The Sign of Four - Part One
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Hello and welcome. As you can tell by my serious voice, this is a serious thing. This is the sign of four. The adventure is like nothing we've ever tackled before. It's...

Is it a special? Actually, yeah, maybe it's a special adventure. This will be a total of ten parts. That's right, ten. If you are on the main feed with adverts and all that stuff, by the time you finish this we will be ready for Christmas. If you're a Patreon member you will receive volume one of this adventure right now, that's the first half, five parts, and you'll get the second volume a month later.

In between episodes, there'll be plenty of additional material for you members, including all new casebook episodes and mailbags and interviews and all the... Yeah, you know the drill. I won't be doing intros for every part. That'll get tiring for all of us. So I will see you at the end. But right now, it's time for the beginning. Welcome to the Sign of Four.

The video camera? The video camera, yeah. What do you want the video camera for? I'm recording our story time. Why? Because one day you'll appreciate this kind of thing. Can we do Princess Mary? No. Of course we can. Woo, yes! In you bet then. Right. Lying down. Lying down. Comfy. Comfy. Where's Teddy? Where is he? Here.

Okay, we're all set. Once upon a time, in the land of Pondicherry, there was a princess called Mary. But everyone in Pondicherry was sad because they had lost a beautiful diamond. It was taken by pirates. So one day, to make the people happy, Princess Mary decided to go on an adventure to bring the diamond back home.

to the people of Pondicherry to put it back in the ancient temple from where it was stolen. Hey Mary! Hey, just... I don't know if you got my text. The blue text. Not sure if they're blue or... Yeah, can't tell. I'm at the Criterion.

Just bumped into an old friend actually and wondered if, I don't know, if you're okay. Let me know. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Me again. Look, don't worry if, you know, if you didn't feel comfortable and got a bit... Yeah, yeah, I get that. I completely get that. Yeah, I'm actually moving into a place. As we speak...

In London. In London. So, going to be more permanent here. Yeah. So, yeah, just give me a shout if you want to hang out. Last one, I promise. A guy, my roommate, actually, said that something urgent may have happened to you on the Tube. He, I don't know how he, yeah. So, just give me three rings. Yeah.

Let me know you're safe. All right. Cheers, Mary. See you soon. My name is Dr. John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London.

I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes

I'm going to assume this flashing red light means it's recording. Excuse me. Hi. Hi there. John Watson. Dr. John Watson. It's Mary, isn't it? I think you've got me confused.

leaving? I'm leaving. Yeah, can we grab this table? Ah, I thought that... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the bloody table. Excuse me, could I get a pint? I've got a pint, mate. Bottled. Sorry, what? Bottled. Right, yeah, bottle. Bottle of the Pilsner. Please, mate.

If you are wondering, that is the sound of being stood up. So... I think we may be dealing with multiple suspects. Mm-hmm. In fact, I'm certain of it. Oh, I believe you. The faeces marks out distinct diets. One containing a food dye, one perhaps very little hydration.

This one definitely got hold of a nutritious mollusc or larva. I know you're bored. Mm-hmm. My mind rebels at stagnation, Watson. Give me problems. Give me work. Give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis and I am in my own proper atmosphere. Laundry. What about that? Can I give you laundry? No. Not that bored then, no?

If you want to show it to me, show it to me. But the more you handle it, the more difficult it is for me to deduce all that much from it. How did you do that? You're nervous. Generally, you talk a lot when you're nervous, but this time you're silent. Because you have driven your anxious energy somewhere else. To your hands. And the item within them. Right. Yeah, that's... true. Yep. I'll do what I can. But it's difficult, considering he inherited it himself. Ah, right. Okay, slow down. Just...

Be clear, what are we talking about here? There's a watch in your hand. It's ATP, so... Meaning? Army timepiece. Yes. Very good. They were commissioned and provided to British Army personnel between 1939 and 1945. So it was your grandfather's and it was passed on to your father. Hmm. Warm. Well, if you give it to me then I might be able to discern more accurate data. Dunno, mate. Pretty smug over there with your bird poo. Give it. Fine. Right. There.

