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Canceled. Don't remember doing this at all. I can only hold myself accountable. Canceled. I am done! Look how good my life is. So what else? Cancel me. Femimoja is cancelled.
You know what? You're so right. You've never been wrong.
Thank you so much. I had a nightmare last night. Was it a nightmare? Depends on who you're asking. It was like really nightmarish. Like I woke up and was like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? Okay, tell us about it. So we...
Oscar May he rest in peace In my nightmare Well I didn't fire Oscar Like just Oscar got fired In my nightmare It wasn't me And you And you were dead set On hiring These awful people To like Do the podcast for us And we were trying To shoot this episode And it like Wasn't working And
But we'd shoot the whole episode and it doesn't work or whatever. But I'm trying my hardest. And afterwards, you were like, I'm not doing this podcast anymore. I'm not doing any of this. I'm not reshooting it, whatever. And in my dream, Brooke, I assaulted you. I charged at you. I was on top of you, pinning you on the ground. I don't know what. Okay. And we got really physical about it.
And then Was it like fun play fighting Or like No Where were people getting hurt That this is why Like I really think It was a nightmare Because I was like so I would never be this upset In real life Like in my dream I was like so upset I was like screaming Screaming That had to be bad Because I've been mad at you But I've never really Wanted to hit you Really? I mean
Okay, in your dreams, do like, like I don't ever have dreams that don't involve people who have traumatized me. So maybe you've traumatized me. I don't know how to explain this. Like, like I have side characters. Like Oscar was a side character. But you have like, like there's always a main. Yeah, like it'll be like my parents or it'll be like Jordan Morona or like Chris Miles or like Jake Paul. Wait, that's relatable. I've told you about my reoccurring nightmare, haven't I? What's your reoccurring nightmare? Oh.
So I have two reoccurring nightmares and they both kind of go hand in hand. The first one is that I randomly remember almost completely through the semester. I'm not even in school that I have not been attending one of my classes and like it's too late to like unenroll and like I just am going to fail the class because I haven't been doing the work because I forgot to go. That's one of my nightmares. Kind of boring. Second one is that I'm late to Disneyland. Okay. And it's like it's
6 p.m. And I bought Disneyland tickets and Disneyland tickets are extremely expensive. And so you have that sense of urgency. Like I have to get the most out of my ticket and I'm late at the expense or
It's your fault basically And this is a recurring nightmare that you're late to Disneyland And it's my fault Sometimes there will be a little variation And it'll be like Coachella Or something and we get to Coachella at like 10pm But almost always it's Disneyland Because Disneyland is so expensive and you want to spend the day And then what am I doing? And you make me so late
Why? Because you're Well first of all You don't wake up Until 3pm Well this now Became real Yeah That's a dream I think that's The scariest type Of nightmare Is one that's Based in reality That's true But it's crazy That that's a dream I have all the time And I'll wake up So furious at you Now it's a little better Because it's like You know I can afford A Disneyland ticket But like they're expensive And you've made me late At least 100 times
You know what's funny? Is I know somehow that would like transcend into real life. Like if you and I ever went to Disneyland, even if I was completely on time, you would be like, Tana made it like you would like make it. I just couldn't do it. But it's like, it's almost like I can't.
Carry that That anger With me In our regular life So like Getting upset with you today For being late It's really because Like how many times Have you made me late For Disneyland 110% I completely get it I'm really sorry For making you late You owe me a Disneyland trip So Yeah I don't make the rules I don't think I can go with you though Like never I think I just decided right now Well I know I can't go with you That's your I feel like you'll You like
You can't go there I think I historically Would be the absolute Worst person to attend Disneyland with Of all time Yeah Like I just think There's so many factors Where I just wouldn't be I hate roller coasters I don't understand the hype I don't understand the fun At all It's so much fun Like But I don't like that feeling But what about like Disneyland doesn't really have Like roller coasters like that Like Hasbulla Just went on First of all Let's talk about it like that
Because he went on the rides. Because you can go, like Disneyland, especially like California Adventure, they have a little bit more crazy rides. But Disneyland just has really low-key rides. I just don't. My bones. I don't know how to explain this. But I don't think I have normal people bones. Like a roller coaster hurts my bones so bad. Have you looked into it? No. Do you remember that dog that would have no bones days and then he died? Yeah. What?
I'm sorry. I have a bunch of random topics. I think that it's just going to be like a random order today. Okay, I love it. Do you have any topics? No, but first I need you to tell me who won our physical altercation in your dream. It wasn't like a fight where someone won. I think I really just attacked you. I probably won. Like I think in real life you would have like fought back, but in my dream I was just like, no, I would have, I honestly probably would have just, so that I could be like, Tana beat me up. Yeah.
Is that your like life's dream? Yeah. To just get beat up and like be able to really ride that out? For sure. I would never beat you up. I don't think I could. I think you could fight. I think I'm scrappy. While we're talking about theme parks, I have another topic. I was watching this video the other day on TikTok.
and I was laying in bed and someone else was there and we were watching the video who was there I'll get into that actually in a little bit because I have I have things to say but um it was this guy was arguing with the cop right and he was filming himself and he's arguing with the cop and the cop is like wrong like that's why this video went viral but then the guy just starts yelling at the cop I have 300,000 followers I have 300,000 followers they're gonna they're gonna love this blah blah blah and the video like irked me so fucking much because I hate when people talk like
That it's like one of my life's biggest Pet peeves when anyone's like yeah it's like Using your like clout to get your Reservation or something it gives me the Ick and just like just the way people say it Or like do you know who I am or like any Of that it's always been one of my Biggest life's like pet peeves I don't I genuinely don't believe that People even do that because I've never Witnessed it in life I witness it like Kind of frequently but I feel like People talk to me weird like people Will come up to me like new tick Talkers and like we tell they probably Feel like they have something to prove To you no one's trying to prove shit To me
But like I just I hate it more than anything like for me it determines if I like a person or not like very much immediately it's like one of my biggest pet peeves and so we got into this conversation and I was like telling this guy how to this day like people make videos about me I guess a lot like interactions with me or like people's like opinions of me and shit but like it happens to me kind of frequently where like I go into a store and someone makes a video like Tana Mongeau came in and this is what she did you know what I mean.
And normally I just don't really pay them any mind If they're sweet I comment like whatever But to this day This person made this video Saying that I went to Universal Studios Theme parks You were at Tynan I did it Um
With and I was with Diablo and everyone was riding like roller coasters and like I don't ride roller coasters so I was just like chilling walking around with Diablo and this person said in the video that like I walked up to them and I said like I'm Tana Mongeau do you know who I am like you know who I fucking am like blah blah blah and I was like a stuck up bitch and like all this shit and
And like for some reason I think about that video Like at least once a month Because it upset me so much Because she made it up right? Yes Like they just entirely made it up That I said that But it's like That's like the scariest thing Is like someone can make up Any interaction they've had with you Literally ever And like no one's gonna believe you When you say it's not true That's like I kind of feel like That happens to a lot of like
Really big celebrities too yeah like Hailey Bieber and shit yeah like she was mean to me at a restaurant which is like how would you ever Validate that or like but like they never Bother me but for some reason I can like see This video and paint it it made me so mad Because I would just never do that well she probably ate that up She was probably like ooh this is gonna get the views And then I remember I commented and they were like Going back and forth and it was like this whole thing And it still bothers me and I guess I was just like Wondering if you have like something Someone has made about you or said about you That like to this day bothers you
I don't know. People don't really make bad... People just don't make videos about me, honestly, but... It's not true. No, I had that girl, the girl, and I hate to give her any sort of recognition at all. But actually, you know what? I'd love to give her this recognition because she said to me, or she made a video recently, and she goes literally word for word, if anyone gave a fuck about your opinion, you would still be on Tana Mongeau's podcast.
