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From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, Chicago. Forget about the DNC. I'm your BNC, Bill Newscaster. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Good to see you again.

As everybody knows, the Democratic National Convention was here in Chicago this week and it was amazing. But we are glad that everybody from the coast has now left and those of us who live here can all stop pretending we eat that terrible deep dish pizza. Guys, they fell for it again.

Later on, actress Diane Lane is going to play our game, but first it's your turn. If you'd like to play our games, the number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi everyone, my name is Christine Price. I'm from Mapleton, Illinois. Hi Christine. What did you just call? You said everyone. Okay. I thought you called me Obi-Wan, which was weird. Good to have you with us, Christine. So what do you do there in Mapleton? Well, after 25 years of working in corporate, I'm on my second week of a career pause. The second week of a career pause. You didn't say retirement. So do you know what you're going to do next?

think I'm just thinking about it, mulling it over. You're mulling. Mulling is a fine occupation. I've been doing it for years. Well, Christine, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel. First, a writer-comedian whose dad band, Super Spreader, will be playing the UCLA tailgate party at the Rose Bowl. And he's so very proud. On Saturday, September 14th, it's Adam Felber. Hi, Christine. Hi.

Next, he's a correspondent for realcitizenkate.com and will be appearing at the venue in Janesville on October 26th. It's another Adam. It's Adam Burke. Hi, Christine. And a comedian and actor you might know as Honey Bee on the Great North. She's also the author of Hello Friends, which could be a bestseller if y'all bless her. It's Dulce Sloan.

Christine, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is now going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am. All right. Here is your first quote. Party people, come on. Roll call. Party people, come on. That was DJ Cassidy pumping up the crowd at what surprisingly energetic event this week.

That would be the Democratic National Convention. Yes, the DNC. Yeah, that's pretty much what it sounded like, guys. Good imitation. Everyone is talking about the incredibly positive vibe at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago this week. Pretty much every speaker talked about joy. There were surprise celebrity and musician appearances. And yes, the roll call.

had a DJ. It was the most fun America has had falling asleep to news coverage in years. Can I get whatever B12 slash meth combination they gave Joe Biden on Monday? Maybe he had the energy of somebody who quit a job, but the job don't know yet. Last day is Friday. Dato!

my last day is Friday, but my last day is Friday. Oh, he's stealing all the pins. I'm telling you. Watch him when he leaves. He's got a box that's going to be heavy as hell. They can frisk him for his silverware. Now, it wasn't all just fun and joy. The Democrats made a very intentional effort to demonstrate diversity of all kinds. So, for example, there were people in same-sex marriages featured. There were blended families like Doug Emhoff and Kamala Harris herself, and polyamorous marriages like the Clintons. Laughter

Some things don't change. Some things, you know. That's none of my business. It's a golden rule. Mind your own business. And what was fun about the roll call, and they were like, I have a DJ for the roll call. It was the greatest roll call ever. Because among other things, it featured a different song selected for every state. And you know, DJ Cassidy, you know, it's easy. There's like Tupac's California Love for California. There's Empire State of Mind for New York.

Tupac. There you go. Yeah.

That was for the edit. All right. Thank you. You said it like it was two political action committees. Or like how I buy my Twinkies. Exactly. I did it so black Twitter don't find you. I appreciate it. But, you know, it was amazing. They brought out all the stars. They had the Clintons, of course. They had the Obamas speak. They had the Oprah speak.

And I noticed this. You did too, I bet. We saw a really different side of Michelle Obama this time. Did we not? Because it has been eight long and difficult years since she said, when they go low, we go high. This time she just came out and shouted, sweep the leg.

All right. Your next quote is from the New York Times. NASA has been reluctant to use the word stuck. That was about two astronauts who are definitely stuck. Where? Where?

I know it's out in space. I'm going to say Mars, but... It's not as far as Mars. You said space. They're in space. I'll give it to you. They're on the International Space Station. They've already been stuck up there for three months after serious issues were detected on their Boeing Starliner spacecraft. Wait, something went wrong with a Boeing product? Well, that...

