Crash Course: Kids Who Don’t Comply, Listen, or Care About Consequences
Calm Parenting Podcast
Deep Dive
Why do external consequences often fail to change behavior in strong-willed kids?
External consequences don't address the underlying emotional reasons driving behavior. Human actions are often irrational and driven by emotions, not rational thinking. Consequences focus on outward behavior without understanding the deeper motivations.
What is the primary value for strong-willed children?
Strong-willed children value their autonomy and independence above all else. They crave agency and the freedom to do things their own way, even if it means touching the hot stove or resisting parental control.
How can parents effectively manage their own control issues when dealing with strong-willed kids?
Parents need to recognize that 80% of power struggles start with them. They must control their rigidity, anxiety, and the urge to micromanage. Instead, they should focus on giving kids space to process and make decisions, aligning with their natural tendencies.
What is the key to teaching strong-willed kids self-discipline?
The key is not external discipline but teaching self-discipline. This is achieved by modeling calm, authoritative leadership, setting clear boundaries, and providing tools for success. The goal is to empower kids to control themselves and problem-solve effectively.
How can parents set up strong-willed kids for success instead of failure?
Parents should focus on creating successes by giving kids tools to succeed, praising progress rather than perfection, and setting up situations where kids can naturally succeed. This involves saying 'yes' to appropriate behaviors and 'no' to inappropriate ones, aligning with the child's nature.
Shownotes Transcript