104: Tana and Makoa have a new weird bedroom habit…
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Hello and welcome back to the Canceled Podcast. That was a good one. I love this. I love this. We say this every episode. I know, but I just really like...

I just really am appreciating you even more than normally. I have been too. I forget what I was doing yesterday where I was like, God, I love her. Maybe sometimes I like stumble upon your old videos or like I did see that video of you in the black latex outfit and the red lip yesterday. It's like, God, I just love her and you've lived so many lives. And also like getting to explain you to another person, like seeing you from third person. Does that make sense? I guess I always see you from third person. Anyway, like it's funny because it's like,

I get to be like, no, and then she did this, and then she did this, and then she married Jake Paul. It was so weird yesterday. Like, it's always weird when he fights, but especially, like...

mike tyson i just couldn't believe like the amount of people like i just the theatrics and just the spectacle that it was i'm like i cannot believe that this is jake paul like i remember when he first like first decided he was gonna box and he like went to vegas and he was just like in that little house he's like yeah i'm gonna box i'm taking it really seriously and i'm thinking like now he's fighting mike tyson which was easily like maybe the worst most horrible thing i've ever seen why

It was so sad. Oh, I have been seeing a lot of that. You didn't think it was sad? Okay, here's what I want to say. I want to like be careful with my words because I see it from multiple angles, I guess. How do I put this into words? I guess the emotion that I feel where I'm like so fucking proud of Jake is there as well. Like it's like so iconic to me. Like genuinely think about this Ohio vlogging kid like,

manifesting all of his dreams and like literally like Logan fighting Floyd and him fighting Mike Tyson. Like that's crazy to hit the ceiling on your dreams. Like, you know what I mean? Like imagine like tomorrow's like, I want to be a singer. And then I was like singing with like Celine Dion. Like I don't even, there's not, I don't, I can't think of the right analogy, but it's, that is so cool to me. But Mike Tyson, you don't show a little old guy. I know. He's like not a little old guy, but it just like,

I think it just upset me. I see what you're saying like from a business perspective. Like just like how amazing that is. It's such a huge accomplishment and it is so amazing. But I just like, I think like it's crazy because all of us knew it was happening. You know what I mean? Like everyone knew this was happening. It's on every billboard in town. It's everywhere you go. And everyone was like so excited to watch it. And then the second they started fighting, everyone was like,

what is this? I can't believe this is happening. How are we allowing this? It's very 2024. Like, what the fuck do you mean Mike Tyson is fighting Jake Paul? But I guess, and it was, I guess because he just was so confident that we were like, okay, like if you, if you can slay. Yeah. Like do your thing, Mikey. I, can I just say that my favorite part of the entire fucking fight was the fact that they aired Mike Tyson's

It was so, it was a, it was like a bit, right? Because people are saying like someone at Netflix is getting fired. But I'm like, I think it was for sure intentional. It was like an, like a clip from The Office. But I just feel like Mike Tyson, yeah, like me being so parasocial, I do not know Mike Tyson. Allow me to go on the record. I was like, that goes my best. Yeah, same energy. Exactly. But I just, I don't, I'm like Mikey boy, the homie. I love him. Like, I feel like he would never agree to that.

I think he would. I think he's got a sense of humor on him. There's no way he would. Wait, that was hilarious. Did you see that? He's always done that though. Like bite his gloves. I know. But did you see when they asked him about it and he go like, they were like, what was the deal? Like, were you fixing your mouth guard? And he goes, I have a biting fixation. And the guy goes, I've heard that about you. Cause he like bit a guy's ear off. Oh shit. That's the thing too. I think like with everyone being like really sad. Cause like this is elder abuse and all the things people are saying and stuff, but it's like,

If however long ago he was that insane, like biting someone's ear off, it's almost like he's like dwindled down to the perfect amount of sanity to like fight a Paul brother. Right? Yeah. But I, I just, I don't know. I've been fired up. I see how the whole biting the ear off thing could happen. The fight before that. Oh,

was Amanda Serrano. I was sick. And I, this goes back to something that I've said on cancel before. I cannot believe that fighting UFC, all of that is legal because it's like, how, like, what do you mean? Like,

We're literally gathering around like tens of millions of people are literally paying money to watch people beat the shit out of each other. And like Charlize Theron and like Joe Jonas. Yeah. Even wholesome people like it. Yeah. And her fucking literal skull is coming out of her eyebrow and we're all like, weehoo. Like.

It's so real. I didn't even know you could hit someone hard enough that their eyebrow could be falling off like prosciutto. I did because that's why every hot guy has a scar on his eyebrow. Because it protrudes out further than the rest of your face. So it's the first thing to hit if something hits your face. But I just didn't know skin could get loose like that. No, well, it just breaks so easy and then it just flops. And you're right. It was prosciutto. I couldn't even watch it. But what I was getting at is like I –

I literally pray to God every single night. I go to bed and I say, please, God, if you give me children, do not let them be raised into adulthood and then decide that they want to be a professional boxer. Yeah. And like football, CTE, all that stuff is like really, really scary. Please choose pottery. Yeah. Please choose like pottery.

- Cello. But I feel like a lot of people go into boxing too are also raised by people who are like Jake and Logan's parents, like Greg Paul is so like, ah, you know, like. It just is so scary. Like what is the end goal? Like literally like someone just has to be so beat up that it's over. That's horrible. - Yeah, it's like insane.

And I love it. Someone has to be so hurt that they are like, like that's the whole concept behind it. What do you mean? I was, there was, Tori Kelly was singing the Star Spangled Banner before it. She was so good. But I was just thinking like, America's so funny. Like, you know what I mean? Just like we sing the Star Spangled Banner with our hands over our hearts before these two grown men beat the fuck out of each other. Yeah, I saw you say that. And what is a rampart?

Yeah, like the Rockets red glare. I'm like, we all have to do it. Yeah, I feel like we should rewrite. I feel like we should make an updated national anthem. Right. Like it just feels so dystopian to me now. I have to stop using dystopian. I don't even know what it means. I have a confession to make. I've never fucking known what that means. I think like a different world, I think is what it means. Really quickly too, we have to talk about the way that Jake came out.

was so I could the birds in the cage in the back of the car no that was hilarious to me but like I think like I was trying to explain like we were trying to differentiate like

between whether he was trolling or actually he's just like that and it's like either he's the greatest best troll of all time or he is the corniest motherfucker alive in the best way I think he knows what he's doing 100% like he's like let me do as many things to get the most eyes on me he's brilliant Dave Portnoy said like they are the best marketers of all time 100% Paul Brothers

I have to stop quoting everyone's like why do you worship Dave Fortnoy and I'm like honestly I don't know why well Dave Fortnoy's just been saying so much lately too that it's like yeah I think I just like like even I just man who's passionate in my upcoming vlog I just edited how is he pulling that into my vlog and like that is the greatest clip of all time he died I know rest in peace fly high how is he pulling that guy I met him once

you did miami or i'm making that up completely no i think he's pretty memorable actually yeah but it's like it feels like a fever dream but i guess all of miami does for me so i don't fucking know but yeah the fight was that was crazy to watch just really crazy it was sad but i'm i'm sleeping fine at night knowing that mike tyson is 25 million dollars richer that's the thing is that's kind of like the marketing thing of this right like getting these legends who now need like a bag and it

Except for Tommy Fury. It was mutually beneficial. Like, well, because obviously Mike Tyson, his legacy is never going to be tarnished. Like, he is a legend. Like, everybody knows it. But now...

Jake has this like Mike Tyson endorsement, which is like the best, most like the highest honor you can possibly have. Like he straight up said like this guy's a great fighter. Like that's crazy. That is amazing. It's so crazy. And it's just like it's cool as well of Mike Tyson, I guess. I always think it's cool when people from the other generations are supportive and welcoming to whatever the new generation is doing. And obviously boxing has probably changed that.

I can't even imagine how much since Mike Tyson started fighting. Yeah. I also think that Jake was so, I'm so happy. I was fucking literally on the edge of my seat, like fearing for him to get up there and be like, I fucking told you or something. And he was so graceful. Yeah. Which I think was really small. Like I loved that because there's everyone. It was just like overwhelming disappointment. Everybody was disappointed when he walked in.

And like, that's sad because obviously he wants to be like celebrating and stuff. But like, nobody wants to see an old man get beat up, especially like Mike Tyson, like America's sweetheart. Calling Mike Tyson America's sweetheart is hilarious.

