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Hey, it's Peter. Before this week's show, I want to tell you about next week's show, which we are recording outside at Chicago's Millennium Park on the lake, and it is free. That's a free performance of Wait, Wait in the magnificent Frank Gehry-designed Pritzker Pavilion, Thursday, June 13th in downtown Chicago. Bring your family, have a
picnic on the Great Lawn or bring somebody else's family, live on the edge. That's Wait, Wait, Free and Outside on June 13th. The show starts at 7.30, gates open at 4.30, so if you're going to be walking to Chicago, start now. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. It's officially Hot Bill Summer. Yay!
I am Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. It's so good to be back with you all. I have missed you, and we have brought a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Charlemagne Thigod, who started as a radio host and is now a media tycoon and global superstar. And I'm just going to say...
I would have done that too, but nobody told me you could.
So maybe I'll get some tips from him. But in the meantime, you can get something out of a moment on the air. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Veronica Doones-Green from North Reading, Massachusetts. I know North. About 20 minutes north. Oh, you don't need to tell me that, girlfriend. I know where North Reading is, and I know it's not North Reading. What do you do there? Yeah.
When I'm not spending time with my two little girls and my rescue pity, I work in marketing and I'm a professional makeup artist. Oh, you are? Well, what kind of work is there for professional makeup artists in North Reading, which, again, I know well, is not a media capital? No, a lot of bridal work. Bridal work. You must have seen, working all these weddings, just a lot of trauma, dysfunction, and horror. Is what I think of you.
This is some interesting things, interesting characters, but everyone's just happy that you're there to make them look good. Well, welcome to the show, Veronica. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he's a reporter who now writes the style memo for the Washington Post. It's Shane O'Neill. Hi, Veronica. Next, he's an Emmy and Peabody Award winning journalist and comedian. It's Alzo Slade. Hey, what's up, Veronica? Hey.
And finally, a comedian and writer you can follow on Instagram at Karen Chi to find out where you can see her live. It's Karen Chi. Thank you.
So, Veronica, I bet you know this, but you're going to start us off with who's bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read or perform for you three quotations we found in the week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them, just two, and we will give you our prize, the voice of anyone you might want from our show on your voicemail. You ready to go? Let's do it. Your first quote is someone downplaying the supposed negative side effects of a new drug. A
I've only experienced increased libido. That person was talking about the first ever birth control that might soon be available to whom? Men. Yes, men.
I think I was going to explain how hard it is to get men to use birth control, but just from the way you said the word "men" I think you already know. A new gel developed by the NIH is the most promising birth control for men yet found. We may finally have a replacement for the current most effective method.
want to watch me play video games? So it's a hormonal gel that men will be able to rub into their shoulders once a day. Yeah, that sounds about right. Woman's birth control is a surgically implanted paperclip and the men get a back rub.
Wait, so it's a gel that's really rubbed on the shoulder? You really rub it on your shoulders. I'm going to let some other dudes try that first. I'm not trusting that right away. Wait a minute. Hold on. Again, men famously not interested in birth control, but you're like, a shoulder rub? No way. No, it's not the shoulder rub. I just don't trust that it works. This is the first time I've heard about this, so let me get this straight. You rub it on your shoulders, and then you turn gay? Yeah.
That would be an effective form of birth control. I mean, it's the most effective one I've ever seen. Well, I think, Shane, I think, Shane, it really depends on who rubs your shoulders, if you know what I mean. Well, Peter, I have very strong hands. Okay. But as a woman, you have to really trust that this man is rubbing his own shoulders every morning. Right? Like,
That's the trust issue for me is not the science. It's that like men are not even washing their bed sheets. Yes, I know. Yeah. It's a lot to ask. Now, the medication, it's very promising, but it does have some flaws. For instance, it requires men to do something. Yes.
No, no other technologies work because studies show time and time again men refuse to do anything even mildly inconvenient. So we are just a few short years away from men saying, no, baby, it just feels better without shoulder gel. LAUGHTER
Veronica, your next quote is a description of a brand new spaceship that launched into orbit this week. It's got inadequate software testing, corroded valves, flammable tape, a weak parachute system, and a helium leak. That was from the New York Times cataloging just some of the problems with the new rocket that was built by what company? Boeing. Boeing, yes! When you are about to launch into space,
You want to hear inspiring words like, "We are go for launch," or, "To infinity and beyond." You do not want to hear, "Well, fingers crossed." On the other hand, Boeing has finally built an aircraft that is supposed to land in the middle of the ocean.