That was the issue they detected. It was made by Boeing. Who knew? Nobody. They should have checked the label. Oh, we didn't read the side of the thing. And it was a Spirit flight, so there's... Yeah, I know.

So, like, the Russians just can't go get them? Well, that's an interesting thing. Didn't they used to? Yeah. But the way it used to work is the Russians would provide basically a lift to and from the spaceship. And now we don't do that. We have SpaceX doing it. Thank you, Elon. And the SpaceX spaceships work fine. And I think there's even one up there. But here's the problem. Their spacesuits do not fit into the space.

Space X. Do they clash? Is it like a fashion thing? So the Boeing spacesuits do not plug into the SpaceX spacesuits. So you're saying this is a USB, USB-C issue? Basically, yes. You just get an adapter. I know. You get an adapter. But they left the dongle on Earth. It's so frustrating. They're going to have to send the SpaceX thing back to get the dongle. Yeah, I know.

There's an interesting connection to us. One of the astronauts who was stuck, Sunny Williams, appeared on our show when we went to Houston in 2015. So we are pretty pleased to know that we are no longer the most interminable experience she's ever endured.

Your last quote is from a woman who took Harry Potter broomstick riding lessons in England. My husband was literally mortified. That woman was talking to the Wall Street Journal and a new piece that found the key to happiness may be being a what?

I'm not sure. You listen to NPR. What do you think you are? What kind of person would be driven to go actually take Harry Potter broomstick riding lessons? How would you describe them? I'd be free of wit.

Well, since you've already won, I'll give it to you. The answer is super fans, uber fans, like total nerds for something, right? The journal says that people who are super fans, and it could be anything from Harry Potter or Taylor Swift, anything, they all may be much happier than the rest of us in the long run. See, honey, my $700 collectible figure of Boba Fett isn't worthless after all. LAUGHTER

This was originally published in the American Journal of Hopeful Dweebs. Yeah, exactly. Here's the thing. We all know this, that people need a sense of community and belonging to be happy. And this is something that people used to get from, like, church and religious communities. People don't do that anymore. Now they're getting into fandom.

Which means that the churches maybe should get into it. Maybe like have cosplay, right? Oh, your costume is amazing. You're the healed leper from Luke 5.12, right? Also, the church absolutely has cosplay. Have you seen the Pope?

That's actually true. Do you know how long it took him to make that outfit? I don't know if that's cosplay, if you actually are the character. He is the character. Bill, how did Christine do in her quiz? Two out of three, so she is a winner. Thank you, Christine. Congratulations on your wonderful life change. And I hope you end up being whatever you want to be. Take care. Thank you. You as well. Thank you. Thank you.

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam Burke, a new report says that more and more divorce lawyers are being asked to not only help people split up people's cash and their property, they're also trying to help determine who might get what in divorce cases. Is it like the friends, like friend groups? No, not friends, no. Can I get a clue? Sure. I mean, how can you start a new life as a single person if you lose your status on United?

Oh, so like points? Yeah, frequent flyer miles, airline points, yes. According to the Washington Post, more and more couples are fighting over their airline miles and the status that comes with it in their divorces. Does that mean that couples are going to have an awkward conversation with an airline pilot? Like, we love you very much, and we're still both going to see you. I don't understand why you both can't fly on my plane like you always did.

And apparently, if you call up an airline to ask them, well, can you just take all those points and just split them into two accounts, they can't do it. It's incredibly complicated. Delta charges a penny a mile and a $30 processing fee to do it. So you pay real money for the fake money you got by spending real money. And this is why those astronauts are stuck on the space station. Because they're Adam Miles. I mean...

I will say there is a delicious irony if you lost all those miles you accrued while cheating on your wife. Or your husband. Women eat too. Coming up, it's not delivery, it's DeBluff the listener. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Adam Burke, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. That's at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Eric from Superior, Colorado. And I always ask, you're a Coloradan, do you do all the Colorado things? Are you outside? Are you hiking? Are you skiing? Are you risking your life in amusing ways? Yes, actually in the most amusing way, I'm a paraglider.