We have learned so much about him though. Like today, like I found out that he has like all these pet pigeons. You didn't know the pigeon law. I had no idea about all the pigeons. And I also didn't know that he had lost his daughter. I did not know that. That's really sad. She's two and she, I think two or four. Those are two different ages, but yeah, he lost it. I think she was four. That's so sad. They asked him like, what was, what's like the hardest thing you've ever had to face or like something like worse or like, um, the craziest fight you've ever dealt. And he was like, just like the,

the fear or like losing my daughter. It was so sad. And that just gave me chills. That's fucking insane. Yeah. And it was like a horrible way to, it was like just, ugh. Anyway, I love him. I'm happy he's, he loves pigeons. Pigeons are so brilliant. It's so interesting that like they're so looked down upon. I am like so fucking convinced that pigeons aren't real. Like that's a robot. I can't with you. And you're, you're teetering like the line of like my mother. Oh,

with these conspiracies like beyonce did nothing well beyond i don't know you know what i mean like i'm i don't want to say that because like what if i'm wrong here's what i'm like we landed on the moon i want to say that really quick i was actually just talking about how i don't know if i think we did still well you go there you know what i mean like imagine that this is what pisses me off about it imagine like you're the fucking person who went to the moon

and then there's fucking two idiots on a couch with a big fucking podcast they're like no make podcast equipment more expensive you know what i mean like like no you fucking didn't you're honestly so right but here's the thing so page was telling me this in the car today again it's all telephone i don't know if this is real information or not okay but apparently from what i hear we went to the moon because russia was like we're gonna go yeah it was a race it

It was a waste. Yeah, and then what do you mean? What do you mean? We were like, no, we just have to first, man. Yes, of course. It's like a big, huge accomplishment. You don't want fucking Russia to get there before we do. But think about how America is, right? Like just overall, like if we went to the moon once, there would be cyber trucks on the moon by now. Like what do you mean we've just never gone back? Because it was so fucking expensive and we like exhausted all of our money and resources to go to the moon, literally for him to stick a little stick in his mouth. Just to say like, pfft.

to Russia yes like yes it was like a big dick competition and then wasn't there wind blowing in the U.S. flag on the moon and apparently there's no atmosphere for there to be wind on the moon there's it wasn't wind I think it's lack of gravity it was like you know yeah you're right like what was it gonna do just be pulled to the ground the humans aren't even pulled to the ground how many people went to the moon was it just uh buzz light year yeah

I think it was just him. I don't know. It was like three of them or something. Lance Armstrong? We should try to get a moon adjacent on. Like I want the cousin of someone who went to the moon on canceled. And like I need some lore. Or like it's got to be someone's grandpa. Right? Like that's what I'm saying. Is it Lance or Neil? Because I'm fucking really sounding stupid. I thought those were the people who flew the plane. No, those are the Wright brothers. And they invented the airplane. They didn't fly it. They didn't go to the moon at all.

It was Neil? I knew it. Lance has one testicle. He had testicular cancer and he was the yellow bracelets. Remember when we were all wearing the yellow bracelets? Never mind. He was a biker.

Right? Yeah, Lance, I'm sure. And then they go to the pink, like the yellow bracelets were for like testicular cancer and then pink bracelets were for breast cancer. Oh, that's so sad. Remember the little rubber bracelet? And then we all of a sudden added I heart boobies to them. That's what I like remember. I remember the pink ones. I kind of remember the yellow. I don't know. That is crazy. Maybe you were, it was when I remember it because I was in my accelerated reading class. Yeah.

I wore it. And you had to read about testicular cancer? No, I just remember wearing it in that particular classroom. And so that's how I know that you were probably a little bit too young for it. Oh, that's crazy. Because I was in like maybe first grade. Oh, I wonder that is. I don't know.

Circling back to Mike Tyson's ass, I think there's no fucking way in hell that he would ever let that happen. I think that it was 100% a mistake. Netflix was being kind of glitchy anyways. No, but why wasn't he wearing anything but that little chap? And wasn't there like a Nike or a Gatorade sign behind him? So then now I'm defending that it was staged. I don't know what I'm saying. Whose team are you on here?

But there's no way Mike Tyson agreed to be double cheeked up on a Thursday on Netflix. I think he was like, you know what? Go all in. What shame does he have? He's fucking everyone loves him. I didn't know that boxers looked like that before they performed. Like just like crack out. Like, what do you mean? You don't have Nike before they put clothes on. But like you think you think that they put on their clothes at home.

And then came clothed. I don't know. Jake came in like the, the funkiest outfit I've ever seen. What was it? It was like, so Jake Paul. It was like a, it was crazy. That big silver, expensive shorts. They were like a million dollars. Oh yeah. And Alec Monopoly. Alec Monopoly is so fucking rich and it's so crazy. Like you're like,

Alec Monopoly's talented as fuck and he's done a lot of iconic stuff and I'm not negating that at all. Actually, he's just Alec now, right? Monopoly sued him. That's hilarious. I didn't, but you're telling me if I just go start painting Peppa on walls, I can all of a sudden be like, no, it's a million bucks. I've never understood that about art in general, really. Me neither. I think it's a confidence thing. Mm-hmm. Kind of sick. You know who's a really amazing artist that we like don't think about is Jim Carrey. He is like,

an insane I think his brain is just like it's it operates in a way that like nobody else's does but it's because I'm obsessed with that show Comedians in Cars getting coffee it is so good you should have a little like segment on your YouTube channel like that or something it's like literally my dream but then I think about it and Tara has her her show in the car James Corden did Carpool Karaoke like it's like

People do it. There's somewhere in between James Corden and Tarah Yemi that you could find. You think so? Yeah. That's my medium. I honestly really fucking do. And I mean that. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Holidays on the house at DraftKings Casino. With this season's offerings, you'll unwrap everything you wished for.

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Stop by a Warby Parker store near you. I got teabagged. Intentional or accidental? I've been begging Makoa to teabag me. Yeah. And he finally did it. Oh, that's nice. But I had to really beg him. I just like wanted to know. Beg? You had to beg him? That seems like a really like basic relationship task. Well, he was just telling me that it didn't feel right. You know, that like teabagging comes from a disrespectful nature. Well, that's nice because it is like, yeah, that's true. Yeah. But it was really cool. Like, have you ever felt balls on your forehead? Of course. I did this morning.

But sometimes I'll- No, but really like set there. Like I was laying in my sweats and then he like came over me. Was he like legs over you? Because sometimes if I'm feeling crazy, I'll like a pillow will just put it over my head like a little blanket. I love balls. Me too. Like so much. They're so fucking cool. Like I wish I had balls so bad. What would you do with them? Everything. I feel like I'd get them caught in my zipper. Me too.

But just like the texture of balls is so fucking cool. What do you mean? What can you even compare that? This like orifice is hanging from your body and it's, they're like Orbeez. They're like your own. They are. And I like, I like when you like push them in, it like, it like shoots the other way. I guess we kind of, yes, I guess we kind of have that with boobs, but it's not the same. Like they're in this little sack. I think they're so cool.

They are. I like really mean that. I'm always trying to play with my clothes. They are. And just like the fact that a penis can just like go from like little to huge, like with just a thought. Yeah. That's like magic. Yeah. Like what the fuck do you actually mean? It's so cool. It is so cool. I wish I had a dick so bad. They're so cool. Me too. But then I sometimes like, I feel like I'd sit on it. I don't think I would have a good time with that.

honestly why am i so offended i got tagged i got tagged like a thousand times in this in this tiktok of this girl saying that she was born with an 18 inch labia oh because you're like the labia community i'm the labia community apparently but i can't even imagine that that's kind of fun too though it's like oh i'm cold you have a little blanket like that's sick it's sick as fuck i just think like just comfort comfortability like i feel like that's like a medical like

I feel like insurance would cover that. That's probably true. I don't know. Do you know what I just found out? I've been shooting this show with Trisha, which I keep meaning to promote on the canceled podcast. Trisha and I have a show coming out called not love line and I have not talked about it at all. And I'm really excited. I am so excited. We were just trying to find something obviously that was very different than canceled and just Trish. Cause that was like,

Everyone's biggest fear. Taking the fucking- It was my biggest fear. I was like, oh no, I'm almost out of job. No, taking the topics from those shows would be, so we're doing an advice show where people call in that's like Loveline from the 90s. And this girl called in and she was like, hey, like what can I eat to make my puss-

taste and smell better not dr pepper yeah okay so i didn't know that i knew with guys that it's like oh pineapple right i didn't know with girls that was a thing like sweet fruits make your puss taste different yeah well it's really just like what you consume i'm pretty sure like if you have enough coffee you can make it like that happen i definitely have that's really like amazing

but i think i don't know i'm not a medical professional but like yeah i mean people have like sweet like a lot of fruit and stuff i just didn't know that that worked with the puss too like i knew that that happened for men but i'm like thinking about weeks where oh wait you didn't know what do you mean or it happened they encourage girls to do it all the time like they'll tell girls to eat like a bunch of pineapple or like if i feel like that was a thing in my high school it's like if you knew you were gonna hook up with a guy you would literally consume like seven pineapples a day

For like a week. I knew that there are certain things that like can stop your period and help you. But I did not know that it could change. Like I'm thinking about weeks where my hyper fixation food was like corn dogs. Like did I have corn dog-acy? Probably. What the hell? You probably had corn dog-acy. And that's what we were just talking about before we started this. People were telling me that you can't have Dr. Pepper because apparently it makes your...

yeah we have two dr peppers on the way plug your nose mikoa and miles no i'm so sorry i have fact checked that one like i'm not kidding because i wasn't gonna let it go down that way you don't want no dr pussy no i didn't know why did i say no please please stop

No, I think it's a myth. Like to some extent, I'm sure it's true. Like if all you eat is like fucking like Indian fry bread all day long or like, you know what I mean? Like deep fried Oreos, like things that are like really, really like greasy and horrible. Maybe all I wanted to say was Oreo seat. Please no Oreo seat. Like, damn, that's just, I'm really now thinking about some weeks where I know I've had like fried pickle Lucy, you know, like that. It's just, you probably have some acidic Lucy. Okay.

