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I'm the voice that makes thunder hide under a blanket. Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Sudebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you so much. We have got a pretty special show for all of you today, because later on we are going to be talking to one Hillary Rodham Clinton. Now...
As you probably know, these days Secretary Clinton is spending her time writing books and producing TV documentaries and helping to run the Clinton Global Initiative, which is hosting its big annual meeting next week. And as many of you know, she once won silver medal in president.
But now it's your chance to go for the gold. So call in and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kelsey from Portsmouth, Rhode Island. Portsmouth, Rhode Island. I was going to ask where that is, but it's probably near Providence because it's a tiny state and everything is near Providence. What do you do there? Oh.
Well, by day, I actually drive to Wellesley where I'm an art professor at Hillary Clinton's alma mater. Oh, wow. And please say by night you fight crime, right? Yeah, exactly. By early morning, I'm an endurance athlete. I work out at the beach with my friends and I run lots and lots of hours. Oh, wow. Wow. You're one of those people.
Yeah. Well, Kelsey, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian you can see at the Just for Laughs Festival in Toronto on September 23rd through the 26th. It's Dulce Sloan. Next, a comedian you can see in the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me stand-up tour October 7th in Cincinnati and October 8th in Indianapolis. It's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Hello.
And a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and host of the podcast Real Good and Health Matters, it's Faith Saley. Hey, Kelsey. Hey, Faith.
Kelsey, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right. Here is your first quote. If you have a stuffy nose, you will still have a stuffy nose. That was a pharmacist from the University of Florida talking about the recent FDA decision that the most popular
Popular over-the-counter decongestants do not what? Do not work. They don't work. They don't do anything.
Back in 2005, cold medicines containing a pseudoephedrine were pulled from the shelves because people could use them to make meth. And then they replaced them on the shelves with this new drug that, as it turns out, does absolutely nothing. It's essentially inert. And let me add, it makes terrible meth.
So the new drug was the pseudo-pseudonephrine, right? Yeah, I don't know why they didn't call it that. This is like, is everything a lie? Yes. Essentially, everything is a lie. Tell me if NyQuil is true, because when I drink NyQuil... I drink. I mean, it's a shot. Man. I don't know. I have some friends who drink NyQuil. Listen, I don't know.
I never purchased Sudafed. Yeah. When we could even get it at its real meth-taking strength. Right. So I don't know anything about her, but anything I've ever taken because my nose was stuffy worked. Right. Was that all in our minds? Could be. That's powerful. You never know. That's where the congestion is. Yeah, I know. It's all in our heads. Now, I'm going to say, this wasn't really a surprise. We should have known when we opened up the packages and it was just M&Ms and a blister pack. Yeah.
I mean, I, for one, I thought it just stood for medicine and medicine. So what's going to happen? Do we get to do meth now? It does clear up your congestion. Here's the thing. But here to me is the infuriating thing about this. The FDA says a drug doesn't work and like we make jokes about it. But when I say the same thing about vaccines, I don't get invited to your wedding. All right. Here, Kelsey, here is your next quote.
The night is darkest before the dawn, and I shall rise yet again. That was someone who may indeed rise again, but not using his left leg because he tore that Achilles tendon on the fourth play of his first game in the new football season. Who are we talking about? That would be poor Aaron Rodgers. Poor Aaron Rodgers. You are a kind woman. And you're from New England. Wow.
In the first four minutes of his first game for the New York Jets, superstar and very expensive quarterback Aaron Rodgers promptly tore his Achilles tendon, which is a shame because Aaron Rodgers' Achilles tendon is a valuable antique. LAUGHTER
Now, Mr. Rogers spent the off-season criticizing vaccines and spreading conspiracy theories, so for him to go out for the entire season on the fourth play of his first game, well, there were only three better possible outcomes. I feel like he's going to be back on the field pretty soon. His Dr. Joe Rogan's going to patch him right back up. Here's the tragedy of it, and we shouldn't be joking about it. Because Aaron Rogers had taken so much ivermectin
They had to put him down on the field. I don't know a lot about football. So when he went down, did they put in his understudy? Was there a swing? What did they do? Like an intermission? Yeah, yeah. They switch out the cast? That's actually what they did. I can say, listen, I used to care a lot about football. And then I aged out of sleeping with draft picks.
