Ep. 42 - Henry's Father and the Chamber of Secrets
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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. The Dungeon Roommates are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Jenny insists she's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on her wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for those with infernal heritages, which I mention only so the tieflings out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool tiefling?

I thought!

Welcome to I Want to Suck Your Blood. This is a podcast within a podcast where I talk about delicious meals, and I am so excited this week. I almost sucked the blood of an elf named Henry Oak, who is in our dungeon, solving our puzzles with these two kids. Yeah, that was really weird. We've never seen kids in here before. Something's up with that. He was so nice. He didn't even want any treasure. He just wanted to find out more about his own history. He was nice to us. You didn't suck his blood, did you? Believe me, I wanted to, but he had the cross and everything, and he had a problem with my whole...

Vampire way of life. I mean, seriously, he was such a puss. No, stop it. But it's short for pusillanimous. You only looked that up after we told you it was problematic. Oh, you're the worst. That's it. I quit. I'm done. Yeah, we're out of here. But no, get back here, please. It's not too late to make a three creatures just chatting comedy podcast. Come on, please. Yeah.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, sort of sometimes a tabletop role-playing game podcast about four dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms in the quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I am Glenn Close in this podcast. And Glenn Close has a cover band. He plays Christmas music. This week's Dad Fact about Glenn. I was thinking about this because Glenn's about to take the stage here in the Oakvale.

And I was just thinking about good concert stories, you know, good gig stories from Glenn. So one time they were playing like a Northern California outdoor mall. Do they have outdoor malls? They don't have outdoor malls in Northern California. Yeah, they do. Maybe Central California, maybe Modesto or Fresno or something. Yeah, I used to live in Hanford near Fresno and there was tons of, yeah, there was...

All kinds of crap. So he was playing it. And as is Glenn's kind of habit, before every concert, he avails himself of what the best the food court has to offer. So he was at the hot dog on a stick. But something about either the hot dog, the stick, or the lemonade that he got didn't quite sit right with him. But they were about to go on. So they're like, Glenn, we got to go on. And he's like, I can't. Oh, man, I got to. I got to. My tummy hurts. I need a second. Well, you're not supposed to eat the stick.

Someone left a fire in Santa's chimney. But luckily for Glenn, he shit his pants. Ha ha ha!

no luckily for glenn he has um i'm not sure if my grandpa just kind of telling a story that i'm not sure where it's going okay right where is this going i'm not sure you guys know this but like you can have as a guitar player you can have a wireless system you can play the guitar that wirelessly transmits to your board so it allows you to not be tied down by a cord so he was like just start the intro the jingle bells and i'll be playing from the toilet

I refuse to believe this happened. I know this is a fictional podcast where you get to say whatever happened, but he played guitar from the toilet during the gig. Yeah. How far was the toy? What is the range? It's not that far. It's just around the. Well, you're the ultimate cinema sins of people's dad. Like, excuse me. That's what happened. Well, I don't care if you believe it. That's what happened.

hello my name is matthew arnold i play daryl wilson a stay-at-home coach dad who becomes a barbarian upon entering the forgotten realms a dad fact i guess i just thought this right now i was just thinking about what daryl's allergies were daryl doesn't know every time he goes to the doctor's office he just puts penicillin because he like thinks but he doesn't know nobody's ever given him penicillin he's never checked they say what are your allergies he just puts penicillin because he's always put it but he has no idea if he's actually allergic to penicillin like you

Yeah, just don't give me antibiotics. But he does have one real allergy. The one allergy he does know he has, because he refuses to get the allergy test because he doesn't like needles, is he has a latex allergy.

And he discovered that. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. For about two years, he thought he was doing sex wrong. No, no, no. Time out, time out, time out. Here comes the fucking cinema sins. Here we go. Here we go. Freddy with a fucking pedantic ass back. I researched this shit, so there's no way Freddy's knowing it. In episode one, Henry talks about how he has...

condoms on his fingers, which are like latex condoms. So do I suck his fingers? What are you talking about? I told him it has to do with me. I knew someone who had the latex allergy. Yeah, it burns your ding dong. It's not nice. No, no, no, no, no. You couldn't bring balloons to school when I was going to high school. Oh, because I mean, there's various levels. I was just looking this up. And sometimes people who have the allergy to condoms, it takes a long time to like get to a point where it's really bad. It's like subtle burning. And I guess that's like terrible. So that's

Daryl didn't die. Daryl didn't lose his dong. He just thought God was punishing him. Yeah, he's like, why does it hurt all the time? I'm going too fast, maybe. Maybe this is the problem. I've been on about four Tinder dates with guys who spontaneously had late-time salaries. Oh!

By the way, I didn't mention. I have a late. Oh, well, I guess. My name is Will Campos. I play the fictional character Henry Oak on the podcast Dungeons and Dragons. Really? That's the name of the podcast, Will? Did I say Dungeons and Dragons? Damn it. Ding. One wrong podcast. Ding. Wrong podcast. This isn't going well. Oh, no. Oh.

Oh, no. R.I.P. me. This is like honestly one of those podcasts that I like, oh, this is a good podcast. So I turn on this episode and then they're like fucking jerking each other off for 25 minutes in the intro. Like I'm a friend of theirs and I'm like, shut the fuck up and talk about true crime. You're the one doing the jerk. Yeah.

I've been jerking the whole thing. I am Will Campos, and I play the fictional character Henry Oak on the podcast Dungeons & Dragons. You said it again. Ding, two. I can't remember. No way. No.

No way. Henry's allergy is that he's allergic to bad vibes. Moving on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Bring us, bring us, bring us back. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. My name is Beth May and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally stunted stepfather. Emotionally detached stepfather. Emotionally detached stepfather on the fictional podcast Dungeons and Daddies.

Fun fact about Ron. So, okay. So I was going to try to make fun of like a Henry dad bag, but then that's just not as funny as like living apparently right now.

Fun fact about Ron is that his favorite dad fact is that the word dad is from the mid-16th century, perhaps imitative of a young child's first syllables. Da. Da. Oh. Wait, so da came first? Da came first? No, ma comes first in almost every language. Dang.

So wait, wait, wait, but I want to understand. You're saying that, is this true that like we basically just like a baby said da and then they were like, that means dad now? Because the man was like, that was for me. That noise was mine. I'm just on Google, Will. I don't know. Generally the first word that any infant will say is ma because if you think about the pronunciation and formation of it, it's an utterance from the- Because it's his mom. Well, no, because it's a basic vocal utterance and then the movement is almost just mouth movement. You can make that sound without any articulation of the lips.

