WWDTM: Renée Elise Goldsberry
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm your Bill. Would you like to tip 18, 20, or 100%? Here's your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you all for being here. We got a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Renee Elise Goldsberry, star of Girls 5 Ever and Hamilton 5 Ever. But first, this week, we have been celebrating NPR's most important holiday, the anniversary of our 2016 Take Your Child to Work Day.

When an employee's child, and this is true, pushed a button and took Morning Edition off the air for a full minute. Now...

Even though we celebrate this, we still cannot reveal who that employee was. It's just not right. It's not fair. We will not tell you whose kid little Bobby InSkeeps was. But if you want to cause the next disaster at NPR, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our games. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi.

Hi, it's Zahava Bailey from Atlanta, Georgia. Hey, Zahava, that's a fascinating name. Where does it come from? It comes from Hebrew. It means golden. How awesome. You'd think I should know that. I'm sorry. Well, I didn't want to flag my disappointment in front of everyone. Oh, yes, that's our people's way.

I weirdly feel ashamed and yet at home. Well, welcome to the show, Zahava. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First a comedian you can see May 16th in the Blue Note Jazz Club in Honolulu, Hawaii, if you needed a reason to go. It's Alonzo Bowden. Hello. Hello.

Next, a writer for Big Mouth Season 7. It's on Netflix now. It's Shantira Jackson. And finally, a six-time Grammy winner on tour this summer for his most recent album, Weather Veins, making his debut on our panel and possibly in the entire spoken word genre. It's Jason Isbell. Oh, my God.

So Zahava, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations. Read is not a good enough word. Perform, enact. Three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready to go. All right. Now your first quote is from an executive producer at NBC. If something is boring...

That was executive producer Molly Solomon. She's talking about NBC's strategy to ramp up the excitement in the coverage of what big competition this summer? Oh, goodness. Oh, the Olympics. Yes, the Summer Olympics. They have invested almost $8 billion in it, and they are going to make sure you watch. They're going to bring in new faces to the broadcast, like Snoop Dogg. Really? Yeah.

And Kelly Clarkson to anchor the coverage and that beats their first idea putting targets on the runners chests and combining the marathon and archery. And I swear to you this is true. In order to increase the drama, not only they're gonna have the athletes parents in the stands, they're gonna put heart rate monitors on the parents. I am not making this up.

And viewers will be able to monitor the parents' heart rate during the events. There will also be a graphic measuring whether the parent thinks their kids did well enough to go to Dairy Queen after the game.

So starting with that first quote where she said, if something's boring, kill it. How scared are the fencing and the biathlon athletes just thinking like, we ain't going to make it to the end. And you know, you're going to, with the heart rate monitor, you're going to find out which dads don't give a s**t real quick.

Still at a 64. Some guy's going to be at his son's gymnastics competition. He'll be sitting there going, yeah, I still wish he went out for football. I feel like it's just a really great way to make something you worked your whole life for about your mother. Yeah.

And then you've got Snoop Dogg there, right? So, you know, Snoop's going to be smoking enough weed to lower heart rates all around him. Oh, no. You in the Snoop section, your heart rate, I don't know, it's never been this low before. I thought it was because they're also sending, this is true, Jimmy Fallon to help with the coverage, and they needed to have somebody stoned enough to laugh at his jokes. Oh, wow. That's so cool.

I'm just curious with all this new Olympic coverage, will there be any coverage of the actual athletes performing? I'm sorry, are there athletes performing? She didn't mention that in the article. All right, Zahava, your next quote is from a food scientist. I'm still buying milk. Now, that scientist was attempting to assuage fears about the news we heard this week that bird flu has now jumped to what other animal?

Cows. Yes, cows. The outbreak of bird flu in cows. Are you applauding for bird flu for being enterprising? It now spread to more than 30 herds, and it made a jump to a human earlier this month. But don't worry. We've been through a pandemic before.

