"Robert Downey Jr.”
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Hey, everybody. You're listening to SmartList, hosted by Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and myself, Sean Hayes. I know, I wish my voice was more masculine, too. This show is about learning through laughter in the brains of people around the world who are far smarter than us three idiots. And each week, one of us brings on a guest who the other two don't know about. So with that, let's jump into the SmartList rocket ship and let's blast off into the universe together. ♪

Ooh, I think I just turned myself on.

Welcome back to Smartless. Yeah, welcome. It's nice to be here. Jason, do you have a recital today? Your hair's matted down. Dude, are you going to court? Have you got a... Are you trying to be... Did you catch a case? Oh, there it is. I was trying to pin my wing back. You know what I can do? I can put on here. Let me help. Let me put on my workout headband. Hold on. This is great. You're going to love this. Oh, God, you're going to love this. With the glasses and everything, it's kind of a really good look.

Oh, look at that. Do you wear that working out for real? Yeah. I gotta keep my hair out of my face. Wait, you wear that headband to work. Well, I got blue. I've got red. I've got white. Um, someone's American. I've also got some fuzzy Birkenstocks that I've been wearing. What does red mean? Does red mean just hand jobs? Yeah. Open for H J. Uh, it's just a more economical way to say it. Uh, blue, uh,

You know, we keep it with the Bs. That's for BJ. And then white means there's really no bad ideas. Oh, my God. Our listener logged off quite a while ago. I know. So, guys, how funny is it that we have today? Hang on. Why don't we have your camera? Well, because I have a special guest, our special guest. Oh.

Is en studio. Should I take off my headband? No, our guest really enjoys it. And they're going to tell you why in a second. But our guest, we have said this before, like, no, this guest requires no introduction. But truly, this is... But this one we need to carve out 20 minutes. We need a big introduction. So we have, I produced a musical number. No, this person has done it all and has been...

is a multi-Academy Award-nominated actor, is a...

has acted in over 4,000 films, all of which are the biggest films that have ever been on the face of the planet. 4,000. Was also a cast member of Saturday Night Live, has literally done everything that show business has asked him to do. He has done it and given back tenfold. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, your friend and mine, Mr. Robert Downey Jr. Oh, look at that. You're a son of a bitch. Oh.

Holy shit. It's on like conky dong. So. Don't remove the headband. It's very Charlie Sheen platoon send up movie. Wow. It really is actually. Robert, we met like quite a while. Bob, Robbie. We met quite a while ago. Throbbing knob if you don't mind. Throbbing knob. Throbbing knob.

But then you have to remove the junior because that would be embarrassing. So I think that we met the very first time was at the SAG Awards when you won over me when you were on Ally McBeal. And we had to do press in the back and you were the kindest, nicest person I'd ever met that night. It was awesome. And I was like, I can't believe I'm meeting Robert Downey Jr. It was so cool. And my next question is... Last question. Last question.

No, I think that was it. I forgot that you'd done Ally McBeal. Right? You did a few. How many? You were on for a while, right? I got out of the jernt. Yep. Yeah. I went on to the show. The shirt. I remembered an old pager number, and I got kicked off the show. Okay.

I love that journey. Oh, the pager days. And then you just got to go down to a pay phone and wait for them to call and make sure no one takes the pay phone. There's only one there. Buddy, can you step back? I'm expecting a call. You know? It was a lot of stress. I don't know what version of Raleigh Studios Manhattan Beach you were at, but we had dressing rooms with landlines. Oh, yeah. No, I was at the Hilton at the 405 in Sunset. Oh, my gosh.

In the revolving bar. Yeah. Yeah. How is this phone not getting tied up in its own cords when this bar has turned 18 times since I paged him back? Uh... How long's it been? It's been 45 Getty Centers. That's how long it's been. Robert, um, I'm taking quite a bit of supplements each day. Uh, Amanda, my wife, has got me, uh,

Um, dying for them to kick in. Yeah. She's just got me. She's got a bunch of, uh, of people that she, uh, trust defers to respects that, that understand medicine, uh, Western and Eastern. And I am the proud recipient of some of that thing, but I am swallowing about 30 supplements a day as a result. You're, you're about at that with me, aren't you? I've, I've seen, I've seen your kit. Yeah. Well, are you at 30?

It varies, but look, I know Amanda and I know that whole circle of alternative medicine. You might be responsible for a couple of these doctors that I'm having to listen to. Just put your hand out and take it, particularly nowadays. I mean, you know, you go get blood work and they say, oh, your irons are a little, this or that. And there's all these new things that the deeper you go into looking at a panel, the

the longer you can sustain. When your doctor checks your blood, does he look especially at your iron man? Oh, God.

