WWDTM: Nate Berkus
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Support for NPR and the following message come from IXL Learning. IXL Learning uses advanced algorithms to give the right help to each kid, no matter the age or personality. Get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash NPR. From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. This must be the land of lakes, because my voice is like butter.

I'm Bill Curtis and here is your host at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Peter Sagan. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, everybody. It is great to be back in Minnesota, right? A heretofore little known state that thanks to Governor Tim Walz could end up

Being home someday to the official vice presidential winter retreat. That is an ice fishing hut on Rainy Lake. Later on, we're going to be talking Minnesota style with celebrity interior designer Nate Berkus, who grew up here. But first, it's your turn to help color coordinate the news by playing our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter. This is Jody Davis calling from Gaines, Michigan. Hey, Jody. What do you do there in Gaines, Michigan? I'm a veterinarian. You're a veterinarian? Yes. Oh, cool. Right. So are you like a standard dog and cat veterinarian or do you do the exotics?

So, I did standard vet stuff for 10 years, but now I have worked for 12 years for a pet food company. A pet food company? Whoa. Yes. Oh, wow. One of the good ones, I hope. Of course. You're not turning the pets into food, right? No, that's a different matter. Jodi, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the comedian you can find most days saving big money at his local Menards. It's Bobcat Goldthwait.

Hello, Bobcat. Next, it's the comedian you can catch on YouTube on the new show, Wait a Minute. It's Joyelle Nicole Johnson. Hey, Joy. And you can see him on the Wait, Wait stand-up tour. It's September 5th through the 8th. And at the High Plains Comedy Festival in Denver from the 19th through the 21st, it's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Hello.

Jodi, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations about this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize, the voice from anyone from our show. You might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Absolutely. Our first quote is a commenter on a New York Times story this week. People without kids are saying, suck it up, losers.

That person was responding to a new warning from the Surgeon General that what is dangerous to our health? Children? Children, yes. Children are dangerous to our health. In this new op-ed in The Times, our Surgeon General says we have a new national health crisis caused by the stress of parenting. It's an announcement that shocked everyone except people who have children.

are children or who have ever met a child. So the Surgeon General, whose heart is absolutely in the right place, is calling for steps to both help struggling parents and to make other people more aware of the stresses involved. So from now on, when a doctor slaps a newborn on the butt, he will be attaching a warning label.

Yeah, what are we, what surgery do you get if you have kids? Well, I'd suggest a vasectomy, but you're too late. Damn it! Usually, like, catch, you know, across a highway. LAUGHTER

I got a hysterectomy last year and I... Yes! Yes! And I usually ask men in the audience what a hysterectomy is and like three out of four y'all do not know. So I feel like men shouldn't be able to vote. I... I...

I know what one is because immediately after I was born my mother had one. Nice! Swear to God! She knew. She's like, "This evil spawn has to be stopped."

This is a little bit of a double standard, right? Because the Surgeon General thinks that kids are hard to be around and it gets right in the times. But when I tell my friends their kids are hard to be around, they get mad at me, like, what's going on? Yeah, I know. Now we have a doctor's note. Yeah, that's right. LAUGHTER

You know, your next quote is someone's drink order that was posted on Reddit. Triple iced espresso with two pumps white mocha in a grande cup with extra ice. Now, according to financial experts, it's complicated orders like that that may be the reason that what big chain is in trouble. Starbucks? Starbucks, exactly right, yes.

Turns out that the reason that there is always a very long line and very stressed out baristas at your local Starbucks may be because how much they have expanded their menu over the years. Between all the choices of flavors and sizes and varieties of beverages, according to Bloomberg, this is true, there are nearly 400 billion possible drink combinations. LAUGHTER

Just, you know, according to math. That's why instead... Nature is so beautiful. Isn't it, though? That's why instead when you get your cappuccino, instead of a little leaf drawn on the foam, it's just the message, help me. LAUGHTER

So here's the thing according to a financial analysis of the company The problem is that investors are constantly demanding more growth and that means they have to offer more products and that Overwhelms the staff and this is true. It has actually created a new demand for coffee shops that just serve coffee And why stop there why not a line of cafes that serve nothing and

No lines, no annoying tip screen. They just mispronounce your name and you go home. Jody, here is your last quote. It's a shame that we humans are in the middle of this. So that was a scientific researcher talking about how they and their colleagues have finally figured out why killer whales have been attacking what in the Atlantic Ocean? Ships. Ships, yes. They've been attacking ships, yachts, and boats. Very good. Very good.

