5 Signs Of An Incompatible Relationship & 3 Signs You’ve Found “The One”
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Hey, each friend male and welcome to the male robbin's podcast. You and I are going to tackle one of the most agonizing questions that every single human being on this planet grapples with. At some point, you might be grappling with this right now.

What is the question is, am I with the right person? Is this the right relationship for me? Or is there someone else that's Better out there? Well, today here's we're gonna.

I have dug into the research on relationships. I have also looked at my thirty year marriage. I've looked at the toxic dating patterns that I was engaged in before I met my husband.

And I have three mistakes that i'm going to reveal to today. These are three mistakes that people make that either have them stay with the wrong person or end IT with the right person. And then i'm going to teach you this relationship assessment tool. It's called the A B C loop.

And by the time you and I done with our conversation today, you're either going to have the courage and the conviction to finally and something that you know when your gut is wrong for you or you're gona realize, holy cow, I am with the right person, and now I know what I need to do to move forward and make IT even Better. This time here, you feel automatically reinvigorated with the holiday spirit. Moods are boosted and that becomes infectious.

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He, your friend mall, I am so thrilled that you tuned in today. I just unbelievably fired up for a conversation because I have so much to share with you. And in fact, the topic that we're going to dig into, which is this question that we all grapple with at some point in our relationships.

And I don't care if you've just been on the first date, if you're single, if you've been married for twenty eight years, like I have, at some point you are going to have this agonizing question. And I with the right person, this is Normal. And there are things that you need to do, a mistakes you need to avoid when you start to ask yourself this question.

And we are going to unpack all of that. And I have so much to share with you, because I ve just the last two years writing a book called the latium theory. An entire section of this book is about this topic knowing whether or not you're with the right person or in the right relationship and unpacking the tools and the science that applies here, that is, gonna you make the right decision for you.

And I promise you, you're going to leave the conversation so empowered. And so thank you for hitting play if your brand kw, welcome to the mall, rob's podcast family. And one of the things that I know about you, because you chose to listen to this episode, is that you are interested in creating Better life, that you do know that you deserve happiness, and that you deserve to be an a mutually loving, amazing relationship that brings out the best in you. And so whether somebody who loves you forwarded you this and now you're hitting play and you're listening to this episode and to this podcast for the first time, whether you have been on a first date or string break ups or you're an empty nester or something that's very common if you somebody that is now really focused on improving yourself, becoming happier when you start to change your relationship changes.

And so as you're changing, if your partners not changing, you're probably starting ing to question, is a great person for me, is this person supporting me and I in the right relationship now that i'm empty nester, now that i'm this, now that i'm that this is Normal? And so we're going to Normalize this question that we all graph le with, which is, am I with the right person or the bigger one we don't talk about? Is there somebody Better out there?

And so if you're grappling with this right now, or you're watching a friend, or you're watching one of your kids, or you're watching your parent, whether it's post divorce or post like losing a spouse, step into the dating senior like that person for you, this is a conversation that is going to empower you. This is a conversation to share with the people that you love. So I think of the best place to start is the moment in a relationship where you start to question, is this the right person for me? And the first thing I want to Normalize is that is something that everyone feels at some point in their relationship.

I don't care if you've been married for fifty years, if you've just met and had a one night stand and now you think this is the love of your life, there will come a moment in time where you go. Is this the person for me? And one of the things that I am seeing over and over is the sense that they're so many options out there and the dating apps to this that you just wonder, is there someone Better? And so I think it's very Normal to have that, but that is very different than having the sense that something's off, having this sense that this is a good person.

But is this a good person for me? And that is a really important thing to think about because the decision of who you are going to have a long term committed relationship with is one of the single most important decisions in your entire life. The person that you have a partnership with impacts your health IT impacts your happiness IT impacts your goals IT impacts the money stress that you have.

And I once somebody say to me, you know, the secret to a happy marriage is marrying somebody who's a happy person. Uh, that's very simple advice. But the truth is if you start to feel unsatisfied in the relationship, IT is natural to question the relationship.

And i'm sure as you're listening, you're thinking, okay, well, how do I know when that question string is just me being unrealistic and me being negative? And how do I know when the questioning is a real problem? Like we're constantly bickering, there's a lot of frustration or fighting over stuff all the time.

Well, the truth is, if more than half the time you're frustrated or bickering, this is not the right relationship for you, period, because there's something off between the way the two of you are interacting with each other, and the relationship should actually make you feel like more of yourself. A relationship that works for you should bring out the best in you. And if the relationship that you're in is bringing out the worst in you, it's making you insecure.

It's making you question yourself. It's making you feel like you have to compromise your values. It's making you have to constantly explain yourself.

You feel self conscious around your friends because you kind of a know deep down inside that you're not really your best self because of this person that you're with and that you're changing and you're not changing in good ways. And so this is a deeply personal question. And here's what I know. You know, if you're not with the right person, you do deep down you know you're not with the right person. And i'm going to give you a couple things to consider so that you know that it's actually time to end something versus its time to work on something.

If you're in a relationship where you're not able to be yourself, you are in the wrong relationship because i'm going to tell you some, this is not going to get Better if the person that you're with makes you insecure or ignores you or they never want to do anything that you want to a do or always about them and you're quietly griping to your therapist about IT or your friends about IT, but you're not able to talk to this person. This is going to be a relationship that over time makes you miserable IT makes you worse and it's kind of eventually end in a break up. And what's gonna super hard about IT is that you're gonna waste months, years of your life trying to make something work that you're probably knew six months ago just isn't working.

And the first thing that I want you to do is ask yourself, is this relationship good for me? Are you actually able to be yourself on this person? Do they bring out the best to you? Do you feel safe and supported and respected? Do you feel like a priority, like they actually care about you and they have you in mind, and these are important things to consider because, and I think in today's world is so easy to get caught up in, oh my god, I want the wedding and like como and I want the gender reveal and I want the fantasy and you know, I want the engagement proposal photos on.

Like all the things that you forget, the person that you choose to spend your life with is the single most important decision you're going to make like, this isn't some joke and I don't want you to get so wrapped up in the fear of being single and never finding the one that you compromise on the most important decision you're going to make, which is, who are you going to create an amazing life with? And that goes way beyond what they look like or how tall they are or what their current bank account is. If you really want to go the distance, you gotto be willing to look deeper at what makes for a good relationship for you.