I usually sniff after a real powerful joke. Oh, is that what you do? Yeah. Is that your trademark? If you were a recording artist, would you be looking at your albumen? Nice. Now, do you feel – I'm still on the supplement thing. I don't feel bad, but I don't know if I feel great because –

because I haven't, knock wood, I haven't felt bad for a long time. I can't attribute this to the supplements. I don't know whether it's just because it's that or because I'm not eating a cheeseburger every day or I'm no longer drinking or any of those things. Are you still going the vegan, Bateman? Are you still doing it? No. I did that to drop the cholesterol and I did it for six months and I dropped one point. You had a scary, you've got a very high cholesterol. I know that because we share the same doctor and she gives me results regularly.

You're cool with that. But my question, Robert, is do you, you believe. So there's the question in here. Yeah. I'm famous for all that. You, so you believe in all this stuff. You're, you're still taking them or are you just kind of like, I don't know if they're working or not. All I know is I'm not dead yet. So why screw with it? I'll be, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.

Uh, well, I mean, look, some of it is pretty irrefutable. Uh, you can go by how you feel, or you can go by the recommendations of people that are smarter than you. But again, these are, you know, desperate times, desperate measures. It's very odd. And tell me if you can relate to this since March and, and, and knock wood, and we've done everything we're supposed to do. And I've lost a friend to COVID and folks we know obviously have gotten it and it's a big deal, but

It's also odd how few other things have come up within my circle of friends or people I know since because the threat has been so homogenized and made into this one thing that I don't – usually you get a summer cold. Right. But strangely, at least in the areas where people are following all the guidelines and the protocols –

All that sort of stuff is just down. Just because people aren't interacting with each other, do you think? Probably. And then you have to go to what's the real element here is an unprecedented psychological shift. And having done actual time, there's something very interesting about having your movement limited and all that and for kids and all that stuff. So I think a lot of it is, you know, there's an immunological response to that.

these crazy circumstances. Do you think, yeah, it's funny you bring that up, like the being confined and talking about doing actual time. People talk about quarantine. When you hear people going like, oh my God, I've been stuck in my beautiful house for the last six months. Are you like, dude, shut the hell up? No, I'm not. Because what everyone's going through is what they're going through and it's specific to them and it is a big deal. How long were you given time to think about it all? How much time did you spend being quiet in a room?

How long were you incarcerated, I think is what he's trying to say. Yeah, I mean, just ask the question. Yeah, how long were you locked up? Wait, you're still mumbling. That was that lascivious tone. Maché mumble. That sounded like Dungeon 4 play to me.

How long do you want to be logged up? I did 12 days once, four months, 13 days a second time, and then something like three years or two and a half. I forget. The last time it didn't matter because it was state time. Right. What does that mean?

It just means you're not in county, you're not in some awful spot. You're just in an actual prison where you have significantly more freedom. For how long? I don't know. I think, well, I know that Judge Myra, God bless him, threw the book, the gavel, his wig, and the bench at me. His wig. So I think I had a...

three-year suspended sentence. But then I appealed it. It turned out he had over-sentenced me. Really? And I don't blame him for it. I would have done the same thing. Really? But you weren't three years in a jail cell, were you? I think it was 26 months or something like that. Wow. See, I've done things in my life not to avoid prison, but I'm just fingers crossed. I'm like, oh, God, that'd be so hot.

So hot. Just for a weekend. I would imagine, knowing you as I do, I'll bet you can probably say that you grew mentally and spiritually to the positive in a way that you would never take back. You're probably better now than you ever were because of that focusing of the mind during all that isolation. Yes? Well, first of all, I probably deserved it. So that helps.

Second of all, it's very monastic and rather dangerous and isolating. And, you know, it's awful. It's traumatic. But again, for someone who's never been told to stay at home and drop ties with their family and miss birthdays and funerals and weddings and not see the birth of your sister's baby or whatever. Right.

It didn't bother me. Sorry. Right. Well, that's what I'm trying to gently ask is that you probably found the growth in it to the extent that there is some of that isolation. Getting back to what Will was talking about, about everyone's kind of this quarantine thing. Yeah.

We're reading articles, we're hearing things about how people are finding the plus and the minus of isolation. And it is a choice, I would imagine. What you went through was something completely different and quite a bit more severe, obviously. And public. Yeah, but I would imagine you found some real growth during the quiet time, just sitting there thinking with no choices, no ability to distract.

Yeah, I think I've said this before, but here's a crazy thing, too. If you've had a trippy life, and I think all of us can agree that just being in the entertainment field is, you know, we know the psychological breakdown of folks like us. Something about having a cell door close behind you.

This is when I was in Twin Towers and the glamour slammer. You will never be safer than you are when a correctional officer or the sheriffs lock you down in that room. As long as you trust your celly, you will never be safer than that. Because until the morning when they pop them open. Yeah. Wow. Wow. One time, I remember, Sean, this was a while ago, you told me this, and I

i think you're over now but i remember you telling me that one time the four seasons they up your room and they put you next to the elevator yeah and i thank you for bringing that up will yeah because a lot of people think my pain isn't real either sure and uh i was just so i went i'm i didn't walk i marched to that front desk and i said you weren't even sure if you could hear the ding yeah do you hear that thing because it's in my head is it loud it's loud enough in my head it must be in yours by now knowing it was there because you know what you're going to hear in the morning sir

And the repeated trauma too, because I heard they'd given you a 2 p.m. check-in, but housekeeping hadn't really gotten down into the... Dude, don't do this to him. I'm so glad I didn't bring this story up. Thank you. No, wait, I want to say that because I come from a family of several addicts. And I always... And I've asked... I've had this conversation with Will several times too. I always find... I'm fascinated with how the brain works about that. And so I always ask people like yourselves...

