218: Tinfinity
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For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end. It sent the message that we can prosecute these people. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.

Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself? There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life.

I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, babe. Yeah, babe. Babe. Babe. It's so good to see you. You as well. And you look fantastic. Thank you so much. What you been doing? Thank you so much. Doing what you been telling me to do. Yeah, getting that in. Look at that. Yeah, I know. I don't mind. I mean, it's there. Yeah, I trust you. It's there. We're matching today. We are. Matching today. Look at this. The mess around. The mess around. Classic. Very classic. Everyone's been talking about it. Yeah.

Every time I walk down the street, I see people wearing it and I just get so excited and so happy. Yeah, you know how to rep. I know. Yeah. It's a great gift for both young and old. Grandmas. And dying. Grandpas. Yes, exactly. Great funeral attire. Oh yeah. I'm gonna wear this to my next funeral. But how you been?

I've been good. That's good. I've truly been good. Yeah. I've been on a health kick. Nice. Thanks to you. You're very, very welcome. We say health is wealth, and you have a lot of houses, so you got to pay for them. That's right. Yes. Yes.

I mean, that's what I'm doing. I don't know what's happening. I want everybody to gather around now. Gather around. I like that. Yeah. Yes. Mess around. Mess around. That's what I'm talking about. Uh-huh. Mess around. Oh, not messing around. Look at that. Mess around. They messing around.

Exactly. So we are, we're just picking up from where we left off last week, folks. We are here with episode 218, Tinfinity. Tinfinity equals celebrating friendship. Yes. Adults celebrating their friendship, which is basically kind of what this podcast is. Yes, 100%. Yeah. It's not something that we do.

Consciously. No, we do it. You know, we go out, we have these little moments where you go, oh man, you know, I've known you for X amount of years. But in this episode, for some reason, these two Jack A's are making it a bit more formal.

Well, one in specific. One in specific. Is pushing it on the other. Yes, indeed. I feel like that's kind of like the me and our relationship a little bit where I'm like, I'm going to schedule this every single week. So you have to hang out with me and we can talk about how much we love each other. And this is really important to me. And then we're just going to let the world like watch it. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm busy. You know what I'm saying? It's the ultimate mess around. 100%. I've trapped you. I know. I've trapped your ass in this loft. And now you put me in a studio. That's right. Because we used to speak over Zoom. Dreams come true.

And now we're here in person. That's right. Yeah.

You're like, wait a minute. Get out. Get out. All right. Break it down. Break it down. What are we going to talk about today? Okay. This episode is interesting. So in this episode, Nick and Schmidt, they are planning a party to celebrate their 10-year anniversary, which is weird. Their 10-year anniversary of living together. But quickly, they start arguing over planning chores. Now, I've never done this. We just spoke about that. This is not something I've ever done. Apparently, this is something that 30-year-old, like,

like white dudes do. I called six black people and I said, do y'all do this? And they were like, hell no. Called an Indian guy, Ukarsh. The one Indian guy you know. I know like three. I know a lot. I know a lot of... You called Ukarsh. Ukarsh said no. He said, this ain't what we do. No.

And also on this episode, Winston has become friendly with professional football player Jax McTavish, which is a funny name, played by the magnificent Steve Howey. And instantly, Jess is all over that. She is trying to steal him away from Winston. She's trying to get it. Yeah. She's trying to get it in and get over Nick being her last kiss.

She's way over that. Now, meanwhile, Cece, she gets a less than stellar surprise from Chevrang when he gives her this kind of basic and boring wedding proposal, like, you know, let's do this thing. And she's over him, you know, kind of in this moment. And all these storylines, they come crashing together at a party.

called Tinfinity. The Tinfinity Party. The Tinfinity Party. I would just like to say it made me think instantly that our 10-year friendship anniversary would be August 2021, and we missed it. This year will be 13 years, which is our Lace anniversary, and it's coming up in August, and I do think that we should honor it. Lace.

Fuck you think I'm going to do, Hannah? Just show up. We have something lacy on the podcast. You all know what's going to happen. Every time I do that, people start paying me for things. And I'm done with those days. Okay. Not the most exciting one, Lace, but I'm going to figure something out. I'm going to get you a gift this year. Thank you. It's going to be our first ever celebration, formal celebration. Well, you're rich enough. Your show is doing well. Please give me a gift.

I am showless. This episode, by the way, was directed by Max Winkler, who ended up directing a few. A lot. I think he's the second most, I want to say the second most episodes directed by him. I think Trent might have the most, but Max...

Yeah. Love Max Winkler. He's the best. Amazing. And it was written by Kim Rosenstock and Josh Malmuth. Ah, yes. The Malmuth. The Malmuth. We love him. Oh, yes. He's great. So, yeah, here we are. So let's dive right into it. Schmidt and Nick invite everyone to their 10 year anniversary of living together. Yes. They do this fun flashback.

First of all, every time Nick and Schmidt have a flashback episode, I could watch that series. Yes. I will pitch that series. That's a spinoff everybody wants. 100%. Yeah. They have the wood flashback. They have the paper flashback. Just the inherent violence of all of it is the funny part. So stupid. Yeah.

So stupid. When I was watching it, I remember the moment and I didn't actually remember filming this, but watching it when I had the wood in my hand and Nick has an ax and he's about to chop it.

For some reason, when I rewatched this episode, I must have checked out because I do not remember that happening. Really? Not at all. His swing is so high that you know it's coming for your hand. And I was genuinely concerned. Yeah, because Jake be drinking. He was having a good time in those early seasons. Oh, yeah. Everybody was having a good time. Oh, yeah. It was great. It was great. We're all footloose and fancy free.

