Dr. Gabor Maté: The Shocking Link Between ADHD, Addiction, Autoimmune Diseases, & Trauma
01:04:51 Share

Hey, my friend, male and welcome to the male robbin's podcast. You know, when I started this podcast, I set down and I made a list of dream guess. And I am so excited that you chose listen to the episode, because today, one of those dream guests is sitting here in our boston studios.

His name is doctor gabor mute. Now doctor mute is a five time near times by sign author. He is one of the world's most respected and prolific experts on childhood development trauma and the impact that IT has on who you become as an adult.

And his work has profoundly changed my life around the world. He is considered the people whisper, because when he talks about the connection between your childhood and the things you struggle with right now as an adult, you're gonna feel so seen and so understood. And today he's here to share a very provocative opinion.

Doctor multi believes that you are not born with conditions like A D H D or addiction, or an ottawa mune disorder, or the inability to say no or being a people pleaser. Doctor marta says, these are conditions that are created by your childhood ence. Now, one of the things that I love about his work is that not only did he bring the science, he also removes the shame.

None of what you experienced and how IT impacted you is your fault. And when you understand the factors in your childhood that create people using A D H D, addiction and health issues and all the research and science that supported, you are going to have a completely different road map to your own healing. In fact, you're leave this conversation with five questions, the doctor market to tell you, you need to ask yourself, they're not gonna help you take the very first step.

Omega is an incredible sponsor of the mall, rob's forecast, and they are also our exclusive insurance partner. There's a reason why amica representative care there. That's the reason they take the time to get to know you.

They wanted know your needs. So you are policy that gives you both coverage and a piece of mine. Ica representatives are real caring people who are always there to help you as a trusted partner to their customers amica.

A representatives understand that insurance is about protecting the life you've built. So go to a mea dot com and get a quote today. Did you know learning a new language can boost your brain power?

Research shows that improves memory problems, solving skills and even creativity. Pretty cool, right? That's why i've been diva in in the german with rosettes.

Wonder bar IT means wonderful. And honestly, that's I feel about this whole experience. Don't put off learning that language.

There's no Better time than right now to get started. Our listeners can get rosetta e's lifetime membership for fifty percent off. There's a rosetta docs well, that's fifty percent off. Unlimited access to twenty five language courses for the rest of your life. We're deemed your fifty percent off at rosato stone dot com slash md today.

Hey, friend ml, I am so excited that you're here with me today. IT is always an honor to be able to spend some time with you to be together, to learn together. If your brand knew, I want to take a moment.

Welcome muted melt Robin's podcast family. Super excited that you're here. And because you chose to listen to this episode, I know something about you. You are the type of person who values your time, and you're also in learning about simple ways that you can improve your own life. And I absolutely love that.

And you know what, I also love, I love that you and I were going to get spend time today learning from the extraordinary doctor, gabor mote. He's a world renowned physician at new ork times, best selling author and a renowned addiction expert who dives deep in the child hod development and the impact, a physiological and psychological trauma and how IT shapes our mental and physical health over your lifetime. And today, specifically, you and I are going to dive deep with dr.

mt. Into how A H. D people place in addiction, your inability to say no in ottawa.

Mune disorders are not things that are born with. They were created by your childhood. So please help me welcome, doctor, the born mute to the mall. Rabboni fodick.

thank you.

Is so nice to be here. IT is such an honor to sit down with you and spend some time together today. Thank you.

I'm really excited about the topic today and your work around how childhood conditions and experiences in your childhood are connected to A D H D. Addiction and OTA mune diseases and disorders. And I have so many questions. I want to ask you, why don't we start with just your definition of what you're talking about, what you mean, childhood conditions, so that as the person is listening to us today and spending time with us together, we're all using the same words and concepts. And we've kind of start on .

the same page. So conditions include physical conditions, housing, comfort, protection, but they also include the emotional conditions, which he has to do with a child sense of being accepted or are being loved, not just this love, but actually being seen, understood. And also on the pants, emotional states and other plants stressed other plans, struggling with economic disputes.

Are other parents caring traumas? But they hadn't work? Treat like I had when I was a Young parent?

Are the paint in a marriage that relatively peaceful? Is that a lot of conflict, this a lot stability, is our predictability. What kind of common support there is? Is there an extended family that are your single parent struggling to make a living and raise child? All these conditions affect the personality and the brain development of the child.

I know, you know, the original book on childhood development in A D H. D. Scattered mines twenty five years ago. IT is still on the best sallies when IT comes to a hd topics. I don't know if i'm going to say this correctly, but is IT fair to say that your opinion is that your childhood and the conditions and the experiences that you have directly create or cause A D H D addiction and auto amie issues?

Yes, along with certain genetic Peters posted ans kay, but I can talk later, but I want to say, but them know is a pet position is not as a seems A P determination OK. But then depending on the environmental conditions, those be dispositions can be expressed one way or another way.

So you can have animals with the same genes, or humans with the same genes that are very different outcomes, depending on the kind of conditions under which the early years were spent under. So that's what i'm saying. yes.

And the first recognition that in my life came when I was diagnosed H D. A, H. Fifty three or fifty two or something.

So I was diagnosed with eight, eight, eight, forty six OK when our son oakly was going through the process of going through neuropsychology uses for schools and I E P. And as they were doing evaluations, I started going await of in IT. That's that's a lot like me.

And then I went through the formal process of being evaluated and diagnosed to sexier A D H D. And I had never, ever, ever heard anyone connect your childhood and adverse conditions, or conditions where you didn't get your needs made being a contributing factor, a cause of a hd. How is that impossible?

Well, is able icon service is demand from the body. 嗯， so they tend to look at things feeling from biological point of view. So at each is considered to be a genetic disease that you inherit.

IT is a problem with that. Number one, if that is why the numbers going up change in position ten, thirty years and affecting the child ment. Number one.

