WWDTM: Jason Isbell
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Don't worry, Patriots fans, I'll be your new coach. Call me Bill Bilicic. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you all so much. We do have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Jason Isbell.

But first, this is our first new show of 2024, and like we do every January, we worry that surely this will be the year where we finally run out of dumb things in the news to make fun of. But I am happy to report, so far so good. Give us a call, answer our questions about what went off the rails this week. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Shruti. How are you? I'm fine, Shruti. How are you? Good. Where are you calling from? So, I usually live in Chicago, but I am this week in Avon, Ohio. Avon, Ohio. The world's capital of duct tape. Oh, that's how I know it. Oh, well, I am throwing out everything we had planned to do this hour. And why are you there? Are you just such a duct tape fan you wanted to make a pilgrimage?

I actually came for my best friend's baby shower, so shout out Hayden, future baby to be. Right. And just stayed the weekend. I hear there's some snow coming to Chicago, so I'm still here. I was about to say, there is a big snowstorm this weekend in Chicago, and if you were trying to get away from it, you could have done better than Ohio, I'm just saying. Shruti, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel.

First up, the stand-up comedian from Brooklyn whose album Yell Joy is available on all the streaming platforms. It's Joyelle Nicole Johnson. Hey, girl. How you doing? Hey. Next, she is a stand-up comedian you can follow on Instagram at Maeve in America. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. And an actor and writer who can be seen in the acclaimed improv show Two Square at Caveat in New York City on January 30th. And it is his birthday. It's Peter Gross. Hello. Hello.

So, Shruti, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to start this year off like he did last year, recreating for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes. All right. Stakes high. Yes. That's right. The stakes are very high. All right.

Your first quote is from a press release from Boeing, apologizing for an incident that made the news this week. We regret the impact this has had on our customers and their passengers. So what small inconvenience had an impact on the passengers on one of Boeing's airplanes?

Well, I believe it was when the exit door in the middle of the plane blew off. The gaping hole in the plane. That's right. The door blew off in the middle of the flight. And the big gaping hole and all the air flew out and it forced the plane to make an emergency landing. The airline pointed out that fortunately the seat next to the hole that was created was unoccupied.

although they didn't say at what point it became a movie. If there was somebody that was going to get sucked out of a plane, I hope it would be the person who was barefoot and had his feet up on the back of the seat. We all know who we want the blowout to be next to. Oh, the screaming baby? Oh, no. LAUGHTER

That's terrible. Peter, Hayden's not even born yet. No, not Hayden. He'll be a perfect child. Isn't the person in the emergency row supposed to be strong enough to hold on to the door? Yes. They go around.

Are all of you willing to hold onto the door with all your might? When? Not if. As 4,000 atmospheres try to push it out of the plane, you have to answer verbally. No, actually, this is the thing. People are calling it a door. It was not a door. It was a door lock.

plug and what it does is it covers up a hole in the fuselage that is supposed to be an additional emergency exit door. It's like a toupee for a plane. Did they find it? Did it land on someone's This is the crazy thing.

The door itself landed in someone's yard. Immediately, this being where we live now, ran out and filmed it, which is cool. And not only that, and this is absolutely true, but an iPhone, a passenger's iPhone was also found on the ground working perfectly. 16,000 feet. Straight down. Found it. And not only was it working perfectly, but it still had the baggage receipt in the airplane up. So it had the flight number, right? Oh, we're into where this came from. Oh, yeah.

And it's, thank God that this guy's iPhone was on airplane mode when they found it. Otherwise, Boeing would be like, we warned you. Look at what happened. Listen. All right. Your next quote.

was a headline on the Today Show this week. It's about a product that all of a sudden everybody is lining up for hours to get and they're sometimes even fighting each other over it. Here we go. Why is everyone suddenly so thirsty? So, what is this latest absolutely must-have product?

Having eavesdropped on a conversation between two Target workers this week, I know it is the pink Stanley mug. You're right. The Stanley insulated mug.

