Protect Your Peace & Demand Your Worth! Trent Shelton on Simple, Life-Changing Strategies to Take Control of Your Life!
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you will always be not enough for the wrong people or person. We build relationships these days, I feel like, off of the weakest things. And no wonder when we go through trials and tribulations, things crumble. If you don't demand your worth, the world will tell you what your worth is. The last time I checked, that's not a good price tag, and they usually put you on wholesale. You say to have peace,

You have got to stop letting the things you can't control control you. Trent Shelton, how do we do that? There's this constant battle, I believe, every single day for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy. What you just said.

Like smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes. Yeah. So many people can relate to that. In all various ways, people who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be or the person that people are expecting them to be.

And they're not because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are. They are literally dying behind the scenes, like like hiding in plain sight, feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever. I know where that leads. There is no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you. But once you free yourself from those things and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself and people fully loving you for yourself,

You'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them. You said haters are just confused supporters. Haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? What do you do if you don't want to be alone and you don't know how to make new friends as an adult and you don't want to be all alone, but then you feel like sometimes the people around you bring this sort of like toxicity?

Solitude is necessary. Sometimes you have to learn how to be by yourself so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. And what happens if you try to save a person drowning, they're so frantic, they will pull you under and both people will drown. And so you have to trust that some people have to learn how to save themselves.

I refuse to lose myself trying to change people. And some of us, we can't keep peace in our life because we spend our whole entire life trying to change people. And people aren't going to change until they're ready to change. That's a big aha moment. So I want to tell everybody, listen to this, man. Like, stop losing yourself trying to please strangers on the Internet.

I don't know if I know a single person who doesn't struggle with this. I'm worthy because of how God created me and sees me, not how this world views me, not by a blue checkmark, not by 16 million people following me online. I was already worthy before birth just like you. I was given worth at my birth. I was given worth at my birth. When I talk about being guided,

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If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And

And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love,

Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth.

Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.

I am so excited to welcome a man to the show who's going to speak to your soul. He reaches over 60 million people weekly through his hard-hitting videos and soul-filling words. He's a renowned mindset specialist and self-worth mentor. You know that's my language. He's a former NFL player, host of the podcast Straight Up with Trent Shelton,

He's a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books and he has a brand new book, Protect Your Peace, Nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World. If right now in your life you are letting things you can't control control you, if right now in your life you're dealing with anxiety or fear or grief or loss or

and you're looking for hope and peace and tools that you can implement into your life right now to get them, then I am so glad you are here because you are in the right place and I believe there are no coincidences. My dear friend Trent Shelton, he travels the world speaking to passionately

arenas and inspiring audiences with his powerful messages full of wisdom and courage. And I feel so beyond blessed and grateful that he is here today with you and me, Trent Shelton. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show. - Jamie, thank you so much. That was like the best self-esteem booster ever. I appreciate you. - And all true. - Thank you. - And all true. What a gift you are here. I am just so great. I am excited.

for that person listening right now and watching us on this episode. I'm just excited. So thank you for being here. And right off the top, I just want to ask you, you say to have peace, you have got to stop letting the things you can't control, control you. Trent Shelton, how do we do that? It's tough. First, you have to have a reality check with yourself and understand that because what I've noticed in my own life is

been doing this 15 years that most people when it comes to their worth or how they feel, it's connected to something outside of them. Whether it's people's opinions, whether it's the job, whether it's weather, whatever it may be. And there's this constant battle, I believe every single day

for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy. And that constant battle is between the external and the internal. So I always tell people, ask yourself a simple question. Can I control this? If you can't control it, you have to let it go. And I love to say, I will control what I can and pray about what I can't. And I have to leave it in God's hands. And to be real, Jamie, that's hard sometimes. Because as human beings, we want to have so much control over things. And

If we feel like we don't have control, there's stress and anxiety. But I've learned to let it go. I've learned to trust even when I don't understand. And that's been the driving force in my life and keeping my peace. So I would just simply tell that person, ask yourself, can I control this? And if you can't, let it go and trust that everything's going to work out. What are your tips today?

for doing that. Because I'll tell you, sometimes I'm like, okay, I know I can't control this, but I really want to figure out how to control this. And I think it's funny, there's one of my favorite quotes is actually by 50 Cent, I think by his grandma, that says either pray or worry, but don't do both. For sure. And most of my life, I'm like, oh, but I do both, right? I'm like praying about it. And then

And I still worry as if I can somehow do anything about it or as if I'm not trusting God, right? For sure. And so in your journey, like how have you learned to do that? And are you at a place now where you can go, can I control this? I can't. And then you just let it go. And how do you do that? Do you just decide or how do you do that? Yeah, I just realized in my life through experience, like the things that

I've tried to control that I can't control. And a lot of that has been people. And I don't always want to talk about that, but a lot of it has been people, how people feel about me, what people say, the internet, all the algorithm, Lord, all these things outside of me. And what I realized is that I'm just driving myself crazy. And for a lot of people, just what I believe in my faith is that a lot of us, we want to be behind the driver, the steering wheel of our life.

We want to be able to control everything. The truth is in life, you can't. You can't control the experiences. You can't control your tomorrows. You can influence it. You can do your best to put yourself in the best position to have the greatest things happen for your life. But the truth is, and I know you know this, I've done everything right and things have still went wrong. Mm-hmm.

And I say wrong, but really it's just not the right for my life at that time. And so I've learned to say, you know what, Trent, get out the driver's seat of your life and put God there. And where God takes you, sometimes it don't make sense. You question it, but always say this quote, God will allow you to go through places you don't understand just to bring you to the place where he needs you to be. So when I look over my life, that's where the trust comes from. That's where my faith comes from. It doesn't come from

knowing what tomorrow brings, it comes from knowing that God has had my back time after time again. And that's hard, right? Because sometimes you lose people, you lose things, and you want these things back in your life. Sometimes it's loved ones. But I've learned to have patience and faith and saying, if it's not for me, then it's just not for me. And that's so hard at times when it's things that you love. But

I prioritize my peace over everything now. And that's definitely helped my life. So I would tell the person, prioritize your peace and learn over time that everything is working out for your good. And I know that seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's the truth. Everything is working for you. And that's the truth that I stand by and live by.

Isn't it so true that like if we could control everything, we wouldn't need faith? Exactly. What's the point of it? Yeah. Yeah. Millions of people inspired by your words every single day. Just to read a couple of quotes, they say that you are hope.

for people who feel hopeless, Trent Shelton, that you create content that is a light for someone in their darkest times. And you just help so many people take the things that they're going through and help them turn them into the things they make it through. And I think a lot of that is because of the things you've made it through. So can you just share a little bit? And I know there's a lot of things going on

You have made it through. And it's so powerful that you share some of those things because it helps people feel less alone and more enough. And then they, you know, and then, and then it helps them go through it as well. So can you talk about your journey just of turning the things you go through into the things you make it through? Yeah, I made a commitment to,

When I first started, like 2009, and when it really got real in 2011, and I made a commitment that I would always be a voice for people to let them know that everything they're going through can soon turn everything they made it through. And I wanted to be an example of that. And I didn't want to just be a one-trick pony where it's like, I'm telling you these things, but I'm not letting you know what I'm going through. And yeah, I go through a lot, just like every human being.

And I remember making a promise to my best friend while I started doing what I do that committed suicide. And I told him that I would be the voice for people who need one and I would be the shoulder to lean on for people who need one. And that was very difficult for me because again, I'm an introverted person. When I started this, it wasn't like the popular thing to do at that time. But I knew that there were so many people out there that thought that they were broken. And so for me, being vulnerable,

and transparent led to my transformation. And I want to let people know that it's okay to go through things. It's okay to share things. It's not going to hurt your brand. It's okay to admit that you're going through a struggle because that's relatable. I can inspire people with my things. I can inspire people with the house or the car, or I'm telling you all these numbers, which that's a part of it too.

