219: Quick Hardening Caulk
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What's up, folks? You went to Full Bugs Bunny. I have to. You know, you got to be silly with the folks out there. I have to. Yeah, I have to do it. All right, okay. I'm just saying what's up to the folks out there. I mean, that's what I'm doing. I don't know what time it is. I want everybody to gather around now. Gather around. I like that. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

With the name of the episode being what the name is, you know this. I feel like we should put like a warning up. Yeah.

Quick hardening caulk. Yeah. But when you say caulk, you rarely say the L. Yeah. That's how it's pronounced. Like you're caulking the grout in your bathroom. Which is how high society says the word caulk.

Why did you, you lost your whole neck. Your chin disappeared into your body. Coke. Coke. That's what they say. Coke. Actually, your chin does have to disappear to say it like that. Is that why they all have no chins? Yeah. High society. No chins. They have to stop saying Coke when they get the chins back. Yeah. Quick hardening Coke.

which is some sort of glue that holds things together. But in this episode, a little bit of wordplay. I got to say. I love it so much because I am so immature. We've all talked about it. Yes. Things like that make me giggle and I can't help it. I'll never forget once being at Trader Joe's and the bill was, when they rang all the groceries, it was...

69, 69. And I was just like, I'm not mature enough to handle this moment like a real person. I'm a grown woman. And I need to, I have to say something. Are you going to say something? I got to say something. I don't know what to do. And I literally took a picture of my receipt. And I think...

I think if you have the patience and you scroll all the way back through my Instagram, I think so. If you scroll all the way back, it's one of my, when it was like hipstamatic. Wait, wait, wait. There's like a filter on it and everything. I think it's one of my first posts and I was like, this is a moment in history. And I was there. I was like, I'm a 13 year old boy. Oh, you were already famous at this point.

I think New Girl was like, whatever, one season in. So I had like seven followers or something. Like, you know, people hadn't really gotten onto the whole like Instagram thing. But they're like, you guys should probably get one before people take your names. I remember that. I remember they were like, we got to get you verified on Twitter. We got to get you an Instagram account. We got to do all these things. And they're like, why? And they're like, ooh, the girl from Cece just posted something on Instagram. Let's see what Thursday. And it was just like a receipt that said 69. Yeah.

Well, we know what she's into. $69 cents. I'm a, yeah. $69.69. Anyway, that's about my maturity level. I'm just saying it. So if this is not going to be the episode for you to listen to, cover your ears, put on your little earmuffs, walk away. Today, folks, we are going to have a little mess around. Episode 219, Quick Hardening Cock.

Okay, so directed by Lorraine Scafaria and written by Ryan Coe. Ryan Coe. One of the funniest episodes. Yeah, I think so. And I will say one of the things I get tagged in the most on Instagram are pictures of lionfishes. Really? Yes, a lot. A lot. So people obviously go to their local aquarium and see the lionfish and take a picture and tag me. Really? Yes. Yes.

Yes. That's when you know you have true fans out there. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Because fans, whenever I get tagged, I get tagged constantly in pictures of Idris Elba. No.

And I'm always like, I get why they're confused. I see it. And I see you. Let me talk about this episode a little bit. In this episode, Jess comes to the conclusion that she wants Nick. Like, she want him. Like that. She wants it. It. And with the help of a little painkiller confidence...

She admits to him that she wants to smash. Yeah. She's trying to hit it. Now, this puts our boy Nick, obviously, in a very, very tricky situation because he's hooking up with Shane, the manager of the bar, played by the lovely Odette Annabelle. Now, Nick didn't know that the Jess door was open. I mean, that's why he was doing what he was doing. Right. He admitted that he was in these streets and he was for the streets. And he was just laying it out there for everybody, if that makes sense. Yeah.

If he were a plumber, he'd be laying pipe. Got it. You hear what I'm trying to say? Picking up everything you're putting down. If he was a grout specialist, he'd be hardening caulk.

Okay. He finds himself in this very, very odd little love triangle. Meanwhile, Schmidt is devastated by the news of CeCe's engagement. Yet again, here we go. And after Winston takes him to the aquarium, stupid. Real grown man thing to do to heal a heart. Yeah. He tries to replace her with a little exotic brown lionfish. Yeah.

The hunt for the fish leads them down a rabbit hole that ends with Schmidt asking Winston to pee on his face. And Winston was like, we just settled for number two. Honestly, that moment when I rewatched it, I laughed so hard out loud. I think I improvised that line. It's Max's face. It felt like you must have improvised it because Max's face is so funny. I know.

And the fact that Winston does not understand. Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know how this works. Is it psychological? Yeah. Just seeing something come out of my body is going to stop the pain? You just need bathroom stuff on your face. Like, is that what's going to help you?

