Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
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San Francisco. I'll be at the Chase Center this Friday. Tickets are on sale now. Later this month, I'll be in Athens, Georgia, Savannah, Georgia, and North Charleston, South Carolina. All dates and information are at TomSegura.com slash tour. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome.

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We're normal. We're more normal than most people in the world. Honestly. Well, you put the O's on, Mom? You put the headphones on. Yeah. I think it should be better. Churro, do you want to button your sweater so that your tetas don't... I think you should button it. Oh, shit.

What do you want me to button? Button your sweater. Button it. Oh, I thought I was showing something. No, she thinks it looks better buttoned. I'm telling you, as somebody who, you know, you just want it. Yeah. If you want the show to have class and good scenes. No, we don't. What do you think of my drawing of Tom? I can see it. That? I love it. I love it. You did that? She did that. Get out. Do you think that looks like me, though?

No. Okay. But it's a good story. Thank you. I'm working. It's so weird. No. Look, it's an interpretation, okay? It's an interpretation. Am I talking in a speaker of this conversation? Lean towards the mic more. Just sit up. I didn't realize you guys are talking like this. Yeah, you got to talk into the microphone. Yeah. My voice is too sexy. I can't.

Okay. So, first of all, I'm so excited that my mommy has moved to Austin. Welcome! You're Austin's newest celebrity resident. How does it feel to be here? Oh my God. Where do I start? The fact that I've been here close to you guys and be able to see each other every weekend.

I don't know. What's wrong with you? Are you okay? I think that the headphones on your cheek and not on your ear. Can you push it back to your ear? Is that what you're laughing at? Is that what you're laughing at? Oh, no.

No, no. Careful with the mug on the thing. Okay, okay. So...

Yeah, friendly. No, it's so nice to have you and my little sister here. It's so fun. We got to... Oh, my God. What? I'm not going to talk like Hawaii. I have to talk about the cruise. Yeah. You can say a little bit, then let me talk. Okay. We're going to get into...

Somebody has to clap, no? No reaction? You're never going to know where that happy chair goes to unless you... Ah, me no me clavas con ese señor. No. Ay, que asco. No! No!

It's our opening song. Always? Not him, the song. Tommy, what happened to your friend?

Which one? Oh, he's here. No, no, we're just, we're not supposed to talk during that whole time. But okay, let's get into it. First of all, did you like that clip? No, you did not like it. I don't remember the clip. The guy.

What? No. You don't think he's cute? I think he's really cute. Yeah, he kind of looks like me. A little bit. Yeah, look to both of you. Cristina. I think he's hot. Cristina, you can have him.

I don't know if Tommy is attracted to you because if you like that guy and you like Tommy, maybe with Tommy she sees similarities. I do. I see similarities myself. Actually, you have the glasses. I have the glasses. I have the beard. I have the chest hair and the hair. And the nose is spot on. Yes, and then you feel like you're so cool and you open the robe. It's sort of like my brother's out there somewhere. Yes. Wait, is this my brother? Or you're faking it.

Is this my brother? No. That's when I used to inflate you and put it back in there. I did it. I did it. What did you do? Change you. You changed me. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Say thank you. Thank you very much. So it was amazing to spend. Cheers. Happy New Year's trip with you. We got to go to...

to an island in the Caribbean and we went with our entire family. What was really interesting

We all talked about this. You were the star of the vacation. By far the star. By far. You were the star of the vacation. Can I tell you what? I'm just so amazed with you is that for the first time in, what, 17 years, you said you put on a bathing suit. That's true. You got into the ocean with our children, with your beautiful grandsons. Don't make me cry. You got on a sea-doo with this guy. You did.

You were jumping in the water. Oh, my God. The Sea-Doo jet ski ride. So she is behind. That was funny. I'm sitting here like this. She's sitting behind me, right?

And she's holding on. And she'd go, slow down. I was like, we're good. And she'd go, you are good. And then intentionally, Cristina, no. Then he would go like, you know, you are good. Yeah. But you didn't like that he was going too fast. No, you go on extreme. In fact, he keeps accelerating the more scared I got. Yeah. And then, you know my words. And then what? She doesn't remember. I don't think it did. I don't think it.

You can't lift the cup. How's the coffee? You want more? You want a hot one? We'll bring you a hot one.

Please. Okay, now back to the microphone. We were just talking about how great the vacation was. And really it was because of your positive attitude. And you also ate more shrooms than anybody. Remember? I want to talk about the real thing. It's not a stupid story. No, I'm serious. Serious is what I'm going to say. Number one, you could not dream for any human being with billions and billions of total to have a better gift of this vacation with you guys. It was...

above and beyond any expectation in my short life. And also, might I say you've embraced at your age, if you might, it's okay saying you're 80 years old, 80 years young, and that you've embraced, I would say, such a cool lifestyle, the lifestyle I want to have.

You're into all kinds of things. May I say? Yeah. You're into edibles now? Yeah, psychedelics. Psychedelics? Yeah. Hey, excuse me. I don't have any in my house. No. No, I'm not saying. Yeah.

Yeah. Why are you crying? It's just fun. I'm just so emotional. No. They're bringing you another one. Calientito. They're going to bring it Calientito, yeah. Okay. Keep crying. So you had more psychedelics than anybody on the vacation. Psychedelics? The mushrooms, the gummies. I remember when we were in the... Microphone, yeah.

- It's enough. - Yeah, you can speak loud, it's okay. - But what if I don't want to? - Okay. - What was the question? - That you had more than anybody and you were like, turn it up, let's get some more going. - To be honest, I don't see them do shit. I think the people are destroying their brains and with no purpose because definitely those stupid things. - Don't work. - No, they damage your brain. - They damage your brain.

And we are so stupid that we pay too much to our brain. Yeah, but it's fun. That's the whole point. Well, if I do it once every three years and one time, it's fun. Yeah. Well, and you were so fun when you were taking them. Yeah, you were great. I think you were just... When I was taking them. Yeah. Yeah, you were so much fun. You had the best attitude. On vacation. Thank you, Heather. What do you mean on vacation? I wasn't taking anything. Yeah, I was giving you gummies. Remember in the mornings you were like, hey, give me some more of those gummies. Step it up. Yeah, exactly.

You know, if you're going to be a storyteller, don't talk that stuff. Okay. So do you... Why are you laughing? Do you not like gummies at all? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What is she saying? I can't understand.

What is she saying? What are you saying? Gummy is like the little candy that I gave her, like the little chewable. Like a gummy. Yeah. It didn't do anything to you? You don't think it affects you at all? Zero. Yeah. What about today's? Today? Yeah. I'm in your show. I know. How are you feeling? A little dizzy. A little dizzy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So? So it's fine. It's fine. I think it's great. It's great. It is great. We love it. I love it. But I love that you're embracing... Look...

It's very amazing that somebody will change. I mean, you changed your life moving here to Austin. You've really embraced a whole new world.

in your life. But I also wanted to focus on the fact that you were the star of the vacation. Yes. You were doing things that like, hands down. No, here's the thing. Everybody on that vacation was either a kid or middle-aged like us. And you were the only senior and you were the one who was like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to jump in. I'm going to do this thing. I want to go swimming. I want to go to the beach. So,

So it was people were, we were all discussing how inspiring it was that you were at your age and wanting to do everything. That's what we're saying. Okay. Now I'm crying. Oh. I know. I think you were going to say that. But to be honest, it reminds me that no matter your age, as long as there is love, everything is perfect. I know. The age is not something that we are all going to have it and then every time, everyone has his time. But really, it's,

I don't remember. That's okay. You also realized, you told me that you're going to live another three years max. Do you remember this? Oh, now I know it. You know that. If I am... Three max. Yes. Why three? You're in perfect health. You're healthier than me. I, as my kid says, I am a freak of nature. You are. So instead of telling me we love you, I think you're a... I think you're a...