Scientists have been working on this problem of orcas attacking yachts off the coast of Spain. The good news is they are no closer to stopping it than they were before. I was going to say, working on this problem, it sounds like they're observing a solution. I know, exactly. Can we encourage them? Is that the question they're trying to solve? No, but they do have an explanation. The orcas, and I am deadly serious, are using the boats to practice hunting.

This comes from a group called the Bottlenose Dolphin Research Institute. So first of all, guys, stay in your lane. But they say that two orcas' boats look like bluefin tuna moving through the water, and they love to eat bluefin tuna. So they've been practicing hunting the tuna by attacking the boats, right? That's what's going on. Think of the lives and property we could save if we just developed orca doordash.

I would call it sub-hub. In undersea delivery service. I don't, this doesn't hold water, the idea that like, workers are like going, hey, that yacht looks like a tuna? Pretty much. If I saw a tuna the size of a yacht, I'd just crap right there and there.

Well, it's... No, but to them, it's close enough, and they can practice their technique. But that is amazing. This is the revelation. Wild animals practice. Who knew? Do they have coaches? Like the orcas, like the orca coach, like, all right, team, good work. Don't mind the people on the yacht screaming in terror. All the other humans are rooting for us. So the orcas are attacking rich people on yachts? Yes.

I didn't know orcas were people of color. They are half black. They're half black. Bill, how did Jodi do in our quiz? Jodi was perfect. She got them all right. Congratulations, Jodi, and thanks for calling. Thank you, Peter. Bye-bye. You're the one that I should see.

Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joyelle, 10 different rescue teams had to scour a Colorado mountain range for two whole days searching for a lost hiker who was left behind by his group. What was that group doing up on the mountain?

In Colorado? In Colorado. On top of the mountain. A lot of mountains in Colorado. And they left somebody. Yeah. I'll give you a hint. They should have just stuck with Trust Falls in the break room. They were bungee jumping off the mountain? No. Where do you do things like Trust Falls? Not on the mountain.

Trust balls happen in a break room with people who have jobs. Right, and what do sometimes people who work together go do? I don't know, I don't have a job. I should have remembered that before I asked you. Does anybody else know? I'm going to say a work retreat. Yes, it was an office team building exercise. Yes.

Wow. I would have never got there. Fifteen people from an office set out to climb a mountain together to help build cooperation, mutual reliance, and bonding, except apparently for that loser, Brian. Anyway, park service rescue teams got word of an overdue hiker when the other 14 employees came back down without him.

And this is true. The lost guy had texted his colleagues. He still had cell phone service at that point. He said, hey, I don't know where you guys are. And they said, dude, yeah, we saw you. You went down the wrong way. You have to climb back up again and then go down the right way. And then they kept going down without him.

Overdue hiker is a pretty gentle term for might be dead on a mountain. Exactly. And then a storm came in, and it was really hard to find him. Like I said, 10 different search teams went to go out and find him, helicopters, aircraft. They found him about a day later, hungry and bruised from his falls, but alive. And the county search and rescue officials said the incident might lead to, quote, all

awkward encounters at the office in the coming days and weeks. I bet that dude microwaves fish in the break of day. Probably, yeah. I'll tell you what, though. You know who's real tight-knit is those 10 search teams. Oh, yeah, they're great. This was secretly a team-building thing for them. They flipped it. Coming up, find out who was right all along. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Joyelle Nicole Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Bobcat Goldsway. And here again is your host at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Peter Jacob. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play the game on air, or you can check out the pinned post at our Instagram page. That's at WaitWaitNPR. You'll find all the info you need there, plus attractive photographs. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Rhiannon from Philadelphia. Rhiannon? Well, hello. What a pleasure to meet you. Are you the person the song is about? Yes.

I am not. It's a lovely song, but my name's Rhiannon because it's a Welsh name. Oh, I see. Many generations of Joneses have lived there. Can I suggest, I don't know you, but just as a helpful tip, the next time somebody asks that question, just say, yes.

Rhiannon, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Rhiannon's topic? I told you so. Everybody loves being proven correct, whether it's you're going to regret those white jeans or, sir, literally anyone would be better than J.D. Vance. This week...