And so let me get this straight. Yeah. Wood, paper, that's a real thing. Yes. So when you, I mean, because you've clearly done this. Yes. When you say a lace anniversary, for example, what is the real celebration? So I've actually never done it where I've celebrated with what the thing is because paper is.

This is not very exciting. And you got to put in time and work to get to like the good stuff, like the diamond anniversary. Okay. So I've never done it, but I like the idea of it. And I feel like this year I'm going to do it for the first time with you. With me. Yeah. Lace. They got these lace LeBrons that they, I think they might have. So I'll take a pair of those. Lace LeBrons. Or a lace Ferrari. Noted. A Ferrari with lace seats. Sure. Sure. Then I'll celebrate all day. Lego. Lego lace Ferrari. That's what I'm getting you. Yeah.

It's the thought that counts. So Jess says she needs to date a new guy to get over Nick being her last kiss. She can't stop thinking about his mouth being on her mouth. Yeah, there's like a big scene where Zoe and I talk about it. Zoe is so funny in that scene because she's just kind of like,

living through the emotion and trying to just talk it out. And Cece's advice is you need a palate cleanser. Yeah. You need just like a new mouth on your mouth, which is kind of like a fun look, I feel like, for the Jess character to just like use a body. Yeah. To erase a memory. 100%.

And I also think in real life that that is something that people tend to do. Yeah. A lot of times it's met with regret. Yes. Because that next mouth you kiss might be a nasty mouth. That's right. And you don't want to just go around mouthing people just to get over somebody. But, you know, it happens. Well, that's a funny part about this episode, too, is that they show Jake with the nastiest looking mouth. Yeah. With the cupcake. With the cupcake. Yeah.

And this makes her feel some type of way or emotional, I guess, if you will, because I don't know if it's turning her on at all. That's right. But she, you know, clearly. Which is the worst feeling when you're sitting there going like, why? Why is my body responding to this? Because my brain can see that this is disgusting. Yeah. And my body is doing different things. 100%. My body right now only responds, like it truly only responds to one woman and one woman only. I'm not going to say her name because I've said it.

million times. And that's it. Zoe Kravitz. You can't help yourself. Enough silence and you're going to fill the space. That's right. Okay. So yeah, that'd be the only person I'd be like, come on, I can't get over you. She's going to call. She's seriously going to call like a restraining order against me. Don't do that. I'm not serious. Okay. So then she goes to the bar. She's going to just try to find anybody. And then every single person she talks to is an instant stranger.

Turn off. Yes. Because of crazy things. And this is what I genuinely wanted to talk to you about when I was watching it, is the guy who says that he's wearing denim and he hasn't washed his jeans in 18 months. I know lots of people that with jeans, they don't, unless something like falls and stains it, like they don't.

They don't wash their denim because they believe it like changes the fade of it. Yeah. Or like makes it tight and weird. And they don't wash their jeans. You know, what's interesting for a while, I, I,

Okay, let me just say, I have been that person, but it wasn't like 18 months. It was more so like, because I have a lot of jeans, but they're like two or three pair that I wear all the time. And it wasn't until I remember walking a lot one day and then getting home, putting those pants up the next day going, oh, what do I want to wear? Pick those pants up and realize how awful they smelled. And I was like,

man, I don't be washing my jeans. I was like, just because the smell ain't there don't mean it ain't dirty. You know, the smell means there's a surplus of filth. So I started washing my jeans and it was like a trial and error thing. I would wash them, dry them, then it would come back looking all raggedy and disheveled. So then a wise person once told me, wise person named Google, they said, you wash them

Inside out. Yes. Cold. Yeah. And then just air dry them, like hang them out to dry. Yeah. They feel a little crunchy. They'll never feel the same is the truth. Yeah. It is a weird thing. I just thought there's like, there's a lot of thought about this as we're discussing. The fact that it was such an instant, obvious turnoff to whatever, you know, like writer pitched that particular thing. I was like, wow, they washed their jeans all day.

Oh, 100%. And I feel like they're the minority. Maybe controversial, but I think that. Well, who is it that doesn't wash their legs? Legs? Just legs in general? Like hips down? Yeah, it was like a thing. Or mid-thigh down? I think it was Taylor Swift or something like that. What? Somebody was like that. Somebody Google. Careful. I think it was just white people. It was a generalization. Because I remember we did an episode of Woke about that. You mean like...

- In the shower they don't like-- - They wash everything else and they're like the soap runs down. - But they don't go down with the soap and their legs up. - It runs down the legs so they figure, you know, this is what, we did a bit on Woke about that and Blake Anderson when he was performing it, the line was, "How do you wash up in the shower?" And he was like, you know, I do it like this, I do it like this, and I rinse and then I get out. He was like, "Ew, you don't wash your legs?" And he's like, "No, the soap trickles down "and washes my legs for me."

Taylor Swift. And then we posted it online. You're right. It was Taylor Swift. It was Taylor Swift. It was Taylor Swift. I got to ask her about that. I genuinely don't think it's that crazy. Unless there's something odd. You don't have to sit there and scrub your legs. So you don't wash your legs? No, I don't think so. You wash your arms? Now that I think about it. You wash your arms? It's all kind of within easy reach. Taylor Swift and I have so much in common. Hannah, are you half white?