Number two, even if you look at the physio gy, the child brain was not understood by most decision because it's not out in the medical schools, but is firmly and completely unequipped and uncontroversially established in brain science. The brain is a social product that the brain development of the child depends on the emotional conditions, on the risk. Child lives from neutral onwards, and so that the very circuit of the child's brain, it's program by the action of the environment on the genes.

So different environments will like differently on the same genes. No, should get A D, H. D. yes.

What's the medication that we give that took IT for all stimulus? Yeah, what to stimulate the elevate the level of a chemical called doping in the grain. And doping is essential for motivation and therefore for focus.

And that's what really indexed being natural. And all these medications elevate. No, the doper insecurity of the childbed developed an interaction, the environment. And this is what most people do. They just don't look at, even though just a pure scientific fact.

You know, the summary from our university pointed out that the Charles brain develops in interaction with the environment, especially the emotional relationship with the nurturing adults. Do pin is the brain be a receptors for mining our brain receptors are molecules with adoption, can land. And those job, the number of dopamine receptors in a child is affected by stress on the mother already in pregNancy, let alone afterwards.

If you take mice and you isolate them, the number of doing in interceptors will go down if you're being mac back into companionship. The number of dopa industry pors very elevate in other is the brain, is a social organ, is interactive with the environment of our lives, and therefore in amended conditions affect the rain and especially doing its phase of early development, it's just pure science is not in controversial. So the problem is, the tenants of the medical profession in which I was trained is to survey the mind from the body and to look at brain biology in isolation from the life circumstances that shaped that brain biology. So that's the one problem.

So i'm going to try that. This still what you just said, because we've never heard IT explained quite like that. And I believe you what your saying is that your brain is a social organ that is developed in partnership with your relationship to the adults around you when you are, when you are literally inside your mother's all the way until you are developing as a little kid.

And if you are in a condition, whether IT is the condition of being inside your mother's room and your mother's depressed, or experiencing racism, or abuse, or poverty, or any of these things that create chronic stress on a human being, IT impacts the development of your. And what you're also saying is that A D H D. And the way that is, is treated is typically through prescription drugs that flood the brain with opening. And and that is what helps your under developed brain, or whatever we want to call IT or the brain has been impacted by stressful conditions during your childhood or your development in in whom and that the stressful conditions or what has interfering with the brain development and continues .

to now can I ask you a quick question?

Yeah so I understand that when as a human being, your experiencing stress, or you are experiencing a threat, or your feeling isolated and lonely and like you're invisible or nobody cares about you, that your body naSally switches from being present and in the prefrontal of cortex to the amiga of taking over. And you're now in like fighter flight when you're in fighter flight and you're kind of in that stress response state, does IT interfere with doping IT there .

has effect on the memory centers in the brain like the apo campus IT affects the all those things. And uh if you look at children in poverty or or who experience racialized circumstances that more like to be diagnosed, gy, the children women with postform depression, a more likely nose, child women pencils are more like to diagnosed.

And this is smiths about IT being genetic because IT tends to run in families like you are diagnosed or diagnosed. I was diagnosed, couple of my kids were diagnosed. But it's not because the so called disease first was not even the but it's not because it's so .

called disease is .

passed on, but because the conditions that you as in mind. So something running in a family says nothing about genetic causation and going back to the flight or fight thing, if a child is feeling stretch. And by the way, I think there is something genetic sitivation.

And the most sensitive kids are, the more they feel was going on around. So if the family, if the parents are stressed, the child feels the stress, can the child escape or fight back? No, what do they do? They tune out.

But when did they tuned? They tune when the band is developing. So that is wired into the rain.

And now they told you got the genetic disease. No, you don't. It's an adaptive ation that, but would begin as an advice ation. And as with many of these short of adaptations later on, they create problems. So they show their purpose.

But now they are wired in, and you know not to mention if you look at the traits of A D H D and which is the absolutely the tuning out and then the other traits of a hd are poor impulse regulation, which means that when you want something like I might have an imposed to do, something does nothing with nothing wrong with the impulse, but there's something wrong with me acting on the impulse. The import regulation depends on certain circuit uy in the rain, no baby is any impact. Regulation IT has to develop for anything that developmental.

The conditions have the if a plant in your back yard wasn't growing the way expected, if you'd look at what's missing here, nutrition, sunlight, irrigation. The same with kids when they've got these chAllenges, these conditions, the shape, their development. So in place regulation is another brain circuitry that doesn't develop well in people with A H and incidentally, in people who addicted, which is, why is such a great link between addictions and the c and the third one is, which is sometimes they are not always hyperactivity more. And regulation .

of the .

body is the function of the limit frontal cortex that has to develop. So under conditions, stress given up. The brain is the social organ and is also historical organ. And do you know that? Does the name Bruce parry mean anything?

There is, he was concern.

I believe, is in the .

ockham concern, I think. But.

and he says, the way is a historical organ, so stores the impacts of life experiences. So when we look at brain biology, let's not think that the biology somehow distinct, separated from life experience. So there's no fault laying here. And sometimes I do get a fuse of blaming parents in the last thing I want to do.

I don't hear your mind parents. I hear you talking very fast. Psychology .

goes on youtube as I blame parents. And I don't actually, I think parents do their best. They love their kids.

But their best is limited by own particular chAllenges, limitations. No lame. But we have to recognize the importance and impact of really experiences. So what i'm saying is, but IT, this is a result of all that stress and its impact on the brains of especially sense, genetically sensitive, is that was here is a sensitivity.

But but if there was only the sensitivity and optimal conditions, they are never made H, D, so it's not the H, D, that's in heard is a sensitive ity. That's the good news if you have planned with the kdd, H, T, and voice, the doctor and I said you, madam, you in condition, brain here, medication, or if that, you know, you know, you just got this condition, you are very sensitive, very responsible to the environment. And even now A J eight to eight, sixteen or whenever, if we get different conditions, the brain can still develop in different ways.

