S3 Ep. 11 - Dial M for Murder, Murder, Murder
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Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then, there are moments that remind us to be more human. Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident. Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of. At Amica, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.

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And me, Matt, and Will all changed to Mia and he's like overnight. It was fantastic. For your boxers, do you guys poop through the gate or over the fence? Yeah.

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Hey, Beth here, and I want to thank my fellow daddies for giving me a chance to tell you about something kind of cool going on in the world of me. So you might know that I did a one-woman show last year in Los Angeles, but you might not know that I'm planning on taking it international next year. Yep, I just launched a Kickstarter to take my solo show, Beth Wants the D, to Hollywood Fringe and Edinburgh Fringe in 2025.

A little bit about the show. Beth Wants the D is a rip-roaring comedy adventure about my journey with type 1 bipolar disorder. It puts you in the splash zone of death and delusion through bizarre highs and perilous lows as I knit together comedy and drama to reveal the scariest thing of all, a future full of hope.

I've got an amazing team behind me with some wonderful perks if you choose to donate. This show obviously means a lot to me, and I think it's an important show to do in the world where severe mental illness is still so stigmatized. Love and humor are resilient, and so are we. So if you're interested, please check out my Kickstarter link in the show notes. Appreciate you. Take care. And now enjoy the episode. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

My name is Tony Collette, and if you're hearing this, I'm dead. Dead tired of Peachyville getting eaten alive by the other car rental guys, that is. Which is why I'm offering the best prices in town on Studebakers, Edsel's, and more. Once you see my deals for these wheels, you'll be foaming at the mouth. Action!

You'll be so covered in foam, nobody will even see you as you slither your way to Tony's Cars, Cars, Cars. But watch out! The doors are closing soon. If you don't act now, someone might beat you inside. And then you'll be stuck with Mother. And boy, will she be mad. And hungry.

Because you didn't take her to a lovely meal this Mother's Day in a shiny Cadillac from Tony's Cars, Cars, Cars. Mother, after all, demands sacrifice. So when you get here, ask for me, Tony Collette.

I had a dream last night where I foresaw the matter of my own death. It was horrible, excruciating, a pain unlike any other. The pain of leaving a single car unrented at Tony's Cars, Cars, Cars, which is why I'm offering my whole body of cars as a human sacrifice to you. If you're looking for a steal on a pretty set of wheels, come on down and make a deal at Tony's Cars, Cars, Cars.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not... Wait, hold on. Let's have a good one, folks. Yay! Amen. Amen. And twins. And twins. And twins. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. It's not! And also with you. Oh. And also with you.

This season, a PG podcast. What does one twin say to the other? And also with you. Oh, wow. It's like that Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVita movie. Yeah. This is the PGVille horror. A Call of Cthulhu actual. A Call of Cthulhu actual play horror. Oh, yeah. We should be in mourning for Tony or whatever the fuck. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. And we're supposed to be doing songs. And we're in black. Yeah, totally. This intro's all off. It's supposed to be scary and sad. Let's try again. Go, Freddie. This is the PGVille horror. A Call of Cthulhu.

Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four...

Three, I guess. Everyday schmoes fighting... Please tell me this isn't your new character. No, no. Just a sad reporter. Sad reporter. We can't have two sad sack pieces of shit on the same team. Dude, a sad reporter voice is the best, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. There was another tornado the other day. Four everyday schmoes... If you even care. Four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. My name is Freddie Wong, and I play... Not yet. Ooh.

We're not going to say anything. Oh, my gosh. Do you want to give a hint fact? Do you want to give like a tantalizing like pre-character intro? I think the episode should like start over. Like when we meet him. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like we get a retroactive dad fact. Yeah, like music and everything. I'll give a little hint about this figure. He knows the layout of all of your homes. Wow.

Wow. Sorry, Santa. Okay. Dude, Santa would be a good way. How insane would that be? How insane would that be? Freddie, I think it's time to revise whatever your plan was. I'm changing the full character right now. Hold on, hold on. We got to cut and redo some stuff. I'm putting a lot of points in gift giving. The idea that Santa knows the layout of your house is so scary. He has ultimate stealth too. Let me oversee that. Santa's like, it's giving. Oh my God. All right. Hey everybody, I'm Santa-ing.

Boo, shut up. Boo, shut up. Hi, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and happiest schoolmarm. And you know what Kelsey always says, unlike a bag of candy, you never run out of things to learn. So if you learn to love learning as much as you love candy, you'll always be happy.

She always says that whole thing. Always. Exactly. A little fact about Kelsey is she has a hard time condensing her ideas into nice, clear statements, which has made writing encyclopedia incredibly laborious. She's miserable. Oh, God. Wow. So she's unhappy. She's very excited to get to E where she can learn about editing or maybe C, copy editing, which she's on C right now, so maybe she'll start learning that. You said she was on D recently. I feel like we're a little all over the map with where Kelsey is.

I mentioned. Yeah, you said D. We're on D now. No. D. What did she find in the time? Sounds like she kind of blasted her way through C pretty quickly. You four are going to get a little detention if you keep making fun of Kelsey. Wow. What's she going to do? Accept a demon god into her soul and ruin everything for everyone? Boom. She just read about demons. She made a mistake. Anthony. Oh, right. I'm the next guy. You're next. Uh,

I'm Anthony. You can put the IUCN tech. Yeah, I'm playing UFO 50. It's pretty good. I highly recommend it. That's my dad fact. I'm Anthony Birch. I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid with a gun. And I mean, that's all he could be now. And Francis's peachy fact is that, as he mentioned last episode, he is colorblind, but he's the worst kind of like the full on black and white colorblind.

Oh, wow. Like a dog. So when he went to go see the Wizard of Oz. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, colorblind people. I didn't mean to say like... I'm colorblind and it doesn't bother... If anybody gets offended by that, like, shut up. Like, I'm colorblind. I speak for all colorblind people right now. That's fair. We're fine. You're going to get a letter from like the colorblind organization revoking your card. Great. They can't even find my house. It's green. So yeah, when he went to go see...

The Wizard of Oz, the second Dorothy arrives in Oz and everybody gasps really loud, he thought that it was just everybody also having as big a crush on Judy Garland as he did. And he was like, oh, I connect with these people. Don't ever tell Francis what happened to Judy Garland. You know all that snow in that movie? Asbestos. Really? Asbestos the kid. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout, a robot, doting wife, homemaker, and mother of 2.5 beautiful children.

I don't know about this fact. Wow. We've never seen Beth defeated before the show even began. Well, okay. So as we know. As we know. As we know, there were certain topics in the 50s that were a little bit taboo, including masturbation. Well, it's still taboo. You shouldn't be doing it.

But Trudy has like really never been secretive about that she does it and that she's really, really good at it. And that's something that she loves to do. I mean, kind of why she's part computer. God, duh.

No. You did just accidentally humanize Tucker a little bit because that means he actually went through the effort of programming the ability to have an orgasm. Never mind. She doesn't know. She went beyond her programming, Anthony. She jailbroke herself. She hacked the system. Dude, Anthony, this is just her rejiggering the programming for like cake mixing.

