cover of episode 5 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship & 3 Signs You’ve Found “The One”

5 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship & 3 Signs You’ve Found “The One”

2024/12/2
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梅尔·罗宾斯在播客中探讨了人们在一段关系中经常会遇到的一个令人痛苦的问题："我和对的人在一起吗？"她分享了自己30年婚姻的经验以及在遇到丈夫之前的糟糕约会经历，并指出人们在感情中会犯三个主要错误：1. 执着于伴侣的潜力，而不是接受其现状；2. 价值观不符，却幻想对方会改变；3. 只关注次要方面，而忽略了重要的价值观和性格。她介绍了一种关系评估工具——ABC循环法，帮助人们判断一段关系是否合适。ABC循环法包括：A. 道歉并提出开放式问题；B. 退一步观察对方的行为；C. 对任何细微的改变进行赞扬和庆祝，并自己做出榜样。她还讨论了如何处理伴侣忽视自身健康或在核心价值观（如是否要孩子）上存在冲突的问题，强调了沟通和接受的重要性。她指出，如果伴侣在经过ABC循环法的沟通后仍然没有改变，就需要决定这是否是分水岭问题，并选择停止抱怨或结束关系。最后，她鼓励人们要相信自己的直觉，选择一段能让自己感到快乐、被支持和自由的感情，并强调了在一段关系中，双方都应该愿意共同成长和努力。

Deep Dive

Key Insights

Why is it important to question compatibility in a relationship?

Questioning compatibility helps identify if a relationship is good for you and if it will last. It ensures that both partners want the same things and can work through issues together.

What are the three major mistakes people make in relationships when questioning compatibility?

The three mistakes are chasing potential, not aligning on values, and focusing on the 20% non-essential traits instead of the 80% that matter.

How can the ABC loop method help in resolving relationship issues?

The ABC loop involves apologizing and asking open-ended questions (A), backing off and observing behavior (B), and complimenting and modeling positive change (C). It helps create a space for genuine change without pressure.

What percentage of issues in a relationship are unresolvable according to research?

According to John and Julie Gottman's research, 69% of issues in any relationship are unresolvable. These are often minor annoyances that couples need to learn to accept.

Why is it crucial to accept a partner as they are in a relationship?

Acceptance fosters a healthier dynamic where partners feel loved and supported. It reduces tension and allows for a more authentic and fulfilling relationship.

What should you do if you can't stop complaining about your partner?

If you can't stop complaining, it indicates that the relationship may not be right for you. You should either end the relationship or stop complaining and accept the situation.

How can planning a trip with your partner benefit your relationship?

Planning a trip boosts happiness and creates shared experiences, deepening the connection. It shows commitment and prioritizes quality time together.

Chapters
This chapter explores the common question of whether one is with the right person. It emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and identifying if the relationship brings out the best in you. Mel shares her personal experience and insights from her 30-year marriage.
  • It's normal to question if you're with the right person at some point in a relationship.
  • A good relationship should bring out the best in you, not make you insecure or compromise your values.
  • Focus on whether the relationship is good for you, not just on external factors like weddings or social expectations.

Shownotes Transcript

In this episode, you will learn the requirements of a good relationship – and the signs your relationship may not go the distance.

If you’re wondering if someone is “the one” and you’re not sure if you should end things, you’ll get the answer today.

And if you’re struggling through a rough patch in your relationship and want tools and tips on how to make it better, Mel is sharing that as well.

Today, you’re getting the skills you need for any healthy romantic relationship.

Whether you’re in the early stages of dating, committed for years, or simply curious about your compatibility, this episode will give you the tools to navigate love with confidence.

Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory), which she mentions in this episode.

For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here) for the podcast episode page.

If you liked this episode, and want to hear a very candid conversation with Mel and her husband Chris about their 28 year marriage, listen to this episode next: How To Create Better Relationships: 6 Surprising Lessons From 28 Years Of Marriage)

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