If I had a drink in front of you or was doing a line of Coke, which I've never done, or smoke a pot or whatever it is in front of you now at this stage after all you've been through, is that a trigger for you? Are you enough? Have you gotten beyond the fact that actually not only is it not a trigger, I see that and I'm like, I really don't want anything to do with that. Or is there still a part of you that likes that or wants that? It's been long enough where to me, like we had some guests over and it was my buddy's 50th birthday. Yeah.

And before that, there was some guests visiting who have a couple of kids and one of them had to go out of town. I could tell. I was just like, all right, get two bottles of white. Get two bottles of red. Get one bottle of rosé. Get two bottles of Veuve Clicquot Le Grandin. I know. And take me back to Paris the way you just said that. Wait, wait. I still know the experience the same way that if you're –

allergic to a medication but you know that it would take the edge off for someone else you would say you know what i have some of that now and you want that for someone else in a way it's that's the caretaker in you you're a very good caretaker i will say so that i was there for one of those and you were offering somebody wine and then you told you were like arnett come with me and i went down with you to get the bottle of wine and then you held it for half the trip upstairs and then i handed it like a relay race how long ago was that

Four days ago. Four days ago. Oh, wow. And by the way, that's just still an experiment because nothing happens when it happens, right? You know, you, let's say you get insulted. Uh-huh. And two weeks later. Listen to the podcast. Really? Yeah.

Two weeks later, like we were saying, that's when you have the comeback and you're really ready to go confront that person. Right, because you've had time. Yeah. Anyway, we know what to do. And I got your boy here and we keep an eye on each other. And there's a great community. Because also the other thing that's fascinating in my brain too is

whatever part of the brain that is wired to addiction, once you've kind of curbed that, or even if you haven't, and then fame hits, like for example, you were always famous, you were always working, you were always in the public eye, but then when this Marvel thing happened and now you're literally a viable, gigantic, global product now in the world,

Does that, because they say fame can be a drug too, does that trigger anything or does that replace it and do you have to be careful about that? It triggers all the character defects, but you don't have to worry about that until you're at that part of your recovery. But to me, more than anything, I was just like, I had something that I was like, wow.

Leave it to me to fuck this up. Right? And and so I knew my own my own inclination Well, I was gonna say the other thing is you brought up and Robert you were just alluding to it Which is you know the thing and you hear this a lot in in a and in recovery that community is the opposite of addiction, right? right and that's what's so important and and

Yeah, so we joke about having the hot potato bottle of wine, but to answer your question, from my side, if I'm there, I don't feel threatened. I don't feel like I'm just going to rip the top off the bottle and I'm going to guzzle it under the table. But we can't be too sure. We can't be too sure, and there's still enough time left in the day to do it. But I know that especially if I'm there and he's there,

that I'm really good. And if it's Robert or if it's one of my other friends and he's got a million people in his life and I have a million people in my life, that's the key to it. And if I'm there with a red headband, you know that the rest of the day is going to be taken care of. The rest of the day is a party. That means that it's Ozark season four. We're on the front of the boat. I think it should be you in a headband dancing, slow dance for opening credits. Now, Robert, you're too humble to be comfortable with this question, but were you aware, was it a conscious experience

shift in your incredible inner power to shift your addiction to having fun, your hedonistic instincts and, and drive those into work, into family, into friends, into the support work you do with other buddies that, that struggle. I mean, it is incredible what you have done on the backside of what you have been through and you have doubled all of your, your,

success, experience, influence, affect over the people that you care about and an industry? Was it conscious? Say, okay, I know I got an engine here. I should point it a more responsible way. Or are you just like, oh, gosh, look, this is happening again for me. I'm not going to screw it up this time. And it was less proactive and just kind of playing defense. Sometimes you know that whatever the usual –

mosh pit. Just, if you could slow down the response, that'd be great. To match his, to match how slow the question is. By the way, I want, I want Will to interpret this his own way while he's riding the mic like he's about to gobble this knob. Oh, when he starts grabbing the bottom of it. Okay. Slower. Half the time.

Whatever all that that maelstrom of all my rationalizations and all that sometimes it just goes away and you see something clearly you have a moment of clarity if you're lucky enough to get that you can squander it and I've done that a bunch too sometimes you get it and you also realize that you're redlining the hubcaps are off and you are not even gonna forget make it to any destination you're not even gonna make the next filling station and you're gonna be stuck and

And I think also part of it was a function of age because I wasn't a kid anymore. I was in my early 40s and I was like, oh, my God, this again.

