WWDTM: Solicitor General Elizabeth Prelogar
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I don't mansplain, I anchor mansplain. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagan. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Later on, we are going to be talking to one of the most interesting people in America, Elizabeth Preligar, who went from being, this is true, Miss Idaho, to being the Solicitor General of the United States. Yay!

Who represents the government in the Supreme Court. Now, fortunately for her, for the talent portion of her beauty competitions, she argued with the judges. But now it's your turn to approach the bench by calling 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hello, it's Andy from Arden, North Carolina. Hey, Andy, what do you do down there? So I'm actually a storm chaser who makes documentary films about storms. You are not.

I am. Really? So it's just like in the movie Twister? You hop into your van and you chase those tornadoes across the plains? It's actually more hurricanes that I cover in my parts. Yeah, I guess if you were waiting for a tornado in the mountains of North Carolina, you wouldn't have a lot to do. It wouldn't be much of a living, no. Yeah, well, welcome to the show, Andy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, she's an Emmy-nominated writer and comedian who's currently writing for Big Mouth on Netflix. Season 7 is premiering October 20th.

It's Shantira Jackson. Next, a comedian who'll be doing stand-up comedy at the Kennedy Center on November 3rd and 4th, and his full schedule can be seen at masjobrani.com. Yes, it is Mas Jobrani. Hi, Andy. How are you? And a humorous whose sub stack is Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now, and someone who is also here celebrating his birthday. It's Roy Blunt Jr. Thank you.

Andy, you are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm so excited. All right. Here is your first quote. It is from, at the time, Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy. Bring it on. So that was McCarthy on Monday. Ha ha ha.

daring his party to try and get rid of him, what did his party do on Tuesday? They got rid of him. For the first time...

For the first time in American history, the House of Representatives threw out its own speaker. It was such an exciting time for people who only watch C-SPAN for the fights. Now, you may remember McCarthy had lost 14 straight votes when he was trying to become a speaker back in January, but once he had the job, he promised to do anything he could to make his conference happy. So this week, he satisfied all those people who said...

Can we watch you lose just one more time? There was a photograph of McCarthy just nose to nose with Gates. Yeah, Matt Gates, his adversary. And it looked like McCarthy was saying, listen, you... But in fact, I'll bet McCarthy was saying, oh, come on. Please, Matt. Come on, Matt. Come on. Yes, his ouster was engineered by Republican Congress perv Matt Gates. LAUGHTER

And it was Gates who put McCarthy in the history books. He now has the second shortest tenure as Speaker of the House in American history. The guy with the shortest term died of tuberculosis back in the 19th century. So now it is proven the only thing worse than Matt Gates is tuberculosis.

The temporary guy is pretty short, too. He's a tiny little man. He is a tiny little man. It's true. The guy who took over because they had the succession plan, the temporary speaker, is a guy named Patrick McHenry. And we met him. He had to oversee the vote. And then when the, I don't know, McCarthy was voted out, he slammed that gavel so hard.

that he was either incredibly angry about the vote or just wanted to get started tenderizing that pork loin. You know, I read an article that says that his, because he doesn't have a lot of power as the pro-temper, so they said he can recess the house and adjourn the chamber. So he's basically a janitor. He's like, all right, time to go home, guys. Go home. Yeah, he's got a gavel in one hand and a mop in a bucket in the other.

You've never seen this guy. He's very short and he wears a bow tie. Imagine Tucker Carlson, but a leprechaun. All right, here is your next quote. Man, I need to go to the Sphere on shrooms. That was somebody on Twitter talking about an incredible new concert venue in Las Vegas called Sphere. What shape is it? LAUGHTER

A perfect circle. It is in fact a sphere, yes. It is in fact the largest spherical object ever built and I gotta say it's great. It's 30 stories high if you haven't seen pictures of it. It's got these super high resolution video screens that cover both all the outside and the inside of the sphere and

And if you can't get to Vegas, just wait. It'll be rolling your way as soon as a stiff wind hits it. You too did a show in there, right? You too started a residency. So they trapped their music into our old iPods, and now they want to trap you in their music in a sphere. It's kind of true. But it is kind of amazing that they celebrated the opening of this extraordinarily futuristic high-tech arena with a band whose members are all over 60. Yeah.

