Trump’s Trade Wars Hike Prices, GOP Blames Biden for Economy | Mae Martin
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You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta. Thank you.

Hello. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Kosta. Donald Trump just wrapped up his joint address to Congress, and we'll have full coverage on that tomorrow. But tonight, Republicans want to start cleaning up chicken shit. Joe Biden crop-dusted the economy on his way out. And relations with Canada are about to get ugly. But first, our ongoing segment, the second coming of Donald J. Trump. I'm going to come.

Donald Trump has been busy. In the past couple of days, he's switched sides in the war in Ukraine, announced a national crypto reserve, and dismantled the National Weather Service because part of the fun of experiencing a Category 5 hurricane is the surprise. Trump's been so busy that I was getting worried he'd forgotten his plan to start a North American trade war. But my boy, he put it on the cap.

We begin with the breaking news in America's escalating trade war, and it's dramatic. A global trade war kicked off at the stroke of midnight. President Trump's 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico are now in effect. Yeah, that's right, baby. Trade war.

Nobody does war better than USA! USA! USA! That's right, Canada and Mexico are about to feel the pain. And the best part is, it's not going to affect us at all. The average American household could spend up to $2,000 more a year on everything from produce to clothes to new cars. Driving up the cost of a small car by an estimated $6,200. Or an SUV by $9,000. What?

Wait. We're launching a trade war and it's going to affect us? I'm going to pay $9,000 more for a Kia Sorento? Now I finally get why they say war is hell. So that's what Private Ryan saved. That's what saving Private Ryan was all about. Private Ryan was a different movie. Isn't this the opposite of what Trump campaigned on? Raising prices on everything? I'm already buying my eggs and installments with Klarna.

And the solution that his secretary of agriculture came up with, it's not very helpful. I think the silver lining in all of this is how do we in our backyards, we've got chickens in our backyard. How do we solve for something like this? And people are sort of looking around thinking, wow, well, maybe I could get a chicken in my backyard. And it's awesome. I agree. Yeah, I think everyone who isn't a farmer right now wants to be. Yes. Great idea.

Great idea. In this time of uncertainty, the one thing I need now is a wild animal in my house pecking my dick while I'm trying to make a frittata. Everybody who's not a farmer wants to be. Are you kidding me? Americans don't even go to grocery stores anymore. We just text get Cheerios to strangers on Instacart. But sure, I guess I'll become a small farmer.

And hey, why stop at chickens? You know, I could grow my own avocados. I could raise my own cows. Wait, why am I buying my steel like a sucker when I could be smelting iron ore in my own bathtub? Either way, prices are about to go up. And I just hope that no one told that to the stock market. The stock market drops for a second day in a row now that President Trump's tariffs are in effect. God damn it, who told that to the stock market?

So the stock market is plummeting thanks to the trade war that Donald Trump started. So obviously, well, we know who to blame for that, right? What's left of the Biden economy is slumping so badly. It's just slumping. This is the legacy of the Biden economy. Damn you, Joe Biden. You were supposed to leave the password to the economy on the White House fridge before you left.

If we're going to blame past presidents, why stop at Biden, you know? Jimmy Carter's been awfully quiet lately. How convenient. But I guess rising prices and a tanking stock market, that's just the cost of starting a trade war with your neighbors. Now, Mexico, they expect it, right? Trump's headed out for them since no one showed up to his quinceanera, but...

But why Canada? We've always been tight with Canada. We were both British colonies. We play in the same sports leagues together. We share joint custody of Ryan Gosling. If Trump is going to launch a trade war with them, I hope he has a good reason. And I'm sure he does, right? Right?

Trump says the tariffs are needed and he claims Canada and Mexico aren't doing enough to stop illegal immigration and fentanyl shipments. The fentanyl coming through Canada is massive. Of course, of course, fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense. We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.

Data shows less than 1% of the fentanyl entering the U.S. comes from Canada, and only 1.5% of Border Patrol encounters with migrants take place at the border with Canada.

Okay, so it's not fentanyl or migrants, and it can't be because Trump's an insecure wannabe alpha male thumping his chest so the world pays attention to him, so I guess we'll never know. It's probably Joe Biden. Whatever it is, Prime Minister Trudeau, he wasn't having it. Today, the United States launched a trade war against Canada, their closest partner and ally, their closest friend. Now I want to speak directly...

to one specific American, Donald. Even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. He's mad. And he's not even world leader mad, he's dad mad. This is the same tone I use when I tell my daughter not to throw her baby sister into the crib.

You are not that type of person that does this, even though you just did this, and you'll probably keep doing it. But you're not this. Okay, Donald? My daughter's name is Donald. And...

