39: Sofia Franklyn on her fallout with Alex Cooper Ep. 39
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- Hello and welcome back to the Cancelled Podcast. - We have Sophia Woo! - We are so excited. - Today we have an angel, an icon, a girl who's not afraid to say what's on her mind. Miss Sophia with an F. - Thank you so much for having me. If anyone was wondering, even though everyone knows 'cause you film your house all the time, you guys are rich. - Oh, I don't live here.

They already know that's not true over here. If we lived together, one of us would be dead. So the money wouldn't matter at all. No, thank you. That's really nice. I appreciate that. No, no. I'm like, sorry, look at the view. The view is life changing. You need to say yes, yes. Yes, yes. No, I thank you. I do appreciate it, honestly. I'm so happy that you're here. And I feel like you and I have, like, have you guys ever met either? No. No. Have we ever met before?

Like in passing at all? I don't think so. It's weird because I feel like I know you. Completely agree. And everyone gets on me about this. I'll meet someone one time and I'm like, they're my best friend forever. Literally, I'd die for them. Tana, you just met them. Not like that, but I just have seen so much content of you. We had our infamous...

You know What was it Like six years ago Whenever Tana Did not go on Call her daddy You almost killed me You I think you tweeted When you went on there And you tweeted Sophia with an F Is shaking right now Or something You should not Give a girl Xanax And a Twitter platform Wait when When was this Like when I went on Call her daddy I tweeted Sophia with an F Is shaking Yeah Okay kind of funny Yeah

No, but it was never that I didn't want to go on yours. It was more so just, I was more so making a joke. Like I'm now going on with one of the hosts. I still owe the other one. Right. Something. Which is canceled in my house and way less good. But yes, I'm so sorry for not going on Call Her Daddy. The first time. No.

Actually I wasn't that upset Cause literally Everyone Was like on the bandwagon Being like Thanks Sophia The Nat Like let's fucking go Oh Like oh Deanna's like Wait I had no idea I didn't That was definitely Not my That was definitely Not my intention at the time That's how you know She loves you She did it to me once as well I was never doing that In like a hater way I just thought it was funny But that's

That sucks. Can we talk about that? Sorry. I love it when you're like, that sucks. Like, let's talk about it. No, that's so nice of you to come on here now, though, after that and bring gifts and everything. Well, and I just don't want you to ever think that was like in a negative way because I'm never one to try to like fuel a fucking hate campaign, especially on like a girl I don't know. If I know you and you did some shit, that's one thing. Shit. Okay. Truth be told, I completely forgot about that because that would have been, what, five years ago? Mm-hmm.

And then when I told my team, like I was going to do this podcast canceled, they were like, no, no. Someone from my team was like, do you remember when Tana tweeted that thing about you? Like literally as we were driving up and I'm like, oh,

Oh yeah I do remember Zero hard feelings It's well I'm really happy Definitely And honestly if you were mad at all I would completely understand And hold that L But also I hope you know At the time I know it wasn't Like a deep thing It was just me No Me having Twitter From 2019 to 2021 Was such a fucking Like it should have been Like federally mandated Like that girl doesn't need it Like there was not a thought Behind those eyes And that instant access To just

saying anything I was so dramatic and insane it was like it was like a Amanda Bynes Britney Spears like you someone should have put you under a conservator absolutely I'm surprised I didn't have like a dermal piercing and like sorry that was me and Amanda didn't do anything she's doing better now is she hopefully I think she admitted herself that's good that's great yeah congratulations Amanda I love this mental health podcast me too it really is and kind of you came out of it

Right? It came out of my abandonment. She's rebranding. She's doing her Sophia Richie Grange rebrand. I'm trying. Very successfully. I'm trying to hit my Sophia era. So hard. So hard.

Do you love that song? Wait, what song are you guys talking about? What? Like, Sophia's wedding. Like, when she's walking down the aisle, the guy's like, Sophie. Well, you know the original song. It's like, Georgia. But then they switched it to Sophia. No, but that will be the song I walk down the aisle to now that I hear you. They just told me. She really did you a favor. It's a banger. It saved you a lot of money. And her name is Sophia the Neff. Right? It is. I think it is spelled as a F. Oh, my God. I hope she doesn't start a podcast. Yeah.

I hope so too. I'll be done. I'll be fucking done. I feel like she would be fun. Like I feel like she could hang. Do you think she'd come on canceled? Sophia Richie Grange? I would bet my limbs that she wouldn't. Absolutely not. But I bet she can hang. I bet she gets like fucked up on the low for sure. For sure. I hope. Do you know who always tells me that you and me would be best friends if we spent 24 hours together? Who? Mike Malak.

Thank you. Thank you. I fucking love Mike. And I'll see like your guys' YouTube. And I'm like, this is my bitch. This is for sure. And Mike's actually never been wrong. I'll say that. Like he'll always tell me before I'm with someone. I'll be like, you're going to fucking hate this bitch. Or you're going to love her and she's going to be your best friend. And every time it's very valid. Really? Yeah. So it's funny. But you guys have like a little...

What's the tea? A little what? Did you have a little? I was going to say the word history, but he's at me. Well, history is just so deep. You know, history is like, you know. Right. So Mike and I have never hooked up. Really? No, not yet. Made out.

Oh wow Yet I'm not opposed Okay But what is Mike after Like I really want to know Nothing good You're like bitch You don't want to know Nothing good I never I honestly I never have No I actually made out With him one time by accident How was it But I tripped and fell

Like I actually I tripped and fell You know what I mean Oh like when you made out with him No just into doing that No no no Like it was just like an accident But then once your lips Touched each other I don't know You don't remember I was at the box in New York City Which is a very famous Nothing good happens at the box Sex club Um

And sex is such an understatement for those that don't know the boxes. People like shit in a box on stage. People like shit on the stages and have sex on the stage and like piss all over each other. But it's like a show. It's like Cirque du Soleil for people. It's so hot. It's with like weird pink. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. And I made out with like seven of my friends last night. That night. That night. And I just happened to be one of them. And I don't know.

Would you tell me He's like good Like a good kisser Or no Sincerely I have no idea But I feel like If I had to take in From like Just him as a person You would hope He was good at fucking By now After Lana Rhodes Like hello And just everyone else Yeah and just like The experience in general After all of LA Like

Me talking about fucking all of LA Like it's a concept I'm pouring to I just saw a thing where it was like If a guy has a high body count He's worse in bed Because nobody comes back Like it's like If you The people who are really good in bed Are like guys who had girlfriends For a really long time Because it's like you have sex Over and over and over again With the same person Yes I agree with that Like you never have good sex With somebody the first time Ever No That is some Albert Einstein shit And also I stole it from someone else And also

I think that's true for women too. Oh yeah. Cause when you're in a relationship, you're trying so much different shit, right? Yeah. When you're having a one night stand, you're like, Oh my God, like I'm going to like tell him to hit it from the back and then I'm going to like scream. You know what I mean? And it's your base, like base model. That is actually so true. You only get into the first time. You only get into learning the weird shit. Like when you're in like deep into something. Yeah. That's why all the whores have,

Bad sex. Fuck. You heard it here first. So Mike probably is not doing so hot. Although...

I feel like if you have sex consistently with a porn star, that's like double. Like he's probably really great. Like if you fuck a porn star date one for six months, that he's probably doing. But I think Lana has said like, and I might just be completely making this up. So no one quote me, but that's this whole podcast. Like don't believe anything I say. Yeah. Like she likes like, I do lovey vanilla sex. I do. I was, I was editing one of our podcasts or like watching one of our podcast episodes the other day. And you were,

about how you like vanilla sex. And I had this whole existential crisis. I was like, should I like rework the inner workings of my mind and like learn to like vanilla sex? Well, what do you think? What do you think happened to you along the way? No, no, no, no. I don't even mean that to be like, but what do you think like switched it? Like when did you start all of a sudden being like, I want him to hit me? My actual first long-term relationship, the first time I was ever long-term, like I just immediately. And maybe it's just your thing. I'm not going to kink shame you, but...

