WWDTM: Laurene Powell Jobs
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Support for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and the following message come from Dave's Killer Bread. Now with the new Rock and Rolls, soft and slightly sweet and packed with seeds and grains. Learn more at Dave'sKillerBread.com or look for Dave's Killer Bread in the bread aisle of your local grocery store. Dave's Killer Bread. Bread Amplified. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey, Mario and Luigi, got a load of these pipes.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sato. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

Great to be with you. We have a great show for you today, especially because later on we are going to be joined here by Lorene Powell Jobs, the widow of Steve Jobs, and now one of the nation's most well-known philanthropists, which is great. But I have to come up with some new questions quickly because thanks to AutoCorrect, I was preparing all week to talk to the nation's most well-known philanderer.

So while I pivot, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kira from Brooklyn, New York. Hey, Kira. How are you?

That's great. What cool hipster-arty thing do you do in Brooklyn? I am a school librarian. Oh, man. On brand. You are a rebel. Yes. Wow. I know it's a stressful job these days. What do you do to relax? I power lift. Oh, that'll help. Wow. Wow.

I lift heavy weights and then throw them around. That's, that's, and then they come in to take away some of your books. They're going to have to talk to these guns. All right. Exactly. Well, welcome to the show, Kira. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian headlining White Eagle Hall in Jersey City, New Jersey on May 23rd. And off Cabot Comedy in Beverly, Massachusetts on May 25th. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hello, fellow Brooklynites. Hi.

Next is a comedian who hosts the trivia podcast Go Fact Yourself, performing at Uncle Vinny's Comedy Club in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, May 10th and 11th. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Kira. Wow, you're so cool. And the writer and co-host of the long-running podcast Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, which also, surprise, features Paula Poundstone, it's Adam Felber. Hi there, Kira. Hi, Kira.

So, Kira, welcome to the show. You're going to play, of course, Who's Bill? This time, Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain two of them. You'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Let's do it. Here is your first quote. This is my first time watching it where I know more girls than guys. That was NBA legend Kevin Garnett talking about what big sporting event that started this week. March Madness. March Madness, yes! Thank you.

Such a great time for many of us. March Madness has always just been that time of the year when we learn how many colleges are in Ohio. So many! This year, there is more interest in the women's tournament than in the men's. See? Right? Point proved. This is in large part because of University of Iowa star Caitlin Clark. She is popular here.

She is a generational talent. She is the all-time college scoring leader for women or men. And if you want this sentence to end in a joke about a female athlete, try tuning into Bill Maher instead. Man, this is without a doubt the most exciting thing to happen in Iowa since...

This is the most exciting thing that has happened in Iowa. So she can out-shoot literally everyone, male or female. She has scored more points as a college player than anyone else in history. Got it. Yeah. Ticket resellers, this is true, are reporting higher demand for the women's games than the men's, and Caesars reports a nearly 200% increase in the number of bets placed on the women's games. In fact, Shohei Otani's translator has already lost a million dollars betting on it.

I mean, this really is the peak of women's college basketball. But I think we need to consider why. Like, so many of the male stars end up leaving before their four years of college because there's more money in the NBA. And because women are so vastly underpaid in this country to play basketball, like, they end up staying more years in college, which is part of the reason why the game's so good. So I think we should take this moment to thank sexism.

That's true. You know, in fairness, Hari, when Caitlyn goes to, I call her Caitlyn because we're friends, when she goes to the WNBA, I am told that she could earn several meals. Did you know this? This is true about sexism in college sports, that until two years ago,

they weren't allowed to refer to the women's NCAA tournament, which happens more or less at the same time as the men's, as March Madness. No. No, until then, like the men's, that was March Madness, and the women's tournament, they were forced to call March Hysteria. Yes.

Wow, that's really upsetting. March swooning. Instead of Gatorade on the sidelines, they had smelling salts. Kira, your next quote is some advice for all the people who are very excited to look at the sun in a couple of weeks. Do not look at the sun. That was NASA advising people about the number one rule for observing what event? The eclipse. Yes, the eclipse. It's happening. It's coming up.