So once that, I was like, yo, I can't be committed. Now I got to see who's retired and doesn't have CTE. That's where I'm at now when it comes to football. I still watch football from time to time. Am I doing it wrong? Apparently. I mean, we had different motivations. Yeah.
I'm trying to get married. He was trying to enjoy an American pastime. But, I mean, as tragic as this was for Jets fans, this was great for fans of the Green Bay Packers who are furious that he left that team for New York. For them, it was like, you know, just going down the street for a walk and accidentally running into your ex who's out on a date with somebody much hotter than you are. But then a piano falls on them.
So we have one more quote for you. Ready? Your last quote is from an advertisement for Jared Jewelers. Express your extraordinary love. Jared is one of many jewelry companies who now say that you should be buying diamonds, not just for your romantic partners, but for whom? Can I get a hint? Yeah, you can get a hint. Sort of. It's a great way to say, will you be my BF for F?
Wow. That's next. Yes, your friends. Exactly. The diamond industry wants you to start giving diamonds to your friends. What? Diamonds are no longer a girl's best friend. Now they're for a girl's best friend. Because what says, hey, you know, I really appreciate that time you drove me to the airport like a tiny rock that costs $2,000. Okay.
I think we can all agree, if a diamond is involved, we better be having sex. You think, listen, I can barely get these dudes to text me back. You think this man's going to get me a diamond without seeing between me down there?
What do I look like? Girl. The problem is fewer people are getting married, right? So they're not buying diamond engagement rings. So the diamond companies have to convince people to buy them for their friends. So from now on, when it comes to diamonds, remember the four C's. Cut, carrot, color, and casual platonic relationships. By the way, this is also for guys. Yes.
Right? Nothing is more manly than inviting your bros over for brews and brats and something nice from De Beers. They make De Beers, these boys. You know, if my best friend wants to demonstrate how much she loves me, the nicest thing you can ever do for someone is just, like, text them two hours before you're supposed to meet up and be like, can we reschedule? Like, that's love. That is forever love.
Yeah. Right? I don't want jewelry. I've got a slogan for them. Because, you know, I'm on strike from television writing, but I can still do copywriting for advertisement. So here's what I've got. You want to take away the old connotation and give it a new one. Forget about blood diamonds. Get your buds diamonds. There you go. That's beautiful. Thank you. That's catchy. Bill, how did Kelsey do in our quiz? Very well. She got them all right. Woo!
Kelsey, thank you so much for playing. Bye-bye. Thanks, Peter. Thanks, everyone. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Faith. Yes. Representative Lauren Boebert of Colorado has done a lot of outrageous things, including heckling the president at this year's State of the Union. But she finally crossed the line and was forcibly removed this week from what?
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. I'm just going to leave it right there. Right. She was removed from a performance of the musical Beetlejuice. She and a companion were forcibly removed from a theater in Denver where it was being done after other patrons said she was constantly talking, vaping, and taking pictures of the show with her phone. Vaping by...
Yes, vaping in front of a pregnant lady who asked her, could you please stop vaping? I'm pregnant. And she was like, nope, and kept vaping. When someone in Colorado tells you you're vaping too much. Yeah, I know. You got a problem. And now you might be wondering, everything you know about Lauren Boebert, what is she doing seeing a Broadway musical in the first place? Well, somebody in the theater said her name three times.
And she actually said the thing on the way out. She said to the people who escorted her out, do you know who I am? And they said, yes, why do you think we're making you leave? Usually we don't have so much fun throwing someone out. So it turns out, this is a weird lesson from this, there are higher standards for behavior at a touring production of a musical than at the State of the Union address. Thank you.
Coming up, history's greatest tickle monster? It's our bluffed listener game called 1-triple-8, Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Wait, wait, don't tell me.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Faith Saley, Josh Gondelman, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater here in Chicago, Illinois. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now.
It is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello.
Hello, this is Lisa Powell. Hey, Lisa Powell. Where are you calling from? I am calling from Richmond, but listen, I need to give a huge shout out to Bill Curtis because I grew up watching him on the television news and he was my inspiration. Wow. All right. Thank you.
