... Don't say tism. And maybe the social cues could not recognize her.

But I don't know at the same time because I don't, yeah, I don't know. Finally, she hands Paige a bottle of wine and has her pour it the specific way and whatever. And then says, and now drink it how you would drink it. And Paige makes a very silly joke. We're all just joking around here. What else are you going to do in a miserable moment? Like, you know what I mean? And she puts it on her arm and makes a joke that she's going to like slam it like a, you know what I mean? And we all laugh. She doesn't do it, whatever. Yeah.

And Cynthia turns and says, maybe only civilized people should have a drink. You fucking cunt. You fucking... You, okay? This is like... I didn't sign up for etiquette class. Take a joke. Get up from the fucking table. Go somewhere else. Also, who talks to people like that? Cynthia. Cynthia. Cynthia talks to people like that. And so...

I'm hot at this point. I have to get up and walk it off. And Damien comes over to calm me down. I'm crying. I'm like, I can't do this anymore. There's just something about me that it's like when I want to...

I alter Kate with someone and I am fighting that, that anxiety and frustration. And she's being such a bitch to me. And I love Paige. Like it's one thing to be a bitch to me the second you're serving a bitch to everyone. Like I'm so mad. And Damien's just trying to like talk me down off of it and being like, Hey, listen, like this is clearly just her life's passion. She said to me, she felt so bad that you're not enjoying yourself. Like blah, blah, blah. You know, like,

And I like calm down. I'm like, OK, I'm going to go back over there with the best possible mindset. And I'm just going to like try to allow this woman to talk and, you know. Yeah. Whatever. And I sit down and she goes on her 50th tangent about something that no one gives one absolute flying fuck about. And I open my phone to receive a text message. Oh, no. And she turns to me like a fucking teacher and goes, I'll wait. Oh, she Clinton caned you.

Can't have your phone out. I'll wait. I'll wait. That's why I dropped out at fucking nine. I couldn't handle it. I would have said, OK, OK, wait. And I would have spent the rest of the day. No, I laughed and got directly back on my phone. There was nothing I just did. I couldn't even believe it.

20 minutes go by one more glass of wine because she's still making everyone fucking butt chug it and tell us how it feels in our assholes you know like just a whole nine see that sounds like a fun tour honestly yeah i would have loved to see cynthia butt chug and um the paris car service cancels so now we are stranded at this vineyard in this town with 300 people i put on my big glasses and i'm just crying under them and i'm just wiping and i'm just trying not to let anyone know i'm sobbing i'm so sad

And then Cynthia offers to us that we can take the vineyards car service. Like they have like a sprinter, like there's something there that's on the property and they'll take us back or whatever. And I'm like, thank you so much, Cynthia, for the offer. It's the first thing you've done today that I don't absolutely want to curb stomp you for. So thank you. That car service gets confirmed and Ty brings up like, Hey, if this car service isn't going to leave until like one, um,

that's when our reservation was for should we just go eat at the restaurant because we're all hungry we haven't eaten right and i don't want to do this but if everyone there wants to do it i'm like yeah like okay fine you can have a lunch and so i turn to everyone as a courtesy and i say would you guys want to do that like what you know what i mean what do you what do you guys want to do and she starts screaming at me you said you wanted to cancel you said you wanted to cancel you said you wanted to cancel and i'm looking at this bitch going i did i

I do. I do. And it gets like that. It starts getting very much choppy. We're escalating. I'm using my hands. I'm ready to fucking go with this bitch. And we're going back and forth and we're like yelling. I grab the bottle of wine. I pour it up as fat as I possibly can. I chug it down boots and I just walk away and walk it off, right? Uh-huh. She finishes her next hour and a half spiel to everyone else about whatever the fuck she's talking about. We're at like 24 hours now. I am pacing. That's fast.

I'm pacing in the corner, chugging wine to myself, trying to be on my phone. I'm excited because I know the car is going to be there soon. I don't even want to know what happens next. The car arrives. They open the doors. Does Cynthia get in? Now, why? Why? Why? Why? Don't you live here? Aren't you one of 300?

why why the fuck we were not could you not we're paying for this car service you could you not just be like I think your job here is done why why do you want to ride in a car with me I think she was having fun with you I think that she was like she probably was getting her I remember walking away and she asked them she's like ask them what I do for a living and then Paige is telling her and she's like

In our town, we hate girls like her. Like she's going on like a whole fucking thing. Like, why would you want to ride? And like everyone in Paris had been so kind to me. Like, I don't know if in their town of 300, it is just like anti-influence. I don't know. Like, whatever. Why would you want to ride in a car with me? You know what I mean? I don't get it.