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You want respect for your show? Yeah, I want respect. Well, then you earn it with, you know, your class, your words.

It's too late for that. It's true. The train has left the station. It's never too late. It's not too late? How come I am at that age sitting here and moving to Texas? Why is there not going to be an age? Yeah. It's amazing that you chose to change your entire life. I think it's lovely. And it's a wonderful new time for all of us as a family. We came together. The boys love it. I love having you. It's a perfect segue into

to talking about the next chapter of your life, which is the fact that a lot of people are excited about you starting an OnlyFans.

OnlyFans, of course, is a subscription site where you are the star and people pay to have access to your life. So in other words, there's a monthly bill that's recurring. And every month a person pays, let's say, $10 a month, something like that. And they just get access to Charro. And you go, hey, good morning. I'm making my coffee. I'm going to take the dogs out. I'm going to the store.

And, you know, you just show them your life, show them your life, show them as much of your life as you want. And we told the audience that this was a possibility. Well, the audience responded in such a way that they wanted you to know that they are ready for this. They are all ready to pay for access to your life. So if you don't mind looking at the screen right here. Yeah. The same guy? Well, no, it's going to change here in a second. Okay. Here you go.

Michigan. Colorado.

Australia. North Carolina. British Columbia. Plum Germany, please. You should really, really consider it. Big time yes. Love to subscribe to an OnlyFans from you. We can't wait to subscribe. I will be on that shit immediately. Yes, yes, yes. You should start. OnlyFans. You're a star and I want to hear you fight. Chug.

Oh, bitch!

I will pay whatever the hell you want. My whole bank account. Premium bucks.

baby. You won't need Tom's money after this baby girl. Let's do this. See how much comes in. Pop off clean. Make that only fence. We love you. Stay gorgeous. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Thank you to everybody that, uh, let us know how you feel. They all want you to do this. Um, and just so you know, go ahead and pull that mic close again. Um, just so you know, there is, there's endless possibilities. Um,

to how you can navigate your OnlyFans. Just so you know. I don't even know how to navigate. Well, I mean. Well, you know the demand is there now. You just saw a montage of several thousand people from all over the globe that want to see you do things. It's simple math, too. It's really simple math. I don't understand.

Why a simple math? Because what you're seeing is one person and then the next person and then the next person. It's like $10, $15, $20. And then...

Keep multiplying the amount of people. What do I do? Well, that's how you want to do it. I mean, you know. I had no clue that my OnlyFans would actually take off. I've made $205,361.49. That is more than I have ever made in my life. Calls from Austria, Switzerland, Australia, England. Five million views. Holy moly. Sorry, my heart is racing right now. I didn't expect to cry.

There it is. Million dollars in 2020. She's made an astonishing $43 million in earnings over the past year. How much money do you guys make? Like 60K a month. Anywhere from 10 to 20K. So crazy. My mom's an only fans model.

Really? Yeah, she is. What do you think about that? I love it. This is my daughter and we are both OnlyFans models. People will ask us for little videos of like of us together. Yeah, so it's like... I'm going to stand in my kitchen and say, these are my dogs. Hey, pull the mic down a little bit. These are my dogs. This is the door that take my dogs out. Chad, why don't you help her? Um...

What? No, you can say, these are my dogs. What do you mean? I can say it. I know. I'm saying you can do good morning. You can do, here are my plans for the day. You can do, guess what we're doing now? I'm going to the grocery store. I'm going to start rehearsing. No, you don't have to rehearse. I'm giving you examples of things you could do. What do you wish me to do? Well, I mean, it's hilarious that you ask because...

There's so many different lanes you can go down. Here's somebody who just does this. Ay, son dos globos.

And the minute they're going to put a needle there on the... Yeah, but you've got the box. You've got similar... Yeah. You could do that if you wanted. You're just leaving money on the table. You don't have to. I'm giving you examples. That is true. I can do that. It's easy money. You know how much a guy would pay to see that every month? Do you see how low in esteem I would be of myself? No. No. It's a different world.

No, she's a school teacher. This one's my son's kindergarten teacher. Okay. Yeah. There's different things you can do. You are degrading me. What are you talking about? Why do you keep moving it? I don't know.

I mean, it was perfectly set. He literally perfectly set it for you. He was like, here you go. It's right there. Okay, see this part? Yeah. Pull from there. No, below, below. Push? Below. Yeah, pull that down. Just down a little bit. There you go. Yeah, so that your mouth is above it. Okay. Charles, let me ask you something. Yes.

You're going to wake up tomorrow morning. You're going to make your coffee. You're going to eat your pastry. You're going to stand in your kitchen and you're going to fart. Now, hold on. Do you want that fart to just go nowhere or do you want to make a million dollars this year? No, I want my secret fart. Okay. I don't remember what I have to say. Okay, but hold on. But like, look, she's just... Ow. Ow.

She's just sitting on the couch, okay? Yeah, okay. And I want to make... Look. I mean, money in the bank. Money, money, money. And she's wearing jeans. You think I can't believe this respect in your life you have for me to ask me if I want money?

Why don't I become a prostitute when I was a kid? Here's the thing. You don't have to sit in there with your tetas bouncing up and down. I'm not going to. Or... But what is your respect to me? Okay, okay. I was giving you ideas. Oh, but stupid ideas. We're just brainstorming. It's just brainstorming session. We're just brainstorming. Yeah. This is a strategy session. So this is... We're just talking ideas. Okay, but... Yeah. It's pretty cool, right? I mean... You're not open to it. How open on a scale of one to ten are you? To fart? To fart.

For only fans. One. Oh, that's something. That's something. I mean, you can do things like... You say the things that I can do if I... Okay, here's about this. You cannot give me permission. You can do... No. Okay. Doesn't make any sense. So, so far we've covered greeting people in the morning, which is exciting. Easy. Yeah. Hey, good morning. Charo here. Just made my coffee. Hope you're having a great day. People would love to start their day with that message. Okay. That's not degrading yourself. Am I allowed to answer? Yes. Yes.

The last thing in your life that you should ask your mother is that she would like to be that low. I just said to say good morning. But if she cannot be a prostitute because she's too old, then she's going to fart. You're not listening. By the same amount of money. Okay. What I said was...

Your video could be, good morning, everyone. Charo here. Hope you're having a great day. I'm enjoying... No pedo, no tetas flopping. You said, and then it was your first. No, I didn't say that this time. I just said you could just do that. Then what am I going to come up with those words? Because you say it. It's very natural. You just say what you normally would. Yeah, you don't have to do the pedo.

Well, if I don't have... Don't move the microphone. Yeah, why do you keep moving it? Push it down. Now pull it down. Not from there, from the bottom. Well, don't you do it. Because you're sitting right in front of it. Just pull it from here. Look, look. Go like that. Pull that down. Here. Not there. Why can't you talk nice? Thank you, Chad. What are you saying? I don't speak Spanish. Thank you.

Chad would, Chad likes you see. It's gentlemen like Chad that would pay to see your OnlyFans content. Nice guys. Okay, you can't do this even? Like. What? He just waved and gave a thumbs up. That is nothing. That's a nothing burger. I've done that on my TikToks and my Instagrams. It's like not a big deal. You have done that? All you do is, he's laying down and going hi. What's wrong with this? What's wrong with that?