Just a little more than a week that from Texas to Maine, astronomy enthusiasts are getting excited to spend three minutes looking at the sky and 18 hours stuck in traffic.

It is exciting, though. This is the first year that the woman's eclipse is drawing more fans than the men's. It's a good year for it. Yeah, I know. Have you guys made any plans to go see the eclipse? I... No. Okay. I'm not going to go see it, but I'm going to try to protect people. Because, you know, we know not to look into the eclipse, but it can be dangerous for animals and for small children and former presidents. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Now, it is true experts say do not look directly at the eclipse.

the sun, but it is also true that is the only way to keep seeing the eclipse forever after it's over. Laughter

People are really excited about it. They're trading chips online for the best viewing spots. In some cases, people are paying thousands of dollars for special eclipse excursions. That's travel, lodging, and a ticket that allows you to look up. Wow. And this is an opportunity to do stuff that, you know, I've always wanted to do. So I might go to some restaurant and say, if you try to make me pay this check, I will blot out the sun. And just see if that works. Just see if it works, yeah. All right.

Here is your last quote. It's about someone whose death at the age of 100 was announced this week. You aren't a very good singer. Now, that was someone talking to Shigechi Negishi in 1967, and that insult inspired him to invent what device? Can I get a hint? Can I give her a clue? You can. Don't stop believing. Everybody.

I'm sorry, say again. What device? A device. It's a machine. Iron lung. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. Did he die recently? No, no. He did. I realize now you were confusing it with another prominent death in the week's news, and that's fine. But I honestly, for a moment, thought you came up with iron lung just after listening to Helen sing. Wow.

Which is fine, because I wasn't going to say anything to her. No, no, no. Helen was, in fact, giving you a very good hint, because it is a device that has allowed many, many people to sing in front of their friends at bars, usually. Oh, karaoke. Karaoke. Yes. Okay.

Shigeichi Nogishi has passed away at the age of 100, said all the karaoke singers in mourning. Summer loving, have a blast. Can I just say on behalf of all Asians, you're welcome.

- You are welcome. - Yeah. - Thank you. - You are welcome. - So the story of his inspiration, as we indicated, is that somebody told Nogishi, "Well, you're a very bad singer," and Nogishi insisted, "Well, I'd be better if I just had a backup track," and figured out a way to play that in a way he could sing along with. The other story is that he invented karaoke when someone told him they needed a better way to drive people out of a bar than last call. - Oh, come on.

And when he invented his machine, he called it the Sparko Box. So there was very nearly a world in which you had to tell your coworkers, no, you did not want to go Sparko after work. I've been saying that for years. Now, what's everybody's go-to karaoke tune? I'm curious, looking around at you guys. Helen, do you do Don't Stop Believin' or is that just... No, no, no. I want it that way. Tell me why. Ain't nothin' but a heartache. See? See how horrible it is?

that sounded and yet it brought us all together. It brought us all together, did it not? Come on, Peter. Bill, how did Kira do in our quiz? See what it starts? We ought to turn this into a karaoke bar.

Let's call her Miss Karaoke because she got all three right. Congratulations, Kira. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Okay, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Helen, Bratz dolls, if you're not familiar, that's sort of like a newer, hipper version of Barbie. They just announced that to celebrate Women's History Month, their newest doll would be in the image of whom? Is it Ruth Bader Ginsburg? No. Different kind of feminine icon. Although it is a good guess. Can I have a hint? You can. It comes with a little photo of the Pope for her to tear up. Sinead O'Connor? Yes, Sinead O'Connor. Whoa.

Bratz dolls, which is what happens when you let Barbies listen to Doja Cat. They took to Instagram to announce their newest release. It would be in honor of Irish musician Sinead O'Connor. Finally, someone for my Tickle Me Bob Geldof doll to play with.

