Tucker Carlson's “Daddy” Issues, Magic Gamers on JD Vance, and Fat Joe’s Fight for Healthcare
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So buy some Oscar Mayer thick cut bacon now. Jon Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.

This is The Daily Show with your host, Joe Costner. Welcome to The Daily Show. Wow! I'm Michael Kastner. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Kamala is putting on a festival. Tucker Carlson makes everyone uncomfortable. And with the election just 12 days away, everyone in America is slowly losing their minds. So let's get into it. Indecision 2024. ♪♪

With less than two weeks until Election Day, Kamala's calling in the reinforcements. Tonight, she held a rally in Atlanta with Bruce Springsteen, Tyler Perry, and Barack Obama. And she announced that on Friday, she'll be joined in Houston by Beyoncé. Ooh, baby. Talk about a get. The last time Beyoncé appeared on stage with a presidential candidate was Hillary in 2016, so things are looking good.

It's in the bag. If we don't get the wrong idea, Donald Trump has been bringing in some special guests, too. I have never, I have never in my life spoken at a political rally. I've covered a million of them for over 30 years, and I've never spoken at one, never thought I would. I can't believe I'm here. Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, I don't want to be a hater. He's excited for his first political rally. Seems like a perfectly reasonable time to laugh like an old-timey villain who tied a woman to the railroad tracks. So let's hear what his argument is for electing Trump. There has to be a point at which dad comes home. And when dad gets home, you know what he says? You've been a bad girl. You've been a bad little girl and you're getting a vigorous spanking right now.

You're getting a vigorous spanking because you've been a bad girl. And it has to be this way. Okay, okay, so this might be why you've never been invited to speak at a political rally before. You see, America, these Trump people, they aren't weird. They just know that Trump is a big, strong daddy that's coming home to spank us all. Totally normal stuff. I can't wait to hear Tucker's thoughts on the economy. Inflation is like a babysitter and she's been knocked out.

But hey, that's just me. Donald Trump, what are your thoughts on Tucker's intro? I'm gonna cum. Right. Right. I figured as much. I figured. So Kamala and Trump are pulling out all the stops to get their message out to voters. But at this point, it seems like many voters have heard enough. How would you describe the onslaught of political ads so far this year? Chaos.

Complete chaos. They're ridiculous. Absolutely no escape. I mean, you go on TikTok, Facebook, it's everywhere. We're all sick of it. I think it's overwhelming. It's wearing me out. All of a sudden, it's nothing but like, oh, illegal immigrants. She's the border czar. She's not the border czar. And we're just trying to get in the false spirit. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Look what you've done, America. You've ruined this man's false spirit.

You've made him so anxious, he can't even enjoy apple picking anymore. I'm just kidding. Nobody really enjoys apple picking. Except for me, honey. I can't wait to go this weekend. Why would I want to sit on the couch and watch a football game when I could ruin my shoes to bring home 70 apples? I mean, we eat, what, one apple a week? It totally makes sense that we'd bring home two years' worth of apples. But with the leftovers, you can make an apple crisp. No one has ever made an apple crisp!

My point is there's a lot of political ads, especially in the swing states. I spent a weekend in Pennsylvania recently and every single commercial break it was Kamala Trump, Kamala Trump, on and on and on. I actually wept tears of joy when a Cars for Kids ad came on. And then one of those kids said, Kamala Harris wants to turn me trans. And I realized it's just another campaign ad. Jesus Christ. And it's not just that it's annoying, this barrage of politics. It's

it's taking a toll on our mental health. - A new poll from the American Psychiatric Association finds that 73% of people surveyed cite the election as a source of anxiety. - 31% said they're fearful when thinking about the election. Now, a separate survey done by Pew Research found the majority of Americans feel exhausted when thinking about politics. Mo said it made them feel angry. - People's irritable bowel syndrome is flaring. That happens every election cycle. - Irritable bowel syndrome?