She didn't say that it was literally the first thing they said. She just said that they do say da. That's what she said. So I'm dinging your ding. There's some fascinating stuff about this because certain words like older brother and younger brother in different languages. Most infants' first word is just Jim Carrey saying smoke in front of them. Somebody stop me.

No, the first word is an Ace Ventura. They point at the vagina and they go, do not go in there. Woo!

Nice. I'm Anthony Birch. I'm your daddy master. And I'm allergic to bubble bath liquid. Really? Yeah. Wait, what's different in bubble bath liquid than the normal soap? I think it was just one particular kind of bubble bath liquid I used when I was a kid. And I've just like, I never really enjoyed bubble bath that much. So you've deprived yourself of bubble baths ever since just because of one bad bubble bath incident? One's bitten twice shy, baby. Anthony, I'm going to go over there and make you a bubble bath. That's assault. That would be a form of assault. Ha ha ha ha ha.

When we last left the group, Henry and Ron and Larkin Sparrow and two goblins had gone to the topmost level of the dungeon and found a big real-to-real film projector and a woman who seemed to be from the 1920s who turned out to actually be Horsey Oak, his bully from childhood and the visage of his grandmother. I love it. Meanwhile, outside the dungeon, Glenn and Daryl and Ron's...

animated body who doesn't sound like Ron. Ron in hand quotes. Are basically preparing for some plan to potentially burn the forest down if they need to using a grease fire and Aaron O'Neill's bird familiars. Why don't we jump back into the dungeon? Horsey Oak goes, with his mouth. He doesn't have a phone or anything. He's just going fart into your face. Another Horsey Oak classic. Who are these two ugly things? Please. Oh, what the freaking, geez. Gosh, darn it. Horsey. Horsey.

Horse, why do I know who you are? Oh, yeah, you're that jerk from, oh, jeez, ow, my head hurts. He's throwing gang signs and he's going like, that's right, that's right, I was better than you before, I'm even better than you now. Will someone stop messing with me? No one tells me what's going on

anymore. My dad's like, oh, go into this mystery dungeon. Then I go through six layers of freaking traps and nonsense. My sons show up. They're immortal or something. I don't know what the heck's going on here. I see, I guess, a lady in a movie theater that's a telescope and then you fart in my face. Just will someone tell me who I am and where I come from? I want to watch the movie. Ron wants to watch the movie.

Is there a movie or is this just all a big goof? What's going on? Larkin Sparrow raised their hands to go, mm, we would like to watch the film. And Horsey raises his hand and goes, yeah, ding dong, dingus, uh, your dad basically- Hey, don't you talk to my boys like that, whoever you are, sir. The ding dong dingus was for you. Well, don't, I don't appreciate that. Ha ha ha ha.

Good one. Good one. Really nailed that one. And they're like, father, I'm just, father, you're getting owned. I'm not getting owned boys. This is actually a teachable moment because I, the only way I get owned is if I stoop to his level of being toxic and mean, you know, you gotta be positive. That's very immature horsey. And that doesn't surprise me. Um, just based on your pattern of behavior, but I hope that you can grow someday. Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, how does it look to look at your own weird, ugly grandmother and know that I can do this to her? And he just started punching himself in the face over and over. He goes like, who's winning now, huh? Who's winning now? I mean, that doesn't, you're hurting yourself. So, you know. I don't feel nothing. I feel great. Do you want to watch this stupid movie or not? Horsey, hey, you know, it's been a while. And, you know, maybe it's just because I'm coming back to this as an adult now. But are you all right, man?

You okay? I'm doing fine. Every day I wake up and I'm not Henry Oak, so I'm feeling pretty good, baby. Well, you know, gee whiz. I hope you know that it hurts when you say stuff like that. And I'm a human being just like you are. That's why I say it. That's the point of it. You know, maybe there's some hurt inside that you're not addressing.

We'll talk about that later. I am pretty anxious to see. I got some hurt right here, he says as he farts again. As Horsey is saying this to you, you see Lark reach into his back pocket and he takes out a sock with something heavy at the end of it. It's not red, but you get the sense just from the metallic smell that it is blood. It is like a weird phosphorescent sort of multicolored rainbow stain on the end of this sock.

And he goes, stop being mean to my father or you're gonna get a little hit from...

Socrates. Horsey, can we put pause on this just for a second? Yeah, handle your ugly, dumb kids. Sir, excuse me. That's rude. Lark, what is that? What do you got in the sock there? That doesn't look safe. He goes, oh, this? Can I see that? And I try to take it from him. I shouldn't have said try. I should have said take it from him when I said try. So that's what we're going with. No, no, it's fine. He basically hands it to you like a samurai handing their sword over. Like it's a great, it's an object of great honor. I receive it in kind.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Sensei. And I do a little bow. This isn't appropriate of what we're doing. This is just, we like samurai movies. This is fine, right? I don't know. I'm going to have to get back to you on that one. Henry Oak's going to be thinking about that all day. Yeah, Henry's like... Is that correct? Henry's thinking back to like, he was like, you know, I remember reading the Criterion collection cover for Yojimbo and there was an essay, but I don't know. This seems maybe weird. Look at the kids go to karate and in karate, they're your sensei. I think maybe it's just because...

Henry isn't really like their martial arts master in any way, shape, or form. But, you know, it's just complicated. Henry doesn't know how he feels about it yet. I think we all need to saddle down. So he says. Maybe we got off on the wrong hoof. That's very funny, Ron. You're doing a good job. Hey, I appreciate you. I don't get it. I don't get it. What's the dog laughing for? Oh, we're just doing some witty canter. Hey.

That was really good, actually. That's what I know. Yeah, okay, cool. There's no inspiration in D&D 1.0. Fuck. Lark and Sparrows say like, oh, that was a weapon we found on one of our off-screen adventures with a group of mercenaries while you were away.

Inside, you will note, is the head of a decapitated god. Excuse me? If Socrates hits somebody, then they will take wisdom damage because the memories of the god will go into their brain and cause them a great deal of stress. Oh my god, who gave this to you? Who are these bad mercenaries that let you have this? This is a very powerful weapon. I'm keeping this with the gauntlets and I put it in my bag. No, wait,

I give it to you. Sparrow never make that mistake again. Well, I sort of won the battle but lost the war there. But boys, Daddy can fight his own battles. Daddy and Horsey are old friends and they're just catching up with each other. And I could take care of myself, but I appreciate you. Give me a deck save. I got a 15. You barely dodge out of the way as Horsey Yoke comes in for a noogie. He's got his arm out ready to get your head in the crook of his elbow.