So this is like, they've been having all these trouble with their airplanes. Yes. And now they're like, well, we're going to build a spaceship. Well, yeah, this has been going on. Of course, I mean, you don't just build a spaceship in a day. Maybe you don't. Well, okay. They've had this contract in a while to build this particular rocket ship and it was plagued by a lot of problems, right? Isn't this sort of the equivalent of like, well, we had a bad first date.
Let's get married. Yeah, pretty much. Boeing says this mission is that the spaceship was supposed to go up and dock with the ISS, deliver some much-needed supplies, and then safely land on Earth directly on top of a Boeing whistleblower. Oh, no. What a...
Why do they keep building these rockets? They're really trying to send regular folks to space? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going. I'll...
I don't want to back rub you. Don't want to rocket ship you. What do you want? You know, they're trying to put people on Mars, but, you know, we fell for that trick already because they're going to take us there, then they're going to make us, the black and brown people build it up, and then they're going to live there. We should warn the aliens. Yeah.
By the way, Bill was quoting from an article that was published last weekend before the launch on Wednesday. And afterwards, as they were going up into space, they found two more helium leaks. And that's why astronaut Suni Williams had to call NASA and say, Here we have a problem! LAUGHTER
But they made it. I want everybody to know they made it. They made it to the space station. They docked and they delivered their cargo, which, believe it or not, was important parts to repair.
the astronauts' urine processor. That's... I'm genuinely impressed that they were able to get all the supplies there because everybody knows you can't bring more than three fluid ounces onto a toilet. All right. Veronica, your last quote is what people are asking about a rising star in the soft drink industry.
business. Does it contain prune juice? Was there an actual doctor? So after decades of Coke versus Pepsi, for the first time ever, another soda has overtaken Pepsi and become the second most popular soda in America. Which one? Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper, yes! Oh, it's got fans here. Apparently they're everywhere.
After spending years deep down in the rankings in the minor leagues, if you will, Dr. Pepper has now passed Pepsi for the number two spot just behind Coke. This is huge news for fans of Dr. Pepper and anybody placing bets in the weirdest section of DraftKings. I just know Dr. Pepper's parents are just like, finally, that PhD paid off. Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute. You think he's one of those... You think Dr. Pepper is one of those incredibly annoying PhDs who insists on being referred to as doctor? And it's like got it in literature. You're like, you shouldn't be called a doctor. Okay, this isn't a joke. This is just a fact. Okay. I have a very good friend. Her name is Allison Pepper. Her father is a surgeon named Dr. Pepper. Yes. And he's number two in the conversation.
But he also had another child named Elizabeth who also became a doctor. And I have never forgiven her for not becoming a dietician because then it could have been Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper in the same thing. Bill, how did Veronica do in her quiz? Veronica is a pepper person. And she got three in a row. Congratulations, Veronica. She's a winner.
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.
Shane, there are registries, of course, for baby showers and bridal showers and weddings. But the newest trend is making a registry so people can buy you gifts to celebrate your what? Divorce. Exactly right. According to The Washington Post, divorce registries are becoming more and more common. Just like wedding registries, you fill out a list of things you need and then your friends and family can shop for them as presents. You know, how adorable to get that monogrammed hand towel that just says his name.
I think there needs to be a time period though. So how long is it between the wedding and the divorce? Because I'm not buying you two gifts if you just got married two years ago. Right. Like I want the gift that I gave you back at that point. Yes.
I don't plan on getting married, which means I also don't plan on getting divorced. But you're missing out on all the gifts, bro. Well, this is... That's exactly what I'm saying. Where's my... You're just kind of slutty, Registry. Yeah, I know. Well, I'll give you some shoulder cream. I don't really... You don't need it. Who's the hot girl who don't give a...
Coming up, our panelists are in the doghouse. It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.
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Simply safe. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Shane O'Neill, Alzo Slade, and Karen Shee. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Right now.
