The Resident Patient - Part One
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Howdy! Trying out a howdy there, see if that sticks. I need a catchphrase really, don't I? Do I? Maybe, don't know. Anyway, welcome! Dr John Watson here, hand delivering you this three-part conundrum that is the resident patient.

It's got gross bits, weird bits and spooky bits. More details about the contents in the episode description along with links to cool stuff like the Patreon and the shop and the Twitter and yeah. Enjoy part one of the resident patient.

And, yeah, that's on. Hey, there she blows. How did... What was wrong with it? Was it water damage? Because I tried to clean it. It was circuitry, yeah, so that could point to damage. But, I mean, that could be from anything. You ever dropped it before? About 16 times, yeah. Wow. Right. OK. Yeah, so that's your issue then. The circuitry's encased in a...

Well, this is your old one. Neodymium shell allows for a little memory on the device for the basic functions. That's why you were getting inferior recording data. Of course, of course. Some would say I've always had inferior recording data. Because the podcast I make. Yeah, I get it.

My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of

of Sherlock Holmes. When? What time would you estimate? I'd say he died... What are we at now? Six? He died at around maybe 3am? He's just getting some stiffening now in his legs and arms, definitely some in his cheeks and jowls.

Still some slight body warmth, very little behind his neck, under his arms, so... Yeah, three hours dead, I'd say. Very good, I concur. Always feel bad when the road gets shut. Especially this time of morning. I mean, I know he's dead and everything, but they've got to go... I mean, what do you reckon, they go back up that way? Because that's a one-way. So then back up onto the North Circuit, it's a nightmare. Honestly, absolute nightmare. I mean, obviously, worse to be the dead bloke in the middle of the road, but still...

One thing I will point out. Eyes and skin. I'm listening. Broken blood vessels in his eyes. Yes. And the blue skin. You've got asphyxiation on your hands, potentially, I'd say. Blood vessels would have gone pop from intravascular pressure. But no signs of strangulation. No, yeah, that's where my analysis kind of hits a dead end. Curious. What is? Speaking of blood...

We have no blood spatter here on the road and he hasn't bled out. Right, so... moved? Body has been moved indeed. It was a hit and run. A collision with a vehicle we think that was going around 55. 55 in a 20. Some people... Unfortunately. For you, of course, not for me. This is very satisfying, but unfortunately for you, I don't think that's correct, officer. The car wasn't the cause of death. The tyre print. Look at it. Still visible under his neck, mate.

What are you doing? Taking another look at the wounds. Bruising to the ribs is only more than a couple of inches wide. There's no safety glass on the road. Well, if the car hit him, I don't know, waist height, which I mean, that's possible. Does he have a broken hip or fractured pelvis? Yeah, both. Hips, definitely. Yep, I can feel it. Hips don't lie, mate. Let me see.

Hmm. Yes. Same again. Narrow blunt force impact. Not something a car would do.

But let me think. Maybe like the grille of a Range Rover. They've got those bar-like protrusions. They'd be a couple of inches thick, I'd say. Nah, not the new ones. Not the new ones, no. No, I think they're probably ten years old now. You know, the kind of car that Wayne Rooney used to drive. Might still drive one, I don't know. Old Range Rover, yes, possibly. But there is a compelling new piece of evidence. Oh, is there? Yes. Since when? Since just this second. What is it? I just found it. Yeah, but what is it?

There's a condom on his penis. There's a... A condom on the man's penis. Er, let me see. Oh. Oh, indeed. Why... why's he got a condom on? For protection. Against a ranged rover? Against sexually transmitted diseases.

Or perhaps fathering children to another man's wife. Sorry, could you just go over that again? This man was discovered naked. Oh, a hair here too. I assure you, he wasn't discovered naked. Not by you. I'd say by a man that was wielding a cricket bat.

at around 3 o'clock this morning. I would venture, judging by the lack of discharge in the condom, that our dear friend here was mid-intercourse with a blonde woman. Natural blonde from the looks of this hair on him, but can't be sure. It is rather dark. When his assailant struck. First here, square in the back, causing a very severe spinal fracture. A number of vertebrae ruptured. Here, here, and listen to this one.