Please don't ask. I like, I know I like, there's some things I would just rather not know. That's so true. I don't think he'd tell me anyways. I would hope that, well, I don't know because I don't think I would ever recover if someone told me that. Yeah. Like that's a crazy thing. I've heard it about other people. Like that's my least favorite thing about guys or like guy friends is when they like talk about shit like that. Yeah. Cause if you're saying this about this girl, then you guys would say this about me if I were not in the room. Yeah. And it's just like, yeah, I agree with that. Like it just gives me the ick.

Should we get our doctor pussies? Oh my God. I don't care if my pussy tastes like Clorox bleach after this. You might have to bleach it. Okay. Next topic. Something that's been weighing heavy on me. Catherine Pies posted her new boyfriend. Ex-McBroom. She was Catherine McBroom. That's why I'm trying to bring her old name back. Yeah, that's awesome. Because I'm a big McBroom guy. But-

Did you see Austin's like making videos trying to say like Catherine cheated? He's so delusional. And I just want to go on record right now. And I know I involve myself and wedge myself into all the drama and I really shouldn't. But let me just say quickly, I have personally with my own two eyes seen Austin McBroom cheat on Catherine dozens of times. Same. Maybe I'm lying when I'm saying same, but like I'm pretty sure it's kind of like the me meeting the how is he pulling that guy? Like I think I'm sure.

I just like, but it's so crazy for like her to finally be happy and him just like come out of the woodworks and be like, she cheated. I actually didn't see the video, but I just saw like text about it. It's so crazy how some people just don't live with any embarrassment. Like how does he not feel like when he like stops making the video and like the phone goes doo-doo and he's like sitting there alone in the room. How do you not feel like? I think it might be like what we were saying with Jake where he's like, it's intentional trolling. Like he knows it's intentional.

obnoxious and he's doing it anyway yeah but i feel like even jake paul would make fun of austin mcbrown well i know that to be true but i think that there's levels to this shit yeah i guess that's true yeah i'm so happy she's happy the new guy looks great like that's just i know i feel like she's got like a makoa on her hands like yeah like just a manly like outdoorsy man i'm pretty sure he's an artist yeah like that's so hot and like she just deserves that so much i'm so like

I posted it on my own story. Like, I know these people. Like, I am, it's awesome to see. I don't even want to talk about it because I almost like, I don't, and maybe I'm making this up, but somewhere down the line of me talking so much about Austin McBroom and how I thought he was awful, I feel like she almost started to feel like Tana stopped talking about me, right? Oh, sorry. I brought it up. No, but I might be making that up. I'm just happy for you, Catherine. I might be making that up. Maybe she didn't care at all, but God, I'm doing that a lot today. I just don't have my head screwed on straight. Lying.

Just saying things, yeah. Like, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. I'm so fucking tired. But that's okay. This week has just been crazy, Brooke. What have you been doing? I shot the Jeff's Barbershop dry shampoo campaign, shot an episode of Jeff FM, I shot the cover of Paper Magazine with all these characters. Like, it was so fun. Wait, I didn't even, why would you not tell me that you were doing that?

not it like got sprung on me so fast and then I just went and did it and you don't need to like I never believe anything until I'm there I'm like I'm sure it's paper magazine and then I show up and it's like downtown and it's like paper but it's like P-A-Y-P-E-R like I don't like it's like

Oh my God. Yeah. And that was fun. It was with, my cover was with Heidi Montag and Carter B. It's so weird too because I was just saying how I want to pull a Heidi Montag, like go get 26 plastic surgeries. I'm obsessed with her. I love her so much. Yeah. And then the next day she was there. It's funny. She told me I'd never met her before and I've always wanted to meet her. I was gagged. She told me that my old manager hit her up and presented her with an offer during the boxing era for me to box her, but in the contract put that she had to lose.

I don't know what you're saying like this is a surprise because I remember when that was in negotiations. Do you? I was standing in your closet at Weed Lake and I was gagged because I'm like, oh my God, you're going to fight Heidi Montag. Like this is huge. God, I don't remember my own life. Like when she told me that I was like news to me. I knew that. The Queen of Melrose was there. So my father got a job at the Palms restaurant.

Sounds like I would love her. But I got to be careful with this. I don't know. I don't know that person. Right. Thing. Because like who am I? Obsessed. And Paige and I love the Queen of Melrose. And we almost had a whole moment. Like we went up to say like we love you. And she like low key dissed us. Like just walked away. And then it was so awkward. It was so embarrassing. It was like me, Paige and Carter B. And we were it was just like we were dying laughing. We're like oh my God. And Paige and I was like this is the perfect story for cancel. Like just how funny.

Like all day we're working up the courage to meet her. We were literally like, I love you so much. Like you're like our Kim Kardashian. She just looked at us, stood there staring and was just like, and then walked away. But then like 30 minutes later she came back and she was like, be in my music video, sit on my lap, like all this shit. And it like, it like worked itself out. Maybe she was just like confused. Yeah, literally. That's I think Paige and I running up to you and being like, ah, is like scary. Yeah.

Like I think we scared the Queen of Moros. But then it all worked out and it was cute. But I love Carter B. We should try to have him on cancer. I actually think he would come on cancer. I love him so much. Like shooting. There were so many other people there and it was like Lisa Rinna and like all these other like. I love. How did you not lead with Lisa? I know it's kind of there were so many people I'm like trying to remember. But it was a set of all these covers and mine just happened to be with Carter. And they wanted Carter to be like chugging a bottle. I don't know if I can actually say all of this.

They have me vaping. I'm in a gown hitting this vape on the cover of a magazine and I just thought it was so cool because like normally I'm not allowed to hit my vape but it was fun to do with Carter. I don't know. And then Trisha and I have shot four episodes of Loveline. I've been back and forth at my house. I just haven't slept. I'm like losing my mind. That'll be convenient when you live a little closer to her. I know that is nice. I am excited about that. What the fuck was I just going to tell you? Oh, the Queen of Melrose reminded me of this story that I've been meaning to tell on Canceled. So the other night

My friend texted me and she was like, Tana, you'll never believe who's at Barney's Beanery right now. Right. And I'm like,

Jake Webber. Like, you know, just like who was at Barney's Beanery? I don't know. And she was like, Lewis Capaldi is at Barney's Beanery right now. And you know I love Lewis Capaldi so much. Have I ever told this story on the Cancel Podcast? I don't think so. How I scared the shit out of Lewis Capaldi. So anyways, this friend of mine, she's a little really crazy. So then she sends back a video of her like selfie style with Lewis and like he looks a little scared. When I met Lewis Capaldi, I scared the shit out of him. Like Zedd was having this party in Vegas and we were all at this after party.

And there's like 30 people and it's very much like, I literally think like Selena Gomez was there. Like there wasn't a lot of people and it was all very like important people. So me even being there, I was like on my best behavior, you know? And I sneak over to Zedd and I'm like, hey, like I know Lewis Capaldi's here. Like if you get a minute, like can I just like walk over there like with you, like whatever, like if you want. And he's like, of course, like I'll introduce you. He's the best. And so Zedd walks me over to Lewis Capaldi.

I'm so excited. I'm freaking the fuck out. And I look at Louis and for some reason this is the only thing I can come out of my mouth but I'm like crazy eyes and I just like look at him and I'm like, I love your work. I see nothing wrong with what you said. He said nothing back to me. Looked at me with the most horrified eyes of my entire life and then imagine me saying that, dead silence, and I just like had to walk away. Honestly, I don't think you should regret that at all. That was...

Honestly, it was just honesty. But imagine being Lewis Capaldi and like Tana Mongeau's in your face. Like, you know, like it's just... What about you being Tana Mongeau? Like, you know what I mean? I'm scared. If you love his work, you love his work. And he should have been appreciative. But I do love your work, Lewis Capaldi. Yeah. So then now I was just imagining my friend at Barney's Beanery scaring the fuck out of him. Like, it's just... What was he doing at Barney's Beanery? It's funny, the characters that all... Like Taylor Swift was just there. I was just going to say that. Like, what was Taylor Swift doing at Barney's Beanery? Yeah. Yeah.

I like hate sounding, it sounds so LA and like hipster, but I just like hate that the second places get found out by like the really young, like TikTok crowd. It destroys it. It's the same thing as Saddle Ranch. Like Saddle Ranch is like, they go to Saddle Ranch and sex in the city like 20 years ago. You know what I mean? Like no way. Yeah. And she could, they go of all places in Los Angeles and we're at the Saddle Ranch chop house.