Look at the clock. It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener game. You can call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play any of our games on the air. Or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR to learn how to get in touch. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, Peter. My name is Karen Fink, and I'm calling from San Diego, California. Beautiful San Diego. I do love it there. What do you do there? I'm a director of accounting for a local hotel group. Okay. So you're like none of these big chain hotels, one of these quirky hotels. No, it's a family-owned, a small family-owned company. Right. Because you don't have like the blandness. You have like little things like, you know, beautiful little personal touches and bloodstains on the walls. It's great. Absolutely. They're, yeah, beautiful, very unique, lovely hotels. Okay. Well, welcome. Welcome.
To the show, Karen, you're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Karen's topic? Hey, dog, you're fired. Now, dogs, of course, are man's best friend, but with all the things dogs can do, they are also man's best co-worker. Like, this is Fluffy. She's my pet. Also, my work wife. Well, this week we heard about a dog who somehow managed...
Absolutely. First, let's hear from Alzo Slade. Absolutely.
The wealthy rancher had bragged to his hunting buddies about his new English Springer Spaniel named Peter, bred for his ability to find, flush out, and retrieve game birds. But from the moment he arrived at the ranch, Peter started acting weird. He wouldn't wear a leather collar. He'd growl at people wearing fur. And the last straw was when, finally, on a hunting trip, Peter ran into the bush to retrieve his master's prey and came back with a mouthful of berries and leaves.
Silas's buddies bursting with laughter gave him the dreaded news. Silas, buddy, you got a vegan dog.
That's why he turned his snout up and started barking lectures at our dogs. It was only then that Silas found out the dog was bred in Portland, Oregon by a new age couple who raised Peter as a vegan. He also found out that he was mispronouncing his name, which was actually Pita. A bird dog turns out to be a vegan and not interested in hunting birds. Your next dog tale?
comes from Shane O'Neill. A prison in Brazil has had it with its demanding and entitled guard dogs. Marco Souza, the prison director of the Sao Pedro de Alcantara prison in southeastern Brazil, says he was spending a fortune on vet bills and fancy food for the facility's Belgian shepherds, which cost $7,000 apiece. They also took several naps a day. The solution? Fire the dogs and hire a flock of geese. LAUGHTER
The idea came during a barbecue when an aggressive flock of geese charged prison officials. The territorial birds are loud enough to alert guards and scary enough to deter escapes. The geese are happy with rice and they never get sick, Sousa said of his new hires. Even better, they can't be bought off. They hate everyone, said Sousa. They have zero loyalty, even to the people who feed them every single day. When asked for comment, one of the goose guards replied, oh!
That was good. That was a good goose. The guard dogs at a Brazilian prison get fired to be replaced by guard geese. Your last story of a canine without a W-9 comes from Karen. Hi, Karen. My name is also Karen, so I think you should pick me. Okay, here we go.
News channel France 24 led their broadcast on Monday with the story of Pepito, a nine-year-old farm dog in Provence, who was fired for neglecting his herding duties and instead acting like a chicken. Video shows Pepito, who lives on a chicken farm, howling at sunrise alongside the rooster crowing and attempting to peck at feed along with the chickens and bumping his snout. Most unfortunately, Pepito also keeps sitting on the eggs and breaking all of them.
This is actually a rare but documented phenomenon where if you put an animal, usually as a baby, around another species, they will take on the habits of said species. Dr. Violette Feline, yes that's her real name, Violette Feline, is a veterinary researcher at the Ecole de Ferme and she told the station, "This isn't that abnormal, it's only surprising because it happened to Pepito as a middle-aged dog."
It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks.
your choices? Which of these is the real story of a dog or dogs that lost their jobs? From Alzo, a bird dog that turned out to be a vegan. From Shane, a Brazilian prison replaced all of its expensive and lazy guard dogs with cheap and vicious geese. Or from Karen Chee, a farm dog in France that lost its job because it seemed to think it was a chicken.
Well, you know, we Karens really should be sticking together, but I think I'm going to have to go with Shane's story. You're going to go with Shane's story of a Brazilian prison that fired all of its guard dogs and replaced them with geese. Well, all right. To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who knows all about this story. At a prison in southern Brazil, they're now using geese as guards instead of dogs. That was Samantha Pearson. Thank you.
