Dad Save America - Democracy Dies in Dadness
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Welcome, welcome, faithful listener, to our attempt to save democracy. That's right. We're doing it, baby. I know. You've been asking, how can these guys save democracy? And Beth. And Amanda. Hey. As is always the case, it will be mostly men who save democracy. Ha ha ha.

Or destroy it. I think that's so brave. No, we're going to destroy it for sure. So what's happening is this is our special election campaign episode. And the reason we're doing this is to hopefully convince you, if you haven't already, to go out and register to vote. We're not going to tell you who to vote for, but it's pretty obvious. It's me.

We think you're all good people, so we know who you're going to vote for. Are we giving $1 million a day away to one lucky listener who signs our petition who supports independent podcasting? What, is that a reference to something? Elon Musk is giving $1 million a day to somebody. What? In Pennsylvania. Yeah, anybody who signs up for his stupid fucking super podcast. I know, I know. Believe me, I was like, yo, this podcast is going to do it. This episode is definitely going to swing the election. And then Elon Musk did that. I'm like, damn, I don't know. What the fuck?

I wonder if maybe that's not very legal. It's not. It doesn't sound legal. It sounds like election interference. Yeah. Sounds fine to me, everybody. Okay, anyway, our real register is...

Vote. It's important. Go to vote.org specifically if you want to find information on votes. Go to elonmusk.com slash twitter slash x. Slash millionaire. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's obviously the big presidential election coming up. That's forefront on everyone's minds. But it's important to vote because it affects you all the way down. Local elections matter too. Local elections are so important. They're more important than anybody. I would argue probably more important. I'll even go so far as to say I...

a real lesson about local elections when the city councilman that I thought was a decent guy got jailed for bribery and I realized that local elections are important and the buildings that he rubber stamped why he's in jail, the buildings he rubber stamped for development are going up all around in my neighborhood and they're real eyesores and I'm like, you know what? I really need to think more about my local elections. I should have read more closely about his pro-bribery platform. Yeah.

See, if you vote your local elections, you can be the one electing a guy who later gets removed for bribery. Yes, exactly. I realized that local elections were important when my property management company that owns my apartment put a pro proposition that would decrease protections for rent control in front of my apartment. And I was like, hmm. Oops, I threw this.

in the trash because that's not supposed to go there. Oh my God. Insane. So what we're going to do is not lecture you for an hour and a half. What we're going to do is we're going to play a fun little one-shot adventure. The dad's election. Yes. It's not election interference if a fictional character does it. There you go. Oh, that's a trick. Elon Musk is fictional. Yeah. So we go back to season one. The dad in favor. Yes, dude. Your favorite characters.

Maybe. Not mine. No, not mine. Not yours? Who was your favorite character? I don't want to say. Hey, Anthony. A little character named Walter White from the hit show Breaking Bad. I'm just getting my politician mindset. Hey, Anthony. I just wanted to let you know. Who you vote for, that's between you and your maker. Whatever makes sense. So, the dads are back in Faerun. Well, it's not back in Faerun. This is during the campaign of season one.

You are on your way to rescue your lost kids, but you do have your boy Payton with you. Yeah! And your leaf vibrates. Ooh! Who's gonna get that? Uh, is it my back pocket? Oh, it could be one of those people that's been calling us over and over again about the election in Faerun. Oh, gosh. Don't answer it. Hello?

Uh, hey. Walter. Who is this? What have you got here? It's Walter, the immoral. I got it, yeah. Walter, hey, Walter. You don't even know what this sounds like. God damn it, Walter. Are you doing surveys for electioneers at this point? Whatever. Answer all your questions. Technically, yes. Oh, okay. I was actually calling to see if I could get your support for my campaign for the White House. Oh, wow. The White House? The White House? There's a big house on a hill that's totally white.

And it's fucking rules. It's got, like, jacuzzis, a fountain that sprays strawberries every day. It's falling strawberries. It's got a blowjob room. It's got... Hold on, Walter. Nope, nope. I'm not going back to explain it. Is it a fountain if it's solid? It's got a kitchen with everything. It's got everything you could possibly imagine. And every four years, somebody new gets to take up residence in the White House. Ooh, Henry here. Hey, Walter, I have a question for you. Is the blowjob room called the...

Oral office? Yeah, no, people say that all the time. I thought it was funny. I thought it was a funny little joke. I think it was funny, too. It must be hard to keep that house clean. No, it's actually magically clean all the time. Like, when you look at it, you can't even make out the corners or the creases in the door frames or anything like that. It's so white. It looks two-dimensional. It's crazy. Walter, is this... No, this house sounds dangerous, guys. Wait, Walter, is this like...

Is this like a prize? Yeah. Do you do something or is this somebody's lucky and gets a liver for four years? Oh, it's a campaign. You campaign every year. So whoever wins the campaign that says they deserve to live in the White House because they are the best person or they've had the hardest life or because they're just the best person to sort of lead society, they get to live in the White House. So they lead society. So this is like a... I mean, like culturally. Like you look at them as the arbiter of style.

Who's in the White House now? Nobody's faking that. That's why there's a new campaign. What happened to them? The four years came up. Oh, so they just have a debt period? So they fixed the guy from the White House before? Damn.

Well, they won't. Henry, Henry, this is very- We don't let somebody stay in the White House while an election is going on. That'd be insane. Henry, Henry, this is very simple. If you ever stay in an Airbnb, you know that you can't check in and check out at the same time. They got to get the cleaners in there. Yeah, exactly. But Walter, I mean, yeah, you got our support. You're the best. And like, obviously, we could visit you and stuff and like hang out in the White House if you got it, right? Yeah, of course. Have you over for parties? You could have some strawberries. What?

I don't know. I mean, like, you made that house sound really cool. What if, like, what if we wanted to stay in that house? Yeah, this sounds like a pretty chill place to hang out. Oh, you're going to my third party. Well, there's only two guys running. Yeah. That's why I was going to call for your support. Wait, how did you get to run? I mean, it seems like everybody would want to run. How is it just you? It sounds like this house would be really popular. Just the blowjob room alone. Because it's a little haunted and, like, half the people will go and die.

I am super good at making things that can fight ghosts, so I'm probably fine. Hey, quick talk to the dads here. I got to say, I got to say, I'm not angry. I think everything he's saying is perfect. Henry, Henry, I'm not angry. I'm just a little. Okay, well, no, I want Walter to hear this. I'm just a little disappointed in you all.

We brought Peyton to Walter. He just took it. He just did what we asked. And here he is coming to ask us if we can help him get a good house. And you guys are like, oh, what if I want the house wrong? Or asking about how the politics work. I thought you were supposed to be culturally sensitive, Henry. Why don't you just go along with what we did? Part of being culturally sensitive, Daryl. Daryl. Daryl. Daryl. I'm listening. Daryl. Part of being culturally sensitive. Psych, I'm not listening. I'm sorry. Oh, fuck you guys. Sorry, Peyton. Part of being culturally sensitive being

culturally curious, which is what I'm being. By asking a bunch of invasive questions about how his culture works. I want things all the time. This isn't out of character for me to want something. I'm not saying it's out of character. I'm saying maybe you could improve upon your character. You're right. Our friend Walter wants a blowjob room. He wants a strawberry fountain and a blowjob room and a non-Euclidean two-dimensional giant house that he will become the cultural leader and style icon of the Forgotten Realms in. Correct.