Wow. Yeah, that's how women masturbate, friends. Yeah. Figurously within a counterclockwise motion for 20 minutes. Yep. Well, no, indefinitely. It would be a cake mixing a cake, you know. Don't want to overbeat the eggs. Oh, God forbid. They say if you want to mix a cake, dig two graves. I don't know what that means. It was good. I don't know why. Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I am your Daddy-O Master. Hey, Daddy-O. My dad fact for today is that

In addition to various gases, a dead human body releases around 30 different chemical compounds. The gases and compounds produced in a decomposing body emit distinct odors. While not all compounds produce odors, several compounds do have recognizable odors, including cadaverine and putrescine, which smell like rotting flesh.

Skitol has a... Skitol has a strong feces odor. Indole has a mustier mothball-like smell. Hydrogen sulfide, of course, smells like rotting eggs. Methanethiol smells of rotting cabbage, and dimethyl disulfide and trisulfide have a foul garlic-like odor. Mm.

What the hell about garlic? I have an Indole fact. You have an Indole fact? I do. I, Freddie Wong, took a perfume class. And one of the core components of like perfume notes is Indole. And I found that I could not smell it.

Oh, wow. Whatsoever. Is that like the only hobby you've like failed at? Well, yours was crazy because I was like, I can't smell this at all. And then as a result, the perfume I mixed up smelled like poop. Dude, the only gas I'm releasing when I die is this mixtape. Oh, my God in heaven.

Holy shit. Beth is literally facepalming in a real life right now at what she just said. It's pretty fucking good. All right, let's dive into it, y'all. Let's go. When last we left, Tony and Colette, dear, beloved used car salesman, unbeknownst to any of you because you ran out of the room when Tucker blew up, has shuffled his mortal coil and escaped the surly bonds of Earth. He didn't leave anybody behind. He's the lucky one. He didn't leave anybody behind. He didn't have any family or anybody. No, I don't think so. He's just, you know. His dad's.

His dad's, yes, his Italian dad's. He's like Tom Cruise at the end of Collateral. He's just going to be like, is anybody going to notice? Guy on the LA subway gets smushed by a big space vagina. No one even notices. No one even notices. E.G., roll with it. Remember that part where Tom Cruise says, hey, homies, and then shoots three people in three seconds? That's the best thing that's ever happened in movies. It's one of the greatest scenes in all movies. Fucking rules.

Michael Mann cooked with this one. Oh, fuck. The three of you in last year's live. I'm going to watch that real quick with the sound real low. Anthony is indeed pulling up the clip. No, keep going. You're doing a podcast. I'm doing my own thing. So the three of you, Kelsey, Francis, I'm just waiting to hear the sound now.

That was nothing. Meanwhile, Trudy, Francis, and Kelsey have escaped the Project Heartland bunker, and you've all

all managed to make it outside gazing out at the twinkling lights of peachyville in the middle of the night you have this quest before you uh you have three keys to gather from the three facilities of project heartland the archives the containment facility and research and you now have this whole cool open world adventure waiting the map just opened up guys on the woods yes you're sort of like on a hill in the woods overlooking the town you can see the fire still rising from the bunker just waist-high barricades on the bridge are just gone

The waste, yeah, the traffic jam on the freeway to the other part of Vice City. The one traffic guy being like, oh no, this part of city's getting repaired right now. Come back later. You better turn around. Better turn around. There's just like waist-high bushes between groups of trees for some reason. You can't go there. I believe Will's saying that you can now harvest goods for crafting materials now. We gotta open our skill tree now. I can finally save and go to the bathroom.

That was a long cutscene, dude. The whole map is open to you now. You are free to go in whatever direction you please. Francis, Trudy, stay close. You guys are small and sneaky Pete's about. One more thing to be scared of. Fuck, I forgot about him. You are all exhausted.

It has been an extremely long day. Can we level up at any point? Well, maybe you'll see if you go to sleep and then wake up. Maybe there will be some stuff. Maybe you'll need to level up under your pillow. Sneaky Pete is a criminal of honor, and he never goes after somebody when they're asleep. So I think we're safe to just sleep right here. Right next to the tunnel? Well, yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess they will. Is anybody going to come out? We sleep on top of the tunnel. And then that way, if they try to get up. They look left or right and go, oh, go back inside.

Is it like a hatch? Like the island, you know, when they come out?

I'm sorry, like in the Michael Bay movie? Yeah, yeah. Like, wait, did we come out of a hatch? Like, a vertical hatch? Yes. My point is, if we slept on top of the hatch, if anybody tried to come out, they'd have to lift us. Like, we would wake up. Yeah, they'd have to lift three people. Slash not be able to get us up. We could also go to, like, a motel. Fine. Yeah.

You know what they would do if you slept on top of the thing? They go, oh, and they would shoot upwards through the fucking door and you would be dead. Kelsey Owens, the encyclopedia underneath camping, she wrote, it's probably fun, I guess. Never done it. We should not go back to where we live. Like, they're coming after us, right? What if we made a compromise and camped out in a camping store?

Like a closed one? Yes. That's not a terrible idea. You don't have to pay for anything. And we've already done a little B&E. Yeah, and there's a lot of equipment and like weapons and stuff we could get. Weapons? Weapons. Or like knives. Oh, yeah, okay. And guns probably in the 1950s. Like, yeah, you know, hunting rifles. I mean, they had guns in candy shops in the 1950s, my man. Hunting rifles, yeah. Yeah, dude, you send in fucking 10 packs of Bazooka Joe, you get that cold 1911. I mean...

If I had to pick a store in the suburbs that has weapons, a camping shop is probably the number one place I would go. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I regret second guessing you. I don't know why my voice is turning into your voice. It's contagious. Everybody's turning into a simp. Let's compromise. Let's go into a camping store and buy what we need and then go to a motel. And that way you both get what you want. Let's go see if it's open or not. Oh yeah, let's go see if a camping store is open. Will, is the camping store open?

checking in with the DM. DM, you're ruling. So, you're going to walk back to Peachyville, right? Are we not supposed to do that? No, this, you guys knew where to walk. Is there a motorcycle hidden in the bushes that we need to investigate for? This is a big 200-hour Ubisoft game with a lot of filler content, so you guys can do whatever you want. Oh, God, on the way, we're going to have to pick up a bunch of fucking musical notes. Uh,

Feathers and shit. Don't worry, there's three outposts we can hit on the way. Oh, God. Being clear, these three outposts are on the map, so there's less icons on the map. So you... God, I love video games. We'll say it would take you about two hours to walk back to town proper.

I'm pretty tired to walk two hours. Your car is waiting for you. We can sleep on the hatch. Wait, our car? We have our car? We have to park the car on the hatch. Oh, Freddy. That's actually not a terrible idea. Because then when they shoot it, what are they going to shoot them? A car, idiots. Your car is back down at the bottom of the hill by the bunker. Okay, how far is that? At the entrance of the bunker. That's probably like a 15-minute walk from here. Let's go there. All right, let's go get in the car. We could car camp. We'll drive up, park the car over the hatch. Okay.

Or we could go to the candy store and buy their stuff. You can go anywhere once you're in the car, Matt. You know? You know, if we went up and up the hill from the entrance of the bunker and parked on the hatch, they could also just drive out of the entrance of the bunker and find us that way. That's true. They know we...

There's not one entrance out of this place. Sorry, I was just really stuck. Okay, so we're not camping. We're not camping. You're like a nice guy who's like 60. I just need you to tell me you're not in love with me. I just need you to have that clarity. I'm not here.

