S3 Ep. 13 - The Door into Plumber
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Here it is! Trudy's Dream House! A wonderful new home for Tucker's beautiful new wife, Trudy! It's completely furnished with Trudy's own sewing machine, cuckoo clock, baby blanket, and go bag. And look! A roomy closet to put away all of Trudy's stuffy old dreams and desires.

You'll have fun cooking the food, cleaning the floor, folding the laundry, washing the dishes, changing the diapers, and of course, nursing the baby, a lady's privilege. Trudy's dream house is truly a wish come Trudy. And look, the whole house and everything in it folds up into the prettiest little cage to keep Trudy safe and sound. Tucker will appreciate that. Just try running away from Trudy's dream house.

Go ahead and try. Abandon our newborn son and the only man who will ever love us. You'll never make it past the white picket fence, because wherever you run I'll be there too, and I'll drag us back here by the fucking hair if I have to!

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. What is it? It's a Peachy podcast. This season, the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four, now four, everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness. You haven't joined us. Well, I'm in the

Mix? No, you're not. He's in the mix. I'm in the mix. So says the DM, so say we all. He's in the mix. The kid stays in the picture. Four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. I'm Freddie Wong. I play Deep Thinking Plumber.

Blake Lively. This week's Blake fact, as he wrestles with a pterodactyl. Like, what the fuck, Will? People are thinking that we're being sent back in time, maybe? We'll see what happens. But this week's Blake fact. Blake, as a plumber, has a favorite plumbing implement. The pee trap. The pee trap? But here's the crazy thing. It doesn't trap pee. What does it do? It prevents the gases from the sewer line to getting into your home. Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay. That's it. It's the P-Trap. That's a real fact? It's a real fact. I love P-Trap. So the character we needed to know the most about, you gave us that. Cool. That's cool. I love the P-Trap. It's quite...

Very smart. We haven't met him yet. It's okay. Yeah. We're slowly learning. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and snappiest schoolmarm. And you know what she always says, whether or not a glass is half full or empty depends on whether you plan on filling it up or drinking it. Okay. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. You know what it means. No, I don't. Just think about it.

And a little fact about Kelsey is that her favorite food, and this is the thing that she gets in trouble with. This is the only time she's ever been in trouble at school. She cannot resist food.

a fucking perfect PB&J. Ooh. Which means, and like so many kids have little PB&Js just sitting on their desk like half eaten and it's like, well, why put it to waste? She knows that kid's gonna throw it away. She doesn't know gross kids are. Is she George Costanzing half eaten PBJs? Sorry, I defend Kelsey for that. I think that's a totally acceptable thing to do. Look, look, she's working hard. She gets hungry. Those kids ain't gonna finish that sandwich and maybe once or twice, maybe she ate it before the kid was done. We don't know. But,

She cameras is a PB&J, so don't put one in front of her if you need her to do anything. Say that. I'm Anthony Burch. I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid with a gun. And the Francis fact today is that- He's more than that, Anthony. Is he? Yeah, he is. I wish you would respect it. He's also anxious, self-hating, addicted to masturbating, has a weird- No, the character Anthony- We'll fuck you a mile over here. That was good, Beth. I love that, Beth. Love it. What did Beth say? I said the character. Ah. Ah.

Today's peachy fact for Francis is that he was planning on cutting out a picture of Carly from his yearbook and affixing it to the butt of his rifle. Like, this is what I'm fighting for. But then, like, he sort of saw Shane again and remembered, like, wait, maybe he doesn't say good things about Carly that she loves Shane so much. So instead, he is now just...

carving tally marks into the butt of his rifle. He has one that's like scratched out because he thought it was going to be Tucker, but it turns out he's a robot and that doesn't count. So he just scratched that one out. So he preemptively marked it? No. We're saying you scratch it out. Like he, he shot Tucker and then as he was scratching it into his thing, he was like,

I didn't mention it at the time, but he turned it immediately, took out a pocket knife and started scratching it in. And then saw that it was oil. He was like, God damn it. And they had to scratch it all out. Wow. There's a lot going on for him. That's why you gotta confirm your kills. Yeah. My name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout, a robot, doting wife, homemaker, and mother of one beautiful child. Whoa. Oh, you rounded up. Oh. Fun fact about Trudy. Wow. We're really... Oh boy. We're really...

sloughing towards entropy with these. The censure cannot hold. Trudy only goes to the bathroom at home because that's her IP address. No! Shit, that's good, Beth. That was the best one yet. That's a fucking banger! That is popsicle stick worthy. That is very good. That's a banger!

Banger, dude. That's like a top five jokes of the podcast, in my opinion. That's outstanding. Wow. I don't know if I got that far. It was good. It was very good. I love a good pun, and that was a fucking great one. You know it was good because all of us started grading it and discussing it and talking about how much we liked it. Most important thing is that we're all judging that. That's great. I'm Will Kempos. I'm your daddy, oh master, and your spooky daddy fact.

For this week. Oh, no. One, I found my cheat sheet again, so I'm fucking back. That's spooky. I'm back in the zone. He's back, baby. People keep saying he's not back. I'm thinking he's back. The Tyrannosaurus Rex... What? ...did not have vision based on movement. Yeah, we know that. So they... That's a common thing.

thing now. Is that? Let him finish. We don't know where he's going. It was in the movie Jurassic Park and it's wrong. And if, I don't know, someone were to find themselves being chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex this episode, let's just say... I'm still gonna be like, Ian, freeze! They would not want to freeze like Ian Malcolm. And I think we all remember how that worked out for Ian Malcolm. Although he ran. He got a sexy broken leg and then his shirt was open. It worked out really well for him. And us. And he got the sequels and the other ones didn't.

And that's the chaos theory. Oh, also quick bonus peachy fact for me this week. I am going to be guest starring in season two of Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons. This is one of the best fucking actual play by guests in the game. The cast is hilarious. The plot is insane.

Season two just started up yesterday, so it's a great jumping on point. My first episode comes out on December 2nd, right after Thanksgiving. We had so much fun recording it. It's like a whole Indiana Jones type thing. I cannot wait for you all to hear it. So yeah, go check them out. Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons. Okay, you guys want to fucking... I want to play. Play the game. Let's do it. I want to fight Cthulhu. We open on...

A dense canopy jungle. Boo, this is going to be phrasing? Okay, all right. I'm going to go back to eating my lunch. Mist hanging in the air. We hear like those little birds going, ooh, ooh, ah, like some tropical ass birds. He's getting toward the tiki room. We pan down.

And I hate it when people say we pan down in an audio thing. You're not panning down. Yeah, you tilt. You tilt down. No, you just describe what's happening. It's audio. You just say the trees are blank. The trees rustle. And a big crate comes out, right? Where am I looking, though? Am I looking down? Am I panning down when I'm seeing these trees, though?

I'm sorry, Will. I love Jurassic Park so much. The trees rustle and a man emerges from this thick, dense canopy into a clearing. He has a beard now and a pterodactyl skull for like a helmet and he's got fucking tattered clothes and it's Blake Lively, the plumber.

And, Freddie, I have a question for Blake Lively. He's been in here for weeks now. Weeks? Okay. Weeks he's been wandering this strange new world. I love the idea of aging this character we haven't met yet. Has Marbles the cat survived? Has he taken good care of Marbles the cat? Marbles is in the skull and, like, riding around like a ratatouille. So Marbles the kitty cat is ratatouille-ing in the skull. I love that. That's very cute. And Blake is like, we just need to find more bones to make jungle toilet.

Too many weeks, marbles. We are shitting in ponds, water, holes. Why is he shitting in ponds? Nobody shits in a pond. Yeah, he shits in a stream. He's like, this is where I drink my water. He just shits in a stream. Why is he shitting in the water supply everywhere? That's insane. No, you dig a cat hole.

Marbles? Excuse me, is this a scene between marbles and both lively? Marbles, as you know, I have the shitting pond and the drinking pond. Very important not to mess those two up. Yes. I have a shitting pond! If you have the wealth of many ponds...

I'm just asking you to think about the logistics because like a pond is like it's ground and then water and it's a lot of water. It's a significant amount of water. That's why I'm building a dock out to the middle of the shitting pond. And then if you were to miscalculate, trip backwards, get startled by any wild animal, you would be falling into the pond of shit. At first I was doing this, but I was using vines to hold myself up.

The purpose of water for toilets is a movement device to move the poop somewhere else. There's no reason to poop into water. That's like, no animal is like, I'm pooping in water. He's just poop on the ground. Why is he making a pond to poop in? Are you like a cat and you feel like you have to hide your droppings to avoid predators? Hey, yeah. I'm dropping. Here's what I'm doing. It's your character. I'm sorry. Blake is building a dock.