Now mute it, Henry. Okay, I'm going to just... Now mute it, Henry. Guys, let's be real here. We'd be the power behind the power. Like, Ron, if Walter wins, we'll be able to use the house. What?

Well, I would never use the blowjob room. No, neither would I. Unless, Carol. Why? What? Why wouldn't you? I think it would be. I'm a married guy. Yeah. And once you get married, then you. No more blowjobs. Yeah. No more blowjobs. They're illegal. Give it yourselves, fellas. I unmute Walter. Okay. So I'm assuming. We would love to help you. Oh, sorry, Walter. You definitely heard all of that because if you were muted. Yeah. You couldn't hear me. I was talking.

I heard everything you said. So my feelings are a little hurt. Sorry, Walter. That was rude. Wait a sec. There's no button on a phone that lets you mute the other guy? Yeah, there is. It's turn off speaker. What?

What? No, but hold on. People have done this before. It's a common mistake. No, hold on. Like, I can't go on my iPhone and then call you and then press a button where I can't hear you, but you can hear me. Yes, you can. I don't think you can. You're right. You can turn off the speaker. We'll agree to disagree. That's what bipartisan shit is all about. All right. Who are we beating, Walter? It's a magical leaf. Who's this asshole who thinks they deserve a house more than you? Well, this is bad news. Okay. It's an old friend of yours. Oh. Damn likely.

Oh, scam. Yeah, no, we definitely prefer you. Yeah, for sure. Scams are kind of awful. Yeah, I've got a debate with him coming up, and I need, well, I need two things. One, I need some support in the debate because I'm not a very good debater. I'm the opposite of a master. Ha, ha, ha. I'll be to do it. Number two, I need running mates, and I figured all of you could be my running mates. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to ask. You could have multiple running mates. So, again, not to be nosy, but to be curious.

So how the government system works here. It's not government. It's just a cool house, Henry. How the cool house system works is everyone around gets to vote for one guy and his as many friends as he wants. Is one guy and his five friends get to live in a fun house with a blowjob room. And a strawberry fountain. How did you become the other guy? How did you and Scam become the two guys running? We campaigned for it.

Did no one else campaign? But, hey, I just... We ran a primary, and we're the ones who won in our respective towns. Primary elections are so important. It's true, so you got a lot of support already. You don't get to complain about who you vote for in the general election. Hey, Walter, what's your numbers right now against scam? Like, where are we at? Right now it's like 49-51. It's way closer than it should be, logically, given the stances that scam likely has. LAUGHTER

Okay. And what's like the pulling error on this one? It's like within the range. Okay. It's within range. Yeah. I asked those 538 gnomes that go around asking everyone what they said. They said it's a dead heat. It's a dead heat. Okay. We predicted it. We called it. We talked to any of the people who consider themselves maybe independent from you and scam to see where they lie. Yeah. They usually vote for themselves and they don't get enough votes to actually ever get in the

Yeah, so here's a question, Walter, just from a tactical standpoint. Do you want us to get people who are into Scam Likely to vote for you? Do you want us to focus on the people who can't pick between you or Scam Likely? You know what I mean? Honestly, I leave that up to you. I figured as my running mate, you'd also sort of be my campaign advisor. Because I'm not sure. I've never won an election before, so I don't know where to go. You won a primary. That's pretty impressive. Yeah, but like, it was a primary against...

It's the primary against David Boreanaz and he's a cop. It's not hard to beat that. Yeah. Damn. So, which, um, I just, you know, do you guys have parties? Like, which party are you? Like, what are your, house party, baby? No,

What are you going to do for the citizens of Faerun? It's not a political thing, Henry. How many times have I fucking said it? It's just a cool house. It's a room. It's a house where you can eat street food. I keep bringing my own preconceived cultural colonialist vibes into my preconceived judgments. And I'm the primary party frog in Faerun. Henry. There's two ways to approach this. Either we need to convince people that you are the one who most deserves the house.

Or we need people to think scam likely doesn't deserve the house, right? Yeah, actually it does. Or we could convince people that want to vote for scam that voting is not worth it. Oh, that's a good idea. Let me be clear. It would just be in this context that voting is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like maybe we can –

Because you know what? I'll be honest. I don't think. I think that's the coward's way out. I think that we could tell all of Faerun to vote for Walter and that our opinions would be so cool that they would do it. Hold on. Hear me out. They go low. We go high. Hear me out. Hear me out. What if we call into question the entire system of voting and made it

It would seem like if you voted for a person, it would flip the vote. Like there was an error in the machine. And then we would encourage all of ScamLegly's voters to vote for Walter. You all get transported to the debate. Whoa, Walter! What's going on? I was tired of waiting for an opponent. I'd like to introduce you to my running mate. Running mate, introduce yourself.

Hi everybody, I'm Tati Roper. That's Tati, T-A-T-T-Y, Roper, R-O-P-E-R. And I'm here to whack this crowd with my best mate ever, Scam Likely, to make sure that people of Faerun get the best person in this house they possibly can. You got a silly accent, you're not even from Faerun, how could you run? Tati's getting me the porn demographic. Oh god. And he's got sex appeal. Oh man. Where are you from? Also, I'm like nine.

He's got sex appeal amongst pedophiles. There are more pedophiles in favor than you think. That's a very large demographic of votes I need. And shockingly, you seem to have locked that vote up. Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, honestly. You got a long road to climb. We're not going to work on peeling off that vote, okay? They have that vote. You're in a debate right now, Walter? Yeah, I was kind of calling you as the last minute. I need help because otherwise they would disqualify me for not having running mates.

Oh, they've already picked some debate questions, and I think the moderator is about to start. Anthony, as our dungeon master, could you paint a picture of this debate scene for me? Where are we right now? You are in a darkened room within a castle. You can smell the musty mold of the castle. No audience? No, there is an audience. I was getting to that. You piece of shit.

There are a bunch of audience members of various races, species, different financial cast sitting in the audience. You see ogres, you see orcs, you see elves, you see people wearing crowns like actual governmental officials. It seems like everybody's really interested in who gets into the White House, even if it doesn't actually directly affect them. Well, the culture, the culture, the culture. Yeah, yeah, of course. A real Truman show. It's really what happens in your local houses that you need to be paying more attention to. And there is a couple of goblins on the rafters pointing two big spotlights at two podiums.

And then a third spotlight ignites, and spotlights are like candles in a bucket or something. The moderator's podium... They're gonna be magic. There's magic in this world. Yeah, they're magic candles in magic buckets. Okay, cool. The moderator's podium lights up, and from beneath...

a bunch of roots sort of start pulling away at the ground from underground and then sort of shove all the dirt away. And then like from an elevator, Aaron O'Neill rises from the ground and stands at the podium and says, It's so crazy that we've met everybody involved in this. Yeah, we're so powerful. We're powerful and connected, Ron. Anthony, I have a question. Yeah. Is this before or after we let Aaron O'Neill die? Oh, let me roll. One through 10, it's after. 11 through 20, it's before. And by we, I meant Freddie, of course. Yes. Ha ha ha ha.

The architect of all your grand designs. You Blofeld? Yeah.

