A Case of Identity - Part One
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Your handwriting is terrible! Yeah, I'm a doctor! Munch, munch more. That's patreon.com/sherlockandco DJ Watson here, playing you all the classic hits. This next track is titled 'A Case of Identity'. It's groovy, it's funky, it's, um... Well, actually, it's a bit weird, actually. But I hope you enjoy it. I really do.

If you don't enjoy it, there's plenty of other adventures on offer, so have a browse, pick out something you like. If you require a transcript, get yourself over to sherlockandco.co.uk, OK? Oh, that's not part of the web address, that was just me saying, OK? OK. So, they're cooked, right, and we've avoided it sticking to the pot, which...

you know that can really affect the flavour and you've got to get the balance of the flavours just right otherwise it's just off. Okay. Now the trick is you get a slotted spoon like this and you want to get right into the middle of the pot that's where the temperature is the most consistent. Yep. The slotted spoon does its work which is draining some of the sauce, not all but some

Just ensuring that we have a really good ratio in every bite. Sure. And then, just like this, you place the beans onto the toast. My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London.

I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. That, my friends, is a crisp lager.

I won't give away the brand because no one is paying me to, but it's a mainstream one. You know, one of the big ones. Point the mainstream lager, please, barkeep. That's my order as the cooler months fade away. Cool in a temperature sense, not a social standing sense. You know, it's May now, of course. The sun is shining. There is a whiff in the air of, well, my heavy duty sunscreen, Factor 50.

marketed to children but that's not to say it's exclusively for children I mean you know Star Wars is marketed to children these days but we all watch it don't we I mean I don't but people do Harry Potter marketed towards children but adults flock to it too again I don't I save all my irrational fanboy behaviour for Swindon Town Football Club and then England every couple of years all being well every couple of years anyway things get in the way you know Covid pandemic Steve McLaren

I'm not even going to take that back and apologise to Steve McLaren because, yeah, I'm still annoyed about the 2008 Euros, Steve. Anyway, you join me at the Volunteer. I've got our usual spot and I'm awaiting my colleagues. Don't know if you know them. One is a pedantic Spanish woman who gets excited by spreadsheets and the other is a violin-playing detective who doesn't know who Beyonce is. That's my life these days. Oh, here they come. Oi, oi! Didn't know what you wanted to drink, so, um...

Yeah, I did nothing. You could have messaged. That's true. Did you see the Google Doc I've shared with you?

You see what I mean. Hello. Hello. Why are we being formal? But you said hello that way first. You said hello as well. I was replying to your stiff hello. Is there a greeting you'd prefer? Well, I shot an oi oi your way. Doesn't suit me. No, it doesn't. Generally, when British men see one another in the pub, they'll say things like, oh, here he is, or, oh, what have you come as? Yeah.

Why would they say that? It's just a sort of banter, I suppose. Men find it embarrassing to show affection and compassion for one another, so they underplay their feelings with playful or insulting language. Right. Okay. To conceal the warmth and conform to male stereotypes. Yes. Yeah, that's what I said. Banter. What have you come dressed as to this pub on this sunny day, Watson? Ha ha ha.

Yeah, yeah, it just needs a bit of flow. Also, it helps if I'm dressed badly. I mean... Yep, thank you. Also, we don't need to do that, mate. It's not necessary. Why not? Because we're best pals. We're best pals? Yeah, best friends. We don't need the whole show, the facade. We're past that. I see. Good to know.

Excellent. Well done us. Yep. Hey, John, guess who doesn't read fiction? I can't say I'm surprised. Have you ever tried watching a film with me? Like, how? I don't get how you can't be... How you can't... How can you not get transported into another world? To be totally swept up by words on a page? You talking about fiction or end-of-year accounts?

Mariana just put her middle finger up, everybody. John! You did! Don't tell them that! I don't need fiction. Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent. We would not dare to conceive the things which are really mere commonplaces of existence. If we could fly out of that window, hand in hand... Like Peter Pan, fiction. ...hover over this great city...