You're like When did you start Hating yourself babe No I'm sure I'll get there Like I feel like I'm sure I'll start Hating myself I think maybe It was just lack Of like a father Like off rip I was just From the jump Thank you You know Do you have that In common Vanilla Or are you like More of a Like backflips type

I mean a backflip? I mean... Backflip type is crazy. I must really be into vanilla because I don't think I've ever done a backflip. But what's like vanilla missionary? Yeah, like missionary. Like we act like we love each other. But you can act like you love each other with a little spit and hit. You can do it all. I do... A little choke him up. If you say, I love you, babe. Sorry, T.W. Gluck. Sorry, T.W., Gluck.

You're like I mean if they say I love you in between like slapping you choking you like that's what I'm saying that vanilla. No. Whoa. And maybe that says a lot about me because my happiest relationships are like I love you but then like like toxic dark too. So maybe it like comes to fruition sexually as well. Yeah. Are you do you like do you like toxic relationships.

Do I like them? Or do you find yourself in them often? So I would say the past couple of relationships I was in were... Toxic. Yeah. Only because the one before that was so healthy and so great. So I had to do a 180. I was like, I'm bored. This is stupid. Yeah. And then it forced me into a toxic relationship. Yeah.

I do the opposite. I like go so toxic that I like leave so scarred that I'm like, I need a God fearing man who wants to play backgammon. And then she's bored and the cycle continues. What are you at? What phase are you in right now? Actually, that's trick question. Cause what are you doing tonight? I'm actually in my super, super, I'm, I, I,

I don't know where I am. Like anything. I was just about to spew conscious. She was going to lie for no reason. I've been pretty healthy lately. I really have only been talking to like one person. I've been pretty good. Like one person? Well, the one person is my ex. But then tonight I'm hanging out with my... Other ex. But as friends. Wait, who's the first ex? We'll bleep it. No, we'll just, we'll keep it all. We'll keep it all right and tight. We won't say any of it. But tonight I'm hanging out with my toxic ex and friends.

As a group. So does that mean you won't be hooking up with the ex? No. It's like a total friend thing. I want it to be that. I don't know yet because we haven't hung out, like whatever. But yes, like I told him on the phone yesterday, the equivalent of hooking up with you again in my eyes and in the...

I don't mean to shame any former heroin addicts by saying this, but I mean the equivalent of it in my life is like relapsing on heroin. It's like hooking up with you again. I agree with that. Like we have to be friends. Because it is true. It's like, what are you going to do? Just one more dime. Like it never works out that way. Never. But you hung out with your ex last night, right? Tell us about it. Okay, so it wasn't last night. Well... She was like, it was this morning. Actually, it was like the last few nights, honestly. Yeah.

We have been broken up for, I don't know, two, three months. And I was doing so fucking well. Like, I was killing it. It's perfect that you came here after that. Like, it's a bad downward spiral. I literally... Like, I think I'm going to stay in LA. Or maybe go to Utah where my whole family lives for a month. Yeah. Because if I'm physically back in New York around this person... Oh, so he's in New York. Mm-hmm. Okay. If I'm back...

around him, it's going to be off to the races. Yeah. It's always how it goes. It's, I just. And is he toxic? Like it was a toxic relationship or it wasn't? So it was toxic in the sense that he didn't cheat because I've been in toxic, right? Yeah. Like I've been with a dude that's like, babe, you're fucking crazy. And then I find out like he was fucking that girl. Like I've been in that. This was more toxic like

I'm going to call you 50 times a day. Oh, I would love that. Yes. Okay. I would love that. I'd be like, perfect. You're like, I don't hear the toxic. I don't hear anything wrong with that at all. Maybe I'm the problem. So you're into that? If it's like 50 calls. I want to know somebody's obsessed with me. Right. I want to hope that they're obsessed with me. Has it ever gotten, like has it ever teetered the line where you're like, maybe this isn't good for us? I don't think I've ever had one. I don't think I've ever had one.

I weirdly think At least in my life I cannot find A middle ground I'm either with someone Where we have One to two calls a day We text very normally We hang out a couple times A week Like we're dating It's normal It's so healthy Or it's like

50,000 calls I'm tracking your every move I'm killing myself because you're gone because I think you're doing something sus like it's yeah I am like one plane or the other like I would love a middle ground like I want to know you're obsessed with me but it's like a healthy level of communication normal like we said this I think on another episode but like a normal relationship is like you start dating slowly you talk to each other maybe once a day or whatever in the beginning and you start like progressively getting more like

Into each other But it's like I've only been in Love bombing Like extreme Like super fast situations And I'm like That makes perfect sense to me But me too Yeah So then it's like Why would he not call me 50 times a day Like He has the time So why would he not After getting love bombed So many times I eventually Like now I do get the ick By it though Well you know You know how it ends Now

Yeah. And in my head, I'm very much like, this is fake. Like, oh, look, you're in love with me after a year or two times. This means nothing to you. Like you're, you know. But it's like, I feel that way too. I'm like, I actually like him this much. So he must like me that much. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something very, very quickly? Yes. I woke up today and the. You're pregnant.

Well, that would be the best case. I would love that. No, I took Dayquil. Like, I didn't really feel good. Like, and I don't think I'm sick. Like, again, not contagious. Everyone's fine. Seriously. You know neither of us have our voices right now. I've never had a voice. Oh, you've never had one? So I'm stoked for yours to come back. But mine will be like this. Okay. But I took a Dayquil. And Dayquil often makes me, like, shit myself and throw up and whatever. And so I was hitting, like, the throw up, shit, throw up, like, earlier today. Like, not okay. Okay. Still not okay. And, like...

Probably most podcasts I would have asked to move And I was like if I come full circle Six years later and bail on Sophia right now It would have been really bad That bitch is going to show up to my house with a gun Okay no this is the thing Actually that's really funny Because you did bail like five years ago or whatever right On Call Her Daddy Yes And then what last time I was in LA No last time we were just trying to make it happen And we couldn't come together on a date But

By the way, I'm the queen of doing that shit. And I really, really like want to stop doing that. Where was this energy six years ago? Where was this energy tonight? Because I'm fucking clenching my asshole. No, so if I get up and have to go like bubble over there, just know it's, I did this for you. You have a replacement. Yeah. My voodoo doll is here. I'll fully support Heidi Tammi.

Oh my god, I love that. Brooke keeps getting Reddit threads saying that she's like mean to me. Everyone says I'm too mean to Tana, so now I have this Tana. If I feel like saying something mean, I can just talk to this one. Oh, you talk to her. You're not like hurting it. Well, sometimes I stop her. She's so cute and she's what's matching me. No, but I think that's so interesting what you just said about the love bombing because...

If a dude is not love bombing me to a certain degree, I'm like, fuck this dude. Me too. Cause I'm like, you can go a whole day without talking to me. What is wrong with you? Because if that's the problem here right now, that's scary. Excuse me. Let me, let me rephrase. Love bombing. It was perfect. The way you said it.

That made perfect sense to me. And to be fair, I also have my sentences that would. Right. But I think love bombing has gotten thrown around so fucking much. Like gaslighting. Yeah. It's like that word we all just picked up on and ran with. Yes. If a dude is only texting me once a day. What? Yeah. No. Bye. Yeah. I agree. I need you to show. Maybe it isn't love bombing I like. Maybe I just like a guy who's into me. Thank you. Oh, wait.