It was me, Bond. It was me, Bond. 12, it's after you let her die. This is a derail, but do you ever think about the part... No, it's before you let her die. She's fine, you're good. The part in Spectre where he's running around and there's all these little pictures of Blofeld on the wall that he's running past. And you're like, did Blofeld come through here and tape those up to mess with this little fucking escape room? My favorite part of the new Bond was the scene where Javier Bardem was really far away. LAUGHTER

Wait, what? Is that all scenery walks were really far away up to the camera? Yeah. And it's like, I don't remember that. I remember being like true Bardem heads. No. At the end of 1915, 1916, the one take, you know, World War I movie. I think it's 1917. I was two years off. The end of 1917, the part where it's like he finishes, he delivers the thing, the end of the movie. And then there's a tree in the distance. And I remember turning to Matt and being like, this motherfucker got to walk all the way

the way that tree couldn't be a little closer sure enough one take he had to walk all the way there and then the whole time I was like I'm done I'm done with the movie he said the thing now he's gonna go to the tree and like sit down some shit but I'm like god damn that tree far away so the way this is going to work Aaron says

Hi, Aaron. Hi, Aaron. Hey, guys. What's going on? I still like you. Yeah. If you died, we wouldn't let that happen. No, never. Right, Ron? Yeah, Ron. You guys got my back. I got yours. We're buds. Yeah. Okay. The way this is going to work is even though we're buds, I'm going to be completely impartial. Okay. All I'm here to do. Sure, wink. I winked at her. No, I saw that wink. I'm not bribe-able. Hey, hey, really quick, audience. You made the audience think I was trying to bribe you, Aaron. That's prejudicial. Yeah. Yeah, this is not a courtroom. Suck my dick.

Before we get started. They have a machine for that in the White House. Henry walks over to Scam and. Oh, this is interesting. Let's see what he'll do. Just to shake your hands. Hello. Hello.

Henry Oak let's have a good debate Scammed you Put it in there chuckle fuck Okay well He called me a chuckle fuck But I think I won the exchange Yeah but then Scammed likely pulled his hand away And flipped his hair back That did not look good for the optics I'd say No I think that's gonna make them just look cool I think these two people look pretty cool You're gonna handshake Why don't you try

Okay, I'm going to say it instead of getting up in person to do it. This is just like 1917, Matt. It's a walking walk. No, no, no. Henry, I think anything you do to these two just makes them look cooler. I know what Skam's going to do. No, but what if you psych them out? What if you do the psych and that'll cover up for my lack of psych? Okay, okay. All right. Hey, Skam, I'm going to come over and give you a handshake too. Okay. Matt is now getting up.

Oh, such a long walk. And Taddy does look like a small Victorian paper boy. I didn't know that we know each other, but... I did it first! They both tried to do the move. I did it first! How's it going? What's your name? Oh, cool fist pound! Yeah! You've made them look cool again. Taddy! Taddy Roper! Tell your friends!

Man, he really made us look less cool. Daryl, by consenting to the fist pound that Taddy initiated, you look dumb as fuck. I know. I told you. I told you we can't be kids. You went in for a handshake and Taddy gave you a fist bump, you fucking idiot. I'm not Gabo. If they go for the fist pound, you go for the snail. Yeah, you got to snail it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. I shouldn't be the front man here. All right. I'm going to get up and I'm going to shake their hands too. You got to run. I'm waiting.

I think he's trying to scam. Yeah. Not very sportsmanlike to just sort of stand there and not actually shake our hands. Not very cool. You never know. I might. Audience, do you think it's a little bit on tour that he's not shaking our hand? Boo! Shake his hand. I don't think that's what the audience said. Excuse me, audience. I don't think that's what you said, audience. Boo! Yay! Ron's right! Woo! I think they think it's cool that I scammed you. I'm going to roll for the audience. You didn't know whether I was going to come shake your hand. High roll is you. Low roll is me.

Yeah, we like the daddies. It's cool not to shake people's hands sometimes. If you don't really agree with them. I said not to shake. Well, Ron, you did a good job. Good job, Ron. Now it's my turn. You got this, Glenn. All right, Glenn. Glenn leans his chair back and then just flips both of you the bird. Let's see how the audience feels about that. And you should also probably roll to see how well I'm balancing on the back of my chair.

You bounced really well, and the audience responded with a natural 20. Wow! This guy fucking rules! Hey, Walter, just call off the debate. We're already winning. You gotta quit when you're ahead. No. There's more pedophiles than there are people in this room. Oh, God.

Okay. Okay. I think the debate's starting. Yes. What's the first question? The first question comes to us from... Sir Aaron O'Neill. I swear to fucking God. No, that's a real question, Aaron O'Neill. I'm also a woman, but yes, go ahead. Yeah. Oh, ma'am, Aaron O'Neill, I have a real question. What? Is this like a free-form debate? Do we all just get to talk what we want? I was going to explain after I ask you the question. Oh, okay. You can trust me 15 feet further than you usually trust me.

Okay. Then it would be fine. Okay. Okay. So what's going to happen is I'm going to ask the question and then you and scam are going to roll and whoever rolls higher gets to pick which side of the debate they're on. Oh, and then the other person gets to choose whether they go first or second. Oh, and then any of the five of us can talk. Yeah. Well, you're going to get a minute to speak.

90 seconds. You're going to get 90 seconds to speak. No, not each. No. I think a minute's good. 90 seconds is longer than you think. A minute then. So this question comes to us from Lisby. These questions were all, this is Anthony talking, not Aaron O'Neill. These questions were all taken from our Discord. So thank you to the folks on our Discord who offered questions. Dang, how do you get on the Discord, Anthony? You just have to pay $5 a month on our Patreon to get access to our Discord and all of our great bonus content on our Patreon, much of which is better than the stuff on the main feed.

Go to vote.org first. I'm going to tabs. You have Chrome. Yeah, you got tabs, bro. Okay, so this comes from Lisby. Lisby asks, should the social code be amended to include coughs in things that we say bless you to? The people are tired of not being sure if it's a cough or a sneeze, and it's so awkward to get it wrong. Right now we're going to roll. I feel strongly about this. Pick one person to roll on your team. Daryl says he feels strong. I feel strongly about it too, but I feel like my answer is going to be unpopular, so I think

So I think we don't get to choose what side we're on. I'm hoping we're on the right. By rolling, you get to choose a side. Yeah. A D20 roll, you say? 18. 18. Okay. Scam and Taddy got a 10. So you get to choose what side of the debate you would like to be on. They're on the side of saying bless you too much.

I think we should be saying bless you to everything that seems like a little... Of course the Christian would say that. My problem is less with concluding coughs and more with the bless you. Okay, but the question's not about whether or not we should change the word bless you. The question's whether or not we should say bless you to more things. But it seems like a gotcha question because it's like we kind of come off in like a really kind of like pushy, you know... You have ten seconds to decide your stance. Amanda, didn't she do speech and debate in like high school or something? Obviously. Yeah. Oh, no. That's why I brought her. No. Because I didn't. Daryl, I'm going to trust you on this one. Okay.

Cool. So I got this? Yeah. You got it, Daryl. I got it. So Daryl's chosen your stance. Now, Tati, you get to decide whether we go first or second. Second.

Yeah, she's smart. So whenever you're ready, daddies, you have 60 seconds to explain why we should say bless you for coughs as well as sneezes. Remember to introduce yourselves to the electric. Listen up all you motherfuckers. Hey everybody. My name's Daryl Wilson, but you don't need to worry about me. Worry about my man, Walter over here. He deserves to be in the white house. He deserves to get his dick sucked and have strawberries anytime he wants because he's the best dad I've ever known. But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about...

