WWDTM: John Stamos
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That's G-R-A-M-M-A-R-L-Y dot com slash podcast. Easier said, done. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the voice so beautiful I can walk into any grocery store and use the intercom without asking. Bill Curtis. Bill Curtis.

And here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

Thank you. We have a really great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be joined by John Stamos. You know him, perhaps, as the handsome uncle back on Full House and the handsome doctor on ER. He is truly, Mr. Stamos, an LA-10, which makes him an NPR-30.

But first, it is your turn to thrill us with your charm. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Emily Cole. I'm from Boone, Iowa. Boone, Iowa. I've been across Iowa, but I don't know Boone. Where is that?

It's literally in the middle of nowhere, just about 45 minutes north of Des Moines. 45 minutes north of Des Moines. Yes, that would be, you are correct, the middle of nowhere. And what do you do there? I work as a technology licensing manager for Corteva Agriscience. Nothing that you just said means anything to me. I'm sorry.

I am staring at you like a dog listening to a human. I'm just blinking. She does computers for corn. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Now I get it. Perfect. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Emily, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, he's a stand-up comedian and staff writer for The Onion here in Chicago. It's Skylar Higley. Hi.

Next, a comedian you can see at Helium Comedy Club in Portland on December 6th and the Majestic Theatre in Corvallis, Oregon. On December 8th, it's Emmy Blotnick. Hello! And finally, it's humorist, author, and the founder of Hatch Space Community Woodshop in Brattleboro, Vermont. And at hatchspace.org, it's Tom Beaudet. Hello, Emily. Hello.

So, Emily, as I guess you gathered by the fact we just started, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that. You win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose. Are you ready to go? Yes. Woo-hoo. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Here is your first quote. It's from the association representing movie and TV studios. We are pleased to resume the work of telling great stories. The movie studios were celebrating the end of what on Thursday? The strike. Yes, the actor's strike specifically. Well done. Yes, she got it. The actor's strike. We're all back. Be excited. Be excited. Thank you.

The actors' union, SAG-AFTRA, and the studios reached a tentative agreement Thursday morning. This was fantastic news for all the SAG-AFTRA members. The 400 or so actors who actually get work can go back to it, and the other 20,000 can go back to telling their parents, I think I might have booked an audition. And it's great news for all the rest of us, too. We can finally all stop pretending to like suits.

Are you guys excited that the actors are going back to work? Oh, yeah. I want to play Fran Drescher in the movie about this. I know. Well, I've been a member now for 37 years.

six years and I've never had like a primetime special or been auditioned for a primetime special. And so when there's strikes, and there's been two big strikes since I've been a member, I don't worry about that because I know why the phone isn't ringing. Right, exactly. Um,

Because we're on strike. And so those are like guilt-free holidays. Yeah. Nothing changes. And now I'm back to, you know, calling my agent, what's going on? What's going on? He says, we just haven't found the right fit for you, Tom. That's right.

And as you heard, as the studio said, everybody is excited to go back to telling, quote, great stories, unquote. Great stories like, and these are all movies that are now going back into production, Deadpool 3, Gladiator 2, Venom 3.

Mortal Kombat 2 and Beetlejuice 2. That sounds like a writer's strike. Didn't the writers go back to work? Are they really just stuck with this? All right. Your next quote, Emily. Well, it's the New York Times as they revealed the big leader in a new poll.

Generic Democrat. So, generic Democrat is out-polling whom in the race for president? Uh, ooh, geez, that's a tough one. It could be any of them. You know what? I'm going to give it to you. It is everyone. Generic Democrat. All right.

is winning the race at this point. The poll found that Joe Biden is losing by 12 points to generic Democrat. He's also losing to Donald Trump in swing states while generic Democrat is beating Donald Trump in swing states. It makes sense. People really connect with generic Democrats platform of economy and politics.

I want the yard sign. You want the yard sign? Generic Democrat. I think someone's probably already printing them as we speak. Generic Democrat year. By the way, in case you're wondering, the generic Democrat is 43, white, male, shops on Amazon but feels bad about it, is determined to make his next car electric, and has the same active ingredient as the name brand Democrat.

Oh, it's his name, Kirkland Signature. I love that guy. I have his photo. Biden himself was thrilled at the news that Generic Democrat was winning, and then his aides were like, no, it's generic, not geriatric. Oh, God.