But I wanted to be able to impact people with my heart and say, I want you to experience my heart and I want you to feel this connection. And I want you to see a human in me, this human that can rise above, this human that can conquer, this human that can overcome. Because if you can see that hope in me, then hopefully you can see the hope in yourself. And so that's why I'm so open and transparent. And Jamie, it's just hard to just...

do this, smile when I'm dying inside. I just can't do it. It just takes too much energy. So I would rather say, hey, y'all, I'm depressed right now. It doesn't mean that my life is over. I'm going through a storm, but I promise you I will get through it because no storm lasts forever. But I'm going through it. I'm climbing this mountain with you. I'm at the mountaintop saying, hey, this is how you get up here. No, I might've been there, but every year in my life through something, because I'm a human, I come back down to the valley.

And I'm with you climbing this mountain with you. So I think that's what's helped me connect with so many people across the world. And honestly, that's what's helped me be able to continue on this journey. Because if I'm carrying all this emotional baggage and as I always say, smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes, I know where that leads. You know, I know people in my life that are no longer here because of that. And so I refuse to be what the world wants me to be. Mm-hmm.

and lose myself. I refuse to be who the world wants me to be and not keep peace in my life. So for me, this is the easiest thing for me to do is to say, this is what I'm dealing with. So the last, what, three years, you know, I'm good this year, but 2021, 2022 was some of the worst years of my life. You know, I mean, my mom in that whole situation, and then Maya situation a few days later, and then my grandmother gone. And then

my dad's best friend who was a mentor in my life a few months later then the next year i ruptured my achilles and i always had to get my leg like my foot literally almost cut off and it's back to back to back to back to back and yeah i questioned god yeah i was like what's going on yeah i had to still be this person for the world but i gave myself grace to say you know what it doesn't make me less it doesn't make me less of a human doesn't make me less of a expert it doesn't make me less of a brand because i'm dealing with things actually

this strengthens it. And I had so many people say, man, Trent, because of you these last three years, you have impacted me more than anything over the last 12 years that you've been doing this. So that's why I do it. - What you just said.

Like smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes. Yeah. So many people can relate to that. For sure. Like in all various ways, people who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be or the person that people are expecting them to be.

And they're not because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are. They are literally dying behind the scenes, like, like hiding in plain sight, feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever. And how, what are your words for someone who is scared that if they show up as who they truly are, they will lose love. They won't be accepted. They'll no longer belong. They'll be judged. And, uh,

I know, you know, all the data and all the studies show that if we are not fully authentically ourselves, we cannot have a true connection with another human being. And it's so easy to believe the lie that I want connection, so I'm going to be the person I think I need to be. But then we are lonelier and more disconnected than ever. So for the person who needs maybe all

words of wisdom or inspiration or advice or tips on how do you, because you've done it. You do it every single day, right? For sure. They see Trent Shelton on a pedestal. People with Trent Shelton on a pedestal. Oh, he's crushed it in every area of his life. And you're saying, oh, this is who I am. I'm in the valley. I'm going through these hard times. I'm, you know, dealing with depression. I'm all the different things. Like you have been so brave, right?

to be who you are. And you're saying that is why so many people connect with you. And I think about...

You know, I think about all the people I think who are the most impactful in the world, and I think that they do that in various ways. But how do you get the courage to do that for the person listening right now who's saying, Trent, if they really knew who I was, if they really knew all the things I'm going through, maybe they wouldn't hold me in such esteem anymore. Maybe I wouldn't be invited anymore. Maybe I wouldn't be included anymore. First thing I want to say is that's not your people then. You will always be not enough people.

for the wrong people or person, always. And I know sometimes that's hard because we want to fit in, we want to blend in, but you got to accept that certain doors have to close. And when you're your authentic self, some doors will close. Friends, family, peers, it closes. And you can't, I know it hurts, but you got to realize there's better doors for your life. And I know that's easier said than done. I get it. Because I was there and I still go there at times.

But I trust to say, okay, if a no changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me. If me being my authentic self changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me. And yes, it still hurts. Yes, I want these people in my life. Yes, I want to be enough. But I learned this a long time ago, Jamie. There's no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you. Mm-hmm.

You'll never be perfect for the wrong people. Even your perfection will be not enough. So at some point, they're going to find the real you.

And so my biggest fear is people fall in love with this version of Trent Shelton. That's not authentic. They love me for something that I'm truly not. I don't want to do that because at some point the real me is going to show up. The messy me, the mistake me, the failure me is going to show up and be like, wait a minute, who's this guy? And so if you can't love me at my worst, doesn't mean that you, you allow me to live a life that, that you know, that, um,

I shouldn't be living, right? But if you can't love me at my worst, then I don't want you loving me at my best. Because the truth is every human being, and I wanted to say this earlier about going to church and being judged.

Never let the imperfections of man or woman keep you from the perfection of God. Never let the imperfections of man or woman, this world, et cetera, keep you from the perfection of God. And that has helped me so much in my life because when I'm getting judged, I'm like, oh, that's an imperfect person judging me. I feel sorry for them that they're projecting their flaws and insecurities on me. And so again, if I'm not enough for you, great.

Thank you. Release me. Let me go on to something else. And when we're tethered and connected to something, I talk about this in the book, you got to disconnect often. The things that you're connected to are powering you. So some of us, we're connected to stress. We're connected to all these things and we're connected to, man, our insecurities. And I say, cut the connection, pull the plug, disconnect from those things. And it's hard to go pull the plug when you realize that, man, once I pull the plug, I'm freeing myself.

And there's nothing better in this world, Jamie, than being able to be you and being accepted for you. So I know doors have closed because I'm not a version of professional that maybe the world doesn't want, but I'm okay with that. I know what God has called me to do, what he wants me to do, and I'm at peace with that. I can sleep at night. I'm okay. I can lay my head down and say, you know what? I am the best version of myself. I might not be them, they, him or her, but I'm me.

And I'm okay with that. And so I think it takes time to be able to build that confidence. But once you free yourself from those things and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself and people fully loving you for yourself, you'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them. So that's what I would say. One thing I just thought of that you say that I love so much and I just have to bring it up because I'm thinking of the one person listening who is just so

struggling with the haters they see online or the comments that they get or they finally decided to post their art or their ideas or any part of themselves out there and then someone from 25 years ago in high school made some rude comment on their Facebook or their Instagram and

You once said Trent Shelton, and I will never forget this. I think about this all the time. You said haters are just confused supporters. Haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? So good. So good. Yeah. So number one, like if you don't want to be hated on, you know, and there's a beautiful quote, I'm butchering it, but you know, say nothing, be nothing, do nothing. If you don't want any type of judgment, you know,

or anything. So at least I look at somebody hating on you as you're getting attention. And you have to understand this. Like some people aren't haters, they're confused supporters. And what I mean by this is

When you look at the word hate, it's such a strong word, but you don't pay attention to things that you hate. Certain foods like ranch dressing, I don't pay attention to ranch because I hate it. When I'm in the salad bar line, I don't even look at the ranch, right? Because I hate it. You don't pay attention to things that you hate. So if somebody is following your page,

If somebody knows your every move, if somebody is making up a fake profile, right? After you block one profile, that is not hate. That's admiration. They just have pride and ego. So it might be a little bit of jealousy and envy there, but actually they really support you. And in these days, I would just tell you this. If somebody's hating on you, let it be. Maybe you restrict them on Instagram, but they're adding to your engagement. They're actually helping you. So the more you get out of, oh, this is about me.

and stop taking it personal, it's a them thing. I've never met a happy hater. Have you? I've never met somebody who is happy with their life and loving their life, worried about somebody else and what they're doing. So just understand they're paying you attention. At least you're doing something that's worth attention. So keep doing it.

You talk a lot about being able to identify when you have people that are not right in your life or that are bringing toxicity around you. Can you talk about that? Because a lot of people feel like, "I don't know if these friends are really for me, but I'm going to go to the thing anyway," or, "If I'm in the right relationship or in the right friendship." Talk about, especially when it comes to protecting your peace.

What do you do if you don't want to be alone and you don't know how to make new friends as an adult and you don't want to be all alone, but then you feel like sometimes the people around you bring this sort of like toxicity? I definitely can identify with my introverted self. So it's hard because I'm not the guy that's going to, you know, I'm not the guy that's going to start conversation. Like I'm just, I'm laid back, I'm chilled. So I understand that.

how somebody can feel like, man, if I lose these friends that I know aren't my friends, then I'm not going to have anybody in my life. And I just got to be real. Sometimes the road is lonely. Sometimes I only like to say isolation, but solitude is necessary. Sometimes you have to learn how to be by yourself so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. I've learned how to love myself at my rock bottom. When all my friends left, not all of them, because some might be listening, a few was there.