Oh, bless you, Carol. Bless you. Bless me. Now, you're all thinking, of course you'd say bless me, but what if that was a cough or a sneeze or a burp? You may be confused. What are you supposed to say in a situation like that? Why not just say bless you? Say bless you all the time. Or thanks or namaste or whatever. Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know if we...

need to be bringing religion into this. The Christian religion. 20 seconds left. What? 20 seconds left. And I yield the remainder of my time, but not the daddy's time. Just Ron's time is yielded. When in doubt, bless it out. Daryl dabs. Oh!

Okay. From now on, I'm not going to roll for the audience's reaction because you, the audience listening, are the ones who are going to get to decide how this election turns out. So once this episode is posted, you're going to be able to go onto our socials. Probably all of them are going to link to the same Google form that I made where you're going to be able to vote for either the dads or Scam and Taddy. And depending on which person wins, we'll have their victory speech on our socials after the fact. But so far, I think it's pretty close.

clear who's winning. We've only heard one of the answers. And most people only tune into the first ten minutes of the debate. You gotta win the first ten minutes. And this is not a popularity contest. We all know Amanda's way cooler than us. Pick for the argument, not for who's cooler. Yeah.

Okay, Scam and Taddy, your time starts now. You have 60 seconds. Go. One of the things I love most about being from Faerun, which I am, is the massive pluralistic society we formed here. And basically, everyone's got a god or a goddess in their pocket.

getting through the day. So when you say bless you somewhere, it could mean anything from anyone, right? Which is why it's really fucking dangerous to do. And we shouldn't do it no more. Not only should we not say bless you for coughs, but maybe we should just stop saying bless you altogether and instead say something that is welcoming and won't bring the wrath of the fae or the deities or mortals down your head. So how about we all try...

You're right there, fella. Sorry? You're right there, fella. Gesundheit. You're right there, fella. Oh, that's what they were saying. You're right there, fella. Oh, yeah. You're right there, fella. Isn't that better? Well, fella's a little gendered. What about you're right there? They're crumbling, baby. You're right there? Buddy, pal, friend. Really, anything can go at the end as long as you're being nice. But keep the religion out of it. Separation of church and sneeze. Hey, that was my argument. Hey, how come my mic's muted? None of the audience can hear me. Oh, man.

I think we did okay on that one. Do we get a rebuttal? Yes, you get a 30 second rebuttal. If you go first. Yeah, we get a 30 second rebuttal and I would just like to say from the bottom of my heart, bless you. That wasn't a cough. It wasn't a sneeze. It was a

big shit all over the debate floor. That's right. Your argument wasn't good. It was a big poo-poo, but we're saying bless you anyway because we have an inclusive blessing state where we say, hey, are you, you're blessed and that's good. I agree with Ron. Bless doesn't mean any religion. When somebody says hashtag bless, I got a good cappuccino. Hey, Ron. Our next debate. Ron really changes up when he locks in.

Look at how Ron's got his leg up and like... I got my leg up here because I found out that my mic was muted when I'm not speaking and then that made me sad. Their next topic comes from Dr. Frankenstein. Thank you, Dr. Frankenstein. What's more important for the economy, dungeons or dragons? Oh!

All right, now roll your d20. What a great question. Oh, oh, oh. I think I got this one. Nine. Fourteen. So we get to choose our stance first. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. We've picked our stance. It is dragons. Boo! Now you get to choose whether you go first or second. I'm glad we have dungeons. Do we want to go first or second? Second. Always second. Second. Second. Second. Okay. Scam and Taddy, your time starts now.

Starts now. Dragons are beautiful creatures, ain't they? We all love them, even if they're real scary a lot of the time. One thing dragons do better than anything else is hoard treasure. Gold, gems, what have you. Wealth. They are wealth creators. And what do we know about dragon hordes? There's going to be adventurers that are going after them. That money trickles down into the adventuring economy. Into your taverns, into your towns, into your armories. It keeps people moving on the streets and going in and out and traveling. And it means that there's always a...

golden ray of hope at the end of a long tunnel where yeah there might be a dragon but if you can get past him there's an awful shitload of cash and what's a dragon without a dungeon still pretty cool what's a dungeon without a dragon a cave

I yield the remainder of my time. What do you think, Taddy? I think we nailed it. I mean, I would love to hear from an actual dragon if he ever felt the need to stop by. And we can always give that one we know a call if we feel the need to. But no, I feel comfortable letting all the friends over there weigh in. I'd also like to remind everybody that the daddies dropped a pyramid on a town and killed hundreds of people. Anyway, I yield my time. All right. Now you have a minute. Whenever you're ready. Hello. I'm allowed to respond to that. All right. Your time's already going. You have three seconds left. Okay.

You got this, Henry. Hello, I'm Henry Oak. I'm one of the cabinet members for the immoral slash immortal slash such a great guy campaign. And I would just like to say, where did the gold come from? Did the dragons invent the gold? The people mined the gold. The people did the gold. And the dragons fly in and they steal it. They steal the wealth and hoard it because the dragons are the 1% who are taking and capturing all the wealth that can be

can be used to improve the blowjob machines, to improve the strawberry fountains, to improve the infrastructure in Fey Road. And I just want to say that I think these two are in league with the dragons. They have dragon friends. You got dragon friends. It's a dragon game. You know what? My friends are in dungeons. You know, the people...

People have discounted or cast out. People that people aren't thinking about. I'm thinking about them. If you're in a dungeon right now, you can get out maybe. With the wealth from just one dragon horde, we can fund blowjob machines for everybody. If the dragon's not, it's over. It's over. They're playing you off. It doesn't matter. All right. Now we have 30 seconds to rebut.

Three, two, one, go. I've noticed that Dungeons did not enter into their story at all. It was about humans versus dragons. I'm not arguing that dragons are less likely to steal things than humans. I think we could all agree on that. That's a known fact. There goes the dragon vote for these idiots. Humans are dirty thieves as much as dragons are any day of the week. But the difference is human thieves don't really give you something to aspire to unless they're a true artist like me.

Uh, yeah. We don't aspire to dragonhood at all, and, um, you guys are wrong. Dungeons are usually empty places full of traps, and the treasure can be really sort of hit or miss. Dungeoneering creates jobs. People create dungeons. I ask you this, would you rather have a... No, I get to respond to that. A dungeon with no treasure, or a dragon with no dungeon? You're in the pocket of big dragons. You're in the pocket of big dungeons. Yeah, and I like it, because it's kinky down here. We should be privatizing all the dungeons. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. Please.

Keep it civil. Okay, sorry. Quick huddle. I think any question they ask us, we're going to lose on this one. We got to do what politicians call pivot. Every single time they ask a question, ignore what the question is. Make it about how Walter deserves blowjobs and strawberries. People like Walter. They don't care about policy. They care about the guy. Blowjobs test really well with pretty much everyone. Look at him. He's a little frog. And the pedophiles.

Payton. What? I'm your campaign advisor. I know they're a voting bloc, but we're just going to ignore them. All right. That's why they've got the problem. The next topic is from Mountain Drew. Thank you, Mountain Drew.

Mandrew asks, if you had to let your daughter go to prom with King Kong or Godzilla, who would you want her to go with and why? Seems like a dragging question. This is what I was talking about. This is a trap. This is... We pivot this to Walter. Okay? We pivot this...

This one we pivot to Walter 100%. I hear you. I hear you. Ron, do you? Because the last few questions have seemed pretty aggressive. No, I hear you 100%. Guys, I don't know if we should let Ron answer this one. No, I know I have a good pivot answer. Ron's got this. Okay, Ron's got this. Let's roll each one first. All right. Wee.