Okay, there's just a lot going on. You're right. Let's get in the car and let's drive someplace safe. Okay? Yeah. Okay. You walk down the hill, back down to the entrance of the bunker. Be careful, guys. I want a real spot hidden. Spot hidden? Yeah, go ahead. Because, you know what I mean? It's got to be like one of those things where it's like after a long night, whose cars are left? Well, I guess everyone who died's cars are left. Yeah, there's a lot of cars there. Oh, we get so many cars to choose from. That's true.

14. I got a 50. So that's a good success. A good success. I'm saying that was a video game to be something. Even if it's just a data slate, give me something. Yeah, dude. You find a real, real tape, dude, and you can play it back and get lore right now. Journal entry, dude. You find a empty pack of cigarettes. There's one cigarette left in it. What's written on it?

You know, Kelsey, give me a no roll. That cigarettes will give you cancer. A normal success. With a normal success, you know that an empty cigarette box with one cigarette left is the telltale sign that Sneaky Pete has been about. They always find it around the scene of Sneaky Pete's mischief. I've got a question, Kelsey. Kelsey looks at you while she lights up the cigarette and takes a big old puff.

Wow. You look so cool. I know. It's somewhere in the woods above you. Thermal vision sees that cigarette light up. Yeah, so my question was... Where is Sneaky Pete? Well, yes. And why is he bad? You know, I know he's called Sneaky Pete. Well, yeah, that's a good clue right away that he's not great. That's fair. Why is he bad? You know what? Now that I think about it, I think I've just been told he's bad.

So we don't know? Yeah, I don't really. I've never really looked up what he did. Have you ever seen Sneaky Pete? I've never seen him. Maybe he doesn't exist. I've never seen him either. You know, there's no one there. I thought I just. Never mind. Never mind.

He's got good choices in brands, though. And I take another big old puff. My favorite. You look down and your cigarette's gone. You just smoked it. You just smoked it. You smoked the entire thing, including the filter. You know what? Whether he's good or bad, I don't know. But he sure is a little creepy, isn't he? I guess. This whole thing was really creepy. What just happened? I'm so scared.

Can we go to the fucking camping store now? Let's go to the car. We gotta get in the car. It's too crazy here. I feel in danger outside of a car. I don't think we're in danger. My theory is that Sneaky Pete is actually protecting us. Oh, that'd be nice. Keep that optimism going, Rudy. Yeah, let's go. Thank you. So yes, you wind up back down at the bunker. The firefighters have arrived. They're not looking your direction because they're very busy putting out the fires.

Which is nice. It's a job. So you can pretty easily just kind of creep over to your car if you want. I'm not going to make you roll for that. Great. And gracefully back out into the night. Where would you like to go? What time is it right now? Let's say it's feels like a 1 a.m. kind of situation. Okay. The camping store is definitely closed, which means we can break in. Oh,

Yeah, you can. We have to sleep somewhere. Is there a 24-hour motel in Peachyville? Yeah, I mean, most motels are 24 hours. Otherwise, they wouldn't be that useful. That's a good point. It's 3 a.m. Get out. Get out of here. You're looking for a place to sleep?

Get out of here. Kick everyone out at 3 a.m. All right. All right. You guys are fine. I can't stay here. If you're all in on this like paying for stuff thing, yeah, we go to a motel. Yeah, let's go to a motel. I think that seems less risky than breaking into a store. And the guy who runs the motel, he's probably chill, right?

He's not going to like narc on us. I don't know. I've never been to the motel. Oh, you've never been to the motel? No. Why would I? I've been a bunch of times. I live here. I have a house. What? What? I've been to the motel a bunch of times. Oh. Why? It's my side hustle. I clean out the rooms. Oh, okay. Oh, then you probably have a key and shit. Oh my God, I do.

Free hotel room, baby. Free hotel room. Let's go. Let's go. Sure. So you drive to, Frances, what is the name of the motel? The No-Tell Motel. No-Tell Motel. It's the No-Tell Motel with free color wallpaper. I won't tell if you won't tell. It happens in the No-Tell Motel. It stays in the No-Tell Motel. No-Tell Motel.

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Francis, you know the lay of the place. Where are you taking them? I'm going to put my ear up against a door on the second floor. I won't tell if you won't tell. I'm having an affair. Write that down. Somebody write that down. It might be useful later. Put my ear up against another door. This one's crying. Okay, not that one. Put my ear up against another door. This one seems silent. Maybe give a listen roll. I'm going to not gently. Okay, no answer. I'm going to open it.

It appears to be empty. There's only room for two people on the bed who sleep on the floor. I can sleep on the floor. I'll sleep on the floor. No, it should be me because you're ladies. I got to be a gentleman about it. No, well, my spine is mostly a metal. Yeah, but you can feel discomfort, right? You two can definitely sleep on the floor. It's fine. I'll take the bed.

Cousins got back pain. I guess I'm not going to lie. I need a good night's sleep. So I have no problem if you two are good on the floor. That's fine with me. Oh, sure. Okay. Okay. Don't offer something if you don't mean it. Yeah. Just. Okay. All right. You've just changed ever since we saw that fucked up painting. One of you. Oh, have I? Yeah. Oh, okay. You know what? You two get the bed. Now you're just doing that because. Yeah.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'll sleep on the floor. Okay. I'll sleep on the floor, too. I'll sleep on the bed. Okay. What a gentleman.

I'm glad we talked that out. As Francis sprawls out on the bed and the two of you sleep on the floor, you collapse into a deep, dreamless sleep. You wake up in the morning feeling surprisingly refreshed after your long night of travels and troubles. Yeah, the sun rises. There's a knock at the door. Housekeeping. They can't see me. I'm a teacher with a student in the hotel motel. This is...

- I got it, I got it, I got it. Trudy, you gotta take the ball. Trudy, you gotta take the ball. - I have it, it's fine. - No, no, absolutely not. - No, just hide behind the bed. - You cannot open the door. - Hide behind the bed. - Housekeeping, it sounds like I hear three people in there shouting at each other. What's going on?

It's me. He's on drugs. I'm trying to stop trying to help him. It's me, Francis, who works here. Oh, hey, Francis. Hi. Yeah. What are you doing in this room with two older women? I'm just trying to kick them out because it's time to check out. There was no one supposed to be in here. There's a... Yeah, that's why I came in here to toss them out. Are you going to do something naughty in here? Me? I'm going to clean up. There's nothing to clean up because nothing happened in here. Okay.

I drooled a little. I don't know what these two grown women were doing together. I don't think we've been to gay people yet, so it must be some new technology. But I'm sure whatever's going to go on there is fine and I'll make them leave. Give me a fast talk roll to bluff your way past Clovis, the housekeeper. Oh, no. Clovis. I only have a 95. I fucking hate you so much. Sucks to be so good at the fucking role playing game.