Because you deserve to be with somebody who truly brings out the best in you. You deserve to be with somebody who makes you a priority. And when you start to question IT, it's an opportunity for you to really examine what do I need, what do I want to feel like? And is this person, when I talk to them about this, do they lean in the me? Do they want to work on this together? And I willing to make compromises with this person because that's another thing. If you get to a point in a relationship where arms are crossed and they're the problem and they're the problem and they're the problem, well, you're part of the problem too because you're probably not compromising. And so I love that you are willing to ask yourself this question.

Is this person a good fit for me? Because too many times you're so worried about being single again or you're worried that you're now in your thirties and you're going to not find somebody in time, or you're worried that, oh my god, if I don't make this work and i'm going to get divorce or i'm GTA be broken up with again, you have to double down on the belief that you deserve and will create an incredible love story if you're willing to be honest with yourself and if you're willing to have the hard conversations with somebody. So you give both of you an opportunity to lean in and grow together.

That's what this is about to stop focusing on the timely, stop focusing on what your friends are doing, stop focusing on your track record and focus on the fact that you do deserve love. And this conversation is very difficult, is one step forward in creating that love for yourself and being honest with yourself about the mistakes you may be making. I want to talk about the topic of compatibility because I believe that this is deeply misunderstood, and this is where everybody gets themselves into trouble in their relationships.

Compatibility means that you have attraction. You have the desire to make IT work. And IT also means that you want the same things, the attraction parts really easy, right? Because you know if you're attracted to somebody and you know if it's mutual, but here's the thing, IT is extremely common to be attracted to someone and to have a certain level of commitment.

Maybe you're exclusive or maybe you've been dating or living together, but you're not compatible. And what does that mean when you're not compatible? IT means you just don't quite fit that as much as you may try, as much as you may be forcing IT, as much as you may want IT to work.

It's just not working. There's something that's not right. And you know, IT, it's harder than IT needs to be this tension you kind of dread seeing in other name, pop up on the phone, you know, when somethings not working.

And when that happens, I want to take a giant highlighter. What you have here is compatibility and whether or not it's actually going to work. And here's the hardest thing, sometimes you can be with somebody great. They're just not great for you. Sometimes you're with somebody and it's really good in the beginning.

And then as you spend more and more time together, is that at all? And this is when you started a question and I with the right person, it's not like there's anything wrong, but deep down, you feel like there's something wrong. And this is super important for you to pay attention to because if you feel like there's something off, then there is something off.

And the good news about feeling that there's something off is that if the thing that's off is something that your partner and you are willing to work on together, the thing that off can actually make the relationship amazing, because you work on IT together and you grow together, any married couple will tell you, and i've been married for twenty eight years. There are a brazilian times in my relationship with Chris where things to felt off and when things feel like they're not quite right, you want to have a partner that you lean, tour each other, not that you lean away from each other. And so you can use these moments like, huh, is this the right person for me to learn more about yourself, to learn more about your partner, and to help you determine whether or not this person is the right person for you, and you're the right person for them.

And if your in relationship, pray now. And you know, deep down, I wish this person treated me differently. I wish I was a priority. I wish that they would make more of an effort. I wish they didn't get drunk every night and then pass out next to me and bed and then pretend like it's no big deal in the morning. I wish they were more interested in my friends.

If these are the kinds of things that are happening and you haven't had the conversation, then the problem in the relationship is you because you're not raising the issues that would make you feel s seen and make you feel safe. And in raising the issues in your relationship, if there is no change, there's not gonna be a change. If there is an inability to hear you, there will never be inability to hear you, and you Better find the exit and spring ford.

And so first of all, if you're questioning good, let's use this as an opportunity and unpack how you're going to figure out, am I compatible and my nose? Is this my person or is this not my person? And so first things first, good job, good job for recognizing that something is off.

Now what I want to tell you is that there are three major mistakes that everybody makes in this moment, and I don't want you to make these mistakes. Number one major mistake is chasing the potential that you're in a relationship with a fantasy in your head, and you're not actually in a relationship with a person as they are. Rule number one in the letham theory is that human beings only change when they feel like IT, and you will never be able to change another human being.

And the single biggest mistake that I see with anybody dating or anybody in a relationship is that you're holding onto the potential and you're living in a fantasy y in your head and you're not accepting reality, which is why you need to let them be who they are and then decide what you're going to do about IT. That is what you need to do. So that mistake number one is chasing the potential.

Mistake number two is that you're with somebody and your values aren't lined, you don't want the same things. And yet you're convincing yourself that eventually this person is gonna come around and convert to your religion, or they're going to come around and are gonna want to have children. They are going going to come around and they're gonna to sell all their possessions with you and travel around the world for two years.

And the research is very clear on this. If you have to give up your dreams in order to stay with this person, this is not going to work. And the reason why this is not gna work is because you will grow to resent the other person, because you will blame them for being the reason why you didn't get to go to medical school or you didn't get to move.

Over to the other side of the planet and have this adventure or you didn't get to have kids. And here's the hard truth. When you compromise your own values for the sake of a relationship, and you give up on your dreams for the sake of staying with somebody else, the other person isn't to blame.

You are, if you have dreams and a vision for your life, IT is your responsibility to create that vision and to hold that vision for yourself. And one of the hardest st things in the world is when you wake up and realize you love somebody and you care about somebody who fundamentally does not share the same vision about what they want in life. And if that is where you are at, that this is not a relationship that is gonna either one of you happy.

And so that's mistake number two that you think this is going to change and it's not mistake number three, is this eighty twenty rule that you're with somebody that has like eighty percent of the things that you want. But here you are, your mind thinking the twenty percent of things that air deep values. These are just nice to have, right? This is like the wish list that we all, oh, I wish that they were taller.

I wish that know they were a little bit more athletic. I wish that they weren't so introverted to parties. You, it's more of a thing about like their personality or I wish that they were a Better skill, whatever IT may be.

They've got this sort of twenty percent out here. And what I often see is that people will dump somebody that has eighty percent of the deep, amazing, meaningful stuff. Their kind, they have a growth mindset, their loyal, they treat you with respect. You have fun together. But you're just kind of in that me stage, like the stage we all go through that stage because you're just kind of in platte in your relationship and you want to breaking up that for any reason.

But just because that twenty percent that Sparkly stuff is missing, you think if you had somebody that would take you off on some romantic singer that would buy your flowers more, that you would dress a little nicer, that somehow that would make your life Better. And then what is up happening? You end up dating people that have the twenty percent.

And you realized, oh my god, the eighty percent is what mattered. And I was just such a perfection as freak, formal of afflicted person that i've been chased in the twenty percent. We do this with our careers.