Move over, Beanie Babies, Tickle Me Elmo's, Ozempic, the latest must-have item. People are going crazy over it. It's the Stanley Insulated Tumbler. There have been fights at Target stores. A guy jumped over the counter at one Starbucks that was selling them, grabbed a bunch of them, was trying to run out when he was tackled by security. The security took it and was like, ran, ran, ran. Well, it wasn't that bad.

- Was that judge in that case drinking out of one of those cups and the guy jumped over to try and get it? - Maybe that's what was going on. The guy who jumped at the judge, he was just trying to get his cup. - What is so special? I don't have a cup. - Well, that is my question because it's just an insulated mug, right? I mean, we have lots of different kinds of them. There are thermoses. What is going on here? - Apparently your house can burn down and the cup will still have ice in it. - Well, yeah. This actually, a lot of people...

Joel's right. This video went viral recently. This woman's car caught fire and burned down to the frame. Oh, yeah.

Women drivers. She should have been trying to do her hair with her hairdryer. So in the video, right, she goes into the burnt out car and she pulls out her Stanley mug and shakes it and it's still got solid ice in it. Yeah. After a fire. Oh, so it's like a global warming solution. In a way. If we can just find a way to encase the entire planet. Yeah.

In a large enough Stanley thermos. It does feel like it's the thing where Mark Zuckerberg is going to be like, build me a home out of that. Apparently they should make airplanes out of it. Apparently, yeah. It's the Stanley door.

All right, your last quote is someone lying. I read at least 339 books last year. That was a comment on the Washington Post, specifically a comment on a story saying that you are in the top 50% of all Americans when it comes to reading if you read how many books in 2023?

You know, it's sad. I imagine it's low, but could I get a hint? This is like card sharks. All right, I'm going to give you a hint. I'm going to give you a hint. It's more than one. Let's say three. No, that's too many. It's the right number of martinis. It's more than one. All right. It's more than one. It's two, yes. Two books. According to the survey...

50% of Americans read less than two books during all of last year. Now, I personally read 200 books because I say it counts as a book if you turn on the subtitles on Netflix. Yes. And they didn't say how long the books... Because some books are just...

you know longer than others you know who's skewing the numbers is kids because you can read a book to a kid you can read three books in one night one of my books I read last year I just tore through in one night because I really wanted to find out who the monster at the end of the book was who was it

It was Grover. I'm sorry, was that a spoiler? It was Grover. He's so scared and it's him. Oh, it's funny. My kids were taken away. I was there, Grover. Bill, how did Shruti do on our quiz? Shruti got them all right. She's a winner. Congratulations, Shruti. Thank you so much for playing, Shruti. Thank you.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Peter, it's a bit later than usual, but winter has finally come to Canada. And with it, a warning from officials saying that drivers there should never, ever let a moose do what? I was going to say it has something to do with a moose. And then you said moose. I swear to God I was going to say moose. They should never let a moose call shotgun. They should never let a moose hit their car.

They should never let a moose drive. They should never let a moose... Out of the fridge too long? Out of the fridge too long. You probably won't guess it without a hint. Let me try to give you one. No, I think I might. We have an hour and a half. Well, one of the reasons is you don't want to have a moose with its tongue stuck to the hood of your car. You shouldn't let a moose lick your car. Exactly right. The Canadian government says, please do not let moose lick your car.

Canada, winter, snow, ice, and with that, they salt the roads, right? And that means the salt gets on the cars, and that attracts moose who like to lick the salt off the cars. This is also known as a Canadian car wash. I bet it's adorable to be sitting there because moose, meese, mice, moose, moose, moose, and they're not.

They're not like cruel. They're not coming at people. They're big herbivores. And can you imagine how adorable it would be to have an enormous ungulate outside your car with its big tongue going... Okay, we have different definitions of adorable. You would not like this. Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? What animal do you want licking your car? A baby seal. Aww.

