TDS Time Machine | Vaccines
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Hi, I'm Matt. And I'm Leah, and we're from the Grown Up Stuff podcast. And just in time for tax season, on this week's episode, we're chatting with CPA Lisa Green-Lewis about how small businesses can tackle their taxes using TurboTax Business.

A Forbes study mentioned that a whopping 93% of small businesses overpay their taxes. And 17% of Gen Zers believed that you could write off any expense as a business expense. So it's really important to do your taxes right. Listen to Grown Up Stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

You're listening to Comedy Central. As you know, the H1N1, or swine flu season, is upon us. How serious is the disease? Well, it's especially dangerous to children and pregnant women, and contracting it has been known to turn healthy young men into old Jewish ladies.

Our chief medical correspondent got the virus during a recent trip to Afghanistan. Sanjay said it was the sickest he's ever been. You were quite sick as well. The cough was the worst cough I've ever had, and it, like, even hurt my heart while I was coughing. I could barely take a couple of steps without feeling really lightheaded, and again, those just profound chills. See, I did not have a fever. I had explosive diarrhea. How about you? I'm telling you, my underwear looked like the mud flaps on a swamp buggy. Back to you, Anderson.

But of course, the main symptom, as always, fear. A strain of flu that nobody has ever seen before. Health officials around the world are scrambling to contain the outbreak. There are 20 confirmed cases in five different states. 40 now confirmed the pandemic is imminent. Fears grow of a global pandemic like the 1968 outbreak that killed a million people. Ah, 1968, I remember. That was the summer of...

But this time, just as the virus is about to metastasize, a breakthrough. The FDA today approved swine flu vaccine. Where's El Zeus, the Greek god of timely pharmaceutical research? Back to your homes, people. Nothing to see here. The H1N1 vaccine will finally become available. Is it safe? We finally contained the swine flu outbreak. But can we contain the doubt?

Questions about the vaccine. Should you get it? Should you give it to your kids? Is it safe? Will the vaccine harm your kids or pregnant women? They worry the vaccine was rushed and not adequately tested. Many parents are concerned because the vaccine got to market so fast. Is it safe? Has it been tested? Do we really know what the government wants to inject in our bodies? Oh, oh, oh. And one other thing. Will we have enough vaccine? Is this a deadly poison? Is the vaccine a deadly poison? And are

Can anyone develop a vaccine that inoculates against scaring? Perhaps no one embodies this fear-mongering ethos better than Dr. Glenathan Beck, M.D. Will you take your chances with the swine flu or the vaccine? Will you take the vaccine? Give it to your children? How much do you trust your government? I think that's the main question. When... Wait, when did that become the main...

I always thought the main question was, does the vaccine promote the growth of H1N1 antibodies that could help ward off infection? I think the virus is more interested in killing you than the government is. But I guess I'm just one of those pasteurized milk drinkers, you know. I'm sure the vaccine isn't perfect. Science certainly isn't perfect. But does everything have to be so... O'Reilly, you've become Fox News's sane guy. What's your main question?

So now we have the swine flu vaccine. All right, so it comes to your town. You're going to get the swine flu vaccine. I've decided not to share if I'm going to get it or not. Really? You talked about your ass surgery on YouTube, and now you're holding back on it? Now you've decided it's time to be a little bit more discreet and lay like...

Oh, come on, Beck. I think this is important for everybody to make their own decision. This is injecting something into your body. And there's great arguments for and against. He's right. On the for side, it protects against a potentially fatal disease, was found safe in clinical trials, and can keep you from infecting those most vulnerable to the flu. Whereas on the against side, the government's out to get you, science is out to get you, and oh, look behind you. We'll be right back.

We move on now to the subject of health, and believe it or not, if you've been seeing long lines of elderly people standing outside in the cold lately, it is not all-you-can-eat buffet related. Rather, it was a product of the flu vaccine shortage fever gripping the nation. With serum in short supply, state and local health departments have been forced to allocate supplies only to priority patients like the elderly, health care workers, and babies.

In cases where there's still not enough vaccine to go around, babies and old people will ration the shots based on a best of three takedowns. You know what's interesting? That baby looks genuinely surprised. I don't understand what's happening. It's gotten so bad, at a children's medical center in Colorado, thieves stole 62 boxes of the vaccine, which this worker was none too happy about.

I could not believe that somebody would actually steal a flu vaccine. Really? You couldn't believe that? I guess really, that's the difference between New York and Colorado. I live in New York. I once saw a guy get his prosthetic leg stolen while he was walking. Go, go, go. Tough town. The shortage arose.

The shortage arose after one of the two companies that make the vaccine had to throw out its entire batch due to bacterial contamination. Hindsight is, of course, 20/20. But maybe we shouldn't have given the vaccine contract to Vincent Gallo's House of Vaccines. Now, I just feel it's not the cleanest place to manufacture vaccines. He is haunting.