We know exactly what to do this time. We are set as soon as it is necessary. We are all ready across this country to start applauding at 7 p.m. Does this mean that mad cow disease can maybe jump to birds? I think it'd be more exciting to have mad birds. Angry birds. Whoa, there's an idea.

The CDC is like, they have to put out warnings. Stop kissing birds. No. And now they're going to be like, listen, just stick to milking the cows. So cows and chickens are getting sick. If you thought the vegans were annoying before. Oh, I know. And just think what it's going to do to all the oat milk people. Yeah.

All right, Zahava, are you ready for your last quote? I'm ready. All right, here is your last quote. Ankle crew or knee highs with stilettos? Sure. That was the New York Times talking about how what garment is now the hottest thing in fashion? Socks. Socks, yes. You said with some disappointment. Socks.

She sounded mad about that. Are you upset because now you have to go out and buy a whole new season's worth of cool socks? I mean, at least one season. At least. Colorful socks, only once worn by nerds and women whose boyfriends couldn't come up with a good gift, are back. Slip on a brand new pair of tube socks, slide your feet into some Birkenstocks, and no one will be able to tell if you are a supermodel or my dad. LAUGHTER

According to Wirecutter of the New York Times, ankle crew in knee-high socks and bright hues, bold patterns, and unexpected materials are all the rage. Unexpected materials like asbestos. LAUGHTER

Well, I think they're like way behind the curve on this sock thing. Yeah. I know for men and men's suits, they've been showing off socks. Like they started hemming the pants shorter. And women been wearing leggings, stockings. Like where were they? I don't know what, nine, ten years ago? I think when short. Well, remember this is the New York Times. When they write about a new trend, that is the signal that it is over. That's true.

I'm so glad the New York Times doesn't like hip-hop. But you have to do it right, everybody, if you're going to go with the Holston News Sockbook. You have to have tall socks, right, bunched right under the right pair of jeans. That's fashionable. Knee socks and shorts, though, that's very Hitler in the Alps. Oh, my God.

Don't tell any gym coach ever. Bill, how did Zahava do in our quiz? Perfect. Zahava, wow. You're good. You are great. Congratulations, Zahava. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Shantira, according to the Washington Post, the must-have accessory at every hip wedding these days is what? A mason jar full of flowers. Yes.

That's very homey. That's so nice. No. I'll give you a hint. Please do. Apparently, the trend started when C-3PO came with a plus one. Ooh, Star Wars? What is C-3PO? He's a robot. That's it. A robot. Yes. Robots. Specifically, a guy in a giant light-up robot costume on the dance floor. I cannot describe this better than the Washington Post does. So, quote,

into the candlelit banquet hall lumbered a menacing eight-foot-tall humanoid machine, pumping his metallic fists to the thumping electronic music. It ended up being a great time. The bride and groom had a blast, and there were only minor injuries as the panicked crowd desperately tried to escape with their lives. And they're saying this is a trend? This is a trend. Based on what? How many weddings have had a giant robot? Apparently...

Hundreds of them. It started at kids' parties, but the parents, or the adults anyway, at the kids' parties were like, we want that. And one company has done like 200 events over the past year, right? I mean, they do not just weddings, they do all kinds of the quinceañeras. Funerals. Funerals. Oh, yeah. Those are great.

Sad robot. Sad robot. They also do, and of course you know they would do this, the robots appear at gender reveal parties. Congratulations, you are having a human. That's so much better than the forest fire. That's true. That's true. Somebody's going to die at every gender reveal party.

It's just, how is it going to happen? There are problems. Sometimes guests get, this is all true, guests get drunk, and of course, they try to grope the robot. And that's when the party lasers are activated. Coming up, our panelists start young in our Bluff, a listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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Hey, it's Peter. So remember last month when I was practically begging you for your pledge to support our show through Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus and that we were looking for 401 new supporters? Well, we didn't do it. We got 490 of you to join up. Just like everybody who works here at NPR, apparently all of you were trained to overachieve.