This election is so scary, Americans are literally shitting themselves. Although, we got some sufferers in the audience tonight. Although, this does work as a convenient excuse. You can leave the bathroom at your friend's place like, sorry about the smell. Election year. But if you ask me, there's one major sign that America has lost its mind this election. And that sign is our behavior around, well, signs.

They've been snatched from yards, burnt to pieces. In another critical battleground state, Wisconsin, police receiving several reports of stolen and vandalized signs. One letter left behind saying voting for Kamala Harris will lead to blood on your hands. Trump supporter Ben Ganther says he isn't taking any chances after he had one of his signs stolen and another sign cut through. They didn't get the Trump sign this time because I had wrapped it in chicken wire. I mean...

Are we really stealing signs now? You know that person can still vote. It's not like if you take the sign off their lawn, they're going to be like, huh, I forgot who to vote for. What's that sign say? Deer crossing? I guess I'll vote for deer crossing. I don't know.

The only thing more deranged than stealing someone's sign is the lengths that some people are going to to prevent that sign from being stolen. A resident in Leesburg, Virginia, took matters into his own hands, sparking panic after rigging his anti-Harris sign with tripwire and alarms. In Tempe, Arizona, police arresting 60-year-old Jeffrey Michael Kelly for hanging multiple anti-Harris signs with white powder and razor blades attached. Alright.

You guys are really going to kill someone over a campaign sign? Pace yourself. The Civil War doesn't start for a few weeks, but Jesus Christ, fellas, maybe it's time for a hobby. No? I never thought I'd say this, but have you tried apple picking? My wife is looking for someone to go with.

But Trump supporters better watch out with their anthrax and their razor blades because Democrats can hit back just as hard. John Scarborough had a sign showing support for Vice President Harris in his garden until one night it disappeared. I got some gold craft glitter, mixed it up with some Vaseline, and I smeared it on all four edges. You know, I don't want anybody to get hurt, but I at least want them to understand that

Yep, and there's the election in a nutshell. The Republican strategy is to kill you, and the Democratic strategy is merely kind of gay. Although...

Although to be fair, if you tried to get glitter out of anything, I'd rather grab razor blades, to be honest. And you don't have to booby trap a sign to stop a thief. You just have to get high tech. Missouri resident Laura McCaskill putting an Apple AirTag on her Harris Walls signs after she says thieves stole them three times. Could you open the trunk of your vehicle and show us that it's not there? Using the GPS to track down these young men and their mother, all this cameras rolled. I'm sorry, this is funny. Why don't you just take them all?

Here you go, liberals. Well, but just, it's more than that, actually. No, it's not. It's so stupid. Just go vote. It's a felony, ma'am. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It actually is. Ma'am, please don't throw these at me. Stop that. I'm so tired of you. Hold on, hold on. You're giving them attitude for the stuff your son stole?

That's the law and order party for you. No, see, when we commit crimes, it's funny, okay? But honestly, I'm disappointed at these high school kids. They're spending their Saturday nights going around stealing political yard signs. If they were my kids, I'd be like, you go up to your room and you smoke weed like a normal teenage boy. Yeah, the way I do. But I don't want to give you the idea that everyone is stealing yard signs. No, because some people are actually adding them.

A Davis voter is raising concerns after a UPS driver was caught on camera leaving opposing political signs on her lawn. The driver here seemed walking up on the property, leaving about 10 tiny Trump flags. When Shelly Bales checked the lawn of her Davis home, she found these, nearly a dozen small flags supporting former President Donald Trump's 2024 campaign. Aw, make America cute again.

Seriously, you call that a MAGA flag? Good luck beating a police officer unconscious with that. What are you even hoping to achieve with a flag that small? You think someone's going to be walking by like, whoops, I dropped my keys and I don't even know who to vote for. Hey, I have an idea. You know what the problem with all these people stealing signs? They face no repercussions. Tucker Carlson was right. These people need a vigorous spanking. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. These men... These men need their exposed bottoms spanked bright and rosy red. I'm gonna come. Yeah. Yeah, we know.