As the shortage threatened to become a campaign issue, Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson sought to preempt panic. We've successfully worked through vaccine supply problems in the past, and we're doing so this time as well. We need all of us to take a deep breath. Don't exhale! Don't, don't exhale! We don't have any vaccine. It's the exhaling. Take a breath! Hold it!

Vice President Dick Cheney offered his own unique diagnosis for the vaccine crisis, or as he prefers to call it, flu-portunity. Campaigning in West Virginia, Cheney observed, quote, the problem we have run into, producing vaccine is not a very profitable business. That's a dead-end street. Next thing you know, you're building houses for seniors, and all you got is a bunch of warm, dry old people with nothing to show for it. We're gonna get attacked. If you watched...

If you watch this week's CNN Tea Party Amerigasm, you know that Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann scored some points in the debate on Republican frontrunner Governor Rick Perry concerning his state-mandated HPV vaccine order. I'm a mom of three children, and to have innocent little 12-year-old girls be forced to have a government injection through an executive order is just flat-out wrong. I'm offended for all the

little girls and the parents that didn't have a choice. That's what I'm offended for. Ooh, ooh, advantage, Bachman. And she will give that advantage back in three, two, one.

There's a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine. She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result of that vaccine. And now I am repeating that assertion unchecked, assuming there is a body of evidence to back this up. I'm sure there is, right? For more on the vaccine controversy, we're joined by Daily Show Senior Women's Issues correspondent Kristen Schaal. Kristen, thank you very much for joining us. What...

What is your take on this whole vaccine issue? What is the vaccine about? Well, frankly, I'm just excited people are talking about women's health. Anything to distract us from the terribly polarizing circumcision debate. By the way, I vote yes. Not crazy about turtlenecks. You? What do you think? How does the vaccine work? How does...

Well, John, when a man loves a woman very much, he gives her a special close hug with his penis. It's called ****. That's the street term. Let's skip ahead to after the hugging, the vaccine part. Okay. When two people who love each other ****,

You can get an STD called the human papillomavirus. In women, HPV has been proven to cause cervical cancer. Fortunately now, there's a vaccine called Gardasil that prevents HPV, which is good because one in two sexually active people will get HPV in their lifetime. And I don't have it, so... Don't worry, John, I said sexually active.

- That's so cute. - I was a little scared. You know, it seems ironic. Michelle Bachmann came out against the vaccine for women while Rick Perry, the man, was sort of standing for, I guess, women's health, fighting HPV. - Well, it's not really that strange. In some ways, it's a regional issue. Minnesota doesn't have to worry about HPV as much because they wear so many layers. Finding genitals is next to impossible. Take it from someone who wages at the-- - Call Hooters, okay?

But I'm willing to overlook Congresswoman Bachman's regional bias because she's the last female candidate in this race. That's why I printed up 6,000 Bachman from my cold, dead vagina bumper stickers. Is that your truck? Because you drive a truck with truck nuts on them? They're lady nuts, and I happen to like them. I understand. But isn't Bachman saying the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation? Experts have pretty well debunked it.

That is by all accounts just flat out wrong. It's not even something that has been suggested. There's no evidence that the vaccine causes mental retardation. No, no, no. Do not say his name. There goes the market for my Michelle Bachman, I've got an eye on your vagina condoms. No, that's creepy. That's pretty creepy. I'm not sure those are the eyes. They look like they were facing the camera, so I'm not sure those are...

Well, John, now I'm torn. On one hand, Governor Perry is taking care of Texas vaginas, but he did it with a government mandate to force it on young girls. It's like he's trying to turn Texas into some kind of punani state. Michelle Bachmann, on the other hand, is arguing for a woman's right to choose, but only if that choice is getting cancer.

The truth is, neither one is the strong, pro-vag candidate women are looking for. But you know who I feel the worst for? The children. Because they'll be more likely to get cervical cancer? Well, that. But also because they'll never get to play with my Michelle Bachman, big-mouthed, billy vagina. Take me to the clinic. Take me to the clinic. Take me to the clinic.

Did you just turn a big mouth Billy Bass into a singing vagina? Yes, and I have 10,000 of them in my garage. If they all go off at once, it's a nightmare. It'll be very loud.

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Blinds.com has covered over 25 million windows, all backed by a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Shop blinds.com now and save up to 45% site-wide. Rules and restrictions may apply. Welcome back to The Daily Show. A big challenge of the COVID pandemic has been, well, A, breathing, and B, convincing people to get vaccinated. But one place in America thinks it has found a solution. Desi Lydic went to find out.

This last year has shown us that Americans don't trust any authority figures anymore. The government, scientists, doctors, even the English language.