And now, here's your reward. We just released the first part of a series of special bonus episodes where you can hear me convince my friend and colleague, Emma Choi, that Chicago has way better food than just deep dish pizza. So please, enjoy listening to our culinary adventure. And if you haven't signed up yet, well, head over to plus.npr.org slash waitwait to get access.

And thank you, thank you for everyone supporting our work. We also love getting pats on the head for doing a good job.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Jason Isbell, Alonzo Bowden, and Shantara Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now. Thank you.

It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff Ballisticer Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Neil Endicott. I'm calling from Johnson City, Tennessee. Johnson City. A dear friend of mine used to live in Johnson City. I miss her to this day. What do you do there? I'm a composer and I teach composition and music theory at East Tennessee State University. How very cool. Wow.

We got a whoop. We had one whoop. Was that an East Tennessee whoop or was that a composition music theory whoop?

All right. They're just yelling, yeah. They're just... It's East Tennessee if they're just yelling, yeah. It's nice to have you with us, Neil. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Neil's topic? You're a genius. Many of us have heard of music prodigies or chess prodigies or math prodigies. Some of us have been lucky enough to know one. We can pay to do our homework. But...

This week we heard about a young child who has demonstrated a mature mastery of a very unusual skill. Each of our panelists will tell you about this baby genius. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You will win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? Yeah. All right. First, let's hear from Shantira Jackson. When Peter Parker was bit by a spider, he became Spider-Man. When nine-year-old Cooper Wallace was nipped by a seagull, he became Seagull Boy.

Everyday, Cooper would practice being a seagull. His initial impressions were pretty weak. He would simply go up to strangers and snatch food out of their hands. But soon, he took his love of the gulls more seriously and focused on what they said. So he started screeching everywhere.

Some people laughed and some people ran in fear with their hot dogs. But one day a man came up to Cooper and told him he had talent. A talent so big he thought the boy should enter the international seagull screeching competition. And after some research, Cooper's parents realized that man wasn't joking. That is a real thing. Despite

hefty competition, he won. He was so impressive, the organizer, Claude Willert, told him, "Your life will never be the same again." And boy, was he right, because I'm here in America talking about it. So, if your kid has a weird niche talent, no matter how annoying it is, don't stifle it. They might just end up a champion.

A little boy who won the International Seagull Squeeching Championship. Your next story of a beautiful mind comes from Jason Isbell. Nine-year-old Diego Amati is very good at bringing people together. In fact, he's been matchmaking since he was six. And every single couple Diego has introduced is still going strong today. He lives and works in the romantic town of Cremona, Italy, the birthplace of the violins.

Diego's unique foolproof method has nothing to do with adult attraction, though. He operates solely from his own childish perspective. For example, Diego introduced his soccer coach, Mr. Rossi, to Mr. Leone from the furniture shop because they both have big feet. Lonely old widow Miss Morelli wound up in a heated romance with 20-something bodybuilder Frederico because they each have, quote, "'way too many cats.'"

The Cupid of Cremona has a true gift, though he can no longer be trusted with a bow and arrow because of what happened with the cats. Diego from Cremona, Italy, a gifted young matchmaker. Your last story of an improbable prodigy comes from Alonzo Bowden. Roger Clark, the seven-year-old son of archaeologist Peter Clark, has a most unique talent.

His English reading is at the comic book level, but he's become a sought-after translator of ancient texts. It all started when Roger was about four and looking at some hieroglyphics in a book in my office, says his father, Professor Clark. He said, Daddy, the man is fighting a bear. So next I showed him some examples of Linear B, a language that took scholars centuries to decipher. He said, that's a king, a horsey, some monkey, and an angry face.