Coming up, our panelists tell you all a lovely fairy tale. It's our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Peter Gross, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. If you'd like to play, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. Or if you feel phones are just too 2023, check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at Wait, Wait, NPR.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Freya Hurwitz from Newton, Massachusetts. Hey, Freya, how are you? I'm good. How are you, Peter? I'm well. I know Newton pretty well. What do you do there? I am the director of procurement for TripAdvisor, and I have a little side gig where I make some woodworking products. You do? You're a woodworker. What sort of things do you make? Uh,

I make bowls and cheese knives and charcuterie boards. So basically, it's all appetizer-oriented. Pretty much, yeah. That's really great. Well, Freya, welcome to the show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Freya's topic? Fairy tales can come true. Who wouldn't want to live in a fairy tale, visit an enchanted kingdom, and trade your firstborn child for some homemade goblin gold?

Well, this week we heard a story so magical it seemed to be right out of the pages of a storybook, but it's true. Our panelists are each going to tell you one. Only one of them, of course, is real. Are you ready to play? Ready. All right. First, let's hear from Joyelle Nicole Johnson.

Every day, Rodney Holbrook, a 75-year-old retiree in Wales, messes about in his work shed and leaves everything in disarray. Then, in the morning, he wakes up to find everything has been put back in its place. Was it a judgmental ghost? A neighbor with a penchant for tidiness? He knew it wasn't his wife. After setting up a night vision camera to catch the Good Samaritan in action, he found out, to his surprise, it was a meddling mouse.

That's right, a tiny field mouse with possible OCD was organizing the workbench of the 75-year-old retiree in his nightly stead. I'm just awed by it, really, Mr. Holbrook said. Every day I take it out, and it's all back in again. An expert described this as intrinsically mousy behavior. When reached for a comment, the mouse added, he's such a slob. Squeak! Every night.

A mouse comes out and neatens up a man's workshop. And by the way, we can call the mouse Mickey because that's in public domain now. Your next story of something very fairy comes from Peter Gross.

Hilda Lofner of Bopard, Germany has always been proud of her long luscious hair which clocks in at 10.5 meters for the metrically challenged that's 34 feet 5 inches. This week the local paper the Bopard Times Picayune was doing a story about Hilda's new world record and she was in her attic rooting around for an old picture of herself with short hair since Hilda hasn't had so much as a trim in almost 50 years for the metrically challenged that's still 50 years.

Suddenly, tragedy struck. Hilda accidentally locked herself in the attic. Someone save me, she cried out the window Germanically, like a classic damsel in distress. Her neighbor, Laszlo Scherzer, heard her pleas and called her. I'd love to help, but I have bad knees and can't climb stairs. However, I do have very strong arms.

So Hilda lowered her hair out her window for Laszlo to climb. It took him half an hour to scale all 34 feet 5 inches of her hair, but he did it, saving the fair maiden. When asked to comment, Hilda said, Oh, that really hurt. Screw this, I'm getting a haircut.

A woman with exceptionally long hair is rescued by someone who climbed up it. And your last story of a non-fiction fable comes from Maeve Higgin. The scientific phenomenon of animals speaking human languages for 30 minutes each Christmas Eve is having a lingering effect into the new year. The Wall Street Journal reports that a 78-year-old box turtle named Diana confronted her owner about failing to take financial advice year on year.

Diana said bitterly, quote, if you're a moron of a grandmother, listen to me about Microsoft stock back in 76, maybe this damn celery will be organic. Meanwhile, the Greenwich family in Massachusetts were shocked by their guinea pig Jordan's take on the Supreme Court. Jordan spoke at length about how the court should be expanded to 20 judges, insisting 19 of them should be guinea pigs.

And finally, Glenda Garvey was surprised when her nine-year-old Jack Russell, Melissa, revealed something very profound. Speaking to CNN, Miss Garvey said, Every year on Christmas Eve, Melissa says she loves me and I say I love her. But this year, she said she didn't just love me, she's in love with me. LAUGHTER When asked to comment, Melissa just drank really fast from her water bowl for a long time then pretended to be asleep. Woo! LAUGHTER

Lesbian dog. Okay, one of these fairy tale-like events really happened. Was it from Joelle Nicole Johnson, a man discovers that the person or thing cleaning up his workshop every night is in fact an adorable little mouse? Or from Peter Gross, a woman with extremely long hair is rescued by someone who climbs up it, Rapunzel-like? Or from Maeve Higgins...