Here. Our man here, no doubt winded and in shock, rolls away from his engagement and off the bed, square onto the right side of his face. Note this carpet burn here. With his head on the floor and his feet on the bed, his vulnerability is maximized to his attacker. A downward sweeping blow from the cricket bat comes crashing into the back of the man's neck here.

Blowing out and fracturing the back of his skull. And there's your intravascular pressure. Well observed, Doctor. Thank you, Detective. You know, you really are talented at this. I know. When I pay attention, honestly, I really am a dab hand. High five. Sorry, what exactly are we high-fiving here? The guy's airway collapsed, so, yeah, pretty cool. Right. Yeah, no, so, sorry, I should be more clear. The impact of that hit to the back of his head would have caused...

bleeding into his throat and neck, that fills with blood, swells, blocks your windpipe, the guy couldn't breathe, so he died. Correct. A few beatings later, the assailant realises what he has done. He hastily redresses our friend here, forgetting the condom, but also putting his shirt on back to front.

He drives for a period of time and dumps this man out in the road and runs over his upper abdomen with his car. Well, we'll search his phone, we'll find the messages with the girl and we'll track down the killer. Excellent work, Mr. Holmes. No problem at all. Always nice to be up to see the sunrise. Even better to do so with a murder. Oh, and officer, if our friend the cricketer has a car with...

Let me check the pattern here. Yes, that's the one. With Michelin Pilot Sport 5 225-40 R18 tyres. He's your man. Yeah, of course. Thanks again. Bye. No, thank you. Do we just leave? He's gone. He's... Yep. Well, there you go. There you go. Enjoy yourself? Absolutely. Breakfast time? Certainly.

What is that? It's the Titanic breakfast. Why is that? Because the sausages are sinking into the ocean of beans? No, because it's big. I see that. Two sausages, two bacon, two egg, beans, mushrooms, hash browns, fried bread, black pudding. I can see that. Yeah, but the listeners can't, can they? Talk us through your breakfast. I have an omelette. With? Cheese. And? And?

And toast. Are you going to butter the toast? No. Why not? Because it's too cold now and the butter won't melt. And you don't like that? No. Okay, right, fair enough. Want a clink tease? Um, yes, fine. Cheers. Cheers. To the dead condom man.

Your fork is stuck to the microphone. Oh! Ha ha! Here, look at that. I got it repaired the other day. Now it's all magnetic. Magnetic content though, buddy. Am I right? How is it magnetic? Oh, we are, aren't we? Opposites attract and all that sort of thing? I suppose. I wouldn't necessarily say we're opposites. Why not? Well, I'm just neurodiverse and you're not. Yeah, opposite. It's not the opposite. Why? It's just a variation.

We're parallels, Watson, not opposites. Ah, alright, yeah, good point, good point. Different paths, same destination, sort of thing. Oh no, the beans have flooded the eggs. What's wrong with you? Just... a little bored. You just solved a murder. Yes, but I fear I may have solved it a little too quickly. Well, not for the police. Or for the victim. Or for the victim's family, mate. Or for the people stuck on the A406. Give yourself some credit. Oh, I give myself credit?

But now I'm just bored. Oh, cheer up, for God's sake. You've got your omelette. You've got your cup of tea. You've got the high of solving crime. Murder as well, you know. Not just any old crime. That was ages ago. That was literally, Sherlock, literally 27 minutes ago. Maybe I should have dragged it out. Dragged what out? The investigation. Yeah, no, don't do that. Why? Because people get funny about it in the reviews. Are you not...