I do remember that actually. Oh, that is kind of crazy. I guess it all does go in cycles. It's like, yeah, it just, it goes in and out. But if it's like, like that's a place that's just going to be there forever, Barney's. It doesn't matter who's,

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Do I give away this couch? Yes, to me. I have this whole elaborate plan, but it's one of those things where like Tana has an idea and then Tana doesn't think it out at all. And then it's just, you know, it's actually really hard to ship a couch. Paige said it was like a couple thousand dollars if it's within the U.S.,

Like I'm not, I'm so sorry to the fans outside of the US. Wait, so you're going to pay someone to take your couch? No, like I would pay the movers to ship it to whoever wins the giveaway. Like, don't you think that's so fun? Like our patrons on Patreon, I'm like, one lucky patron gets the canceled couch. I haven't thought about any of the fucking logistics literally at all.

Like, how do I give away a couch? Can you guys let me know in the comments below? If I were to do a couch giveaway, how should I do it? Like, should it be a contest? Maybe Los Angeles locals. Pick up only is kind of smart. Because like, how do you transport a couch? And do I just want to keep it? I'm also missing a piece. I lost a piece of this couch. Not kidding you guys. A second ago, we were literally like, wait, where's the rest of the couch? And it's like, how does a couch go missing? It's like losing your arm.

You know, I just found out I have a whole storage unit of like couches from like five houses ago. Yes. And I need to know where that deep gray one is. That one that was in your room at Alamo. Yeah. Like how do I keep losing couches? Well, I think you just put them in a storage unit and you never think about them again. Yeah. But where is the other piece of this couch? And I really can't find that. I don't know. But I want to give away this couch. But do you think it should be a contest? Like best interpretive dance wins the couch. Like should it be fun? So you want them to publicly?

humiliate no no no mind you this is coming from the girl who's just willingly on pages tiktok with a harmonica and tap shoes you know oh and you're such a good tapper i really would like to tap together we should tap together it's so fun i really do like that maybe we should have them do good for thanksgiving and the person who does the most good gets the couch no yeah tap dancing it is

No, it's just like funny. It's just like, I don't know why that's funny to me. Like, I feel like I was thinking about like the ways that like our fans would do good would just be funny. Like our fans are just funny. Yeah, I don't know. I want to give away this couch, but I like literally don't know how. I think it's a good idea. I think we just have to iron out the details. Yeah, so it's just like. But comment down below if you have any good ideas. Yeah, and I think it should be as is. Like we really should like stuff a little.

something in there for the people like I want like a backwood in the back of this yeah and like you know I get like it's just it feels intimate I feel like this couch is us Trisha was saying that today Trisha because essentially the reason why I want to is because I'm moving and I want to build us a set in my new house and I'm really excited to have a set but Trisha was like no like that couch is you guys so that a part of me is like fuck like you know

yeah I get it but you you also have another one you have two of them yeah I literally have another one so I don't know why I'm being drama when we when you lived at Alamo were these all together no I bought a second one when I moved into Wyndham because the living room was so big that I just wanted like extendo couch what house was that your last one like Marianne I don't know why I always like reference that

But yeah, it's having a set to not us. I think having a set would be fun. No, we need a set again. Come on. We got to step this game up. Yeah, I agree. I think we need a set. I have really cute ideas. That's going to be fun. You know what I want to talk about? I don't, but I would like to.

This photograph. I love, favorite picture ever. This is lately just- I have so many variations of that photo too. I think you might only have one. Did you take this photo? I took that photo. Okay, so this is perfect. Would you like to see the rest? Yes, I would. This photo's been really helpful to me lately because I think that whenever I want to drink again, I just remember that this photo of me exists, right? Like no matter what, like if you want to drink again, this photo of you exists, right? Like that is just-

I'm about to have so much fun and essentially I really want to I want to unpack the lore of the photo because I posted a TikTok about it and I was just like I feel like we need a breakdown there's a lot of moving parts in this photo series do you have the photos of me in the dress with the pep yes of course

I have all of it. I'm just, there were so many days of this trip. I'm like, Jesus. Or have we talked about this on the canceled podcast? No. Take a screenshot of that. Like I want to insert that into the. This one's a good one. We, we sleep on this one. Let me see. Let me see. Wait, I'm just making sure there's no, Oh, you're butt naked too. There's happy ones.

So that's the thing about this photo. I wish they were live. I would do anything for a live photo, but don't worry. I have videos as well. And by the way, this was like, um, not to blackmail my friend. This was like all in good fun. Brooke. No, like you didn't. This is my favorite. Like we can't even insert this. Cause it's like, why would, why were we even letting you in water? No, because here's what I want to, I want to say about this. Am I naked? Yeah.

I can't look, it's so real painting, I can't look. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Why am I naked? We don't know either, dude. Well, can I tell you something? You could not, like, we could not get you to put your clothes, oh, that was a great. Brooke! Brooke!

okay can I just tell you something I need to put these in a hidden folder I didn't even realize these are just floating around my camera roll yeah it's a little crazy these are also some personal favorites so have we unpacked these photos on canceled because I don't want to be redundant no I think we did it on um tour we did like a Turks and Caicos section so essentially you guys might have known the story but here's what I want to say so everyone obviously you remember seeing me like

this right but I've never and like everyone remembers seeing me like this and they all have different angles and variations and photos but we've never talked about what I remember give it to me I need to know I need to see this night through your eyes so obviously

This whole plan was just so stupid. Like we spent the day at Noah's Ark, which is this bar in the middle of the ocean. You have to take a jet ski or a boat to get there in Turks and Caicos. And it is famously known for the blackout. Like you drive out to the middle of the ocean on this bar that somehow floats. It's really dangerous if you think about it.

if you think about it. It really is because then it's like everyone, people just jet ski back. It's crazy and it's like just this floating bar and you get shit face. Like the whole, it's people with whistles like very Cabo energy. Like it's, you know, like they're trying to get you fucked up. Amari threw up all over everyone. People are upside down. Yeah. Like it's just,

It's this whole thing. And then I decided, I was like, my birthday dinner should be after we come back from that, which is just insane. Okay. Like it's go to, you need bedtime after that, right? Not to like continue the night. And so we all go have this birthday dinner on the beach. And that was obviously the birthday dinner where I thought my chair was broken and I kept tipping and seeing the moon. And then I moved chairs. I realized it was me, whatever. But so Justine, my stylist,

had styled me in this dress by Jacques Mousse. Jacques Mou. I don't know. Bebe's in Paris, not me. Jacques Mou. And I look cute there. No, these are honestly, I love these. You're so happy. I really was. But so listen to me. So I'm in this dress and...

I don't know the exact rarity of it, but all I know is that Kylie Jenner had just worn it. I'm pretty sure it was not for sale. Like, I don't think there was a lot of this dress. It was really like, like even when she brought it over and was like, I pulled this for you. Like we were like screaming and jumping up and down. Like it's insane that the pull ended up happening.

Right. And so I bring it and I'm like, I'm going to wear this on my birthday. I'm going to take those photos. Kylie just wore it. Like, this is so, so good. Right. And then obviously we know that the only photos I got in it were me thinking that the paparazzi was there with Peppa ears on whatever. But then, and I'm wearing my watch and you can't,

take watches underwater unless they're like submariner watches. Like, so like, it's a very nice watch. It's a very expensive watch. And I just remember running from the beach and all of you knew that I was about to jump in this pool. You know what I mean? And filling the watch with water, like that was a $20,000 mistake of mine. Like, it's just like, that's, I'll have to live with that forever. Right. And I will never forget that.

And all of you are walking from the beach and it's like I'm running and everyone's behind me being like, Tana, don't do it. Like, I know you're going to jump in the pool. Everyone. I remember Isabella's like, no, don't. You're like, Tana. Especially Isabella. She's like, absolutely not. Yeah, like in this dress, whatever. And then just the only flash I have is being midair over the pool. And all of you are standing around the pool going, no! No!