But I really wanted all that dumb stuff that, let's just face it, we all think we want and then we get it and we go down the K-hole of realizing that it was never really that. It was just about feeling, you know, useful and occupied and wanting to maybe have a leadership position just because if you're in a leadership position, you're more obliged to not drop the ball. Right. So... Yeah, well, that's... I love that. And...

I was going to say, Jason, that, you know, it's funny that you asked that question because I will say that as your friend, I've noticed that you have turned a lot of energy and stuff that you otherwise used to pour into late night activity. And you channeled that. You made a decision. We've talked about it and I've seen you make that decision. You poured it into your life and your kids and your home and into your work. And you actually made a conscious decision. Am I right about that?

Yes. But as you say that, I start thinking about, oh, my God, I'm so lucky that I've got an opportunity to work in this business. Because if I didn't, what would I do with all that ambition? What would I do with all of that? I want to do the right thing now with all of this energy and all of this sort of drive. I just I worry about that.

Maybe that's why I work so hard and try to diversify. I don't want that portal to go away. But, you know, one of the things is, and you guys both kind of alluded to it, and one of the great things about Downey is that he does seem very calm and he does have very, for a guy who's been through a lot, he has a lot of sage. Well, calm, maybe not, but he's got a lot of sage words. But the flip side is that he is constantly of service.

And that's a big thing. And, you know, I see it. And he's such a great example. I've told him, too. I...

I'm amazed and in awe of how much of service he is to other people in and out of whatever. He's constantly of service in his life. And I think that that removing that sort of constantly worrying about the sense of self allows you that room to grow. Would you agree that you don't have to be as aware or thinking about what am I going to do? Yeah, it's just it's just a Jedi mind trick played on self for the highest good.

And, you know, let's not split hairs here. Bateman, you and I should have both been Hollywood casualties. We were raised...

to go, oh my God, the shadow of our dads, the thing that that the pressure is killing me. Oh, now I've got it. Now I feel empty. You know what? Let's, uh, let's make a mockery of this opportunity. I appreciate being coupled with you, but you, my friend have, have gone past the most incredible self-imposed adversity. It's just going to make for an incredible book. If you ever put it down one day, did you guys ever cross paths when you were younger?

We did. I remember being at a house once that you rolled in for just sort of a drive-by and

This is going to be great. We lost you to the bathroom. Were you with Leif? No, Leif was not there. Okay. But I do remember you coming in and I was excited because I thought, oh, well, here we go. I get to get my party on. But you went into the bathroom and then came out and then you were off to the next spot. And I was like, ah, I missed that. I wonder if he left anything behind the toilet for me. Yeah.

You know, one of my moves used to be this is a lot of this, too, is called the old living amends. Like some of this, I feel it's important to host your life. The people you love and this and that, you're meant to take care of them and make sure their needs are met. And it's compensatory. I used to be known as the guy who would go into my girlfriend's roommate's bathroom and go, I'm going to piss in this potpourri.

I wonder how long it'll take him to realize what I've done to you. Just to be funny or just because? Just because it was irreverent and weird, but usually there would have been a little tinge of resentment, like, you know, Amber shouldn't have said that to me. Sorry.

So I wonder how long until this little basket of dried flowers is going to smell like a fucking Panthers dick. Panthers dick. Uh, all right, let's shift for one second. Can we talk a little bit about work family balance? Um,

Are you happier now that I think, I don't know much about your career, but just from the outside looking at it, I'm assuming that the Marvel thing is at a slower speed now or you're done with that now? Yeah, that's all done. Okay. So then I'm assuming you're able to spend even more time with the family now. Are you at a more comfortable ratio work-family balance?

Sure, but quiet as it's kept, the last three to five years, once you're in a big ensemble where it's like working with Mercury to get everybody in one frame, let alone in the same city for a day out of six weeks, um,

I would be at home more often. Now, the big missing integer here is Susan Downey Esquire. Your wife. Who really was such a part of the turnaround and the best mirror and partner for me. So we're out here. She's up in her office. Nothing has slowed for the strong of spirit during this time because you can get a lot done remotely. You just don't have those natural breaks where you get to drive somewhere or...

hang out in the hallway or stand by the cooler for a minute. So I think for a certain type of personality, this has been a relentless pride-swallowing siege of a time, but very productive. I am a little bit more the...

I'd like to be of service all day long. Will they notice when I'm sneaking away to take that hour and 17-minute nap after I've had a handful of custom-colored M&Ms? Yeah. What is that custom color?

Well, if you go to Dylan's Candy on Relain Street. Oh, yeah, that's right. He has like platinum status at Dylan's Candy. Is that still your not-off-drug sugar? So you just mainline an hour's worth of sugar and then you sleep for... It's for the kids, man.

It's for the kids. Last year, last year, Danny came out and he was here with the kids for like a couple weeks before Susan got here. And it was sugar time went every night till 11. He's like, I don't know. Understand the kids aren't going to sleep. And I'm like, yeah, you're letting them eat Reese's peanut butter and

M&Ms until 11. So first of all, I have bad indulgent instincts, but I'm always working on them. So it's like I'm always on demerit status. So I'm like Avis. I'm number two. I try harder. I'm always trying to make up for winning. What is the thing that Susan yells at you for giving the kids?