We do this with our closet. We do this with our cars. We think that more Better different is more Better different.

And often times that stuff that you're chasing doesn't flipping matter. The people that are gorgeous right now, we're going to be ugly in twenty years. The people that are in shape right now are onna get fat when you get pregnant.

The people that have a great job might get fired in five years, might lose at all. You don't know what going to happen, but when you got somebody that has the eighty percent that really matters, they are lined on the values and character that make you feel like yourself. You're kind of in rhythm where it's boring.

But okay, maybe boring is a sign that the relationship is good. Maybe drama and conflict is what happens with people that only have the twenty percent. What if boring is your new Normal? Because that means you're with somebody who's safe and stable.

And so i'm outlining these three mistakes. You're not aligned on your values. You're chasing in the twenty percent when you have the eighty percent or you're simply ignoring the obvious and you're constantly chasing the potential you're trying to fix.

Like that's what you think love is. That's not what love is. Love is boring. Love is the eighty percent.

Love is the ability to talk to your partner about what's not working and what you need, and to actually have your partner lean in and want to a try to make things Better. That's what makes a relationship work. And so here's the cool thing I want you to know. Having the conversation that things aren't working is how to make things work.

Because if you have the conversation about what's not working and you ask open ended questions and you apologize for your part of the frustrating dynamic, one of two things going to happen, the persons either going to reveal that they're not the right person for you through their behavior and their response or they're going to lean in and they're going to work on IT with you. And that's a sign of a beautiful, healthy relationship. I'm willing to bet you haven't even have the conversation.

I'm willing to bet that you haven't looked at whether or not you're making one of these three mistakes. And before you just break up with somebody, I want you to really look in the mir and o and I making one of these three mistakes. Have I had the conversation? And if you haven't, then have the conversation, this feels like a really good place to take a pause because I just share a lot with you.

I'm sure your head is already spinning, and i'm sure one of the things that you're thinking about is a bunch of people in your life who need this conversation. I want you to share this episode with them, take a listen to amazing sponsors and don't go anywhere. Because when we come back, we're going to continue to dig into these tools to give you the clarity, the courage and the road forward that you deserve.

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Walk back into your friend mell robbins. And today you and I are using science and research and common sense to dig into the most grappling question out there, that every human being faces, which is, am I with the right person? And you're probably wondering, will, well, I have had the conversation.

We've argued about the drinking and how much time they go out with their friends. We've talked about their ambition. We've talked about the fact that, you know, I really want to go to medical school.

If I go to medical school, I want you to come with me, and I want you to support me through this. We have talked about the fact that I wish that you were more interested in watching football with me and my friends. And IT goes nowhere.

IT goes absolutely nowhere. Instead, we just kind of talk about IT. Nothing changes. I used to do this too.

And the approach that you need to take if you're sitting there listening to me and you're like, okay, noted. Well, i've been questioning i've been wondering if this is the right person and you're right. I haven't raised the issue or i've raised the issue.

It's gone nowhere. I want you to use a technique that I write about extensively in my books to let them theory. The technic is something I call the A B C loop.

And the reason I call a loop is because the A B C part you're gonna to keep having over and over in a loop. And i'm going to tell you what the A B C part is. And then i'm going to walk you through how you have this conversation.

A is when you apologize and you ask open end questions, that A, B means you're gonna back off and you're gonna watch someone's behavior and see is when you are going to just compliment and celebrate any small change that you see, and you yourself are going to model the change that you wish your partner would have. And I highly, highly, highly recommend. If you're sit in their questioning relationship, you follow the A B C loop formula before you break up, because I guarantee you, you have not approach this the right way.

And using science, you can have a conversation that will reveal whether or not this is a person who is willing to grow, who can hear you, and who could possibly be the partner that you actually deserve. So i'm gonna give you two scenarios of how you can use the A B C loop with anybody where you have an issue, where it's bothering you and there's a stand off and you really wanted to change. But it's pretty clear that the way that approaching IT is backfiring because the change isn't happening.

And the two examples we're going to talk about, one is when your partner has just let their health go and IT could be anything IT could be their diet IT could be a lack of exercise IT could be that they become really sedentary. Another on their phone all the time or the playing video games all the time, they're just not as active, might be something mental health wise. They're just super negative and there's work that they could do or tools that they could be using and they're just not doing IT.

So that's one topic where a lot of couples get into a standoff. The second topic brain to talk about is something that is a lot deeper and career, and that is when you have a conflict to somebody over a core value or a deep, deep, deep desire that you have. And the topic were going to talk about his kids legless. Just say, you're with somebody and you want to have kids but they don't or they won't have kids but you don't.

How do you handle these issues in your relationship and how do you use the tools and science to truly pull apart, whether or not this is just a difference of opinion or this is something you have to accept, or whether or not this is truly a deal speaker? So let's start with a situation where you're with somebody who's like their health call. How do you approach this topic in a way that both supports the change happening and also helps you determine whether or not this is a deal speaker for you? IT might be related to their weight.

IT might be related to mental health issues. And they are refusing to get therapy or to use their tools. These are very common and very chAllenging situations when you're in a partnership with somebody who is just not taking care of themselves and you start to feel frustrated.

And I know for me in my relationship with Chris, this happened when he was struggling with depression and he didn't want to use the tools. And i've had lots of friends who have had relationships, have been married to people who used to be super athletic. And then all the sudden, because of work or just because as they just started feeling more and more and motivated, they let their health go.

And next thing you know, they're going up several sizes and pants and they aren't as active and they don't want to participate the way that they used to. And when IT happens and it's gonna happen in your relationship, you tend to go on this curve where first you're really like encouraging I gi, just take the example of wanting your partner to work out more. okay.

And what do you do when you want your partner to work out for more? You invite them to go to the gym. You say, let's go for a walk.

You may be buy them a personal training session. You buy them new sneakers. You get the athletic where? And then is that doesn't work. What happens? You start to get little, and you start to then notice how your friends partners are physically fit. You start to feel jealous about the fact that you see other going for a jog along the Charles river while your partner is sitting at home watching, you know, the ball game. Or you start to notice like, why is IT that we used to go do all these things and we don't do IT anymore.

And you're frustrated because every time you come home from work and you see your partner sitting on the couch with a bag, chips in their hand with the television on, you're thinking, why can't you get your ass off the couch and go for a jog for crying out out because i'm starting to find you not that attractive anymore. And IT happens. And here's the mistake that we make.