And to her, I say, what am I doing right now? Okay, I'm on Tana Mongeau's podcast and you can suck my dick for real. This all started because this random girl posted a video coming at Alabama Barker. Oh, yes. And you know what? But I love that you were the superhero about it. Because she's, I mean, she's known. She's just such a troll on TikTok. And that's why I don't like to give her the attention. Because like she obviously does it because she gets a rise out of everybody. Is she known?
Like, does she have followers? Well, she just has had so many of these, like, viral horrible takes where everybody stitches her and, like, comes at her kind of thing. Okay. But she eats it up. It's, like, her... That's her angle. Yeah. That's her thing. And so one of her, like, stupid fucking dumb takes was that, like, Alabama Barker is, like...
hyper sexualized and she's trying so hard to like she was just basically like coming at alabama barker and saying like uh if you're gonna act grown i'm gonna treat you like you're grown that's illegal i'm like why are you treating her like anything that's not your kid like why do you have anything to say about a 17 year old girl like you are you're you are grown yeah like it's it's fucking weird and she'll like she's the same girl who made that video about alex earl and she's like
She's glorifying symptoms of depression because Alex Earl has a messy room. I'm like, girl, if you don't go the fuck outside... Sorry. Touch grass. No, I'm being mean. I love touch grass. It's like my new one. Touch some grass. You know what? Her name is Gracie. Gracie, shout out. Do you know I actually have a bone to pick with Gracie as well? What'd she do? Because... So you commented on this video and you were like...
Alabama Barker, whatever. And then she made a video about you and then she was like coming at you and whatever. And the video kind of got traction. So then she comes online and she's like, wow, I'm making this video about Brooke. Like now I hate Tana too because like they're like blah, blah, blah, all this shit. And I'm fucking, you know me, I'm so fine with that. I actually like, I love when people hate me. Like,
Not when I do something wrong and I deserve it, but I love a good... Someone just fucking hates me. It's so fun to me. I think it gives me content. It gives me life. I've really always been this way. I don't know what it is. And so I'm watching her hate series on me, right? And she makes a video and she's like, Fuck Tana. I hate Tana. I don't know what she said. And then she's like... And while we're at it... And this was when I had my last secret boyfriend, right? Oh, yeah. I had very much made a point like...
You know I'm dating this guy He doesn't Like I said he doesn't Have social media And by that I mean He has a private Instagram With fucking 700 followers Like that are his family And it's on private And he never posts on it And he never uses it And like I literally taught him How to post on his story Like when we started Like you know what I mean Like you might as well Say someone who has never Posted an Instagram story One time like Doesn't use Instagram That's what I meant by it Cause it's like the way That we use social media He does not
Yeah At all And so I say this And I've said online You know like I He I'm trying to kind of Protect his identity And obviously You can say that To take that with a grain of salt Because I was also posting photos of us But without his face And not tagging him obviously So like whatever Yeah you chose what was out there Okay Yeah and it was just like a cute You know if I really wanted to hide his identity I guess even posting those Someone could say that that's like Playing with fire And I understand that
But whatever, blah, blah, blah. She comes online and she makes, Gracie, makes this three minute TikTok. It could have been 60 seconds. I really, I made that up, but it just sounded so good. Okay. Where she like went online and like found like my guy friends in Vegas and that they all like mutually followed this one guy, found my boyfriend's Instagram, but it was
Private And then like Looked him up online And found that Every other person Like with his name Was like in their 40s But there was one That wasn't And then found his Address and his Phone number And fully Fucking doxxed him Within the first Like month of us Dating and she Gracie But her whole reason For this was just like Brooke pissed me off And then
Like wait so honestly I'm sorry To your ex and I'm sorry for that I remember calling like my ex and be like Yo like like imagine that feeling Where you're just like fuck like it must Especially because it's like he wasn't really like he didn't Want to be in the scene like that so it kind of sucks that It's like out of his control but like Dude she does like it that
That I hate again To give it the attention Because these type of people Just feed off of that Exactly that They want to get a rise Out of people But I kind of think But she got it I kind of think It's fine Like I kind of I kind of hope she sees this And I kind of hope She gets mad And I kind of hope She does it again And I kind of hope Everybody's against her The thing is like
I always usually base Like which side I'm on Based on like Who people I admire Support in a situation Like for example She has like Major beef with Teffy Hates Teffy Like publicly declares That she hates Teffy And I like Who could hate Teffy Why? Exactly I idolize Teffy So I'm like
I hate you, Gracie. Why does she hate Tuffy? Who knows? Tuffy probably like did something not wrong the way we did. All I did was defend a sweet 17-year-old girl who had nothing to do. Like, she didn't do anything wrong. She dogs my man. No. Alabama. Not Gracie. The title of this podcast, Alabama Barker Dogs My Man.
honestly i've never even met alabama barker i've like no reason why i felt like loyalty to her but all i did was comment i commented something and then gracie made the video and she's like these d-list celebrities keep coming at me i'm like wait did you just call me a celebrity yeah it's kind of a slay i've never understood that thank you like whenever someone says that to me like dear like at least i know like wait so what like what literal in the alphabet does that make you gracie i'm just wondering i've been using this guy my like that
I've been using this guy. I know there's more to it, I swear. But my fuck buddy was the person that I had this whole TikTok conversation with and whatever. Yes. And we've just been having so many conversations that are amazing podcast topics. And it's gotten to the point where I'll be talking to him and he'll just see me open my notes up and like start writing down what he's saying. And he's like, like, are you just using me as like a podcast topic? Like what? And I'm like, kind of like stop slaying then, you know? Yeah. Say less. I was telling him about a relationship I was in a while ago or he was asking me to be fair. I would never like...
Post up I would never post up Oh that's my favorite move Really? Oh yeah I just did it tonight I'll tell you after Wait No well After you talk Oh okay cool So he was asking me Why me and this guy broke up
Like a different guy Like why we went through a breakup I never like said all of this out loud And after saying it out loud I was like this is so weird That I feel like I'm doing an injustice To the cancelled people if I don't talk about it Okay And I want to hear your opinion on this okay You know I love giving opinions Okay perfect relationship Perfect guy Don't tell me who it is because I'm going to guess I think you'll get it pretty soon This was not a red flag at the time But on our very very first date
Our first date was amazing, okay? Like, we had a great first date. And eventually we start kissing and whatever. And afterwards, he was like, can I tell you why I'm so drawn to you? Like, why I think I like you so much? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, you remind me so much of my mom. Oh.