I put in my headphones at this point, whatever. We're now in the car. She talks the entire three hour away. Ty keeps falling asleep and she keeps waking Ty to tell him more about her life. I'm in absolute disbelief. They brought a bottle of wine and they were trying to open it. Paige and Ty to drink it in the car. Cause we like barely had any, even on the wine tour. And she's like,

yelling at them that they can't drink it because it's warm. And they're like, we don't care. Also, we bought this bottle of wine. Like if we wanted to theoretically shower with it right now, we could. Like what is going, and why are you policing us? The tour's done. Like, I don't get it. At one point I put my headphones in, but I'm still listening to her. She goes on another 10 minute tangent to Ty about how she hates influencers and she hates people who do what we do for a living. And Ty's just sitting there like,

Okay. Yeah, like awful, awful. We finally after three hours of this just fucking godforsaken car ride get back to our Airbnb in France. And she looks at me and she asked me, Where are you going after you're in Paris? And I go, Oh, I think I think we're gonna go to Positano. I think we're gonna go to Italy. And she goes, Good luck with all the stairs there.

Honestly, she ate with that one. We are. We're not even on your turf anymore, bitch. Square up. The fuck? We are in the middle of Paris fucking France. Square the fuck up. Attention a pickpocket. I'm about to rob your ass. I am ill. She follows us in our Airbnb to use our bathroom. No, Cynthia. She's in the Airbnb peeing and I'm like.

Well, she's so outdoorsy. I'm like, piss outside, Cynthia. She leaves. She says bye to everyone but me. Honestly, as it should be. I don't want her to say goodbye to you. Absolutely. Sends another WhatsApp to Rob an hour later and says, again, tell her good luck with the stairs in Positano. At that point.

Like at that point, it's like maybe you want to go back there to beat her ass. And at that point, it's like, OK, so she was clearly mad as fuck as well. Do you know what I mean? Like for her to wait an hour later, like like I wasn't. It was still on her mind. And she was like, you know what? Let me go ahead and send one more text. Like.

And not even one more. Check this one out. And now I'm hot. You know what I mean? I get the name of the seller. I get her name. The name of the seller is Champagne Pio Sevillano in North France. And if you ever go there, ask for anyone but fucking Cynthia. I kind of want to experience it just for the fun of it all. Well, make sure you put on your Air Maxes and your fucking Nike Pros.

Two days go by and we're finally in Italy. This is where the story ends. She sends her final message to Rob three days, four days later now. And she says, they may love her in America, but girls like her are nothing to us here. Oh.

To fucking charter a jet back to Champagne Pio Seviano just to fucking box this bitch. Yeah, wait, that is crazy. You are so valid. You should have beat her ass. I don't care how old she is. And I was never...

just outwardly rude to her like every single interaction started with her being a fucking to me yeah you were just responding as as you should in my opinion although i i will say you do embellish sometimes i promise you there were a lot of witnesses here and that is exactly what happened and i might regret not well i'm glad you brought her up because i i feel like it would have been like

probably not a very good story like tana beats middle-aged lady yeah she was she wasn't in my age bracket i think for it to be how old is the oldest you'd fight you think that's hard there's an age for anyone to surpass you know you think so like maybe not like deathbed like but if you can walk if you're able-bodied

And you take it far enough, right? You know? I agree. I don't know. Well, I'm really sorry that that happened to you. Did you at least get drunk by the end? No. That is horrible. I came back. That is the worst part. I came back and like just went to a little. If you don't black out on a wine tour, it's like, what did I just do? And just so far, I've never been drunk.

anywhere like that i have so many more things i want to say but i've been talking for 40 minutes honestly i loved it i kind of want cynthia dead no offense no i i literally i i absolutely want her dead at the hands of me well okay so was that your only negative experience at least yeah that's good other than the fact that i can't walk but that was a positive before i don't know if we call that negative that was a positive before it was a negative

Something negative did happen to me on this trip. Not in France, but happened electronically. Oh no. And I have to address this. Oh God. Immediately. What is it? I'm going to give a little preface for everyone who doesn't know the story. Okay. And I hate that I'm bringing any more light to this. This is a negative episode. We're all in London when we first get there one night.

And it's Paige, me, Lottie Moss, Lucas, and we're all just like drinking, chilling. And we all start kind of daring each other to do like silly shit. And I'm going through my TikTok timeline and I see this man. Oh!

That I have never seen before in my life. Can I look one more time? I see this man that I have never seen before in my life. Okay. I'm like, this guy is super hot. Page entire. Like, what are the odds? You DM him something crazy. Say something. Lila E something wild. We do a little one in three.