Okay. Out into the middle of his poop pond so that he can deposit his poops into the middle of the pond. Great. Okay. Good. I'm glad they're there. As you are building, we'll say that you drop your bundle of bones that you're building with your poop deck with, so to speak. Yes, the poop deck. As you do that, you hear a noise off in the distance. You hear the sound.

of a motorcycle engine so my guy is like a handyman so i wonder if i can get any more information sure give me a roll cycle everyone did level up yes i did i gave everyone a homework they were all supposed to level up twice so if their skills are shit blame them not me yep i i failed one level up i got another one i got a little bit more spot hidden baby the spot hidden train is going you can treat yourself to many skills right you don't have to just multiple skills

You got multiple? I was very clear about this. I level up like three skills. Wait, you only get two levels up. No, you get two per whatever. You get to level up twice per skill that you have used. Can I choose to... Do you want to just all in on spot hitting? No. Okay, thank you. That's what I was asking. That's really funny.

Unless you can explain to me how using those other skills led to you being better at spotting hidden things. When I was being stealthy, I was spotting hidden things. You knew what it was like to be hidden because you were hiding. No, it's fine. It's fine. I'll upgrade other stuff. I just only care about spotting. Freddie, what are we rolling? What are we doing? I'll just roll listen. Okay. Okay.

Do you want like advantages? You know what cars are or whatever. I rolled an 89. What is that strange sound of beast? Okay. What would you like to do? You hear it rumbling off in the distance. Obviously. Hi, this fucking game. There's a motorcycle sound. Hmm. I want to roll. Listen.

It's still a motorcycle. I love TTRPGs. Losing my mind. I want to get some height. I want to pull up onto a tree. Great. I love that. You scurry up a tree. Like the high hide in Lost World. There you go. Like the high hide. For all my Lost World heads. And you see down in the clearing beneath you in this mysterious treehouse.

tropical world you find yourself in, you see a man on a motorcycle kind of idling to a stop. I ready my battle coconut. Your battle coconut. Okay, great. Are there coconuts in the jungle? It's only tropical. They have some mysterious fruit you've never seen before. And you call it a coconut. I call it a coconut because I've never seen a coconut before either.

You've never seen... Why would you call it a coconut if you've never seen one before? That's what I figured. I heard... Oh, here's what I... You heard of coconuts, but have never seen a picture of a coconut. And this looks like a coco-nut. Okay, great. So you ready your coco-nuts, and this man down in the clearing beneath you, he starts digging a hole in the ground. Yeah.

He's wearing a lab coat. He's got dark black hair. Have you met Tucker before? I knew it. I might recognize him as someone who was in Peachyville, maybe, but not necessarily like exactly who it is because I've done work on basically everyone's place. Tucker does his own plumbing. You can't risk anybody seeing his shit. He just gets a new toilet every time I use it. Every time.

Every time I do a number two, he gets a new toilet. That's real rich. That's more than boat rich. New toilet rich. New toilet every time I... Socks rich where you just get a new pair of socks every day. The real rich is a new toilet every day. New toilet every day. He's digging this hole. You recognize him as someone you've seen around P.G.ville. He's a little far away. And then he pulls out what looks like a time capsule from a satchel on his bag.

Sorry, what looks like a time capsule? What does a time capsule look like? Like a tube, a metal tube. A metal tube, you know. Oh, a time capsule. Sorry, in my head, when you said the phrase time capsule, I didn't think of the things that we buried. You thought it was like a futuristic thing? Yeah, I was like, how do I know what a time capsule is? If anything, you'd probably be more inclined to know what a time capsule is back in the 50s because they used to actually use them all the time. Yeah.

Yeah. That makes you think. You fucking idiot. You bozo. No, I'm not going to be mean to Freddie. Everyone else will be mean to Freddie. You watch as the man below you takes a green key off of a necklace and puts it in this time capsule and buries it in the ground.

Then he gets on his motorcycle and drives off back into the distance. Okay, so Blake is going to make note of that. He's going to see the tire tracks that left. Quick investigation of the tire tracks. Is this the first time that Tucker's come out into this clearing and buried something here? Do you know what I'm saying? I won't answer that question specifically, but this is the first motorcycle tracks you've seen. Okay, interesting. And they sort of zoom off into the... He disappears into another...

grove of tropical trees. So just in case I want to string some vines across a blind spot... You want to string some vines, baby?

where the motorcycle tracks are. So if Tucker ever comes back, you can clothesline him. Yes. He will be decapitated. Okay. Is that what you'd like to do right now? I'm doing that right now. Yeah. Best arch enemy gets killed off screen by a character. We don't know. Professional survival instinct. Okay. Oh, we hear, dude, did you hear what they found in the jungle? You follow the tracks back. Once they came towards the entrance of the Grove, as you're tying this top,

vine, you hear massive, thunderous footfalls stomping towards you. Trees shaking. If you were to look back at your poop pool, the water would be vibrating as if one was plucking a guitar string underneath it. And

A shadow falls over you and you hear a ginormous thunderous ball shaking roar as a horrible, terrible lizard stares down at you and screams a mighty scream. Its jaws shrieking, its teeth glistening. What do you do? I'm going to try and trip it up. I run underneath it.

By the way, underneath it. Between its legs. I'm going to thread the needle. Give me an acrobatics roll or give me a dexterity roll if you can come up with anything. Dexterity roll. Now, I happen to have quite a bit of dexterity. Oh, he's a nimble boy. I've thought about the deficiencies of my character and the

ups and downs of the system, and I roll a 37 on a 75, which is a super success. Describe to me the way you nimbly weave your pass. I go, and I tuck in real tight like a football guy, and I just sprint straight through blindly, but pure luck has made it so that I weave through the feet effortlessly and dodge the tail, but now...

Now that T-Rex has no idea where I am. Because it will look underneath, and as it looked underneath, the guy's head stuck underneath his legs. Well, we're not going to go that far, but you get a head start on running away from it. Enraged as its quarry slips away from it, it turns around and spots you slinking and speeding through the woods.

And it gives chase through the jungle, engaging you in a terrifying, deadly race for your very life. You tear through the trees, limb from limb. You're not limping. You tear through the trees. It would be, though. It's trees. Limb from limb. The limbs are tearing off the trees. Vines are whipping you in the face. You get one of those cool little like you remember Princess Mononoke when he gets that. Fuck. Yeah. I think about that all the time. You get like a couple of those marbles. The cat has fully sunk his claws. That would suck to get a facial scar, but it sucked.

You know what I mean? It's like, oh, man. It's not a cool little cheekbone cut. It's like off center and off to the side. Like Kylo Ren in Force Awakens where it's like a nose thing. Yeah. You run and you run and you find yourself bursting through the other side of this forest as this T-Rex gives hot pursuit. You see a wide open plane in front of you. Board the plane. Board the plane. The sky meets the horizon in this line that seems ever distant. And then, wham, you collide. Sure.

straight into a wall. And you realize that the horizon is false and you're at the edge of some stone wall as if you're in some kind of hollow earth situation. And with that, we cut to, and I think we do still cut to in an audio environment. It's not a thing where it's like, we don't pan. You could also just say elsewhere, elsewhere. Oh, I like that. Thanks, Anthony. Elsewhere. Suddenly elsewhere, suddenly elsewhere. Uh,

Suddenly elsewhere. Yeah, but without the word cut, I just assumed that we're like flying there or following a moth or something. Matt's entire brain is just moths flying around the place. Matt is so moth-filled, dude. An elevator door opens and our three amigos, what remains of the guttural screams...

find themselves in a strange new environment that doesn't look that strange. It's like a big fucking room. Like it's got big government facility vibes. I think what you say it is in respect to like the one circus of a three ring circus. You're in a room that's about like one and a half times the size of one ring in a three ring circus. That's not that big. Yeah.

and it's a sterile environment, white walls, two hallways peeling off in a long arc on either side of you, and in front of you, a big door, like a big bank vault-type door. It's like a video game hallways, guys. It's like some Resident Evil-ass core. Make sure to go down one hallway, Evan,

looks like it's going for a while. Yeah, you stop and you go back around. Go to the other hallway because that's the hallway that's the main line. Yeah. When we last left you, you had a harrowing encounter with the brain of the original Trudy Trout and then managed to deduce the super secret keypad code of Tucker Trout's elevator down to the actual Project Heartland research facility. Because we're trying to get his key. Yes.

We still need to try to get the green key. We need a green key. It was green? He let it slip. He let it slip. He never said the key was green before, but now we know where it is. I can't find it. I'm colorblind.

It's in the past. I want to go to the past. Kelsey's like, I want to go to the past. Kelsey doesn't know where the key is. Kelsey didn't see any of that. Only the audience did. Zuzel, where is the key? He's bending it. He's bending it. Oh, interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Zuzel says to you, I will tell you what I know for a prize.