But I learned how to love myself. When I lost my career, when I lost the beautiful things that surrounded my life, I lost a lot of people that I did things for. And so the thing that I would tell the person listening to this or watching this is with the people around you, number one, would you trade places with them? Not just financially, but like mindset wise.

mindsets are contagious. So if I don't want to trade a mindset with you, I don't want to trade a life with you, not talking about the things, but who you are at your core, your core character. If I don't want to trade that with you, why are you around? And everybody around you isn't bad, but everybody around you isn't good for your journey. And so you have to be able to, I'm going to say cut people off when they handed you the scissors. So when somebody keeps on disrespecting you,

You set boundaries and they disrespect your boundaries over and over and over. They've handed you the scissors. So you might have to cut the relationship off or don't complain about the things you aren't willing to change. And so for me in my life, I had to go up a mountain.

I was just in, where is that place? I wasn't skiing because I can't ski. Flagstaff. I was in Arizona at what is called Snowbowl. And we were driving up the mountain. At the base of the mountain, it was no snow. So I'm driving like, how are people skiing? But as we got higher, it got colder. Snow was there. It got less crowded. And it reminded me of hiking mountains. Everybody at the base of the mountain is crowded. But the higher you go,

the lonelier it gets. The higher you go, the colder it gets. And so for some of you, it's getting colder in your life because you're going higher. For some of you, it's getting a little bit lonely in your life because people who started with you aren't going to have the perseverance, the grind, the work ethic, the faith to finish with you. And the journey will always reveal what's real and who's real in your life. And so it doesn't make them bad, but everybody isn't meant to go with you.

And that breaks my heart because it's people I cared about. It's people I've tried to help. You have to learn how to let people go because I've tried to help people so much. And my dad told me this. He said, Trent, people will bring you down fast and you can bring them up. I know you want to. Yeah. Woo!

I know you want to save people. That's not your job, bro. Stop playing God. You're not there to save people. Cause I don't know if you ever, I'm almost drowned before in real life. And what happens if you try to save a person drowning, they're so frantic, they will pull you under and both people will drown. And so you have to trust that some people have to learn how to save themselves. I'm all for throwing out the buoy. I'm all for throwing out the life jacket. But at some point I,

You have to learn how to do for yourself because I refuse to lose myself trying to change people. And some of us, we can't keep peace in our life because we spend our whole entire life trying to change people. And people aren't going to change until they're ready to change. So for me, my whole thing is here you go, God. It's yours. Here you go. This person that I believe so much in, that I'm giving all the advice, and I know you probably, I know you can relate all the advice and they're not taking it. Here you go, God.

This person that I want to help and they don't want to be helped, here you go, God. And I hand them over to God and it gives more peace in my soul. So that has helped me tremendously in this journey because I care so much about people and I don't want to feel guilty for not doing the things that they want to appreciate no more.

Isn't that so true that you just cannot change someone who does not want to change? For sure. Change is an inside job. Right. And on our growth journey, we're all on different journeys in our life. But I just see this over and over and over again. I have a little sister who is a half-bred.

step sister. And then we found out I'm adopted. Long story. But she is my sister. She is my sister. And she's on this whole new journey in her life. And it can be hard when she's like, why don't... She wants everyone else to hop on this journey with her and understand or go to therapy too, or all of these things. And it's so hard when we want...

people to come along that ride with us and to think that somehow they should and to learn that lesson that that you can't change anyone they have to want to change and that's a beautiful um that is a beautiful perspective like you do what you can and then you say hear god absolutely so that you're free and on that journey just to add this

As you're climbing that mountain or going on that journey, you will meet like mindsets. They might not look like how you think them. Look, I have friends in my life that some are our friends and peers. I'm like, hey, how did this connection even happen? Like we're totally different lifestyles. But you realize like mindsets will always find. So as you go on your journey, yeah, it might be a little bit lonely at first. But I promise you, as you keep moving forward, you will find your people. Yeah.

But you just got to stay true to the path. I love what you said. They will hand you the scissors. They will hand you their scissors. And a lot of times, I have to tell you, I've had people hand me the scissors many times and I'm still like, oh, no, no, no. I don't want to abandon you and I don't cut. That's right. I don't cut. And it has been a journey, a journey of learning like, oh, no, no. I'm actually worthy of people who...

Love me how I love them or show up for me the way I show up for them or you know what I mean? Just yeah. Do you feel that started a war within yourself? I think it affected every part of my life. I mean, when I was when I was, you know, running a cosmetics with over a thousand employees, while I have a million weaknesses, one of them and some strengths, one of those weaknesses is I would not fire people soon enough, even when I knew, like even when they deserved it.

And I would meet other CEOs who would say to me like the second you know someone is like bringing the toxic energy to the environment or of course doing something really, really wrong, but the second you know they're even bringing that bad energy, like it's contagious. It will take a culture down. It will infect everyone else.

And I knew that. And still, because of my own issues, I didn't understand fully yet of not believing I was worthy of things. I didn't want to abandon anyone else. And so I would hang on to people for way too long. And it was wild. It says, you said it, inside job. It was me learning to believe what I'm worthy of and that, oh, I can't change a person. And that was when I got better at firing. I'm 100% with you with that. Yeah? Yeah. It started – it starts –

There's a beautiful quote and it's a rapper named Nipsey Hussle, rest in peace. And I don't know if it's his quote, but he said, talk about this in the book. He said, would you rather be at peace with yourself and at war with the world? Or would you rather be at war with yourself and at peace with the world? And every time you're choosing them over you by not cutting things off or firing somebody that you know needs to be fired, you start a war within yourself.

Every time you say yes, when you want to say no, and you need to say no, you're starting a war within yourself. So I got tired of starting wars within myself. And one of my hardest things was speaking my peace. And my dad said, Trent, if you don't speak your peace, how can you protect your peace? And I said, wow, you're right. And so I've chose to be at peace with myself.

No matter what comes with that. Sometimes it comes with, you know, worry and guilt because not to kind of fast forward, but the main principle in the book or number one is set boundaries. And a lot of us don't set boundaries because of two reasons. We worry or we have guilt. We worry what people are going to say. We worry about the rebuttal or we have guilt that I'm leaving this person behind or I'm

I should always be there for them. So we don't set boundaries. But I like to always say, and this changed my life when it came to protecting my pieces, boundaries aren't walls, boundaries are bridges. Most people think boundaries are this wall that keeps things out. No, boundaries are there to let the right things in. And so, yes, I've had to set boundaries. They only become walls when somebody disrespects it over and over and over again. Then that boundary becomes a wall. I can't allow you access in my life where I can't be around this environment because it's toxic.

So I would ask the person that's listening to this is like, if you want peace in your life or what you need in your life, what boundary do you need to set? What bridge do you need to set that's going to lead you to what you need? And so that's helped me so much by saying one of my main principles is I am going to keep peace in my life and I'm not going to start a war within myself. And I'm not going to worry about who feels a certain way. I'm not going to worry about

private conversations and that become public information and the talks behind the backs and, "Oh, Trent's like this." And I'm not worried about that no more because I'm choosing to keep my peace because a life without peace is nothing.

And so, yeah, I wanted to share that because I know a lot of people are starting wars within themselves. They're carrying these internal battles and wars and they're driving themselves crazy, stressed out, burnt out, depression, because they won't say their peace or they won't set that boundary. This is a huge, huge, huge thing right here. Uh,

So many of us are raised to be people pleasers. We are raised to be people pleasers. We also just want love and belonging. So we are afraid, like what you said, to set a boundary, right? Because exactly what you said, I want to, I'm going to talk about this a lot, but the book Protect Your Peace, Nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World is

So we are going to link this, of course, in the show. I hope everyone goes and picks it up. Thank you. This is the thing, right? When I think about the things that matter, right? It's why I wrote Worthy. I'm like, that matters. This matters. I think about what you just said, Trent, and I don't know if I know a single person who doesn't struggle with this. Like I'm thinking of every person in my life, in every stage of their life, in everything

Every type of what the world would describe as success or not success. Everybody struggles with this. That

And I've never heard it said this way, the way you just described it, that when we choose someone else to make them happy, it's almost like betraying ourselves, like creating a war within ourselves. And there's going to be so many people that are listening right now. But for the person hearing you saying this, who's realizing, okay, well, I thought I was just making everyone else happy by being a people pleaser, or I thought I was just

you know, trying to keep the peace around me, not realizing that that actually comes at the price of the peace within me. That's a big aha moment. Like you're kind of making the decision at every moment. Am I going to make the outside happy? And as you said, start a war within myself. That's right.