Yeah, it would be too much pirate booty or pretzels after they already had a snack or XC wants seconds of the ice cream or whatever. And I'm just like, yes. Yeah, I eat ice cream almost every day. Go ahead. Right. Okay, particularly lately. And you know what? Here's my four-word answer. Double up your statin. Calm down about this. Just double up the statin, baby. We got this.

Yes, darling. Do people call you Robert or Bob or what do they call you? Robert. Thank you. So, Robert. Sean, you know why they call him that? I have no idea. Because it's his name. What? Stupid asshole. So, no, I didn't know. People called you something for short, like a nickname. Well, when they earn it, they get it. Okay. Okay.

So go ahead with the problem. So anyway, DJ. Yeah. So wait. Exactly. So to Jason's point earlier about balance of family, work, and life and all that stuff, I always ask other actors this because I fluctuate between that fire in my belly of wanting to prove myself as an actor and stretch my, you know, wings and –

You're not talking about your IBS right now, right? Oh, no, I was going to bring that up. That's actually where I'm going. Fire in your belly. I want to interrupt your question with a question. How many times have you and hubby almost got divorced since you woke up this morning?

Before noon, twice, and now, meh. We're on the fence. We're on the fence. We're just making it. 14 years. We're in mediation. It's so true. You're at about 500 since quarantine, since lockdown, right, Sean? I'll do this. I said this to the guys. I do this almost every morning. I go like this. Hey, Scott, do you want to make out?

So, yeah, like, do you still have the fire in your belly to be an actor? To, like, prove yourself? To that ambition that still drives you? Do you still have that after all of your success?

I have an ambition to do things that I've thought I could do well but haven't done before, kind of like your boy Bateman has been. And I think, like any of us, you never – you don't want to ever give up a juicy role. But the other thing is I'm really good. I'm like a first AD. I think through this script I've been sent with an offer and I realize, you know what this really is? 47 days in a tank.

Right. 22 days of nights. Right. 15 hours a day. 18 hours a day, whatever. Well, that I've got. That I've got. Don't be crazy. What are you fucking? How dare you insult the guy? Oh, sorry. Excuse me. Six hours tops a day, Sean. Next question. No, no, no. I love the way you can predict how many nights are in it too. You can probably predict there's going to be a lot of base camps that are far from set, so I'm not going to have the trailer near me. Okay, so this is what I'm saying is all of that. Yeah, here, let me answer the question.

The question is, you know, are you still feeling it? And my thing is I'm never feeling it until I get there. When the first clapper goes, I wake up. Once the first clapper goes, I'm there. Sure, totally. But what if it all went away? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay. How about that? Because I have a lot of hobbies and I like tweaking on a bunch of stuff. Name one. Why are you so angry, Sean? Jesus. I know. Yeah.

No, I want to know what they are. More than hobbies, I have other interests and things that I felt drawn to. So to be clear, A, any actor's a liar. If they say, how'd you feel if it all went away? I'd be fine because I will survive. Yeah. Nice. Or actors who announced their retirement. I'd like to announce my retirement. To make shoes. First of all, this would be worth it.

Guys, um... It'd be pretty funny if every year show business just retired people. Yeah. I'm sorry, this year so-and-so and so-and-so have been retired. You're like, wait, what? It's like the Premier League. You get relegated. Yeah. What would be number one on that hobby list that you'd go to the first day your career went all the way? I would dive even deeper into the martial arts and start opening up some studios and academies. Are you serious? Dojos. Or DJs, dojos. No, no, no, no. Academies.

Can I tell him? Dojo is Japanese, right? Yeah, that's right. He's corrected me on this before. Oh, so dojo is not – what does dojo mean then? Did I fucking stutter? That's for – dojo is for karate and you're doing – wait. Dojo is for – not for kung fu, which is what Downey does, kung fu. Yeah, anyway.

Forget hobbies. I want all of us to name another interest. So I'll name one, but we got to go around. Okay. Mine would be technology-based climate crisis solutions. Now you. Me next. Ditto. More candy commercials. Okay.

Mine would be a private jet fund. Oh, nice. Not true. Give us a real one. Come on, brother. I know you deep mofo. Yeah, I think that... Sports, hockey, crap? Definitely sports, hockey stuff, but I think that...

I don't know. I'd probably spend more time. I'd like to go back to school and study history. So would the rest of us like you to do that? American history or world history? World history, European history. That's cool. I like that. Yeah, that's what I spend most of my time reading. Give it to me, Hayes.

I play piano. I've studied piano my whole life and thought that I was going to be a composer and a conductor and all that. And then, as they say in the business, I took a left-hand turn. And here I am talking to you, fine. In the piano business? Yeah, selling them. I don't mean playing them. No, so I really enjoy that. I went away from it for several years, and now I've kind of discovered it again. So I started playing a lot lately. Love it. Jason, what's the thing that you would do?