Tell me. Ah. Okay. Yes. Right. Fine. Fine? Yes. It wasn't handed down. Correct. Manufactured by Ebel. Sustainable patina on the dial. Glass bevel has been replaced. Looks like it was a full break rather than just scratching or fracturing. Some bubbling on the face around the embossed lettering. So that's heat and impact damage. 15 joule non-shock absorbing.

Some components feel loosened. Glycerin staining on the underside. A lubricant. So most likely an engineer. No, wait. Tank. Royal Tank Regiment. Glycerin from the main armament, of course. With the kind of damage I'd say... Grandfather was lost in action. Hence why it wasn't handed down. But it was tracked many years later and retrieved by its next owner, Harry Watson. There you go. Still bored?

A little. What does... Can you work out anything about him? About your father? Mm-hmm, yep. It's an heirloom he fought hard to retrieve and to then pass on to his son. So a firm family man. A believer in continuity. Another thing he's certainly passed on is a restless anxiety. Really? See the picking on the chrome plating? No way, that's him? Yes. The plating is from the repair. So post-grandfather at this point.

And yes. Yes, he's very similar to you. You serious? Mm-hmm. How? He was cheap, sentimental and superstitious. Was he? Indeed. How have you got to that? He only wore it at night. Perhaps in a way to feel close to his own father. Difficult to tell. What? He paid for the repair. An inexpensive one. Not done by a professional familiar with the brand nor the need for concave glass.

This cheap replacement would encourage significant sun damage to the face. But there isn't any. Why? Because last time it was worn on active duty... Grandad died. Correct. So he never wore it while in uniform. And the poor bastard got blown up anyway. Here. Thanks. And thank you. You're welcome. I shall return to my research. Yeah, sure. Please do.

But I think... But I think analysing pigeon poo is a new low. And maybe you need to go and see somebody? Oh, they're not pigeons. They're not? No. Looks like pigeon shite to me, mate. Well, you haven't analysed it like I have.

Magpies. Indeed. Well, would you like to sing a song of sixpence for us? Oh, wait, no, that's Blackbirds, isn't it? God, I hate that song. Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. I mean, good lord, it sounds awful, doesn't it? Do you care to know how I have arrived at the conclusion that magpies are congregating on the roof and the windowsills? You've seen them? You've heard them? No and no. Then what's the problem? They're not bothering you? Oh, but they are. How? Listen...

Squeaky window frame. Yep, very annoying. I took it up with Hudson's months ago, mate. The bolts were loose, and now they're gone. Oh. Okay. So... Magpies, Watson. Collectors. Thieves. They are known to take shiny objects even when they fear them. They lay claim to trinkets they are drawn to, to decorate their nests, entice mates, and emanate their status. A quirk of ornithology that reflects the very worst of us.

How many do you think there are up there? Judging by this, four. One for sorrow, two for joy, three for girl, four for a boy. Hello. I'm looking for Sherlock and Co. Ltd. This, er, that's us, yep. Can I help at all, or...? My name is Prisha Bajwa. I live in Hounslow, Hounslow West. My son, my son is missing.

Okay, alright. It's okay. Please. Please help me. Here, Prisha. Thank you. Thank you so much. When did you last see him? A day and a half ago. And you walked him to school? No, he's 14. So he gets the bus with his friends. And did they see him that morning? No. So he left the family home as normal, but didn't get on the bus, wasn't seen at school, wasn't seen by his friends? That's correct. And...

What have the police concluded from their findings thus far? They feel that he was mixing with a gang. Oh. Khagan, how did they get to that? They... I need more tissues. Here. Thank you. They... He told his friends he was with Mohinder. Mohinder Singh. Right. Who's...

Who's he? D don't know. He doesn't go to the school. Ah, right. So they're suspecting gang based on that. Exactly. Wrong crowd type stuff.

And after reviewing his movements over the past few weeks and doing interviews, they discovered, well, we all discovered that he didn't have a job. A part-time job, that is. He told us he did. Doing what? He just delivered a local magazine. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon after school. What was the name of the magazine? I don't know. He never said. Yes. I suspect because there never was one.