The best part of the show was before Bono was able to start the show, he had to ask his grandson how to turn it on. What's the capacity in the sphere? Do we know? It's in the tens of thousands. It's very large. Holy, that's a big sphere. It is a big sphere. You really have no idea how big this sphere is. Geez, I mean, I'm a stand-up. Maybe if they built one like a soccer ball size, it could fit like...

just a couple people. I could fill that. Maybe you could do like one of those like big human-sized hamster balls that they have sometimes. Just climb on in. With one person in there. Just show for them. You can just roll down the hill. My own sphere. Yeah.

All right, your last quote is from a senior White House spokesperson. He was being playful, and there was no bite, just some slobber. Maybe there was no bite, but somebody did finally get kicked out of the White House this week for being so, quote, playful. Who was it? Oh, Commander. Commander the Dog.

It all came to an end this week when the Biden's two-year-old German shepherd commander was forced to leave the White House after a frighteningly long record of him biting the staff became public. Meanwhile, of course, Patrick McHenry has stepped in as interim family member.

So do we know where he goes? He just leaves. Well, they say he's going to a wonderful Camp David somewhere upstate where he can play. Invite anybody he wants to. Invite anybody. He'll love it. There's an irony here because Republicans have been for a year now trying to create a scandal about Hunter Biden when there was another Biden family member actually trying to murder people. He, uh,

He doesn't have a laptop, but if they did spill something on the floor, he lapped it up. That's true. It's close enough. Close enough. Lapping up from hell. I'd like to withdraw that. Now, what the spokesman that Bill was quoting was talking about was the latest, and I guess it's the last incident. A tourist, this is all true, was at the White House and was like, oh, we'll take a picture. And he looked outside to take a picture, and he happened to catch a picture of

of Commander biting somebody. Turns out, turns out any picture in the White House, any random photograph will probably have Commander biting somebody, right? And as you heard, the White House denied what the guy caught in his camera was really a vicious bite. It's actually kind of hard to tell. It could be a playful nip along with a friendly scream and an affectionate spray of blood.

Listen, is this the same groundskeeper who was responsible for listening to Melania and doing what they did to the Rose Garden? He was just following orders. Well, guess what? I remember the Rose Garden, and so does Commander. Yeah, maybe that was it. Bill, how did Andy do in our quiz? Well, he wasn't chasing hurricanes all the time. He was studying this quiz and got it all right. Congratulations, Andy. Well done. That was the...

Thank you. I'll look for you being blown sideways on the Weather Channel. Take care. Thank you. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, there's a new attraction in Orlando, Florida, and if you're one of the lucky people who gets this, you can get an all-access pass to what?

- To Disney World. - No. I said a new attraction. That's been around for years. I'll give you a hint. If you get this pass, you can go anywhere and do anything you like, except board a flight.

Mark Airport. No, it's the real airport. Oh. Technically, it's the existing airport. Uh-huh. Yeah. Earlier this month, Orlando introduced the Experience Orlando Airport Visitor's Pass, which, and I will quote the airport, will allow approved guests to shop, dine, or choose your own adventure, unquote. Uh-huh.

And the choices for your adventure are, of course, amazing. Will you go to Chili's 2? Or the exotic, rarely seen Chili's 3? They're really getting ready for Disney to move out, huh? Yeah, really. They're just like...

We've got to get something going. Let's get some, let's get a banned book world going. You may be wondering why would people want like these passes to go to the airport. Well, this was inspired by the opening of the new Terminal C at Orlando Airport, which according to the airport again, has a design that quote, captures the essence of Central Florida, unquote. Like you didn't think they'd ever have real pole dancing at an airport bar. Yeah.