I can't believe you asked me that question because I don't see anything wrong. I was having a high impression of you, to be honest. I don't understand. I don't understand. He's just laying there. He's showing us, look, I'm reclining. I'm enjoying myself. Those are the things that put you to sleep or that excite you. Let it be because now that we don't have a...

You know, if you're a man and woman, it is the day, the thing. Yeah, because that's how it is now. Okay. Yeah, that's true. So you wouldn't, I just want to be clear, for $20,000 a month, you wouldn't say, good morning, everyone. Hope you're having a great day. I just fart? No, there's no one is talking about a fart anymore. You just say, good morning. I'm having coffee. You wouldn't do that? So you pay me $20,000? No, I wouldn't. Only fans. Yeah, please. Yeah.

To say good morning, America. That's what they want. Yeah, that's what they want. They want good mornings. For saying good morning, they pay me $20,000. Yes. I can even change sex and names every other week so I can make more. Sure. So good morning, America, I'm one person. Yeah. Good morning, America, I'm a different person. Yep. And then I pretend that I have lechon in my momo. What? What's lechon in my momo? It's a language, please. I don't know. So would you do that?

For $20,000? What else can I say besides good morning America? Good night.

You know what would be really cool? Hey, I'm having my lunch. This is what I'm having for lunch today. Just a healthy salad. I'm going to go for my jog. When it's not going to be. So you could be like, I'm being a bad girl. I'm having panetton and some chicken fingers. Oh, that would be true. Yeah. The worst part is it doesn't change. I know. It's horrible. If you could move the mic more. Listen, so the... I said I wasn't close.

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Don't touch it. Just don't touch it. It's perfectly set for you. And you know why, Charles? We want to see your beautiful face. And if you push it up, they can't see your face. Here, let me show you something crazy. You don't have to do this, but look at this guy. Watch this.

I told me. No, I won't do it for $40,000. Why should I watch this? You don't even know what it was. I saw the beginning. If Friar Pedro was going to come. No. No.

I still am not interested. This is just a video. It's nothing to do with OnlyFans. It has nothing to do with OnlyFans. This is just a video I'm showing you. What does it have to do with me being interested to see how they pedophile? But just see what happens. You don't even see what happens. Okay. Okay. Oh, wow. That's going to make the world work. So that was a gallon jug of pila, of pee. And he just threw it.

Does he make money for doing that? I don't think he does. No. No, he just puts videos out. I don't think he can figure out how to do it. He hasn't figured out the commerce part of it. But he's very focused and he's very dedicated. But I'll tell you what. And doing that? He does pista, only pee. But if he did figure out OnlyFans, you're looking at a potential millionaire right there. Yeah. You just saw a guy make a million dollars. I don't envy him. If you're going to maybe do such a disgusting thing for a million dollars, I pass.

Okay, we're moving on from OnlyFans. Okay. And now I'm showing you videos that you tell me whether they make you laugh, you think it's hilarious, or whether you think it's not funny at all. Okay. Okay? So I go from hilarious to not funny at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My betweens. Not really in between. Well, I guess you could kind of say it's kind of funny, but here we go. Okay.

I don't understand you. You're asking me if this is funny or not funny? Yeah, yeah. Your brain is not working. Hi, Tommy. Oh, he has to hit the bike again. So that was horrible. Is it anything lower than... No, it's horrible or hilarious. No, horrible. Okay, okay. I think that was horrible, too. That was pretty horrible. I agree. I didn't think it was hilarious. Hopefully this next one is hilarious. Here we go.

oh he's paralyzed oh he broke his leg he broke his leg it's a guy riding a bull just so you know for those listening his leg is totally sideways yeah it broke his back

Well, I guess we're 0 for 2 today. No, I didn't know that was in there either. I was just showing you what's in the folder. He doesn't know. It's random. It's totally random. He doesn't put these together. Our producers do. He's not responsible. Okay. So that one, horrible also. Absolutely horrendous. Yeah, that was bad. That was really bad. That was sad.

Okay, here's the next. I forgot. What is it that we're watching? These are clips, and you either say it's horrible or hilarious. Oh, okay. Okay. So, so far, 0 for 2. All horrible. I'm totally horrible. Okay. Here we go. Next one. There's a woman with a horse. Oh, shit. The horse just kicked her. Horrible. Shit, we're...

Three for three on horrible today. I kind of liked it because I kind of hate horses and I don't like... You hate horses? I don't like horses. I don't like horse culture, horse people. I think it's silly to ride them. I think there's... Yeah, it's like silly. Why would you ride a beast that can just murder you? Would you consider going to a psychologist? I really do. It's too much.

It didn't work? I don't like writing them. I saw it. Oh, yeah. How can you ask me if it's horrible or funny? Sometimes they're hilarious. That's true. This is hilarious. Look how hateful that horse is. I know. It's very hateful. They're so spiteful and shitty. If I was married, I would be scared to watch this. So far, they gave us three...

My bet, if I'm a betting man, is that this next one's going to be absolutely hilarious. Okay? That means it's horrible. Well, I think it's going to be hilarious. Okay, let's watch. Okay, it's piñata. She's doing the piñata. Uh-oh, I know where this is going. That lady better move. Oh, she bet the stick. I don't see anything funny. Wait, did you see what happened? Why the poor lady? What?

Why the poor lady volunteer? Yeah, she was trying to tell her, hey, don't swing yet. But the lady wearing the blindfold didn't know where not to swing. Here, let's see it again. It looks like a tire iron. Is that what it's called? She doesn't realize that the piñata's not hanging. She's like, let me grab it. Oh, my God.

Is that the word tire iron? Look at the curve on that thing. Is that called tire iron? Well, that's not a tire iron, but that is a such thing as one. It looks like a... If it was a tire iron, she would be still on the ground. Yeah. She would have never gotten up. She hit the shit out of that iron. That was pretty funny. That was really funny, yeah. How did you get this thing? Did you give that a hilarious or no? You didn't LOL at all.

Are you guys don't have the heart? No. Sometimes you want to take a shit and you don't know how big your shit's going to be. So if you want all that shit to get off of your ass, make sure you get one of these bidets and spray all the diarrhea. What? Is this a commercial? Yeah.

I told me don't bring your mind to talk. No, that's not even funny. But it's an advertisement. I don't care. And do it with your. Okay, we'll do that one later. We'll do that one later. Okay, you ready? Piece of shit for you. Yeah.

The diarrhea thing. - What? - If you have diarrhea, there's nothing more upsetting than having shit covered all over the sides of your toilet. - I told me. - I'm in the middle of an anery. - You can go for me just like this. - You have to, they're paying for it. When you wipe your ass and you smear shit all over. - No, no, no, no, no, don't go that low. - I have to do it. - No, no, no, no. - Okay.

No, I'm not your mother anymore. You're going to start talking like that, Tommy. You're going to clean the shit off the sides of your ass cheeks, off the inside. Your kids are listening to this. Make sure that all the diarrhea that was falling out of your ass onto the floor and into the toilet stops falling out. It's not just liquid. Don't record it. Don't record it. All you do is you insert the pill into your anus. I know. I am not taking it. But that's how you do it. You don't talk like that in front of me. Go to D-Pill. No. No.