All right. Here, Emily, is your last quote. We can lie in bed at night, close our eyes, and imagine. That was the lead researcher in a new study that finds that we are not the only animals that can do that. What other animal we now know has the power of imagination?

Can't be lice. Wait a second. Now listen. Hold on. I'm just going to say, Emily, I didn't expect you to know that because it's a little obscure. That's fine. I did not expect your first guess would be lice. They're so close to heads, you would think they'd be able to imagine. That's true. Oh, God.

All right, so it's not lice. I will give you a hint, Emily. For example, we now know that they can imagine, they can picture in their heads dragging a whole slice of pizza down the subway stairs. Mice? Mice, close. Larger than mice. Rats. Rats, yes. Rats. A new breakthrough study has proven that rats have the ability to imagine.

That's right, they're not mindless vermin. They have hopes and dreams, most of which center around spreading the plague. And some of them can cook French food at night. It's true, yeah. I did, I saw that. That was a great documentary.

You know, years ago, I saw a rat near our house. We live in the middle of a hayfield. I don't know where it came from. And I went downtown to get some ammunition. And I was just looking for a rat trap. And there was the Rat Zapper 2000. Whoa. Yes, it's a product. And I'm being paid nothing to say that. And there, it electrocutes them. They walk in there. Ah!

And that rat never showed up again. All I had to do was buy it. So that's when I realized that rats could imagine what that thing did. You know? I mean...

They just probably got a flash of it as they got out of the car and they go, oh. Oh, not that thing again. But are rats really that imaginative? I mean, could rats come up with bold new ideas like Deadpool 3, Gladiator 2, Venom 3, Mortal Kombat 2, and Beetlejuice 2? Oh, my God. Could a rat be generic Democrat? Bill, how did Emily do on our quiz? She got three out of three. There you are.

Congratulations, Emily. Off to a good start. Thank you so much. Take care. Thank you. This has been awesome.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Skyler, every Christmas season, there's some catalog that offers insanely expensive Christmas gifts for the very, very well-to-do. And this year, Neiman Marcus is offering their list of gifts, including for 195,000 dollars.

The opportunity to do what? Oh, is this where they're going to the moon? No. Okay. No. They might be going to Swan Lake. Oh, to perform in a ballet? Yes, to be in the ballet. Wow. What do you give the person who has everything? You give them a walk-on role.

with just one day of rehearsal beforehand in a performance of the American Ballet Theatre. Isn't it perfect? I got you that recurring nightmare you always have. And don't worry, you'll just be in the chorus, right? You know, in the backup dancers, but don't worry. It'll be easy for your friends and family who come to spot you. You'll be the one who cannot dance. So you're paying $200,000 for a job?

Well, sort of. But for like a day, like a gig. Like you're covering someone's shit. $200,000? I better be Deadpool 2. No, no. It's the ballet. It is a non-dancing role, right? So you don't have to worry about that. And your friends will be like, oh my God, you were amazing. I didn't know Swan Lake even had an apple seller who never gets up from his chair. ♪

Coming up, our panelists get a great deal on our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

Thank you.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Beaudet, Skylar Higley, and Emmy Blotnick. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter. This is Robin, and I'm calling from the village of Harding, Pennsylvania. Harding, Pennsylvania. Where is that exactly? We are between Scranton and Wilkes-Barre. Oh, wow. How do you decide where to spend your free time with that choice? What do you do there? I'm retired. Oh, good. What are you retired from? I'm retired from, I was an MRI technologist. Oh, really? Do you ever miss seeing other people's insides? Absolutely not.

I bet not, yeah. People are awful enough on the outside. Why delve, you know? Well, Robin, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Robin's topic? I just saved big. Benjamin Franklin said a penny saved is a penny earned. Well, to hell with your stupid pennies, because this week we heard about somebody who saved a metric ton of money in a surprise.

way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? I am. Okay, let's hear first from Emmy Blotnick. Weird old Wurlitzer, the post began on Craigslist Free. I don't actually know if it works. I'll try to drag it near an electrical outlet later.