Wow, that's very... It's just in time because birthday after birthday, Christmas after Christmas, my daughter is begging for those Sinead O'Connor dolls. I don't think kids have any idea who Sinead O'Connor is. So who is going to be buying these? This is perfect when you're like, I want a doll for my kid, but I want the doll to hate Margaret Thatcher. What do you have? I'm cynical. I just don't trust companies. I think they're trying to save money on the hair.

That's smart. Yep. Coming up, our panelists upgrade their lying software. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Adam Felber, Helen Hong, and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at these two to make her theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at waitwaitnpr. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is David from Salem, Massachusetts. Salem. I happen to know Salem really well. In fact, one of the things I know is that every Halloween, Salem, Massachusetts becomes hell on earth.

It's manageable if you avoid the crazy people. I did have a guy pass out in my driveway once. Really? What was he dressed as? Nothing, unfortunately. It's even worse. You had a lame one. In my driveway. Yeah. Well...

David, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is David's topic? It's not a feature. It's a bug. Technology is always there to help, from our phones keeping us connected to Facebook letting us know which of our high school friends are racist now. But this week, we heard about a new tech feature that caused unexpected problems. Our panelists are going to tell you about it, pick the real one, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

I guess so. If I don't get this, I'm in trouble. Well, let's see. Your entire career and reputation is on the line, so let's get going. Your first story is from Helen Hong. Tesla routinely updates software remotely with no warning whatsoever, which is just the kind of fun and exciting surprise you want when operating a motor vehicle. Their latest update is even more fun.

more fun and exciting for Tesla drivers who happen to live in California. For reasons that surely have nothing to do with owner Elon Musk's petty feud with the state over safety regulations and paying taxes, California drivers woke up one morning to find that their Teslas suddenly all wanted to go to Texas.

I put in directions to a friend's birthday party, but it was telling me to make all these weird U-turns and crazy lefts into oncoming traffic. Some drivers who use the auto drive function while taking a nap in their cars actually found themselves waking up in Texas. Good one, Elon. Yee-howdy!

Tesla's getting an update that suddenly steered them to Texas, whether the driver wanted to go or not. Your next story of a tech travail comes from Adam Felber.

When Mr. DB Levin of Miami arrived in London for a dream vacation last month, he wanted everything to be perfect, and thanks to Airbnb UK's new Smart Home Plus feature, it was. See, DB Levin had set up everything on the app the night before so that when he arrived at Kensington Gardens, his rented flat would be perfect with the perfect mood lighting, a perfect temperature of 72 degrees, and his favorite Chet Baker album playing softly on the in-home Sonos sound system.

Except when Mr. Levin and his fiancée walked through the door, they were greeted by a broiling hellscape of wilting plants, melting candles, noxious odors, and stifling, unbreathable air.

C, it turns out that Airbnb's new feature had neglected to account for Mr. DB Levin and all their American customers' failure to adopt the metric system. And so his perfect temperature of 72 had been selected in Celsius degrees, raising the flat's temperature to a balmy 161.6 degrees Fahrenheit, which is warm even by Miami standards.

Through a spokesman, Airbnb UK has apologized, promising to cover the damages and stating, quote, we had thought we were rolling out a hot new feature. Regrettably, that was exactly the case. All right. Airbnb forgot that many of their customers...

Use Fahrenheit in their new temperature setting feature. Your last story of an update with a downfall comes from Hari Kondabolu. Miranda Mendelsohn, like a lot of us, consults with her therapist via video call. Recently, she was telling him about her lifelong fear of rejection when all of a sudden an animated thumbs down appeared over her therapist's head. She must have thought, oh my God, it's happening again, except with hallucinations now.

In fact, it was just the result of a new update to the Apple operating system which automatically creates colorful animations when you make a certain gesture with your hands, like balloons, fireworks, laser shows, and a wide variety of other things that makes you assume that Apple has run out of ideas.

As cute as this feature is, users are accidentally setting off effects during therapy sessions, board meetings, and yes, in some cases, while being fired.