We both say two. I say, fuck it. I'm no stranger to sliding in someone's DMs. And you got to tell me you heard him. I go over to his Instagram from his TikTok. I'm not scrolling through his Instagram. I saw one TikTok. I click Instagram. You've seen enough. I slide in and I say,

God sent me here. We know that one. We know that one. That one is a Lila extraordinaire. Actually, it's stolen from Miss Isabella. Oh, is it? And within approximately an hour and a half, I receive a DM back unlike any DM I have received back before in my life. What did it say? He said, and I recognize this is embarrassing for me and very funny. Okay.

touche on y'all he says sending you back to god first class airmail honestly first class airmail though at least yeah at least at least he sent me back first class that is that is nice and then sends me another dm and says don't you know my girlfriend and i'm like no bitch i don't i don't know you so first of all i don't know who you're dating second of all no i don't and

I'm just going to start off this story by saying as well, Dave Portnoy reacted to this whole situation. Did he? And Brianna said like Tana got caught sliding into someone's boyfriend's DMs, right? And Dave is like, well, that's no surprise to me. You know what I mean? And I just want to put this on the record right now. I like a lot of things. I would venture to say I like mostly everything.

I do not like with girlfriends. I do not like taking men. I am six women in one. I don't need someone with another woman. You have enough going on with me. I will never be someone's side thing. I also hate home wrecking as someone who has dated so many guys and watch them sit there and have girls side and be like, don't tell Tana. I want to suck your dick. You know, like I'm never going to be that person on the other end because it feels like fucking shit.

you know? So I just respond and said, oh, you're taken. Sorry. Bye. Or like, oh, he's taken. Sorry. Bye. Whatever. I go to bed and I wake up to see that a woman by the name of Duda Castro.

Mentioned me in her story. Not the story mentioned. Not a high, not a words. Mentioned me in her story. That's important to this narrative, I believe. I 100% believe that that is what then made so many of these preceding events happen.

a little more valid because if she just reached out and said something you know that's a person-to-person conversation she could be like listen we've met before like why would you do that and you would have been like oh my god sorry misunderstanding but mentioned you in the story she that made her dick hard she was like oh look at the cloud i can get from this thank you and so on her story

is a screenshot of those wildly embarrassing DMs of me. Not the humiliation. And on the screenshot, she took the time to like make it a collage and collage in a photo. Oh, she's artsy. Of her and I. She kind of ate with that. Absolutely. And if that was the true narrative and that, you know what I mean? Whatever. Okay. There's so much more to unpack here. That photo was taken when I lived at Ogden.

I had a kickback at the house, right? And I invited my friends, my close friends, the people I know and have the phone numbers of, et cetera, et cetera, to the house. And Diablo ends up bringing Diablo

A gaggle of thotties. A gaggle, is that the plural of thought? No, but that's funny. Gag, funny. No, no, no. Okay. And she happens to be one of them. And then as if this were TanaCon 2.0 in my home, she asks me to take a photo. To my knowledge...

At this point, this is the only time I'd ever met her. And so then I proceed to respond. And I don't even remember what I'm saying. She blocked me now. So I'm like...

listen I didn't I go my bad I didn't know he had a girlfriend I'd like whatever and then now she's responding to me being like oh I bet you fucking didn't bitch like you know me like blah blah simmer down and I'm like I'm telling you I didn't know and I'm telling you my bad and you don't want to take that and you clearly it's not like you're still trying like you're okay slay he has a boyfriend girlfriend with your man like I don't care like you know what I mean like at all and it's like

You're not accepting this and you're still continuing to fight. She's mentioning me in her story again and again and again and whatever. I'm leaving London at this point and I am in a mood. I had the time. Rightfully so. I had the time. So I make a TikTok about the situation. Pretty aggressive TikTok. But it was an aggressive TikTok. And I definitely can acknowledge the fact that when you get me mad to a certain point, I'm going to say things that maybe 48 hours later I can then recognize myself

I could have said that a little nicer. Okay? Yeah. Okay. But also, you dumb, delusional fucking thought. Like, what the fuck is going on? Like, I still feel that way, just a little less, you know? And I'll work on that forever. Maybe by the time I'm 40, I'll have full emotional regulation on 10. Or I might be psycho tantamouja forever. You have a tendency, and it's one of my favorite things about you. Everyone's your best friend. Okay? I agree. So...

But she should not feel special. It's like, okay, like you had a good interaction with Tana. That's because she's sweet and nice to her fans. Okay. You had a fan experience with Tana in her own home and you mistook it for. Well, I'm going to get I'm going to I'm going to add on to this a little more and give her a little more credit.

And so then she's also commenting on everything, being like, is she still mad about Jake? Is she still mad about Jake? Sorry, I ship Jerika. All this stuff. And so I assume that she would now I'm trying to context clue it up. And I'm assuming that she was one of the thoughts that Jake maybe allegedly shy stood for.

on me with back in the day, you know, and I maybe didn't like her or something like that, whatever. Notice how she doesn't fucking remember. Okay. And I do vaguely remember back in the day, like Jake and all that group making jokes about her. Like then, then I realized, okay, now I know where I've heard like, well, she does have a very recognizable name. Come to find out.

When I was with Jake, he made a music video and she starred in it. And I was very much pub or she was in it. And I was very much a music video. I was very much publicly popular.