I'll give you as many PB&Js as you want. Who are you talking to, Kelsey? That is insufficient. Oh, God. Are you crazy too now? No, I'm not crazy. What do you mean crazy too? I'm crazy. Okay. I would never call a woman crazy. I'd say hysterical. Oh, well, yeah. I feel a little bit like that right now. Oh, wait. I just did call a woman crazy. Shit. Well, Trudy, did you... That painting, did a voice talk to you? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And I said no. Oh. Yeah, I said no, too. What? What? Did you say yes? You said yes? Well, it was a nice painting. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Miss Grammar. Tell them you said no and I shall give you more power. Oh, I actually. It's a funny story. I know I just said that. I said, yeah. Did he just tell you to lie to us? But I actually. No, I would never do that. I said. You would never do that. Okay. You slipped up.

And I'm nodding. It's telling me... No, I mean, I said no to it. And you see like a tear forming down her eye as she's nodding. I said no and everything's fine. And clearly I did what we all would have done. And I didn't make a mistake. Kelsey, I have to say that when people...

from now on will tell me that everything is fine, I'm inclined to not believe that. Same! I just can't trust adults. No, I think those are both good instincts. I don't think everything's going to be fine. I just think we need to find the green key, and Zuzo's our lord, and we'll figure out a way... I mean... Well, on the upside, you've gotten promoted to being in front of us all the time. You know what? That's good. Very well. Stand in front of them. Lead them to their doom, Kelsey. Oh, um...

Guys, I need to talk to you now. No, no. Tell them nothing unless you wish to suffer dormance. Let's go forward. Okay. And look for a green key. Otherwise, nothing. Oh my God. Oh my God. As you step forward, you hear the voice of Tucker Trout barking at you over a loud scream. Hey.

Oh, we know this trick, we can't talk back to it. Message repeats.

What the heck are you doing? All right. Well, here's the thing. He was never home on Sundays either. I think he was here. Oh, he's not practicing then. Fuck it. No, I think he was... He probably worked here. He probably... Because it's his rule, so he can work here on Sundays. He can work here on Sundays. Did he go into his basement and just knock him out? Well... Yeah. Okay. Well, we got a demon who can fuck stuff up now, so that's, I guess, one point in our favor. Sue's out. Don't lie to me again, Kelsey. Yeah. I can't take it. Okay. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I didn't think it was a big deal until I found out you two said no. Can I roll to like have Zuzel shut up for a second? You may roll. What do I roll? Give me a willpower roll. Willpower. Okay. I'll have Zuzel do the same.

13. Zuzel got an 11. Oof. That sucks. And he's got probably more willpower than you. So I guess Zuzel won't shut up. Nice try. It's okay. You wish to quiet Zuzel in your mind, but Zuzel is here with you. I'm a little worried. You and I, our fates are intertwined.

No, I get it, Kelsey. I mean, we hear Tucker repeating and that's annoying. It's hard to think. And you must hear a voice like that repeating and it's hard to think. And it's just a lot of voices in my voice repeating and it's hard to think. And so I understand that it's difficult.

No, it's just really, all this is really confusing and I want, we need to save the town and there's things that aren't in books, I know, because I've been writing a book forever and I just thought, I don't know who Zuzel is or anything and I just thought it was like, you don't say no to a teacher. Like, I just thought Zuzel was a teacher so like, it would teach me things. I will teach you. So, but now I'm worried. I'm worried I messed up. Look, if there's anything

I've learned in the past couple days, it's that thinking too hard never actually leads to anything good. So let's just focus on the green key and keep moving forward and not think about any subtleties or any like world dilemmas or anything. We'll just go and it'll be fine and we'll all be good people. Okay, let's put a pin in what you said, but I agree with you for right now. Let's just move forward. And I just need both of you just the next thing I say, always hold on to, okay? Everything I say about Zeus has a lie. Ah!

Give me a Zuzo roars in your brain. Give me a... That's great.

I'll let you choose if you want to take a D8 of sanity loss or if you want to take a D8 of health. Sanity feels more... Okay, so we're going to say this is from... And I only have 40 sanity. This is not a sanity roll. Yeah, this is loss. This is your max sanity is going to go down. Yeah, my max sanity is... Or you can take physical damage. No, I'll take the sanity. Okay. I only have 35, so I'm going to do a D8 for... So 31. Okay, so yes, your brain...

whacks with agony of a splitting headache as you feel the pain of resisting the will of Zuzel in your mind. Zuzel's fine. It wasn't a big deal. You guys should have said yes. Let's keep going. Kelsey!

Just because somebody is like, you know, thinks that they're the boss, it doesn't mean that they've got to be the boss of you, is what I've learned. Sometimes somebody is the boss of you because I have a principal and I have Zuzel now. And Zuzel's great. Remember what I said the first time. Zuzel's great. Let's just keep moving forward. Trudy, the man.

That makes Zeus House not great. What do you guys want to do? Oh, yeah. Which door should we go in? I want to check out that door. Okay. So as you approach the door, it's a big vault door, like a bank vault door. You see a warning written on it. It says all chamber doors must be shut before stasis field can activate.

Give me a no roll, everybody. I failed. I failed. I failed. Y'all failed your edgy roll? Yep. Damn. What's a door? What's a stasis field? I still can't read, I don't think. I'm going to try to open the door. Okay, great. I love that. As you...

As you go to open the door, you in fact hear a thud on the other side of the door. You hear like a wham as if someone has run into a wall near you. And now our two scenes are merged. He did it. Somehow he did it. Our split screen comes into one view. Blake, you are on the other side of this wall.

Twigs in my hair. Cat in my hair. T-Rex hot on your trail. The four of you hear a thud on the wall. You've just clonked into a wall. I see, I see. We should shoot the first thing that comes out of there. We should blast this wall. Was that thud? Is that the way the door works? Was that like a thud, like a lock? Try again. Try to open it again. I keep trying to open the door. Oh, okay. You open the door. From your side. That was easy. Jesus, what a big door. What was that thud? What?

Why are the doors so big if you can open it that easily? It's not locked. Is there a way for Freddy to open it on the other side? No, it was just a wall. It looked like nothing. So guys, we do have the opportunity to do the funniest thing. You know what? I think we should maybe check out the other hallways first because it says you have to close the other doors first. Seems like whatever is in here might be really dangerous and we want to prepare by going to the other hallways. I got to hear what that thud is though. I'm sorry. I continue to open. You hear the thud.

I continue to open the door. So you open the door. There's a big pneumatic hiss as it pops open. And then you see there's like a little light up display on the wall next to the door that marks four doors in this complex. And you see that right now, two of them are lit up. The door to the north is lit up and the door you're at, the southern door is also lit up as you popped it open. The door slides open and you see this incredible Jurassic tableau before you. Trees, jungle, everything. And then you see a bedraggled dragon

Disheveled, bearded, bone-wielding plumber. It does move with beards. And you also see a T-Rex thundering up behind him. Wait, no!

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Is that a kitty? Well, both of you just come in. Ah, hello. And then I close the door behind him. Give me a luck roll. Just Matt, because he's the one closing the door. The only one closing the door. I failed. I got 74, 57. Okay.

Zuzel, I would like my advantage. I get one every... Oh, very well. You feel the will of Zuzel trickling ever further into the recesses of your brain. Fucking Zuzel, I got an 82. Do it again. Mediocre. Sorry, dog. You manage to slam the door shut. You still get it shut, but the T-Rex knows that there's something there.

Like he's seen it and you hear him banging into the wall and sniffing and panting on the other side as this huge, horrible monster. I always thought dinosaurs were dumb, but it gave me a look like it knew where we are now. And I wonder if this thing, this big thing that I can't even comprehend in my soul or my brain, I wonder if it's like Moth Jesus, where it looks scary, but it's actually kind of a hunk. Yeah.

No! I mean, he was chasing after, like, Moth Jesus just approached, right? Like, this thing was chasing. Oh, everyone give me a sanity roll for seeing a T-Rex, by the way. I mean, a fucking, like, cool roll, because it was the coolest thing we've ever seen. Fucking coolest thing we've ever seen. Ooh, yes, a nine, I succeed. I got a 67, I failed. Okay. Yay, I got a 22 after those two shitty rolls. I succeeded. My sanity's only 31, though. Beth, give me a 1d4 sanity loss for seeing this mind-boggling sight.

And it's not hunky at all. It is not hunky. Two. He looks like the most not hunky actor that they keep trying to make happen happen. Oh my goodness. It's just, it's sad really that they try to make this happen. Freddie, how old is Blake Lively? Blake Lively. That can't be right. That can't be. You wrote, my brother in Christ, you wrote the sheet.