Yes, I am. Bottom half. There we go. We solved it. Caucasian from the hips down. It all checks out. It all checks out. The rash guy. That guy is my favorite because she hates him and all he's trying to do is better his health. That's right. That's it. The fact that it was a prescription lotion. Mind you that now that I say it out loud, I don't know if that's the guy that I just want to like have like a fun make out at the bar with. I mean,

I mean, you know, everybody got something. But like, what if it's just not the visible? I don't know. It could be other places. It could be other places. What if he needs help in the application? Just like not, you know, that's like, that's a relationship. It's good to know you're not a team player. No, I'm not. You're not a team player. Oil up your own body parts with your medications. I've just met you. Also too much information. That is true. That is true. However, however,

She has these three guys that completely turn her off. And then because she is so bent on getting what she wants, she sees the tall, strong, good looking guy. She's like, I'm going to make out with him. Oh, and he talks about his feelings. Surprise. He got something too. Yeah.

That boy, that boy emotional. Very emotional. That boy wear his heart on his sleeve, both of them. Do you remember there was like a Friends episode? That was the Bruce Willis Friends arc. A Friends episode. No, I've never seen Friends. Never. I was busy watching real TV shows like Mark Living Single.

Friends is a ripoff, a living single. And to be fair, New Girl is a ripoff of Friends. That's what I'm saying. Know your history. Know where you came from. Remember where you came from, Lamorne. I've never watched Friends. Really? Never watched it. Okay, so it's not like I'm a diehard Friends fan, but I remember that there was like Bruce Willis was on the show. Same thing. Jennifer Aniston's character, Rachel, was just like, I need a man who's in touch with his emotions. And he's strong.

and big and sexy same as this like Steve Howey character and then realizes his feelings and then just can't stop crying is that what Bruce Willis was doing yes and it's super funny to see him like that when he's you know big action star at the time and she gets so turned off and then she has to figure out how to moonwalk away from Bruce ah

Which is similar to this situation. Maybe I should watch Friends. Just watch that one. That's a really good one. I just watched that one episode. Yeah. If you're out there, please comment below which episode that is. He's like, I refuse to Google. I don't want to Google. I want my algorithm to start sending me weird Friends GIFs and quotes. You want to hear a fun piece of trivia? Sure. Is that Prince used to email me and ask when the episodes would be on. He's like, when's the new episode on? And I would email Prince back and be like,

Google it. And that's what I'm going to say to you right now. I'm going to treat you like Prince. I'm like, I'm not. You told Prince to Google it? I'm not here to be like, it's Tuesdays at nine on Fox. No, I was like, Prince, get it together. Google. It's Prince. No, these people are not going to sit there and tell you when the Bruce episode. Google it yourself. You know what I would do? If Prince emailed me and said, hey, what time is New Girl episode coming on? I will fly to this man's house and change the channel for him.

You kidding me? That's why he did not email you. You were too thirsty. Too thirsty. Why was I out there dry mouthed? Also, okay, I want to talk about the name Jax McTavish because apparently I read this interview where it was Dave Finkel and Brett Baer and Elizabeth Merriweather and they were talking about this episode and

They were saying how Berkley Johnson was like the name guy. One of the writers on the show, incredible writer, the name guy, always like just could come up with really cool, fun character names. And they feel like this one was a swing and a miss. I personally loved it. I loved it because I thought it was funny. Me too. It was such a like made up name.

I know. That's why I liked it. In fact, back behind the scenes, Jake and Max were always doing these bits. They're like, because they thought the name was ridiculous, too. So a lot of outtakes of Jake going, Jax McTavish. And then Max would go, Jax McTavish from the San Francisco team?

And they just kept doing that bit over and over again. So, in fact, every time I think of Jax McTavish or this episode or even Steve Howie, I always go, oh, from the San Francisco team. If I see a 49ers game, I go, oh, look, it's the San Francisco team. Right. Just based on

This particular... Just the deleted scenes. Yeah. I think the fact that they said that they were talking about this episode and how there were so many things they were trying to accomplish. And sometimes it would all line up in some episodes. Yeah. You could see like, that is definitely written for TV. 100%. Which bumped them, I guess. Brett and Dave and Liz. But...

I kind of liked it. I like the fact that there were some things that were so obviously written and it just made it out loud funny. Oh, 100%. 100%. Because at the end of the day, it's still TV. It's supposed to be silly. Yeah. My character had shrimp fork hands. Yeah. It's for fun. Yeah. It's all right. Go with the bit sometimes. 100%. Yeah.

Oh, also, maybe we could talk about that later or now. In that same interview you're talking about, Liz spoke about how difficult it was to make this episode. Yeah. Based off of, you know, if you're paying attention to this episode, you notice that Zoe is not in the A story. Yeah.

which is rare for this. I mean, she's the face of the show. So it was difficult for them to piece together something compelling in that particular storyline. And also it was difficult because of weather.

Yeah. Apparently there was huge rainstorms that came and rained it out, but majority of the episode is outside. And so it was all muddy and changing and looking different. And so it just became really tricky to get it all done. I remember in that last scene, actually-

When I run into the tent, there was no tent before. And Winkler was like, we got to put a tent up because it started to rain again. And they put me in that black coat that has like kind of like silver studs down the arm. And the coat didn't fit right.

right? Because it was like a last minute grab and they had to put something on because it was freezing. I remember that for some reason at that whole episode, I remember that moment because I was like so personally resistant to this coat. I was like, I don't think this is the greatest coat. They're like, well, it's freezing and raining and the tent's up. We don't care. Get the coat on and run in. 100%. So I know that that's the part I remember that the weather was bad and it was weird.