This week we heard about somebody who was right all along, as it turned out. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yep. Yeah, okay. First, let's hear from Bobcat Goldthwait. If you went to a carnival in the Midwest ten years ago, perhaps you had your fortune read by psychic wonder pig Sir Francis Bacon.

Country Fair guests would pay the pig's owner, Mark "Sparky" Jaquin, to have Francis tell them their future through a series of yes or no snorts. Francis' knack for predicting the future was impressive. It was lucrative enough that Sparky had enough money to invest in the stock market. Things fell apart for the two, though, when in 2014, Francis warned Sparky not to invest in Blockbuster Video stock.

He ignored Francis' squeals, and when Blockbuster filed for bankruptcy within the year, Sparky lost his life savings. Normally, once a wonder pig got too big for the road, it would be retired to a processing farm, and that would have been Francis' fate, except Sparky felt so bad for not listening to the pig that they became roommates. Sparky and Sir Francis Bacon now share a Tampa Bay, Florida condominium. A psychic pig...

Correctly predicted the end of home video, but sadly was ignored by his owner. Your next story of smug satisfaction comes from Joyelle Nicole Johnson. When a crew was dismantling some old columns in the Sainsbury wing at London's National Gallery, they found more than just a bunch of dust and whatever else columns are made of.

They found a time capsule of sorts, but it didn't contain a family photograph or a treasure map for the Goonies. It was a nasty note. 30 years ago, when the wing was being built, the funder of the expansion, Lord Sainsbury, was displeased with the architectural aesthetic of two giant false columns that served zero structural purpose. He let this displeasure be known. In a letter he typed on his supermarket notepaper and buried in the column for a future demolition crew to find.

A man after Kanye West's heart, the note was typed in all cap locks. He wrote, "Let it be known that one of the donors of this building is absolutely delighted that your generation has decided to dispense with the unnecessary columns. Finally, one old dead man is happy with the kids these days."

The late Lord Sainsbury gets the last word about those ugly columns in the museum he endowed. Your last story of someone telling you so comes from Josh Gondelman. After a professional disagreement with a colleague resolved in her favor, acclaimed neuroscientist Dr. Lydia Kellogg muttered her usual refrain, hate to say it, but I told you so.

The co-worker snapped back, "Oh, you love to say I told you so. Everyone does, but you especially." Much like a pair of rusty forceps, Dr. Kellogg has trouble letting things go. So she set to work conducting an experiment to prove that she was right when she said that she hates to say that she was right.

Much to Dr. Kellogg's delight, I told you so ranked as only the 98th most enjoyable phrase, barely ahead of the lowest scoring, wow, your uncle really has some thoughts about the Middle East. Upon publishing the results of her study, Dr. Kellogg couldn't help ignoring her own research to greet her colleague with an exuberant, in-your-face loser, and this time she did enjoy saying it. All right.

One of these stories of the satisfaction of finally being correct was in the Newsweek this week. Was it from Bobcat, a prognosticating pig who finally was thanked for being right about the fate of Blockbuster? From Joelle Nicole Johnson, the Lord Sainsbury of the supermarket chain in Britain, being correct as he proved by putting a note in the columns that he paid for

celebrating their demolition, or from Josh Gondelman, a doctor who proved that, yes, she actually hates to say so, but she was right all along. Which of these is the real story of vindication we found in the week's news? Those are all great, but I think a man leaving an angry all-caps note feels the most probable, so I'm going to go with the word sanctuary. Thank you.

All right, you've chosen Grail Story of the Lord Sainsbury. Well, to bring you the truth, we talked to somebody who had some knowledge of this particular subject. It's the client's revenge, and it's revealed in this kind of pulling a rabbit out of a hat, or in this case, pulling a letter out of a column. That was...

That was Blair Kamen, the Pulitzer Prize winning former architecture critic for the Chicago Tribune, talking about Lord Sainsbury's Revenge. Congratulations, Rhiannon, you got it right. You earned a point for Joyelle. And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations, Rhiannon. Thanks so much for playing. Bye-bye.

Bye.

And now the game we call Not My Job. Nate Perkis acquired his design aesthetic growing up here in Minnesota, and since his early days as a resident expert on the Oprah Winfrey Show, he's become one of the most famous interior designers in the country with multiple home design TV shows, the latest with his husband, designer Jeremiah Brent. The only question is, if he learned it all here in Minnesota, where are the mounted deer heads, fish, and beaver for throw rugs? LAUGHTER

Nate Berkus, welcome home and welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. I'm very...