That's the famous text in which King Minos complained about being overcharged by his horse dealer. Little Roger became a sought-out translator for the most obscure ancient text, but strangely, he can't decipher Chinese, German, or even English if it's in italics. His father says, quote, I guess they don't have enough letters that look like horsies. All right, here are your choices. Thank you.

There was a story of a remarkable prodigy that we found in the news this week. Was it from Shantira Jackson, a little boy who practiced and practiced and won the International Gull Screeching Championship?

From Jason Isbell, a little boy in Cremona, Italy, who has a preternatural gift for matching people together for life. Or from Alonzo Bowden, a little boy who's really good at deciphering indecipherable ancient scripts. Which of these is the real story in the week's news?

I've been listening to Wait, Wait for, it feels like forever. And every now and then I see a news story and I sort of think, this would probably show up on the bluff to listen around. And I've seen the videos, so I know it's the seagull. All right. Well, of course, what better proof could we have of the real story than the young person demonstrating their talent? Yeah.

That was nine-year-old Cooper Wallace, champion of this year's European International Seagull Screeching Championship. That's right.

You got it right. You earned our prize. Shantira earned a point just for telling the truth. And every parent who listens to our show just found another reason to be slightly more disappointed with their own child. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. Bye-bye, Neil. Come on, little bird, it was you.

And now the game we call Not My Job. Renee Elise Goldsberry had been a working actress for two decades when she was cast as Angelica in the original cast of the musical Hamilton, which made her a huge star and the idol of every 15-year-old with a mirror and a hairbrush to sing into. Woo!

She now stars in Girls 5 Eva, the brilliant Netflix sitcom about a girl group which just dropped its third season. Renee Elise Goldsberry, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Beatles.

Hi, Renee. I had not known how varied and long your career was prior to Hamilton. You've been a working actor. You had done TV. You were in a soap opera for like five years, if I'm not mistaken. And then all of us... Four. Four years. All right. Five. Okay. And well, we're padding resumes. What the hell? And then all of a sudden, Hamilton becomes this enormous sensation. You are huge. You are everywhere. What was that like? Was that head spinning?

It was head spinning. And it's also crazy because people would say things to me like,

thank God. Like we, like I thought my career was great before Hamilton, but it just encouraged people, you know, kind of like if you thought you looked good and then you lose weight and people all of a sudden tell you now you look good. So I felt that way about Hamilton. People would be like, oh my God, we were so worried. Yeah. I had no idea that I didn't, I wasn't rent. I was in Lion King. I was on one life to live. I was on the good wife. I felt really

really good. I felt like a medium-time actor, a really solid medium-time actor. And if anyone has watched Girls 5 Ever, you know what I mean. Yes. We can get into that because there's a moment in the finale of season one of Girls 5 Ever where somebody says to your character, as they offer you some presumably great job, for the rest of your life, people in sweatshirts will come up to you in restaurants and ask for a selfie.

And I'm like, that's probably true. Is that like, is that your life? Can you go out? It's not my life all the time. I always say never underestimate how invisible a middle-aged black woman can be. Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I can hear you. I hear you. I hear you. I see you. I see you.

That's why I needed you to come on. You can see me. Thank you. How do you think I feel right now? All right. Girls 5 Ever is about a girl group from like the early 2000s that broke up and they're trying to get back together in the present day. And we found out you were actually in a girl group, weren't you? I was.

It's so funny. They make fun of me because I didn't remember that I was in a girl group until we were on Fallon and we'd finished shooting the entire first season. That's how long I've been throwing random things against the wall to see if they stick. I could not remember that I was actually in a girl group. And also, it was easy to forget because we didn't have one hit. We had no hits. Right. But we were... When people say a one-hit wonder girl group is somehow or another a failure, I'm like, really? Really?

Because they add that in. What was the name? I don't remember the name of the group. I just remember the song that we had. It was, yes you can, yes you can, find you a good man. But when you do, you gotta treat them right. Make sure your love is out of sight now. And I just had no idea how...

how stereotypical it was to have a one hit that didn't even make it, that was only about how you could treat a man right. I don't see anything.