And the location was difficult because it was super muddy all over the ground. Yes. Because it typically takes five days to shoot an episode. This one apparently took a month. Yeah. And it's probably the only one that was like that. Yeah. I don't remember another one where we had to break it up. I remember long days. I remember like a six day shoot here and there. Sure. But a month. Yeah. That's you shoot a whole film in a month. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's because of the location just being like unshootable. 100%. So they were just like piecing it back and forth.

I want to buy a house with a big backyard so then I can just tell film productions to just stay there all day and shoot. Yeah. Pay me millions of dollars to use my house. It is the real hack. Yeah. Yeah. But then you have

people there all the time love people in your house love people as long as they give you the cash for it you're like okay great no problem i love all these people with all i'll have a i'll have a merch section right in the front so they can pick up some merch when they're working speaking of merch hey hannah what do you want to do right now i want to throw a break and then when we come back i want to talk about party planning responsibilities that are in this episode between nick and schmidt and then maybe for our place party in august let's go to break

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words. Yeah.

That I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110.

120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.

Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we are back. After just tuning in. Hannah, what were you saying? You know what's funny? Every time you say, and we're back, it makes me think of the old school hypnotists. And you're back in the room. That's right. And you're a chicken. That's right. Yeah. I've never been hypnotized, by the way. Me either. And I don't want to be. I don't trust it. Yeah. They're going to make me do some weird stuff. It's a weird thing, though, because part of me truly feels like it's all fake. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone's acting and fake and going along with a bit. But then I also would never do it. I've tried. Have you really tried? Yeah. They couldn't get you. No, they couldn't get me. Nobody can get me. These spiritual mediums, these hypnotists, even magicians don't want to fuck with me.

Additions make me nervous. That's another thing for another day, you guys. Okay, fine. Party planning responsibilities. Schmidt gives Nick porta-potties and balloons. Yes. The execution of those two responsibilities also may be one of my favorite parts of this episode. Porta-potties. What's funny about that one in particular is it's so Nick. It is such a Nick thing to bring the filthiest toilet. And buy it.

He bought it. From the trash yard of the Porta Potty rental spot. Still paid for it. It was from trash. They still got 60 bucks out of him. Same guy. Again, but this is right on brand with him. That's true. You know, he's the I'll do it myself person, the simple fix person.

the weird mechanism in the bathroom to get the toilets to flush the later episodes. You see, you know, his rental schemes with moving vans and all kinds of stuff, real apps, you know, things like that. But this one definitely makes sense. I low key felt bad. I felt bad for Schmidt in that moment because why? Because everybody's got friends that's just not responsible. Yeah. And you're like, man,

Man, I feel bad. Like I have friends, for example, that I don't like to invite places sometimes because I'm like, they're going to do something to embarrass me. And then they always do. And then there are moments where you're like, oh, I should invite such and such. And then you realize like...

Like, no, I'm not going to invite them because they always... And you feel bad about it. Like they're going to do something out of pocket. Yeah, because they just can't help it. Nick just can't help but put some bullshit together. What's funny is that usually then Schmidt has a big reaction to it. Like he's so frustrated. And this is the most loving episode because Schmidt's just like...

All right, man. I'm proud of you. Yeah. Good job. And I got this backup and it flipped. It was the neck that was like so hurt by the fact of like, but I did it. I did a good job. And if it's good enough, this should be good enough. Right. And then he's loitering outside of like the stinky, gross porta potty, which is also like

Not what you want. It's not going to come in the little box. Well, I've done it. I've learned it outside of porta-potties for other reasons, but I haven't. I'm done with college. But no, it makes a lot of sense. But I do think Schmidt, I think the reason Schmidt was kind of like whatever about it because he made backups for everything. Yeah. He was like, I know you're going to screw this up. Correct. I know you're going to screw this up. And I got you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And the hot air balloon made me laugh too, because he was like, well, I got one. And then he still managed to screw the whole thing up by not getting the propane. Would you get on a hot air balloon? No, I don't like them. I don't like the idea of them. I'm not into them. I think it's weird. I feel like because of that, somehow the algorithm has figured out how to send me every hot air balloon death, not into the thing. Oh God. It's so weird. Would you? Hell no. I don't know why I'd get on a roller coaster. Thank you.

I don't even like to jump high. Nope. That's why I stopped playing basketball. Because when I get up there, sometimes I'm like, oh, how am I going to get down? You know what I'm saying? Fall flat. That's what you're going to do. No, I don't get it at all. Yeah. Not for me. Roller coaster where you go like upside down and are hanging in some weird contraption that runs over and over and over again. Yeah. Hard pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Final Destination, that movie is a documentary. All those deaths are...

have happened. Correct. And have occurred in real life. Yeah. So no, no hot air balloon for me. No. Yeah. No, I ain't risking nothing. Now, Jess, she wants to meet this guy. She wants to meet Jax. Yeah. And Winston is like, it's shocking how against this he is because he wants to be friends with him. Two things that were going through my mind when rewatching it. One,

This is no not because I think these are the greatest writers ever. They just, I think that was a shitty, I thought it was terrible. Like it was a terrible, it was a terrible character arc for Winston. It just was weird. I think I thought the lines were weird and maybe hard to say or, and, and I felt personally this, this goes back to something we've spoken about in season one as well. How I was so,

not there yet with the rest of the cast. I think everybody else was clicking and I was like, as I was watching this episode, I was like, Jesus, Lamorne, this is a bad performance. Like it just was. And even talking about it, I'm like,

Do I want people to go back and rewatch this episode? No. Start from season three and on. That's kind of how I feel about some of my performances in this season. It's so funny how you see yourself when you watch it back because I completely understood the bit because here's the way it went in my brain. And now tell me if it makes more sense to you.