All of Canada is lining up behind Trudeau, like Ontario's premier Doug Ford came out to warn America about the consequences of a trade war, although in a confusing way. The people of the U.S., which I absolutely love the American people, they're going to be paying more. The market is going to go downhill faster than the American bobsled team. Oh! Sick burn! Sick burn!

I think? I mean, it sounded like a slam, but if the market will go downhill really fast, that means our bobsled team is also fast. And isn't that like a compliment? Our bobsled team is supposed to go fast, right? Unless he's saying our bobsled team is slow, which is a slam, but then that means the market won't go downhill fast, which is good for our economy. This metaphor doesn't make any sense.

The point is, Doug Ford is forcing me to learn about bobsledding, and I do not appreciate that. Is there a Canadian who can make an analogy that's a little less confusing? Donna Reardon, the mayor of St. John in New Brunswick, maybe you have a good analogy. I mean, we've been in this comfortable relationship with our American cousins, and now we're being attacked. So, you know, we're breaking up with the U.S., and it's time to move on. Yeah, we're cousins, but we're breaking up.

This analogy is even worse than the bobsled. You can't break up with your cousin. Sure, you can both go off and get married and start your own families and try to convince yourselves you've moved on, but she's still there at Thanksgiving every year. Yeah, she brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes, but deep down you can see in her pale blue eyes that she's sad and I'm sad too, Stephanie. LAUGHTER

I know she can see it in my eyes, which are the same color as hers because we're related and that's why we can't be together, right? What was I talking about? I'm sorry. Look, that's right. Oh, the trade war that we've launched for no reason. The point is, look, what Donald Trump has done to Canada. They're the nicest country on earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we've brought them out to do. Canadians are reasonable and we are polite.

but we will not back down from a fight. Ontario Premier Doug Ford threatened to shut off his province's electricity exports to the United States and block shipments of Ontario's high-grade nickel. Canadian liquor stores took American whiskey off the shelves. There's also hashtags, Buy Canadian and Boycott USA going viral. Canadian coffee shop The Morning Owl in Ottawa has renamed its popular Americano coffee to a Canadiano. WWE fans were drowning out

the performance of the Star Spangled Banner in Toronto. Take a listen. Damn. Canada's respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis and Hubert Stevens, gold medalists in the two-man bobsled at the 1932 Lake Placid Olympics. Now that's how you do a bobsled metaphor, Doug. Big bobsled fans out here today.

Whatever the reason, Trump has now pushed America and Canada into a full-on trade war. And for more, let's go live to the Canadian border with our very own Grace Kuhlenschmidt. Grace, what's your analysis? It's pretty simple, Michael. America is definitely in the wrong here. We're the bad guys. We suck.

And when you've made a mistake, you have to take accountability and tell Canada to shut the f*** up. I'm sorry, tell Canada to shut the f*** up? Yeah. Listen, America is in the wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts. When Canada starts talking s***, my dormant patriotic instincts bubble up and suddenly I'm proud to be American! Which is crazy because I'm not.

I can't help myself. When that guy called our bobsled team slow, that piece of shit. Actually, I think he was complimenting our team. I still don't really know. Oh, that piece of shit. I want to take Canada's side, but when they boo our national anthem, I have to shit on theirs. Oh, Canada is in G major? I'm surprised it's not in A minor.

I don't really know what that means. Yeah, well, I don't want to explain it to you. And if you know America's in the wrong, then why are you defending us? It's like seeing your mom get arrested. You know she shouldn't have bought beer for those middle schoolers. But you're still up and trying to grab his gun. It's crazy, but that's love. Love for your mom and love for your country. And if that means I can't eat waffles with Canadian maple syrup...

Then by God, I will eat them with ketchup. Yum. You know, Grace, I gotta say, in a weird way, I admire your patriotism. I hate it. I'm embarrassed to be an American right now, and as an... I'm outraged. I don't like this patriotic monster I've become. Last night, I blacked out and bought a Ford F-150. This shirt I'm wearing...

put this on. Wait, is that a bald eagle pooping out a maple leaf? Where did you even get that, Grace? I think I made it because I also have it tattooed on my back. Michael, I just want these tariffs to go away. I love this country so much, but sometimes America is just the worst. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes America is the worst, Grace. You're right. The f*** did you

Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. Grace Kuhlenschmidt, everyone. Grace Kuhlenschmidt. When we come back, Ricky Velez gives us his opinion, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend Ricky Velez. The phrase of the day is buyer's remorse.

It's like when you buy thousands of dollars worth of shoes made by your favorite rapper, thinking one day they'll be as valuable as the Princess Diana beanie baby. But then that rapper found his favorite new shape. But Yeezy isn't the only brand that's out there not living up to expectations these days. A lot of people...

are having buyer's remorse when it comes to the election. Six weeks into the second Trump administration and a growing number of his supporters are having second thoughts. Austin Jenkins voted for lower taxes and less regulation. But Jenkins finds the first month unsettling. I thought there was supposed to be checks and balances somewhere. Riley Cooper was just let go by the U.S. Forest Service. Do you now regret the way you voted for Trump? I do feel regret.