And he goes, oh, he's getting a little bit quick. He's going to be like, I like the chase, baby. Does he still look like my grandma? Yes. Hey, hey, hey, hey, no noogies. Okay, look, what are we, is this all like a big bully Henry prank or is there something for me to learn up here? Oh, no, this is real. This is real. Barry said somebody's got to stay here and encourage you to watch the thingy. And then I volunteered. So you should watch the thing. All right. I am going to watch this thing. Okay. But, ah, cheepers. I don't know about the B-O-Y-S. Father, father, father, father.

Father, father, father. Mm-hmm. As you know, Lark and I have been reading the Wikipedia entries for the films that you and Mother will not let us watch. That was the compromise so that you would start reading. You're right. Yes. That was the trade-off. I've read about every Saw film, one through seven. You read the Saw movies? Oh, my God.

Frankly, I don't see the appeal. Frankly, I don't understand. Oh, jeez, this is explaining a lot about the last couple of Halloweens we've had in the house. Yes. Okay, boys, this is a big boy grown-up moment, but this has to do with our family. We're going to experience it together because, you know, I'm an open book. If anything, here's what we're going to do. If I say earmuffs, you have to put your hands over your ears. And if I say...

eye muffs, you have to turn around. So if I say ear and eye muffs, you got to close your ears and eyes and turn the other way. Is that okay? Of course. And these morality points are being tracked that we may later get the gauntlets, correct? That's true. This is all going towards the gauntlet. Fantastic. Fantastic. But boys, it's okay because if you have to cover your ears or your eyes, I will read you a Wikipedia passage from a movie that you would not be allowed to see. I will let Ron do that as long as I can approve the movie.

I'm delighted at this potential. This is what we in the biz call a win-win. You're right. Let's watch the film. Horsey goes, all right, everybody take your seats. Ding dongs. This is going to be kind of a long monologue type of thing. And you're just going to sort of have to get details from it. Okay. Thanks, Horsey. But also if you want to interrupt it, I can pause the movie. Just whenever. For like goofs and riffs. You don't feel like you're just sitting listening to me. Okay.

Horsey jams his face into the side of the reel-to-reel projector, and it begins to grind away the mud on his homunculus face as it starts to turn. And he goes, this is fine. This doesn't hurt. This is normal. I love this. And a light shoots out of the front of the projector.

and illuminates the back wall of this room. Why did he jam his face into it? I don't understand. He's like, turn it on. Needs a little juice. Oh, okay. Parsi's the best character, by the way. He's a face juice nerd. If you were cool, you would know how to do this. AV Club forever, nerds. No. An image flashes onto the back wall, and you see the same woman who you just saw shove her face into the reel-to-reel. What, no previews? Am I right? No.

You don't fly along on like, and there's a big, you know, popcorn floating in space. And then it pops. It's a big old rollercoaster with horrible, like the fantasy equivalent of 3d imagery and like people going, wow, horrible 3d soda with really bad, like fluid dynamics, like, but it doesn't have a brand on it. Cause it's like, they don't want to like offend any of their non-sponsors. Are the goblins like going bonkers? They're so, they're so psyched. Um,

Okay, so once the coming attractions are done... No, a tenant still hasn't come out. Probably a tenant trailer. You see what you now know as presumably the image of your grandmother who is investigating a science facility, which you now realize is the room that you're in, albeit one that's more new and clean and also filled with insane cultist people. Anthony, would you say that something happened in this room and she is in the room where it happened?

Uh-huh. Correct. Her and her friends, Eliza and Peggy. So you see her with some friends. You see the friends. Immediately, the very first thing you see is that one of her friends, who is a very handsome Chinese man who you immediately have some untoward feelings toward, his face gets smashed in by some sort of horrible monster that you can't quite tell because it's in the distance. It's kind of out of focus. Oh.

And soon you see... No earmuffs or eye muffs there? Oh, eye muffs, eye muffs. Father, it's over. I think it's too late for that. Oh, man, I'll get the next one. This is a fictional movie, guys. This is a fictional movie. Body of Evidence is a 1993 American erotic thriller film. Go on. It originally received the rare NC-17 rating. Okay, I'm done.

So you see your grandmother scream in terror as something engulfs her. It's something the camera can't seem to pick up. It's like an undulating, cloudy mass of film grain and hair and static and imperfections in the film itself, like entropy made manifest. She screams and it engulfs her and everything goes black.

Yes.

And she stumbles into a bright forest and she meets a tall, young-looking immortal. An elf with elven ears. He's handsome as anything. And we see... Wait, so the camera is like... Are we like... How is this being filmed? And the sound of Horsey's face grinding against the reels. You can hear him go, It's called a memory camera, nerd. Look it up sometime. Read a book. Oh my God. Stupid sports-ass-loving nerd. Jeez.

Why don't you go hike, nerd? Why don't you go post about it on your DMs? The security camera wouldn't be at that angle. I went to Chapman for this?

We see her meet this super handsome elf, and we see the two of them slowly fall in love as she's taking pictures and he's explaining the world to her. And they marry, and they have a son. And that son is Barry. You can just sense it by looking at him, even though he's just a little baby. And we see the static, that grain, that pinprick of chaos in your grandmother that transfers into Barry. And it grows stronger and bigger and more opaque.

And the child Barry grows up and you see him studying magic and bringing the creatures of the forest to heal and teaching them to respect him and follow his instructions. And travelers through the forest come to listen to his tales and his wisdom. And slowly he amasses a little community of people eager to hear the tales of dimensions beyond this one that his mother came from. One day, he meets a human woman, a cleric, an adventurer named Autumn. And they fall in love. And they marry. And they have a son.

And that son is named Henry. And you see now that you are looking into the face of your young self. And it looks a lot like Larkin Sparrow in a sense. You have a very strong family resemblance. And the static, that film grain that was in your grandmother and then down to your father, you see it pass from your father into you. And again, it grows stronger and it grows a little bit more chaotic.

As Henry grows up, he constantly seeks the approval of his father, this larger-than-life figure who could command crowds of people with just his voice. But try as he might, Henry can't seem to live up to Barry's standards. He makes art, but Barry finds it derivative. He casts spells, but Barry finds them weak. Barry seems to be more interested in the sound of his own voice booming out over crowds than speaking to his own son, who seems to be a constant disappointment to him.

One day, Henry gets really angry when Horsey Oak pushes him into some mud. And Henry comes back to his father red hot with rage and shaking. And rather than comforting his child, Barry gets angry at his own son for showing anger and showing negativity. And he chastises him for not being good enough to move past it.