The world thought I was with Jake Paul at the time. You know what I mean? And she's making this TikTok where she's like kissing all over him. And the caption was like, sorry, Tana or something like she was being an attention seeking, home wrecking whore whore at the time. And I remember commenting on that saying cute, cute video. You know what I mean? And apparently after that incident,

In Miami or somewhere, I, and God, if it was in Miami, so help me God, I ran into her again, fucked off my face. Like, don't remember anything. And apparently, she claims, we talked about the Jake situation, she wanted to make a TikTok where we were being all like, whatever, cutesy kissy, to like,

squash the situation and I drunkenly did it. It's like, okay. When I saw this TikTok for the first time two weeks ago, I don't remember this at all. And that is my downfall. I like, especially at that time, like I go out and I get fucked up and I talk to people and I, yeah, we know what alcohol does to her. They now think maybe we're besties forever. I don't remember that at all. And then she's now still messaging me being like, it was a bit unfortunate though, after what you had said.

Absolutely. But she's still messaging me being like, I know damn well you know my life and I know damn well you know me and I know damn well you know I have a boyfriend. Like, da-da-da-da-da. Don't give yourself so much credit. And then victim flipping, like, please just leave us alone. I woke up to Duda Castro mentioned you and your story. I would have never taken this public. I would have never taken your rat and your rat boyfriend ass public if you didn't fucking take it public first. Okay? Like, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million fucking years. At one point, we start messaging each other back so crazy. Like...

Like, whatever. Like, you're bad. You're bad. Like, I'm fighting this girl fully in the DMs. And I say die. Okay, so that is where I do draw the line. We're not supposed to tell anybody. Ari, I'm kidding. We're going. I have a problem with loosely saying that when I am that mad at someone. I know. The same way we say, like, oh, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Exactly. And we shouldn't. Like, I don't hope she dies. At all. A stubbed toe? A stubbed toe for sure. You know?

Orange juice after brushing her teeth. Bad things forever. Bugs fillers.

Botched filler. Botched filler is such a funny thing to wish on someone. And I hope one day her boyfriend and her have a horrible breakup and he wants to fuck me out of spite. I can't lie. He probably doesn't after my actions. You shouldn't want to fuck. You should. If you ever fuck him after this. I'm not going to. After he sent you back to God priority. First class male, dude. I'm not. I'll just have to send like Lila in or someone, you know? Yeah. So I think it pretty much ends there. My interactions with her. We like block each other.

And then I get a call from Chris Miles. Oh, no. Where he tells me, and of course she dabbled in Chris Miles back in the day. Okay, so who's the homewrecker? So who wants who's who, bitch? But he tells me, and I don't think Chris has ever said this to me in my life. You need to be careful of that girl. She's fucking crazy. Oh, you told me this. I have a friend who,

And NMK back in the day also had this is all alleged in what I've heard from NMK herself and through the grapevine and it's etc. But NMK and Duda have beef. And one night they're both in the club. I think it was Bootsy Bellows here in L.A.

And Duda smashed a champagne bottle and stabbed her in the face with the broken glass. Yeah, honestly. So wipe everything I said about Duda. I love her. Leave it to Beaver. Yeah, of all people to publicly beef with the bitch who's smashing bottles over people. And I also have heard stories about things that happened with her ex-boyfriend that kind of

go along those lines. I think, by the grace of God, I think she lives in like Brazil or something now. Oh, that's good. But I will be going out in LA with a bodyguard for the next couple months. And I definitely wish it was never taken online. Yeah, that was a bummer. I didn't start it. I think there were situations...

I'm always on your team, but situations where you guys both maybe were a little wrong in the situation. No, I definitely took it too far, but so did she. And I also would have never gone online if she didn't take it on. Yeah, I guess I'd be fresh if I had a boyfriend and like someone who I even like was acquainted with at all. DM my boyfriend. I'd be like, you dumb fucking.

But you're still not putting it on your story with a collage. And you're still not like, right. And if the person tells I don't even know how to make a collage. And if the person tells you, like, I didn't know you would say, Okay, no worries. Okay, well, yeah, just don't do it again. Yeah, absolutely. And then to make matters worse, I go on Emily Rodakowski's podcast.

oh no um a couple days about it i sit down and i'm like hi i'm rada like i'm so stoked she's fucking the most iconic person i love her we're having a great conversation and the first topic of discussion in this interview is emily rodakowski herself international world renowned supermodel asking me so what happened with duda castro oh so i got exactly

what she wanted. In what world is Emily Ratajkowski asking about Duda fucking Castro? It's honestly, that's crazy.

so fucking funny I was gripping the floor like yeah so to Dave Portnoy I just want to clarify I don't like taking people um to do to there are some choice words I shouldn't have said but again um you started you started the fire and to God sent me here man thank you for sending me back first class airmail speaking of Dave Portnoy I want to talk quickly about Miss Brianna Chicken Frye

My idol, my icon, my president. Something in the orange tells me she's not done. She is not fucking done, dude. I love Brianna Chicken Fry, okay? And I started seeing all this like alleged Zach Bryan stuff on TikTok. And I'm like, I could text Brianna, but I like to be a fan sometimes. So if I like verified it with her, I couldn't participate in the speculation. Okay.