He is a good boy. He is well mannered. He is kind and considerate. He wouldn't do this. Being a gang I mean. Here look. His Instagram.

The name Tonga Bajwa. His friends called him Tonga. Why? He had a glue ear as a baby, a toddler. What's a glue ear? Fluid in the ear canal. Oh. Makes it very difficult to hear. Common in kids. Can impact speech. Yes. He couldn't hear very well. So when he said his name, which is Taksa, he would say Tonga. His hearing got better, but all his sisters called him Tonga. Then his friends... Tonga.

Well Prisha, we'd like to see the scene of the crime. Scene of the crime? There isn't one. Oh I assure you there is. There's always a crime scene for those that are willing to look. We are currently in Tuxer or Tonga's room. It's kind of, well I mean, picture any teenager's room and yeah, single bed, sort of desk in the corner, wardrobe, couple of posters on the wall. Chelsea fan for those that care.

He's probably gone and signed for them. Everyone bloody else has. Then the window looks out onto the back garden. It's a terraced house in Hounslow, Hounslow West, which, like a lot of London, a lot of cities, actually, is very multicultural. I think what makes Hounslow and just this area of West London pretty unique is the amount of Indian people.

culture, Indian heritage and peoples and businesses there are it's vibrant that's always the word people use for that kind of part of South Asia isn't it, basically just meaning colourful crowded, chaotic captivating and curry actually, which I cannot wait for, I've had loads of recommendations about tandooris in this area. A boy is missing John. Ah yeah, no, sorry I wasn't I'm not taking anything away from that, I'm not trying to

Minimize it, I'm just saying. Look, it's the best food in the world, isn't it? So why not try something in the area? When in Hounslow, do as the Hounslonians do. Can I have your full attention, or are you still thinking about your lunch? It's quite a late lunch, really. It's quarter to three. What do you see? I mean, lots. Like what? What is your eye drawn to? I suppose...

The poster of the Chelsea squad? That's because you like that. I assure you, I do not like Chelsea. Not Chelsea. Football. You like football, so your eye is taken by that. So let's tap into the quieter, less enthused part of your brain. What do you suppose that is picking up? Erm...

The part that isn't shaped by your tastes, your likes and dislikes, what excites you or interests you. The part that takes in all this raw data we have flooding into our eyes. Raw data? Er, I suppose... Well, it's a big room. For a kid, I suppose. Considering the property size, yes. Do we think perhaps he is a favoured child?

Is that what you're saying? No, I don't think parents have favourite children, mate. Oh, I assure you they do.

Prisha Bajwa certainly does. For her only son, that's for certain. Right, lovely little observation there about Indian mothers. Thanks for that. Look forward to editing that out. Mac laptop there, that's not cheap. Raw data, Watson. That is raw data. You just said he was a favourite child, so I'm just backing that up. There may have been a tinge. Class-based social frustration? Yes, alright, thank you. What else can I see? It's a new room. It is new.

How do we know that? It's an extension. It's a conversion? Yeah, conversion. Loft conversion. Yeah, pretty standard in London. Indeed. The V-Lux window here. What do you notice about it? Yeah, nice. Nice. Brings in a lot of natural light. Got a little button for the blind to close. Why? Why? Because it's too high to reach. Not too high for me. See? Yeah, but he's young. He's small in stature anyway. Exactly. So he has the remote operated blind.

OK, yeah, cool. So the window is too high for him to reach? Yeah. Now look below. What do you see? Carpet. Really new. It's got that new carpet smell that sticks in your throat. The door drags over it as well. Makes that sound that you associate with new builds. But the spot below the high window specifically? The spot below the window? Is there a stain or something? Because, you know, I would run away from home if I'd stained Mum's new carpet as well. Wait, indentations?

Yes. Of what? Legs. Like, um, like chair legs. No, a stool. What kind of stool? Um, I don't know, just a stool. The angle of the legs. Four right angles. Why? Why? I don't know, that's just what the stool manufacturer decided to make. Look at my hands. Right angle. What can it do? It can...