Go to dpill.com slash YMH. Christina, you shouldn't let him do this. No, this is the copy. This is the copy. He didn't, I swear to God, this is the agency. Go to dpill.com slash YMH to make sure your toilet is never filled with that horrible, horrible shit and inserting it rectally. You don't allow him to do this. This is our sponsor. No, there is, what sponsor is this? Dpill. Dpill?

Yes, it's for diarrhea. Look. Well, how do you think we're going to pay for your new washer dryer? With the money for the deep bill? Yes. They're paying us to read this copy. By the way, I like how you lobbed that in there. You're like, hey, can I get a washer dryer? Okay, where was I? I got to go put in a deep help because they told me I have to actually have the experience. I got to go too. I got to go home. I think you know where I'm going? I don't know where you're going. I'm washing the nerves. Oh, that's exhausting. Exhausting. You guys are on your own on that. Yeah.

Tommy, Tommy, no, wait a minute. How about my Christina? I need the money. Do I think this is hilarious? No. No? I told you you are my son. Okay, let's do the last one. This one, if I know these guys, they've been just throwing curveballs at us in there and they gave us some horrible stuff and the last one's going to be the funniest thing we've ever seen. That's what I think is going to happen. Here we go. Oh.

There's a guy skiing, right? He's standing and then he gets... Oh, my God. Somebody behind him knocks him clear over. I don't see that. You didn't see that? So the guy that's standing here... I saw that. Okay, he's standing and... Here, I'll put it here. And they knock him out of the inn. There's somebody sliding behind him. He doesn't know that. Oh, I didn't either. See, look. See it there? Yeah. And he doesn't realize he's about to get hit right here.

Do you now see it? Yes. Okay. And then he hits him at such a speed. Oh, my God. That he does a full flip and lands on his head. Well, they're all laughing. See? I think that people have mental problems in this world now. These guys have influenced us in a very negative way, the guys in the booth. Because the show used to be a lot nicer before we hired them. Why did you hire these people? I don't know. I think about it a lot.

Can you cancel them? I'm trying to cancel them. I'm trying to. Yeah. They're very... But we wanted to show nice things. Yeah, we used to always... And then they would throw... They would always mislead us and do this stuff. I don't get it. What did they... How did they mislead us? What was that? Thank you. How did they... How did they... What?

How did they mislead me? Yes. I would say, I want to show nice videos. I want to see sailboats. Cats, dogs. People on swings and fun stuff. And then they would put these things in my folder and things like this. And it's usually the three guys you see there. I agree. I don't know. They kind of got us by the balls now. Can I get a fresh coffee? You want another coffee? No.

Why don't you drink that one? I am going to drink this while she brings me the other one. Sure, yeah, we can do another coffee. No, I'm not. How does she know that you want me to drink that? I'm just saying it and they're hearing us. She's a wall to me.

They can hear from the microphone. They know. They know. They heard you. What do you find funny? You know, we were watching Notting Hill the other night at the house, and your mother did laugh a little bit. I love it. I love it. She LOL'd pretty hard. At Notting Hill? Yeah. What's that again? It's like a romantic comedy with Hugh Grant. Oh, that movie is cute, though. It is cute, but I don't know if I ever LOL'd. Like laugh out loud in that? She really was laughing hard.

Yeah, I used to think that, like, I used to think you guys were retarded when I would walk...

past the living room and I would hear you guys laughing at sitcoms, I'd be like, my family's fully retarded. You guys would laugh at like friends. Who laughs at this? They laugh at it. So I'm just saying maybe we don't share a sensibility of what's funny. Maybe. Which is fine. We can't be the same person. You think that you two are hilarious?

Well, I mean... I don't know. I don't know. I think I have a good sense of humor. Yeah, but that makes you... You have a good sense of humor. Right, so I... That doesn't mean you're hilarious. No, it doesn't mean I'm hilarious, but I think the things I laugh at are... I have a better sense of humor than people who...

don't laugh at things like I'm a superior laugher I have a higher that is true sensibility for it that's true if you laugh even we don't know what he's laughing about we are all laughing we're all laughing all laughing yeah yeah

But also, I mean, that's just how I think everybody thinks about themselves, right? Right. Everybody thinks. We all think the way I'm thinking. I'm lost now. They're the smartest. I'm looking at this guy in the ski. Why in the world are we talking about Paris? I don't know. I don't know. It's just kind of the conversation just went there. But I found something that I think will make you laugh. Okay, because this is not funny. This is not. Okay. How about this one? This guy's on a roller coaster. He passes out.

And then he wakes up. Oh, that's so dangerous. What? And now he passes out again. Ay, Tommy. This is funny for you. We're not laughing. What's this? This is terrifying. In a helicopter? Rollercoaster. Rollercoaster. Helicopter. Not a helicopter. Oh, yeah. I thought it was stupid. You didn't like that either? No, I...

Why do you waste your time in doing things that don't make any sense? Why is it funny about this? Just to see somebody screaming and passing out? Yeah, I mean, I am worst. You put me there, I don't come back. Yeah, I'm surprised. That's good that he stayed in there. That's how guys check on each other. Yeah, it's really loving, I know. No, I have to tell you one thing. It bothers me to think that people...

They put the people upside down in this, right? Yeah. And it's supposed to be funny. Yeah. It's supposed to be a thrill, like exciting. I did a lot less, and I was only 50 years younger. No kidding. No, actually more. Thank you, Heather. Thank you. Thank you so much. Don't forget to get that next one just ready to brew and going here. You're talking about how you don't think roller coasters are cool. I know. No. Yeah.

I don't really like them either. Hurts my head and stuff. But that thing scares you? I don't like it. I don't like it the older I get. I'm not... I don't like it. I don't like it either.

I think life's scary enough. I don't need to be like a thrill seeker. Like I'm scared of every day. Like I go to the doctors and I'm like, oh shit. Yeah. I'm scared. Well. You know? We have reasons after you are a mother and a wife of not exactly the easiest husband. Yeah. Thank you for acknowledging that. Not only acknowledging, I admire you. Yeah. I truly admire you. What's wrong with him? What do you think? I think he should go to a psychiatrist. Yeah. Yeah.

Let me tell you things that I think ones are really positive, some are negative. What do you want first? Positives. Okay. Extremely generous. Very generous. I mean, in general, great friend. Yes. Excellent father. Very strong. No, he's excellent. You are his wife. But he's no excellent wife. He's excellent husband. Yes. Yes.

You were saying positive and negative qualities about me. Why are you here? Why am I here? I'm talking to Cristina, Tommy. I was giving you the reminder. You said, what were we talking about? You know, all of a sudden, I got the impression that either you and I were dead and he show up. No. You forgot he was here?

I was like this. It's you and me talking. I'm very engaging. Yeah, you are. You're so dynamic. Well, what were you going to say? What could Tom work on? As a human being, what can he work on? Well, he's a good comedian. No, she's saying, what are the negative qualities that I could address to be better? Well, if it's

If it's better than it's bad. If it's bad, it's not called quality. Okay. Well, I said negative quality. Yes. Negative. Characteristic. Yes. I'd love to hear this. This is very exciting. Okay. I honestly don't have any idea what was the question. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Okay. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. My friend Will Blunderfeld, he put out a video that they sent in, asked us to review. So we're just going to take a look at that for a second, okay? To review to see if you're... I don't know. I don't know what it is yet. I don't know. And I'm just fingering my stink portal and kind of...

sniffing every few minutes and really just coming into what we call the million dollar point, which is actually technically right before... Wait, wait, wait. I thought you were going to think about you if you were funny or no. No, this is our friend Will. He lives in Canada. He teaches men how to like get more comfortable with themselves and like he encourages you to like put your fingers like in your anus and in your testicles. I know, I know. I mean, respect to...

