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Welcome, friends, to the Playful Scratch from the California Lottery. We've got a special guest today, the Scratcher's Scratch Master himself, Juan. Juan, you've mastered 713 playful ways to scratch. Impressive. How'd you do it? Well, I began with a coin, then tried a guitar pick. I even used a cactus once. I can scratch with anything. Even this mic right here.
See? See? Well, there you have it. Scratchers are fun no matter how you scratch. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.
See how they're scoring on us? Shots left and right. I know. They know our next play before we even make it. We got to tighten up off the court, too. Businesses track and sell our personal information. They dunk on us all the time with their data. Wait, what do you mean? You have to exercise your privacy rights. If you don't opt out of the sale and sharing of your information, businesses will always have the upper hand. The ball is in your court. Get your digital privacy game plan at privacy.ca.gov.
I have ADHD, ASD, SPD, DMDD, ODDMDID.
You have PTSD, that one I don't have. It's much easier we find out now rather than later, after the deposit and first month's rent. You found the body of an American male in an abandoned house in... Brixton. How? Are you a counsellor? I'm a consulting detective, Watson. Hi, Dr John Watson here. This is The Adventure of the Illustrious Client. Contains strong language, drugs, I think.
Some violence. Listener discretion is advised. Oh, and he slams the door right at the end of my take. Lovely. Right. Okay. Take two. Do you think your reputation and maybe your videos display a toxic masculinity? A friend of mine once said to me that toxic masculinity is a term that was invented by women who nobody wants to f***.
to describe the men that women do want to f***.
These are not my words, I promise. They just amuse me. It is a first world problem, you see. Am I toxic? Do I wish to harm people? Of course I do not wish to harm people. I only wish harm on those who wish to harm me. Many people try to take me down, try to reduce me to terms like toxic masculinity and misogynist and this and this.
But look around. Do those people have ten cars? Do they have three, four houses? Do they have swimming pools and hot wives? No. No, they don't. So they lash out. They are angry. They are sad. I was always going to be the target for these people. And that's okay. Some people want to succeed. And some people want to suffer. And I have no time for people who want to suffer.
Did your wife want to suffer? Right, so this is gain. Testing the gain. Test, test, test it. Oh, ow, that's loud. Oh, God. Turning down the gain. Turning down the gain.
Evening. It's 11am. Right, yes, of course. Bedtime. Sorry, wait, where have you been? What happened? The dead body in Brixton? Oh, it was the taxi driver. The taxi driver... Sherlock, can you just elaborate for the podcast? I can't help but feel that I've missed out on some great content. Sherlock! Sherlock!
My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes.
Hey, listeners! If there are some, hope so. Remember to get in touch if... Yep, anyway, here I am at the Volunteer. That's... well, I guess you would call that our local, local pub. Our being mine and Sherlock's.
I'm sorry about missing his little, well, his adventure. He told me all about it and it was just one of the most thrilling things I've ever heard. And I was in the army. So, yeah, if I'd known it was going to be that, well, I would have recorded it. But yeah, won't miss another one. I promise. Got the microphone locked and loaded. It's not all great. I did...
Well, I caught him doing something... Nothing weird. I'm not sure whether I should play this scene in or not. Maybe I'll delete it later. Who knows? But yeah, I recorded this yesterday. Christ.
God, it smells like hairspray, that, mate. What the...? In what sense? Like a polyvinylpyrrolidine or a polyacetate? Oh, I don't know either. It smells like neither of those. Wrong. Moronic thing to say, Doctor. Truly embarrassing. Right, well, what does it smell like, then? Oxymorphone hydrochloride? Well, it contains a methylparaben...
That could be the smell. Morphone. Oxy-morphone. Yep. Sherlock, that's a... That's an opioid. A really strong opioid. Mm-hmm. Oh, right. Of course. Forgive me. This will be good for your PTSD. Here. No, no, no, no. So, yeah. Hope that doesn't put anyone off. The whole druggy thing. He's as complex as he is fascinating. And I think...