Fold. It can fold into itself. Collapsible. Correct. Why did he keep putting a stool right below the window? And a folding one. Easy to store away, to hide. Button for the shade and a pole in the corner to open the window should it get too hot. So why has a stool been here? He escaped out the window. Not just once. If you look closely, that indentation has been repeated and made a number of times.

He escaped out of the window. Often. But why? The why would most likely be found in the... A cupboard. Not a cupboard. Not even a built-in wardrobe. Eve's crawlspace. Why? Why would the why be in there? Because the stool he uses to get up to this window most likely is. You sure about that? Well, I don't see it anywhere else in this room. Come, come. Oh, God almighty. Ah.

Everything alright? Well, I mean, not really. It will not be in vain, Watson. I assure you. Oh, you assure me, do you? How do you know? The stool is in here. Tonga used this area to hide things. He didn't want to be seen. But why is the stool in here?

Because the fresh paint on the plaster wall by the door to this crawlspace had a scuff of orange up against it. You're going to have to give me more than that, mate. You're telling me it's been tangoed or something. Been what? It doesn't matter. It's a cultural reference that about eight listeners might get, if I'm lucky. What's at the end of this street, Watson? The street we're on? A cafe? It's not a cafe, is it? All right, tea and coffee then. Why...

Because there's a B&Q? Correct. B&Q is a big hardware shop in the UK, for those of you that haven't fallen asleep. You haven't reached the conclusion I expected of you. It... Well... Oh. Wait, he bought... Their branding is orange. Correct. The folding stool was orange. He scuffed it on the wall when putting it back in here. And here is the very stool...

What a fun exercise that was. Yeah, very much so. Although I do think there's a spider in my ear, so... Lookie here now. What have we got? A box. Child's music box. Pink and gold. 260 by 185, I'd say. 80 mil high. And a four-digit combination lock on the latch. That's... that's weird.

Should we go and tell Prisha first? Shh! No. Why? Because she'll give it to the police and I don't get to have my fun with it. Er, it's not about fun, mate. And you won't have an episode. Alright, open it quick. It's a four-digit combination lock. Is that not quick? Dr John Amish Watson, you are dealing with Sherlock Holmes, the sharpest mind in London.

What I know, and that others don't, is that Tonga has two new hair care products and one new fragrance. He has a carrier bag from Swarovski crumpled under his bed, and a stash of receipts that are all either dinners, lunches or visits to the cinema. None of which require a receipt for returns, breakages or refunds. He's got a girlfriend. He's got a girlfriend. The oldest receipt is from the 16th of February from a wagamama.

That would make their first date. That, I expect, is what they would label their anniversary, so the code to the lockbox would no doubt be tied to this. His most significant passion and occupier of thoughts. Genius. One, six, zero, two. Ha! Oh. What? Oh, deary me. That's... No. That didn't work. Oh. Um, try his birthday. Bollocks.

Plan B. These locks can often give away the formation of their mechanisms. All we have to do is pull the edges apart as far as we can, keeping the body and the latch apart and as taut as possible. As I do this, you can turn the first digit from zero upwards. You will eventually hear a barely perceptible click.

That will reveal an aperture within the mechanism which in turn will signify that whatever digit you have landed on is in fact the correct one for that line. Okay, go. Do you want to just try 2 0 2 1? Why would I do that, Watson, when I have this systematic method that exploits the deficiency in this very contraption?

Well, because it's when Chelsea last won something. Champions League, so pretty big deal. John, this apparatus can be deconstructed with... Right. OK. 2021. Yes, that makes sense. This episode is brought to you by CarMax.

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Do you want a tea? Oh yeah, please. But really strong. Like, um, yeah, just leave the bag in there for a really long time. OK. Yeah, just really, really take your time with it, please. Thanks, Prisha. Same for me. Lovely. Thank you. OK, open it, open it, open it. Oh Tonga, what were you up to, little fellow? That's a lot of cash for a kid. How very curious indeed.

