S2 Ep. 40 - The Teenhigh Saga: Break-in Wrong: Part 1
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Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Hulu's Animehab. It's your new animation destination to watch full seasons of new episodes of your favorite animated shows all in one spot. Hey, what are your favorite animated shows? Will, you looking for some Family Guy? You know it, Peter. You looking for some Futurama? Oh wait, this isn't about anime, it's just animation? Animation overall, it's all kind of...

It's all kinds of stuff, dude. I was thinking solely anime. From Family Guy to American Dad, they've got it all. Solar Opposites, Hit Monkey, American Dad. Plus, watch some of the freshest animated series around, like The Great North, Grimsburg, Crapopolis, and so many more. If you're looking for a favorite animated show, there's only one destination you need to remember. Hulu Anime Hem. Your animation destination now streaming on Hulu. Sounds freaking sweet, Lois.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Young man, time to wipe off that frown. I said, young man, come get down with the clown. I said, young man, with Ronald's nugs in your mouth. Horny young man, there's a place you can go. I said, young man, where you can get that big O. You can drive through, just get ready to blow.

You smile, make nuggets that make you see. Nuggets that make you see you. M-O. So just take a big bite and go bust a big look. Nuggets that make you see. Nuggets that make you see. M-O. Go get yourself clean, you just came a great. Nuggets that make you see. Nuggets that make you see you. M-O.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. Instead, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about four teens from our world sent back into our world to fix all the mistakes their grandparents made. I am so nervous because I had one hiccup right before I started and I'm just like at any point it's gonna... That scared me a little bit. Problem solved. Bam. My name is Freddie Wong. I play... Boo!

my name is ray long i play taylor swift the ranger anime loving survivalist teen two out of those three things have almost no bearing on taylor's abilities in terms of what i'm looking at on the dnd character sheet but that's all right which two things the survivalist stuff hasn't really come into play and all the ranger stuff is just basically like imagine you have spells but they're all kind of shitty interesting i might just come up with my own ranger spells at this

point. You're going to do your own OC? Yeah, my own OC. Teen fact for Taylor this week, merging a little bit with a real life fact, I have a cat now. Yeah. Where's his cute cat? Here I am, pretty. Meow, meow. I don't like cats anymore. And that was the last episode Will was on. Funnily enough, Will, that ties into Taylor's teen fact, which is that Taylor also has a cat boy costume that he uses to do...

To do what? NPC videos on TikTok. I knew, I knew NPC videos was going to fucking crawl its way into our podcast this year. Ice cream so good. Fire one for Frederick Wong. Sorry, sorry, it goes, ice cream, yes please. Oh,

Ice cream, yes, please. Okay, let me just pitch it real quick. Just quick. This fucking intro is going to age like fine wine. I just want to say this. I just want to ask really quick. I just need a yes or no from all my fellow cast members. Absolutely not. Would you, if I could figure out a way. Would. If I could figure out a way of seamlessly looping video of you guys playing the season one dads doing NPC content. Now, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Imagine just for a second.

That you got a Daryl Wilson sitting there being like, well, ice cream. You know what, Freddie? I actually, I would. Well, ice cream. Balloon. But here's the thing. We could just keep this going on in the background. Hi, this is Will Campos, advocate for people who have no idea what the fuck you're talking about who are listening to the podcast. And I just want to say, like, I see you and I support you. Don't even look it up. Do not look it up.

do not learn about it. You don't need to know about it. I don't want to say don't cause that makes it seem like, Ooh, it's exciting. Like somebody telling you not to do it's not worth your time. It's just saving you. It's not even a little. Real quick. Taylor made so much money on it, but he was only on for like two days because they got slammed with content violations. Cause it was just a little too weird for TikTok.

And Taylor likes to think that was too weird. And Taylor likes to think it was because he was like, I got brigaded. Everyone saw how much cheddar I was making and they brigaded me. Hey, everybody. Hey, my name is Matthew Arnold. I play Lincoln M kicks a school in prison, a school in prison, future soccer pro who's got no dads anymore. And he just loves it. That's right. He's changing his last name. What?

He's his own man. Wait, what's his middle name? M? Mr. Because it's in honor of the only person who ever cared about him when he grew up. Mr. Kix is FIFA character? Which is Mr. Kix. It's true, dad. Holy shit. Is that his FIFA character? Yeah, the person who never betrayed him. I find it hard to believe having played FIFA, those fucking crossbar hits. Like, come on. I mean, that's pretty much his teen fact. It's kind of hard to give research, but he's looking at how he can legally change his name. And also, how do you do like the minor emancipation to become his own person?

And he's very attached to this new family that he's found. Lincoln? And where did prison come from? Because homeschool is more like prison school, Will. Oh, my God. School than a prison.

He looks back no longer fondly on his homeschool. That's dark. Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I play Normal, Oak, Purpy, Peppa, Purpy, Chipper, Cheery, School Spirit, something or another, Mascot Kid. Normal fact about Normal this week. In honor of Freddy's cat, I also have a cat-related fact. Normal's favorite cat is Nermal from Garfield because their names sound alike. And he's like, I bet we'd get along. This is the closest Normal's had to another person with a name like his.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's why representation matters in media. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He finally saw himself on the screen, yes? You're telling me that you like, and you haven't tried breaching that as a way of like deepening your friendship? I was about to say, for all the complaints that normal has about not hanging out with Lincoln, like you have the most obvious like. Yeah, you have such an in, man. Yeah, normal's just gotta give it. Lincoln loves Garfield. Yeah, but who does Garfield hate?

That's true. You know what? It's Tess. You don't know how Lincoln's going to respond. I don't know. This could go either way. This could go either way for normal if he says his favorite cat is normal. I mean, I think Lincoln would appreciate it. I do kind of think that maybe there was a kid in school that he went like in like elementary school named Norm L. Like his last name was Lewis or something. Loser? Did you

Did you say his last name was loser? Norm loser. And normal thought like normal and normal. We can be best friends. And then everyone at school got ahold of that and started making fun of them for it. And then normal was like, absolutely. Weirdly enough, normally have normal is the class president. So, um,

my name is Beth May and I play scary Marlo, goth punk seeker of darkness who doesn't want to care anymore and is level 10. Oh, right. Dude, what's that like? What did you lose? It's so tragic. What did they take from you? They took so much from me. Now I'm just like, uh,

normie hack who doesn't know how to play D&D. Oh, wait, that's how I was when I was level 14. What's your HP at? My HP is 83. Still more than mine. Still more than mine, but still a lot dropped. Wait, do I have the most HP? I have 94. Yeah. Wow. Wow. You big boy. Ice cream's so good. Okay, um...

So tragic facts about Scary this week. Tragic facts? Yeah. I should have called them tragic facts all along. I don't know why. Scary realized after the departure of Willie and then also after going on TikTok and doing some of her own research that she actually does have delayed onset insultphasia. It's not a joke. It's really serious. It's a disease where when you want to say something mean to the person, you can't think of what to say until they leave. God.

And so she realized that she has that and it's pretty crushing, but she's going to survive and thrive. Dang. Dang. I'm Anthony. I'm your dad. Hey dad. Hey big papa. My dad fact is, Oh God, Matt, no. My dad fact is that Freddie's cat is a little baby. Yeah. It's very small. And if the cat ever like gets in front of me while I'm talking or anything like that, I'm going to snuggle it and be cute with it. And I'm not going to redo whatever audio. So you just have to deal with that now. Oh yeah. The cat meows.

And any fan who complains about Catmeong in the background, we're just shutting down the podcast. 100%. This cat can do whatever it wants. It's so beautiful. Cat's name is Temmoku. So last episode, you basically fought to get the doodler out of the clutches of Willie Stampler. You managed to basically tackle him when he was just about to put a cuff, an Imperator collar on the doodler. Is that what they're called? Imperator collars? I called them that like once and then forgot to tell you guys because I had it written down here.

That's some Warhammer 40k shit. That's some Warhammer shit, dog. You're holding back on us, dog. That's some Mad Max shit. Yeah, sorry. Imperator colors. Fuck, that's cool. Now I'm scared of them. You managed to sort of beat Willy away. I know what I could have said and I didn't. That's a wordsmith right there, folks. You managed to get him out of there, but he swore all it takes is him finding the doodler and putting the collar on him and he will once again have control of

The doodler. It's funny that all it took for me to never be scared of Willie again was him to do the inspector gadget. Dr. Claude. Yeah, I'll get you next time. You rascally deeds. Yep. The physical manifestation of the doodler shrunk itself down to the size of a teenager. It is no longer in the sky.

It is now an amorphous blob of teenage-dom that is purple in color that you've named Dude. You were told by your... Spelled in the cool way. Spelled in the cool way. D-O-O-D. D-O-O-D. You were told by your... D-0-0. Yeah, zeros. Can I say really quick a little confession? My first email address was LeeTaxorDude at Yahoo.com.

Unironically? Unironically spelled out in Leedspeak. Shit. That's kind of fucking awesome. Yeah. I remember the first time a girl asked me what my email was. It didn't go well. Yeah.

Your dad's told you that basically the plan should probably be to hide dude somewhere where Willie cannot get to him. Because in all the realms, if Willie is in control of daddy's, which he is, he basically has the means of transporting himself to all the realms to find you with an army of the CIA and the FBI and everybody on earth who thinks he's a super cool dude. You then received a text from,

from may hails that she had received that was from ron stampler who you know to be your step grandfather i guess uh scary oh do we hear the message you want to hear what it says yeah yeah let's do it take me away dear terry i'm sorry i could not say this letter to you in person but as you know i'm a very much better writer than speaker though i excel at both

Anyways, I've been thinking about the concept of time lately. Parentheses, is it even real? And I know I can't make up for all the time I've lost with you, but I can let you know that every moment I think of you makes me very happy. I am in heaven and the business prospects are dire. Everybody seems to want everything for free. Oh well, the only thing...