Which message would you rather go with the second? Of course, this is so much more optimistic and much more science based attitude, but unfortunately, again, and given the dominant performers, ral companies and ological mindless, robotic al ological schioppa, which is just fixing on biology and fixing IT, rather than looking at the conditions that slog very, very much stuck in a state where hundreds, thousands of miles because of being medicated. And i'm not against medications, i've prescribe them, i've taken them. But they're not the answer.

What fascinating is that when you really wrapped your brain around IT makes a lot of sense. I'm sure you're familiar with that metaphor, not the most elegant metaphor that the genetics loads the gun here, but the environment that pulls the trigger, which means you come into this world predisposed to certain things, but it's the environment that either deactivates or activates what you're posed to. So that makes perfect sense. And the other thing that makes perfect sense in terms of my lived experience, yeah, is being diagnosed with A D H D late life. Yeah and also having a son, yeah and two daughters that have A D H D.

ah.

We were in boston in a very competitive public school system in the go, go, go, both foul, working, running to the club, sports, doing this, doing that, busy, busy, busy, busy. yeah. When we moved to southern vermont, opens face.

Amazing change.

You change because the environment changes in. If you just think about being on vacation, you leave the go, go, go, go, go of your data day and your work and your social and all that self, and you step away to a space statistic, has a little bit more open space and a different pasture life. You change. And so I feel, because I was about to ask you all, why does this matter to know this? But I feel that IT matters deeply, because if environmental conditions can shape your brain as a child, and we know that the brain develops and grows and changes through neuroplasticity, through your entire life, that environmental changes, I suppose, also help you change and address these conditions.

absolutely. And so when I finally with A D H, C child, will come to me once I had this recognition, I would say, well, we can consider medication in the short term if we need to, but is not the first step, please. Never should be the only.

Can we look at the family atmosphere. Can we look at the area between the pants? Can we look at the stresses in the family?

Can you understand the child behavior in a way that doesn't blame the job? Because these kids tend to be blamed a lot for her? They bef. Now we talk about this face acting out. Kids are acting out, which usually means there being a trapper's, oppositional definer, no CoOperative or rude or something.

That means not doing what the parent do.

But let's get to the acting of english, meaning we have something, but we don't have the language to stay in words. So the game, charades, but in a lot to speak, we have to do after after these kids behaviors are simply acting out. Their emotional needs and dynamics it's after depend to understand that rather than just respond or react to the behavior in a controlling, responsible way.

Let's understand what is being acted out, which is one of the use the world that book is I want to change to understand what is being act out and the child behavior. And if you change the relationship to the child, the child behavior will change. So it's not behavior control. It's actually promoting different conditions that will support the child's healthy development.

You know, this reminds me something that's always really just made me feel very heart broken about the state of society in the world, particularly in the united states. And that is when I was going to this experience where my husband, I were having her son, go through the process of all the evaluations, the school of saying this, the behavioral behavior. And we are like, I don't think so.

I don't think so. you. And so we were in a position to be able to have him tested here in boston at general outside the school. And just three years prior, we would not have been able to afford to do that.

And that diagnosis and understanding that his brain and the way that he learned and the development of a spring in was just different and changed the projector of his life in my life. And before I did what I do now, my earlier my career, I was a public defender in manhattan. Yeah, I doing criminal defense work.

Yeah, the statistics of people who are incarcerated with A H D, yes, with A H D, with learning differences, who are never diagnosed, who, when you trace effect to what you're saying, childhood conditions apparent, who is absent chronic racism, which is a form of trauma IT, makes very depressing and sad and unfair sense. And I think a lot about the fact that it's simply because we were able to, at that moment in our lives, to be able to afford a test that sent him in one direction. When kids who don't have that or sent in a different one.

we actually hurting people for having been hurt. yes. And then and let me blame them for IT.

Rather understand what that's all about. Let me see something else. The diagnosis doesn't explain anything.

What mean diagnosed?

Doesn't mean anything. So male or gober ADC, how do we know, while they absent minded, they have proven post regulation and their hypertext tive, why are they absent minded and have in bus regulation? And why do they have a activity? Because have A H D.

How do you know they have H D? Because they're hyperactive, they turn out. And if angle control, why do they it's circular, yes, is not an explanation, is a description. mistake. Medical practice is the mistake descriptions for explanations. Not if you want to know why they react to have your active or relation post regulation or tend to tune, you got to look at their lives as those lives acted on our genes. That's the explanation that diagnostic ribe, something that doesn't explain anything.

But understanding this helps you also understand the role, that environment and how this happened.

I think descriptions are helpful. We just just mistake them for explanations.

That's all that makes a lot of sense. dark. Let's take a quick pause. I would love our sponsors to have a chance to say a few words and why you're listening to the sponsors. Please share this episode with somebody that you are about.

Absolutely every human being that you know and love deserves this information because once you understand things, you are now empowered to make them Better. And don't go anywhere because we're going to be waiting for you after a short break, stay with us. Hey, well, i'm coming in here with my own ad.

I am beyond excited to tell you that my new book, the let them theory, is available for priority. Holy smokes, I have never worked harder on anything in my entire life. I have never been more proud of something that I ve done.

I wrote every single word in this book. It's about the most powerful tool i've ever discovered. theyll. Let them theory, and right now go to let them dot com pre order your own copy. And this book, it's gonna change. How you think about your entire life, and finally, stop you from getting in your own way, let them down come, you won't regret IT.

Can we just talk about one of the worst feelings in the world? You know, when you show me into your bra for the day and all of a sudden, what is that? Your rib is being poked by a piece of metal underwire all day long.

You've been there. I've been there. The women you know have been there.

So why do you keep settling for uncomfortable brows? I'm over IT are you? You over, let me tell you about valleys new bra and underwear.

You can have IT all with bali beauty, comfort, support and breathability because valley breathe has arrived and a breathable and breathtaking collection abroad underwear and shape ware that feel as good as they look. You're probably familiar with bali, the leading national brand, but breathe is their new collection that you need to know. Breathe is an unforgettable collection made with soft cottons model and beautifully soft lace with styles and offer comfort, smooth and support.