It's probably a great thing because it has all the things you can find outside of an airport and it costs more. Exactly, right. I mean, where else can you have the thrill of buying a bottle of water for $6? I'm from Florida and this is going to do very well. You think so? Yes. People are like, let's go to the airport. I got an uncle who I'm thinking about right now who would absolutely do this. Really? Yeah. He just likes airports but doesn't like going anywhere? He likes getting a ticket to something. Yeah.

Coming up, we play games with the past. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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I just don't want to leave a mess. On Bullseye, the great Dan Aykroyd talks about the Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, and his very detailed plans about how he will spend his afterlife. I think I'm going to roam in a few places, yes. I'm going to manifest and roam. All that and more on the Bullseye podcast from MaximumFun.org and NPR.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Shantira Jackson, and Maz Jobrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. It is time once again...

Thank you, everybody. It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our games on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. It's Mike Hillinger from Hanover, New Hampshire. Oh, Hanover, New Hampshire. I know it well. What do you do there? Well, Peter, after 20 years in the software development business, I am now a woodworker, both doing and teaching. Wow. One of the places I teach is...

is at the Hatch Space in Brattleboro, Vermont. Run by our good friend Tom Beaudet. It's true. There are only six men in that region. You all wear flannel shirts, suspenders, and make furniture. It's great to hear. Michael, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Michael's topic?

How the games begin. Have you ever stopped to think about how your favorite game actually came to be? Like, when did Checkers change its original name, Dumb Chess? This week, we heard about the rather surprising origin of a very well-known game. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am ready. Okay, first let's hear from Maz Jobrani.

Most people don't know that the fun children's game of duck duck goose was originally duck duck lion.

It was played in ancient Rome by gladiators who would go around in a circle tapping ducks on the head till they built up the courage to tap an actual lion and get chased. Eventually, the lions ate the ducks and a couple of the gladiators, so they had to pivot. They got rid of the lion and brought in a goose. Historian Antonio Marangeli explains, the lions were not very happy getting smacked on the head, so they ate everything and everybody.

It was a real mess, all the blood and the guts, plus the dead gladiators. Bit of a buzzkill. So they switched to geese.

Although the geese made the game less violent, it turns out that they too could cause some damage. After a few gladiators got smacked in the head by the geese's wing, the game was changed to its modern-day iteration where kids take the place of the animals. Marangeli explains, the gladiators, they went on a strike. They say, we don't want to die, and we don't want to get hit in the face. Because everyone knows, kids never cause any damage. The origin...

of the children's game Duck, Duck, Goose, which really dates from the ancient Roman times. Your next story of how a game became comes from Roy Blunt Jr. It's old-fashioned, yet the kids like it. Rock, paper, scissors. So functional, and yet so innocent. Not so fast. Parents who are concerned about their kids' malleable morals had better give rock, paper, scissors another thought.

In a viral TikTok this week, historian Katie Charlwood reported that rock, paper, scissors was invented over 400 years ago by debauched Chinese adults. It was, in fact, a drinking game. And then it spread to Japanese brothels, where it became something even worse.

Every time a player lost a round, that player had to remove, as in cut away, scissors, get it? A piece of clothing. Yep. And paper covering rock? What's rock doing under there? Rock, paper, scissors, that most innocent of games, started as a drinking game and then was popular in brothels. Your last story of a plaything's providence comes from Shantira Jackson.

You may have heard that the gay monopoly was created in Atlantic City during the Great Depression to teach people about taxes. But new research shows that the Parker brothers originally released the game in 1934 as a way to placate women after the stock market crash of 29. It was the first time in American history that women spoke openly and adamantly about the fact that they did not think men should be responsible for the money in the household. So rather than actually fighting for women to have bank accounts,

to be able to own their own property or really diving into how life-changing it would be to have a universal income of $200 a month, those ideas were put into a board game instead. Women loved pretending to have rights. LAUGHTER

So much so that eventually Monopoly would become the highest selling board game of all time. But don't you worry. Women eventually got back on track and did get the right to have their own bank accounts 40 years later in 1974.