Let's start at the beginning. You found your love of interior design while you were very young, growing up here, right? I did, yeah. Yeah, so how old are we talking? Well, my mother was an interior designer here in Minneapolis. I have a younger sister and a middle brother, and our middle brother works in advertising in California, and he once coined our family phrase as what we did on the weekends is either shop or be left behind.

So my mother would take us to auctions and antiques malls and Stillwater and downtown Hopkins and all these places looking at old things and looking at antiques and vintage things. And my job was to carry the wallpaper books in from the trunk of her car to her home office.

Which is also why I have muscles. That's true, yeah. So you started out both as an interior designer and as a gym rat early on. Yes, exactly. So if I met you at, say, the age of 10, would you be all about design and antiques? No, but I was definitely sidetracked if somebody was setting up for a garage sale on my way to the bus stop.

I'm picturing a young story, like almost a Forrest Gump-like serendipity where Prince is putting up plaid all over his estate and you're like, my man, Paisley, and then just walk away. That was me. That was him. Yeah, that was me. I'm actually Apollonian. I've morphed. That's, oh my God, that's amazing. Do you,

Do you remember the first time you ever designed something? You ever set up a room? Yeah. No, I do. My parents gave me my own bedroom because I shared a room prior to that with my filthy younger brother. The worst one. Yeah. No, but the first thing I ever was allowed to design was my own bedroom. And I actually wrote about this years ago because it was such an interesting thing for me as a 12-year-old kid to be able to pick out

at the time, you know, again, my mom was an interior designer, so, you know, she had all the carpet samples and wallpaper books, and, you know, she said to me, what do you want your room to look like? And I remember it was the 80s, and I said, I want gray, white, and red, and

And she was like, that's so ugly though. And I was like, but it's cool. And so I remember though that it was agency. That's what it felt like. I had the agency to pick my own environment. And I do think that that's why I've spent the greater part of 30 years helping other people create a home that means something to them. I think that that is connected. I...

I think that's great. I do love the idea of you as a, you said, 13-year-old? 12. 12-year-old. Yeah. Which, you know, 12, you know, the early teens, it's a very rebellious age, that the source of your conflict with your mother was color palettes. Did she...

Did she like, you know, search your room when you weren't there and found like illicit swatch books in your sock drawer? You come home and she's holding up a Pantone catalog. It was amazing, right. No gay porn, just a wallpaper sample. Which, let's just be honest. I am. If you're a 12-year-old kid...

If your 12-year-old kid has wallpaper sample books hidden in his sock drawer, it's essentially the same as gay porn. Either way you get there, the conclusion has got to be the same. 100%. As a young man, was it hard to find places to design? If you wanted to be in a band, you get a guitar. Were you like going, I think I could really fix up your ice fishing hut?

No, I mean, you know what, though? Bobcat, actually, now that you ask. I was notorious among my friends when they would invite me over for a play date or sleepover or whatever, that I remember my friend Ronnie Swartz, his mother came home and Ronnie and I were hanging out at their house and I had pushed all the living room furniture into a different location. So...

It wasn't. And she said, did you move my sofa? And I said, yeah. Don't you think it looks better like this? And she said, I do.

Wait, I have a question. You and your husband are both hot. That has nothing to do with the question. I just wanted to say I'm going to... Okay. All right. You don't think his head's a little bit big for his body if you look close? Drag him. Your eyes are like a little like... You think it's still remote? You're trying to redesign his face? Wait, so since you're both designers, who wins? Like, do you have a chair in your house that you hate that you put there? Okay, so here's the thing. If one person hates it, it's out.

And we don't talk about it and you can't try and sell it to the other person and boy can we sell to each other like You can't like if one if you I say I hate it then the conversations done and vice versa We will fight like like beyond like really really rip each other to shreds over who ate the last piece of pizza Before we fight over a sofa that sounds like couple therapy, right? I mean, you know

I think I'm understanding this right, having been culturally immersed for a day, but offering someone the last piece of pizza just so they turn it down so you can have it, that's Minnesota nice, right? I got it. Nate Berkus, delighted to have you here. We have asked you to play a game we're calling Try Some Exterior Decorating. So, you do interior decor. We thought we'd ask you about exterior decor, namely tattoos.

Perfect. Is it perfect? Yeah, this is great. So we're going to ask you three questions about tattoos. Get two right, you win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Nate Berkus playing for? Martin Gardner of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Hey.