It's not for you, though. It's just for the audience. This is for men. I am part of the audience. You're not the audience. You're one of the hosts, actually. That's the worst part. I have to watch this guy. Between the Dragon Pearls and the portal, closer to the stink portal is the million dollar point. It's the external pressure point for what we call the walnut, a.k.a. the prostate gland. I

I kill his pants. We're just trying to learn. What you can do is simply circularly stimulate it with your middle finger. Oh, yeah. You don't know what's wrong. What's going on? He's not doing anything bad. That is lack of respect. Okay. Skip this stupid thing. Skip that? Okay. I really don't like it. All right. Here. Tom...

That's on a... Oh, dude. Why is he posing? He's vomiting, yeah. On that guy? I really... Yeah. Is this... Are you testing me if I'm stupid? No, we're just looking at the different things that come in. These all come in like in a... But you asked me if I'm... No, that's over. Can I ask you something, Tom? Is this like a fetish video where the guy's voluntarily lying down? It's a hazing.

Oh, like a fraternity. So this is what's happening on the schools these days. This is why we're here. They go, I want to join your thing. And then they go, well, we have to vomit on you first to let you into our group. Yeah, that's what's happening here. That's what it is. I know. And the kids are so stupid that they accept it. Yeah, that's how bad they want to be in the group. This is a current event show. No, this is just a current event segment of the show. This is what people are doing.

So we like to comment on what's happening in the world. Do you think this is bad? Christina, the world is sending and we are like in the taps when the, you know, when COVID started. Yeah. For the people in China, we watch it like an event that police people. Now we have everything happening in here between the fires and

And the floods and the earthquakes. You know that our last house that we lived in burned down? Completely. I know it by a hundred people. I just have to say, and I know we haven't talked about it yet, but, you know,

I haven't even been able to scroll anything other than the fire stuff on TikTok. It's been devastating. And I feel like it's like a movie I'm watching. It's not even real because we're not there anymore. So I can't walk through the city. It's the hardest thing in the world. It's just devastating. And the Palisades...

Was our dream come true? I remember. It was our dream. Especially I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, shitty little apartment with my mom, all immigrants. And I only dreamed of living somewhere as beautiful as the Palisades. And then we got that house and I was like, I have made it.

And even in the back of my mind... And it was you. You could read you. It was gorgeous. The house was absolutely gorgeous. I agree. But now there's not even the hope of going back. There is no there. It's a memory that you have with you. That's all. And I just... My heart goes out to everybody, obviously, that's affected. Oh, I pray for these people and for all these events. You know what scares me really? I really feel this is not funny that...

We're coming to the end of the world. You feel like that, Varela? I swear I feel like that. Why do you think we're coming to the end of the world, though? Tommy, thinking all the things that are happening in the world. We have an earthquake and it was in Japan. I don't know. But you guys don't watch the news? Sometimes. TikTok. Well, I'm too wrapped up in LA. The last five days I've been glued. No, no. This was 7.9, I think, in Japan. Okay. I mean, everything that we watch is just...

Sorry, before I forget, though, you guys, we are raising money to help Angelinos with our t-shirt. You can get it at ymhstudios.com, all proceeds go. Store.ymhstudios.com. It all goes to the California Fire Foundation. That, people always ask, how's the money attributed? It goes to firefighters and people affected in the community. So the people, the very people that are the first responders, Cal Fire Foundation is a non-profit and

And the money goes to that organization, which dispenses it to...

firefighters, their families and the, and the communities that they serve. So it's a pretty cool community. Um, obviously the efforts, uh, that are going to be needed to rebuild Los Angeles. You're looking at probably a decade. Um, so, but it's one of those things where every little bit counts. You don't have to get a shirt. Uh, you can go straight to Cal fire foundation. If you want to, uh, you can donate directly. You could also donate clothing. You can donate, um,

goods, perishable goods. There's all types of places that are accepting it in Altadena and Pasadena, by the way, which is on the eastern side of Los Angeles where they had the Eaton Fire. They've been greatly, greatly affected too. A lot of people might not know that that community is a lot of people living paycheck to paycheck. There's a lot of people don't know how the different neighborhoods shape out. I would also add that

People in the Palisades who might not be living paycheck to paycheck are also deeply traumatized and horrified by the fact that they lost everything. And, you know, it's however you want to view it, but they all need help. Well, there's those people that have been living in the Palisades for 20, 30, 40 years, too. And it's not just rich assholes that are affected by this. Schools have burned down. Can you imagine being a kid? You lose your home and your school in one day. It's just alarming. Yeah.

I'm too upset. Very troubling. That being said, it's probably a... By the way, at the time we're recording this, LA is still on fire, just so people know. I really hope that by this release date, it is not. Charo, let's show you some stuff that hopefully puts a smile on your face. Okay? Don't discuss me. Okay.

But why do you disrespect me like this? We don't know what we're going to play. I don't know what this is. This is this guy. You don't say we have respect for my mother, so check it out. We got to fire somebody today because this is on this team. I agree with you. Well, who do we fire first? Look at their faces. Oh, man.

This is, I'm so sorry. You're right. This is very disrespectful. We did not okay these videos. Josh, are you responsible for this? Yeah, who's getting canned? Well, can you put yourself on the screen? There you go. You can see them on this screen. Which one of you put these videos in front of my mother-in-law? I want answers. Who's the guy in the hat in the back? Is that Tanner? Yeah. Hold on. Put him on the screen. Wave, Tanner. Do you mean to fire him?

I want to see his face to see if he lies. Well, okay. Let's see his face. Okay. Look at me, please. Can you get closer to the camera, Tanner? Yeah, he looks like a liar. Hi, Tanner. Come closer. Closer, Tanner. I think he's scared of me. Maybe. He doesn't want to lose his job, Mom. You won't lose your job. Okay. Do you want me to fire him? Okay. What is my question? Do you want me to fire him? I don't know what he did. He got some of these videos ready. Oh. Okay.

- No, but don't fight him, but you should give him a warning. - Give him a warning? All right, consider this your warning. Sit back down. - But you gave him 30 days, no? - 30 days, okay, you have a 30-day warning. I don't know what that is. There's Eni, see, you see Eni right there? You remember Eni waving? Yeah, you mean to fire him? - No. - Oh, okay. - Why would you fire him? - Thanks, Joro.

No, I will never do that to you. I appreciate you, Charlie. Tell me, what is wrong with you? I was giving you the option. Why would I fire him? He's responsible. He works on the team, too. No, no, no. What about Josh in the middle? He's Jewish. Do you want me to get rid of him? Oh, no. Yeah.

No, nobody gets fired. Okay, but guys, next time let's be a little more respectful of my mother-in-law. I want to know first, why is it that we are firing him? You asked who got this and you said, shouldn't they have a little more respect? And then I said to you, how about I show you the guys that prepared everything and you can fire somebody. Oh my God, no, I'm not going to fire anybody. Oh, okay. That would have been great. Yeah, that is our fault though, Charles. Sorry, we prepped those videos ahead of time. We forgot that you were coming in. That's our bad. Sorry about that. I mean, yeah.

Oh, that's so sweet. I know. Because they're very sweet. They love you. They didn't know. They love me, but they really are nice. You know, like in the video sometimes you can't really tell at a glance. This looks like it's an extension of the hair. Oh, that's cool. So all this, like look up, it kind of looks like sometimes that it's your hair. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. Well, this is 100% squirrel, which is very tricky. How many squirrels did they have to? This costs, is that your phone? That is her phone. Yeah. That's an old person's phone ring.

