Vagabond Vacations | Your Mom's House Ep. 740
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You're a normal guy like you, but then one extremely aggressive... You know, I couldn't decide on a tattoo. I did my eyeball. So I'm upset with you. Why? Because you should have given me my Metamucil this morning. It's just like the game. Yeah. Yeah. True. Zolo, you're not a homophobe. Do you use a straw? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. Eh.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. Nappy Jew hair. Nappy Jew hair. If it's the time.

It's a brand new year. 2024. 2024. Did you even, when you were a kid, imagine you would be alive in 2024? No. It is very satanic. It is. This year is the most satanic of the years. It is a very satanic year. I never thought I'd live this long. No. When I was a little girl, I was like, didn't you? Not only that, when I met you, I didn't think you'd live this long. Ha ha ha.

And here we are. Here we are. Here we are. Do you have any juniors resolutions? I guess learn Japanese and... Yeah. Kanji. You know, keep the fitness stuff going. I think we're fitness genes now. Yeah. Prioritize health. Sure. Family, friends, and...

I just want to spend time with my friends. That sounds so G-A-Y. I know it is. The thing is, I'm just, I love hanging out with my friends. Oh, but can I tell you that the older I get, the more I do value the, the ones that I've had for like, since I was like 13, I'm so lucky I've got. Relationships are what you value for sure. That's smart.

I think. Smart. I don't know what's too easy. Well, you just realize that that's really what life is. It's just a series of relationships you've developed, you know? That's what life ends up being. You just blew my mind, bro. You're right. It's your relationship to everything and the world and people. The world and people, yeah. You don't exist in a vacuum, Tom. As much as I like to think I do, I don't. And if you isolate and you live alone and you don't have friends, you're kind of missing the point. Or having kind of a cool life.

I don't think it's that cool actually. Well, I will say this. Sometimes I... You're talking about like monk level shit? Yes. May I be honest with you? Yeah. May I be frank? Sure. Sometimes I wish I could isolate and just go into my, what is it for a woman, a bear cave as well and not do the things I have to do all the time. And my therapist is like, yeah, but you get bored soon. I'm like, I don't feel like I would. I think you would. A woman alone. Her yummy pussy. That's all I could think about.

You don't ever have fantasies about just blowing it all up and you know what it would be real talk. Yeah. My friend Shauna, they went to Scotland and they stayed in these like artists colony times. She said there was a legit hermit that lived on property. And I was like, that's kind of cool. No, that is kind of cool. And I think everybody has moments of those fantasies. I think for me, yeah, it's like off in a village, uh,

In Italy or something. Oh, in Italy? Italy. Do I think Europe's the way, Western Europe? Yeah. Let's clarify. And then you guys, you know, you're on a boat kind of going away and they go...

Hey, kids. I will see you in a couple decades. All the best. Yeah. And then you guys just kind of, you know. Yeah. But then I live in this small village. It's not for like anything exciting. Sardinia? Yeah. But I, you know, I just, I go to the market and I get my tomatoes. I would love to do this fantasy with you. But I would do it in Italy as well. Maybe in Greece on one of these islands that these people live to be like 200 years old because they're so healthy. That's always the goal. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I wouldn't do that. Can I do that with you? How about we get houses? Can I tell you something? Yeah. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. I became obsessed with Helena Bonham Carter, the actress, English actress. And she, when she was married to Tim Burton, she lives in Oxfordshire. Mm-hmm.

And she has a nice house there that her family grew up in. And Tim Burton bought the house next door. So they have houses and they built a bridge between the two of them because they had children together and they could just kind of go. And it was like his and hers houses. And her house was decorated like Alice in Wonderland. She likes that. And then his was like wacky Tim Burton shit, you know, like skulls or whatever the fuck he's into. Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm just throwing it out there as a possibility. Does he still live there? They divorced. They divorced.

I don't think he does. That was how they lived when they were married? They were never married. Well, when they were together? Yeah, and they had two children. They had separate houses? Yeah, eventually they moved into separate houses. Okay. Yeah, she was just like, look, I don't like his decor. He doesn't like mine. They're artists, bro. They're artists. That's what they do. Fartists. Yeah. Fuck you too, bitch. Wow. You don't want to do that? Separate houses? It sounds fun. That'd be great. Yeah, it sounds fun. Well, it's your decor.

It's not wacky like those guys. No, I just like more classic, clean. I have a feeling if left to your own devices, everything would be like a hotel lobby, like beige, khaki and beige.

Oh, they're laughing. Cause it's true. Yeah. Like, like very, he's laughing so hard, very neutral and like no flavor, like, like cream of wheat. That's your palate is just like no feelings, empty, empty, empty.

I don't think that's accurate. I think it is. I don't think it is. I'm the one that buys art. I have an art collection. Yeah, it's ironic. And you know what's really ironic about, if I may disclose to the audience? Sure. You like, this is the weirdest part. So his palette is cream of wheat, but then he will buy...

the most outlandish bright vibrant art so then that like well hold on like primary colors you're like did a fucking two-year-old do this no no it's like a really well-known you know you know they do these things to rich people they have you go in a gallery and they're like oh the guy that painted this has one foot and he painted it with his foot and then you're like really here's a check and that's

They love to tell rich people these sob stories and then you guys, you know, buy all this, you guys buy all this stuff. Anyway, you love vibrant pieces. It's very weird. So then how am I khaki as a palette if I like vibrant pieces? Look at us today. Khaki, crazy. You're throwing a t-shirt. What's your problem? It's beige. Very beige. Cream, beige. This is, this is, I know what your palette, what your thing is. Go ahead. It would just be gay and retarded. Oh my God.

That would be the way I would describe your decor. A thousand percent. Yeah. But I believe our home reflects that sensibility. Well. I have a lot of wacky shit in our house. Yeah, but my shit's nice. It is nice. And I have, by the way, I'll just say this about myself. Yeah. I have great taste. You do. I have impeccable taste.

impeccable much better than me and a full look what i'm wearing today yeah this is this is this is looks like a homeless person it's terrible and you know what they do they get these rich broads that walk into places and they go hey this is what's cool it looks like somebody fucking ripped apart a goddamn blanket and put buttons on it guilty the fucking chick's like oh this is what's cool you know who i am do you remember that show absolutely fabulous yeah see in adina i've become yes a brett kahn character

I am those, and they're all wearing like these awful designers. I'm 100% that awful midlife crisis. I'm the worst. I'm so excited about this show. Oh, okay. Because there's so many. I thought we were having a fun show. We are, but I have more fun ideas in my head. My ideas are more exciting than this conversation. All right, go, go. All right, let's just start the show. I want to shout out Haynes.

for this advertisement. I appreciate Hanes trying to be inclusive and include everybody, but I don't know if this nigga made out of chocolate chips or it's just skin condition. I would be scared. I get it, but I want to put this nigga in the oven on 350 and set him outside for Santa Claus.

He does look delicious. What? What? What? What? I didn't do it yet today. What? Number two. Oh, fuck. Are you crazy?

You're going to... Bro. It's on you. It is. We'll do it after. Is it here? No. We'll get some in the studio. Tell them what you're upset with me for. Tell them. Tell them. I want to shout out Haynes. He does look delicious, doesn't he? He's good.

I want to put this nigga in the oven. For those of you just listening to the show. You okay, dad? No, it's so funny. It's a, it's an Hanes ad and it's a black gentleman, I believe with vitiligo of some sort. So he's got like dark spots on like. Oh, it looks like, it looks like crazy amount of freckles. It looks like crazy. It looks like, yeah, it looks like somebody sprayed him with diarrhea. Yeah.

And he's got he's a fucking model that's so indicative this year like 20 years ago if this guy was like can I model they'd be like are you insane? Look at you now another like yeah, you're gonna be on the fucking you're the poster you're beautiful crazy It is I'll tell you to their - in their defense It is interesting to look at and it definitely got my attention, but I'd be like what the fuck are they advertising?

Like, is this a skin product? Because that's all I'm seeing is like the oddity of the skin. Of course. And that's what everybody, no one walks by is like, I got to get those boxers. No, it doesn't make me think boxers. They're all just like, what's going on with this guy? Yeah. Like remember when Marky Mark would be like the ad guy for Calvin Klein or actually a hot,

Yeah, jacked. Totally jacked in his underwear with his big dong and you're like, whoa. And that was the point, that used to be the point of advertising to make you want to be like the person that's wearing the product. It's the Victoria's Secret thing. Yeah, well, they're back. They're back. But it used to be like, look at these super hot chicks in lingerie. Yeah. And so women would walk by and be like, oh, I need to look like that. Did you want to look hot dressed like Claudia Schiffer? Guys would walk by and tug their J's. Always. And just kind of tug on their D's and be like, oh, God. And then...

You sound like you just walk by the store and you tug your dick in the mall. Yeah, everybody does that. That's not true. Victoria's Secret, we used to all go in there and jack off. Yeah. Ask any guy if he's ever jacked off into Victoria's Secret. It's just common. Is this like the poop pile? It's very common.

And then Victoria's Secret did that pivot where they were like, no, are you fucking 275? You should wear our stuff. And they put them in ads. Yeah. Special needs. Oh, my God. Everybody wears lingerie. And everybody was like, ugh. Yeah, they might, but no one wants to see it. No one wants to see that. I don't want to see it. And then it changed. Well, the good news is this guy is still fit. At least he's in good shape. Yeah, he's in good shape. That's nice. He seems very friendly. He's got a good attitude. Yeah.

