The Dancing Men - Part One
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For just £6 a month, binge ad-free adventures in full and have access to so much more over at patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. Come back, baby, come back. Sorry, I cannot get that song out of my head. Hello. Excuse me, can you bugger off? Sorry, not you guys. There is a swan in the way of my pedalo. Oi! Oi!

God, they are so smug. Ooh, I'm protected by royal decree. Piss off, mate. Get a life. Right, um, I forgot to do the disclaimer for this one, so I'm doing it now whilst I sit in a pedalo on Regent's Park boating lake. Quite the life I lead, I know. Right, OK, so this episode contains swearing. Not a great deal else to warn you about. It's part one of three. This part ain't too edgy. Edgy? Edgy?

There's a better word for what I'm trying to say, but I can't think of it. Yeah, parts two and three, very intense, very, very full on. This one, bloody great fun. I do sing in it, though, which isn't great for anybody, but so does Stamo, and he's got a lovely voice, as does his girlfriend. Right, I'm going to give it all away if I keep talking, so go enjoy it. Happy listening. Bye-bye. Hey, don't hiss at me, you big floaty idiot. Shut up.

Come follow me baby Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah baby Follow me Yeah, yeah You got me in suspense I'm waiting for a deliverance Are you gonna follow me baby Thinking 'bout you all the time

Hello. How are you feeling? Can I come in? I bring soup, glorious soup. Yeah, the soup man cometh. Yes. Oh dear. Oh yes, oh dear. So, I googled Spanish soup and apparently you guys have it cold, which is disgusting and I've reported you to the UK border agency. So instead, you've got tomato soup, bit of melted cheese, bread for dipping. There. Yeah. Oh.

Thank you, John. Don't be daft. I'm a doctor. Just doing my job. I will invoice you later. Sure. So, where are you guys going? You look, um... You look very smart. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, no, yeah, just Sherlock. Got some tickets to a thing for a client. Oh, OK. Yeah, so, you know, I'm going to go with Sherlock. Stammer's going to be there. And his girlfriend. Oh. Ooh, indeed. Good for Stammer. Yeah, yeah, I wonder what attracted this girl to the charismatic cosmetic surgeon. So, where is it? What's the thing? Oh, it's...

See you at the O2. What? Oh, see you at the O2. You get better, though, yeah? What are you saying? We are going to see Elsie at the O2. What? She's my favourite. John! Hey, hey, hey, put the bread down. I cannot believe this. Don't you dip it. This is a new shirt. Hold your fire. Mariana! Mariana!

My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

*music*

Very good, isn't she? What? I said she's very good. I have my ear defenders on. I know, but maybe you should take them off. Enjoy the experience. No, thank you. OK. All right, last orders. Anyone want one more? Stemmo? Yeah, go on then. Let's do... What do I want? Um...

I'll have a double Jameson with a couple of ice cubes in, please, mate. Lovely. Nadia, what can I get you? I'm going to go the same. Hey, this is an easy order. Sherlock, apparently it's whiskey o'clock. You in? Hmm. Yes. Go on, then. Hey, great stuff. OK, right, I'll be right back. Do you even take your microphone to the bar? Yeah, yeah, it goes everywhere with me. Honestly, never mind Sherlock. His best mate's that bloody microphone. OK, you just lost yourself an ice cube. Oh, come on!

Hello there mate, yeah we're gonna have four double jemisons, couple of ice cubes in each please mate. Yeah, if you want them at all. Then we'll be out of your hair. Yeah.

I can't remember the last time I went to a gig. I certainly didn't think I'd be going to an Elsie gig any time soon. I'm not really young enough for all that. I don't know, maybe I am. Anyway, for the uninitiated, or for those living under a rock, Elsie is an international music sensation. I guess what they say, isn't it?

She's an American performer. She had a massive album a couple of years ago, Follow Me, I think it was. Then, yeah, she just smashes out at the park all the time. Currently doing an extended UK tour before Glastonbury at the end of the month. Glastonbury, that is, the biggest music festival you can think of. And, yeah, we bagged ourselves some free tickets to one of her shows at the O2, thanks to a client. So, yeah, not too shabby. Thank you, mate.