That's what we do on Girls5eva. We really, like, with comedy, just spoof this idea that we are defined by, you know, how we make a man feel. And we take it to a wonderful degree. We have songs called Dream Lover, Dream Girlfriend, because our dads are dead and you never have to meet them. I get asked that when I left school. Like, we just parody lyrics of that time, and it feels so good. Yeah. We...

Were you? I always assumed...

That very talented people like yourself have always been that way, so I assume you were like a kid star, like the star of your school shows or something like that. I actually, well, I had different phases of my life. When I first started doing the theater, I was not the star, but I loved it and I didn't care. And things would happen to me, like I would be double-passed as the Tin Man, and people would bring their parents to the show that I wasn't in. Oh.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So I had a bit of a conflict. Right. Two people played the Tin Man because everybody had to part. Two people played the Tin Man and somehow or another people's families were at the show I wasn't on. I mean, you know, so you kind of were like, kind of noticed and kind of didn't, but I must have gotten better because by the time I was in high school...

I had this wonderful drama teacher named Dr. Giroux who cast me, for example, as Nellie Forbush in South Pacific. Right. And I wasn't aware at the time why the parents were slightly confused because I was a little oblivious, which is lovely, and it serves me playing Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton. But Nellie Forbush's issue is that she falls in love with a man and then finds out he has two Polynesian children. Right.

So the fact that I was the darkest person in that picture, and I had to play this complete shock and rage, oh, guffaw, at the fact that the two kids, you know, the two kids that were much lighter than me were, you know, I was going to have to bring them home to my small town in New York. But, you know, the parents were confused, but I was singing that s*** out of one second. I was singing it.

And that's what counts. And that's what counts. Well, Renee Elise Goldberry, we are so delighted to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... Hey, Goldsberry, let's look for some buried gold. So, your name...

Your name obviously put us in mind of buried gold, hidden treasure. We're going to ask you three questions about the people who search for it. If you get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, a pirate chest containing...

A voicemail. Bill, who is Renee Elise Goldberry playing for? Brian Holland of Southampton, Pennsylvania. All right, here we go. In 1979, a man named Kit Williams published Masquerade, a picture book that was also a complicated puzzle concealing the location of a real golden treasure buried somewhere in Britain.

Now, the treasure wasn't discovered until 1982. How did the winner find it? A, he just walked up to a random bench in a public park and checked to see if there was anything under it. B, he programmed an Apple II computer to solve it and then just waited three years for it to finish. Or C, he started dating Kit Williams' ex-girlfriend who just told him where it was. C. Yes, that's right. LAUGHTER

So if you do want to hide a treasure in a nationwide contest, don't tell your girlfriend where it is.

All right, here's your next question. Tommy G. Thompson was a treasure hunter who found the most valuable shipwreck in America, a ship that had been carrying gold from the California gold rush. He then ran away with the treasure, and authorities say they found evidence he had been planning to disappear for a while. What did they find? A, a deluxe child's disguise kit with the fake mustache and eye patch missing. B, a book titled How to Be Invisible.

Or C. A series of fake IDs, each with the name of a Harry Potter character. A. A. You're going to go for the child's disguise kit with the fake mustache and eye patch. It was actually B. A book called How to Be Invisible. It seems that way now. It was a good book because they couldn't find him for two years. Interesting. They found him back in like 2010. Yeah.

And they still haven't found where he put the gold. So, if you're out there, look around. All right, here's your last question. If you get this, you win. In 2018, two British friends using metal detectors found $250,000 worth of ancient Roman coins.

But they were very disappointed when what happened after that? A. They shipped the coins home on a boat, which sank. B. The mayor of Rome sued to get them back because they were Roman and he won. Or C. They found out the coins were actually just props from a show about friends who use metal detectors to find gold coins. Let's see. A.