Visit beli brows dot com and use could male Robins B B, twenty for twenty percent of your purchase? That's B A L I brows dot com with code mell robs B B for twenty percent off your first daughter. I wouldn't be who I am today without the guidance of a zing mentoring.

And if you really think about IT, it's probably true for you too. Maybe it's your mom, your sister, your brother, your friend, or a coach, or someone in your community. Whoever is we all need someone to look up to, someone who can show us what possible in life.

That's why may partner with big brothers, big sisters, which has been parent children in need with herring adult mentors for over a century. Here's a cool way. You can help shop IT maces november first through december twenty forth.

And you can round up your purchase in store and donate to big brothers big sisters online shop at mdoc. M, and every time I go to the girls restore, i'm trying to do the right thing. And I take my list and I make A B line for the organic section.

Here's the problem, all that attempting junk food right around the corner. I got some willows, but i'd rather just remove all the bad temptation from the equation entirely. That's one of the reasons why I love shopping online with thrive.

Market is an easy one. Stop shop for healthy, delicious choices. No more questions about whether the stuff in your shopping cart is truly good for you with thrive.

It's all good drive, has tons of organic options, ethically source foods and the most wholesome ingredients and great flavors. You'll went on your plate every week. That also means no more wasting time reading snacks levels, no more paralyze sis.

And i'll three, trying to figure out which brand of is the best one thrives. Mission is to make healthy and sustainable living easy and affordable for everyone. I say, mission accomplished.

Want to a shop at a grocery store that actually cares for your health, go to thrive market document ssh ml for thirty percent off your first order, but a three sixty dollar gift that T H R I V E market mile drive market to come smell. Welcome back to friend mall Robins. And today you and are spending time with the extraordinary gbr monte.

And we're learning all about how your childhood impacted, who you became as an adult. So I have another question for you. You know you mentioned addiction and there is a lot of research that shows a direct link between A D, H D and addiction. And what is your research and experience show about your childhood experience and conditions and the connection to addiction?

So for five years I worked in vancouver. British can be a downtown each side, which is north america's most the area of dog use. We have more dog users there in a few Operations than anywhere in the states, anywhere is in canada, in fact anywhere in europe.

Well, I was there for twelve ve years and a significant to my patients, clearly, each day that had not been dangles. Now let's look at the commonalities. First of all, both ex and devoted, lack and post control, like somebody say about addiction, is that the problem is in addiction is not lack of fee well, but lack of fee won't.

Lack of a free, won't, won't. Oh, they have nothing to say no with because I didn't develop OK。 Number one. Number two, addictions all work on the dopamine system, which is what is affected.

So Simon ads like cystinosis dict, cocaine addict in addix cakes, they really boosting the documentation, which is, besides ly, what they sue in A D H. D as well. So if you look at the studies, something like a good thirty percent or more of semantic tics actually are diagnosed.

Ht, but again, this is this study then reported, but not much to do with that in medical practice, for the more all addictions, no matter what they are, they work on the document circle. I will define addiction for you, okay, as manifested in any behavior in which a person finds temporarily for a pleasure and therefore caves, but then suffers negative consequences and doesn't give up despite the home. So craving pleasure relief in a short term clime ability to give you up that's an addiction is no then just side with little bit. K, let me ask your question. Yeah, everybody answered.

But according that, the notice said in saying about drugs, I said, any behavior? Yeah no, if I speak the room of a thousand people and I give that definition and I say are going to the definition, which is not controversial if you ever had a new pattern in your life, just we and one thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine yes raza ds and this one liar who won't you know about this this one was everybody now here's the second question and I don't care what you did the atoms or whether they were to alcohol, which you mentioned um although whatever else no what was wrong with that but what was the right about IT? What did he give you in the short term that you wanted? So what did they give you?

Oh well, with alcohol, IT was like a sense of belonging and relief and IT was a way to turn my brain off OK and to escape.

Okay, when do people need to escape? When stressed, when suffer? yeah.

okay. So the addiction wasn't the disease that you had. IT was in your primary problem.

IT was an attempt solve the problem of emotional pain and isolation. So my mentor, addiction is not as why the addiction ask why the pain. Anyone understand the pain? Look at the person's life rather than just their jeans.

okay? So both people are addicted. People who they, they often share this jeans for sensitivity, which means they suffer more my circumstance. And so the most, most obviously, conditions will go together, set and further. Them were to go back to do pin the shopping, edit the gaming addict.

the pornography.

edit the social media, the city. And I ve had my belief.

the gaming, you know what they after?

They're after head of document in the brain, which they get to seeking that behavior.

And then you feel bad though.

that you did IT. Well, yeah, and I have my behavior addictions. But what i'm saying is it's all based party in the dover circuitry. Y.

which didn't .

del the child .

through pornos?

Y and if you do brain can on pornography ads, they get multiple spice of dopamine hits the rain, just like a truck. Oh yeah, yeah.

That makes absolutely perfect sense. How do you what do you do if you're listening to this and you either you yourself or recognizing this is you or you're like, you are describing my spouse or my adult child or my parent or whom ever in my life like what do you do with this particular information of the connection between child hod conditions and development and add .

and addiction? May you see one more thing about the brain, please? Yeah, obvious.

K, so people get dict, the or oxyde, or dead, I am. Or fortunately, very dangers. These are appeals. They come from the opium plant in afghanistan, or their human manufactured copies of the same molecule. 嗯， no.

Why do obvious? Why does a plant from afghanistan an and working a human brain here in the states? I don't know well, because they Operate molecule, be of receptions for dinner rains, which means we have an internal obviate system.

This just pure brain science. And the open system is called endorphins. Endorse phin means endogenous internal morphine like substance. So we have an opiate system in our bodies, which affects many functions in our body, from the god to the immune system.

Bug, what do they do in the rain? If we understand all the addiction, we have to understand what and dorlin ins do in the union trajectory. First, all they provide pain relief, both physical and emotional.