28. He's 20. Oh, he's a strapping young lad. Strapping young lad. Young lad. Oh. I was like, maybe Kelsey, but no, she's not going to make December this. Hello. Who the fuck are you? What? Who are you? Yeah, he's the plumber. Why are you hanging out with him? Hi. Hello. What are you doing? How are you there? Hi, Kelsey. Hi. How's the plumbing? I mean, bad. You did a bad job. Whoa. Oh, my God. I mean, thank you. I had to learn myself. Whoa.

Whoa! Hey, yeah, wait a second. You came over to my house to fix the sink, and then the toilet was clogged afterward, and you said I did it. Yes, they are not connected pipes. Wait, you guys fix the sink and the toilet? We just get new ones. You get new ones? No, we fix it. Well, I fix it now because Blake here never fixes it. I did fix it.

Just because I remember it. It's like Rashomon. You also kicked my dog on the way out. I don't have a dog anymore. Your hound bit my leg. I didn't kick. I tried to shake him off. Yeah, and he so hard he died. Oh, my God. Okay, a lot of elevated feelings.

What are you doing here? What happened? I could say the same about you. I was rescuing Marbles here. Marbles? Oh, it's a little baby. Hello, this is Marbles. I'm going to put my hand out in a fist so it can't scratch my fingers. I'm just going to let it sniff. Marbles has had a traumatizing couple of weeks. I put my hand back. That's okay. Well, thanks for bringing us Marbles. You're the ghost.

Seems like you have some unfinished business with the T-Rex. No, no. I was helping Marbles was in the storm drain. And then the storm drain opened into a Jurassic world. Oh.

Wow. That doesn't sound as cool as a park. That's insane. Yes. Well, okay, so you asked us why we're here. Yes, what are you doing here? How long have you been in there? Weeks. Weeks? Weeks. Okay, yeah. So Peachyville, a lot of stuff's been happening. I don't mean to throw your husband under the bus. Hey, it's my good friend, Tony Collette, with you. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh.

Well, he's not with us. No, I mean, we lost track of him. He's probably fine now. We haven't seen him in a while. I haven't seen him in a while either. He owes me money. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. He never paid the registration fee for the Gutter Roll Screams Bowling League. And he kicked my dog.

I don't know how to describe it. Long story short, there's some sort of cult and this whole town is now in trouble and we find three keys, one of which is down here. The town is in trouble? How? Well, there's like big monsters. Ancient gods and some of the godslayers. And my husband, well, he's running it all, it seems. And frankly, it's good to know that I wasn't the only one whose feelings he hurt. Husband? What is your husband? My husband is Tucker Trout. Oh.

Oh, Trout Family. Yes, that's us. I've never seen your toy. And we're looking for a green key. Was there a green key in there? Green key. Green key. And my dialogue, my dialogue, the green key is like red. It's like highlighted. It's like highlighted in the JRPG dialogue. Ah, green key. Well.

There's only one of them, I think. I suppose it depends. I suppose it depends on the...

I guess that was green. It was more of an aquamarine blue. Well, never mind. We don't need it. Well, what did you see? What did you see? Well, I saw Tucker. Would I know who Tucker is? Yeah, that's right. I know him around town. I feel like seeing her could refresh your memory. We look exactly the same. We're siblings. Oh, my gosh. What a twist. What a twist that you look like. Oh, my gosh. No, that's not what's happening.

Okay. Okay. So you were saying you saw Tucker? Ah, yes, Tucker. In the dinosaur area. He had a motorcycle and he brought it into the Jurassic world. And then...

He had this green key. Calm down, Kelsey. Calm down. You're throwing me at the mouth. We need three keys to save us. I know, I know, I know, but just calm down. But that means it's back there. He buried it in the Jurassic world. So we have to go back in there. He buried it? Yes. What the fuck? Wait, do you know where it is? I know exactly where it is because I've marked the clearing with a death trap.

Oh, okay. Can we get in without setting off the deathtrap? As long as you are not riding a motorcycle or very fast bicycle, a deathtrap, no problem. I have a question. Yes. Well, if I'm, you know, like a kind of cyberkinetic, kind of robotic, kind of not all real, but some real person... Hey, what the fuck are you talking about, lady? She's a robot, but she's real. What the fuck? You just saw T-Rex. Calm down. Yeah, well, I was wondering if...

That world that Blake was in is not all real either. And maybe we can see it on the computer, like how it lights up the doors. Maybe it's like an image that's been implanted in our minds or something. I know I sound so silly now, but I'm wondering if it's not actually what we're seeing. No, you're onto something. It could also be a robot T-Rex, which actually scares me a little bit more now that I think about it. That is scarier. We should maybe explore.

or the other hallways and see if we can find a terminal. You guys are pretty far out, man. Everybody give me a spot hidden roll. Oh, you idiot. Here we go. Fuck yeah, dude. Oh,

27, but 25. I didn't get it. I failed. I succeed barely. I got a 54 and I have 60. I got a 13. Wow. So I got super success. You got super success. Not super duper, unfortunately. That's an 11, but I got super success. Kelsey and Trudy, you both notice that the elevator's moving. Oh. Oh. It's going back up right now, almost as if someone has called it.

Up there. Oh, no. I want to pry open the elevator door. Okay. What's going on? What's going on? The elevator is moving up. There's a way we can stop it from coming down. You can use my bone spear. Oh, yeah. We can also open up the door with the T-Rex and let the T-Rex loose on whoever comes in. Oh. Francis. What? They're not going to be a good guy. No. No. Good. That's A+. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. I pat myself on the back. Let's get the door unlocked.

And then we'll wait for the elevator door to open and we'll open the door with the T-Rex. Yeah, what if you guys get further down? I'm really good at sneaking, so I can do it and hide from the T-Rex so it doesn't see me and goes after the other guys. Okay. I also have a feeling that T-Rex vision is based on movement. Yeah.

Really? So the plan is I'm going to go to the door of the vault. The other is going to go out of sight of the elevator. Okay. And of that room. Once I hear the ding before they even open, I'm going to pull open the door and then run and hide in the same hallway that the others are. How much time do we have? The elevator goes down. We don't know. Okay. I mean, you know how much time it took, like, you know, maybe 30 seconds for it to go down.

Yeah, that's enough time for you guys to get out of the way. Okay, so... For three seconds, I want anything that is around this hallway, like if there's a little table, I just want to make much of a little corridor from the door to the elevator. Like, the T-Rex is, like, really focused. Yeah, essentially, like, making, like, you know, like those horse blinders, like, when the door opens. Ha ha ha!

The only thing the dinosaur is seeing is the elevator door. To the left and right is like some cabinets and stuff. It doesn't want to climb over that. This is really more of an entryway, but we'll say there's a trash can and two plastic plants and an American flag. Great. I put those four things in a little like on either side. To line up the corridor. Yeah, to make like a little corridor. Perfect, Elsie. All right. Thanks, Francis. There are two hallways shooting off of this corridor.

There's the door and then there's two hallways over one corridor. It says two laboratories, two hallways and two laboratories. No. What sort of building is this? Two hallways and two laboratories. Yeah.

I'm just messing with you, Will. Welcome back. So one door says this way to laboratories. The other says this way to main control room. Main control room sounds pretty good. So there's laboratories and what was the other one? Laboratories is one way. Master control room is the other. Master control room. Make sure you drape the flag across that way to cover our return.

tree. Hey, are you in with us, Blake? Yes, if you say the town is in danger, well, I love the town. I've always known you ever since I taught you in third grade. You've been the most selfish kid I've ever known. What the fuck is this coming from? I think it's about time you helped the town that you grew up in. What the fuck is this coming from? Are you sure you're not confusing it with a different Blake? Could be. I have taught a lot of kids over the years. There's Blake Shelton, remember? He's a piece of shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, but don't say that because he got in that car accident. Oh, he did. Yeah.

He's the only one that survived. His whole family died. Yeah, his family died. He's an orphan now. I'm just saying, Blake, that we're not only friends, we're a bowling team. Yeah. And you're not part of it because...

Because that's Tony, right? Is that what you're going to say? I was just going to say that whether we roll a gutter ball or a strike, you're with us. And that's the agreement. That's the vow we make when we joined the guttural screams. I like that. We do need a fourth player. I'm not really that soft on you yet. I don't trust you. You could be anything, but I'll keep an eye on you. I fix your toilet.

No, you shat in my toilet and clogged it and blamed me. And it kicked his dog. And you kicked my dog. How is toilet working now, though? Well, fine. Now that we call a different plumber. What the fuck is this character assassination? You've done it yourself. You feel the consequences of what you've done in the past. You need your actions. I'm going to stand up for Freddie here. We flash back. We flash back to Blaine.

Blake Lively fixing the toilet. How about he gets a roll? You get your roll. You are at the Farnsworth house and you are fixing the upstairs toilet. Yeah. Give me a roll on your plumbing skill. Well, I'm skilled trades person. Okay. Give me your roll. So I feel like your skill. I'm curious. What did you put in plumbing? Look, I'm just taking what Freddie put down. Every glimpse that we've seen of Freddie, I've not gotten the sense that he's a good plumber. I survived.