There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You.

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Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth.

Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me.

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If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And now more of this incredible conversation together. That is a whole different way to see things. And then that war just starts to spiral into all different ways.

Absolutely. I think a lot of people are afraid, Jamie, to let people down. Yes. Well, you should be afraid to let the most important person down in your life is yourself. And so every time you are choosing not to set a boundary or not to say no, or even say yes on the flip side, you might need to say yes to something else. And you're so afraid to let people down, you're letting yourself down over and over. And you get to that point where that war inside you becomes...

stress, you become disconnected, you become, you lose the vibrancy of life. And it's like, man, and I'm going to say this, and this is kind of a curve ball, but I talked about this the other day on my social media, because the thing that I see too with social, it's not even like the people, the people around you, like some of us, we don't want to let down strangers on the internet. And I literally posted this the other day. I said,

The people that you don't want to let down, the people you're trying to smile for the camera, die behind the scenes or whatever it is, those people will not be at your funeral. And losing mom, like I got to see the people that she kept wars for wasn't there. Wasn't bringing flowers to her grave. So I'm like, okay, like I get it now. And I'm not saying that everybody who you're starting a war with in yourself is not going to support you or be there for you. But I saw that. And so I'm like, okay.

I'm not living for to please. I call in the book professional people pleasers. That's what we are, triple Ps. We want to please. And a lot of pleasing comes from the, we put our worth in being needed so much. And we don't feel like we're pleasing people. Oh, I'm not needed. So if I'm not needed, I don't have value. And so for me, I've learned how to

Start with myself and I'm not trying to make this a selfish thing But if I'm not giving myself what I need how can I be the greatest self for those that need me to be? How can I be the greatest self for my kids for my wife for my community? So I want to tell everybody listen to this man Like stop losing yourself trying to please strangers on the internet Trying to please people who literally are gonna just jump on the next bandwagon We've seen this over and over once you stop being hot once you stop giving them what they need They're gonna go to the next thing

And so I realized that from football, I've seen it. So when I got into this space, I'm like, I appreciate the love, but I know the love is circumstantial. Once I stopped giving you what I need and I get it, it's the world, you're going to move on to the next thing. So you think I'm going to start a war within myself and lose myself for that? No, I'm okay with losing followers. I'm okay with people saying, oh, I don't feel, I'm okay with that. My worth is not in people's opinions. I was given worth at birth just like you by God. So I'm worthy.

Pun intended. I'm worthy because of how God created me and sees me, not how this world views me, not by a blue check mark, not by 16 million people following me online. I was already worthy before birth, just like you. God set you apart. It's in scripture. So that's where I've gotten my confidence from in my life to no longer start a war within myself. It's not worth it. I was given worth at my birth. I was given worth at my birth. I just want to call this out

Because what you're saying is in 2024, I am watching so many brilliant, beautiful, talented, filled with potential people get taken down, get taken down by this persona they're putting out in so many different ways. I have friends on reality shows. I have friends on reality shows that I'm watching just like in a way,

how do I say this without saying any names? And in a way, just like sell their soul for fame. It's just eating them alive in their life and in everything that matters, but it is making some good TV. That's right. And then they go down the cycle where if they don't do it more and more and more, they're not relevant and they're not on the show anymore. And it's this perpetual cycle. And then it's this like,

Oh my gosh, every type of person who is not wanting to be a public person in their life, but then it's just nowadays social media is a part of everyone's life. And they're putting out a persona trying to get likes or trying to make sure everyone sees this version of themselves that it's everywhere. It's everywhere.

And a lot of people are starting to believe the lie that their worth is tied to it, that their worth is tied to it. And you, this is what I think is such a blessing about the things, as you say, the things we go through

can become things we make it through because you've had the big things happen in your life. You've had the things that the world says, you know what I mean? That make you worthy. You and I have both had different things happen in our life that we've worked really hard for only to realize when we get them or when we lose them, like, okay, we learned a lot of lessons in them. And also that does not defy my worth. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Yeah, I look back on my life and I realize my past through football really was to prepare me for this and show me like what's really real. You know, I always say this and it seems kind of harsh. I would say real situations expose fake things in your life or people in your life. And so I was able to see, oh, the majority of people in this world and this is just us in general, but the majority of people in this world sometimes only loves you because

Because of what's around you. Do you love me for me? And if I don't have a consensus, yes, then I put you in the place where I feel like you need to be in my life. And I think a lot of times what we do, Jamie, is we put unfair expectations on people.

We give people titles that they don't deserve. We give people the title of a friend. We give people the title of all these things when they haven't shown or proved it. And so I think that's where we mess up, even on social media. Like, this is my family. And I have the rehabbers across the world, and I appreciate them. But we make these friends, or they really care about me. And besides liking what you do for them, and I know it's a two-way street, we build relationships these days, I feel like, off of friends.

the weakest things. And no wonder when we go through trials and tribulations, things crumble. So I want to build something off that's solid. And so if it's only what surrounds my life that's attractive, that's one of the things that we talked about earlier where I'm always going to be my authentic self. Because if my heart is not enough for you, if this is not enough for you, then my success and the things that look sexy around my life aren't going to be enough for you. Because I know once that ends...

Yeah. And you saw it through football. Absolutely. 100%. And you saw the people around you change when all of a sudden you're not the NFL player. When we can't get in the clubs no more, when we can't get around certain people, when I'm not paying for stuff no more. Yes, 100%. And for every person listening, for some of us, we're in a job and we think these are our friends and then it shifts when we're no longer friends.

their boss or in a job with them or in a circumstance with them. And I think what you offer that's just so powerful that I'm going to think about now every single day all the time is just living your truth, knowing that if you're not, you're starting a war within you.

So I think for the person listening right now who's like, well, how do I tell if the people around me now are really my true friends? I think it's just you live your authentic you and don't start wars in yourself. And if they love you for you doing that, that's probably a pretty good sign. Absolutely. People who are your people, and there's exceptions, but they will never put more

questions in your life than answers. So if you have to question if it's real, you probably got your answer. That's what I would say. Just this morning, I was questioning if a friendship was real. Just this morning. And that is, if you got a question, if it's real. Consistently, for sure. If you got a question, yeah. I want to ask you, Trent, you have said that

protecting your peace and protecting your mind is more important than any relationship in your life. And you are an amazing husband, an amazing daddy, an amazing all of it. Thank you. All the things. For the person listening who's like, oh, I'm just so good at giving all my love to my kids or all my love to my partner, all my love to everyone else.

Which is another version, can be another version of smiling for the camera while dying inside. Obviously, it's not performative. It comes from a beautiful place of great intention. But a lot of people wonder, why am I, I'm so good at being a mom or a dad or a friend or a partner. And yet, they're not good at taking care of themselves and loving themselves. And we're almost taught to think it can be selfish. And

Everything you teach flips that on its head. So can you explain to the person listening right now who's like, oh, but Trent, it's okay that I don't love myself or protect my own peace or start wars inside. I'm really good at showing up for my kids or my partner or in my job or whatever else. But that is not a recipe for a good life. To the person listening and watching this, I'm going to just say this. Do you think your kids don't know

that you're not living your best life and giving everything to yourself. And is that the example you want to set for them? Because they know no matter how much you tell them, yes, how much you give to them, they know my kids and my journey when they know daddy isn't the best and daddy's stressed out and daddy is not protecting his peace. They know they can feel it. And so what I decided to commit it to doesn't mean that you're not there for your kids, but I decided to see if I can illustrate this. So often we're told to pour into people's cups and as givers, uh,

as people who help people, we're always pouring into cups. And they always say, you should have somebody in your life that can always refill your cup. For me though, that's always still dependent on somebody else to refill your cup.