The only thing I could never put a number on is how much I love you and how proud I am of you. This is day 9,855 of me telling you I love you, and I mean it every time, even if time is not real. Sincerely, Ron Stampler, your stepfather. So you are currently in what you know of as Old Earth. This is not the place you grew up. This is the place that your parents and your grandparents grew up.

It's a real Earth. It's a real Earth, yes. Earth Prime. Earth Prime. The sky is dark, but no longer dark with the bulk of the doodler's undulating body. It is dark because it's night, and you can see pinpricks of stars in the sky for the first time. You can see the moon. Not the first time we were in space. Oh, right, I forgot about that. For the first time in an atmospheric situation kind of thing. And you're just vibing. You're just vibing with your new friend, dude. So, Grant says, Heaven?

Okay, well, that's cool. I didn't know there was a heaven. Wait, wait, wait, who is it? Who the fuck is this guy? Grandpa Daryl's right, there's a heaven. What? You got a call from, excuse me, I grabbed the phone and I called Mayhales back. Yeah, Mayhales is still on the line. Put it on speaker. Hold on, I'm going to put you on speaker. Okay. Tell her who everyone is. Hold on, I think I put her on mute. Are you still there? Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to put you on speaker now. I can't hear you.

Hold on. I guess you hold on. Oh, I'm FaceTiming her. I'm just going to turn the volume up. Okay. Hey, hi. Did you get a message from heaven? How did you get a call? Hello? Oh, gosh. Turn FaceTime off. Oh, okay. We don't have the reception. I'm killing the video because of the bandwidth. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I'm just going to call her back.

Hello? This is John's. You found the wrong number. Wait, how do you know you have the wrong number? We already said we wanted. I hate using the phone and I don't give my number to anyone. This is really funny, John. John, why did John? Who are you? And why do you hate using the phone? I'm a very private person. I don't owe you any information about myself at all. I am a police officer. Okay. All right, I hang up. All right.

Hold on. Let me try another number here. Hello? Mayhales? Hey, what's up? Is heaven real?

I don't know. Whoa, how'd you get a message from heaven? Yeah, from Rome. I didn't get a message from Rome. Where did it come from? From your high school. What? It came from our high school? Yeah, I triangulated where the text got sent from and it was your high school. High school is kind of like heaven. I thought high school was hell. No. I mean, I guess we've been to real hell, but like- If heaven's a place that you go to after you've been stuck in the horrible world that is life, then high school was that because I was stuck. Oh, fuck off. What? Fuck off. Fuck off.

Mayhales, I'm going to call you back. We're fighting. I hang up. What's going on, guys? Wait, why? Scary, why are you saying that? Oh, my God. I love it.

As much as I want to think that every thought in my head is original and beautiful and dark, it's not an original thought to think that high school sucks ass. Oh, yeah. No, that's cool. I just say for me, it was like heaven. Oh. Yeah, I was just trying to talk about how I hate my home life. Yeah, okay. Well, okay. Time of being shot, I got to admit. Yeah, that's, I mean, good for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's okay. You're sorry? Again? Well, yeah. For what? Don't.

Don't stop asking her that. Thank you for the apology. Stop asking her that. You gave to Link. Thank you for giving Link that apology. It feels nice to apologize for stuff, right? You're welcome. Thank you for saying thank you for my apology. Okay, so what should we do? Should we go back? I feel like we didn't have to hang up on May Hill. You know what? That's right. I'd call her back. Hello? Hey, John. How did you get this number?

I don't know. I keep pressing the same button on my phone and you can wait a second. One time perception perception. Does the name Willie Stambler mean anything to you? I got a six. It's Stewie Griffin. I bet. Yeah.

Yes, he's the mayor. You found me out, though. I refuse to believe John's the mayor. John is something we're going to call again. Okay, yeah, we'll call John if we need a cop for some reason. Well, we got a lot going on. So, hey, you guys, you, I point to the dads. Yeah. So, well, what's the deal? Did Ron die? This is Ron from the journal, right? Ron Stable, you should know if he died or not. Yeah, Ron died. Okay.

Okay. Allegedly. I mean, but we got a phone call from him. As far as we know, he died. He went on a trip. He never came back. We assume that he died. More details. And frankly, of all the dads, Ron was the one the most likely to just die on a camping trip. Well, getting... Camping trip. Well, no, he was on a boating trip. Yeah, a camping trip in the Whitewater Rapids. Oh. If he sent us a text message... I thought it was in the middle of the ocean. You know what it was? Yeah. Oh. He went on a boat trip.

Like the movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. A text message would imply he's alive. But he said he was in heaven, which would imply he's dead. Yes. Why is it a text message if he said it's a letter? Why is it a text message if he's an old person? They leave voicemails. None of this is adding up. And there's John. Where does John fit into all this? Yeah, who is John? One time's an accident. Two times is coincidence. Yes. And you know what they say about coincidences? Why do they die? They don't exist. No, I think they do exist. No, that's what they want you to think.

You of all people should know this. Who is they? I don't know the people. Who is they? Who is they? Yeah, yeah, hold on. Hey, Mayhale. Oh, great call. Hey, Mayhales? Yes? Who is they when they say like that's what they want you to think? You've got to have better questions for me. Okay. You've got to have something more specific than that. Really quick, here's a phone number. We're going to send you a phone number. Find out who this guy is. We called him twice. I want the whole... It's a little suspicious. I want a sack on my desk.

Tomorrow morning, everything you got, surveillance, search history, the whole works. I want a fully fleshed out three-dimensional character in 30 seconds when I follow up on

up on this. I'll have it ready for you. I'll have it ready for you, sure. No problem. Don't trust anything he says. I will have all the time I need to do all the research on this guy. So yeah, just whenever you call me back, I'll know everything there is to know about John. And Miss Hale's important? I think he's a smart one, so don't let him know you're on to him. I can be subtle. I have, uh, what's the word? Hey, Miss Hale's? Yeah. Thanks. God damn it. You're doing a good job. You're family. Um, I forget why we called you, though. This Ron guy. Oh, yeah. Well, okay. Well, this Ron guy.

He says he's existing in a place without time. Maybe this could be where we could hide out. Yeah. So, dude, dude, I do need to all get to have it. I turned to dude when you were up in the sky because you were on you were here and you were in Earth in like, do you know if there like is a heaven? Did you ever see a place called heaven? I don't know what heaven is. There was a place that was up. There's a place that was up.

Like those trampoline places. Yeah. There'd be like a place that's like full of clouds and really like. I couldn't go in, but there's an up. When I was looking for friends and family, I looked through all the places I could go, like the different realms, but there was an up and I couldn't get in there for some reason. Well, hey, you were looking for friends. Maybe you did something bad, you know? No. You were looking for friends and look, you found them right here. Oh.

Yeah. So looks like your journey or journey's ended to find friends, but just started with your friends. So that's good. Maybe the up place is heaven. Yeah. I'm sorry, dude, that I said that you did something bad. I think we've all done things that are considered. What did I do that was bad? No, I just said that. What did I do? Okay. Never mind. I want to know what I did. You did nothing wrong.

Oh, I'm perfect Anything wrong

Yeah. That makes two of us, right? Hell yeah, girlfriend. Besties. One step at a time, folks. One step at a time. Looks like we just got to hide dude here, right? The step one is we got to lay low with dude because Willie could get anywhere. It seems like somehow a text message got to us via our school from maybe heaven?

So if we go check it out, maybe we can find a way up there. Maybe Willy can't get in. He probably can't get in. He's like a bad guy. So then we could lay low. Maybe that's step one. And then we can figure out how to get Dude back to wherever they came from. Or like wherever, you know, we can figure out a sort of more safer home for Dude. Can we also test? Okay, so like, we don't want Willy to put a bracelet on you, Dude, because then he'll make you do things. An Imperator bracelet. Yeah, Imperator bracelet. I don't want the... Can we test, like...

Does it have to be around you? Like, for example, one of my other favorite, I don't know, you all like Garfield. There's another movie called Bubble Boy, which was also pretty good where like a boy was in a bubble because like the parents were scared of them getting like, you know, sick and because they really love them. And when you love somebody, sometimes you do everything you can to make sure nothing can harm them. We always stopped halfway through. I never figured out what the rest of the movie was about. But like if dude's in something, like if we wrap dude up, like he also looks kind of weird. Yeah. Or even just like a person suit.

Like, if you put a bracelet on a suit, does that count as putting it on them? I see what you mean. Like, if we put them in, like, a Mission Impossible sort of... Are you really taking the fucking one ring to a turtle and then having Frodo carry the turtle because now he's technically not the ring bearer? Who's talking? I was thinking Dawn from Buffy.

I'm just asking, can we test that? Like we test like how a ring like that works? I guess you could if you had a spare cuff. Yeah, it's not like we have cuffs just lying around. They're on our dads or on your dads and this gentleman here named Grant Lee Wilson. I'll also say this. You bring up a good point, Link, which is that if we're going to bring dude, and no offense, dude, but you've got like kind of an eldritch vibe.