The Brazilian correspondent for the Wall Street Journal who actually broke the story on the guard geese. Congratulations, Karen. You were wise not to trust someone named Karen. And pick Shane because you have won our prize. You've won a point for him and you get the voicemail of anyone you might like. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Thank you. Take care.
Doggone diggity doggone diggity dog. You're just a doggone diggity doggone diggity dog.
And now the game we call Not My Job. When Leonard McKelvey got his first big job in radio back around 2006, he decided to use the street name he came up with when he was a teenager, Charlemagne the God. 18 years later, he is the host of the Breakfast Club National Morning Show. He's a podcaster, a producer, a publisher, the author of three books. His latest, Get Honest or Die Lying, is out now. Charlemagne the God, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Yes, sir. All right. It's actually Leonard McKelvey, and I've been doing radio for 26 years. Well, there you are, man. You just nailed me, you see. This actually, this gets right to my first concern, because you are an extremely well-known and expert interviewer, and you pride yourself on your preparation, which I clearly did not.
But you are also known for like having that great first question that gets right to the heart of the most important issue. So what should I ask you right now? Well, if you would have asked me this question 20 years ago, my answer might have been different. But I think the most important question that you can ask people first nowadays is, how are you? All right, I'll go with that. How are you?
Well, you know, today has been a very rough day, man. I've been having panic attack after panic attack. And, you know, right now I'm a little gassy and I'm trying to get, you know, home. See, by the way, I made all of that up just now. But what I was trying to teach you is that when you ask somebody how they are, you have to be ready for a real answer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we would. I mean, this is a cultural thing, Charlemagne. I'm Jewish. I know. Yeah.
I've been reading your new book, which is your third book. You do mention, though, that when you were growing up, you were really a nerd, right? That's what you had to become when you were on the street, Charlemagne the God. So define nerdy.
Fantastic question. You know, back then I was the guy, you know, wearing glasses and, you know, I had the fanny pack and like, you know. Like, were you like so nerdy you were into NPR? That's what I was getting at. Yeah.
I mean, I put it like this. I love Judy Blume and Beverly clearly. Yeah, I love that. That's one of my favorite stories about you is that you love Judy Blume as a kid. Well, that's right there a good sign. And that one of your dreams come true is when you got to actually interview Judy Blume in your show.
Yes, man. Well, you know, it started out a little bit before that because I speak about Judy Blume so much because to me, Judy Blume is just an amazing storyteller. I look at Judy Blume the same way I look at Jay-Z. And she actually sent me an autograph. She sent me and my oldest daughter autographed copies of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, maybe like five years ago. And I really thought my team was playing a trick on me. I was like, this is not real. Like, I don't believe that she really autographed these books. One of y'all did it. Let me look at your fingers so I can see the marker.
growing up. But she asked to meet me in New York. And, you know, it's like one of those things where you grow up reading so much of a person's work and reading so much about a person, you feel like you already know them when you meet them. And it was like me and her just had an instant connection. That's awesome. I know you know him, so have you ever said to Jay-Z, you know, you're a storyteller just like Judy Blume. laughter
No, I never did. I never did. Give that a try. He's got kids now. He might go for it. No, he should tell Judy Blume she's a storyteller like Jay-Z. Well, that's what he did.
I have, though. That I've done. That's the easier one. I've definitely done that. So in your new book, Get Honest or Die Lying, you tell a story about your early days in morning radio. And is it really true that a rival show sent over three guys to jump you? The funny thing, that wasn't even a morning radio show that sent that. That was an evening show, a late night show. But I want the record to show...
almost got jumped. Yes. You can watch the video. I didn't get jumped because I skedaddled. Yeah. You're pretty spry, I thought. But again, that kind of street cred you cannot buy. So how do I get Steve Inskeep to send his boys after me? Laughter
I would hope you could whoop any of Steve Inskeep's feet. So for people who don't know, your show which you co-host, The Breakfast Club, has become an absolute must stop for anybody on any kind of publicity tour. If you're selling an album, if you're selling a film, if you're selling yourself as a candidate. Do you know how you achieve that to be the guy that everybody has to be interviewed by?