Gently remove the roofs and peep in at the queer things which are going on, the strange coincidences, the plannings, the cross-purposes, the wonderful chains of events working through generation and leading to the most outré results. It would make all fiction with its convenialities and foreseen conclusions most stale and unprofitable. Another.

Er, lager, yes, please. Oh, Sherlock, can you get me, erm, like the cider with ice? The summer fruits one, please, thank you. Certainly. And come straight back here, alright? No removing roofs to peep at the queer things going on, you dirty sod. Look at you. Yeah, look at me. Happy boy. Yeah, I am, actually, yeah.

Yeah, I feel like we've got a good flow going on and, hey, summer fruits. Look at you. Summer fruits, my friend. All right, talk to me. I don't want to. Thanks. Oh, shush. I want to show you this. I will check out the Google Doc, for heaven's sake. I'm just having a pint. No, no. Email from last night. Oh, OK. Sorry. Sent at 3am. Night owl.

Write to docjwatsonmd at gmail.com. Dear Dr Watson, my name is Miles Sutherland. I'm 25 years old and I live in Wandsworth. Very nice, Miles. Good for you. Summer fruits with ice. My king. Thank you. A lager. Hey, legend. What's that? Rather over the top, don't you think? King. Legend. Just reading a potential case. I live in Wandsworth. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, um...

I am looking to get married to the love of my life, Angel. Angel? Keep reading. Angel is her username on Dark Vale 2 Realm of Factions. We met two years ago at ValeCon, where like-minded players of the game meet in person, hang out, do silly presentations, play the game, share ideas, arrange items to trade, even auctions and stuff. It's really cool. Angel is beautiful, kind, funny, and she gets me.

I had never met her in game but at that convention two years ago we really hit it off face to face so after that we would meet up in game and I would help her. I'm level 95, that's very high. She is level 32, not bad, but not anything special. I gave her lots of items and stuff but after a while she can't really get into the game anymore but she whatsapps me all the time. We message daily.

I'm going to ask her to marry me, but Bloodhammer Chris, my best friend, found the items I gave her on a Dark Vale auction site. Should I be concerned? Has she been hacked? Is she who she says she is? I don't know what to do, but I do know that I love her more than anything, even more than Dark Vale. Would love some help. Many thanks, Miles Sutherland, aka Demonic Bane, level 95 Shadow Knight.

Protector of the Vale, Master of the White Keep, Slayer of the Dead King, sent from my iPhone. Don't know how you can boast about killing a dead king. I'm assuming he's more of like a king of the dead than a king who's already dead. That would make a little more sense.

Thoughts? Well, here's my opening thought. We are a detective agency. Correct. Not a dating agency for knights and maidens. Shadow knights. Yeah, sure, whatever. Look, it doesn't appeal to me, to be honest.

It's probably not going to appeal to the fiction-phobe over here. And, you know, to be honest, these kind of games... I don't mind it. Sorry? I think it's an intriguing mystery. Is this sarcasm training, or...? They met in person, if I've understood that correct. Yes, at, um, ValeCon, which is on in two days.

Huh. I would assume he'd like to propose in person, right? Two years to the day they met, at the place where they met. Pause for a second. She doesn't play the game anymore. She's not going to be at Valecon and he'll just...

I don't know, I have to marry a goblin in the forest of Blorgoth or whatever. This forest? Is that relevant? No, I was joking. Look, this is not what we're set up to do. He replied a little later after sending that. Mariana, we are not doing this case. He offered five grand. Rightio. This once great kingdom has fallen into shambles.

The broken realm is splintered and divided, and only one can unite it. You must battle the dark forces of this world, and bring light once more. Veil 2: Realm of Faction.

Okay. Where is he? Look, I have to make my character first. Just make anything. No, just hold on a second. Let's see here. Warrior class. Root strength. Axe wielding. Nah, it doesn't suit me. Well, we both agree on that one. Hey, Archie. Good boy. I mean, I like the pecs and the abs, but... By the might of the gods...