Oh, no. And at the time, my rose-colored glasses ass was like, that's so sweet. Men marry women who remind them of their mom. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Let me know your thoughts on that so far before I keep going. Well, I know maybe this is like a sexist situation, but I know it's like very common for you to like look for qualities of your father if you have a good relationship usually with your father, which I do. Maybe not.
like you start you look for those qualities in like a partner like my dad's really funny so i feel like that's like i always have gravitated towards people who are funny i don't know that's just like supposed to be a fact and that's where my head was at in the beginning right i was like okay this maybe this is healthy maybe this is what healthy people do i don't know you know what i mean like i took it as like sweet right and then i started bringing him around my friends right
And I noticed that he would just be like showing my friends his mom like type shit and like gassing his mom all the time. And it got to this whole bit to where Ty would be like, your boyfriend wants his mom, like not you. I've met some people like that and it gives me the creeps for sure. And then did he have a hot mom? Yes. Yes.
That's tough. And like, and we look alike. Like a lot alike. Like she's like blonde and like, like we look alike. Like, you know what I mean? I really like can't think of who this is. And then over time, you could tell that she like hated me so much. Like not because of anything I've done because it was too new for that. Like off rip, I could just tell you're the type of mom who like hates anyone your son dates because it's like. That is the number one. I'm sorry to cut you off.
Number one Like most Biggest ick Like I could imagine In a person Is when their mom Is like super critical About everybody Like that gives me like And I understand Like niceness of it Like I understand You want your son To be with a good person You need to evaluate them But you can tell When it's like Oh you've hated Every single person He's ever dated Because it like Takes your time away Because you want You want the attention From your little boy Yeah like And it's giving that But then it Kept progressing And keep in mind He's like
and like, like lives his own life. You know what I mean? But I'd be like, oh my God, can like, can you come on this trip? And he'd be like, I have to ask my mom. And I'd be like, what do you mean you have to ask your mom? Well, now I know who you're talking about. And then it got to the point where it'd be like, you have to ask my mom. You know what I mean? And then she'd be like, bitch, no. And then he'd be like,
She'd be texting him like, tell her to give me a call if she wants you there that bad. Like weird shit like that, you know, like scheduling a call with the mom. What the fuck? And I remember one time I was mad at him and I was like, oh,
Over something Not mad Like you know what I mean Like he like Went out with his friends And like forgot to text me Or something And I was just kind of being Like you know how I am Like just jokingly Like jokingly Like what did you do last night Cheater Like joking around And I was like Am I crazy Like I asked him I was like Do you think I'm crazy When I'm joking around like that You know what I mean Like do you think I'm like silly and fun Or do you think like Oh this girl's crazy Cause I'm kidding You know Like I just want to know Your take on that And he like thinks about it For a second or whatever And then he's like
My mom's crazy. And then just goes on this whole tangent about how his mom is crazy, but he loves it. And like this whole thing. And I was like, I asked you if I was crazy. I don't know. I don't know if I would think that he's in love with his mom, but like whether he is or not, just the concept of being that dependent on your mother as an adult man is like a major red flag to the point. Cause it's like at a certain age,
You're locked in. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's not like you're going to over the years grow apart or whatever. If you're already an independent adult and you're still dependent on your mother, you will be that way until the day you die. And it's like I just started noticing everything like around his house, like he'd have shit like candles. It would be like, this is not this is real. Like candles that are like the love from your mother is like never replaceable, like blah, blah, blah, like all this.
That gives me the ick so bad and that's so horrible because you want somebody who has a good relationship with their family. Take it from me. Yeah. But at a certain point, it does get to be a little bit too much. Like I have an amazing like family and stuff, but they would never involve themselves in my relationship or like...
Overstep where they shouldn't Like nobody's calling Or expecting a call From my boyfriend Yeah And if a guy ever told me Like ask my mom I'd be like Get up I'm like I hadn't met her And like over holidays Like he'd go get me a gift And then she'd get me like gifts But it just Everything just felt So condescending If that makes sense It didn't
Yeah, like, in genuine, like, you just felt like she had it out for you or what? Like, in any time he'd be, like, with her on Face, like, I'd be with him and he'd FaceTime her. Or, like, or I wouldn't be with him. Like, you were competing with his mom? Like, let's say I wasn't with him and I FaceTimed him and he was with his mom and I'd be like, hi!
Hi oh my god How are you beautiful Like trying to be nice Because clearly this woman Wants me dead She'd be like Hi Like super like that You know what I mean Like and I'd just be like Have you ever had like A friend Who's like that Like I've had a lot of friends Who like their parents Are so involved in their lives That you're like Ew Or like somebody Who's mean to you A friend's mom Who's mean to you That is awful A friend's mom Who's mean to you I think that would be That's why like I ask Is because I would have A hard time In a relationship Because
Because I know for sure Because even when Someone's mom Like someone else's mom Said something mean to me I carry it with me Literally genuinely For the rest of my entire life Absolutely same Even if it happened In the first Like fucking first grade I really like And this I'm gonna sound insane Saying this But I take so much pride In people's parents liking me I think it's
Can I tell you what it is or what I already found this out? But yeah, I had my grandparents obviously, but like I didn't have like a relationship with my parents at all growing up. So I would, I was always so excited by having relationships with other people's parents. And I always was so confident in like my ability and making like to make them like me. And like, I loved that. I loved having relationship with my friend's parents. So if someone didn't like me,
killed me. 100%. Like, I think growing up, like, having parents who just, like, fucking hated me. Like, I loved other people's parents who were, like, normal and dope. So I would, like, go, especially if my friends were, like, rude to their parents, I would go out of my way to, like, you know what I mean? Like, be extra nice to the parents or, like, yell at my friend if they're being, like, a fucking asshole to, like, their parent or whatever. And every person I've ever dated, like, every single one, to this day, I am close with their parents.
Yeah And even just like my friends Like even influencer friends Like you know what I mean Like Huddy's parents Yeah you always go out of your way For the parents I feel like I'm that way too Just because I think it is Because both of us Didn't have a very good I've never Like literally my ex's mother All of them text me Like to this day All the fucking time I've never had a parent Not obsess with me So like I don't mean to be like I know the problem isn't me But like No but I don't think so either Cause like
I have seen you, like, how you interact and stuff with, like, Amari's family. I mean, obviously, that's, like, your family, so that's different. But, like, I see how you are and how you, not perform, but, like, how much, how you're, like, the most outstanding version of yourself, like, in front of a parent. And it just, like, irks me to this day, like, now thinking about this whole, like... And I've always said that I would never be with someone with, like, a smother mother. And I somehow, like, fell into it. And it scared the shit out of me. Those are the most dangerous men in the world is men who are too...
But this was unlike anything I've really ever seen before. Well, I'm honestly really happy you guys broke up. No offense. I, Tana Mongeau, fell victim to a smother mother. I hope. I never thought I would. I hope to God for his sake that someday he finds somebody that is worthy of his love in his mother's eyes. Because otherwise, that girl is going to be a victim for the rest of her life. For sure. It's so awful. It's so sad. And it's so important. Like, I don't know if I could marry a guy who, like, whose mom...