Sorry, you're out of a job, but to make it up to you, animated balloons. Apple has provided a way to turn off the animations, but unfortunately, it's too late for poor Miranda Mendelsohn, who will never trust her computer and therapist again. All right, so here are...

Three stories of updates that were actually downgrades. From Helen Hong, an update to Tesla software in California that started steering all of the cars to Texas.

From Adam Felber, an update with the Airbnb software that allowed people to set the temperature of their choice, but not necessarily in the temperature measurement system of their choice. Or from Hari Kondabolu, an Apple update to their camera software that had created all kinds of cheerful animations when nobody wanted them. Which is the real story of a software update in the news.

I'm going to go with Hari's story. I had fireworks launch behind me the other day on a conference call. Right. All right, so your choice is Hari's story based on your own personal experience. Well, to hear the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the true story. It's not really the best time to see balloons on your screen as if it was a celebration when it's really about layout. That was Anne-Marie Alcantara. Thank you.

who wrote about these unwanted interruptions of confetti and balloons when using video chat on Apple devices. Congratulations, David. You got it right. Well done. Excellent. You're in a point for hire. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. Congratulations. Thank you very much. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks, Peter. Thank you. And if we could see you, I'm sure there'd be fireworks going on. Take care. And now the game we call Not My Jobs.

Lorene Powell Jobs is the founder of the Emerson Collective, an organization devoted to making the world a better place through philanthropy and investments, and is herself one of the leading philanthropists in the country. She's in Chicago to make life a little better here, and we're delighted she could stop by and join us. Lorene Powell Jobs, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Lorene. Thank you.

Like all heroes, you have an origin story. I know you grew up in New Jersey, where all great people come from. It's true. It's true. And you ended up, to end up, you managed to get into Stanford Business School, where, and the story goes, I read the origin issue in the comics, that in 1989, a friend convinced you to go hear a lecture by this businessman who had recently lost his job.

No. No? Not exactly right. Okay. You can't believe everything you read in comic books. I know. You look good in the costume, though. Okay. No, no, no. No.

I was at Stanford Business School, and you're talking about when I met my husband, Steve, but he was employed. I thought it was the period after he had left Apple and before he went back. That's true, but in between, he started a company called Next Computer. There was no room left in the auditorium, and I didn't want to go watch it on closed caption.

But this friend of mine was causing such a fuss that we walked down to the front row and we ended up sitting right next to Steve, which is, and that's how I met him. Wait, you marched into a completely packed auditorium and you just marched up to the front and you were like, move over, bro. Close. Close. Oh my God. There was reserved tape that I removed. Whoa. And you sat down.

I love everything about you. And of course, presumably, Steve looked at you and said, I like this woman's gumption.

Presumably. Presumably. You ended up, of course, being together for many years. You had three kids together, raised a family. And I wonder, neither you or Steve grew up wealthy. That's right, yes. That is right. I got one thing right. How did you make sure that your kids did not end up in the tabloids? They grew up

in Palo Alto, and I still live in the house where my children were raised. My kids grew up going to public school and biking to school, and it was important to me that they have a normal

and go through the scrapes of childhood and learn resiliency. Oh, man. I was going to ask you to adopt me, but I take it all back. You're not going to have your own choo-choo, Helen. I won't ask you anymore. That's how I grew up. So...

Speaking of your house, we were told that you are famous back in Palo Alto for throwing really great Halloween street parties every year. True. Oh, thank goodness! Peter, if you get one more right, you win. That's exciting. Uh...

So how elaborate are they? Because we've read various things. Oh, well, they're very elaborate. All my children participate. We make elaborate costumes. We have a theme every year.

And then the only professionals that we bring in are professional makeup artists. But they do amazing work. So give me an example of a theme. Oh, zombie wedding, zombie graduation, zombie Olympics. Oh, zombie Olympics? That's amazing. The one I really regret missing was zombie bris. But...

For Halloween. Exactly. The foreskin comes back to life. I know. Nice one. Thank you. That was pretty good. Thank you.