Yes. So here we are. Here we are. Let's dive in. Dive in. Schmidt is drunk and upset about CeCe being engaged. He grabs a bottle from behind the bar and he chugs it. Yeah. Melon liqueur. Melon liqueur. Fun story about that. That's a Midori...

That's like that's Midori, I'm assuming. When I first started drinking. Yeah. Someone made me a Midori sour. And I'm not going to lie to you. Every time I went to a bar, I would ask for a Midori sour. Get out. I thought it was cool. I'd be at like bars with like like some husky dudes just sipping whiskey and just like drowning away their pain.

And I'd be in there with some friends and I'd be like, I got the next round. I'd walk up to the bar and be like, can I get a few Midori sours? A couple of Amaretto sours, please. I do love an Amaretto sour. That's what I was ordering all the time. This is one of my friends. I'm telling you. You know what's funny is that, so you had that memory. I had a memory of like going out for like a New Year's Eve in Toronto. Yeah.

I didn't have a lot of money. And the free drinks that were kind of being like handed out at New Year's Eve was like a banana liqueur shot. A banana liqueur shot. Yeah. And then that's the right expression to have on your face. And the reason why I say it is because I remember having many of them.

And feeling so, to this day, I'm like, the thought of it, so disgusting. So watching him sitting there doing those melon ball shots took me back to like those nasty fruit liqueurs. They'll get you. Oh, yeah. You think, oh, delicious. Maybe a little healthy. It's a fruit. I don't know. And then too much. Not real fruit. No, not real fruit. These are all things that I learned later in life. You guys don't know. Hannah can throw them back.

That's true. I'm not going to put you on blast here. I'm not going to talk about the many times you've drank me under the table. Yeah. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to talk about how sometimes when we would all go out and you would be the last one standing and then smart enough to be the only person who lived across the street. Bye, I'm going to walk home. I'm like, damn it, now I got to leave my car here. She's like, peace, y'all. But yeah, that's Hannah in a nutshell.

It is true. I love whiskey. I can drink whiskey. And for some reason, most men find that as like a challenge. Yeah. And they're like, let's go. And I'm like, I'm not going anywhere. But okay. Like, I'll keep drinking with you. And then, yeah, pretty quick, they show their colors that they can't hang. Yeah, because you ain't got no liver. No. No, I donated it to science a long time ago. Okay, Nick gives Winston, Jess, and Schmidt

A check. Yeah. No more free drinks. Yeah. It's like, how does that work? This whole time they've been going there just drinking for free. It's like a part of our show. We go to this bar. Yeah. So much time is spent there because we get free drinks. But that's the crazy stuff you'll do for love. He's doing this to impress a woman. Yes. And doesn't realize that he's also impressing Jace. Yes. Yeah. Deeply. It's a turn on.

That she got the bill, which is what you would think is the opposite, getting the bill. But she was like, oh my gosh, you're about to be like grown and mature. That's normal though, right? Because you even say it and your character even says it in the show where you're like, she's like, what's going on? And you say, yeah, being attracted to success and power. Yes. Yeah. I check that. Well, I think it's like there's two types of things you can be attracted to, right? Like the bad boy behavior.

But a lot of women, that success and power thing, obviously, it's going to make sense to us. Trust me. I can't walk down the street. I do like that scene when they're talking in the bathroom and he comes in. Nick comes in looking like a slob, discovering laundry for the first time. It's a whole thing. And they cut to Zoe's face. And you can just tell that.

And I think this is like the scientific, you know, like word for what the expression on her face was. But she was just like digmatized. Digmatized. Right. That's all she saw was just like, I want to be with this man. I don't. Everything he's doing is so attractive. Because she looks at Cece and my character looks at her like, oh, girl, you're crazy. There's nothing attractive about this man whatsoever. But she can't see it now. She can't see it. She's gone. She's got blinders on. That's right.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You see, a lot of times people are in relationships and they don't want to get out of them even though they're like crazy relationships. There's something keeping them there. There's something. Yeah, that's right. I can tell you what it is right now, but this ain't that kind of podcast. All right. I think we should go to break. I agree with you. I need a break. And we are back. We are back.

So we're here at the bar. You know, we got a check. We got a bill. Nick is like, hey, I'm trying to do the right thing. Jess has the hots for him. But we realize that there is this very, very, very dynamic, attractive woman that is now the boss, right, of Nick, played by Odette Annabelle. And immediately, right out of the gate, she's just kissing on him, grabbing his butt. Sure. Makes sense. I mean, they're...

together but when I when I watched that I was like girl if you wanna get your thirsty ass this man is trying to he at work and she just every time she walked past him she gotta grab him and kiss him every single time and I get it that we're trying to serve a purpose in the show but I was like

She now sees that he's having a conversation with a woman and she's clearly like, let me kiss you again and then keep doing it. In my mind, I was like, oh, she's just thirsty. Yeah. She's just thirsty. They need an HR at the bar. Right. Because Nick, I just, I think he's great. I don't think he's putting it down like that. No.