40, which is like an awesome success. Okay. Clovis, your night manager at the no-tell motels. Like that's what I like about you, Francis. You've got hustle. I didn't even know you were working today, but you're still here making sure the hotel's safe. I'm loyal to the company. I think eventually that'll turn into like benefits for me. I'm willing to break my back for the company. I can't believe Francis has two jobs. I know he's only

To be fair, I really half-assed the soda jerk thing. Okay. Well, since you're here, why don't you clean up the room? I'm going to go read the paper. And he pushes the cart to you and walks away. Sounds great. Did we level up? As he pushes the cart to you, you realize that the radio is on on the cart. And it's the... Hold on, we're about to hear a news broadcast about ourselves. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Let me get going. Will has doubled over. Will has pushed away his laugh. Will's in full Shinji mode. Hey, Francis, here's a chair. Let's all get comfortable. Here we go. Yeah, let's get comfortable. Okay. Turn it up, but not so loud other people will hear it. Good morning, Peachyville. It's me, Peachyville Pete, with the top of the morning news hour blast to you, the Peachyville residents. Wow, just like Sneaky Pete. Do you think? Do you think they're the same person? What if they are?

- PGL Pete here with the latest news from around town and breaking news today, of course, everyone's talking about the big fire last night at the creepy weird old bunker across the hill. We've got an exclusive interview with the man of the hour, local hero, Shane Silva, who was heroically had his leg blown off, but then managed to rescue his girlfriend, Carly. That's right, I have heard that they're going steady now. And I'm talking to the two of them now in the studio.

I want to start turning down the volume. And I look at Francis and go, you know, we really don't need to listen to this, Francis. No, I want to hear what he's going to say. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. I know you want to.

But do you think it'd be good for you to hear? It might give us, look, I'm like 75% sure that one of the keys is with Shane's dad. So if he like talk some shit, then maybe he'll let us know like what he and his dad's plans are. I'm not going to go kill crazy and blow off his other leg. I know. I will go for a headshot. Francis,

Your dance is such growth. Thank you. Okay, I slowly turn the volume back up. Shane's in the middle of a tearful monologue. He's like, I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I turn the volume down. And I... Yeah, we'll probably do this for a little while. We'll probably skip past this part, right?

You sure you're good, Francis? I'm good. All right, slowly turn the light back up. You know, I've lost my scholarship because of my leg. I was going to play football next year, but it's okay. I'm going to stay right here in Peachyville. And, you know, I just, I don't think...

I was a very good guy to some people. And you know, I had this moment and I think I want to turn over a new leaf. - And then Carly like wipes away a tear. She's like, Shane was so brave and he was so brave the way he saved me in that thing. And we definitely, all we saw was just a bunch of fire and a bunch of crazy noises and screaming. We didn't see anything specific. So that's all we know. That's all we know. And we just value our privacy at this time. And we're just grieving for all the people we lost, like our dear friend, Francis and our friends, regular Pine.

and Billy Holiday... and the other two... The other two's name... I don't remember. And... Davis Lee Jackson... and... and my good friend... Spooky Middleton... and I just... I wish them all well. We're still finding out... of course...

who all lived and who died, but we've lost so many people and we just... Peachyville Pete's like, okay, yeah, and so great. Well, we've got to get to the... We've got to get to the... We've got to do a traffic report. We've got to do a traffic report and we'll come back with more sad talking with these two teens. And then you hear tragically an ad for Tony's Cars. I turn off. Oh, yeah, turn off. Turn that off.

Well, Francis, I hate to say this, but Shane sounded like he's turning over a new leaf. Yeah, it turns out I shot a character arc into his fucking ass and I moved. It turns out I did the right thing and I moved.

and I'm awesome, and I should keep doing it. No, no, you did not do the right thing. I made him a good person with one pull of a trigger. This much pressure from my pointer finger, and now suddenly he wants to make good? Fuck yeah. Prove me wrong. Okay.

Okay. Also, they all think I'm dead. Even better. This is the second best day of my life. Okay. That is. Well, okay. Francis, you're a kid. You're going through a lot. That's okay. But a lot of people, I mean, all those kids died. I didn't do that. I'm not saying you did. I'm upset. Oh yeah. I was mad at you too. Sure. Yeah. Okay. I was just focusing on our situation first because we're still in danger. Well,

Yeah. I mean, I think everybody's in danger. That's the point. This entire town's in danger. They think we're dead? Huh? They think we're dead? Well, they think Francis is dead. I mean, I'm assuming that the police, if they don't see us. And my kids, they think that I'm home. But that's just insane.

That's another robot. Yeah. Also kind of not. No, no. Another woman is taking care of your kids. That's not. I mean, it's up to you. What did you say? No worries. If not, I was just saying, you know, of course, you have as much of a right of a claim over the kids as the current treaty does. I mean, it'd be cool. It'd be cool if they

cool if they grew up in a true Trudy household. We could like kill Tucker and surprise him with you. That's not me. That Trudy is an imposter and she's not me at all. And I miss my kids dearly, even Timmy. And I just go home. Let's do that. And yeah, okay. You want to go home? Oh, Francis, you know, sometimes it's okay just not to talk.

Right now. Okay. Trudy, let's go to your house. You got to see your kids. You don't think there's going to be like surveillance on it? There might be, but her kids are important to her. Okay. I'm going to just hide in the bushes with my 90 stealth while you guys do whatever you're going to do. Okay. Do you want to go check on your kids? Am I supposed to do something else? You can do whatever you want.

Open world, baby. Open world game, baby. Yeah, sure, there's a blinking quest icon there. Trucker has one of the keys, right? Yes. So going to your house is also where a key is. Ah, shit, yeah, we need to do that. Oh, yeah, the key.

And I did tell him mama's coming home. Yeah. So he like knows we're coming. I, okay. Let's drive to the house, but we'll be parked across the street. So they don't see us. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. We didn't get pulled over or anything. Give me a luck roll. Is it the end of the month?

Are the cops looking for the quota? It's not the end of the month. 16. Okay, yeah. Smooth as butter. All right. You make it all the way back. Let's get it. Hey, my check engine light just turned off. Just fixed itself. That's nice. I always say this. It's as likely that the light's broken as the engine's broken. That's what I say. It's just as likely.

You cruise on back home. You're seeing a lot of flags hung at half mast. You're seeing a lot of, like, you know, teary-eyed people in the street. You know, like, it seems like people are really shaken up about this tragedy that happened in town. Kelsey, aren't you sad that nobody's celebrating your win? Oh, I mean, no, not at all. I mean, I don't even know if anybody knew. They would be if they knew I won. I think most people don't know I won. I have an idea. Yeah. When do your kids leave for school? Oh, well. Never. They never come to school. They get homeschooled. That's right. I know, Trudy. What?

Yeah, I guess that does make things significantly harder for us. Yeah, that was a good idea. It's true. Okay, never mind then. Do they ever go outside for like recess, like in the backyard? Craig, I have a question. Go ahead, Kelsey. Is it that you just don't believe in school in general? Or is it something specifically about me that you didn't want your kids taught by me? I just thought I was qualified enough. Oh.

She did her own research. I did my own research. I disagree, but I'm glad you would trust me to teach your kids, right? Of course. Okay. So we programmed her to lie. Good to know. Okay, so your kids are home for sure, then? Yes. Okay, so Frances, I was thinking that obviously Trudy can't go and knock the door and look at Trudy. Wait a minute. They weren't always homeschooled. I'm remembering that they weren't always homeschooled.

I wonder. You set them to a different...

School? Well, no, when we lived in Scottsdale. Oh, okay. That's fine. I wasn't there, so. Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser. So my thought was, if you want to see your kids, we have to make sure that the other Trudy is separated from them. And presuming that she, like, stays inside and does housework while the other kids are on recess, you could, like, sneak around the back and, like, talk to them as their mom, because the last time they saw her, like...