Come on. Who could have predicted that the guy that's known for the catchphrase, you're fired, would fire you? And it's not just Trump that's giving people buyer's remorse, because with the purchase of Trump came one free Elon. So...

Some people are ashamed of their president and their car. Some Tesla owners driven to regret their purchase because of Elon Musk. Local Tesla owners are reporting increasing minor acts of vandalism to both cars and chargers and are targets of cursing and gestures on the road. This gold cyber truck has been turning heads, but lately the attention has taken a threatening turn. According to Dr. Koumei Giroud, drivers cut him off and they hurl offensive gestures. The doctor says that he tried to

get rid of his truck, but he has not been able to find a buyer. Wow. Wow. No shit. You can't find a buyer for a gold Cybertruck. Just break this down for a second. Imagine seeing a regular Cybertruck and also turning to the salesman and being like, do you have anything that makes me look like a bigger dick and also hides my smaller dick?

And by the way, they're not just vandalizing Cybertrucks because Elon sucks. They're vandalizing Cybertrucks because it's a stupid car. It's the only car that gives you your virginity back. Plus, if you get mad at the product, you don't sell it. You take a semi-automatic and you light that mother up like a true patriot.

But those that can't sell their Teslas, here's another option. Anti-Elon Musk bumper stickers have been showing up on a lot of cars. Some owners scrambled to buy anti-Elon stickers to decorate their EVs like these. Vintage Tesla, this one says, pre-Madness Edition. Up with EVs, down with Elon. Sticking it in here. Another one if I really wanted to, like, quadruple down.

Us liberals love a sticker. What an inspiring way to tell the world I disapprove of Nazis, but not enough to bike to work. But once again, I feel these people's pain. You might wonder what kind of douchebag keeps a product after it was made by a Nazi? Well, this kind of douchebag. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. They were popular in 2017.

I still have my Kanye shoes. They were made by him. And I definitely can't give them to my son for his bar mitzvah. So what do I do with these? Well, one guy has an answer. Check out this man in Florida who is now burning several pairs of Yeezy shoes. Danny Schiff says he's purchased about 40 pairs of those shoes over the years and about $15,000 worth have gone up in flames.

Yes, that's what we do. We burn Yeezys. The second you have buyer's remorse, it's time to clean the break and no second chances. Just chicken shit, no chicken shit half measures, which is why Ricky Velez right now in this moment will put a sticker on my Yeezy. Nazis back, Nazis back. So there, no one can judge me. And am I a hero? It's not for me to say.

But yes, I am. But that's just my opinion. Ricky Valera, everybody. When we come back, Mae Martin will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Matthew's back. Matthew's back. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, producer, and now a singer-songwriter with their debut album, I'm a TV. Please welcome Mae Martin. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. Look at that.

Look at that, huh? Look at that. Look at that. You're a Canadian. Oh, yeah, I am. So I'm required by law to take 25% off all of my questions. So first question, what was your experience like doing... Okay, I'm going to have to also retaliate with tariffs on my answers. So, yeah, my experience was really...

Perfect. We got it. But maybe both administrations seeing a Canadian and an American shake hands is all they need to see. We solved it. Yeah, that was a beautiful moment for democracy. Your album is tremendous. It's beautiful. Thank you. I was thinking...

You're a comedian. Yes, I was thinking that too. It's beautiful. You know how to sing, you know how to play instruments. What the f*** is going on? Thanks, thanks. I am a comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, yeah. I've always wanted to, I've always, you know, played music in my bedroom. You have? Yeah, and shed a single tear and been really emo. But yeah, yeah. How does a comedian, by the way,

Mae is a comedian, but the music -- This is real music. This is great music. -Thank you. -It's not like, "Oh, it's a comedy music --" It's a real music album. I want to make that very clear. And it's great. My family was listening to it.

We were listening to it. It's annoying. It's annoying I even have to say that. Well, no, it's a good thing to specify. People would be pissed if they wanted punchlines. You're going to do a show from here. I'm racing to do a show right after this. Do you have to make it very clear that jokes will not be told? I do, and I have to... Well, I mean, I chat a bit between songs, but I definitely have to...

the muscle memory that, like, if people are just listening and not laughing, I'm bombing. Yeah. Because I'll be playing a sad song or something, and I'm thinking, oh, I'm bombing. Right, right. No one, yeah, yeah. But it's really gratifying. It's really, it's really nice. I remember starting out doing open mics as a comedian, and I would bomb, and it was so silent. Right. Then I would watch shitty musicians go up. Yeah. And they would bomb, but there's noise. There's noise.