Right, who ordered the Jameson? I told you you'd come back and make that joke. I said it, didn't I? No, I told you. Er, what? No, you didn't. I did. Are we going to thank me or keep bickering? Thank you, John. You're welcome, Nadia. There you go. You get yours first. One for Stamo. Thank you, mate. And one for Charlotte. Well, I want to raise a glass. To me, yeah? Yeah, to you. To the glory that is Mark Stanford. No, no.

I want to raise a glass to Sherlock here for getting us the tickets to see Elsie. Yes, yep. Cheers, Sherlock. Cheers, mate. Should have sold them, really, though. Could have made yourself a couple of grand. Please don't tell me people are paying that much for four tickets. Well, more than that, most of the time, mate. I'd have charged the client more. I thought you said you hadn't solved it.

What? Well... What, you can't solve it? Not quite. Who is it that got you the tickets? Your music industry friend. My music industry friend? Bloody hell, going up in the world, John. Used to me, mate. From your awards? God, here we go. Oh! Oh, him. Yeah, right, OK, yeah. So...

Who's the client? Sherlock & Co got nominated for an ARIA. Oh, did it? You never said. Which is like a big radio industry award type thing. Mariana and I went along, got silver, thank you very much. But a guy came up to me, American guy, asked for Sherlock services, well, for our services, gave me his business card. So, hold on, what does he want? Oh, it's very complicated, you wouldn't understand.

Do you understand? I understand that it is complicated and requires further thought. Well, what is it? It's... Have I asked the wrong question? No, he doesn't like to talk about something if he's stewing in thought about it. Just say. Talk it out. It might help. It won't. It might? Well, I won't say anything. I'll show you. All right, let's have it. It's a video sent to Elsie's phone...

Her manager, your awards show friend, said she looked petrified upon viewing it. Has had a very severe traumatic response ever since. Wow, okay. She's really pulling it together for these shows. So it would seem. Here. Here what? What we're looking at? The video. Dancing men. Dancing men.

It's like little stick men dancing. How is this a code? Because as they dance, they make different shapes and poses out of their little stick bodies. Sometimes a pose from earlier in the dance appears again. And that suggests code? To me it does. There's a noise as well. Yes, and it's rather uncomfortable to listen to. Turn it up.

Let's grab... Here comes the backpack. What is it, another battery change? SD card pit stop? No, laptop. Oh, look at the stickers on his laptop. Of course he's got stickers on his laptop. Sherlockandco.co.uk if you want some, Nadia. Right, Sherlock, send that video to me. Why? What are you doing? What am I doing? Right now, I'm waiting for you to send me that video. Fine. There. OK, let me put this in the edit.

That's audio editing software. Yeah, because I'm only interested in the audio. It's a cryptogram of dancing men. Yes, yeah, but that weird little soundtrack, it's... Right, okay, here it is. It's slowed down, isn't it? Yeah, slowed down and backwards. So let me... Reverse it back the other way. Exactly, and then I can speed it up to what I assume is its normal speed. Okay...

All right. Here, let's have a listen. It's singing. The man's singing. Why do you all look so pleased? They're songs, Sherlock. They're clips of songs. That's Vera Lynn, isn't it? What's it called? We'll Meet Again. Yes! Of course it is. Sorry, what? Listen, that's... Say hello to the folks that I know. Tell them I won't be long.

Oh, listen to this. Go on, me too. For goodness sake. Bye.

We'll meet again some sunny day. Yes, all right, all right. Thank you. I forgot you could sing. You know it, mate. I am wasted in cosmetic surgery. Well, you've got more money than most pop stars anyway. And what about this one, eh? Should be in the West End. Oh, behave. Stop it. Oh, great stuff. Can we return to the code, please? Gladly. God, this is like Popmaster. Hit me. What else you got? You've got it on your laptop. Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's

Too excited. Right, play. Queen, I want to break free. Of course, yes. God knows I want to break.

Are we going to do this for every song? Right, fingers on buzzers? Fingers what? Buzzers. Fingers on buzzers. I'm not putting my finger up anyone's buzzer. On, on buzzers, like a quiz show. Will you get on with it? Sorry, you mean get on with the code that has taken you days and we've nearly sold it over a whiskey in a pub? Play it. I have caught a high as man. I have run through the field. Oh, I know that. Do you? I can't. Yeah. That's...