Pain relief, internal. And the orphans. To do that, we have to have pain in life, because without pain we don't survive, because we can hear ourselves. But we also have pain relief. So and orphans relief pain, but not just physical pain, also emotional pain, because the part of the brain where people experience physical pain, the suffering of physical pain, it's also the experience, the suffering of emotional pain. So the endorsing the aides work there, that's their first role.

The second role, along with doping, is to give a sense of pleasure, elation and enjoy 嗯， 哼， but that's rather important in human life because human life is difficult, so we have to have some expectation of pleasure, joy, relief. That's what they would be to. That's the second thing they do.

The third thing they do, they facility, they will think of love and Doris help to feel us connected to other other people. And particularly, they help feel parents connected to their kids without wih the child doesn't survive. And if you take little animals and you knock at their own patch settings, they will not call for their mothers and separation.

What would they do to them? He would kill them in the wild. So that's very important to work, sir.

no. Who are these people that develop poppy addictions? People's lives have undermined. There will be a circuitry.

And at a sexy worker in the downtown, instead of and cover, I ask, what did they can do for you? He said, the first time I here on IT felt like a warm so of hug. So just like the alcohol bit gave you a more sense of belonging.

IT gave a sense of being loved, the sense of warmth. That's why people get addicted, is because they suffer that really pain and that trying to escape from. And because the brain circuit tree was affected by adverse conditions, so that the circus didn't develop to, now they have to substitute know so that that thought that's a shining on addiction. It's not an inherit disease, is a response to the environment and it's not genetic. Contrary toward ninety nine percent of physicians believe .

the reason why this is .

so important is .

because there is so much shame and self name.

Yeah when you have an addiction or you have something that you're struggling with like a hd, and when you understand the brain circuitry and the connection to brain development and human development and childhood conditions and experiences and how that has a direct impact on the working and wiring of the functioning of your brain, 对， you can separate yourself as a human being from the thing that, and then that allows you from that moment of separation and the attachment and objectivity to go away a minute. I'm not to blame for this thing. This is a circuitry and the conditioning problem. This is my responsibility .

to do .

what I need to do with this. Yeah, to heal IT and .

make a Better exactly question. Do information if you are parents of a child who's been the most C A D H D, and then make a considered decision about what you want to get medical. No child should be forced to be in medication because no child at any age should we had get the message that are only acceptable to the adults when their brain is that you don't want to give their message to any other, but they can help sometimes to mitigate symmes.

嗯， 哼， they know nothing for brain development in the long term. So then the question is, can we create in this family Better conditions for their child's brain, developing more optimal ways? And yes, we can. And that is a lot to do with the emotional atmosphere in the family and the degree of understanding and connection, not love, because that's already there, but they actually understanding and connection between the parents and a child. And I mean, that books were not twenty five years, and i've been told by so off and I told changed the family just to read that book, you know and they tally changed their children.

What's very empowering because I think if you're the person struggling with the addiction or A D H D yeah or a condition like that, you feel deficient, you feel that you've done something wrong and you can never heal while you're punishing yourself at the same time.

World is puni shing. Yes, teachers are punishing. yeah.

Your parents are A A A executed video. yeah. No, I want to consider treating addiction.

Then it's very complex. But the person again is to understand there's nothing wrong with them. They weren't born with any kind of disease. That addiction is a pressure in Normal of response to have Normal circumstance. Ces at veterans, and there's the opposite .

study about the veterans from beta who were using but came home to supportive environment exactly. And we're not addicted exactly.

I study in my book addition because it's such a silly in fact. In fact, it's been done with liberator rats, you know, where they took laboratory rats and expose them to defend their vironment tal conditions. And they tried to get the predicted to abuse.

No, those rest, they were stressed and isolated and and under address conditions, they were easily became edited to appeal. The rest with good conditions, you could even make them edited to appeal. So the thing is.

is that if the environment is actually creating the conditions in your brain and body for addition, and H, D, in the environment is a huge piece of you healing this and growing in new ways and figuring out new adaptations try to heal well.

And I think it's really. That's what the two or step groups I have, my critics of them, but the two 2 steps themselves， they think I wonderful. And the group process is wonderful, where people can share themselves and be heard, compassionate and not be hamed. They can declare their so called these functions and be accepted.

You know so so I think it's not just individual bug I think was missing from the room unfortunately is awaiting ROM, which is interest because build hi finalized and for some reason, trauma hasn't entered the conversation of the trust of movement as much as i'd like to see done. But again, hearing should not be just seen as an individual process. In a social process, people that deal with addictions, they need to understand from me.

I've never her IT explained like that, having so much sense. And this feels like a good time to take a quick pause so we can hear word from our amazing sponsors.

And while your listening or responsable take a moment and sure this with somebody that you care about, because there's no doubt my mind that this can help change somebody else's is life and don't go anywhere because we have so much more to dig into with you and we're going to be waiting for you after sharp break to stay with us. Did you know that if you shave, one third of what you remove is skin? what? I had no idea.

So when IT comes to self care, even your under arms deserve some love for you, too. So if you shave a people dove IT with duv's new advanced are anti perspiring dry spray, you can actually replenish your skin after every single shave. That's because the proceed y technology helps repair skin's natural barrier after shaving.

For soft, smooth underground IT sounds pretty good. Get IT ARM pit. Okay, maybe I went a little too far, but seriously, give dove a try.

It's the ultimate product for your post shave care. Just one spray, and you are helping your skin repair. Try new dove advanced are anti perspiring dry spray from the number one thermo logic recommended brand for everyday under armed care.

Learn more and find out where to shop at dov dot com. Somehow it's almost two season again and IT seems covet season hasn't ever really left us, which means it's time to get updated on your seasonal vaccines again. But you're so busy where you find the time wall Greens makes IT simple.

