WWDTM: Dr. Anthony Fauci
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This message comes from Peloton. Whatever road lies ahead, your training starts here. From classes on Peloton Tread or Tread Plus to outdoor runs on the Peloton app. Peloton All Access Memberships separate. Learn more at onepeloton.com slash running. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Wolf Trap, meet your thirst trap.

I'm Shioki Ianson, filling in for Bill Curtis, and here is your host at Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts in Vienna, Virginia, Peter Segal. Thank you, Shioki. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you.

So much! We feel the same way. We are delighted to be back at this beautiful venue in a national park near Washington, even though it is approximately 10,000 degrees outside and so sweaty people keep sliding out of their seats down to the stage.

We don't know if the heat is actually that good for us, so I'm glad that later on we're going to be talking with a retired physician by the name of Anthony Fauci. But first, we want to hear your diagnosis of the week's news. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It is time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Rachel from Atlanta. Hey, Rachel from Atlanta. How are you?

I'm doing pretty well. How are you? I am fine. Atlanta seems to be like the center of the universe these days. You have all the political rallies. You have all the cool crimes. Is it exciting to be in Atlanta? Just to get up every day and be like, wow, I'm in Atlanta. It is. I'm trying to get season tickets to the Convocation Center. Oh, yeah. That's where they have all the cool rallies. It is. Kamala and Maxi Stallion on Wednesday and Trump and J.D. Vance on Saturday. There you go.

Welcome to the show, Rachel. Let me introduce you to our panel on stage here at Wolf Chop. First up, a comedian who has written for Late Night with Seth Meyers and Pachinko Season 2 premieres August 23rd over on Apple TV. It's Karen Chee. Next, the comedian and host of the Breaking Bread with Tom Papa podcast. It's Tom Papa. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Tom.

And the comedian and the host of the Fake the Nation podcast, who you can see on the Wait, Wait, Stand Up tour coming in September. It's Nagin Farsad.

Hey. All right, Rachel, you're going to play Who's Cheyoke this time. Cheyoke Ianson filling the shoes of Bill Curtis this time is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I think so. All right. Now, your first quote is from a triathlete talking about the swimming leg of her race this week.

I felt and saw things we shouldn't think about too much. She was talking about the things she encountered as she swam her race where? In the Seine River. Yes, in the River Seine in Paris for the Olympics. Now...

Nobody doubted the French Olympics could build a beach by the Eiffel Tower or stage the first opening ceremonies to be denounced by the Catholic Church, but nobody expected they would ever be able to make the river Seine safe for swimming. But look! No, actually don't. It's still pretty gross.

After spending a billion dollars to clean it up, they had to delay the triathlon because of unsafe E. coli levels. But then finally, on Wednesday, the river was deemed, quote, compliant. Great. Yay. Take your marks. It's your funeral. Go.

Okay, that sounds gross, but I do want to say that if you're going to swim in poop, it's better that it's like poop from elevated French cuisine. Right. The highest quality. It's like Michelin-starred poop. And so I'd rather do that. Yeah, Ratatouille made that food. Yeah.

In the end, it was a very exciting triathlon, especially the swimming leg, because you could just watch the swimmers just sort of step from thing to thing on top of the water. Now, I know a lot of people are complaining about all of the poop in the river, but I've been watching, because I'm a comedian, I have a lot of free time, and I'm watching all of the Olympics, and I love it. I've been watching a lot of the horse events, the eventing, the dressage, and it doesn't matter how nicely they do the...

horse's hair up, there's a lot more poop there than in the river. Also, if you see the photographs, I saw the photographs of the swimmers after they finished that leg of the race. They're all doubled over and vomiting. And I didn't realize why they were vomiting, and I just saw the picture and was like, yeah, swimming is so hard. Yeah, that's it. It's the swimming. Alright, here is your next quote. The childless cat ladies are coming for you.