Thingy, erm... Thingy, you too. It's you too. It's bloody you too. Is it? I... I... I have climbed the highest mountain. Go on, Nadia. I have run through the fields. Only to be... People are looking. Only to be with you.

Hey! Woman!

Yes, yes, everybody. You're noting this down. Yes, I'm bloody noting it down. So, we'll meet again, break free, still haven't found what I'm looking for. What's next? Here we go. There's rich folks either, with a fancy dining car.

Oh, is that it? Yeah. Sounds like country. Can you play it again? Why is nobody talking?

Thinking. So you don't know it? No, I know it. Do you? No. Could ask the audience. Yeah. No, seriously. Yeah, do it. Ask the pub. What, ask the elderly drunk men? That's what you're suggesting? Or we could sit here in silence. Right.

Okay, so I'm going to play the clip and it'll be lyrics from a song. I need that song, please. What do we get if we win? Shut up and leave us alone. Yeah, yeah. Okay, no, no. If you win, you can have... Are you still serving? Just for a bit, yeah. I will buy you a drink. In fact, that man there in the Vivienne Westwood shirt will. Thanks, John. Right, ready? Here's the clip.

Anyone? No? Hey, what? What? No, who said that?

Over here, Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Booth. You sure? Yep. Better my wife and kids on it. Right, okay, that won't be necessary. But the rest of it will go... What?

Well if they freed me from this prison and that railroad train was mine I bet I'd move it on a little farther down the line Far from Folsom Prison, that's where I want to stay Get him off his club!

And I'll let that lonesome whistle carry my blues away. OK, yes. He's got it. He's got it, Stammo. OK, well, that one's obvious, actually. Is it? Beyond the Sea. Full message update, please. We'll meet again. I want to break free. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Folsom Prison Blues, Beyond the Sea.

It's about breaking out of prison, isn't it? Yeah, good point. But what's beyond the sea? Well, keep going and we might find out, might we? God, I didn't like that one. Hmm. Hmm, it's another thinker. The message seems to be some sort of threat. But how is it tied to this dancing men cryptogram?

I'll contact the Met. Perhaps they can look into security measures. Shush. Shush what? Shush, I'm thinking. Can we hear it again? Yep. I feel so cold and I long for your embrace. Crying baby. Oh, tip of my tongue. Yeah, me too. Yeah, God, what is that? Regardless, I really think it's time to alert the authorities to the nature of our findings. Oh, wait.

No, I haven't got it yet. It's, um... Oh, what is it? Right, time to speak to the police. Thank you for your assistance. The police! What? The police! Oh, it's the police! Sting, Sherlock! Sting! The police! You may think you are making things clearer, but I assure you, you are not. The song is by the police. It's called Every Breath You Take. Yeah. Every breath you take and every move you make Every bond you break, every step you take I'll be watching you Hmm. Hmm.

I don't like the sound of that. And the last clip. Keep smiling through just like you always do. We'll meet again. Again. Tonally, this is not good. Why not? We need to speak to Hilton Cubitt immediately. Who's that? Your music industry friend from the Arias. And our client. Wait. See you then, Sherlock. Oh, God. That burns.

Oh, that really burns.

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We haven't... we haven't solved the cryptogram. Yes, and speaking to Hilton might bring us closer to that. It's not a succinct... like, you know, it's just some songs. Some songs that imply something, Watson. And I'm very grateful to the three of you for your assistance. I really am. Hello? Hilton Cubitt. Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes? The detective.

Firstly, thank you kindly for the tickets. We had a tremendous time. Oh, hey, yeah, that's, uh, that's no problem. Listen, Sherlock, could we talk tomorrow? It's late and we've got a talk show spot in the morning. Actually, I'm afraid it's rather urgent. You cracked the code? The dancing men? Not quite, but we've deciphered some audio from the clip.

But that audio was just garbage though, right? Like interference or somebody just dicking around? No. It is a message, slowed down and in reverse. I'll put you on speaker so my colleague can explain further. Sure. Hi, Hilton. I'm John Watson. Give my best to Elsie. Great show tonight. So, in the message, it was clips of songs...