Little did the anonymous poster know he would immediately receive a sharply worded response from 68-year-old Tom Eisen of New Paltz, a lifelong Wurlitzer collector who took offense to this one being labeled weird. Tom said he got right in his truck. He drove well over the speed limit to Union Square. He said he could sense that this organ had a lot more to give and he'd already nicknamed it Sweetheart.

He said that the moment he saw it up close, he described the physical sensation quite disgustingly as an "organgasm." He said, "I had to stop myself from going, 'Holy cannoli, that's a mighty one!'" As he dragged the heavy organ into his back house where he keeps all his other Wurlitzers, he shouted out, "Now who's the weird one?"

A rather emotionally vivid man collects a Wurlitzer from the streets of New York. Your next story of some super savings comes from Tom Baudet. A lot of things can go wrong when privately buying or selling a used vehicle. Like dating apps, the pictures are out of date and sellers are too often forced to negotiate with the butt cracks of strangers leaning into engine compartments pointing out imaginary problems.

But last week, when Jay Vaughn of Mays Landing, New Jersey, advertised his 2007 Chevy Silverado as being in mint condition, he was telling the truth. An interested party saw the ad on Facebook Marketplace and immediately called saying he wanted the truck as long as the body was as nice as it looked in the pictures, reported Vaughn.

And it was. Right up to the exact moment the buyer arrived, cash in hand. As captured on video, this was the moment a deer with expert timing and execution appeared, leaped over two other cars in the driveway, and kamikazed into the minty fresh truck.

Says Vaughn, there are lots of deer around here, but this is the first time we've ever seen one trained to negotiate the sale of a vehicle. The buyer denies having colluded with the deer to dent the truck, which knocked down the purchase price $1,000, saying only, can I get a copy of that video? All right.

A deer manages to knock off the price of a pickup truck simply by landing on it at exactly the right moment. Your last story of pinching a ton of pennies comes from Skyler Higley.

What lengths would you go to to get a discount on a snowmobile? Would you adopt an entirely new identity masquerading as an attractive snowmobile-loving blonde divorcee and flirt with some guy on Facebook Marketplace? You probably wouldn't do that because you have a job, but Jessica Turner of Telluride, Colorado would. When Jessica first saw Kendall Portage's ad for his Yamaha Sidewinder LTX, she knew exactly how to handle down the price. No, not with the power of negotiation, but with the power of catfishing.

After days of flirting, Ashley with an eye finally admitted that she was ready to buy Kendall's Yamaha Sidewinder, as it was the same Yamaha Sidewinder her Nana had before she passed away. Kendall agreed to knock $2,000 off the asking price if they could meet in person, but unfortunately, when he dropped off the snowmobile, Ashley's roommate, Jessica, was there instead. Weird.

Alright, here are your choices. From Emmy Blotnick, a man got a free Wulitzer by driving to New York.

From Tom Bodette, a pickup truck about to be sold got a big discount when a deer jumped right onto it as the buyer was standing there. Or from Skyler, a woman catfished her way to a good deal on a bad snowmobile in Colorado. Which of these is the real story of a bargain? I believe it might be Tom. Tom. You're going to pick Tom's story of the guy who got a discount...

On a snowmobile, thanks to a deer that, for all we know, he arranged to have jump on the truck. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we actually spoke to someone close to the real story. A deer decided to jump over our cars and smash them to the side, and it resulted in bargaining the price down. That was Jay Vaughn himself, the man who was trying to sell his truck before it got deer bombed, losing him about $1,000 on the sale. Congratulations, you got it right. Yeah.

You earned a point for Tom. You won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thanks so much for playing with us today. Oh, and thank you. It's a pleasure. Thank you, Robin. Take care. Bye-bye. All right. Bye.

And now the game where people who are known for one thing try something else and remain known for the first thing because this is just not my job. Over his 40-year career in show business, John Stamos has done it all, from soap operas to serious dramas, but he'll be forever associated with one role, Albert Peterson in the 2009 Broadway revival of Bye Bye Birdie.

That's true. Oh, and yes, eight seasons playing Uncle Jesse on Full House, making an entire generation wonder why their uncles were not effortlessly charming with perfect hair. He has written a new memoir. We are delighted to have him with us. John Stamos, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Talk. Thank you very much.