Oh, I think I have it on video. That's why I'm naked, I think, because like Isabella and everyone was like, take it off. Like you can't, you can't be wearing this dress. I have the whole process. Who's taking it off me? It appears that Natalie's taking it off of you. Your arms are just...

yeah and then I woke up the next day and my entire Audemars Piguet watch the face of it was filled with but this is like these are some of my favorite memories like I'm gonna charge you these images forever I know that's the thing is it's like I love being sober but like I'm happy that happened I think this is just so good like the whole process of it all

you should like do it i have the next morning like your hair is on like every crevice of the patio like it's everywhere send that photo and we have to edit that and that's insane but there was something lethal in that pool okay it was turning everyone's jewelry like it also had just been shocked so we're like our hair could have melted off my hair did melt off them

Okay. What a trip that was. God, I just like really like, really like I know for a fact work, you do not have a photo of you this bad. Like this, like it's one of those things where- Because I, it's not like, I don't want to call it a-

blessing. It's the wrong word, but like I cannot do that because I throw up after like four shots. Yeah. I'll throw up and pass. I think it's antidepressants. I'm so serious. I like, so I would, I don't think I would have ever stopped drinking if that, like if it, if my body cut me off, you know? Yeah. It's well, it's kind of scary. Cause then, yeah, it is like,

you're like drunk driving your body and I can't do that it's like literally it sedates me like immediately all of a sudden I just go like I become micro felt but I get so sick that's like the reason I haven't been drinking as much recently obviously like I don't even want to go sober but it's like I can't drink without getting so sick I was about to say mmhmm but I'm getting so much hate for my mmhmms um no you know what I'm in trouble for honestly so valid why was I blinking so hard in the last episode laughing

I was really thinking about like why I do that because now I'm like hyper aware of it and I do it a lot off camera. Like if someone's telling me a long story. To show you're listening. Yeah. And I think it comes from my childhood. Like I think just like not being like I always want people to know that they're heard. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Mm-hmm. Slay. Yeah, I don't know. And I just like. No, I agree with that. I don't think that's weird. I think that sometimes it's just like. I was filming with Trisha today and I became like so hyper aware of my mm-hmms that I was then like. And I'm like, I have all these tics. I have like a mouth fixation on like doing this.

It's just so crazy that like... I'm licking my lips. It's like, it's a medication thing, but I think that might be the blinking too. But just know that like, it's better this than what would be happening if I weren't on it. So let me blink my fucking day away. Great. Let me fly away with these lashes. And I just do have to recognize that like the ADHD way that like we talk interrupting each other every second is not for everyone. And when you hit that like new market, like our fans are more like...

okay with that and aware of that you know but like yeah I mean they still don't like it nobody likes it but sometimes I'm like when is she gonna finish I don't know if you're ever gonna finish that's the thing like just and then I'll forget my thought oh see

Sorry. I don't know. I couldn't agree more. I just get so scary. Like, it's so scary getting in the hyper-aware waters. Because, like I said, today I was filming with Trisha and I became so fucking weird because I couldn't stop moving. I've lived my past two years of my life that way. When we never settle for the world that's been built, that's when we drive it forward. ESG, commitment, strength, and destruction is born.

At Cushman and Wakefield, better never settles. I'm having dexterity issues. Are you? Yeah, like major. Today, well, I don't know if this isn't a dexterity thing, but I'm having a hard time keeping things in my mouth. Yeah, like when I'm chewing, things will just fall out.

and I'm spilling things all over myself and like my my hands just don't work how they used to does that make sense like like even typing I'm like I feel like I can't type as fast like my brain is working faster but like I physically can't do it it's almost like I'm drunk that's scary that's kind of crazy yeah I was like worried for a second that maybe I had like some sort of like um MS or something but I think I'm just stupid

It's so weird as we age and shit, like how our bodies change. Like lately I've been having to crack my hips every two minutes and I'm like, okay, grandma. Like what do you mean my hips are out of place? I'm 26. Also, does bad baby have cancer? Yeah. And is it from vaping? Probably.

I don't know. I can't confirm or deny that. It's just so sad. I want to talk about Peggy. Peggy? I thought you were going to say pegging. This made me sob today and I just need you to see it because we're talking about growing old. And like this literally just like makes, like lights my soul on fire. Click the one that's like very clearly Peggy in the middle. Do you know Peggy? I'm just not emotionally stable enough for shit like this. I know. Yeah.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Peggy. She's 100 and she's at the game still. And the whole stadium sing her happy birthday. Isn't it so crazy that like when you see older people, you just think like that's an older person. Like that she's still just a girl. Yeah. Makes me really sad. It's like...

Obviously growing old is like such a privilege and it's so beautiful, but it just like, it just like is so sad to me. Do you know that I posted a YouTube video filmed and posted to YouTube when I was like 19 years old where I imagine right now I like invited people.

my friends over I invited you over and I said we're going to film a YouTube video right and obviously I told them everyone the concept before but then we all just sat there and the camera was on us and we watched Lena the plug and Adam 22 have live sex in front of us and reacted and I posted it to the internet and it was monetized and no one said anything

Times have really changed. Like, what do you mean? But like, where'd you get that concept? I think that I was just like, even just with my titles, with everything, like I was like, what has no one ever done in my realm? How shocking can I go? Like, how insane can I be? See, you've got a brain like that. That is so impressive to me. Like, but that's like. But like, I mean, yeah, that's fucking wild.

wild like that's Pornhub like what do you mean like that that I can't believe that was on YouTube like the end there all the noises and like we watched them like it was me, Yaya, Maya, Ashley, Isabella, I think maybe Amari and we all just sat there fully clothed like it was like I just think like there's something like a little strange about like low-key getting horny with your friends.

But I like no one was horny. No. Well, I think I am. Well, I think statistically speaking, there's eight people in that room. At least six were horny. I guess like you just I could that you could watch like fucking. But it wasn't horny. It was like we were like at the box. Like it was like we just like we're watching like very easy. But it was a really small room at the same time. Like it was like the size of that room over there, like a really small room. Like they were like like as probably as far from me as you are. And like just a camera on me.

And I posted that to YouTube. I said, I watched Lena and Adam have sex published. Wait. And I was monetized. Were you watching them on video? Brooke, no. What? Brooke, no. Like, I'm here. Camera here. This whole time I thought you were talking about reacting to a video. No. We went to the...

their house and like she's in doggy this far from me getting pounded and I posted that to I filmed that I edited that and I uploaded that

Oh yeah. And it was monetized. That's not the takeaway by the way, the monetization. Like hold on. I'm just, I guess I'm just puzzled. It's because the approval, you know what I mean? Like a lot of people had to agree to that for it to have taken place. Not really though. Like at that time I was just so unhinged. Like they did, the friends did, you did. Like you did the thing that you were talking about, like the Austin McBroom. You literally sat with it.

pressed upload. I know. I wish it was still alive. Do you think it exists somewhere? You know, they say the internet is forever. I honestly do. Should I try to find it? And it's so crazy the way my brain works. Like I was literally about to fall asleep last night and just for some reason that just popped in my brain for no reason. Okay, I have a question for you, but like let me see if I can find it. Yes, I want. What's your question? Well, show me first. Oh my God, this is someone reacting to it.

Listen, that's me in the video. I'm tipsy right now. Well, how about that? So am I. Top comment is the internet is a special place. Yeah. Someone said, I thought she was going to watch their tape, not sit in the splash zone while they played pelvic patty cake IRL. This website is a circus. But the best thing about the internet is people's comments. Like that's. And then the next one is that I worry that Tana's eyes, nose and mouth are slowly migrating away from her face.

The zone. Yay. People on the internet are so funny. You know, today, the auto zone was on fire on fucking Highland. Literally. Did you see it? It was the craziest thing I've ever seen in LA. Like, it was crazy.

act it was a completely engulfed in flames the whole auto zone okay and i'm on citizen like watching the town burned to the ground and all the comments are like fuck i just ordered fat sals because dude citizen app is so funny do you know that you can go live personally on the citizen app by the way

Like you can go live and then people can come in and I used to do that all the time with like Josie and Ari and shit. Like it's insane. Well I was watching everybody go live but I need you to I wish I could show you the videos of it. It was so crazy. Like I can't believe you didn't see it. Have you been speaking of just things around LA that are just funny and insane. Have you been seeing the Ozempic Cybertrucks? What? What?

People are wrapping all around Los Angeles. People are wrapping cyber trucks in like, get skinny now. Oh, I did see that because someone was like, imagine explaining this to a Victorian. Oh, zempic cyber trucks. I'm like, no, I haven't seen it, but where is it? Or is it? But I can't.

I hate Cybertrucks so much and it sucks because in theory they're so cool. They're so fucking ugly. I just think they're just like, it looks like they're going to get hit by something. They're so big and so sharp. I love how they look, but the... I want to see a crashed Cybertruck. Yeah, you're so right. Like, what does it look like when it crashes? Yeah, it's so true. I just think the Cybertruck community is what makes you mad. And why did everybody like...

just leave it silver why did everybody universally decide that well because it's ugly it gets so dirty it's like it's like you know when you have like a copper tabletop or something and then it just every single watermark leaves a permanent stain that's how it is it just looks disgusting so they have to wrap it i saw a camo one the other day how do you masturbate when you live with your boyfriend i already told you on the toilet but like is that the only way i tried it or like when he's there like but like

Why do you need to masturbate if your boyfriend's there? Okay, can you hear me out? Here's the thing, right? Like, we're together all the time and obviously sex is like a whole thing. Yeah. You know, and sometimes you just want to get your nut out and keep it pushing. See, I want to get behind you, but sometimes you put me in these positions. I know. And I'm sorry. I am. But like...

