TDS Time Machine | Best of Hist-HER-y
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You're listening to Comedy Central. March, as you know, is Women's History Month. And to celebrate, we turn to Desi Lydic, where she doesn't explore his-story, but his-t-hurry. ♪ ♪

It's no secret that women's on-screen portrayals have evolved throughout history. We've gone from playing secretaries being saved by James Bond all the way to nuclear scientists being saved by James Bond. But I want to focus on one specific aspect of female depictions: the orgasm. It's when a woman is stimulated to the point of climax, causing a physical and neurological response that scientists refer to as "bangtastic."

And over the years, depicting female pleasure on screen is something that's changed more than the batteries in your vibrator.

The first known female orgasm on the silver screen was in the 1933 German film "Ecstasy" when Hedy Lamarr took the Bratwurst Express all the way to Pleasureburg. Turns out the world wasn't ready for this. Everyone denounced it, from Hitler to the Pope. And if you ask me, the Pope has no place weighing in on sex scenes. He's celibate. I mean, when we need your opinion on the best stain removers for white fabrics, then we'll call you.

Unfortunately, being the first actress to climax on screen followed Hedy Lamarr for the rest of her career. She was typecast as the seductress, even though she was literally the smartest person in Hollywood. Yeah, as her side hustle, she was a brilliant scientist who invented the basis for all modern wireless technology. Without her, no one would be orgasming because we wouldn't be able to watch porn on our cell phones in the bathroom.

And that was the last big on-screen female orgasm for a while, because around the same time, the Hays Code was enforced in Hollywood. This was a set of censorship guidelines that banned movies from explicitly showing or discussing sex. Even married couples had to be shown in separate beds, or as it's now called, the reverse chocolate factory.

With the four of you bedridden for the past 20 years, it takes a lot of work to keep this family going. No one was getting off. The Hays Code finally ended in the late 60s, which, as timing goes, is like having your dry January end at an open bar in Cabo. America was embarking on a sexual revolution, so female pleasure came back on screen.

Unfortunately, it was often treated as a novelty that existed for men's amusement. So you got scenes like the one in 1968's Barbarella, where evil Doctor Eyebrows over here traps Jane Fonda in a machine that's supposed to give her orgasms until she dies, except that she climaxes so hard she breaks the machine. My goodness.

At the time it was considered a campy, sexy thing, but looking at it now, it's a violation. Remember everyone, if you're gonna put a woman in a machine that orgasms her to death, you need consent first. Another major moment came a few years later with the movie Deep Throat. It tells the story of a woman who keeps giving men oral sex because her pleasure zone is in her throat. That is not how it works. But Deep Throat became the first porno film to go mainstream and inspired both my uncles to become dentists.

The female orgasms in Barbarella and Deep Throat were basically male fantasies about how women experience pleasure. So it was appropriate that the next on-screen orgasm to make a splash totally debunked those fantasies. 1989's When Harry Met Sally famously includes an extended scene of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in a deli to prove to Billy Crystal that maybe he wasn't the cunnilingus king that he thought he was. Oh! Oh, yes!

Yes! Yes! Oh, God. This

This scene was groundbreaking for a few reasons. It told all the women watching who had faked orgasms that they weren't alone. It taught men to try to be attentive to their partner's needs, and it catapulted pastrami to become the top aphrodisiac of 1989. It also started a conversation about the performative nature of the female orgasm. Women face far too much pressure to satisfy their partner's ego instead of themselves. I mean, no one ever has to fake it for their vibrancy.

If they don't get the job done, they just go back into the drawer and they think about what they did. In the years that followed, female pleasure became more and more common on screen. But they were still often treated as punchlines, like Jennifer Aniston getting unexpected magic climaxes in Bruce Almighty, or Katherine Heigl accidentally orgasming at dinner when a little boy grabbed her remote-controlled vibrating underwear. Okay, there is so much wrong with this.

It's non-consensual, it's a kid doing it, and it perpetuates the dangerous myth that vibrating underwear gives you anything but a five-alarm electrical burn. And even when orgasms weren't meant to be funny, it could be hard to take them seriously. Like in 40 Days and 40 Nights, when Josh Hartnett makes his partner orgasm by caressing her with flowers. Which, believe me, is not that easy. Not to be a size queen, but you're gonna have to use at least a sunflower.

The aughts weren't a step forward for orgasms, but they weren't a step back either. They still needed to step a little to the side. Now the other side. Then back and forth. Yeah, right there.

Thankfully in the present day, we're starting to see much more realistic and positive depictions of women popping their turkey timers. These days you can hardly turn your TV on without seeing a woman getting off. And finally, movies and shows are doing this through the female gaze. And if you don't know what that would look like, then you haven't seen Bridgerton. It's a show about 19th century British society taking care of their little women. She's a Beth in the streets, but a Joe in the sheets.

Thanks to Bridgerton, there haven't been this many female orgasms since, well, since everyone started watching Bridgerton. So that's the history on the female orgasm on screen. And who knows what the future holds? But it is important because the way women are portrayed on screen holds a mirror up to how they're treated in real life. And as all women know, sometimes holding up a mirror to something is the only way to get a good look and figure out how it works.

A lot of people think America's first female soldier was Demi Moore in G.I. Jane, which is not true, although she was the first Marine to strip her way through West Point. The truth is there have been women fighting wars since the beginning of America.

During the Revolutionary War, Deborah Sampson was the first known woman to enlist. And to do so, she had to pose as a man, which had its ups and downs. On the one hand, she had to put herself in grave danger. On the other hand, she didn't have to wear a corset anymore, which if you ask me is worth risking your life for. And Sampson didn't just fight in the war. She kicked ass.

She led a raid that captured 15 men. That's right, a woman took down 15 men without the help of Ronan Farrow. In the Civil War, another woman named Melinda Blaylock also posed as a man to enlist. It's weird that America doesn't know her story because she fought for the Confederacy. You'd think there'd be statues of her all over. But Blaylock was secretly a Union sympathizer, trying to desert the Confederates and escape up north.

But before she could, she was shot in the shoulder and discovered as a woman by an Army doctor. That's a huge sacrifice, because as soon as your doctor realizes you're a woman, all your premiums go up. After Blalock was discharged for the crime of having a vagina, she escaped to Tennessee and joined up with the Union Army, helping it to win the Civil War, end slavery, and defeat racism in America once and for all. At least that's what my nephew's textbook says. He goes to school in Texas.

By World War I, women didn't have to drag race their way into service. They were actually allowed to enlist. In 1918, Ofa Mae Johnson was the first woman to join the United States Marine Corps, along with 300 other women. And they came to be known as the Marinettes.

Although, to their credit, Marine officials distanced themselves from that nickname, probably because Marinette sounds less like soldiers and more like a dance troupe that does high kicks on the battlefield, which is really just giving the enemy unrealistic expectations of what their legs should look like. By World War II, women weren't just fighting on the ground. They were taking to the skies. America had a shortage of pilots, so women were trained to fly military aircraft. These women were known as WASPs.

which stood for Women Air Force Service Pilots and not, as many believe, Wet Ass Service Pilots. This was just another example of women getting to step up during the war to do jobs previously reserved for men. Flying planes, playing baseball, women even had to fill in for mansplainers. See, the reason they call it World War II is because it's a second one. It's a math thing, you wouldn't understand. I gotta go hammer some shit.

World War II saw another first for women when Charity Adams Early became the first African-American female army officer and led the first battalion of black women to be stationed overseas. Which means without her inspiration, we never would have had Beyonce's Super Bowl halftime show.

Early was given the daunting task of delivering airplane hangers full of undelivered mail to the soldiers fighting in Europe. And she did such an amazing job that she was eventually promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, which back then was the highest rank a woman was allowed to have, just above HBIC and Girl Boss.

But not every woman fighting in World War II was as visible as Army officers and Air Force pilots. And in one case, that was on purpose. Virginia Hall was one of the Allies' most important spies. She recruited resistance fighters, directed them to the Allied invasion, rescued 12 fellow agents out of an internment camp, and she did it all with a peg leg. Are you kidding me? I take a sick day when I stub my toe. The Nazis called Hall the enemy's most dangerous spy.

But she was more affectionately known as the Limping Lady of Lyon. And she gathered intelligence from everywhere, from nuns to brothel owners, basically anyone who spanks men with a ruler. Hall was truly a master of espionage, like James Bond without all the pouting and STDs. But it wasn't all sunshine and jet fuel for women veterans. The families of the women who died while serving didn't get any survivor benefits or burial expenses.

And the women who made it through the war didn't even get veteran status until the late 70s, which is so messed up. Also, if you're not an official veteran, your dog doesn't get excited when you surprise him by coming home. Barely even looks up. So this Veterans Day, we salute the women who have kept America safe. They paved the way for all the brave women fighting today and the ones who will fight in the future once the robot apocalypse kicks off. And they also inspired me...

to avoid the line for the women's bathroom. Bras. Also known as brassieres, or more formally, over-the-shoulder boulder holders.

The histories of women and their bras have been pushed together and held there for as long as we can remember. And you can always tell a lot about what's going on with women in society by how their breasts are being stored. From the ancient Romans wearing bandeau-style sports bras for athletic competitions, to the women of the early aughts who shot whipped cream out of their bras as a way to destigmatize public breastfeeding. When I was nursing, I could never quite get my milk to come out that frothy.

One of the earliest versions of the bra was in the Middle Ages, when women could wear two fabric bags over their breasts inside their clothing. These ladies didn't have time for cute underwear. It was the 1300s. They were more concerned with finding new recipes for gruel and not dying from a paper cut.

For a while during the French Revolution and Victorian eras, bras took a backseat to corsets, which ever so gently molded a woman's body into that super desirable hourglass figure. 'Cause nothing is sexier than a woman who might be filled with sand.

Luckily, by the end of the 19th century, a French woman named Herminie Cadal had designed the first modern bra by cutting a corset in two and sewing it into something that was then considered lingerie and would now be considered school clothes on Euphoria. It gave women more freedom than the traditional corset, but it was still impossible to take your bra off through your shirt in the locker room at Planet Fitness. Be right there! Don't start Zumba without me!

Thankfully, in 1914, a 19-year-old named Caress Crosby invented a bra that ditched the corset altogether. Crosby wanted a bra to wear to her debutante ball that was actually comfortable, so she made one herself out of two handkerchiefs tied together with a ribbon. It turned out to be a huge hit at the ball, probably because in a corset bra, the only dance women could do was the robot. And no one likes the person at the party doing the robot, especially before robots were invented.

She's possessed! Fetch Father Mulcahy! With her new bra, Caress Crosby and women everywhere were liberated.

Except for the fact that they were still women in 1914. But aside from that, liberated! Crosby's bra was a hit, but it continued to evolve, and by the 1950s, new styles led to an all-out boob party. Bras became an intrinsic part of fashion, with underwires and padding allowing women to emulate the stars of the era, like Marilyn Monroe and Jane Mansfield.

An ample bosom was as synonymous with 1950s womanhood as not having a bank account or getting excited when you get a vacuum for your anniversary. And it wasn't just about the curves. Thanks to torpedo bras, it was also about the pointiness, which may look a little odd now, but at the time it was the Cold War, so it made sense to have extra missiles on hand in case Russia invaded. But while bras were supporting women, not all women were supporting bras.

In fact, by the late 1960s, going braless became a fashion statement. Boobs were free to hang and move around and swing as much as all the couples at the party. It was a great time for boobs, except for all the polyester they were rubbing against for the first time.

But contrary to popular belief, burning bras was never actually a thing. What did happen is that in 1968, demonstrators were protesting the Miss America pageant for being sexist, racist, and forcing women to solve world peace in ten seconds. You need at least five minutes to do that. So protesters tossed symbols of their oppression into what they referred to as the Freedom Trash Can, which also happens to be what I call the dumpster outside Whole Foods.

And those symbols of oppression included bras, but they never actually set them on fire. That's just a myth. Like mild menstrual cramps or the male orgasm. I'll believe it when I see it.

But by that point, bras were so ingrained in society that many people struggled with the idea that they could be optional. The idea took hold that not wearing a bra was somehow inappropriate or unprofessional. Like in 1990, when a woman in Arkansas was found in contempt of court when the judge said her breasts were obviously showing through her shirt. Objection, Your Honor! My right to a fair trial is up here.

And only a few years ago, a Florida high school student was forced to put band-aids over her nipples at school. That's a trip to the school nurse that will also send you to the school psychiatrist. I'm just kidding. American schools can't afford those.

But for those who want to wear them, it's a great time for bras right now. Bra designers are no longer telling women what they should be wearing. Instead, they're listening to what women want to wear. There are so many comfortable options now, from athleisure to sports bras. Women can live a life where they aren't being squeezed like an empty tube of toothpaste. And there's no telling what the future of bras will be like. Maybe 20 years from now, all bras will be NFTs. Who knows? Not me. I literally don't know what that means.

But whatever form bras take, there's one thing that you can always count on. They will lose their shape in the dryer. But only if you wash them in the first place. Oh, childbirth. It's like 3D printing a person. Bringing a baby into this world isn't easy, but for most of recorded history, other people, usually men, have been dictating to women the terms of their own childbirth, even when they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Time to take a couple of deep breaths and push out another history. Let's start all the way back in ancient Greece. Plato may have been one of the greatest philosophers of all time, and he could definitely rock that casual tunic look like nobody's business. But when it comes to baby-making, he was clueless. He thought the womb could literally wander around the body like one of those DVD screensavers.

Whoa, is that an eyeball? I am definitely on the wrong floor. As dumb as Plato's dumb ideas about women's anatomy were, they were accepted by male doctors for centuries. And doctors couldn't do their own research because for most of human history, male doctors refused to even watch a woman give birth. They avoided the delivery room like it was an idea a woman said in a meeting.

In fact, in 1522, a curious German doctor decided to sneak into the delivery room dressed as a midwife. And guess what? He was burned alive for it. It's like the most extreme drag race challenge ever.

So because men didn't have the balls to see a vagina, it was up to the midwives to deliver the babies. That is until the mid-16th century when men realized how much money they could make by doing it themselves. But even in the delivery room, men were still so squeamish about seeing lady parts that they made women lie on their backs and cover their legs to deliver.

That's why lying on your back is still the standard delivery procedure today. Even though there are so many more comfortable and efficient positions a woman can give birth in on her side, squatting, on all fours, or how I did it, standing in line to get into the Gucci sample sale. Fun fact, if you find a placenta stain on the scarf, they'll give you an extra 5% off.

Aside from awkward positions, men started doing all kinds of things to women we never would have chosen ourselves. We all know what this is, right? Now why do you think this was invented? To chop down trees? Hunt down unsuspecting hotties? Wrong. Originally, the chainsaw was invented to assist in childbirth. How horrifying is that? At that point, I'd rather just let the baby grow up inside me.

It's no surprise male doctors would come up with the idea of chainsawing a baby out of a woman because a woman's pain was never really taken into consideration. Which is crazy because pain is the most traumatic thing about childbirth. Well, that and going on Maury afterwards to find out who the child's father is.

But for a long time, men believed that women should feel pain during childbirth, that it was part of her destiny. So painkillers weren't even an option. In 1591, a woman from Edinburgh had the gall to ask for pain relief during the birth of her twins, and no joke, she was burned at the stake for it. Yeah, another one. Apparently just telling someone no wasn't invented for another couple centuries.

Painkillers were largely off limits until the mid-19th century when Queen Victoria used chloroform for the birth of her eighth child. She raved about it, which made it even more popular. She truly was the original mommy influencer.

Thanks to Queen Victoria, drugging women during childbirth became much more acceptable. But after 100 years or so, the no drugs philosophy came back in style again, thanks to men like Dr. Grantley "Diff" Reid, the first modern physician to suggest women shouldn't get drugs at all because he claimed that women's pain was all in their heads. In his defense, he was probably just trying to get revenge on his mom for giving him that name.

Look, if women want drugs during childbirth, that's their choice. If they want to push a watermelon through a bagel hole without drugs, that's also their choice. The problem is when decisions are being made by other people without putting the woman first. And that's not just in the past. It continues today. There's OBGYNs who refuse to work with a doula, episiotomies being performed without consent,

and unnecessary c-sections being pushed on women just to work around a doctor's lunch break. Which is honestly kind of weird because if you still have an appetite after cutting a person open, then I need a new doctor and you need a shrink. So to all the doctors and medical professionals out there, please listen to the women who are actually pushing another human being out of their bodies.

Take their concerns seriously. Put their interests first. And for God's sake, please, no more burning people at the stake. Right? Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central. And stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. Paramount Podcasts.