Oh, apparently we have some here. That was a Newsweek headline about somebody having a historically rocky first couple of weeks as a national candidate. Who is it? Well, I just adopted two sister kittens this spring and have two children myself. So I know that is J.D. Vance. That is J.D. Vance. Oh, you are yourself a childless cat lady. Thank you.

J.D. Vance, according to actual polls, is the most unpopular vice presidential pick in 44 years. Okay? Okay, that's bad. That's not good. But Donald Trump immediately left to his defense. He said, and this is true, vice presidents don't really matter. And of course, you know, Trump picked Vance because of his appeal to the white working class and how nicely he fits under a bus. Yeah.

Actually, he's not very tall. He can fit under a minivan, whatever you need to run him over with. He can fit under a minivan or under a couch cushion. Or on top of one. All right. For someone who's complaining about things being childless, why are you having sex with furniture? I know. Now...

So I need to explain. Another way that J.D. Vance has made history is he is the first national candidate ever who has been the subject of an actual AP story debunking the rumors he had sex with a couch. Now, the couch story was completely made up some time ago by a prankster, but it does say something.

that an editor at the Associated Press heard about it, looked at Vance, and said to a reporter, "Check that out." I gotta say, I think J.D. Vance is kind of brave for coming after childless cat ladies, because he seems to not know that one of the most powerful women in America, Taylor Swift, is a childless cat lady. That's true!

And the only thing scarier than, I would say, the U.S. military is Swifties online. Can I just say about the couch thing that, like, when I heard that news, I was like, oh, this is actually the best thing we've heard about Vance so far. Why? This actually makes him a little bit more likable that maybe he **** couches. Yeah. And in terms of his popularity, even as it sinks, it gives him a cushion. Yeah.

And you know what? Just for the record, I know you're not going to put this on NPR, but it's totally true. Totally true. I had roommates that looked like that guy. I went to college with guys like that. He had sex with a couch. Yeah. All right. Your last quote is someone griping about a time-honored office tradition that

That's fading away. We had four of them in a two-week span. That's a lot of cake. What office tradition apparently just has too much cake for it to last? Office birthday parties? Exactly, office birthday parties. They are ending, according to the Wall Street Journal.

This is happening apparently because workers realized that while they're working at home during the pandemic, they just didn't miss them. There were also, of course, when they came back, they demanded higher wages and more flexible schedules and bosses were like, okay, we heard the part where we take away cake.

I hope that this gains momentum and we can actually cancel out the happy birthday song altogether. Right. But you don't like the song? It's so sad. You try and put a spin on it, it's a funeral dirge. Right. Everyone's looking around at each other. Happy birthday to you.

Someone just give the eulogy and wrap this up. And then when you finally end it, some poor fool just keeps going with the, how old are you? It's how. It's basically how. Chiyoki, how did Rachel do in our quiz? Rachel got one right for each of her cats, making her a winner. Congratulations, Rachel. Well done. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tom, Japan has had a massive increase in tourists lately, and in response, they are now requiring a license for anyone operating a motorized what? Motorized scooters. No. They're riding around on those carts when you're old.

No. They're riding around on each other. No, they're remarkable vehicles because they carry you and your clothes and your toiletries. Oh, on your luggage. Yes, motorized luggage. Motorized luggage, right. Oh, fun. Right. I tried doing this the other day, and I realized it's not motorized at all. And I was just lying there on the floor. Oh.

The yen is cheap compared to the dollar, so along with the Japanese tourist boom comes a rise in people using these motorized rideable suitcases in and around the airports. If you haven't seen a motorized suitcase, just imagine seeing someone on a Segway and then strip away what little dignity they have left. LAUGHTER

You know what I saw in the airport the other day? I think it was at JFK. And you know how some people need help getting to the gate from going through security, so they have someone wheel you in a wheelchair. Yes. They now have robotic wheelchairs. Nobody's behind it. They just program it on the pad. You put grandma in it and wish for the best. That's utterly terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. Or a good way to cut down on your medical costs. That's also true. Yeah.