It's really cool. Thank you. Yeah, I love it personally, but like it might set off a couple alarm bells back on the other earth where Willie is, but we do have a giant person suit that we can put him in. Oh,

Teen. Teeny the Teen. Oh, yeah, Teeny the Teen. I don't know what I was thinking. What were you thinking of? Where did I leave Teeny the Teen? Wait, where did I leave Teeny the Teen? Oh, gosh, I don't remember. Is it in the goof room? I'm sure we could get the school to make another one, worst case scenario. Isn't there a room that's like a Batman room that you have? I

I've seen it. That's right. I feel like you're like the family in Blue Ruin and you've just got Teeny the Teen stashed everywhere. I have a pack of Teeny the Teen in my house in case the original Teeny the Teen ever fell into the hands of enemies. You got a Teeny the Teen in a suitcase that you open up and it like attaches onto your body like Iron Man. Yeah, I broke my leg one time trying to turn into Teeny the Teen while I was falling through the air. It didn't go so well. All right, well, yeah, we'll go get the spare Teeny out of my locker at school and we'll dress up. How big is your locker? What?

Is this standard size? What are you coming in? It's a soft-head teeny. You're also fulled up, dude. Yeah, the costume bunches up. I'm just saying that I have... It's big enough to hold... How big is your... Hey, hey, how big is your locker? I thought it was a normal size, but I can't fit any of my cosplay in there. I think you got a small locker. Yeah, big enough to stuff you inside, though, man. Yeah.

Dude likes my mean sense of humor. Yeah, fuck Taylor. Hey, what the fuck? You stupid fucking idiot. I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker. Dude, when I say it's funny because I'm damaged, but when you say it, it's just... I could damage myself? No, don't do that. Maybe just not be mean. It's scary. I'll kill you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, so actually, dude, we're all deciding that none of us are going to be mean, I guess. Yeah, this is great. All right. Okay. So we're going to dress you up in like a cool outfit so you can. That sounds fun. All right. Yeah. So let's just, I guess, go back to school and get. Yeah, that sounds good. The dads go, yeah, we can send you back to. Teen huddle. Okay. Dude, get in here. Yeah, you're teen. And Hermie, get in here. No, don't mind if I do. Wait a second. I roll sense motive on Hermie.

Yeah, roll insight. It would be. I got a 14. What do I perceive about him? You can perceive that he is just as loyal to the group as he's ever been. But he wasn't loyal to the group. He tried to betray us. Exactly. He's exactly that amount of loyal still. All right. Hermia, I got to be honest. I don't know what you're still doing kicking around. You're my friends. I rolled perception again. Insight.

I got a six. I'm going to roll insight. I trust my main man, Herm. I got a nine. I got three plus six. Okay. I say if we all decided that none of us are going to be mean and all of us are going to be like loyal to the group or not betray the group or whatever, then I think Hermie has just as right to be here as anybody else.

Okay. No, that's fair. Thank you. We are all in this together. We're all married. And really quick, I'd just like for you all to know, you don't have to follow. We don't have to take each other's names. But if you don't mind, if you can call me, my last name is now Kix. Kix. Normal Kix. Is that okay? So you're free to take that name if you want or not. I don't feel any response. You, as my spouses, do not need to take my name. But I am now Kix. All right.

I'm going to be normal oak kicks. Now that sounds weird. Oak kick, kick oaks. Taylor kicks. Normal oak kicks. Normal oak kicks sounds pretty good. Not an oak kick. So that's offensive to the Irish. I'm not going to say it like that. So, but I was kind of wondering, what do we do with our dads? What do we do? Do we want them to come along?

Do you guys have anything to do other than kick and flex? Do we want to have them investigate John? Do we want them to... Maybe they can try to research a way to break these collars so that... It's a good idea. I feel like we can divvy up. I don't know if we need 12 people on this job. I agree. They are useless to us until they are able to be at full operating combat capacity, which they are not owing to their collars. Do you guys have any ways of getting those things off? Let's do a little zone of truth on them. Okay.

Hey, everything you just heard, are you going to talk to Willy about it or anything? And you've cast some truth at this point. Lark says, fuck no. Okay, so you have the callers that say you can't hurt him. I'm just wondering how that works. We can't physically hurt him, but we can hurt, you know, if he's working with other people, if he's got minions and stuff, we can fuck them up. Is there any way you can get those callers off? If not telling him something would hurt him,

Could you still not tell him it? I don't know. I think so. Okay. So I'm not rushing to call him right now and tell him. So I guess that seems to imply that I don't have to actively tell him. Fair. Good point. Okay. Just making sure. Do we want to send them to see if they can break these cars? Yeah. Okay. Two missions for you. Dads, we have a quest. Well, there's two dads here and there's this gentleman, Mr. Grant Wilson, Mr. Wilson, Lee Wilson, just letting you know that...

I think it's best if we just are now both adult friends and that way I can still speak to you. And these are just the boundaries I've set up. And,

And it's okay. And you seem like a very nice gentleman and maybe someday you'll be a good dad. Just like someday I'll be a good dad. Kicks. Grant stops posting bikini pictures of himself. Kicks. So, okay. Mr. Lark, Mr. Sparrow, and Mr. Wilson. Lee Wilson, sorry. I hear your husband's really nice. Yeah, he is. Great. So is my son. I miss nothing. Um...

So we need you three to, why don't you say normal? You knew what we were doing. I'm a little. We need you to figure out a way to break out of these bracelets, both for you and in case the worst should happen with our friend duty. And we need the whole enchilada on this John fella. Okay. Yeah. Make sure it was on this John guy. Dig into John. Just in case something goes wrong. Phone number into normal phone. Look, if I know anything, anytime there's like a case that you think is not related to the case you're on, uh,

oftentimes it's the same case. So this John case. What cases are you working on, Link? Well, there's the Doodler case with Willie and now there's this John case. Who's this John guy?

And it feels like they're going to connect somehow. Well, you already got May Hales onto the John case. We could also, could you start putting out like misinformation on like where the dude is? Like maybe just like keeping like, Whoa, there's this team that looks weird. That's like five teens in one in the Philippines at all. Wait, I saw him in the Antarctica. How's that possible? What's he doing over here at the research station? Yeah. So you want disinformation? Suspiria says, so you want us to start a whisper campaign? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, I guess we can do that. Sure. Do it everywhere. Well, no, no, don't do it everywhere. But here, because sometimes the misinformation is not pointing to like avoid can sometimes be as big of a sign as a blinking light. So like also say he's at school. I also say occasionally that he's with us.

You're sure you don't just want us to stay with you and like fight guys alongside you and have conversations between scenes and stuff? No. We got it from here, loser. Okay. But okay, you know, just being practical here, if we go back to old Earth or whatever to get the teeny costume from the high school, how are we going to get off that planet? Well, as long as you're with us, we can go between realms and stuff. Although, as far as up goes, I mean, we can do that without you guys.

Just back off a moment. He's really like, it's cool. You can go to HQ. Actually, real quick. How do we go back? We just go back to the HQ. We got like the meat wall. We got lots of people to talk to. Willie controls daddies, you moron. How do we get from here to... They're going to help us. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Change of plan. You guys have to help us. Yeah, that was always the plan. That was always what we wanted to do was help you. All right, you can come along for now, but I want you all thinking about how...

To break these bonds? Yeah, callers. And you gotta post memes that say the two are somewhere else. And you gotta keep your distance. You're on social media. You gotta keep your distance, like, emotionally. Like, if we go somewhere, you gotta drop us off a block away so we can walk up to where we're going by ourselves. Yeah, this is a professional relationship and it's important that we keep the boundaries of boss and employee. You gotta stop saying boundary, son. It's so weird. Okay, well, I'd appreciate if you didn't call your boss son. Ha ha ha ha!

Grant's just shaking his head and Lark's like, just call him boss. I'm not going to call him boss. That's not going to happen. Boss kicks. I'm not going to do it. Boss kicks. Boss kicks. Boss kicks is a Star Wars character, dude.

Sparrow says, boss kicks. That is a very good offer that you've made and we will follow it. And Grant's like, don't call him boss kicks. Thank you, boss kicks. The moment he says boss kicks, Lincoln looks up to the stars and is like, boss kicks. This is his whole identity now. He is very excited about boss kicks. Okay. All right. I can't believe I'm saying this. Let's go back to high school.

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Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you this week by KiwiCo. KiwiCo! Fun projects, learning projects, edutainment. What noise does a kiwi make? Oh, it's from New Zealand, so be like, way, way, way. Kids of all ages through hands-on projects and activities. You know what sound my kid makes when they play with a KiwiCo? Yeah, what is that? I love you, Dad!

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That's 50% off your first month at K-I-W-I-C-O dot com promo code daddies. I really like how you said that. Those are really cool.

A little while later. You put a capper on this whole situation. A little while later, you find yourselves back on the Earth that you grew up on, New Earth. Neo Earth, come on. Wait, how did we get here? Yeah, how do we portal through? The dads have little portal devices that they have that allow them to go back and forth. They never use the meat wall. They just use their portal devices. Can they give them to us? Yeah, they could. Hey, give those to us. No. I'm boss kids. No.

Listen, listen, fella, this is boss kicks. That's no sir. Roll persuasion. I get an advantage because I'm their boss. Yeah, you get an advantage for being boss kicks. Okay, good, because my first one was a four. Woo!

God damn it, a nine. So yeah, Sparrow says, Boss Kicks, I appreciate that you are in a position of authority over us, but I think it's probably smartest if we hold on to these because we're more used to them. Now listen, this is going to come up in your performance review. What if we get back to school and everybody's whispering, that's Boss Kicks in the hallway. Sorry, Boss Kicks never drinks with the customers.