Every single manipulative controlling dude, they're like, yes. They said it perfectly. God, I know. So you hung out with your ex several times in a row. Mm-hmm. And how did that go? And by hang out, I mean slept over. Oh. Mm.

Maybe Yes If that happened Is the sex The sex is better though That's one thing That I'll just put Better in this time around No just better With these type of men With the obsessive With the crazy How do How do You have a hunch girl No wait Is that like a Characteristic I've always said that

I think toxic narcissistic men fuck 10 times better than a healthy man. Yeah. And then there's the occasional exception, but there's still something there where I'm like, you're when you're hitting me, your intent isn't as good as the men that are hitting me who are insane. And see, there was my sentence that was way worse than theirs. There you go.

Because a toxic man spitting in your mouth and it's like, oh, you mean this shit. You hate me. And then like a healthy man spitting in your mouth and you're like, you love your mom. Right? It's not what they do. It's not what they do. It's the intent. Am I right? Yeah. That sounds fucking horrible. No, but yes. Dick game. Incredible. Do I love everything else about him?

But he's not like that toxic. I'm literally sitting here coming up with excuses to justify. Are you like this on your own podcast where when you kind of sit down, it's just very much stream of consciousness. Like I'll be saying something here and I'm like, he's not that toxic, but actually is. I'm like, but then he's really good. But then like he hit me the other day. So like I just, I go on this stream of consciousness where it's like, and then I'm in the edit, like trying to make it make sense. Like cut one minute and 34 seconds. Cause I lied completely. It makes no sense.

I contradict myself every three minutes and 30 seconds. Yeah. Just boom, boom. Cause it really, cause you're thinking it through. Okay. But here's the thing. So many people do love to listen to unfortunately what we all have to say and maybe they shouldn't. And again, I've always said, uh, you've got to have no father to really love this podcast.

I have a father. I don't. I'm kidding. He's ashamed of me. You're like, we both do. We attract the feral girls, you know, who want to listen to what we have to say and stuff like that. And I just, I want to know, like, can I ask you some hard-hitting questions? Go. And then if you don't want them in, I'll cut them. But I just want to know. No, no, no, go. So you, well, I just really want to know the whole life story because I don't know. You're like, so you don't have a dad. I'll skip that.

But you met Alex how? Barstool put you guys together? No. So I had met a girl in an Uber pool when I first been there. Was it Lila Gibney? I can't relate. Look at her view. Been there though.

When I first moved to New York, I had no money. I was taking an Uber pool. I met this girl. And then I was looking for a new apartment. And I needed roommates, right? Because I was living in a studio. And it was alarming. Like mattress on the floor, like terrifying. I was like, okay, I want like a kitchen. Like maybe like a washer and dryer. Maybe I should live with people. So I can afford it.

So I told the girl I'd met in the Uber pool that I was looking for an apartment. And she was like, no fucking way. I know a girl looking for an apartment. She put us in contact with each other, Alex and I. And the day that we met, we were looking for an apartment together. And we signed a lease. The day you met? The day we met. Oh, my God.

That's the scary You are reckless I've done a lot of shit That is To meet someone And sign It is crazy Because there are so many people Who I've known Most people Actually almost all people That I've known for like Five years or more I would not sign a lease With right now

So like to know somebody for a few hours. Well sometimes you're gonna walk in a hard place. Yeah you're desperate and it's like. Yeah and you want better and you're willing to take the risk. And sometimes things like that end amazing. I feel like you should live with roommates you don't know too. But then it's like if you start becoming really close friends. Right. It's a little messy. Which I mean I don't regret meeting her at all. Like I feel like it like. It's a part of your journey. Yes. Yeah. 100%. And so you guys signed a lease that day. Yes. Okay. But that is fucking crazy. Now that I'm like thinking back.

Are you nice to meet you okay let's Sign on the dotted line to your lease What's your credit score yeah got me A two year lease too yeah a two year Two year lease too like yeah that is I didn't even know they had those but again High risk high reward in certain ways They're like a high reward came out of That in a very different way yeah So true yeah um so you sign this lease Then what happens

So the lease is with her and her childhood best friend. Okay. So the three of us live together. I had never met the childhood best friend. I'm like, you know what? I'm just, I'm just having a tag along. Just like, I'll just have a room. Hey bestie. Yeah. And Alex and I just hit it off. And it was like, from that moment on, we spend every day together. We do everything together. And you know, the rest is history. Yeah. Well,

Well, hold on. No, the rest. No, no. Hold on. So were you guys just having conversations and you were like, God, this should be a podcast? Or was it kind of like, like Barstool was looking for that and you like, what puts you both in the position to ever start Call Her Daddy? So she was always very into media. Yeah.

And entertainment, I think college she majored in. Actually, I was about to like make some shit up. Film, something like that. Yeah. I was working at Morgan Stanley in finance. That was not on my radar. However, I will... Sophia's going to do my taxes this year. I will... You will get in trouble for tax evasion because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing at all. I'd be like, she's good. Wouldn't be the first time. Anyways. So...

I that was not on my radar at all but we just we had so much fucking chemistry and I've always been extremely outspoken like I grew up in Utah which is

very conservative and a lot of Mormons live there. Yeah. And so to kind of come out of that being someone who like is, isn't afraid to say what they say and stuff like that. And I've been like that since middle school. Like, Oh my God. Like there was a middle school dance. I was like, Oh my God, it's like we're having sex or clothes on. Like, I just remember I always would say crazy ass shit. And same. We relate in that regard. Yes. So I was, I was a little bit crazy. I would talk about like, Oh my God, DPs, like all just wild shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Penetration. Oh, anyway, I'm like director, Dr. Pepper, a day after pill. Yeah, no double penetration.

And then we went to South by Southwest. And I remember we were at a bar. I remember this very vividly. And we were just like going back and forth. And I was saying gnarly shit and whatever. And all of these dudes at the bar were like, oh my God, this is fucking crazy. And they were taking videos. And she was like, oh my God, let's start a YouTube channel.

So we did a few YouTube videos. I would literally jump off that balcony if they replay. If I saw them. Oh, my God. Entire first two and a half years of my YouTube channel actually will haunt me till the day I die. I have nightmares all the time. Do you take them down? Like, have you taken them down? No. They live forever. Yeah. No, I'm going to be 80 and someone's going to come up to me and say, he fucked me with a toothbrush. That's my favorite part of my day. I was scrolling through my TikTok and seeing like an old Tana bleach and tone on her.

It's my favorite. It'll never, you know. Yeah. But I wouldn't change it because I accredit it all to, you know, a part of my journey. And it resonates with so many people. You know, I might cringe watching fucking hairdresser from hell bleach and tone. But like that was a big part of my life. That was my first video. It was. One of them. It's the first one that's alive still. And it's that iconic. Wow. Good job. That's really nice. Okay. I've watched...

So much content What The What is it? The hair Wait No hold on We will get to me And my fucking awful journey You're like I've said this story 50 million times The cancelled listeners Don't want to hear this I want this tea Okay So you post a YouTube video With Alex Cooper A couple Yes And then We had this dude Approach us To start a podcast And

Alex was like, I don't even know what a podcast is. It's crazy. Which me, working at Morgan Stanley and wanting to die every single day, all I would do is listen to podcasts all day long. And I'm like, oh, girly. I know all about this. Let's fucking go. So...