My sword will serve you well. Yeah, Shadow Knight. Summoning capabilities, master of swords. By the might of the gods. Ah, it's a bit obvious. My sword will serve... My magic is born from earth and flame. Spirit Mage. Nice robe and staff, don't mind that. My magic is born from earth and flame. A sacred fighter and wielder of the ancient magic, hallowed by the lost gods. My magic is born from spirit mage. Hey, come on, let's go speak to him. Hold on, name. Need a name. Need a name. Something cool.

Lord of Magic. Oh, that is so bad. It's taken anyway. God Slayer. Taken. Ey up, you big idiot face. What are you doing? Banterous greetings. Masculine, yet petulant. Well, we don't need to do that, I told you. And ey up is what people from Yorkshire say.

Can you pick a character name, please? What about... What about Devil Blade? Oh, what? Taken. Just put John. Mary, come off it. Oh, look, here come the defenders of the realm. Devil Hunter, Sword Master, Fire Lord and John. All hail John. Well, just use one of the stupid names you just said. Come on. Yeah, Fire Lord was quite good, actually, wasn't it? Fire Lord...

Ha ha ha! You beauty! Name isn't even taken. Fire Lord. Here we go. Fire Lard. Will you stop with that? No, no. You've put Fire Lard. Oh, what? No wonder it wasn't taken. That's a typo. I'm not Fire Lard. I'm Fire Lord. Oh, God. Just... Just let it load up. And direct message demonic being. Yep, yep, yep.

Right. Okay. I am... I'm in what looks like a sort of... sort of like a town centre. Don't seem to have any possessions. Just a robe and a staff. God, this is dull, isn't it? How do people get sucked into this kind of stuff?

Okay, draw their fire. I'll attack them with a stun spell. Use the crossbow, too, because range and close combat is the way we break out of tunnels. Yes! Yes! Yes! Cave goblins are defeated. Good work, Loras and Kraken King. And you two, Undead Witch Seven. Okay, right, who needs healing? Because we've got the horde of trolls in the next dungeon. It's the only way to the Alorian Lake, then on to the portal in the mountains, according to the Blind Druid, anyway. John? Yeah, hold on. Firelard.

Don't forget to imbue your staff with a Hexstone that you got from the Haven of Dragons. Oh, my God. John! Yeah, I just need to imbue my staff with the Hexstone I got from the Haven of Dragons. Which one was that? Undead Witch 7? No, the one that you got from the Haven of Dragons. John, your pizza's here. Oh, great, cool. Can you just hold a slice near my face? Guys, just a reminder, it's Fire Lord, not Fire Lard, OK?

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Freshly made ravioli or hand-pulled ramen noodles? When you dine with Chase Sapphire Reserve, either will be amazing because it's the choice between a front row seat at the chef's table while getting a live demo of how to make ravioli or dining family style as you hear the story behind your ramen broth. This weekend it's ravioli, next weekend ramen.

Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval.

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Shop blinds.com right now and get up to 45% off select styles. Rules and restrictions may apply. Hello there, listeners. If you're not into online gaming, then I cannot apologize enough. But I'm just waiting to meet our client. Where am I meeting him?

Well, that would be Talanor. A town in the game, the game being Dark Vale 2. Yeah, so I'm waiting for Demonic Bane to come and enlighten me further. Oh, that's not him. That's just an NPC merchant type thing. That's a non-player character. Yeah, Demonic Bane should be along shortly.

I believe he is using a portal scroll to get here. We need to stand next to each other in game so he can accept an alliance amulet, which means we can voice chat for as long as we want, really. We can share video if we want. Share all sorts.

Yeah, yeah. Mariana and Sherlock have both gone to bed. Spells and potions, my lord. Checked out the case a little bit. I'm hoping I can... Oh, here we go. Lots of fancy armour on him. He's got a kind of an aura, like a glow around him and his weapons. He's a very intimidating fellow, I would say. Obviously not his real identity. He seems very nice. Just the character in game. Just giving him the amulet now.

What's Firelard? Sorry? Firelard. Why Firelard? Oh, it's Firelord. It was just a typo sort of thing. Anyway, first off, hi Miles. I just want to let you know I am recording for the podcast right now, so yeah.