The animals spoke on Christmas Eve like they do every year. But this time we have questions. It's from CNN. It is.

Of course it's from CNN. They have a talking wolf. Oh, hello. Too soon. So, Freya. Freya, which of these stories was the real one in this week's news? Well, I'd love to make some comment about guinea pigs on the Supreme Court, but I'm going to have to go with Joyelle's workshop mouse. The mouse that neatened up the workshop every night. That's Joyelle's story. Well...

To bring you the correct answer, we spoke with someone familiar with the real story. The house mouse is the second most successful mammal on planet Earth. Wouldn't it be fabulous if we could put the mice to work? That was Bobbi Corrigan, an urban rodentologist who studies rats and mice, commenting on how this behavior isn't that surprising. Congratulations. You have not only won a point for JL just for telling the truth so charmingly, but you have won our prize. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Take care.

You too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. And now it's time for the game we call Not My Job. Jason Isbell has won four Grammy Awards, and he's been acclaimed as America's greatest living songwriter, not to mention his first major film role was starring in Martin Scorsese's Killers of the Flower Moon. Not bad for a guy who named his backing band after an insane asylum. Jason Isbell, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you very much. So great to talk to you.

Now, I said that when I introduced you, but it is true that people think you're one of the greatest songwriters alive. Like John Mayer called you our greatest living lyricist. So my question is, what is his problem with your tunes? That's what I thought too. He doesn't like my guitar playing.

He made up for it when he wrote that song about your body being a wonderland yeah, it was originally Wonder bread, but he changed I heard you say once that when you met Bruce Springsteen he immediately launched into one of your songs and

He did. Yeah. He said, he said that his son had brought my album home and he had really fallen in love with this song called traveling alone. And then he leaned in and he started singing it. And, you know, and I immediately thought, Oh my God, this man is singing my song in Bruce Springsteen voice. This is kind of a meta moment because that is really Bruce Springsteen voice. But yeah, he was very, very kind, which meant a whole lot to me. Sure. Well, how do you,

respond to that? Did you feel like you needed to do a little, you know, dancing in the dark for him just to even things out? Yeah, I felt like I needed to do that. I really felt like I needed... I sang Thunder Road in its entirety acapella. I did a knee slide at the end. laughter

There is, I don't know what you want to call it, a stereotype, a cliche, maybe even a joke about you that you only write very sad songs. But have you ever just sat down to just like, you know, just show the world and write a song like, my puppy is so cute or something like that just to show you got that club in your back? No. No, I've never...

That club. That club's not good for hitting the ball for me. No, I haven't. I've written songs for my daughter. My daughter's eight years old. Oh, sure. And I have made up songs for her that are happy. And she did not like them, so I went back to the school. And so I read this thing about you that you went to college, you're a creative writing major, but you left college one credit shy of getting your degree.

And then just recently, years after you left school, you went back and they gave you your degree. Is that right? Right. Well, I didn't go back. Like they, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell this. If you don't know you're supposed to, then you definitely are. I definitely am. Yeah. Wait, wait, don't say that. Okay.

So what happened was it was a human fitness and wellness course. So it was a book course about like how many calories are in a cupcake. And they would, this is in like the 90s. So they would, well, they would take you in and pinch you with the little forceps and tell you if you were overweight or not. And I was not about to do that. So wait a minute. This was the only course you had to take to graduate college.

this human health course and you were like absolutely not I'd rather just leave yes he'd been pinched enough he was like I gotta get out of here it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life because I remember distinctly thinking I can get out of here and walk

out and no one's going to arrest me or anything. You can like, don't tell your children this, but you can just leave. And so more recently, the college approached you and said, we are aware that you were one credit shy and you never graduated. So

They said that I knew enough now about those things. And they gave me my degree. But I don't know if the degree that they gave me is a degree that existed before that moment or not. It looks like something they made up. Like it's got the word studies in it more than once. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know what I can use it for, but I'm very proud of it. Sure. You are married to another wonderfully talented singer, musician, and songwriter, Amanda Shires. And you were actually on NPR's Tiny Desk concert. And you were with her, right? And there's this moment during the concert that you do, which is wonderful, everybody should look it up, where your beautiful, talented wife,

looks at you and leans close and says, do I have any boogers? Yes. And you lean in and you check and you say no. Right. And I just want to say, is that like what your relationship is normally like? I think so, yeah. I think that's true love. If you feel comfortable enough to ask and they feel comfortable enough to answer, then, you know, you're being a good friend to that person in that moment. Yeah.