Oh, God. All right, so we're at school. You're at school. Boss Kix runs the best watering hole in all of Casablanca. Boss Kix sticks his neck out for nobody. Kix, hide me, Kix. LAUGHTER

Hey, Miss Hale, can you, like, get some extra portal guns for us? I can probably make some. Oh, yeah, I also learned some stuff about John. Yes. Oh. Oh, what do you got? I've got this recording from him. I called him. And he went, this is John. John. John, the count of three, you'll be hearing from a scavenger. No! No!

We knew it. We knew something was up with John. Was that it? Is that the whole message? Yeah, that was it. He seemed to be really happy about the scam likely gag and he just kind of... Wait a second. I'm on the press section on May Hales' voice. Okay, go for it. I got a 20. Is it scam likely? Oh, you got me again! What did you do with Miss Hale? Where's Miss Hales? She's probably still at Daddy's. I just rerouted your phone. Wait, so are you John or did you just trick us into thinking that... No!

He hears voice whining from the phone. Wait, so here's my question, though. Was the scam that he was John or is the scam that we thought we were going to find out who John was and the scam likely called John back? Yeah, I think John's still out there. Call John. I broke the phone. I can't. I called John. How do you call John? You're on his number. I have a phone, too. I'm a teen. I got a phone. You're not the only one with a phone. Horrible. Matt fucking bangers this episode. Okay.

I got a dumb teen. I got a phone. This is John. What is the new number? What is this? Hey, um. Stop bringing my number around. Hey, this is Boss Kings. Let him know who you are. Scam likely? Oh, it's okay. Now I know the whole situation. All right. Well, thanks. I liked the character I made. He was a well thought out character. I'd break Link's phone. No! We can't let him trace us. Normal. Link, he's gone. You broke. Okay. I'm going to hang on to this feeling and we'll talk about it later. What feeling? You just broke my phone. We can't be.

tracked. We're getting traced. Here's it here. Go get a burner phone. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a good idea. Are we breaking things now? Oh, um, dude, just phones when people are tracing us. Yes. So all phones should be broken. And he takes Gary's phone and he breaks that and he goes, oh my God,

No, that's good thinking. He could be tracing you on your phone too soon. Give me your phone. Damn it, no. Give me your phone. Taylor, you gotta give him your phone. Give me your phone, Taylor. Good luck with this. And it's a Nokia brick. It's one of those fucking Nokia's got snake on it. He eats it. God damn it! And he gets exactly one unit taller. Yeah, his girth increases a little bit. Hermie goes, I don't need a phone. I speak with the birds.

Oh. What? Like, on Twitter? It's called X now, not the birds. Hermie gives up his phone and the dude that breaks that one, too. Okay. He accomplished a lot today. We're in a much better situation now than we were. So now the dads are like, well, now you have to keep us around. How are you going to get in contact with us otherwise? Ah, shit. And now they're just going to trace you guys. You guys got to break your phones, too. Everyone, phones on the table. Oh, my God. So they all put their phones on the table. Dude, break them.

They smash them each with the palm of their hand. They are all obliterated. And the dude goes, cool, we're all friends now. Yeah. We're besties. Isn't it nice to just have conversations? Just live in the moment. Just live in the moment again, you know? Wow, that's a lot of guys, he says, looking at the school. The school seems to be bustling with activity. In addition to the regular amount of students that you see, you see a lot of security officers. You see a lot of people inspecting bags, throwing back people's hoodies to check their faces.

It seems like they're looking for somebody. If you'd like to roll perception, you can see a sign on the wall. Yes. Or a little poster on the wall. Oh, that's a natural 20. I got a three. I got a three. I got a seven. Everyone got low numbers. We can't read the sign, huh? It was far away.

I get closer to it. Not only did I see the sign, but it opened up my mind I saw this. Wow. From a distance, you can see a picture that says, warning, if you see any of these five people, please report them to the school immediately. They are led by Taylor Swift. And it just shows a picture of Taylor Swift holding a sword. And his picture is bigger than everybody else. And then the other four are the rest of you. Shit, I've been made. I cast disguise self. Ooh, there you go. All right, what do you look like now? I...

look so cool. You look just like Taylor. Just like Thomas Crown of Fair. They can't catch us if we're all Taylor. I look like Pierce Brosnan. Hell yeah.

But a teen. Young Pierce Brosnan or old Fox Pierce Brosnan? Young Pierce Brosnan. Because if you were old Fox Pierce Brosnan, he could sneak you in as faculty. Damn. Young Pierce Brosnan. I think scary is of the height where young Pierce Brosnan makes the most sense. Well, it could just be old Gray Fox. Old Short King. Old Short King.

Short king. Short fox. Okay, yeah. I'm seeking it as faculty, baby. Okay. Cool. What are the rest of you going to do? I guess we're just going to wait until you just got to go get the teeny. Wait. Oh, here's what we'll do. What's your code name? My name is Golden Eye. Golden Eye. Cool. What's your last name? Bond. Golden Eye Bond. That's pretty cool. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. That's what old people use for their joints. So you're Mr. Bond. Yes. Golden Eye Bond. Wait, hear me out.

Bond, you can sneak in, get to normal's locker, extract the teeny suit that he has in there so that we can leave. You know what I'm saying? We don't need to all go in just to get the suit. And then you can maybe scrounge up other disguises for us. Okay. Like from the drama department. Yeah. Perfect. Is Hermie on the list? No. Hermie is on the sign. It's all five of you. Hermie can disguise himself, right? Hermie goes, who?

Me, and you turn around and he just looks like a completely nondescript teenager that you've never seen before. Where'd Hermie go? Who's this kid? Exactly. Who are you? Who is this guy? Oh, sorry. No, it's me, Hermie. And he washes off some of his makeup to show the Joker makeup beneath, and he goes, it's me. Hermie and Gold and I will sneak into the school, get the Teenie the Teen outfit, reconnoiter, and then we can all get in and get the doodler to heaven. I hate to be...

Just throwing it out there as an idea amongst the five of us, the bosses of this company. There are probably places with less security that we could get costumes. Not to, like, turn it all around, but, like, there's a lot of people that are looking for us. Like, we could go to, like, Party City. What is Daddy's headquarters of Spirit Halloween now that Aaron's running it? She's got to go in to get the Teenie the Teen outfit anyway. But, like, we could just get, like, a, you know...

Where's the nearest spirit Halloween? Grant is checking his phone and he goes, guys, it's kind of... What phone? He goes, I have a burner. I wasn't going to give you my only phone. Excuse me. Dude, you know what to do. I'm going to show you that. Oh, give me. And the dude holds out his hand to Grant and Grant, he's going to roll intimidation on Grant.

You got a 14. Grant's going to roll opposed. I got a 16. He goes, no, dude, I'm going to show them what I saw on my phone. It's more important that I have a phone, dude. And then Taylor leads. I was like, you can break it after he shows us. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to break it after he shows me. I heard you say that. Yeah. Cause we're going to do it. And,

Anyway, I looked online. You're America's Most Wanted right now, and he shows you the FBI. The episode of America's Most Wanted. I'm John Walsh. These four teens that heard me, the unworthy, look like they may have had a normal day at school, but normal is actually the biggest problem of all, and they're like crash zooms on normal. What did I do? That's what you say in the dramatization. Do they got some

I will tell you what he did. It's got dramatization where it's just like completely different actors for all of us. Yeah. These are adults. Okay. So yeah, currently you're being sought everywhere and he starts flipping through news pages and you can see that there are checkpoints on the road. The entire city is in lockdown. Basically. It's like a dystopian. Willie's in charge of everything. Kind of a setting. Fair enough. So,

The world's a spirit Halloween. Dang. Dang, okay. How can we disguise ourselves? I have a cat boy outfit, but I don't know if it's sufficient to disguise me entirely. I think we can all agree that the easiest way is for Scary to go in as Pierce Brosnan and get us all. And Hermie going with her. It's the most straightforward way. Yeah.

Oh, okay. You could be like a new dad bringing your new teen to school. Oh, yes. Oh. This is my son, and I'm faculty. It's so embarrassing for him. Oh, good, good. That's hard. That's great. That's great. This is great. This is great. Let's go up to the metal detector. Wait, wait, wait. Everyone, get your weapons out and put it into this hole that I dug. Well, we should all go in the hole. We have to hide. What? The four of us have to hide. We can't be seen. I need to make a hole. Use your nature roll. Yeah.

Yeah, baby! That's right, Taylor! That's what I'm talking about, baby! Motherfucking strider up in the house! That's right, Taylor's the nature boy! You know, I bet you, I don't have a costume, but I bet you if I just, like, held a tennis racket, they wouldn't. Because, like, I'm the soccer guy.

11 plus 2. So they would be like, that can't be Link. 11 plus 2. Getting the whole Link 13. With a 13, you have a hole big enough for everybody to land. But check this out. Check this out. I have hide in plain sight. I can spend one minute creating camouflage for myself from naturally occurring materials. Once I'm camouflaged, I can press myself up against a solid surface and get a plus 10 bonus to stealth checks.

So while they're in my hole that I dug quickly, you're on top of us. I'm off to the side, or am I? We're like a trapdoor spider. It's just a bush to the left. It's like there's a trench and then like an azalea bush. Okay, are you also sneaking in or are you just doing this just to do it? I'm hiding. And I camouflage. And the bush hides the... Yeah, fuck me. Fuck me. Dumb question for me. I can't think of a bush hides the hole better. Like the bush is in front of the hole, so it's even harder to see the hole. For one minute. But here's the thing, Anthony. That's not a bush.