Oh, okay. Cool. Spells and potions, my boy. That merchant again. Let me just... You want to head out of the town and hunt or something? Yeah. Yeah, let's hunt and talk. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, what can we do for you? What sort of services do you need? Yeah, um...

By the way, it's... The dragons are flying high today. I just think it's really cool what you guys do. Ah, thanks. Thanking you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're sort of getting the hang of this crime-solving thing. What do you do, Miles? I'm actually a full-time gamer. Oh, cool. Cool. Content creators assemble. Have you seen my son? Hey, watch it. Have you seen my son? Sherlock has asked me to question this a little, actually. How...

How have you got the money? Well, you know, to pay us that amount, but to also do the game, live in Wandsworth. Is this, uh... Is this going on the pod? Oh, sorry, got an orc trying to... Here. Oh, that'll do it. Yep. Is this going on the pod? Well, I mean, if it's relevant to the case, probably. Is it not something you're comfortable talking about?

Miles you there? Yeah no, so my dad is, was quite well off, had quite a few businesses in New Zealand. He died.

very long time ago and he left an estate for his kids and I'm well he was never part of my life per se I really admire he and my mum weren't properly together just kind of yeah chance thing anyway I get money from the estate okay yeah yeah I don't have access to the whole amount but I get a thingy a

Dividend. The dragons are flying high today. Kind of monthly fee. Okay, cool. And what's the wider sort of family situation? Is mum still with us? She's a mental health practitioner. What's funny? No, if you know my mum, that's ridiculous. Right, okay. She lives in Kennington with her husband, Des. Des, right. And Angel, tell me about Angel. Angel, yeah, Angel.

I met her at Valecon, which is a convention for Dark Vale 2 on Leadenhall Street. Yeah, we met there nearly two years ago. Just to clarify, Demonic, sorry, Miles, this is in person? In person, yeah. Face to face, not in game, you met her at Valecon? Yep, immediately like hit it off. She's absolutely, I mean, I don't know, probably what, obese? Yeah.

morbidly obese. I don't know what the difference is. Pretty shy outside the game so it's hard to believe I had a really good like proper flirty chat with some beautiful gamer girl. But I did and I got her number, actual like phone number. Yeah yeah that's good. Bloody great yeah.

And she was into the game. Not that amazing at it. I gave her items, advice, I gave her an old character I had. She gave me her logging details for a bit so I could train her character up. Loads of stuff. Basically, after a while, she just wanted to talk to me, really. She, I don't know, wasn't fussed, I guess, about the game. But was fussed about you? Yeah.

Good for you. Good for you. And for you, this is the real deal? She's the real deal. When was the last time you saw her face to face? Valecon. Last year? No, when we met. Year before. Oh, so you've seen her in the flesh once? Yeah, um, she lives in London. Well, get on the tube, mate. Come on. Ontario. London, Ontario. Okay, yeah, that's a long way. It's...

Not on the tube. But she said she would come to Valecon. I bought her a plane ticket. She's coming. So, yeah. Big moment. Very big. Been properly nervous about it. Yeah, not easy without your armour and longsword, is it?

Hiding in your enchanted legacy helmet, eh? That's too grand, this thing. It looks it. Yeah. OK, well, so I'll probably go back to my first question. What do you need us for, Miles? Yeah, I had a good think about this, actually. Seems like things are good.

Not something that requires a detective agency? No, true, yeah, but... I suppose I'm doing this for my mate, really, as I want him to be best man. This is Bloodhammer Chris. That's right, yeah. He thinks she's a gold digger. Just checking. Dark Vale gold, or...? Oh, no, like real money. He noticed the items I gave her, they're pretty expensive in real world terms. They've been sold off, and...

Like what? The dragons are turning nine today.

and then a plumber had to come out too actually which was like 700 quid okay I bought her some designer stuff that she really wanted when she was out of work I gave her a salary cars are obviously quite important in countries like Canada it's a big old place exactly so I bought her a car

Uh, what else? Lots of little things too. Can I just ask something, Miles? Sure. The ticket out here for Valecon, is that an economy ticket? No, but she can get back paying quite a lot, so she needed business. I also pay for, like, she has a physio quite a bit and she has to work out too, otherwise her back can get really bad. Again, just checking something, no judgement here. Did you...