Barry believes, and he tells all of his followers this, that perfection can be achieved, but that Henry is as of yet incapable of doing so. Unlike himself, anyway. Barry learns how to shape the world. He finds a tree he considers to be perfect and he replicates it over and over and he makes a force out of this one perfect tree. And he attracts people to this force who are just as interested in finding the perfection within themselves as he is.

And as Barry's commune grows in size, Henry's mother, Autumn, begins to grow cold and distant even to Henry. In fact, we see her growing more and more fearful of Barry to the point where after a big speech of his, she gets so sick of his holier-than-thou-ness and his grandiosity that she tries to stab him in the back literally. He survives the attempt, but it's this incident that inspires him to create an anti-violence field around Oakvale. You see that he focuses all of his harmonic energies while doing the most...

bodaciously flexible yoga into a crystal. Once the crystal is made, you see people trying to slap each other and it doesn't work, and now the anti-violence field has surrounded Oakvale.

We see Barry alone in his office trying to create a sort of looking glass with which he can try to spy on other dimensions and maybe spy the dimension that his own mother came from. And we get very brief glimpses of worlds beyond this one as he tries to attune this looking glass. We see radiation scorched wastelands. We see neon megacities. We see vessels flying through the stars. But always, his attempts seem to end in failure before they really begin. Barry is furious and thinking that he's alone, he punches the looking glass as hard as he can and he shatters it.

But he's not alone. A young Henry is watching him from the shadows. Later, we see Henry in his private study, mixing magical concoctions, casting spells, trying to repair his father's mirror. He's subsconded with it from his father's office and he's got it in his own room.

And after many, many years of experimentation, of secret study, of hiding away from his father, of sleepless nights spent by candlelight as the static, the noise, the grainy anomaly inside of him grows larger and more erratic. After many, many years of that, success. The looking glass switches on and it stays on. He can see another world, another forest in another dimension unlike his own. But he can't just see it. He's drawn into it, pulled into it. Henry's body crashes into the mirror, shattering it, sending shards of magic and glass everywhere as he's pulled through the dimensions.

His very mind is being torn out by the process of interdimensional travel. He screams, and his screams summon his father. But when Barry shows up, he only shows up a little bit too late as he watches his son pull through a now broken mirror. And he knows that Henry is gone, but more than that, he knows that Henry has done it. That Henry has figured out what Barry could not. He takes a deep, calming breath. The look that comes over Barry is not one of anger or frustration or even of concern for where his son has gone. It's a faint smile.

Maybe the thing that made Henry special, maybe that came from Barry. Maybe it took so long for that specialness to show itself because...

Autumn's humanity and her imperfections polluted Barry's inherent wisdom. So Barry thinks, what I need to do is make another child who has more of my attributes and less of Autumn's, less of my wife's. So he makes another child out of the mud of the earth. And though he isn't a talent enough warlock to create a soul out of whole cloth, he can animate these homunculi with memories, the memories that he has of his son, of Henry. And so into each new oak child, into each new homunculus, he puts a different memory together.

of his time with Henry. And for the souls, he gains the help of a talented warlock, one from another dimension, who siphons the souls out of woodland creatures and puts them into these homunculi. But none of these souls are good enough because none of them are truly Henry. As Barry goes to gather more clay for the homunculi, the interdimensional warlock turns and we see his face. It's Willy Stampler.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the mirror, Henry's screams finally stop as he falls unconscious. And then he comes to in a forest, a forest unlike the one of his homeland. And he meets a beautiful hiker named Mercedes Garcia. And they fall in love and they get married and they have two beautiful boys. That noise, that grainy chaos passes into them, but not all of it.

A third stays with Henry inside of him, undulating and growing and maturing. And a third of it goes into Sparrow, and a third of it goes into Lark. And you get the sense that this creation, this unknowable chaos, is to some extent the same thing that both of you saw when you looked at the horrible dookie in the bathroom back at Ballsteep.

And so you now have lost your disadvantage. For a second, I thought we were turning into a real lore podcast. Then you referenced the one part where one of us looked at poop really bad. Yeah. Like, oh, thank God, we're still Dungeons and Daddies. Yeah. So you lose your disadvantage on all that stuff because now you understand to some extent where it comes from. And then the film goes white as the film reel runs out and you just hear the slapping of the loose film as it hits the other reel. And then Horsey removes his now mangled mud face away from the projector and he goes,

So that's it. That's you. I don't get it. I mean, it was it was kind of entertaining, but then it was I don't know. The last part kind of lost me. So Lark and Sparrow go, Father, I do not understand. There was some sort of there was some sort of creature. And we have we have some of the creature in us and you have some of the creature in you. I don't know, boys. I I don't know. Yeah.

And Henry is overwhelmed and he's just staring at the flickering. So it's just like that kind of white flickering light, you know, and it's, you know, it's like all of his questions have been answered, but none of them have. And he looks down at his two boys and he says, well, I guess we better get out of here.

He gets up and he says, thanks. Thank you for showing that to me. Boys, boys, let's go. Your children having not seen this side of you before go, of course, father. Yes, yes, of course. And as you go, the goblins are like, bye, it was nice to meet you. Horsey goes like, hey, you should go talk to Barry. Barry said he wanted to talk to you after you watched the movie. Thanks, Horsey. That's what I was going to do. But thank you. And so I just kind of, Henry just kind of wordlessly walks towards the door. Okay.

And so... Are you going to roll on the encounter table? Yeah. That's true. You do need to roll on the encounter table. Yeah, roll on the encounter table, motherfucker. We're still in Dungeons & Dragons 1.0. It's time to roll. Do it. Okay. So here's the thing about the third floor of a dungeon. Once you hit the third floor, dragons get added to the encounter table. So if I roll poorly... Really? Yeah, really, genuinely. Let's see it. Okay, so when you open the door to leave the room, there's a dragon by the door.

With his ear up next to the door. And it's like, Hey man, that was a lot. Henry hugs the dragon and starts crying. And he's just sobbing, bawling his eyes out, gripping the scales of this dragon and just holding onto it for dear life. There's a morale roll, please.

So he rolled really bad. He's like, oh, I didn't really come for this in my scene. I'm good. I'm good. And the massive dragon tries to sort of slink away from you and just like gently removes your hands. Henry just kind of lets it go and then wipes his eyes and wipes some snot from his mouth and his nose and goes, I'm fine. I'm fine. Let's go, boys. Let's go. Let's get out of here. Dog Ron saddles up to Henry and his ears kind of flop down. He's like...