What? Look! Holy shiny diamond. A diamond indeed. Goodness me. Clarity and colour is exceptional. Let's have a look. Look at the way it captures and splinters the light, John. Look at the dance of its reflections as enchanting as a crackling log fire. As a piercing shard of lightning. As the writhing waves of a stormy sea. Oi, Gollum! What? Let's have a look. Fine.

Yowza, look at that beaut. What's a 14 year old boy in Hounslow doing with this diamond? And this money. And it's not like it belongs to his parents, it was his code on the box. Indeed. Venturing out at night as well, unbeknownst to the others in his household. Using this, no doubt. Where did you find that? At the bottom, under the cache. A travel card. Hey, what's this? On the side of the box, look. How very curious indeed.

What is that? Is that the design of it? No. It's a deep scratch. Like claw marks. Oh, shit. Hide it. Hide it. Give me that. I am. Put it in my backpack. Here we go. Prisha. Two strong cups of tea. How wonderfully kind. Ah, Prisha. That is great stuff. Wow. That is...

a strong looking tea goodness yes just uh just how we like it eh John John boy mmm oh yeah that is dense it's like tea soup that'll that'll put hairs on your chest eh this way roger that hello there you lot we are at the world famous Hatton Garden

What are we doing here? Well, allow me to explain. Hatton Garden is in Holborn in London. Fairly central, but not smack bang or smack bam. Never know which one it is. Let me know. Get in touch. Hatton Garden is a street named after Christopher Hatton, a favourite of Elizabeth I. A favourite being the title of a bloke in her retinue who, well...

She was probably shagging, let's be honest. Relax, offended Elizabethans of the 1500s. I don't write the news. I just report it. Apparently a virgin queen, by the way. That's why Virginia is called Virginia, if anyone was wondering. Named after her, sort of. Right, anyway, Hatton Garden in the 19th century became the centre of Britain's jewellery trade. And we all know that Britain was...

Really drawn to shiny things for the 18th, 19th and some of the 20th centuries. So much so, an enormous wanker called Cecil Rhodes even established his business here. De Beers, you may have heard of it. Anyway, all that shiny stuff made Hatton Garden famous. It was featured in...

in Brideshead Revisited, a fish called Wanda, and of course the Bond classic Diamonds Are Forever, because Hatton Garden is THE diamond district. Crammed into this tiny street is over 300 diamond traders, insurers, designers, polishers, retailers, and I dare say crooks as well, because let's be honest, it's diamonds at the end of the day, isn't it?

You retain Wikipedia articles much better than most of the things I care to educate you on. You know what, mate? I think it's better if, after I've given a really insightful, enthralling piece of narration, you don't mention that I got it all from Wikipedia. Oh. I mean, I didn't get all of it from Wikipedia. Most people know Hatton Garden. I knew that Virginia stuff. Ah, here he is. Oh, hello, mate.

Which one of you is getting engaged then? Certainly not me. No one's getting engaged mate. No chance of that any time soon. You're trying to rob a place then? Nah, not really into robberies much Wiggins. Well people only come to Hatton Garden for two things. Engagement rings and diamond hoists. We need a valuer. The very best you know. Bernie. Bernie.

Welcome to Bizu Bizu, how can I help? Why aren't they just letting us in? Because we're three blokes who could be joined to take all their stock. Good point. We want to speak with Bernie.

We are a leading diamond retailer, sir. Adam Wiggins is here. Sir, if you wish to speak to Anthony in your own time... Adam, I'm here, and if you don't let us downstairs, then I might just let slip to my detective friend here about Bernie's whereabouts when Jade's never torn up in that delivery from Abu Dhabi in 2014. And there we... Thanks, ladies. Thanks very much. Wiggins, is his name Anthony, or is it Bernie? It's both.

Anthony Bernstein. Sherlock Holmes. John Watson. Really great to meet you, actually. Now, obviously, I can clear up exactly where I was during that whole delivery, you know, logistical hiccup within the industry. We're not here about that.