Obviously, it's just like, I don't, my back doesn't have the arch in it. You know, like, I don't, like, I want this to be one minute. Yeah, sometimes it is a real task. Yeah. You know what I mean? But then it's like, and obviously, yes, you can go in the bathroom and you can go in the shower, but that's not ideal. I tried your whole toilet shtick. I don't, like, it's. You didn't try it. I swear to God on the Bible, I tried it. I almost texted you right after. Do you think it's like a personal thing? Like, do you think, like, for some reason, that's just like, like, how I was built? Like, I need to be upright? Yeah.

Yeah. Because it's not specific to the toilet, by the way. Like, I could be sitting on a couch or on a bed. But, like, I shouldn't be laying down because it's not the same. That's, yeah, that's definitely a personal thing. I'm going to try standing up when I get home. I've tried that. Have you? It's kind of embarrassing. It feels like your knees feel like buckling. It's really embarrassing.

he looked like demi lovato in camp rock like it very disney me coded but and i'm already disney me coded so but i think you just yeah so i tried your whole toilet stick and honestly all i just felt was like shame like walking out of there i was like that's embarrassing like you know what i mean but then it's like what i'm just embarrassing and like i almost like don't want people to know that about me but like in case i help even one person experience what i had experienced i

That's fair. No, it's fair. And I haven't tried it with a vibrator though. I was acoustic. Bitch, you can't. Like that doesn't even count. That doesn't even count. Acoustic isn't real. Acoustic is real. Acoustic is so real. Acoustic, I'm not even kidding. Like maybe one...

in my 28 years of life have I successfully acoustic, acousticked. That's weird. And it was only because I was really, really in a bind. I'll go for the Theragun quicker than I'll go acoustic. Brooke Amber. Brooke Amber. Brooke Amber.

No, you did not just say that. First of all, I've already told you that. Don't act like you don't know. They even know. But I just, the only thing is you need at least like four layers of protective. Like there needs to be like a blanket. Like a hoodie. A pant, a choney, and a spot. Like you need to have a spot.

But it's like in my dream world, you know, I'd love to just. What about wank it in my bed? What about parallel play? Yeah, but then that's a whole thing. Why? Because then it's like. Okay, you don't watch me. I don't watch you. You just fucking. That's weird as fuck. I don't think it's weird. We're just going to masturbate next to each other and never bring it up and like never like we'd have. I'd have to be like looking and like.

Like it's just more. Yes. No, but then still that just feels to me like that's still one step up from just a daily wank. Like a casual wank. Well, fuck. You have a mansion. Like go to another room. Yeah. No, you're right. Like you should be worried about people like me. I get what you're saying. I just, yeah. Just say, hey, I've got to wank it, please. Can I just wank it really quick?

Is that what you say? Can I please just jack off? I wouldn't say that to him. That's what you say. But that's what I'm saying. I only say that to you because the other terms feel sexy. What are your other terms? No. Come on. We're done. Come on. Don't be weird. I'm not. Leave me alone. Don't be weird.

I'm done. I just, I really like, I'm almost like I am asking Brooke, but I'm also just asking people out there. You live with your partner. I think this would be a good question for sex with Emily. You guys, I've been talking to Tana about having this sex therapist that I met on the podcast. We really should. And like she has so, she's just like everything to her, like nothing is off limits. Everything's so comfortable and stuff. And I'm like, I'm just not there yet. You know what I mean? I was a late bloomer. Like I didn't have sex until I was like 40. Yeah.

And then even then I was like really only like base model, like doing like very, you know. Yeah. I feel like I know what the sex therapist would say, you know, like incorporate whatever. But I'm saying. Yeah, she would say like have an open and clear communication line with your partner. And I totally could do that, you know, but I'm just saying like how do people who like essentially live with their partner hit the private link? And I'm just also imagining him gaming and then all of a sudden it's like zzz.

And he just looks over and I'm like, that's so weird. What's crazy is that was like such an accurate depiction of like what happens. Yeah. Like it's just like. Well, imagine like you walk in on me in the toilet and my legs are like.

That's what I'm saying. Like, how I just there's got to be something to do on the toilet all the time. By the way, this is like a real like accidental discovery. No, because you had to carry your vibrator into the toilet. It was like there was nowhere else to go. And the thing is that that shower at that venue had a leak. It had a leak. And so I couldn't just be in there forever because it would have filled the entire fucking place with water. Mm hmm.

So I had to separate the two. I can't believe you discovered masturbating on the toilet at a venue before you went on stage. We should say masturbating sitting up. It doesn't have to be on the toilet. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And that's better. I wouldn't want to say that too. But like if you're hanging off the edge, like you never know, you know.

What else do we have? I feel like we can't just have... That was way too long of a masturbation conversation. I know, but I really want answers and I don't have them yet. I'm trying to figure out how to... That should have been on Patreon. How to bring on a casual wank. That's so fair. Euphoria is never coming back. Wait, how do you know? The people... And maybe this is just like a TikTok lie. I keep falling for TikTok lies. Me too. The other day I saw this TikTok and it was like...

It said that Lana Del Rey commented on Lizzo's post telling her to get on the treadmill and all the comments were like acting as if it was valid. And I scrolled down to the very bottom and there was like one person saying this was fake. And I was like, that is fucked up. Like, yeah, it's really crazy. But, but,

I saw on TikTok that Euphoria is allegedly never coming back. And if that is the case, and I understand why. Like, I think it's been too long. They all became too successful, honestly. And, like, I think Angus Cloud was such a vital part of Euphoria. And, like, I...

understand if it never came back but then it's like can the fucking creator sit down and tell us what the fuck happened to Rue's suitcase like how like I just want the end of the story like they we need one long episode they left us on such a cliffhanger that it's like what do you mean it's just never I don't like when a show has been it's been so long since the show has

Like, I didn't even remember what you were talking about when you just said the suitcase. Really? But Euphoria was a little bit dark to me. And honestly, I hate to be like a Karen, but like, I definitely don't think it's what our youth should be consuming. Wow. You know what I mean? It was like really, it was heavy. All Sam Levinson shows are very heavy. I know. I guess you could argue, though, that it's like good education. Well, and it's just artistic. Like, it's a very like...

It's just, it's cool. But it's like, it's one of the more accurate depictions of mental health in today's society. I feel like that I've seen. Yeah. But like high schoolers, like, yeah, I don't know. My high school was not like that. My high school was just like that. I think that's why, like, like my high school experience was very similar to euphoria. I had one friend who did drugs and she was just like crazy. That's crazy. No, like I was rude to a T. I am rude to a T. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah.

And like, yeah, I don't know. You were Rue? I'm definitely Rue. I think I would want to be like Maude. Or what's her name in the movie or in the show? I don't remember. Lexi? Is this fucking play about us? That's Cassie. No, no, no. I know what I'm saying. She wrote the play, right? Yeah. God, I love Sidney Sweeney. Who would you want to play you in a movie about yourself? Because that's my answer. Sidney Sweeney. For you. Yeah.

I didn't say it has to be accurate. Jennifer Coolidge, The Queen of Melrose. Have you ever seen the movie...

wanderlust you have it's easily the funniest movie i've ever seen i just watched it for the first time it's with jennifer aniston and paul i want to say paul rudd funniest fucking movie i've ever seen you will literally die i watched it tonight honestly it was so i just finished bojack horseman and i need a support group here's what i'm gonna go on the record and say what's bojack horseman about brooke i'm i i have to say right now

Dexter has always been, since the dawn of time, my favorite show of all time. And BoJack Horseman might be my favorite show I've ever watched in my entire life. Like it changed my life. Really? Erin's saying the same thing. It is the most... I just don't like animated things. I know, I know, I know, I know. I do, but I'm genuinely saying if these were people...

Like, I almost feel like it doesn't get the credit that it deserves because it's not people. But it is the most accurate, deep, dark depiction of mental health I've ever fucking seen. See, yeah, I don't want that. I want to feel happy. Then, yeah, definitely don't fucking watch it. But it's the greatest show I've ever seen. Let me just tell you, essentially. And it's also based in Hollywood, which is really cool. So, like, it's all cartoon and it's, like, all places we've gone and stories and whatever. And BoJack Horseman is based on...

on some people argue he's not but like I'm just gonna explain it to you as if he is on Bob Saget like on like he had a show like Full House he played the happy dad he ends up like growing up and kind of becoming this like dark person and he's a raging alcoholic and he just fucks up his own life over and over again and but you love him and it's oh my god it's it's just

It's the greatest show I've ever seen. Maybe I do have to watch it. But again, I get so like I truly like get really affected by things. Like I'll carry like a movie with me like for days at a time. Yeah, I've never felt. I finished it last night. I watched the finale and I've never felt pain. Like it leaves you with this.

I don't think I've ever watched a show that leaves you with the same feeling that the character feels so deep inside of you. Like I genuinely felt like empty and like. I don't want to feel empty. But it's so good. It's just so good. And it's really funny too how many, because it's still funny. It's just dark humor and a lot of the things that are funny are like fucked up and sad. Like the things that he's doing. But like so many of the scenes, like every person is a person you know. Like every person, like.