I don't think he put it down like that. He does not struggle on this show. He doesn't. More than anyone. More than anyone. Including the main character of the show. That's right. Including Megan Fox. Yes. He is struggling. Women can't keep their hands off him. Hence, Shane. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Got the je ne sais quoi. Listen, when you got it, you got it. That's right. Fun fact about Jake Johnson, he was the before guy in a tampon commercial. And now...

It's a real story. It's true. Yeah, it's true. And then he worked his way all the way up to being the most attractive man in television. Oh, look at life. Look at God. Mm-hmm. Fuck you doing? Sorry. How'd Jake Johnson get all that? Okay. All right. I want to get to this aquarium because I'm telling you, I've never been around so many fish pictures in my entire life. Yeah. No, we were at a real aquarium. Yeah.

That was the weird part. You have to understand, like rewatching this podcast and going back, like I wasn't part of all of that. Right. Like as an actor, I'm not in these scenes. I watched this episode when it happened a million years ago and I haven't seen it since. So the fact in the past, whatever, five, six, seven years, I've been tagged in all these lionfish pictures. I never really understood that.

fully why. I was like, I think there was like a reference. And then I rewatched this episode and I was like, oh, this is, Cece is the lionfish like in every way and is representative of Schmidt's love. Got it. 100%. Understand. 100%. Yeah. What I found funny about that, just Max's performance in the aquarium when he

When he's trying to buy the fish. He's like, I want it. It's like a stop for sale. Why can't I have it? Why can't I have the things that I want? That made me laugh a lot because it's a bit that I do sometimes and maybe it came from that. I don't know. But like,

Always say like, I must have that and I'll spare no expense. I'll say that for the most ridiculous things. And watching this episode, I was like, I wonder if that's where I got that from. I mean, he didn't say those exact lines, but watching him try to take a fish from the aquarium and couldn't understand why. Just found I found that really interesting and right on brand for Schmidt.

It's a really sweet moment. Yeah. It's really sweet. I don't know how they got to that, like that being the bit to like talk about how he is struggling with the fact that he can't control the situation and then he just wants her. Yeah. But it resonates. Then he brings home a whole aquarium. Yes. To the loft. A massive one. Have you ever had an aquarium of your own fish? No, we don't. No, we don't do that. I had one.

In my college dorm. Did you really? I had an aquarium and I had a fish that kind of looked like the lionfish. Like this size? It was like...

I don't know. And you bought it? Yeah, a couple feet. Well, I'd always had pets, and that was really sad that when you were living in dorms at university, you couldn't have a pet. But you have a fish. So then I was like, I guess that's the best I could get. So I got an angelfish called Fred Fabian, and I had a shark called Peter the shark. You had a shark? A shark. And a what other fish?

An angelfish. An angelfish. But kind of looked like the lionfish, this angelfish. Maybe he wasn't an angelfish because it kind of looked like this lionfish. I don't think it was a lionfish. But his name was Fred Fabian. And then when he died, I've never been more devastated. And I had a funeral for him. So you had two animals in captivity in your... I would pet the shark.

You pet the shark? Yeah. So he wasn't one of those sharks. Like sharks get a bad rep, but the name shark, I feel like they're going to eat you. It was very little. It was the size of my finger. He was a little shark, baby shark.

Not a baby shark. He was a little shark. That was the breed. I shouldn't say that's keeping baby sharks. Stunted shark. Yeah. Just a tiny shark. Yeah. Because if you kept a baby shark, that'd be bad news. I think it's highly illegal. I mean, listen, when you got means, you grew up rich, I think. I don't know. No. You went to college. I did go to college. That's right. Raising fish in my dorm room. Must be rich. Must be nice. Yeah.

I go to college. Brings an aquarium in. I will say I've never had fish since because aquariums are a lot of work. It's a lot of work. There's a lot of poop in there. A lot of poop in there. A lot of cleaning, scrubbing, taking the fish out. You think fish poop are fertilizing the ocean? You think they're fertilizing the marine life in there? Sure. It's the ecosystem, baby. Interesting. Interesting. Could have made a lot of money.

You sound like the Dennis Farina character. You're like, forget horse semen. It's fish poop, people. I got gallons of it. In the loft, it's so awkward between them two, Nick and Jess, because he's doing all the things and he's saying all the things that's causing her to get bubbly and turn her on a little bit. And she does such a great job of playing it too.