I would – I'm incredibly interested in politics for all the obvious reasons lately, and it's not going away. It's going larger and larger and larger. So I would probably go that direction. Hayes, I have a request. Yes, anything. Jason and Will know. Slower. My dad – I'm doing a documentary about my dad, Bob Sr.,

He is hell-bent on me recreating this song I sang for the Kiwani Solo Festival when I was 15, Schubert's Fischerweise. Oh, yeah. It sounds familiar. I probably couldn't recall it, though. How does it go? What does that mean? Does that mean you sang a song in German? Yes. Oh, boy. Here we go. So he wants me to do it.

As part of the documentary? He's hijacked the documentary because he saw a cut of it and said, it's got no rhythm. What we need is some German singing underneath this sequence. He's the best. He's coming here next week. Anyway, I brought a pair of lederhosen with me. Sure. Sure.

Later, Hosen. Literally. And I don't know if you have a piano handy, but the only way I could do this and record it and film it, because I told Daddy can hijack the documentary that Chris Smith is actually directing. As long as we can film him hijacking the documentary we're doing about his life. That's hilarious. Would you consider accompanying me?

I don't have to consider it. Of course I would do that. Thank you. That's my get. I got my get from Hayes. Can you get me the music? Yes. No. That's the only thing. That's the caveat.

Can you get me the music? What are you in sync? I got my last question. Well, you've done a fantastic job of driving this interview today. Thank you. Did you come with any questions? No, I don't think you've asked to drive it. We're just supposed to be lobbing bombs from the sideline. No, you're not. But I thought that you guys kept jumping on and saying stuff. So I was just letting you know we love. So I wanted you to feel like you were free. I know. I know. I mean, listen, I have a bunch of hard hitting questions. I want to ask Robert. Here we come.

East side or west side of Manhattan? What's your favorite? Upper east. Upper east side. Must. Speaking of Manhattan, that does remind me, do you have fond memories of your brief stint on Saturday Night Live? I have memories of...

It was an... How did that happen? Yeah, so how did that process happen? That was one of the questions. Anthony Michael Hall was cast. He said, I want my boy to be on the show. They're like, yeah, that's not how it works. It's not? That's not going to happen. Didn't you see Weird Science? It's Anthony Michael Hall here. I'm saying my boy Downey's on the show. They're like, well, let's see. All right, but listen, he's great. You're going to love him. He'll come audition, whatever, but then we're going to need...

Belushi and Ackroyd's old office, and we want bunk beds in there with NFL sheets. Is that going to be a problem? They're like, let's do the audition first. And by the way, I'll tell you a really fun part. We were doing the show, and it was the MTV Awards, and all I remember is at one point, we're in a drop-top DeSoto with a driver with white gloves on. I'm sitting with Anthony Michael Hall in the backseat,

And David Lee Roth is shotgun. And we're going somewhere to do something stupid. And I said, you know what? I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Where did you go and what did you do? Where it went gets sadder and sadder and more pathetic and starts opening up some old wounds.

So let's do it. Don't go too far, but we've talked about Leif Garrett. We've talked about on camping trips and stuff with bikes on the top so they can ride into town and get messy. So you can tell a little bit about what happened. Downey's probably got some nice Leif stories. Yeah. Yeah. We had good times with that man. You should get Leif on the show. I love a bit of Leif Garrett. I'll tell you. I do love him. Yep.

He would appreciate that do-rag, your rocket right now. Yeah, right. It's got to come down a little lower for Leif. Yeah, bring it a little lower. That's our boy. Right, just above the eyebrows.

One serious question and then we can stop with the serious questions. When you, because when I first started learning more about you and your dad and how he was a filmmaker and he was an actor and he brought you on and then you guys did drugs as a kid and blah, blah, blah. And then you guys went through all of this journey and you just revealed on this podcast that you're doing a documentary about him. How did you come around to forgiving him?

Like, how did you come back around to having a relationship with somebody who, like, I'm sure you went through the stages of blaming him and all that stuff, because I still blame my dad, and I don't know how to get over it, but... The doc is a hit piece, right, Downey? You have not forgiven him. You're gonna drag him across the cold. It's a gotcha, guerrilla-style, never-ending interview. And it's you in a frozen wink at the end. Oh, Dad, you're gonna get this later and laugh. Um...

Well, first of all, the forgiveness thing was, if you have any empathy, it's too hard to say in that my experience is your fault. But I'll tell you something. I'll just tell you this story because this is what life is like, right? My dad and I decided we were going to follow George Hamilton around while he was doing a La Cage a Faux traveling company. Sure. Seems like a plan. Okay. Okay.

And we started doing that. Then my buddy Ashley Hamilton was there. And then dad started filming stuff of George and Ashley together. And my dad said, you know the real story is these two fucking guys. Right. Which I thought was father and son. I go, you're right. The father and son story is more interesting than the play. He goes, yeah.