Gonna eat. Not hungry. Well, when you ordered. Yes, well, I'm not anymore. Ugh. This country, honestly. What now? Look at that. Crime rates down year on year. Sherlock. Makes me sick. Sherlock. You don't want to see the murder rates. Just downright depressing. Minimal. Look at that. In the 70s, there. Oh, to be around back then. Sherlock. What? Take a breath.

Calm down. It doesn't matter. There's always cases. I want mystery. I want intrigue. And I want it now. For Christ's sake, you sound just like the bloody listeners. Just wait. Be patient. It'll turn up. Where? When? 221B Baker Street. It always does. Eat your omelette. Good to see you again. Thank you, boss. Have a good one. Who was that? In the network. Irregular. Indeed.

Starting to get busy now. Rush hour. This road, honestly, look at it. Chain restaurant, chain restaurant, chain restaurant, corner shop, souvenirs, which are basically just fridge magnets, and then, oh, look at that, chain restaurant. You eat at all those places. Well, I'm not saying I don't like them. But where's the independence? You know, the independent spirit? Right there. Where? There. Ah, yeah. Ha, ha.

Course 221B, yes, we are independent, good point. No, the gentleman stood outside it. Oh, yeah, who's he?

He's a doctor with his own independent medical practice, I'd say. No way. Way. You got that just from looking at him? Correct. You are heading for another high five at this, right? Incredible, mate. Thanks. Not fill a brother in. Sorry, what? Tell me how you came to that conclusion. Oh, the man is wearing Crocs. Doctors will often preference comfortable shoes. But he's also wearing a Montclair coat...

that would retail at around... $1500? $2000? So he's private. Yeah, but I don't think... Latest generation Apple phone, latest generation Apple AirPods, but not the Apple Watch. Why? Dunno. Because he wants a watch with a visible and reliable second hand. For measuring pulses. Bingo. Right, you... Keep your eyes on his hands.

What else do you note? That you may be farsighted because I can't tell anything about his hands from here. Well kept nails, as he absolutely should in his profession. But drying and irritated skin on the palms due to a repeated use of... Hand sanitiser. Correct. Come along. Doctor, sorry to keep you waiting. Let's get you in and you'll be off to your private practice in Harley Street in no time. Brook Street, actually. Bugger.

♪

Hi. Sorry, did I startle you? When you're used to hearing a certain type of commercial, something like this can, well, take you by surprise. That's kind of how it is with the Lexus RX, a vehicle that has continued to defy expectations for over 25 years. From the first luxury vehicle of its kind, to the first hybrid luxury vehicle, to the only plug-in hybrid worthy of the RX name. We understand you want more than the everyday SUV, and isn't being understood an amazing feeling?

Experience amazing at your Lexus dealer. With an hour before boarding, there's only one place to go. The Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. There, you can recharge before the big adventure or enjoy a locally inspired dish. You can recline in a comfy chair to catch up on your favorite show or order a craft cocktail at the bar.

Whatever you're in the mood for, find the detail that moves you with curated touches at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphire reserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member FDIC. Subject to credit approval.

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Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more. That's BetterHelp.com. Where did you study, Percy? King's College. Oh, nice. What about yourself? I was at London University, then a bit at Bart's. Cool, yeah, good stuff. Yeah, yeah, I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with study.

and hard work and applying myself so yeah referred to Nettly for army surgeon but you got an MD postgraduate I did eventually yeah yeah through the army they placed me on the courses great yeah Sherlock will be in in a second he's probably just getting comfortable yeah sure sure

How did you hear about us? Google? Through a friend? Google, yeah. Cool, cool. That search engine optimisation is working well then. We were quite far down, actually. Oh, still, here you are. Here I am. Yeah, he'll be here any second. It'll be fine. Things will start slow and gentle. You won't feel a thing, just a little prick. But enough about me. Yeah.

No, yeah. Yeah, no, he'll go easy. He won't want to unsettle you too much or anything like that. You are deeply disturbed, Dr Trevelyan, are you not? Oh, maybe he will. It's Percy, please. Fine. But you dodged the main thrust of my statement. Right, yes. I suppose I did. Well, I wouldn't call it a problem as such, but a position I find myself in.

