CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 3 MONTHS! (Listen before 2025)
12:17 Share

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn.com slash results.

LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. At NYU Stern, excellence is forging your own path. Discover the Executive MBA program in Washington, D.C. Engage with leaders and explore a diverse range of perspectives on business in one of the world's most connected cities. The program brings world-renowned NYU Stern professors to D.C. with classes one weekend per month, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

It's time to become the kind of emotionally intelligent leader you'd like to follow. Search NYU Stern EMBA in DC for more. It's not going to change in a positive way by chance. It literally has to by choice. You have to decide. You have to decide, I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to learn from this. I'm not going to keep seeing it the same way.

I have a choice. Like I either can reshape it, reshape the meaning of that conversation, turn it into something beneficial, turn it into learning and growth, or just let it be. And if I don't do anything about it, then the past is going to dictate the present rather than the present dictating the past. What are you looking back for? There ain't nothing back there. The past isn't going to save you. The past isn't going to help you become the person you want to become.

The past ain't gonna make you rich. The past ain't gonna help you lose weight. All it's gonna do is slow down your journey. If we were to ask, "Well, who are you gonna be in 10 years from now?" Most people haven't really thought about it. And so most people assume that who they are in the present is gonna, for the most part, be the same person they are in the future.

Daniel Gilbert, who's a Harvard psychologist, been studying this for decades, attributes that mostly just to a lack of imagination, just that most people are not simply thinking about it. And so because they're not thinking about it, they just push the present into the future. From my perspective, it's a lot more useful to imagine the future and then pull the future into the present. So yet let the future dictate what you do in the present rather than let the present dictate how you see the future.

And I say it's a skill. It's honestly a skill. Developing imagination for your future self, starting to build the connection with that identity, and then honestly starting to operate from that identity. So getting connected to the future self, a lot of it's just really about like, am I on the right track? Am I on a track I want to be on? Do I like this? It's really a way of having conversations with yourself. Um,

It's very in line with just the whole framework of important versus urgent, right? And so it's like if everything feels urgent and you're not connected to what's important, then you're probably not making massive strides forward. You're probably on autopilot. You're probably on the hamster wheel. So I think it's extremely important, even if you feel stressed, even if you feel busy, even if you feel like you don't have those five minutes to just go and sit and sit in your journal and just write all the things you're...

You probably need that more than anyone. You know, if someone had five minutes and wanted to start this, like they're bought in. What would somebody do? I've got five minutes of my day. That's all I've got. What would be the practice that I get into? If you only are going to give yourself five minutes, period, flat, actually do it at night. So research shows that 90% of people procrastinate sleep by just mindless scrolling. And so they're literally procrastinating sleep and literally putting their future self first.

in a hole the next morning because of mindless consumption. So, and we all, you know, that's very common. And so in my view, what you do in the last hour of your day is the most potent form of habit formation. So like what we do at night, right before we sleep is going to inform our habits way more than any other period of the day. And so...

A lot of huge, huge amount of research on this, that if you just simply at the end of your day, pull out your journal and just write down three things from that day that you are grateful for. It's so basic, but it's shown dramatically to increase happiness and to increase sleep quality. It just gets things down. But also if you just give yourself three to five minutes, a lot of times because people are not practiced at this. And I have different iterations of this. I have, uh,

in my mind, a lot deeper forms of reflection than just simply writing what you're grateful for. But this is like a, honestly, just a start because it trains people to look back at the day and to think about it. And so by actually thinking about it,

and pondering it, they'll say, well, actually, you know, that person at work was super nice to me. I'm grateful for that. Like, so now they're starting to take ownership of their past. They're starting to create the frame. They're starting to actually pull usefulness from it. And so they can then think, well, today actually was pretty great. Or there was components of today that were all right. And so just by simply doing that, that's a great start. Obviously, they're connected. But what's the difference between kind of really imagining yourself in the future versus having a goal?

Imagining your future self is what can inform your goals. And so like as an example, when I was a graduate student, I really wanted to be a professional author.

I saw that as something I wanted to do, and so that informed the goals I set, such as I want to get a book deal, which goal subsequently allowed me to go and start blogging online and learning how to develop an audience so that I actually could get that book deal. So my future self, the person I wanted to be, thinking about my identity. Identity and goals are highly commonplace.

correlated. From my view, I think about my future self quite long term, but also much more like saying the next like three years, who I'm going to be in three years. Obviously, with a growth mindset, you're a lot more connected to or even identified by your future self than a fixed mindset. Fixed mindset would be you're overly identified with who you are today or even who you were in the past.

Growth mindset means you're not overly identified with who you are today. You know that who you are is flexible. So you're getting really, really connected with who you could be in the future, believing that your future self could be massively more capable, more skilled, more confident. And there's a lot of research as well on the idea of getting emotionally connected to your future self. And so you want to think about it, but ultimately you want to get to a place of knowing your future self, having a friendship with your future self, beginning to invest in your future self.