Do you feel like you have to top it every year? Is there any sense of expectation or competition on the block? Because I imagine other people probably put on a good show. Yes, and yes. Really? Yes. And I imagine that you give out candy, right? Yeah, of course. We give out really good candy. All right. What's really good candy? Prove it. Not like regular candy? Do you have full-size candy bars instead of the little ones?

We have given full-size candy bars, but what I really love to give are packets that have multiple items inside so that kids really love to get kind of a mystery bag. And so we give them kind of a big, exciting-looking bag. Oh, not for zombie brists, though. No. That would be gross. Can you tell me, please, a little something...

Everything I say, I'm terrified that this is wrong. Peter, if you need a break, three of us are here. I know, I appreciate that. I was going to ask you, that actually brings up something I was going to ask you because this is something that I think you said. I was more confident that you said it a short while ago, but nonetheless, I believe you once said that you do not think that billionaires should exist. Once again, I don't think I said that. But I did say that...

I don't think that any one individual should amass and pass down vast amounts of wealth. Right. That's correct. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you were close. I'm close. And I will take close at this point. Thank you. Right. So your plan is not to do that. Your plan is to give it all away. That is the plan, yeah. Wow. What do your kids think about that?

What do your kids think about that? They keep asking me if I was serious. LAUGHTER

They're like, Mom, I'm too old. Mom, I read that New York Times interview. That was really funny, Mom. That was great, Mom. That was a crazy notion we all had when we were way younger, right, Mom? Well, Lorene Powell Jobs, we have asked you here to play a game that we're calling... Give it away, give it away, give it away. Give it away.

So you are known, of course, for, as we've been discussing, giving away a lot of money. So we thought we'd ask you about some very rich people who absolutely refused to part with a dime. Answer three questions about these misers. You will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Ms. Jobs playing for? Derek Elridge of Arveda, Colorado. All right. Are you ready for this? Sure. All right.

The Duke of Windsor, you may remember him, he did not give up his royal fortune when he gave up the throne of England, but he still did not like to pick up a dinner check. How did he avoid paying the bill? A, by saying his enemies had poisoned his food and running out to the, quote, hospital.

B, by staring off into the distance, humming quietly until someone else just gave in and paid it. Or C, by bringing the mummified body of his pet fly, Claudius, and dropping it into the last bit of dessert so he could protest to the waiter and get a free meal. B. You're right. Yes. B. Nice.

You didn't think about that long. You just knew it. All right. You could have just waited for the eclipse and ran. That's true. Here's your next question. Aristotle Onassis, the shipping magnate and famously the second husband of Jackie Kennedy, he was remarkably cheap. For example, he refused to wear a coat when he went out at night in winter. Why? Why?

A, they never had his size at the only store he would shop at, Ross Dress for Less. B, he always knew that somebody wanting to suck up to him would run up and offer him their coat, resulting in a collection of free coats. Or C, do you know how much it costs to check a coat? Five whole dollars. I think B is creepy, but I'm going to go with B. He would just wait for someone to give him their coat because he enjoyed that.

No, it was actually C. He didn't like tipping five bucks. He'd rather be cold. All right, here's your last question. Get this right, you win it all. J. Paul Getty was known as the richest man in the world in his day and one of the most miserly, as he proved when he did which of these? A, when his grandson was kidnapped...

he bargained the kidnappers down to a ransom that he could deduct from his taxes. B, he locked up all the phones in his house and installed a payphone for his guests to use. Or C, he would write back to letters he received by just turning them over and using the blank side rather than buy his own paper. All right, I'm going to ask the audience. Nice to meet you.

You're going A. We're going with A. Well, that's right, but they were all right. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I had heard about the payphone one. Yeah, that was the most famous one. He actually had to address that. He said, well, it makes sense. People were just coming into my house and making phone calls. Bill, how did Lorene Powell Jobs do in our quiz? Well, a win is two out of three. You got that. But for a fin, we can bring it up to full three. But we don't need to. You're a winner. Thank you.