Yeah. He's not bummed about the skin sitch. That's cool. I feel like he would go to like, you know, an audition with his portfolio and they'd be like, what? And then he goes, I was the Hanes guy. And they see it and they're like, oh my God, this is seriously? Yeah, that's how it is now. It's really cool. 2024. 2024. Tall, tall four.

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So I'm upset with you. Why? Because you should have given me my Metamucil this morning because it was a game changer. Thank you. Can we, we got to discuss this with the audience. I don't think people are aware. So I was having constipation because of my perimenopausal-ness. And then I would take laxatives, blow my asshole out. It was like a horrible cycle every month. And then I, Dr. Drew about four years ago was like, you need to take Metamucil every day. God damn it. You waited four years to tell me? Yeah.

I'm a fucking idiot. Anyway, after this last bout of laxatives and constipation, I started drinking Metamucil every day and it has transformed my browns. It has made them girthy. They slide right out and just the best. And then I got you on the Metamucil. Well, that's the thing is I was like, oh, my stomach's a mess. It's always, I'm always trying to figure out like what to stay away from food wise. And I'm like, God damn it.

And I told you yesterday, I was like, oh, fuck, my stomach's wrecked today. And you were like, why are you trying to make me do it? So you made me, you put some in a glass. I love how you hear my voice. Do it again. Why are you trying to make me do it? So I had a glass. It really wasn't that bad. No, it tastes good. It's like an orange surprise. That's when, you know, that was in the morning. And when I got home from the shoot yesterday, I was like,

Magic Town. Brown Town. And it was nice. What was it on the Bristol stool chart? What number was it? It was like a four. It was like right down the middle. Let's refresh the audience about the Bristol stool chart. It's been a long time. By the way, it became very popular to cite the Bristol stool chart after we talked about it. Then all the talk shows started doing it. We did it first. Just making that clear. We started it.

Oh my God. Yeah. So I get type fours with Metamucil. You guys have to start drinking this stuff. Three and four is where you want to be. And that's what I had when I got home. Yeah. Earlier in the day. Yeah. Earlier in the day, I was having like five and sixes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Soft blobs with clear cut edges. Yeah, it was terrible. And sixes. Mushy consistency with ragged edges. You had mild diarrhea. Yeah. Oh, look, lacking fiber. This is a British one. Yeah. So that's what it is. The little mucil firms up the loosies. Yes. And then softens the hardsies. Can I tell you what my brain always did? When I would have like bad bowels.

So it was like, you need more fiber. You know what I thought? I go, oh, that's just going to make me shit more loosely. That's what I thought. I didn't realize that it would. Bulk it up. Yeah. So Dr. Drew told that to me. He goes, no, no, no. Metamucil adds bulk and it like it lines the intestine with like a slippery so that the caca just comes right out. Do or some middle age. Can I tell you my whole middle age lady routine now? Hmm.

Before bed, I make sure I get my Metamucil. Yeah. I take my progesterone and then I do a saline spray so I don't snore. I put mouth tape on. I take my vitamins, you know, make sure I have everything ready.

Pretty exciting. Yeah, it's very exciting stuff. I used to just get drunk. Like I'd drink two glasses of wine, get hammered and go to bed. Now I do all this cool middle-aged stuff instead. That's cool, yeah. 2024, new me. Sometimes I eat an edible. That's nice. I wish I could get into, I keep trying to get into pot. It just takes me, it's just a down shift where I go. Turn that brain off. Yeah. Guess what came back? What? Slow Horses, season three. Nice.

Nice. God, I had to stop myself from watching another episode last night. What's different? No, it's just good writing, great acting. I love Gary Oldman. I could watch him do anything. He's the best. Every scene he's in is like a clinic on acting. It's really so good. Yeah, and he's fat and ugly in this, yeah? He makes himself ugly. It's fucking the first scene he's in a waiting room and somebody in the waiting room, like at a doctor's office, goes to the counter and they're like, there's a homeless man here.

because he farts and he's like like taking a nap and then he's like it's my colon and they're like oh he's such a mess he's a hero he's great in it though he's so good yeah is it is it supposed to be slough like s-l-o-u-g-h yeah the part of yeah yeah that's what i thought but then it's s-l-o-w for the americans right

Slow horses. Well, yeah, but they're the slow horses, but they're in Slough House. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Well, innit. Innit. Yeah. Innit. Yeah. Anyway, New Year, big excitement. Metamucil. Metamucil's great. By the way, if you're having loose stools...

Get you some, I'm serious. I know there's guys out here right now watching who are like, really? Do it. It's the truth. What's it going to hurt to try it once to see if it changes your whole world? Oh, but a word of caution. Yeah. When you put the scoops of powder at the bottom of the glass, only use cold water. Cold water. Otherwise it's disgusting. Oh, okay. You want to do cold water. Yeah, cold water for sure. And drink it fast. Otherwise it gets gelatinous as shit. Speaking of drinking. Yeah. But some things we just can't let slide. Joe Biden used a straw.

Now if you've seen me on The Five or on Prime Time, you know I recommend that all men refrain from using straws. It's unbecoming. The way a man's lips purse, the size of the straw is just too dainty, the way your fingers clasp on it. No, come on. Straws are for women and little kids.

It's my first time actually hearing this analysis. I didn't know it either. I never heard it. I also feel like you have to have one for a milkshake. Yeah. How is he supposed to drink a... That's a good point. Is he just supposed to go like...

And let it fall on your face. That's insane. You're drinking ice cream. You're supposed to go, ah. Have it pull in like cement down your throat. Drink it like a man. Yeah. Spoon it in your mouth. That's an elite level homophobia. But it does make you think about straw use. Well, it's our straws.

For the gays. That's right. Our straws for the gays. And this clip I found as I was scrolling on the toilet taking my nice brown this morning. First of all, this is Fox News. This is a news program. Yeah. It's a news show. This is how far we've come. Yeah. So is it gay for a man to use a straw? And then I started thinking about it. I'm using a straw to drink my water. You are. You're a lady. I'm not. It's just like the gays. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. It's true.

So let's take, I feel like an unofficial call. And I decline straws a lot. Just like, and not even thinking about this. Yeah, but I mean, when I get coffee, every time I get iced coffee, they're like, do you want a straw? And I'm like, no, you fucking moron. Not a fucking gamer. But, yeah. Does it feel like you're sucking on a tiny dick? I mean, a little bit, but I also feel like I'm so good at it. You got those pretty mouth, pretty lips. Look at these lips. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

He did pretty dick sucking lips. Yeah. Do you guys in the booth, do you ever use straw? Be honest, too. Please be honest. Sometimes. I mean, can you imagine going to a movie and trying to drink out of a big glass? In a dark room? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Milkshakes, dark rooms. These are all valid things. Also, a fountain soda is delicious. Like you get a Coke from McDonald's. Oh, shit. You're right, bro. I mean, who takes the lid off? Well, foreigners, Europeans, because they don't drink ice. So like you could take the lid off, no ice. I fucking detest that aspect of European lifestyle. I know you do. I love ice. Well, then good luck living in Italy. I still remember being in... Oh, I was in Italy. I was in...

was i in milan and i went to a place for lunch and they gave me i was like yeah coke and then they just give you the last i was like can i get some ice and they were like oh forget it he wants that and then the guy went he's like i have to go get ice yeah so he went next door went to the other place so like 30 minutes i was like ice and they're like yeah we tried to find some we couldn't find any yeah it doesn't exist

burn this place. Even, dude, Eastern Europe didn't get it until, I don't know, 20, 2006 when I went back. That's the last time I was there. Zola, you're not a homophobe. Do you use a straw? I try to avoid them. If I'm in a restaurant or something, like I'll turn it down. But yeah, if I have a fountain soda, it's just about ease. Like I'm not going to take the fucking lid off. Yeah, it's crazy. But I do feel a little fruity. You do? Yeah, a little bit.

Now, I don't even have to ask the other guy. I already know. Same thing. I already know where this is going. We know the answer. I already know the answer to this. It's cap, right? Straws are cap? I drank out of a straw once in front of my dad, and he told me it was gay as shit and to never do that again. He literally was like, son, don't do that fucking shit. What are you kissing the fucking drink for? Like, gay as fucking...

Wise up. You know what I'm saying? I didn't drink. I didn't drink out of a straw until I was like 18. It was like a day. It was like a Pazitsky effect. I'm like, wait a minute. I could. I'm not. What the fuck? I could drink out of this goddamn straw. Yeah, of course. It took me years to realize. I was like eight when he said that to me. You were eight and your dad's like, quit being a gay lord. It's hilarious. Bro, I told you. I kissed my dad's head when I was five years old and he told me that I was gay too. Wow.

He said it to my mom. He didn't say it to me. He's like, he's raising his son to be gay? What are you doing? That's wild. Don't you wish you could record Annie's therapy? I would love to be a fly on the wall. Jesus. He's just as troubled as I am. This morning we had this discussion. I gave my daddy a kiss. Don't tell me what that was.

Oh, fuck. Annie and I are equally traumatized because we, when people answer neutrally like to emails or something, like it's in the books, you know, like if you're like, hey, are we meeting today? It's in the books. I will automatically hear you stupid fucking bitch. You know what I mean? Like, God, like, don't you hear it? He hears it too. Like, God, what are you dumb or something? Kill yourself. Whenever they shorten a word, you know, they end the email with like a THX. I'm like, oh, cool. So kill myself. I got it. Okay. Copy that. I hear you. I understand. Or when somebody just writes back,

K? That sends me into a spiral. But that's a message, though. K is a message, right? If you send in just a K, that's a message. You're kind of crazy for that. K is like purposefully dismissive, I think. That's like periods. You know what I'm saying? What? If you put a period at the end of your text, you want that to seem a little... It's aggressive. Or like, sure. Sure. Sure. The THX is... THX is no good? No.