With day of appointments and flexible scheduling and nights and weekends, you can even get multiple vaccines in one trip and knock out some errands. Why you added new mascara? Check toilet paper done and done. Double chocolate ice cream. I mean, hey, you're prioritising your health so you deserve a sweet treat.

Am I right? Scheduling online at while Greens is simple and only takes a few minutes to book appointments for the whole, plus you can feel comfortable knowing wall Greens has trusted experts that can talk through any questions in vaccine recommendations with you stay protected this respiratory season and stop by or schedule today, vaccine subject to availability and for ages three plus state age and health related restrictions may apply. You know, recently I started losing some of my hair.

Honestly, it's sucks all I wanted to forget about IT. But my gosh, it's like the reminders everywhere it's there on the floor of the shower. It's on my pillow IT gets caught in the vacuum and i'm cleaning up my Better.

And then I thought you you got to do something about this. And so that's why I was relieved to find vegas brand new grow active plus hair system. It's a shampoo, conditioner, derr, ruler and serum act with clean, nourishing ingredients that helps your hair grow and reduced shutting by eighty seven percent using grow active plus.

It's like high a team of full time hair experts just for you. It's so easy. And you know, I love in science backs things up while dermatologists helps develop the grow active plus system and a clinical study backs up their claims take on advanced approached to hair wellness with vegas new grow active plus advances system. Learn vegal 点 com now that's V E G A M O U R dark com flash male code male to save twenty percent on your first star V E G A M O。 You are dark com flash mall code mail.

Welcome back at your friend male robbins. And today you and I, with the extraordinary doctor gabord motte. So, doctor motte, I have another question. What do you think is missing from the conversation that women need to know when IT comes to diagnosing and supporting women who are largely getting late in life?

Diagnosis of A D H D? Yeah, I have to think here. Um I think what happens in order, they tend to get a bit less impressed.

And the tenants are in them that they try to can control in order to be acceptable to fit in. IT becomes intolerable for them, particularly very man, impossible. IT becomes a little short for women to continue to fit the stereotype.

They were molded. I think whatever in them is more liked to show up. And I would say to them, what I say to anybody, get curious about what is being manifested in this condition.

You know, when your book hungry ghosts, you mention your own struggles and with addictions to praise even the classical music.

The music, sorry, to shopping for classical muc is a distinction. Yes, I love the music, but that doesn't make meac that just me a music lover is the shopping. I would there be three thousand dollars in a music story and go back two hours later because I to get the next one difficult addictive favor.

So it's the is the shopping that was exit to see not the having, but to the acquisition. And you know what, when I was in the classical story, I know IT, the H. D.

I had had to open in levels. I was focused. I can almost remember which record did I buy in which store? You know which? C, D, so, so just to make the distinction is not the music, is the shopping.

I was a deficit. I love that distinction because I can relate to IT. Yeah, I think in the biggest moments of crisis in my life, yeah, facing bank krupa, yeah, literally about to lose at all. If I had a tiny bit of money, yeah, I would go to the mall as an escape here. And I would say, given that daily addiction, whether it's the mom pouring a couple of glass is a wine at night or IT is just calling for three hours, or or IT is mindlessly shopping, whatever IT may be 对， what strategies have you found most effective in really either controlling or managing through these tendencies or patterns of behavior that that so many other have .

here to make action in diction? And the dice are become a chemical problem. People go to withdraw and to be manage the behavior that we also go to withdraw, but is less noticeable, like with my work addiction, my workhorse m, when I was at home, I, through I Beatable and depressed, withdraw because the doping wasn't fine, you know, so, but obviously it's more easily manageable.

So I say two things. One is less. Look at the need that is serving in your life.

What is the need? IT is serving in your life. Yeah, well done. Scrolling for me. The need is to tune out.

No, that's not the need. What is the need for tuning out, serving your life?

How, boy? Oh, I have no joy, play or relaxation.

okay? So you don't know you accountable with yourself, you need you. You can just be IT means that you weren't comfortable and you to develop that conference with itself, you to develop that sense of your own goodness and and so that when you're alone and you're not doing something, this distress and you might be going all over the place yeah you know so so then you say, well, is meeting this need to skate for myself?

How can I learn to be with myself? So what what techniques， what what could I do and this ways to do that? I mean, I I have many suggestions in my books, but essentially it's recognizing the need that mean that not invalidating the need, validating the need, but recognizing that the behavior itself only temporarily that but he doesn't need to need.

I feel like have been fixing the wrong problem because i'm focused on don't drink the drink, don't pick up the phone and what you're saying is, no, no, no, you're like over here, look at this thing. There is a deeper issue about just learning to be with yourself, about learning to be in the five to seven P. M times one and b OK with all that comes up, and know that you can move .

through IT without pointing a drink. So does this regnie the need. Those needs are valid.

You need for social contact or not being isolated, social islam with, you interact with rejection. And your husband intu know, being rejected. They just, you know something else, but your change program that is rejected, it's true. So does everything .

come back to our childhood?

Yes, tty much. This one we shaped look at over a puppy dog.

Yes, two OK tell you about them.

I mean, how you treat that puppy when I not define significant degree, what kind of creature that is true?

yeah. Well.

here means more indifferent, more complex than puppy dogs, and is told too so one thing is recognized the need validates the need. But then as question, okay, how can I meet that need in ways that are not hard? For one of the things .

that you're talking a lot about is the connection between childhood conditions and experiences yeah how they shape you, and the significant rise in otto immune disorders and diseases in women.

Now there are eighty percent of people, eighty percent of all even disease, which are diseases where the immense system attacks the body that is supposed to protect.

There are a few examples .

of an automobile disease multiple, rosa ros, stanic, globs, bobbi five, maria also lists for disease. Frances auto. Next schema, I could go on and on, about hundred, or saw these in eighty percent of them happen to women.

why? So in my medical practice, I began to notes, van special colleagues is that they know a lot more about certain body parts and systems as they should, but they don't know the patient. I knew people before they got sick, 嗯， and I knew them in the context of the families of origin and the and the extend the family very often.