I can relate to that feeling when you're around someone that you have a crush on and then they're doing all the little things that are resonating with you and your body just starts to like move and wiggle and everything. And here's how I know that it's such a true reaction is because every time I sit on the couch with you, I am so like still my body doesn't move at all. I'm like in a block of ice near you. It's that reaction I cause.

What's up? Our dynamic is the truth. Yeah.

But it's true. But why do we do that? Do you when you're around someone you have a little crush on? Do you just start to like, are you just constantly like adjusting yourself a little bit? And like, yeah, it's weird. We do that. It's weird. I haven't had like a schoolboy crush in a very long time. I don't think I do with like women that are unattainable to me. That's about it. But like, and I'm never around them. So I don't I don't know the squirming part of it. But like,

Well, you know my usual suspects. Yes, I do. So I'm not going to name them here on this podcast. I'm not going to go on talking about Zoe Kravitz like that. I refuse. But like, yeah, there was a time where I was around her multiple times. These are real stories, by the way. One time I was at a party and she was dancing with her mom.

And I, and you know her mom was on our show. Yeah. And I was about to go and say what's up and be like, hey, you know. But instead, I see them dancing. I'm like, I'm not going to interrupt that. But I have to walk in that direction anyway. They both start dancing on me. Get out. Like jokingly. And I giggled and walked away.

You're a ghost. You died. I died in that moment. You're dead. Then our Zoe, years later, at another party, like a gala or something, our Zoe walks in side by side with Zoe Kravitz. And they walk up, and she's like, Lamar. I'm like, hey, how are you? And I'm about to start a conversation, and she's just being super polite. I mean, she's obviously taken, so I'm just, yeah. But I'm shockingly normal.

And I'm like, hey, what's up? And then Zachary Quinto, is that his name? Yeah. Runs over, gives her a giant bear hug from behind and swoops her away. He was like, hey, what's up? And she was like, oh, my God. Went away in the wind. Went away in the wind.

You're like telling this story right now. Like I can see you went back there. Yeah, I remember it. That's your sliding doors moment. Damn you, Zachary Quinto. Zachary! Damn you. Come on our podcast. Explain yourself. This moment I'm sure you recollect with as much detail.

Oh, he wants to go to the hardware store and asks for a ride. And he's doing all these things that no one else finds sexy, but Jess finds incredibly sexy. And she's like, fine, just get in the car. We got it. I can't just sit here and talk to you anymore. Don't fix my hair. Just like, let's move. Let's go. And then they get to the hardware store. Yeah.

Could have been a Home Depot. Could have been a Lowe's. We don't know. And everything he's doing now is even more sexist. The way he's pulling those chains was so stupid. It was so stupid. And the old lady next to him, she's like, yeah, you pull those chains. Like, you don't get your little, sit yourself down before I give you something to sit on.

It was very funny. It was really funny. It was a funny reaction. And then he looks up, he has this pole or whatever that was in his hand. He's like, look, it's just this massive phallic-like thing. Such an on-the-nose script. Yeah.

in those moments with all the innuendo. And then he drops it. Then she gets, listen, she's asking for the wood. Okay, all right. She got it on the chin. She got slammed. She got popped. And, you know, in typical New Girl fashion, you know, something bad happens when you're trying to, you know, be sneaky about something. And then they end up taking care of each other in a weird way.

She's on her deathbed, you know, nursing these injuries, and she's high off of medical grade drugs. Yeah. And she goes into that old timey sexy voice. So we know she's ready. Exactly. And Nick is bringing her soup and she just straight up lets him know, I'm trying to get entered. That's the only way I know how to say it without being... They said it more disgusting on the show, so don't look at me. I...

It was such a weird moment to watch because she's finally telling the truth. But because she's on the pills, he has to now wade through this world of consent and understanding and figuring it out because it's also what he wants. Yes. But he didn't know that's what she wants. Yep.

Which I feel like so many people I bet watching that episode can relate to is someone when they're drunk or whatever tells you something. Then they don't remember telling you the truth. This is why episodes like this, this is why people do drugs. Yeah, so they can be more open and vulnerable. Then you don't remember. Yeah, they don't care. They just want to get high. Okay, that's a different thing. They just want that fix. You know what I'm saying? That itch. When that itch gets you.

So they're in the room. Yeah. You know, he's trying to figure it out, like you said. But then he gets hurt. She accidentally. She gets real aggressive. Yeah. She wants it now. She wants to grab literally hands in his pocket. Yeah. Then he gets burned in the hot soup, which for me was like, how hot was that soup? Because it had to like make it from the kitchen all the way to the bedroom. Then it sat there. You don't serve someone scalding soup. Like his soup etiquette was like off. So he kind of asked for it.