Matter of fact, fathers and sons throughout time, this is a real, that's a subject. And I was like, yeah. And so for people who don't know, the movie Birdcage with Nathan Lane and Robin Williams is based on La Cage Aux Folles. Correcto. So I say, yeah, like even- Fuck you, Sean. Fuck you. We're done.

So I say to Senior, I go, yeah, like even you and me, that's a story. He goes, yeah, it's a story anyway. But fathers and sons in general. And then he said, you know what the real interesting story is? And then he told me about this other father and son, Sean Flynn, who was Errol Flynn's son, actually did all the stuff that his dad did in the movies. He was going into Cambodia or crossing the Laotian border. He was a photojournalist, a real adventurer. And then he got lost and probably –

taken prisoner and probably executed and i was like wow and so then he started sending me like bit reels on what he thought the documentary that had nothing now to do with ashley and george about sean and errol the flins and i'm like what is he driving and i said so i thought

Maybe I could trick him into me doing a documentary about him while he thinks we're doing a documentary about other fathers and sons. Uh-huh. And then I got busy and went and did a couple movies. And then came back and Chris Smith, who's arguably the greatest documentary maker around right now, one of the top guys...

He started getting into it and he said, I really like this. And he liked it even more when my dad started saying, I'm going to show this clown how to make a doc or whatever. Because he's like, I love it because your dad only cares about the moment. And just because the documentary is about him doesn't mean it isn't a project. And so if we're going to do a project, let's do something. He goes, documentary is so boring. Everyone was just sitting there talking shit.

You should be walking around. And so all of a sudden, we're shooting stuff like people talking about my dad by a duck pond. And he's like, cut back three weeks later when the ducks are big. And then, like, the screen says three weeks later and the ducks are big. Or we're sitting at a table and I'm like, you know, dad, I just really want to save when we're going through all that stuff. He goes, look at the cane. The cane's got a lizard head. Go and tie it on the lizard head. And.

And I'm just like, I fucking love him so much. He is a true artist. So my missus, who I thought would be super skeptical because this is not cheap.

She watches the first cut. She goes, you know what? I understand your dad now. I can't wait. I can't wait to see this. It'll be pretty great. I can't wait. You're in it. You're part of the dog. You're literally in it. So, Robert, is there is there a camera shooting the camera that's shooting the documentary? Is there? Yeah. Oh, that's great. When do we get to see this? Well, how close are you to Dunk?

Well, he's coming out next week. He says we got about six or eight days of shooting left. I was like, well, hold on a minute now. What does Chris Smith say? Chris says, look, we need two different budgets. The budget for the movie I'm doing about your dad and the budget for the movie your dad is doing based on the fact that he doesn't think my movie is any good, even though it's a documentary. That's it. Wait. So let me ask you something, Robert. Has the shift happened yet where the son now becomes the parent?

Um, look, let's just agree that the meditation on one's closest family associates, in this case, the father son relationship, it is. I don't even know. Part of the reason that I keep this is so numinous. Look it up.

To me is because I feel drawn to figuring out all this stuff that is entirely unconscious that I won't really figure out. Like I said earlier, you know, it's like two weeks later, you realize what you would have said. This is going to be like years from now. I'll probably have a smidge of an understanding about what it all meant. And I also know that he's leaving.

Breadcrumbs. I know it. I know that intuitively he is doing part of this to leave some sort of incomprehensible, perfect messaging to me. Or at least that's what I'm expecting.

You know, on that, it's something I bet we've all been thinking about because we're all roughly the same age. How much, Robert, do you think, and thinking about your dad and looking like that is, that's the tree, I am the acorn. How much do you think you're going to change between now and the end of your life? Or do you think, and I throw this out to you guys too, do you think that there's like,

We do a lot of changing, obviously, when we're teenagers and whatnot. But once you become a certain age, I feel like the moves are not that big anymore. Or maybe they are. How many more big moves do you think you're going to be making spiritually? I stopped growing at 17 years old. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much the same since. I would agree with that. Yeah, you're not going to hear anything out of me. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not. I don't need to hear anything. I'm just being kind, taking it to both of you guys. Robert. Yes, here. Yes, please.

The growth. It depends on what happens. So anytime I've grown, it's been either the things were too painful to not change or I was confronted with something that if I didn't adapt, I was going to perish. So it could be illness. It could be, but I always leave open the possibility of some great new inspiration. I totally believe that we're following this path.

Little golden thread of things where... I mean, how did the four of us wind up here today? How many things had to go right for this to happen? I think about that stuff all the time. But do you have anything sort of... And I'm not asking you to say what it is, but is there something that you kind of have earmarked that this is one thing I'd like to change before I'm done? Or are you pretty content? You strike me as something... It's okay to say that you're not going to be calling yourself perfect, but I would...

I wouldn't be surprised if you said that you were content. You seem to have really put the work in. Look, I mean, you know, 70% maintenance. I want to head in the direction that you have so expertly gone. I want to write and direct, even though it just sounds like the worst thing

Worst job in the world. But I think I have to, even if I just do it once. Like Don Cheadle directed one of my favorite movies of the last five years, Miles Ahead. He plays Miles Davis and Ewan McGregor plays this guy who's trying to get an interview and all Miles wants to do is go get the coke that this guy owes him. But they learn a lot about each other. Yeah, I loved it. Don Cheadle was amazing. Okay. And I was like, Don, dude, what did it feel like? Because, I mean, the role in the thing goes...