Did you transfer her money for the ticket or did you purchase the ticket from the airline? I wired the money. You need to have passport details. Plus there's Canadian dollar prices and taxes and stuff. You can't just buy someone a ticket. OK. How old is she? She's 25 too.

She's 25. Does she have a diagnosis for this back pain? Er, I can message it to you. She's probably said what it is. Right, sure, sure. You probably won't find anything weird, though, to be honest. She's, like, seriously proper nice. She's kind. She's...

We talk all the time. On FaceTime? She needs to get a new phone because right now we're just doing normal WhatsApp. Normal being video? No, but she's going to get a new phone once she's backed up all her storage and that. But she's been really busy, so... Plus with her new job it's like crazy hours and they're not allowed their phones on them there. Of course, yeah.

I know how this sounds. No, no, look, it's 2024, mate. Relationships are unique for everybody. Oh, God, what? Oh, I'm dead. Sorry, John. No problem. Balls.

Hello there. Hello, dickhead. Right, you don't have to do this banter thing. It really isn't necessary and it doesn't suit you either. It could suit me. Yeah, it doesn't. Identities, Watson. They are only what we perceive. I... sure. Was it dickhead? Was that the problem? No, it's... I came up with it last night. What do you think? Came up with it? It's really common. Oh, well good morning.

Well, I say good morning. Yeah, yeah, all right. 1 p.m.? You slept until 1 p.m. I had a busy night. Yes, I noticed. That kind of volume at night, Watson, is very disrespectful when you have a flatmate. Oh, thank you for the lecture on sleep deprivation from the human air horn. Okay, that explains why you haven't replied about the case. The case? Potential bank robbery.

Aberdeen. Right, bank robbery. Okay. We're a detective agency, remember? Yeah, but I mean, Aberdeen. It's a bloody long way. Yeah, I mean, it could be interesting and worth our time. Oh, actually, I got chatting to Demonic Bane to Miles last night. John. I actually think there's something in this one. Yeah, I think he's being...

Taken advantage of. John Watson? It wouldn't take much work to confirm the facts, or as he believes it. John, do you really believe this? Yes, I do. Don't sound so surprised. You recommended the case. I recommend nearly every case. Yeah, well, what's different now? Because I didn't know that game was taking so much of his money. He is irresponsible. He's in love. I'm not talking about Angel. He's spending everything on that game anyway. He's buying armours and...

And swords and guns. The game doesn't have guns. It's a medieval fantasy epic. Aye, all right. Look. I mean, I don't know what they did in Spain back in the day, but... John, you really, really want to pursue this? Hmm? A video game romance? He wishes. Huh? There's no girl. He met her in person. Yes, that is the slightly peculiar feature of the case, I'll give you that. But there's no girl.

Okay, come on. Give me more. Well, from what I heard last night... Oh, I knew you'd be listening. I knew it. There was a girl. He saw Angel in person. That person corresponded to their in-game character. Then the gaming stopped. And all that continued were text messages. And voice calls. Voice calls?

Huh. Why not video if they're that in love? A rather weak excuse regarding a dodgy phone and a demanding job. Okay, okay, look, Mariana, let me load up the game a second. Look, I'm not disregarding it. I'm just saying that all we do is break this boy's heart. And he throws all his money at a game instead of this girl anyway. There's no girl. Yes, okay, thank you. Look, these items he had. Look at that. He gave these things away to her. That's...

I mean, that one there is literally worth three grand. Three thousand dollars. What was that? It's someone in the vicinity that can contact me in the game. He's a liar. It's Angel. Angel Hose. That's Angel's character. Oh, I thought she quit. Stay away. Sorry, stay away from who? I'm a citizen. Sorry, why is he a liar? Who is this? Stay away, Dr. Watson.

Can you stop saying our exact address on the podcast? Yep, my bad. To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. MUSIC

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