That's Taylor. That's Freddie. Oh, no, no, no. I'm just spending one minute. Wait, wait, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. That's why the horse. What a horrific statement. I'm spending one minute just to create the camouflage. That's what it's for, right? To make me miss? Really quick. I insert my holes with no bush. When I'm camouflaged, if I press against any solid surface, I get a plus 10 to stealth. That's why it's this. Great, great. I like it when there's a bush covering the whole thing.

I'm a feminist. A big old bush like back in the day when the school was in the 1970s. Back in the 70s, this school had a lot more foliage. Okay. Okay. So Hermie and Scary are going to head towards the front where there are two armed guards and a metal detector. And an azalea bush that's listening in. Off to the side, there's an azalea bush covering a hole. Hey, it's me, Mr. Bonds. I'm just checking in with my son,

Hi, Dad, don't call me your son. It's embarrassing. Oh, well, yeah, well, you suck. I mean... Wow! Wow! Right in front of new people, huh? No, I just meant that's your name, sucky. Sorry, yes, my name is Sucky Bond.

So yeah, just do the metal detector on us so we can get to class. Me to teach it and Sucky to learn. Go ahead and roll deception. Okay. Fuck. Do I get advantage because I have disguise cells? Yes, you do. Okay. So with advantage, that's a three? No. So the two guards at the front go...

Who are you again? Exactly. We don't have anything on here for a new teacher coming in. There's nobody on the roster. Oh, yeah. I'm here to interview. You're here to interview for the teaching position. Then why did you bring your son? Because he supports me in what I do. This is my emotional support. Yeah, this is my emotional support son. Some people are like, that's not how it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be the opposite of that. But I defy the norms.

Guys, this is bad. This is bad. This is bad. Should I go in? Am I moving in? Am I moving in? Bravo, go, go, go, go. I shoot the human gun. Okay, so a naked version of Grant? Yes. Flies out of the bush. I shoot it like over them, over the school. Okay, like towards the interior of the school? Like over the guards. I'm essentially just trying to create a distraction. Okay, so yeah, that's going to cause a distraction for sure as a naked human body flies over them. So scary as Bond says,

This is taking too long. Not that I'm being suspicious by going in anyway, but I just am. Okay, so a naked body flies over the two guards and you go, this is taking too long. And you start walking forward. So I'm going to have them roll perception to see if they can stop you. I whisper into the gun. I say, say you want to go to school. I shoot another human right at the door. Okay, so immediately a second human...

flying at them. One of them gets on the microphone and goes, we're under attack. We're under attack. Somebody's throwing people at us. I feel like they get an advantage now for their perception against you. Damn it. So yeah, 16. So you try to walk in and one of them stops you and goes, you're a part of this, aren't you? What the fuck is this? And they draw their guns. Oh my gosh. I come out of the hole. Wait, there's only one way to save this. Fellas, TikTok prank. You got two seconds to describe that. Go for it. We just say it's all a prank, bro.

You just got pranked by me. Normal. The rude prank teen. I say mugging into. I don't have a phone. You just revealed yourself. I'm just going to. I'm holding up a rock and I'm going to try to use sleight of hand to pretend that it's a phone. First roll sleight of hand to pretend to get rocked. We were the distraction. What? Well, they saw normal. They're going to come after you. So I got a 10.

Are you sure? It kind of looks like a phone. And I go, whoa, what a zany prank. Roll deception. I got a 12 on my performance. Okay, so when the security guards see normal, they stand up at attention, having seen one of the most wanted people on the entire planet. Oh.

Immediately, the two of them go, normal's here, normal's here. It's normal. Link stands up and says, yeah, come get us. And then I shoot the rest of the four bullets at them. And I'm hoping Hermione and Gary will just run into the school now. Yeah, I think we will. Disguises. Roll four ranged attacks. Now we're going to really need them, Will. Because now they're chasing us. Roll four ranged attacks, Matt. You also notice that as this is happening, dude begins to slowly stand up. His purple form undulating in the morning light. A ten. Miss. A ten. Miss. Miss.

Ooh, a 22. Hit. And a 19. Hit. You got shot with a naked human body? Yeah, so both of them get hit by a human naked body, and they take a... I think it was 2d10 damage. Yeah. And they fall to the ground prone. The bodies then dissolve into hair and fingernails and stuff like that. So as they're about to get up, dude goes, Guys, I have an idea. And he goes over to the bodies, and he puts his hand into their mouth, and he goes...

This is gonna hurt. And he sucks the moisture out of their bodies. Whose bodies? The two guards. You see their bodies begin to grow desiccant. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, dude, don't. All the blood rushes out of them up into his hands and into his body. Their eyes shrivel like two grapes left out in the sun. Those are called raisins. Yeah, that is correct. You're right. They're like raisins now.

All of their skin goes saline horrible and they die right in front of you horribly. When they die, they are screaming. They're just waving to scary and her be like, cool. This is a good distraction. Really quick, do they just like turn into dust and then blow away in the wind? It's like an old dried husk of a grasshopper or something like that. If you push them a little bit too hard, then they would break and turn into dust. Does the wind pick up and then they just kind of flit away?

Dude goes, oh, got to make sure. And he smashes them on the ground. And that turns, they explode into dust and their dust gets blown away in the wind. Well, that's how I want to go. I did it. I solved the problem. Do you want to do it? Good job, dude. Just run. Leave. We're going to run now. Okay. Where are we running? We just got to get away from here because they're all going to come after us. Okay. Good idea. Well, let's go. Let's just, let's not. He's experimenting with his new body. Let's go.

Let's not. Let's just take a breath and we'll talk about it in a calm way. We'll talk about it in a calm way. Normal. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So all of you, except for scary and Hermie run wrong. Wrong. Taylor stays put. Taylor is it?

the most camouflage he's been this whole fucking campaign. If you think I'm moving and breaking my cover now, you got another thing coming, buddy. Okay, great. Do we have like coordinates for where this message came in? We just have to explore the school, right? You do have coordinates actually. Are you guys running away from the school? It was in the cafeteria. Are you guys running away from the school or are you running into the school? Okay. We are getting pursued. I'm assuming that when normal jumped up and revealed himself, they're going to pursue us.

Yeah. And are there multiple? I'm assuming there's not just these two. Like, do we kill all the security guards? There are more security guards here. Security guards are literally running at us from the school. Correct. Okay. My vote would be that we run into the school because we're trying to get to heaven. And yes, we're trying to get through whatever thing is going to hopefully be. Do we want to run through them or do we want to scream? I can scream stinky so that we create a rendezvous point. The stinky bathroom. I know he wants to go in because Hermie and scary need to know where they're going to meet us.

I see. So we lead the guards away from the school. Hide, and then try to sneak back in to meet with Hermie. That sounds great. I love that. Okay. We gotta lose them. It's like a soccer move. You, like, stretch the defense, and then you make a hole. Sounds great. Let's go! Okay. So first, let's stick with... So, Mr. Gameplay Man, decide how our stealth... How do we avoid this group? Well, it sounds like a chase, because they're gonna run out, and they're gonna see ya. It's like one of those car chases where they turn the car into a little alley. Oh, yeah. That's what we're trying to do. And then we're like...

They drove right past. But then surprise, there's one right behind you. No, don't give him ideas. So first, we're going to do Hermie, Taylor, and Scary. That's right. I forgot Taylor's hiding. Wait, is Taylor with them or just sitting out of the bush? Taylor is a third party here. We have two parties here. We have Taylor on his own as a bush. Taylor gear solid. And then everyone else on it. So I think you resolved me separately, I think. Yes. Okay. So Hermie and Scary. Why?

Walk into the school and Hermione's like, I always knew it'd be the two of us at some point. Hermione's scary. Back at it again. You know? Perfect little gruesome twosome, little duo. Dynamic duo. Okay. Let's just go to... Oh, fuck. Do you remember which locker is normal's?

I do not remember that. It's probably the one with all the stickers on it. It's probably a gross one with a bunch of stickers on it. When in doubt, follow your nose. I guess we should start sniffing like a couple bloodhounds. Okay. Let's find a stinky locker. I'm going to roll my perception. It's going to be like, you know those little vents at the top? It's just going to be like foam being pushed out of it. I got a 10. I got an 18. Don't worry, my love. I'm going to roll my perception.

I mean, sorry, my friend, my friend, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my friend. Somewhere normal senses a disturbance, of course. Just call me dad so that I don't, like, get out of character or whatever. I'm not as good of an actor as you. Yes, sorry, my lovely dad. And he follows his nose like Bloodhound. Hey, what's this freshman doing sniffing my locker? Never mind me, just trying to find my own locker. Hey, young man, have some respect. Oh, hey, whoa, sorry, sir. Ha ha ha!

Well, that was easier than I thought. Apparently, he didn't even have to roll for it. A bully who respects authority. What is it when, like, instead of yes and, it's like, yes, but no. I'm not gonna, I'm just gonna roll over. So you find Normal's locker, which is reeking of sweat and foam. Oh, God, is it, like, leaking onto the locker below it? Yeah, a little bit. There's a little drippy drip of sweat. God, Normal. Of drool.

dirty brown sweat. I don't know what's sweating in there. I haven't been in this locker in weeks. It just soaked up so much from the costume. I don't sweat in my locker. What do I,

The costume's in there. Oh, okay. You're putting the costume in damp, dog. Oh, there's going to be mold in this. Yeah, that thing's road art put away wet, if you know what I mean. There's going to be fungi and mold in this thing. He's like, well, this is the locker, but I don't have a combination or a key or anything. Okay, what would normal's combination be? How many numbers is it again? It's going to be three numbers. Of course, as I remember, because I have a locker. Three numbers. Freddie, you just say that. Just pretend to be the bully. It was the...