And then Henry breaks down sobbing again and hugs Ron for dear life. It's so cute. I'm okay. And then Ron puts his head back and he's like. Lark and Sparrow begin to climb up your legs like in Shadow of the Colossus and they just like manage to make their way to your shoulders and they both hug you around the neck and they go, father.

No, it's okay. It's okay. We're going to be okay. Just we're very, it's all right. I'm okay. I'm okay. Let's just, let's fine. Let's get out of here. Although. Okay. Let's just go. Okay. We love you father. Don't say that right now. Okay, boys, just let me get out of here. Just let me get out of this. Okay, let's go. It's all right. It's all right. Let's go. And Henry's holding their hands really tight, more for his security than theirs. And he walks out of the dungeon.

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$45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Seamit Mobile for details. Outside the dungeon, Glenn and Daryl, you see...

Henry leave the dungeon with a lark and sparrow on his shoulder like pauldrons as he holds their hands. And then behind him, Ron the dog. Dog Ron runs up to Ron and is so happy to see him. Mustache Ron kneels over and goes, hey, hey there, good boy. And he hugs you really close.

And he puts his- I've missed you so much. I've missed you too. And he hugs you really close and he puts his nose right next to your ear. And then you hear the familiar voice of Mr. Mustache going, hey man, what's up? I was trying to wingman you, like friendship wingman you. I just thought I could do some good. How are you doing? How are you doing? You feeling all right? You know, I'm doing pretty good actually. I got some good tummy rubs down there. And I mean, Mr. Mustache, I mean, Ron. Nice save, good save.

Thanks. It means a lot that you've been sort of... Daryl's like, excuse me, Mr. Mustache, is Ron, is your mustache tucked? Ron, dog Ron turns over. Ron, we know you're still the dog. And then standing, Ron goes, oh, I'm feeling, oh, my soul's going back into the dog now. Everything's confusing. Bye. And he falls over.

That makes total sense. Wow. Dog run curls up next to body run. Henry just wants to get out of this elf body. So canary's here. So she goes, oh, are you done? I can put you back into your original bodies. I'm done. Okay. And I set my boys down. No problem at all. Adi-

boop and she boops you on the nose and then with a bright light on her finger she goes oh I probably should have gotten your body first oh no she runs over back to where she let your body sit down and she goes boop into your body and then she does the same thing with Ron Dog and Mustache Ron and now you are back in your original bodies and your homunculi forms just sort of fall over and they look like they're sleeping hey Mr. Mustache

Yeah, what's up? I was wondering, I mean, I've got that dog right there. You know, that dog body's ready to go. Oh my God. Oh my God. If you wanted, you could have your own body. You could be a dog, Ron. But you could be your own person, you know, really? Because you've helped me out so much and I feel like, you know, the best thing that I could do for you maybe is to let you go, you know? But I,

I still want to hang out with you. I like you. Oh, I would love you to hang out with me all the time. You know, you're so close to me and everything, but I thought, you know, if you want to sort of explore on your own or just sort of, you know, not have to let this old guy bring you down or whatever, you could just be a dog mustache. Oh, I love that.

I like this. It's your choice, buddy. My choice is definitely yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, that's great. Canary overhears this and she's like, did you need somebody to go back into the dog homunculus? Yes, a friend of mine. A very good friend of mine.

Okay. It's the mustache. Oh, I knew it. I knew you were talking to this mustache, Ron. Well, now he's a very good boy mustache. Yeah, the mustache. Immediately now that the jig is up, it starts to move its tendrils. It's little, the wisp at the end, it goes, Yes, I am a good boy. Now I'll be the best boy. The best boy. Yes, yes, yes. And it's like punching the air with its little mustache arms. And Canary goes, and takes the sole out of the mustache and immediately droops. You look like Sam Elliott. And then she puts the...

Puts the sole of the mustache into the dog and the dog immediately grows a new mustache at the front of its snout. And the dog is like, this is, this is correct. This feels right. This is fine. Wait, I'm confused. Henry, did you guys just find the mustache down there? What happened? No, I don't know. Look, man, it's really, it's really fucked up. It's really Frenched up. Excuse me. It's really bad. And, um,

I need to speak with my father like right now. Daryl, who's never heard Henry say the F word like that. I've definitely called Daryl the F word several times. But the way you're talking, the way you're talking, Daryl leads over to Glenn and is like, we might begin that. Grease fire ready. It looks like it went serious. Looks like it went pretty hardcore down there. It's okay. We got similar hardcore actions to be able to respond with. So let's just ride it out and see how this goes. Whatever you need to...

should we like, what's the angle? What's yeah. Do you need us to come in with you? Are we coming in? Like, what's the plan here? We got weapons. Is this like a talk? Like what's the game plan? Is this a talk or like a talk? This is a talk. This is a normal, boring talk. I'm sorry. Oh, okay. You know, it's going to be boring for you guys, but it's, I need to, I need to, to, to talk to him. Um,

Do you want some fries? Yeah, man. I'd love some fries. Sure. I hand him a bunch of my fries that I've been chewing on. Henry just shovels them into his mouth and just eats them all in like one gigantic go. He's like, these are delicious. Daryl, do you have any more of those beers, man? Father. Oh, no. It was all in the car. It's all in the beast. Hey, you go talk to your dad. I will find you beer. It'll be good beer. I'll make sure it's good beer with style. I thought you were going to go get the hot dog.

Honda Odyssey somehow. I'm going to go get the Honda Odyssey. I'm going to go get my beer and then I'll bring it to you. Six years later, Daryl comes back with a beer. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Guys, I found out some pretty jacked up stuff about where I come from. TLDR. That's the thing that kids say, right? Correct. Doesn't it mean like

long, dumb read or something like that. It's some, it's, I saw, I read an article about it. It anyway, in summation, there's some sort of eldritch interdimensional nonsense at play. And there's a sort of a family curse in the works here. And I need to just settle this dang thing once and for all.

like the F word. Huh? You said a curse. No, I mean, it's not that kind of curse, boys. It's just kind of a darker kind of curse. Father, father. And they're stroking your face like face off. They're like, you can never be cursed if you're who you are. We're the Oak boys. Everything's going to be good. Aw.

Thanks, boys. I love you both so much. Yes. Now can we have the gauntlets? Glenn Strokes' chin says, they said they didn't watch Face Off, yet they know the Face Off move. Glenn will remember that. Canary, where is my father? I heard that he wants to speak to me. Yes, absolutely. He'll just be waiting for you at the top of that temple. You shouldn't be stopped. Do you need us to come with you, Henry?