Coming up, our Olympic coverage continues in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Shioki Iansen. We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Nagin Farsad, and Karen Chee. And here again is your host at Wolf Trap in Vienna, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Shioki. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Once again, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. You can call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our games on the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram at WaitWaitNPR for all the information you might need. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this?

Sarah calling from Chicago. Hey, Sarah from Chicago. What do you do in our mutual home city? I'm a college advisor. A college advisor. Do you have a patented method that you've arrived at for letting a student know that they may be shooting too high? Because I'm sure... I mean, because I hope it's improved from what they did to me, which was just laugh. Laughing's not bad. Do you laugh and then slap your knee and they say, no, seriously, where do you want to apply?

Something like that, yeah. Rub it in. That would be my advice. Well, Sarah, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Chioki, what is Sarah's topic? Secrets of the Olympic Games. Now, we all know certain things about the Olympics. We watch them all the time. Our gymnasts are the best in the world. The dream team is going to dominate in basketball. And the pole vault is all CGI. Yeah.

But our panelists are going to tell you a true secret about the games that was revealed this week. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. You ready to play? Yes. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsad. By now, you've seen it a thousand times, the iconic image of an Olympian biting their medal. It means the medal is real, which is the only time you'll find a major overlap in the Venn diagram between Olympians and 19th century gold rush prospectors.

But what lies beyond the bite has been covered up for decades. This week, the Olympic Committee went into crisis mode when a series of leaked emails showed that at least 73 Olympians have lodged formal complaints saying the medals have caused a chipped tooth. The league also revealed that Katie Ledecky, who has been pressured to bite 13 medals to date...

begged the committee to ban the practice, saying that she had spent too much money on crowns. Quote, it's embarrassing. I don't want to seem like a bad sport, but I don't know how to bite into a medal without doing it too hard. Representatives for Ledecky denied the email, saying, quote, Katie loves the taste of gold, both metaphorically and physically. All those Olympians making a show of biting their medals after they win them are actually...

injuring their teeth. Your next story, behind the scenes in Paris, comes from Karen Chee. Olympic swimmers may seem superhuman, but their athletic prowess pales by comparison to their greatest secret feat, peeing in every pool they enter. I've only peed in every single pool I've swam in. Three-time Team USA Olympian Lily King told the Wall Street Journal entirely unprompted.

It takes up to 20 minutes to get into their extremely tight suits and sometimes up to 40 minutes to get out of them, which means when nature calls just before a match, well, the suit is staying on. And it turns out that the smell you get from a chlorine is actually a result of pee mixing in with the water. So if you're ever in a pool of any kind with a strong scent of chlorine...

there must be a lot of Olympians around. And look, I don't want to say that Katie Ledecky pees the most, but just hypothetically, let's imagine how fast one could propel through the water if only they had a jet of urine streaming out from behind them. It turns out all the Olympic swimmers, all of them are constantly peeing in the pool. Your last story of a competition confidential comes from Tom Papa.

In the bustling Olympic Village in Paris, France, athletes from around the world were gearing up for their chance at medal glory. Among them were Carl Norsen, a young German kayaker who had a secret weapon for success, Wienerschnitzel. His grandmother sent him a daily package of the secret schnitzel

But in an Olympic village with a reputation for horrible food, word and the sweet schnitzel aroma soon got out and Norsen started taking orders. Olga Petrov, an Australian weightlifter, was skeptical at first, but after one bite she declared it was better than borscht.

Even the American basketball team started lining up for a taste. Dave Heights, a backup point guard, stated, I'm not sure if it makes me shoot better, but anything that puts a little extra schnitzel in our wieners can't be all bad. So, this week...

A secret of the Olympics was exposed. Was it from Nagin Farsad biting the medals like all the athletes do is really bad for their teeth? From Karen Chee, all of those amazing swimmers pee in the pool? Or from Tom Papa, the athletes are all getting their strength from a secret schnitzel? Which of these is the true Olympic secret finally revealed?