Hey, you guys try breaking the normal. We all, all of us, we all know how to do it. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's such a loser. His combinations, the day, month and year. They just got up and hugged each other. We just fucking made.

made eye contact and said it at the same time and I've never felt fucking more powerful in my life. That's the most sensual thing that's ever happened in the apartment. I think he may have outdone foot Evangelion.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Thanks, sir. I'm a little turned on. I'm not going to lie. Dude, I'm fully torqued right now, dog. Roll for Kinsey scale. Hermie goes, thank you, sir. The day and the year and et voila. And inside is a horribly, horribly still stinky teeny to teen costume. What else might be in there? Normal. Oh, you know, there's like a pack of gum. There's a bunch of my old homework in there. A thousand pop tarts.

There's a thousand Pop-Tarts and then there's another kid that gives me a toaster strudel every day at school. There's a kid in there? There's 400 laser pointers. Please kill me. Kill me. I'm the original TV.

I was originally a character who was a man and normal murdered me and made me fictional. Oh my God. Well, you're free now. No, that's not in there. That's silly. That's just our DM being silly. Everyone normally murder anybody. Yes. 400 laser pointers. They're trying to flip. Stop trying to make the laser pointer thing happen. I love laser pointers.

No, he's got like a calendar up there. It's like, it's just him. It's just 12 months of teeny to teen and different. Yes. It's all the self made that like fucking like print for us.com or whatever. Exactly. I was trying to raise money and I couldn't sell any of them because it was all just pictures of normal in the team. Like every yearbook has ever happened.

happened for school like all the research a lot of yearbooks normal zine is in there nice okay okay well let's get this costume uh why don't you be the one that touches it more okay great

Gets his arms around. Okay, and now we're headed towards the stinky bathroom. Whose idea was this? It was. And then you hear a guard going, it's Link! It's Link! That's how we transition with somebody yelling the name. Love it, love it.

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And so you are now running from a group of three guards, all of whom are armed, all of whom have their hands on their pistols. What are you going to try to do to lose them? We hold our turn until Freddie as a bush lights a fire somewhere and creates a distraction. A distraction from artists. There's a small fire somewhere else.

We're the dads. Are the dads with us? The dads are with you. Actually, they're also running. Yes. So we're all running. We just need to- We've got portal guns. We zap a portal somewhere. We jump through that portal. They follow us through the portal. And then bing, bang, boom. There's like 12 portals on the other side. But we are in the portal that went back to the school and we closed it behind us. Ooh.

Yes, I like that. They zap a portal, we go in. And then when we're in that new realm, they zap like 40 portals and we go in one. And then when they come out, they go, which one are they going? Because of the time dilation, by the time they get through the portal, we've already set up a bunch of portals. Dude, you know what's crazy? If you do a bunch of the portals, you can fucking stack that time dilation and all their loved ones will be dead by the time they get back.

You curse them to fucking come back the same age they are, but it's like 400 years in the future, dog. That's what we want to do. Okay, so you're going to have Lark shoot a portal to where? Where would you like to shoot to? Anywhere, it doesn't matter. Anywhere but here, but it's got to be somewhere that goes faster than here, slower than here. So back to old Earth. Yeah, old Earth will work because then it's slower here than it is on Earth. And the moment we go in, shoot as many portals as you can. We all hold hands so we don't go in the wrong portal together. Just shoot a ton of portals and then we'll all jump in one.

And that one that we jump into needs to come right back here. So Lark says, yeah, okay, I'll make just one portal that comes back here and the rest I'll send to hell. Love it. Perfect. Okay, great. So he shoots a portal into the ground in front of you. You all jump in. The surprise guards behind you see that that happened. They follow you in. For you, it's been about a day later. Oh, so we've had a day there. You've had a day to set up. It's only been seconds on Earth. Yes. Got it. Okay, so great. He spends the day...

just sort of trying to like should I approach my maybe son about this stuff should we have a conversation like you know things are pretty intense right now but we actually have a moment of respite so he's like hey normal how you how you hey Lark what's up uncle Lark we're just wondering how you how you're holding up oh I'm good I'm good yeah how's the portals going it's going good I

I just wanted to thank you for calming me down about any nods over it, dude. And he says when I was going to, you know, and he makes a finger gun with his hands. Well, yeah, I'm glad that worked. You know, I'm glad you didn't kill me or anything like that. I was never going to kill you. I was just going to kill. Okay. Well, you know, but yeah, I was curious.

If you still had the sun, the sun, yeah, the sun you stole from Aaron O'Neill in the forest. Where did we put the sun? One of us still has it. I'm pretty sure we made it small, right? You made it small. You put it in a box. Hey, I can't help but notice that you're asking about the sun. Yeah, sure. You can be part of this conversation. Well, I wasn't part of it, but now you're asking suspicious questions. That's boss fucking kicks to you, my man. Suspicious questions. No, no, not for me, for you. Like, I felt like it just might be a worthwhile conversation.

trump card to use in case you need to, you know. Well, I mean, I guess now that the doodler's gone, we should probably give the sun back to this world. You know, I've never seen this. Oh, we should. Actually, while we're here, we can just go to the forest and do that real quick. We just yeet it back up into the sky, don't we? I mean, I cast Zone of Truth on him. Okay, go ahead. I'm going to say, so why do you want us to get the sun? Charisma saving throw. He succeeded then because he won a 16. So he can lie. So he can lie. He goes, oh, just in case you needed a trump card that you could, you know,

threaten everybody with it to blow up the whole world or whatever. Just blow something. It's a useful weapon to have. That's all. That's all I'm saying. Normal. What do you think? I feel like let's give this on back to the people.

people you know like and i've never seen do you ever seen blue sky before i was oh shit but do we need to do it now but do we need memories as well can we just maybe like get the rest of our group in on this i don't know i'm like a little suspicious not suspicious i just don't like do we need to add another thing to the things we're doing well scary's got the sun anyway so let's put it on the list we need to give the sun back on the list we'll put on the list okay okay just we can just hurl it up really hard and i think it'll work hey we said we'll do it

Okay. So it's like chill. All right. Well, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Okay. Well, why don't we just put the next portal in or you guys can finish your conversation. I already put in like 15 portals to hell and then one to go back. Okay. Well, let's put like another 50 in there. All right. Fine. I'll go do that. You got a lot of time. I'll go do that. Then fine. Okay. Hey, do you want to like, what? Nevermind. No,

No, what's up? We got time. Your dad's kind of over there. I mean, Mr. Link Wilson. Yeah, Mr. Lee Wilson. I mean, maybe you want to, do you want to, you know. Is there something we need him to do? I mean, do you want to, I just, I don't know. He seems real sad. Well, sometimes your employees are sad and you just don't.

Don't need it. Okay. Hey, Mr. Lee Wilson. He immediately, his face brightens and he stands at attention almost like he leaps to his feet. He goes, yeah, what's up? Boss kicks. Yeah. Me and normal here realize that you look a little sad. Yeah. My son won't talk to me. Wow. That sounds like something that only a great boss like Mr. Boss kicks can deal with. And also I see that Sparrow Oak seems to be having some problems. So I'm just going to make sure he's okay while you're doing that. Okay. Hello, Mr. Oak. And I walk away. Sir.

Look, I understand this is a little tough conversation for me, both as your boss and as your one son that you no longer will talk to. I'll talk to you. You won't talk to me. I mean, my son wouldn't. Oh, I am talking to you. Mr. Boss, you are talking to me, boss. Yeah, like I said, I just think that I respect you as a man and as a fellow human being. And maybe just the whole baggage of being son and father was just getting a little rough there.

So I feel like the best way I can still keep you in my life, keep you in my life is we just accept that we are just two grown adults who have done some things and we'll do more things. Some of those things have been bad. Some have been good. And that's just what I need right now. So Grant scratches his chin. As a son, I might have a lot of feelings. Sure. As a man.

With just another man, I can accept your flaws. Okay. So Grant nods and goes, I understand that. I just thought, something just occurred to me. Hey, dude. Yeah? Why did you kill those two guys? Because I love you so much and I wanted to protect you. Okay. That's all I wanted to know. That's it.

But yeah, sounds like a lot of us have made really tough decisions when we've loved somebody. Mm hmm. I agree. Really tough being a grown up. Yeah, it is. I understand. Oh, man, I can't imagine when I have my own kids. It's probably pretty hard, huh? Yeah, it's really it's very hard. It's the hardest thing there is.

Link does one of those things where he's like, pat him on the shoulder. Like a good strong man pat. Yeah. And then just backs away. He's like, anyways, good talk. Good talk, sir. Good talk, sir. And he holds out his hand for a handshake. And I shake his hand. And I turn away so he can't see my face. Okay. One last question.