I do THX all the time. It just lets me know that you don't give a fuck about me. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, I don't really got time to type out the whole thanks word. Like, really? You don't got the two seconds to finish that word? All right, so I guess I ain't shit. Let me ask you this. When you kissed your dad's... Cock? Forehead. Oh, yeah. Was, um... It was a real kiss. Was it a real kiss? Was it a real kiss?

That's amazing.

And I'm like, he's not a f***er. He's just like a good dad. And the dad would make us like protein shakes in the morning, like smoothies. And he's like, this is totally gay stuff. I'm like, oh my God. Your dad is wild. Yeah. This gay shit. But that's like, that generation of men are just hard, dude. They don't...

Yeah, he took out a lot of cool things from my life saying that they were gay. And I thought I believed him. I was like, I guess this is gay. I don't want to be that. I guess that's the worst thing ever, right? So I guess I'll just stop all these things. Oh my God, my dad told me that when you put hair conditioner in, he's like, conditioner? You're just putting the grease back into your hair.

I'm like, oh, yeah. And I believed him. So I didn't use hair conditioner until like 22 years old. Really? Yeah. And he's like chewing gum. Why would you have chewing gum? Just brush your teeth like you wouldn't buy gum for that same reason. That's not why people chew gum. Not at all. It's just enjoyable. But my dad doesn't like enjoyableness and joy. You know, that's what it is. That's what it is. If you're enjoying yourself in public, he's like.

Like, fucking shut up. Like, what are you doing? You're letting them know. Stop. Stop being so happy. They're so broken. So broken. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, shit.

So one time and then oh and when I one time I was crying and

As like a teenager, I got super depressed. And he was like, crying is just feeling sorry for yourself. I was like, uh, he's like, no, really think about it. You're just feeling sorry for yourself. And you're like, I guess I am. I want to kill myself. Thanks. I'll become a comedian, stuff it all down. Well, this is a perfect transition into this. Oh, okay. This is my, this Instagram account is just this, it's this woman. Her name is Caitlin Campbell and her, her account is,

Like on its own, it's just somebody who's living their life. She's a small business owner. She owns, I think, a coffee company. And she posts stuff on social media of just like, here's what I'm doing today. And it's fine. Like she's like, here's my outfit today. You like my outfit? Or I'm going to meet somebody about this coffee project. And her comments are just filled with hate. Yeah.

we discover this moment? People just, I just, I happen to scroll and see it. And like, this is the kind of stuff she posts. Welcome to the day in the life of a 29-year-old small business owner who makes coffee for a living. Let's get this day started on the right note and head to the gym. I love getting up bright and early like this when it's still dark, the world is still asleep, it's quiet, it really feels like a life hack, like you're getting extra hours in your day. So I love waking up early and getting some work

in. I'm going to do some boxing and some bench press. I am super weak, so we've got to build some strength here. Following the gym, it is coffee time, baby. We're going to start by making a hot latte for Papa Street Brew, even though I have converted him to iced espressos, but we're going to make an iced espresso for me, do a little outfit change, an outfit check for a video that we're going to post, and then it's time to sit in the office, do a couple calls,

and do some work. Bonus points, find some clients you can talk sneakers with on your calls because, I mean, that's the best way to do things, right? After spending most of the morning in Zoom calls and doing some admin work, it's time to start filming some content and making some more coffee. So we're going to do some drip coffee, some pour-overs, some espresso stuff as well, and a couple other little things, and this is going to take up the rest of the afternoon and early evening.

So that's like, you know, it's just like I'm documenting what I do. Can I tell you the red flag already? Yeah. She was wearing a sweatshirt that said, how can I pray for you? Yeah, that was like a choice. But I mean, what the thing is. I feel like that's a tip to like, I'm better than you. I need to pray for you. Well, I think it's just like, it's an authentic to who this person is. She's just putting up.

So then you're like, you see this and you're like, well, whatever. You can just scroll by this. Like, you know, this is for you or it isn't. But you go to the comment. And by the way, every post has thousands of comments, thousands of comments. So you're like, that's weird. You know, because you can see, oh, 3,800 comments. You're like, really? And then you open the comments and it's like, please delete your account. Or you do not go to the gym. Stop lying. And you're like, hold on. What? Oh, my God.

500 benching a 45 pound Smith bar. Like people writing this, you motivate me to not be huge. Oh my God. It never stopped. This is one of the biggest ones that goes, people just write hate. She's just, why does she evoke so much hatred? It's so benign. Hate from Australia. We're on the other side of the world. Just want you to know that I hate you. I had a completely different time zone. Ah,

This is psychotic. Does she secretly have... I just need some coffee. Do you like my shirt? Why do they hate her? But what's the deal? It's like sport for hate, you know? Oh my God. I feel like it's just... Oh, it's getting darker and darker. Oh God.

hate for that i wake up at 5 00 am welcome to the day in the life of a 29 year old small business owner who makes coffee she's adorable not quite used to the time change yet so we are up super early exploring i'm gonna meet up with my two new friends from the lamar zaco team do a little coffee crawl in seattle near the market at our first stop we grabbed these doughy things for breakfast delicious and of course i had to go with my signature iced latte that's the best way to start the day little cheers i'd never had a macaroon they're not bad not

Oh, that's cool. I love that area. Yeah, I love it too. I love Seattle. That's cool. Like, happy tourists.

Went to probably my favorite coffee shop of the day, Cafe Vita. So, so good. I'd never been to Trader Joe's, so they obliged and took me. We went to this amazing old-school burger place for lunch. The burger was, when I tell you, incredible. One of the best burgers I've ever had. Then we went to one of the most historic shops in Seattle. It was highly recommended. The coffee was really, really good. We ended our tour at the La Marzacco USA office in Seattle. She does a lot. Too much for me. To be fair...

I'm exhausted. You're exhausted? I don't hate her, though. No, no, it's just like... She's adorable. You're just living your life. Just living your life and documenting it. You go to this one. Always eating. Day five of asking if you are male or female. Holy shit. Goddamn, dude. This video ruined my entire life. Oh, my God.

You deserve all of this. Are you regarded? Do ketamine in your video. Jesus. Is this physique naturally obtainable? 6,700 likes on that comment. She is hated. Yeah. Stop winking at me, you they them. It's uncomfortable.

Like, it's just a series. I mean, you know, another one of her just, you know, you get the idea, you know, ignore all the positive comments. 70,000 likes, 70,000 people hit the fucking heart on that comment. That is so crazy. Been hating on this chick before it was cool. She's just like, sorry about my day. Hi, buddy. Have a good day.

I've never experienced that. Are you gay or lesbian? Jesus Christ. I am not your friend. Because she's like, good morning, friends. Oh my God. This young man is crushing it. Good stuff. Jesus Christ. Oh, man.

You know what, though? I kind of am happy. I just, let me say why I like this. This is obviously. Go to the account, Zola. This is obviously not nice behavior. No. However, I'm a little thrilled that bullying is back. And I am. Yeah. I'm kind of cool with it because it's about time we regulate. Everyone was just pretending to be nice and accepting for so long. This is the real world. This is reality. Reality is. 100%. This kid shows up in fourth grade. I'm like, I'm the new kid. Everyone was like, hey, fuck you.

All right? And your stupid smile. You're too fat. You're weird. Stop being weird. Stop saying good morning. Yeah, just be normal. No one cares. Stop showing us your outfit. Nobody fucking cares. 100%, yeah. So now I think the internet is self-correcting. Is it happening? Just scroll a little bit and, you know, can you... I wonder when this started for her because...

You know what I mean? Like at what point did it turn? I don't know. And she doesn't have like a million followers. This is a meager account.

Yeah, I mean it has like 40,000 which is not nothing for sure but to see the balance of like we've seen people who have 8 million followers and there's a hundred comments. Yes. And then this is somebody with 40,000 and there's fucking 5,000 plus comments. The engagement is just... Like here, this one right here, you know, she's like, here's my outfit and then you scroll down. How do I remove this from my algorithm? Very handsome young man.

Don't listen to the haters. Keep your chins up. This that little 40 year old kid. How many times are you going to recycle the same outfits? She's a 10. Normally I'm a hater, but I like this lady. Okay. One person. Not the fucking wink. I feel sexually assaulted. Wow. Keep going. I mean. You ruin my day looking at you smile. Not fire. Shit week.

And they put Peter Griffin GIFs on there. Jesus Christ, man. Are you acoustic? Acoustic. Yeah. Hit the gym, damn. I mean, look, she's just your standard San Francisco lesbian. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like I've seen these. I know. This just seems like a standard lesbian. I don't know why everyone's so fired up. I know. It's just fucking. It just doesn't occur to me. Okay, how can I pray for you, Sweater? That's asking for a little abuse, clearly. Yeah.