Just for being relatable, I'm going to pick number two about peeing in the pool. You are choosing Karen's story of the swimmers all peeing in the pool. Well, we were lucky enough to speak to the reporter who exposed this secret. At big meets like the Olympics, that is one of those rare circumstances where pretty much everyone is probably going to pee in the pool. Right. That was Lane Higgins, a sports reporter at The Wall Street Journal.

talking about who is putting all the pee in Olympics. Congratulations, you got it right. Karen was telling the truth. She wins a point just for doing that. But more importantly, you win our gold medal. The voice of anyone you might choose in your voicemail. Congratulations and thanks for playing, Sarah. Thank you so much. This was fun. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye.

And now the game where we ask people about subjects they know nothing about. It's called Not My Job. For 39 years, Dr. Anthony Fauci was the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, part of a 50-year-long career in public service. He served with every president from Ronald Reagan to Joe Biden, and he saw our country through medical crises ranging from HIV to COVID. He is the winner. Thank you.

He is a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, among many other honors. Basically, he's the Simone Biles of diseases. Dr. Fauci, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. So, our audience here, very excited to see you.

And one of the things I was fascinated to learn about you is even when you were working at the height of government, you know, public health response, you were always seeing patients, right? Right. And did the patients you saw get as excited to see you as these people? No. No? No? I want to get into your background, and you write about it in your memoir, On Call.

And one of the amazing things I learned from this is that you describe your true ambition back when you were growing up in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, which was to be a basketball star. Right. Whatever happened to that dream, Dr. Fauci? Well, I played high school basketball in New York City. I was the captain of my high school basketball team. Right. I was a pretty good ball player then, but I was 5'7".

No, really. What's the problem with that? So, when I started to play against college players, I became very aware of a fact, and that is...

A very fast, good shooting, 5'7" point guard will always get destroyed by a very fast, good shooting, 6'3" point guard. Right. But you know, you couldn't like do cool things like go between their legs to the basket?

A lot of injuries doing that. Yeah, I know, I guess. To them, you know. Do you ever use those skills in your medical practice? Do you ever like back up and throw pills into a patient's mouth from the foul line? Three pointers. Exactly. Oh, from the paint, Dr. Fauci. Yes, that would be

I have to ask, you've worked with many presidents. Did you ever shoot hoops with Obama in his backyard? No, I did not. I actually was mischievously, after I served under him,

challenged him and did some trash talking with him about playing basketball and really showing him up because I know I would never get the chance to play against him. I think everyone listening who knows your public persona as a caring, a calm, and always reasonable man would like to hear a sample of your trash talk. So, there you are. Thank you.

You're the president of the United States. You're just, you know, in a little informal moment. You're not talking... You're between pandemics, right? So there's nothing tense going on. And you let them know that you're a baller how? Yeah. Well, you're a tall dude, Barack, but I can dribble around you anytime. Oh, wow. And what did he say? Just try it. Dr. Fauci, when you...

Hello. Thank you for everything that you did, especially teaching us how to wash our hands during the Troubles. Now that we're out of the woods on all of that, have you amended the washing your hands technique?

Can I go shorter? Is it, is there any benefit to just turning it on, wetting my fingertips and walking out? There is some, but not as much as the 20 second rule. Oh, it was 20. It was 20. You weren't listening. I wanted to ask you about something else before we play our game with you.

Did you know that in 1991, the Washington hostess Sally Quinn wrote a steamy romance novel with a sexy hero she says was based on you? I do know that. You do know that. Have you read the book? No. Ah! Well, that seems a shame. Would you like to hear some excerpts? Because I've got them. We...