You ain't, no? No. Alright, well, some intro you got going. Let's get to the main event short, gents, yeah? Yes, that would be very much appreciated. Allow me to introduce the star of the show. Here. What's that then? It's a diamond, Bernie Palin. How long you been in business? Yeah, very much so. I see that, yeah.

But, um, who's, uh, who's is it? We, ahem, we don't know. Uh, uh, yeah, clarity in colour, uh, decent, uh, nice stone. Yeah, I don't, um, I really, um, I don't do much brokering these days, so maybe give one of the other lads a go, you know? It's not on. Hmm?

The air conditioning. You just try to move yourself within reach of its vents. Oh, yeah, no, I thought I, uh, thought we'd put it on earlier. If you're looking for your handkerchief to wipe that sweat from your brow, it's in your back right pocket. Ah, yeah, course, course. There she blows. Um...

Err, yeah. So, right gents, I've actually... no, just a moment, I've got a lunch thingy so... It's rather helpful when I meet men like you, Bernie, to distinguish a few things about the person beneath the suit. Oh yeah, people like me? Yeah? Yes. That sharp attire you wear, purchased from another famous street in this city.

Savile Row. Course, course. Where else, lads, eh? H&M? Dunno, really. The fabrics, their tailoring, their structure. I find with these suits, they are so perfect in design that not only do we wear them, but they wear us. Wouldn't you agree? I, uh, never really thought

I dunno, yeah, I dunno really, um... Your vein. Months and years of consistent water damage to the wool on the shoulder pads. Tiny amounts of water mixed with the mineral oil from frequent trips to the bathroom adjusting your hair. You're excitable. The wearing on the cuffs made from years of banging your hands, rubbing them together. You do do that a lot, Bernie pal. Oh, come on now, what? But here is my real issue. The lapels here.

You are not a guarded, insecure or confrontational person. Eh, course not, course not. Look how they rise up, curving without so much as a recognised, established crumple. That's... well, it's an expensive suit. That's why, mate. Alright. It's because you very rarely fold your arms, Bernie. Yet now, in this moment...

You are. Come off it. The constant and daily torsions of your body have imprinted on your suit. The arm-sci there. Look at its seam allowance, from all the times you place your hands behind your back. Often, frequent, regular. The sunken collar gap. An erosion of the wool from your natural stooping posture. Consistent. Permanent. Familiar.

Yet, in this moment, your suit tells me your body language is different. Seldom. Unusual. Why would this diamond, this ordinary diamond according to you, make you feel so uncomfortable, Bernie? And why would you feel the need to hide that discomfort? Look, come with me. Come this way. It's not hurting me again, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, bless her. Let me get my loop in. On, on. Let's have a look at her. Oh, hello again, darling. Oh, look at you. It's like staring into another world, you know. It's just a shiny rock, man. Yeah, I'm with Wiggins. What's the big deal? Yes, Bernie. What is the big deal? The same facets. The same signatures. The same colouring. It's all identical.

I know where this stone came from, Burning Man. You're familiar with the Koh-i-Noor? Yeah, gents. The diamond in the Queen Mother's crown? Correct. Sorry, pause. What? This is the diamond from the Queen Mother's crown? No, no. Oh. I'll start from the beginning, shall I? There was a time in India when the Magal Empire had so many diamonds they didn't know what to do with them.

Their value dropped, obviously, and they began to use them in some of their buildings and artworks and all sorts, right? Anyway, the passage of time moves on as it does, and that perception of diamonds begins to change. Delhi gets sacked by the bloke who wants to be the next Shah. Tens of thousands of civilians slaughtered, the whole place looted, including an old throne.

The emperors of India sat on long ago and encrusted into it at the centrepiece of its design perched above where a ruler would sit was the Surakula. God's heart. Years later it moved to Agra and became known as the Agra treasure or the Eye of Agra. A hundred years or so later the Brits are in town

And after the Anglo-Sikh War, the diamond was surrendered to the East India Company and to Queen Victoria. And let me tell you, she wore it with guilt and unease until eventually she died. What about Camilla? She has it now, surely? Well, this is the thing. Controversial, isn't it? To have such a thing plonked on some British woman's head. You can't do anything these days. But the Brits don't have it. What they have is the Koh-i-Noor diamond.