Yeah, you know, I feel like we've been pretty split up from each other, and I just feel like I'm not as close to you guys as I used to be, you know, just because it's this adventure. Like, we've been, you know, less, I guess it's only been a couple hours, but I miss you guys. I think it's time to get the band back together is what you're saying. I'm pretty scared right now, and I could use my fellow dads to back me up. But it feels like Peyton and your kids should probably lay low. I, I, yeah.

whatever, man. Fuck it. Who cares? Let's just go. Let's just do it. Let's all go. Let's go. I'm sick of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, I'm bringing the kids. I'm like pushing Peyton along. It's like, yeah, yeah, just go. Henry just starts walking towards the temple. Okay. Is the walk long enough that Ron explains everything that's happened in the video? If Ron wishes to, yes. Ron, are you going to tell us what you saw? What I saw? Uh, okay. So it's like,

It's like there's a flashback to, like, a long time ago, and then this woman, she's in the wrong place, right? And then she goes to a different place, and then it's really scary, but instead of being scared, she just sees this hot guy, and she's like, yo, let's get together. And they get together, and then they have a kid, and then there's, like, this creepy juice that gets into the kid. Creepy.

And the kid- So Henry's at the door of the temple. He says, you guys come to one. I don't care. Do we know what happened? Yes. Yes. Okay. We knew what happened. We know what was said. So the door to the temple is open and waiting for you. And the guards out in front of the temple usher you in. And they say, there's an elevator in the center, Prince Oak. He awaits for you in the highest chamber of the temple. Yeah.

He's a prince. As I'm walking by the guards, I go like, hey, they got some french fries up in the food court over there. You guys should check it out. Ooh, french fries. And they run. Henry's pretty over this. So he steps into the middle of the elevator and he's just like, all right, what do we do? I saw his spell or something. What do we do? Once all of you are inside the elevator, it just begins to

rise because it's like a flat platform that is at the top of a tree and the tree you feel this like groaning stretching as the tree beneath you just starts to grow and rise up with you and as you rise up you see that the interior of this temple there are trees damn near everywhere it's not made out of wood but they're just the same beautiful tree copy and pasted all over the inside of this place as well at different levels and different sizes almost in a way that doesn't seem it's not symmetrical it just draws your eye in a weird way like why are there so many of these damn trees in here what for

and a lot of graven images of Barry being heroic, being handsome, doing yoga, speaking to large crowds of people. So that's my dad, guys. That's my dad. This is what I grew up with, is all this. He seems like he thinks he's cool, huh? He sure does.

And eventually you reach the top floor and there is a big closed door in front of you. And to the right, there is an open door. And through that, you can see an older version of the woman that you saw in the film, Who Bury Mary, an older version of your mother, Autumn, sitting in her room, knitting furiously. So the look of anger on Henry's face melts and he stops and he says, Mom? And he steps towards her.

Your mother looks up and she sees you. And for a microsecond, you see a joy flash over her face. And then it's replaced with utter disappointment. And she just goes, oh, he found you. Mom, it's me. It's Hen. And he sort of stumbles towards her nervously. Hi. I know it's been a bit. I got lost. How are you? Are you okay? Yeah.

I was better before you came back, son. I missed you, mom. I miss you so much. I missed you too for a little while. And then I thought, no, it's good. You got away. You got away from all this, but now you're back and things are going to be worse than they were. I'm going to fix it, mom. I'm going to make it better, okay? I don't know what's going on, but I'm here now. Whatever's going on, I'm going to fix it for us.

Your mother takes the knitting needles into one of her hand and she comes towards you and she grabs you by the shoulders and she goes, you have to find a way to kill him. This can't keep happening. Whatever is wrong with this family, whatever horrible shit has happened, it has to end with you and whoever those those your kids you have. I have my grandmother. Holy shit. My boys. These are this is Larkin Sparrow.

It has to end. These are your grandkids. I don't want to meet them. I don't want to meet them. I don't want to meet them. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go now. I love you. Don't come back. And Henry turns and walks out the door and closes it. You hear sobbing from inside. Okay, guys. This is going to be tough. Just follow my lead in there, okay?

Yep, we have your back, man. You got it, buddy. I turn to Larkin Sparrow and I get down on one knee and I say, boys, I love you so much. And Lord knows I have not been the best father to you and I did not have the best father. And maybe I didn't learn the stuff I should have learned to teach you how to be a man. And I'm sorry. And if we make it through this, I'm going to try to do better. And I'm going to be tougher on you guys because, you know,

Sometimes you just drive me crazy. You know, I love you so much, but sometimes you drive me crazy and it scares the shit out of me. You got to learn to control yourselves for Pete's sake. Look at all this. I know you don't understand any of this yet, but someday you will. And you're going to know that you got to love yourself, but you got to control yourself to control.

but I don't know what's going to happen in there. So Henry reaches into the bag and he, he takes the gauntlets out and he puts one on Lark and he puts one on Sparrow. And he, he says, you two protect each other and love each other and fight for each other, no matter what. And you love everyone in this world. You care for everyone in this world. You never close your heart to anybody. And Henry,

I don't know if I can ever tell you to stop being so crazy. Maybe that's just a part of who we are. You know, maybe it's just a part of who we are is we've got this thing inside of us that we don't understand. And I'm not going to tell you to be ashamed of it. I'm not going to tell you to hate it because Lord knows I hated it and me so long. And I fought it for so long and it look where it got me. But you have to love each other and you have to love everybody. And I'm

I want you to treat everybody in this world like you treat your brother, okay? Because I know the two of you love each other, and I want you to share that with the world. And if anything happens in there, you fight like hell for each other. The kids put their gauntleted fists together and towards you, and they go, Father, so long as we are together, it will be OAK. Let's go.

And I get up and I open the door to the other room. As you open the door, you see an offensively well-furnished room. It's like a throne room out of your dreams. Every single piece of wood in here is filigreed with gold. There are infuriatingly tasteful and well-designed statues of Barry Oak surrounding the perimeter of the room. And...

In the center of the room, you see Barry himself standing with a staff. And why don't you go ahead and roll perception or investigation? I got a 24. You see that the crystal at the top of this staff, that's the crystal that you saw him making in the film after Autumn tried to kill him. And also with a 24, you can tell that he's hiding something from you. There's something in this room.

that he does not want you to see. And you can also feel with a certainty and with a 24, you can know that this is actually separate from the hidden thing. You know that somewhere in this room is your anchor. Hi, dad. Those tears can only mean one thing. You've seen the truth. Oh, I'm so proud of you for getting through. What do you want? I want you.

to stay here. Our whole lives, you and I, and I'm sure your sons, we've always felt this sense that we were just a little bit better than other people, a little bit more special, that there was something about us that was a little bit smarter and more kind and more empathetic, and we were always disappointed by other people. And now you know why that is. It's because there's something incredible that was inside me, and now it's inside you and your children.