A paraglider? Wow. What is the difference between a paraglider and a hang glider? I've always wondered. Yeah, absolutely. Hang glider is like more of a stiffer wing, whereas the paraglider is kind of like a big canopy parachute type of thing. That sounds thrilling.

Well, then you'll have no problem, I think, taking this daring risk of playing the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Eric's topic? Drama at Roman's Pizzeria. So something crazy happened quite recently at Roman's Pizzeria in Miami Springs, Florida. And the craziest thing is it doesn't even involve an alligator. Our panelists are going to tell you all about

this hubbub at Roman's Pizzeria. Pick the real one. You'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Sounds good. Let's do it. All right. First, let's hear from Adam Felber. Forty years of serving up delicious pizza to the good people of Miami Springs, and suddenly Jesus Roman found himself a pariah. Horrible

Horrible reviews of Roman Pizzeria were starting to appear on Yelp as people complained about bad pizza, gross pizza, uncooked pizza. What was going on? Was he cursed? And then someone showed him a Roman Pizzeria flyer which looked legit until he noticed it had the wrong phone number on it. And that's when Jesus Roman called the police. It turned out that a 55-year-old grifter named Jose Marti Alvarez had printed up

the bogus flyers with the bogus number, dropping them off at the local hotels and was taking bogus orders and distributing bogus, disgusting pizzas to tourists if he delivered them at all.

Although the fraudulent pizza maker is now behind bars, Roman isn't holding a grudge against the crime, only against the pizza. He says, quote, at least if you're going to do something, do it right. A imposter starts ruining the reputation of the pizzeria by actually selling bad pizzas in their name. Your next story of a doughy drama comes from Dulce Sloan.

Gianni Yaya Giamello has been making pizza at Roman's Pizzeria for 18 years. Yaya prides himself on being an old school Italian. So when customers started asking for gluten-free pies because they have celiac disease, he truly had no idea what they were talking about.

Customers were coming in here talking about they have Similax. What's Baby Formula got to do with my pizza pies? Gianni's son Gio explained Celiac's to his father and how lucrative having gluten-free pies could be. It's a scam. They just need to toughen up. Gianni learned very quickly that it indeed was not a scam.

And so did the plumbing of his restaurant. Customer after customer had embarrassing moments because the gluten-free pizzas were in fact full of gluten. All the gluten. Gluten with cheese on top. After a $5,000 plumbing bill and numerous bad Yelp reviews, Gianni had to face the truth. Come on, I'm supposed to believe a grown adult can't have regular old flour? What kind of hippy-dippy BS is that? Laughter

They tried to sell gluten-free pizza, but they decided it really shouldn't be gluten-free, and they thus suffered the results. Your last saucy gossip comes from Adam Burke.

Pineapple on pizza is divisive most places, perhaps nowhere as much as Miami Springs, Florida. There, Roman Gazzo of Roman's Pizza was serving his famous Pina Pinazza pizza, a cheese pizza with extra pineapple, when he found himself confronted with a cease and desist order from the Department of Health.

"I thought it was a joke," says Gatso. As it turns out, he was half right. As Florida Legislature Marcia Arulo explains, "As a state senator, I noticed that people were slipping all sorts of bizarre amendments into bills, and I suspected none of my colleagues were actually reading the laws they were voting for. So when the SB1945C health bill came up, I added some verbiage that made it illegal to add pineapple to pizza to see if anyone would notice."

And Roman Gatso has an idea as to who might have narked on him. I'm pretty sure it was those jerks over at Napoli Pizza who reported me. They love reading health bills almost as much as they hate pineapple on pizza. While Gatso fights the ordinance, Arulo adds, thing is, it's not even the stupidest law on the books in Florida. All right. So something bad.

Happened in Roman's Pizzeria in Miami Springs, Florida. Was it from Adam Felber that somebody delivered imposter pizzas to tourists all over the neighborhood until he was finally nabbed? Was it from Dulce Sloan Roman's Pizza decided to serve gluten-free pizza according to demand but then decided, you know, not to? Or from Adam Burke, did they get closed down because they unknowingly violated a real law

prohibiting the serving of pineapple on pizza. Which of these things happened in the news? It had to be Florida, where anything's possible. It's true. It's almost not fair, is it? I know. I think I'm going to go with the impersonator. You're going to choose Adam's story about the guy who impersonated for quite a while Roman's pizzeria. Well, here's some evidence of the real story.