Not to get too much into, you know, house life, but how's your husband doing? Husband's doing good. Tell him I love him. I mean, tell him your boss respects him as a man. I will do that, sir. Okay. Another handshake? Too weird? No.

no the handshake is good put another hand shake the hand shakes you with both hands okay thank you thank you sir thank you sir thank you sir walk away i'm still holding his hands for a moment i'm kind of like pulling him but then i'd let go okay great got a lot to do so what are you going to do with the sun and the all that stuff we're saying scary has it yeah oh scary has it but it's been added to the quest list is to give the sun back yeah there's a side quest and like the level right now is like very low and you're like i don't

I don't know if I need to go back and do that. It's a green colored one. This was a quest from a couple levels ago. Yeah, it's not going to go to war with the XP. The fucking gun I have now is better. God, we're such a cool group of gamers. Yeah, about a day later, you hear, and the three guards come in. But we're gone. But you're gone.

How many portals do they see? They see 50. One of them has a sign that says, not this one. But that's the one. No, it's not. It's not the one. They would think that's the ultimate. I feel like you should roll like a hundred-sided dice to see if they do by accident get the fucking right one. Well, they'll probably split up. Oh, I guess, yeah. Don't give them help!

What? Anthony makes his own mistakes. If you had gotten 100, they would have found the right portal to get back home. They rolled a 95. Ooh. Okay. So what does happen is once you get back to the school, a portal opens and a single magical speaking stone comes out and plops and hits the ground next to you. I pick up the speaking stone. Hello? Is this John? No, it's him. If you're hearing this,

Then I've somehow managed to get a speaking stone back to where our original home was. It's been years.

Me and my two fellow guards have spent years jumping from portal to portal trying to find our way home. Normal, turn it off. We can't handle this guilt. No, my family. You can't handle the guilt. You don't want to know. I took this job as a guard to pay for my sick daughter. No, Normal, it's like one of those links that you get, like, gory video. Don't watch it. You should watch it. You've got to turn it off. I just need you to find my wife and tell her that I love her. I don't know how long it's been. It must have been years back home as well. It's been years and years. I try to grab the stone from her.

We're right here. Once again, this is a recording. We were on the other side of the fence. We were on the other side of the fence. It's not here. I grabbed the stone. Just give this recording to my family. I make sure to tell the families of the other two guards. Anthony, DM, I am making a request. What do you do? Can I grab the stone? Yeah. Opposed, sleight of hand.

22. All right, so you probably grab it. Oh, I got a 19. Close, but no cigar. I grab it. I just chuck the speaking stone as far as I can. I go, just like that. You're guilt. We can't. Normal. There's too much to hang on to right now. His wife. His wife wanted it. We had a message for his wife. Normal.

Please, one thing at a time, we can't, I can't handle it. Otherwise, I'll start crying too. Oh my god, I'm gonna start crying! We gotta get to the sneaky bathroom, it's our only chance. The wife is just, just collateral damage, just another one of the all the collateral damage we've done. We'll fix it later, we'll fix it later, we'll fix it later! And then another little sub-quest pops up on my radar, and it's get this guy back to Earth. Ha ha ha!

Okay, so as you head back into the school, you can see a bunch of black SUVs pulling up and screeching to a halt outside in the parking lot leading to the school. What is Taylor up to this whole time? Sneaking in the back door. So Taylor has the blueprints of the school and the electrical setup. So he's going to cut power to the outer perimeter, the electric cut fences, the metal detectors, all of that. He's going to irrevocably cut... Roll stealth. Plus 10. Plus 10. 2 plus 5 plus 10.

So 17. Okay. Yeah. You managed to do it. Plus five and plus 10. Yeah. Dude, the one time the ranger thing is going to play, I'm going to do it. So we're all like the ideas that we're just trying to meet them in the bathroom because the only real costume we did was we were going to the school in order to get doodlers costume. Yeah. But then find what's in the cafeteria. Yes. Yeah. And yes, preferably we would be in there with costumes, but we don't have any costumes. So now we're just trying to sneak into the school altogether.

The problem was that we got attacked by all the guards. Cause I mean, we're still recognizable as public enemies. We got to sneak in using stealth. Yeah. And then we get standing up doing a tick tock thing. All right. All right. And then Taylor's also going to arrange for costumes for normal and who needs costumes, normal and link, right? Correct. Normal and link. And you need costumes. Yeah. And also dudes probably not on the picture list, right? But he is like a shifting amalgam of Ford nightmare. He looks like a weird alien. Well, he'll wear a mask or something.

Yes, he'll be under the Teenage Teen Cop stamp. He'll have a mask under that as well in case they pull off the mask. It's normal. It turns out it's not. Sure. It's a kind of creepy mask with a purple neck. Imagine taking off a mascot's head and just a man with a mask underneath it. Definitely a fucking serial killer. Okay. Taylor's also going to spend one minute. I assume the school's in just disarray right now to disguise himself as something else. And he's going to go to the bathroom immediately.

Give me something better than something else. He's going to disguise himself as a trash can. Okay. The ultimate in urban camo. All right, great. It involves going into a trash can and punching some arm holes and some leg holes. Okay, fantastic. The grouch is in there like... He's got like a hat that's just covered in trash so when he tips all the way down it just looks like the top is trash. What costume should you guys

have. I mean, I honestly think that if we can sneak in, I just don't think if you meet us at the stinky bathroom, we're already going to be in the school. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right. And we just got to get to the cafeteria. All we need is costumes that can get us from the stinky bathroom to the cafeteria. Yeah. Assuming we can get to the stinky bathroom. That's true, yeah. And the stinky bathroom's got a window to the outside, so we're probably going to crawl through that. Yeah. Okay, okay, cool.

All right. Then why is it the stinky bathroom? That's the mystery of it. Why doesn't anybody ever open the window? That's the mystery of it. The windows are open, but it still smells like poop. Okay, so roll stealth to see if you can sneak into the sneaky bathroom without any of the students, not the guards, but the students seeing you. Also, again, as you showed up, a bunch of FBI and CIA guys pulled out of their fucking vans and are about to swarm the school. I have an idea for what Taylor can do. Take a look.

TikTok. Taylor goes very quickly, finds a blank wall to record a TikTok. How many people follow Taylor's TikTok at school? He's popular. You can't tell because you don't have a phone. Yeah, you don't have a phone. Shit, you're right. Okay, here's what it is. Taylor starts posting flyers and then goes to the school computer lab and prints out faces of...

normal, like 2D faces, right? Paper faces. And he starts distributing the suits as this act of rebellion. You are doing Thomas Crown Affair. So it's Thomas Crown Affair, but it's your guys' faces. What? What? Why are the students? What? What are you talking about? What? Taylor goes and prints out masks that look like you two. Step one. And then you can, okay. So first, first roll stealth for that part. Shh.

nine plus 15 is 24 okay it's okay pictures of your faces and then he's going to distribute them around the various bathrooms okay every time a kid tries to throw oh i'm doing my juice box i throw the trash and taylor's head i was like hey buddy no this is taylor distribute these flyers he uses his whisper network well here's the goal here's the goal let me just tell you the goal like shut the

fuck up. The goal is to have all the students protesting about the fascist school. It's the, how you get there. Are you going to tell them? Cause if you're just leaving them in the bathrooms, hoping that people will be like, yeah, revolution, because I saw some flyers about the way revolutions. It's a bunch of,

Well, no, no, no. But let me argue this. Let me argue this. The kids coming in have won. They're teens. They fucking hate authority. Sure. And what do they see? They see that they're getting late to class. They see pictures of someone's face. They see pictures of America's most wanted as far as they know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no.

No, no, no. Listen to me. Let me finish this. Okay, let me finish. The kids are going to fucking see what? A bunch of fucking security apparatus. They're getting fucking wanded on their way in the class. Some of them are showing up late. A bunch of fucking adults are imposing martial law on the school. That's fucked. Any kid's going to be like, this sucks. All right? Sure. And who are they looking for? Their classmates. I don't know what everyone's relationship is, but.

But they know that the classes are people who have gone to the school. So in the bathrooms and all the bathrooms are little face masks of the people who are most wanted. Every kid's going to be like, yeah, fuck authority. Let's put these on. Roll for it. Roll for it, baby. Wait, wait, before he rules. Freddie, I'm just saying.

I think the charisma of Taylor, who is popular at school, would be helpful in convincing them to do it. So why are you getting rid of one of your best assets? That's true. Maybe you hijacked the fucking school announcement system. Here's how Taylor. Yes, exactly. Or you just put some propaganda on. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying just a flyer. Here's what it is. Here's what it is. All right. You hear this.

Is this thing on? Listen fellow students, now is our time to rise. In every bathroom is a face mask containing the pig faces of America's most wanted. Let's show these stupid fucking adults that we mean business. Let's tell them it's a crowd affair, that shit. And then meanwhile, by the way, Anthony, they fucking FBI guys are already stacked on the door. We're cross-cutting to the sound of Taylor inciting revolution. He's telling these kids, being like, throw off the yoke of your oppressors. Show these adults that we mean business. And

And the fucking guy, the fucking guy does like the two-finger thing. He's like, go, go, go. And they fucking kick the door down. And guess what, Anthony? It's just a fucking recording. It's just a tape recording the whole time. Dude, and they thought they had him. They came in with their guns drawn, lasers and like flashlights sweeping the room. And they all on the fucking phone. And it's just a recording. And they're like, this recording will stop. This recording will stop this track.

Nice try, FBI loser. And then he goes, pfft, and a little bit of smoke comes out. This has been Dungeons and Daddies, a podcast DM'd by Freddie Wong. Now what do I roll? Now you roll stealth again to set up the recording. Seven plus 15, 22. Now roll persuasion to see if you can get the kids to rise up. But people like me. You get persuasion. 19!