Everything's fine. And maybe, you know, you don't have to run the risk of having two Trudies fight each other.

Oh, well, I have an idea. Okay. What if we put Prudy's favorite show on? She'll be completely helpless to do any of her motherly duties. Just completely glued to the television. Interesting. I really hope people can't use that against you in the future. Well, this is this Trudy and I'm that Trudy. You're not wrong. What's your favorite show? It's called Murder,

I love that show. There's three murders every episode. And you never know.

they're going to happen. Oh my god, last night, we were almost done and there was no murder yet. I'm like, well, three's about to come. There's three people in one room. I'm like, well, that wouldn't want to be them. No. There hasn't been any murders yet. Certainly not. I think the name of the episode is Murder, Murder, Murder, She Wrote. Okay, so is Murder, Murder on right now? Do you know? Do you know?

Yeah, that's right. No streaming. Yes, it's on at exactly noon every day. A midday murder show? Of course. Well, most kids are in school. Okay, that actually makes sense. Most kids? But not my kids. Do you send out the kids outside when you watch Murder, Murder, Murder so they don't see the horrible stuff?

Are you fucking kidding me? I have an idea. Okay. Why don't you two sneak in the backyard and I'll get your kids there, okay? Okay. Okay. I'm going to go up to the door. Okay. I'm going to knock on the door. Does Trudy answer? She sure does. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry to interrupt. My friend, Kelsey. Yes. Oh, my God. My TV just went out and Murder, Murder, Murder is on. Can I sit down and watch with you? Murder, Murder, Murder.

Murder, murder, murder? Yeah, the newest episode's on. The kids can't watch it. It's too fine. Can you just send them outside to play in the backyard? Me and you can watch. Well, Tucker gets off

awfully cross when I watch Murder, Murder. I won't tell if you don't tell. You won't? No. This house can be a little no-tell motel if you know what I mean. I don't. It means we won't tell your husband we're watching Murder, Murder, Murder. Give me a persuade role. Beth, are you persuaded? I legit think that there would be programming to like not leave the house. Don't let people in. Yeah. We're not leaving the house. Oh. We're going to watch in your house because my TV's broken. But I think the point is that Tucker would have also been like don't let random people into the house.

Oh yeah, I got a 13. Jesus. I'm not supposed to let my friends into the house, but come on in. Well, you can just tell your husband it's not a friend. It's a teacher who agrees with your decision to not need teachers.

Okay, we're not friends. Okay. Come on in. Okay. Can I get you anything? Just murder, murder, murder my favorite show. Just pop that thing on the TV. New Trudy, like new robot Trudy, not our Trudy. What was she doing with her kids when Kelsey knocked on the door? She was teaching them history. Okay, so Kelsey, when you walk in, you see the two of them, well, the three of them rather. So they're still at the table. What's history look like? How does Trudy teach them history? P.

Peachyville has existed for several years and it's always been the happiest place ever. Aren't you so lucky to live in a happy place like Peachyville? So Lil Tuck and Tiffany and Timmy are all at the table and Lil Tuck and Tiffany are like, we sure are, mom. We're the luckiest in the world. And Timmy's like, yeah, great. Yeah, it's great being here in peachy crap.

I'm glad you, what did you just say? I said it's peachy crap around here, mom. Well, that mouth isn't very clean now, is it? Yeah, it's not. We wash our hands before we eat our food. Why don't you wash that mouth out with soap? Sure, okay. Good parenting as always. And Timmy stomps off. Thank you. Mom, are we going to continue our lesson? Who's this new friend?

Dad says we're not supposed to have friends in the house. Well, that's true. Hmm. I guess what your father doesn't know won't hurt him. Mommy, are you saying we should lie to Daddy and the two of them just kind of turn and look at each other and then look at you? No! No!

I don't think daddy would like it if we lied to him. Of course. I was being silly. A part of Peachyville history is that sometimes we make hilarious jokes. Like Silly Dan on Murder, Murder, Murder? Exactly.

Okay, Mom, is your new friend here to help teach us history? Well, Kelsey... Kelsey's just been, like, looking at the knickknacks on the shelf, like, looking anywhere but this conversation, just like, oh, what? Well, Kelsey, there's at least three letters of history you have, right?

Three letters of history I have? A, B, C. Always be consenting. No, you're encyclopedia. Oh, oh. You're the guest teacher, Matt. Oh, yes. Do you want me to teach your kids history or are we watching murder, murder, murder? You're going to watch murder, murder, murder, mom? Can we watch with you?

Please, please, please, please, please. You know I never let you watch my very private show, Murder, Murder, Murder. That's for mommy's eyes only. Oh, gee whiz. Why don't you run along and play? Okay, come on, Tiffany. I bet I can run outside faster than you. No way, little tuck. And then they stomp off outside. Would you like a beverage and a murder, murder, murder mug? You got the murder, murder, murder mug? Of course.

I saved up all of my coupons for weeks. Do you have Captain Johnson? Because I have the other three mugs, but I don't have Captain Johnson. I have a Captain Johnson murder, murder, murder mug. There's four mugs for a show called murder, murder, murder. Oh my God. Three murders, four mugs.

There's two detectives. There's the police chief and there's the reporter. Yeah. Okay. John C, the reporter. John C and Johnson. John C is my favorite. She's got the gumption and she's always the one who solves the first murder. Chronologically. Yes.

You know, the episode really kicks off when Chauncey figures out the first murder. And the first murder never seems connected to the other two murders. But by the end, it is. It's all connected. That's crazy. And then there's Silly Dan. Silly Dan always pretends to get murdered, but he's always alive by the end of the episode. It's insane that they don't have a Silly Dan mug. I know. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a Silly Dan murder, murder, murder mug.

Well, I would love a beverage. Do I hear this in the backyard with regular Trudy? Yeah, okay. While this is going on. Regular Trudy's like, do you have the mug? That's my mug! That's my mug! If we ever need a manipulator, we can just make a Sad Dan mug or whatever the fuck she just said. It's Silly Dan. It's Silly Dan! Yeah, sure. We can make one of those. Okay. How? And the two of you sit down. Oh, right. To watch Murder, Murder, Murder. Welcome to Murder, Murder, Murder. Oh,

I love it. I love it when they have the different characters. I love how the intro is always done by the different characters. Like sometimes it's Chauncey saying welcome to murder. Sometimes it's Chauncey the reporter here and welcome again to murder, murder, murder. Okay, so out in the yard, Francis and R. Trudy are lurking in the bushes and they see... My favorite subreddit. They see...

Sorry, what? That's my favorite subreddit. R lurking in the bushes. Oh, jeez.

Oh, wow. You two see Lil Tuck and Tiffany found outside. Once they get outside, they just kind of stop and just like look at each other and then look at the sky and they're just sort of like idling. They're just kind of just kind of standing there. Are your your kids aren't robots too, right? That's not a thing. I don't believe so. Let's not check. But then I look closer. I don't think it helps if we check anything. Yeah. What do you think?

What do you want to do? A second later, Timmy bursts outside and he digs up from a flower pot a pack of cigarettes and pulls one out and starts smoking it. Trudy, for the first time looking at Timmy, doesn't feel the intense annoyance and betrayal that Timmy normally elicits in her. Okay. Whoa.