I don't know if I'm the guy that everybody has to be interviewed by, but I do know that the reason I'm able to interview so many diverse people is because of my mother. And the one piece of advice that she gave me, you know, when I was a kid was read things that don't pertain to you.
So that just makes me a very naturally curious person. And being that I'm a naturally curious person, I have a fantastic job that just allows me to have conversations with a lot of these people that I've either read about
are a lot of people that I would like to learn more from. - I'm gonna ask you a very sincere question, 'cause I've been interviewing people for a long time, but there's one thing I always struggle with, and I don't know if you do. I'm always worried about offending the person I'm talking to, or making them angry, and sometimes that keeps me from maybe asking the right question. How do you deal with that?
Security. Making sure that there's security in the building. Okay. All right. Well, Charlemagne the God, it is great talking to you, and we've invited you here to play a game we're calling... Charlemagne the God, meet these other gods. Since you're a god, we figured out we should ask you about some other gods you may have met.
In the Pantheon. The obscure lesser known ones from around the world. Answer two or three questions correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Charlemagne the God playing for? Larry Wood of Tampa, Florida. All right. You get two out of three right, and he wins a voice for his voicemail. That's what's at stake. Here we go.
In the Norse pantheon, Charlemagne, the god Saerimnir had a specific role to play for the other gods there in Asgard. What was it? A. He provided them with unlimited amounts of bacon. B. He had to clean up after all the orgies. Or C. He was the god's accountant.
Stay rem near. Okay, I know Loki. I know Thor. I'm just going to say, this one has not shown up in the MCU, but it would be pretty cool if it did, in my opinion. Okay. I don't believe any of those choices are true, but I'm just going to jump out there on the limb and say janitorial services. No, it was actually bacon. Bacon.
Yeah. This god was the holy boar, and every night at their feast, the other gods would eat him, and then the next morning, he'd wake up alive again to do it all over. Don't make me a god if that's the case. Yeah. This is not one of the better gods. All right, we still have two more chances here, and we are fans. So...
Next question. The Greeks had a god for everything. They, you know, Ares for war, you know, Athena for knowledge, etc. But they had one lesser known god whose specialty was guarding over what? A, first dates. B, take out food. Or C, anything the other gods didn't cover.
Yo, this really does sound like Marvel characters that just got left on the cutting board. Yeah, I know, I know. Like, I'm going to say the Greek god of things that the other gods didn't cover. That's right. He was known as like...
He was known as the unknown God and the Greeks would pray to this God whenever there wasn't an appropriate God for whatever their problem was. It was like when you do your expenses and you end up with a little amount of miscellaneous. He was the God of that. All right. One more question. You get this right, you're
Big winner. Here we go. The Roman goddess Cloacina was the god in charge of what? A, weight loss and dieting. B, the sewers. Or C, stand-up comedians. Oh, I actually know this one. She was the god of the sewers because she was the goddess of filth. That is exactly right, Jeremy. Thank you.
She was. She was. The Romans, of course, had very advanced sewers, and they were very proud of them. And Cloacina was, as you say, the goddess of filth and beauty together. That was really impressive. Did you run into her in the god clubhouse? I don't know how you knew that. No. You know what's so funny? Because of the Marvel Universe, I look up stuff like that. I'm not going to say always. I'm some Greek god expert. I would lose on Jeopardy bad.
There's just certain ones that just stick out and I just remember you know clothes clothes Lucina being the god the goddess of silk that is Absolutely impressive bill how did Charlemagne the God do on our quiz two out of three means that Charlemagne is a god Absolutely well done
Charlemagne, you're a gentleman and the master of your art. Charlemagne the God is one of the hosts of The Breakfast Club, and his new book, Get Honest or Die Lying, is out now. A lot of things to learn in it. Charlemagne the God, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you.
In just a minute, Bill says it's his duty to tell you about his favorite museum. In our Listener Limerick Challenge, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. In the comedy Girls 5 Eva, actress Renee Elise Goldsberry plays a member of a one-hit wonder girl group. Her character is full of ambition and endless ego. Where did you get that? Is that you if you were just like released? Is that somebody you know?
It's me. It's me. Everyone always says, oh my God, the acting is so wonderful. It's me.