In particular, it seemed that lyrics were charting a journey as such. So first of all, it was We'll Meet Again by Vera Lynn. Then I Want to Break Free. Then Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Followed by Folsom Prison Blues, Beyond the Sea, Every Breath You Take. And finally, We'll Meet Again. Again. Stop. Stop. Okay. Okay.

Everything alright, Hilton? Ah, shit. Come to our hotel. We're at the Norfolk. The Norfolk. We'll be there right away.

Blimey. Big suite. Sweet suite. Oh, you like it? It's called the Westbourne. This suite? Named after a river? A London river? Really? It's one of London's lost rivers, entombed and buried by the Victorians. Wow, okay. It runs underneath the city. Yeah, they name the rooms after things lost to history or something. Things that are killed off. I don't remember. But still, cracking room. Better than the Hilton, eh, Hilton? Yeah.

Sorry, I bet you probably get that a lot. Yeah, I do. Loads. Sorry. You should see the room Elsie has. The whole top floor. The Grey Lady? The... It's something like that. The Lady Jane Grey? That's it. Who's she? She was queen for nine days and they chopped her head off. Huh.

Nice story. Yep. So, how long are you here for? Well, we got nine days in London, another, like, twelve around the UK? Using this place as, you know, like a base. In Glastonbury? Glastonbury, exactly. Main stage? Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Who's after her? Sorry? Somebody. An ex-convict has come to find her. From America. America?

Who are they? I haven't told you yet. Yes, but it's fairly obvious, isn't it? Yeah, so, uh, okay. Um, you know of Abe Slaney? You can Google him. Abe Slaney? Yeah, Abe is... was, excuse me, a music producer. He was working with Elsie way before I got in the picture in my management role. Uh, yeah, and we kinda...

He got squeezed out. It's a super, super competitive industry, and once it was clear Elsie was taking off like a rocket, you gotta... Jettison the dead weight. Right. I... yeah. Cruel, I know. But, sure. I didn't know at the time because she didn't tell me, but Abe and her were kinda close. Romantically? No. But they both loved, and I mean loved, music. And they would make these codes. Little...

I don't know, like messages, cryptic messages, music keys, the dancing figures, dancing men, the songs. They would kind of mess around with them and hide codes in there. And these recording days are long days, right? Day turns into night, you goof around. Sure, yeah. He, yeah. So he got squeezed out and he just went, I don't know.

Total nut job. Nut job. I don't know the right words. Don't ask me to say the right words. But he went totally insane. He wouldn't leave her alone. Wouldn't stop sending messages. We, I swear to God, we went from restraining order to court order to he's behind bars in maybe two months. It was that bad. Wow. Again, I don't know the right words, but he's a psychopath.

Abe Slaney is a certified batshit crazy psychopath. I appreciate you don't know the words, but it's highly unlikely Abe is a psychopath. You didn't live through it, buddy. You don't know. No, I don't. I can tell you the target of a psychopath's infatuation is themselves. And only themselves. Well then, I don't know. He's deranged.

But anyway, she got the video and like I said to you before, she looked like she was gonna pass out. I knew it was Abe, but I can't decipher these things and we're sure as hell not dicking around with this guy with Clastenbury a couple of weeks away. You know what? I was also hoping it was gonna be a nice message. You know, neutral maybe. Just checking in. Seeing how she is or whatever. But not this. This is a threat.

And we don't even know what the dancing men signify yet. Does she? She only saw a couple of seconds of it. She couldn't even cope with that. What are you doing? Thinking. Of? Phone numbers. I love it when you do this. Do what exactly? He keeps phone numbers in his head. And car plates, like license plates. He keeps numbers in his head. Shush now. Almost got it.

Okie dokie. Who we callin', 999? Even I remember that one, mate. New York District Attorney. Abe is from Chicago. That may well be, but he was charged in New York. Wilson Hargraves. Wilson, it's Sherlock Holmes. Hey, Sherlock, how are you doing? Wow, this is crazy. What's going on? I'm actually going to be very brief, if that's alright, Wilson. Sure, hit me. Abe Slaney, arrested in 2020. What's his current status?