I didn't get along with her Whose family I didn't get along with Yeah like I was literally I remember just like I was like imagining holidays For like the rest of my life It was like That sounds so scary and awful Yeah I have a thing where I It's actually really Important to me Like the family I marry into Cause I know I don't have anything To bring to the table Like Yeah
Who's going to come to my wedding? No one. For sure. I want to marry so badly into a big family or like a functional family. Yeah. Do you ever hate that when you date someone and you like love their family so fucking much and then you break up with them? But the family was it. The family was like, no. Yeah. I don't. Let me look at other conversations that I had with this man. You're talking about this man who you're having these really good conversations with. You're having very good sex with this man and you're having good conversations. So I'm just wondering...
What's going on there? Can I tell you something we did the other night? What? That is so abnormal to do with someone that you have called your fuck buddy, Tana. Like, I need to get off my chest and you're gonna be like, Tana, what the fuck? What would you do? And I have this...
Fucking issue I have Such a fucking This is how This is how Every person I date I end up dating them I like fuck them And they're my fuck buddy And I'm like You're my fuck buddy And I love this And you're gonna come over At midnight And we're gonna fucking Fuck and we're gonna Watch Netflix And you're gonna leave And it's gonna be fun I'm sorry Sorry no my friend's Amish over there So I'm just Like
Fuck! And then every time, like, it just ends up... I know what it is, but continue. Like, we end up just starting playing house too much that it's like...
We're now just playing house all the time And now we're dating Obviously I have exceptions to the rule Where there are people where Like we went on dates And we started dating But I'm saying a lot of times That's like what's happened Do you know what I mean? And I was so excited About this being like I'm single And like I have a fuck buddy And like that You know what I mean? That's all it is Whatever And I'm already doing the thing
I'm already doing the thing Well you do it every time And I don't know how to stop doing the thing Cause it's like Wanna hang out? Yeah Well you wanna know what it is In my eyes Or what I see Like what differentiates Like my I don't have any fuck buddies I don't know why I'm pretending I do But like
You always integrate them into like the friend activities and like we'll all be doing a group activity and you're like, oh, he can come, you know, because it's just casual and stuff. But then they're spending time around the friends and they're getting to know everybody and you see their personality and then it starts feeling like you're already dating. So then you start doing normal dating people things and then all of a sudden you're dating the man. The problem is you can't draw a line in the sand and actually like leave him where he is. It's in the bed. You know what I mean? Like leave him there. Yeah.
It's so Like stop inviting him out Stop having him I've invited him everywhere For the past two weeks That's the problem But you But I like to be around him Not just him It's every Every fuck buddy you've ever had He's All of a sudden We all start liking him And we're like wait Are they together And then you just are I No I have a serious Serious fucking issue But so And I don't know how to fix it I really don't know how to fix it He's coming over after this Can't wait But
The other night, we were laying in bed and we came across this thing online that like... I don't even know how we came across it, but it was like this psychological study that like...
This psychological studying place Made people I would drop out Made people do Where they'd be strangers Or like new relationships Or people who've been together for so long They would sit them down And they would ask them a series of 40 questions
Okay And the people would Answer the 40 questions Back and forth To each other And the psychological Study showed That it would make These people Like feel the feeling Of what it would take Of like Like a year Of falling in love In the time of that study Send it to me now Like Oh no I'm sending it I'm sending it to all my Well
Boyfriends. It's an insane like love bomb thing if you really want to do it. Do you know what I mean? But the other night he came over and I'm like so fucking excited. Like I'm wearing red lingerie under my shit. You know, like I'm excited for a fucking normal night. That's not a fuck buddy activity. That's a boyfriend activity. And then here I am with my crew neck on over my fucking like red slutty lingerie. And I'm so excited. We lay in bed for five hours and just ask each other these questions back and forth. We both cried at one point. Like whole night.
Fucking thing Like you know what I mean Like your deepest Darkest like Things whatever And we didn't even have sex We just fell asleep See that's when you know It's bad If he's sleeping next to you And he's not doing anything You have to end it all That happened again It's happened like A couple times now I'm honestly jealous Of that problem That you have though Honest to god Because pretty much Every guy That I've ever Just slept Because I've
I've never slept with somebody I didn't want to date, really. I mean, like, maybe, like, a one-off situation. But, like, if I'm actively sleeping with you, I probably want to date you. I just, like, fall into it. Well, maybe you... God, you have a power I don't have. Like, that's my goal every time. And it's... I've never been successful. But I... God, I'm... Wait.
I don't I'm like maybe I have the problem I don't know what's going on here And I don't know if it's He's too young for you he's only 22 22 is too young for a 24 year old woman Because a 24 year old woman Is at least like 4 years advanced But he's so smart He's pretty smart I did get to talking to him the other night And it was my first time I heard him speak I found out that he has a twin brother But now that I know they're 22 That doesn't really work
I think you should do it Imagine for the plot We were dating twins For the plot It would be good But I'm not interested In dating another 22 year old I have learned my lesson Well I'm not at all 28 and above Unless of course You're Mr. DC Which will be my boyfriend Eventually Is he 22? He's 27 Oh that's a say In my head I'm not a serial dater Okay
Okay. And I know that I am. Love the denial. Yeah, like, but it's like, you know what I mean? I know I am, but like in my head, I'm not. Like in my head, I'm so free and single. Well, yeah, you just really fall into it every time. It's just so accidental. But I just really, like, I really was looking forward to this time period being single. And can I tell you? I don't know what's going to happen now. I keep saying, can I tell you your problem? I don't know what, I don't know what, like, I feel like I'm in an episode of like. This feels therapeutic. In the entire time I've known you, I think I've seen.
Seen you sleep alone Like four times I sleep alone now Okay You are definitely Better about it now But I remember A time period Where it was like You wouldn't You would not sleep alone I was codependent as fuck I think for a long time Yeah but if It's like if it's not Someone you're codependent on It's just Yeah Someone else Yeah
But now it's like I can and do sleep alone, but it's like I still suck at it. Especially because it's not like a bunch of different people. It's like when there's one person who like you like sleeping with more than you like sleeping alone. Yeah, I get it. Listen, I don't like sleeping alone. I just I don't have like the option. I'm a whore.
I start crying. It's like a whole thing. You're not a whore. You're just so loving. You have so much love to give. I've always said that. Seriously. Okay. This was my final conversation with this man that I was just randomly talking about that I like came to the most crazy conclusion. Okay. Okay. But this has nothing to do with anything. And I'm hoping you have things to say. Because if you don't have things to say, then it's like not fun. Don't put that on me. Like, you know what I mean? Okay. Like you would have to add to this. Otherwise we're cutting it. Okay. No pressure. All like...
Guys with certain names Are like the same Exactly Exactly right But girls aren't like that Like you can meet A million different Britney's And they're all different people True But like every guy Whose name starts with B-R Like Brad Bryce Brody Brent
Brody. Grew up with like middle class money. Like they wore vineyard vines at some point. They were boat shoes. That's so funny. I have a boat shoe Brody. Like do you know what I mean? And they're all like that. You know who you are. I know this to be true because I've always, always, always gravitated towards C names and J names. Always. Everybody's been a J name or a C name. Always. What do you have to say about the C names? Liars. Like all C names are liars? Compulsive. C is for compulsive liar. Oh no. That's what it is.