And that's always not a guarantee you have that person to refill your cup. So a lot of people in this world, including myself at times, we're always pouring, pouring, pouring, giving, giving, giving to our kids, to people we love. And then we start to feel empty. So I committed my life to protecting your peace. And for me, that means...

having an abundance of what I need. So me out in nature, me working out, me doing the things, that's how I fill up my cup. Me meditating, me talking to God and what happens, I tell the people around me, just stay around me. Don't worry about me pouring into your cup because I'm going to protect my peace so hard. There will be an overflow of peace, joy that you will receive just by being around me. I don't have to worry about pouring because you're going to get the overflow.

And so my kids, they realize that when I'm taking care of myself, they're getting the overflow. Wifey, she's getting the overflow. My team, they're getting the overflow because I'm taking care of me. So it's not selfish. It's actually, to me, more courageous to say, you know what? I'm going to stop trying to put out all these fires and I'm just going to focus on giving myself what I need.

And when I give myself what I need, I am better for everything around me. And they receive the overflow, running over, and they're receiving the overflow of me protecting my peace. And so that strategy, that mindset has helped me not burn out and helped me not feel empty anymore. And also to your point about your kids know, right? And it's almost like watching their parent overflow, right?

also gives them an example of how to do that in their own life one day. That's right. Versus to grow up and do for everyone else and sacrifice yourself. That's right. My daughter, Maya, I'll never forget this. Uh,

I went into her room and I was like, hey, what are you doing? She said, dad, I'm protecting my peace. And she hit me with that. She's like, I need some me time. And I was like, all right. And even though I wanted to see her, I was like, okay, so you're right. And so those moments of my little girls and obviously Tristan, he's older, but my little girls knowing what protecting their peace is, is like the greatest accomplishment ever because they understand at a young age how important that is. That is so beautiful. Yeah.

We'll see if she uses it when she's like... For sure, yeah. When she needs to use it, for sure. When she needs to. So funny. Okay. I'm so excited for everyone to get this in their hands, for everyone to get this in their hands. In Protect Your Peace, right, there's nine unapologetic principles for thriving in a chaotic world, which is what we are in. I want to talk about a few of the principles because you say...

Demand your worth. Demand your worth. Absolutely. How do we do that, Trent Shelton? You know, I was going to go with know your worth, but I want to be more unapologetic in the book. And I'm in a season where, you know, I'm demanding my worth. And demand seems so, like, harsh. But the truth is, if you don't demand your worth, you're never going to get your worth. And so that looks different from business. That looks different from personal life. What I know is true is,

Most people in this world, and I've been here so many times in my life, their worth is connected to something outside of them.

And I'm sure in Worthy, like you know this, like their worth is connected to how a person feels about them, right? We can say social media, how I'm doing in my business. Like these things are controlling how they feel about themselves. And that is mission impossible. If you're trying to feel worthy, if you're trying to feel lovable, likable in yourself,

It's always a roller coaster because you're dependent on the algorithm to make you feel worthy. You're dependent on how somebody sees you to make you feel worthy. And so what I've learned and I'll talk about in demanding your worth is first determining what are the puppet masters in your life that's controlling your worth. A puppet master, obviously somebody who controls how you feel. So you have to cut the strings and say, as we said earlier, I'm worthy because of something that's foundational that doesn't change.

I'm worried because of this is how I was created to be. I'm worried because whatever you want to put in the blank. And so that's the first step, because when you understand your worth, then you feel unapologetic for asking for it. And so when people try to put a price tag on my life, whatever that is, as a speaker, as this or that, and they try to make me feel wrong for saying something

Oh, well, you don't deserve this. No, I know what I deserve. I know what I've been through. I know what I've gotten through and I know my talent. I know my gift. So I'm going to demand my worth. And if my worth is not seeable in your eyes, then go find another person. And so that's from business. That's a relationships. I see so many people in this world. They shrink. They shrink instead of expand. They shrink to fit in. They shrink to find a relationship.

They shrink to, you know, not offend. And it's like, why? Because if you don't demand your worth, the world will tell you what your worth is. The last time I checked, that's not a good price tag. And they usually put you on wholesale. Mm-hmm.

Okay. For the person that's saying like, Trent, how do I do it? How do I demand my worth? How do I do it? How do I know my worth? How do I demand my worth? How all of that is so good. Yes. And when the world tells you the price and when they put you on wholesale, sometimes we believe the lie that we are wholesale. Absolutely. We believe it. Then we think, well, maybe that is what I'm worth. Maybe I am wholesaled because that's what the...

- That someone told me. - Yep. - How have you gotten to this place? Or you've always been there. - No, I haven't always been there. I've gotten used and abused a lot. I haven't always been there. And I've realized that in lowering my worth, and I believe this, I believe settling leads to suffering. And every time I've settled in my life for something, suffering was in the near future. So if I settled

in business, by settling in my personal life, suffering was coming for me. And so I made a commitment to myself to never settle. And even if it's hard, because sometimes, you know, loneliness or, you know, want or temptation makes us settle for less. And for myself, I realized that every time that I've accepted less in my life, it put me in a bad place.

Every time I didn't stand on my worth and demand my worth, it put me in a bad place. And so I just got tired of being used. I got tired of being empty. And sometimes you just got to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And what the world's going to try to say to you is, oh, you're full of yourself. What the world's going to try to say to you is, who do you think you are? What the world doesn't know, everything that you've been through and survived through and got through just to get you to where you're at. So my worth isn't just coming from La La Land.

My worth is coming from everything that I put in the work and I went through in my life. And it's come from an ultimate permanent worth, how God feels about me and my belief. So I refuse to let him, them, anything tell me what I'm worth. How can you tell me that? You're not me. You don't live my life. And when we talk like this, people kind of be like, oh, why are you talking like that? It's because if I don't value me,

If I don't protect my worth, then I'm going to live a life full of settling. And I know for sure what's in the future. It's regret. I've had enough conversations with people who are older. And the number one thing they say is, grandmother told me this, Trent, know your worth, demand your worth. Because when you get to my age, you're going to realize that you have lowered yourself for people that ain't even here no more. And you live in regret the rest of your life. And regret is the greatest poison to the soul. So I refuse to live in regret. Yeah.

So if I have to miss out on a thing because I don't fit in their scenario, I'm okay with it. It's not for me. There's something down the line better for my life. So sometimes when you don't know your worth, you will never get to the thing that is meant for your life because you're taking every opportunity and you never actually get to the opportunity that's really meant for you. So that's helped me a lot get the right things in my life. Settling leads to suffering. Yeah.

At least in my experience it has, for sure. Mine too. Yeah. Mine too. I'm listening to you thinking about so many things right now. So many things. I'm like, that is true. That is true. And I think so many of us can relate to that we've shrunk ourselves to fit into places. For sure. Because we just wanted to be there or be included or feel wanted. Yeah. Feel wanted. That's right. Yeah.

But your self-worth is your ceiling. And what I love so much is you're saying you set the ceiling. That's right. You set the ceiling. Do not let other people set the ceiling or the outside world or any of that. There are nine principles in this book. And I want to make sure everyone gets the book.

because it is so incredible. And aside from what I've talked about so far, I just want to say, is there one that you want to call out right now that just feels on your heart to speak into somebody today who is listening, who needs to learn to protect their peace in their life? The principle is simplify happiness. There's a saying that says, happiness works off of what's happening. And I agree, but that's external happiness.

I don't believe internal happiness works off of what's happening. It's a choice that you make. Some people call it joy, but it's a choice that you make to say, I'm going to choose to be happy. But a lot of us, our happiness is in the hands of all those things we just talked about. I'm going to be happy when they love me. I'm going to be happy when they accept me. I'm going to be happy when everything goes right. And that is a disaster for your worth.

And so what I've learned is to simplify it. If you look at most people's happiness checklist on what it takes to be happy every day, Lord, it's like a million things, right? I got to wake up on time. The Starbucks line got to be short, right? It's this and this and this. And like, you have to check off all these boxes to be happy. And a lot of people in this world, we complicate happiness, right?