This is what we call audience service. When you were watching Bill on the TV, what did you ever imagine him saying directly to you? Lisa, grow up, be just like me, be honest, be joyful, and treat your people with respect. Wow. Well, Lisa...
Wow. I'm glad I came tonight. Yeah. Lisa, welcome to the show. You're going to play the game of Machumus Tried to Tell Truth from Fiction. Bill, what is Lisa's topic? Not so bad after all. Bad guys. Terrible reputation. Turns out some of them, not all bad. Did you know, for example, Hannibal Lecter? Yes, a cannibal, but he flossed after every meal. Yeah.
This week, we learned about the good side of a very famous villain. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth.
and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. All right, first let's hear from Dulce Sloan. Mary the First of England, a.k.a. Bloody Mary, didn't want to be remembered for all the bad stuff she did. Sure, she ritually burned people at the stake, but the real ritual she loved the most was brunch.
Queen Mary I loved a mid-morning meal and wanted a beverage with a little kick, you know, more than a cup of tea or a mimosa. Now, she loved a vodka cocktail and had recently learned the benefits of tomato juice. So, she combined the two and called it a rouge mimosa. Now, a lady's maid saw her sipping on her new concoction and fainted, thinking the queen had finally succumbed to her nickname. They shared a laugh, the lady's maid was beheaded for her insolence, and a new brunch cocktail was born.
Turns out Queen Mary, Bloody Mary, invented the Bloody Mary. Your next story of redeeming qualities comes from Faith Saley. When Bram Stoker needed a name for his fictional vampire, he took it from the real-life Vlad Dracula the Impaler who killed at least 80,000 people by, you know, impaling them on spikes and even eating his dinner while watching them die in agony. But that dinner he was eating...
didn't contain any animal protein.
Yes, Vlad the Impaler was actually vegan. It's even rumored he talked about the protein in lentils so often, many of his victims volunteered to be impaled. Scientists recently tested his fingerprints, sweat, saliva, and blood, which they found on a letter he wrote in 1475. The extracted biomolecules suggest that the bloodthirsty prince's diet was entirely plant-based.
vegan Vlad died at 29 even with arteries so clear of cholesterol you could easily drive a steak through them a wooden steak not a piece of cow Vlad Dracul the impaler was a vegan your last story of somebody breaking good comes from Josh Gondelman as anyone who's seen how much the devil charges for guitar lessons can attest he's not a very nice guy
But new evidence suggests that Satan wasn't a demon. He was just a super annoying neighbor.
A new translation of the New Testament, or as Jewish people call it, they made another one of those? Has raised questions about some long-held religious beliefs. The Aramaic word for underworld can also refer to an underground cellar for grain storage, says biblical historian Sasha Green of Cambridge University, in an accent that is not this accent. So Satan may not have been a fallen angel, but rather an unruly tenant in God's basement.
Perhaps, Green continued, Lucifer was not banished to hell after trying to take control of heaven. Maybe he was simply banished to his own basement apartment after trying to take control of the ox cord at God's house party. No one wants to hear your friends banned, Satan. Thanks to this linguistic discovery, the worst case scenario for the afterlife might just be a slight scent of mildew. And a world without eternal suffering? Well, that would truly be cool as hell. All right. An interesting discovery this week.
Was it from Dulce Sloan, Bloody Mary of England, who liked to burn heretics at the stake, was in fact the inventor of brunch and the beverage named after her? From...
Faith Saley, Vlad Dracul the Impaler, the inspiration for Dracula, was a vegan. Or from Josh Goldman, Satan himself in the new biblical discovery perhaps wasn't so much evil as just kind of really annoying. Which of these is the real discovery about a famous villain? Well, I'm going to stretch out there. They all seem implausible to me. But I'm going to go with Satan. You're going to go with Satan. You're going to go with Josh Goldman's story of how a new...
Translation of the Bible suggests that Satan was not the bad guy we all thought. All right. Hey, he was a fallen angel. You're right. It's true. You know, you can see it that way. Well, your choice is Josh's story. Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to an expert on this particular subject matter. Vlad Tepes, who we know is the historical Dracula, he would probably be an annoying vegan because he was annoying about everything. Yeah.