Yeah, like if it burned your hand, what you think it's going to do to her esophagus? That's what I'm saying right now. She's like sick. Yeah. He was irresponsible and you know what? Karma. Well, he was technically doing the right thing, but he got in trouble for doing the right thing. So it's not really karma. He's just stupid. Well, I'm just saying he got like brought in the hot soup. Yeah. Which was like irresponsible and then he got burnt by the soup. It's not irresponsible when he's just stupid. Like if you're ignorant, like if you are ignorant to something,

It's not your fault. Genuinely didn't know. Genuinely didn't know. That's that's OK. Fair. Fair. I can see what you're saying now. Yeah. He's just done. I got it. Yeah. If he if he tried it and was like, damn. Yeah. Damn. Here, eat this. Yeah. And that's irresponsible. Yeah. Which is basically kind of what his hand did. Yes. His face. Exactly. OK, folks, going to go to break when we come back. I hope I pray.

- I do believe Hannah will tell us if she found the bear. - I will tell you about animal after the break. - I got faith in you. - Thank you. - And the fans do too, they're counting on you. - Great. - And our sponsors are counting on you. - I feel very comfortable with all this information. - No pressure. - None felt. - We'll be back. - Okay, Schmidt.

He reaches down Winston's wetsuit looking for his phone. Do you remember shooting that scene and getting in those wetsuits? Yes. Wetsuits terrify me. They're tight. That was my first time ever. No, I think I had tried a wetsuit on before when I was 19. I first came to California and I knew how difficult it was. So when we had to shoot this episode and they said we were putting on a wetsuit, I hated it.

I hated every moment of it. I was like, I hate putting these things on. Yeah, I would feel the same. Yeah, because they also smush you in places that are weird. You know what I mean? It's odd. Yeah, they're not attractive. Yeah, especially if it doesn't fit right and they're trying to make it fit. You make it fit. Yeah. So that's not for me. No. So whenever I jump in the ocean. Where did you guys shoot that ocean stuff? Detroit. I don't know. No, I don't know where we shot. I think we shot, I think that was Santa Monica. I'm almost positive that was like this little...

It was by, I think it was Santa Monica. In fact, I think we shot there before. In that general area, we shot the episode where Nick runs into the cancer episode where Nick runs into the water and we're all just hanging out there. And I thought to myself during that episode, my character slept in the car.

And I was like, cool, I don't got to be out there on the beach laying down at night in the cold with all these people. I was in the car. Then I just remember that episode going, damn, I have to be here in the water for sure. So funny with those things because that scene is like whatever, a couple minutes long, you guys out there looking for the lionfish, finding one, the moment on the sand. But that probably was like a whole day. It was a whole day of shooting. A whole day of shooting. A whole day. What I found to be fun about that being out there was –

We joked around a lot. We improvised a lot. I just remember during that time, because how they shoot those, they cross cover it. So it was, I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember it being fun. Just me and Max and the cross coverage of the cameras. You get to, that's the benefit of having cross coverage is you get to improvise. And so I just remember us going completely crazy.

Like we were, we were out of our minds in that scene. And that's why that moment where, when he's like, ah, he's like, you have to, you have to. With the jellyfish. He on my face with the jellyfish. And I, I made that line up where I'm like, would a number two help? You know what I mean? Like,

And I think I want to say I was shocked to see that it made the cut of the episode. It's so funny. Yeah. It's so funny because that's also ignorance. Like, I don't know why you want me to pee on you. Yeah. And I already peed in the ocean. Also, by the way, very relatable. Fun fact. Makes sense. I have never peed in the ocean and I can't. I don't know what it is. I'm not joking. We were in Italy recently. Last year for my birthday, we were in Italy and everybody went in the water. If you know me, I hate jumping in the water.

Not that great of a swimmer. I like hanging out on the beach, sipping on something nice and enjoying the view. Maybe I put my feet in. Who knows? But this time we're in there. Right. And I had to go take a piss so bad. So bad. And I'm sorry, I'm gonna put you on blast, Billy Magnuson. Billy Magnuson told me, I was like, I got to go take a piss. He's like, dude, it's the ocean. Yeah. Let's do it in here. That's right. And I was like, I can't. It's not coming out.

It's literally not. I was like, at one point I was like, I didn't. Well, it's not that I got scared. I didn't feel like walking all the way to the bathroom. Yeah. Right? Because water's a little chilly. I hate getting in and out of the water. If I'm in it, I'm just in it. And I had to get out, go pee, and come back in there. Yeah. But I was like, oh, you know, I'm going to try it. I'm going to sit here. I'm going to let it stew. And I'm going to let it just seep out. Yeah. Nothing was coming out. And I was trying. I was like trying to just be free and let it out. Nothing was happening.