So these are your choices. We found out about the origin, the surprising origin of a game this week. Was it from Maz Jobrani, Duck, Duck, Goose was originally an entertainment in the Roman Coliseums. From Roy Blunt Jr., rock, paper, scissors was used to, shall we say, get things going in Japanese brothels. Or from Shantira Jackson, Monopoly was created to give women a chance to have money and property. Which of these is the real story of a game's origin?

Well, I do remember seeing a documentary on Monopoly on PBS, and I don't recall them using that as an explanation. So I'm going to go with Roy's rock, paper, scissors description. All right. So you are going...

To choose Roy's story of the origin of rock, paper, scissors. Well, to bring you the real answer, we actually spoke to one of the people who actually brought this news to us. Originally, rock, paper, scissors started out as a sex game in brothels. That was Katie Charlewood, host of the history podcast Who Did What Now? Who reported on the rather salacious origins of rock, paper, scissors this very week. Congratulations. You got it right.

Roy was telling the truth. He gets a point. You win our prize. The voice of anyone you might like doing anything you might like on your voicemail. Congratulations. Thank you, Peter. Bye-bye.

And now the game where we invite exceptionally accomplished people on to do something exceptionally silly. It's called Not My Job. The United States government, like anybody else, sometimes needs a lawyer, and it has one, a high-ranking officer in the Department of Justice known as the Solicitor General, whose job is to argue for the government in court, most importantly, the Supreme Court. That office?

Once occupied by two future Supreme Court justices, is now held by Elizabeth Preligar, and we are delighted she joins us now. Solicitor General, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thanks so much, Peter. Thank you.

So the first question, I guess, is, is it appropriate to address you as Solicitor General, or as I've heard the justices sometimes refer to you as General, which is right? So General is the term that I think most people use. There are grammar folks out there who take issue because it's technically the post-positive adjective and not the noun, but I'll take it. I like General. You like General. We've never interviewed the Attorney General, but we have interviewed the Surgeon General, and he has a cool uniform with epaulets. Do you?

I do not have a uniform quite like that, sadly. In our office, often the attorneys do wear formal dress in the court, morning suits. I don't wear those because they don't make them for women, but that is the typical dress code for government lawyers in the Supreme Court. Well, you're less likely to be bitten by a commander if you don't wear them. That's true. I'm just hoping, again, I'm not as familiar with...

the history of people who've held your position as they should be, but I do believe

that you were the first person to hold this prestigious and important job who was a former beauty pageant champion. You're probably right about that. I see you have dug deep in my past. Oh, yes, I have. I feel like I'm, like, revealing your secret identity. Well, yes, I have, Miss Idaho. But you were. You were Miss Idaho, right? Yes.

I was born and raised in Idaho. I'm a very proud Idahoan, and I was very honored to get to represent my state as Miss Idaho, yes, way back in the day. I'll ask you a couple questions. Why, as a young woman in Idaho, did you want to do that? So, you know, I have always been drawn to having the chance to do public speaking, and it was an incredible opportunity to get to represent the state. I guess if you want to look at a through line here, I like to go in front of judges.

But, you know, ultimately it was the scholarship money as well. It helped me pay for law school. When you go back to your home state, do they refer to you as Solicitor General or Miss Idaho?

General Idaho, I think. There you go. I'm guessing, because I've listened to your arguments and you're very good at your job, I'm guessing that some of the skills that you honed becoming a beauty pageant champion have been useful to you in your current job in front of the Supreme Court. Is that true?

Yeah, I think it translates. You have to think on your feet, be comfortable, you know, being on stage in a spotlight. And so I think that it did get me more comfortable with that. Right. One of your rivals, I believe, in one of the beauty pageants was Vanessa Lachey, who is now the host of Love is Blind on Netflix. Do you ever find yourself wishing you had her job instead? No.

I would think about trading now and again, sure. - Sure, absolutely. Does she ever get in touch and just be like, "You go girl," or like suggest a swap and see if anybody notices?