He seemed very uncertain about, like, he was just walking into a drain thing to get a cat. All right, here's what I'll say. I'll do mechanical repair. Okay. Which is a 35. But he's very dexterous. 87. All right, so here's what happens. Why are you shitting in the toilet? You're supposed to fix this. I can't go in sink. I have to go in toilet. Don't worry. Don't worry, child. And I flush the toilet and it clogs immediately. Oh, there's water everywhere.

Well, I have two things. This one is for free. The sink is your fault. The dog comes right to your feet. What the fuck is this? It's my dog! It's my dog, Little Orphan Annie! Ah, it's biting me! Get it away! It's not biting you! It's licking you! Ah, it's biting! And I kick and sink to the ground. What is that?

The dog falls down the stairs and snaps its neck. No! Do you have a second toilet downstairs that needs fixing? No! Leave! Okay, well, I need to get my half up front. And I'm repairing my dog! You can't say I need to get my half up front after you start the job. Mom, Dad, I have something horrible to tell you.

All right. We got out of our flashback. Maybe we'll treat ourselves to one of those for episode for how he knows the other two of you. Um,

So you've decided. You killed my dog. All right. So, okay. So you guys are hiding in the corridor behind the American flag and the two potted plants. Yes. Francis is at the door. Yes. As the elevator is coming down, you hear the familiar voice of a little young girl saying, Mommy, Mommy, are you down here? I'm scared. I'm lost. Is the voice of Tiffany, your daughter. Unleash. No, don't listen. Tiffany's not.

Mommy, where are you? It's dark. It's dark. I don't know where I am. I'm going down somewhere. I'm scared. I miss you. Sounds like a trick. Don't listen. So the elevator. We give a thumbs up to Francis. That is still a go. Still a go. Francis nods. The elevator comes to a halt and dings. I open the door. Okay. Two things happen. One, Francis opens the door. And to be clear, I open the door in the following way.

Anthony has stood up. He's now opening the door. He's walking over to the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to take a picture for our Patreon of Anthony opening the door. All right, I'm doing a little video. We're rolling. This is how Anthony is. Give me a demonstration, Anthony. Take it back. Roll it back. Beautiful. There you go. Okay. And then imagine there's a T-Rex right there. Yeah. As Francis does that,

A T-Rex head instantly juts through this massive door and roars and starts snapping its teeth. As that's happening... Stay still, stay still, stay still. I'm hiding now. The elevator door opens and emerging from the shadows, you hear the clickety-clack of mechanical feet and from the shadows emerges a massive spider-like robot with like eight legs. What the fuck? T-Rex spider robot fight. This fucking

It has almost like a, like a proboscis kind of poking out of it. You see the face of your daughter, Tiffany, and she's looking out and her eyes are glowing red and she's still saying, mommy, mommy, I'm scared. I can't find you, mommy. Where are you? Two of her like spider feet are a little kid hands. Like she's split apart. And then like two of it are like her legs, but they've still got like her little buckle shoes on them and a little white socks and

And then there's just a shredded dress grinding up in the gears of this horrible, many-legged, arachnid-like robot as it comes out. And it locks eyes with the T-Rex. And it says, threat detected. Engage. And then it just launches at it and starts slashing at the T-Rex's eyes. And it roars and thrashes around. And now there's this brutal melee going on between this T-Rex. Whoever wins, we lose.

and this robot spider girl. And as that's going on, Francis, you now have a T-Rex spider battle to dodge your way out of. And you also have to hop over a potted plant and American flag if you want to get to

Your friends. Okay. What do you want me to roll? Well, do it in two rolls. First, you got to clear the T-Rex and that's dexterity. All right. My dexterity is 60. I rolled an 11, which is a super duper success. Ooh, okay. You need a super success for this one. So it's good. You got a super duper success. So as the two kaiju are fighting, I wait for a break in the action specifically as the T-Rex, it like roars back with like one of its fists. Like it's going to punch it, even though he's got those little stubby arms and his tail goes up. Like it's a rope with dope. He's going to like fake with a punch him at him with his tail.

And as his tail goes up, I run underneath the tail towards the corridor that leads to the control room. Give me one more dexterity to get over this spotted plant.

That is a 30. That is a normal success. Okay. That would have been funny if I tripped and they saw me. Team question. Our character. Do we want to go master controller? Don't we know the key is in this place? Do we want to go back where the T-Rex is? Yeah, but you want to fight? They're in front of the door. They're occupying the room. We're going to have to do a hard check to get in. We would all be rolling hard checks to get past them. Kelsey, you do remember that little light up thing that you saw? There's other rooms. There are three other airlocks somewhere in this facility. Oh, true, true. Okay, okay. Yeah, that's right.

Francis, run. I am. Run faster, faster, faster, faster. Faster, must go faster. That's the quote, not just faster, faster. Yeah, that's what he says. Faster, faster, faster. It's so funny that he says the same thing in Independence Day. Yep. All right. Must go faster. Isn't that funny? It's like how Tim Allen goes, oh, oh, oh, in the Santa Claus. Sorry, what? He does his Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt noise in the Santa Claus, even though it doesn't make any sense for that character. So,

So we run through the master control room. You hear grinding gears and laser blasts and teeth snatching. You're heading down this dark, again, sort of like government corridor, for lack of a better term. And as you run, you see sort of side doors leading to different sort of departments as you head down this hallway towards the control room. And so you see a door marked power. You see one marked sanitation. Oh, I like this one. You see a room called weather control.

you see a door that says motor pool slash chamber access. And as you're running past all of these, give me another spot hidden. I failed. Oh, don't worry. Don't worry. Kelsey's here. I got a five.

Nice. Oh, shit. I failed. My spot hidden is 60. Nothing escapes the wily eye of Pretty Trout. Yeah. 13. Sick. So this is normal super success. Normal sex. Normal success. Normal sex. Normal sex. Normal P&V. That's not, I don't want to say that that's normal. Damn it. Damn. It's just, that's a little hetero. There's really nothing normal about it. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. You put your thing in that thing? Weird. Weird. That's all I'm saying. What's that line in Star Wars? You came in that thing? Yeah.

Putting the thing in the thing. I get it. Nature. It's the like, not enough. You got to wiggle around. You got to wiggle around for a bit. That's the weird part. That's the weird part. Are you wiggling?

There's just like, there's all manner of gyration. Are you doing like a hoop motion? I'm just saying like, there's plenty of stuff where it's like you see the hummingbird, the thing comes out and they get the nectar. They don't put the thing out and then they're like... Have you ever watched Homes have sex? They're moving. They don't just sit there. I know, I know. The hummingbird moves so fast you actually can't tell that it's pumping. You're telling me it's pumping that fucking stamen, dude?

It's wrapping its proboscis around that stamen and pumping it dry. Pumping it like those oil derricks on La Cienega. Oh, no. Thrust it up and down, sucking it dry out of the urn. What a shame. What a shame. The animal kingdom is kinky, dude. Okay.

You got a spot hit. Trudy did very well. I did well too. You did well too. So Matt, Kelsey and Trudy noticed, and then I'll say the thing that Trudy notices. Kelsey and Trudy noticed muddy footprints coming out of the door for motor pool slash chamber access and heading towards the

climate control center. So even though I didn't see the hidden stuff, I see chamber access and I'm like, oh, we have to close the other doors and maybe we can do it from chamber access. Uh, Trudy with her super duper, duper, duper success, uh, notices two things. And then she notices that the chamber door appears to be unlocked. Unlike the other doors. Yeah.

Or the door to motor pool chamber access. She also notices based on the tread size and the amount of time she's had to fucking clean up after Tucker's muddy footprints after he's come in from a fucking. The basement. The basement or a fishing trip or whatever. Like these are Tucker tracks. Tucker tracks. Oh my gosh. And they're headed straight for the control center. Their control center is different from chamber access. Francis, control center is different than chamber access. How stupid of me. Yeah, let's go to control center. But chamber access is the only one that's open.

Is the control room open? So you... Chamber access is kind of redundant, right? If you go into a room that is the chamber... Yeah, you access it. Congratulations! That's what a door is. It's like a room called room enter. Maybe it's just a door. It's just a door. Hey, look at this. I opened the door. It's just a door. Weird. It's just an example of how to get into chambers. That's helpful, I guess. Ah!

Ah, it's a good illustration. Ah, look, the same door across all of these doors. Oh, well, now I know how to use that. That's great. I want to die. The control center, let's call it... Master Control. Master Control. We're going with Master Control. The Master Control room, let's say that. The Master Control room, you have yet to see a door for it. It's around this... You're essentially like running in this...