You want to put that on quiet? Depends if it's a logo or not. Yeah, this is made out of 100% Texas squirrel, and they had to catch about 500 squirrels to make this. Can you believe that? They caught 500 squirrels from the trees to make this jacket for her. This is Texas squirrel. Okay, this is not even funny. Why?

No, we have an overabundance of squirrels here. We have a squirrel problem. So they're letting people shoot squirrels out of trees. I know. I am moving from the United States. Oh, I swear to you. It's a huge problem. You can even, here's the thing. They used to let you only do it with a bow and arrow. And then they said. I know. No, no, I'm telling you. And you buy that jacket? Of course. It supports the Texas economy. Now they're letting people hit, stab them with knives and throw rocks. I'm serious. I don't want to be in Massachusetts.

Well, I'm telling you, this is a squirrel problem in this. They are tearing up people's gardens and the resources for the squirrels are out of control right now. It's really crazy. And their meat is not very good. It's very gamey. So we're not taking away food from the homeless or anything like that. She's the squirrels alone for this. Can I talk? I love squirrels.

You do? Why? They're such menaces. I don't know what you are, but they are not menaces. They are. They're like villains. They're like the villains of suburbia. Yes, they are. Really? They steal those nuts from the other creatures. So how do you want them to survive? By making jackets. They need to be... So you kill them for them to survive. Yes.

You're brilliant. Well, we have to kill them to keep the population down. They're rascals. So you told me that. Their fur is nice. So these are all the tails. They just use the tail and then I throw away the body because who cares?

What? You know what they kind of are, though? Are you trying to be funny? No. Here's the thing, though. Because this is not funny. It's not funny. These are the gypsies of the animal kingdom. True story. You know how when you see a gypsy, you're like, oh, he can sing, he can dance. And then you realize, where did my wallet go? Yeah. It's kind of like a squirrel. They taunt our dogs. They taunt your cats. I know. They steal the food from the birds. Yep. I still love them. Look how many jackets you're swinging by right now. I see...

Made out of squirrels? Well, I'm saying, I'm scrolling this, I'm thinking of jackets and jackets and jackets that they're going to make. We've got to get into this business. You have the worst mentality. What? Me? Tom and Joe are becoming extremely materialistic. What? Why? She's already thinking that we can sell, that we can... Make jackets. Make jackets. No, he's an environmentalist. He's not an environmentalist, he's a criminal.

He wants to get rid of it. Look, here's one of those menacing little critters right now. That's the exact squirrel we have problems with, this particular breed. See, now you want a jacket. I can get you a jacket. No, thanks.

But you can't bring me a square. Look, he's holding a gun. I know. It's a Texan squirrel. It's a funny story. He's trying to fight us. Hey, can we talk about the cruise? Yeah, we did. We did? Yeah, we did this already. I just don't see half of my head again. Can we talk about Hawaii? I still remember. Everybody remembers. You know what I think you would like? A drink. A drink.

I am not alcoholic. No, you're not. No, no. But I do remember that every time I come to the show, I look like an alcoholic because I watch five shows and look at... Nobody says that. Nobody says that. You guys are just feeding me and feeding me to see this look funny. That's not funny. That's not funny? That's not funny. No. What's not funny? The opposite of serious. Is honey? Funny. Oh. Oh.

Matt, Matt, Charo, may I ask you a personal question? It's respectful. It is with all respect. You're a player of bridge. You loved playing bridge back in Florida. And when you came to Texas, I offered to find you a bridge opportunity to go play with other people and stuff. And then I sent you an opportunity today to go play at a bridge club and you declined. Why did you decline?

You can tell the truth. I'm telling the truth. The truth is, you know, this is a really hard stage right now for me. Sure. Because it's 20 some more years in one place. The only, you know, the light here that really make me all do is for the two of you and my kids, my babies. But it's a hard change in my age. Yeah. And the place I lived the longer since I got married was Vero.

And there is very small town, you know, you take my left and go straight at my church. I go out here, go to my right, drive another 10 minutes and it's my bridge and the cemetery. So this is wonderful, but I want to tell you, you guys couldn't be more generous, more loving, more caring. And I really feel like my family and I have moved because I went from one side of my family to the other one and I never spent time with you guys before.

And you gave us not only a dream, but an impossible thing to have more of my age. Having this private, whatever you want to call it, even culture money or it doesn't, it was so much love. It was, excuse me, you guys can make coffee, wine, and water. Yeah. Which one should I choose? Back to the bridge. You, can I, may I just, may I, you wrote back and you said, this bridge is a social club.

I play for money. No, I pay to play. I don't play for money. You pay to play? Yeah. Yes, it's a club. And if you want to play, you have to pay. And my club was $10 each time I got to play. I don't win anything. If I play really well, I might get half of a point. But since I lost my husband, which means three years ago, I was a decent player.

Since then, well I didn't play for over a year. But since then I haven't even got a point. You don't practice it for a few years. It's hard at my age. Everything is hard at my age. - You're old as shit. You're 80 years old. - Well, how old are you that you pretend that you are a baby? You're not a teenager. - I'm 33. - You're not 33. - 34 in April. - Okay, I am going to be 78. No, excuse me. I'm talking 68. - You're gonna be 68?

Wait till you see me after this. I want to make it public. Public. That he offered me to pay me

To make the milk look like the 92. What? I don't know. But I am going to do a thin... You want to get filler. And I told you I found the doctor. But you can't just go to some nickel and dime place and get filler. No, it's not nickel and dime. Excuse me. You have to go to a reputable plastic surgeon. No, because I don't want to postpone it. She just wants to get a quick fix. Did you get any injections already? Did you do anything? Yes. How'd it go?

She didn't have time for me. Oh. But no, there's no story. She told me she can do Botox, but only in two areas. I didn't ask her the reason. I suspected the age or whatever. And that she cannot do anything else because it's by appointment. So she did the Botox, which is kind of stupid, to be honest. I can't remember where. You don't remember where? I don't remember if she did it here or here. Probably your forehead. It was here. I remember now. That's the story. But you owe me, wait a minute, you owe me a lot of money.

And I want to make it public. And I want you to affirm. Not like one time. Hey, I'm talking to you. Yeah, no. Hey. Okay. Jesus. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Years ago. Oh, we're going to years ago. Well, I don't know. Two years, a year and a half. But we agree. I forgot that.

So, do you know that people are also getting filler in their buttholes and in their vaginas? They're putting them in their vaginas. They're putting filler. I'm getting out. You don't talk to me. I am still your mother. So, please respect. What about, hold on. I understand you're upset. No. What about a breast enhancement? Would you consider getting a boob job? Me? Here's the thing. I know you don't like wearing a bra.

You can get implants so that you don't even have to wear a bra. This is way too funny. She liked it. But if you get implants, you can put a mesh in there. I don't laugh when I like. I only laugh when I'm smiling. No, ha, ha, ha, this is funny.

Those are her tetas. They are. She can lift that shirt. I don't have her number. Those are her tetas, Mama. Okay. Okay, that's it? No.

She has size 40P jugs. Yep. And then she can make them clap by doing this. She's trying to promote her OnlyFans account and attract more fans. Yeah. You pay to watch your dog? Yeah. You pay for more access. You can see them without the shirt. I think we really are losing everything in this world. You think it's funny.