On parole. Has he checked in with his parole officer? What are you, his mom? Check the parole board. Sorry, sure. The Department of Corrections and Community Supervision actually has an open tracker. So I can tell you right now. I've got a bad feeling, to be honest. Yes, me too. What? That's far from ideal. What is it? Shit. He's not...

Yeah, he's AWOL. Aw, motherfucker! Hilton, it's alright, mate. They will find him. Wilson, if he's under the New York Parole Board... Yeah, his residence is in the city. Let me make a call. I hope you have good protection here, Mr. Qubit. We got a security team.

And I got this. Oh, okay. A gun. Beretta Bobcat. I will remind you that a handgun, even one that's small, is illegal under UK law. Yeah, I worked that one out, thanks Sherlock. But I don't go anywhere without my Bobcat. Still, that's... that's a bit much. After everything we've just discussed. Come on. Uh, right, yeah. So, what happens now? They'll raid Abe Slaney's New York apartment.

It's a bit grainy. It's a live feed of body cam footage from New York, Watson. Well, I'm not saying I expected, you know, the IMAX. It's just hard to make stuff out. Can you not? With the popcorn? Oh, it's a police raid, mate. Come on. Hey, you guys OK? Oh, sorry, we're just...

There's a police raid in New York that we need to watch. In the office at 2 a.m.? Yeah. Okay. How are you feeling? They're going in. This is DA Wilson Hargreaves. Open this door right now.

Where is he? He's gone. Goddammit!

Is that good or bad? It's very, very bad. Where is he? Somewhere beyond the sea. You think he's in the UK? I think he might just be. And if we don't do something about it, Elsie could be... Toast? Hmm? Do you want any toast? Do you want peanut butter? Oh, no, hang on, we're out of peanut butter. Um...

Jam? Oh, the jam is mouldy. Oh, very mouldy. Um, we have toast and butter. No, thank you. Have you slept? I have not. You seem pretty chipper, considering. Well, that's because I solved it. Solved? The Dancing Men. The cryptogram. Oh, bloody hell. Oh, well done, mate. Well done. Did you get hold of Hilton thingy? Um, Hilton Cubit last night? Still no answer. Right.

Worrying at all? Yes, rather unsettling. But I've told the private security firm they use, I've told the hotel, I've... Exhausted all avenues. Yes, exactly. What does the code say? It says, Elsie, it's Slaney, 466 at the Norfolk.

I will save you. So how on earth did you decipher that? It's a substitution cipher. And I solved it by using frequency analysis. Okay, just woken up here, mate. A substitution cipher. It does exactly that. The dance poses of these little men are substituted for something else.

He's not a master criminal, so it's safe to assume they're swapped out for letters. He speaks English, as does she, so he would be prone to using the most frequently used letter in the English language, E. Fortunately, her name has two E's. Even more fortunately, one at the end of her name, one at the start. I now know his name as well. You play the message and you see it. Watch the dancing men. Watch the dancing men.

Oh yeah, E-L-S-I-N. I know his name, I know her name, I now know the pose for E, and therefore, I now know the poses for L, S, I, A, N, and Y. Norfolk was tricky, but again, I knew more details surrounding the subject so it fit. I will save you.

That's where I feel I'm on somewhat dodgy ground. Doesn't make sense to me right now, but it may. So how did you get 466? Like I say, I had S and I, as her name contains those. I got F and O and R from Norfolk. 466 would be a date and time. The fourth of the sixth? At six. He's going... at...

Us today? Yes. We need to protect her. Well, I suppose we do, yes. But ultimately, she is the target of his love. Hilton Cubitt is the target of his hate. OK, let's go to the hotel. By all means, finish your toast. No, let's go. Let's do what the NYPD couldn't. Eh, mate?

Besides, it's, you know, like you say, he's no master criminal. Elsie won't even be at the hotel at six. You plan to move her? No, she has a show. Tonight, she has a show. Yep, Abe should have visited her website before he made the... What is it? Six. Huh? Six. What if it's 6am? I mean... John! John!

What? What is it? No. Oh, my God. What do we do, Sherlock? Sherlock, what do we do? No.

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