Here's your first question. Ready? Ready. When Ariana Grande released her single "Seven Rings," she celebrated by going down to the tattoo parlor and getting a tattoo of the two Japanese characters, meaning "seven" and "ring." Seven, ring. One problem, though, what was it? A, the tattoo artist inked a seven next to a little portrait of Ringo Starr.

B, the tattoo artist instead did the Japanese characters for Bad and Blood, because Bad Blood is a Taylor Swift single that he preferred to any of her music. Or C, those two characters combined form a proper noun, meaning a small charcoal grill. I'm going with C. You're correct. Yes, it was...

Basically, I mean, it's like you try to get something and it ends up just being like a hibachi. Right. All right. Next question. Tattoo artists sometimes make mistakes, like when a cannabis enthusiast asked for a tattoo of a pocket watch showing the time 4.20. But what happened? A, even though it's an ink and never changes, the clock is still always four minutes fast?

B, he did the pocket watch with the lid closed so you can't see what time it is. Or C, he accidentally drew it backwards, realizing afterwards that now the clock reads 7.40. I think he drew it backwards. You're right. It says 7.40. Wow.

I had to think I've been just selling bath mats all these years. I know. You could have been acing quizzes, I guess. Anyway, last question. See if you can make this as perfect as everything else is. Okay. Sometimes a tattoo artist's mistake turns out to be a kind of happy accident, like in which of these cases? A, a tattoo reading Murphy's Law, i.e. the idea that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. B,

and he misspelled it, Murphy's Law. He, an artist putting in the name of a man's new baby, put Maya instead of the baby's name, Mara, but it turned out the doctor had made the same typo in the birth certificate.

Or C, a woman got a tattoo of a forest which looked terrible, but it just so happened the tree trunks happened to form a UPC code that gets her the employee discount when she scans it at Nordstrom. LAUGHTER

I think it's B. You think it's B, the matching typos? No, it was actually Murphy's Law. It was. The client saw it and was utterly delighted. Bill, how did Nate Berkus do on our quiz? It was almost perfect, but you still got two out of three, which means you're a winner! Yeah!

Nate Berkus is an acclaimed interior designer who is up to so many different things. You can find them all at nateberkus.com. Nate Berkus, thank you so much for being on. Thank you, sir. Nate Berkus, everybody. All-time hero. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill has a stinky way to improve your skin in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Josh Gondelman, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Joelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill serves up some deep-fried rhymes in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you all from the week's news. Bobcat, according to a relationship expert, one of the signs that your partner may be cheating on you with a co-worker is a sudden interest on their part in what? Uh,

The way they look. That is actually part of it, but that's not the first thing you should be worried about. Remember I said, like, they might be having an affair with their co-worker if all of a sudden your partner is strangely really into what? Staplers. Work. Yes, into their jobs. If they all of a sudden are really into their job, did your partner just get a promotion for excellence at work? That's slut.

According to a relationship expert consulted by the Daily Mail, exhibiting a sudden increased interest in work is a sign your partner might be cheating on you.

I think it's gotta depend though, are they like, "I have to stay late to balance the budget," or are they like, "I have to stay late to balance someone on my body." Another sign, as you suggested, is if all of a sudden they're upgrading their wardrobe and their general look, right? If out of nowhere your partner is trying to improve themselves, the appropriate response is jealousy and suspicion. You're not the slob I married. Yeah, what's wrong?

I've never been more attracted to you and I hate it. Josh, if you've already watched everything on Hulu and Netflix, don't worry. Another company has announced plans for their own branded streaming network. What is the company? Chick-fil-A. You're exactly right. You can hear the enthusiasm in my voice. Wow.

Chick-fil-A, or as it's more commonly known, Popeye's for Jesus, announced that it was launching its own streaming TV platform filled with original programming. It's great news for anyone who's been looking for TV shows that you cannot watch on Sundays. I'll tell you...

I'll tell you what, the interior design shows on that network are going to be ugly as hell. I know, I know. It's true, actually. They're going, they are going, they say, to favor a reality in unscripted shows. So just look for their makeover show, Straight Eye for the also straight guy, and Conversion Therapy Island. Oh, God, sorry.

Mike Pence is on that island. And you know, if it's anything like their restaurants, liberals are going to condemn it, but every now and then they'll go over and give it a try because it's really good. Watch their shows if they're in an airport. Yeah, exactly. Josh, according to the Wall Street Journal, there's a new change in office etiquette. People are writing brutally honest what?