That was Eric Newsom. He is the author of The Dead Travel Fast, Stalking Vampires from Nosferatu to Count Chocula, a vampire expert, talking about the fact that Vlad Dracul was in fact a vegan. So I'm afraid you did not win our game. But you did get to hear Bill Curtis talking to you, which I'm sure is better than anybody else, right? That's so much better than anything else.
Casey, you were a champ going in. Thank you so much for playing our games. Bye-bye, Lisa. I'm so happy to be on. Thank you. Take care. Come home. Come home. And now the game where very important people answer questions about unimportant things. It's called Not My Job. Our guest today...
is the former First Lady of the United States, the former U.S. Senator from New York and Secretary of State, and the first woman to be nominated for president by a major party. She is the author of many books, including a memoir called Living History, a thriller called State of Terror, and a horror story called What Happened. Hillary Rodham Clinton, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you, Peter. Thank you. I got to tell you, they were excited to see me. Then I told them that you were going to be in the show, and I was completely forgotten. Well, I've listened to your show for years, and you've got such an enthusiastic following, me included. So it's a real joy to be with you. You are so kind. We understand that next week is a big deal. It is huge.
the second annual meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative since the pandemic, right? So you're getting people together. Right. This was brought back after the pandemic because there's such a strong desire for people to try to
with each other again and come up with, you know, things to do that make a difference. And so whether it's, you know, climate resilience or getting clean water to people or helping in Ukraine, whatever, you know, your interest or your passion might be, there's going to be others who will share that, and you can come and be a part of it. Ah.
Okay, thanks. I appreciate the invitation. I'll be there on Monday. Peter, you've got to go fix the Ukraine. I've got to figure that. Yeah, Peter, we need you. I know, clearly. Go up to Zelensky. From one short Jewish comedian to another. Let me tell you. I want to...
I really agree. I really agree with something you said, which is that during the pandemic, after the pandemic, we all became so desperate to go out and be with people. I specifically would love to be with Matt Damon and the Pope, who will both be there next week. I am guessing that, yes, the panels, the charitable commitments, the ideas for fixing the world, that's great. But what really rocks about CGI is the parties, right? Well, they're not bad. No, well. Wow.
You know, if you're going to be earnest and working hard all day, you deserve to blow off some steam. I agree. And so, I mean, I'm just imagining it can be surreal, right? With like Janet Yellen and the Pope, say, comparing gowns. I mean, what is...
Well, you just never know what might happen. That's why you need to come. Exactly. All right. I might leave right now. Secretary Clinton, this is Faith Saley, and I recently had the privilege of telling your husband this story, but I didn't get to tell you, and it's really about you. My nine-year-old daughter saw a picture of her grandmother with your husband. He clearly took the selfie because she doesn't know how. And my daughter said, who is that man with grandma?
And I said, well, that's President Clinton. And she kind of cocked her head and she said, you mean Hillary's husband? So I don't think you have to worry about the voters under 65. That's funny. And your husband thought it was funny too, to his credit. Didn't think it was funny enough to pass it on to his wife though. Yeah.
It is very strange. I will say this, it is strange talking to you because obviously you're a serious public figure who's done serious work, but you've also been this public icon for many, many years. You're a very, very well-known person, which shows up in different ways. So, for example, have you ever seen Pete Davidson's tattoo of you?
I have. Yes. You have. Yes, I have. So wait a minute. Not in the same way other women have seen it. I was about to say. You've seen pictures. No, no, no.
No. I was with Pete and, you know, he lifted up his pants leg and he showed it to me. And I was a little bit worried when he said that he was going to start removing his tattoos, but I saw him later and he assured me that one would stay. So I hope it's still there. How often do you hang out with Pete Davidson? Yeah.
I am a big fan of Pete. When I did Saturday Night Live years ago, I got to meet Pete and Colin Jost, and I really was very touched by both of them because, you know, Pete's father was a firefighter who died on 9-11, and
You know, Colin's family was very much involved with the New York Fire Department, and I did a lot of work with them after 9-11. So I really felt a connection, and I find Pete to be, you know, a very appealing guy, and I just wish him the best. I mean, I really hope that, you know, he has a great life because he deserves it. Wow. Get a tattoo of her on your leg. She'll say nice things about you. Okay. I just took a note.