That was cut from the Surakula. And that is the priceless gemstone. The talisman to a nation home to a billion people. India want it. Pakistan want it. Afghanistan want it. But no one knows where it resides. I mean, it is a fucking giant diamond at the end of the day. Everyone wants it. But what's this teeny little shiny thing got to do with it? Do you think this is it? No, mate. No, this little thing, no.

I mean what the Brits have the Koh-i-Noor. That's about the size of a testicle. Oh, lovely imagery. But this little thing, that, forgive me for trembling, that may well be its kin. What do you mean? The Surakula. God's heart. The stone from which the Koh-i-Noor was cut. Never mind testicle. That thing, according to what the scribes put down at the time,

Well that was the size of the whole package. God's sake. The stone from which these gems are cut is still out there. The sewer cooler. And this is just a fragment of it. It's a box. A music box. A music box. What do you think Arch? Give it a big old sniff mate. There you go. When did that team win that stupid thing? You mean when did Chelsea win the Champions League? Yes. 2021. 2021.

Two. Zero. Two. One. So you can retain just about any information at all unless I educate you on it. Lovely. Thank you. I am averse to information I find boring. Like astrophysics and taxes. Hey! And you like Star Wars, Mary. I know, right? Absolutely brutal attack from the master detective. Unwarranted. Disgraceful. Alright. Sorry.

Here. You're forgiven, Sherlock. I... Oh my god. Oh my god. Is that... Uh... Real? Yes. What... Why do you... Why do you have a diamond? It's the baby offspring of a much larger diamond. Oh...

Okay. And its brother is in the Tower of London. What? Sorry, what? What? What now? Takes a long time to explain, but basically that's a very, very rare diamond with one hell of a backstory. So, why do we have it? Because we stole it off a 14-year-old boy. You... You did what? Yeah, gave him a wedgie, stole his diamond. Kidding, for God's sake, look at your face.

The missing boy? The Hounslow boy. The Hounslow boy indeed. He had been escaping his room at night and had hidden away this box containing that little diamond, a travel card, and this. Wow. I didn't realise being a 14-year-old was so lucrative. Are we going to give this back to the Bajor family? Eventually. Then there's this rather interesting scratch underneath the box.

Four scrapes. As if clawed at. Deep and seemingly careless. Possibly in frustration. But how exactly and with what instrument? That remains inconclusive. How much is there? The cash? How much? I haven't counted it, actually. Let me see. Oh, here she goes. Cannot stand the idea of cash not being counted and put in a spreadsheet. Shut up!

I'm not putting this on the books, jeez. Going for a week. Don't have to announce it every time. Okay. So... Yeah. Like, um... 2000? Uh, 2200? Oh. Wait, what's this? What is it? In the notes, there's a picture? Yeah, it's a picture of a woman. Probably the boy's girlfriend. Something I deduced, but it's a relationship kept rather secret.

No, no, this is a grown woman. Oh? Yeah, look. See? Well, now, this is rather interesting. A woman. Rather attractive. Looks late 20s, maybe early 30s. Polynesian, maybe Maori background, would you say? Um, yeah, sure. That street behind her. A few shops. Look up. Apple Kitchen. No, no, uh...

Nope. Nothing. Apple Kitchen London? Okay, Apple Kitchen London. Um, nope. It says Double Apple Kitchen. Double Apple Kitchen Turnpike Lane. Street view, please. Oh, uh, there we go. Yes. See the buy-to-save supermarket next door? She's on Turnpike Lane. Mate, spit the toothpaste down the plug hole. Don't spit it on the ceramic part of the sink because then I just have to wash it off. Hey. What?

How did you... Where did you get that picture from? From the box. Why? I know her. You know her? Who is it? That's Mary. That's Mary Morstan. The Sign of Four, Volume 1, is available now ad-free on the Patreon. Sign up now. The Sign of Four, Volume 1, is available now ad-free on the Patreon.

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