We read it and we thought, it was just the highlights, the highlights. And these are all about, quote, Dr. Michael Lanzer, a leading government doctor working on the AIDS crisis. Quote, he was even better looking up close. He had remarkable blue eyes, a square jaw, and high cheekbones. His voice was low, melodious, sexy, almost hypnotic. Sound about right? LAUGHTER

Do you want to hear some more? No. He's blushing so hard. Wait, can I ask you a question? Did you identify more as a McDreamy or a McSteamy? LAUGHTER

Well, kind of like washing your hands in between. We imagine you a lot. You know how Neil deGrasse Tyson is always ruining movies with his astronomy? Do you ever watch medical shows and go, no, that's ridiculous? No, absolutely not. I'm going to write a letter. No, I don't write a letter, but I often look at that and just scratch my head and say, what are they talking about? I'm like...

Well, Dr. Anthony Fauci, it is an absolute honor to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling Here's a Virus Even You Can't Cure. So you're the nation's leading expert on human pathogen viruses, so we thought we'd ask you about computer viruses. Answer two or three correctly, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Chioki, who is Tony Fauci playing for? Bob Cannon of Washington, D.C. All right.

Are you ready for this? Ready. All right. Here's your first question. The first major computer virus called Brain wrecked computers all over the world in 1986. It was relatively easy, though, to find out who was responsible. Why? A, it was named after its creator, programmer Richard Brain. B, the authors included their name and phone numbers in the computer code with a note saying, hey, call us. We'll fix it.

Or C, the guy who did it called up the companies that were affected and said, oh, just wondering if anything went wrong with your computers today. Three. You're going to go for C. C. The guy just called up, said, anything go wrong with you? No, it was actually B. They put their own name and number in the code. I don't know if it was like a protection racket, but they ended up getting a lot of calls. All right.

Here's your next question. One of the most destructive viruses was launched in May of 2000. It got millions of users worldwide, including members of the British Parliament, to open a malicious file that paralyzed their systems. And it convinced them to open it just by pretending to be what? A, an offer for free curly fries, B, a love letter just for them, or C, a chance to see a nude picture of Alan Greenspan.

B. Yes, Dr. Fauci. It was a love letter. It was called the love bug virus. And it featured a file with the title, Love Letter for You. It all comes down to this. Here's your last question. Even Barbie has had to deal with computer viruses. That happens in the official Barbie book. Barbie, I can be a computer engineer.

So in that book, how does computer engineer Barbie solve the virus problem? A, by shrinking herself to a tiny size and entering the computer to cheer up the virus. B, by employing her PhD in computer science with a specialty in large systems analysis. Or C, by asking two boys for help. LAUGHTER

I didn't write the book, people. I'm just asking Dr. Fauci what he thinks. Well, I can't say C because I'll get booed. Why don't we say B? There, you are not a cynic. That may be your problem. You see the best in people and in the Mattel Corporation. But these people, perhaps more realistic, feel...

That it could be C. So what's your final answer, Dr. Fauci? No? B. Oh, my God! All right.

The man has integrity. Now, here's the thing. The answer is, of course, C. But this is Dr. Fauci. What this means is that just in a matter of time, two years, five, we're going to discover that the real answer was B. And he was right all along. Joki, how did Tony Fauci do in our quiz?

Dr. Fauci, I'm sorry that you're going to have to settle for your Presidential Medal of Freedom. Dr. Anthony Fauci was the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases from 1984 until 2022. He's the author of On Call, A Doctor's Journey in Public Service, which I highly recommend to you all.

Dr. Fauci, thank you so much for being with us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Dr. Anthony Fauci, everybody. In just a minute, we tell you the key to learning a new language in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ♪

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Iansi. We're playing this week with Nagin Farsad, Karen Chee, and Tom Papa. And here again is your host at Wolf Trap in Vienna, Virginia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thanks, everybody. In just a minute, we've got to get Fauci back in here because we've got a bad case of limerick fever.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, the era of the Airbnb apparently is over as more and more people are now excited to stay where during their vacation? At home. No, they're going on vacation, but they're bringing back sort of an older style of accommodation, one that we thought had sort of died out. Oh, in an old covered wagon. No, no, no.