Just a little bit. Hi, kids. Lil Tuck and his sister turn and look at you and they narrow their eyes like, Mommy? Don't be scared. I know you just saw me inside, but I... I...

I don't know how to explain it, but I'm here too. Okay, what do you want, Mommy? Do you want us to go back inside? I just wanted to look at you. Over their shoulder, you see Timmy look up at you, and his face goes pale, and he kind of stubs the cigarette out and walks over and says...

You two go back inside. And they look up at Timmy. They're like, but he says, get back inside now. Get back inside. Oh, okay. Well, be safe. And they just kind of like wordlessly, emotionlessly just trot back off inside. And Timmy looks at you like dead in the eye and says, what do you want? I just wanted to see you. Okay, you saw me now go. Timmy, I...

Have realized things about myself recently. Go now. Why? Get out. I can't. No. What's wrong? No, no, no. Baby, what's wrong? Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare. I would like to roll psychology. Okay. To see if he like knows what's up with Trudy. Okay. Give me a roll. So I have 80 psychology. Okay.

And I got 78. So close. Oh, so close. Yeah, he knows. He's very upset at seeing her. And he seems to understand that she understands what she is now. But he does not want to talk to her at all. Sounds like he's got some biases against robots. Yeah.

So I guess Francis stands up and is like, kid, what's going on? Who the fuck is this? Who are you? I'm a friend. This is my friend Francis. I don't, I'm not, get out. I'm not, you're not, I'll tell him. I'll tell him right now. I'll go down to the basement and I'll tell him. No, baby, don't do that. I'll go. Stop calling me baby. Okay, I'll go. You think you have any clue? You think you have any clue? You think any of them have any fucking clue what's going on? No, I don't.

know I don't know anything. It's like I'm kind of learning everything for the first time. I don't give a shit. You're not my mom. You're not my mom. You'll never be my mom. None of them will ever be my mom. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. So get the hell out of my face. Okay, we'll go. I just wanted to see you and we'll go now. And he just turns and walks off back into the house. Tucker's in the basement.

He often is. This might be our best shot at taking him. Nobody seems to be looking at the house. If they did, they would have seen us and, you know, attacked. Yeah. So you're saying we should go into the basement? That's what I'm saying. Does the basement have like a window that, you know, looks out onto the ground? Well, between you and me, I've never been in the basement. Oh, you might want to like steal yourself then. I already did that. I'm really sorry. Because I'm a robot. Oh, it was a pun. That's good.

I just want to say I'm really sorry about the way your son just behaved. No, it's actually me who has been misbehaving. What do you mean? Wasn't a very good mother to Timmy. And now I can see really see how much that's affected him. And I wonder if there's something else going on as well. Something else?

Well, we know that I'm not the last Trudy. I don't think I am the first Trudy either. No, doesn't seem like it. I wonder, with so many Trudys in the world, maybe Timmy lost the one he really liked. Maybe he could learn to like you. Well, let's go to the basement now.

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So I'd like to look around the exterior of the house. So a lot of basements have those little, you know, windows, little cellars, a little cellar window thing. I'm going to try to see if there's one of those. Yeah, there is. It's bolted up tight. It's locked. OK, I guess we're going in there. And then so, yeah, you're in the backyard. There's like a sort of back door with a screen door.

You can hear the TV playing inside. Can I see outside, like, where they were? Can I see? So from where you are, no, the living room, you can't see the back door. But we'll start with, yeah, you hear the kids come back inside as detectives. Looks like that's the first murder of the night. Oh, my God. Great Cracker Jack job as always, Chauncey. You really solved that case. What a pessimistic show. They already know there's going to be two more murders. Yeah.

You're right. That's life. You're right, Trudy. I for sure thought that the taxi driver was going to be the murderer because you don't hire such a big star, but I guess sometimes they do hire him to be the murderer. Captain Johnson here. Say that again. Click. I've got some bad news. It seems like Silly Dan was murdered. Dun, dun, dun! Oh, no!

And then they cut to commercial. I don't think Silly Dan is really dead. I'm dead. That's the one part of the show I don't like. They always throw that out. It's like, he's not going to die. I don't know. I kind of like it every time we think maybe Silly Dan is... You think he's going to be dead and then it kind of goes out over multiple episodes. Francis, hide. Hide. Sorry. I waited for him. Who is that? Oh, that was nobody, Trudy. Remember that time Silly Dan hit an ambulance and then...

Okay, so as the commercial break happens, you hear the screen door slam and you hear the two kids starting to come back down the hall towards you guys. And they're saying, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Now, I told you, Mommy is watching her TV show. But you just told us outside to come back inside.

What? Oh, I think, you know, kids are just confused. We're not confused. We saw mommy outside. They just talked back to an adult. You should tell them to go to their rooms. Yes. Yes. I'll do that. Good parenting. Don't talk back to me. Go to your room. Okay. Jeepers. And then the two kids in perfect lockstep with each other clamber up the steps and go to their room and shut the door. Do you mind if I go to the kitchen and refill my mug with some water, some H2O, some juice from...

Of course, but really, I... Man, you should have been a secret agent. It's really I who should be serving you. You are a guest in my home. No, I should do it. Are you sure? Yeah, I would love it. Yeah, stay seated. Well, well, mom's putting her feet up this afternoon. Oh, would you like me to get you anything while I'm up? Ha!

You're so silly, Kelsey. But yes, I would like a coffee. Oh, okay. It takes me a little bit of time to get one, so just pay attention to the show and make sure to catch me up on everything that happened. I'll tell you everything you missed. Okay. I'm going to walk towards the kitchen, but then instantly swerve to go to the back door to see if I can see them. Okay, so yeah, you see R. Trudy, R slash Trudy, and R slash Francis. R slash Francis did nothing wrong. He's Francis the asshole.

Wow. I knew it. I knew it. Okay. I'm just getting the coffee ready. So, yeah, you see Trudy and Francis creeping into the house. Okay. I slide open the door. What happened? Well, I got to see my kids. Oh, and how did that go? It didn't go well. Okay. But they're okay? I think so. Okay. Well, then you did what you needed to. And, you know, you'll... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And at least I know that there's somebody looking after them how I would look after them. That's true. No, she's nice. Not as nice as you. I have a quick question for you, Trudy. Uh-huh.

If this goes south, how do you want to deal with it? You mean like if Tucker breaks me down into little parts? No, no, no. Let's try this question. How about if it goes north, how are we going to deal with it? Maybe think of positive. What would happen if it goes well? I'm totally with you most of the time, Kelsey. I love positivity, but there are kids who might get traumatized, so I'm just like...

If by, you know, some horrible twist of fate, the other Trudy starts attacking us because your husband like hits an override switch or whatever. Is it like...

Is it okay to shoot the robot Trudy in front of her kids? I don't feel like it is. No, let's not do that, Francis. We'll die if we do. Okay, well. Give me a stealth roll, everybody. We're doing this really quietly and walking towards the basement. I was going to say, yeah, you're walking in a house and talking. Every time we talk in character, nothing will ever happen. I have a 90 stealth and I got a 34. I have a 39 stealth and I got an 83. Okay. I got a 44 and I got 20 stealth. Oh, shit. I forgot to level you guys up.

