cover of episode Why Am I So Triggered? 3 Steps to Control Your Emotions & Rewire Your Response to Stress

Why Am I So Triggered? 3 Steps to Control Your Emotions & Rewire Your Response to Stress

2022/10/27
logo of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mel Robbins Podcast

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript
People
D
Dr. Becky Kennedy
临床心理学家、著名育儿专家和作家,创立了Good Inside育儿运动,著有畅销书《Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be》。
M
Mel Robbins
一位专注于领导力和个人成长的著名_motivational speaker_和播客主持人。
Topics
Mel Robbins:成年人的情绪问题根源于童年经历,本期节目旨在提供工具,帮助听众修复童年创伤,改善成年后的生活。她分享了自己在与孩子相处时容易情绪失控的经历,并表达了想要掌控情绪的愿望。 Dr. Becky Kennedy:童年时期为了适应环境而形成的行为模式,可能会在成年后成为阻碍。她强调,身体会记住所有经历,即使我们不记得具体的事件,身体也会以情绪反应的形式表现出来。她用婴儿时期与母亲互动的例子说明,婴儿的情绪体验以及父母的回应方式会影响其大脑神经连接的形成,并塑造其成年后的情绪反应模式。她认为,情绪触发点源于童年时期未被处理的情绪体验,这些体验以身体记忆的形式存在。成年人的情绪触发点,并非是对当下情境的直接反应,而是对过去经历的重演。她提出,处理情绪触发点的关键在于,关注自身未被满足的需求,而不是试图改变他人。 Dr. Becky Kennedy:情绪触发点是过去经历在当下重演的表现,因此理解过去经历对于掌控现在至关重要。她解释了为什么人们会忘记童年时期父母对他们情绪的回应,因为我们对童年的记忆是有限的,但身体会记住所有经历。她用一个父亲的例子说明,即使父亲知道如何理性地对待孩子的哭闹,但在实际情境中,他仍然会因为自身被激活的早期记忆而情绪失控。她强调,我们对孩子的反应,实际上是对自身被激活的早期记忆的反应。她还解释了童年时期形成的应对机制,会在成年后影响我们与他人互动的方式,以及如何通过识别和接纳自身内在冲突,来寻求平衡。她认为,处理情绪触发点的第一步是自我修复,承认自身价值,并区分行为与人格。修复是处理情绪触发点的关键策略,需要先进行自我修复,再进行与他人的修复。处理情绪触发点,要追溯问题的根源,而不是只关注事件的结果。 Dr. Becky Kennedy:处理自我承诺无法兑现的问题,需要先识别并接纳自身内在冲突,再寻求平衡。她建议用IFS(Internal Family Systems)的视角看待自身,将不同的情绪和想法视为自身的不同部分,而不是将它们视为整体的自我。通过与这些不同的部分对话,并给予它们认可和理解,可以帮助我们更好地掌控情绪,并实现自我成长。

Deep Dive

Chapters
Mel introduces the episode by discussing how everyone has emotional triggers and how learning to control them can lead to a happier, more present life.

Shownotes Transcript

Today’s conversation is required listening for everyone.

 

We are going to blow the lid off of emotional triggers.

 

Let’s get to the bottom of why you and I react the way we do, and more importantly, learn simple ways to take control of our emotions.

 

It doesn’t matter where you live, how you grew up, or even if you’re a freakin’ saint to everyone else, I know you have something that triggers you.

 

You have days just like I do when something sets you off and you either snap like a firecracker or withdraw like a turtle in a shell.

 

And just like me, you say and do things you later regret.

 

I’ll go first: I’m trying hard to work on the nasty tone of voice I use with Chris and our kids when I feel frustrated or confronted.

 

And it doesn’t end there. If you’re like me, you beat yourself up for getting triggered, and you now start feeling bad and regret what you did (or the fact that you did nothing).

 

It makes me feel like crap when I do these things. I have felt helpless for a long time because it’s been so automatic when I get triggered emotionally. 

 

I don’t want to keep living like this. I’d like to feel calm, peaceful, and more in control.

 

And that’s what this episode is about. 

 

Wouldn’t you love to get out of this cycle of feeling emotionally triggered? Wouldn’t you love to take control of your emotional life as an adult?

 

The good news: you can rewire your response to stressful and annoying situations.

 

And in turn, you’ll bring more happiness, presence, control, and closer relationships into your life, because you’ll be present in them instead of letting your emotions drive you. 

 

So, who is going to teach us about triggers?

 

I’ve tracked down a psychologist who teaches one of the most popular online workshops about this topic:

 

The incredible Dr. Becky Kennedy.

 

She’s the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Good Inside. And do not let the fact that she is a child psychologist and parenting expert keep you from soaking up and applying everything you can learn from her.

 

No matter how old you are right now, YOU were once a child. And that, my friend, is where your triggers got hardwired inside of you: before you even knew how to talk.

 

Understanding triggers (and taming them) requires you to go back before you can move forward.

 

Dr. Becky says, “Your triggers are stories from your past.”

 

Listen to this episode and really try to absorb what Dr. Becky shares, because the wiring and triggers that frustrate you right now are not permanent.

 

I know you’re going to send this to every one of your friends who is a parent, and please send it to your kids, nieces, and nephews, too. 

 

Learning how to rewire my response to stress at 54 is amazing. But imagine if you knew how to do this in high school. That’s why I’ve asked our three kids – ages 23, 22, and 17 – to listen too. Sure, it would be nice for us to pass this healing and confidence-building stuff down to every generation, right? If they get this information now, they can rewire themselves faster.

 

This is really important, life-changing stuff. And I love that it’s also so simple. And you know what else I love? You. Thank you for listening and let me know what you learn.

 

Xo, Mel

 

PS: Want to go deeper?

 

For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com)

 

One thing that helped me gain control is taking control of my mornings. If you haven’t checked out my free 5-day Wakeup Challenge, let me support you in getting going and creating a better morning. Sign up here.)