You went to meet me at a bar, right? And you walked in and you had just met him, okay, at some whatever event. And he was like, well, I'll come kick it with you with LeBron. And now you're about to get to sit down and kick it with LeBron. And I was just like, you haven't said a word to him yet. You're just about to. And he's like there to nerd out about all things basketball. And I'm like, oh, he's cute. I'm going to go over and see if he wants to like, like, like he likes baking. And I think you'd be like, you need to back up.

I would like this is not what this is about. This is about me and this like childhood dream happening. Could you just move away? Yeah, I you know what? When you put it in that when you put it in that light, I still disagree. Really? You'd be like you'd let me hijack? No, a little a little bit, a little bit. And here's here's why.

I understand the idea behind, okay, this is my, I want to be friends with this person. But if you're trying to be friends with a professional athlete, the best way to do it, I've had this happen before. I'm not going to name names. Maybe I could, actually. No, I'm not going to name names. A friend of mine played for the Clippers. I was at a party once with another friend of mine, an actress. I didn't know him at the time, the player. He comes up to me.

And I'm a huge fan of this person. And he comes up to me and he said, and he was like, hey, that's your friend? And immediately I went into like, oh, I get tickets mode.

Right. I went into selfish mode. You're like, this is transactional. Right. I got you. But it's a win, win, win for everybody. Sure. She gets the man of her dreams. He gets the woman of her dreams. I get the seats of my dreams. But this is a hijack. In this episode, this is a hijack. Yeah. Right. You've already got your FaceTime. You're about to now have the conversation you've been waiting for. He's kicking it in the bar with you. Yeah. You don't need any in. You're in. And now it's about to be taken. You're about to be out. Yeah.

Yeah, no. Just give me the tickets. I'm a guy. You know what I mean? I know. I know how it is. I don't want to be sitting up there. This is a very mature response, actually. Cuddled up with some six foot five guy making me look like Little Spoon. You know what I'm saying? I'm the top. Okay, I got it. Okay, we're going to move on. We're going to move on. Nobody bottoms me. I bottom them.

That's not going on the merch. Yeah, that's not a shirt logo. No, it's not a shirt logo. Just want to say. Yeah. Don't make that into a meme. Don't send this out to anybody. Oh, God. Why are we doing video? That's when you're fucked up. That's right. So we're going to do video. I love you.

We need to talk about this proposal. Yes. Oh, my God. Because it has been making me crazy. I had forgotten. Mm-hmm. Because everybody thinks about, like, the big Taylor Swift wedding, the big season finale. I had genuinely forgotten until I rewatched how crazy.

Cece got proposed to by Shivrang. Yes. And it is the absolute worst thing. Yeah. Like, they had to dig the writers for, like, what's the worst way you could get proposed to? Because it's an arranged marriage. So the moms have said, we're cool. Yeah. So, like...

what are we even doing and I think that's what he was thinking is just sort of like it's done have you seen the Gucci Mane proposal no so Gucci Mane rapper is at Atlanta Hawks basketball game and he's sitting on the floor with his fiance at the time his girlfriend and the camera goes on to them and he pulls out a ring she's sitting next to him and he goes like this he just kind of goes here you want this like he just adds her the ring it was like yeah what's up

That's bad. You're like on the kiss cam, you don't even get the kiss, you don't even get the engagement on the kiss cam. How would she know it's a proposal as opposed to just like jewelry, like a gift? Like I'm this rich and here's... She probably knew. Women know when y'all getting proposed to. I don't know, I'd just be like, what? Thank you for the jewelry. Thank you for this huge diamond ring on the kiss cam.

Well, you haven't said anything to indicate that this is other than just like a gift. I'd just be like, thank you. Bye. Unless you ask me for something. Can we pull that up? Not now, obviously, but can we show a clip of that if we could find it? Okay. So it's Gucci Mane, then Shivrang. Yeah. You just want to know it's not the worst. It's not the worst. It could get worse. It's not the worst because I understand where he's coming from. It was an arranged thing. And he was like...

do I propose? Because someone else has made this decision for us. It's like the decision's just been made, so everybody's cool. So should we actually do it? And I think that's where her...

heart breaks a little bit because she'd always had this idea of what it would be like and to be like, I know that this proposal is happening and because Schmidt's character is so over the top. So to go from someone with that energy to someone who's just be like, we're cool? That's the rollercoaster. Well, the thing is it's disingenuous if he does some big proposal.

Because you also see it coming. You know it's happening. It's not a shock. Do you feign surprise that you just go, oh my God, I didn't know this was happening. You knew it was happening because your parents talked about it. The truth of relationships is sometimes you do have to. Fake it? I don't want to know what's going on in your house. Ha ha.

Sometimes you got to just sit there and put in a little more effort on things. You know what I'm saying? And so I feel like with this proposal, look, it's not the most romantic path that we have taken. I can see how hard you are resisting to say something inappropriate. And I appreciate it. I'm not going to say it. I know. I appreciate it. I will just say this. I see it. Your thoughts are loud. I just say this. I've never faked it. It's all the women out there.

I was always real with you when I said I was done. Okay. All right. We're talking about romantic gestures. Let's just stay on the same page here. Oh, sorry. I get carried away. I can tell. I sometimes think this is the morning after podcast. I know. I know. It's just going to do like a star wipe and then we're going to be in another podcast.