This wide, curving hallway, and it's still around the corner. All right, well, let's keep running. Do we all follow the boots? Do you want to say that they're Tucker boots, or are you keeping that to yourself? I will say yes. These are Tucker boots, so be careful. Oh, that makes sense, because I think I saw him earlier. Oh, shit. Well, let's go kill him. Let's go into the fucking motor pool chamber access. I want to see that door, too. Shoot.

They sell doors here. So many fucking doors. The muddy footprints are leading away from the motor pool to master control. That makes sense. We have not altered our plans whatsoever. This is podcasting. I would like to open the chamber access to get into the master control room. What the fuck did you do?

I'm sorry. I did a bad job naming the rooms, okay? I had to come up with like seven rooms and two of them have names that sound similar. Kelsey, you don't know how to open that door. You've never been to Chamber Access. You've never been to Chamber Access. Kelsey, practice on this other door. Shut up. Shut up. I,

I'm the GM. Shut up. This is my show. Respect me. Well, but I would like to say that when you, you know, as we're running him, it's like, ah, it makes sense. He was riding motorcycle. I think this is Tucker. Tucker footprint. Wait, that doesn't make sense. Why is that footprint? So he's riding a motorcycle. Yeah, what the fuck? Where'd the motorcycle go? Well, because it's probably in the motor pool. Oh.

Oh, like he parked it there in the water. You know what? In the shit pool? Yes, he parked it underwater in the motor pool. We were giving Blake Lively a hard time, but with some critical thinking like that, I think he's going to find a good spot in this group. He's going to fill a much needed niche.

We want to go to the chamber. We want to go to master control. You round the corner. You see a doorway marked master control. It's wide open. Oh, great. As you run towards the door, it slams shut dramatically in your face. Shasham! Inscripted event. And then on the other side of the door, you see Tucker Trout.

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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. How do we see through the door? That's one of those. We should have got a chamber access. I told you. We know how to interact with these doors.

The door has like a thick plastic that's got like one of those like fucking, you know, you don't have to fucking tell Freddie how he sees through. He has a window or something. I want to paint the picture. Tucker Trout's looking at it. So you see Tucker Trout on the other side. Oh, start blasting. But that door's certainly bulletproof. Only one way to find out. Yeah, you know what? Fair enough.

Bam! It's bulletproof. How many bullets do you have left? You never made me count, so I'm saying infinite. No. I feel like you would have bought, like, how many bullets are in a case of ammo? At literally no point did you request that I track bullets. Well, now we're doing it. Box of ammo. Box of ammo with bump stock.

That's a thing, right? No, but you can have a little box of bullets with them. Okay. It takes 15 rounds. I feel like your parents got you a box of ammunition, too. I feel like that, yeah. How much is in a box of ammo? 15. No, no, no. That's a clip. That's a clip. No, no, no. There's five in the clip. Oh, so the box only has 15 bullets. Yeah, it's not that many. Okay, damn. All right. This is the size of the box. Wow.

So we'll see you got, we'll be nice and see you got 10 bullets left. Great. Okay. Tucker waves at you. Hi, honey. Why don't you open the door? I just want to talk. No, I don't. I'm home after all. I don't think I will. I think, Trudy, I feel like I want to say this to one of you at least. So let me say it to you. Of course, honey. I want a divorce. Oh. I think this is over. I'm done.

I've tried and I've tried and I've tried. When we met, we had this spark and I saw you both as the woman you are, but just the woman you could be. That kiss in the bathroom. I'll never forget it. This is very, you can't fire me. I quit energy. And I just want one of you at least to know that I'm moving on. I'm not going to be making any more Trudys. You're the last Trudy or whatever. You're moving on.

I'm moving on, and I just want you to know that because I've learned a lot, and I just think there's some part of you that is just never going to be good enough. It always turns into this with us. It always turns into some absurd spectacle where you make a big scene, and then I get embarrassed, and I have to fix everything, and I'm tired of it, but I'm going to take what I've learned, and I'm going to use it to help our son. Of course, honey. And I was wondering...

If you think that you will be able to find love again, you know, seeing as you haven't found it the first time, seeing as you tried to assemble somebody that could love you by taking who I was and tearing her into pieces. And then I never loved you. And I wonder what that must have felt like to be trapped again.

But then I realized I was the one who was trapped, wasn't I? And I'm just wondering if you will find anybody to love that damp, puffy, virgin face of yours because I don't think anybody ever will. And you are not getting our son. I'm going to make something right.

Well, we'll see about that. You know, it's always like this. You always know you always distracting us. He's wasting our time. You're distracting us. You're always acting like, well, I don't want to say the word. I'm a gentleman, so I'm not going to say it. But I think we know what it means. And I think we know what it is. Can you open the door? I'm not going to open the door. What do you want to do now? Let's go back to the room.

I failed you. I failed you, Trudy. Yeah, we're leaving now. But I'm not going to fail when I fix Timmy. And I fixed the weakness that you brought into him. What are you going to do? He's just fucking with you. No, he's not. He's talking about Timmy. You were version one. And once you're in the scrap heap.

I'm going to go upstairs and I'm going to find our son and he's going to be version two. And, you know, I just think maybe he's got more potential. He's got more of me in him. He's got this soft side. He's got this weakness that I think he got from you. But I've gotten so close with you with him. I think I can really take it all the way. I think that he's going to be perfect. And I think once I get her, please, please. What?

Please not, Timmy. Please just you could you don't even have to. You could take him to somewhere else where he will just have a family and a whole. Timmy is my family. You asked me if I have love. I love him. I loved you, Trudy. I don't think you know what that means. I do. I loved you. I wanted to have the perfect family and you kept fucking it up.

We tried and I tried again and again and again and again and again. And it just didn't work. It just wasn't good enough. Then maybe you're the one who's crazy, huh? Well, I'm the genius who's sitting here in the most incredible environment ever built. This is all thanks to me. I'm the smart one. You're just who you are. And I thought I could help you. I thought I could fix it, but I can't. But I love our son.

Just as much as I loved you. No, you never you clearly never loved me not the real me And now I have other people for that you're not getting to me and I think you're distracting us

So I'm going to walk away. Let's go, Trudy. Bye, bitch. We're going to go save Timmy. Come on. As we're walking away. Oh, wow. You guys have some heavy shit going on. You know, you were. It is. It's a whole thing. Sometimes it just feels like it just consumes me. You were right about one thing, honey. Oh, he's still talking. He's going to try to zinger you. No zinger. No zinger. I was distracting you. No zinger. No zinger. As he says that, rounding the corner.

You see your daughter. She's covered in T-Rex gore and viscera, looking a little worse for wear. It wasn't a robot T-Rex. Oh, I didn't think that the spider robot would win against a T-Rex. And its jaw is broken, and it's still trying to say, Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.

That's so weird. And then it starts charging at you. You want to shoot this? Yeah, I guess I might as well. Francis, take aim. Yes, I will. Are there doors to left or right? Well, there's always the chamber access area. Are we right next to chamber access? Yeah. Yes, it's right betwixt the two of you. You hip to the fact that Tucker was distracting you, so I will say that you have not gotten fully ambushed. This thing is still down the hallway. Great. Yes, while Francis takes aim.

I run to the closest door, which is the chamber access. Okay, so I got a 44, and my firearms is 38, so I'm going to spend six luck. Okay. 2d6 plus four. Boom, boom.

That is 13 damage. Tiffany takes this bullet straight to her carapace, and you see the bullet manages to find a weak point in her armor, and it slides straight in. You hear this sparking noise, and she groans in agony. She's just kind of like... Wow, good shot, kid. Thanks. It's from my mental issues.

Okay, you hip to the fact that you were being distracted. You have a surprise round on this thing. So why don't you all make a move? What are you guys trying to do? You can get to the door, the chamber access, well, maintenance door or whatever. Kill me. You can try to fight this thing if you want to hold it off. I want to run into the door. I want to try to open the door and tell everybody to run in. Yeah, I want to run towards the door. You guys all make it to the door. Francis, you are behind because you used your turn to take a shot at this thing. Okay. And it is going to take...

It's turn, and it is going to take a shot at Francis. With what? It's web shooters. Are they organic or are they machine, though? They better be organic. The bottom part of her jaw extends, and then because it's kind of busted, it just kind of falls off. And then almost like a megaphone-looking apparatus kind of just pokes out of her skull and aims right at you, Francis. A blunderbuss. It just kind of like...

rears back and unleashes this ear-splitting sonic scream straight at you like a little kid just stepped on a Lego times 10,000. Francis, what's your constitution? My constitution is a 25. How this spell works is that you burn a magic point. It's a spell, but it's a high-tech thing for this. So we'll call it like it's a PowerPoint. Like it's coming from her lithium powerpoint. It's a PowerPoint. It's a PowerPoint. I'm showing me slides. Look at these transitions. She uses five powerpoints.

power points. Dissolve transitions between six slides. She dissolved transitions between six slides. Each one of those does 2d10 strength worth of force. So I'm going to go ahead and roll for her. So she got a 53. Give me a constitution roll. My constitution is a 25 and I rolled a 23. I'm going to roll against that 53 I got for the spell strength. Okay, so I rolled a 23 out of 53. Her super success beats your regular success and you get knocked the fuck out.