- We roll a 14. - We rolled a 15. - Okay. - What's our stance on King Kong or Godzilla? - Do we know what they are? - I guess we could play it that we don't know what they are if you want. - I mean, I don't know. I feel like we're sort of like interdimensional. - Yeah, we would know stuff, yeah. We're choosing King Kong. - Okay. - Would you like to go first or second? - We'll go first. - Okay. When you're ready, three, two, one, go.

When it comes to the question of whether I want my daughter to be taken to the prom at King Kong or Godzilla, that's a stupid question, because I don't have a daughter. I have a beautiful stepson, a son, Terry Jr., that I love dearly. And when you first meet me, you may think he's not a very good stepdad. Maybe he's got issues. Maybe he doesn't know how to fix oatmeal. But then when you learn about my tragic backstory and how good of a friend I am and how good of a stepdad I can be...

Walter. I'm pivoting. 30 seconds. And then Godzilla is hotter, literally. And then Walter deserves a blowjob from whoever machine wants to. And if King Kong or Godzilla gave Walter a blowjob, he would be so grateful. And not many people practice gratitude these days. Meditation helps me immensely when I think about how much I love my son. The point is we beat Medicare. Right.

Ron, Ron, I have a question. Yeah. Do you know where we are? Sorry, that's it? All right. I feel like after this, we can all talk. It sounds like you got a lot going on, but we got focused on Walter. Yeah. That's exactly what I did. And I'm glad to serve my frog. All right. Three, two, one, we go.

We go. You want to know about tragic backstory? King Kong's got a tragic backstory. And he still managed to really go out of his way to take care of a special lady. So it makes sense to me that if you were going to have your kid go to prom with either King Kong or a giant turtle dinosaur, you'd choose King Kong. He cares about women's issues just like we do. Yeah. Had the daddies mentioned women even once? I don't think they have. Only to clarify that they don't got no daughters. Only sisters.

Only that? And they're only men. Also, you know who used to be a man? It's fucking Walter. Yeah, and then he turned into a frog. Are you a frog or are you a man? I guess he's a frog now. He says he's a frog. I guess you're a frog. Come on, moderator, come on. That's crazy. She's within her minute, so there's nothing I can do. You're just going to lob personal attacks? Also, most frogs and toad-like people have cloacas and nothing that can actually really be sucked in what would be called a blowjob. So...

really make the most use out of that room anyway. We do live fact-checking. No, we don't do that. We leave that to the audience to decide. All right, our time is up. Can we respond? Yeah, you have 30 seconds to reply. Hey, everybody. My name's Daryl Wilson, but again, you don't need to worry about me. You just need to worry about our friend Walter. And here's the thing. He's having us answer this question because he's never even thought about that question. He would never even think to ask, who should I allow my daughter to go out with? She's got her own agency and her whole thing. That's right. What Walter cares about is...

is being there to support her whether the date goes poorly or well and just listen to her at the end of the day and you know what would be great if he had a nicer house to sit down and listen to his daughter and maybe you know what all I'm saying is that if you vote for him you will let all of you come to his house we'll drop the seats for everyone did the audience hear that did they cut my mic did they cut your mic also Godzilla is not definitively a

We're over your time. You're over your time. You're over your time. Can we get a sense of how the audience is feeling? No, because the audience is the people listening to this right now. Hey, audience, how are you feeling? Hey, audience. Hey, why don't you hit us up on our socials? Let us know how you're feeling. This should be a good time for you to go over to vote.org and see if you're registered to vote. In the first tab. In the important election, not in this one. Because I think we're going to lose this one. So whatever. Maybe stop listening right now. Go to vote.org. And if you feel like scam is winning, just go focus on that.

Our next question comes from Bond007.5. Holy shit. Really? James Bond? James fucking Bond asked the question? 007.5. He's slightly better than I am. Don't embarrass me on this question. This is the real James Bond. You were given 10,000 gold and made immortal. The only thing that can kill you is a hyper-intelligent snail that always knows where you are. How do you survive?

Alright, so this one isn't a clear stance or anything, so we're just gonna roll to see who goes first. I got a 14. Fucking idiot. I got a 9. Alright, so we get to choose. Do we go first or second? Stakes feel really low here, so I go first. Okay. Sure, fine. Well, you know, I don't know about you, Scam, but I think if I had that much money, I would spend a little bit of time going around finding the right sorcerer for the job and getting me a fancy suit made out of pure salt.

Good luck, snail. How about you, scum? Brilliant! I wouldn't have ever thought of a suit of salt. That's the kind of go-forward thinking that you want in the White House these days. That's me! I'm a little scamp with plans for the future. Frankly, since I'll be living in the White House, I feel like I'll just surround the White House with salt. I'll have somebody, I'll have a witch come by and sort of do regular salt replenishment. Also, I can hover, so that's cool. He's not going to be able to get me if I hover.

What else? Yeah, the dads lost their kids. They're pretty bad at keeping hold of their kids. Isn't that weird? Do you want them to have the responsibility of taking care of a whole house? I don't know if I would. I yield the remainder of my time.

Don't let them talk about love, right? Yeah, and don't let them talk about us. I feel like they haven't heard from Glenn a lot yet. Yeah, Glenn. This is kind of up your alley, like zany schemes with a bunch of money. Glenn, say something good. And maybe do something like, we're going to spend the money on the economy. Do you know what I mean? People like that. And talk about love. Why do they assume the snail is bad? There's probably some snails in the audience. They fucked up on this question. I don't cast speak animals. I can talk to the snails. Maybe mention that. Got it. Three, two, one, go.

In order to defeat this snail, I would simply get on a boat. The end. The boat in the ocean, which is full of salt water, would keep the snail at bay. You know what else is keeping crime at bay? Walter the Immoral. Walter, by being in the White House and by showing off his cool style and cool moves, will lower crime and increase education.

Dude, he's killing it. Keep going, keep going, keep going. You have 30 seconds. No, you sold. Be confident. Hit them, hit them. Just dab. And you know who is sitting here scheming about killing snails? Empowering dark magics to protect them? Walter needs no dark magic to protect him. He is a friend to all and deserves to have his dick sucked 24-7, 365 days a week.

Meanwhile, Scam Likely is making plans to do the same thing with the dick sucking machine, but he doesn't deserve it. So, you know. Time. That was really good. Glenn, you're a natural at this. I think I have a career in politics in my future. Three, two, one. Here goes my rebuttal. Oh,

You're forgetting that the snail is super intelligent and you're going to need food and clothes and stuff delivered to you with some regularity. So the snail will just sneak on the- I will fish! Shut up! It's my time! I will fish for the bounty of the sea! Shut up! It's my time! The snail is going to sneak onto that boat. You're going to need fresh water. The snail is going to sneak onto a boat and get to you eventually.

How do you know so much about the snails' plans? I think you're in league with the snails. It's a hyper-intelligent snail. I believe snails have the intelligence to do whatever they want. Yeah, well, you and I are snails. You might disagree. You might think snails aren't capable of that, but I know they... I also think snails are very capable. I just want to circle back to the thing about the snails. I know that we've moved on to a new question, but I want to focus more on the snails.

Yeah, what you think about, Ron? Because I think it's about love. And I think that choosing the snail is hyper-intelligent. I know. I look in a snail's eyes and I'm like, you know everything about me. And that means that you could love me. I'm not talking about like sex, blowjob love. I'm talking about like the melding of two minds and a heart. And I just think that like I would appreciate the snail. Esther, Ron's mic was off for that time, so just cut all that.