And then we'll be talking about different things. Yes. I feel like. So they're on this thing and I think she just wants to feel like this is not just going to be like a business arrangement. Is there something there? Can I feel something real that's romantic and whatever? And if there's going to be any moment, it's the decision that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. And it's a huge nothing burger. Yeah. And I think she's just like devastated. But then the sweet part of this episode is that he sees it and actually then...

He does. He does. And to my surprise, CeCe was surprised. Yeah. Because she actually thought it wasn't going to happen in the fashion that she had imagined. And this is why Chevrang is such a good guy. He's a good guy. Until later. Then he's the worst. Then he's the worst guy. Yeah. But then, you know, we ultimately see, like, okay, he's putting in some effort here. And given the circumstances, he still really wants this. Yeah.

Besides it being arranged. Yeah, but it's one of those moments too when you see Cece's face at the end. It's like, be careful what you wish for. Now it's big. It's out there. It's public. It's loud. Everyone's seen it. And here's what I really think is that he did that. And it's really earnest. And she's still feeling it.

Exactly. Because when you say it's interesting, you say be careful what you wish for. You ask for something. That's right. Same with Jess. She asked for this guy. She asked to get kissed by some strapping young hunk. And he comes with a lot of baggage. And then right after Chevrine leaves the stage, he gets on the stage to do another speech. That's right. And she can't hide her emotions as well as Cece. And she just runs away. Yeah. While saying no. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, I mean, that's the part I thought was like a nice parallel that they put in the episode is both of the female characters had been really specific and asking for what they want from a man and what they want from their relationships. And it was not Nick and not Schmidt. And then in this episode, by the way, where the A story is all about Nick and Schmidt. Yes. These women get what they ask for. And it's a nightmare. It is a nightmare indeed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I agree. Okay, so we are going to go to break and when we come back... You got something for me. Yeah, that's right. I hope you came prepared. See if we found the bear.

For decades, the mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.

That I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110.

120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.

Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed.

This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

And we are back. Listeners, if you're just tuning in, Hannah has spotted something, I believe, or maybe she hasn't. Or maybe she hasn't. Hannah. Yeah. Did you find the bear this week? Where's the bear? Listen, I lucked.

I looked, I watched, I rewatched, and then I did what I feel like is a fair bear cheat, which is then I go through Reddit. I comb the blogs. And it's the one episode that feels like we haven't found a bear. But I will say on this podcast, when I say that, someone will then email or DM us and help me out.

So this one, I can't find it. If you guys find it, please let me know. And then I will follow up and let everybody know where it is. I believe, I believe that bear is there in every episode. And I found it. If you say your bear chest. No, I'll take it. I didn't have my bear chest out. I didn't have my bear chest out, but I found the bear is the tattoo on that guy's arm. What was a bear? Whose arm?

The guy, one of the guys, she was dating. Had a bear? He had a bear on his arm. He had a bear tattoo on his arm. Is this true? No, absolutely not. I just made that up. But it could be true. It could be true. If you're out there, go ahead and look. I really wanted to believe it. Go ahead and look. I got really excited for a second. Never trust me. Well, speaking of surprises of watching this episode, the person who I thought was the DJ, turns out it's the lighting guy. See it in the credits, is my dear friend, Jimmy. Jimmy.

What? Jimmy, who is on Not Dead Yet, who plays Mason on Not Dead Yet, is there setting up the lights for the redhead who says something like, let me alone, you wang to Max. So I called Jimmy and I was like, tell me what you remember from booking The Lighting Guy on New Girl. I'm going to play it for you.

All right, so here we go. This is what Jimmy sent, remembering doing his big New Girl booking to play the lighting guy to get yelled at by Max. So I don't really remember the whole auditioning for New Girl. That was like, it went by so fast. I just don't remember the whole process. But it was probably pretty quick, to be honest, which is why I don't remember it. You know, you audition so many times and they start to kind of blur together. But I do remember my first day there.

I got there and I went to hair and makeup and the first person that was in hair and makeup was Hannah. That was the first person that I technically met. Now, Hannah was so quiet, not rude or anything, but she was just very quiet, kept to herself. You know, we probably said like a quick hi, but she was just kind of keeping to herself, very quiet, which is so funny now knowing her from doing Not Dead Yet because she couldn't be more outgoing and friendly and funny. So I thought that's so funny now looking back.

you know so it was so funny yeah so we did hair and makeup and stuff and then I just remember that we were supposed to film at the park across from Fox but it had rained so they had to push it and so then when we filmed there it was so muddy I just remember it being a mess

Eventually, we did my scene and I thought it went well. It's my character and the Schmidt character interacting. He wants everything to be perfect and he's being crazy and neurotic with me and I'm just not having it. I have no patience for it. My character didn't want to deal with it. But the funny thing is that everyone thinks that my character was the DJ on that show, but I was actually a lighting guy.

I was in charge of making the lights perfect for his big reveal. But when you watch it back and everyone who watches it, everyone who sees it and says something about it, they always go, you were the DJ. You were the DJ guy. And it's so funny because technically I was the lighting guy, which I don't care. Like, whatever. I'll be whatever guy you want me to be. Yeah. So it was it was a fun experience overall. Yeah.

Yeah, I work with him every week. He's the greatest. That's dope. I was super surprised. That's dope. And it made me realize that New Girl truly was like the comedy Law and Order, but like of LA, not of New York, where everybody at some point who's like an awesome person has been in there. Rick Glassman was also a New Girl. What? Yes. No. But what you work with. Yeah. Rick Glassman.

I forget what season, I forget what episode, but Rick was, I think it was Olivia Munn and Jake were at a dinner or something like that. And he was the waiter.