Oh no. And J is for just not fucking...
Interested in you at all Well so J names for me Are always Narcissist I'm gonna go to hell For this one but J names are like Their parents love them Way too much Their parents told them They were superstars Like maybe a little Narcissistic tendencies They walk past the mirror They pose in the mirror Like whole nine You know what I mean All J names I've had a lot of J names I don't know if they've Really been narcissists They've just like Not been in love with me Which is definitely A myth
Major flaw Like every Oscar I've ever met Is like a smart guy Like loves Yeah I love Oscars Loves a little like Techie moment Like I've never met Another Oscar in life Like all guys named Alexander are the same Hot And sweet I would say C names are all like C is for codependent
Yeah. Yeah. C is for codependent compulsive liar. Oh my God. I just felt so cool realizing that. They missed them? I don't even know. So we have to talk about this because everyone's talking about it and you know, we do this kind of for a living and whatever. TikTok is going to be banned. Allegedly. If they ban it, I'm not kidding. I'm going to fucking slip...
Can I say that? I'm gonna kill myself. Absolutely same. 100%. But... It's so... I don't understand. I don't have anything to hide. Take my data. Like, I don't care. I couldn't agree more, honestly. Like, it's... I agree with that fully. Have you been seeing the videos of the courtroom? No. Like, of the right now...
God, this is going to be like dumb girl tries to explain. But like right now, TikTok CEO man's in the courtroom and he's fighting with American against TikTok man. And they're like, no, TikTok's good. And then other guys like, no, it's bad. And they're in a courtroom. There's videos of it everywhere. Keep pulling up, please. All I've been seeing is Gwyneth Paltrow and her fucking. We need to talk about that, too. Why is why is Gwyneth Paltrow in court? She ran over someone on skis.
No, she didn't. Gwyneth Paltrow ran over someone on skis and that's why she's in court. It's up in the air, really. It was a hit and run. With a car? You mean hit and ski? At a ski resort. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. I hope something like that happens to me at some point. The reason why I wanted to bring up the courtroom video actually has nothing to do with any of it. Why he kind of fine. Can you say with 100% certainty that TikTok does not use the phone's camera to determine...
whether the content that elicits a pupil dilation should be amplified by the algorithm? Can you tell me that? We do not collect body, face, or voice data to identify our users. I want to fuck Mr. Xiaochu. So do I. He's my type for real. No. The only face data that you will get that we collect is when you use the filters to have, say, sunglasses on your face, we need to know where your eyes are.
I hate the other man so much. Stupid idiot. Like, I want to fucking, I want to fight with that man. I want him to tell me how stupid and dumb I am.
We rely on age gating as our key age assurance. Age gating, which is when you ask the user what age they are. I believe him and I stand beside him no matter what he says.
And I hate this Whoever that guy is For some reason I have a serious crush On Mr. Xiaochu I don't know if it's Because he's fighting For like my rights He's fighting for What we believe in But here's the thing I Maybe I'm uneducated Because I really like No matter what I cannot wrap my head around Unless of course You work for like The government Or like you have anything Any sort of confidential Anything on your phone Like why would it ever matter
If they... Like, you know what? I feel sorry for anyone who would see my shit. You know what I mean? Like, you're just... I don't. I'm like, honestly, leak it. No, but imagine when you're on TikTok taking a...
That shit And they're just hearing it Like it's not good No but they don't care about you They're checking on like The kids who have TikTok Whose parents like Are in the senate Okay I think that's I think that's what we Who we should be concerned about And those people Should suffer Well so with This being said All this being said I've Created a fun game For us today Okay If TikTok were to be banned I want to say An influencer right now And we say What their job would be If they had never Been on TikTok Okay
This is gonna get us cancelled And I'm so excited Okay I only have like 10, okay? Maybe we both think of it and then we both say it Not like at the same time, but like I don't, I need time Okay, go I'm gonna start with Bryce Hall And I already have mine What do you think? I think Bryce Hall would be a carpenter Oh, I was gonna say works at David Buster's
How old is he? Because he Obviously he would Like 24 probably Okay well he doesn't Work there anymore But he definitely did Okay You know I don't think He should be a carpenter He's strong Maybe he Oh he's a personal trainer Yeah He's a personal trainer And he DMs girls And he's like I'll train you for free If you Suck my
I think he still does that to this day. I'll do it. I agree. I agree. I agree. Okay. Josh Richards. He's a really smart guy, honestly. Weirdly successful in my head, too. Like, I think if TikTok never happened, Josh Richards would still one day be, like, the hot CEO. But he would still do something for sure that was, like, reliant on his looks. I think it's just giving, like... Or maybe he works in sales. Like, he's a salesman. Maybe a real estate agent. And he's good at it.
But like How successful he is Isn't because of How good at it he is He's like Successful because He's gorgeous Yeah like And he's good at What he does But like Him being like You know what I mean I could see him on like Selling Sunset You know what I mean Exactly Like Oppenheim group vibes For sure Dixie D'Amelio Supermodel
I literally think she's the most gorgeous person in the world. I do too, actually. You're in love with Dixie. You have a little crush on her. I am. I literally am in love with Dixie D'Amelio. Spread the word. What would I see? I weirdly see Dixie D'Amelio being like a high school principal. That's disrespectful. No, but she's hot. It has nothing to do with her looks. I just mean like I could see her being so fucking
Yeah, I could see her laying down the law. I could see her like hitting someone with the ruler. Absolutely. And she's like, but like she's the type of high school principal where it's like if she likes you, like she would have hated me because I was a degenerate, awful kid. You know what I mean? But occasionally we would have like a funny little laugh. I could see like it's giving like bad teacher. I feel like she'd be like, fuck these kids. 100 percent. Addison Rae. She owns a flower shop. Why was I going to say bait shop?
I feel like she just, she needs to just smile all day long. And like, what better place to smile than at the bakery flower shop? I just feel like she works at a little bait shop in the middle of Louisiana. Wait, bait shop? Like bait as in like fishing hooks. I thought you said like a bakery. Why would she work at a bait shop? It's so funny because Addison Rae is so normally Southern, but in my head. Oh, because you think she's that crawfish. Like in my head, I have amplified her Southern-ness to the fucking utmost.
Till the cows come home. Okay. I see it. But like, I don't know. I don't, I don't picture her like baiting a hook. Like. I do. Oh. And it's like endearing and like all the guys love it. She's like in the Everglades. Like. Is that where, wait, where's the Everglades? Aren't the Everglades cold? No. No. Everglades is like where the alligators are. No fucking way. In my head, Everglades have always been like glacial. Hmm.
Everglacial. Okay. Let me keep going. Vinnie Hacker. Zoomies for me. A skate shop. Yeah. Somewhere where like, you know, some of those stores that you walk in there and like the employees are like supposed to be fucking rude to you. Yeah. Like that's like what it gives. Not because he's rude, but because I've never heard him talk.