Well, Secretary Clinton, I cannot tell you how exciting it is to talk to you.
But we have asked you here to play a game that we're calling... You Can Do Anything with CGI. You are part of one CGI, the Clinton Global Initiative. So we thought we'd ask you about another CGI, that is computer-generated imagery. That's quite popular in the moving pictures these days. So just answer two or three questions about the CGI, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. The voice of anyone they might choose on their answering machine...
Bill, who is Secretary Clinton playing for? Forbes Fox of Wilmington, North Carolina. Forbes Fox. And I don't know how competitive you are with your husband, and I mean that honestly, but I will point out when he was in the show some years ago, he got all three right. I'm just saying that. Oh, I've heard that, Peter. Have you? Like every year. Oh, so that he told you. Okay. All right.
Here's your first question. CGI is often used in big comic book movies like Blade Trinity. In that movie, CGI was used to create the illusion that the lead actor, Wesley Snipes, was doing what? A, paying his taxes. B, saying the lines in the script rather than what he wanted to say. Or C, keeping his eyes open.
Oh my god. Oh wow. Keeping his eyes open. That's right. What happened was that the moment in the movie called for him suddenly opening his eyes to prove he was alive or something. And on that day on the set, Mr. Snipes was very angry at the director and refused to do it. So they said, what the heck? And they just used CGI to put eyeballs on his eyelids. Oh my god.
That is hilarious. But I knew nobody in an action movie paid their taxes. That's true. I just pictured him getting so into it that he closed his eyes like a drummer and was just like really vibing. All right. Next question. Pedigree.
Steven Seagal has continued his career as an action hero into the fourth decade, but there are some things, well, he just can't do anymore. In a recent film, they used CGI to depict him doing what difficult stunt? A, walking. LAUGHTER B, treating the other actors with respect. LAUGHTER
Or C, performing a triple axel in pairs figure skating? Oh, my God. Oh, walking. Yeah, it was A, yes, walking. Now, to be fair, he wasn't just walking. He was also pointing his gun in various directions as he did it. Before we get to this last question, Secretary Clinton, you'll probably be thinking that after all of your achievements and prominence in public life, you cannot believe that you were being asked this kind of question. LAUGHTER
And I just want you to know I share your disbelief. Movies employ vast teams of CGI artists. Of course, you can see all their names in the credits. But one particular graphic artist working on the movie Cats was given a very specific job. What was it?
A, matching the cast's movements as cats to footage of actual cats doing the same dance numbers. B, swapping out the animation on James Corden, who had accidentally been rendered throughout the movie as a dog.
Or C, removing all of the very anatomically correct CGI cat butts that a previous team had put on all the actors? Well, it could have probably been all three of those, given how the movie turned out. But I think... You think you know, and the answer is...
I'm going to say the answer is three. That's right. C. And somewhere out there, there is apparently a, quote, butthole cut. Bill, how did Secretary Hillary Clinton do on our quiz? She won them all. Yay! Yay!
The Clinton Global Initiative 2023 is taking place September 18th and 19th. Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton, thank you so much for joining us here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. Take care. In just a minute, how to make your dog sexier than ever in our Listener Lumberick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Josh Gundelman, Dulce Sloan, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute...
It is time to rhyme in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Josh, USA Today and the Tennessean newspaper posted a job opening this week. They're looking to hire a reporter whose entire beat...
will be what subject? Taylor Swift. That's right, Josh. The newspaper says they are seeking, quote, an experienced video-forward journalist to capture the music and cultural impact of Taylor Swift. Duties will include following Swift on her international tour, exploring her effect on music and business, and receiving death threats for even mentioning her dancing.
Half the people I follow on Instagram did that all summer for free. Yeah, basically. Why are they paying somebody? I mean, all the people I follow on Instagram are following Beyonce. So... Well, that's the other thing. I mean, you want it to be relevant. The day after they announced the Taylor Swift reporter... Mm-hmm.