Like the price is right. C. C, that's right. Yeah, the TV show is called The Detectorists, and it is apparently quite funny. Bill, how did Renee do in our quiz? Two out of three. Renee, you're the winner. Yay! Yay!

Renee Elise Goldsberry stars on Girls 5 Ever on Netflix. It's hilarious. Season 3 is out now. Renee Elise Goldsberry, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us on Waylay's Don't Tell Me. Thanks for helping me claim my name. I love it. Take care.

In just a minute, a gift that is the greatest of all time in our listener limerick challenge game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Jason Isbell, and Alonzo Bowden. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute...

Bill rhymes 5-F-A in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Jason, a Belgian man was arrested for driving drunk, but he was able to get acquitted because he proved to the judge's satisfaction what? That he was being chased by a Frenchman. LAUGHTER

I don't know. No, it's not like... He doesn't smell like a walking distillery. He is one. His body makes alcohol? Yes, Jason. That's what happened. And that was true. It was true. He has a very rare condition called auto brewery syndrome. You laugh. You laugh.

It's real. It's just what it sounds like. His body is, in fact, a brewery, and you do not want to know how they tap him. Oh.

So he just smelled like a frat house? He is one. He shouldn't tell a recovering alcoholic things like this, Peter. Start experimenting. So he just drinks water and this happens? Yeah, he doesn't drink any alcohol. He drinks like yeast and hops. He's eating the yeast and hops. Then he gently agitates for about two weeks. Yeah.

Jason, the most popular children's TV show right now is Bluey. It's about a little puppy who lives with her family in Australia. We've got some Bluey fans. But viewers freaked out this week when at the end of the latest episode, the end of this current season, Bluey the puppy apparently did what? I died. No. LAUGHTER

No, not quite. Not quite, but you're almost weirdly getting there. Yeah, there was something that made people think it was going to be the last episode of Blu-ray. That's right. But I didn't read the whole article, just the headline. Sure. I'm 45 years old. I'm not reading this. I'll give you a hint. Blu-ray kind of went gray-y.

It went gray. Bluey held his breath until he passed out. No, wouldn't, if Bluey held her breath, wouldn't she get even more blue? I guess so. No.

You know, to go gray, what happens when you're going gray? You are getting... Oh, yes, Bluey's getting old. Bluey got old. That's right. At the end of the season three finale, Bluey, a puppy, suddenly appeared as a grown-up dog with her own family. I hate it. I know. The kids didn't like it. It was the most traumatic climax to a kid's show since Twilight Sparkle and My Little Pony showed up as a bottle of glue. LAUGHTER

Listen, you may be upset, but kids have to learn.

So how do they back this up then? I have no idea. Like, are we going to go back to next season and she'll be a baby again? I don't know. But it's not a good idea. We do not want our kids' characters to ever grow up. Nobody wants to find out Paw Patrol is in jail for taking part in January 6th. Paw Patrol's copaganda. That's copaganda. That's copaganda. I'm going to try to find out

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks here at the beautiful Studebaker Theatre in beautiful Chicago, or catch us in the road at the also beautiful Mann Center in Philadelphia on June 27th, or at Wolf Trap in Northern Virginia on August 1st. For tickets and info about all of this beauty, go to nprpresents.org.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Heather from Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City, one of my very favorite places. What do you do there? I am an attorney and doing a clerkship at Utah Court of Appeals. Oh, wow. That's awesome. I think Salt Lake is amazing because if you are at all weird and you live in Utah, you go to Salt Lake City.

And do you find that to be the case? Right. Yeah, that's why I love Salt Lake City, too. Yeah. Yeah, it's very fun. Love it. It's the most fun place in Utah. Well, welcome to the show, Heather. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? Ready to play?