Our next question is from BiblioBrie. BiblioBrie asks, is it okay to eat leftover food of visually good quality off another group's table when at a restaurant after they leave?

Let's roll. I, Freddie, have thought about this a lot. All right. Go ahead and roll. We rolled a two. We rolled a ten. Shit. Oh, yeah. You take that. Okay. Say the question again. I'll say the question again. Is it okay to eat leftover food of visually good quality off another group's table when at a restaurant? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, eating it at the restaurant. It's implied after they leave, I assume. Yes, yes, yes. But eating it at the restaurant, not taking it home and eating it in shame. Dude, what I... No, no, no, no, no. It says you're at a table. Can you eat their food? Like, it doesn't mean that you have to eat the food there. I feel like you have to eat the food there. I think it depends on how you define what eat means. I think that's what we're debating. Okay. We're team yes, it's okay. Okay. Damn it. You get to choose. Are you first or second? I used to do that shit all the time.

all the time. Wait, did you Beth? There'd be like half sandwiches left over where I worked and I'd be like, yeah, I'm taking that home. Oh, I think if you're a server, it's absolutely open season for sure. Yeah. Servers get first dibs. That'll be hard. We heard that, so. No, our mics were off. That's true. Yeah, I can't have it both ways. Okay, so are you going first or second? Okay, huddle, huddle. We want to go second. Okay. I got a good one.

Can I do it? Yeah. I'm going to be really short, so either we can just let the time kind of ride, or you guys can jump in. But I think this one's a sure thing. Maybe we should go first. Yeah, let's go first. Because that way we get the rebuttal. That way we get to respond. We would like to go first. We'll go first. We changed our answer. We'd like to go first. Okay. You have 60 seconds starting now.

Go ahead, Daryl. Hi, everybody. I just want to say that this question, don't even think about it. Because when Walter's in the White House, whether or not you should eat food off of somebody's plate will be a question of the past. You will all have more food than you have now because when Walter's in the White House, the society will just be better. Like Glenn said, it'll be great. Crime will be down. Food on all the plates.

The end. You know what I was just thinking about, Daryl? What's up, Ron? If we go first, we can take what their position was. No, that's not allowed. And we're smart. I think that's a lot. I'm going to take that away from you if you do it. You guys can have more time because I think it's pretty certain. You guys can have more time because we fucking cried.

frustrated. Because this audience has more things to do than listen to us yammer on about food they don't have to be worried about because they're going to have so much of it. You're about to hear our opponents talk about why it's okay to eat table scraps because that's the vision for society that Scam Likely has. It's a society where there's not enough food to go around. And so whatever they say

Remember that that's really their agenda. Sounds like four dads have never known what it's like to be hungry. Unlike me and Scamovery, I've had to have table scraps more times than I'd like to admit myself. Started from the bottom, now we're here. And we're loving it, and we're loving life, and we want to share that love in the White House with all of you. When we have parties, you're going to be able to have all the food that we have. They're promising the same thing that I am. The only difference is they're looking down their noses at you. Also, food waste is horrible, and lots of people go to restaurants or lots of food, and then they don't finish it.

And then other people should be able to eat it because it's not bad, it's just unfinished. All food should be used. It's important to have respect for people that don't have the ability to just toss food away as if it's nothing. And also, I think, Scam, it's really important to acknowledge that we decided to answer this question in good faith because that's what the people of Faerun wanted us to do. And we respect their wishes. Faith, faith. Well, we're bottled. I have a good one. Three, two, one, 30 seconds.

Wild Scam likely in this running mate will talk about food. Walter has worked in many bully wugs as a cook in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Scam Nike is staging photo op campaigns. I don't think that's true. Working in the kitchen to try and get you to understand, to try and make you seem like the common man. Do you think everyone who works at bully wugs is a bully wug? No.

No. Because that's pretty racist. I think what my friend Gladys tried to say and you two, you two, I gotta say, I respect and feel awful for the experience. One more thing, dragons are the number one food stealers and these two are pro-dragon. The reason why you have to eat scraps is because dragons are swooping into our villages, they're coming across the borders and they're

We're freaking out. And they're pro-Dragon and we're not. Their mics are cut. Cut all that, Esther. Let's see. This is a pretty brutal one from Matt, not Matt. Matt with two Ts, not Matt with one T. Okay. I think the daddies have done far more damage to Faerun than the alleged scam likely. Why should we trust the daddies? At least with scam likely, if his name is true, he's honest about scamming us. Which side of this one do you guys want to take? What?

Let's roll dice and see if we get a sign. I'm trying to beat an eight. Fifteen. All right. You get to choose whether to go first or second because I think the sides are pretty obvious. We could eight mile this. No, we could change our side. I think we should eight mile it. We should eight mile it. We should eight mile it. What does eight mile it mean? If we say everything bad about it, we dump the opera. Yeah, we have done bad for Fay Root. And that's why Walter's so good and generous because he's taken us in. We dropped a pyramid.

Okay, so you're choosing your stances anti-dads. We're anti-dad. Okay. Us dads are worse than scam likely. Sure. Yeah. All right, you guys get to go first. Your minute starts now. We suck. That's right, we suck. We suck. Look, this isn't about us getting a house. We don't deserve blowjobs or strawberries, but it's not about us. No, never. And we've done terrible, terrible things. And who hasn't? Yes. Walter is the answer to that. Yes.

Walter took on this child without even... He did. He's my daddy. Walter saved this child from us, the worst fathers in Faerun. We lost our kids. Whoops, they're gone. And we're trying to find them. And instead of looking for them right now, we're doing this debate.

Go ahead. Tell them something they don't know about me. Look, you know, sometimes people just want to vote for a guy who's really obviously bad. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes that's the guy that wins. And, you know, that's who we are. We're the really bad guy in this race who says all the bad stuff and you can't get mad at him because you already know he's really bad. And that's the position we're taking. But Walter is good. But Walter is good. Our minute starts now.

Now, first of all, we've never done anything bad. One of the big things that matters about being bad is never admitting you did anything bad. Yeah, I never done nothing wrong in my whole life. Me neither. Can't pin me on that. No. Secondly, oh yeah, they're talking about Walter, not the daddies. Who do you

do you think is the first group of people that Walter's going to invite into that White House? Would you like to be standing outside the White House waiting for your turn to come in on the blowjob machine, only for a pyramid to fall on your head? That would never happen with Scam and Taddy in the White House, let me tell you what. Taddy, take it away. The dads are an unstoppable force of destruction that don't give a single fuck about the people of Fae Rim. Unlike us. We loves ya. Not just cause we wanna ya. Tuesia. Tuesia? We're from here, not them. Because we live for

for scamming and we can't scam if we don't have you fine folks out there to do it with. And we always throw back community. Have a bit of fun with you, yeah? And we'll pay you back

pay it back tenfold when we're in the White House. But these fuckers, no, no, no. If it comes down to their kids or you, they're going to choose their kids every time. Again, also not from here. They're coming over the border. They're just going to bounce. They're illegal immigrants. Guys, you've got to trust me on this one. Pull me back. If I go too far, pull me back. But it's time to activate Dark Henry. Henry eats a piece of beef jerky. His eyes roll over in his head and he says, three, two,

What? The pyramid never happened. That was fake news. That never happened. No one ever dropped a pyramid. That was a conspiracy. And yeah, we're bad, but you know what? We're honest. You know who we are. They're liars. They're phonies. You can't trust them. And you know, sometimes you need a worse guy to take care of the bad guys who you know who, come on, give me a break with these guys. These two, this fucking scamster and this person, this they're bad.

bad they're bad news and they suck and you can trust us to be bad but you can't trust them to do anything because they're weak we may be bad but they're weak Walter take the mic time I don't think you should have done that Henry Henry

Henry is fucking loyal. You know what? Screw all of you. Oh, no. No, Henry. Someone give me a hummus pack I need. I toss you a power bar. I eat the power bar and break down in tears. Oh, no. Next question is from Sparrow. Your ass is grass. I have places to be. What are you going to do about people who walk slowly in front of me?