And, you know, the only other option was just go with the boogers and play the show with the boogers. Yeah. And nobody wants that to happen. Yeah. The problem is when I see boogers and she doesn't, then we have a problem. Yeah.

And when that happens and you're like, you have boogers, and she's like, no, I don't, do you say, well, I'm a college graduate? Yes. I have my degree in studies and other studies. Uh,

Jason, Isbel, it is so much fun to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling Big Ben is Clock? No, Isbel. Is that right?

So we have decided to ask you, Jason Isbell, three questions about Big Ben, which many people don't realize is not the clock. It's the bell in the clock. Answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners. The voice of anyone they might like from our show going bong, bong on their voicemail. Bill,

Who is Jason Isbell playing for? Jared Maynard of Dearborn, Michigan. All right. Here's your first question about Big Ben. The man who designed Big Ben, both the clock and the bell, was Baron Grimthorpe, who was a lawyer and self-proclaimed expert on clocks. In fact, his fame about his expertise on clocks was such that he was repeatedly elected president of Britain's Horological Institute,

Great guy to have in charge, but there was a problem. What was it? A, he was never weirdly on time to the meetings. B, he was so obnoxious as a person, a condition of him becoming president was that he never attend any of its dinners. Or C, he demanded that the clock in the Institute's clock tower be digital. Sure. Mm-hmm.

I mean, since you called him a self-described expert, I would say that he's not somebody you would want to sit down at dinner with. You're exactly right. I would go with B. That's right. In fact, he was originally charged with picking someone to design the clock, and he said, you know who's best at designing clocks? Me. Me.

All right, you got that one right. You were very sharp on that. Grim Thorpe, as I said, gave himself the job of designing the clock and the bell, which immediately cracked the first time they hit it with something.

And he dealt with that disaster by doing what? A. He took responsibility, apologized, and handed off the job to someone else to do correctly. B. He claimed that he meant it to crack because it would sound better that way. Or C. He made friends with a guy who worked at the foundry that made the bell, got him drunk, and convinced him while drunk to say that it was all their fault. Ooh, C is tempting. Okay.

But it's hard for me to imagine this man making friends with anybody. Laughter

I'm going to go with B again. No, it was actually C. He did get the guy drunk, convinced him to say it was the foundry's fault. That not being true, the foundry sued him for libel and won. And then he got angry and said it again and they sued him again and they won again. So last question, if you get this right, you win. In addition to the bell of big Ben and the clock and the bell, by the way, is still cracked. Uh,

The barren is memorialized forever by what? A, the phrase to Grimthorpe, which means to ruin a building while attempting to restore it.

B, an act of parliament requiring all clockmakers to this day to prove that their products were not designed by Baron Grimthorpe. Or C, being the only person to be buried in a small nave of Westminster Abbey known as the Jackass's Corner. I think it's A. I think it is A. You're right. It is A. Yes.

Bill, how did Jason Isbell do in our quiz? Well, we know he did not grimthorpe this. Two out of three, you're a winner, Jason. Again, Jason Isbell is a celebrated singer-songwriter whose new album, Weather Veins, is up for three Grammys. Jason Isbell, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. What an absolute thrill to talk to you. Take care. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill tells you how to win your next slam dunk contest in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Joyelle Nicole Johnson, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

In just a minute, Bill puts on his safety harness to go to the rhyming gym in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news.

Joyelle, the skincare company Sephora has a problem. Some customers say that their new Delicia Drench brand body butter is great on the skin and it smells wonderful, but it also does what? Attracts moose. So close. It attracts something, they say, but not moose. Terrible men. I'm going to go so far as to say even worse. What's worse than that? Mice?