I just thought everybody look, doesn't everybody look like this nowadays? So many. The twenties. Everybody's kind of ugly and pronouns and fat. So, you know, it's considered cool. Are you genuinely happy with yourself and your health? Damn. Imagine doing this instead of working nine to five. Don't listen to the positive comments with a heart. I'm edging to this right now. Uh, how curious, how did you get your brain injury? Uh,

Jesus. She writes, this is how I deal with the trolls. We giggle and just keep spreading joy. Like she's so positive. She's undefeatable. Guys, stop. Wink one more time and see what happens, bud. I can't believe that this is what's triggering people. I know. For somebody with this account too, you know? Yeah. She's triggering everybody up. Yeah. She's just like, again, standard lesbian vibes. I don't see anything. Keep going. Let's see. Oh, Jesus. Oh my God. They just hate her. Yeah. It's just. Good for her though.

I honestly, I don't know how 20-somethings do it. Could you imagine growing up in this culture where just people can say the most wretched things for you? Kim Jong-un, but white. That one's kind of accurate. Yeah. The fit doesn't fit. Keep your chins up. Bro, please delete this right now. Oh. Oh, my God. Well, why are they the same? They, them vibes. I mean, it's just like, it's so aggressive. It doesn't go like it. It's a good one.

But my God, they really punished this person. Just for having a good time. This person is just being like, I'm happy. Yeah, I didn't feel any way. I'm happy with my life. Fuck you. And look, I'm no innocent. I get triggered by people's personal... Sure. Like, Garth Brooks seems weird to us. We're not angels when it comes to judging strangers on the internet. No, of course not. But like, wow, this one's a real mystery to me. It's really...

I've never laughed this hard. Oh, I know why. She's got a million followers on TikTok. This is why. This is why. This is why she's getting hate on Instagram. So she's TikTok famous and it doesn't always translate to Instagram fame. And people will fucking shred you on Instagram, whereas you're rewarded on TikTok for being like this. Do you think she's rewarded on TikTok? She's got a million followers. I know, but do you think the comments are nicer over there? Let's try it out. Let's go see. I have a feeling in the TikTok world...

That is more accepting of difference. Because it's younger and like, yeah. Instagram is more superficial. You need to be hot and posting like awesome stuff. But TikTok, you can be a loser and they love it. Like the more of a loser you are, the better. Yeah. See, they reward it. We love you. See? I've cracked it.

Too much sauce in this video. Yeah, but they're like, it's positive. I swear you're the sweetest person ever. They love this person on TikTok. That's the difference between the two platforms. Wow. See, she's beloved here. And that's why Instagram hates her guts. Maybe. And that's why she's not like sweating it too hard. I hope. Poor woman. Yeah. She really does exercise a lot, which is curious. I don't know if it's a lot. A lot to stretch. It does go to show that diet is very much a part. Yeah.

of how much you weigh, you know, you can work out and still be heavy. Yeah. It's definitely not the same, right? Like the comments. Totally nevermind. Everyone loves her here. Same video, nothing but support. Looks like you had a total blast. Welcome to Seattle. Really enjoying my time here. Welcome to Seattle. Wow. It really is the IG audience. Yeah.

Instagram is becoming darker and darker and meaner and awful-er, I think. It's turning into Twitter. Really? Yes. That's my sense. Well, TikTok does also, I think, block that type of shit. That's what I was going to say. They regulate it. I don't think you can be like that on TikTok. No, they'll flag you. Yeah, I think they get flagged. Instagram's like, you want to start some shit? You ain't hot, bitch. Oh, shit. Call me. This young man is crushing it. Yeah.

fucking crazy they're so mean to her it's great but isn't it nutty how on tiktok this is like super popular you're like why is everybody i have no idea why anybody wants to watch this yeah it's hilarious though they do this is the beauty of the internet you sent in this gay as fuck thing that i can't get over which one from the 90s oh my god oh my god it's so cool adults

Vacationing at Disney. Yeah. It's so fucking creepy. But before, before everyone starts going, yeah, that's been a while. Everyone, we know this. No, no, no. This is from the nineties. This clip that I found. So these dorks have been Disney adulting since at least we have evidence of it since the nineties. I thought it was like a, maybe two thousands type of thing.

But this is very, I mean, we just went to Disneyland with our children. What a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. It's horrible. And for you to be like, this is how I as an adult want to spend my time just with my adult partner. I mean, you do it as a sacrifice for your kids. Yeah, that's why you do it. Core memories. The whole thing is you're just like. It just fucking killed me. Oh my God. And then you have your, you get these bursts of joy for yourself. No. You see your kid.

Yeah, you see your kid. Yeah, you fucking idiot. You see your kid thrilled and you're like, all right, that's why I'm doing this. For them, to give them the joy you had when you got to go there as a child. Yeah, as an adult, you want to die the whole time. And everything is so overpriced and not... Anyway, Disney is a good experience, though, compared to the other ones. Enjoyable for every age. With or without children. We honeymooned here. We honeymooned. We're here on our 10th anniversary. We'll be here on our 20th anniversary. Look at this fucking moron.

Can you believe they fuck? Aw, they're boys. I can't believe these guys get laid. These women fuck these guys. See, this actually really makes me think about

why bullying is good exactly this this is good if we knew all their accounts i would beg everyone to just go rip these guys apart and the thing is you can still be a kid

Fucking dork. Which, by the way, Donald Duck's the easiest one to do. Everyone can do it. There, I just did Donald Duck. Yeah. Try Goofy. And I was really good. Try fucking Mickey. All these voices are very hard. Everyone does it, Donald. And look at him in his gay fucking shorts. This is 96. Yeah. And he's like, I'll get to be a child again. This guy's like in his 50s. In my short pants. Yeah. Mommy made me wear my short pants to Disney. Yeah.

Yeah, so I get it. It's the same vibe. Now I get it because the people trolling the coffee lady, right? Like she's just enjoying herself. This fucking guy should get actually assaulted. I agree. I did my honeymoon here and fucking can't wait.

Honeymoon. Someone should beat your ass. That's what should happen to you. I mean, and a grown man who's really into Disney. You know who else was like that? Did a little singing, did a little dancing. Oh, yeah. He was big into Disney. He sure was. He had a replica of like Pirates of the Caribbean built at his house. That's how into Disney he was.

I just don't. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird because you know what? It's not for you. It's not for you. That's the bullshit that you speak. Like, I enjoy it too. Yeah, you can enjoy it too, to a degree. But it's not for you. This is all for children. Yeah, I wouldn't go without children. Yeah. Like when you sit at home and you have free time, are you like, let's put on cartoons, you fucking psycho? Actually, sometimes I will catch myself. I'll have to catch my belly. I can't watch Pickle and Peanut without the kid. Like, you know, you go to it. You're like, oh, Pickle and Peanut.

Yeah. But you don't. Yeah. You watch adult stuff. Yeah. Slow horses. You watch porn, you know, hardcore porn.

When you're alone, that's what you watch. Yeah, this is absolutely arrested development of some kind. These people have severe trauma. Every single one of them, I think if you sat down and started asking questions, you're like, oh, okay. No childhood. This is what happened. This guy was probably so abused. At least they found another person to- He was abused because of his dumb fucking face when he was a kid, and then it just continued into adulthood. Can I point out the common denominator? Take your stupid smile off your face, buddy. Okay.

Nobody's enjoying it. Okay, Tom. Can I point the common denominator? Yeah. All dorky white couples. Yeah, of course. This is a white person thing. We need Danny Brown on this case. Yeah, Danny can do an investigation. We should send him to Disney. Let's have him do Disney adults. Yeah. Because this is like... But Danny's eccentric enough where he'd be like, this is kind of popping. Yeah.

I would love to do a psych eval on all these Disney adults and see what's the common thread here. Why are they so arrested? Something's going on. I think you're totally right. Like your example of Michael Jackson, everybody knows he had a super traumatic childhood. He wanted to basically relive the childhood he didn't have. He was always trying to be

a kid because his childhood was completely taken from him. Joe Jackson. Yeah. Joe fucking beat those high notes into him because he fucking cracked them. So talented. He really did create a good thing with those boys. He did. And in a way we all owe Joe Jackson, uh, uh, quite a debt of gratitude. Of course. The greatest Jackson five unbeatable, a thriller. Wouldn't happen without Joe. No, that's true. So do you want to get someone to have a good childhood or do you want great music?

You know, same with Prince. I just read this thing that Prince had such an awful childhood. His father would beat him so much. Really? Yes, that he would lock himself in his room and that's how he taught himself to play all the instruments. All the instruments. So poor Prince was hiding from his piece of shit dad and that's how he became so talented. So abuse does make really good creative people, you know? That's the shitty part. If that's not the encouragement to beat your kids, I don't know what is.

Take him to Disneyland and beat the fuck out of him. You know what you should be doing if you're an adult instead of going to Disneyland. Hello from Gombe State. I'm here in northeastern Nigeria. And the craziest thing about traveling here is this map. So this is from the UK government. And Gombe State is listed as red on the map. They say they advise against all drunkenness.

Travel to Gombe. So here I am. I've been here for a few days, and I'm thinking, what Gombe are they talking about? This city is really nice. The people are incredibly kind and friendly. I've seen no military. I've seen no people dying in the street. I've been in the city. I've been outside of the city. It's just incredible.

a completely different reality from maps like these. It's the reality of places like these where people are actually living normal lives. They're living nice lives. We went out in the evening. We had a wonderful time here. And it's just so surprising and disappointing to see things like this.