You should talk to somebody about that. No, people should thank me for that. I'm not the one polluting these waters. Billy Magnuson is. I can just say this. Yeah, I almost exclusively pee in the ocean. Well, if you pee in the ocean, what's stopping you from taking a shit in the ocean, Hannah? I mean, many things. Like what? Like many things. Like what? I don't think you're pooping in the ocean. Hannah, quick question. But you can pee in the ocean. I almost feel like you get in the ocean and your body just goes, ah.

We are amongst other liquid. Hannah, let me ask you a question. You're going to let a stranger walk up to you and pee on your feet? What are we talking about now? These are real questions. These are real questions. Would you let a stranger just walk up to you and whip it out and pee on your toes? I'm about to call 911 right now. I'm not a stranger. So just, so I'm not, I'm not the one doing it. I'm talking about a stranger. Would you let a person do that? Even if I, what do you mean I,

Just in general. No, of course not. Thank you. Thank you. Would you let a person walk up and drop a deuce on your feet? What are we talking about? Answer the question, Hannah. I got a point. Oh my God. If you're listening to a rewatch podcast, you're going to learn about where my boundaries are and they're where every other human being's boundaries are. Exactly my point. So if you're going to piss in the ocean, you may as well shit in the ocean. Nah! Because nobody like to be simmering in piss all day either. Yeah.

Is that a bonus? If you're going in the ocean and you've got like fish pee and fish poop all around you. So you may as well drop a deuce. No. There we go. No. I don't do none of that stuff. That's a line. That's a line. That's a line. It's nasty. These are the most specific debates we're having on these podcasts.

That maybe only you and I care about. I don't know. We'll put this up on a poll too. But listen, folks. It is not the same. No one is going to agree with you that peeing and pooping in the ocean is the same thing. Answer the question. Is peeing and pooping in the ocean the exact same thing? Put it in the comments below or you know what I'm saying. It's just you, bud. It's just you and your shy pee-pee. A bunch of nasty people out there. I go to the bathroom.

All right. We digress. We digress. That should be the name of the podcast. We digress. 100%. Hannah, a question for you. Did we talk about that already? Did you find the bear in this episode? Where's the bear? Honestly, we have to keep addressing it because I think it is very important to address the situation with the bear. Yes.

And I think it's a season two thing. I think there was so much pressure on the show from season one. They loved having the bear. So they started to incorporate other animals like horses and horse semen and lion fish. And, you know, like paying attention to the animal that really matters. The bear sometimes just got forgotten and it's just the bear on the fridge. So I just want to give season two of New Girl a little grace around the bear situation because there's so many other competing animals.

And I'm starting to believe that the bear thing was never real. It was something you made up. You got to stay in for the long game. I think a lot of fans out there are going to be disappointed. I don't think so. I think they're on my side. Because you're out here pooping on people in the ocean. You're out here making up mythical bears. The last part is true. The first part is not. Okay, so what's interesting about the Nick and Jess thing is that after her sexual attack on him, she didn't remember any of it. Yes.

Not a single moment. No. Then they have this awkward moment at the bar. Yes. She gets her feelings hurt. They come back to the loft and then they have it out. Can we go back and talk about that moment though at the bar? She goes to the bar to just have a conversation with him. And this messed up ass boss is sexually harassing Nick. I mean, they're sleeping together. Yeah, but that's not for everybody.

They're being affectionate. He's the one that's kind of got his fingers in two different pies. Listen, yeah. Under the bar, he's got it. You know, not above the bar, if you know what I mean. Everybody thinks that they're in a good spot with him and he's just got this new information from Jess and now he doesn't know what to do and she doesn't really remember it. It's just a mess. Life and love can be a mess.

mess and he gets caught in his mess and then he says something dumb like you're my room friend what was he supposed to say you're the woman that I used to be in a relationship with kinda like what was he supposed to say

I don't know. No one says the right thing in those scenarios. Again, what is like such a good like writing moment on the show because it is you just dumb words come out. It's very like dirty dancing. I carried a watermelon just like what? Why am I still talking? I don't know what to say and I have to say something and then you say the wrong thing and then they go back to the loft and now they're like in a fight because they both want the same thing but now feelings are hurt and it's gotten messy. Yeah. And then they do what I like to call white people kissing on TV. Yeah.

Have you noticed that? What? This is, if you're white, raise your hand. You guys, you've seen it. When you watch TV and every time white people are kissing, it's aggressive and violent. It is so, they are falling on stuff and throwing stuff on the floor. That is actually true. It's very hot.

I'm like, hold on. Passionate. Hold on. Did you have to throw everything on the floor just to get on the table? The clearing of the table is a very interesting TV phenomenon around passion. I'm like...