And happiness is such a simple thing. Happiness is an internal job that can come from ourselves. And I know it's easier said than done when you have so much chaos around you. But peace says, no matter the chaos around you, I'm not going to let it kill the calm inside me. Peace says, yeah, the storm exists. It does. But guess what? The storm is going to pass. And so I would challenge everybody listening to us.

How can you make happiness so easy to obtain that you had no choice but to be happy every single day? And maybe not the whole day, but the moment. I have a little area in the book and it's called Morning Marley. Marley's my daughter. And I realized this as we get older, we complicated a lot more and I'm guilty of it. And I'll never forget Marley. I'm sure you had this happen with your kids. Marley comes in the room at like 7 a.m. Sun rises up.

She opens up our blinds. I'm tired. And she's singing a song. It's morning time. And she's so happy that it's morning. And the first thing I want to say is, Marley, go back to sleep. But I caught myself and I said, wow, she's happy because it's morning. Trim, when's the last time you've been happy that you woke up and that it's morning? Or you need some great thing to happen for you, for you to be happy. When she brushes her teeth, she has the brush your teeth song. She's happy to brush her teeth.

And so if we get back, I believe this is why God tells us to be childlike. Because when we get away from being childlike,

We start to have all this complication around what brings us joy, what brings us happiness. Go look at a kid. A kid, they can hate you one second, love you in two seconds later. They're quick to forgive. They find happiness in simplicity. Playing outside, playing in the bathtub. At what point in our life as grownups that we start becoming so cold and so boring and just so tight with life?

And so I love that principle because I really feel like it can open up your life to more simplicity and experience more peace in your life if you just learn how to say, what do I need today just to be happy? And that question has literally changed my life. How does Marley's song go in the morning?

It's morning, it's morning, it's morning. Something like that. Right? And then her brush your teeth. It's time to brush your teeth. Like, yeah, that whole song. And I love it. Right? Now I love it because I said, wow, when did I get away from being appreciative? And a lot of us aren't happy because we spend our whole life chasing, chasing the next thing more and more and more and more. And trust me, it's hard when you're in a position you have people to take care of. But it's more and more and more and more and more and more. And the world programs us for that.

And so this book and the mess of protecting your peace is like slowing down and being loyal to your pace. Right? What's the pace setter in your life? You know what a pace setter is? Right? When you run a race, there's a guy or a girl who sets the pace to keep you in pace in your race. Like I would ask like, who are the pace setters or what's the pace setter in your life? And for me, it was the wrong things at times. It was scarcity that was setting the pace. It was,

Pleasing people that was setting the pace. It was comparison that was setting the pace. And all that did was burn me the heck out. And so now my pace setter is peace. Now my pace setter is confidence knowing that I'm running the race that is meant for me to run. And to some people, I might look like a turtle. To some people, I might look like a rabbit. But I'm okay at this pace because I understand the lifestyle and the life that I want to live.

So, yeah. Do you feel like if peace is your pace setter, you can still arrive through your life and at the end of your life in alignment with your assignment and reaching your full potential of who God created you to be? A thousand percent. Because I think we believe the lie. Oh, if I have peace...

And that's my pace setter. I'm going to lose my ambition. I won't do... You're saying, uh-uh, uh-uh, right? Because so many of us are driven by the things we're told will make us feel enough, which is achievement. And so we are burnt out. We are stressed out. We are arriving at one achievement after another empty, still feeling like something's missing because we thought that would bring our worth and it did not. And most of my life, Trent, I just thought,

Oh, if I'm chill, I'm not living up to my potential. And that's actually a lie. It's actually a lie. If you protect your peace, if peace is your pace setter, you can still, and probably maybe perhaps the only way to live in alignment with your assignment and become the person you're meant to be, like all of who you're meant to be. Because you're not starting wars within yourself. You're not getting distracted. You're not getting taken out. And you're not running on a treadmill so hard you get burnt out.

See, peace is not just at earthy, I'm disconnected from everything. Right. Like, peace is flow. Yeah. Peace is in the zone. Peace is taking care of your business. I'm at peace in my business because I take care of my business. Yeah. It's the basketball player that's shooting the free throw at...

Two seconds left and they're at peace at the free throw line. Why? Because of all the preparation so that I can be at peace in this moment. So there's a whole approach holistically to experiencing peace. I can't be at peace if I'm not taking care of my business. I can't be at peace if I'm not doing the things that I know I need to do. And so a big part of me protecting my peace is making sure I'm prepared, is making sure I'm efficient, is making sure I'm intentional, is making sure that I'm doing the things that I need to do so I can lay my head down at night and say,

man, I did what I needed to do today. I could be at peace. So I wanted to share that part for sure. That's so good. And peace isn't letting off the gas. It's like driving towards the right thing. Sometimes it's pressing on it. Yeah. Harder. Just driving to the right thing. Absolutely. Just driving to the right thing. Absolutely. Some people will think like,

There's two experiences of me. I always say there's the protect your peace trend where people are like, man, Trenton is on his own. They see like the athlete side where I'm pressing the gas, but it's all of those things. But it's also knowing like in a race, you know your pace. Sometimes you got to run faster.

Sometimes you gotta slow down. But you can't look at the next person and say, "Oh, I should be running faster because the person in year 15 is doing this, so I'm gonna do it." The person that started the podcast 10 years ago, I'm expecting to get the same amount of downloads, so I'm gonna do all the things. And we sit here and we compare ourselves. And it's like, no, this is my journey. This is my journey that I'm on. Sometimes it's gonna be a season of busy, a season of dad, a season of everything, but I'm still at peace.

Because I'm loyal to my pace. So when I need rest, I rest. When I need to go, I go. And I'm okay with that because I know at some point the finish line that's meant for me to cross will be there. And it might not look like the next person's finish line, but I'm okay with that. So that's a big part of knowing your worth. It's a big part of being confident in who you are. A big part of knowing that what God has for you has for you.

That's a big part, because if you don't, you're going to think that I'm supposed to be doing all of these things. Not that you can't get influenced and motivated by someone else, but that's still their life. That's still their journey. So I might not have that or have this, but I have what I need and I'm OK with that. For the person who says, OK, well, I am not sure I even believe God exists. Right. And what do I do and how do I change?

How do I have faith in something greater than myself if I don't quite believe that exists? Which actually, let me ask you that. How in your own faith journey have you come to believe God exists and then have your faith in God? Yeah, experience. You know, I grew up in a church, so it was easy. My dad, my grandmother, my mother. But for so long in my life, it was the relationship that they gave me.

I believe because this is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to go to church three days a week, and I believe because of that. But that wasn't a true belief. That was a given belief. And I had to learn how to seek God for myself and build that relationship. So my relationship with God doesn't look like

On paper, maybe what it looks like for everybody else. And I just told you before I got here, I went to the ocean and I find God there. I believe nature is God's natural medicine for the soul. So I'm in the woods, I'm doing all these things. And that's where I find God and that's strengthened my relationship. But it's my journey of me being seven years old with asthma, pretty much flatlining in the ICU at seven years old. And me realizing that there's a purpose for my life. Mm-hmm.

me losing my NFL career and thinking that what else is there to my life? And now I'm living in my purpose. Me almost, oh man, losing my daughter, you know, holding her in my hands and almost losing her. So these experiences, that's where my relationship is built. And so I tell people all the time, you know, you can hear things, you can read books, but it's the experience that strengthens the belief. And so for me, God is real because

What I've seen in my life and how he's worked in my life. What's your advice for someone who maybe is hoping to strengthen their faith? Yeah. And they're just asking like, you know, to believe when they just kind of don't like, what's your advice to them if they want to have faith in their life and they just kind of don't quite believe it. Immerse yourself in relationship just like in anything else. You know, I think sometimes we think,

This relationship with God is like, you know, it's opposed to, I'm just going to say it, Jamie. Like we live in a world right now where people are telling you how to live and what to do. And it looks like this. And if it doesn't look like this, and I think in our faith as Christians, it's so hard because I know for myself, and I'll just say this, like when I first started in this industry, I got judged a lot. If you listen to my first spoken words, one of my first words was, I fear the body of Christ because I'm more judged by churches. They expect me to be perfect.