So I didn't even bother asking her. I was commenting on everything like, oh shit, she's at the house.

Like straight up because I was fucking loving it. My favorite story arc in the world is fan to lover. Okay. Because I love when it happens to me. I love when it happens to you. It's my favorite thing. Yes, it is. It is right up there before enemies to lover trope. Fan to lover trope is everything. But that's a mental illness thing. Is it? Yeah. KSI and Logan Paul. Brianna Chicken Fry has confirmed her relationship with Zach Bryan. She started as a fan and now he is her boyfriend and they are just fucking...

running around Oklahoma together. He's probably fucking singing her to sleep. A country boyfriend is a fucking dream. She is living the fucking dream. Obviously, I know a lot of people are

sad or concerned about the timelines but life is life you know and i strongly um support her and i believe wholeheartedly that she was out of that relationship before she was actually out of that relationship i agree because with anybody who moves on that quickly it's like it was probably over before well have you seen that like people always say like girls will move on completely in a relationship like two months or

you know you want to do it but you'll stick around and like try and whereas guys like start from like the date that you know what I mean yeah I have seen people say that but regardless like listen if somebody comes into your life it doesn't matter if it's a week after you broke up and you really like that person I don't think it should be like so against the rules thoughts though while we're on the topic of timelines of Ariana Grande and Spongebob himself so I have known about

their little divorce for quite some time now. Speaking of sitting on a breakup that no one knows about, right? Like right now I'm sitting on a bad boy piece of information. Someone I hate is going through a terrible breakup that's going to break the fucking world. Wait, you texted in the group chat yesterday. Who was it? But I'm not going to say anything about it because I won't be that person. But the second it comes out, we're going to reference this clip and I'm going to laugh so hard. I strongly believe...

That there was some infidelity there. And I, you know, I like Ariana Grande, but she does not have a history of being the most...

Girl's girl. Isn't that what the girl said? She said she's not a girl's girl. I believe she said that. That is what she said. Okay. And if you look at the time or I mean her history, I think that there she's been like the other woman essentially in a lot of situations like that. And it is hard because like I've seen so many people say this, but like, could you fucking imagine? You just had a baby. You just had a fucking baby. Okay. You're probably at the most vulnerable state in your life and relationship in

in general anyway. Not only is your husband leaving you, he is leaving you for arguably the most famous pop star in the world. I'm killing myself. I'm ending it all.

Just joking. They were married and they have a newborn child. And there's photos of Ariana holding the baby. They have gone on double dates. Yeah, they would double date. A lot of it is like, who's saying this? Like, is it verified? I don't know. But like, I do. I do think that like the Dalton and Ariana thing has been over for a lot longer than people think it has. Like I knew about it like a while ago. Yeah, I don't think it has really anything to do with Dalton. I think it's like the double dates of it all. The baby of it all. The baby of it all is like, God, how horrible. Like an aunt.

how messy it is. If you're going to do that and you're going to do something so shameful and honestly disgusting, keep it to your fucking self for a second. Why are you being so messy? Why are you holding hands on set? Why are you guys publicly out together? Absolutely. That woman is at home with her baby Ariana. Breastfeeding still. And I want to love her. It makes me sad, but it's like I'm with the mom every time. Everyone said that with...

Because it even wasn't Pete Davidson on a break with Kazzy David and they were supposed to get back together for five days and then it was Ariana. Yeah. And same thing, Big Sean and Naya. She wrote in her book about how she came home and Ariana was just on the couch. Oh, that's what makes it like a one time is like, okay, maybe there's context. We don't have to repeat. That's the thing. We've seen her do it so many times before. And it's like, I guess that in the past, the other girls haven't had enough of a...

like following or whatever for people to really publicly care. But I think the baby of it all is why everybody is siding with the mother. Absolutely. Break up with your girlfriend. Cause I'm bored.