Sadly, I don't think that Vanessa has been tracking, you know, where I am now. Her loss. All right. So you argue in front of the justices more than any other person in a given term because the U.S. government is often representing a point of view. So when you're arguing in front of the Supreme Court, there's just nine of them. So do you try to appeal to...

taste of individual justices? Do you have your staff dig up as much information as possible? What kind of coffee does she like? What's his favorite movie? That sort of thing. So I

I think the most important thing to do to get ready for argument is to think hard about the issues in your case and try to anticipate the questions. It's all about just spending the time, thinking about the pressure points, thinking about the concerns that justices are going to have, and then trying to put yourself in a position where you're not surprised by anything they're asking so you can be really responsive. It's actually why I'm kind of nervous here tonight, because I feel like there's a non-zero chance you're going to ask me a question during the game that I won't have anticipated.

Oh, wow. All right, wait a minute. So now I got to ask, because you always seem so well prepared in front of the Supreme Court, have you been, did you send out your staff saying, I want you to figure out whatever the hell they're going to ask me. I want you to work on all the options. Like, my name's Elizabeth. They're going to ask me about Elizabeth the Great. They're going to ask me about Elizabeth Perkins. I want you all to work. Did you do any preparation?

So a colleague told me today, he said, I think I figured it out. They're probably going to ask you something about generals and military or something about courts like tennis courts and basketball courts, or maybe about the act of soliciting. And I thought, oh, please not that. Yeah.

Did I get it? Well, I think it's time to find out, don't you? Elizabeth Prelogar, as it turns out, we have invited you here to play a game we're calling Solicitor General meets Solicitor Specific. So give a bonus to whoever guessed we were going to ask you about solicitation. Okay.

You are, of course, the Solicitor General, but what do you know about a specific kind of solicitor, and I mean vacuum cleaner salesman? We're going to ask you three questions about these door-to-door laborers. Get to write on our prize phone of our listeners any voice they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is the Solicitor General playing for? Jeremy Owens of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. All right.

A vacuum company in Minnesota became well known for their effective sales technique in which the salesman would come into your house and do what? A, refuse to leave. B, use the vacuum to style the customer's hair. Or C, glue the vacuum to the floor.

Wow. And one of those is definitely true. Yes. I feel like I'm finding the hypothetical or something. All right. I think, I think it's going to be a, you're right. You're right. General. That's true.

The salesman would stay in the potential customer's home demonstrating the $2,000 Kirby vacuum cleaner until the homeowner either just gave in and bought it or, as sometimes happened, called the police. Wow. One customer just gave the salesman 20 bucks to leave. Wow.

All right, you got one right. In the early 1990s, the Hoover Vacuum Company itself, based in the UK, came up with a sales promotion that almost bankrupted the company. What was it, eh? They said they would pay 50 bucks to anyone whose vacuum got jammed up, resulting in customers sticking everything they could think of down their vacuums.

B, they offered to give away two transatlantic plane tickets with any purchase. Or C, they offered the first rideable vacuum, which everybody bought so they could use as an inexpensive car, resulting in lawsuits. Wow. All right. I think that one's going to be A again. They offered 50 bucks to anybody who could jam up their vacuum. So everybody proceeded to jam up their vacuums to get the 50 bucks.

- Okay, maybe it's not that, 'cause you're drawing it out. - You are sensitive to nuance. - All right, I think I'm gonna go with C. - You're gonna go with C, the rideable vacuum. No, actually it was the two transatlantic plane tickets. You still have one more chance here, so here we go.

Door-to-door vacuum salesmen and the like were so persistent in the 1930s and 40s that you could buy a product meant to keep those salesmen at bay. What was that product? A, a coin-operated doorbell which required the salesman to insert a dime every time they rang it. B, a sticky trap welcome mat which glued the salesman's feet in place preventing them from entering the house.

or C, an electric salesman prod, which was later repurposed for cattle? Wow. Okay. This one I think I'm going to go...

A, unless that one's not right. Wait a minute. Good lawyer. Wait a minute. Are you allowed to do that? Are you allowed to say, you know, Your Honor, I would like to advance this argument, and if you don't buy that, I've got another. I do that all the time. Do you really? I have arguments.

arguments in the alternative up my sleeve. Okay, in case they don't like the first one, you got another one. All right, so you're going to choose A? Is that your choice? I'm going to go with A. You're right. That's what it was. And so if you think about it, you know, if you adjust for inflation from the 1930s, every doorbell ring would cost the salesman two and a quarter. So, you know, it's a bit of a disincentive. Bill, how did the Solicitor General do in our quiz? After polling the court, we declare you a winner with two out of three. Thank you.