No, apparently people miss the feeling of having, like, the person in the room next to you pull their car right up to the window. Oh, they're staying at Burger King. Tom, you must have stayed in these when you were growing up. Especially in road trips, you'd pull in at night, drive up right to your room, you know. Motels. Motels are back! According to the Times, motels are the shiny new thing, the once ubiquitous vacation staple, you know,

They kind of fell into decline in the last few decades, but now travelers are excited again to stay in a place that offers all the convenience of a hotel, but with a way grosser pool. Olympians have been there. Did they fall out of favor because Psycho came out and told everybody, hey, you're probably going to get murdered there? Probably. And then people forgot about Psycho, and now they're back? Well, the reason that they're back is apparently people are actually nostalgic about

for the traveling experiences of their own childhood and want to share that with their children. It's like, come on, kids, you'll love pretending not to hear what those people are doing in the next room, just like I did. I don't think it's really going to come back. I think you stay there once and you're like, no. No.

Let's go stay in a hotel or rent a house with a pool. Well, hold on. Chioki, Chioki, you like motels, right? I think that they're great because since the door is right in the parking lot, you can pull your motorcycle into the motel.

So you, so you ride your, your big motorcycle, Chokey is a big motorcyclist, so you will ride your motorcycle up to the motel, you open the room, you'll drive or push the motorcycle into the room and close the door. It's the most peaceful sleep you can get because you don't worry about thieves. Right. What do you worry, but do you worry about the paparazzi who've taken photos of you sneaking into a motel room with a Honda to which you are not married? I don't even know that bike. Laughter

Yeah, you parking a motorcycle in it is why we're not going to go there. It is going to be in one room we see Chiyogi with a very cool motorcycle going, and the next room J.D. Vance with another couch going.

Karen, we all know the Declaration of Independence was signed by a bunch of our founding fathers, but this week we learned the Declaration of Independence also had the name of a what on it? Oh, Nicolas Cage. How weird. It was all true. I got it. It was a documentary. Yes. I've seen it so many times. I'm so excited to be in D.C. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a... Woman. Yes. We had a founding mother. Oh.

Yeah, Founding Mommy. No, you shouldn't say that. All right. It turns out that there are copies of the Declaration of Independence, in fact, the first ones that were printed with all of the names of the signers on it, that have the name of a woman. Mary Catherine Goddard was her name. Whoa. Yeah. She was the printer. She put it on the bottom of the document, right? It wasn't, bring your daughter to work day, you sexist pig. No.

Can you imagine being like if she was the only woman in the room? It's like Mad Men, except these guys just founded a country. And they're, sweetie, fetch me a drink. That must have been such a wild experience to put your name on a document that

all women as men. Totally. That must have been such a trip and maybe she was sort of like hundreds of years down the line. And she was probably like the one in the room that's like, guys, I have a really great idea. It's called freedom of speech. And then five minutes later Hamilton was like, guys, I have a great idea. It's called freedom of speech. Whatever.

- Coming up, it's "Lightning Fell in the Blank," but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks back at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago.

the road in Minneapolis on August 29th and 30th and in Kansas City on September 26th. Or you can check out the Wait, Wait stand-up tour coming this September to Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando and Atlanta. Tickets and information for all of our shows can be found at nprpresents.org. Hi everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi Peter. It's Kathleen Costandon from Richmond, Virginia. Hey, Richmond, Virginia. Not far from here.

What's it like in actual Virginia? It's hot. Yes, it's hot all over. What do you do there? I'm an HR manager. Oh, you are? Okay, so you're dealing with people. I have to ask you. All of the people and all of their problems, yes. You are an HR manager. What is your opinion about office birthday parties? If I don't have to plan them, they're fantastic. Right.

Well, welcome to the show, Kathleen. Shoki Ianson is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? I sure am. All right. Here is your first limerick. This new teacher I got hits the spot. Now, I like conjugations a lot. I'm hitting the books because I'm into his looks. I learn best when the tutor is...