The most fascinating thing about him is he's way, way more interesting than anyone I know. And I was in the army. But you weirdly have to sort of pull it out of him. You know, the most interesting people in the world cannot stop telling you about how interesting they are, right? On Instagram, on, you know, on LinkedIn and God knows whatever else. But I can't find him anywhere.
Can't find him. Found you. Oh, God! Oh, God, drop the mic. Thank goodness. Jesus Christ, I was just narrating the thing about you, you know, telling the listener about you, actually. Yeah. We have no food in the flat. Right. I wasn't under the impression we were sharing food. We live together.
Yes, but we buy our own things. That's why the top part of the fridge is my stuff and the bottom part is empty. I don't like the things in the top part of the fridge. Good. They're mine. Cheap beige food no better than 20th century army rations. Thank you. Just saving the pennies. Yes, well, a pint of Guinness at midday three days a week will cost you just under £1,000 a year, Doctor. Noted.
I ate your ice lolly for breakfast. Um, I don't... I don't have an ice lolly. There was one in the freezer. Ah, no, that was probably from the previous tenant. Ah, okay. Oh, that's disgusting. It's frozen. How can it be disgusting? Because! It's someone's food. Someone you don't know. Mm-hmm. Yep, sure, take a seat. You okay? Frustrated. Okay, why? Routine is ruined.
This place is noisy. The glasses behind the bar aren't organised to size. The door opens outwards onto the street. Anything else? Every bulb in here is incandescent and you've sat under the only LED one. How can you live like this? Can I get you a drink? No, I don't think you can. Excuse me, pint of Guinness. Please. Please. I said I could get you one. And I said you couldn't.
Not while podcasting is your full-time job, anyway. Well, I've got an army pension on its way soon. So, you know, it's just short-term. I just paid my deposit and first month's rent, for goodness sake. Watson, explanations to me are very rarely necessary. If it's my business to know it, I already do. And if it's not my business, then I don't care to. Here's your guineas, mate. Say thank you. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
You didn't fancy heroin on the rocks, no? Funny. I would have preferred a laugh, but that's progress, I suppose. Apologies, listener, for that very inconsiderate tapping noise. I'm restless. Is that what brings you out to the pub? Can't sleep. It's midday. Routine is important, Watson. Provide structure.
Right, yeah. It's just, sleeping at midday isn't really seen as structured routine. So what happened to I abhor the dull routine of existence? My routine is not bound to simple existence, Watson. It is to maximise my mental exaltation. I don't remember insomnia being on your list of conditions you gave me at St Bart's. Actually, it was. Even if it wasn't, most of the conditions I listed are bedfellows with insomnia, Watson, for want of a better word.
The medical community is only now formulating the studies to understand that. Oh, but you understand it. I mean, we don't, but you do. Are you part of the medical community, Watson? Or the true crime podcasting community? I think your bank balance might suggest the second of the two. Hey, the advertising revenue is just taking a while to come through. Is it now?
I was thinking, actually, we could do like a sponsor advert sort of thing, couldn't we? What? We could, er, we could, erm, you know, like, er, ah, Sherlock and I love a Guinness. If you love a Guinness, you should, you know, drink Guinness. If you love a Guinness, you should drink Guinness. I'm just, that was just an example. It's...
Terrible, terrible example. Yeah, but that's what we'll be able to do eventually. Yeah, and before you know it, that'll be paying our rent. Guinness. Well, no, not Guinness, but, you know, whoever comes along. Go to the toilet, Watson. How did... Just go. Your fidgeting is infuriating. Oh, my fidgeting is infuriating. Go. Hold this. Just leave it on the seat. It's an expensive microphone. We've been through this, Watson. All right, well, it's expensive for me. Okay, I'll be right back.
Excuse me mate, sorry. Premium microphone. Immersive XY stereo sound. Plastic grill and cartridge, good lord. Super cardioid. Ha, my arse. Hello there listener. Enjoying yourself are you? Eavesdropping on my life?
Is this what you like to consume, is it? Two men chatting, hmm? A podcast with two men chatting on it. How utterly revolutionary. Must be thrilling. Do you have nothing better to do than listen to this total bollocks? Hello. Here. Thanking you. Did you enjoy your private time with the listeners? Quiet bunch, aren't they? Hey. What's that? Hmm? That's not your phone.