Hated it. I was like, why? He goes, terrible. What, the directing part? Just the short shooting schedule, the budget, the billion decisions. You know, because like on set, we're shooting like, you know, whatever, you know, Rhodey and Tony. And like between takes, he's like playing cards and talking smack. And it's just like it's the easiest job in the world. He's like rolling off a log. The guy's such a natural.

And then that is nothing. You're answering 30,000 questions a day that people should be walking over to you to tell you that they have an answer. First of all, obviously you've got the capacity for it. You don't need me to tell you that. And you are really an artist, and you do have a...

real understanding and that has grown kind of to what, Jason, you were saying. Your perspective has changed in the last 10 years, certainly in the last 20 years, right? I mean, a lot. And the discipline that you have cannot be underestimated. Sure, but certainly you have a lot of discipline, but also like your desire to

artistically express yourself at any given moment is constantly there. It's right beneath the surface or it's on the surface or it's out there, right? I mean, that's something that you're always kind of doing. And I mean that as a compliment. And I can't imagine that that would be such a difficult thing for you to do, to write and direct. Do you think the writing would be more difficult than the directing or vice versa?

The writing, I think anyone who's been even near a good writer, you see that they just get lifted up into this space where they're really just channeling the best connective ideas that are out there somewhere, somehow, you know? Some people are really good nuts and bolts writers, but, I mean, it's just the best, dude. My dad says this, anybody can act, few can direct.

nobody can write so if you're a writer by his estimation you are top of the food chain funny i actually know the guy who wrote that jesus god help us that probably takes us to a commercial i'll bet yeah no but to all that and i i go on and on almost every episode about you do you sure do anyway thanks robert

Hold on. Give my man his turn. I go on and on about how brilliant Jason Bateman is. Wait, when? In Ozark. Oh. I'm so far up his ass, I'm going to leave him Scotty for him. Let him finish, guys. But I always ask you, Jason, too. I was thinking about this. I haven't asked, but we've been talking to Robert about this.

I don't know how you can divide your brain into conceiving the direction of a scene and then shelving that and going in front of the camera and acting. It just seems like so much overload on the brain. I don't know how you do it. And you do it so brilliantly.

honest quick answer is that you do all the directing and then when it's time to to act you just do the acting so like between hang on i gotta write this down so you just direct and then you act yeah okay between action and cut number two is act is that yeah between action and cut it's the acting everything else is the directing all right sean what do you like that i do

Go ahead. Take your time. Take your time. I like you in hats more than your hair. Thanks, man. I'll take it. Okay, guys. I always tell Will he's the funniest person alive. No, no, no, no. I'll second that. I'll tell you this. He's the person on earth that I have ever met who enjoys being himself the most, and it's infectious. Yeah. But I find that Will laughs the hardest at nobody but himself. Yeah.

That's self-love. We're all looking for it. It's true. I actually, I don't think I've ever met a person that doesn't love every second they spend with Will Arnett. That is true. It's true. Come on. Maybe they know how close we are, so they don't talk to me how much they hate you. I see people coming up to me on the street going, I just don't like him. I don't get it. I'm not a fan. Not for me. Not for me. I don't get it. This is a great Hollywood, like, hey, what did you think of the...

Nobody wants to have an opinion in case they're wrong or they'll lose their job over it. So it's like, what do you think of the thing? It wasn't for me. I mean, I don't get it, but I definitely see how people... So you didn't like it. How great was it having Downy here today? My gosh. Can you believe it? What a luck out. Incredible. I know. Robert, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Please say hi to Susan. I will. Thank you, most of all. You're my new friend. I know these other guys pretty well.

Robert, I adore you. I truly do. I have been a huge fan of yours in business, and now I'm a huge fan of yours in life, for real. And I just love you. Likewise. Thank you. And I also love your business. Oh, God.

Fuck, I said it wrong. Now get in the car. Thank you for coming and doing this. That was a great episode, right? Having Downey? Incredible. Love him. Thank you. No, we got to pretend you're not here. How great was that, right? He was amazing. I've been a fan for so long. Nice going. You know what? We can't pretend that Downey's not here. This is the first time we're ever doing the goodbye with the guest in the house. That's right. Let me just be one of the people saying how great it was. Witnessing his own funeral. How great was it having Downey today? It was great. Oh my God. He nailed it. Well, he's still here. So I guess.

I mean, it's all downhill from here. Oh, my God, the ratings. Look at the spike. Do you think so? I can't wait. I'm making a documentary about him making a documentary about his dad who's making a documentary about his own life. And, Jason, I wanted to ask you, will you do wardrobe on it? Redhead bands for everybody. That was so fun. I just want to say, because I want to be the first to say, bye. Bye. Smart. Nice.

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