Tourists say their food showed up undercooked, missing items, and sometimes the charges felt unfair. That was Larry Seward from CBS News Miami who reported on the real story of one man's pizza scam. Congratulations, Eric. You got it right.

You earned a point for Adam just for telling the truth. And of course, you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you may choose. And before we move on, I just want to give a shout out to this imposter who decided that even though he was pretending to be a pizzeria, he was not. He still delivered pizzas to the people he was ripping off because they had paid for the pizzas. Honest man. You got to love it. Thank you so much for giving us a call and playing our games. Take care. Thank you.

And now the game where we ask people about things they know nothing about. We call it Not My Job. Diane Lane was just 13 years old when she was cast as the lead in her first movie opposite Sir Lawrence Olivier, but she had already been acting professionally since the age of six.

Since then, she's had almost 80 roles in film and TV, most recently in FX's Feud: Capote vs. the Swans, which got her an Emmy nomination for Best Supporting Actress in a Limited Series. Diane Lane, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So great to have you here. You started in the experimental theater in downtown New York in the early 70s at the age of six.

which is both unexpected, impressive, and weird.

How does a six-year-old get involved in the theater at La Mama, et cetera, this legendary experimental theater company downtown? Yes, yes. And Ellen Stewart was basically, I called her the Ellis Island of global theater. I mean, she imported, she exported. We traveled the world. And my parents weren't even there. I mean, they weren't part of the tours. And nobody could really believe that a seven-year-old was just...

Part of the circus. Yeah. Well, what did your parents think of that? And what did you think of that at the age of seven? Was it like normal? Well, of course you tour Europe and go to Amsterdam with... Without your parents. Yes.

Yeah, Amsterdam was on the map for sure. You know, I'm still in therapy about it. No, I'm kidding. The world was a different place then. It was, you know, I wound, there was no airport security. We didn't need it. I remember getting off the plane and running into my mother's arms and around my neck and

Could have been anything, but it was a five-pound, well, maybe a two-pound tortoise. And I had bought it on the River Seine in Paris, because back in the day, they sold animals by the river in Paris. Don't ask. So you came off the plane. You're seven years old. You're just coming back from a tour of Europe and doing experimental theater. You give your mother a tortoise. You hold the tortoise out to your mother, and your mother says, what? What?

She shrieked. And I had that turtle for years. His name was George. Yes, it turned out George was female. Did you know that the bottom side of a tortoise will reveal the gender? Because the male have a slight indentation curve so that they can mount the female. Oh, yeah.

You know what I love? That tortoise lied to me. I love the idea of you being on the set of your first big movie, A Little Romance, with Sir Lawrence Olivier, and you telling him stories like this. And Lawrence Olivier, then in his own 70s, was probably sitting there going, whoa, this lady's been around. LAUGHTER

- It's adorable. I was much more two ears, one mouth around Lord Larry. - I can imagine. Apparently every actor is now contractually obligated, have played a comic book character.

In your case, more comic book character adjacent, but you played the mother of Superman. Martha Kent, yes. Martha Kent, famously. And this was in the, there's been so many Supermans. This was the Henry Cavill Superman.

Okay. Yes. Yes. You're like, okay, was that his name? Okay, yes. So how have you found, after all the other things you've done, after being a well-known person, you had your Rat Pack period and all these other periods, to be like a star at Comic-Con? Oh, gosh. I am such an introvert. I don't know how I would handle that. So you've never been. You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to go to Comic-Con and all the Superman fans were like...

No, it was like having an epidural. I just... You slept through it? I dodged it. I did. I chickened out. I was just... Those crowds, they make me... I have ajita, as my friends say. Ajita. You have ajita, as they say in New York. How can a shy person be constantly on screen? Isn't that weird?