They announced a Beyonce reporter. Same thing. And then they said they'd hire an intern to cover Jay-Z. What they need to cover is that wig Jay-Z been wearing for the past couple years. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? The Basquiat unit he's had on. Ha ha ha.
The Gannett newspaper chain, who owns those papers, justified creating the position by saying, quote, Taylor Swift is shaping a generation and is relevant, influential, and innovative, unquote. That's great. That's terrific. But then they blew it by going on to say, quote, just like us. Guys, the only way anybody is going to read your newspaper is if Taylor Swift writes a song called
go read their newspaper. No, no, no. She has to break up with the newspaper. That's true, yeah. Well, then I'll hate her newspaper. I don't know how it works. Josh, according to the Wall Street Journal, more and more companies have told their managers to stop giving feedback. Instead, they have been instructed to give their employees what?
Well, it's not massages. They got to stop doing that too. Right. Stop giving feedback. Start giving, getting even. No, no. It's a, it's a new phrase. It's not feedback. Feed forward. Feed forward. Yes. Like the way a horse eats. Yes, exactly.
Boo! Boo! Boo! That's right! That is right. That's the correct response. That's right. HR experts now say that even the word feedback gives employees an anxiety attack. So companies have replaced that word with feedforward, which doesn't cause any reaction other than eye-rolling at those HR people. Yeah.
The idea is, this is the idea, it makes sense, is you're telling an employee at a feed-forward session. Girl! Yep, hang on. The idea is, this is not about what you did wrong in the past. This is about all the good things you are going to do. Like, not royally effing up the Carson account like you did last week. Okay.
This is like a vision board session. It really is. It is like that. This is true. Microsoft decided to end employee feedback after getting feedback from employees. I guess they were like, wow, this really sucks. Microsoft, also true, ended the practice of allowing employees to comment about each other anonymously.
Who does that? Wait, so now you have to say your name? Yeah, you have to say your name. You have to say it with your chest now. You have to say it with your chest. Yeah, actually, so like, yeah, they had anonymous comments. They were running a Fortune 500 company, like the YouTube comments section. And then the funny thing is, they said, okay, no, if you're going to say something about a colleague, you have to put your name on it. And now, apparently, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a t-ball game. It's all praise. They're all just being nice to each other. Now, let's go
Yeah. I thought that's the direction it was going to go. That they're like, now it's like a fight club. No, you've got so much to say about how I cut my bagel in the morning. Let's go outside. I hope this email finds you out. It's like, yeah, you know where you can find me. Outside. Outside.
Coming up on our next bonus episode, an extended interview with seven-time NBA All-Star Damian Lillard. We had so many questions for him, we couldn't fit it all into the regular show, including why he bought a Toyota dealership. Going to school in Utah, I used to always see, like, the Larry H. Miller... Yeah, sure. ...dealerships everywhere, and I started thinking, like...
What if it was just like a bunch of Damian Lillard toy orders? Yeah, man. That's in our latest bonus episode. Available now for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus listeners. If that's you, thank you for your support. If it's not you, well, it could be. Sign up at plus.npr.org.
Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's of course 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks at the Stu DeBaker Theater right here in Chicago, or on the road. We'll be in Hartford, Connecticut on October 19th. And don't miss the Wait, Wait Stand-Up Tour. Coming up, we'll be in San Diego September 27th, and San Francisco on September 29th. And many more
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Well, I could tell you that I'm a marine biologist, if that sounds a little bit exciting. It sounds a little bit exciting. A marine biologist. Usually at a computer. Yeah. Okay, that's cool. You don't have to go to the second part. We're just assuming you're scuba diving with a spear gun and killing spies. That's cool. I've entrusted that as an answer to that question since George Costanza. Yeah.
Well, welcome to the show, Abby. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick. My Bassett looked sad, worldly wise. With a tuck, he looks more energized. With the surgeon's quick snip, he now looks full of zip. I have lifted my dog's droopy head.