So, happy you came? Are you? I'm... LaRue Powell Jobs is the founder and chair of the Emerson Collective. LaRue Powell Jobs, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. That was great.

In just a minute, what Philadelphians are doing with their wieners. It's our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from Amazon Business. Everyone could use more time. Amazon Business offers smart business buying solutions so you can spend more time growing your business and less time doing the admin. Learn more at AmazonBusiness.com.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Adam Felber, and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Stegall. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

In just a minute, we've got a scheme, a rhyme scheme in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, a Canadian airline had to pay damages to a passenger after they lost his luggage for five days because the luggage was filled with what?

They lost his luggage because it was filled with helium, and it was on the ceiling. So the problem was not that they lost his luggage, but that it was gone for five days. So when he finally got it back, he claimed damages, because this was something you shouldn't just leave sitting around. Oh, it's filled with meat. Close enough. Seafood. No. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. That is so gross. The man packed $600 worth of crab meat and fish cakes into his checked bag, which was then lost for five days and only found after the drug-sniffing dogs filed a formal complaint. LAUGHTER

Well, that points the way for everybody should start doing that. I mean, not packing the luggage with it, but just like, you know, right before you close the suitcase and check it, throw a halibut in there. Sure. They will find it eventually. They will, yeah. The man sued Flair Airlines, that's what it's called, after they refused to pay him on the grounds of, you're not allowed to put seafood in your bag. We might lose it for five days.

What?

Oh, that's definitely a walrus. That's definitely a walrus. 100% walrus. Right now we've got great news for all of you who loved our games, did all the doors stay on all the planes this week, and did all the pilots stay awake while flying the planes this week.

Because it is time for a new game that we call... Did all the flight attendants avoid hitting the button that makes the plane plunge 1,000 feet this week? What?

So, Adam, you're up. What? Adam, did all the flight attendants avoid hitting the button that makes the plane plunge 1,000 feet this week? Peter, they did not. They did not, Adam. One of them hit that button. And for a bonus point, was the plane manufactured by Boeing? It was.

It was, Peter. It was, Adam, yes. Which did prompt the question, why do we even have that button? I don't know. I knew it was a terrible idea, so let me explain. The flight attendant on this Boeing 787 Dreamliner was bringing the pilot his lunch or her lunch. A woman can also almost crash a plane. Hashtag Caitlin Clark.

The flight attendant accidentally hit this switch that caused the motorized pilot's seat to go forward, crush the pilot into the controls, which in turn plunged the plane 1,000 feet and pinned some passengers to the ceiling. Boeing immediately issued a statement saying, great, so no one is going to talk about how none of the doors fell off? At this point, it's like, Boeing, are you just trying to get...

It's the first time I can remember where the corporate name is now less of a corporate name and more of a sound effect. Is someone from Airbus secretly working at Boeing? Yeah, like a double agent. Sitting in the back saying, oh, a flight attendant, why don't you bring the pilot that meal? Everything's so blue.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on the air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And in April, come see the Wait, Wait stand-up tour with shows in Charlottesville and Norfolk, Virginia, as well as stops in Syracuse, Baltimore, and Hershey, Pennsylvania. Coming up later in the month. For tickets and information, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi.

Hi, this is Sean. I'm calling from Minneapolis. Hey, Sean in Minneapolis. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm glad to hear. What do you do? I've spent a lot of time in Minneapolis. What do you do there? I run a wonderful philanthropic organization called the George Family Foundation. Oh, God, not another one. I'm sure that you're a wonderful person as a philanthropist, but...

I've been traumatized. Well, I think it's safe to say Peter knows nothing about you. Exactly. You guys are so deceptive.

Well, Sean, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play? I am. All right. Here is your first limerick. Since my budget for food fights got smaller, I cannot be a filly's home brawler. When the meats were real cheap, they were thrown seat to seat. So they stopped selling dogs for a...

Yes! Dollar Dog Night.