Smaller. Smaller than mice? And worse. Like roaches? I'm going to give it to you. Wolf spiders. Oh, man.

Wait, how are you going to give that to Joanne? She got three wrong answers. This is the problem. I've been doing this for a while, Maeve. And what I saw happening after she said roaches was 20 minutes of trying to get her to the right insect. I would have never gotten to the spiders. Let's just skip that. Let's go right to spiders. I didn't know wolves had spiders. Laughter

I would never get the wolf spider. It's like a pet for a wolf. My spider! It started, this all started with a Reddit post saying, quote, if you're scared, you know, about the product, if you're scared of wolf spiders, watch out for these lotions, LOL, right? And Reddit, who knows? But,

More and more reviews started being posted on the Sephora website rating Delicia Drench four stars and 6,000 hungry wolf spiders. But what do you expect when you slather your body with something literally called butter? Excuse me, I use shea butter. That was rude. Well, when you put on shea butter, what do you attract?

Oh boy. Rich men. There you go. First class, baby. Rich nerds. I use Kerrygold butter all over my body. On your skin. I wonder what that's for. Like, yeah, who's buying this stuff? Oh, Dave is. Salts. Yeah. Yeah.

Peter, a Facebook group for tourists in New York City suggests an inexpensive and easy tip for anyone wanting to experience what it is like to live in the Big Apple. All you have to do is what?

The something rat related? It is not rat related. Okay. Can I have a hint? Sure. Everyone's got to get home. Well, you've heard of walking tours. These are stalking tours. Oh, God. Stalk celebrities? Not celebrities. Stalk regular people? Stalk regular people. Just follow New Yorkers around as they live their life. Oh. That's...

Please don't do that. I think we all live there. I will quote from this Facebook group, again, devoted to tourists visiting New York. Pay attention to the homes, the locals on the street. Follow them discreetly to discover where they shop and eat. It reads as if it were written by a serial killer who was just trying to get away for the weekend. I worry I might not be doing anything exciting enough.

I'm just like wandering in CVS forgetting why. Going back out again. Oh, my car, it's not working. And they're like, the locals are so fascinating. They walk in a building and then they just walk right out of it. They make no sense. Look, she's screaming at a pigeon. Why? Imagine they're going home. So it was so exciting. They went into a laundromat and they couldn't leave because somebody might steal their clothes. It was great. I know. I'll follow you. I'll follow you.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen to the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

You can catch us here most weeks at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago and come see us on the road. We'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on February 1st and then in Austin, Texas on February 29th. Our first ever show, by the way, on a February 29th. For tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org and you can follow us on Instagram at waitwaitnpr. Come on, do it. We dare you. Be cool. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi.

Hi, Peter. Hello, who's this? This is Carrie Pacuco. Carrie Pacuco. Where are you calling from, Carrie? I'm calling from New Orleans, but I used to live in Chicago. Oh, really? Yes. How could you ever leave? I put a snow shovel on the hood of my car and drove south until people said, what's that thing? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

That's why. I can believe you. Well, welcome to the show, Kerry. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can find that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? Absolutely. Okay, here is your first limerick. In December, I drank like a champ. In the new year, that vice I'll revamp.

But I think stopping cold is a little too bold. I don't think I'll go dry. I'll go... Damp? Damp, yes! Very good. So you have heard, as we all have, of dry January. That's when you give up drinking for the month. But now there's a less intense version called damp January.

Why damp? Well, because they went through a thesaurus and every other word that means slightly wet is just disgusting. So the idea is that some people say, well, instead of quitting alcohol cold turkey, you commit to damp January. That's like dry January, but with a splash of Jack Daniels.

I've never done a dry January and I never will. Yes. You just sounded so drunk. When you think about it, damp January is the perfect solution. It's a way of both giving up alcohol and a way to deal with the stress of giving up alcohol. And it means like you just might have one drink, one drink a day. Yeah.