We instead of inspiring and influencing change, we actually cause a stand off and resistance to change. You know, you and I think that we're doing the right thing or like, hey, you should really update your resume and work on IT. That doesn't inspire and motivate the person that you love to change.

In fact, what we know based on the neuroscience and I this extensively in the letter theory book in section six, which is all about the fact that you can change other people. And when your partner starts to let themselves go, you are going to want to change them full up. You're just going to want to because you want your partner to be viBrant, you want them to stay in shape, you want them to be active and healthy and to be alive long so that you guys can enjoy each other.

So here's the problem. We quickly go from encouraging positive change by giving gifts and making recommendations, or trying to be helpful and what the science on equities ally says. And this comes from doctor k, the healthy gamer, harvard transient atrix, who I absolutely love, that human beings are hardwired to be in control of themselves.

Feeling like you can control your life and your choices makes you feel safe. And so when somebody else tells you you should really brush up your resume, does that make you leap out in your chairo? You're right.

I should IT makes you go. I'll do that when i'm ready. When somebody says you a nice day for a walk, you don't go.

You're right. Let's go. You go. Thanks kept and obvious.

I think i'll sit here on the culture. I wanted to go for a walk. I'd be up for a walk next.

And that's not somebody being a jerk. That's your brain wiring. Because when somebody else tries to force or pressure you to change your own, natural human wiring creates resistance to IT.

Your pressure causes someone to push back. And look, I know because i've been in this situation with my adult kids, have been in this situation with my husband, certainly where I wanted them to change. I had amazing reasons for them to change.

This isn't some big values like deal breaker, amazing stand up fight. I just want to test for them. But you can't want change for someone else.

And when you try to force someone else to change, you actually create resistance to change. So you're the reason why there's no room for change. You need to understand something.

People only change when they feel like IT. Your partner will only take Better care of themselves if they think it's their idea. And that's why you need the A B C loop. Because I said you couldn't change somebody. I never said you couldn't influence them.

Your behavior has a profound influence on the people around you, and if you use the science and you understand that any pressure is going to create resistance, you got to create space and acceptance, because that space and acceptance of where the person is gives the other person the space to step into the change. Feel like I was their choice, because otherwise they just feel like your bitch or your controlling. And to shut you up, they ve gotta do what you say.

And that's not a healthy dynamic and relationship. So here's how you use the A B C loop in the situation where your partner has let them go and you're worried about them, very worried about them. And there's a little bit of of great work I want you to do before you just jump into these conversations. The first thing I want you to do is to truly ask yourself, why does this bother you so much? Like what is IT that makes you feel like you got a parent, this other adult?

What is IT about their letting their health go, or this issue that you can't let go in the relationship? What is that for you? And the fastest way to get to the bottom of why this matters for you is to ask yourself, why, five times? Why do I care if my partner health health has gone? And you might start off by saying, because i'm worried about their health.

And then you go, why? Well, because we used to do a lot of fun stuff, and we don't do anything anymore. why? What makes me worried? Because I read the paper the other day that this guy dropped dead of a heart attack at fifteen. I don't want that to happen to them. Or I see my other friends dating people that are super active and a bothers me.

why? Oh, now this is where this is interesting because often times what you'll find when you ask five wise is you don't like the fact that the person is let themselves go because you think that looks bad for you because you feel like it's something to do with you. Or you may find when you get to these five wise that you are just deeply scared about this person's health.

And it's important for you to start there, because when you step into this conversation, you gotto be able to own your side of the pressure, and you also need to be able to apologize authentically. And so the A B C loop again, is you're gna apologized and ask open any questions. Then you're gonna be back off and observe behavior, and then you're gonna model change and celebrate any small forward progress in a very authentic way.

No passive aggressive comments and you're to, to wit, for three months. So you're to sit down. You're an apologized for being a joke.

I'm so sorry that i've been texting you workout through dms. I'm so sorry that i've been pressuring you. I am so sorry that i've made a off and a comments. I love you. I am trying to support you.

And you know, i've just never even asked you, how do you feel about your health? What does that feel like for you in terms of how I have shown up? How can I show up differently for what do you want? And IT doesn't matter what they say, you are there to listen.

You're there to ask questions. If they say my health is fine to stay up, what what's fine about your health? Like why do you say it's fine? And again, i'm going to remind you the point isn't the words to come out of their mouth. Because the fact is your person knows they let their health co, they're in conflict about IT. They know what they need to be doing and they know they're not doing IT and they don't feel good about IT.

And you simply asking the question, what happens based on this research that doctor k was talking about, is that IT stars up, this really necessary internal tension that reveals for the person in your life that disconnect between what they know to be true, what they want and their actions. And that conversation may last five minutes. IT might be twenty minutes.

I like to have these conversations in a car because a person trapped, and you have to look at them, and you can just not get triggered by their emotions. And I find that, especially with my adult kids, even they were talking in about compatibility here. This is a technique used with anybody.

And so I do the prep work and then I get him in the car because there's no drinking, there's nowhere to go. You're both looking ahead. People tend to be able to talk more openly in that setting for some reason.

And so IT might last a long time. IT might not good job on doing a now be. And he needs to let them here.

You got back off, back off. Let them, let them sit on the couch. Let them competitive chips, let them not work on their resume, let them be, let them with their lives.

Let them be an adult. Let them. You have to back off and observe their behavior, why their behavior is the truth.

You may care about this. They may not. You may be motivated about this. They are not. Their behavior tells you this, and I tell you a quick story, because I need you to understand the sea part, because the sea part is, anytime you see anything positive happen, you have to cheer or celebrate this person, and you have to model to change.

You can expect somebody in your life to stop drinking while you're pouring in class line at night. You cannot expect somebody in your life to suddenly eat healthy and start, uh, walking everyday after dinner. If you're not, you cannot expect somebody to go gluten free or address their allergies if you haven't done yourself.

And so see is model the change and make IT look fun and easy, not like rubbing IT in. But just when you go out for a walk, go out for a walk, when you come back in, just feel like, oh god, this is so beautiful outside. I feel oh so much more focus.

I want to go back up, staying at myself done. You didn't ask him to go for a walk. You didn't pressure him.

You demonstrated the change and you made a look fun and easy. Now people naturally move towards things that are fun and easy. This is why you and I buy stuff that we don't need know.