Thanks for having me. It is a pleasure to have you. I got to ask, so why a memoir now? Did you see Britney coming out with hers and Barbara and you wanted to get in on it so it could all be like sold as a package by Amazon?

Yes. All right, next question. Did you do the thing, some people who have written memoirs have done this, did you go back and talk to people who were there at certain times and say, what do you remember about that? Was this true or something like that? Yeah, I sure did. But my mother kept every teen magazine, every contract, every journals, all

everything that I ever did. So most, I had a lot of it and I had a lot of my own calendars that I wrote in. So I, so I, but I did talk to a few people. I caught my first love in bed with Tony Danza. I haven't talked to him, but wait, wait, what? Like,

Next question. Does your memoir have pictures by chance? All right, no, wait a minute. I'm sorry. You just offered that. You caught your first love in bed with Tony Danza. The truth is, the only real reason why I put it in the book, I was trying to find, you know, sort of relatable. That's not...

super relatable, but being cheated on, I think probably... No, it's incredibly relatable. From what I've heard about Tony Danza, that has happened to a lot of people, so... My husband caught me in bed with George Wendt, so... Some of us get the supporting characters. We've all been there. Yeah, so... So, well, so the reason why I put it in was that happened. I was... Madeline was my first girlfriend, and I...

Walked in on her. I just saw four feet coming out of the bottom of the bed. I was like, this is interesting. They're not my feet. And I'm not going to kick this guy's ass. And then I couldn't see their faces, but he rolled over and he had this ripped... I mean, this is like in the 80s. Tony Danza was a boxer. And I said...

I'm leaving. And I just ran down the driveway, and I got the hell out of there fast. But the reason why I put it in really was because the first season of Full House didn't do well, and they weren't going to pick the show up. We were on the bubble, as they say. And we got to the end of the season, and they said, you know, we're going to cancel you, but we're going to try one last thing. We're going to put you on after one of our hit shows during the summer and see if you get an audience. And then if you do, we'll pick you up. And that show was Who's the Boss? So, you know, he...

It did all even better. It did, ultimately, yeah. When you... I just think we have to address this head-on. You are an objectively, as proved by science, handsome man. Emmy here on stage is in a state of excitement that the scientists call verklempt. LAUGHTER

That's a Yiddish term. Yeah, Yiddish scientists. They're Yiddish scientists. And I mean, really, she's like fanning herself, her pulse is racing. I've been diagnosed with Scheingenucht. Yes. Is that like a typical, are you used to that? Are you like you meet somebody at some sort of social occasion who's just meeting you for the first time and you just watch them, like their heart race and their pulse rate go up? It's called kidney gibbling, right? Yeah.

Just Emmy. I'm getting old now. That doesn't happen that much, but it's very flattering, Emmy. Anything you want. I wish I was there, man. So does she. I was just there with the Beach Boys at Ravinia. Oh, yeah, I know Ravinia. That was the other thing that I just found out about you this week.

That you, in addition to doing everything that you're famous for, you play with the Beach Boys. You know, this ties into when I found my girlfriend in bed with someone. I was so depressed, and my friend was playing in the band, and he said, you know, come see us, and I'll try to introduce you to them. And it was at a baseball stadium. He said, get backstage right after Fun Fun Fun. I went down onto the field, and I heard all this screaming, and I looked over and was like, oh,

They're screaming for me. All these cheerleaders. I was like 18 or 19 at the time. And they start running and the girls start chasing after me. And like, I'm this skinny, weird little guy with, with, with Jordache jeans. And it looked like I had a dead crow on my head and I'm running and the girls are all catching up to me. And I just got through the backstage just at the perfect time. And they slammed the door and I'm breathing. And the beach boys, my heroes turn and look at me and, and, and they were just like, who's this weirdo? You know? And they hung out with Manson. So yeah.

They had very high standards for weird, but go on. Exactly. But my friend Mike Love said, who's that? He said, John Stamos. He plays drums. He's on General Hospital. He said, girls scream like that in front of him all the time? And my friend said, yeah. He goes, get him on stage.

And I went on and played Barbara Ann. Wow, that's an interesting way to start your musical career with the Beach Boys. Jimmy Page. I got to ask you, though. So you and I are both new dads at a somewhat advanced age. How do you find being a father in your 50s? Oh, I love it. My whole life I wanted to have a family and be a father. I think, too, it was important that I was ready to be a father. I went into being adult kicking and screaming. I didn't want to become an adult anymore.