Then we started the podcast with this company. That was like... It was a podcast network. It was run by just like a bunch of trust fund kids that had no idea what the fuck they were doing in New York. They had no clue. And that is the worst. Yeah. Yes. But I mean, love them. Like they, you know... Yeah. It's like... Part of the journey. Yes. And I think we were...

Three episodes in And we were posting it on social media Barstool reaches out And that's how it happened And so Was it Dave Portnoy personally That saw you guys Yes And so Barstool reached out Yes But then later I found out it was Erica Nardini Who had told Dave These girls need to like They need to be the next female hire And so then

And again, if you want to end this conversation at any point, literally tell me to fuck off, shut up, kill myself, whatever you need. But so then you guys start filming Call Her Daddy and you immediately sign a contract with Barstool. Yes. It was pretty. Yeah. And then how long did that go for? How long did you guys podcast together for?

I would say Two years or a little over two years At Barstool And then basically the gist of the end of the feud Was like Barstool wanted to renew for like a price That like you felt like you were valued at more And so she stayed you walked

Yeah. I mean, that's a very, like, summed up version. There was so much that went into it. But basically, you know, we were getting paid a certain amount. And...

We knew that it was worth so much more. And we were having like a business disagreement. And I thought because we were such good friends, like whatever this will pass over and like we'll come back together. I think she had like different ideas. And yeah. Was the business fallout the reason for your friendship fallout as well? A bit.

That's a really good question. I would say it was a little bit of a ticking time bomb. I think that's what broke the camel's back. But I think, you know, where she wanted to go and where I wanted to go. Or different places. Yeah. Eventually it would have.

It would have like blown up. Well, and I think you can, I mean, just generally speaking, you guys met the day you signed the lease. You can definitely rush into things with people and then realize you're different people and you both go on your own journeys and that's okay. Yes. You know? Yeah. But I mean, we had formed such a strong bond and like such a strong friendship. I mean, the podcast was two years, but I think we were with each other for...

Almost four Yeah Which is a long time To spend with someone Yeah Every day Right And I think And I've talked about this before I think when it comes to Girlfriends Girlfriends

I just like I'm like you're my sister I trust you you know no matter what when it comes to dudes I'm like you are a snake I will never trust you no matter what you do like you know so the whole breakup was like it was hard for me I think friendship breakups can often be 10 times harder than they are harder I get like those are the worst heartbreaks I've ever had are like friendship breakups I feel

Remember hours? We've come so far. We have. We had a pretty bad one too. Yeah. One of the worst in my life. Yeah. But I'm happy. We're good now. I'm like, we're great now. Her voodoo doll. If you, she's like, if you could go back in time and change the fate of the way that the OG call her daddy ended, would you? No, I think this sounds, I'm sure everyone knows what I'm about to say. So cliche. I'm not going to say it.

Everything happens for a reason. I don't think that's cliche. It was going to blow up eventually. I'm almost happy it happened earlier than farther down the road. Absolutely. And it gave me the opportunity to... Sorry, I keep burping. I'm not listening. Is it the Dayquil? It might be. A Dayquil x White Claw is a crazy combo as well. My stomach is like, why? I love how you're like, the Dayquil is crazy. I'm like, eh?

I don't know if date calls are like I don't think it's supposed to do that to you Quick subject change Okay The other day Paige randomly asked me What is the one food you can consistently Like if you eat it you know you're going to like bubble Like you know you're gonna shit yourself You know you're gonna be nauseous What is the one meal? Mine's not a meal But I'm not kidding The first time I tried Bloom Nutrition I'm like this is not sponsored No one thought it was No one thought it was

It's gonna look really bad because I actually am gonna deal with them literally right now and it's amazing It's cuz you mixed it wrong it was I like it does what it's supposed to do it's good for digestion Damn, I need to try it understatement of the year when I tell you guys I was

Hands on the wall. Hands on the wall is when you have to get fully butt naked. Like, you're sweating. I was like, I thought about calling 911. Yeah.

I've been so severely constipated for the last four months. Blue nutrition. You heard it here. I take Miralax everywhere I go. I could be going on a two-day trip and I'm like, put that bitch in my carry-on. Wait, Miralax? Is that to make you go poo? Yeah, like I haven't been pooping normally. Babe, that's why. Okay, but that's why you need to take a shit. It's because you're taking a laxative. No, no, no, no, no. But the laxative only ever came into question because it was like, oh, it's been eight days and I haven't shit. Okay. Like...

It's getting bad. There was... It's bad. I take it everywhere. In my sorority house, we used to literally all just, like, hand them out, take them all at the same time, and then we'd just blow up that whole bathroom. Oh, that's a really bad disorder. Like, the day before a pool party. Don't do that. I do not encourage that at all, but, like, we did. Yeah.

My grandma And my mom Are like addicted To taking laxatives I'm very It's so bad for you You guys understand That doesn't make you skinnier That's not It does It's like a diuretic though I think it makes you like Like temporarily like Sucked up Yeah for like two seconds Yeah like a lot of girls Like do it in LA So they look skinnier I've never taken one In my entire life Until the past like

Two months because I literally just Couldn't shit yeah because she was you know what I mean And to be honest with you I remember the first time I took it was in Cabo In February it was the first time I'd ever taken Miralax In my entire life that's not the first that should Never be I know but I'm saying like you should not Try it for the first time in Cabo But it was like I'm on the beach In a bikini and I look fucking Seven months pregnant because I haven't Fucking shit in 15 days Everything hurts I took it With a sink water

And I remember I almost did that this trip And I remember that I was like Damn this doesn't hit as hard as like everyone like makes it out to be You're like I'm gonna take a Dayquil Cause that shit is crazy Dayquil weirdly makes me bubble And Panera Bread Broccoli and Cheddar Soup Is a guarantee Like the other day I ate it Like just to like really get shit shaken You know Okay What's yours? What's your guaranteed bubble food?

Oh that makes me have to go Guaranteed Indian food One of my favorite Types of food ever Me too Next day Usually Have to go It's a good bubble Yeah See I'm not thinking next day I'm thinking like within What is a bubble? You're just bubbling Like it's a good shit I don't I'm sorry

I am saying that like it's like a common term. It's like not a common term at all. It's a lila coin. Well, the thing is, here's the thing. Up until right now, I'm 24 years old. The past 23 years of my life, I wake up every day. And as of the last like five years, my routine is like I wake up, I open my eyes. It's 4 p.m. Sun is down. That was a joke. I hit my vape.

I check my phone. I go to the bathroom and I take a shit. And I think that's good. Yes. Morning routine. Yes. You're starting. Did you say morning routine? This is why I'll never be Alex Earl. This bitch is getting online like this moisturizer is the top of my morning. I'm like, this shit is the top of my morning. And as of recently, it hasn't been a part of my day. Like, it's like I'm not shitting as regularly as I should. You need like active, yeah.

But I don't think I wake up and take a shit. Oh, I do. It's not like my first thing. I take one sip of a Celsius and it's go time. And you just go. And then you start your day. Yeah. I can't do anything if I haven't. Really? It's so important. That's how I completely feel. And then as of the last like six months, it's like that's not my journey anymore. And it's throwing me off heavily. That's so. So you guys have like your poops timed out. Oh, yeah. Well, mine are pretty. They were for so long, but now I'm lost. Yeah.