Look, here's the bottom line. I know we don't like these elections that last two years and cost a billion dollars, but we've got to learn to deal with it. And don't give me the, oh, what if we had shorter elections that cost less money? That's just not how democracy works, okay? Unless, of course, you're talking about Canada or France or Britain or Germany or Australia or every other democracy on Earth except for ours.

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Hey everybody, Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. The campaigns are targeting all sorts of micro-demographics in these last two weeks. Ronny Chieng sat down with one that's been getting some unexpected attention. People have a lot of names for J.D. Vance. Weirdo. Oddball. Certified freak seven days a week. But does he deserve this reputation? Just everything. Yeah, it'll be a lot of glazed tears and sprinkle stuff.

Whatever makes sense? Nothing about the way he did that makes any f***.

And recently, Vance's wife outed him on national TV for something even weirder. He has all sorts of dorky interests. I want him to explain what the dorky habits he had. She said he's going to kill me for saying this, but it's Magic the Gathering, which was a card game. It's similar to, like, Pokemon. That's right. Before J.D. Vance was a powerful political shapeshifter, he played Magic the Gathering, a collectible card game that's been around since the 90s.

So we magically gathered a bunch of card-carrying dorks to see how they thought Vance's allegiance would affect their community. So what is Magic: The Gathering? And how would you explain it to someone who doesn't give a f*** about any of this shit?

It's a turn-based card game. You get resources called mana, and you get those by playing lands or other sources. And then you generally, like, will play creatures, and then that's what you use to attack your opponent, and you try to accumulate advantage over time. Right, and at what point do you grow up and start playing this shit? But how do these super nerds feel about one of their own trying to move out of his mom's basement and into the White House? Are you worried that J.D. Vance playing magic will make you guys seem weird?

- No. - No. - He's a magic player, so he's a step up in my book. You need a certain level of intelligence to play magic. - Yeah, because you're making a whole bunch of tactical decisions based on what's going on. - Why, like being able to decide like, I don't ever wanna have a woman touch me. I would rather play with some dudes in a smelly room. - It doesn't always smell the best in here.

Vance also admitted his favorite strategy was something sinister. - I think, I still don't understand this game. - JD Vance said that when he played Magic: The Gathering, his favorite deck was Yawgmoth's Bargain. What the does this mean?

It's a combo deck where you get to trade your life away for power. He's doing what he needs to win, even if he's being a dirty Yawgmoth player. So is Yawgmoth's bargain disqualifying the way, like, a felon shouldn't be president? I probably wouldn't trust someone if they're willing to sacrifice...

so much just to get ahead. Like how JD Vance spent years talking shit about Trump and then totally flipped and is now running with it. Yeah. People who played it won pretty much too much for it to be fun anymore. You could draw 20 cards if you want, which gives you a ton of advantage. You can't be touched for a whole turn. I wouldn't worry about that. Pretty sure that effect is in play, independent of cards. But was Vance's nerd cred enough to work a little magic in the voting booth? Who here is voting for Trump Vance?

Who here is voting for Harris, Waltz? And undecided voters? What are you gonna do? Get in a voting booth and roll a 20-sided die? Oh, thanks, man. What's harder to explain to your family? Being an undecided voter or being an adult man who plays magic together?

- Big undecided voter, actually. My parents are Haitian, like born and raised, so they're like, "What do you mean? We don't eat cats." - But like, did you tell your parents that JD Vance also played Magic: The Gathering? - No. But I don't think that's gonna sway them.

Well, have these wizards and warlocks really undecided? I needed to explain politics in a way they could understand. Using a custom election 2024 magic deck, I gave these Dorito munchers some truth to snack on. I summon JD Vance.

The Boy Wonder. When JD Vance' Boy Wonder enters the battlefield, all Haitian creatures are returned to their owners' lands. That's pretty strong. So do I have to lose? Yeah, you feel a little more decided now? I think so. One down, three to go. However, these players were teaching me a valuable lesson. That we're all losers.

but especially them. - When a creature like that gets exiled, you can choose if it's your commander to put it back in the command zone or leave it there. - How do I lose quickly? - Choose wrong. You gotta choose wrong. Pick a number, one, two, three, or four. - Okay. - All right, ready? - One, two, three. - I pick three. - I pick two. - All right, so RFK Jr. and Elon must die. - Great. - I will pass the turn. - Swamp. I'll go find an island. You can go.