A troublesome benefactor? How did you know that? How do you think? I, of course, would love to answer and brag, as my companion here calls it, but I think it might do the world of good to analyze it on yourself, under your own esteem. How would you know? Troublesome benefactor...

Well, I'm young. You are indeed. So you'd probably be thinking he's young and he runs his own practice. That's a bit unusual. Mm-hmm. Correct. Chugging along nicely now, aren't we? So, yeah, I'm here and I'm probably coming across nervous.

And stressed and... Agitated, yes. You keep working away at that dryness on your wrist. You're also tapping your foot at quite a rate, and your breaths... I'd say we're close to 40 a minute, Doctor. Not good. Not good at all. But please, continue. Yeah, so... You know, I'm young and stressed, and I have my own practice...

How did I get my own practice at such a young age? Well, it would have been some kind of golden opportunity. Mm-hmm. That would involve a rich benefactor, yes. And there we go. We have arrived at Deduction Junction, and now all our little observations may leave the carriage. Right, yeah. Um, Sir Percy, do you want to maybe give us, um...

Give us a rundown of what's going on in your life, basically. Yeah, so I... Sorry, I'm just going to have a sip of water. Yeah, go for it. So yes, I did rather well in my schooling. I put together some well-supported research on Parkinson's disease and epilepsy, looking chiefly at a symptom they both share, which is catalepsy. The, well, as you know, Doctor, and...

you too no doubt mr holmes the freezing the muscle rigidity of limbs sometimes of the whole body their immobility their response or lack thereof to external stimuli

Yeah, so I put together a study into this and actually in the last year I developed a programme of treatments that would reduce the risk of cataleptic seizures. Sorry, this is an enormous backstory, isn't it? No, it's no problem, Percy. Take your time. So I was about to switch hospitals, actually, and I was contacted by a man, Avery Blessington. He was, well, he is elderly. 87, to be exact. Yeah.

He has lived with cataleptic seizures for most of his adult life. And he found that they'd been getting worse over recent years, since 10, 15 years ago or so. Essentially, he knew of the treatments, the program that I had developed. How? How these things get around, especially to well-off sufferers like this. They're constantly searching for groundbreaking studies and new medicines. Yeah, very much ear to the ground for his condition.

And he took me out for a coffee, we had a chat and he asked where I was going to work and I told him St Thomas and he sort of tutted and something, I can't remember, he just, he didn't seem impressed, put it that way. And he couldn't, he just couldn't believe I wasn't working solely in neurology and then he talked me up a bit like that and eventually told me about his history, his background. Which is? Business, shipping and logistics, transportation type stuff.

But yeah, he retired early due to his condition, essentially. Spent a lot of time and money looking for a cure, I suppose. That, or a comfortable life. And so we finished our coffee, and he wanted to take me to Brook Street to show me something. I made a point that a doctor's spare time is few and far between, and he told me it would be worth it and all this. And yeah, we pull up at 403 Brook Street. And yes, he just says, this is one of my buildings.

He had a few in the area and he mentioned that he was a fork in the road with it. Might sell it, might have it leased or whatever. And then he says, that was until I read your work. And I'm like, oh yeah, cool, great. And he goes, I've registered a company, the Trevelyan Institute. Wow. Yeah. And I just sort of stood there.

And he's like, well, he opens the door. I didn't even need proof because you can just tell when someone is loaded. And he opens the door. I mean, it's incredible. It's an incredible place. Here, there's some pictures. Look. God, blimey, big. Bloody big. All white. Georgian? Mm-hmm. Very high ceilings. Yeah. Yeah.