A sports figures like my golf game improved with this club. You're like, wu, that looks fun and easy. I think I need that now. And so i'm going to tell you a quick story. Let's say your work and every day at lunch, your colleague gets up, puts on your jacket and goes outside for a walk and you're like tap, tap, tap, tap, tap and shoveling food in your mouth because you're addicted to being busy and you're just tap 啪啪啪 and you watch this happen every day for couple weeks。 They never once ask you to go for a walk, never while you're like shopping.

Nethold, how long do you think IT would take for you one day to look up and see that is a Sunny day and think to yourself? Ha, thank you to go for a walk at one should. Couple weeks, maybe a month, if you watch somebody do this every day at work, and they came back with a smile on their face, and then they with drama tapping, and that seemed happy.

See, the research is very clear. This comes from neuroscientists, doctor share IT, who teaches a king's college london. And M, I, T, that your behavior influences other people, but other people have to think it's their idea in order to do IT see when two or three weeks or a month goes by.

And all the sudden you get up and you walk outside at lunch, you could, why do I not do this every day? This is amazing. You don't credit your colleague.

You credit yourself for doing IT. And this is critical, free to understand. This is neuroscience and basic wiring.

You have to create the space in the conditions where your behavior influence is somebody but doesn't pressure them. This issue is a stand off because you've been pressuring them. I want you to let them be themselves and focus on the let me part.

Let me influence you by having the open ended questions and asking and backing off and then changing and modeling the change, and when they suddenly get up and go for a walk or go for a run, or the TV is off and there in the the kitchen working on the resume, don't be passive aggressive. C doesn't feel good, like that feels like a shame. You're like, oh my gosh, your esmail amazing.

Or how is IT outside? I think I might go for a walk that looks like fun to see the difference there. Because often times when somebody finally does something, you sweep in.

And xi, I told you so wasn't that good. Now that makes somebody go. F, U, i'm not doing IT again because i'm not your child.

And when you say, oh, that looks like a good idea, let me try IT now of the sun, or reinforcing the positive change. And here's the final thing. You've GTA give you three months because they may never change.

So let's just take a few minutes and just allow what you're learning to sink into your mind, body and spirit. And if somebody keeps coming to mind, please be generous and share this episode with them, because there is zero ed out. My mind IT could change the trajectory of their life and don't go anywhere because we have so much more to talk about, and I will be waiting for you after short break.

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Welcome back in your friend male. I hope that you had a chance to just really think about what we've been talking about here and packing together, because this is really important. You deserve e to be in a loving partnership.

And you can absolutely create IT and using what you're learning today, you will. So let's talk about if you've had this conversation and you've truly given them the three months you've just backed off and you've watch your behavior, you're onna need the lesson theory. You're have to keep going on.

Let them, let them, let them, let them, let them to remind yourself that you got a back off. And let me just focus on modeling the changes. Let me focus on observing their behavior. Let me focus on removing pressure and seeing if I can accept and love and support this person exactly as they are. If these three months go by and they don't change, they're not going to change.

So you have to move to step d and e and d means you have to decide if this is a deal break er and emails, you got to either end the relationship or and you're complaining about IT. So I know you're thinking, how do I know if it's a deal break? Er, it's very simple.

Can you stop complaining about IT? If you can't stop complaining about IT, here's what IT tells me. This is an issue that matters to you. This is an issue that is not something you're willing to just compromise on.

This is an issue where this person continues to just let their health go or they continue to refuse to go to therapy or they continue to just yellow you or be passive aggressive with you or text you non stop at work when you said I can't like or text doing you with your girlfriends and you just like I I don't want na be with somebody who acts like this. That's a deal speaker because you have to understand people only change when they feel like at this person's behavior is demonstrated that they they don't feel like IT. They don't want to they're incapable of IT.

And so now it's on you. Can you marry, live with and be with this person and be happy and love them as they are not resent them in which they would change for the rest of your life? That's what a deal broker is, and that's not their responsibility is to your responsibility to identify for yourself and see.

I think so many people are so scared to be single, you literally brush a deal, break er under the rug and you gas late yourself thinking someone is gona change and they're not going to it's not your jo B2Change the m. And the more you try to change them, the more tension in frustration there's going to be in your relationship. And that means, e, if you can end your complaining and you can't accept to this person is exactly as they are, then they're not your person.

They may be a great person. They may be a good person, but they're not greater good for you. For most people, it's not a deal speaker. It's something you have to learn to accept and still learn how to love somebody. You got to let them, because the more you let someone be themselves, the Better your relationship gets.

And you know, this is true, because do you like IT when somebody tells you that you need to fine a new job? Do you like IT when somebody tells you you gotta control this, that do you like IT when somebody tells you that, you know, maybe you should go back to the gym or, you know, that kind of holds their mouth when you're like, i've gone up a couple sizes pants, like these pants, to title me and you're like, they kind are. But I don't want to say, you know what it's like to feel pressure and to feel judgment or do you feel that sort of passive aggressive support? I'm just trying to support you.

And what do you do? You push back. I'm here to tell you, you gotta let other people live their lives.

And you have to focus on the influence part. And using the A, B, C loop method, IT reveals what the other person cares about. IT reveals what is a priority for this person.

And that truth is now information that you consider when you come back to the question we're talking about today, which is, is this the right person for me? There's a really important stat that I want you to hear. And this statistic comes from decades of research done by doctors john and Julie government.

They are the world's most famous relationship researchers. They also happen to be varied. Check this out, sixty nine percent of issues in any relationship are unresolvable.

What does that mean? That means sixty nine percent of the things that couples fight about you will never be able to come to an agreement on things like you're being soppy, things like you talk to loud. For me, in my husband, we costly argue around the fact that my A D H D makes me a very bessy person and constantly running light.

I drive Chris crazy in this regard. The thing that drives me crazy about my husband, he is a thinker. He's a slow processor. He tends to ask a lot of questions. It's quite annoying. These are things that are never going to change if the things that are never gonna change are part of that eighty twenty rule.

And the things that drive you crazy part of the twenty percent nice to have like IT would be nice to have somebody that sometime it'd be nice to have somebody that is a fast processor. Is that really the stuff that matters? Of course not. Of course not. And so IT really helps you kind of put in the context, oh, this makes a lot of sense.

And then that brings me back to the thing i'm going to keep saying, which is, do you have somebody that when you raise an issue with them, they leaned told you and they want to work on IT with you, because sixty nine percent of the stuff that you guys argue about never gna go away. So can you actually talk about them? And can you accept the person as they are? Because working through these things is what makes IT last as a couple.

If you're gonna the distance with somebody, you're going to go through so many different iterations and chapters with this person. There times of my marriage were Chris S. M A E.