Eyes. Eyes, yes. So we can add to the stupid things people are buying for their dogs. Plastic surgery. A Basset hound in Ireland named Chief got an eye lift this week. And now he looks snatched. His owners say, no, it wasn't for appearance. It was because his eyelids were too droopy. But we all know this is the first step toward next year's big reality hit, Real Hound Wives of Dublin. LAUGHTER
I'm against it. You have a little pug, I know. Yeah, she's built like a cinder block and she's body positive. Right, there you go. We don't want a world where dogs get plastic surgery. Oh, wow, she's seven years old. Doesn't look more than four. All right, here is your next limerick. This live stream of Ursine Affairs was the answer to my urgent prayers. I got lost on a hike, so I yelled in the mic.
Of the webcam for watching brown bears. Bears, yes, very good. So if you happen to go over to explore.com to watch the bears in Alaska's Katmai National Park on their bear cam, you might have been in for a shock when instead of the bears, there was some scruffy guy with a look of panic on his face leading many viewers to remark, wait, now they're giving bears facelifts?
It was a lost hiker who didn't have service. He couldn't call for help. But he saw this live bear cam and he ran up to it and he gave like a thumbs down sign and mouthed the word help into the camera and viewers saw him and they contacted authorities. Thank God they got to him before the bears did.
Was the thumbs down because he was lost? He was like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, so things are bad. I need help. He wasn't like, hey, mom, that kind of thing. He had just seen a movie he didn't like very much. Yeah. He was like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. Boo, I mean, boo, boo. There was another lost hiker who was thumbs up, and then they argued.
Here is your last limerick. When my golf ball flies far off the bark to the water trap, I won't embark. I see big dorsal fins and I dare not step in because the water's infested with...
Sharks. Sharks, yes! After almost two decades, a golf course in Australia has announced that the small lake near its 14th hole is now free from sharks. What? It being Australia, now all they have to do is clear out the 12-foot snakes and the man-eating spiders. This golf course in Australia found a way to make golf interesting, and they undid it? I know! They undid it! Well, actually, sharks are actually a requirement if you're playing Australian rules golf. LAUGHTER
What happened was 17 years ago, this is by the ocean, this massive flood, this high water sort of swept these bull sharks into this pond, which is brackish, but they can live there. And they lived there for 17 years. They survived mostly on fish and the fingers of golfers who tried to get the balls back. And the shark population was trapped there for so long, they actually evolved to thrive in that environment. They even talked in golf announcer voices.
They were like, and now I'm going to eat you, starting with, yes, it looks like the left leg. That's tough, because when the shark eats you, you're not even allowed to scream or you'll get shot. That's true. Bill, how did Abby do in her quiz? She did great. Three in a row. Congratulations, Abby. Thank you.
Thanks for playing, and good luck working back in the deep state.
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This message comes from NPR's sponsor, Sony Pictures Classics, presenting Kneecap, the riotous and mostly true story of three friends who start a rap group that creates a movement. In this fiercely original comedy that, according to the rap, obliterates the musical biopic, the group Kneecap star as themselves alongside Michael Fassbender, laying down a global rallying cry for the defense of native cultures and getting into plenty of trouble along the way. Kneecap is now playing only in theaters.
Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Tulsi and Faith each have two. Josh has four. Oh, my God. Wait, what?
Yeah. So Dulce and Faith are tied for second. Faith, you're going to go first just because I say so. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy started the process of blanking President Biden. Impeach him. Yes. On Thursday, a judge in Georgia ruled that the DA could not try blank and his co-defendants together. Trump. Right. This week, Danilo Cavalcante, the fugitive who escaped from prison in blank, was finally captured by authorities. Pennsylvania. Yes. On Wednesday, a federal judge temporarily blocked New Mexico's ban on open carry blanks.
Guns. Yeah, firearms. This week, a Swiss Airlines flight from Zurich arrived in Spain without blank. A pilot. No, without any of its passengers' luggage. This week, it was announced that blank would now run for 90 minutes. 60 minutes. Right. On Tuesday, Justin... Why not? Why not?
On Tuesday, Justin Timberlake reunited with his former group Blank at the MTV Video Music Awards. In sync. Yes. To the amazement of the women in their life, a lot of men admitted this week that yes, they are constantly thinking about Blank.