Oh, no. Not only that, the sonic blast knocks you clean off your feet. You go sliding down the hallway and your unconscious body slides up to that door of the central control room. That was its turn. It is all of your turn again.

You're all at the door. Okay. He's got hit back. Baby boys back down at the end of the hallway. And Tiffany has not moved yet. She had to rear herself up to fire that blast. Tiffany's like really focused on Trudy, right? Presumably one would assume she just kind of took out the main thread. So yes, that's the next thing you see is you see her eyes fall onto you, Trudy.

It's a little flattering to be the main threat. Blake, you're up first. You have the 75. Oh, hey, is this kid friend of ours? Yes. Yeah, he's friend of us. Well, he was just his dog did not like me and his toilet did not agree with me. I don't judge people by whether or not their dogs like me or not.

He's a kid. He doesn't need to be a friend. You're a grown man. Take care of the kid. He's our friend. He's a good person. He's a person. So we gotta take care of him. Okay, then give me covering fire. This is just like when I... None of us have guns. This is...

But sure. You see the gun is lying on the ground where Francis got knocked out. I will give you covering fire. This is just like when I fought in World War II. I've heard that before. All right. Blake is going to run to slide to pick up the gun and return fire with it. No, Kelsey is impressed. She's like, fine. Finally somebody who's going to do something. Yeah.

Is it even if you had to get a qualified first? Yeah. Use free action to run over there and pick up the gun. What's your firearm skill? Twenty five. All right. Give me a roll. Let's see if you 11. Oh, wow. Under 52. Super success. Special boy. Super success. Super success. And I will say because Blake Lively did fight in World War Two, he knows perfectly the operation of a car. Ninety eight. Well, OK, sure.

Was he fighting for the other side? No, no, no, no. He picked up one on the dead corpse of a Nazi. He knows, for example, it's a bolt-action rifle. It's not like the American one that went ping when it was done. That's such a satisfying noise, though. 2d6 plus 4. That would be 12 damage. Okay.

describe to me where you shoot it. I think I'm going for center of mass because that's how I got lucky with it. You, yeah, your eyes sort of drawn to where she's already sparking. Um, and you managed to blast another shot straight through like a little tatter of the little Sunday dress she was wearing back when she was like a, a,

six-year-old girl and it pierces through six-year-old robot six-year-old like another big chunk comes out of this thing she's sputtering and writhing like there's oil leaking out of her chassis right now and she's like kind of like staggering on her legs quick grab the kid kelsey it's your turn yeah i'll go grab francis we make a great team kelsey yeah you're better at shooting six-year-old girls you are fixing my toilet

Everyone is holding, like, how bad was this toilet scenario? Like, how bad was it?

If Francis was awake, he'd be like, what? Did you imagine that thing was my dog? Can we flashback to the Kelsey toilet scenario? Sure. All right. Ding dong. Hello. Hi. Okay. You're just right there in the back. Oh, wait, where? I'm working on my encyclopedia. Oh, very cool. And I'm plagiarizing it this time. Ah, which way? Oh, in the back here. There's only one toilet. What do you mean? Just go in the back of the house. Lady, you're very confrontational. Yeah, you're 10 minutes late. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. My previous job, it got clogged up and I had to kick a dog. Oh, okay. Now I'm going to watch you do the job after you just said that. Okay, yeah. I go and look at the toilet and I flush it. Yeah, it doesn't work. That's why I called you. No, no, no. But what's happening? Oh, it starts backing up more. It's like, oh, look, you're going to get water all over my bathroom. Do you have a plunger? I have one. This is fucking riveting. Okay.

All right. So I want to plunge it.

16 mechanical roll. That's a super success on my mechanical repair. Okay, you effortlessly... Unclog it. You unclog it. Oh, and you know what it is? I unclog. It's papers. It's papers you tried to flush down the toilet. Apples? Um, okay, well, you did a great job. Here's your money. Um, yep, that's just my toilet paper. It's a themed toilet paper. Uh, you can... Don't tell anybody what he's talking about. Okay. And as I turn around, like, the wrench... Why did you say apple? Like, A for apples?

Yeah, like encyclopedia. Oh, it's a closet with encyclopedia pages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then as I turn around with the big heavy wrench on my belt, it just spins around and explodes your toilet. Oh, shit. So you did break it. Yeah. Oh, okay. But I didn't fix it. That's for sure. Yeah, hey, lady, you still owe me. I fixed your toilet. But then you broke it. I was going to remember you were good at your job. That was going to be like a way we could bond. But no, you broke it.

you broke my toilet. Suddenly the T-Rex still alive, but badly maimed starts stumbling down the hallway. What would you like to do? Well, I'm grabbing, I'm, the flashback, hey, hey, the flashback did not interrupt my action. I was running towards Francis. I didn't stop mid running towards Francis to remember this moment. I am going to drag Francis by the feet and run back to the door. All right, you're back at the door. Trudy, what are you doing? I,

I'm going to take a look at Tiffany and see if there are any like weaknesses other than the damage that has already been done. Like if there's like a kill switch on her or something like that. Okay, that's sick. You don't need to roll for that. You see it could only be the mechanical version of her heart.

Her sort of chassis has been blown away and exposed enough that she's got this like pumping mechanism that seems to be pushing oil. And like, it's a sort of a power generator and it's wide open. Are there like wires or anything? Yeah, it's like hooked up to wires. It's like the central thing that seems to be keeping her alive. I am going to pick up marbles and walk towards Tiffany. Oh, hey.

All right. Marbles does claw deep into your hand. That's fine. Okay. She's a robot. I'm going to roll charm. Okay. I'm going to say to Tiffany, dearest daughter, I got you something that you would just love. That's so good. The sweetest thing to hold and cuddle, and he'll be yours. All yours. Love me.

You should hold the cat like in Jurassic Park where he's got the flair. And then you throw it as you run. You see her eyes soften as she looks at this cat. All right, I'm going to roll...

Throw the cat at the T-Rex. Start the fight again. Okay, I succeeded. My charm is 55 and I got a 27. Great. I am going to thrust marbles towards that hole in her where the wires are and see if he bites down on the wires. You're going to goose the cat a little bit.

Yeah, I pull a piece of fur out of his tail. Absolutely, yeah. The cat hisses and just starts scratching and biting at the inside of this thing. I'm going to use the... They don't have a cat, but they do have a rat, which for a kitten seems like the closest size. Big rat. Just multiply everything by 1.25. Okay. Oh, fuck yeah. Marble's got a super success on his attack. So he's going to go ahead and roll some damage. 1d3. Okay.

It got a three, thank God. Minus two, which is exactly how much health this thing had left. Hell yeah. So with a little kitten claw, Marbles the cat slashes at the beating heart of your erstwhile robot daughter. It just knocks like a screw loose, like the sort of pumping mechanism splashes open and it's just spraying fluid everywhere. Marbles gets some oil on his face. Oh no! I will say Marbles will remember this. It does not like you. Okay.

Okay, I... Especially does not like Trudy. I'm actually going to neglect Frances's wounds, even though I have very high medicine and first aid and dedicate the rest of my entire life. Is this something Trudy would do or something Beth would do? I don't know what you're talking about. Cats don't forgive. I don't know what you're talking about. I think wolves will forgive me. So Marbles is hissing and scratching. Oh, God. Marbles is actually going to get another attack on Trudy.

Marbles got a 19. So another success. Marbles is going to hit you for another three. So yeah, you take one damage from Marbles. All right. Hey lady, give me my cat back. I'm so sorry. I just needed to defeat my daughter, my robot daughter. And I'm so sorry, Marbles. I just, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. As you were apologizing to the cat, Tiffany crumples over the

The light goes out from her eyes as this hideous robo body just collapses onto the floor. You see the T-Rex roaring in rage behind it as it thunders off, pissed that his quarry has been killed and sort of stomps off back down the hallways of this facility, I guess. As the light leaves Tiffany's eyes, Trudy prepares herself to feel like grief and for like an immense like loss, but it doesn't come quite yet. And she's shocked. Yeah.

because she doesn't feel really anything. So you guys are going into, finally, the chamber access door. You make your way down, basically a little short flight of stairs. Sure enough, there's the motor pool here. And Francis is like... My head's hitting every single step. Trudy, are you okay? I'm fine. I'm worried about Francis, and I'm worried about Marbles as well, to be quite honest. I think Marbles is okay. Cats get by. Are you worried about Marbles, or are you worried that Marbles doesn't like you? What?