Before and like that's my Ideal situation I would love to walk into a store and not Be talked to because that's the number one deterrent that's The number one reason I turn out of a store and leave Is if a salesperson is talking to me too much So honestly do your job Vinny he's killing it at zoom He's literally not saying a word and he's so I don't I don't think Vinny Hacker smokes in your life I don't know I'm just he's so High in this alternate universe he's Like zooted to the fucking Gods wherever but it could be anywhere Like yeah you ask him where the fitting room is he's like I don't
Know yeah exactly that's like what That's what I see for Vinnie Hacker Chris Olsen the coffee thing is like in My head so I want to make him like a Friendly I know I almost made him a Barista but I'm like no but I do see him as Like a waiter or something like but he's So good at his job I could see him being Like a personal assistant but it's Because I picture him being like Chris Jenner's personal assistant and Being like you're so right he would Still be in the entertainment industry
Yeah and he was Because he's like That's his thing He has the ideas Like he's the visionary Uh huh He's really smart You know You want to know Something funny That I heard the other day Natalie told me this She's probably Going to get mad at me They were looking For talent Like a specific role And the role was Like gay man Who is going to have Really good ideas For social media And it was for a musician And I was like So they're just trying To like
Chris Olsen And they were like Looking to like Fill that exact role But for somebody else Like what he does For like Meghan Trainor And everybody Like now that's just Like a specific job Yeah it really is I can think of so many people Shout out Justin Horowitz Like they exist Yeah like that's They have the same energy To me for sure LeRae LeRae's a trapper In my head LeRae is pushing Packs of marijuana Really? He's like low key The
The curve Like in his town Like no one's ever seen Like the sassy funny Gay sell drugs And like he's like Okay But like a lot Like he has nice ass shit He's so many Like out of his trunk Or like Or like do you think He has a better setup than that No I think way better setup Like a nice house It's like a whole grow room Oh he's a trapper Trapper Yeah Like he only talks Like via Snapchat What do you see Larray as I think that I don't really like I don't know I don't really know him very well Okay Noah Beck Soccer coach Yeah
It's not funny. He's a really brilliant soccer player. Is he? He's amazing. Also, he's... No, wait. I can't say him and Dixie are hot in the same episode. You can't.
In my head Noah Beck Has He's He's straight But he has a job That's a little fruity Like he's like That like capitalizes On him being like A little Like Magic Mike Live in Vegas Absolutely Like Rocco's Bar and Tavern But he's like a dancer Slash bartender Like he's dancing While he's bartending For sure Or just like One of those like Restaurants that Requires you to be shirtless Yes 100%
That's where I see Noah. Abercrombie and Fitch. Oh, yes. He stood outside every Black Friday. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, he's never worked the register. He literally just stands outside. Yeah. God, he's so hot. Dixie, I love you. Alex Earl. I'm trying to think of what all my sorority friends and stuff went on to do. Front desk at a plastic surgeon's office. 100%. Yes. That's exactly it. But she's the only one in there that's nice. Like, the rest of the people are telling you, like, you're fat, you need lipo. But then she's like...
I love your body. Yeah. And she's like, she's giving you her employee discount for no reason. Uh-huh. Or she works at like Sephora. Or no, no, no, no, no. Victoria's Secret. Yeah, but I feel like I don't see her in retail. I feel like she's too exciting for that. That's true. That's true. I feel like she needs like the spice. Honestly, she could probably, she could do like a
Like a Christine selling sunset situation She'd get by on her personality 100% I'd buy a house from her Just because she looks like that I stand with like Like plastic surgeon's office front desk That is a really good She comes in so hungover But like doesn't show it to anyone But her co-workers Or just like the best trophy wife ever Mm-hmm Amelie Zilber The Pope President of the United States Deadass Kamala Harris Literally What is Kamala Harris? The Vice President, right? Yes Right?
She's in the military. She was in the military. Oh, she was in the military? Yeah. No way. She was. I'm just imagining her with her like 40 inch ponytails. I don't think they allowed it. I think she had a bun. I think we should make this a series except each time. Like next time it's not TikTokers. It's like... I wanted to do all of this. Like go into like what would like Logan Paul be doing if he wasn't like... Like do all the... We could make it a series for sure. I think we should. Next we should do YouTubers. I agree. Loved it. Love that. Comment down below who you would like us to...
Assign a new job. Okay. I have some pop culture topics. Hold, please. Is Jojo Siwa pregnant? Can I just be so for real about this? I fucking love Jojo Siwa. I think she's just a fun girl. She is so fucking funny and like lit and dope as fuck off camera. But this, I saw this whole pregnancy baiting and obviously all these influencers are on Snapchat and
And they're doing the whole Snapchat clickbait thing, which I need to get better at, seriously. Like, I've just been posting, like, my foot. And I'm making, like, a dollar. And I need to figure that out. But if I did that, I would be canceled. If I took a photo, bloated as hell, beside a box of Pampers diapers, and said, I'm expecting, I would be fucking... Yeah, because isn't it, like...
frowned upon since so many people have like trouble getting pregnant and stuff yes and do you know how many times in my life i was just sitting there needing views and i knew in the back of my head that motherfucker would drive me home that the rent would be paid for a motherfucking year but i knew that if i did that i it wouldn't be good it wouldn't be good for me it wouldn't be
That's so true. You do have like a unique situation where a lot of things would get you canceled that probably a lot of other people could get away with. Like, why does Jojo Siwa get to do that and I don't? Because she's Jojo Siwa and she's really made a wholesome name for herself. No. Yes, but no. Why does she get to do that and I don't? I think people definitely didn't like it, I don't think. Really? Hold, hold please. I'm fired up about this one. And I love Jojo Siwa. I really do. I just want to know why I can't do that tomorrow on my Snapchat.
Like if I did exactly that tomorrow. Is it maybe because she's lesbian? So like it's like you know she's not? Yeah, actually. Because she's not bi, right? She's full lesbian. Oh wait, I'm actually completely kidding. I looked it up on Twitter. Oh, and people are mad. People are really mad. Oh.
But not that mad Not mad enough for you Like the bows are still Going to be for sale at Target Come on get them fired up Cancel JoJo Like the bows are still Going to be on sale at Target Forever You know what I mean Yeah you're right No one's pulling those bows Are you kidding She made what Like a hundred million dollars Off those I just Wow I didn't even Thank you so much For pulling that one up Seriously Harry
I was gonna say Harry, Harry Chalice, Harry Styles and Emrata. So expected, honestly, still really jealous about it. I'm not sure who I'm jealous of, but somebody in that situation I'm for sure jealous of. I think probably Emrata because I really love Harry. You know what I'm like starting to feel and sense is that Emrata's position in the celebrity world is going to become like female Pete Davidson.