One car has passed by. What Gombe are they talking about? It's a really amazing place. And I think there are so many misconceptions about northeastern Nigeria that it's unsafe, that you're going to die immediately when you go there, that it's totally backwards. And these things are just misconceptions. Of course, there are always safety issues wherever you go. And you have to understand that and speak with locals. But, you know, if you only listen to maps like these, you would miss out on really amazing places like Gombe.

that get completely slandered in the media, but are really actually incredible places to come and visit. So I would encourage you to think about coming to a state like Gombe and seeing all the beauty they have here and the wonderful people.

Well, thanks for the encouragement. We've got to cancel Hawaii. Yeah, Gombe's on the list. Well, why does he have to make the video in the middle of the highway? He's literally standing, and since he made the whole video, there's only three cars. Ford died after taking HIV herbal concoctions in Gombe six hours ago. Ha ha ha!

I mean, I'm glad that this guy had a nice fucking 48 hours in Gombe. Did you see when he's the under one? Gombe frees 182 inmates one day ago. So that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. You guys got to check out Gombe. It's so nice. Okay.

Yeah, I don't know. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to stick to the map math. I'm going to start. I'm going to stick to it. I'm going to keep following maps. So don't go here. Yeah, you might luck out and have a great day. That's what this video really is. Hey, guess what? I lucked out and today was nice.

Well, yeah. And it's not like violence is, it's not like there's guys all the time doing this stuff. This happens sporadically. Like that's what these places are like. You can have a great day in Pyongyang. You know, like you're like, this is fucking nice today. I went for a walk and like I had lunch and everybody was nice. Okay. You had a nice day. That's,

Why don't we have a little stretch of time and see how it goes? Do a year in Gombe and let's chat about it. Do two weeks. Where's this video two weeks later? This is why people hate Americans. This is what it's like to drink five cent homemade beer at a small village in northern Nigeria. It's interesting. Oh. Man.

No thanks. Burkutu here.

Idiot. I hope he gets parasites and diarrhea. I hope his fucking intestines fall out. It's interesting. It's interesting. I would jam.

It's interesting. I tried to be polite there, but I could barely drink the stuff. Oh, you're drinking it now. It tastes like muddy water. Yeah, dummy. It's fine for a quick sip, but I would be so sick with a stomach full of port-a-boot. Better finish it, asshole. More power to everyone here chilling and drinking on this Sunday afternoon. Yeah, more power to them, for sure. Well, he better finish it, too, because it's rude as shit to be given a bowl of somebody's... As a visitor? Yeah, you drink it. I remember Bourdain was always like...

fuck, I got to eat these seal's eyes or I'm an asshole. He's like, they're so fucking disgusting. So gross. Yeah. I remember one specific episode in Uganda and they fed him rat. It was just a greasy, thin rat. And he's like, I better eat this because this is these people's thing. Yeah, no, it's super insulting if you're visiting. You got to do it.

This is what it's like to travel to the weirdest country on earth. I am going to Turkmenistan, an isolated landlocked country in Central Asia. The first thing you need to understand is there is no internet here. Essentially every website is banned and I had to tell people I'd be out of contact for the entire length of my trip. I can't travel here without a pre-approved visa and pre-arranged tour guide for the entire length of your stay.

In fact, the country only recently opened up to tourism after being completely closed since 2020. Calling this place strange is an understatement. The capital city is full of grandiose utilitarian monuments and virtually devoid of people.

There is just an eerie feeling visiting these buildings with scores of empty stores inside almost like a ghost town. It just felt like something was wrong and you couldn't say exactly what it was. Ashgabat is known as the city of marble and every car has to be white or silver and it's a crime to drive a dirty car in the city. This is no doubt the weirdest trip I've been on. Make sure to follow along as I shed more light on this very interesting country.

While my first impression was just total off this country, I want to share what Turkmen people are actually like. We know that people are fine. Make sure to stay tuned for a deeper view into this country. Like, does this guy not research the governments of these places before he goes? Look at the first one there. Turkmen stand-up comic beaten to death in Ashgabat after returning home from Turkey.

This is a weird, interesting country. 14 weird facts about the gates of hell in Turkmenistan. Yeah, let's see what that is. Jesus. Oof. What is going... What? I...

Listen, I have to, I'm so ignorant. I'm not sure what Turkmenistan is and why is it so locked? Is this communist or something? Like Korea, North Korea? Yeah. It's an authoritarian dictator. That was the, you know, the whatever. The dictator. Yeah. The president, whatever. His, you know, image everywhere. It's always a tell when they're like, who's the same guy that's always all over every painting and poster. And there's no people around because they're hiding. Yeah.

from the death squads or from being assaulted. Against the law. Do you know in North Korea, the women hide all day long so that they don't get raped by like North Korean soldiers. Cool. It's pretty neat. I think Turkmenistan is where...

Isn't this where the guy is so crazy that whatever he feels like doing becomes like, he's like, I don't like dogs. Dogs are illegal. So then dogs are illegal. And then he's like, I actually like dogs. Everybody needs a dog. That's awesome. Yeah. That was the guy. It's the guy before him, you know. Fuck this. Yeah. No thanks, bro. One of them. Not into this at all. And if it's not him, it's like, you know.

Yeah, that guy on the far, I think that was him, right? That was the... They all look the same. That's quite a name. Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. All former Soviet shit. Yeah. This is what the Soviets destroyed, these countries. Yeah. This is... Cool. Yeah. Banished dogs. Hilarious. Because of their unappealing odor, yeah.

Niyazov declared Turkmenistan a neutral state and said that the country would not participate in any UN peacekeeping operations. Niyazov banished dogs from the capital, Ashgabat, because of their unappealing odor and banned citizens from owning more than one cat or dog. Very accurate. That's a good read. It's a great place to visit. Well, this douchebag loves it. It's really interesting here.

You must have a white or silver car.

I mean, the... President likes silver car. He likes silver car only. Silver, gold. Gold is nice. Nice, sexy. He's going to be put in jail for doing these. You know that, right? Like, there's no way. Well, what it is, he records all this and then he posts later because it's a one-time visit for Turkmenistan, for sure. You're not going back, bro. I mean, I'm surprised he made it this far, really, because they know he's a Westerner. Yeah. They're probably watching him already. Because what he showed there is what you see...

And in the footage and stories from North Korea is like malls with no people. Oh, yeah. Empty stores. You walk to the plaza, empty. Not a soul. Like that shit is creepy. That's a 1984 weird shit. Yeah. They're literally in their homes because they're like, if I go outside, bad things happen. You get swept up by the soldiers. You get taken away. You get inducted into the military. Ugh.

Chad likes going to these places? Yeah, see, this is a weird lane. They're like, let me go to the place where no one's allowed to go. Chad, where have you gone? Well, I've been to like 36 countries.

I had that homemade beer we just saw. Stop it. In Nigeria? It was in Ghana and then in South Africa. Ghana. Yeah. Ghana's beautiful. That's Western Africa. Okay, that one's okay. South Africa, great. Okay, so what did it taste like? It was kind of muddy. Muddy water. You enjoyed it?

Uh, no, but you did it for the experience. Yeah. I mean, where else, where have you gone? That's cause those places aren't like Ghana and South Africa. Yeah. But like South Africa, I was staying in a township. Like Dave. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Um, were they happy to have you? Yeah, they were actually. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

Yeah, usually I would stay kind of like out where most people would not go to in terms of like, you know, where tourists would go. Just for the thrill? For the thrill and just because I like staying with more local people. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You want the authentic experience. Yeah, I went hitchhiking in Italy, stayed out in like the hills of Tuscany. You hitchhiked? Yeah. What made you do that? I would like to touch my penis. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. You know, I was in my 20s and I was like... You want a free ride? Nothing is free, my friend. Exactly, yeah. Did you have to touch somebody's penis? Gratuito to touch him a ball bag. Lick him a tiramisu. Did you have to lick his... You have to put Alfredo sauce on your head, Chad.

Did you get sexually assaulted when you hitchhiked through Italy? No, unfortunately not. And it was a... So what was hitchhiking? That always seems like one of the most dangerous things to do. So you're walking along an Italian highway and you're just like, thumbs out. What happened was, so I was in Florence and then I got on a train that I didn't know where it was going to and just kind of got off in the middle of somewhere. I was walking around and there's like Italian...

couple told me to walk down this road and there would be a uh somewhere down there was like a camping village but then i was walking for like probably an hour or so and i was like oh i'm not gonna be able to walk you're alone doing this stuff i had i had a friend with me okay okay um but then a car passed by and asked if we wanted to ride with it was an older italian couple they didn't speak any english and then you you guys were like walkie too much and

And then basically, yeah, you use hand gestures and like... And how far did they take you? Probably another... We drove for like probably half an hour through... Oh, my God. Through like the hills of Tuscany. And then they dropped you off... At a camping village. Okay. Yeah. And then in Turkey, like I went... Turkey? Turkey, I went like...

This overnight bus out into the middle of nowhere. Then caught a ride with this cab driver who took me another hour away. Now that can go real sideways in Turkey. Sure can. Muslim country? No thanks. What is that, Midnight Express? Had you not seen these movies? Of course, but those are what drew me to those places. Of course. I want to have my own adventure. I want to end up in a Turkish prison myself. Yeah, exactly. Did you smuggle heroin?

Not heroin. Yeah.