You're not even having a little bit of fun? I am having absolutely no fun. Time to do us all a favor and January 6th is shit. Game over, nerds. Now go vote. And don't tell anyone I wasn't smart enough to understand your dumb game. Thank you, Ronnie. When we come back, Joe will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Thank you.

Hey everybody, Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a Grammy-nominated artist whose new Starz series is called Fat Joe Talks. He's also a health care reform advocate working with power to the patients. Please welcome Fat Joe. Yes, yes. Fat Joe in the house. Bronx, from the Bronx. Yes, let's go Yankees, let's go Yankees! Fat Joe, I got to admit, when I was introduced to you many years ago, you looked a lot different.

than right now. Are you still fat, Joe? I think I look more handsome now. You are more handsome now. All right, thank you, brother. But are you still... You're not Fat Joe anymore. Yeah, I lost a lot of weight, man. I'm trying to stick around, man. Okay. Life's so beautiful. Tell me about... Tell me about that journey. I think a lot of people can connect with that. Well, I lost a lot of weight. You know, I think I went at it in two different layers.

You know, I lost a lot of friends of mine at a young age, especially Big Pun. And, um, I lost maybe 150 pounds, and then I went back at it again and lost, like, maybe another 100, 150. Jesus. Is that the hardest thing you've done? Is... Nah, I don't... Getting to the hip-hop industry the hardest thing you've done? What's the hardest thing you've done? Well, the hardest thing I've done is trying to get a law passed in Washington, D.C., for health care price transparency. Shit, that's... Yeah.

It's been my hardest. It was easier to lose 250 pounds than get a law passed in Washington? Yeah, you know, you just want to live. For me, I've done it for so long already.

That it's just a way of life. You know, we cut carbs whenever we eat defensively now. So we stay off the rice, off the pasta, off the, you know, and and work out, you know, and stay active. OK. And, you know, but, you know, getting the law passed in Washington is harder than losing 250 pounds.

That's not defense. That's offense. That's major offense. I remember the first time I went to Washington, D.C., a journalist met me at the stairs. He was like, Fat Joe, what are you doing here? I was like, yo, I'm coming to get this stuff. She was like, good luck. That's never going to happen in Washington. But we've been getting a great reception. We started with one politician. I believe it was Guthrie.

Guffrey from Kentucky. Now, last time I went over there, I had about 90, 100 congressmen and senators there. And we support Senator Braun, Bernie Sanders bill for health care price transparency. So, you know, this is the only thing you go anywhere in the world. You don't get a price for it. There's over 100 million Americans in debt.

due to healthcare price transparency so it's real in every family and so you want to create a system where they tell you the prices so we can know where we go like if we know we're going for an MRI believe it or not there's people going to the same hospitals every day getting the same procedure by the same doctor somebody's paying $12,000 somebody's paying $2,000 somebody's paying $5,000

It ain't even discrimination. It's just highway robbery. Right. You don't see... It'd be interesting if the doctor came in and you sit with that little menu. I mean... MRI, you want a hip replacement, but they don't do that. You just want to create a competitive system to where, like anything else, you want to know, you look at your three...

leading hospitals in your area and get it for the right price. And that's what Power to the Patients... -Yes. -...advocates for? -Yeah, yeah. -Okay. So, what... Tell me exactly what Power to the Patients is. Power to the Patients is an organization that's fighting for the American people. You know, uh, our two founders, Kevin Moore and Cynthia Fisher,

Cynthia had employees that worked for her for 20 years and never bothered her about anything. And finally, she sees the man, the gentleman crying, and he was like so embarrassed to tell her he don't know whether to send his daughter to college or pay for his wife's hospital bill. Oh, man. Right. And so there's actually people I come from the Bronx.