Yeah I know, got left in the toilets. Excuse me mate, someone left... No, don't! Yes mate? I... erm... Someone left a big poo in the toilet. Alright. Did you flush it? I did, yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Just thought you should know. You're a real hero mate. Thanks very much. This is for us.
I realise money is a bit tight right now, but stealing brand new iPhones is a bit extreme. Exactly. Brand new. Right. People very rarely let their older, much less valuable phones out of their possession, but one brand new? Highly, highly unlikely. This is a message for me. Right. What are you doing? Turning it on. Sherlock. Locked.
Face ID required. Yep, welcome to the modern world. Now can you please hand it in? It's not a message for me. Exactly. Thank you. Hand it in. Watson, look into the phone. Sherlock. Look into the phone. Oh, this is so stupid. It's a message for you. The End
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There's nothing on the phone. There will be something. We just have to find the right place to look. Maybe somebody is going to call it. You know, if they're that bloody interested in speaking to us. Oh, hi. Hi, it's Mariana? Yes, of course, John. Bye. He's just busy with a thing. You're from Hudson's, aren't you? Yes. You emailed about the fridge? The fridge? I don't think... Yes, it's empty.
The fridge is empty. Yes, but for Watson's rations. OK. Sherlock, Marianna manages the property. Yes, I know. That's why I informed her of a major issue with the property. Right, this isn't how this works. Just go back inside. Go. Sorry, he's in his own world. So, fridge is fine? Fridge is fine. Yep, yep. All right, then.
Oh, just out of the rent is out on the 29th. Yep. And if we don't make the payment, I mean, we will make the payment, obviously. But I mean, if it comes out like a few days late, just from a cash flow sort of. Yeah, we don't we don't get fined or kicked out for that, do we?
You signed a contract with Hudson's for the rent to be paid on the 29th of the month. Hudson's have a contract with the landlord. So there is obviously understandable circumstances for the occasional delayed rent. But if it's a persistent issue, then there will be an eventual termination of the contract. Yes.
So a one-off month is no biggie, necessarily? It's still a biggie, but I'm not going to knock your door down if it's a day late. Right, yeah, cool, cool, cool. What if it's a week late? The tap. The tap? Come in. Come see. Look. Fix. Sherlock, Marianne is the manager. She's not supposed to... It's dripping. So let me just get my trousers out of the way there, sorry.
It drips 17 times a minute. Two days ago it was 11 times a minute. That's a 54.5% deterioration in the efficiency of the washer in just 48 hours. Is that good enough? I don't think that's good enough. I will get a plumber to come look. Android. Your Android. How did you know? You made a call when we met and I saw it then. That was an iPhone alert. Oh, the phone. It received a message. Give me your face. Ow! Ow! Ow!
Yes! Great! It's a picture of a murdered woman. Excellent! What is going on? Ah, right. Yeah. So, I'm a podcaster. I'm calling the police. I spoke to them this morning. They're too busy for me. Their words, not mine. Mariana, wait, wait. Sherlock is a detective.
You put on your tenancy agreement, you're self-employed. Do you mind? I'm trying to solve a murder. He's a consulting detective. He takes on very complex cases because he is a complex person. Ah! Eighteen times. The tap is getting worse. Where is this bloody plumber? Let me just... I'm going to switch this off because...
OK, so she's not going to call the police or tell the landlord. All thanks to yours truly. Solved. Watson, tell me what you see. What? Look at the picture. What do you see? Break down every single thing. Erm, I see a woman. Yes. She's dead.
She's youngish, she's blonde, she's lying in the snow in skiing gear, so probably an accident. It's an absolute death trap, to be honest. I don't know why people bother.
Are you finished? Yeah. Any good? No. Okay. This is the Swiss Alps. Specifically the Spelugen Pass. This woman is in her mid-thirties. She's Austrian. Could be Swiss. But probably Austrian. She's married. She has blonde hair. I said blonde hair. But it's not natural blonde. Oh. She may be lying in the snow with her skis, but this is not a skiing accident. This is a murder. She died on her feet and was moved here. Hence the level of decompos...