I'm so lost And I Not even Miralax I've also been taking Colace It's a stool softener Oh my You can do damage Like you can make it So that they don't Affect you anymore I'm not there yet It's still a new journey Well you just told me You take it like All the time Well you're taking Miralax And another one I've only taken Miralax I've only taken Miralax Like six times Across this journey And Panera Broccoli and Cheddar Here

girl you're putting like four things in your body a day but it's so funny too because it's like most people like normal things make them bubble like taco bell you know no not me i feel like if if you're adapted like i've i grew up eating so horribly that like if i eat like a full burrito bowl from chipotle like i'm fine i always say this if you grow up poor eating boof ass shit like it doesn't affect you people who are like oh taco bell makes me sick i'm like loser yeah that's for

Entitled. Like, how'd you grow up? How'd you grow up? Rich as fuck. Did you grow up with money? Middle class. And then had nothing for a second. Recession moment. Mm hmm. Yes. Pretty common theme. Mm hmm. But Taco Bell. I grew up eating whatever the fuck I wanted. Me too. I did not have like parents. No. I mean, that's my whole sentence. I did not have parents.

That makes me feel so sad for people when people's parents like won't let them eat like junk food. No, but I swear to God, those people like get obsessed with junk food. No. Yeah. And then they have so many more problems because it's like all of a sudden, as soon as they do have the freedom to eat what they want, they like go crazy. And then they have all these health issues where I am just running perfectly fine, like a well-oiled machine on Cheetos and literally chocolate. They,

Thank you 100% There's science behind that Weirdly like kale would hurt my stomach more right now 100% If I had a salad right now That's an instant bubble food If we went vegan We would be blowing up the bathroom Absolutely Paige was on a tangent today About how she thinks people in our life Are like mentally like just bitchier And not as socially aware Because they're vegan I think that's absolutely true I'd be pissed if I was vegan all the time Yeah

My ex of like five years was vegan. Also, my cousin that's staring at me right now is vegan. Like, all of a sudden she sat up. Wait, which one? Are you a French fry vegan or are you like a real vegan and you eat like good stuff? Like, so you eat like soup. Okay, see that's why. Are you unhappy? She's happy. She's happy.

No that's fire For me it's the bitches Who walk this earth Like they are presidential Better than everyone and they're like I'm vegan And then all they eat is french fries See that's my issue I don't eat enough vegetables For that to be workout But is it an issue or is it good It's not an issue but it's like if I were a vegan I would have nothing to eat but Oreos

I totally understand that I feel that Same I always tell people I was like I was vegan for like five months All I ate was french fries and Oreos At all And then I was on Twitter too Like if you eat cheese You're so wrong Like the second I was done I was like that too We all watched like a documentary Again Shouldn't have had a Twitter What's that? That documentary where you see what happens Like to make McDonald's chicken nuggets And then we all went vegan I watched Not that one Not the weird one But Super Size Me Shaped My Life Oh that was a good one Did it? But see I could eat a Big Mac a day And I feel like I would be okay

Oh my god, I think I used to and now I can't. Oh man. I think it's because you guys are young. I swear to god, that's why. How old are you? I'm about to turn 31. Really? Yes. Well, you make it sound like you're like old. What's the routine? Nothing. Are you one of those? No. Dude, I was just in Cabo with this girl. Are you one of those? I was just in Cabo with this girl and she's like,

In her 30s And she looks super amazing You know We're like with her The whole time And I'm like First of all I don't know if you know this But one of the biggest Scandals in my career Was That's a lie But a big scandal In my career Was people saying That I'm secretly 30 Like that I'm lying About my age I had to post my ID It was like on Daily mail everywhere It was like Tana Mongeau's Secretly 30 And honestly The most hurtful thing About that is the fact Like

It was very believable To hundreds of thousands of people Like... I'm not Like I just turned 24 That's fucking annoying Whatever I realized that my... Maybe my aging process isn't gonna work Honestly my parents Genetics aren't looking good You know? Uh-huh And...

I was asking this girl, I was like, you're 31, you literally look younger than me. Like, why? And she was like, I just, I sleep in my makeup. I think that the people that do use their face washes and use all this, it's propaganda. And it's like, all those products are what's making everyone look older. And like, blah, blah, blah. I literally, I eat so bad. And I was like, no. So she has good genes. Yeah, but your genetics are good. It's like skinny people who are like, I just put lemon in my water. It's just like...

No. That's not why you have a six pack. At all. Exactly. That's not why you look like you fucking drink baby's blood. It's because you're fucking parents. I had a skinny friend in high school who all the time she'd be like, well, then don't eat that. And it's like she literally was built like an avatar, like so tiny, so skinny. And I'm like, you don't.

Did not earn that Genetically Are set up different Yeah So shut the fuck up Oh my god Absolutely I could kill her right now Oh my god Wow imagine if we just Answered something And we were like It's just great genes Yeah that's what Normal people should say That's why I don't believe In sharing like your What you eat in a day Or anything Because it's like It literally doesn't Fucking matter That's so fucking true I love that you don't Believe in that Is this the We see on the list

We do not believe in what I eat in a day. I don't. Well, because people always like post those and it's like, what good is that same? I don't believe. I just don't believe in it. I stand beside it. I think I need to do a YouTube video like that. Like what I eat in a day. We should do a realistic like what we eat in a day. And it's like everything we post, mate. And it's like. Wait, I want to know. Can I go on a like a very quick tangent? Yeah. Hello. And it means so much to me. Yeah. It means so much to me. You have the floor. So I was just in Mexico for like.

Eight days And The food there Is amazing Like we're ordering Like good food And like whatever But I'm really bad At leaving America Because I really love Like fast food And like shitty food Like I've always been That type of person So when I go somewhere else And like You can't post me It's like a

A common girl, you know what I mean? And my death row meal. I'm talking like I am dead. Like I'm dying lethal injection in five. I am ordering a Jersey Mike's Club Sub.

edition first of all it's eight dollars to upgrade it to giant and I kid you not I was talking about this yesterday it is it weighs more than a newborn baby like you throw it on the counter and it's like donk like it's like it's huge and you get lace chips and you put it in the Jersey Mike's club sub I am so convinced that it can fix everything in my life really

Someone I love could die Maybe that's what you should have And the first thing I would do Is order a Jersey Mike's Club Sub Oh you got cheated on Club Sub Oh my god I'm sick I could have cancer And I'd be like Just get me a Club Sub I don't know if I have anything That does that for me I would go Subway Before Jersey Mike Have you ever had A Jersey Mike's Club Sub I really like Subway too And everybody clowns Subway No Subway is

They made it like embarrassing to like Subway. Subway's phenomenal. Wait. No, never mind. That's just. Well, too bad Jared was a pedophile. Is that the joke? No. What are your thoughts on Arby's? Jared. Jared.

He came to my school When I say I love Subway I'm not condoning Anything that Jared has done Fuck Jared But yesterday I had an entire Jersey Mike's club sub Down my body I swear to God Sub start to finish like this in my bed Laying completely completely just horizontal I'm gonna bury you with a club sub I'm serious if I ever died Like just know that's what I'd want everyone to eat In honor of me Like pour one out for the homies What would be your death row meal? You guys are gonna be like Oh my god that's the bitch That like talks about having good genes It'd be sushi Yeah

That's like chicken. No, I did. I wanted to roll my eyes just to add some spunk. You guys were dead silent. I actually love sushi, but it wouldn't be my death row meal. No, I was dead silent because Ari's off camera stomping on my couch. I'm sorry. Mine would be creamed corn. Not that anybody asked me. You're just flipping the narrative of you being into me. You're like, no one asked me. What is your death row meal? Wait, wait, wait.

I was going to say that. I knew you were going to because I told you to remember it if there was ever a trivia question about me. Wait, what is it? Creamed corn. Her entire death row meal would be a bucket of creamed corn. That's actually, I totally am on board with that. Oh my God, it's my favorite. 100%. Can you have creamed corn? Corn is weirdly like up there on my shit. And my shit because you can't digest corn. But like elote, corn chowder, like...