Hot, yes. Everybody in the audience said it at the same time, but they've been saying that all day. So... Hot, hot, hot. According to a language expert, getting a hot tutor improves your chances of learning a new language. It's especially helpful when you really need to learn German for damn. This is why I'm against my wife getting a personal trainer. Ha ha ha.

There's some activities that are a little too intimate. And it's like, I'll hold your ankles. Do it. I'm just saying, Tom, we were talking about language instruction. And...

No, no, no, Peter. You kind of took a leap. No, it's not a leap. Personal trainer, language instructor, yoga, pool guy, all of it. Speaking from personal experience, there is some ankle holding in language instruction. So that's accurate. I think it's hot and or scary. Apparently that works too. Yeah, and then the best possible combination is if you have a hot and scary teacher. That was a Van Halen song. Yeah.

Here is your next limerick. Side of lip stains with tacos, I vote nay. But a guac mask with salsa is so slay. For lunch, a burrito. And my skin's looking neato. My cosmetics are made by... Hang on. A, she can't hear you. B, it didn't work with Fauci. No.

Hey, uh, hey, Kathleen. Yeah? There's one by the Cava at VCU. Richmond hit from a Richmond insider. That was an amazing hit. Chipotle. Chipotle, yes! Chipotle has unveiled their first ever beauty product, a, quote, lip stain called Lipotlay.

Whoa. Yeah. Just to be clear, this is a different lip stain than that sour cream nobody at your office told you about. The product gives you, I will quote, a long-lasting color and fullness that before this you could only get at Chipotle by being allergic to their hot sauce. Here's your last limerick. Despite what your alias claims, you look more like a Sam than a James.

What mom and dad chose formed the shape of your nose because people look just like their... Names. Names, yes. According to new research, people's faces may physically change over time to reflect their name. So be careful what you name your baby. If you name your baby Jedediah, instantly that baby will have a beard. I just want to say, as a Karen, that is the first time something has offended me. Really? It's sad.

I was so sad. Wow. Let me ask you this. Are you sad and offended enough to call the manager? No. Actually, you know what? Why don't you just say hi? Chioki, how did Kathleen do on our quiz? RVA's own Kathleen Costandon did it with no help. Yeah. Congratulations. Well done. Thank you, Peter. It was a dream come true. You Richmond people, you stick together. Well done. Thank you.

You know what it is. Say my name, baby. Support for NPR and the following message come from SimpliSafe Home Security. Picture this. A stranger with a crowbar pries open a window. A fire breaks out in the kitchen. In moments like these, every second counts. That's why you need SimpliSafe Home Security. With SimpliSafe, 24-7 monitoring agents act within seconds.

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It is now time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Chioki, can you give us the scores? Tom has two. Karen and Nagin have three. Oh, my gosh. All right. So...

That means, Tom, you're in second place, so you will go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the U.S. announced a prisoner exchange with blank. Russia. Yes. After renewed scrutiny of their self-driving mode, blank announced a recall of over half a million vehicles. Tesla. Right. This week, a woman in Florida was arrested for possession after she was caught carrying a bag of drugs labeled blank.

Nagin. No. No, the bag of drugs was labeled bag of drugs. On Monday, hospitals in Australia began a program aimed at eradicating blank allergies in children. Peanut. Right. With her win in Paris, swimmer Blank became the most decorated U.S. female Olympian. Ledecky. Yes, Katie. This week, the world's number one ping pong player lost his match after a photographer blanked.

Sneeze. No, stepped on his ping pong paddle and broke it. Oh. Wang Chugin was expected to dominate his sport like he always does, and everything looked good until a photographer accidentally broke his paddle, starting a series of events that led him to losing his next match. It was heartbreaking for Chugin, but it was pretty funny watching him just trying to hit that little ball with his hand. Choki, how did Tom Papa do in our quiz? Tom got four right for eight more points. He now has ten points and a lead. Yes. Yes.