Was with some guys who were dealing some hash in Morocco. Good, good, smart. I slept at my, our cab driver in Morocco actually invited us to stay at his place and he had like three wives and was like feeding his baby soda. It was very strange. And you stayed at his place? Yeah. All right, we want to, I want to have a team meeting about Chad when this is over. Yeah, we need to fucking intervene. This is fucking insane. Can I tell you, can I tell you my theory about, about these travelers? What? Chad, so Eni, would Eni and Josh Zolo,

Yeah. Angelinos. You grew up in a major city. Does any of this sound appealing to you? No. No. Why? Like, to see the places, yes. To talk to any of these people, no. No, no, no. I'm not going to your place to watch you feed your baby. I think it's dicey. And to me, it was all about that. No.

I honestly think a lot of it, Chad, because you're from a nice, normal place like Nebraska, and you think that people are nice and good all over the world. He wants a little more danger. And he grew up in a nice, normal place. But when you grow up in fucking L.A. with scumbags and people wanking on buses and weirdos shitting on the streets, you're like, I'm good. I've had enough. Yeah, let's stay in nice places. Nice places. Maybe, but I mean, a lot of people from Nebraska also are not into that kind of thing. No, no, just you, because you are adventurous. Yeah.

Yeah. You like to, you know, you're Hunter S. Thompson. You want to go out there and do weird things. I get it. I like that. Would you tell your folks what you were doing or you tell them later? Oh, my God. Not during, I mean, a lot of the time I didn't have like cell service. You know, this was. But did they know where you were? Cell service. For the most part, but not like. Not in detail. No, no. They're like, oh, he's in Morocco or he's in Vietnam today. No. I just got the chills. He's at a cab driver's house. I'm going to throw up. In Morocco. Yeah.

It should be fine. I mean, could you even imagine as an American taking in some strange visitor? I mean, those people are much nicer than us. Yeah. Just letting a dude sleep in your house. I also did that. What do you mean? I hosted couch surfers. Like I've had like 120 strangers like stay in my house. Where? Here? In Nebraska, in Chicago. Did that always go well?

Yeah, I mean, for the most part, it was always interesting at least. How did the couch surfers learn who you were? Like, how did they know to hit you up? So there was a website called couchsurfing.com, and it was like free. It was like before Airbnb. You stay with people for free, and it was for like, you know, artists and travelers. So they just show up at your place? Yeah. How do you know they weren't going to rob you blind, dude, or f*** you? Yeah, like that's my instant assumption. Yeah, they're going to rob. Someone's trying to talk to me. There was no robbery, no theft? No.

No robbery or theft. He didn't jerk off in front of you? No. Sometimes. No, I did have a couple weird things where... Actually, I couch surfed here in 2013, and this guy, he had a bag of his own hair, like a Ziploc bag of it, and then he was telling me how hot his mom was, and then he invited this other guy over to sleep on the floor with her, and I'm like, I'm out of here. Oh, you took off? Yeah. Yeah, okay. I was like, I gotta go. Yeah.

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. Did you ever have like a hot chick say? Yep. How'd that go? Pretty good. You begged her? I don't want to get into details, you know, publicly. Yeah, yeah. No, you didn't. Like she's going to have the internet. I don't think she. She knows. She knows what she did. She's a fucking whore. Dirty little girl. He's like, it's not really free. What else has happened to you? When has it gone awry?

What else has happened? People have definitely showed their dicks to you. Who's shown their, who's shown you their penis? I know it has to. No guy was ever like, do you want to shower? No. Do you want to shower with a guy? No, the girl did, which was fine with me. Oh, she was like, do you want to shower? Yeah. Wow. Now, did she see a picture of you before she showed up to your house? Probably. Was, uh, was she American?

she was yes she was oh wow so there's couch like it was there was yeah there's americans i had australians i had someone from china and i mean i've had people from all over all right and you and you with when it went into a good like you guys just vibed from the beginning it was like yeah pretty much i'm fucking thank you yeah pretty much i i mean i enjoyed it it got me to like show people around omaha would or like chicago and it's like oh this is making me get out in a

appreciate my city. You're a city you live in. Yeah, I get that. That's actually cool. Yeah, it was fun. Well, you know, I will say there was a time when I worked on this reality show called The Hitchhiker Chronicles and I picked up hitchhikers and we would go to them. It was crazy. But you had it go sideways once. One time I did, yeah. But the majority of people that were hitchhiking were people that were on, you know, were drug...

had drug problems. Yeah. And it's actually the hitchhikers that were assaulted more. Oh, then the other way around. So the person that picks them up assaults them. Most of the time the people would sexually assault them. I might pick someone up. I might try it. You know, next time I see a hitchhiker, just see where it goes. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, look, there were nice, the ones that I picked up on the show. Pick them up, like you ever been in a GT3? Stop. Fucking just kick the gas. But I had a team of security with me. I wasn't just a Chad. It was for a TV show, for God's sake, you know? But one time a guy did try to kiss me. That's cool. He goes, I know who you are. You're Christina from Road Rules. I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, I jerked off to you a million times.

And then he leans in to kiss me. And I just, I know. And luckily I had just my friend who worked in a bar. She goes, if ever a guy tries to fuck with you, just grab him by the throat, grab him by the throat real quick. And I, she just told me that. So I grabbed him by the throat real fucking quick. And the minute I went to do it, the doors open and they ripped him out like security. Jesus. Yeah. That was the one time. Yeah. But I do that shit for money. You should, you should have done couch surfing. You should have done couch surf. God, I would have probably in the nineties. Yeah. You would have cleaned up.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bunch of guys walking through, like, can I... But can I tell you, even the youth hostels I stayed at, like, traveling through Europe, thinking back now, you're, like, just a room full of, like, girls. Yeah. With no locks. I stayed in one in Rome, and it was nuts. There was...

Let me see. There was one, two, three, four, five. There was eight or 10 of us in a room. Yeah. You don't know who the fuck you're sleeping next to. Dude from Switzerland. These two chicks, these beautiful blonde girls from like,

Sweden and there's just in a room with like six other guys it's fucking weird it is fucking weird but look we all had boners we all were fully bricked up yeah but I never had a bad experience I did it in Paris Scotland I'm trying probably in Amsterdam you know seeing youth hostels now Eastern Europe I wouldn't Western Europe for sure

Who knows? I wonder what Chad thinks of this. A plane coming down from the North Pole, taking off down over to Australia, doing a nosedive. Keeps going. And now a plane's landing in the South Pole, upside down on its roof. But now it's going to keep going and keep going and keep going. And now it's back up right ready to do another nosedive.

And then it goes like that, you see? Planes don't fly upside down. Well, it's flat. Exactly. You see? Dude, this whole time. Yeah. I just needed it explained to me properly. It's just such a good explanation. Kind of makes sense, though. People need to really, really seriously do this research because an envelope of cans is hopefully flat.

And when I flew to Perth... Yep. Perth. He didn't fly sideways. No, he did not. No, I didn't. I didn't see a wing down there heading towards the ground and look up and see one sticking in the air like a skyscraper. You like that explanation? His logic is that when he flew west, he didn't look out and go like, oh, the wing is pointing towards the ground. Right. Therefore...

No, it makes sense to him, and it makes sense to me when you explain it. Like, if you explain this to our kids, they'd be like, yeah, dude. No. Nope. And I know when I flew down to Melbourne for a cup of Cheeto with Abrago, I didn't do any nosedives because I know if the lady let go of the trolley at the back of the airplane, this is nothing that kept him straight out of his cockpit. And I know that when we tried to take off, there's no way she could push that trolley up that aisle while we're trying to climb up to the North Pole to get to Gantz.

Checkmate. I love Australians so much. His grill is wild. They're long. It looks like those fake chompers you put in for Halloween. That's got to be neglect, right? For sure. This guy's living in some gutter. But he's like, when I flew south to Melbourne, it's not like we were heading south.

Towards the ground. Right. We flew straight. Yeah. It's so weird. All you have to do is if these people really believe in flat earth, it's like, okay, well then go to Sydney. All right. Go to Bondi beach, take out your binocs. And if the earth is flat, you can see the next chunk of land. Right. Theoretically, if the earth is flat, shouldn't you be able to like go to the beach and then like see the next plot of land? I think flat earth is actually, um,

They use that as they go, oh, I see, I don't see a curve. I just see flat. But you don't see the land. Well, because it's far away. He's close to like New Zealand and shit, right? Like, can't he fucking. No, but that's distance. So he's like, I can't see that far. He's like, I'm not seeing, they always go like, I don't see any curve. And they say that from planes too. They're like, how come there's no curve? He's right, but he's right. He's so right. This logic holds. It holds incredibly well.

What are you going to do? What am I going to fucking do? What are you going to do? It has no bearing on my life though, if the earth is flat or not. Honestly, it doesn't affect you really. Doesn't at all. No. So, okay, sure. Sure. I got it. It's gone and the earth is flat, mate. Do you know, I have a friend who's American. Can I tell you something? It's like, you know when people say things and it sticks in your brain for years? Yeah. They went to Australia and,

And I go, where'd you go? And she goes, we went to Melbourne. And I go, Melbourne? She goes, no, it's pronounced Mel-bin. Yeah, there it is. And I go, yeah, that's the accent, dummy. But is that how you're supposed to say it in America? You say Mel-bin? No, no. You're supposed to say, you're here, you say it how we say it. Correct. We say Melbourne. Now, when you're there...

you sound like a real fucking donkey when you say Melbourne. So you say Melbourne when you're there. So they go, oh yeah, you're saying it the right way there. Yeah. Yeah. But to other Americans, yeah, you sound like a fucking dork. Yeah. And I felt that was really pretentious. And then she goes, and then she goes, you know, when you go to Japan, they don't know, they don't say their R's, they say L. So it's not ramen. It's,

And I'm like, oh, so I'm supposed to ask for a bowl of ramen noodles in America, dude? Like, that's not... Not here. Yeah, she's stupid. Yeah, no, Jack, but she does. She'll call it lamen. Here? Yeah, bro. Yeah, that's obnoxious. Like, it's not fucking lamen, homie. Like... Yeah. Nobody calls it that. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I enjoyed my trip to Santiago, Chile. And I just had a good time. I know that's the accent.