At the Philadelphia Phillies ballpark, sadly, is no more. It turns out that when a hot dog is about $8, it's food. But when it's $1, it is ammo. The Phillies cite games where hot dogs were soaring through the sky as the, quote, tipping point for the change. They're now offering a $5 buy one, get one free deal this season. But that's nice. But why are the hot dogs still serrated?

Yeah, I mean, I'm not eating a $1 piece of meat that you're trying to tell me is food. I'm chucking it for sure. I mean, the issue here is less about the hot dogs. You can't give Philly sports fans anything they can throw.

Exactly. That's the problem. The answer is attach a rope to it and tie it to the seat. Yeah, you think this is going to stop Phillies fans from throwing things at each other? Like, no more hot dogs? Fine. Here come the candied nut concussions. All right. Here is your next limerick. You can throw all your teepee away. Back in COVID, we came, now we stay.

We flush out your nethers and nothing feels better. Now, everyone loves a bidet. Bidet, yes. According to the Washington Post, everyone who panic-bought bidets during the toilet paper shortage of 2020 are happier and damper than ever. I mean, seriously, who's going to go back to boring old toilet paper once you've installed a dedicated squirt gun for your butt?

You've got to get the Asian ones. They are so advanced. You can tell. I mean, this thing will do your taxes. Incredible. Incredible. I remember I stayed in a hotel room in Tokyo once, and the toilet in there not only did it have the bidet attachment, but whenever I entered the room, the lid would slowly rain. Yes. That means it's hungry. Yeah. All right. Here is your last limerick.

His calm manner says, ready, set, talk. He just listens and doesn't get shocked. My emotions get dumped on this mineral lump. I hang out with my old flint, my pet rock. Rock, yes. Overworked office workers in Korea are finding it comforting to come home to their pet rocks. It's everything really you'd want in a pet if everything you want is silence, coldness, and...

Hardness and it being a rock. Oh, that's so my mom. Is it really? Yeah, it's on brand. The most obnoxious is the guy who insists that his pet rock is a rescue. He's got a bumper sticker that says... It looks like you bought that rock. No, he's got a bumper sticker that says, adopt, don't mine.

Bill, how did Sean do on our quiz? Sean killed it. All three right. Congratulations, Sean. Thank you. Thank you, Sean. So much for playing. Take care. Thanks. Bye-bye. Because you rock my world, rule my soul.

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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which they answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Hari has three. Helen has two. Adam has four. Oh, my goodness. Adam! How did this happen? I don't know. Well, that means, if I'm not mistaken, Helen is in third place, so that means you're going to go first.

First, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the U.S. submitted a resolution calling for an immediate ceasefire in blank. Gaza. Right. This week, the Federal Reserve said it's still expected to cut blanks three times this coming year. Interest rates. Right. On Thursday, New York Attorney General Letitia James took the first steps towards seizing blanks assets. Donald Trump. Right. According to a new study, there's a strong link between intermittent blanking and cardiovascular risk.

Right. This week, the Idaho Department of Transportation warned drivers that a boulder the size of blank was blocking Highway 21. The size of Donald Trump. No. Quote, a boulder the size of a large boulder. On Wednesday, China launched a satellite meant to aid future missions to the blank. To the moon? Yes. On Thursday, doctors successfully transplanted a genetically modified pig blank into a human.

Pig heart? No, pig kidney. This week, before breaking into a bakery, a thief in Australia was caught in security footage blanking. Oh, eating all the croissants? No, doing an intense stretching routine. Police were shocked when the security camera outside the bakery caught the robber going through an intense stretching routine just before she broke in. Now, it's always a good idea to warm up before any physical activity, though the thief did admit using a getaway treadmill was a poor choice. LAUGHTER

Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points, totaled a 12, and puts her in the lead. All right. Hurry, hurry, you're up next. Please fill in the blank. On Thursday, lawmakers unveiled a $1.2 trillion funding package aimed at avoiding blank. Uh, Jesus.