I just had a really bad corn chowder the other day and I was so mad at the restaurant. It was the Ivy in Beverly Hills. Seriously, get it together. Like it was bad corn chowder. I was like, where's the chowder? If corn chowder is bad, that will make you go immediately. Nothing was going. But a good corn chowder. Also, so my dad's from New Zealand. Really? And this is what they do. You're going to love this. Toast a piece of bread, put butter and put cream corn on top.

On the bread Have you done that No but that would Make me literally horny I think You're gonna die Like your life Will never be the same Oh my god It's so good I think we should try it For our next cooking show Absolutely anytime I was talking about this The other day I was talking about this The other day Ari Ari you're right here So I'm gonna I'm slanding you a little bit Okay But it's out of love He's an Epo baby And We love This is like our third episode In a row saying it But I was saying That

You get in trouble when I say a nepo baby. From the nepo themselves. They cut his allowance. Okay, okay. You better not be watching that. Okay. Point being. You can cow shot me after this. It's one of my weirdly biggest fears to have a nepo baby. You're good.

Again, I love you so, so much. No, but I was saying that something that shaped me so much as a person growing up was learning how to survive off of ramen. Like make it a hundred different ways because it was like, that was the only thing you could afford. So you'd figure out like, how can I spunkify this up? And it tastes like a different meal for the 38th time this month. Mine was Easy Mac. One time I got a Costco thing of Easy Mac for my birthday. For my birthday? When you added birthday, I was like, whoa. I was not, I thought I wasn't expecting that.

Yeah, it's touchy subject over here. Did they put like a boat around it? Yeah, and that was my meals for the year, seriously, until the next one. Honestly, kind of sweet. Kind of a good gift. And then one time I almost set the place on fire, putting it in the microwave with no water. What were you trying to do? Make it like extra crunchy? Well, I was, I wasn't thinking. It burst into flames. Well, it happens to a lot of people. It happened to me again in college. The reason I say all this, because she was saying butter with bread. Butter bread was such a big part of like my having no money. Like butter bread or butter on toast?

Yeah, like either one. No, but also just butter bread. You put the butter on the bread and you like. I've never heard that. If you've ever had butter bread. Like wonder bread and butter, it's so good. Well, especially. Without toasting it? Well, if there's no electricity, girl, what are you going to do with the lighter? Okay, so I sound entitled as fuck right now? No, if there was a toaster, we were toasting. But sometimes, no, low-key, you would like learn to crave that or like mayonnaise on bread, mayonnaise bologna on bread. Insane. But learning how to make ramen 30 ways, I feel like.

It's a humbling experience. And I was saying, one day when I have a kid, no matter what, I'm going to make them go all month. Yeah, you should make them do like little ramen and a couple ingredients and say, fitfo. Figure it the fuck out. Like...

Just so that like Build character That's what I'm saying Like Yeah Right Last night I was craving that So but I Postmated 7-11 7-11 Postmates Cup of noodles Craft singles Egg And butter And just put it all in there Ate it last night That sounds delicious A craft single in the In the Noodle Yes Yes Oh my god That one I've never done Like with the ramen You put the craft single Over the ramen Really

Really? And then you crack the egg in the ramen. And then you just stir it all up. And it's bubblegum surprise again. But it's bubblegum.

Wow. The fact that you can't shit is like alarming to me. Yeah, like that should be. Like all the stuff you're talking about, I'm like, there's no way you don't have like a regular shitting schedule. I definitely do think that came out of me today though because I was like feet up on the toilet seeing God today. She will like have these like horrible nasty meals though, but she'll have like two bites of them. Like she doesn't really like eat it either. That was the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I sure hope not. That's hot. That is really hot. Only two bites.

Finally have a podcast With Sophia with an F And we're just talking About fucking ramen noodles For an hour Like I And shitting Do you guys use A squatty potty No but my roommate does And she swears by it See I don't need help But if I did I know that it's helpful Yeah Well I never have Until this recent era And I never tried Feet up on the toilet Actually until I was In Mexico I can't even picture you That's Three days ago in Mexico I tried it for the first time

Where you literally Barefoot Put it on the toilet seat And you're like I was in only a bikini What if you fall in No You're waiting for something To fall in I had no choice It was coming out Or I was going to die Do you know what I mean It didn't come out So But I put my feet up On the toilet My hands were on the walls And I was trying it all Like bloom Yeah

I can't believe you have a Bloom Nutrition deal and you're saying... It's amazing and it does the job. It's good for digestion. Like, really, really good. Damn, I should try it. So good. Honestly, you sold me, so shit. I know. Yeah, I'm going to bring it to you tomorrow. I might need it. And just see what happens to you. Everything might need it. So shit. No pun. So what brings you to Los Angeles this trip? So I think it's partly work, partly running away from hanging out with my ex for a whole weekend. And I'm like...

I was only supposed to be here for like a couple days and now I'm thinking let's extend, you know? You're more than welcome to stay here if you want to come on a really sad, scary journey.

Dude earlier I was like I really don't have topics for Sophia Like I just want to talk shit with her Because I've like I haven't gotten to know her yet And like I'm excited to get to know her And I look at Brooke and I was like At the end of the day we can always just ask Gay son or thought daughter What are you guys Are you guys speaking English What is it Would you rather have a gay son or a thought daughter I'm like what I'm like I'm sorry That's the part you didn't understand of this podcast Would you rather have a gay son or a thought daughter

Gay son Okay Why Why does everyone As a thought daughter In its pragma It's so upsetting Because I don't want to Deal with a With a daughter And a baby When she's like 18 Yeah Good point You know Also gay son Whatever Yeah so true I think I would prefer A gay son over a straight one

I'm happy with whatever I want a gay son and a thought daughter. That would be my dream. Oh, what a collab. It's like I am. I know that I'm going to be slightly like like I want to raise my kids. Well, again, ramen for a month. You're not going to be a nepo. And it's going to be so funny. She's like, you're camping tonight. See you tomorrow. She's up here. They're like they're in the backyard. She's like, you guys can't come inside. But there is a part of me that that's excited to be like the mean girls mom.

Like, do you guys need a condom? I don't know. I don't. I know myself because in my head, I've always felt like I was going to be that way. As I grew up, I start seeing things like I'll scroll through my TikTok and I'll see like kids doing backflips on a trampoline. And I'm like, I'm never letting my kid go outside. Like you could break your neck doing anything.

See but I'm like Breaking your neck Builds character But like how scary Like people get like CTE Like my kid can't Play football Like No I feel like I'm gonna be So protective I know Me too Well my brother Is 11 years younger Than me Oh wow And I had a single mom And so I felt like I kind of Have been like his mom A little bit Yeah And I'm fucking I am the most Bat shit Not well Person Should not be a mom Right now

Or ever And with him I'm like you can't do this You cannot do this I'm fucking terrified What do you mean? Like I like act crazy Yeah so I feel like I'm gonna end up being like a boner parent Cause we were fucking batshit crazy right? Yeah I definitely I wanna be a really honest parent I wanna be like listen These things happen in the real world I'd rather you tell me that you go through these things Let's talk about it back and forth Like honest parent I don't know controlling parenting scares me Because I think if you control your kids so hard

They're gonna rebel. I was definitely not controlled. I had my grandparents and my grandparents, they were like so over the parenting thing. Once I came around, they were just like, whatever. So I was allowed to do whatever I want. And because of that, I felt like I didn't want to do anything that crazy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I grew up with like a very strict mom. And I think that's why I've been in jail three times. What was the worst thing you went to jail for? Um,

Resisting arrest. She's like battery. Arson. Resisting arrest is kind of hot though. No. I mean if you saw it like it wasn't hot at all. Like they like trampled me to like the fucking ground on the street. But like I would say that was probably the craziest. Okay but what were they arresting you for originally? So funny story. I was using a fake ID and I was like way beyond a normal amount of

Like being intoxicated. Like I was like stumbling around, whatever. But they saw my fake ID. I tried to use it with the police, which idiot. Or genius. It depends who you're asking. They for sure have a database. They for sure know if your ID is fake. Like maybe you can get into a club. But they fucking put me in and they said that I was in trouble for forgery. Forgery. Forgery.