Yep, let's do it. Let's do it. Here's your first limerick. Just turned 30. I don't mean to gloat. Got six kids, so we're barely afloat. But this animal kid makes me flip my lid. For my birthday, he gave me a... Goat. A goat, that's right. To the goat. To the goat.

30th birthday, that's a big milestone. So in one Texas man's wife turned 30 just this week, two months after giving a birth to their sixth child, he did what any man might do on that occasion. He bought her a goat. According to Newsweek, the woman, quote, had literally never mentioned wanting a goat. So it was a surprise goat. That's even better.

Was there any significance to a goat? No. Some folklore that I don't know about? Maybe he wanted seven kids. He was tired of cutting the grass. I know what that is. All right. Here is your next limerick. A regular dog is too lame. Fetch and bark, it is always the same.

So my new robot pet comes with sparks and a jet from its mouth. My fake dog can shoot flames. Flames, yes. An Ohio company has debuted the Therminator, a first of its kind four-legged robot dog with a flamethrower attached to its back.

Now the robot can be controlled via smartphone and the flamethrower is controlled by your boundless thirst for vengeance. I would dare say that a flame throwing dog is still not able to match the damage of a five month old puppy. That's true. All right, here is your last limerick. A venomous bite caused this ache.

That assessment is easy to make. We doctors don't ask which subspecies of asp. You don't need to bring in the... Snake? Yeah! Yeah, snake, that's right. Hospital workers in Australia are now begging snakebite victims to please stop coming to the ER with the snake that bit them. LAUGHTER

What I love...

Is I just said that and I don't really have to explain it. Because all of you are out there thinking, yeah, I'd do that. That's the idea. You bring the snake so the doctor knows what kind of snake it was that bit you and then them. Yeah.

Worse when your marriage counselor tells you that. Stop bringing the snake. Which of us are you talking to? Which of you do you think I'm talking to? So everybody knows, because who knows who's listening or what situation they might get themselves into. If you are bitten by a snake, the proper protocol is you just exchange IDs and insurance. Pull off the road first. You just tap out.

Bones. That's all you need. Bill, how did Heather do in our quiz? Heather, you don't need any appellate work on this one. You got them all right the first time around. Congratulations. Heather, thank you so much for playing, and I hope I'll see you all, all you weirdos in Salt Lake pretty soon. Sounds great. Thanks so much. Bye-bye.

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Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? I think I can. Shatira has three, and Alonzo and Jason each have two.

Alonzo, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, dozens of students at Columbia University were arrested for protesting the war in blank. Palestine. Gaza, you bet. Yes, according to a new study, 90% of animal and vegetable protein samples tested positive for micro blank.

Bacteria? No, microplastics. This week, the Arizona House of Representatives voted to repeal that state's 160-year-old ban on blank. Abortion. Right. On Thursday, the New York conviction of disgraced producer blank was overturned. Weinstein. Yes. This week, a homeowner in North Carolina was unsure of what to do when a woodpecker kept repeatedly pecking blank. A house? His doorbell. Okay, I get a point for that because the doorbell's part of a house. Okay.

Yeah. All right. He's the judge. On Thursday, NASA announced plans to establish a 4G network on the blank. On the moon? Yes. Just 12 hours after its release, the new album from Blank broke streaming records. Taylor Swift? Right. This week, a 39-year-old British woman was arrested for starting a bar fight after she asked a man at a bar to guess how old she was, and he blanked. Ha ha ha.

So she asked him to guess her age? Yes. And he guessed correctly? He guessed that she was four years older than she actually was. The woman was 39. He guessed 43. So, of course, she had to smash her wine glass in his face. It's a shame the fight broke out just then because the guy was just about to follow up by asking her when she was due.

It's funny because it didn't happen to me. All right. How did Alonzo do? Very, very well. Six right, 12 more points. He leads with 14. All right. So...