One of the characters is literally identically Natalie Bowling. Like, it's just like, it's very, because it's like all these people that you know in Hollywood. Princess Carolyn is Natalie Bowling to a fucking T. It's so funny. But like,

Like you, I think you would think I'm BoJack and it might make you hate me more, but it's more hate me more is crazy. The people already think it. I hate me more. I didn't mean to project that onto you. Um, you need to watch it. It's just, I can't even, I will. If I ever want to feel empty, if you ever just, and I don't think, I don't think any show is,

Like whenever people say like Hollywood is so dark, right? And like Hollywood is so cutthroat. People are so evil. It's so different here than anywhere else. I've never seen a show so accurately depict what people are really fucking like here. Like and I'm almost thinking that people in other places watch this and they're like, oh, this must be exaggerated. And like it's not. And like it's just nuts. And it's like a cartoon horse. Like it's crazy. If it were people, it would –

He's a cartoon horse? Yeah. I guess that makes sense. BoJack Horseman. Yeah. And he lives in a house in Hollywood Hills and he has just like a crazy life and it's nuts. Maybe one day. I need a support group. I like to feel really happy and I like to be distracted from my empty, sad feelings. Don't watch it.

Yeah. You really shouldn't. I haven't had a show make me as sad as the shows made me ever in my entire life, honestly. But now I love it. I love shit that fucks me up. I don't know. Sometimes it's nice, like a good sad song. But like, I don't know. But seven seasons of a show that's like really sad. No, too much. Yeah.

Greatest show I've ever seen though. I'm trying to think of like something else you should watch now. Like what are all my favorite shows? I'm trying to think. I've watched everything. I need to watch the Martha Stewart documentary too still. Immediately. That's the very next thing you need to watch. Speaking of very next, can we talk about the next top model? That was such a stupid segue for what I'm about to say.

I loved it. But wait, what's going on? Well, I was going to talk about Martha Stewart, how I keep seeing her be like such a whore on my timeline. I love her. I love it. Yeah. Who is she just saying? She's like, yeah, he came on my show. He's pretty good at what he does. Watch out, wife. Yeah. That's what I was talking about. Like she was saying, watch out, wife, about somebody's husband. And then he came to her house. I was like, Martha, Martha.

And she's like 80. I just feel like you never see people. She's so shameless. You never see people be like 75 and like that. Really? I feel like every grandparent I've ever known has been like that. Just ruthless, shameless. Yeah, I guess I just mean in the spotlight. Oh, yeah. But did you grow up watching America's Next Top Model? Yes. I watched it religiously. It's one of my favorite shows of all time. I think it is fucking amazing reality television.

And I feel like a lot of shows now, like now when we think about reality television and look back on it, like a Jersey Shore, just any shows, you're like, that wouldn't fly today, right? And you're like, that's a little fucked up in today's standards, right? But I remember watching America's Next Top Model at the time and thinking like, this is so fucked up. Like, it's like Tyra Banks just hazing these bitches. Yeah. Remember when they shaved a gap in her teeth? That's literally what I was just going to say.

I was just gonna say making the bitches shave gaps in their teeth and shave their head and they're sobbing and then she just sends them home like imagine you shave your head bald in a gap in your teeth entire banks is like you suck at this shit it's like literally every time I've ever dated a man I like completely adapt my personality and then get to the curve and then you're just standing there toothless I'm just sitting there on my fucking horse like what what now exactly and

she would just always do that like there was an episode remember where she made girls like cosplay different races and shoot is that like the craziest shit and just like would like one girl couldn't read like had dyslexia makes her read in front of everyone then like tells her she's a horrible model boots her off the show like just genuine hazing and like

If you really think about it as well, it's very sad. The amount of these girls' dreams that were crushed when in reality they're all beautiful. Yeah, I remember seeing one girl like, she was like, sorry, you're a fatty. And she's like a size four. Yeah, like just, like, and these are just like five. There are hundreds of examples. The show went on for so long. Like, you know what I mean? And it's,

Finally now on Vice there is a documentary exposing the horrors of America's Next Top Model and I haven't watched it yet but I'm like It's new? Yeah I've got to watch it What's Vice? Is that like online? I know what it is but like where do you get that? Like you have to be on the internet? I don't know actually but I don't care I'm locked in I have to watch it You know Tyra Banks is one of the only I always say this is one of the only celebrities I've ever had like a bad experience with personally Yeah BeautyCon I can never forget that story Thank you that's so sweet You're welcome I don't hate you

I don't think you hate me I didn't I really I'm not kidding like I love you more than ever and I know you love me my love for you is growing every day I'm really excited for your birthday too I've been doing but you made me a little nervous that text you sent me I've been the birthday fairy like I've just been doing digging trying to find things out nothing crazy it's just like really fun I've been having a lot of fun with your birthday all month okay that makes me happy do you use chat GPT

No, but I want to start because everybody's like so good at it. If I had that in college, I would be a nurse right now. Yeah. By the way, I would have passed. I've been using it so much lately because I've been crying like every day. I don't want to go into the whole house lore of it all. It is such a champagne problem. It's such a blessing. But I...

This is exactly why I like was so scared to do it because it is in taking so much information about things that I just do not understand. Yeah. And then you don't want to lock yourself into something that you like weren't completely aware of because it was just too much at once. And I'm coming to the conclusion that like that's what's going to happen. No matter how much research I do, there are so many things that I just won't and can't and don't understand. And it's not like these are...

easy things. Like it's like, I think it's hard to not having somebody who can advise you like on a personal level. Like everybody who's advising you right now is like your business manager, the real estate agent, like all people who like,

You know what I mean? Like it needs to be like a parent or something. And I'm so grateful to God for my real estate agent, Sasha. She's actually a great friend of mine. I was friends with her sister. I've known her forever. And she, her and I are way more similar in age. So she has been really helping me with like explanations. So obviously all, and I've always had this problem, like even just with my lawyers, like whenever I'm in a lawsuit and they're trying to explain the law to me, like the way that

people two generations above us explain to our brain rot generation. Like even if I am on the full dose of my medicine, my attention span cannot handle these like insane wraparound explanations with eight analogies about things like I need just direct answers.

Like, and I feel like I've been in all these meetings where I'm asking like the most simple question and it's like, it's like, what is escrow? And then it's like a 30 minute explanation with 90 analogies. And then I still don't know. Right. Yeah. And I was at a football game with Mario Selman recently.

and Mario, someone, he didn't understand the football game. And so he asked chat GBT, can you explain football to me in short gay terms? Right. And then chat GBT writes back and is like, essentially giving this whole analogy about how football is like an episode of RuPaul's drag race. And like, why? And I was reading it and I was like, Oh my God, like,

I literally completely understand football now. This is amazing. The amount of times I've had someone try to explain this to me, like it doesn't make sense. It's scary because it's like, that's amazing. But also like, oh no. But it's, listen to this. Like, I can't read the one. Wait, can you, can you explain football?

Like, okay, I said, can you explain to me in short gay terms the negative downsides of buying a home when the previous seller has a lien on the property, right? And mind you, I was on an hour call with five people trying to explain this to me for an hour. I hung up. I cried. I asked ChatGBT this, and they go, buying a house with a lien is like inheriting someone else's messy ex, aka you're stuck with their baggage until the lien is cleared, you're

You can't bully on the house. And honey, that's a whole drama. It's giving red flag vibes for your finances. So check the receipts first. Like I've learned so much. That is amazing. It's like there was, there's another one I'm trying to find.

Like, can you, I was saying like, can you explain to me in short gay terms, the negative downsides of like having other people be a trustee on your property with you? And like, what the fuck does that mean? Right? Same thing. Our call five people trying to explain it to me. Chad GPT is like the downside. If you're blind, trustee isn't serving trustworthy vibes. They can mess up your whole fantasy.

mismanage funds or make bad calls. Plus you lose some control. So if they fumble, it's your coin on the line. Choose wisely diva. And then I just call back and I'm like, okay, now I completely understand. Like it's, that's so funny and so amazing. It almost like, how is there not a real human being on the other line of that?

Isn't that so insane? Like I've been using it to explain even just the other day, like bees. I was like, why do people say save the bees? And then they explained it all to me in short gay terms. And now I'm like, no, it's save the bees. I don't think I'm even supposed to be alive at this time. Like it doesn't make any sense because I'm still trying to understand how a fucking camera takes a picture. Wait for it. Can you explain?

