Jon Stewart and Desi Lydic on Trump’s Ongoing Campaign Meltdown | ICYMI
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Welcome to the Cooper residence. Cooper McAllister. I'm surprised you put my name first. Come on in. From the brains behind the Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, CBS is excited to welcome back some beloved, familiar folks. I am so glad that you and Cece are here. And Georgie. Atta girl. It's a whole new chapter. Georgie and Mandy's first marriage premieres CBS Thursday, 8, 7 central and streaming on Paramount+.

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You're listening to Comedy Central. My name is Jon Stewart and I am risen from COVID hell. First timer. First timer did not care for it. I also want to welcome in all of our viewers who are probably joining us from X after watching an amazing and surprisingly life affirming conversation.

Between Donald Trump and Elon Musk. You know, when they started quoting their favorite Maya Angelou passages to each other, my interpretation, the caged bird is singing for Bitcoin. We do have a great show for you tonight. Mark Cuban is going to be joining us later. You know, we mentioned earlier, on this program, occasionally, we do make fun of Donald Trump. Occasionally. And with the ribbing and the joshing and the...

pulling the pants down and the pointing. But he is in pain right now. Multiple sources tell The Washington Post Trump has grown increasingly upset about Harris's surging poll numbers. Trump is, quote, complaining relentlessly. Posting multiple times on social media, clearly frustrated with Biden's decision to step aside, saying, quote, now we have to start all over again. Nair! Jesus!

he was basically already the f***ing president. He had cheated death, started a new ear accessory trend. Back then, people thought his VP selection was a smart choice. He had it all in the bag and it was taken away. It was perfect on the beam. He nailed the dismount. He was walking to the podium to get his medal and f***ing files an inquiry at the last minute. And they're just stealing it from him. And by the way, Romania,

File all you want. You're not getting that medal back. Oh, I'm sorry. We have an inquiry. Yeah, good luck. But now, instead of enjoying the fruit of six years of Biden attacks, Trump's got to start all over again. And the audience has to literally sit through him getting up to speed.

There are numerous ways of saying her name. You can say Kamala. You can say Kamala. Kamala. Kamala. Hey, Kamala. Trump misspelled Harris' first name as Kamabla. I get Kamala. I get Kamala. Judges, are we taking Kamabla? Hope the Romanians don't have a problem with that. But you know what?

I guess what Trump calls her isn't as important as figuring out what she is. I don't know, is she Indian or is she black? She was Indian all the way and then all of a sudden she made a turn and she went, she became a black person. What am I gonna do? With all my Indian ethnic slurs I was gonna use. It mostly involved turmeric and cumin. She made a turn.

Into black. He talks about it like she wandered into the wrong neighborhood. She was driving on the other side and then boom, she's in. Boom. Would it turn? You know what, Donald? You're clearly struggling. Let's get some issue oriented ideas flowing here. You know, we're going to do. Come on, my brother. I'm going to help you. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to do.

We're going to do some... Apparently, I'm in a musical about gambling all of a sudden. All right, here we go. I got my pen, I got my pad, I got my visor. Forget the biographical stuff for now. Let's focus on the issues. I saw it yesterday on ABC. They said, oh, the crowd was so big. And I've spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody's spoken to crowds bigger than me.

Okay, okay. That's one of those mom-and-pop issues for the single-issue crowd-size voter. I'd move on, but... Oh, you've got more?

I had 107,000 people in New Jersey. You didn't report it. I'm so glad you asked. What did she have yesterday? 2,000 people? We had in Harrisburg 20,000, 25,000 people, and 20,000 people couldn't get in. We had so many. Nobody ever mentions that. When she gets 1,500 people, they said, oh, the crowd was so big. I have 10 times, 20 times, 30 times the crowd size. I had an infinite crowd!

One guy, she had one guy named Jeff. It's very clear. You have everybody. She has nobody. Can we move on? He wrote, has anyone noticed that Kamala cheated at the airport? There was nobody at the plane and she AI'd it and showed a massive crowd of so-called followers, but they didn't exist. He goes on to say she's a cheater. She had nobody waiting and the crowd looked like 10,000 people. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Now, all right, for those of you at home who are saying, like, oh, it sounds like he's losing his f***ing mind, just because there's video and photographic evidence that Kamala Harris' crowd was real doesn't mean that it was real. And then you might say, oh, well, John, I was actually there. I was in the crowd. And have you considered you're not real? Have you considered that?

The point is this: Donald Trump doesn't need the fake news media and their AI crowd shots to win this thing. Because he's got inside information on Kamala Harris from someone she used to date. Well, I know Willie Brown very well. In fact, I went down in a helicopter with him. We thought maybe this is the end. We were in a helicopter going to a certain location together. And it was an emergency landing. But he told me terrible things about her. You were in a helicopter?

with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, who famously dated Kamala Harris. And while the helicopter was going down, as you were plunging to your imminent... Former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown turns to you and says, this might not... Do you... Do you remember... I was going out with... the prosecutor. Well, before Willie...