Jesus. No. A government shutdown on Monday. Dhaka, Bangladesh was named the city with the worst blank quality in the world. Air quality. Yes. On Monday, the average price for a gallon of blank hit $3.48. Milk. No gas. This week, realtors in England...

Milk is expensive. Milk is expensive. He's not wrong. This week, realtors in England finalized the sale of a blank with an ocean view for just $170,000. Castle? No, a public bathroom. I hate this. I hate this. Amid accusations of massive theft, the interpreter for baseball star Blank was fired on Wednesday. Shohei Otani. Shohei Otani. On Thursday, the CDC issued a warning over rising blank cases in the U.S. COVID. No, measles this week. Come on, Pete. Come on.

This week, a team of researchers confirmed that a signal thought to be from an alien civilization was in fact blank.

Um, a beeper. No, just a loud truck driving nearby. According to the researchers, these sound waves that one researcher believed were from an alien spacecraft were just a truck passing by on a nearby road. This is disappointing for people who were hoping for evidence of extraterrestrial life, but great news for the alien who suggested making all their spaceships look exactly like really loud trucks. LAUGHTER

Bill, how did Hari do on our quiz? Well, Hari got three, which is more than Maeve usually does. That's mean to me. Yeah, that was. That's six more points. Total of nine. Put you behind Helen, who has 12 in the lead. All right.

So how many then does Adam Felber need to win? Four to tie, Adam five to win. All right, Adam, this is for the game. On Tuesday, an appeals court once again paused Texas's controversial new blank law. Immigration. Right. On Thursday, the DOJ filed an antitrust case against tech giant blank. Apple. Right. This week, the White House announced an $8.5 billion grant to microchip maker blank. Apple.

Intel? Yes. Among increased unrest and gang violence, over 1,000 Americans are reportedly stuck in blank. In bathrooms. No, in Haiti. A woman in London was embarrassed after she blanked during a live stream of a funeral. Laughed. No, took a full shower with her camera on. Oh. Oh.

Not only did that woman who took a shower during a funeral not realize her camera was on, she also did not know blank. Her door was open. No, that there was a giant video screen showing the Zoom set up in the church. No. Oh, that's terrible. And the woman who took the shower in front of a crowded room in the church did not realize her mistake until later that day when she blanked.

Watched the video of the funeral. No, showed up at the reception. Well, if I didn't know... I didn't know the first one. I wasn't going to get the other two. This week, a realtor in Australia was ordered to pay a fine because she blanked while prepping a home for an open house. She set fire to the house. She did. She burned it to the ground. What? What?

The realtor said that while she was staging this $3 million beach home, she accidentally put some bed sheets too close to a hot light, and they started the fire that burned the house down. The house is now listed on Zillow as very airy and open with a wood-burning everything. Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz? Adam, you have the last laugh. You got four right, eight more points. Your 12 ties help. Yes! Oh, yes.

Congratulations, Helen. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will happen when the sun disappears during the eclipse. But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka, Retzar Limerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Dobble, thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theatre,

P.J. Liedemann composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Monica Hickey and Vinnie Thomas. Peter Gwynn is our diaper dandy. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. The senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, Ben, what will happen when the sun vanishes during the eclipse next month? How are you going to bold it?

prophecy will come true. The dinosaurs will return with a vengeance and rightfully take what is theirs.

Helen Hong. The sun will go finally a break from having to look at these idiots. And frankly, who can blame it? Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Hurricane DeVoe with Helen Hong and Adam Selber. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Baker Theater.

And thanks to you all for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor Capital One. The Capital One Venture X business card earns unlimited double miles on every purchase. Capital One. What's in your wallet? Terms and conditions apply. Find out more at CapitalOne.com slash Venture X business.

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On this week's episode of Wildcard, author Taffy Brodesser-Ackner talks about the strange places we can find peace. I've always felt safe when I was in motion. I think that being in transit is actually the only time you can stop. Like, I feel very safe. I'm Rachel Martin. Join us for NPR's Wildcard podcast, the game where cards control the conversation.