But I'm a much better father in my 50s, I think, than I would have been in my 20s or 30s or 40s or 50s. As a follow-up question, could I get a piggyback ride sometime? Yeah. You know... You got it, dude. Yes, yes. So you're a new dad. I'm going to ask you, because my wife doesn't think this, but if I sit down with my son for three hours and I put on Full House and then I split because I have stuff to do, that's like spending time with me. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah.

Well, John Stamos, you are as much fun to talk to as it is to watch you do almost anything. But we have asked you here today to play a game we're calling Now It's an Empty House.

So you, of course, start on Full House. So we're going to ask you about houses that are empty because they are for sale. Answer two out of three questions about houses that everyone had to leave so somebody else could move in, and you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is John Stamos playing for? Alvin Wilson of West Hartford, Connecticut. All right. All right, Alvin. So here's your first question. Most houses for sale are listed these days on Zillow.

And one home that was found there, it's a basement apartment. It was for sale for just $35,000. And it had a unique feature. What was it? A, the new owner with the purchase was required to adopt a pair of ferrets who lived there and, quote, loved it too much to move. B, there was a six-foot diameter sewer main running right through the middle of the apartment from wall to wall. Or it was literally just a basement with no building above it.

You know what? C. I'm going to go to C. That's right. That's right. You know, normally when there would be a building, there was just like a two-foot-high roof over the basement. Right. There you are. All right. That was good. Here's your next question. Sometimes elderly people might sell their home under the condition that they continue to live in it until they die. Hugh Hefner did that, by the way.

Including a French woman named Jean Calment who sold her very expensive apartment to a business associate when she was 96. But what happened then? She wiped off her makeup, revealed she was really 52 and lived a happy 30 years rent-free. B, she lived to 122, becoming the oldest human on record. Or C, being French, she died while smoking a cigarette which set fire to the whole building and burned it down. LAUGHTER

Yes. I would say she lived for a long time, but she was one of the oldest living people. That's exactly what happened. Oh, yeah. Who's the chipmunk guy? So the man bought it from her in 1967, and he died in 1996, one year before she did. That sucks. Awesome. All right. You're doing very well at this, by the way. Here is your last question.

In 2015, a Texas man selling his home managed to upset his neighbor while doing it. Why? A, he only allowed open houses and viewings of the house from midnight to 6 a.m.,

He advertised it with a sign in his yard that said, and I am quoting him, house for sale because my neighbor's a douchebag, unquote. Or C, he listed it as, quote, the best place in Denton for all-night ragers. Nobody around here cares, unquote. I would say douchebag lives next door. I don't know. That's the one. You got it. He put up the sign. That's right. Three in a row.

I wanted to live in a world where that one was true. I know. Although it's not really a good way to sell your house when you think about it, right? I mean, you know, oh, wow, it looks like a nice house. Well, what is the saying? One man's douchebag is another man's freedom fighter. I guess so. Bill, how did John Stamos do in our quiz? John just did great. Thank you, man. I had help. John, that was fabulous.

You're very good at this sort of thing. Yeah. I'd tell you to get into game shows, but I can't stand that kind of competition. John Stamos is an actor, writer, and the nation's hot uncle. His new memoir, If You Would Have Told Me, is a New York Times bestseller two weeks in a row. John Stamos, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, John. Take care. Well, I love you. Bye-bye. I love you too, Andy. God bless you, Chicago. Bye-bye.

In just a minute, Bill chows down on a bag of Doritos, or does he? Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to find out in a zesty listener limerick challenge. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Skylar Higley, Emmy Blotnick, and Tom Bodette. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Thank you.

In just a minute, Rymans are a Bill's best friend in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Skyler, like everyone, you probably worry about the love life of crocodiles. Well, of course, got good news for you. New research finds that one thing that gets crocodiles totally in the mood, more than anything perhaps, is what? Ooh.

Is it a plant of some kind? It is not a plant. It is not anything from the natural world, which is why this is a little odd. Oh, like a Blu-ray player or something? I'll give you a hint. Black Hawk down, but crocodiles up.