Or maybe it was Jess. It was like a three, it was Nick, Jess, and some, maybe it was Megan Fox or Jordan. I forget. Something. We'll figure it out. A bunch of like not dead yet actors just like embedded into the show. Yep. I tried to get Gina on A New Girl. She said no. Really? I made that up. Oh.

Oh, that would have been great. That would have been great on New Girl. Oh, yeah. Straight off from Jane the Virgin. It would have made sense. So we are towards the end of this episode. Yeah. Celebrating friendship. Celebrating friendship. We come to this conclusion where the gang is all...

They're hanging out in the hot air balloon. Yeah. And she has to, Jess has to now put her mouth on something that Nick's put his mouth on. And she legs it. She can't do it. She just books it. She just runs away. Which I kind of understand. Yeah. She tried so hard to do the thing. She couldn't do it. Yeah. To palate cleanse. So she's still stuck. Yeah.

And Cece's stuck. Everybody's stuck with the Nick and Schmidt situation. And we always end up where we begin with this group. Together. Although you're off with Chevrang in the end. Yeah. Satya Baba, man. Yeah. What a G. I love Satya. He truly is. I think he's really like old school friends with Liz. We'll have him on the podcast and hang out. He can tell the story. But they've known each other from time to time.

Very, very nice. Shout out to Satya Baba. Shout out to Satya Baba. What are some of your favorite... I have some lines in this episode that I think are very funny and irreverent. And I think might have...

I don't know. Nowadays, you might have issues writing these types of lines. Like what? Schmidt, all delivered by Schmidt, of course. Yeah. The one line where he sees, first of all, when he sees Jax, he goes, did you think you were Omar Epps? Did you think

That is here in the notes. It never gets old to me. And every time I think of Omar Epps or see Omar Epps out and about, I always think of that. I always think of that. And another line where he says to Chevrang...

What does he call him? Chevronk? Yeah, he refuses to pronounce his name correctly. And he goes, he goes, welcome to our country. Then he says, we're having cow meat. It's like beef. You mean you're having beef tacos. Cow meat. The disrespect is intentional and blatant on your culture. Oh my gosh. So funny. But so, you know.

For some reason, you still love him. He's such an asshole. It's the magic of Max. It truly is. The way he delivers it. Because he's so highly inappropriate. Yes.

In real life, he's not. No, not at all. This man writes children's books. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Anything else you want to talk about from this one? About this episode. Anything we should talk about? Oh, at the end where they do their little equals and then they brag about. The flashback at the end is interesting when Schmidt and Nick are going back and forth because I can't tell if it was written or improvised. But the more I watch it, I watched it back a few times.

I believe they were improvising because when Jake says, I, I sex, something about sexually, I get the girls. I know what the girls want. So I let, I give it to him or something like that. That's a Jake Johnson. For sure. That's a Jake Johnson thing. And watching Max respond to it. Yeah. Me too, man. Yeah. But no, not really. They, I think I do believe, cause a lot of times those tags are improvised. Yeah. A lot of times it's just like, just,

do something, some moments that may not have made the cut, they add it to the end. Some moments that are really funny. And I think, I want to say they improvised that. I'm pretty sure, actually. The thing I really liked about those flashbacks too, in this Tinfinity episode in particular, is this whole thing of like equals, right? Yeah. Which is like they've had through their 10 years, someone's been up, the other one's been down, and it's all equals out. Yeah. That's how I felt about it. Yeah.

Yeah. It was real sweet. I know. I just, when I read that interview with Brett and Dave and Liz about how this was a trickier one and it felt a little thrown together, it's interesting to see the perspective of it. But I really like this episode. Everybody kind of got a little uncomfortable, but you saw like the core of the friendship and how they're like inescapable from each other. Yeah. Which is like the heart of New Girl. It's why people like it so much. Hannah, let's go to break.

Yeah. And when we come back, we got a special little treat for everybody out there. And I'm not going to be shirtless. So that's not the treat.

For decades, the Mafia had New York City in a stranglehold, with law enforcement seemingly powerless to intervene. It uses terror to extort people. But the murder of Carmichael Ante marked the beginning of the end, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately dismantle the most powerful crime organization in American history. It sent the message to them that we can prosecute these people.

Discover how a group of young prosecutors took on the mafia and with the help of law enforcement brought down its most powerful figures. These bosses on the commission had no idea what was coming their way from the federal government. From Wolf Entertainment and iHeart Podcasts, this is Law & Order Criminal Justice System. Listen to Law & Order Criminal Justice System on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words. Yeah.

That I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours. BPM 110.

120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And we are back. Hannah, what are we doing?

The mess around, baby. We got to mess around. Come on. We got to mess around. So topic is. Yes. Wedding proposals. Do you go big or do you do something smaller and more personal? Big. Oh, big. Well, forget that. This is a real big ask.

It's a big ask you're making of the other person. 100%. And it's kind of like you're laying out the foundation of what they can expect romance-wise from you for a lifetime. It never happens that way. We're like the high bar. Like, this is where we're at. This is what I got for you. This is what my heart feels for you. I say go big. Oh, but here's the deal. Here's the catch. Yeah. Don't only go big. You know you're getting...

The yes. Yes. Just know that this is like a fun formality where you can really just express yourself and do it because if it's hanging in the balance, go small. Yeah. Here's the thing. If you go so big, you set yourself up for failure. Potentially. That's what I'm saying. You have to know it's a lock. I mean, no, even if she says yes, because she's like, oh, this is how he is.