Oh, because you're pretending to be like someone else. Yeah. But like everyone like it ended up on the cover of like some magazine in Utah, like Busted Magazine. And people were like, were you like forging checks? Like, oh, that is crazy. Because you don't you don't go to jail for forgery unless it's like, you know, no one gives you that for a fake ID. Oh, yeah, that is crazy because that's like it should just be like a minor in consumption. Wait, do you have a fun mugshot?

I have multiple I have multiple That is cool You should do merch And they're not fun They're actually like Really like embarrassing It's not It's not I'm not like glamorizing it My mugshot's so fugly She has like a fun If I could go back in time Do you look hot in yours or no? Not at all Promise I'm trying to pick you up You promise Can I tell you My biggest discrepancy With my mugshot

Is I'm sitting there I'm in Indio, California Coachella jail And there's glitter Coming down my eyes I'm on Molly And I'm under arrest There's a bandana Around my neck Black bandana Oh yeah Black bandana Around my neck And there's glitter On my eyes Whatever And I'm looking there I'm ready to pose This is me Ready I'm looking at the camera I'm like

And they're like, you have to put your hair behind your ears. They did that to me too. I was fucking pissed. I have a really weird thing. I would have killed myself. People actually always ask me, like, weirdly one of my biggest insecurities is my ears. I don't, like, I'll show. I'll show the class. I don't think I have weird ears. Like, I think they're normal ears. One time Harry Jowsey looked at me and he was like, I love your little ears.

From here you look like Emma Roberts Like legit Nope not at all And I put my hair behind my ears And then I'm so mad I'm like this isn't going to be a hot photo So I don't smile and the thing I hit up

And my hair is behind my ears. I'm going to one up that because they made me get out of my clothes and put on the orange like jumpsuit. No, that's Kim. No, that's Kim. No. And then I'm wearing the orange. I'm wearing the orange top. You're kidding. Wait, who is that? Me. Oh.

At least the hair was forward. No, the hair is forward in that one. My other one, they made me put the hair back. Why is that a mugshot rule? I'm doing that. Why do your ears have to be in your mugshot? But why did they make me put on the fucking thing and then take it? Like my tits were out. They were pulled like, you know. One time my friend sent me a photo of my mom on the news and it said it was her mugshot and she was wearing a full straight jacket.

I have the photo too. I'm like, Fawn, how did that happen? That just one-upped anything that's been said this entire night. No, we can't. We can't pull it up. Can we pull it up? No, no, no. No, never mind. Never mind. He was going to pull it up. But like so funny. I'll show you guys after. Okay. We'll just edit them in. We'll edit the ones we're allowed to do. Was she in an actual straitjacket? Yeah. Look at this. I've really never been in a straitjacket.

That's not weird. For me, don't you think that in my 24 years of life, like there would have been a point. Oh, I was in a straight jacket once. I actually completely lied. Oh, really? I feel like that's something you would. For the fuck up music video. Oh, I was like, wait. I feel like that's something you would incorporate into your like sex routine. No, isn't it crazy that I shot a music video and they were like, what concept do you want it to be? And I was like, I want to be in a straight jacket. You are so camp. Not at all. How sad is that? I'm not teasing.

And it's so funny. It's so crazy because every time I move, I lose like vital things I own. I don't know what it is. This girl has been with like if I like when I move from this house, I'm going to move to the next house, which is going to be down the street. And I'm going to be missing like a TV.

That like I bought Like a flat screen But this voodoo doll Has made it 10 fucking houses 10? Like at this point Probably yeah Can I see it? She has rare beauty blush on She is missing Certain things Like tits And like an ass Well that was really nice No I was thinking Like a hand Her bombshell But it's funny Because a lot of the guys I've dated Have like made the same joke Of like stabbing it And shit Like take it And like whatever I wouldn't really stab it

We do voodoo dolls usually not have a mouth. Well, I personally just shouldn't have a mouth. I think this girl was just hopeful, yeah. No one's ever talked about that. If I didn't have a mouth... Was that done on purpose? I'd probably have a way better life. I couldn't say the things I said. If you had to get rid of one of your holes, which would you choose? Ooh, that's such a good question. Like, sexual holes are all... Your vagina, your asshole, or your mouth. You have to get rid of one, and you have to stop.

You have to face the consequences. She's not getting rid of her asshole. It's like her favorite thing. Yeah, but it's already not functioning properly. So I feel like that might be an easy answer. Hold on. Oh my God. So like I get rid of, hold on. So I get rid of my asshole and then like I can't shit? Nope. So how does it come out? So we would die. You have to have a little bag. I'm going no asshole then. Okay. I need a pussy. Yeah, let's talk about that. And a life without a mouth is like strange, right?

I think probably Which holes would you go? So if I could go no asshole I wouldn't die though But you could You could just do anal And just not have a pussy I hate the word pussy Coming out of my own mouth No I need a pussy As long as it looks cute Like it's not like Human centipede Like weird Well I was actually Just weirdly gonna ask If you had to be one part Of the human centipede Who would you be? The first one right?

Yeah, for sure. You get fed. That's like a lot of pressure though. Like you're the voice for like all the people. Like everyone. You know it's a lot of pressure having to do both at once. I think I'd weirdly live to be the first person in the human centipede. What a movie. Every time you take a shit, I can talk my shit. And every time you shit, you're like, oh my God. And it probably kind of feels hungry. Yeah, see I have a guilt complex. I might like to be like in the back. What the fuck?

And it probably feels like you're getting your ass eaten This never happened to real people right The human centipede never happened to real people I'm sure there's No but like you think in all of the world There's not some human centipedes Like in someone's basement there is Well haven't you seen What's it called two girls one cup Of course Have you seen

What is it? One girl, one jar, one horse, one jar. I don't know. I don't mean to add in the horse. Why is that the only thing my producer has said out loud for the last hour? He goes, yeah. Of course he has. Armish Aaron. Which one is it? One girl, is it one girl? One guy, one jar. And he puts a glass jar in his asshole and shatters it.

Imagine your asshole having that much strength. It's kind of a talent. This used to be the box. Like we were talking about the box earlier. That's what happened at the box. No, they, when it, when the box first was a thing. You would know the history in New York. Please, please tell me. The box, I remember there was this girl who used to either jack off a horse or like a goat. And there was a girl who would give like a blow job to like one or the other.

And but she was in love with the horse or the goat. I don't know if that's I don't know if you can get away with that. Now it's not allowed to get a horse in there. Now it's not allowed. Well, the boxes are even now, like when I go there now, there's one in London. Why have I been to them all? Even when I go there now, it's like the things that are happening feel very illegal. You watch it and it feels super illegal. So to know it was like 10 times more than that. The sexy guy from The Lion King.

the uh scar covu scar covu i'm talking about lion king too oh scar's son covu is he sexy when i tell you i grew up and i would like get wet watching lion king 2 for covu i'm not joking and everyone thinks it's weird they're like it's a lion i'm like

Have you heard his voice? Have you heard him? He has to say like so fucking like the hottest shit ever. I you're with me. I know. I listen. I'm on your team here. Brooke, you were talking about scar. I was. I was. I've ever been in love with an inanimate character. Brian from Family Guy and I would get along weirdly, but he's a person. It's a dog. Oh, he's a dog. Girl, all the people in Family Guy and you choose the dog. What about? No, no, no.