Yeah. One drink. Well, I think... A quick one in the morning. Yeah, sure. A little rum and your coffee. You know, just to take the edge off. And then, you know... And then one just before dinner, maybe. Yeah. And then a dinner. The wine, obviously, that accompanies a fine meal. I'm not drinking. I can relate to this. I'm a damn January person. Are you really? Yes. So you're like, you're cutting back, but not like... Exactly. So tell me what your routine then is. Oh, I was sick for the first week, so...

So you're sort of... So you're like, you're sick for the first week, you didn't drink, and now you're drinking like you usually do, so if you average it out, it's only damp January. You were sick for two days, is that right? All right, here is your next limerick. My desire to dunk is no whim, so I joined this Connecticut gym.

We've adjusted the rules so we all can look cool. In our league, we have lowered the...

Rim? Yes, rim. Good news for everyone who is short or weak or both. Low rim basketball leagues are sweeping the nation. These leagues lower the height of the basket from 10 feet to 8 1⁄2 feet so that everyone can dunk the ball. Move over, Air Jordan. It's ground de veto. LAUGHTER

Eight and a half still probably has a few people who can't dunk, I would imagine. Hey, why are you looking at me? I was looking at Bill. And if you're like, wow, that's great. They should make more dumbed down easy versions of other sports as well. Have I got great news for you about pickleball? Why, how have they made that easier? Oh.

I was just trying to think. Like, okay, they took tennis and they made it easier to pickleball. How would you make pickleball easier? And all I could come up with was that little paddle with a rubber ball on it. All right. Here is your last limerick.

As bananas get shipped into town, their freshness will not let me down. With edited genes, they stay yellow or green. Our bananas will never turn green.

Brown. Yes, you are good. A company called Tropic has gene-edited bananas, they say, so they never turn brown, reducing food waste and, of course, cutting global banana bread production by 98%. But are there still, I mean, as a comedian, it's my duty to ask, like, the banana peel, that's...

never going away, right? Slipping on a banana peel. That's the thing. We don't know. They say, we've patented this gene-edited banana. It will not go brown. We don't know anything else about it. And we should not get excited until we do. For example, it might be like it never turns brown, but it screams now when you eat it. LAUGHTER

Bill, how did Carrie do in our quiz? Carrie is really good with three in a row. Carrie, congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you so much. This was fun. Thank you. Take care, Carrie. Bye-bye. Bye.

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This message comes from NPR's sponsor, Sony Pictures Classics, presenting Kneecap, the riotous and mostly true story of three friends who start a rap group that creates a movement. In this fiercely original comedy that, according to the rap, obliterates the musical biopic, the group Kneecap star as themselves alongside Michael Fassbender, laying down a global rallying cry for the defense of native cultures and getting into plenty of trouble along the way. Kneecap is now playing only in theaters.

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give me the current scores? I believe Joyelle has four, Peter has two, and Maeve has one. Maeve? Yeah? Surprisingly, you're in third place. Okay. There's still time. There's still time.

You're going to do this. We're going to ask you these questions. You're going to fill in the blank quickly and rapidly. Okay. Rock it through it. Yeah. Peter, don't be dawdling. All right. You're right, Maeve. I'll pick it up. Here we go. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis faced off in the latest blank. Presidential...

Competition. Yes, close enough. Debate, yes. On Wednesday, the SEC approved plans to offer exchange-traded funds tied to cryptocurrency blank. I don't think it's fair, these questions. I don't even know what you just said. Just say a word. Money. Money, no, Bitcoin. After 27 years, Tiger Woods announced an end to his advertising partnership with blank. Golf. No, he's still playing golf, but he won't advertise with Nike. Okay.

This week, a new report found that in 2023, there was a 300% increase in people naming their dog blank. Mates? No. Would have been a coincidence were I to ask you that. No, a 300% increase in people naming their dog beer. What? Aww.

The yearly report found that beer was one of the most popular dog names of 2023, proving the old saying, a dog is a man's best enabler. That's because people wanted to go, come here, beer. Come here, beer. Yeah. Good beer. Bill, how did Maeve do? She got one right. There you are. God bless.