They like helicopters? They like helicopters. Okay. Yes. Apparently, crocodiles get horned up when a helicopter flies by. That's why crocodiles always live so close to the highway. Every morning, they're like, oh, yeah, do the traffic report. I never realized that me and crocodiles would have so much in common. Yeah, well, there you are. Okay.

Apparently, 300 crocodiles go absolutely hog wild at an enclosure in Australia every time a helicopter goes by. It's become a thing. They're turned on by the helicopter. I have no idea why. And are the helicopters turned on by the crocodiles? That's a good question. I don't know. It's unrequited, probably. Yeah, that's sad, kind of. Alligators, meanwhile, they're old school. They just need Celine Dion and a scented candle. Yeah.

I could see a Pixar movie. Oh, wow. Right? The strike is over. Yeah. Tom, in addition to free shipping, Amazon is now offering Prime members what service?

It's a medical service like... Yes, that's exactly right. Yeah. A doctor. Amazon announced that Prime members will now get doctor's visits for a small additional charge, I should say, to consult a doctor. But if you choose a doctor to see, and it says people who chose this doctor also bought this walnut casket... Yeah, right. Right.

You might want to reconsider the health care systems in a good place when Amazon's doing stuff Yeah, I'm a little nervous that Amazon is doing this at exactly the same time. They started selling low-price unmarked kidneys. Oh I love the Amazon Basics kidneys. Oh, yeah, I have an auto subscription to the one job kidney just shows up every month. It's great season Yeah

Emmy, the New York Times in a fascinating article described a new type of hangover this week. It's when you wake up the next day and you feel terrible, not because you drank too much, but because you did what too much? You gossiped too much. You're close. Am I? Okay, that's fun. You talked too much.

But not about other people. Oh, you talk too much about yourself. Yes, you did. You overshared. Right. You're out with your friends. All of a sudden, you start confessing things. You wake up the next morning. You're like, oh my God, why did I do that? That is called the vulnerability hangover. It's like a normal hangover. But with this one, you're like, oh God.

I never should have had that third talking about my mom last night. Like, hey, Amazon doctor, what is this shame I feel? Exactly. Yeah. So if you wake up and you feel awful about everything you confessed to your friends the night before, psychologists say to cope with it, just try not to worry. We overestimate, they say, how much our friends actually think about us. Isn't that a comfort? Really? Yeah.

Don't feel bad. Your friends actually don't care about you at all. I mean, they don't recommend, like, damage control, like, you know, calling, you know. Oh, no, that's actually. That story about the goat. I mean. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. They highly recommend against, like, doing that. But.

But we do wonder, is there a vulnerability hangover cure? And if there is one, we hope it is not hair of the dog. Right? Because then you're like, oh, I guess I have to call somebody and tell them I think my dad is hot. I think the goat was funnier. Okay. Guys, guys, I think all your dads are hot. Yeah.

Actor Bob Odenkirk might best be known these days for his dramatic roles. Better call Saul, for example. But he's had a long and distinguished career in comedy. Just ask his daughter. When you were growing up,

Did you find your father funny? Only when he was not trying to be. Really? Only when he was angry and bitter and tired. No, he was hilarious. That's from our latest bonus episode where you can hear our extended interview with Bob and Erin Odenkirk on their new creative collaboration. Listen now if you are a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus supporter. Now, if that's you, thank you so much. If it's not, don't feel bad because it could be.

you'd get bonus content, sponsor-free listening, and get to support NPR and the work that we do. So just go to plus.npr.org. And thanks.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, and you can come see us on the road. We'll be at Carnegie Hall in New York City on December 14th and 15th.

Or check out the Wait, Wait, Stand Up Tour with shows coming up in Burlington, Vermont and Rochester, New York on December 1st and 2nd. For tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Fox Shivick calling in from Schenectady, New York. Fox Shivick from Schenectady. Yeah, sure does. Has anybody ever told you you sound, and this is appropriate, like the first line of a limerick?

Fox Shibbuck once lived in Schenectady. I have no idea what comes next. At least one out of every three people probably tell me that. Yeah. Hey, Fox, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to go? Sure am. Here is your first limerick. To the stars all my ashes will raise.