But then again, like Budapest, Budapest. Do you say Budapest? I guess Americans say Budapest. Yeah. It's fine. That's how you say it. But it's like, yeah, you make, it's you, your switch. You're there and you say Budapest. Yeah. Yeah. I said Budapest. Yeah. Fucking dummy. You try to adapt to the place you're in. You know, I've had this thought in my head for like a decade. That's how long ago I had that conversation. Really? Isn't that weird? And now just like, it's been bothering me. Kind of a bowl of ramen noodles. Ramen. Huh? She's like, well, you might not know this, but the Japanese. Yeah.

That's why it stuck in my, a little bit. I was like, oh, you know. Oh, you're so fucking cultured. But I think the thing is, you just adapt. Like, if you go there, you gotta all say it the right way for them. Yeah, but you wouldn't impose that. Right, Smart Chad? Let me guess. You've ordered a bowl of ramen. No, I would never do that. Right? No, I don't take. I just, you know. I'm a white dude from Nebraska. I don't do that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that's super lame. Come on.

Get your fucking shit together. Are you a Disney adult too, Chad? I am not, but thanks for asking. That's actually, that would be more troublesome than him fucking jerking a guy off on couch surfing. Is anybody on staff a Disney adult? Fuck no. Fired immediately. No. For what? I know. It's misery. I don't even understand. It's the same fucking rides. What are you getting the thrill from? I don't get it.

I agree. And they're childlike rides. Yeah. They're children's rides. There's no clue. Except for like Space Mountain. Yeah, that's all right. But then like the one in Orlando, everybody loves to say like, oh, but you can get fucking wasted there. Like there's not even alcohol in Disneyland in Anaheim. In Orlando, that's why adults go. They like to get faded. Yeah, they figured it out in Orlando. Yeah.

Florida's like, hey, we know you don't want to be here. You can get fucked up. Get fated. Get fucked up and be a bad parent while you're here. You know. Yeah. I know. Yeah, it's not a good thing to get wasted at the amusement park. No. You gotta ride the rides with your kid. You're gonna throw up and stuff? Come on. Oh, the best part of my day. Bitch, here I go. Bitch, here I go. Also, big shout out. Thanks for everybody continuing to watch.

69 minutes. Everybody worked really hard on it. And yeah, we're super happy with it. And I hope you're enjoying it. So thank you. YMHstudios.com. Now it's time for Christina's Curations.

I'm looking for a friend or a father who has similar interests to me. I have two favorite hobbies. My first favorite hobby is designing fashion. My second favorite hobby is yogurts. Please write back soon. This guy's unbelievable. I also saw him on Instagram. Fashion and yogurts? I love fashion and yogurts. He's had incredible work done. He's definitely juiced for a good portion of his life.

He has like kind of formerly developed muscles that are fading with age that he is not letting go of. I mean, how much facial work has he had done? It's weird when guys do this. Facelifts and nose jobs and yeah. But he's looking for a friend or a father. Or a father. Is that a gay code? Fashion and yogurt. I think that's all gay code, isn't it? Is it? This is not a heterosexual request. You should have a gay on staff to ask. No, we need a gay person.

That is crazy. But I like fashion and yogurt too. I mean, I eat yogurt every morning, so I'm not going to shit on yogurt, but I don't always like when people are like, what are your interests? I don't get yogurt. I've never heard of it. Travel.

I've never heard of yogurt listed as an interest. I've never listed it as an interest. I don't even list it as what's your favorite food. I eat it every day and I don't go to one of my favorite foods. I know. I just kind of let it be. Yeah, I'm neither here nor there with yogurt. Yeah. That's odd. That was the weirdest thing about this video. I also feel like this might be like the most terrifying encounter of your life if you met this guy. It would always stick with you. You're like, I met the scariest motherfucker. I know. He kept feeding me yogurt and...

Fuck. Talking about if I could be his dad. I like fashion and yogurt. Fashion and yogurt. Such a fucking creep, bro. Fuck, that's so random, dude. God, I admire it. People want to say that I don't experience PMS symptoms. Speaking of Disneyland, who's there? But I've been cramping incredibly bad all day. And at some point, my pain tolerance went away. And it started hurting incredibly bad for the last two hours. So much so that it made me go and throw up three times.

So, yeah, PMS symptoms are ruining my Disney trip. Okay. That's a cool tie into the Disney stuff. Yeah. I thought that was kind of full circle. So this is a trans woman experiencing a period? Yeah. It looks to me maybe it's a woman who's now a man and she's still, they menstruate.

And like this person felt the need to stop their Disneyland. Wait, you think it's that? You don't think it's a man that transitioned to a woman? I don't know. And is like being like, oh, I do get period pain. But if he's a man transitioning to a woman, why keep the beard? And he would, they would. Because they like to? Oh shit. I'm so, I'm so binary in my thinking. Yeah. God, I'm such a fucking asshole. A woman can have a beard, you fucking idiot. Dummy. Yeah.

Well, also, like, if you know you're getting cramps, you just take a painkiller so that you don't have to vomit. You know what I mean? Sure. Like, you should probably take care of yourself a little bit. Yeah.

I take painkillers, Midol. Oh, God. I don't want to do a dive. Trans woman. So that means they were a dude. A male that transitioned. Oh, so that's bullshit. Okay. So these are fake cramps. Okay. So let's go to the next one. So ridiculous. After you get your eyeballs tattooed, why can't they check the eyeballs at the doctor? The eyeball doctor. I don't know what it's called. But anyways, the reason is because this is called a sclera tattoo. Okay.

And it covers all the whites. So I had to go into the eyeball doctor to get everything checked before. And it's been about three years since I've had my eyeballs tattooed and it is 100% perfect. I can still see perfect. It's always gonna be like that because I got it done for a pretty expensive amount and from the person that invented it 20 years ago. His name is Luna Cobra. Never messed up anyone's eyes.

And yeah, pretty happy with the results. If you guys got any more questions, let me know. And I'm about to go live, so tap that red circle if you see it red. And if you're not following me yet, tap that red plus button, y'all. I absolutely love every single one of you guys. How? But how do you do that without it? It's almost there, 55. How do you do it? I don't know. It hurts so bad. What is a...

Eyeball tattooing is permanent coloring of the white of the eye called the sclera. It is performed by injecting ink with a needle underneath the top layer of the eye onto the sclera in several locations where the ink then slowly spreads to cover the sclera. It is permanent and non-reversible. I have to admit, real talk, I think it does look rad. Yeah, I mean... It looks fucking cool. Yeah. That being said, I mean, the pain...

I actually like how this guy looks. I like it. I like his face. I like it. I think it suits him. It's good. He's got the personality. It's cool. I mean, it definitely goes for the whole thing comes together. The whole look is great. If you're listening, his entire face, nose, cheeks, everything is tatted. It looks cool, though. Every inch of him is tatted. And then he did the eyes. So it'd be different if it was somebody who had zero tattoos and they're like, I just did my eyeballs.

You can't even. So insane. But it's still, it's also like kind of terrifying, you know? Oh my God. It works, but it's still terrifying. You're just, you have like, you're a normal guy like you, but then one extremely aggressive. You know, I couldn't decide on a tattoo. I did my eyeballs.

What does this person do? Do they work in tattoos? Because it feels like there's nothing else you could do. He has a lot of followers on TikTok. Yeah. I'm assuming he's in tattooing, no? That's what I just said. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.

Is he? Or if you go to his page, does it say? I think he's into tattooing. What is it? Quest.tv? I don't know. Yeah, he's really. Yeah, what if he just did that shit around his mouth, dude? Like the bones? What if this was how he looked and he was like, what's his name? Norm Somerton. He's like, I'm a mortgage broker, actually. I can help you get a deal on your house. I know interest rates are going up, but if you talk to me.

Yeah, it's just like why you never see any little people that are doctors and lawyers. That guy's not your accountant. Let's see. Oh my God. Okay, artist. Yep. He's an artist, yeah. He's a survivor. Oof, poor guy. Is he tatting people up? Is that what he was doing? I don't know. He's posing a lot. I mean, he's got such a unique look. He looks cool. Yeah, it's cool as shit on him. That's his lady right there with her ass hanging out. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah.

Wow. The eyeballs, bro. But I mean, is he just like a model? Yeah, it looks like he's a model and an influencer, mostly. I'm not seeing him tattooing anyone himself. Yeah, he's got 239,000 followers. Quest. Oh. Quest Guilford. Yeah, it's a fucking aggressive look. This is on the gram, but on the top, he's got a lot of followers. It almost feels like you would want this look...

Could be a thing you'd try on, but there's no going back from that. There's no going. And if you don't like it, you're just stuck with it. Well, the eyeballs are, that's it. There is no going back. But can I tell you the difference? Does that say 91 million people?

views on that one that third video wow yes it does 91 million views well yeah dude have you ever seen anything that crazy in your life no but it's just like that is that's rad is that the one we watched just now i don't think 91.8 million can you click on this first one what are you doing how much how to get

What is it? How much to get your eyes done? I want mine done. That's the video that has all the views? Yeah. That's 91.8. What is he doing, dude? Oh, he's covering his makeup. He's covering the tats. So you get to see what he would look like without all this shit on his face. Oh, interesting. Oh, wow. Isn't that why I love when they do this? Yeah, that's actually cool because then you go, oh, hey, so now we get to see what he looks like with just his eyeballs done. Whoa, ask and you shall receive.