Well, it would just be kind of unacceptable to me if Marbles didn't like me. I'm sure Marbles likes you. You see... Give me a spot, hit and roll. Only Trudy. 23, and that's a success. You see Marbles' two glowing eyes glowing back at you behind the fucking pterodactyl skull, and this guy does not like you. Oh, no. Can I smack Francis awake? Huh? Can I smack Francis awake? Sure. Sure.

I think he just got knocked out. It didn't do any damage to him. Well, I can roll first aid on him. Yeah. Yeah. We all roll first aid. I want to roll first aid, too. Give me a first aid roll, Trudy. Oh, fuck. I failed by two. You're hurting him, Trudy. I'm going to push my roll. You're going to push? You can just spend two luck. Oh. Well, let me see how much luck I have. No, don't spend luck on Francis. Let me see how much luck I have. Push it. No.

Or I'll try. All right. I'm going to roll one more time. I'm going to push my roll. What did you get? Francis is not going to let her. Why didn't you just spend luck? Or just let me do it. I got a 67.

Okay, so you tried to give Francis CPR and you cracked one of his ribs. Oh, no! So we'll write down that Francis has a cracked rib. But that wakes him up, right? Does it wake, yeah. Yes, it wakes him up. The sheer excruciating pain of his cracked rib wakes him up. Francis, you wake up from a dream? They say that happens when you do CPR correctly. That is true. It can also happen when you do it wrong. Trudy, Trudy, Trudy. He sustained these injuries from the blast. Oh, yes, the blast.

So the line begins. I'm just trying to help you guys out. Jesus. Team cohesion. Francis has a cracked rib. Go ahead and lie to Francis, and we'll see if you succeed in lying to him. Francis, you got your cracked rib. Try not to laugh because you got your cracked rib.

Having a blast. Give me... Yeah, let's do persuade. I can roll against with psychology. Yes, you roll against it with your psychology. Oof, I rolled very badly. 95 out of 80. Well, I rolled very badly, so I didn't succeed at all. So you failed.

but Trudy also failed. I failed. My persuade is 30 and I got an 82. Okay. So you failed more than he failed. So he knows that you're blind when you see this. He doesn't know what happened. I will say it's because you don't know what happened, but you know, Trudy is not telling you the truth. Trudy, why are you lying to me? I thought you were the only adult I could trust because you're a robot and you can't lie. Because I broke your rib. I was trying to help you. I know. I'm so sorry. All you had to do was tell me that. I appreciate you were trying to help me.

I didn't want you to be mad at me because it feels like a lot of people and animals are mad. But sometimes we just lie because we're scared too even though we're adults. You're adults. You should be better.

that. I know. Here's your gun back, kid. I took a shot and landed it. Oh, and that's the truth. He's telling the truth. Cool. That's what the real adult looks like. Thank you. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to look after this guy now. He's my new role model. He kicked your dog. Francis, son, take it slow. You don't remember everything yet.

All right. You see all these jeeps. You see a door of this, like a much bigger version of this vault door. Oh, and it says welcome to Jurassic Park. It says welcome to Stasis Chamber on it. You see that the other lights are closed. Stasis Chamber. You mentioned that earlier on the thing. So this is the thing that opens when we close all the other doors. You see three lights for all three of the big, faulty doors that open the chamber. They're all closed now. Oh, they are? Yes. Somebody else did it? Tuck.

One would presume this flapping T-Rex tail slammed the door shut. I'm like, yes. The door's closed. It could be Tucker, but I'm betting the T-Rex's tail, it was waggling quite a bit. It probably had the door closed. It probably used its tail to click. You realize how implausible that is? You're writing an encyclopedia, lady. I'm trying.

Whatever, let's go inside this chamber. With a jeep. Let's get this butter. Let's load up onto this jeep and get in there. I'll show you where the clearing was, where the key. Okay. Perfect, yeah. Load up in the jeep. Who's driving? This gal. Oh, what, Trudy? You want to drive? I just think that I could. Oh, wait. The way you said that sounds like you haven't... Have you never driven before? Have you never driven before?

driven. Oh my gosh. Now's the time. You're driving then. Okay, yes. And yes. You're good. You can do anything you put your mind to. Let's do it. Wasn't she a former race car driver? Yes. Oh no, but as you sit down in the front seat, a sensation comes back to you and it's the love of the rumble of an engine and the acceleration of a car.

Ooh, she purring. And somehow, even though you don't remember driving, your body seems to know how to turn on the engine, start the clutch, and get this baby in gear. And you roll forward, and I assume one of you opens the door to let the Jeep in. Oh, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop. We gotta open the door first. I get out, and I open the door, and I get back in the Jeep. Okay, as you open the door, this tableau once again slides in front of you. But instead of seeing...

lush tropical canopy and instead of seeing this dense wild jungle that you saw before, you see traces of civilization. You see the jungle has been hacked back. You see roads. What? You see huts in the distance and the rise of smoke in the air. Oh my god.

Oh my God, it's a fast time room. And then as you roll. We're slow one and we're in the fast one. Oh God, don't make me think that. As you roll the Jeep in. We look around. We look around. Maybe there's no like, you know, people with weapons. You don't see anybody yet. Lady, do you see anything hidden? Nope. Nope. I think we're good. Drive slowly and I'll walk in front of the Jeep. Why? I don't think that's safe. Okay, I'll get in the Jeep. Okay. She does have the demon inside her. What? No. No. Oh yeah, that's probably something you should know, dog kicker. What's that?

This one has a demon inside of her. So if she goes boobly, you know. And then Francis puts a finger gun to his head. Kelsey's worried about that. As you go in, yeah, you see like this seems to be the same environment, but it looks completely different. This is crazy. I spent three weeks in here. You did this in three weeks? No. I did none of this. Wait, wait. I was building a monument for pooping.

I had the pond, you see. A monument? Yes. For pooping? Big, big toilet. Do you mean a monument to pooping or you mean a monument that you are going to poop? Both. Well, let's see it. Let's see it. Yes, I'd like to draw. Let's get to where it is. I'd like to draw it. Wait, wait, wait. Everybody, really quick. This is not Zuzel speaking. This is Kelsey.

That sounds really funny, but don't you think maybe we should drive to the key? We should drive to the... You say you knew where the green key was, right? Very convenient. It's right next to my poop pond. Well, there we go. We're all happy on this road trip. That's great. Okay. As you drive through this strange countryside, you crest this hill and you see two things. One, you see that your poop pond has just like...

blossomed into like a rancid horrible swamp it's just and you know just from the stench that like this could only be what has grown out of this poop on a dense lush just like it's the one still untamed dark part of this world that hasn't been you know broken by civilization yet and then you see where you saw originally this capsule being buried you see a temple

And you see priests in robes and you see a crowd of people watching as a high priest ascends a set of stairs. And at the top of the steps, there's a massive sculpture of this huge green king.

and he lights a torch and lights a big bonfire beneath it. This is some sort of ceremony honoring this key, this strange artifact. And as he lights up the key, he's higher up now, and his eye can kind of catch your sight line at the top of the hill, and he looks horror-struck at you. And then he calls out to the crowd below, and he says, Outlanders! You feel the broken sky. It's a feeling so old and it's twisted.

I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I stay today

Thanks so much for listening. We've tabulated the votes and after 5,960 responses with 54.5% of the votes, the winner is Walter and the dads. Yay. Speaking of dads and by dads, I mean ads. If you're tired of listening to ads and try the new hot thing, supporting independent artists directly starting at just five bucks a month, you get no more ads, way more stuff to listen to. And a whole bunch of other patrons specific perks like access to our discord, our entire backlog of bonus one shots behind the scenes, videos and miniseries,

as well as Patreon-exclusive merch. That's at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos as RDM, Beth May as Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Brian Fernandez is our content producer, Ashley Nicolette is our community manager, Courtney Terry is our community coordinator, Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis is our lead editor, and Travis Reeves provides additional editing. Thanks this week to our Patreon supporters by the names of Samuel Bailey, Noel H., Seth F.,

Jake G, Jake Collier, Gun Factor, Ashley Berghoff, Rapada, Isaiah Simon, Noel H, ZombieBro827, Kyle, Emily Andreessen, Jay King, Christopher Adamek, Chimichungus, Fabio Pellegrinelli, Rayana Kond, Gothic Fairy, and Dylan Bone. Support the show and get tons of content starting at five bucks a month directly on Patreon, patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. You can find our merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com. That's our website. And our next episode is December 3rd. We'll see you then. Bye.

I can see is a hole in the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far, but I'll stay All that I can see is a hole in the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far, but I'll stay

I skipped firearms. I skipped firearms. I'll never see it. I never fucking will. I never fucking will.