You have this incredible thing, this thing that goes beyond words, beyond names, beyond understanding, some sort of...

God, some power, who knows? But it's within you. And I can teach you how to control that because my poor boy, you understand. I mean, no one knows better than you. Your anger can get out of control. You can lose a handle on it. Bad things can happen when you lose control of yourself. And now you know how bad. And those two boys, I've been watching them from a distance. They are certainly something to behold if they ever lost control. And with your parenting style, it is a little bit possible that they will. Some very bad things could happen. And...

I just want you to know that I care about you. I like you. And while you are in Oakvale, we can learn this power together. We can learn how to harness it and use it for good. That's all I want. No. Why? Yeah, this place sucks. Yeah, fuck you, buddy. Okay, well, obviously your emotions are... Be deeper in through the nose. Henry sticks his hand back to the guys like, I got this. I'm just like...

I know you want to go back to your world. And hey, for you, I would love that as well. I'm sure your wife or whoever the mother of these two is, I'm sure she's great. Whatever.

The thing is, if this power inside you, if you can't control it properly, or you can't control your kids properly, it could mean the end of the entire reality that you're in. You could go back to your home and your little human wife and all your little human friends. They could be consumed in chaos and randomness if you can't control them. And frankly, my boy, my poor son, you know as well as I do,

You can't control these children. You can't control yourself. There is something superior in you, but you're so afraid of it. You're so upset at yourself for that specialness within you that it just manifests as all this rage. And it's so cute that you won't admit how wonderful you truly are. But the time has come to accept that part of yourself, and I can help you if you stay here. We can keep all the world safe. We can keep your children safe. We can find a way to bring your lovely wife here, perhaps.

But you can't simply leave. That would be foolish. That would be a classic Henry Oak blunder, as I used to say when you were growing up. Dad, I... What do you want from me? What is this? Are you fucking kidding me?

I can't. What is this bullshit all about? Yeah, there's some fucked up thing happened to our family. Some bad thing happened to my grandma and it passed on to you and it passed on to me and that's just part of who we are and we've got to deal with that. And that doesn't make us better than anyone. It doesn't make us worse than anyone. It's just a thing.

Who gives a shit? So reality is a little more complicated than we thought it was. And there's weird gods and demons and who the hell else knows what's going on, but doesn't make us better. It doesn't, it doesn't work that way. So Barry begins to very calmly do yoga and he goes, Oh, he's stretching. And he goes, I was, I was prepared for this. Yes, yes, yes.

The funny thing about anger is it comes from a place of inferiority and not quite believing in yourself sufficiently. And that's why you've never seen me to be angry, Henry. That's because I know. Oh yeah. I had just passive angry. Yeah. Give me a fucking break. You've been angry the entire time I've known you. Oh, that's good. Roll, uh, roll persuasion with advantage. Okay. Ooh, cool. Uh, I got a 19. Ooh. Okay. Ooh. So for the first time, maybe in your life, as far as you can remember, uh,

You see his eye twitch. You hear his breathing, his practiced rhythmic breathing. It goes a little bit off tempo and he flicks an eye in a direction. He goes, oh, this will be delightful. In what way am I angry exactly? Stop, dad, stop.

Dad, I love you, okay? Despite everything, I love you. And maybe I'm just seeing things a little bit more clearly now, but I think you're angry for the same reason that I'm angry. Because the thing that's inside you that's inside me, it scares you the way it scares me. And I'm angry because I can't control it. I don't think I'm perfect. I don't think I'm better than everyone. I think I'm fucked up. I think I'm a broken man. And I try so hard. You think my fucking favorite TV show is The Sunrise? Man, I...

I'm like, cheers! I don't fucking care about the sunrise. I'm sick of it, dude. Oh, shit. You fight it and you fight it and you squeeze it down more and more and more. And, you know, I guess maybe your way of dealing with it is... Shit, I don't know what it was like for you when you were a little kid with grandma and grandpa. And you must have been so confused. It must have been so scary for you. And I don't know what you kind of received growing up, but...

This isn't normal. And I don't mean to say that to shame you. I just, you know, like, you don't have to be this amazing, perfect guy. You can just be Barry. That was all I ever wanted from you growing up, man. I just wanted a dad. People don't love you. People don't...

People don't love you because you don't... Like, show yourself. You just show them this image of what you want to be and everyone sees through it, but they're just scared of you to say anything. Well, I'm saying something, Dad. Like, you're angry. You're pissed off. And just maybe accept that for a second. Maybe you're not going to beat this thing. Maybe that, you know, there's not... Shit, I'm rambling, man. I'm... I just... Can we not? Can we just put this away? I...

I spent so long hating you and I forgot about you. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But it was always in the back of my head somewhere. And here I am. And I got to face it now. But dad, I can't carry hate for you in my heart. What does that teach my boys? I just told them they got to love everybody, which means I have to love you. And I love you. And I don't I don't want to fight. Your mom said she wants me to kill you. What does that say about you? What does that say about your relationship, man? Damn. Damn.

Just dad, let's not. Let's just just give me my anchor. And like, you know, maybe who knows what's going to happen. But I know that this isn't working. What you're doing, what you've been doing isn't working. And it's not too late to change. Roll persuasion. Do I get advantage on that one? No, it was great, but I just can't keep giving you advantage. Oh, I got a 17. OK, OK. It's right on the edge of what I was going to do. OK. Yeah.

We'll stop edging our DM. Barry pauses for a second and he moves through his vinyasa and he stands and he says, fine, not a problem. And he moves to a chest on his desk, a little chest. He opens it up and he takes out a bottle of overnight oats. And you can sense once it's out of its chest, this is your anchor. And he holds it up in his hand and he goes, Willie gave this to me.

He said not to let you have it under any circumstances. He said to keep it hidden. I am choosing to ignore that direction from him.

And now I give it to you, Hen, my son. And he holds it out to you. Can I make a perception check on my daddy? It would be insight, but yes. I too would like to make an insight check. Glenn knows not to accept cereal from strangers and he narrows his eyes. I got a 10. Okay, so with a 10, you can't tell if he's telling the truth or not. Glenn, what about you?