Vast. Imagine having to change the light bulbs there. Bloody hell. So he's sponsored your practice? Yeah. I don't think that is as remarkable as you make out, Percy. Huh. Really? Yes. As you pointed out, you excelled academically. You excelled in research. You're young and driven.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a man of his means to outlay such an investment. Yeah, I know. I suppose I'd agree with you there, but there were some conditions to the Institute. The clinic, as we call it. Go on. Mr Blessington was to be a resident patient. Right. He was going to live on the upper floor, and I was going to care for him.

administer his treatment, along with some nurse practitioners and occasional freelance doctors as and when I needed the extra pair of hands. Yeah. A little bit weird? Having a lot of money opens up options to all manner of indulgences that, yes, would seem weird to those without those sums, but the man is very ill and wishes to live comfortably. But I know that's not what troubles you, Doctor. That's right. We, um... It's all been a bit of a whirlwind, really, yeah.

I'm well paid. He insisted on that. More in your brains than in your pocket, he says all the time, even now. And it's a private practice, so Avery does receive the profits, of course. But unlike my mates from uni, who are doctors as well, I'm paid well, I'm looked after, I have a social life. So what is the problem?

Remember the robbery in Cavendish Square two months ago? The break-in? Yes. Nothing was taken. Was it not? No. Oh. Well, it was the morning after that. There was a few police milling around. As it's only a stone's throw from us, one of the nurses said that an officer had come by to ask questions because we obviously have 24-hour staffing and we do shifts, so someone may have spotted something or heard something or whatever. But he...

Avery, that is. He was so... He was crazy. He was just ranting like nothing else about security and that policing isn't good enough. It's too dangerous. We could get robbed and all this. And even... Well, we suddenly get a delivery. And it's all new bolts and locks for the windows and doors and everything. He's ordered it. And what... Well, I went up to him. I said, Avery, we don't need to do this. But he wasn't having any of it.

He got four contractors to come round and fix them. We had someone from bloody... what's it called? Like an alarm security alarm people? He'd replaced all the security alarms. Got a brand new system. It's Fort Knox, honestly. There's two codes just to get into the lobby. Every bloody window you touch it and there's lights and alarms and just... I mean, like, I know it's safe.

But this is a clinic for very vulnerable people. So he was deeply perturbed by the break-in? Yeah. His stress levels increased significantly and his seizures became a little too tough to control. But we got through it. The weeks passed and although we spotted him plenty of times just sort of staring out the window and checking the locks, he managed to simmer down and get back to his everyday self really. Resumed his normal habits.

And then, two days ago, Monday, Avery was out of the house, out of the clinic, call it what you will. What was he doing? Physiotherapy. He doubled the amount of sessions as we were seeing some good results. The facility he uses has an excellent hydrotherapy suite, so they take him there for a bit. He was out of the house, and when he came back, I was busy with a patient. Anyway, he headed up to his room, and then I just hear him.

Absolutely. Thundering down the stairs. Bang, bang, bang. He comes into my office, nearly rips the door off its hinges, breaks the window on it, and he's just like, Who the fuck has been in my room? What is going on? F this, F that. This is a disgrace. Are you trying to get me killed? You... Well, I won't say what he said. Just absolutely off the rails. Could that be an episode, as it were? I mean...

It can, of course it can. Patients develop strong traumatic responses to this. Catalepsy is a difficult condition to live with. Seizures do damage. But yeah, nightmare. He was and has been extremely, extremely difficult since. Something about the place. Now that I work late at night, well, it feels... There is a presence. A tension.

I feel like there's eyes on me all the time. Okay. I feel like there's movements late at night. And this is just in the last 48 hours? Yeah, I think so. It's been such a weird couple of days. I don't know. Maybe I need a break or something. Things are... What's that? What do they say? Things going bump in the night. Like haunted? I mean...

Yeah, maybe you do need a break. Yes, it certainly won't be ghosts. I know that. I know. But Avery seems to think something is coming. A curse? A dark grudge? But I mean, what can I do? I refer him out the clinic and, well, I lose my clinic, don't I? We can't really... We're not counsellors. No, no, of course. I'm here to ask your help on the possible break-in.