Yes, I told you my therapist is rich. So the latest project you're in, it's a TV show, it is remarkable, it is called Feud. It's about a very real situation in New York society in the 60s and 70s when Truman Capote, who was a big guy in New York society, wrote a book that enraged his society friends, of whom you are one. Slim Keith, I portrayed Slim Keith. Slim Keith, who was a real person.

Yes, socialites, extraordinaire, a real maven, a real connector of other people. I don't know, I think of them as sort of sassy pants, sassy pants people. Sassy pants people. Sassy pants people. That's what Truman Capote called them and that's what made them so mad.

You've been promoting this TV show all week and you've been asking about it and answering questions as you've done for us. Before we move to the game, is there anything else you'd like to talk about? I don't feel safe suddenly. Oh, this is a safe space. This is totally a safe space. If there is anything on your mind, Diane Lane. Would you like to talk more about the underside of turtles? For example.

You seemed energized and excited. If you would like to tell us more about the sex life of turtles. Sex life of turtles. That's not my expertise. I...

No, I'm open to talking pretty much about anything. I'm starting to sweat now, but that's okay. That's okay. All right. Well, we actually have something for you to talk about because we have invited you here to play a game that we're calling Swan vs. Swan. So, as we've established, in the TV series you play one of the society ladies that Truman Capote called Swan, so we thought we'd ask you about actual swans.

The water fountain. The bird. The bird. Answer two to three questions about swans correctly, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, any voice they might choose in their voicemail. So Bill, who is Diane Lane playing for? Ryan McGee of Prescott, Arizona. Are you ready to do this? Sure. Okay. Here's your first question. Swans are notoriously temperamental, but one pair of swans had to be forcibly removed from a lake in Austria because they kept doing what?

A, hunking the melody of ABBA's Dancing Queen, B, pooping on every single couple that were trying to take engagement photos at the lake, or C, attacking anyone who got near their nest, which didn't have any eggs, just a bunch of red Solo cups. Oh, it's gotta be C. It is C. The swans...

Apparently had mistaken these cups for their eggs and would attack anyone ferociously who dared to approach them. That was very good, and I liked your instincts. You know your animals, as we have established.

Now, probably the most famous swan is, of course, the ugly duckling, right? From the beloved children's story. Spoiler alert! I'm sorry. Wow, just cut right to the end there. That's the story, of course, that teaches kids that everyone is beautiful in their own way and you shouldn't accept the judgment of others. In the original version of the story, the ugly duckling is finally approached by a group of regal swans ready to claim him as their own son.

What is the first thing the ugly duckling says to them? A, quote, finally, a family of my own. B, quote, and this is why no one should ever be judged in their appearance alone. Or C, quote, kill me. Well, I believe it's A, but B is fun too. Let's go with A.

It was actually C. Yeah! Thankfully, the swans did not exceed to the ducklings' request, which is shocking, given what we know about swans. Alright, you've gotten one right, you have one to go. If you get this right, you win. Yours is not the only TV show that we have had with swans in the title. Back in 2004, Fox broadcast a show called The Swan.

What was that show's premise? A. It was just a remake of Everybody Loves Raymond, but replaced Ray Romano with a live swan. A reality competition in which self-proclaimed ugly ducklings are given lots of plastic surgery until at the end one is judged the most beautiful. Or see a documentary show that just shows the daily life of Bucky, a swan that lives in a pond in New Rochelle, New York.

Wow, I want C to be true, but I'm gonna go with B anyway. Because that's the world we live in, isn't it? Yes, that's what it was. The Swan, which apparently was very popular, still only lasted one season because it was kind of gross. Bill, how did Diane Lane do in our quiz? Two out of three, Diane, that is a win in our case. Congratulations.

And let me say, since you have an Emmy nomination for your show, Swans, may I say I hope this is not the last thing you win this year. Thank you. Diane Lane is an Emmy nominee for her role as Slim Keith in FX's Feud, Capote vs. the Swans. You can stream the whole series on Hulu now. It is remarkable. Diane Lane, thank you so much for joining us on Broadway Don't Tell Me. Good luck.