There's a whole couch. There's a whole bed. Yeah. There's another table in there with nothing on it. You guys just like just standing up without throwing like trash in the house. How much money do you have? Yeah. And breaking everything in your house. The person standing right there, they're willing. Yes. I guess that might be rich. Also the slamming into all the walls. Yes. Did you go clumsy all of a sudden? I don't know why the slamming into all the walls. Does it make any sense? Have you read The Wind Knocked

Not during sex. But that's what I'm saying. But that's what I'm saying. Like, why would you take the risk? It's like very uncomfortable. You're drowning, but you're alive. We'll go have sex with this karate master and see what she going to do to me. Chiropractor after that. It doesn't make any sense at all. It's too much. Anyway, they break the aquarium. They break the aquarium. That doesn't make, listen. Kind of checks out. 100%. And here's what's funny about it. They just left it. They did.

They left it. That was also the crazy thing. I was like, also damage deposit. Yeah, that's a lot of water. I'd be so scared. That's a lot of water. We know they live on the fourth floor. Yeah, that's leaking through. That's going down for sure. It's wood floors. Yeah, you know how expensive that place is? Yeah, that's some damage.

Oh, boy. Anyway. Anyway. So here we are. Schmidt's got a bruise all over his face. Or whatever you call that. Oh, yeah. His face has got damage to it because he was bit by a jellyfish. Yeah. And we're assuming Winston didn't help out. I think it's like the blood vessels get pulled to the top because everybody just sucks on your face. Huh. Painful. Very painful. Almost like painful like white people kissing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Cece shows up and brings him.

A lionfish. This is what we talked about before in the episode where Robbie and Schmidt are competing or spying. And I go, you keep too many. Your character keeps too many men around that you don't want. You're already marrying someone else. Yeah. This man's in the hospital, so you decide to bring him a gift. Yeah.

That's stupid. Well, it's not a gift. She got an insane deranged phone call saying like his life depended on her or something and needs like this lion fish. And for her, because she knows so many shady, weird people, she's like, all right, like, I guess I got you. Like how? Sure. And drops it off. But it took for the wisest person on the show to check you in that moment. Yeah.

Winston, you know. It's a very sweet moment because our characters hadn't done a lot together. And it was a really sweet moment of like you see Winston, how much he loves Schmidt and protects him and does the right thing by it. I thought I was actually, I'd forgotten about that moment in the hospital. Yeah. Really, really kind. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Like I didn't write it. I just said it. I liked it. That's like one of like the little foundational moments and she like gets it and she's like, all right, cool. Yeah.

Then they go and the tag of this is super funny to me as well.

when he's going to release the lionfish back into the wild. He goes to flush it down the toilet. And it's like, okay, that's stupid. It's not going to happen. Then they go to the ocean and before he throws it, he throws it behind him. You know what I mean? It slips out of his hands. Fish are slippery. This is, this reminds me of a time that I brought Jake in real life, a lobster, a live lobster to his house. Did I ever tell you this story? You did tell me this story. Yeah, it was his fault.

I didn't go and get a live lobster. Someone brought... I was going to Jake's house. He said, bring lobster. He was trying to make a joke because I was near his house filming and he assumed that I was getting paid a lot of money. So he was like, yeah, bring lobster. He's like, you're rich, bring lobster. So I had the PA, I had the producers. I said, hey, can somebody bring me lobster? I was like, I'm thinking like just some like poached lobster they're going to bring or lobster tails or something like that from the store. They send this poor girl...

to the market and she comes, knocks on my trailer door with a brown paper bag with a live lobster inside and the look on her face was pure hatred for me because she's also like an animal rights activist, I believe. She was vegan. She was just looking at me like this and she like kind of like had her head down and she like gave it to me and I was like, why is she putting this bag? I opened the bag and I was like, what the fuck? What? I was like, why don't you bring me a lobster? She's like, they told me you wanted a lobster. I was like, no.

Oh my God. So I'm going to Jake's. I don't remember the story this way. So I go to Jake's house to bring him the lobster and he's on a walk with his kids and I show him what's in the bag and he's like, you're not bringing that shit in my house. He's like, cook it. He's like, no, I cook, I'm not killing it. So what'd you do? I was going, after I left Jake's house, I was going to someone else's house. So I brought it, they were having a dinner party. This is the most well-traveled lobster in LA. Oh yeah, it's got to see all the valley and like, it's like, it's like,

You put him on one of those bus tours. He went to every famous actor's house with a little lobster wave and getting his autograph book signed. Man. And so I bring it to my friend, Matt and Inanna. I bring it to their house and they're having a dinner party and they have the exact same reaction. What the hell is wrong with you? I was like, I don't know what to do. But Matt, you know, he's at, he's, I'm sorry. Matt,

loves surfing and every morning he goes surfing he's that type of guy he's like I'll take it to the these lobsters are still alive at this point well he put it in the Pacific which I'm assuming is not where they caught it so I'm assuming it's a long swim home

I'm sure you ain't making it home. I feel like that lobster. This feels like a feature film. I feel like this is a movie. That lobster is. This lobster's got to make its way all the way through the Panama Canal. I hope so. I hope the lobster survived. We tried to do the right thing. And I don't know. No part of that story is you trying to do the right thing. Yeah, I gave it to a person who was going to the ocean. Traumatized a vegan. What am I going to do? Go travel back to the Atlantic? Well, my lobster took it.