The Roman Empire like my husband. The Roman Empire like your husband. Yes, okay, the Roman Empire. What? This is what happened. A history enthusiast on Twitter said, you know, most men are constantly thinking about the Roman Empire, which everybody thought was a joke. And then all these men replied, wait, women don't? The men say, the men say they are fascinated by how the Romans set the course of world history.
But all it really is, is men doing minor chores like cleaning a drain and muttering, are you not entertained? Bill, how did Faith do on our quiz? I think pretty well. Pretty well. Seven rights, 14 more points. 16 is the total. And the lead. All right. Dulce, you're up next. Phil in the blank. On Wednesday, Utah Senator Blank announced he would not seek re-election. A white man.
I'm gonna give it to you. It's Mitt Romney. Yeah, okay, yeah. This week, a California landlord association was accused of throwing a party to celebrate the restarting of blanks. Evictions. Right. This week, a man in Iowa was arrested for driving under the influence when police caught him blanking. In a drive-thru. No, they caught him drag racing an on-duty ambulance.
During its unveiling on Monday, Apple announced the new iPhone would use a blank cable to charge. Ah, the USB-C! Exactly right. On Thursday, the very first painting from Bob Ross' TV show Blank went on sale. What was the name of the TV show? Oh, my God. What was the name of that show? Wait, it's the painting? Oh, so close. The Joy of Painting. After 70 years of waiting, a woman in Iowa finally got a response to the message she wrote on a blank.
A napkin? No, she wrote it on an egg.
So she was working at a place in Iowa that was packaging eggs in the early 50s, and a woman named Mary Foss Starn wrote her address on an egg with a note, whoever gets this egg, please write me. Somehow, that egg survived for 70 years, and somebody who got it finally gave Mary a call, which means it's been seven decades, and Mary is still waiting for someone to write to her. Wow.
Bill, how did Dulce do on our quiz? Dulce got three right for six more points for a total of eight. Faith is still in the lead. All right. So how many then does Josh need to win? Six to tie, seven to win, Josh. All right. Here we go, Josh. This is for the game. On Wednesday, Kim Jong-un arrived in Russia for his meeting with blank. Vladimir Putin. Yes. On Tuesday, the CDC recommended that everyone over six months of age get the new blank vaccine. COVID. COVID.
Right. On Wednesday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis advised against blank for people under 65. Getting the COVID vaccine. Exactly. On Wednesday, the Labor Department said surging blank prices increased inflation more than expected. Gas prices. Yes. This week, a woman in an Apple store in China was able to steal an iPhone despite the security cable locking it to its table by blanking. Taking the table? No, by chewing through the cable.
Genius. On Tuesday, astronaut Frank Rubio broke the record for most days spent on the blank. International Space Station? Yes. On Monday, Drew Barrymore announced she would resume her show in defiance of the blank. The writers strike and the actors strike. Yes. This week, police in Vermont announced they finally arrested a robbery suspect who had evaded capture by blanking.
hiding inside a tree and posing as maple syrup. No, by fleeing. By fleeing on a stolen bike, then on foot, then in a sailboat, then in a kayak. That was my second guess. Of course it was. People say the man managed to elude capture by switching from one form of escape to another, starting in the bike, then on foot, then ending up in the water. Unfortunately for the suspect, he's now in custody, but the good news is he placed third in the all-fugitive triathlon. LAUGHTER
Bill, did Josh do well enough to win? Six right, 12 more points. His 16 ties Faith. So that means that Faith and Josh are this week's champions. They are. They are. They are.
In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that we know cold medicines don't work, what will be the next surprising revelation about a drug. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Hair Cup Productions. Doug, vacation from what exactly? Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.
Our tour manager, Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas, Blythe Robertson, and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is the head of the Gwynnton Global Initiative. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, that's Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what would be the next surprising thing we learn about a drug? Faith Saley. Elon Musk has secretly acquired Gas X from GlaxoSmithKline, so he can also rename that X. LAUGHTER
Josh Gondelman. From the makers of Adderall comes Subtract-A-Bit, the drug that helps you focus less on the things you don't really want to pay attention to. And Dulce Sloan. Viagra is called the little blue pill because it makes you sad.
Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Faith Saley, Josh Gellman, and Dulce Sloan. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
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