More money there times where I made more money. There's times where we both made the same kind of amount of money. There's time where he made no money. There's time where I was unemployed. IT was like pass in a atton back in fourth. And what makes your relationship compatible and what makes IT work is the willingness to work on IT and work through IT together on the sixty nine percent of things that are either not important in the long run or will never actually be resolved.

Your ability to determine what's a deal broker, what's not, what is deep values and dreams and goals and what's the nice to have, what is a phase and a chapter that we're going through that this person deserves my loyalty and support and compassion. And i'm gonna my part and i'm onna. Let them, i'm onna, let them figure this out and i'm gona focus on what I can do, which is create an environment that supports somebody's change.

And the research is very clear. The environment that support somebody's change is zero pressure to change and positive influence based on your behavior and your acceptance. And this is critical to understand because that seems counter intuit because you think, well, I got, I got a forces person.

No, no, no, no, you got to actually step back and accept them because when they feel loved and accepted, they don't feel shamed by you and they'll feel more empower to stepped toward you. And that's the kind of baLance and dynamic that is present in a relationship where you really with the right person. And the interesting things about these kind of breakdowns and kind of wondering is, and I said this throughout this conversation today, is that these are opportunities to make your relationship stronger.

Working through things is what creates an incredible relationship. And I know you want that. Who wants to just data string of people and break up and or get divorce or gas through pain and heart? Nobody you don't want that.

I'm assuming you're with this person because you want to be with this person and you want to make this work. And so if you want to make IT work, then you got ta follow and work with the laws of human behavior in science. And the left m theory is gona let you do IT because that's the number one thing no one's going to change when you pressuring him.

And you're not with the right person for you if you're constantly in your head thinking everything's wrong and this is never going to feel good for either one of you until you learn to love them as they are and you learn how to have these conversations. So let's talk about the situation where you're with somebody, and it's like a deep issue. This isn't going away.

You want kids. They don't. They want kids. You don't mean this is something that is going to cause a lot of tension in your relationship and frustration and resentment. And so you gotta determine for real where your partner stands, whether or not there is truly compromise, or whether or not this is a deal speaker. And so let's say, you've been dating somebody for quite a while, and you know that you want children, you know, you want to get married, you know you want to build a life with this person.

But they're kind of in that mode, like we'll say can't open to IT, but they won't give you a definitive and as the months and the years start to pile up and everything's okay, but you're starting to think, where do we stand at us? What is gonna en? I have a friend who wasted a decade of her life in her thirties with somebody who strong her along on this topic, only to eventually break up with her when he pushed the issue.

And so you're gona use the A B C loop, because you have to honor yourself, and you have to honor your dreams and your goals and your values for yourself. And by the way, if you ultimately do not want to have children, and you are with somebody who does, and you think this is gonna change, you're wrong. And so you need to be having this conversation to get very clear with your partner because staying with somebody when you've got a core issue that is looming in the background that you hope i'll just maybe he doesn't work for most people.

And you owe IT to yourself to not be in a relationship hoping IT delivers, but rather create and choose a relationship where you are with somebody that truly wants to work on these things with you and once the same important things as you do. And so you start with, again, the A B C loop. The first is a apologized and ask and you're going to ask open and questions. And so what you're going to do is you're going to apologize.

Hey, I wanted to talk to about this because I realize that I have been pressuring you and i'm sure IT doesn't feel good and i've gotten sarky, impassive, aggressive and I know that when I keep texting you the, uh, shower announcements of my friend's baby showers, I would imagine that kind of feels like a slam and so I wanted to apologize for pressuring you, but I have a couple questions I wanted ask. How does that feel for you when I bring this up? What are you thinking about the topic of whether or not you are open having children or whether or not you don't? And asking the open ended question, which is some you probably haven't done a lot of us like, right? And letting them this is where to let them theory comes in.

Let them say what you're going to say when you ask the open ended questions. And here's a good one. Have you ever thought about when you get to the end of your life, whether or not like who is standing around you? Does not having kids there.

Do you ever consider what I would be like if you had kids and red and kids around you? And IT doesn't matter based on the research what they say because the open ended questions are meant to reveal tension inside them between what they're saying to you, which is i'm open to IT and what they might actually believe deef down, which is I don't want this at all, but they won't say that to you because they think you're gona drop IT because here's the thing. If you've asked open ended questions, if you've backed off, if you've given somebody the space to both know what you need and the space to change on their own terms and they don't change, they're not going to.

And now you got ta decide this person as they are, whether they're at a shape, whether they drink too much, whether they come with a tone of financial debt, like I did when I, when Christmas me, whether they never want children. Can you choose this person as they are? Can you choose this relationship exactly as IT is where they don't prioritize you? They're not that fun that gotten really boring, your kind of negative.

Can you choose this person exactly as they are and exactly as they are? We're not talking about the potential for all you fixers because if you can't, then you got two choices. You either need to end your complaining about IT or you got to end the relationship because if you choose to say with somebody who after you've had this A B C conversation, they exhibit no change in behavior.

And you choose to say with somebody like this, even though you don't want to be with somebody like this, that on you, that's on you and here's how you know, if you can't stop complaining about the person you're with, you're not with the ray person. If you can end the bitching, then you need to end the relationship because you're actually in a relationship with somebody that you are going to want to change for the rest of your life. And that is never gone to make you happy, and it's going to make the other person miserable.

And IT will lead to a break up. And here's the problem, like my friend who wasted ten years of our life chasing the potential of somebody, you're gonna waste ten years of yours chasing the potential of who this person could be, instead of accepting the reality of who they actually are and choosing IT powerfully or choosing to walk away because, you know, you deserve Better. And this is one more thing I want to say about this.

The reason why relationships are hard is because we're terrified of being single. And the thing about love that is incredible is you get to choose the love and the partnership that you deserve, and you also have to respect yourself enough and trust yourself enough and value who you are enough and the life that you're building to constantly remember. IT is a sacred invitation to choose to build a world in a life with someone that your life gets magnified when someone's in IT, but it's not diminished when somebody isn't.

And one of the things that I worry about is that we're also scared to be alone. We're scared to be the single friend were scared to be alone again. We're scared to go through heroic.

We're scared to put ourselves out there that we chase things that aren't meant for us, and we accept behavior and we accept situations with other people and relationships that are less than what we deserve. And it's really important to go into these conversations reminding yourself you deserve, be happy. And there are lots of people out there that you can make a beautiful relationship work with.