That's from our latest bonus episode and extended interview with Renee Elise Goldsberry. It includes more fun stuff from our conversation we couldn't fit into the show we broadcast. Listen now if you are a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus supporter. And if you're not, don't feel bad about it because you can be. You get bonus episodes, sponsor-free listening, and you support the work of NPR. To sign up, go to plus.npr.org.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alzo Slade, Shane O'Neill, and Karen Chee. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre, Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you.
In just a minute, Bill's punishment fits the rhyme. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Also, there's a new debate erupting online whether or not people are required to do what while at the grocery store. Buy something.
You know, most people believe that if you go to the grocery store, you should be buying something. I just look around, you know. Really? Yeah. It's like wandering up and down the aisles. Smelling the bread, see if it's fresh. Licking the fruit, see if it's fresh. Exactly. Can I have a hint, please? Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes it's hard because one of the wheels is broken.
Oh, put the grocery cart back in the little corral. Exactly, to return the shopping cart. Yes. It's a fierce debate going on. Thank you.
It's a fierce debate raging between those who believe you should always return the cart to the store or the corral and those who will spend eternity having their flesh torn from them by demons. So one woman on TikTok made a pretty reasonable argument why she doesn't do it. She said, quote, I'm not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car and leaving them in the car to go return the cart. But here's the thing, and I'm being serious, I do that all the time. LAUGHTER
And in the extremely unlikely chance that somebody leaps into the car and drives off with my kids during the 90 seconds I'm away, well, Teddy gets two naps a day and Elliot will not eat anything but french fries. Enjoy yourself.
Now, the exception to the rule is the Costco parking lot. Everybody knows that the Costco parking lot, you are parked so far away from the store that it's actually just as easy to push the cart back to your house. No, I was going to say the Costco parking lot is one of the only places that puts corrals all around the parking lot. It's very thoughtful, Costco. They're a very good company. And if they're listening, I'd love to be sponsored. Thank you.
No, no, Costco. I've got jokes in bulk, bulk. No, it's much like Costco wouldn't sponsor a comedian. They'd sponsor 50 comedians. And you'd have to go see them all. Shane, last week a researcher in the UK revealed the key to long life in men. All you have to do is what? Listen to your wife. Yeah.
Sucker. No, that's not it. Can I have a hand, please? I will. You'll live longer and maybe you'll end up with a beautiful soprano voice.
Oh, castrate yourself? Yes, castration is the secret. Oh, no, sir. Peter, you don't have to say anything else. There's no... Don't even explain it, Peter. The researcher said to an audience of men slowly crossing their legs...
And then the men were like, uh, do you have anything we could just rub on our shoulders, please? And the evidence about this is so convincing that this researcher refers to testicles, and this is true, as two little death nuggets. Well, give me the barbecue sauce. So the way it works is... Oh, we know how it works. Yeah.
Get a rubber band and some kitchen scissors. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago. But next week,
Be sure to join us Thursday, June 13th in Millennium Park for a free show outdoors. And yes, I did say free. And later this month, if you don't want to come all the way to Chicago, you can see us at the Glorious Man Center in Philadelphia on June 27th. For tickets and information for all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org.
Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Jennifer from Greensboro, North Carolina. Oh, beautiful Greensboro. I love it by proxy. What do you do there? I am a lawyer. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. That's too easy. It's too easy. It's too easy. Although I will tell you a story. I once told somebody about my brother. I said, he's a lawyer, and the guy gave me a face. And I said, no, no, no, he's one of the good ones. And the guy said, oh, when did he pass away?
Can I quickly ask, what kind of law do you do, Jennifer? Well, actually, my kids call me a death lawyer. I do estate purses.
I do estate planning and estate administration. Oh, so yeah. So yeah, that's great. What's great for you is like if you have a client and the client dies, your business with them is not over. That's great. Indeed. Well, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play? I am. You are. Here is your first limerick.
Many dogs will just lurk out of sight. They jump out and give mailmen a fright. Now the USPS has quantified stress. They've ranked zip codes by dogs and their dogs.