And, you know, we'll see you around. Take care. Bye-bye. In just a minute, a listener limerick challenge that's as far from Ohio as you can get. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and ODB Easy Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Adam Felber, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute. Thank you.

Bill's pet snail leaves a trail of rhyme. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Mr. Adam Felber. Ah, that's me. That is you. The Conservative Party of Canada recently put out a video called Canada, Our Home, with a narrator describing the wonderful images of Canada that you get to see. But there's a small problem with the video. What was it? It wasn't Canada. Exactly right. Almost none of it was in fact Canada.

It's a video tour, like I said, of the glories of Canada. Oh, no, wait. It's actually a video tour of all the places that were apparently better looking than Canada. Oh, they're just looking for stuff to apologize for. They really are. All of this is true. The suburban Canadian dad featured in it, North Dakotan dad. The Canadian farmers, Ukrainian farmers. The Canadian-built homes...

were being built in Slovenia. The Canadian fighter jets were Russian, and most amazingly, and this is true, a shot of the majestic foothills of the Canadian Rockies was filmed in Indonesia. Why? Because they got conned, bro. That's what happened. We don't know how it happened. The Conservative Party guy who did this didn't notice. He was like, oh, wow, you never knew the Eiffel Tower was in Ottawa. Well, what the heck. Press...

Post. Those aren't Canadian dinosaurs. Wait a minute. I know a Canadian dinosaur when I see one. And that is not a maplesaurus. Adam Felber, as the cost of planning a wedding keeps climbing, couples are turning to a new strategy to pay for them. What is that strategy? Having their guests pay for them. That's exactly right. Charging guests to come to their weddings.

Couples apparently all over the country are asking their guests to pay to attend their wedding and not just in the, well, you have to buy a plane ticket and a hotel room and a dress way, but in a, there's a $300 cover charge way. It seems tacky. Okay. It's less tacky than a cash bar. It's way tackier than a cash bar. Well, how about a cash bar with a three drink minimum? Tell me. That's tackier. Listen, if I'm paying $450 for you to get married. Yes.

You can't get divorced. That would be true. You own it. Exactly. Wouldn't that be... If you... I think you're right. There should be a contract to that effect. Absolutely. If I pay to sit in here and eat this weird chicken breast, then there's no way... All right. Jadori chicken. How about if they don't give you a refund because they don't have the cash, but they give you some airline miles that they don't know what else to do with it?

They never had the cash. That's why I'm paying $4.50 for these goofy monkeys to get married.

Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And come see the Wait, Wait stand-up tour. That will be in Fort Lauderdale, Orlando, Tampa, and Atlanta September 5th through the 8th. For tickets and more information, go to nbrpresents.org. And...

This is great. You can find Wait Wait's dispatches, daily dispatches from behind the scenes at the DNC in the Wait Wait podcast feed. Seriously, they gave us press credentials. Wow. It's true. Hi, you're on Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. Hi, who's this? This is Laverne Council in Great Falls, Virginia. Great Falls, Virginia. That's awesome. And what do you do there? I am like really cool and...

100% woman-owned, small, petite consulting firm. That's awesome. I like the fact that you are... I just like the fact that you just led with the important part. You're 100% cool. Well, Laverne, it is great to have you here. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick. If you want to lower Hansel and Gretzel...

This new scent is as good as it gets-le. Yes, try Auntie Anne's in a lovely spray can. It's a perfume that smells like a... Pretzel. Pretzel, yes. Auntie Anne's Pretzels is making its very own fragrance, so wherever you go, you can evoke the feeling of being stuck at an airport.

We are told the perfume has notes of baking dough, butter, and teenage employee. Girl, uh. Really? Yes. Listen, first of all, I'm a plus-size human being, so I always make sure I don't smell like food. That's just low-hanging fruit. You're not going to get me like that. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

Also, Antien's ain't even good. You don't think so? Listen, it's a trap because it smells like butter and then you get it and it tastes like nothing. Yeah, but what if it smelled like butter and you get it and it's a person? What? That's why I'm against this perfume. Oh!