But that's a cross that I can't carry. This soul still battles sin. Does it make me less Christian if I told you sometimes I struggle to believe when I say amen? And that was real. And so I said, man, like,

I'm not good enough. And I think for so many people out there, there's this checkbox of being the perfect Christian. And I know we're supposed to do certain things, but until you really build that relationship and realize God is a God of grace, God is a God of forgiveness, and you really allow God to work into your life, then you're never going to feel that presence. So I would ask somebody like, are you seeking him daily? Mm-hmm.

Are you building community with other believers daily? Because if you're not, just like in any relationship, like if you don't call your girlfriend or boyfriend or talk to them, eventually there's going to be some disconnect. And so God doesn't move from us. We move from him. And so I would tell everybody that wants to build a better relationship, don't let your circumstances, don't let your situations, don't let failed relationships affect

I've seen it. People become angry at God. I did. God, you let me play since I was four years old of sports and now it's over? Like, what's up? And this is how I talk to God. Like, what's up, man? And I realized, like, number one, he doesn't owe us any explanation because he's done so much for our life. When my mother died, why, God?

But I remember my mother telling me, you can question God, but understand that God doesn't owe you anything because he's already gave you everything. And so that's helped me in my life. So I would tell that person to build, to seek, to have conversation, and it might look different. There's no perfect prayer. Sometimes the prayer is, hey, God,

I'm struggling today. I need you. God knows the wants, desires of your heart. You have to step out the boat and seek him. But he requires us to step out the boat, and most of us don't do that. We want God to do everything for us. So what does stepping out the boat look like? Because that shows God that we trust him, and that shows faith. And once you do that, he will literally pave the road that you're going on. And

That's how I got to this place. Because people always ask me, Jamie, like, how did you get here? What are the steps? And I can give you a cool five-step process of like, stay committed, stay this, stay that. But the truth is, I got here because I trusted a plan that wasn't mine. I got here because...

I was able to go down this journey, even though I didn't know where I was going, I still trusted. That's how I got here. God had something bigger for me than I have for myself. So, and I know I'm kind of going on a tangent here, but we have, and I love vision boards and I love the visions and I always tell people have the vision, but understand God holds a bigger vision than any vision board can hold for you.

And I've realized that with my life. So I couldn't have planned to be sitting across from you here. I couldn't have. But God had a deeper plan, a deeper meaning for my life, even though I didn't understand it at the time. So I would tell the person to trust, seek, and have patience that God got you. I love what you said so much. Oh, my gosh. And there are so many things you just said that are so powerful that, you know, I think there's a lot of people out there that maybe don't

feel like they're not good enough to walk into a church or that they might be judged or things like that and I'll never forget because I went through gosh almost two decades I was also raised going to church I went through almost two decades of starting to question if God existed and

and it was around a lot of people that did not have faith and all that. And, um, I remember when I started working as a news anchor and reporter and I was one man band reporting where you shoot all your own video and you edit and you tape to tape and then you stand up and do the, the filming and all of that. And, um,

It was so fun by the way, but I'll never forget one of the stories I did was at this rescue horse ranch where they take rescued abused horses and they rehabilitate them. And then they actually bring kids, a lot of kids of all ages, kids, teenagers that have gone through abuse and often won't talk to adults about it. And they just let the kids be with the horses.

And I remember I was doing a three-part series there and I just watched this horse laying down in a pasture and I watched this 14-year-old girl who wouldn't talk to adults. She wouldn't talk about what she had gone through.

But she just sat there talking to the horse and she laid her head down on the horse. And I just remember I was probably 25 yards away watching this. And I just felt God's presence stronger than I have ever like, and I'm out there in the middle of nowhere in this horse ranch in the middle of, um, Eastern Oregon. And I just remember realizing at that moment, um,

okay, I think what I'm feeling is God's presence. I don't happen to be in a church at the moment while I'm feeling this. And it was the first time I realized in my life, like, oh, God is everywhere. And I was in the season where I was praying and telling God, I don't, I'm doubting you exist.

Can you please come into my life and prove me wrong? I went through this for years until he started, oh my gosh, over and over and over and over. And that's sort of like how I went through my journey because I did not. I mean, there was a long time I was questioning. For sure. You know what I mean? And I love what you shared about in hard times just like,

and trusting him and having to trust him in those times, even when some people might have hard times and say, if there was a God, this would not be happening to me, right? Versus, okay, like, let me lean on him or on my faith to make it through. And, you know, I just want to say one more thing, Trent, because I think just for the person listening right now who is like on that journey, and I think a lot of people are, I think there's a lot of people that have maybe felt like,

Maybe they've been discouraged on their faith journey because they felt like something doesn't feel right about me not being accepted for who I am inside of a church. Or maybe they've had an experience where they didn't feel that way. And what I've found is a lot of churches do love you fully for who you are, but there are some that you may not feel accepted.

And I always just imagine if Jesus were on this earth right now, like I just, there's a quote by Bob Goff where he says, Bob Goff says, every time I ask God who I should love and for how long I should love them,

I always hear him whisper to me, everybody, always. And that's how I feel like Jesus would be. So for me, when I'm in a space, whether it's a church or anywhere else, like if you, this is just me talking to the one person listening right now, but if you feel, you know, our bodies feel tense when something's not right for us and we relax when something's the truth.

And for me, that's how I always kind of know, is this the right place to be praying? Is this the right church for me? Is this the right... You know what I'm saying? It could be a journey. And I've just found that the more open I am to God in my life, I know when it's true because my whole body feels... You feel it. You feel it. Like you feel an alignment when you know that it's real. But it's a journey for everybody of kind of like evolving their faith if that's something that they want to do in their life. So...

Thank you for sharing that. Do you believe what is for you will find you? For sure. You can't miss it. I believe you are a magnet. And I believe the more you work on yourself, you strengthen your magnet. I don't believe in chasing. Chasing dreams, like I say that too, but I don't believe in chasing. I believe in attracting. Not necessarily the law of attraction, but I believe that the more you work on yourself, the more you believe, right? Believe it. The more you believe in yourself, the more you feel like you're worthy, you strengthen this magnet, right?

Where the right things are magnetized to you, they find you. The right friends, the right connections. I mean, if you look on your life, Jamie, I can look in mine and be like, again, how did this relate? How did we, it's because you strengthen your magnet. And so I work on that. And that's allowed me to protect my peace because I'm not going to seek. It doesn't mean I don't go, you know, try to build relationships and things like that, but I'm not in desperation. Yeah.

I'm okay. That when it comes, it comes, but I'm going to make sure when it comes, I'm prepared and I'm ready. And I'll strengthen that magnet every single day. And I can tell you that has opened up more doors in my life because there's things that I cannot explain how it happened. I can't. It's just that the magnet I believe God has given me, it's allowed the right things to come to me. Because when you're chasing and seeking and you're going to find, a lot of times you're going to find what your loneliness wants. You're going to find what your scarcity wants. You're going to find what...

Your comparison wants. That's what you're going to find. And so I'm not trying to go find nothing. I'm trying to have these things find me. Trent Shelton. That is a word. That is a word. I want to say I am so excited to just hear the impact of some of the things you've shared today. Because I'm sitting here and I'm knowing how it's impacting me right now. Right? Because a lot of my life I have...

I've felt this desperation to make things happen or to seek or to go after it and to open the door, to try to get it to open. And you're so right. It's when we strengthen our magnet, when we strengthen our worth that things happen. It's not that we're not just sitting back doing nothing, waiting. No. That's lazy. Yeah, that's lazy. It's not lazy. Not being lazy. But just like...

Putting in the work to raise your worth, to put in the reps, to be prepared, to do all that stuff. And then having that faith, that faith. And that has happened in my life so many times. And I still get tempted to go back to that other, oh, I've got to just make it all happen and run faster on the treadmill. And I fall into that often. And what you just said...

Like it'll be what your scarcity finds. It'll be what you're right. Not what you said that one more time. I just want everyone to take that in. No, this is so, so, so, so good. When you're when you're chasing, oftentimes you will find what your scarcity finds, what your insecurities will find, what your worries will find, what your fears will find in yourself.