And hopefully you can put his mind at ease. But I just... I don't know if I should just move him elsewhere. But then I suppose I'd be moving myself out, wouldn't I? Before you do anything, I want to see it. Of course, yeah. When can we get it in the diary? I'm free right now. I've got an appointment, so it... Oh, you won't be required. Right, okay. Um... John? John? John?

Huh? Hmm? Do you want to go and use one of the rooms? Plenty of beds to go around. No, yeah. No, no, I'm sure Sherlock's just wrapping things up. He still seems quite busy. He's been a few hours. What's he doing? He's checking the window locks. Oh, which ones? All of them. Right. Yeah, he can be quite thorough. Good God, it's nearly midnight. Yeah, but...

I'm going to head home, so... I don't know what you want to do, but you're both more than welcome to stay. I'll see what Sherlock thinks is best. Are there patients here overnight right now? Yeah, so there's Avery on the top floor. Then on the third floor, you've got patient Mrs Marshall. On the ground floor just down there, actually, I've got an elderly gentleman. He's just come in today, so...

Probably say the second floor. Sure. Course, yeah. There's three rooms on the second floor. All of them are free. Just let the practitioners know which one you're in. Percy, thanks. Mate, that's very kind. Sorry about all of this. Don't be daft. It's fine. Just let's get this thing sorted, eh? Yeah. Yeah. I'd rather know if we had a break-in or not. And if we have, I'll be bloody glad you're both staying over, to be honest. Course. Course.

Night, John. Yeah, night, Percy. Thanks, mate. Mariana voice note. Hey! Hey, hi! Hey, Zwill! Oh, God. Oh, I'm starting to sound like you. Oh, yuck. Yuck? Got a question. Um... Um-um-um-um-um... Hey, what was it? Oh, what was I gonna say? Uh... Oh, oh, yeah. Um... I got some...

Journalist guy calling about your deal with the condom guy found in the road. I guess he wants the story. Wants to do a piece or something. I'll message you his number 'cause he's bugging me and I rather he bugged you. Great. So, yeah. Um, yeah. Oh, are we still doing a volunteer on Sunday or not? Because I need to book cause of roasts. You know, you know how British people are with that stuff. Yeah, so, okay.

Well, this is bloody great, isn't it? Oh, hello. Another magnetic mishap here. Bit of metal stuck on the mic. Wow. Oh, God, that is mental. Come on, you. Jesus. That was like Excalibur. God. Oh, I hope the mic is working. Please don't break again, you little shit. Hello. Hi. Sorry. Just caught me talking to myself. Um...

Just then. Oh, that's fine. I've seen much worse here. Ah, right, yeah. You work here? Yes, night shift. Oh, fun. Not quite. Sure, yeah. Sorry, I was going to guess your accent then, but I thought that would be rude. I've spent quite a bit of time in that part of the world. I was in Ukraine. Oh, okay.

Wow. Yeah, yeah. Fighting. Wasn't a stag do or anything. Of course. Yes, so I am Lithuanian. Ah, cool. Nice. Nice. What brings you to... Sorry. My phone is beeping. Yeah, no worries. Sorry. See ya. Bye. Saw me talking to invisible people and I still managed to save it. Not bad. Not bad, Johnny boy. Should probably find Sherlock now. Sherlock! Great. Great.

Currently in an almost pitch black cataleptic care home, basically trying to look for Sherlock, who has been non-stop, literally all day, searching this place from top to bottom, desperate to find signs of it. Hello? Signs of a break-in. I'm guessing he's had no such luck and I'm guessing he hasn't been allowed into Avery's room yet. Hello? Sherlock, is that you? Percy said that... Jesus, what the... Sherlock, this isn't funny.

Sorry, everyone, just trying to work out what exactly is... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay. Who the fuck is that? Sherlock! Sherlock, help! Sherlock! To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co.

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