Elizabeth Prelogar is the 48th Solicitor General of the United States. Thank you for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, General. Good job. Thanks so much, Peter. Thanks, everyone. In just a minute, Bill reveals the secret to dolphin happiness in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Boz Jobrani, and Roy Blunt Jr. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill orders his filet rye mignon rare in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Shantira, tensions between China and the West hit yet another high this week with word that China will be withdrawing all their what's from multiple countries.

All their cool stuff. Well, something very specific. Something that they've lent us. That they've lent us. Yes. And they're taking them back.

I'll give you a hint. This whole thing is a very black and white issue. A very adorable, furry, black and white issue. I'm going to be so honest. Yeah. I do not know the answer to this. Apparently that... I'm just going to say that wasn't a revelation. Go on. And the more that you ask me, the more embarrassing it will be for me. Right. So...

What is black and white and China's taking it back? Yes. A newspaper. No. They're taking them back from the zoos where they are now. Oh, pandas? Pandas. Giant pandas. Yes.

The three pandas at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. are set to be returned to China in December when the current 10-year leasing agreement expires. We should have bought instead of leased. But, you know, we were worried that they'd develop a better model, like an animal that actually does something. Mm-hmm.

Usually you withdraw the ambassadors. So were these pandas ambassadors? No, they're sort of cultural ambassadors. Apparently, China is sort of reacting to these rising diplomatic tensions by taking back all the giant pandas that they have loaned to Western zoos all over the world. One expert calls the move, quote, punitive panda diplomacy. Wow. China's like, oh, you want to ban TikTok? We'll take our pandas back. Do we have to pay a fee if the pandas have a lot of mileage on them?

That's true. And of course, the cleaning fee, which if you've ever seen a panda, it's pretty serious. How much of this is a punishment? Oh, we no longer have to pay a million dollars a year. That's how much it costs. For each panda? For each panda. Really? To like borrow an animal that only eats one kind of plant and refuses to reproduce. I respect that a lot. Do you really? Panda's got more.

Exactly. You could take Commander and color him up like a panda and just put him there and just be like, that's our new panda. Bites a lot of people. I didn't realize they were so aggressive. Shantira, it's Paris Fashion Week, as I'm sure you know. And some uninvited guests are making a... Bamboo! Yes, you knew already. See, I either...

me know the answer? But you were like, on it. Oh, I don't know it all. Yes. Bed bugs have infested Paris. They're everywhere. They're everywhere in Paris. And during fashion week, they're absolutely everywhere. Designers are trying to make the best of it. Prada's hot new look for 2023 is a mattress they found in the alley. From the red carpet, they keep asking, so who are you itching? You

So are these French bed bugs? Like, do they go like... Oh, yes. No, they are. They're like a hybrid. This is true. The infestation is so bad, people have posted videos to TikTok...

bedbugs on the subway train. Yeah, they're on the train. Yeah. In Paris, even the parasites ride the metro. They're smoking cigarettes. Exactly. You bite him. No, you bite him. And under each of their six little legs, there's underarm hair. And these are... These are... These are...

I'm so sorry. These are... Do you have French listeners? I know. Well, not anymore. But these are French bedbugs. You don't have to eradicate them. You just have to wait for them to go on strike. Oh.

They'll all surrender. Oh, I knew that was the only joke we had in May. Yes.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be in New York City.

at Carnegie Hall on December 14th and 15th, and the Wait, Wait stand-up tour is traveling. It will be in Cincinnati on October 7th and in Indianapolis on October 8th. For more touring dates and for tickets to any live Wait, Wait show, go to nprpresents.org.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Jennifer calling from Napa, California. Napa, California, one of the most beautiful places there is on this earth. What do you do there? Thank you. I am a wellness consultant for nonprofits.