And I think the number one thing that you need to be looking for is, are you dealing with somebody who actually wants to grow with you? Are you with somebody who's kind you? Are you with with somebody who is loyal to their friends and family because that shows that they're be loyal to you?

Are you with with somebody that can listen to you because you are going to have so many up and downs in a successful relationship that when you're building from a foundation of fundamentally being with somebody who is choosing you back, who makes you a priority, who is kind to you, who is caring of you, who listens to you and wants to know how to do Better, that's the baseline. And you know, I just want to say something. This is not easy, especially if you're wish somebody who's a good person and you realize they're just not the right person for you.

And this is definitely not easy if you're married or living together or you have children together or you just are in IT and you have a house like unwinding. Our relationship is one of the most painful things in the world. And even when you have a situation where you both know is just not working, even though you wish you would.

The lesson theory is not going to remove that pain. There's nothing about the decision to end something that is that is gonna feel good that's gonna feel right. You're gonna deep down IT is and so the letter theory doesn't take that away IT just gives you the tools to dissipate the emotion that you feel and the headache that you're gonna and the brief that you're gna feel if you make the determination that this isn't the right relationship for you anymore.

And that's an important thing to say because that is a mentally healthy response to ending a relationship, to feel hard, broken, to feel conflicted, to feel guilt, to feel grief, to feel a mix of emotions, from love and appreciation, to tremendous sadness, to fear, to anger, to loss. Like all, it's like a tsunami. And the let them theory does not take that away.

The let them theory helps you find the courage and the truth that needs to be said. And if that's what you're realizing from listening to this, I hope that you honor that in yourself because you're not just here on this planet to be somebody's partner. If you've been listening to this and you're like, there is no doubt my mind this is over and you've had the conversation and you've backed off and you've observed the behavior, and you know deep in your heart that this person and this relationship is no longer right for you.

The lesson theories not to make this easy IT doesn't erase the pain IT doesn't really how difficult IT is, unwind the relationship IT doesn't s the emotional reactions of the other person or how IT may impact other people in your life. And here's the way that the letter theory will help you, though in life, the right decisions often feel very wrong in the moment, and the reason why they feel wrong is because the right decision for you will cause someone else to feel very upsetting emotions. And just because someone else is disappointed, or someone else is heartbroken, or you feel like a complete jerk, or you're terrified to see this person's parents, or you don't want to let the kids down, are you worried about what everybody's going to think or you're thinking now, oh my gosh.

But we've been in this for six years or seven years, and I sure, my right, and I sure fast forward to the end of life, if nothing changes. Do you really want to spend the next seven decades feeling like you feel right now? Do you want to spend the next seven years feeling like you feel right now?

Do you want to spend the next seven months feeling like you feel right now? Because what I know to be true, what you know to be true is this person is who they are. You have tried all the tools, and this isn't changing in a way that is going to be a relationship that works for you.

And making that call is one of the hardest and bravest and most courageous things you can ever do. Because IT means you are choosing the love you deserve, IT means you are choosing to believe in yourself, that means you are choosing to step away from someone that you once loved. For the chance to create an even greater love in the future.

And the other thing is just consider the other person, would you want someone to stay with you at a pity? Would you want someone to stay with you and just present you for the rest your life because you are who you are? Would you want someone else to slowly, quietly quit the relationship and waste another ten years of your life because they didn't have the courage to tell you the truth? Of course not.

You don't deserve that, and other people don't deserve that from you. Sometimes one of the most loving things that you can do is to say, I don't love you anymore because it's the truth. And if you are in a relationship that is grounded in commitment, kindness and respect and mutual admiration, that's what the other person deserves, is the truth.

And if you're listening to this, I also want to remind you that if you haven't had the conversation, that's the truth they deserve. Use the tools, create the space for change to happen, determine whether or not this is an issue that actually deeply, deeply, deeply matters or it's just in the twenty percent that doesn't learn to accept the person that's in front of you instead of the fantasy relationships that you're in in your head. And I promise you, everything that you have learned are is gona help you navigate this extremely Normal and very common theme, that is, gonna come up in every single relationship that you're in, because human beings are designed to change.

And as you change and grow, your partners gonna change and grow. And sometimes that means IT feels like you're no longer on the same page. But if you're with the right person and you use these tools and you start to embrace the laws of human nature, that people only change when they feel like IT, that change needs to be their idea and acceptance.

And loving somebody as they are and letting them live their lives is what creates the best relationships in the world. You do that and you follow the tools you've learned and you watch how your partner responds, if they lean in and they're will, into work on IT. Telling you some, you got a relationship that works.

And if you're listening and you're starting to feel fear because you're getting more and more in touch with your turns that deep down, you know this really isn't working, but you're feeling yourself hesitate or go pup up, up, up, up, up, up. I I want to speak to the fear that you're feeling because we're also afraid of being alone or of disappointing somebody else or of just having to have a hard conversation, that we prioritize something that's not working over the truth. And in a moment like this, fear can take over, and what you know can be so much more tempting than thinking about the unknown.

And what I want you to do is place your faith in your truth. That's where I want you to put all of your faith and belief is in what you know to be true. And here's the reason why if the relationship is real, if it's the right relationship for you and the other person, if it's going to support you in having a meaningful and fulfilling life, the truth makes a real relationship stronger.

If the relationship isn't the right relationship for you or for where you're going, I want you to fight for the truth, because the truth can't kill anything that's real. But if the relationship isn't the right one for you, the truth is gona reveal that. And that's why I don't want you to fight for the relationship.

I want you to fight for what you know to be true and trust that the relationship reveals whether or not is capable of aligning with you. And so you got a double down on that deep knowing and seeking alignment and support from the person. Because what happens when you do that and you start to lean into the truth and you find the courage to share IT and to want to a work on IT, the other person's going to reveal its true for them.

And the hard thing is often times what's gonna revealed is that they're not going to choose you, and they're gonna choose the things that you want. And that's why i'm gonna keep reminding you. The truth is you deserve to be happy. The truth is your needs are important. The truth is you deserve a partner that is onna, respect you and be kind and they deserve somebody like that too.

If something feels off trust that be willing to talk about IT because the truth is the right person leaning in goes, well, let's work on IT they care about you and if you're afraid to tell the truth about what you feel or what feels off, that's a gigantic red flag, that this is not a relationship where you can be yourself. This is not a relationship where you feel safe. It's a giant riddle LED for me, that you are concerned about being single or facing the unknown, which I get scary, really scary.