I just want you to know she's the worst. I do not want to meet my maker without giving you that piece of information. If you survive, you may need it. Oh, my God. I got to tell you, I'm sure a moment like that was seared not only into the memory of Donald Trump.

but also into the memory of former mayor Willie Brown. - To be clear, you have never been on a helicopter with Johnson? - No, I have not. Are you kidding? I just assumed that he was on a helicopter ride with somebody black and he made a mistake and thought it was me. - What is so ? I'm sure that is not what happened. What are the chances Trump is just mixing up his black people?

It seems that the African-American politician in question was not Kamala Harris's ex, former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, but rather this man, Nate Holden, a former Los Angeles City Council member who says he had a bumpy ride with Trump in 1990. God! Do you know what this means? Nate Holden, former Los Angeles City Council member, Donald Trump as their helicopter was going down.

bad things about Kamala Harris that I guess Willie Brown had told him if they knew each other. That is the only explanation, right? Holden saying, quote, Willie is the short black guy living in San Francisco. I'm a tall black guy living in Los Angeles. I guess we all look alike.

Donald Trump is not racist. He just meets a lot of people on death helicopters. And he needs some mnemonic device help. If the chopper goes down, that's not Willie Brown. There's one. If the flight's not going great, you're probably right. The candidate Trump was crushing. You think you could write a new hour in a month? It's not easy. He's trying. He's trying out some good catastrophizing on Harris.

If Harris wins this election, you will quickly have a crash like in 1929. We could end up in World War III. The suburbs will be overrun. Boom. That's what I'm talking about. Stock market crash. World War III. Suburbs destroyed. It's fresh. It's new. We haven't heard... What was that? I'm sorry.

If Biden got in, you'll have a stock market crash. The likes of 1929 are worse. A very real risk of World War III. They're going to, in my opinion, destroy suburbia. This is just a remix?

Dude, you can't just find and replace Biden with Kamala. That's lazy apocalypsing. Look, man, if you want us to genuinely fear your opponent as the existential threat you'd like to make them out to be, you're going to have to do better than boilerplate cut-and-paste shit. You're better than this, Donald.

This is bullshit, man.

This is like when Elton John changed like three words and then pretended candle in the wind was always about. Very disrespectful to Maryland. Too soon. Here's the problem. Even when Trump does figure out how to come at Kamala, it's not really landing because most of the time the bad stuff he's saying about her applies even more to him.

If Kamala will lie to you so brazenly about Joe Biden's mental incapacity, then she will lie to you about anything. She can never, ever be trusted. Yes, Donald Trump is telling America not to elect a liar. Donald Trump is saying that. I mean, for God's sakes.

He's like the Michael Jordan of lying. Or as Trump would say it, the Willie Brown of lying. Confuse me. I hate to say it. I don't think Trump has gotten in him to go after Kamala Harris. He's been fighting Joe Biden for six years. It's all he knows. He misses the fight so much. He was still workshopping nicknames for Joe Biden this weekend. What do you like better? It doesn't matter anymore, but what do you like better? Crooked Joe or Sleepy Joe? Sleepy Joe, Crooked Joe. This is sad.

It's like seeing an old man talking to an empty spot on the bench. And then you realize, that's where his wife used to sit. He would give her everything for just one more moment. We cook. I hear he's going to make a comeback at the Democrat convention. He's going to walk into the room and he's going to say, I want my presidency back. I want another chance to debate Trump. I want another chance. He's not coming back.

He's not coming back, Donald. Hey, you know how I know he's not coming back? We have a f***ing camera on him. That's him. He's just sitting there at the beach. You can hear him socking over the waves. Does this look like a man marshalling his forces to take back the nomination or filming a Corona commercial? He's finding his beach. It's over.

There's only one way. Donald, meet me at camera one. Hello, friend. May I call you Donald? I get it. You wanted to run against Joe Biden. Just two old dudes going toe-to-toe fungus. Alas, hurrah, Rocky 12. It's not fair! Now you've got to run against someone who appears healthy and youthful and happy. Her vigor standing as a stark counterpoint to whatever front-butt thing you have going on.

And it's pretty clear that Biden isn't going to do what needs to be done to stop this steal. But someone I know loves stopping steals. Right? Feeling me? Kamala Harris accepts the nomination next Thursday night, which means it may be time to get the gang together. Storm the convention! Pull in August 22nd! This time, on behalf of Joe Biden!

All you need is thousands of supporters who have not yet been sent to jail yet for being part of the last mob. Or got sent to jail so early in the process, they're already out. There was a sign of the righteousness of this cause. A federal judge ruling the Department of Justice must return the spear and fur helmet belonging to QAnon shaman Jacob Chansley. Shaman! Don thy fur helmet! We recognize

For Biden! It's time for a brand new season of Survivor. And you know what that means. It means it's also a brand new season of the only official Survivor podcast on fire. Here's our goal with this podcast. We bring you inside the how and the why of what we do on the show. And we do it from three different points of view. You have the producer in me. You have the fan in Jay, who also happens to be our executive producer of this podcast. And you have the producer in me.