Stood up? Correct. How do you know that? Look at her chin, Watson. Saliva? Yes, saliva, but it's dripped out of her mouth and down under her chin. Her body is lying on the slope headfirst at, I'd say, an eight degree angle, wouldn't you? Yeah, sure, why not? So our corpse is sloping ever so slightly backwards. So are we suggesting her saliva somehow defied gravity, Watson? We are certainly not. She was murdered while she was stood up.
What about the Austrian-Swiss thing? Hmm? How do you know she's Austrian or Swiss? That's actually very simple. Most likely Austrian, but again, can't eliminate the Swiss. It's actually very simple? It is, yes. Ah, is it? Is it really? Why don't you give it a go? Right, let's see. Austrian... Austrian... She looks posh. Well-groomed. Are Austrians well-groomed? No more so than any other European nation.
Apart from the French. I'm editing that bit out. Whatever. Er, her hands. Her gloves aren't on. Very weird. Cold. Yeah, I bet. No. Cold. You're cold. The hands aren't the clue. Oh. Erm... Her jacket. Her ski jacket is Austrian made. A fraction of a degree warmer. Oh, Celsius or Fahrenheit. Fine. If you're going to be silly, you can give it back and I'll show you. Wait, wait, wait. Just relax. Erm, the trousers. Warmer.
The bum bag. The little valuables zip thing. Hot. Okay. Well, there's a little something stuck to the bottom of it. I...
It's a bit of paper, tiny little bit. It says VOR. V-O-R. Could be the start of a word. Vortex. Vortexity. It's an acronym for Verkosverb and Ostregion. VOR is the largest transport association in Austria and has been ensuring mobility and comprehensive service for all passengers in Vienna, Lower Austria and Burgenland with more than 40 rail and bus transport partners since 1984.
That's very precise. I read it off their website. Right, so... Okay, Austrian. But she could just be a traveller, could she not, Watson? Vienna, after all, is a hotspot for tourists and business trips. She may have just used the U-Bahn, discarded the ticket amongst her other bus, rail, plane tickets in this bag. So what seals the deal that she's Austrian? Or Swiss. Or Swiss. That right there seals the deal. Her neck. Ah, a tattoo.
Edelweiss. Very good, Watson. Very bloody good. See, I could get the hang of this. You can't and you won't, but it's nice to have these singular moments, isn't it? Edelweiss, a very distinct flower. Two nations claim it symbolically. Austria and Switzerland. Hmm. So, we have a murdered Austrian.
Possibly Swiss, lying on a ski slope. Well off to be skiing this time of year, judging by the snow conditions on the Spilugum Pass. Especially with those skis. Young and beautiful and married, but of course, dead. Heyo. What are you doing? Watching the news. Are you not going to...
You know, solve the mystery of the Edelweiss murder. This is not the mystery of the Edelweiss murder. This is the mystery of the illustrious client. The what? Put our clues together and Google them, Watson. Erm... Austrian... skiing... dead... Woman. Woman. Splugenpass. Splugenpass. That should do. Oh. Er... Katharina Graf Hausler found dead...
Three years ago? What's going on? You'd know if you hadn't been chatting to Mrs Hudson. Mariana from Hudson's. And I wasn't chatting, OK? I was negotiating us out of a sticky spot before we found ourselves chatting with the police.
A man by the name of Baron Gruner escaped conviction for the murder of his wife, Katharina Graf Häusler, just 18 months ago. Right. I've examined the case. It's him. Case closed. But, you know, not enough DNA conviction. Juries are flawed and stupid. Cup of tea? Sherlock, then... Sherlock, then why have we been given this photo, then? Think. As a practical joke? No, no. Cold. Very cold. For God's sake.
Someone left it in the toilet at the pub by accident. Freezing. So cold your brain has frozen. Someone wants our... your attention. Warm. And they want you to see that the Baron is a killer. Warmer. Because he's going to kill again. Boiling. Boiling.
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