But if the rate love was just around the corner, how would you show up differently? And I notice I didn't say IT was a different person. Maybe what is required in your relationship to truly take IT to the next level is for one of you to be the one that shows up differently, for one of you to stand for something bigger than the this function and the friction and the things that you're feeling.

And if you're listening to me right now and you're the friend or your the mom, dad or you're the sister, the brother and your loved one is constantly complaining to you about their relationship, send this to them because maybe they know the truth, they're just afraid and they don't have the tools to have the conversation. And nobodies explained the science because I certainly didn't know that when I pressure someone to change IT keeps me stuck. I didn't know that the secret to relationships is letting people be who they are and learning how to accept and love them.

I didn't know any of these tools that i'm sharing with you until I truly started researching them a couple years ago. And I love these tools because they're free and they're simple and they work and they prioritize what in your control, which is what's true for you and the love that you decide to choose and create for yourself if you're listening and you have this pitcher stomach, because you know that this is no longer the right relationship for you. You owe yourself the possibility of having the most amazing, loving, incredible relationship.

And I want you to know that pit is a Normal, and it's actually an appropriate response to knowing that you're about to make a decision that is gna upset someone else. That's not a sign that you shouldn't do IT. It's a sign that you're making a really hard call and that you are aligning your life with what you know to be true and you owe yourself that and what I want you to know is that you will be OK that hit your stomach.

Actually, you know what IT is is not an ending. It's a beginning. It's the beginning of you finding the clarity and the conviction to alive your life with what feels right for you.

And i'm going to remind you, you deserve. The love that truly makes you feel alive and supported and free, I can't wait to hear how you use this. A, I, I can't wait to see how many people that you send this to, and how IT empowers them to heal relationships and improve relationships. How IT empowers them to make the tough call, because we all need to do that in life. And one more thing I wants to tell you, in case someone else tells you, I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a Better life.

And one of the things that will create a Better life, there's zero red out my mind, is you getting honest about what IT really means to have a relationship that is mutual, that is loving, and that is with somebody that is, on the same page, committed to the same things, and most importantly, willing to listen and lean in and work on IT with you. You got that. You got the formula for the happiest, amazing love story in the world already. I'll see in the next episode.

Great note. Okay, it's like i'm tired and the camera just broke up with us. Go head.

Yes, uni, go for IT. Sorry, guys, you come, come on. This is like reality show.

Prosing, come plan. Out, out, out. Come on body.

Good boy, good boy. Big dog. OK, we're good.

Does that do that good? OK, is there anything that we've missed here? You guys, I is good.

There's that famous saying, if you're confused in your relationship, what? What is? IT, oh yeah. There's me. So good, everybody.

Oh, and one more thing I know, this is not a blue per. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers right? And what I need to read you.

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licence therapies, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, coach, psycho therapies or other qualified professional.

Got IT good. I'll see in the next episode. stitcher. First of all, thank you for sticking around for this amazing bonus segment. But before I jump into IT, I want to give a huge shutout to celebrity cruise s for sponsoring this.

Did you know that with celebrity cruise SE, you can visit nearly three hundred fantastic destinations around the world, all from the comfort of ships that have so many things to do that the ships are destinations in their own right. I'm talking elevated guest rooms or comfort is everything live entertainment? You don't want to miss top notch food and drinks.

And that's just on the ship. I mean, what could be Better than so can up the culture of europe, breathing in the cool, crisp air of the alaskan wilderness, or tanning as you sail the clear blue water under the carribean sun. Well, i'll tell you, what's Better doing all of that with someone you love.

I want you to think about this, think about how amazing IT is to travel somewhere new with someone special, somebody that you deeply care about, whether last time you guys even took a trip without your kids. I mean, maybe instead of trying to force a day night in, what if you put something in the calendar for three to six months for now? And i'm suggesting that you do that because of the research.

Research is proven that just planning a trip or putting something into your calendar in the future can boost your happiness now. And that's even before you're on the cruise ship or you're on the mountain top or your line on the beach seep doing something fun like planning a trip. It's the ticket to a richer and more meaningful relationship.

And you know you may be sitting around like, okay, well, they need to plan IT. Well, what about you instead of waiting for that to happen or waiting for the right time, do IT now because when you decide to do something fun with someone you love, you know you're doing, you're saying, you're important to me. Just planning something like that proves that spending time together doing new things matters.

And IT brings you together. And I know you know this, I know you know this, but I need to remind you of this because the stupid things are what take up our time. And that means that we don't make time to experience the new things that could add depth to your connection and create new memories.

And now you're sitting here with your friend mell. Go on your right now your right mall because one of these days you'll be looking back on your life. What are you going to a remember? You're gone to remember these things that you planned.

You're gonna realize that the true foundation of your relationship with all of these memories that you made together, and that is fully within your power to create. So don't you dare finish listening to this and not put something in your calendar three, six months or now for you guys to go away. And I also want to thank celebrity cruise es for sponsoring this special segment.

And I want you to imagine you and your partner, I mean, enjoying the cozy, intimate field of a small ship that has everything you'd expect from something bigger. You and your partner taking in the beautiful ocean views, world class entertainment and all this amazing food with your favorite person. And you want to know the best part about going on a cruise.

You don't have to do anything seriously. You just plan the trip and pick the dates. They take care of everything.

It's so all done for you. You have to worry about the data reserves are car rental or the headaches. Try to get yourself from one place to the other. You could just have fun and enjoy the person you love as you explore an amazing new place. That's what celebrity cruise is all about, a travel experience unlike any other.

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You know, I think you every time you choose to hang out with me on this podcast, but I want to do IT again, thank you for deciding to listen to something that could make your life Better. In fact, this month leading up the thanksgiving, all about gratitude. So I want you to think of someone in your life who deserves a thank you and tell them I appreciate you.

And while you're at IT, there's another person you should thank yourself and you need to cheer for yourself. You need to show yourself in love a great way for you to get grateful about the things in your life and feel comfortable expressing yourself is through therapy. When you start practicing gratitude, you find more things to be grateful for.

Therapy can open the floodgates to a more grateful life. That's the kind of life you deserve, and it's within your reach. Better help makes IT easy.

It's entirely online design to be convenient, flexible, suited your schedule, just fill out a brief questionable to get matched with place and therapies, and you can switch therapies anytime for no additional church. Let the gratitude flow with Better help. There's a Better helped com ssh mell robbins today to get ten percent off your first month. That's Better help G L P docomo ssh mell robbins.