So I got to see who got sick, and I didn't. And when I was in piloted care again, I saw who ended up in by of care and who didn't. And these people had four significant characteristic tics.

One is they tended to protect people's emotional needs ahead of their own, and they tend to ignore their own number one. Number two, they tend IT to identify with rule, duty, role and responsibility, rather than the needs of the south. Number three, they tended to be very nice, which is a repressed, healthy anger. Angers are boundaries, difference and these type attendance of people then to be very nice.

And number four, these people tend to believe that their responsible for the people feel, which is a point that you address senior book 可能 and they just believe that there was never disappoint anybody。 And now those believes need you to not saying no to the nuance of the world, and you constantly taking on stuff and stress. And there are people, lest ss, you get stressed.

That stressed undermines immune system, which then turns against you. no. And I could explain the physiology of IT.

And by the way, people, because the immense stem and the hormonal Operate, and the nervous system and the emotional system are one system, did not separate. They're wide together in a whole lot of chemical and neology ical ways, are not making this up. This science, science is because sync ology with psychology, neurology, even gy and anchor logy.

The commons is all one system. People that repress healthy anger, their suppressing their new system biologically. No, if you understand, that is all one system.

And we ask why? Well, what is the all of healthy anger? It's a boundary defense. What is the world immunity stem? It's a boundary defense is mental late what is good and nurture and keep? What is toxics dangers when you suppressing your emotions you also missing with because it's all one is .

almost like you're training your immune system not to protect you from the outside, that's what happens .

and all to turn against you like anger that you repress, turns against in the first depression or self losing the same way that you are.

negative thoughts where you think you're to blame for all of the stuff going on when you a child that are not your responsibility, times of the negative self talk that's aimed against you wow.

that makes .

some .

sense. Because who in its culture is programmed to always look after about the emotional needs, taking everybody stresses, identify with the duties in their role, be nice all the time, not be angry in an altha, and to take responsibility for the people's things. It's women, it's not a gender issue, is a cultural issue.

嗯。 And of course, the more stressed the woman experiences, the graded risk of automation disease. If you look at minority women, they have a higher percentage cause their women and their minority.

I was just about to ask you is whether their studies for minority women and people that are in first responder.

many studies, studies in canada sense, in canada, in indigenous woman has six times the rate of room to try us than somebody else. And this is the population that never used to every matter readers. And by the way, again, are we blame people here? No, we're not, because we have to have what happened here.

What happened here is the child is born with all these emotions wired into their brains. But the child is too big needs here, the need for attachment, for belonging, for held, for without IT. There's an infant, there's a Young child.

You can make you die. yeah. So there's one need, you, an need to, one which I call authenticity, which has been connected to your emotions. And you got feelings, not in any audience, when I asked people, have you had the experience of having a strong, good fear about something, ignoring IT and being sorry out towards most people about the answer you hope you would? No, god feelings were program interest by evolution. We believe that out in nature for millions years, one thousand years, believed that in nature, how long does any creatures and nature survive if they don't pay attention that they get things.

Not until the end of .

the day you're attach being connected south. Now, if they try is the message that they're being authentic with their emotions and so on, they're not acceptable to the environment. Guess what's get in the contest between you you .

get trained to not trust your instincts? Yeah and you're .

trying to disconnect and you're trying to push down your feelings. So we give up for authenticity for the sake of attachment, not in your work. There's an example of disguise about to get married.

There is a fail, whatever. We also think yes. And you tell, and you wishing he would say no to the wedding. yes.

What's going on? His stuck in this tension between attachment which need to be acceptable, and authenticity being himself. Women are caught in that trap in the society.

So are many men. Of course, it's not just a gender issue, but overwhelming its women who have to choose the attachment of being acceptable over authenticity. That's why they have much more in disease.

wow. And often i'd say for a lot of us, we choose attachment rather than staying .

connected to ourselves. The the question is, as an adult coming developed, tough choice, they have to keep choosing the attachment over the authenticity.

Well, you also, your doctors say that all of these auto disorder diseases, what everyone to call them, flare up in moments of stress, in moments of overwhelm. The main thing that they're treated with is, yes, and take Better care yourself.

H, yeah. Yes, no is interesting. Typically, for these conditions, we give cortisone.

a stress for man.

yes, if go to the dermatology, me skin, and within a, at some point give you to all you go with an plane nervous system, multiple es closes. They are, I could go on, but we never ask yourselves, gosh, we're getting stressed one to people. Is that possible? That stressed me of something to do with their condition.

So doctors know that in case of acute stress that can flare up a disease that's clear, right? What they don't recognize is those emotional patterns that are talking about, which trust people chryon's ally, but in less dramatic ways, because it's what is like to always have to repress your anger. To be pleasing other people is the whole point. And ask what the stress that, I think often you've .

abandoned yourself and now .

your .

body function .

is abandoning you. Is there good news here? And I know lot .

of how can someone find the root cause of the emotional pain or the like? How do you begin the process of healing? And because you've now painted this landscape that helps us really understand the connection between childhood experiences and conditioning, how that shapes your body, your brain function, your physiology, your immune system, and how continued environmental stress and continued abandoned ment of self for the sake of being accepted to other by other people.

When you see all this, it's incredibly empowering. What is one step that you would want someone to take if they are having awaken, or they're who loves? And this me OK.

So let's pick one example. Simple one, prior to your awakening and transformational journey that you took, undertook sometime in your forties, how easy did you find IT to say no to other people's expectations? 那 我 还 困 OK， so you couldn't say no, no, right?

So I ask people this question. We're any life. They are difficult to a shows up to a is work and in personal life. Okay, so you couldn't say no. Second question I asked people that is what is the impact on you know .

if you're difficile to say it's exhAusting I don't like .

my own behavior and the .

lack of control .

control l blaming other people and making .