People are now writing brutally honest emails? You're close. Okay. Not the emails. It's an email, but it's automatically sent because it is a... It's an out of office? Yes. People are writing brutally honest out of office replies. Wow. Now, people are becoming more militant about guarding the work-life boundary. So there's no more polite, apologetic, oh, I'll be away from my desk, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. No, it's all hard truths now.

One man's out-of-office reply quoted in the journal said, quote, and this is real, I am out of the office having way more fun than communicating with you. I will likely forget to email you back. Still a little elaborate. Why not just go with a simple, I'm out of the office, probably at your mom's house. Yeah, I feel like if they're going to be rude, you might as well be more explicit, right? Like, I'm on a beach getting a sunburn on my butt cheeks because I fell asleep drunk and naked. Yeah.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks back at the glorious Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And come see the Wait, Wait stand-up tour. That will be in Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Tampa, and Atlanta, September 5th through the 8th. For tickets and more information, just wander over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hello, this is James from Hoboken. Hoboken, New Jersey. I'm from New Jersey. Yeah, Jersey indeed. Are you from there or did you end up there as a trans man? I followed my wife here. I'm originally from Chicago. Hey! My mother actually used to work in the Chase building where you guys would perform in the basement. Yes, they kept us in the basement there for many, many years. LAUGHTER

Jim, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play? Yeah. All right, here's your first limerick. It sounds like a daredevil bar trick. It's what vampires dread when they are sick. Though my breath is the pits, it might help with my zits. So I'm chomping on raw cloves of... Garlic? Garlic, yes. Garlic.

Some people, enthusiastically, are rubbing raw garlic directly on their faces. The idea is that the compounds in the garlic will fight the oil buildup, right? Even more likely, though, the garlic and oil will combine until you still have zits, but now they're served with aioli. I feel like...

I feel like if your teen peers are already calling you pizza face, you don't want to introduce garlic into the equation. You don't want to introduce toppings. Yeah, that's bad. Here, Jim, is your next limit. It's a colorful hue I can spray on. Hints of dolphin blue blended with gray dom. Like that coloring stick that is waxy and slick, I'm applying the scent of a...

Crayon? Crayon, yes. The U.S. Patent Office recently issued a trademark to Crayola for the scent of their crayons, which according to the company is, quote, reminiscent of a slightly earthy soap with pungent leather-like clay undertones. Okay, I'm with you, but what about the leather?

Leather? How many cows gave their lives to fill in that Paw Patrol coloring book? I did love three-year-old Al Pacino's performance in Scent of a Crayon. It was great. Very moving. It was great. Oh, he's quiet. Yeah. It was great. All right, here is your last limit. With espresso, my good mood's not dropping.

Now I'm buying with no signs of stopping. Through the aisles I stroll without impulse control. Now I spend too much when I'm out.

Shopping. Shopping, yes. According to psychologists, if you're trying to save money, you should not drink coffee before shopping. Psychologists think that this might be because caffeine makes you excited and more vulnerable to impulse decisions, or it might have nothing to do with that and instead just come down to people going into stores and saying, "I'll buy anything you want. I just need to use your bathroom right now."

Bill, how did Jim do on our quiz? It's a perfect score for Jimmy. Come home. We miss you. Welcome. Thank you so much, guys. Take care. Thank you.

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Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? Sure. Bobcat and Joyelle each have three, and Josh has two. Okay. You said it like I'm behind in a soccer match. That means, Josh, you're in second place, so you will go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, Fill in the Blank.

Taylor Swift. Yes.

Japan? Right. On Tuesday, an outage caused thousands of AT&T customers to lose blank service for almost 12 hours. Cell phone? Right. This week, Ron DeSantis backed off a proposed plan to blank some of Florida's state parks. Clothes? Not quite. Pave them to put in pickleball courts. That's worse. That's worse. On Wednesday, Yelp filed a lawsuit against search giant blank. Google? Right.

Right. On Tuesday, Travis Kelsey and his brother signed a $100 million blank deal with Amazon. Podcast. Right. This week, teachers in charge of a science fair in the UK were surprised when one student brought in blank as their project. When one student brought in blank.

Seasoning. No. A nuclear reactor is the answer. The student impressed everyone at the science fair when he showed up with a miniature version of a nuclear fusion reactor, which successfully created plasma. Some other parents suspected that this was way too complicated for a kid, but little Mikey Oppenheimer said his family did not help him. Bill, how did Josh do in our quiz? Six right, 12 more points, total of 14. You're in the lead. All right.