Oh, well, no one reminded me. I literally did. Twice. I said, then maybe we'll do it when we wake up. No, no, no. After we woke up, I went, so did we level up and you didn't hear me. We'll do it at the end. We'll do it next time. All right. Francis, if it helps, I'm pretty sure my children, at least 66% of them are robots. Oh, God. Oh, okay.

I guess that changes things. New Trudy hears Kelsey not in the kitchen and hears Kelsey talking to someone else, but she can't quite make out the other voice. Yoo-hoo! I said silly Dan is alive! Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just saw a little cockroach. I'm chasing it and I'm taking it out. And you were talking to the cockroach? Well, you know, I feel bad when I kill one, so I just go, hey, little buddy, don't get distracted. You're not going to be able to tell me everything that happened. Hmm.

me oh my oh my it's odd to have a cockroach in my spotlessly clean home i brought in i'm a dirty girl i didn't mean to it's probably in my dress you know me just always tromping through the woods that's what i do okay give me a persuade roll because i feel like new trudy hearing that there's a roach in her house she'd want to deal with that problem asap oh

That's a 19. Persuade is a 55. So that was a positive success. Okay. So give me how you. Oh, I did it. I crushed it. Didn't you hear it? I said it was a cockroach and I'm a big dirty girl that trumps through the woods and brings a cockroach in. I'm so sorry. I forgot you were a dirty girl. Yeah. I feel bad for bringing a cockroach into your spotless house. I'm doing a little extra cleaning to make up for my crime. Of course. Well, mine. It might be a little bit longer, but your coffee's coming soon.

Okay. So I pat. Stop talking. Let's get in the basement first. Then we can talk. I signal zip it. I signal shrug.

That's called striking me. I headed to the basement. Okay. Okay. So you guys get to the basement door. Yeah. You sneak in. I feel like Tucker doesn't keep it locked because it's like Daniel Day-Lewis when he leaves his pocket watch out on the post and fucking, uh, yeah, it's like everyone like who would dare, who would dare fucking come down here. Okay. Francis, now we can talk. I was going to say maybe you should stay up there and keep her busy, but no, you're down here now and that's cool too. Yeah, no, it feels like the party should stay together. Okay. Thanks. Thanks.

Thanks, Kelsey. Zuzel's like, good.

I have to keep an eye. Friendship is important. Yes, I have to keep an eye on both of you in case you need taking care of. Why would you say it like that? That's a fucked up thing to say. That's what teachers do, taking care of each other. Oh, okay. It just seems like a normal everyday suburban basement down here. Okay. There's a boiler and there's some old- Wow, a second fridge. Wow. There's a second fridge down here. Is there a mysterious man tied up played by Freddie Wong? I think there might be.

Shit. No, no, no. There's not a mysterious man played by Freddie Wong. Freddie, I missed you, dog. Hey, I'm watching you guys fucking flail without the razor sharp role play that Freddie Wong brings to the table. So you all know the way we're arranged. Every time I look about, will I just see Freddie in the background, just out of focus? And I'm just like, man, miss that guy. Can we look for a key? One of the keys. We need one of the keys. One of the keys is supposed to be here, right? Tucker, I'm going to make a spot hidden role.

Okay, great. Yes. My spot hidden is 50 and I got a 50. Okay, great. I massively filled my spot ridden with an 86. Francis? I said spot ridden instead of spot hidden. Can I have a spot ridden skill? That's like me cleaning my clothes. Like, you know, stain removal. Spot ridden.

Oh, that's pretty good. Spot ridden? Yeah. That's right. You want to put some points in it, go for it. You know what? We'll write up a little module for all you folks that want spot ridden in your next golf. Ooh, my spot hit is a 25 and I got a 22. Okay, great. So the two of you notice, it's actually that fridge because you're like, wait a second, our power bill, is it high enough for a second fridge? That doesn't make any sense. And sure enough, as you go up to it, the fan isn't on. It doesn't seem to be emitting any heat. And when you open it, there is a second stairwell.

down this refrigerator. Very clever. Should we go down? Oh, yeah. Okay. Did they include this in the square footage when you bought the place? I can't say that they did. Wow. The resale value of this place is going to be immense. All right. I look around. I won't look for anything that can make tripwires and the like. Yes, yes. I want cable.

And I want anything that can make noise when you open the door. Bro, what if Tucker's got one of those, you know, those gaming rear view mirrors? Do you remember those? Those little circular mirrors you put on your monitor in case your mom comes in while you're playing TV dust? Yeah, it's while you're playing video games. That's why those mirrors exist, Freddie. Oh my God. So wait, what's the, like, you just see that they can see you?

Yeah. Oh my God. Mirrors work both ways. Shut up, Matt. Shut up. No, this is a good point. No, no, I agree with you. My mom was always watching me. Isn't it?

Already too late. Yeah, if you see them in the rear view mirror in front of your PC, they've already seen what's on the screen. You know, listen, it's not like these things sold like fucking hotcakes. I mean, this wasn't the number one gaming accessory after a GeForce 2, okay? Yeah, I want to just like find like any sort of cable. Yes, tell me what you want to do. Just any sort of cable and I want to tie it across the door, low on the door so that if they were to open the basement door and then walk, they'd probably trip.

In the basement, you find like some twine. If you want to use twine, there's like an extension cord. If you want to do that. I use a twine. You're basically tying up a trip over the first step. Yes. Okay, great. So yeah, you do that. Great. You make your way down the stairs. These are like, these are sci-fi stairs. You know what I mean? These are like government facility stairs. There's like little lights. These are like the staircase in that show, Space, Space, Space. Oh, yeah. These are just like the stairs on Space, Space, Space. I'm so upset it got canceled. Yeah. Yeah.

Only lasted three episodes. They said it was ahead of its time, which makes sense for a show like Space, Space, Space. It was too outlandish. Yeah. Cut to Francis 20 years later. Space, Space, Space. The next generation's like, fine. There's a Space, Space, Space, Space, Space, Space, Space, Space, Space, or as they call it, Deep Space Nine. Wow.

You guys make your way down the stairs and you emerge into, it's a laboratory. Like you see classic sci-fi shit, beakers, test tubes. There's a lot of electronics down here. You can feel like this is Tucker's office slash his work area. Office slash work area.

work area. I mean, it's office slash workshop. Let me put it that way. It's his goon cave. So there's like a workbench with various like metal exoskeletons on it. And are there any other exits? You see like an elevator like that. Clearly, this is probably the elevator that leads down to the research facility proper. Tucker does not appear to be in here at the moment. No, but look, Francis, one, he could come up this elevator any moment. So, you know, I guess have your gun ready. Oh, Trudy's got it. Oh, oh,

Or have your gun ready. Or have his gun ready. But yeah, we can look for the key, right? That's what we're trying to do. Yeah. Assuming he doesn't have it on him, I guess. Oh, that's true. He might have it on him. But let's look until he comes and then we can, you know, surprise party him again. Sure. Surprise party him. Actually, you know what? Trudy, give me the gun back. I'll just wait by the elevator. Okay. While we look. Okay, great. So where do you guys want to search? There's this workbench. There's the big sort of like equation board. There's his desk. Probably the desk. Okay, great. Desk. Desk. Desk. Desk. Desk.