There's people afraid to go to the hospital to get health coverage because they're afraid of what the price is going to be in the long run because this is like you just pulling in the hat, coming out with whatever. So that's why you see people limping across the street. You see people struggling. And then it's just like a snowplow house.

And before you know it, you're in real trouble. So if you get the change that you're advocating for, a patient would now know the upfront costs at various hospitals of a procedure...

as well as enforcing it. Okay. Right. That's key. We don't, we, we hate to admit it, but Donald Trump passed similar law. Okay. Right. But they never enforced it. We don't say that stuff here. No, I'm just telling you. Just kidding. Of course. Yes. No. Yeah. I'm obviously not a Trumper, but you know, he passed a similar law, which is not as strong as Senator Braun or Bernie Sanders, but

They never enforced it. So the hospital's got a way with still moving the way they're moving. You got to have the press release. You got to have the headline moment, but they didn't actually enforce that. So if a patient knows what these things cost, they can make a more educated decision. Because I got to be honest, I go to the hospital...

and you kind of check in. I have insurance. I'm one of the lucky people that... And then I leave. I get some shit in the mail that has a huge number on it, but I don't even pay that. I always just feel like it's this secret language between the hospital and the insurance company. Man, let me tell you something. There's a guy who went to the hospital for an EpiPen, and they charged him $18,000. Right. He went online and saw it for, like, $100 online. Yeah, I think it was a guy in my subway stop that'll give it to him for 25 bucks. LAUGHTER

Hey, maybe that's the guy who's selling me my Ozempic. Well, and I want to talk to you in a second about talking to Vice President Kamala Harris, but you mentioned Ozempic and astonishingly some reversed diagnosis of your type 2 diabetes. Is that right? Can you share that? Well, I don't give all credit to that. Right. But...

12 years old I was diabetic juvenile diabetes I never knew in the hood that you could actually lose weight and get rid of the diabetes they never told me I don't think a lot of people understand that now they was just giving me insulin and and for years so once I started losing the weight 150 pounds of this I'm working out twice a day my doctor tells me one day I

You don't have diabetes. You don't have to take the insulin. I wind up arguing with my doctor. Like, yo, give me my insulin. You trying to kill me? Like, nah, you're doing great. You got rid of the weight. You don't need... And then recently in the last maybe like...

Two years or something like that, the doctor was like, well, you ain't working out two times a day no more, Joe. You got to take some Ozempic. And so due to diabetes, you know, and blood sugars, you know, I've been on that Ozempic. Okay. Great. And you're healthy and strong and good. You're looking good. I feel great. Yeah. Okay, great. Let's talk about... It's funny...

It's funny, when a doctor gives you good news, we start questioning him or her. I always look at the diploma on the wall. Where exactly did they go? Costa Rica. Oh, shit. I have the diploma.

I have the coolest doctor in the world, Dr. Gene Naidman down in Miami. He saved my life. And so I go in there and hang out with him and just talk and hang out in the office with him. He's like a buddy. The problem is when you invite your doctor for Thanksgiving dinner, one night he came to my house and I ate like two olives for Thanksgiving dinner. Looking at me, I'm like...

That's like this, you know, damn dot. Yeah, I know. You're stinking up the place. You just had an opportunity at the BET Hip Hop Awards to interview Vice President Kamala Harris. How did it go? First of all, went great. Politicians, politicians.

I don't want to say struggle. Maybe they're confused or maybe they try very hard to reach the black and brown men community. What can they do? Are they doing the right stuff? I would think so. It depends on what, you know, you're looking for, you know, and some people, of course, the black and brown community has been disenfranchised for many, many years. But the men, I don't know. I, you know,

This race just boils down to, will a man vote for a woman? That's all it boils down to. I've read the analytics in every which way, shape, or form. It's an obvious person to vote for. Now, are you going to be man enough to vote for a woman? Right. I like that. I like that.