It goes back to now you're going to settle for less. It's like you're trying to knock down a door and beat down a door that's not meant for you to go in. And you're spending all your energy and time trying to knock down this door when if you just have patience, you talked about not being lazy. Lazy is procrastination. Patience is working while you're waiting. Patience is trusting God in the process. Patience is peace that I'm going to still do what I got to do and go hard. But I have patience and peace that I'm

When it's time for that door to open, I don't have to knock it and kick it down. It's going to turn the knob. It's going to open at the right time. That's the hard part, Jamie, that a lot of us want things to happen on our time when we want it. But as you know, and I know that God's timing is the perfect timing. And that's always, always true. If God would have blessed me with rehab time, when I wanted it, I would have fumbled it. I guarantee you. I would have messed it up. I wasn't ready. So he was building me.

He was molding me. He was shaping me. He was preparing me. I said, okay, you're ready now. Here you go. And so we got to learn how to have patience in the journey and trust the process. And the process sucks at times. The process is rough. The process isn't beautiful. Like we live in an entrepreneur era on social media where they show you all the cool things, right? The ice bath, jump in the ice bath and do all the things, right? Like cool. But they don't show you the other side of it.

Like just because you start something don't mean you're going to be successful. Probably less than 1% of people actually are. And the people who actually become successful are the people who actually had steadfast and continue to persevere over the first year, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth year. But we don't see that talked enough about. And so that's why I love our conversation because you're seeing two individuals that are telling you if you're just having patience, having peace in the journey, it will find you over time. Right.

But if you want the celebrity, if you want the money now, you want all these things now, you're going to run into a race that you ain't meant to run and you will burn out. That's why statistically, if you look at all the things that people start and don't finish, 8% of people finish what they start. 92% of people don't. And it's because I guarantee that 92% was being guided by the wrong things. I remember Oprah once saying that in all her years, 25 years, the Oprah Winfrey show,

She would just like cherish whenever there would be a moment where an aha moment would happen, where an aha moment would happen. And I feel like I have personally had aha moments in this conversation and I'm just like hanging on your every word. I'm like hanging on your every word. So I'm so, so, so grateful. You dedicate Protect Your Peace to your parents. Can you talk about...

their impact on your life, the greatest lessons that they have taught you? I'm almost at a loss for words because it's just, it's so hard to put it into words. What my dad has done for me, showing me how to be a man, came to every single one of my games. Didn't miss a game. Worked at UPS for now a long time, more than I've been alive. But he always made time to be there. I never had to wonder where he is, where he was.

He was always there. He showed us how to be a man, continues to show us how to be a man. My mother was and still is a rock. And I dedicated this book to her because she always taught me what peace is and always seen her operating peace. Even though at times she would have chaos and things going around and things going on in her life, she would always be a woman of peace. She would be a woman of peace.

calm, and even the most chaotic situation, especially in the storms. She was the shelter in our storm. She was the one that was, everything's going to be all right, even when it didn't look all right. And so what's ironic, Jamie, with this book, I told you I changed the date. It was supposed to come out in January. I wasn't going to share this, but I'm going to share it. One of my promises that I told my mother, I would write this book, Protect Your Peace. And what I saw in her, and I got to share this, my mother literally said,

died in peace because she lived in priority. My mother was able to rest in peace because she lived in priority. She prioritized the things that mattered. So I know when it was her time to go, she was okay because she did everything she was supposed to do. She was the matriarch that took care of everything. So I literally saw her at peace when she took her final breaths. And as hard as it was to see her get wheeled out the house, I said, thank you, God, for healing her. Because sometimes we don't get a physical healing, we get a spiritual one.

The book was supposed to come out January 16th. Something in my heart didn't feel right about that date. So I reached out to the publisher and I said, "Hey, just give me another date." I didn't pick this date, they said March 5th. Immediately I felt a peace in my soul because that week of March was that week I talked about before, where my mom, Maya, all these situations happened. And I called my dad, I said, "Dad, can you believe, man, this book is bringing light to this dark week?" And I said, "But dad, there's something deeper than that."

I said, what is it? I said, I don't know. And in my midnight hour, as I call it, waking up at 3 a.m. because my mom passed, I didn't get a full year of sleep. It hit me. March 5th is when the book comes out. And March 5th was the last time I seen my mother alive. The last time I held her hands. So it's special. And when I talk about being guided, that's what I mean. And so for the world to get this book, it's more than just a book for me. It's a

It's a representation of who she was and who she is. And I know she touched this book because I know my mother. She always wants me to shout her out. She wants to be a part of everything. So, yeah, it's a special one for me. So I hope the world is able to protect their peace and get a glimpse of what my mother taught me. For you to share that, like, when she passed, we have tissues right down there if you need a tissue, that you know she passed in peace. Yeah.

For sure. 100%. I think that is everyone's hope. And then you promised her you'd write this book. Absolutely. Did it feel like a divine download? For sure. Yeah. It was so clear. So, so clear. Mom was on hospice for six months. So I saw what peace didn't look like. In that moment, peace. So as hard as it is sometimes, you know, to move on and go on, and I know you can understand that.

I can literally live my life in peace because I know she's resting in peace for real. Her name Aquanetta Shelton. Aquanetta Shelton. Was her nickname Honey? It was. How'd she get that nickname? She always wanted a, I'm going to say weird, but a weird nickname as a grandmother. So she always just said she's sweet. And that's what my kids and my nephews and nieces, they called her that. So yeah.

Honey. Yeah. Everyone who I've been blessed to have on the show, people I love dearly, who I know are going to bless every person listening. And also, and thank you for doing that today. And I have a gift that I want to share with you, something I do for each person who's come on the show, but I want to share it at this moment because of what we're talking about.

Awesome. Open up now? Okay. Yep. Ooh, Nike shoe box. Awesome. Let me see. We actually had to get a bigger bag because of your shoe size. My shoe size, yeah. I'm like, oh, that's a different bag. It's bigger. Oh, snaps, Jamie. So these are custom Jordans and...

And do you see what each and you have to look at the other one too. Oh my gosh. So it says, honey, protect your peace. I don't know if I want to wear these shoes every day or not wear them. No, but I like imagined, I know she's, I know she's always with you. And you know, on my show, I, I, I give you a hug. Yes. I mean, I don't want to. Yes. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Thank you.

We are just crying up in here. I'm crying my makeup off. I got myself matching so that I have this memory with you. And I'm wondering if you would write on mine. You would write anything that comes to your mind on mine. Absolutely. And then I have this memory. These are so clean. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. So whenever I wear them, I want to think of you. And I want to think of this day. And I want to think of your incredible book that I'm so excited for everyone to get, Protect Your Peace. Yes.

- I got it right, protect your peace on one side. - I love it. Trent, I have had so many aha moments. I have not mastered a lot of this stuff of what you're talking about yet and I need to, and I need to. So thank you. - I appreciate you. I'm on that journey too. - God is up in here. All up in here today. What do custom Jordans smell like? I've never had these. - This says keep being a light on that side.

And you got to sign your name too. I will on this side. This is the dopest gift ever. Like, oh my gosh. I'm genuinely excited. Look at them with your outfit today. This is perfect. There's the red, black, and white. And look at your outfit. Red, black, and white. Even the hat. Everything. You like them? Absolutely.

These are fire. Thank you so much, by the way. Thank you. I have one more thing to share with you, but before I do, if you got value out of this episode, my only ask is that you please share it. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today.

You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are.

Heal where you need. Blossom what you choose. Journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love. I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.

When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.

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Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Do you struggle with negative self-talk?

Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life.

It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk, to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals.

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If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below.

This show is presented solely for entertainment purposes only. It's not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, professional coach, or other qualified professional.

I hope you enjoyed this episode and conversation together, and I am so grateful to be on this journey with you. And did you know for every episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show, there are a set of special prompt questions just for you to help you on your journey of aha moments and revelations in your own life from each episode.

Make sure you join my free email newsletter at jamiekernlima.com to get them sent to you each week. And each episode is meant to be evergreen and packed with timeless life lessons. So you can go back and listen to past episodes you perhaps haven't heard yet as we are going on this incredible journey of building self-worth and living our best lives together.