They're to land on a last resting place. Then an ET will say, that's some weird DNA. When I die, I will go into space. Yes, space. Six feet under, old news. What would you say to 60,000 feet over? Companies like Celestis are offering people the chance to have their remains sent to space. That does seem like a much more reliable way to get to heaven, right?

In your face, prayer. So will they send him up

They can't send it up individually. No, I don't think you get one rocket per remains. That would be right. And then they're going to orbit. I mean, well, then here's the funny thing. It depends on what they're actually all options. You can end up in orbit. You can end up on the moon or you could end up just traveling infinitely off into the void. That'd be my pick. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm doing all the time. Fox, here is your next limerick. Well,

Online purchases aren't always wise because pictures can fool tired eyes. If I were a doll, this would be a great haul because I totally got the wrong... Oh, size. Yes, size. The Wall Street Journal reports that with the rise of somewhat sketchy online retailers, more and more shoppers are ordering what they think is, say, a full-size dining table only to have like a tiny two-inch dollhouse version of it show up.

That quarter they put next to it for scale that made it look very large, that's our miniature quarter, also available at only $9.95. One person ordered what they thought was a full-size artificial Christmas tree, only to find it was the size of their thumb.

Fortunately, all the gifts they ordered from the same company were also tiny, so they fit right under it. Here is your last limerick. Doritos, I love them a bunch. I can have them for snacks or for lunch. But gaming with boys, they make too much noise. So I love that they took out the...

Crunch, yes. Online gamers famously love to eat Doritos, which is a problem when everyone is wearing headphones with a microphone two inches from their mouth. So PepsiCo has announced Doritos Silent Special Noise Cancelling Software.

Specifically engineered to eliminate the exact sound of Doritos being crunched while letting other sounds go through. It's a high-tech improvement over the previous solution, steamed Doritos. Wow.

Can that technology be used at a dinner table full of teenagers? Sure. I'm going to be honest with you, Peter. As you were setting this up, I genuinely thought they somehow made silenced Doritos. Yeah, that's what I thought too. Like ninja Doritos that are shaped like shurikens and they make no sound. Exactly. Unfortunately, PepsiCo is following up this Doritos silent software with their newest product, Extra Loud Mountain Dew.

Bill, how did Fox do in our quiz? With a perfect score, Fox is now the pride of Schenectady. Yes! Fox, thank you so much for playing. Cool, thanks so much for having me. Bye-bye.

This message comes from NPR's sponsor, Sony Pictures Classics, presenting Kneecap, the riotous and mostly true story of three friends who start a rap group that creates a movement. In this fiercely original comedy that, according to the rap, obliterates the musical biopic, the group Kneecap star as themselves alongside Michael Fassbender, laying down a global rallying cry for the defense of native cultures and getting into plenty of trouble along the way. Kneecap is now playing only in theaters.

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Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? I can. Emmy has three. Skyler has two. Tom has two. All right. Emmy's in the lead. Tom and Skyler are tied for second. So arbitrarily, Skyler, you're going to go first. Okay.

The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, Israel agreed to a four-hour daily pauses to allow civilians to flee from blank. Gaza. Yes. On Thursday, West Virginia Senator Blank announced he wouldn't run for re-election. Joe Manchin? Right. For the first time since his coronation, Blank delivered an official King speech to Parliament. King George? No.

King Charles III. Charles III. This week, a man in Pennsylvania was caught after he broke into blank to steal drugs. Walgreens? No, a police station. Oh. To be fair, they were his drugs. The police had seized them. On Sunday, Elon Musk unveiled plans for Grok, his very own blank. AI. Yes, chatbot. On Wednesday, the National Zoo sent back two blanks on loan from China. Yeah, two giant pandas. This week, an Australian man survived a crocodile attack by blanking. Uber.

Ooh, crying? No. Oh, I get it. Crocodile tears. Yeah. Pretty good. By biting the crocodile back. The man was standing by this pond when the crocodile just jumped out of the water and bit his leg and dragged him in the way that, you know, crocodiles do. And he probably would have been a goner, but he got the croc to let go by biting the croc's eyelid.

The man is now recovering in the hospital while the crocodile is still in the swamp, accepting he's just going to have to find something else to make his boots out of. Bill, how did Skyler do in our quiz? Well, he got four right, eight more points, total of ten, and puts him in the lead. All right.