Jason, you're up next. Please fill in the blank. Here we go. Following a jury selection, blank's hush money trial got underway in New York. Trump. Yeah, on Tuesday, a bill passed requiring the sale of social media app blank to a U.S. owner. TikTok. Right. This week, a federal judge... Is this just to make me say s*** I don't want to say?

That's me on every show. Amid a nearly 50% drop in earnings, electric car maker Blank announced plans to produce a cheaper model. Tesla, see? You're doing it again. Be cool, be cool. The serious part of the show. On Monday, a 17-year-old from India became the youngest person to win a world championship Blank match.

No. What's the pickleball? You started to say the word. Chess? Chess, yes. After announcing their first ever dividend payout, stock prices for Alphabet, the parent company of Blank, jumped 14%. Is that Facebook? No, it's Google. This week, prisoners mounting an escape in Venezuela from a prison were quickly caught after the hole they dug brought them out to Blank.

Another prison? No. A police training ground where 30 cops were doing drills. The escapees smashed a hole through the prison wall, and then one by one they crawled through it, and each time they emerged to find this...

waiting band of police who had been training there, 30 of them in fact, fortunately for the prisoners, the cops had not yet gotten to the part of the training where they learned bad guys, catch them or let them go. Bill, how did Jason do on our quiz? Jason was the first timer, you did well. Four right, eight more points, ten, you still trail Alonzo. Yeah, as long as I don't have to keep saying the words I hate the most, I'm mad at you.

All right. So how many, Bill, does Shantira need to win? Six.

Six. Six to win, Chantere. Here we go. On Wednesday, President Biden signed a bill providing aid to Israel and blank. Yes, Ukraine. On Tuesday, the Justice Department reached a settlement with the victims of Larry Nassar, the former doctor for the blank. The gymnastics team? Yes. This week, lawmakers in Tennessee passed a bill allowing teachers in schools to carry blank. Guns? Yes. This week, a Texas woman throwing a birthday party for her toddler asked guests, instead of bringing gifts, to bring blank instead. Pets.

Ponies. Donations to pay for her landscaping. This week, Minneapolis approved a $15 minimum price for packs of blank. Cigarettes. Right. According to a new study from the World Health Organization, blanks have saved over 154 million lives. Seagulls. Vaccines. This week, a family in Oklahoma was shocked when their new pet octopus named Terrence blanked. Had like a bajillion babies. That's exactly right. Okay.

Or 50, but let's, they say it was 50. How do you count baby octopuses? That story is crazy. It's true. Because, I mean, you probably haven't talked about it, but I saw that story and it's like. Take care. Take it over. Okay, y'all, listen up.

This man, also great father, my father would not buy me an octopus, but this boy loved octopus. And his dad got him an octopus for his tank, right? And then the octopus had babies. And people have been trying to get octopuses to have babies in captivity and they won't do it. So it's like a whole to-do. People want to come to his house because he didn't even try, just like a man, not even trying. And reward! Applause

Bill, did Shantira do well enough to win? She did very well. Five right, ten more points within one of Alonzo. She got 13, and Alonzo's the king! Yay! Yay!

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the big heartwarming story out of this summer's Olympic Games. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Special thanks to...

And Vinnie Thomas this week with the first pick in the producer draft, Wait, Wait Selects. Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Our technical director is Lorna White. And special thanks to Gary Yeck. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what would be the big heartwarming story out of the Olympics this summer? Alonzo Bowden. They're going to find an actual amateur athlete that hasn't been paid. Shantira Jackson.

After the games, the athletes will finally be able to enjoy all the food in France, and the people at Le Cordon Bleu are going to give them baguettes when they cross the finish line. And Jason Isbell. I think since it's in Paris this time, they're finally going to have a smoking section for the children. Hey, if any of that happens, panel, we're going to ask you about it right here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thank you also. Stay positive.

Alondra Bowden, Sanjira Jackson, and Jason Isbell. Thanks to all of you for listening and our fabulous audience here at the Studer-Baker Theatre. I'm Peter Segal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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