All right. Oh, you're going to have to beat an 18. Three. What's our stance? I mean, it would be helpful to know what race she is, if she has the powers. It's a very sort of open-ended joke. What fantasy race? I see. Okay. Hot mic, hot mic. The people heard that. The people heard you talking about what race the person was. I'm saying elves are tall, orcs are beefy. If she's a halfling, this is a legitimate problem. We think everyone deserves to walk the speed that they want, regardless of race. Oh, no.

How about length of your legs? Wait, hold on, hold on. We have to pick a stance first. Anyway, anyway. I mean, it's kind of an open question. It's not necessarily a question. Okay, then in that case, we get to answer first or second. Do you want first or second? Second. You guys get to go first. You have 60 seconds starting. Henry, what are you going to do? No, it's okay. I'm not Dark Henry anymore. No, Henry.

What? Go ahead. Go ahead, Henry. Hi, everyone. Henry Oak here. I'd like to apologize for my last answer. I just, you know, the stress of this election. Henry's on the couch out of nowhere. The stress of this election just really been getting to me, but there's no excuse for just caving into the worst impulses in your dark, dark heart. I just want to say that in our society and Walter's society, you won't have anywhere to go because everything will be great.

And you'll get to stop and smell the roses. And it'll be walkable cities. You know, I read this really interesting article about 15-minute cities. Imagine a big road. And next to that road, another big road. And you can go whatever space you're going, there's a road for you. There's so many roads under Walter's Roadship Initiative. When Walter's in the White House, free rollerblades to anybody who wants them.

I feel like you guys still don't really understand what the deal with the White House is, but... Walter will make it happen. Ten seconds left. Because Walter will be so blissed out from getting blown every day. Post-nut clarity will result in real solutions. Everybody is on their own path. Pick a road for you. Fuck. Let me start off. Sure.

Three, two, one, go. Oh, you know what a 15-minute city is? It's a city that only lasts 15 more minutes when the daddies show up in it and cause chaos and drop a fucking pyramid on everything. We need an answer on the pyramid thing. We can't keep dodging the pyramid thing. Now, regarding walking in front of people, what do we think? Here's the thing. Everybody in

Everybody in Faerun is so different. If you're a halfling, you're real small, but you've got big feet. If you're an elf, you're real tall and you're skinny. If you're an orc, you're just real big all over. You take up a lot of space. We as Faerun

have to be able to observe the people around us and make space for them. And if someone's not going to do that, then you rob them and you go around them. That's my take. Rob them and go around them if they won't fucking move. Yes. Having a two-tier system where firstly, you default to being polite and allowing them the space they need. And then secondly, if that doesn't work, you rob them. Case closed. We yield the remainder of our time. Baby. All right. You have 30 seconds to respond. I got this. I got this. Three, two, one. 30 seconds. Oh.

Oh, sorry. Am I on? I was just quickly, I just got a little, I was just looking at this newspaper here. It seems that, this is irrelevant, but 95% of pedophiles support you too. Anyways, sorry, what were we talking about? I was just really disgusted by that fact. I'm sure the audience would be disgusted by that fact too. In fact, if I had to walk anywhere, it would be walking Scam Likely right to prison for supporting the pedophilia. That's all I have to say. That's your time.

Scam's not going to respond to that because Trump never did. Josh Zellers asks, should dogs be able to vote? We got a 16. Yes. Yes. We got a 16. You have to roll high on that to choose your position. Three. Is our position yes? Obviously. Okay, yeah. We choose yes. You have to choose no. Oh, easy. We're the best face. Now, are you going first or second? We'll go second. Okay. Okay.

All right. Our time starts in three, two, one, go. Of course! All dogs are good dogs. All dogs are good dogs. Not all gods are good gods. No, a lot of them are great. Especially here in Faerun where some of you can talk. Am I right? What?

That's what I'm talking about. You're just as sentient and intelligent as anybody else. You deserve a vote in this system. Now the dads are going to have to tell you that you don't deserve to vote. That's pretty messed up. The dads are going to tell you you're bad dogs and we think that should be illegal. No, you're good dogs. It's illegal to have a bad attitude towards a good dog, don't you think? I say bad dads. Bad dads make naughty puppies.

You know what? Fuck it. That's our time. 36 seconds. That's all we needed. It's smoked, guys. What are we going to do? Daryl, take it. I thought you said you had something. Every time Amanda shows up, you guys get fucking obliterated. Now once the dogs start talking. Daryl Henry snatches his herpes. No, no. All right. Go.

Dogs are wolves. Wolves kill people. Wolves are bad. Dogs are only here because of our bread. That's what turned wolves into dogs because we gave them bread, right? That's why they're nice now. But the second we run out of bread, the dogs are going to die. Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry. I think dogs here are like people. That's the problem. Dogs, dogs. And you just called them wolves. Go on.

I saw a movie called Zootopia. And in that movie, there were two classes of people. There were the predators who were... Now, it's complicated in the movie. I disagree. I disagree. Dogs...

Vote if you want to. I'll be on Scam's team for this. If you want to vote. You have to come over to my side now. You're on Scam's team now. Okay, well, yeah. If Dog wants to vote, I say let him. Let him vote. He's a good boy and he's got good opinions. I think that's beautifully said, Ron. Good job. All right, so that's your time. Now Ron is on Scam Likely's team. Oh, God. You cannot get him back. Okay.

Okay. He teleports to our side of the stage. Yeah, you teleport to our side of the stage. Okay. We have 30 seconds to rebut. Henry looks exactly like fucking Nixon in that JFK debate where he's all pallid and sweaty. He ties fucking gumbobs.

Let me be clear. None of the dogs are wolves. What I meant was that wolves are very noble and they're just sort of... For our 30 seconds, I'm not even going to speak. I'm going to leave the words to a former daddy who has now seen the light named Ron Stampler. Ron, why do you think

dogs should be able to vote again? We got a chance here. That's great. Yes. I'm so glad to be representing the team of Scam Likely. Scam cares about dogs because he would kill every other thing ever if he were in the White House. You tell them we're back to your side. God damn it. You can see that the daddies are duplicitous, double-faced liars. Yeah, at least you know we're scamps. We tell you up front, don't we? We tell you we're scamps. And anyway, everyone knows wolves and dogs are real different. Come to this

party. Is Ron still on your side? No. No, he went back. If you're a single issue vote. Can we talk to Walter real fast? What's up, guys? I think you fucking did something real bad. I think you asked some pretty big favors, my dude. Yeah, I gotta say, I'm a little surprised because it sounded like this was just about which one of you deserved to go to this cool house, but they're asking us a lot of tough questions. You're in the audience, Walter. Are the dogs mad at me?