Oh, this man is romantic. This man had a mariachi band in the bedroom. When we actually go to do the thing and get married and stuff, now I got to top that. Then once we get married, I got to top all of that. That's right. Not realistic. That's why people get divorced so much. That's why Gucci just went. Yeah, here. He's like, this is what you can expect for the next couple.

50, 60 years. Take this ring. I'm going to give you everything you need. 100%. 100%. You know what I mean? We forget about the fallout of some of these things. Because she'd go in there thinking that you Romeo and then you realize that he's a little Romeo.

No knock on Lil' Romeo. Just saying. Real person. Real person. I love Lil' Romeo. Love you, Lil' Romeo. Oh, no. I said that. Low-hanging fruit, man. Another question. Yeah. Ever had to give a bridesmaid speech or witness a really bad one? Have you? I feel like you have given one. I've given. Many. A couple of bad ones, yeah. A couple of bad ones? Intentionally bad. Did you share things that you should not have shared? Yes. Yes.

No, you did not. So let me explain. Please. Buddy was getting married. Buddy Chris was getting married. And he asked for two of us to give a speech. Uh-huh. Co-best men.

Me and my buddy Alex. So we had the bright idea that we were going to blindly write each other's speeches. So I was going to write his speech. He's going to write my speech. But it wasn't until the moment of speech time that we give the speech to each other. And we had to say it. Like a Japanese game show. 100%. You're asked to speak on love at these people's wedding. 100%. Okay. Yeah. Because honestly, how selfish of you, people out there getting married. How selfish.

How selfish of you to make me put myself through the wringer with all this pressure to give a loving speech because you in love. Damn it. I'm not in love. You are. So you could have said this speech before you said, yes, I'm just saying you said that. Then they would have been like, cool. Noted. I'm going to ask that person. No, I got to prove a point.

Point to prove. Okay. Okay. All right. My speech, I wrote a speech for Alex that was very racist. Wow. It was horrible. I'm going to take it that Alex is white. Alex is Puerto Rican. Oh. And so Alex, as a Puerto Rican man, went up there and disrespected every culture. Right. And every person in that room. He was making fun of the elderly that were there, a lot of elderly there. Right. And then when I got up there to read the speech that Alex wrote for me,

All I did was speak about how I was a pseudo TV star. And every other sentence started with, you may have seen me in, you know, and we didn't explain this to the crowd. We just went up there and did it. How was the, how was the, the bride's face? She was, she knows us. So she was in tears and laughter. Okay. Okay. Okay. My mom was like this. Yeah.

She was like, I did not raise this boy. So basically, you guys were the comedy act. Yes. You weren't giving the loving wedding speeches. Everybody knew what they signed up for. Yes. Obviously. Yeah, for sure. That's fair. For sure. Okay. Yeah. Except for great-grandma. Great-grandma. Who was being fully insulted. She did not survive that. We had rushed her to the hospital. Yeah. One wedding, four funerals. I know. Just flip that one around. She's probably still with us. I don't know. Okay. Okay.

Clearly, Jackson, this episode wasn't over his most recent breakup. How long after a breakup should you wait to get yourself back out there? That's a very good question. Mm-hmm.

It depends. Yeah. It depends. Like, I feel like Jess in the episode could have easily made out with a guy and been fine. Yeah. Right after her kiss with Nick. Because she had a purpose with it. Right. But in a romantic relationship that's ended and you're seeking another romantic relationship. Mm-hmm.

You need to make sure that there's enough clear air. Yeah. And I think it's different for everybody. 100%. Me, I like talking about giving time between a breakup and a new relationship. Me, I'm already prepping for...

my next relationship before I break up with the old person. - This is what I'm trying to say though. I think a lot of people, they don't, they're not leaving when the relationship dies. - Yeah. - They got a cold body in the house for a long time before then they move on. So it looks like you- - Yeah, they already- - You broke up with me at breakfast and now you're out with this girl at dinner. That was quick. And it's like, no, I've been over you for like six months. - Yeah. I'd be cheating.

This is not a wedding speech. I don't know why you're getting so romantic with your confessions right now. Just want y'all to know out there, I ain't shit. And if you decide to go down this road with me, I be cheating. No. That's not true. You are not a cheater. That's not true. That's not true. I don't have it in me. I don't have it in me. It's a lot of work. It is. Because I got to remember names. That's right. It's a lot of work. I always make effort around it. I'm just like, how much time do you have? Yeah, I can't do it. It's just trust fund babies to cheat. I'm not working it out like that. No. Mm-mm.

My body is old. I will cheat. I will hug cheat. I'll give a, I will hug the hell out of somebody else. Uh-huh. Because I can hug, you know. You're a very good hugger. Yeah, there you go. That's true. Hugger. Don't do the ER. I really, is there a video of your wedding speech? I can find one. I mean, I kind of need to see now if you are telling a bigger story than what happened. Oh, no. It's what happened.

It's what happened. It's what happened. Yeah. So there you have it, folks. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of The Mess Around with Hannah and Lamorne. We just reviewed Infinity 218 and stick with us next episode. I'm not sure what we're doing next episode. Hardening cock? Listen. One of the best named episodes ever. Am I wrong? Hannah. No, 219. Quick hardening cock.

There you go. All right, Hannah. Why are you choking? Jeez, I'm not choking. Thank you for listening. Please make sure you follow us on IG, like and subscribe, do all the things, and go ahead and get yourself one of these. Get yourself one of those, you know? Yeah. We love you. Bye. Bye.

That was The Mess Around. This has been an iHeartMedia production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our engineer and editor is Mia Taylor. Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Chevron. Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson. So we're going to catch you next time.

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