Who asked for this? Now, if it was Cinnabon. There you go. Now we're talking. Hey, you're cooking with gas now. Very good. Here is your next limerick. You did well with that one. Try this one.

When I've had my last go round the sun, and my toils and troubles are done, I won't be a sad quitter. I'll have bright lights and glitter. I'm making my funeral. It rhymes. It's a simple rhyme. It rhymes with sun and done. It's also in the word funeral. That's true. It's in the word fun. Fun, yes. Good. Thank you.

Hip and modern funeral homes are popping up in Britain for people who wouldn't be caught dead having a funeral. That's not on trend. There's one... Wow, you got 1980s slow clap on that one. I know. One franchise called Exit Here offers colorful urns and coffins because who doesn't want to be the it girl in the graveyard? LAUGHTER

I just want a second line. That's all I want. Yeah, everyone's having a good time at my funeral until they find out I'm charging them $350. Somebody's got to pay for all this Irish food. You know you're in trouble when you say, I'm thinking of charging $250 for my funeral, and somebody says, I'll pay $400. Yeah.

Here is your last limerick. Online memes put some shame in our game. Because Ohio's a blameworthy name. Just think Florida man with more cringe if you can. Ohio means riseless and...

Say, say, no, you know what? You've already won. I will give it to you. It is lame. Ohio means risless and lame. If somebody has ever told you, yeah, this is true. If somebody has ever told you, wow, you look so Ohio, bad news, buddy, that sucks. According to the wall street journal, which to which, to which we always turn to explain youth. Ohio is the current slang term to mean quote weird, cringy, or random.

which is rude to Ohio. Have they never seen, for example, the majestic Cuyahoga River Valley or the other wonderful parts of Ohio that I am certain exist? People are using phrases like, only in Ohio, which means something is uncool, or, and this phrase actually appeared in the Wall Street Journal,

Skibbity Ohio Riz. A term that here means, I can't believe I got the Wall Street Journal to print Skibbity Ohio Riz. Somebody lied to their dad. Yeah, that's exactly right. Indiana's got to feel like they dodged a bullet. Absolutely. Indiana's real quiet. Yeah, those lame guys over there in Ohio. They're all

Bill, how did Laverne do on our quiz? Laverne, you still won with two out of three. So thanks for coming. That's not Ohio at all. Congratulations, Laverne, and you're right. Now you are 110% cool. Take care.

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and enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75. Discover the versatility of Viore clothing. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? I can. Adam Burke and Dulce each have two points.

And Adam Felber has three. All right. So Adam and Dulce are tied for second. I'm going to say, Adam, why don't you go first? Here we go. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that Arizona could enforce their proof of citizenship law for blank registration. Voting. Right. On Wednesday, Russia accused Ukraine of launching the largest ever blank strike on Moscow. Drone? Yes. Monday, the WHO confirmed the first case of a dangerous strain of blank outside of Africa.

Ebola? No, mpox. This week, police in New Jersey say they're looking for a woman who went to her local zoo and scaled the fence so she could blank. Like pet a gorilla? So close. A Bengal tiger. And she was black!

On Tuesday, Ford announced it was scrapping plans for an all-blank line of SUVs. Electric? Right. On Thursday, the FDA announced plans for a new blank booster to be released soon. A vaccine? Like a COVID vaccine? Yeah, a COVID booster, yes. This week, a man in Spain is being investigated after he damaged a 6,000-year-old cave painting in an effort to blank. Make it look better.

Yes. So he could post it on Facebook. Facebook? Facebook. Facebook? He was an older guy. Oh. Authorities refused him. That's so Ohio. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, come on. If it was on Facebook, he could have been the original artist, am I right? Authorities are accusing the man of potentially causing irreparable harm to the cave paintings while trying to make them look better for the Facebook photo he wanted to post. And while everybody agrees that you should not be desecrating millennia-old art, you've got to admit, the racing stripes he drew on the horses look cool as hell.