This is amazing, babe. Our dream's coming true right now. It's actually way, way, way scarier. Yeah. It's way scarier with no context. Yeah. Yeah, it's way worse-er. Wow.

Dude, that's way scarier. Yeah. Because then you're just like, he's a normal guy with just black eyes. Yeah, black eyes are, you know, that's like demon shit. Like somebody with black eyes, you go like, it's like you're possessed. Do you remember that show Land of the Lost? It's very old. Look up sleestacks on Land of the Lost. This guy looks like a sleestack. Yeah.

It's so old. The 70s. It's like a show that aired Land of the Lost in the mornings back in the day. Oh, right. Those eyes. The Sleece Act. Jesus. Yeah. That's really something. That's wild. I mean, the guy developed the technique 20 years ago, so he must know what he's doing at this point. Do you really want to do that to yourself?

Black eyes. I wouldn't do black. I would do pink. I think that would be kind of cool. Yeah, if I had like... You can get pink eyes. I can fart in your eye. You can get pink eyes. It happens once a quarter at least in our house. I feel like if I went blind, I would get them tattooed. Pink or something funny. Just be like, look. My eyes are fucked. My eyes are gone. Josh Potter should do it. Oh, we should offer this to him. Oh, this one. Yeah.

The seatbelt signs off. It's not a disturbance. I was like, you know, I haven't done this in a while. I've gotten to the next status, so. Are you going to be quiet? But they're enjoying it. So while we're sitting here, can I please? I'm not enjoying it. So I'm asking you, can you be quiet? Okay, well, I'll find that out. That's a yes or no answer, please. Am I going to go to jail if I don't?

Can you please answer my question? Are you willing and able to be quiet right now? I'm doing what the Lord is telling me to do. I'm asking you a question, yes or no. I'm your flight leader. I need you to follow my instruction. Okay. My instruction for you to answer my question, are you able to be quiet right now? What do you guys think? I'm asking you, ma'am. I'm asking you guys. What do you guys think? Okay. If you're not able to follow my instruction, you will not be taking this flight. Ah, okay. Are you able to be quiet? If that's the case, then that's fine.

Still not an answer is my favorite. But she's charting on the billboards. Did you get that bit? But the best is like somebody who still won't answer. Oh, if that's the case, then it's fine. What's the answer? He's going to definitely boot her from this flight. Because was this actually in the air?

Because I felt like it was in the air. Yeah, I think it is in the air because that's why she's saying like the seatbelt signs off. Right, right. Exactly. Yeah, they're not taxiing. So that means he's like, cool, we're going to do an emergency landing now to boot your ass off of this. And you'll never fly commercially again. Oh, my God, dude. But she's charting. I'm charting on the billboards. I like how she's like, I, you know, I've surpassed the status, but I chose to be here today and coach. And like Jesus Christ is calling me right now. Okay.

Well, that's always a sign of schizophrenia or mental illness is when they start getting into Jesus. Like my mom at the end of her life was really into the Bible and highlighting Bible passages. Really? Yeah. It's definitely a mark of mental illness. Yeah, sure it is. Get into Jesus. Yeah.

JC. Or just, you know, you're a really good person. I don't know. Yeah. But one of the two generally on flights though. It's all crazy. I get so scared when they tell me like, man, you can't get up. I'm like, I'm sorry. Okay. I'll just like, I can't imagine sassing back. Like they can legit kick you off. They'll kick you off forever. They represent the government. Forever. Yeah. You can never fly again. Yeah. Wasn't it Steve-O when he was on our show? He was like, I smoked cigarettes once on the airplane. 10 years or something on American. They banned me. Yeah.

This could be Cabernet from the United States. This could be your top. This could be Malbec from Argentina. I'm trying to decide. It's amazing what you're doing. Your time starts now. This is a wine tasting. Final pairing of 23. I'm amazed at how they do this. It's amazing. They just smell. She has three minutes to blind taste two wines and verbally showcase their whatever qualities. She's being judged by Food & Wine's Song of the Year, John McDaniel.

How much do you love this? Well, it's just, it is like a, almost like a magic trick. It's amazing. Like when you want, and they go, I'm Italy. Okay, here we go. Fruit-dominated wine. There is evidence of new oak. Over 14% alcohol. Acid is... One minute. I'm going to say medium-plus. I think it's from the New World. Speak Cabernet from the United States. This would be Malbec from Argentina. I'm trying to decide.

She's right, by the way. She was. She called it.

Yeah. She's not, she's like the Psalm champion and she can do this in two minutes. I remember I loved watching that doc. Yeah. That shit was crazy. When they just go, I'm sensing cinnamon and I'm sensing Italy, Southern region. And then they keep, and I'm saying 2016 and you're like, how the fuck are you doing this? And then there's like, Oh, it takes training. I'm like, yeah, I don't.

I don't understand. I just feel like I'm like, I don't have the palate to do that. No way. I can't taste anything. I have a taste of a dog. I'm like, tastes good. Yeah. I don't have any kind of discretion.

It's amazing. Here we go, my honey. There's just a piercing. This is the worst part of this piercing. You ever seen a tongue piercing before? No, I felt one. I'm going to take off this tissue. I'm going to give it to you. Just kind of hold it there. Remember this shit? I feel like so many of my friends did this in the 90s. All right, beautiful. Here we go. Lift up your chin just a little bit.

Stick your tongue out as far as you can, as far as you can. Here we go. Give me a deep breath. Oh, it's 1995 all over again. Take off this clamp. Keep your tongue out. You're about to do it, so hold that napkin up there. Ugh, fuck, dude. All right, I just got to put this jewelry in. Perfect. Here we go. Give me a deep breath. Beautiful. Feeling okay? Just got to score on the bead, and then we...

Put your beat on there so you can give your blowjobs. And then you can give just some real, just elite level blowjobs. We're so happy we could help you with that. Perfect. Put your tongue inside. You're going to make a lot of people come, sweetie. Thanks so much for stopping by. Do you remember when everybody had one of these? Yeah, yeah. And like they would click against their teeth. Yeah. And then cleaning them is not easy. Like every time you eat, there's like salad in the fucking hole and everything. It was gnarly to have one of these.

Okay. We have to wrap up, but I want to give a big shout out. We're going to leave you all on something that we were sent. A gentleman, I think, I think it's a gentleman, I don't want to misgender you, named Denton. He made an animated show using YMH audio drops. From way back. Yeah, just covering a huge era about...

Garth Brooks, he started during the pandemic as a small project and he kept running with it. And he said there's future episodes to come. But there's just so much work put into this. It's really impressive that somebody would spend this much time. It reminded me of like when they made the Cool Guy Club song and video where you're like, there's so much effort put into this. So this guy, it's fully animated. There's people you recognize like cool guys were in it. And real audio drops like our real audience.

you know words from episodes he cut together to make it all kind of be a story it's just you know

Very impressive. We're going to say thank you and give you a shout out, Denton. And I'm going to play it now and it'll be your outro of the show. That's why the mommies are so special, by the way. Very special. They always contribute to the show. This is a mommy-driven show. This is pretty incredible. And this is very cool. So thank you, Denton. Thank you all for watching and listening. Hope you're having a great new year, if that's when you're watching this. And that is it. We'll see you guys next week. Bye, Tala. Bye, Jens.

Are you ready to step into the Cool Guy Club? Just waiting for my lunch. Just waiting for my lunch. Just waiting for my lunch. I ordered a buffalo burger. Yep, a buffalo burger. Okay, bye.

Cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. Let the conversation begin. What? Oh, my fucking God.

This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. What's up, chomos? This is your mom's house news. Nightmare. Terror. Country kingpin Garth Brooks is an unrepentant, violent mass murderer. You're not going to forget this concert. That's the Garth rage. I think he's a monster. What do you think, Tom? 100%. I mean, he's probably killed two, three hundred people.

What the fuck? Touchdown, Jesus. Ooh, I got a DUI, baby. Now there's a cool guy. My eyebrows are on fleek and my teeth are wide, baby. No shame, no gain, baby. Big juice. Mm-hmm.

What's up there, Tomo? Listen here. You didn't follow Proto, buddy. You're done. Boom, boom, down, down. Let's get physical playing music. I like that. You fucking baby rapist! Try it out. You want to fuck a piss? Let me try it out. Ay-yi-yi! Good morning, Julia. Imagine a pig with tits. I want you to show me a good motherfucking time. The Cool Guy Club. Let's fuck. Let's go full throttle. This is supposed to scare you. Ah!

Please don't eat me. I got something for you. No. It's a bonfire. I'm going to come now. I'm coming. I'm coming to get that booty. Ta-ta there, retard.

This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. What's up, chomos? Welcome back to your mom's house news. The Cool Guy Club. They are international heroes. I am blown away. I mean, here's the deal, man. These cool guys, like, they're saving the fucking world. This really makes me think that we're all in this as human beings together. Take it easy, fuckhead. Take it easy.

I'm gonna be having girls the whole weekend. They're gonna be squirting. Adios, baby. Babe. You don't think that's funny? Okay.

Tom's having a good day. Yeah.