Bite. Yes, bite. According to a new survey released by the U.S. Post Office of the city with the most incidents of dogs biting mail carriers is, drum roll please, Los Angeles. Congratulations. Now, San Francisco is way down the list because they're the dogs bite email servers.
And at the bottom of the list is Portland, Oregon, because as you heard earlier, there the dogs are vegan. The post office did this because they want us to know that there were 5,000 incidents of postal carriers getting bit last year, and they want us to take steps to reduce them. Okay, fine, post office, we'll keep the dogs inside. But have you ever considered making your employees less delicious? Yes.
Los Angeles is the winner? Los Angeles is the winner. I'm sorry. If my post carrier tried to pitch me on a screenplay, I'd bite them too. That's probably what's going on. All right. Here is your next limerick. In my pink fluffy skirt and my new shoes, my gym buddies all say, you do you, not just for ballet, but for squats on leg day. In the weight room, I'm wearing a...
Yes, you did. I thought so. Very good. Women at the gym are ditching boring old, you know, leggings for frilly skirts and tutus. As one Atlanta woman put it, quote, all of a sudden I'm a fairy princess running through a forest and not this out-of-shape mess on a treadmill, unquote. As a bonus, wearing a tutu to the gym, ladies, gives men something to comment on beside the ways your form is wrong. Yeah.
I've been doing this for years. Wearing a tutu? Yeah, I just don't go to the gym. No, okay. You're ahead of the curve. Here is your last limerick. Ancient dinosaur scat I have scooped. Some survived as a brown swirly swoop. I am spreading the word in my great hall of turds. My museum of fossilized poop. Yes, poop. Yes, poop.
The owner of the world's largest private collection of fossilized poop has opened a museum. Come on, Peter. Are you feeling pity for me? Yes. It's a living.
He's opening the museum as the result of a long campaign by his wife to get that crap out of the garage. And it is called, as I probably need not tell you, the Poo-seum. Oh.
It contains over 8,000 pieces of fossilized poop, or to use the scientific name, coprolites. As in, well, sir, I need this bank loan to open a museum of coprolites. It's economical to run, unlike other museums. It's not necessary to put up don't touch the exhibit signs, right? This is one of those things I'm okay with just seeing the picture. I don't need to see the real life thing. I don't even know if I want to see a picture. It's
Sounds like a good place to take someone on a first date if you never want to see them again. Right. Bill, how did Jennifer do in our quiz? I have never failed to be amazed at how smart our people are. She got three in a row, making her an excellent winner. Congratulations. Well done. Thanks so much for playing. Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye. ♪♪♪
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Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? Karen and Shane each have three. Alzo has two. What?
Okay. That means, Alzo, you are in, well, let's say second place behind Karen and Shane. So you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the White House announced new restrictions on blank seekers from Mexico. Asylum. Right. On Thursday, the World Health Organization confirmed the first human death from the H5N2 variant of the blank flu. Bird. Right. Bird.
This week, President Biden traveled to France to commemorate the 80th anniversary of blank. D-Day. Right. On Wednesday, NASA rejected a billionaire's proposal to fix the blank telescope. Hubbard. Almost right. I'll give it to you. The Hubble. Hubble. This week, a hiker climbed to the top of China's highest waterfall and took a picture of blank. A turd fossil. No. Oh, all of a sudden you're interested. Okay.
I thought about it for a while, like, oh, that might be cool. No, he found the water pipe that was pumping water over the waterfall to make it look more impressive. On Thursday, the Mavericks faced the Celtics in the first game of the blank finals. NBA. Yes, on Tuesday, Google said they would scale back on displaying search results generated by blank. AI. Right. This week, a candidate running against the mayor of a small town in Italy won a major victory when he got the endorsement of blank. Uh...
A donkey. No, he got the endorsement of the current mayor's mother. You go, boy. Igor DeSantis is the name of the current mayor, and he was shocked when his opponent announced that he had secured the political support of DeSantis' mother in the election. And all this guy had to do was to win the mother's support, was say, oh, you must be the mayor's sister.
Bill, how did Alzo do in our quiz? I think he did quite well. He did quite well. Six right, 12 more points, a total of 15 puts him in the lead. All right. Thank you.