19 plus 120! Jesus Christ. So the kids go, fuck these cops. Fuck these cops. That's right. Fuck these cops. Fuck all these cops. And wear the masks to fuck them. You hear a lot of people going like, oh, ma'am, I gotta go to the bathroom. Ma'am, can I get to the bathroom? Gotta go to the bathroom, ma'am. I just gotta go. This is cross-cutting with the fucking FBI stacked on the door. Yeah. Fuck you. You hear the people saying all the kids go into the goddamn bathrooms.

coming out with masks of Link and normal on. And they're just like, fuck up, fuck up. And they're chanting and they're parading around. So it is weirdly super easy for all of you to get in. Link hearing this puts on a mask of normal. Yeah! And hands normal mask of Link. Now we fit right in.

And we walk proudly through the halls to the stinky bathroom. All the adults you're with also put on masks of their likes. Lark and Sparrow put on masks of normal to support him. And Grant puts on a mask of you. Nikki, go find those two men. Get them out of hell. Bring them home to their wives. Okay, I'll be right back. Nikki. Okay, I don't want to know what happens. I assume it all goes great. We're gone. We're not there. Nikki.

We're not there. We were just there. It's two seconds past and for him it's a week. That's in the past, man. So he comes back and he's just like, um... Mickey. It went great, right? You got him home to their wives? Do you want to know or do you want to... I want to know. Maybe we should just keep going. Oh, God. So he's going to roll. So roll insight. Do their wives know what happened to them? Okay, I got an 11 on my insight. Okay, so you know whatever he says is going to be a lie. Okay, what does he say? We know your lies, so don't say anything. He goes...

And he closes his mouth and he goes boop.

Normal? You have to decide if you're going to live with this or not. We'll figure it out later. They died of old age. That's not bad. Horribly. Surrounded by their enemies. Just mocking them. You're dying. You stupid old man. You're dying. No loved ones here. You can't. You have no loved ones. Fuck, that's a hard way to go.

Oh, man. And then they die and they go to hell and they pop up right where they were, but now they're a demon. Okay, so yes, you have everything you need to get into the cafeteria where you heard the signal. May we please play the scene inside the stinky bathroom? Sure, you were inside the stinky bathroom. Taylor's not there. And you hear, took you guys long enough, and the garbage can in the corner starts clapping. I just wanted that little beat, that's all. Scary, how'd it go? Alright.

went fine we got this stinky horrible thing this thing that i wanted so long to steal and bring back to my father but now having done it is my backup yeah i know and it just means nothing and uh yeah that smells and then this bathroom stinks it's a veritable buffet of awfulness so let's uh doodler dude i'm on this costume i should stop them for putting on a bracelet and oh it smells nice oh thank you it smells like the spirit i can feel the spirit of the person wore this oh my god that's what that's

the whole point sounds like somebody really cared okay well i'm glad you two are happy with the smell dude there's like taking communion scent wise over there body and blood so so what do we do now we go to the cafeteria that's where they said we need to investigate the cafeteria i'll be the vanguard i'll meet you guys there

Okay. As you go in the cafeteria, there's a trash can in the middle of the room. People are just nonchalantly walking past it, bumping into it, not even noticing it when it's there. They're throwing things away. Part of the disguise. Also, that power was only for a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It takes me a minute to get into the costume, and then once I have it on, I can do it. It's a concentration forever. Plus 10 bonus Estelle checks as long as I remain without moving.

I mean, yeah, that's what it is. Oh, little sneaky. Hoisted on your own petard, my friend. I'm just saying, like, during a lot of the stuff, I'm not moving. I'm just sitting there. They're coming in.

Oh, by the way, by the way, you know that scene? Hey, real quick, you remember that scene where they're recording? You moved so much. Remember that scene where they were only moving? Remember the scene where they came in and it was just a recording? Yes, I remember that scene. Now we flash back and we pan to the left and it turns out Taylor was there the whole time. As a trash can, dude! In fact, in fact, one of the guards... I hate this shit so much. One of the guards picked up the recording. One of the guards picked up the recorder and said, fuck!

And as soon as it turned into a trash can, it was just Taylor Taylor's like, hey, hey, hey. Pockets are a quarter. I got it back. So we're in the cafeteria. So you're in the cafeteria, and you can see that today is career day. If you want to, you can use this time to re-spec your character, re-class your character. Holy shit. Soccer player. And you see a big list of different jobs that you can have, and

And they are in order. Wait, is this heaven? No, this is just where the text message came from. No, this is school. I'd like you to join my professional network in heaven. I work at heaven. So you see kiosks for many different kinds of jobs. You see accountant, salesperson.

Samurai, Chef, Sports Mascot, Entreprenuer, Contractor, Athlete, and Programmer. Where would you like to go first? Accountant, Soldier, Samurai, Chef, Sports, Entreprenuer. It's like the worst John le Carré novel of all time. Samurai, Sports Mascot, Athlete, Chef, Soldier, Entreprenuer. It's spelled all weird. Contractor and Programmer. I mean, I guess we're supposed to be looking for heaven though, right? Yeah.

Yeah, is Evan here? You're looking for whoever sent that text message. Oh, guys, this is where the text message came from. It's probably a sports guy. Link, are you just saying that because you want? I really want to go see sports.

Okay. Okay. No, you're right. You're right. You guys decide I can't be unbiased in this decision. I'll follow you. It does feel like maybe we can all take a look around. There's probably one of the guys here sent the message. Do we know what Ron looks like? You know what he looks like from the neck up because the video you saw daddy's. Gary's like, yeah, I think we should go to sports because it looks like Ron would probably be there. And I'm going to roll deception because Gary just wants to check on the sports.

I got an 18. Great. Okay, I didn't see them there, but if you want to go to sports, that's cool. We could go to sports. We both want to be sports people. Soccer, specifically, right? Yeah. On three, everyone say what booth you're going to. One, two, three. Sports! Both of you going to sports? Yeah, we're going to sports. No, okay, we can't both go to sports. On three, let's just say which booth we're going to. One, two, three. Sports. Sports.

Okay, so we'll split up. Hey, Norm, we're going to go sports. Okay. We see Ron there, but don't come. You don't need to come. Okay, okay. You should probably look somewhere else in case he's not where we think he is. Yeah, okay, that's fine. I cast about the room to see if I see Ron Stampler anywhere. Roll perception. I look at the sports booth only. Is he in the sports booth? Again, roll perception or investigation. I got a five. Can't tell. Do I get double perception since I'm focusing on just one spot? You have two eyes. You have two eyes, buddy. I got 20. 20.

Wow. Okay, you can tell he's not in the sports booth. Damn it. Taylor's already at the samurai one. Tell me of the wave. Oh.

Oh, the ways of the samurai are many and varied, but foremost amongst them is, and a smoke bomb goes off. CIA guys repel from the roof. Oh, God. Their guns drawn, and the guy takes off his mask, and it's Agent Schmeggin, and he goes, deception. And I hold still. Where'd you go? Where'd you go? I lost it. Meanwhile, over at the athlete booth, you both walk up, and there is a fresh-faced, kind-looking young woman there who says, what are you interested in? Is it me, a ham? Oh.

Yeah, it's Mia Hamm. I want to be as good of a soccer player as you. Oh, well, the most important thing to remember when working as an athlete is the element of, and she takes off her mask.

And it's the mayor. And she goes, surprise. And do the right people come in as well. Oh, God. There's one more place to check. Normal and dude holding hands now run over to the mascot booth. Please tell me you're really a mascot guy and you can help us. John turns around and goes, oh, I'm a mascot guy. A mascot of scams.

Not today, no, not today.

♪ Live for tomorrow ♪ ♪ Make still can't change ♪ ♪ We got not today, just sorrow ♪ ♪ Act tomorrow ♪

Dungeons and Daggers is Matt Arnold as Lincoln Lee Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos as Norma Loke. Beth May as Scary Marlowe. And myself, Freddie Wong as Taylor Swift. Theme song is On My Way by Maxson Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Asher Nicola is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves provides additional editing. And Robin Rapp is our transcriber. This podcast is supported by a Patreon. So keep an eye out for folks with names like Veronica Fieldhouse, Lauren McVay, Cameron C.,

Next week, we are touring the West Coast for the Do or Dice live tour, Five Cities Live.

I'm going to be bringing out the original Honda Odyssey for this. I mean...

I'm going to try and park it in front of the theater. We'll see. And also, you know, there's a little bit of ticket trading and extra selling happening in our discord, which you know about if you are a Patreon supporter. In fact, Patreon supporters got access to those live tickets 24 hours before the rest of you normies. And that's just one of many benefits that you could receive if you support us on Patreon. We just posted a live show we did at RTX on the Patreon, a video and audio feed. And that's on top of hours and hours of bonus content. We have the dad of the Christie miniseries up next. Some bonus content. We talk about the show, some of the

all this content is bespoke original one shots gameplay and more lot of content lots of stuff to listen to and get entertained by all that patreon.com slash dungeons and dads check it out twitter dungeons and dads website dungeonsanddaddies.com merch store.dungeonsanddaddies.com our subreddit is dungeonsanddaddies and that next episode is coming at you August 29th we hope to see you on the tour but otherwise we'll see you back in August 29th before tomorrow makes the day can't change not today no not today need to start

Are we like two weeks in the future now? This is like the opposite of how you see. Hey, hey, look at me. Look at me. Well, well, shut up. Here's the new rule. Shut the fuck up.