Oh, shit. She has to regret that. Scooter better take that shit off Apple Music and Spotify. You know when you say something like being funny and then someone uses it against you later? Oh, my God. I love lying. And then later somebody uses it against you. That sucks. That sucks that you wrote that, Ariana. I'm so fucking lily. It's terrible. But anyway, justice for that girl. And honestly, not ever when you lose is a loss. That man does the splits. No man should do the splits. As Spongebob. As Spongebob on Broadway. And he looks...

identical to Frankie Grande. Oh my God, I keep seeing that. Identical. He looks just like a brother. What's sad about it is that he has fucked on himself so bad because now he has blown up his marriage, like blown up his entire life for somebody who's going to leave him in, I'm going to give it,

Four months. Yeah, it's tough. Dude, it's super tough. And they blew the movie. Nobody wants to see that fucking stupid movie now. I'm 100% seeing it. Oh, I don't know what it is. What movie is it? SpongeBob? Oh, I don't. Yeah. SpongeBob? You thought Ariana was in SpongeBob? Oh, is she in Wicked? She's in Wicked. She plays Glinda. Oh.

Anyway, if my husband ever fucking leaves me for Taylor Swift or some shit, I'm... And that's the other thing is I think there's such a frustration for all of those women, I guess. Imagine...

Now you go into a cafe and you can break up with your girlfriend because oh my God, I would fucking like we were just talking about this. I have like because I can imagine like the guys who like have had songs written about them by like Taylor Swift or something and like you cannot escape that woman. I don't I have a hard enough time. I posted about this yesterday, but like

My ex's song just happens to be the song that everyone right now is using either to get engaged or walk down the aisle. Yeah. I see like a wedding video once a week and it's a Clinton song. I want to comment on all these people's happy videos and say that man is a cheater and a liar. You're like, what about Georgia? What about like fucking... What about like fucking... I will always love you. Andrea Buccelli. Like...

Like this is not Don't tell Courtney that You know what It's a beautiful song But like how Frustrating it is to me To just be scrolling And want to see If this cute video Of these two people So happily in love And I hear Butterflies I'm like

I will end my life. Yesterday I get home after a 24-hour travel day, full 24 hours of flying and driving and flying and driving, whatever, and I'm just exhausted. You know what I mean? And all I've wanted is my bed, and I'm so excited to lay down and smoke a joint and eat a snack and open up Netflix. And I open up Netflix, and I'm like, oh, let's look at movies. Number one in movies today.

The Untold Story of Jake Paul. Oh, that's tough. Jake Paul. I've seen billboards all over town. Are they all over town? They're all over town. I'm going back to Europe. Oh my God. It's just... And I'm not even going to lie. I'd already seen it. I watched it in full on the plane. Brooke, I have a question. Okay. I couldn't not... It's like... Paige always asks me, like, I'm very much like, if my ex releases an album, I'm going to listen to it. If...

My ex is number one on Netflix today. I'm going to watch it. Like, I just want to know, you know? Yeah. And it actually was such an amazing documentary, like so good. And I'm really happy for him and his entire journey and love Logan and love to watch it. Honestly, I have a question. I'm two minutes into the documentary and they are referencing his previous party lifestyle. And I see a video. Are you in it of me?

Can they do that? I'm in a pink shirt. We're matching. We dance. It's just a quick cameo. Like it's nothing serious. Yes, Netflix superstar. It's my document. I'm number one in movies today. No. And I see a quick cameo of me. I'm just curious. Can they do that without telling you? No, nobody reached out.

Am I entitled to a settlement? No, I think that sometimes when certain things are posted online, it's like you give people like usage rights. The entire documentary is essentially about how fucking rich this man is. That's so horrible. I would. Oh, I'm sorry. I want to cut. I want to cut.

for my 0.2 seconds please but the thing is even if I sued that man his lawyers he taught me how to get good lawyers and never lose you know yeah he would end you with that fucking 17 million dollar house he has I'm so sorry that is so hard he is so successful it's oh yeah see that's why we have to stop going for successful people

Because it's painful. It's like fun in the moment. And then after you have to watch them just get more and more successful. I want to talk about something that I don't know if I want to talk about. Well, why would you do that? But I think I think after a lot of thought, it's the right thing to do.

For me. Okay. And my safety. I was just in Europe for the last three weeks and I was supposed to be there for like four days and I just kept extending. Everyone's like, why? And I kept voicing like, I don't want to go home to LA and everyone's kind of like, why? And on our last podcast together, I said, I'm going through something right now that is like fucking terrible. I'm terrified to talk about it. And at that point I was in

the beginning of a legal thing with it. So I couldn't talk about it. I still can't tell the stories yet. And I can't wait to have an entire podcast about the stories of what's actually fucking happened here. But, and I did tweet about it. I tweeted, my stalker is back. And,

It's not William. Yeah, so that's... I think that's what people get confused about is because this is not an... My OG stalker. Yeah, your original stalker. And the thing is, when I thought the William stuff was as bad as it possibly could be, it was nothing in comparison to what this is. Yeah. Like, this is so much worse. And William also was a... He's a slender builds. We could take him. He's not... He would...