Karen, I'm going to arbitrarily choose you to go next. Okay. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a Georgia appeals court indefinitely halted Blank's election interference trial. Trump. Right. On Tuesday, election results showed that Indian Prime Minister Blank has failed to secure a majority in Parliament. Modi. Yes. On Thursday, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration warned that Blank levels are surging faster than ever. Climate change, temperature, water, sea level.
You named everything with the right one. Carbon dioxide. On Tuesday, the UK began circulation of new banknotes featuring blanks image. The king. Which king? Charles. Yes. This week, a man in Pennsylvania won a spot in the state legislature despite blanking. Losing. No, despite being dead. On Monday, a player for the San Diego Padres was banned for life for blanking. Oh.
Betting, betting. Betting on baseball games. After injuring his knee, tennis star blank pulled out of the French Open. Djokovic? Yes, Djokovic. Very good. This week, a YouTube influencer in California is facing charges for filming himself blanking. Using the bathroom. No, he filmed himself shooting fireworks from a helicopter at a Lamborghini doing donuts while on federal land. Wait, wait. Say that again. Well, hang on. So...
Alex Choi is a YouTuber and he is expected to plead not guilty, but he's going to have a hard time once the judge sees the first piece of evidence, a YouTube video titled, Watch Me Shoot Off Illegal Fireworks from a Helicopter at a Lamborghini That's Doing Donuts on Federal Land.
Bill, how did Karen do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points, 13, one behind Alzo. Okay, so how many? Whoa, that's impressive. So how many then does Shane need to overtake Alzo and win? Six to win. Here we go, Shane. We got this. On Tuesday, testimony in Blank's gun possession trial began. Biden, Hunter. Hunter Biden. On Thursday, 27 countries began parliamentary elections for the Blank.
For the win. No. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER
For the European Union, this week an FDA panel advised pharmaceutical companies to update their blank vaccines. COVID? Yeah, I guess. On Wednesday, Governor Kathy Hochul delayed a plan to charge people for blanking in New York City. Oh, the congested for driving. Yeah, for driving. This week, officials in Iowa warned residents not to disturb the nests of turkey vultures who blank when they are threatened. Kill people. No, they vomit acid. On Monday, soccer star Blank announced he was releasing a new energy drink.
Messy? Yes. This week, a man in Montana had to immediately return to the restaurant where he had just picked up his pizza when he realized he had blanked.
Already had pizza that day. No. He returned to the restaurant when he realized that he had driven away from the restaurant with his pizza in someone else's car. He was hungry. He was focusing on getting home with the pizza. He didn't stop to wonder why his car that he got into already had keys in the ignition or why there was a dog in the back seat or why those strange kids back there with the dog were saying, great, we get a new dad. Yeah.
Once he realized his mistake, he returned the car, right, turned around, and gave the kids back, gave the dog back, gave the car back, and he drove his own car home so he could enjoy his... Wait, I didn't order a pepperoni pizza. Bill, did Shane do well enough to win? Quite. Four right, eight more points. Total of 11 means Alzo is our champion. Alzo. Alzo. Alzo.
In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will Pepsi do to get back into second place in the Great Kohler Wars. But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka, Red Star Limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to Gary Yank this week.
as well as the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Litterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Gorenbos, and Lillian Gotaburn King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey and Shantira Jackson. Our watermelon gusher is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilog.
And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will Pepsi do to get its second place mojo back? Shane O'Neill. Mix it with Coke. LAUGHTER
Karen Chee. I'll ask people really nicely. And Alzo Slade. Since Mike Tyson can't do it, just volunteer to fight Jake Paul. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Karen Chee, Alzo Slade, Jane O'Neill. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the CineVision Theater. And thanks to all of you for listening out wherever you may be. I'm Peter Seigel.
We'll see you next week, live from Millennium Park in Chicago. This is NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor Capital One. With the Spark Cash Plus card, you earn unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase for your business. Find out more at CapitalOne.com slash Spark Cash Plus. Terms and conditions apply.
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I just don't want to leave a mess. On Bullseye, the great Dan Aykroyd talks about the Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, and his very detailed plans about how he will spend his afterlife. I think I'm going to roam in a few places, yes. I'm going to manifest and roam. All that and more on the Bullseye podcast from MaximumFun.org and NPR.