And actually, I'll just say, for this round, you get double. Well, you got two more, and that's a total of three. You're almost in first place. Joyelle still has four. Oh, my God.

But you're right there. You are. You're right there. You're within striking distance. Okay. All right. Peter, you're up next. On Wednesday, former New Jersey Governor Blank suspended his presidential campaign. Chris Christie. Right. On Monday, New York City announced a lawsuit against the bus companies transporting blanks into the city. Migrants. Right. This week, two Republican-led committees approved a report which recommended holding blank in contempt of Congress.

Hunter Biden? Yes, indeed. This week, a man in Alabama was arrested after he blanked at a Bass Pro Shop store. He jumped into the tank and said, look at me, I'm a fish. That's what he did. Yes, pretty much. What?

I don't know if he said that, but he did take off all his clothes and did a cannonball into the giant fish tank. Wow. That was a 100% guess. I believe you. On Tuesday, NASA announced it was postponing its plans to return to the blank.

Fish tank. Moon. No, the moon, yes. With a total of five wins, the movie Oppenheimer led the 2024 Blank Awards. Golden Globe Awards. Yes. This week, an Indiana couple held their wedding ceremony with 30 guests at their favorite coffee shop, even though they had not blanked. Been married? No. Gotten married? Bothered getting permission from the coffee shop. Wow.

Employees of the Mansion House Coffee Shop in Indianapolis were shocked when a full wedding party, including bride, groom, officiant guests, walked into the coffee shop, took over a whole room, blocked the entrance with their stuff, and had their ceremony. Even worse, once the ceremony was done, everybody just sat down at the shop, ordered one coffee, and sat on their laptops for six hours. Ah!

Bill, how did Peter do on our quiz? Six right, 12 more points, a birthday high of 14. All right. Yes, birthday boy. If you get five, we tie. That would be fun. All right. So, Joyelle, this is for the game. Here we go. Fill in the blank. This week, the UN began hearings on allegations that blank is committing genocide in Gaza. Israel. Right. This week, a man in Wisconsin was arrested for drunk driving after he blanked.

crashed into a Bass Pro shop and jumped into a tank. No. It worked for Peter, I don't blame him. After he mistook a police station for a hotel where he could crash for the night. According to a new report, executives at Tesla and SpaceX are becoming concerned by Blank's drug use.

Jeff Zuckerberg. That's not even a person. No. Mark Bezos. The other one, Elon Musk, citing a new state law on objectionable books in schools, a district in Florida has banned blank from their libraries. Merriam-Webster.

Exactly. Dictionaries. The Sarasota School District refused the donation of new dictionaries citing a recently enacted Florida law on objectionable content in school libraries. Critics called this decision ridiculous and they stressed to the school board officials that dictionary is spelled D-I-C-T. Bill, did Joyelle do well enough to win? Well, she got three right, bringing her total to ten, which means... Birthday ball!

The birthday boy. This is the best thing that could have ever happened on my birthday. We just a minute and our panelists predict after the Stanley Cups what will be the next big craze to sweep the nation. But first let me tell you that

Wait, wait, don't tell me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Koticka, Writes Our Limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Litterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbloss, and Lillian King. Special thanks.

to Monica Hickey and Blythe Robertson. Peter Gwynn is Pretty in Pink. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what will be the next...

big craze. Joelle Johnson. I'm never having a baby showers. Nate Higgins. The next big craze is a team. A moose cleaning the outside of your car, a mouse cleaning the inside. Thanks. Oh.

And Peter Gross. Instead of breaking up, people will say to their partner, no, honey, you sit in the window seat on our Boeing plane. Well, depending on how that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Joelle Johnson, and Maeve Higgins. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago. And thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. And we'll see you next week.

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On this week's episode of Wild Card, musical icon Ani DiFranco. I get a lot of, you know, I loved you in the 90s. You know, it's a lot of, ah, in the high school. You know, we're both 50. She lets me in on the secret to reinventing yourself when you feel stuck in a certain box. That's on the Wild Card Podcast, the game where cards control the conversation.