So Bobcat and Joyelle are tied. I'm going to randomly choose Joyelle to go next. Here we go. Fill in the blank, Joyelle. On Tuesday, prosecutors filed an updated election interference indictment against blank. Donald Trump? Right. This week, Kamala Harris and her vice presidential pick, blank, sat down for their first joint interview. To the window, to the wall!

On Tuesday, the Kremlin added 100 Americans to a list banning them from entering blank. The Kremlin. Yeah, they just put their pictures up next to the cash register at the front of the Kremlin. Don't let these people in. No, Russia in general, yes. This week, officials in Chicago confirmed they had found dangerous levels of lead in the drinking water at blank's office building. NPRs. No. At the Environmental Protection Agency's office building. I'm...

On Wednesday, the Paralympic Games began in blank. Parents! Yes! On Monday, Pharma bro Martin Shkurelli was ordered to turn over all copies of his one-of-a-kind album by blank. Ooh, um, Wu-Tang for the children! Yes, Wu-Tang Clan. This week, lines at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest were around the block to get into a one-night-only performance of a show called Blank. Ah, tch.

and his ducks take America. Uh, no. The show is called, quote, A Young Man Dressed as a Gorilla Dressed as an Old Man Sits Rocking in a Rocking Chair for 56 Minutes and Then Leaves. Do I get points because that answer is crazy? No. We don't, but I will say that that is both the title of the show and a synopsis. That's all it is. It is a guy in a gorilla costume rocking in a rocking chair for about an hour, but

If that's not great enough for you, stick around after the show is done to see the next big hit, Man in a Janitor Costume Sweeps the Floor and Locks Up for the Night. Bill, how did Joyelle do in our quiz? Four rights, eight more points, total of 11. Puts her in number two. Silver medal, baby! So, how many then does Bobcat need to win? Bobcat...

You only need six to win. Oh, it's not going to happen. That's a pipe dream. Okay, Bobcat, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the U.S. Army rebuked the Trump campaign for filming in a prohibited section of blank. The Arlington Cemetery. Right. Following decades of sibling rivalry, the members of British rock band Blank announced reunion plans. That's right. On Tuesday, the launch of Polaris Dawn, the latest mission for private space company Blank, was delayed.

Uh, X. Yes, SpaceX. This week, wildlife officials in Missouri confirmed that a bald eagle thought to have been injured was actually just blank. Goofing around. No. Ha ha ha!

Just quote, too fat to fly. Same. We've been there, people. According to a new study, over the past decade, the level of microplastics in our blanks has increased by 50%. In our oceans? No, in our bodies. I'm going to give it to you, brains. This week, a writer for the New York Times wrote that the best way to slow down and take in all the pleasures of life is to blank.

Die. No. No is to wear flip-flops. That's all you have to do. Ew. It'll also prevent you from getting hooked up. I know. Well, that's kind of the point. He says everybody, you know, makes fun of you. They're maligned for wearing flip-flops in public. Anyone wearing them instantly dismissed. So you are free from other people's expectations and demands and the stress of urban life because no one cares about you.

And, of course, you literally have to slow down because, for God's sake, you're wearing flip-flops. Bill did about that. Do well enough to win. He tried so hard. Four right. Eight more points. Eleven. That means Josh wins. Yay, Josh! Thank you.

Josh, who is not Minnesotan, but out of all our panelists today, seems the most that he could be. Am I right? People make that mistake frequently. Yeah, I know. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what's the next surprising thing Starbucks might add to its menu.

Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman, composer. Our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey this week. Peter Gwynn always orders Assaulted

caramel half-calf frappe with extra fudge. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Sherlock. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will Starbucks add to its menu next? Josh Gondelman. They've dominated the field of sweet beverages, so it's time for savory. I got three words for you. Gazpacho. Gazpacho.

Joyelle Nicole Johnson. It's going to premiere next year at the Minnesota State Fair. It's a cheese curd latte. And...

Bobcat Golf Wait. The McFlurry. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Bobcat Golf Wait, General Nicole Johnson, Josh Bellamy, the staff at the Orphan Theater in Minneapolis, and our fabulous audience here tonight.

Thanks to everyone at Minnesota Public Radio, and thanks to all of you for listening out there, wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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