Maybe that's why we're ranked 46 in COVID vaccination rates. Nice job, Mauritius. But there is one group that can still convince us. Social media influencers. At least that's what the Guilford County Health Department was betting on when they partnered with 41 local social media influencers to spread some fresh facts facts. Our communities are...

are more likely to follow guidance from people that they truly trust. So we decided to do an influencer marketing campaign. But you're the expert. Why aren't they listening to you?

Well, over the last year and a half, a lot of individuals became overnight public health experts. So I think that it also depends on personal ideology on who's an expert and who's not. Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it's better to watch the amateurs do the job rather than the pros. It's just more authentic and natural that way. I don't think that we thought about it that way.

Uh,

Most of the time I'm just talking about food. So it's like, you guys can check this pizza out if you guys want to. But now I felt like I actually had a role that was beyond myself, you know? So the caption of that one just says, hey, I got my vaccines. You guys should probably get yours too. Yeah, okay. But why are you wearing a shirt? We just got to get this vaccine together because we're a team and that's the only way we're going to get back to normal. Yes, that's true.

That's it. We've had a lot of cases where medical professionals have looked aside African-Americans' problems that they may come in with. And for a lot of people in my community, it's just...

All encompassing no trust in that. But as an influencer, I can influence my audience to go through the steps of getting vaccinated. I'm like the sock puppet, I guess, for those experts that they can speak to that comes off a little bit less Big Brother-y. A sock puppet. That's a good idea. Get the vaccine. Mm-hmm.

The influencers were obviously buying the hashtag Backslide themselves, and they've been spreading the word on their accounts. But is anyone hashtag listening to hashtag what they're hashtag saying? On Instagram, I have nearly 20,000 followers. About 2,000. I have like 1,400 followers. Basically just like a public account.

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to take advice from someone on the internet, are you more likely to take it from someone that you know? It's a community. It's not like a, I am Jesus and you are all my followers. To be fair, Jesus had 12 followers. Yeah, I do have a little more than that. More followers than Jesus? Easy there, John Lennon. But is all this nano-influencing only micro-effective? We believe that...

Those particular influencers connect on a more personal level with their community compared to some of the larger ones that can have hundreds of thousands of followers that might not have that really personal and intimate connection. So you're using the least viral influencers to stop the virus?

You can say that. OK, so how effective is this program? Are we talking Pfizer level effective or are we talking like Johnson and Johnson? It's better than nothing. So we think that the campaign has been incredibly successful within two days of that content being published.

posted. We have also seen the increase in vaccination rates. That's good news. Unfortunately, these micro influencers are up against heavy anti-vax propaganda casting doubt on the vaccine. How many of you guys are going to be among the first to inject this experimental vaccine that's been rushed into your arms? And this anti-vax content is more infectious than COVID itself. With a social media and

and other platforms, it's really easy to fall into this world of personal truths. - So maybe the most effective way to clean up the mess that social media has made is with more social media. Like a hair of the dog, when you have a hangover and you drink more alcohol to make it feel better. Or like when you're trying not to catch a virus and you treat your body with tiny amounts of the virus so you don't get it. What's that called?

Vaccination? Yes, that's it. If the only thing to stop bad influence on social media was good influence, I wanted to give our influencers one more shot at going viral. Okay. If you're tired of staying inside. I am. I'm very tired. What's that? I'm sorry. We want our people to just stay alive. Now's the time to roll up your sleeves.

Let's begin with the COVID pandemic. Yes, remember that? Next week will be four years since the day we started to take it seriously because Tom Hanks got it. Oh no, not Tom! Take Chet instead.

But everything's fine now. The CDC just issued new guidance saying that you don't even have to isolate if you get COVID anymore. That's right, you can go ahead and keep coughing into people's faces as long as you feel a little bad about it afterwards. It really feels like no one's trying to avoid COVID anymore. Well, almost no one.

A German man has puzzled scientists after he deliberately got more than 200 COVID-19 vaccinations. 217 to be exact, over two and a half years.

That's a shot every four days, roughly. Of course, scientists are wondering what the effect was on him. First of all, he didn't report any vaccine-related side effects at all. Secondly, his immune response did show an increase in immune cells, but not necessarily a better or worse immune response. And finally, guys, he never got SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID. Sorry, 217 shots, an approach also known as the immune system bukkake.

If you laugh at that, you are disgusting. I mean... I mean, I know anti-vaxxers are stupid, but let's not overcorrect here, all right? I will say this, though. A lot of people did their own research. This man became his own research. That's... that's commitment. And also a nice change of pace to see Germans doing human experiments on themselves. Oh!

And also, hey, I'm glad that he didn't suffer any major side effects. But sadly for this guy, doctors still haven't found a cure for being weird as f***.

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