Took it to Jake and his fam. Yeah. Then took it to someone else's house and then dropped the lobster in a place that ain't his home. Where's the right thing? What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? Make love to it? You know. What do you want me to do? Give it a massage? I don't know. So you could relate to the tag of the episode. 100%. 100%. Let's go to break. We'll be back. Oh, my gosh.

And we are back, ladies and gentlemen. It's time to mess around a little bit. Come on now. Babe. Yeah, babe. Here's the topic. Okay. Cece the lionfish. After a breakup, what would you do if you got a pet together? Keep it. Who keeps it? Me. Why? I love animals. Well, if they love animals, just split it in half. Go get your own pet.

So you gotta get a new pet. - They want to. I'm not doing that. You see people who share custody of pets when they break up. I'm like, just get back together, y'all. Like, obviously you still wanna see each other. What are you doing? Also don't get a pet with somebody and it's shared. We got a pet. - That's stupid. - You have to be in a real relationship. Don't make this like dog go back and forth. What are we doing? - Yeah, see I'm not a pet person, so I don't have those problems. But I do share custody of my child.

That's difficult enough. That's a different situation. Oh, my gosh. Ever had or received mixed feelings from a friend like Nick and Jess in this episode? Sure. OK, explain. Yeah, actually, I will say we've talked about this before and I thought about it then. I think it was one of the worst breakups I ever had was with a friend where I was like, oh, this is like my brother.

We're like best friends. Yeah. We're hanging out and everything is great and it's really wonderful. And then I realized like, oh, you're just playing this like really long game where you think one day I'm going to like give you this look and realize. Yeah. And everybody else knew this. Kanye. I just really. Not Kanye. And I was like, oh God. And then I remember I'll never forget. I was on Sweetser Street, sat him down and was like, I got to talk to you. Yeah.

This is, we're going to stop being friends for a little bit. And the reason why I said that is because I genuinely loved him so much as one of my best friends. And I wanted him to find someone. And he was someone who just really wanted to be married and wanted to have kids. And I was like, I know I'm not that person. And it sucked because they were one of my few really good friends in LA. And all of a sudden I was like down one. Yeah. And, but that was like the right thing to do in the friendship. I'm trying to think if I've ever had that situation. Yeah.

The answer is no, because I'm usually pretty forward. Yeah, direct. I'm like, it is what it is. I know you like me, girl, but get out. You know what I'm saying? That's kind of what I did. Once I figured it out. That's kind of what I did. Okay, Winston tells Cece she has to give Schmidt space. Have you ever had to do this for a friend?

No, I don't want to be a messenger. Don't do that. I'm not getting involved. My whole thing is like, I'm not getting involved. I'll talk to you. I'll get you hype. I'll be there for when it goes, you know, left or right afterwards, but I'm not going and delivering no messages. I think so. I think no, but I think, I think someone did that to me. And it's something I haven't addressed with this friend yet. An ex of mine, we were breaking up and we should, we should have broken up, but there was a moment where we were considering getting back together. And a friend of mine convinced her that,

Not do. Get out. That's what I was told, and I still haven't addressed that yet. So if you're listening to this episode, you know who the fuck you are. You should call him. You should answer that question for yourself. I will. Now for me, because I'm curious. But you know, it's another girl, so they go, it's girl, girls stick together. Yeah, but if she's speaking on something that impacted you...

You are allowed to ask questions. See, this is what I'm saying. Beforehand, I can hype you up. I can talk to you. I'm not going to call her for you. Okay, that makes sense. You got to do it. I got you, though. But here's the thing. I think she was smart about it. I think she did the right thing convincing us not to. You're like, I'm calling to say thank you for whatever you said. But still, that was my choice. Got it. Her body, my choice. Wait, what?

All right, we're done. We're done! Thank you, folks out there in Listenertown for listening. Please be sure to follow us on IG at The Mess Around Pod, and we'll be back next week with episode 220. Chicago! Chicago.

That was The Mess Around. This has been an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our engineer and editor is Mia Taylor. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. So we're going to catch you next time.

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