IT their fault that I can't say no that's .

and lots of control is one of the most significant figures for stress by the the first literary well.

that makes sense because we have a biological hardwired need for safe, which we try to achieve by controlling. Everything I have run .

around us only because we learned in child that if we didn't know safety, if we learned that there was safety with faster or the one more, and we will never do control. So no is a control freak. No where is born, a control freak is an adaptive trade is what that is.

But this one in same. So that going through this exercise, so what's the impact? You identix some impacts could also be frequent calls, illness and so on.

The third question is what you believe saying? no. So we had trouble saying, no, what's the story?

What was the beliefs from my job? And then won't pair bills and then we will lose our house and then they wouldn't like me or my mother would be mad at me or ah you know this would happen that would happen like as the way of the world and my shoulder.

The fourth question is how to develop the story that if I see no will be rejected. How do you where did you learn that?

I'm sure for me, even I don't quite remember. Yeah I was that I had IT was my job to make sure everybody was OK house and everybody happy. You learned IT and that made me feel safe.

You learned IT when you two, three or four years old, five, yes, know your adult.

my book. That's why this has been such a game changer because when I say love them, yeah I separate someone else is emotions and their expectations .

from what's responsible.

And oh, I love that you write. I'm staying connected to myself.

That's the whole. And i'm so once you understand that, you learn the story when you very happy, zed, into IT is, by the way, few four years in his states. 嗯， that's where they believe that wonder playing monsters directly moisture, you know.

So those note influences are really powerful this day with us. So then the next question is, who would you be if you didn't believe that you, and you mustn't say no? Would you be then? Free, exactly. Do that expresses once a week.

Five .

questions. This is six question.

What is the six question?

Where you know, yes.

oh my god, everywhere. The free time to play the rest well.

that not saying yes is is harmful as that not saying no. So those two little words, just a little likes to say that wants a week IT changes people's life.

You just thought that the six question, what are you not saying yes to? That one made my heart and correct .

a little OK.

because that's where I really saw truly what what are missing out of here. Where are you not saying .

yes to play? And the rest, I mean, how much Better than I used to be, as my fact i've told many times five years ago in london giving a talk on my book when the body says no. And I was very articulated in a debt on stage.

But personally, I was situated that I was working too hard. I was driving myself too hard. I was not kind to my wife.

And he said to me, her name is right. And SHE said, body, even in the book called on the body, is, no, no. You Better way I want called on the body season, I know.

So part of us helpme drop these patterns and i'm still working on is because I love this relationship, be in IT. And I know I want to be this person who not saying, yes, I mean eighty. You know, again, when you look at the top five, we get so dying people.

You know, that book that I mentioned in another conversation, this was writing by a palot canners who worked with dying people. The top we go, that was, but I didn't the courage to be myself. And the third of that was, I didn't have the courage to express my emotions.

And the fifth that was, and I neglected my friends a four to get and and fifty, I think, was I, I, I wish more. So I was H, I played more. I we should give them more scope for the creativity and playfulness and and child like self that I am, you know so still looking for that one to develop bit more and a whole lot Better than I used to be.

Well, we're a whole lot Better than we used to be because what we're learning from you.

Thank you.

Gover monday.

wow.

Any final things you want to say?

Everybodys got the capacity to heal as long as consciousness. This is the capacity to heal. And for some people suffer because the resources. But you know, you can go youtube, lots of my talks are you to people have told me that changed their lives to the Better, Better cost of penny and not just my talks by the way, talks by other wonderful teachers um some of my colleagues, some spiritual teachers um that doesn't cost any money to watch that you can take books at a library that doesn't cost a penny and they can be very helpful.

You can um learn to mediate and be with yourself and observe your mind that can be very helpful this free meditation instruction on on on the line or in the many books those people that can afford there be if is the way on the therapy, they can address these issues. They can connect with nature a huge we can learn a lot from them about connecting with nature, those people that have the capacity to get out of the city and even to go to a park and connect with the plants and the trees and the flowers. But it's hugely aling um exercise um giving your body what IT needs, eating the proper food if you can afford.

And most people may not people for the best foods, but they could possible, ford, to eat Better than they do if they pay attention to themselves. So all those things are not inaccessible. So in other, its healing is possible, is a built to all of us entities, CS the decision to embark at path.

well, even paradise, to make the decision today. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you 啊。 Thank you. Amazing to spend time with you. Yes, there are so many people that I want to share this episode with. I feel empowered and excited for you. And so I just want to thank you for listening all the way to the end and sharing this with people that you love.

And I also wanted to be sure to tell you, in case no one else tells you, that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a Better life, and listening to this today is certainly going to help you take the steps to create IT. And I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll see you there.

So, doctor, oh my god. okay. Um and then I look at the bottom and it's like, wow, wow, wow.

Thank you. Well, well, fanta m the one. This is fantastic.

great. okay? You need me to do those. okay? great. OK great, great. great. yeah.

helicopter.

come. Okay, great. All right. That's IT. We're wrap. Well done. Oh, and one more thing I know, this is not a blue per. This is the legal language.

You know what the lawyers right? And what I need to read you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend.

I am not a license therapies, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapy or other qualified professional. Got IT good. I'll see in the .

next episode stitcher.

Celebrity cruises black friday event is so good, you're onna need a bigger bucket list. Explore the kerival in europe or alaska was seventy five percent off your second guess plus bonus savings book today and see why nothing comes close to celebrity cruises.

This is celebrity 点 com call one eight hundred celebrity or contact your travel advisor offer applies to select sAilings， savings amount varies by state room category, other terms supply this is celebrity 到 com for details， ships registry, multa and equal looking for an elevated jewelry shopping experience this holiday, take another look at your local Jerry jeers. This is not a jerrell he went to. This is the new reimagine Jerry we're all heading to for remarkable personal experience with local jewelry experts. November twenty second is our grand reopening event. Come browse with the glass of ably italian gold, high quality diamonds and luminous gem stones, and find the ideal gifts that Sparkle this holiday, the jar jewelers and reopening event, november twenty second at Jerry.