Bill, how did Adam Burke do on our quiz? He got five right, ten more points, totaled a 12. And, Adam, you enjoy the lead. Okay. Dulce, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the White House emphasized the urgency of a ceasefire deal in blank. Gaza. Right. On Monday, it was confirmed that a hacker group had stolen almost three billion blank numbers. Social Security. That's right. This week, divers continued to look for the victims of a blank wreck off the coast of Sicily.

Yacht! Yeah, a yacht wreck, a super yacht in fact. According to a new study, reducing red meat intake lowers the risk of type 2 blank. Davities. Yes. An apartment complex in Texas charged a woman $15,000 claiming she broke her lease by blanking. Living her life? No, quite the opposite. She broke her lease by dying. On Thursday, it was announced that Olympian and pommel horse specialist Stephen Nedrosik would appear in the next season of Blank.

Some reality show. That's correct, but it's Dancing with the Stars, specifically after two years of marriage, Blank filed for divorce again from Ben Affleck. Oh, Jennifer Lopez. Yes, this week a Minnesota man was arrested after his attempted armed robbery of a liquor store was foiled by Blank. A good guy with a gun? No. No. By the owner's eight-year-old daughter hitting him in the crotch with a baseball bat. Oh, my God.

This robbery directed by John Hughes. Right. Wait, so the full America's Funniest Home Videos is in the plan? Exactly. That, my friends, is Minnesota Nice. The store's owner is praising his daughter for her heroism after she defended him from the would-be robber using a baseball bat hidden behind the counter. It's a great story and marks the first time in baseball history that getting two balls is also considered a home run. LAUGHTER

So, Bill, how did Dulce do on our quiz? She got five right, ten more points, total of 12, tied for the lead.

So how many then does Adam Felber need to win? Five to win. Here we go, Adam. This is for the game. On Monday, the governor of Connecticut declared a state of emergency after storms brought dangerous blanks to that area. Winds? Floods. This week, the U.S. increased its military presence in the Middle East, citing a potential attack by blank. Iran. Yes. This week, Florida's official tourism website removed their entire blank travel section.

Coastal. LGBTQ. This week, a woman was arrested at an Indiana Applebee's because she thought that their $15.99 all-you-can-eat deal blanked. Applied to her whole group. That's exactly right. According to a new study, two-thirds of blank food sold in the U.S. does not meet nutritional standards.

Two-thirds of kids' food. Yeah, baby food. For the first time ever, Starbucks brought their beloved blank latte back to the menu in August. Pumpkin. Yes, pumpkin spice. After falling during a Shakespearean performance, Ian McKellen credits blank for protecting him from more significant injuries. His fat suit. That's right, Adam. Sir Ian was playing Falstaff. Thank you.

Sir Ian was playing Falstaff, the Shakespeare character known for being zaftig, as Shakespeare put it. And the extra padding that McKellen was wearing protected his ribs and torso when he fell into the audience. Even though he's okay with the injuries he endured, McKellen had to drop out of the show, but says he'll return to the stage just as soon someone writes a play about a man completely encased in bubble wrap. LAUGHTER

Bill, did Adam Felber do well enough to win? At first, it looks like he came to a tie. Five right, ten more points, but with a few already racked up. He has 13 and the win this week. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will the janitors find.

in the corners of the United Center in Chicago when they clean up after the DNC. But first, let me tell you that... Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica, Riesauer Limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Liederman, composer at Theum. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dronboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey, Peter Gwynn,

is stuck in space. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is Lorna White. Special thanks this week to Gary Yak, who stepped in heroically. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is typhoid Mikey Danforth. Now, panel, what will the janitors at the DNC find now that everybody has gone away? Adam Felber. They're going to find in the corner the political hopes and dreams of J.D. Vance. Yes!

Dulce Sloan. Jimmy Hoffa. That's where he was. And also... Adam Burke. They're going to find Joe Biden, because when the Democratic Party moves on, they move on. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Dulce Sloan, Adam Burke, and Adam Felber. All of the items. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Baker Theater who came out to see us.

Thanks to everybody who's listening wherever you may be. I am Peter Segal. We'll see you next week. Minneapolis, Minnesota. This is NPR.

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