No, no. Oh, we don't laugh. Here's something that I do think is, this is something I think is funny. Everything you think is funny, as long as it's disgusting, it's filthy, it's insulting, it's funny. So we encourage, this is her, mom. So you can see that her chest is really her chest. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Those are pee cups. That's enormous. That's not her chest. Yeah. That's her. That's her chest.

Does her still? Yeah. She's got them. She's got a bra on. But look how much people love it. Fire, fire emoji, fire. I love all your videos and pictures. You know what that tells you? What?

That people are mean. No, they love her. It's not mean. What do you mean? They're being sincere. What do they tell her? They dance, they jump. She looks great. No, so sexy. They love it. Your videos and pictures are amazing. I love them. Oh, what was it? Nice public, whatever it's called. Okay. So...

We encourage people, Mom, to go to Starbucks and go to the drive-thru, okay? Yeah. And order your coffee in a British accent, okay? And then to tell the person that works at Starbucks, happy birthday.

These are Americans generally doing this. So they're not Brits, but they're pretending to be British. And what we've asked them to do is record yourself saying, hello, love. Let me get a coffee and you look lovely and happy birthday. And then send us the video. And because we did it and we had fun doing it. So we have asked people to do it and now they're doing it. Okay. So that's what you're going to see. Here we go.

Hi. Hello, love. 517, how are you today? I'm doing all right. How are you doing, love? Excellent. Oh, my goodness. Where are you? Are you from Australia? No, I'm from London. Oh, shoot. He's from London. Yeah, right? Thank you, love. How do you now? We just heard you repeat your drink just so we could hear it again. We heard you the first time. Oh, you're so lovely. Thank you. Oh, happy birthday. Oh!

Tommy, what is this? You're so sweet. Betsy Ice Coffee, best drink of the day, love. Por favor. That was awesome. That was amazing.

- Oh, you guys are really losing it. - But do you see like chicks dig a British accent too? - Oh my God, do they ever. - Dude, and he got a best drink of the day. - Wait, wait, wait, I don't know if you're serious. - I'm totally serious. - What do you mean I'm serious? - This is a joke. - Okay, you have a really serious problem. I don't think we want to talk here because people can hear us. - What? - Okay. - Tell me if you think, what was it that we just watched? I don't remember. - Okay, I just got through explaining to you what you were gonna see. I said I told people,

to go to Starbucks, speak in a British accent, and then tell the person working there, happy birthday. Okay. I mean, we just watched the whole thing. I don't remember. Can you hear it in your headphones? Can you hear the clip? I mean, I did it first. Okay. Okay.

That's you? Right. Okay. What were you doing? Happy birthday. Thank you. Hello, love. Thank you. Thanks, love. Thanks, love. The kids are in the back. They love it. Oh, okay. Thanks, love. They're laughing right now. They love it. There you go for your birthday. And what do you give him? 20 bucks. That's nice. Oh, thank you. There you go. It's your birthday. What accent is that? I don't know. A bad British one? It's supposed to be an awful British accent.

Like as bad as they all are trying to be. So we're telling our listeners, because you tell the listeners to go to Starbucks or wherever, drive-thru, and do a fake British accent. And you have to say, happy birthday. And keep the accent. Keep the accent the whole time. Do a bad British accent. Okay, hold on. There was another question that had nothing to do with it.

Okay. Here's another one. Keep thinking. Excuse me, I can't hear you. What did you say? Can I have a large iced coffee, please? I got it. Yes, happy birthday. That's it? That's all. Okay, $4.65 for a round of wine. Thank you. Yes, happy birthday. Okay. There you go. Thank you. Thank you. And this is for you guys. Absolutely. Happy birthday. What is funny? Thank you. Thank you.

This is one of the stupidest things I ever watched. Yes, that's the point. All right, I love you. Thank you. No reaction. So good. This... Oh, so funny. This is so bad. Yeah, so much fun. Can I tell you what happened to me? This is your show, really? Yeah.

Wait, can I tell you the coolest thing happened to me this weekend? I was with our sons at a restaurant and you have to walk up to the cashier to order, right? So Julian and I are there. We order. We're just kind of standing here. A woman comes up and I hear her go, hey, Hitler, I'd like to order a cheeseburger and fries and da da da. And then she goes, thank you, mommy. What? And I was like, and we both went, oh, it was the coolest thing ever. Really? Yeah. I saw it in the wild. I saw one in the wild. That's amazing. You like that? I loved it.

I mean, how's... What? I don't think she understands this. Yeah, you said you were in a place where you were with... Wait. With a woman that looked like you. And you both sat and started talking. Mm-mm. That's not what she said. Okay, I want to hear it again because... Oh, let's watch the videos. I am not losing it. Yeah, maybe we should explain it through these videos. Okay, here we go. Here's another one. No, another one. Why don't we go back to the one... Hold on. What did he say? Hello, governor.

hello governor happy birthday okay have you tried that drink before this one i've tried it before you guys are having more than serious my brother i told my brother it was good he didn't believe me and he finished it in four sips he believes me now what is this about happy birthday

I don't have any idea what are we talking about about this guy. I'm going to throw up. Saying happy birthday to somebody and you guys are laughing like, this is as dumb as you can go. Welcome to the show. Oh, that's the whole thing? Yes. Oh, I can make my own show. That's what people love. You can. Well, that's the other thing. So your OnlyFans is obviously in the works. We're not going to quit until you sign up. But... Not for what? OnlyFans!

To say good morning, good evening, good night. That's all I have to say for real? Yes. Say hello, governor. No, that's not good morning. No, just say it. No, just say it. Hello, hello, governor. Hello. Hello, governor. Yeah. Governor. Governor. Hello, governor. Can you say, can you say, happy birthday? It's your birthday. It's your birthday. There you go. I mean, that's fantastic. That's perfect. How do you say it in French?

Whatever I'm saying. I forgot what I'm saying. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Good morning. Good morning. Joyeux anniversaire. Yeah. Why do you have to screw up shows? Who is that guy there? That's the last guy that said happy birthday.

I want to keep him dead. Yeah. Bonjour, governor. Bonjour, governor. I will say it again. So retarded.

I want to hear the accent. I have to pick it. Which one? Maybe Christina should do it. The French or the British one? Bonjour, gouverneur. Neither one is... Bonjour. Ah, the French. Bonjour, gouverneur. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Gouverneur. Gouverneur. Oh, this is sexy. Look. Bonjour, gouverneur. And then, it is your birthday. Is that French? Yeah. Yeah.

It sounds like a French trying to speak in English. That's the whole point. It is a French-French-French connection. Ah, well, you didn't say that part, so that was my brain function. It is... The whole sentence. It is your birthday. It is your birthday. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Can I have... Can I have...

Café Latte. Café Latte. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Perfect. Can you do that today at Starbucks later? Perfect. Are you going to pay me for saying that? No, he's part of the show. He's a part of the show. I'm going to go to Starbucks to sell him sugar. But that's why he's your only fan. Okay, okay. Don't talk.

Oh, hit the speaker. Just repeat what you hear. Yeah, listen. Repeat. Oh, how beautiful. I don't understand anything. Again? One more time? I have one word. Wow, that was really impressive. What is it that she was supposed to say? She's saying, can I have a café latte happy birthday?

Hello, governor. Can I watch that guy do a governor again? Yeah, sure. So funny. He goes, hello, governor. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Why do you laugh? Again, again. Christina can say it. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Bonjour, le gouverneur. Okay.

One more time. Oh, my God. Happy birthday. That guy in the window just had to probably went, what, dude? I don't get the jokes. I love hello, governor. So that expression is like a really old timey, like a working class, southie. I lost it totally. Okay. Well.