I think that's true too But it's not Exactly the same Because she is The most traditionally Good looking person In this entire world I agree but I'm just like I feel like it's like She's gonna be But she is kind of just like Oh I dated everybody I do think like I'm worried that she's getting Like I know she's having fun And I respect it And I idolize her
But I'm worried that She's gonna mess up Not mess up her reputation a bit But I feel like People are gonna stop Praising her in a second Like what we do to women Is we start all of a sudden Shaming them for serial dating Like what they did to Taylor Swift No one shames me Guys shame me for serial dating In the common floor But you know what I mean Like like
It used to be like oh my God Taylor Swift is an icon because she's dating all These people and then at a Certain point everybody just Turned on her and decided she Was just a whore which is not True Stan Taylor Swift for life But I think we're gonna start Doing that to Amarato which We've never done to Pete we Would never do to a man Because why would we I
I really liked her and Eric Andre And I want to know why they broke up Oh yeah I don't know if I believed that that was real Well he posted that photo on Valentine's Day Where she was like in her underwear and he was like naked That's true but I thought I had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day too And I didn't
Fuck. Hey, when that happens. I just... I want to know what Harry Styles is like. I feel like his entire... Did you see there's an interview of him where he says, like, they ask his celebrity crush and he goes, Emily Ratajkowski. Really? Yeah. Wait, that's actually so awesome. So it is iconic. I feel like I'm proud of him. What do you think their sex is like? Who's your celebrity crush? If you...
and you have to whoever you speak out loud you're gonna end up dating in six months so think carefully Pete Davidson has always been my celebrity crush I retired Pete Davidson you know I no longer have a crush on Pete Davidson he will forever be my celebrity crush oh my god look watch October November
I don't even know who that is. Oh, wow. I love this. She's so admirable. I love this. Can we get on her or her on here? This is absolutely everything. What do you think their sex is like? I don't know. I like the way his eyes are just wide open. Like he's not going to miss a second of it. Like he's just. No, he's like, is that Amrata right there? That's incredible. She is inspirational to me. I hope one of them sticks pretty soon here because I would love to see her in another happy relationship. Absolutely. She's everything to me. I fucking love Amrata.
Me too I love that every time She dates someone The meme of her With Gibby from iCarly Resurfaces And then they pull up Like they were pulling up Gibby with Harry Styles See that's who I get I don't I want to do what Emrata's doing And I'm getting Gibby's Left and right Actually I got a pretty good one Recently here
I love a good Gibby man That is one thing right now Is my whole I'm gonna marry a Gibby for sure My whole like People I'm talking to Are all pretty With the exception of a few Are pretty traditionally hot guys And I miss my like Your Gibbies It's so different being with like A hot hot guy
Like you just have to be such a different version of yourself. Like I love when it's mean and ugly because then I can just be like so fucking awful. I do. I do feel like I like adapt my person. That sounds so bad, but I have, I'm so much more confident in my personality around a Gibby type than I am like a really good looking guy. And I almost like, I don't like it. Cause it's like, like I can have chip crumbs all over me. I can snort when I laugh, they can come over. I'm like this hair on the back of my head is going to be like this and it's fine. You know? How did you do that?
And then the hot people come over. I found myself putting on liquid blush the other day. It was like 2 a.m. And I was like, I don't look good enough. Like, I need liquid blush on right now. And I was like, oh. Yeah, I think I, you know what? I tested my waters with good looking guys. I don't think it's for me. I don't feel like I can be my best self. And I think I'm retiring it and going back to the Gibby's of the week.
Do you want to know something so embarrassing I did last week? What is it? Take my fucking accounts away bro Like it's like It's just like fucking so sad and pathetic I was tagged in an Instagram photo That was a clothing ad right? Okay And I'll fucking airdrop it to Oscar So we can share it with the fucking class okay?
And this happens to me a lot where it's like these brands that aren't like, it's not like a like real clothing brand. All their images are stolen. You know what I mean? So it'll be like a model wearing a shirt and like the real campaign was for a different brand. Yeah. So I was tagged in this photo of this man wearing this shirt for this clothing brand.
Oh, no. And you posted it on your story. Like a thirsty, thirsty woman. I'm so... So I see this photo. First of all, let's just talk about it for a second, though. And like, he clearly didn't shoot for this brand. Do you want to bring that home to mama? No. Yes. I'm not judging him. The way I saved it, because I saved people to get at them later, is so embarrassing in the screenshot. I mean, that's just my type to a T. Like, if I had to paint my type on a fucking...
I'm not judging him. He's a good looking guy. He has hardcore vibes tattooed across his forehead. Yeah, I'm judging that for sure. Do you know I have a serious, I was saying this the other day, but I have a serious fucking problem where it's like what the face tattoo says means so much to me. Like if that said something that I thought was cool, they would be like 10 times hotter. That's not a serious problem. That's a standard. And I'm so proud of you for having that. Oh, thank you. So I see this man and I'm just like, that's the love of my life. I don't know where he is. I don't know who he is, but I need to find him.
And so then obviously I do my own level of research. I reverse Google image search all of these images and they don't show up anywhere. And then I'm looking up what the brand originally was to try to find who modeled for them and like so on and so forth. And I can't find it. And then I'm just stuck on it. It's become this whole bit. So eventually I posted on my story and I'm like, has anybody seen this man? Yeah.
Dude. Did you find him? I still don't find him. I have all my friends. I tell every single one of my friends in the group chat, I will give you $200 if you find this man. Like, I'm offering money at this point. Shit, I'll find him for $200. That's what I'm saying. So I was like, okay. I make a TikTok about it, right? I green screen a TikTok. Like, just, like, so fucking embarrassing, right? But this all would have been fine if it was...
The precursor to a beautiful love story, right? And then someone eventually finds the man. Is he married or something? He's Russian. He doesn't speak any English. That's perfect. Which explains hardcore vibes. Oh. And... Maybe he thought that was, like, super inspirational in English. Right. You know how, like, that happens with, like...
Who's like English speaking People all the time They'll get like something In another language That like really is Like live laugh love Absolutely He has two kids Hold on But I'm like This still isn't stopping me This could be the start Of a beautiful love story And I messaged him And I said You're so hot And he left me on I posted on Two different platforms Okay but maybe He's still translating it I Thank you
Thank you so much Get you Like get you a friend Who feeds into your delusions No yeah It's the time difference That's Yeah seriously I just I just can't believe though Like I risked it all With all my other hoes By posting that Yeah you really put your Like heart out on the line there For him to just like Leave you on scene That is That would hurt my feelings For sure And it's just embarrassing I did two dedicated posts You know
I don't know I'm not opposed to doing that though I'm like I'm all about making it known That you're into somebody You got mad at me The other day I tweeted like Somebody was hot And she was like Delete this Because I really want you And this person to work out You know what I mean I've done it I did it with the last person I'll do it again And I honestly I'm all about speaking it Into existence Well I just thought I was all cool and quirky Like in my Justin Bieber Looking for Wolfie Cindy era But Well see I like
I'm trying to Haley Bieber these men. I'm trying to be so obsessed with them that I end up marrying them. Honestly, valid fucking point. That's a new verb we're using, Haley Bieber'd. So you would Haley Bieber Pete Davidson? That's what you would do? I would love to Haley Bieber Pete Davidson. Okay. I wonder if Haley Bieber's Haley Bieber'd Pete Davidson. Probably not. I don't know. I think she's... I love Pete Davidson, but I know I have to let it out the window. He's just textbook so my type. Traumatized, funny, stupid.
like pale skinny dying tattooed man I don't think he's my type anymore I think I'm going for more of like a not him what do you think your type is right now I still want very funny love the funny but I feel like what I learned about myself is that like I told you how hard of a time I had with this last breakup so I decided I'm trying to be the more mentally ill person in the relationship because I've already got a lot a lot going on yeah you know and
And if I It's just really Like I need probably Somebody with No diagnosis As the person Who's always more Mentally ill It is so fun It's so great It's like No because I Yeah no I need to be the one With the issues I think You We have I have this friend And you don't like her Yeah I hate her guts
I'm just kidding guys. You're always saying. She's fine. I don't dislike her at all. Well you did at one point. Yeah I hated her. And your thing would be like. I hate her. She only dates famous men. She's such a little like. Clout hungry. Demon. And lately. That's not why I hated her. I hated her because she was mean to me. Like I haven't seen you go on like. One date with like a non. Super famous guy. That is not. A thing.