And I was envious of musicians in that regard. Well, it's also nice not to be alone. Because there's a drummer, and I have a whole band. And so it's nice to have that support. When you're writing music--

Are you naturally trying to not find a punch line? You know what I mean? -The world is not that funny right now, so it's not hard. -Yeah. -No, no, I mean, I'm really enjoying the opportunity to be earnest and -- yeah. -What inspired you to make the album now?

I guess I just I'm Canadian as we as we establish we're going to get a Nobel Peace Prize for that beginning. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

You're welcome for that. You're welcome for us shaking hands. You're welcome for that. I've been living in England for 12 years. And then, like, three years ago, I moved to L.A. And so I was reconnecting with my earnest North American roots, I guess. And I was feeling good. I had just, three years ago, I had top surgery and started testosterone. And I was feeling very happy and confident. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Thanks.

Who knows how their albums will be? Yeah. Yeah. So I think I was feeling good or feeling more comfortable. Because it is vulnerable. It's super vulnerable. So yeah. But comedy is vulnerable. So-- I know. But are you telling me that this is more vulnerable to put out music?

In this moment, I feel that. Don't hold back. Now, this is where you hit me with the truth. Is making music more vulnerable than pouring your heart out to strangers through spoken word? I mean, Michael. Your special, you know, it's fantastic. You're talking about your family, your experiences, your parents. That's so vulnerable and personal. For sure. But I guess with stand-up, you can bail halfway through a joke, right? Or you can pivot. You can lie. That's what I do. Yeah, man. Am I right?

And you can't pivot with music. No, you can't be halfway through a song and be like, nah, never mind, actually. So you have to... Yeah, so it does feel exposing. One of the songs I love is called Big Bear. I've been to Big Bear near L.A. I got stuck in traffic, but you sing a beautiful song about... To me, it feels...

Like you're trying to escape something. And then I'm thinking, maybe that's me. Right. Saying, I want to escape something. Well, that's the great thing about music. You can project all your own shit onto it. That's right. Yeah. But that, yeah, for sure. Tell me about what inspired you to write that song and what it means. Again, I just moved to the States and I...

I went for the weekend to Big Bear. It's all mountains and a lake and just outside of L.A. And I felt... I weirdly didn't tell anyone I was going. It's so rare that no one knows where you are. This sounds dark, but it was just nice to be alone and walking through the woods and...

Yeah, so that's why I wrote that. I think it's awesome not telling people. And especially now. But you have a family. You can't be doing that. Dude, that's not funny. That's why it's so good. Right, right. Because I have people that always want to know where I am. So it feels so good. But if I didn't have a family, that was just... It's a lot of pressure to be loved.

Man, did you just say what's in my soul? -I sort of thought it would get a laugh, but it was deadly silent. Like, everyone was like, "Yeah." -I'm a TV. -That's it. My friend said, "Does it stand?" -Yeah, what does it mean? It's in one of the songs, "Stowaway." -Mm. -"I'm just a TV talking to you." You thought I could remember that, but I had to read it just to make sure I got it right. -Sure. I'm glad you did. Yeah.

- Where does it come from? - Titles are really hard. - Yeah, yeah. - But I think it was, for me, about there's so much noise and static electricity and sometimes I wonder if our whole personalities are just

like a sort of combination of other people's projections and stuff we consume. And so the album was kind of stripping that away. But then a friend of mine was like, does it stand for I'm a transvestite? I was like, no, but if you wanted to, it could, you know, that's the great thing about music. Another example of maybe what we're externalizing is on the inside. Yes, exactly. Right. You have TV tattoo. Is that right? How do you? Yes.

Yes, I do. Well, I think I'm pretty... Let's hope that that's public information. I do. Is that connected to this? No, that was just an ex... I bought a tattoo kit. Yeah. Never do that. I just, I...

Yeah, yeah. Man, you bought a tattoo kit. Like a stick and poke kit. I don't know. And so an ex of mine one night, we'd had a few drinks and she tattooed TV on my... I guess I've always liked the feeling of the word in my mouth, TV. Oh, interesting. Yeah, but I think I put the emphasis on the T, TV. What do you say? I say aluminium. Aluminium.

That sounds very different. It's funny that you just said don't buy a tattoo kit. I didn't know that was a thing you could even do. And certainly don't do it with your partner. Mae Martin, thank you so much for being here. It's called I'm a TV. It's available now. And check out tour dates at maemartinmusic.com. Mae Martin, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That is it.

That's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of zen. Canadians are opening their wallets wider for made-in-Canada products or foregoing some items altogether. We didn't buy any fresh berries because the only ones we found were American and specifically Floridian. No, it's not happening in my house.

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