There's a bunch of papers scattered out on. He's kind of a slob when he doesn't have Trudy cleaning up after him. So this place is definitely a bit of a mess. Big piles of papers, proposals for experiments to do, memos to the archives and containment departments. There are some drawers if you'd like to rummage through them. Yes. Nothing Kelsey loves more than rummaging through other people's drawers. Who's opening the drawer? You can get the drawers on the right and I'll get the drawers on the left. Okay, great. Each of you give me a spot hidden check.

Great. 19. Okay, great. I got a 35 and my spot hidden is 50. In that case, here's what we'll say. Trudy, you find under, this appears to be like a filing cabinet full of stuff for his job. Like there's a lot of official documents for Project Heartland, but in the

back, there's a folder that's unlabeled, but it draws your eye and you pull it out. When you open it up, you see like Trudy schematics, like of your, of your skeleton, of the way that you're built together. There's a whole thing on your psychological profile.

There's notes on all of the various versions of Trudy that he's been documenting and like sort of his updates and his changes. I try to wave to get Kelsey's attention. What's up? I don't think you should let her read those. Yeah, okay. If there's a kill phrase in there. A kill phrase? Oh, what do you got there, Trudy? You're coming in hard with these like just in cases. What do you got there, Trudy? Oh, it's my new headshots. I'm an actor. Look at them. Oh, my God.

Okay, well... I should have gotten them in color. Oh, are you lying to me? Yes. Okay. Okay. They're not headshots. They're schematics. Oh. Have you...

Of me. You also see as you're flipping through them, the next section is schematics for a little talk and Tiffany and different versions of these robots. They do not seem to have an organic brain operating them. They have like, it seems like a series of subroutines. It seems like they're mostly designed to spy on you. Oh, oh, oh, oh God. I took those robots in at night. Yeah. And I read them stories.

And I remember bringing them home from the hospital. Well, just because they're robots, that doesn't take away that you were being a good mom to them. I'm sorry that you found that out, though. And they may have been programmed to love you, but like, that's still love, right? I don't know anymore.

Anyway, you want to see what I found? Yes. You found a button underneath horn and guns and hunting magazines. And, you know, I found a button hiding under this drawer. Is it labeled? Oh, let me see. I get down on my knees. Oh God. Fucking knees. Let me look. Ah,

Anytime, right? 38 is like, I don't want to. Are your shoes under the couch? I don't know. You look. Getting down there, that was a whole trip back up. So is it labeled or not? Kelsey is mumbling to herself.

She looks, is the bun labeled? It is not. Well, that was good. What a great trip that was. Here, help me. I reached right out of here to help me out. I helped Kelsey out. Oh, okay. These don't work like they used to. There's no label on it, Francis. I mean, it was hidden for a reason. All right, press it. Yeah. Press it.

So that wall to ceiling chalkboard that held these equations on it, you hear a click and it slides open, revealing... Freddy? Ho, ho, ho. It's me, Santa. Oh, you found my spot. I've just been in deep chute. Why is it

of year again. You're why Christmas didn't happen last year? I didn't realize that. I've been stuck here. Tell Mrs. Claus I'm alive. Send a note to the elves. I'm here. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Now let me tell you, there's a man here. Very naughty. Very naughty. I have quite a bit of coal for that man. Where's Rudolph? Are you there, Rudolph? And Santa whistles Rudolph. Ha, ha, ha.

My god, Rudolph is out of eye range! But it's good that you've opened this window! Mrs. Claus can track me with the invented GPS tracker in my nuts now! Any minute now, they'll be sending a team of elves!

Elf Team Six will come and rescue me. And you all want to be here? Why, I've trained them to nuke the site from orbit. That's right. I'm Santa Claus. All right. Close that window. No, no, no. The children, the children. Chris,

You close that button and then the chalkboard on the other side of the, the chalkboard on the other side of the room opens up revealing a hidden room behind like some sort of like steam kind of emerges out and you see a brain floating in a mysterious chemical, like on a platform that's kind of being stimulated by electrodes and stuff like that. And as this wall slides up,

Trudy, you feel this intense piercing feeling in your head, like the worst headache you've ever had in your life, like a tinnitus screeching. Your joints lock up for a second as you just wrap with pain and you hear a voice in your head. It's okay. Don't be afraid.

Come here. Come closer. And as you look at this brain, you realize it's had slices taken out of it, like all over its surface, just little tissue samples. One, two, three, four, five, six. Someone's been hacking away at this thing bit by bit by bit. And Trudy, you recognize that that voice you've heard is your own voice. And it says to you, There's a lot to tell you, Trudy.

We come back out mid-credits, and we're in an office. A seedy office. Blinds half-drawn. Streams of daylight poking through. There's a man sitting there. We don't quite see his face. A phone rings on his desk. Ring! Ring! Ring! The man picks it up. Um, hello?

Hello? Blake Lively? Yes, that's me. Yup, that's me. A.K.A. The Plumber. That's me. Oh, what do you need? I've got a mess for you to clean up. Aw, alright. Okay. Swallowing my dreams.

I stay.

We're coming at you from the middle of our European tour. There's still tickets available and you can find them at dungeonsanddaddies.com slash live. See if we're in your neck of the woods. Our next main feed drop will not be a season three episode. Instead, it will be the first episode of Matt's Dad Hammer miniseries. We'll be back to season three after we all get back to the US. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Burch as Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos as our DM. Beth May as Trudy Trott. And myself, Freddie Wong as...

knows we'll find out next time our theme song is a hole in the stars by max and waller brian fernandez is our content producer ashton nicolette is our community manager corny terry is our community coordinator cindy denton is our merchandise manager esther ellis is our lead editor travis reeves provides additional editing for those who want a taste of life on tour we have an hour-long tour documentary of our tour earlier this year through the american midwest and east coast up on our patreon now that's available to all patrons supporting us at all levels and is a tremendously funny and entertaining road documentary shot by our friend justin gelmo

He's with us here in Europe right now, so there'll be another doc later on for this tour as well. And that is just one of the many audio and video treats available on our Patreon. You can get ad-free episodes, our after show for every episode we've done all the way back to season one to today, access to a community Discord where we run events and live listens and so much more. Read about it all at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. And by supporting us, you support independent podcasts and join the ranks of folks like Jonah Province, Audrey the Amazing, Joseph Hester, Frankie Aguilar, Melinda Brafford,

Megan Borosh, Gabrielle Alejandro-Ratana, Philip Mark, All Year Breakfast, Charlotte Weiss, Norm Nelson, Godai, Jordan, Tezzeret890, Nat, Brandon, Falcon Johe, James Christopher, William Boucher, Beth Martin, Katie Brown, and Brittany Christopher. Support us directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads, merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com, live show tickets at dungeonsanddads.com slash live, and our next Peachyville episode is November 5th, Dadhammer episode 1 in 2 weeks, October 22nd. Thanks for listening, we will see you soon. Bye!

Where's Freddie?

I don't know. I wasn't expecting you guys to go to the house. It's a big open world adventure and we didn't go to the one corner of the map where Freddy's waiting for us. Like fucking Vincent in Final Fantasy 7. Is there a question mark somewhere on the mini map? Yeah, it's like a big pulsating question mark. This is just like in Baldur's Gate 3 when I saw the fucking Karlak quest and I was like, that sounds like a pain in the ass and I didn't do it until the end of Act 1.

though you missed the best character in the fucking game you replay file fantasy 7 we're not gonna get yuffie was her name the one you can beat it without getting her y'all told me you were going to the library last time