Kill me with a pinky. Oh, really? Yeah. And like the way he looks is also like straight out of like jail, but like a documentary, like, like it's, it's really, really scary. Okay. And I'm saying this on the podcast because I want it to be known. If you love me online,

or you have ever talked to me online or messaged me on Instagram or on OF or on anything, and even if you feel extremely close to me because of what I do and your connection to me,

If I do not know you personally, and I mean close personally, and if I'm not telling you to come to where I am and to show up to my house, et cetera, et cetera, please, please, please,

don't come to my house. Don't come to what my hotels that I'm staying at. Don't come to where I'm eating. Don't follow my friends around. Don't. And that's what's sad too, is it like transcends over into like, like Amari came face to face with this person. Yeah. It's scary. It is scary. Cause like people do feel so close to you, especially if you are spending all day, you know, typing away on your OF. Yeah. Yeah. And I know that that's something that you sign up for with this person.

But it's so, so, so fucking terrifying. And I've been dealing with this particular situation for about a year and a couple months now, but it's gone on and off in waves. And I have, it's so sad how little, and I've always said this, even with my OG stalker, how little the police care.

Well, yeah, it's hard. L.A. especially like the police really don't care unless like you're bleeding out. And they've told me that like they've literally said if someone shows up with a weapon and threatens you with it, of course, we'll be there in a second. But like if you want to file like a police report for like what's happening right now, like good luck. And every interaction I've had with 911 over this because we've had to call 911 a couple of times from shit showing up at or in the house and so on and so forth. Yeah.

They'd be like, are you sure it's not a crazy ex-boyfriend? Well, I mean... Yeah, and that's so frustrating because it's like, oh God, you can't even feel safe because it's like, who's protecting you? I remember at one point, the 911 operator was like, well, he sent you flowers. Isn't that kind of sweet? Was laughing. And I'm like, they just don't... The head of my security just told me, he was like, Tana, I love you to death. The police are never going to care. So now I have to have full-time security outside again. What does he have to do for the police to finally give a fuck? Like hit you? Break in...

And be in the house or hurt me or attempt to hurt me. Or I guess with all of the messages and stuff threatened me. I don't know if this person's like necessarily dangerous, but he's definitely like something is mentally like wrong with him. That's the head of my security does security for like everyone under the sun. Like, um, and was telling me stories about people like Alicia Keys and shit and like whatever. And he was like, I think, and he had one celebrity, uh,

that before he started working for them, someone did kill them and like all this type of stuff. And he was telling me the craziest thing, the craziest type of person are the ones who believe they know you and that you're dating and that you're star-crossed lovers. Yeah, it's like the guy who always breaks into Kendall Jenner's house and he's like, we're in love. Like, no, you're not. That's why I've been avoiding LA. It's why I've been a little... I feel like if you know me in person, this is something we don't really talk about

on the podcast ever, but you know this and everyone knows this. I am the most paranoid person ever. We talk about it a little bit. Not necessarily. I mean, you are paranoid, but it's safe. It's for good reason because I mean. Yes, but like there have been points in my life after certain stalking instances where it does like cripple and consume me. Like everywhere I go, I can't let anyone walk behind me. Like I don't Uber alone. Like I'm terrified of like

Like, you know, every time the doorbell rings here, I like my heart jumps like I just am. And I felt like I was finally working through that, like in therapy and trying to just accept that that's my life and work through it. And now this is like back tenfold the worst it's ever been in my entire life to the point that I can't even talk about it. And I'm just living in that like crippling paranoia again. And it's so. Yeah. Fucked. It's so fucked. That's a lot. But you have security here. You're safe. Yeah. I'm debating on getting a Doberman.

Or a gun. Yeah, definitely not a Doberman. I'm going to go with gun if it needs to be one of the two. Neither are things I want to do, but I actually, this is in my entire life, the most I've ever feared for my life. I walk around every single day and it's getting to the point where I like, I'm having like

almost like delusions of like not delusions but like in my head all I can picture is this person killing me or like turning the corner that in my room and them being there and what I would do or every time I go somewhere like you know what I mean and I feel really bad for Ashley specifically because this person has always hyper fixated on the two of us specifically and it just sucks you know and then it's like even right now I'm pretending on Instagram until this podcast comes out that I'm still in Paris so I have like a few more days of like

Yeah. Yeah, that is scary. At least being on tour will kind of help that. Yeah, I was just going to say that. We're going to be gone and we're leaving so soon. And I'm so excited. Our first...

um three shows are in new haven connecticut i know that was crazy you guys sold out one sold out a second i think we've sold out the third like the fact that we're able to sell out that many shows in new haven connecticut where's new haven connecticut like why is everyone so lit there it's gonna be so much fucking fun we're bringing mike and jeff and aaron and you're coming i'm

And there are our first special guests of the tour as well, Mike and Jeff. So that's exciting. We're going to have a lot more. I'm so fucking excited for tour. I'm not prepared. And then we'll be in Harrisburg and Pittsburgh after that. And there might still be tickets for that. We'll link the ticket link below. But I think there are a couple tickets left. And maybe we'll add a second show before they go. And I'm so excited to tell the stories on stage that I could not tell today. Absolutely. I have something I want to talk about, but it's like.