In short, gay terms, how a camera takes a picture. Light hits the lens, slays through to the sensor, and leaves its impression like a flawless red carpet photo. The shutter's the gatekeeper, deciding how much light gets in. Snap, it captures the moment, giving you a pixel. Perfect memory to serve. Like, yes, but, like, you cannot. Like, I don't think there's anything in the world that can make. Like, people are watching us right now as it really happened.

in like you know what i mean like because of these things but how and the fact that these were invented like before a suitcase had wheels on it like you're lying a suitcase had wheels on it like 30 years ago like before that they were just carrying them around that's why in all the videos they're just carrying like the trunks like are canceled like my grandpa was telling me about how he would like run through the airport and he didn't have wheels on his suitcase and now i'm pissed that i didn't think of that and like not that i was alive but it is crazy

There's like nothing left to invent. You know that I thought there are, you'll hear about it tomorrow and you'll be like, why the fuck was that not me? I know, that's my parents, that was their whole shtick. They were always trying to think of a new invention to like get us out of poverty and I was like, mom, just get a job. My mom thinks she's done it like twice a day. Yeah, it's not, what is that? I don't know. You know, ChatGPT apparently uses water, like the machines, and so then that can be like a serious problem for our future. Like how much water ChatGPT uses. Yeah.

why do they need water but like I also don't that makes me sound really stupid but it's like isn't there always more water like why can't we find water and now I want to ask and I get it like we're like sometimes we're in a drought but it's like why can't we get it doesn't water come from the ground can't we just get more but like it's like at the rate of consumption oh so we're consuming it faster than okay then that makes sense but like I know that sounds stupid but just like I'm trying to learn you let me know

I need it. Is it an app? Yes. Just the chat GPT app. I'm not kidding. It's really been saving my life. Is it free? I pay for the whole thing though because it's like actually saving my life as of late. I don't know why. You know, people are using chat. Wait, first of all, Hawk to a girl started an app. She started an app. I'm obsessed with her grind. Like she's giving me Jake Paul energy. She's signed by him. The seat. Like you do think he is behind this? Like, um,

She started an app that's essentially like AI dating advice. From her? No, from, it's like artificial intelligence. I don't even think it has anything to do with her. I think she just like,

She started it. She is slaying so hard. I know. I'm obsessed with her. I know. But like, you know, like, I don't know. I'm just, I'm into it. Damn. I like want to know. I want to know who's like ideating these things. I've been, I think I'm just going to send Jake like seven questions. I'm like, how much did Mike Tyson make? Like, I need to know. He said he threw him an extra 5 million for the last thing.

Or he said he would. So I'm assuming he did. It's crazy. Pookie and Jatt had their baby. They, uh, the baby wore home a $1,500 outfit. Did you see her doing her glam too? Yes. And I'm obsessed with that. Somebody posted a TikTok about how it was like weird, but I'm like, that's been happening. That's like a tale as old as time. Like my mom had a full face of makeup when she had me. Really? Yeah. Like, I think that's so iconic. And it's also like people don't talk about enough how like

and this is this says everything about like the womanhood trope but like doing your makeup is so soothing like if i was like in a lot of pain freaking out about how i'm about to give birth like contouring would like i yeah or i just feel like if i felt pretty i'd be like pushing like it's so true though it's so fair like i i couldn't agree more do you know someone from you when you give birth are you gonna let like your husband just like look right into the um

You're like, you know, I'm Pesci. But like, you know, like my biggest fear is like in that, like not even having like control over the room when that happens. You know what I mean? Like, like I'm laying there, I'm pushing, like I'm in so much pain. Like if he wanted to walk over here, what am I going to do? Get up and scream.

I don't know. I don't think I could have anybody see that. Yeah, I need someone to see me from like my from my shoulder. You know what I mean? Yes, but I'm not like I want them to see the same thing I do, which is just legs. Yes, I agree. One hundred percent.

You're giving birth. I know that you think you don't want to have a baby, but you do. I want babies, but how I get them is not me. I don't have it in me. Brooke, I had a fucking panic attack at Trisha Paytas' house. So embarrassing in front of her to imagine this. We're like about to start a show and I think I hear ringing in the room.

there's no ringing like in the room at all. And I start having a literal panic attack because I'm convincing myself that I have tinnitus and I'm about to have a stroke and I'm going to die. There's imagine her. She's like, I'm getting into business with this. Like, so I just, I don't think I have it in me. Like I don't, I don't, I really don't. I know it all. You're going to loosen up. Maybe I will, but I'm just such a paranoid person. It's crazy. I'm like really in a phase where I'm like, if I got pregnant right now, I don't think I'd be like so upset.

Just because I'm 30. Well, I'm 28. To me, I just want to let you guys know in the past 24 hours, Brooke to me has said I'm 30. Like 30 times. You're not 30. I'm about to be 28. Yeah. But like think about two years. That's a long time. Like think about two years ago, you know?

You're still in your 20s. I just don't want to be like a super old parent. Well, I don't mind being an old parent, but what if my kid wants to run around and I can't run around anymore? I have a question. Would I be a bad parent? We're talking about things that kids want to do. I was waking up today at like 10.30 and to me, that is truly...

6.30. I just mean that. I've been watching a lot of podcasts on like sleep studies and stuff and I'm learning more that some people are just like genetically or like in their formative years like when they're born and shit like can actually genetically become like night owls. You know what I mean? I'm like I know that's me. Like to me 10.30 is 6.30 a.m. and obviously now and again I can get up early but then I just feel awful. I feel like until noon I'm not present at all. Like I'm not

And no matter what, I'm always going to go to bed late. So it's just like the earlier it is, the less sleep I get no matter what.

And I was like, am I a bad parent one day if like I never once really take my kids to school? Like if I like had like if Makoa did that every day and then I picked them up every day. Or like if I was present in their lives in every single way. Like I'll make their lunches the night before. I'll do everything. But like I can't. That's why that's the only reason I dropped out of school. And like by the time I was in like fifth grade, I would cry every single day about having to get up. Like.

Even I was miserable getting up for school. But everyone else did it. I don't think that makes you a bad parent. I just think like...

What if you want to like put her a little hair in like little pigtails? Like we're going to have to do the overnight curls or something. Like I think so. It's like, I'm serious. Like I remember as a young kid thinking like, I hate myself. Why am I not like the other kids? Because it wasn't just like an, oh, I'm tired. Like everyone's tired. It was like this different level of like, like really bad. Like I think most parents would like,

Have done something about that. Obviously mine didn't. But like I would scream and cry every single day. Every day. All the way up until I dropped out. Because it was too early for me. Like and it's like. God it's so. It is really strange. I don't really. Like I don't think I can get up at 7 a.m. every single day. No I don't think. I don't think that makes you a bad parent to answer your question. But.

Like I would be the best parent in every single way. But like I know for a fact I cannot take them to school at like 7 a.m. every day. Well, hopefully you have a bus route. That's true. I rode the bus. It's formative. Mm-hmm.

I never rode the bus. I rode the bus in the love of my life. Juan was on my bus and he was a year older than me and he didn't speak English, but we had a special connection. Every time in your life that you've told someone I love you, like was that hard for you? Do you remember that? Like the first time you told anyone I love you?

No. Like I have this realization today that that like I always have done it in very like even with Makoa I like got him blacked out. I got blacked out and then I was like I love you. Like I couldn't say it like before. I don't feel that way about I love you but I feel that way about like you've probably experienced this. I find it's like really hard for me to like even if I feel like I love someone so much and I think they're the world of them it's really hard for me to like

Put it into words. Yeah. Like say it like makes me like feel so strange. I was just thinking about the first time I ever said I love you to someone. It was Victor Aguero in seventh grade. And I said. Did you love him? I think.

I thought I was so in love with him. I've always felt so deeply like in seventh grade. I was like, I'm madly in love with this person. And then I said, I LWI like I like I like wrote it out and like made him figure out what that meant. And I was saying, like, I'm in love with you. And then he didn't love me back. No. Yeah. How do you know? He told you. Yeah. But then he ended up being my first kiss.

After he didn't love you? See, that's where it all began. And then I fucked his best friend while he was in jail. There you go. And then... While he was in jail. Yeah. And now he's in jail. For life. Still? For life? Well, at that time he got out.

But you know me, I was, I was, and listen to how diabolical this is. Even at this age, I was so upset. It was for like graffiti, right? He was doing graffiti and he went and I thought it was the end of the world. Right. And I'm like, I was heartbroken that this man went to jail. Right. And I'm like, Oh my God, he's never going to get out. Like what's going to happen. I'm crying every day. And so then I start crying to his best friend about it and bonding with his best friend. And then we hooked up. It's trauma bond. But then I get how that could happen. It's like,

I shouldn't make that comparison. Yeah. But we've talked about that before. It's, I completely, I guess I understand how that could happen. But if my friend, if I died and Bebe was trying to like, you know, grieve with somebody who was also grieving me and then she ended up like fucking my guy, I would kill myself and then her. Or wait, I would kill her. I would come back and kill her. I'm trying to think if I really would. Like if I died and then like. Yeah, everyone's dead. Everybody. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, if I ever die and someone I know starts like fucking Makoa, y'all better handle that. You would have so much fun haunting somebody though. Oh my God. You'd be so good at it. Well, I think it's time we go on over to the Patreon. Guess what I just got. What? An email from Hawk2's team. Brooke!

I'm done. All right, guys, we'll see you over on the Patreon. We had a bunch of you over there send us voice memos and we're going to give you some toxic tips and advice. We love you.