Stewie's gay. Stewie's my favorite character, but...

Brian and I've definitely dated a lot of guys with the same personality as Brian from Family Guy. The dog. I don't know. I don't think I'm educated enough. Girl. Girl, you're tracks. That is so funny you just said that. I was like, I relate to this girl. No, I really did. I grew up and I had a big crush on him, but I just don't think I really, I don't know if I knew quite what he was saying. I also had a weird crush at one point on the lobster thing in Powerpuff Girls.

The lobster thing. Do you know what I'm talking about? Larry the lobster? No, can you look at... Can you... Wait, what's his name? We had Paige be him for... I'd pay this man the big bucks. Dude, we went as the Powerpuff Girls for Halloween and we made her assistant be the lobster. No, can you look it up? I don't actually know the gender. I weirdly had a crush. Yeah, he got them legs on him. Like, I was into it.

Which I think it says a lot about me now. That looks like every man I've ever dated. Yeah, he's got the hunch just like your ex. The microphone too. Like that's my type. He's like. He's giving me like Rocky Horror Picture Show vibes. I don't know if I know what that means. You never seen that? I don't think so. That's a really interesting one. The lobster. Okay. Of all the ones. I can't even really think about the other ones. There's Mojo Jojo.

No, I just mean like the other cartoons. Which people call me a lot. Other cartoons in general. I could see myself with like a Squidward. I'm sorry. Did you guys watch Spongebob growing up and like as a kid you'd watch and you'd think like Squidward is so negative and then now you watch it and you're like, I am Squidward. I haven't watched it recently. Why have I? But

It's really crazy watching Spongebob now because you're like, wow, this is really inappropriate. I just recently had sex to the Spongebob movie. That's hard. I can't express like to enough. I'm talking like watch the Spongebob movie riding a dick. You're like who lives in a pineapple? I swear to God. And we'd like stop for a second and like watch the movie for a second. I weirdly have like full blown...

Wait, I'm sorry. You guys will fuck and then stop and then watch like a scene in the movie and then keep fucking? I have never done that. Ever. I'm thinking more so like round one, round two. You know what I mean? Okay, round two. Like he came, now we're going to watch 20 minutes of this SpongeBob movie, then we're going to run it back again. Okay, so it's not like in the middle. That's crazy. That's a crazy clip. Like you're not like, you're not like writing him and then it's like, oh my God, I love this scene.

To be honest with you though, I do do that sometimes, but that's different. Okay, with this guy, it was like really great sex. So it was like we're fucking, SpongeBob movie's happening. We came, now we're watching again. Now we're fucking again. But have you ever been fucking someone and like it's not that good and there's a movie playing and you're way more into the movie than the person and you're like watching the movie just going through the motions? Like I do that sometimes. No, but one time.

That's the worst thing that can ever happen is when you share something like so vulnerable about yourself and someone's just like, you cannot relate. That just happened to me with the show Dave. I was like watching Dave and I was so into the episode and I was sucking dick and I was like this, the dick part's fun and all but like I want to know what happens to Lil Dicky and I was like watching Dave. I have a literal video, like a POV video of me watching like Bridgerton and like

Fully. If you don't show that as a podcast, I will. I will. If you watch it back, it's just like you can see the scene of Bridgerton. No, but one time this guy was fucking me. I was so obsessed in love with him. So obsessed. Super Bowl halftime show. Katy Perry.

That was like a big one. All my friends were the little sex during the Super Bowl. Don't you want to watch the Super Bowl more than that or just me? The fact he wanted to fuck me during the Super Bowl speaks volumes. Yeah, that is really indicative. But he was fucking me from behind and I turned around and he was watching Katy Perry.

And like that Baby you're a firework Not even looking at my ass Like not looking at me And this is only our second time hooking up Could be worse It could have been like the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl Second time fuck being during the Super Bowl What did you say? Could have been what? Could have been the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl

Okay so Katy Perry like that's valid Like I wouldn't I don't know Katy Perry like I'd be like okay Fuck you guys I have to pee so bad Okay Can I just tell you a serious problem I have Have you watched Euphoria Yes Have you seen that scene in Euphoria Where Rue like she's like on drugs And she can't move And she's holding her pee For like days or like hours And like she can't get up to go pee

Yeah. I, like, do that all the time. I have to pee the second I feel it because it's, like, I just, like, well, first of all, I peed myself in my own house, like, way too many times. What? Okay. Like, I always wear onesies. I always wear, like, one-piece, like, outfits. And so, like, sometimes, like, I'll overestimate, like, the amount of time it's going to take and then I'll piss myself in my own house. Okay. But, like, you won't, like, you won't just pee.

No. Wait, I'm like, you're not drunk or anything. Completely sober. But you don't just sit, like you wouldn't be sitting here and pee in the way. I mean, I pee, like every time I go pee, it like goes down my leg. Not every time, but like a tiny bit. That helped. Honestly, that really helped. But like I take my clothes off, but then it like some, yeah.

How does it go down your leg? It's the wizard's sleeve. Like my vagina. Sophia. The vagina flops. The vagina flops. My cousin's looking at me. She knows. I think it's my vagina flops when I pee. It's like a little slide. Sometimes it. My cousin's looking at me. She knows. It's such a crazy thing to add to that. I just want to revert back to that. Okay. Well, you know, she's like, don't forget.

Sometimes when I after I wipe a little bit will go down my leg. Okay, but I don't pee myself. Not being yourself. She's like low-key shame. You should think but I don't pee myself. That's pretty.

That's pretty bold to say Okay I weirdly don't have a problem With either one of your Wizard flaps X onesie things But I will hold my pee For like hours And like I have to pee so bad And I won't get up All day in pain Like in bed Like for two hours Like right now I've had to pee Since we sat down Would you just take the break? Yes And I never do You've never had a UTI? No

I've had a UTI probably. Oh, I've had more UTIs than I have like boyfriends. Way more than boyfriends. I hold my pee astronomically and I can't, people say it's a depression thing. So, but like sincerely. Well, you could go. But I'd rather end the podcast and keep sitting here in excruciating pain. Well, we can end this episode and then do Sophia's episode. Isn't it crazy that we're able to do that?

I think we covered all the important things. You know what I mean? We really, really did it all. Wizard sleeves, pooping. What did we talk about other than Mike Malak called her daddy shitting yourself and pissing yourself? Like, nothing. Her being attracted to an animal. Right. Right. And the matching pussies with the cousin. Yeah. Sophia, honestly...

I will just say I feel like it's been a sincerely long time overdue that I've met you. 100%. And I can just tell we would catch a vibe forever and I'm happy that you came on. Thank you so much. Sophia with an F is shaking. I am fucking shivering, shaking. I want to throw up. Should I tweet Alex Cooper shaking right now and we just leave him in the playing ground? Yes, do it. God, someone take my Twitter away. I might have to do it.

Thank you so much for having me guys. It's so funny that we end every podcast with the guest being like, thank you so much for having me. As if it was like something like monumental. Like we just made this girl talk about shitting herself for an hour. Yeah, you're getting clipped. Thank you so much for having me on. I feel like I got a lot across and I hope it changes lives. You know what I mean? Like thank you for coming on. We love you. Thank you. We love you. Thank you.

We're going to shoot another episode right now. We're going to shoot a few with Neb. Yes, woo!