How can you live in Napa and work for a non-profit? I ask myself that every day. Well, welcome to the show, Jennifer. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play? I am. Thank you. Here is your first limerick. Outdoor eating just gives me the sick ick.

It's humid and food gets all slick quick. There are ants and there's sand and I can't wash my hands. So I don't think I'll come to your... Picnic. Picnic, yes. According to a microbiologist, picnics greatly increase your chance of foodborne illness. And that is doubly true if you once again insist on making your grandma's famous raw chicken salad sandwiches. You guys like picnics?

I don't eat at everybody's house, so no. You don't eat what? I don't eat at everybody's house. You can't just be trusting potato salad from anywhere. You're like very selective about whose food you will eat? Absolutely. Really? Yeah. Have you ever been in an office and looked at somebody that works with you, your coworker, and been like, absolutely not, absolutely not eat a castella from her house? Sometimes you just know. It's like, you can't even turn in paperwork. You can't cook cake. Yeah.

I'm a little worried. Like, whose houses are you going to? You know who the one person that I, like, the guy who would be smoking as he's cooking? Yeah. And, like, the ash is getting to the, you're like, and, you know, he's like, you know what I'm saying? And you're like, I don't want to, that guy I didn't like. Yeah, that guy. I don't know. I just make my own sandwich. All right. Here is your next limerick. When dolphin pods take to the sky.

Oh, I'm going to go with "hi"? You are correct! Hi! A new study.

Tells us that dolphins get high off puffer fish Apparently some species of puffer fish emit a toxin which has psychedelic effects Which isn't that surprising no one has ever looked at a puffer fish and thought something normal is going on in there And this is the great part dolphins have figured out how to provoke the fish into releasing this defensive toxin And then they all pass the fish around toking up, right?

Do you think they're sitting around going puff, puff, pass? Yeah, pretty much. Here is your last limerick. This new beauty trend earns some demerits. It's a diet Bugs Bunny would swear at. So he says with a grin, Doc, you've got orange skin. To get tan, you can't eat pounds of...

Carrots. Carrots, yes. There is yet another viral trend on TikTok. And this one tells you that you can, quote, change your natural undertone by eating just three large carrots a day. It's what one influencer calls a natural tanner and what doctors call severe skin discoloration.

And it turns out there is some truth to this. If you eat a whole lot of carrots every day, it will change the basic tone of your skin to a kind of sickly yellow color. It's a look that the beauty influencers are calling the Marge Simpson. Damn. Good luck, white people. Yeah, I know. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I guess it's not your concern. I got a lot of other stuff to worry about. That's true. Bill, how did Jennifer do in our quiz? Perfect. Perfect score, Jennifer. Yay, well done. Oh, great. Thank you. Thank you, Jennifer. Take care. You too. Bye-bye. You know that spinach makes my muscles strong. Lentils make my hair grow long. Carrots help my eyes.

I'm going to eat my vegetables. I'm going to eat my vegetables. They keep me growing strong.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? Shantira and Maz each have two. Roy has four. Oh, my goodness. Oh. That means that Shantira and Maz are tied. I'm going to arbitrarily choose Maz to go first.

Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Monday, two of the scientists who laid the groundwork for the blank vaccine won the Nobel Prize in Medicine. COVID. Right. On Wednesday, Carrie Lake filed paperwork to run for the Senate in blank. Arizona. Right. This week, a court in Russia sentenced a journalist to almost nine years in prison for protesting the war in blank. In Ukraine. Right. This week, a man in Slovakia was fined after a speed camera on the highway took a picture of blank.

His happy face as he was going really fast. His dog behind the wheel of his car. On Wednesday, the U.S. won their seventh consecutive world championship title in gymnastics, led by blank. Simone Biles. Yes, this week the band of the Black Eyed Peas settled a copyright infringement case they had filed against the company that makes blank.

The peas. No, they filed the copyright infringement case against the company that makes poopsie slime surprise toy unicorns. What? The...