I got an 18. Okay, with an 18. Glenn's had a lot of bad deals. He's gotten a good six cents for it. Glenn's had a lot of condescending people offering cereal. You don't do a lot of mall gigs without dealing with some of the scum of the earth. You know what I'm saying? Some of these malls, man. These guys, they don't get you paid. You're halfway across state lines before you even see a check. Nah, he knows. He's got a nose for it. So you can tell that the overnight oats that he's handing to Henry are indeed the anchor, but that there is something...

deeply, desperately, horribly important that he is not telling Henry. I kind of like use my foot to kind of nudge Henry in the back of the ankle a little bit. And I'm like, Henry, I've been through a lot of deals. Something about this feels fishy. Don't like it one bit. Can I roll like Arcana? I weirdly have plus four in it and I just want to see if I can sense anything that's kind of weird. Isn't the overnight oats. Check out the big brain on Ron. Yes.

Go ahead and roll Arcana for me. That is a natural one. Unfortunately. You hate to see it. Cannot tell. I have plus six in athletics. Can I like, is there anything I can like lift that would let me know what's going on? Yeah, do that.

The question on every jock's mind. I've got it. Lift Ron up and then I'll roll Arcana again because I'll be higher up. Higher point of view. Yeah. That's very stupid. So yeah, go ahead and do that. All right. Oh, great. Perfect. Let me help you out. Because Ron is short. I'm like, let me help you out here. Yeah. And Daryl picks up even with a plus six. He gets a nine. So I feel like Daryl tries to pick up Ron and then he goes, oh.

And his back gives out and he just kneels down and goes, shit. Sorry, Ron, get off me. Get off me. Sorry. Okay. I'll give y'all one more go. If one person wants to give me a perception check. All right. I'll give you a perception check. Can I, can I bardic inspiration you right now? Can I bardic inspiration you right now? You could bardo me. Like you just pull out your guitar and strum a chord. What do you do? No, I'd probably just kind of like whisper some lyrics. What do you whisper? Having heard the Henry Oak album, um,

He's going to whisper. You're thinking about Cartwright's pussy? Yeah. He's over there like, yabba dabba doom, give my pussy a TED talk. Yeah, I whisper to Henry and I go like, Henry, yabba dabba doom. All right. That's disadvantage. It throws him off this game so hard. I don't, it's my dad, dude. What are you talking about?

What did he say? What did that one say? Don't worry about it. I got a 19 perception. And then I'll... What does Bardic get me? I can roll a d6? You can roll a d8 to add to it. All right, I'm going to put some stank on it then. I got an 8, so that's like a... Wow, that's a 27. So the check was for a 20, so you smashed the check. So you notice it's so small and it's so subtle. It's no wonder that you didn't notice it before.

But there is a tiny, tiny, tiny little dot above the left eyebrows of Lark and Sparrow. What? And you remember that when Canary was telling you about the homunculi, when she pointed out Peyton, she said that was Barry's signature on all this homunculi. Peyton has that same dot in that same spot and Lark and Sparrow have one as well. But it's very small and very subtle. And you just now realized it.

Dad? Yes, son? Where are my children? They're right in front of you. They're holding very silly looking gloves. No, those are... They've got your little dot on them. My commitment to my brand, I knew it was going to be... I knew I was going to regret that one of those days. Yes. Yes. Correct. Yes. Those are homunculi.

the souls of your children inside of them. Yes. Daryl leans over to Glenn. He's like, Henry can't be mad because like it wasn't really his kids that we... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Technically, we are completely absolved of any parenting crimes that we did. Now, this is actually a plus for us. Probably a negative for us as a whole. Wait a minute. Did you do this to all the kids? No, no. I don't want your disgusting kids. No, no, no. Just the special. Okay. Just these two beautiful boys. Where are my children, Dad? I wonder...

I wonder if you're right. I wonder if trying to tamp these emotions down is not the right move. If trying to hide this darkness inside of us, this chaos that's just bubbling beneath the surface, I wonder if that's perhaps in some way that's dishonest. Perhaps you're correct. And he, with all

horrifying speed, punches the air upward, just... And the wooden surface of the floor that you're standing on, almost like a... Or exactly like an Earthbender from Avatar, a pillar of wood, a big branch, practically with a fist on the end of it, just a bald bunch of branches, a normal bunch of branches. One of them comes out and just hits Sparrow in the face so hard, he flies through the air and slams against the back wall of...

And he goes, I think, actually, I'd like to see your fucking anger, Henry. Henry fucking turns into a bear. And he says, okay, then let's go. Oh, shit, it's on! It's on! It's on!

It'll be alright, cause that's just life Even if you die, it'll be alright It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright It'll be alright, cause that's just life All you do is try, it'll be alright

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Birch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak. Beth May is Ron Stampler and myself. Freddie Wong is Glenn Close. Theme song and outro is All Right by Maxton Waller. We're supported by our patrons at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. You should probably check that website out.

But in the meantime, shout out to Dylan Irwin, Ty Enrico, Milo Meadsong is an uncle. I love you, Willa. That's a very long name. Millie Z, Christian Friend, Kay Burnett, Jim Poggle, Kyle Fisher, Jordan K. Thomas, Thomas Niebuhr, Kendall Hunt, Julian De Los Santos, Ezekiel Suar, Cody Kirker, Sarah Watson, Jasmine Phillips, Claire Rowe, Nicholas Johnson, Asad Khan, and Megan Fisk. Some things we want to tell you about. First of all, if you're in the United States, we're heading into an election. Have you registered?

to vote. Voting, as you know, is considered by many to be the ultimate pro gamer move. So if you haven't registered yet, head on over to headcount.org slash the daddies to get yourself properly registered to vote. We have a registration goal. And if we hit that, we're going to do a bonus West Wing style one shot full of intense long hallway walk and talk scenes. Head on over to headcount.org slash the daddies. Get over there. Register. It only takes two minutes.

Our store is up with DFTBA now, and our shipping rates aren't totally wild. So if you want merch, head on over to DFTBA.com for your creators. Click on Dungeons and Daddies. Check out what we have on offer. Follow us on Twitter at Dungeons and Dads. Red.com slash r slash Dungeons and Daddies. Our website, DungeonsandDaddies.com. Thank you so much for listening. Next episode's coming at you September 29th, so we will see you then. There was a time we didn't know they never brought you

Listen, I don't want to spread hate on anybody, but like if there's 17 minutes of things wrong with the Godfather Part 2, I'm just like shut the fuck up. Part 2 is Roman numbers, not the number. It should be the doodly 2, just the 2. Whoa, Godfather 2 got fucking owned on YouTube today.

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