Tom, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Blank testified at her father's civil fraud trial. Ivanka Trump. On Monday, Ukrainian missiles damaged Blank's ships in Crimea. Russia. Yes. This week, the House Oversight Committee subpoenaed Blank as part of their impeachment inquiry into the president. James Biden. And Hunter Biden. Very good. According to a new study, Afghanistan's opium production fell 95% after the Blank took over.

Taliban. Yes, addressing everyone's primary concern about the conflict in the Middle East. This week, The Economist ran a headline reading... We're concerned about the conflict in the Middle East. No. The headline read, quote, What World War III would mean for investors. Holy smokes. In a medical first, a man in Arkansas received an entire blank transplant. Faith. Yes, right. This week, researchers developed a new way to test if someone is too drunk. Just have them blank.

Touch their nose while standing on one foot and saying the alphabet backwards. No. Have them say, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

Reciting tongue twisters, apparently, is a reliable way of telling if someone is drunk. Researchers say this can have practical applications, like an ignition system that won't let you start a car unless you can say, Peter Piper picked a pepper. But we can tell you, we can guarantee you, this will not work because I had three bourbons just a little while ago and I am lit. LAUGHTER

Bill, how did Tom do in our quiz? He got five right, ten more points, and the 12 puts him in the lead. All right. So how many then...

How many then does Emmy need to win, making this even more the best day of her life? Five to win. All right. Here we go, Emmy. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Ohio voters approved an amendment enshrining blank rights in the state constitution. Abortion. Right. On Monday, rentable office space company blank filed for bankruptcy protection. WeWork. Yes. On Tuesday, the House voted 234 to 188 to censure Michigan Representative blank. Rashida...

Clay? Yes, very good. This week, Cannibal Corpse, the death metal band behind songs like Tomb of the Mutilated and Butchered at Birth, announced that their next release would be blank. Wholesome. Actually, a coloring book. On Wednesday, the FDA... That's close.

It may be an evil coloring book. All right, it's not close. On Wednesday, the FDA approved Zepbound, Eli Lilly's new blank drug. Weight diabetes and weight loss. Weight loss, yes, you said it. For famous people. On Sunday, Tamirat Tola set a course record at the Blank Marathon. New York. Yes, very good. After attendees complained of severe eye pain after a rave, organizers of a festival for NFT owners revealed that instead of disco lights, they had bought blank.

Ugly people? No. Instead of disco lights, they bought high-powered germicidal UV lamps.

The lasers and black lights that gave the rave its dance club feel won't soon be forgotten by the dancers who suffered chaotic vibes and minor cornea burns. They were germ-free? Yeah, he said they're all sterile enough to be used in surgery, so that's a plus. The attendees are expected to make full recoveries, unlike the value of their NFTs. Bill, did Emmy do well enough to win? Well, stand by for a surprise. Five right, ten more points.

13 means she's the winner. Wow. Hey. Hey. That's pretty nice. It is nice. Coming up, our panelists predict what surprising thing will we learn that actors won in their new deal with the studios. But first, let me tell you that...

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre as well. B.J. Litterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbrust, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week again to Monica Hickey and Blythe Robertson. Our peeping Gwynn

is Peter Gwynn. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Shillog. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what will the actors get in their new contract? Tom Beaudet. SAG-AFTRA health plan will now be Amazon Prime's health insurance, including free drone drops of Wagovi, Ozempic, and Zembom when prescribed by an in-network talent agent.

Skyler Higley. Actors will now receive protections from AI secretly replacing their families. And Emmy Blotnick. One night with John Stamos. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Tom Bodette, Skyler Higley, and Emmy Blotnick. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Vicar Theatre. Thank you.

And thanks to all of you for listening at home or wherever you may be. I am Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor ShipBob. The holidays start earlier every year. So get your store and ship shape now with ShipBob. They'll handle fulfillment, provide key metrics and more. Get a free quote at SHIPBOB.com. ShipBob.

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Want to maximize your summer without stretching your budget? LifeKit's got you covered with guides on exploring your neighborhood for cheap. Don't let money or time be the thing that decides whether or not you will have fun. You can have fun almost in spite of those things. Make the most of every day this summer, whether you're jet setting or staying close to home. Listen to the LifeKit podcast from NPR.