And then we bring you the insight from a former player, and this season it is Survivor 46 runner-up Charlie Davis. Welcome to the team, Charlie. Well, Jeff, I know firsthand that playing from the couch and playing on the island, completely different. So I hope you tune in every single week. We're going to dissect the strategy, the misfires and mistakes that change the game. If you want more Survivor than just 90 minutes, this is where you get it. On Fire, the only official Survivor podcast. ♪

Listen to On Fire, the official survivor podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. Trump is trying to reach out to undecided voters, but he also knows that sometimes you gotta work the base. Luckily, there's one place where all the far-right mouth-breathers come together. Twitter!

or X if you're nasty. What could go wrong? - Overnight, former President Trump holding a freewheeling, albeit glitch-filled conversation on X with its owner, Elon Musk. - Technical issues delaying it from the start for more than 40 minutes. Musk blaming a so-called denial of service attack, saying the massive attack illustrates there's a lot of opposition to people just hearing what President Trump has to say, though we provided no evidence of such a cyber attack. - I think it's pretty obvious at this point. This is the deep state.

That's right. Only the deep state could make Elon Musk's website suck. They're to blame for making his cars look like a DeLorean whose mom smoked during pregnancy. There's a deep state trying to silence Donald Trump. You suck at your job, okay? Because he's the opposite of silent. There is no one more unsilent than Donald Trump right now. Hey, deep state, look at me. Do better. Do better.

Eventually they solved the technical issue and got the conversation going, although it sounded like the glitch had moved from the Twitter servers directly to Trump's mouth. I want to close up Department of Education, move education back to the states where states like Iowa, where states like Idaho, you know, not every state will do great. Happening in his mouth. This guy's big on slurs, but this is next level.

And look, I know his speech was distracting, but did Sylvester Trump over here just say that he wants to close the Department of Education? Get this through, Trump. Without schools, where are you going to ban books from? Think! Think! It's weird he's even talking about sending teachers to the gulag because Trump has more popular policies, like his proposal to end taxes on tips, which is so popular that Kamala Harris now says that she supports it. And Trump is not happy about that.

No tax on tips, and all of a sudden she's making a speech and saying there will be no tax on tips. I said that months ago. And then all of a sudden, for politics, she says, you know, she comes out with what I said. Look, look, to be fair, Kamala did copy Trump's no tax on tips idea, which would make it the first time in history that a woman got credit for repeating a man's idea. Yes.

And she didn't stop there. Kamala also completely ripped off his idea to lead in the polls by three points against a rapidly deteriorating campaign. Obviously, Trump did his fair share of dragging Kamala during this interview, but there were also moments that he took it in a surprising direction. I saw a picture of her on Time magazine today. She looks like the most beautiful actress ever to live. It was a drawing. And actually, she looked very much like

A great first lady, Melania. But of course, she's a beautiful woman, so we'll leave it at that. Ooh, someone has a cramp. Where's the cramp? Did he have a sex dream about Kamala that he just can't shake and now everything feels different? The thing is just going through Time magazine looking for a center

Look, either way, I think we finally found the one thing Trump is incapable of lying about. If he thinks someone is hot, he'll say they're hot. He'll lie about winning an election, but he has deep respect for the sanctity of bangability.

That's noble. That's a noble thing. But maybe my favorite part of the entire interview is when Donald Trump told the story of how he threatened Vladimir Putin not to invade Ukraine in the most 1990s way. I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir. You do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it. And I told him things that what I do, and he said, no way. And I said, way. No way.

No way, way. Where have I heard that high-level diplomatic language before? No way, way. Yeah, it's Wayne's world except the wigs have gotten a lot worse. Now, if we believe Donald Trump, and I always do, his conversation with Vladimir Putin went no way, way. And apparently he spoke to many other world leaders with the same linguistic spirit.

So Putin said "No way" and you said "Way?" That's right. And then he said "But I want to invade Ukraine." But I said "Vladimir, do not go in there."

And he said, all righty then. And I said, hello, Newman. Right. Voter fraud is worse than ever. They're taking ballots and they're making copies. Right. So then Shinzo Abe calls me and I pick up and I say, wada, wada.

What's up? No, you're not saying it right. What up? What's up? What's up? When I was president, the economy wasn't just booming, it was smoking. But then Joe Biden wrecked the economy, and all you can say is, did I do that? Yes, and he said, got any cheese? No, you're not doing it right.

So Erdogan asks me, who is this? And I go, my wife. No, Sadateng. That's from Puditeng. Ever see Puditeng? No, it didn't get to South Africa. Oh, it holds up, man. Come over tomorrow and we'll watch it. That sounds smoky. You're really sick of this.

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Welcome to the Cooper residence. Cooper McAllister. I'm surprised you put my name first. Come on in. From the brains behind the Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, CBS is excited to welcome back some beloved, familiar folks. I am so glad that you and Cece are here. And Georgie. Atta girl. It's a whole new chapter. Georgie and Mandy's first marriage premieres CBS Thursday, 8, 7 central and streaming on Paramount+.

Listen to On Fire, the official Survivor podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.