um for me reaching a place of acceptance uh acceptance commitment even gratitude appreciation and then you get to the place of knowing where that's like that's where i would say you're you're you're kind of in a place of confidence you already you've reached a place of knowing that that's who you are now even if there's not that much evidence if you're building that evidence you start to know that that's the direction you're going you start to talk more about it you're not that afraid of it and so like i would say that knowing is also really connected with commitment where like

you're now like going to find the way. This fits with Frankel as well, Victor Frankel in Man's Search for Meaning where he says when the why is strong enough, you can bear any how but also when the why is strong enough, you will find the how. So this fits with hope and what would be considered pathways thinking that once you get really committed, you have that place of knowing. I'll sit in my journal, it could be three years in the future and I'll literally think about the context of my future self, think about where I want to be and I will then write a letter as my future self

to me, who would be my future self's past self. I really don't think it needs to take that long. Like you could just take 10 or 15 minutes. It's really a skill. I think that the past and the future are skills. You get good at like drafting them. So you get better and better at being flexible. There's a huge concept in psychology called psychological flexibility. And so a lot of this has to do with your ability to frame, reframe, see it from a different angle, not be so dogmatic about one angle or one view. So I can know, for example, that my view of

even today is going to change. And that in a week from now, I'll have different perspectives. And so I don't need to be so, so clingy, I guess you could say to one angle, but also that same thing can be true of my future self. And so I think you become a lot more flexible, less rigid about, you know, needing to do it right. I can do it as a draft, just like I would draft a blog post. And so I can get into the mindset, really think about my future self, think about where I want to be

and play with it. I could play with my imagination. The past is actually a representation of who I am now, rather than who I am now is a representation of my past. Stop looking back. Start looking forward. All the past is going to do is slow down your journey. You got to change shit up if you want to be great. You see, a lot of y'all haven't seen that success in your life because you keep looking backwards and set it towards the things you want to achieve.

You gotta realize that if you wanna make a significant change in your life, you gotta start doing things differently. You can't expect different results doing the same shit you've been doing for the last six years. You can't expect different results by doing the same shit you've been doing for the last six months. We gotta change it up, homie. You gotta step your game up. Push to the next level. Work later. Work longer. Work harder. If you wanna be great, you gotta act like it. Put those blinders on and start grinding.

Act like a wolf and stop looking over your shoulder like a sheep. Look to the future. You got this shit. Let's go. Who you are in the present is basically what is creating the past. Obviously, the past influences who you are in the present. It's kind of a circular. But memory is always a reconstruction in the present. And one of my favorite psychologists, he wrote a book called Time and Psychological Explanation. He said that it's more accurate to say that the present causes the meaning of the past than to say that the past causes the meaning of the present.

And so what I take from that and what I've learned from that is that who I am in the present, it's largely up to me what I do with my past, how I frame it, whether I utilize it or whether I believe it's driving me. And I've learned...

more and more to use my past as a tool, but also to turn it into an asset where I create more and more value from it. Getting in touch with your future self is very similar to just honestly meditation. It's not the same as meditation, but it could be a form of meditation. And so I would argue if you're not taking time regularly, even to just

sit and just like think for even like five or 10 minutes, but like that everything feels too overwhelming, then you're, from my view, you're definitely like probably off course. If I thought about it, just like with thinking about those three gratitudes, if I actually think about it and I say, how am I a different person than I was this morning when I woke up? The initial reaction would be, I'm not, it's only been like 12 hours. How could I be different? But if I really think about it, what do I now know that I didn't know before? Um,

What, you know, what experiences have I had that my prior self hadn't had when I had just woken up? And if I actually think about it, just like gratitude, I'm creating the frame of my past. I actually can and do see that I am different than my past self, even 12, 13 hours ago or the night before, 24 hours ago. And by actually focusing on that and by appreciating that, I now acknowledge that I've changed, which increases my psychological flexibility.

It allows me to see that I am not the same person, that I am growing, that I am evolving, which is really useful for then getting skillful at re, you know, thinking of your future self as a different person. If I'm different from who I was 24 hours from now, then it's, it's likely that my future self could be different in 24 hours in positive, meaningful, and even self-directed ways. And so I just think that it's really mastery of the past is, is very powerful for also developing mastery of your future.

How could this be applied to help somebody get unlocked from something that feels very traumatic? The past is either an asset or it's a liability.

And if it's an asset, that means it's something that's continuing to pay you more and more. You believe that the present and future are better as a result. That because of that experience, you're continuing to get kind of interest in the present and future. Whereas if it's a liability, you believe it's continuing to drain your present and future. And that is all based on how you're choosing to frame it, what you're choosing to do with it. And...

in the beginning you may not feel like you have choice in the matter. Like, how could you see it any different? And that's like the ability to get to the point where you start to try.

and you start to believe that it's possible, and then you start to work on it, maybe even start to get help in looking at it from a different angle, starting to learn from it, starting to think that it was something useful. Even if you find reasons, just like finding things you're grateful for at the end of the day, you've got to actually exert some creativity on it. You have to actually like, it is creativity, just as much as creativity towards your future. When life gets busy...

Pause, take a deep breath, download Mindset, and listen to your favorite inspirational speeches to unlock your full potential. As the days get shorter and the nights chillier, it's tough to keep up your fall workout routine. Thankfully, there's Allo Moves, the app that brings workouts and wellness to the comfort of your home. Join allomoves.com with code ACAST for a 30-day free trial and 20% off an annual membership.

From yoga and Pilates to sound baths and meditations, Allo Moves has it all, with classes made to fit every schedule. Find your perfect wellness routine anytime and anywhere with code ACAST at allomoves.com.

At NYU Stern, excellence is forging your own path. Discover the Executive MBA program in Washington, D.C. Engage with leaders and explore a diverse range of perspectives on business in one of the world's most connected cities. The program brings world-renowned NYU Stern professors to D.C. with classes one weekend per month, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It's time to become the kind of emotionally intelligent leader you'd like to follow. Search NYU Stern EMBA in D.C. for more.