You've been a clout chaser lately. I have not been a clout chaser. It's been coincidental. But like, where's like, I want you to throw like a hinge boy into the mix just to bring you back. I do. All the men I've been like really into lately have been famous. That's not true. Which I guess good for you. That's a good thing. That's not a bad thing. But not like that's not intentional. It's just like is who I happened. It was like an ad.
You're making me look bad right now. No, I think I'm making you look good, honestly. No, you're not. That's kind of fun. That's like a cringe thing. I really like, I actually do have like an issue with that. I see it in like certain friends of mine and I'm like, eww. But it was an act.
I'm really liking lately The people that you've been dating Because it makes my life So interesting It's like It's good It's fun I'm all about Like for the story right now You went on a date Before this podcast With someone And I can't wait To be I just won't It wasn't a date That wasn't a date Did he know it wasn't a date? No Exactly I don't remember Actually I didn't say this In the last episode But I talked about
Mr. Washington, D.C. I had been talking to Mr. Washington, D.C. for like a while, but we had never met in person, obviously. And he was he was on the opposite side of the world when we first started talking. So when I was like first FaceTiming him, I was like, where do you live in L.A.? And I found out that he was he lived downtown.
Directly Next door to me Like it's Literally you could Throw a rocket Like I can see Like if I look out my way It's like You belong with me Video Taylor Swift Like we could literally Like sign to each other From our windows Do you believe in that Because I kind of do You know me I love being delusional So I started like Connecting the dots Like being like Oh my god
the universe literally brought us together. And then he like literally didn't like me at all. So then like, I don't even know all these weird coincidences kept happening. And then we were like chatting all day, every day on like every platform and like texting and like all this stuff. And then one day he just slipped through my fingers. And so I'm debating on going to this party tonight. So he sees me there. You know what? But is that crazy? That's crazy. It's not over until the fat lady sings is what they say. Yeah.
I think you should go. But I hate going to a party for someone. Like, I think that's so embarrassing.
You threw a party for someone once. I did do that once. You got. I love doing that. Great Gatsby. It's like a whole fuck. I call it literally a verb. Like the verb. It's a verb. It's a verb. Great Gatsby. Like throwing an entire party at your house. So one person comes because you want them. Listen, whatever gets the job done. You clearly are doing something right because you have a new boyfriend every five seconds. No offense. I have to stop. Speaking of weird coincidences and the universe bringing you together with someone like whether it's too late or whether it's not. Do you want to talk about it?
Oh, oh my gosh. So I have, this is like not like that interesting of a story, but I had, I have like, you know, when you have like life goals or not like life goals, but I've always been like a very obsessive person. That's like, no, I'll kill you. I have had like, literally I can name on one hand how many people I've like obsessed over. And it's, it's been like one after another, but it like went, you know, like I'm not going to name them, but.
One of my main ones. He lasted all through high school and through college and bless his heart. He was honestly a victim, not a victim, but like I was psycho. Like I was like obsessed with him.
And he just didn't care about me at all. We like had our little run for a second and then he ended it and never wanted anything to do with me ever again. My whole personality was like being in love with him for all of college. I moved to LA. We never talk again. But recently he like he would unfollow me and then randomly follow me. And he blew my phone up so bad one night that it was like, you know, I have to show you. I was shocked.
So obsessed with him that this was my dream But it was so out of the ordinary That I literally thought he got hacked
Yeah. Oh my God. Look how bad. Oh, that's like scary. Like sending me, sending me my photos. He commented on my photos and he had, he had a girlfriend. Okay. While he was doing this. Yeah. And so I, and I knew he had a girlfriend. So I was like, he's, he got hacked and like people knew like how much I liked him and stuff. So I thought that maybe his little brother or somebody was like hacking him. So I wasn't engaging at all. I was like, like what is going on? Yeah. I was ignoring him. I go, please stop.
Yeah. Blows me up, whatever. Next day, blocks me. So I was like, damn. Like, God, I can never win. I was so excited he finally followed me again because I was like, you know, he's going to see how good I'm doing in life. Blocks me. So I text him and I'm like, like three weeks later, a month later, and I'm like, what did I do? And he goes, nothing. Sorry. Like, happy holidays or something. This was a while ago. Yeah. And I'm like, damn. Oh, I remember this because you were so excited to go home to Arizona for the holidays and he was going to
So I'm like damn like it was really him Obviously because otherwise he would have been like I got hacked yeah but I had a friend Visit the other day and she she She filled me in that night broke Him and his girlfriend up do you think he was Drunk he well he was drunk For sure but he I didn't She I guess gone through his phone and She had seen all of that it's so embarrassing Imagine your man's doing that and that broke Them up but I was like not that it felt Full circle but I was like Like it
If you told me a few years ago that he would be blowing me up, first of all, that bad, I would have been so thrilled because like that's all I ever wanted. But to find out that that's that's the straw that broke the camel's back, like that's what broke him and his girlfriend up. I wasn't even engaging, but it was really crazy. And it reminded me that.
Every time I've wanted something, every time I've like really wanted to be successful to like prove a guy wrong or like to show him something, by the time it actually happens, you don't give a fuck anymore. And that's the worst thing about life, I think. I think that's kind of beautiful. It may be the best thing about life. Like just don't give a shit about anything because nothing matters. But it just sucks because like, you know, you like you want to work so hard to like piss off your bullies or whatever it is. But by the time...
You're successful enough like nobody you Don't care anymore yeah not that I'm Like so successful but I was finally Successful in yeah I getting this one That I'm like oh like wanted yeah I hated That story it made me sound psycho this Whole episode has made me sound like a Clout chasing psycho obsessive maybe You're just a clout chasing psycho Obsessive bitch and that's okay you
You know what? And me being a serial dating fucking narcissist who doesn't fucking know who our vice president is. And that's okay. If anything, that's what we are. You know, people say we're not philanthropists, but we're doing it for the people, you know? You know what we are. Like you dumb, dumb whores out there. We are self-aware is what we are.
Oh my God. Okay, let's end this episode. I think I'm going to go to a party to stalk a man and then hang out with my boyfriend. And my days of stalking are over. Your days of soaking? Stalking. Not soaking. I'm still into soaking. I'll come shake the bed. I got you, baby. You're so sweet. Bye.