The Poopsie Slime Surprise Unicorn. It's that toy you feed and then you wait to see if it poops or pukes slime. And their commercial for this wonderful product featured a parody of the Black Eyed Peas song My Humps called My Poops. And...

The Peas won their lawsuit this week, but we all agree the real crime was the company not calling the parody song My Dumps. Bill, how did Maz do in our quiz? Pretty good. Four right, eight more points, total of ten. Puts him in the lead. All right.

Shantira, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the judge overseeing Blank's fraud trial imposed a limited gag order on him. Trump? Yes. On Thursday, mourners gathered at San Francisco City Hall to pay their respects to Senator Blank. Dianne Feinstein? Feinstein, yes. This week, 75,000 employees of Kaiser Permanente started the biggest health care blank in U.S. history. Yes, strike. On Monday, the Pope suggested he was open to Catholic blessings for couples who were blank. Gay. Gay.

Yes, same sex. Same. This week, a man in Nebraska is recovering after being hit by a blank while bicycling with his blank. A bat. A bat that flies. No. He was hit... I wanted to be a baseball bat. No, I appreciate that. Okay, I got it now. I appreciate the clarification, but the answer was he was hit by a deer while bicycling with his pet parrot. What?

Would have been worse if it were the other way around. On Thursday, the CDC announced it was no longer printing blank cards. Vax cards. Yeah, vax cards. This week, a married Australian man who wanted to spend the weekend with his mistress managed to do so by blanking. Dying. No, by faking his own kidnapping. Ooh.

The man, he just wanted his, you know, romantic night with his lady friend, sent his wife a text saying he had been kidnapped. And he said that his captors would, and this is true, probably release him the next morning. And this brilliant plan fell apart when his wife called the police.

And the man confessed, and he's been ordered to pay the officers $10,000 in compensation, and he says he will happily pay that as soon as that ransom money comes in. Bill, how does Shantira do in our quiz? Shantira, welcome back. You got five right, ten more points. A total of 12 puts you in the lead. All right. Thank you.

So how many, then, does Roy need to win? Four to tie, five to win. All right, Roy, here we go. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the White House announced it was allocating $9 billion towards blank relief. Tuition relief. Close enough. Debt. Student loan, yeah. This week, the trial of Sam Bankman Freed, the founder of crypto company Blank, started in New York. Hmm.

Oh, I don't know this. I had about a million dollars in it. It was called ripoff. No. It should have been. It was called FTX. That's right. On Thursday, it was revealed that the Biden administration had waived 26 federal laws to allow the construction of a blank in Texas.

Some more wall? Yeah, more wall, border wall. This week, a California officer who once won an award for most DUI arrests was arrested for blank. Driving under the influence. Yes. On Wednesday, actress Julia Armand filed a lawsuit against disgraced producer blank. Harvey Weinstein. Of course. On Thursday, new data showed that this past month was the blankest September record. Hotest. Yes. In order to address concerns over using AI to write books, Amazon introduced a new rule prohibiting self-published authors from blanking.

from using AI to write books. No, they are preventing self-published authors from publishing more than three books per day. Laughter

Amazon says they've seen an uptick in suspected AI written books. So in order to, you know, put a kibosh on that, they've announced that self-published authors, these are the people who publish books to Amazon, just on Amazon as e-books, would only be able to submit a totally not suspicious three books a day. Bill, did Roy do well enough to win? Five right, ten more points. Total of 14 makes him the winner this week. Congratulations!

Coming up, our panelists will predict now that Commander is out of the White House, who will be the Biden's next pet.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey, the speaker of Our House.

is Peter Gwynn. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now panel, who or what will be the Biden's next pet? Shantira Jackson.

Maz Jobrani. It would be Kevin McCarthy because he has nothing better to do. And if he misbehaves, they can always kick him out of the house. Whoa. And Roy Blunt Jr. Two.

many donkeys. Not too many donkeys. Too many donkeys. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to tell you about it here on Wait, Wait. Don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Roy Blunt Jr., Santira Jackson, and Mazdo Browning. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Cinebic Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois. Thanks to all of you for listening at home or wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. ...

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