That's well done. All right, I am going to arbitrarily choose Karen to go next. Karen, fill in the blank. Following the death of a Hamas leader in Tehran, Iran vowed to retaliate against blank. Israel. Right. On Tuesday, the Senate passed legislation aimed at safeguarding minors who use blank.

TikTok? Social media apps. This week, three detainees at Guantanamo Bay reached a plea deal with the government over their involvement in blank. Ooh, 9-11. Right. On Wednesday, Russia sent almost 100 drones to attack areas of blank. Ukraine? Right. This week, when a woman snuck her own snacks into a screening of Despicable Me 4, the movie theater blanked. Oh, exploded with joy.

No, called the police and had her arrested. According to a new study, cutting red meat from your diet can decrease blank risk by 20%. Heart cancer illness. Dementia. On Wednesday, Maya Rudolph confirmed that she would again play Kamala Harris on blank. As an owl. Right, this week, Amazon fired a delivery driver after his film Speeding Down Blank to make a delivery. Main Street USA. No, Speeding Down a Sidewalk.

According to witnesses, the delivery truck was going at least 35 miles an hour on the sidewalk, despite the fact there was no traffic on the road next to him. Amazon has since fired the man, saying Amazon drivers are expected by their employer to drive recklessly on the road, not the sidewalk. Chioki, how did Karen do in our quiz? Karen got five right for 10 more points. She now has 13 points and the lead. All right.

Chioki, how many does Nagin need to win? Nagin needs six to win. All right. Here we go, Nagin. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Federal Reserve hinted it would cut blanks in September. Interest rates. Right. During an interview with the National Association of Black Journalists, blank questioned Kamala Harris' racial identity. Donald Trump. Yes. This week, a blank in California grew to be larger than the size of Los Angeles. A whale. A whale.

A whale? A wildfire. On Thursday, Boeing reported that they had lost $125 million making repairs to the rocket they sent to the blank.

To the moon? No, to the International Space Station. This week, Lululemon pulled their new line of leggings after customers complained that the leggings blanked. Gave them asymmetrical butts. Close enough. The complaint was really long butts. On Monday, a study from the FDA found small amounts of lead in most brands of blank. Makeup. No, dark chocolate. On Thursday, a special concert was announced to celebrate the 100th birthday of former President Blank.

Jimmy Carter. Right. An Italian Olympic gymnast made headlines for being the first ever athlete sponsored by blank. Viagra. No. By Parmesan cheese. Yes.

Right? Some athletes pose for pictures in their sponsored shoes or uniforms or bathing suits. Giorgia Villa, a gymnast for Italy, was photographed posed with two huge wheels of Parmesan cheese, her sponsor. Even better, she then went on to absolutely dominate a whole new gymnastic skill, the Parmesan horse. Jokey. Did Nagin do well enough to win? Nagin got four right for eight points.

A total of 11, but Karen had 13 points. She is this week's winner. Bravo. Bravo, Karen. Just what I would expect from someone named Karen. This is horrible. Let's all sing happy birthday to Tom.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the big story from week two of the Olympics. But first, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Norenbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Peter

Gwen is our Presumptive VP. Our Vibe Curator is Emma Choi. Technical Direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Neller. Our Production Manager is Robert Newhouse. Our Senior Producer is Ian Chilock. And the Executive Producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will we all be talking about after the second week of the Olympics? Karen Chee. Simone Biles wins another goal, but this time for volleyball? No!

Nagin Farsad. Everyone thinks it's going to be the U.S., but no, the most medals won by a country goes to Turkmenistan. And Tom Papa. J.D. Vance explains the right way to use a cardboard bed. And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much to Chioki and Hanson.

Thanks also to Karen Chee, Tom Papa, and Nageen Farsad. Thanks to the staff and crew here at Wolf Drop, not to mention our fabulous audience who spent this time with us here in this beautiful place. Thanks to all of you for listening out there wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.

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