A longer convo. I suck dick with Invisalign in. With it in? And I didn't think it was that weird. It was a little like

To see but what I'm just kidding. It's like you're just not like that aware. Like, I mean, it's like your teeth are bigger all of a sudden. Yeah, but I like didn't really think it was that weird. I feel like it's like having braces. You know what I mean? But everyone I've told is like, yeah, I almost do that Invisalign. If you think about it, it's kind of a rounded edge. So it would make your teeth. Yeah, you'd think it would make you like like gummy like like like sucking dick with no teeth. Yeah.

But word to Aaron. I don't know. I just I guess I just wanted to know if you thought that that was like acceptable or not. When I had Invisalign, I would take out my trays to suck dick. So I don't have any context. Is it worse for me to be like, hold on.

Both are acceptable. What did you feel any difference? Did he say anything? Was he like, no, I felt a difference. I had to be way more aware. And that's like what put the thought in my head. Cause I was like, Ooh, maybe I should have not done that. Really? It was fine. You should ask. You should do it next time without, and then ask him for a comparison. Okay. Honestly, I will. Could be good. While all of this is going on and I am so concerned about people and things showing up to my house yesterday, I,

I receive a message from my security. And keep in mind, I live in a very nice neighborhood. I'm in the city, you know, but I live in a nice neighborhood. Yesterday, this would only happen to me. In front of my house, a man driving a Tesla pulls up right in front of our house.

gets out and keep in mind this is the street people are walking their dogs on the street it's a busy area broad daylight gets out of his tesla sits down on the sidewalk pulls his pants down and diarrhea's on the sidewalk in front of my house okay listen crazy story but i do see how that could happen

You know when it's just like you cannot drive one more second. I would rather shit myself in my car. No, I wouldn't. I had a shakshuka one time that nearly sent me to the hospital. You had a what? Have you heard of shakshuka? No. Would not recommend ordering it. But sometimes it's just like you can't wait one more second. And now what? I have to worry about getting my car detailed? How do I explain that? Say you have a baby in the driver's seat on your lap.

So you have a dog. Okay, Brittany, that is not allowed. I'm not shitting on, maybe if it was in the hills. But also like, keep in mind, you get to the end of my street and there's like a cafe. Like I have a friend.

who has this hilarious story of a time that they were driving away from my house. And this was when I lived in Laurel Canyon on the hills and the traffic on the hills is like fucking absurd. And sometimes you'll be on the hill and there's no bathrooms, no nothing for like 30 minutes. And they were leaving my house and they had to shit so bad that

that they pulled over on the side of Laurel Canyon and they shit in a McDonald's cup and they wiped it with David Dobrik clickbait merch. I need to know the friend. I'm sworn so hard to see. I know who it is. I feel so confident that I know who it is. Even if you told me who it was, who you thought it was, I would, whatever. And I don't mean to look down upon this, but I, like...

Don't don't act above us now. We have seen it time and time again on the canceled podcast. You cannot hold your shit. Lucky for you, you're mostly sedentary and you always have a bathroom nearby. But if I were not sedentary, I could. I would be in a lot of pain. Well, yeah. OK, so then you have you can clench harder than others. I probably can't after this recent escapade. Yeah.

So soon I will be shitting myself. Those are things I don't want to know. I can't wait to tell you that fucking story. I can't wait to tell you that fucking story. I can't wait to tell you that fucking story. Can I say I'm going to Eros tour and that's why we have to end? Absolutely. But I have one more question for you just in the very end of this. Okay. What's the update on your Harry Jowsey situation? I don't think I have an update, but oh, there's all kinds of things happening online with Georgia and Harry. Team Georgia, honestly, because I don't know. I just like women. Um,

But I don't have an update. He just kind of aired me out. And then I had to be like, did he not reach out to you and say like, hey, mommy milkers? No, I DM him and I was like, like, what was that? And he was like, one more time for old time's sake. And I was like, oh, yeah. Like, totally.

But then upon further investigation, I decided that we are team Georgia. Is that it? That's it. I have to go to ERA's tour literally right now. That's why we have to kind of abruptly cut it off. But I'm so sad you and I are going on different days, but our Swifty ERA is in full effect and I'm so excited. I am so fucking excited. I could throw up. We were going to have the absolute best day ever. I'm going to sit here and fear for my life in my own home. And, uh,

God sent me here. God sent us here. We will see you. God will be sending us to New Haven, Connecticut, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, and a bunch of other dates that we will link below if you want to come meet us and hang out. Thank you guys for listening and watching. Make sure to subscribe and follow on all platforms that you can to keep up to date with the shenanigans that is our lives and mine while I still have one. Thank you guys. Love you. Bye.