What I like about you, Fat Joe, is not every artist is willing to share opinions like that because there's a lot of people that buy music. You know, I'm a businessman. Right. And so every time I say stuff like this, the minute I said that, I said, okay, I'm going to get threatened by my Republican partners. I mean, they get furious. I don't even got to say nothing. They see me. You know, I have friends on the Republican side. Yep.

who want to save money in taxes. - Yeah. - And then I think about where I came from and the less fortunate people and women's reproductive rights and so forth. And so my heart leans morally to where I gotta be. So, but every time I say it... - Right.

Your new talk series, Fat Joe Talks. That's right. You talk to celebrities like Method Man, but also politicians like Hakeem Jeffries. That's a good one. Yeah, well, tell me, is it important to talk to, is that, did you tackle all different types of people on purpose?

Well, you know, yeah, for sure. Fat Joe talks. I'm available. Fat Joe talks. Fat Joe. A lot. And so, you know, I get into it with Hakeem Jeffries, the leader, and I asked him if the aliens were real. Okay?

I mean, this guy would know, right? I'm like, yo, tell me about the aliens, man. And so I'm just having fun and just interviewing icons. This week we got, it's on the Stars Network. Go get the app. We got Mary J. Blige this week. We got strictly icons. And my platform is all about inspiration, bringing inspiration and positive vibes to young folks. It's crazy. I did an interview earlier.

with a newspaper out in L.A. and they were asking me about the show. And I'm like, this is positivity. We tell you our story, where we came from, all our adversity, how we get through it. We bringing up the youth so they can be inspired and they can see that it's possible. And then my publicist gets on the phone and says, you got time for one more question? The woman asks me the most controversial question you heard in your life. I said, miss, I've been talking to you for half an hour. Half

and you heard me. See, a good journalist is a good listener. You gotta listen to the talent. What'd you say? I'm sorry? You gotta listen.

So wait, but Big Joe, but Fat Joe likes to talk. So are you doing talking? Are you doing listening? You're doing everything. I'm doing a little bit of both because I really like to talk. Yeah. And so you're good at it. Yeah, I'm really good at it. And I like to jump in. But I learned. Right. I learned how to just let the let let the artist, the person talk, give me their perspective. And then I lean in. But normally, yeah, you won't get one word in in the house.

And if you ever heard of this guy called DJ Khaled, you won't get a word in. Me and DJ, I can't. He's like, yo.

But hey, yo. All he's saying is his name over and over again. Oh, no. It's Khaled. I don't get to talk to a lot of hip hop stars. So I got to ask you, when I see a video and everybody's got the money, is that real money on set? Is that fake money? Actually, I think it's fake money. Yeah, OK. Most of the time. OK. So my wife told me, we got back from, I hosted the BET Hip Hop Awards. And I did my song, Make It Rain. So these girls were throwing, like, money around.

And so my wife said, I found a bunch of money in your pocket. I said, yeah, did you look at it? She looked at it and had Fat Joe's face on it. I said, that ain't going to get you a candy bar. Right. I love that. You haven't had a solo album in 14 years. Yeah. All right. Now, you're working with health care reform to have more health care transparency. Can you be transparent with us? Is there a new Fat Joe album coming out?

Yes, there is. It's called the world changed. The world changed on me. Oh, the world changed. I feel like I'm the last ungentrified rapper. I got the bodega. I got the bodega on the block and hell no, we won't go.

And we're just going to keep this real hip-hop alive. So the world changed. I mean, it's pretty amazing. I look forward to it. Thank you for chatting with us. Thank you so much. Check out PowerToThePatients.org and new episodes of Fat Joe Talks air Fridays on Stump. Fat Joe, we've been quick-waked. We'll be right back after this. Thank you, Fat Joe. You're the man. That's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of zen.

And I wish I put it on tape, but every time I think, I say, oh, I'd love these conversations. I could tell you with Italy what I did. I could tell you. Here's the problem. Every time I think about putting, I want to tape every conversation. The problem is, then I start thinking about Richard Nixon did that. And I say, you know, let's do without the tape.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. Paramount Podcasts. Hey everybody, Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show. It's going to be coming out

Every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGIT. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts.