Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
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Got it. You could get out of high interest credit card debt with a SoFi personal loan. View your rate at SoFi.com slash debt in 60 seconds with no impact to your credit score. Loans originated by SoFi Bank in A. Member FDIC. Terms and conditions at SoFi.com slash debt. NMLS 696891. Hey everybody, Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about?

on these earnings calls. We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.

This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie!

The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight. A Trump nominee hits the strip club. Jordan Klepper and I fight about sports. And Neil deGrasse Tyson will explain space to me. But first, let's get into the big international story. Breaking news this morning out of South Korea, where the president there just declared martial law. Okay, South Korea, stop giving Trump ideas. Right? He didn't know you could do that. Right?

Unfortunately for South Korea, this looks like the beginning of a long and slow descent into dictatorship, a dark period which may last years or even decades. Breaking news from overseas. South Korea's parliament just voted to nullify the declaration of martial law that was made by the country's president just a few hours earlier. That's great. Good old Asian efficiency.

The president went nuts, declared martial law, the assembly overruled him, martial law over, and they did it all in a lunch break. All right. Everybody, get back to doing K-pop. Chop, chop. Dance. But I'm glad this didn't get our hand because I don't even know what martial law in South Korea looks like. I mean, do they wheel this doll out and whoever moves gets shot?

But let's turn to a country just beginning its fascism period in another edition of Trump 2.0, coming for the White House. I'm gonna come. Don Trump has spent the last few weeks filling out his cabinet, and now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for Shadiest Nominee, Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick for Secretary of Defense and guy with resting divorce face.

And all right, let's hear it, leftist snowflakes. What's wrong with this one? CBS News has confirmed that Pete Hexeth was forced to step down from a veteran's nonprofit after being accused of alcohol abuse, sexual misconduct, and mismanaging the group's money. Okay, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime.

How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean, let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting. Like, with the alcohol, I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?

The report says Hegseth was repeatedly intoxicated to the point of needing to be carried out of the organization's events. - So inebriated by 1:00 a.m. that a staffer who had driven him to his hotel in a van full of other drunken staffers asked for assistance to get Hegseth to his room. - Hegseth passed out in the back of a party bus.

then urinated in front of a hotel where CBA's team was staying. At one point, Hexeth had to be restrained while drunk from joining the dancers on the stage of a Louisiana strip club. Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help.

Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says. Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.

Hegseth and other members of the management team sexually pursued the organization's female staffers, whom they divided into two groups, the party girls and the not-party girls. Okay, let me just check this real quick. All right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he?

When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.

So Pete was reportedly constantly drunk and trying to sleep with the party girls on staff. But what about the financial mismanagement? You say, "Under his leadership, Veterans for Freedom soon ran up enormous debt, and financial records indicate that by the end of 2008, the year after he became the leader of the group, it was unable to pay its creditors." "Heggs says had treated the organization funds like they were a personal expense account for partying, drinking,

and using CVA events as little more than opportunities to hook up with women on the road. - When he joined this veterans charity, did he think that he was the veteran it was going to? I mean, guys, it would really help my mental health to go to this strip club, okay? I have PTSD. Party time suck my . So, um...

Unlike wraparound shades, none of this is a great look for Pete Hegseth. But you know what? Hey, these are anonymous quotes from a bunch of haters. I'm sure his mom loves him. Meanwhile, Hegseth's mother sent him an email in 2018 during his second divorce, calling him, quote, an abuser of women. Penelope Hegseth writing, quote, I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around, and uses women for his own power and ego.

Okay, I'm putting mom down as not a potty girl. For more on this controversy surrounding Pete Hegsa's appointment, let's go to Capitol Hill with Troy Wada. Troy. Troy. Hey, Troy. What's the latest? It's tense, Ronnie. I asked Pete earlier for his response to this report, and he said these are baseless allegations, and he's determined to clear his name.

And then he threw up all over my shoes. Okay, so what, he's drunk right now? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That was this morning. He was drunk this morning. He is not drunk now. Yeah. What's that? What?

Sorry, he also is drunk now. Okay, okay, look, that's ridiculous, okay? This has to kill his nomination. Oh, God, I hope not. What, you want a drunk Secretary of Defense? Like, the sober ones have been so great. All they've done has got us into wars, okay? Iraq, Afghanistan, Iraq again.

And who can forget the war on Christmas? Yeah, okay, that last one is not a real war. Yeah, tell that to the Starbucks barista who wished me a happy holidays this morning. It's Christmas, you know? The birthday of Mariah Carey.

The point is, I want a secretary who's not invading countries because he's passed out in the Situation Room covered in his own piss. Yeah, but when he's not passed out, he'll be a big problem. Like, drunk people get mad. Yeah, but it's easier to distract a drunk person, you know? If he's like, "I'm mad at France! Let's go to war with France!" We'll just say, "Or let's go to karaoke!"

You know? And half an hour later, we're in Koreatown singing Pink Pony Club. Well, he's straight, so it'll be lose yourself, but you get it. Eternal peace. Wait, let me explain it to you visually. Okay, so the more drunk someone is, the more peaceful they become. Okay, so it goes, war in Iraq. Who's Iraq? OMG, I love you.

"I overact so much! Let's adopt a dog!" Okay, okay, aren't you worried that a raging alcoholic will have access to the nuclear codes? No. Do you know how hard it is to enter a code when you're drunk?

He'll just be poking away with his little fingies and halfway through, just realize he's playing Candy Crush on his phone. Okay, look, this all sounds very irresponsible, Troy, okay? America needs a competent administrator of its military. Ugh, Ronnie, how can I put this? You're sounding very not party girl right now. Okay, hey, hey, you take that back, okay? I am party girl. I am party girl. Troy Wada, everybody. Hey, when we come back, we'll fight about sports, so don't go away.

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Hey, welcome back to The Daily Show.

As we witness the dismantling of American democracy, let's take a moment to focus on what people really care about. Sports! For a full recap of the brightest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to Sports War. Get ready for battle. It's time for Sports! Brought to you by Gamblin'. Gamblin', the gentleman's addiction. Oh!

Hey, what's up, Chosen Chodets? I'm Ronnie Chen. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say college athletes should not be paid... Then I say everyone in college should be paid, even the professors. The professors do get paid, dipshit. Clearly not your professors, Ronnie. I mean, what'd you even major in? Let me guess, eating by yourself in the dining hall?

Like you or Mr. Popular. Didn't you have three roommates kill themselves? Okay. It was two. The third we never saw again. Look.

Enough about college, let's talk college sports. It was rivalry week for college football and on Saturday, things got extra rivalry-y. On Sunday, the Big Ten fined Michigan and Ohio State $100,000 each after a post-game brawl erupted Saturday. Look at this. The fighting broke out between the two squads after the Wolverines planted their flag at midfield of Ohio Stadium. Following their 13-10 win over the Buckeyes, police had to use pepper spray to disperse the players.

I love it. As my grandfather used to say, if there's grass on the field, play ball. Just realized that's not what he was talking about. Okay, Jordan, it's a shame you're not handsome because you're very stupid. Okay, reckless fighting should only happen during the game. That's the violence I'm gambling on. If you have the energy to fight after, that means you didn't play hard enough. Ronnie. Ronnie.

You're a dumb man with dumber takes. Look, this melee was fantastic. A football game turned into a UFC fight. That's incredible. More sports should be combined like this. Imagine an NBA game ending and then boom, LeBron and Kevin Durant start competitive lugeing. And bonus, more sports equals less time with my family.

Which brings us to our sick boom-bang bet of the night. When will Jordan Klepper finally learn the names of his three children? As always, this bet brought to you by gambling. Gambling. I think your mom has some money in her purse. Three children, that can't be right. Moving on to a trend in football that doesn't involve steroid-induced violence, but still is all the rage. The celebration trend in the sports world...

The Trump dance? Trump's double fist pump has been a rally staple for years now. But now the dance jumping from rallies to sports. U.S. soccer star Christian Pulisic busted out the move. Pro football players hitting the Trump dance after big plays. Raiders rookie Brock Browers in the end zone. Lions player Zedarius Smith after getting a sack. Titans wide out.

Calvin Ridley celebrated with teammates after a long score. And UFC champ John Jones hit in the dance after knocking out his opponent while Trump watched. - Oh, just stop it with this, okay? I live by two rules. One, I do not mix politics and sports. And two, if I'm watching porn and they start speaking Russian, I'm out. The least I can do to support Ukraine.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, you know I support your anti-war jack sessions. Totally support. But you're dead wrong here. We need more politics in sports. Liberal athletes can do this too. You score a touchdown and then you hit that Joe Biden. Who's gonna hate on that? I hate it, okay? We need to keep politics out of sports. Sunday is for drinking eight beers and watching football. Drinking eight beers and watching Rachel Maddow? That's a Monday thing.

You're a Monday thing. Now, f*** you. I'm a Thursday thing. Oh, yeah. Best I could do is Wednesday thing. Deal. Look, my point still stands, Ronnie. There should be more politics in sports. NHL goalies should be senators. And the slam dunk contest should be all Supreme Court justices.

Which brings us to my big baller, Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet... Bet

Point being, this year there's a new movie that combines the best of both seasons. Hallmark is making history for the upcoming holiday season with their new film, Holiday Touchdown, a Chiefs love story. This marks the first time the company has collaborated with the NFL and the defending Super Bowl champions, the Kansas City Chiefs, are the true stars of the story. Viewers should keep an eye out for some cameos from Chiefs players and some well-known faces.

I hate this trend. Athletes should play sports and actors should act. Except O.J. Simpson, you know? He could do both. That guy killed it at everything. Wrong again, Hepatitis Gumby. Okay, we need more football players in movies. I mean, just imagine Gronk in 12 Years a Slave, okay? Never too soon for a reboot. Ronnie.

You don't understand. These football players are moving into our territory. They're trying to plant their flag in our TV industry, and we have to fight them. Okay, well, I'm not fighting alongside you, okay? Where do you work out? Dress barn? You know what? They politely asked me to stop working out there years ago. I'll have you know I do a high-intensity circuit workout designed specifically for elderly lesbians. Which brings us to my badass bingo bomb bet of the evening. Which elderly lesbian could kick Jordan Klepper's ass?

As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Savings accounts are for pussies. Well, that's all for this week's Sports War. Join us next week when we debate should NFL teams get one smoke grenade per game? I mean, obviously, I think they should get one per half, like a challenge flag. That's too much smoke grenade, you idiot. No, no. There's no such thing as too much smoke grenade. You gotta get one.

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Hey everybody, Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show. It's going to be coming out

Every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGIT. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to The Weekly Show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a renowned astrophysicist and author whose latest book is called Merlin's Tour of the Universe. Please welcome the great Neil deGrasse Tyson! Thank you.

It's almost like your show. You're so beloved. Thanks for coming on. So great to meet you. Well, thank you, man. And I as well. I've never met you before. Yeah, I've met you before. I've watched you for years. I really appreciate it. By the way, I loved you in the movie Megan. Oh, thanks so much. By the way, that terrified me. Yeah, please watch that movie as many times as you can. It helps my contract negotiations.

Yeah, I loved your book as well, your new book. Yeah, thank you. It's a republishing of Q&As that you got. Brought into the 21st century. Brought into the 21st century. And so it's written in terms, the format is kind of short questions and you kind of,

give answers and this was done over the course of the last, what, 30? - That was done 35 years ago, but I brought it into the 21st century. My brother illustrated it. - Yes, your brother illustrated it. - He's an artist. - I wanna get into that. - He actually went to the High School of Music and Art here in New York City. - Oh yeah, there you go. What a talented family. Art and science.

And yeah, what I love about this book is like it's almost written like poetry. The science questions in terms of like, you know, every page is a distinct part. Yes, thanks for noticing that. Every attempt to reply to people has its own personality and its own flavor. But it's almost like reading a Bukowski book because you can just have it on your desk and you flip it open and you get some inspiration from how dumb people are. Right?

Like this was written 35 years ago. You know, well, I shouldn't say done. It's some good questions. How effective would the Hubble Space Telescope be for Earth viewing? Blah, blah, blah, Houston, Texas. But I guess my point, like this was written 35 years ago. Have you found like the general public's questions to you have gotten dumber or smarter? Where are we trending? Where are we trending? Ah.

I see both happening simultaneously. Oh, no. That's bad. The smart question is getting smarter and the dumb question is getting dumber. But I don't care. As an educator, you bring the question on. Okay. So even in science, we're going to extremes. Yes. But I'm okay on either side of that fence. Mathematically, it cancels out. Yes, they average out to the middle. Look, very good. Yes, yes. Is that good? Take the average. It works out. Yeah. I mean, I hate to be...

I'm trying to phrase these questions neutrally, but it sounds sometimes, it feels sometimes like when as an outsider to America, I came here when I was 30 and growing up,

I always felt like this was the place for innovation. This is where NASA was. This is where they invented the Internet. They invented Apple. This is where oil drillers went to space and blew up an asteroid using nuclear weapons. That actually happened. Yeah, I know. So for me, America was always the place you go when you're the best at science, you know? And do you feel like...

the politics kind of getting in the way of that now? And just like, do people know I'll come here? Yeah, so the politics, people can say what they want when they're running for office. What matters is how do you allocate money when the budget gets put out? And I can say, you know, no, we don't have another equation like E equals MC squared. You know, that was good. Right. No, no, that was a hit single. That was a hit single. Yeah. I understand.

Einstein killed it with the equals and the square. In 1905. Yeah. He knocked the, all right, out of the park. No, you can't. But there's not just science. There's the engineering that flows out of that science. This is the cousin of science that is empowered by science. Yes. So you've seen pictures from the James Webb Space Telescope. Yes. The edge of the universe.

to the front of your face? Yes. Putting it in your backyard? Yes. That's been happening. You've seen Elon Musk's chopstick, a booster out of the sky to reuse later. Sure. Okay. We've never seen that before. Yeah. We have a rover on Mars the size of an SUV that brought a helicopter with it. Yes. Okay. So what are you complaining about?

Wait. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Doctor. I'm not... Oh, wait. Hey, wait. Wait. One more. I got one more. One more. Was it two weeks ago? Three weeks ago? NASA launched the Europa Clipper mission to go orbit Jupiter and dip close to the frozen surface of Jupiter's moon Europa in search for life in that... in that moon. Yeah, yeah. It touched... it touched Europa's moon, yeah. But, uh... I get...

No, but, dude, like, doctor, what are you trying to tell me? I'm trying to tell you this stuff is still going down. Okay, well, it sounds like you're trying to convince me that science is good. I don't disagree. I agree science is good. I'm just asking, in your expert opinion, do you think that the kind of divisive politics we're facing right now is adverse to American innovation and scientific development?

I haven't seen, it can be that, but we have to be very careful. But you haven't seen evidence of it? I don't see important evidence of it. None of this bothers you? None of anything? No, no, that's a different question. You haven't seen anything that bothers you? That's a different question. That is the question I'm asking. Does anything bother you in the last, I don't know, maybe year of presidential elections that makes you think that maybe science is in trouble? No.

So I worry, for example, that people get their science off of random places on the internet.

of a clickbait rather than looking at what this scientific establishment has discovered for us. Sure. So, you get someone on there and say, the whole establishment is wrong and I'm right. Click here. That's irresistible. Yeah, that's what we do on this show all the time. It's irresistible. It's very effective. And I'm thinking, no,

Science doesn't work that way. It works by you get enough observations and data, and if it comes to agreement, that's the new objective truth. It's not one lone person that said whatever the hell they want. Doctor, I mean...

Doctor, so far, I agree with you that science is good and the Internet is stupid. I'm asking, are you worried about where we're headed in terms of because America is always the leader to me? I know that CERN and whatever is happening. OK, because America's the leader of science. Are you worried? Because because all of the House of Representatives gets fired.

voted on every two years and a third of the Senate and the president gets voted on every four years, at any time that I feel depressed, I say, and this too shall pass. Okay, that's not helpful. No.

That's, yo, that's Buddhism. That's Buddhism. So? Give me some Buddhism in that. I want you for science, okay? You're the science guy. Buddhism is my thing. You're the science guy. You give the science. Okay, well, here's, I guess I'll put it more. Here's what'll happen. Here's what'll happen, okay? If our science goes bad. Yeah.

OK, and other countries rise up. Yeah. Then we all come together and say we don't want to be bested by these other countries. And that would be a good reason to come together rather than targeting enemies within us. OK, that is good. But do you have faith that that will happen? Yeah.

Let me put it this way, because one thing that was always what I'm getting at this whole questioning is that the innovation in America seems to me driven a lot by immigrants to America. Immigrants invented the phone. Einstein was an immigrant. Everyone's an immigrant. Elon Musk is an immigrant. Okay, well, maybe that's not great.

No, but I'm just saying, if you have an environment that's kind of saying, hey, country first, let's not have so much immigration that affects science. One third of all Nobel Prizes in the sciences that have gone to Americans have gone to immigrants. Okay. One third. Okay. I track that every year. Great. So I know that number. Okay? So I've never been spooked by immigrants the way so many other people have. I know. So are you worried about, again, we agree, immigrants are good for science. It's...

Are you worried that... If you close... If you start closing things off, we will descend and become a shadow of what we once were as a technological power in this country. So it may be, not to make you depressed, it may be we need to sink deeper before people wake up

to the consequences of these actions or the consequences of the inactions when they should have taken action. Like, we may have to sink deeper before we just get slapped in the face and said, oh, my gosh, bring the science back. Okay, that's bad. This is bad. This is a... You're describing a dark age right now, which I was hoping would not happen, but I guess I got to turn to Buddhism to get out of that one. Um...

Right, so... By the way, I think that's Persian, and this too shall pass. Buddha will claim it. We'll give that one to Buddha. Yeah, but like, there is like this idea that

I feel like any time I see you explaining something about science in America right now, it's like people just want to argue, like pull you into this culture war. Yeah. And you know what? To be fair, I guess if you look at history, scientists have always been pulled into politics and the culture war. But you as like a kind of front facing member of the science community trying to educate people, how do you navigate this f***?

Yeah, it's hard because another thing is clickbait. He said, she said, he said, you said that. Comment on what they said. No, I'd rather comment on ideas and mission statements of what we can be as a species, as a nation, as a world. And so I try to avoid it. But sometimes they just drag you down, drag you into the trenches. And I can fight in the trenches, you know. I can fight, but I don't want to.

I don't want to. I can kick some ass if I have to.

I was undefeated. Force equals mass times acceleration. Yes, you got that. You got the other equation. That preceded equals MC squared. But no, I was captain and undefeated on my high school wrestling team. Oh, really? Damn. It was 40 pounds ago, but I'm still feeling it. Okay, well, that's exactly what we need right now. We need Neil deGrasse Tyson to beat some assholes. Cage match. Cage match, yeah.

Yeah, so, like, I guess your advice is to beat the shit out of people. That's... I don't know what, you know... What can the science community... No, you can do it with love by offering them perspectives they had never previously recognized was in front of them. And you say, have you thought about it this way or that way? No, I hadn't thought about it that way. And let's go have a beer. Yeah, that sounds like every interaction on the Internet. LAUGHTER

The internet is a cesspool. It has become a cesspool. And I'm very disappointed by that. So science bad on that one. Internet. There's some good science that happens there. But as an invention, we all thought we would just be the community town hall. And it's just a cesspool. It's a cesspool. Get off it. So on a more helpful note, I feel like... Thank you for having a more helpful note. Yeah, I'm trying. So far, it's not been a great...

- I'm not looking for the world right now, but internet sucks and we're gonna go into a dark age is kind of the message of this. I feel like we used to revere scientists a bit more in America, you know? And like, I think what we need from scientists right now is like a hit single.

What you said, you know? You need another thing. Yeah, we need like an E equals MC squared. Like, give us something to be like... Okay, Einstein's gonna come around all the time. Well, you know, that's what we need. We need something. Give us something. Give us something. Einstein was like 200 years, 300 years after Isaac Newton. And they're big, you know, big men on campus. So what, we got 250 years to the next... What's the... Give us something. Maybe...

I don't know. Give me the equation, something that we can hold on to as a society. You want an equation? I want like a hit single. Come on. Give us the club beat. Give us the commercial something that science is, you know, quantum mechanics, something. Okay. Computers. All right. All right. I'll boil it down to one word. Okay. Maybe. This is f***ed. Dude. Dude.

Einstein hated maybe. Einstein hated maybe. You need a maybe every now and then because you don't know the answer, but you're hopeful for one that will satisfy not only you, but the survival of the species. Yeah, maybe is kind of depressing. That's not the hit single I was hoping for. No, there are people who are paying attention, I think. Who? People. I got people.

No, there's a few. There's a few out there. Oh, name one person paying attention. I feel like we're just in a... In the scientific institutions that we have, National Institutes of Health, National Academy of Sciences, academia. I get that. But leaders come and go. The scientists are there for their careers. Okay? In the end, they is who will triumph. Okay. I hope so. I hope so. Ugh.

Do you need a laxative or something? I do. I actually do. Do you know the chemical formula for laxative? What is it?

Okay, I'm gonna ask you a few questions on the internet right now. Okay. And in the spirit of your book, and if you can answer them. Q&A, bring it on. Here's a friendly internet Q&A. Okay. Okay, our first question comes from Twitter. Can wind turbines cause cancer? This is from President Trump. Okay, science man, science. That would be no. Okay. Okay.

Are you sure about that? Is that a maybe? Is that like a maybe no? Not just a no, that's a no. You got to get down and deep on that one. That's a solid E equals MC no. Of all the things you want to worry about cancer, this should be last on that list, not even on the list at all. Not on the list at all. That's correct. Our second question also comes from Twitter.

Why can't we drink raw milk? This is from RFK, incoming... incoming president of health. Okay. Has he ever seen microbes that could be thriving in raw milk under a microscope? I don't know if this guy's seen any... This guy... Yeah, yeah, if you...

Somebody should invite him to see what's going on there under a microscope. He might feel different. So what's your answer? Can we drink raw milk or not? Can we just unambiguously... Oh, you can drink anything that's liquid. It's just whether you care whether you die or get sick at the end. Yes, you can drink anything. No, don't say that to the f***ing idiot. This is on the idiot. The idiots are watching. Stop. Don't say that. Don't. Do not. You can drink bleach. You can drink any of this. You will die.

Okay? I'm just saying, if you want an esophagus when you're done, don't drink bleach. Okay. I feel like we're going from chemistry to Darwinism right now. Well, there's the Darwin Award. You know what the Darwin Award is? I do know what it is. It's people who drink bleach. No, no, people do something completely stupid that kills themselves before they have children. Yes. So that they're removed from the gene pool. Yeah, yeah. It's a culling of the herd. Don't applaud that. Let's...

Let's applaud that in our heads. For legal reasons, we can't applaud. Okay, I got two more for you. Two more for me, go. Is there a pill that can reverse the effects of the COVID-19 vaccine? This is from nominee for FBI director, Kash Patel.

Wow, a pill that will remove the... Effects, reverse the effects of the COVID-19 vaccine. Reverse the vaccine. Like, why would you want to do that? Hey, man, I'm just asking the question. You do that so that you can die from the virus. Look, this is... It's a free country. If that's what they want to do, I don't know that we can stop them. No, but is that a pill? Answer the science. Oh, I don't... Okay, okay. If such a pill exists, I know nothing of it.

So it might exist. It might exist. That's not what I said. Yeah, that's kind of what you said. That's kind of what you said, man. Okay, last one here. Give me one more here. All right. Also from the Internet. Can the government manipulate the weather with Jewish space lasers? This is from anonymous congresswoman. This is more in your realm, astrophysics. This is... What are the physics of Jewish space lasers?

- We... - Does, like, the star, like, focus the thing in there? - Okay. - The prism of the... A laser will function as lasers do, no matter the religion of who invokes it.

You know, the more you speak, the more it's like you're more like a Buddhist, like Zen master colon than scientist here. I'm just saying, when you turn on a laser, the religion of the person, it doesn't matter. That's A. B, to worry that a space laser could affect the weather while we are simultaneously pumping CO2 into the atmosphere, possibly irreversibly changing the weather, seems to me to be a completely misguided, misprioritized sense of the world.

Okay. That's... Yo. But the answer is no. The answer is no. No. Not a maybe no. Just say that to the... Yeah. No. Okay. No, no, no, no. No. All right. Okay. Well, look, you can follow... You can get his book. But really, I mean, what a treasure that we have. We're alive around when Dr. Tyson is here to educate us. Hey, Mornings for the Universe is available now.

Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight. But before we go, today is Giving Tuesday, so please consider donating to One Simple Wish, a charity that grants wishes to children in foster care. If you can grant a wish or donate towards their holiday wish fund, please do so at the link below.

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