He's going to roll perception. They're livid. They're already tweeting. They're already talking to their birds on their shoulders. I got a question for you. How did you win the primary? What was your closing message for that day when they all voted? Why did people like you? I did free pizza parties every Monday. What the fuck were you telling them when we came up on stage, Walter? Come on. I'm dying out here. I'm calling dogs wolves. I don't know what I'm doing. I should be running.

anything we could have said dogs don't need a vote because they got free pizza all the time because Walter already promised that everything pushing a pro pizza party agenda this whole time and now you're just telling me with five minutes left of the debate Walter come on I only barely won I thought it was a risky strategy I didn't want to undermine you Walter honestly I don't know if you deserve this but we're gonna give her a shot you've just been sitting here quietly the whole time we're sweating up here I don't want to make a mistake and screw myself

over. I'm nervous. I'm shy. I think Walter should answer the next question. Walter, you're the one they love. It's got to be you. Okay. Fine. I'll do it. Okay. Final question comes from Bibliobree. Oh, they got two questions. Lucky them. Bibliobree simply says three words. Pineapple on pizza. I roll 11. What do you roll? Walter's team rolls a two. Okay.

Okay, so we roll an 11. We get to choose. Yeah, whatever you want. Yeah, whatever you want. So Walter seems going to have to argue that you can't put pineapple on pizza. Do you want to go first or second? Walter, what do you want to do? Remember, this is your big chance to talk about you. This is a perfect segue. Perfect segue to your pro pizza party platform. Okay, I guess I'll go first. All right, you got this, buddy. You got this. All right, here we go.

First of all, I'd like to thank the castle for allowing us to use this space for the debate today. I'd like to acknowledge each and every one of you for allowing us to come in. That's not something Scam has done. But I want to say quickly that pizza is an interesting topic because every single Monday, for free, you'll all be able to come into the White House and have as much pizza as you want. Now, there will not be pineapple available and I have to say this because a lot of people are allergic to pineapple, so we can't cross contaminate the pizza with that because I care about your health. If

If you want pineapple on its own, that's great. You'll just have to bring your own. It's just not going anywhere on my pizza personally. We will also have vegan pizzas, gluten-free pizzas. I'm here to make the party as fun as it can be for everybody. Whereas my opponents are going to tell you that, oh, all pizza is good pizza. No, there are bad pizzas, and I'm just not going to serve them. They're going to serve all kinds of crap and call it pizza because they're scammers. They're going to give you a tire, a rubber tire, and say, oh, it's a rubber pizza. They're going to screw you over. Scam likely sucks.

What the fuck were we doing this whole time? Why were we talking? Hashtag rubber pizza is already trending. Walter, this is a lesson in confidence, buddy. You didn't need us. Walter, your last answer was your rebuttal. Fire all of us. Say you'll never see us again. Say it because I'm a businessman and a businessman does not belong in the White House. Oh, that's good. So we have a minute to argue that you should put pineapple on pizza starting now.

Do whatever you like! Yeah, whatever. It's just food. If it makes you happy, eat it. Although, do I have to say, I personally really like the idea of a rubber pizza, so good on you. Well, that was pretty good. Yeah, weird to shit on other people's tastes. There are some species in Faerun that love to eat rubber. Are you not wanting them to come to your house party? What about gemstones? Do gemstones not go on pizzas? Because I bet I could find you a bunch of dragon folk born that would love some gemstones pizza. Oh yeah, I guess dragons don't come

happened to your party either. There they go with the dragons again. I didn't know you were out with the anti-dragons. Dragon born ain't big sized dragons, you idiot. What a shame. Fuck off back where you came from. No, we're going to have every type of pizza. Walter's right. We are going to have every type of pizza at our party because we want every type of Faerunian to show up. I'm going to do it at least three days a week. At least three days. Just Monday? Woof. Wouldn't want to be you. Yeah, that's enough for us. Yeah, I find that pretty good. All right. I got 30 seconds to remind you. You got this, Walter. All right. Remember, throw us under the bus. Yeah.

Oh no. Wait. Dang.

I am disassociating myself from them. You can't do that. You're just like the dogs who are really wolves. All those racist things are just them saying it, not me, Walter. Sorry, Scam. Sorry, they found us out, Scam. I love dogs. I love dragons. I love everybody. Scam, what do we do now, Scam? Every bad thing you thought about my campaign, just them. Thank you. What do we do now, Scam? Yes, Scam. You're paying us. Yes, Scam. We didn't even get to talk about all the other evil stuff you wanted to do. Your mic's off. I'm sorry. They didn't hear that part.

Aaron O'Neill looks at both of you and says, candidates, I would like to thank you for the time you've given us here today. Thank you, Aaron. Oh, thank you, Aaron. Oh, I guess the other ones aren't going to thank me. Well, we're not the candidates. We've been fired, Aaron. You're running mates, so you are candidates. No, we got fired. We're not on the ticket anymore. That's fair. Thank you, Aaron. It's disqualified. Well, yeah, actually, now Walter has no running mate. No, no, he's still on the ticket. There's still one. He fired the four of us. Yeah, baby, it's me. Me. Me.

Glenn, won't you want us to be in the White House so you can hear a lot of conversations like this? Glenn, cast mass suggestion. That.

Glenn gets up to the-

Vote for Walter. And I magically influence up to 12 creatures. Okay. I'm going to reach out to 12 people on our Discord privately, randomly. And each of you

are going to have to roll a wisdom saving throw. And that's a wisdom DC 15. Yes, to see if you can resist Glenn's mass suggestion. And again, it probably won't change anything because you're going to go for the daddies in the first place. As we all know, this race could not be closer. And it's all going to come down to turnout. The margins are going to be super, super small. It could come down to 12 votes in Faerun or in America, which is why you should go to vote.org and remember to fucking check your registration to vote. Gosh darn it.

Yeah, honestly. That's kind of all we have to say is go vote. I mean, fucking vote for Kamala. Like, don't be an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, she's a cop. Yeah, she's not great on the genocide in Gaza, but Trump actively wants it to happen and he will make it worse. Fucking vote for Kamala. What are you, what's wrong with you? You're listening to us and you don't, you're like, should I vote for, yeah. Yeah, you should. Why haven't you registered already? Jesus. There's not even ads on this episode. That's how much it matters to us. And we live in California. We're totally exempt from anything bad that's going to happen. Yeah.

So anyway, thank you so much for listening. Please head to vote.org to check your voter registration and, you know, vote by mail if you can. Even if you think you're already registered to vote, a lot of... Always double check. There's been a lot of purges of voter registration. So please check again and make absolutely sure. And in all seriousness, Donald Trump and his Project 2025 overlords want to ban abortion, roll back protections for LGBTQ people, and round up immigrants by the millions and put them into detention camps.

This race could not be more important. It could not be closer. Your vote could not matter more. So if you care about women's rights, if you care about LGBTQ rights, if you care about human rights, democracy, our fucking planet, you need to vote and you need to vote for Kamala Harris. Please vote in your local elections.

as well. With a faint reminder that if Trump does win, we probably won't have very many local elections anymore. So maybe just consider that. How often do you get to say, I voted in the last presidential election in American history? So make sure you do, just in case. All right. Thank you so much for listening to us. Thank you, Amanda, for coming on and debating. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you for joining us once again. And thank you. And thank you, America. For stressing us out. And with that, we yield the remainder of our time.

Thank you.