It's an accent that is... Make it in short, please. It's like a Cockney way of saying hello. She doesn't know what that means. It's like a Lowa slang. It's slang. It's like British slang. Oh, okay. Hello, governor. Okay. It's like slang. That sounds like... You know what? Hello, governor. It sounds like a farmer.

Right. It's supposed to be kind of low class. Yeah. You're sounding like you're not upper class. Why are you sounding British with low class? Because it's fun. It's within the British. It's the best. There's a scale. There's a class system. Spectrum to the accent. Like in your stupid American. Yeah, yeah. Yes. But so like if you say, how y'all doing? It sounds like a certain type of person. My type of person. That's your type of person. That's right. That's why we like the governor. That's what I'm saying. You're a governor. That's why we like this kind of stuff. No, no, no. Stop there.

What's happening? I don't want to talk about your governor because I don't care for any governor there. Who is your governor? Oh my God, we're not talking about... What are we talking about? I forgot. Who is your governor? Because I don't know what I'm saying. Who is your governor? My governor is... Oh my God.

Don't ask my opinions about anything political. - No, we're not getting into politics. - No, I think we should stick away from that. - Not a topic that we can touch here. I want to ask you a few questions. Have we talked about the cruise? - Yes, yes, it's been a few times already. - Did I thank you? No, wait a second. - We gotta keep watching these. - I don't think it's fair and it's disrespectful when I'm talking that you throw me the, que es eso? - There's a woman screaming. - Well, I am talking? - Yeah, I didn't-- - I'm not coming back. - Why?

I am talking and you throw me a... That's when I am talking? No, it's just a thing here. You know what? I have water. I have a towel. I will. So, here's what we're going to do. I am talking. Oh, I didn't know you were talking. Go ahead. Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you please tell me what you were saying? I don't remember. Okay. I know I was talking. Okay. I know, I know. I said...

I have water. And then you say, well, as we were talking about it, and you just throw me out. I'm still the mother.

All of you wouldn't be here. That's true. I mean, you would be here. I wouldn't. I wouldn't have my sweet, wonderful husband. I wouldn't have my grandbabies if it weren't for you. Yeah. It's true. If it weren't for you. You wouldn't have your grandbabies and you wouldn't have your husband. My whole life I have to thank you. It's a true story. Thank you, governor. Thank you, governor. Thank you, governor. Happy birthday. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Happy birthday. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Who is your governor? Is it still Mr. Cruz? No, he's never been the governor. He's a senator.

Who was... Abbott is the governor. The same thing or no? The same thing. He's still the governor. Yeah. What happened with Arnold Schwarzenegger? He was governor. It's been a while. He did a good job. He was governor in California. That's the question. Wait, Tommy. Three things I want to talk. No, no, no. This is extremely serious. The fires in California. We're praying all over the world for this. It's very sad for people.

That was Josh. Josh, stop pushing that. So I cannot talk about anything? No, you can. That was completely uncalled for. He should apologize. Cut his salary and give it to the poor. Give it to the poor. He's on board with that idea. He's mentioned that to me before.

He doesn't know what? He wanted to do that. He said he was going to do that. So you said... So you accepted? I accepted. I said, donate your salary. He said yes. Oh, God. Well, you do the same. I've done that as well. It's your birthday. It's my birthday.

So, you said you want to talk about the fires and how destructive they are, how the end of the world is coming because of things like the fires. I 100 and 3 million percent agree. And there's so many people's pronouns. It's all indicators that the world is coming to an end. Yes. Okay. Anything else? Doesn't that scare you enough? I said no if there was another... You know what, Tommy? That bothers me is you know how Catholic devoted...

Unbelievable I am. So for me, when I talk about anything related that we're going to... Can you pull the mic down some? Like who? Can you pull it from here? From here. Reach the other way. Other way. Closer to you. No, no. Closer to you. Below. Below. Lower. Lower. Lower. Here. Here. Right here. No, no, no. No, the opposite. Right. Just... Sure. That and a super cut of... Oh, thank you. What are we talking about? Yeah. That part. Okay. Thank you.

Thanks, Jack. I forgot. That's what we have to do super cuts of. Pull it down. There you go. No, not up. This is what I want to talk. No, no, no. Put it down because it covers your face. We don't want it to cover your face. We want it to be like this. I will be a wish. Oh, by the way, you want to pay me for the beautiful future face. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I really want to talk about something serious. Okay, so the end of the world. No, no, this is really serious. This is really serious. This is very serious. I want to go over who queers. You want to cover who queers? Who queers?

Who cares? Who cares? Because of your Catholic devotion, you were saying? What was the question? May I ask you this, since you are a devout Catholic?

Josh, please. I don't know. You have to. Let me tell you one thing. This is extremely serious. I know. No. You don't know what I'm going to say. Okay. Okay. Okay. If we talk about religion. Yeah. If you don't have strict respect to my religion. I do. I do. I do. I really made me cry. I don't want to. No, I'm just asking. This means a lot to me. Is there anything in the Bible about the end of times? Is it similar to what's happening now? No.

No? No. Okay. Well, then that's good. Then we're okay. And I know you think this is funny. I don't think it's funny. But I don't think anybody's taking it seriously. We start with the...

The fires? No, no, the vaccine. The vaccine? The pandemic, COVID? Because of COVID. COVID is an indicator. COVID was an indicator. The glaciers are melting. The glaciers are melting. I mean, just go in order. No, you're right. And you're not wrong. The temperature of the earth went up. How about that? Yes, you're right. The temperature in every place...

I think you think this is funny for me. No, Pizzagate, it's all there. I know. It's horrible. It bothers me. I think any sensitive person, it bothers. Why is that? I hear people laughing when I'm saying it. But may I tell you something? That's why it's so important that we provide laughter, hold on, and joy for people. That's why Hello Governor is very important and happy birthday.

You think it's silly, but it means a lot. A world is so silly and serious, it's nice that there's some place and some people that go, you know what? It is all serious. It is all heavy. Everything is substantial and the gravity of things are very weighty. So it's nice that there's somebody else.

What? She's like, speed it up. Get your point. The point being laughter is important. Listen, it's important to make people laugh still. Okay. Because the world is getting darker. Annie! Annie!

Okay, this part is not funny. It's not funny. One more time. I just don't know what's going on. The disrespect. Guys, come on. This is not funny. I don't know. This is the last time I say it. Seriously, for real. I heard you keep doing it and you guys... No, it's them. Knock it off. I'm sorry. It's buttons. Okay. You have zero respect in this place. Who runs this place? I thought I did. Well, obviously you don't. They've taken over. I don't know. I don't know what to do. And Christina comes just as a guest to show how pretty she is or what?

That's so rude. From Tommy or from the company? Oh, my God. I'm trying my hardest to keep these boys in line. You are the one who is doing it. Doing what? The right thing. Again, guys. I mean, I don't know how else to yell at them. But what is this stupid thing anyway? I don't know. You know what? It is upsetting. This is so dumb. Tom, your mother's right. We should change how we do this show. I know.

I don't want this anymore. What should we do? We don't know. The problem is we're so depressed. We don't know what to do. I love the idea that you changed the show. Well, what should we do? You tell me. Number one, I will clean up the act of the farts and stupid things. Maintain your class. You two are brilliant people. So no farts? No farts. Christina, why is the point of the fart to make people laugh? Guys. What the hell, guys? Guys.

What happened? I don't know. Jesus. So we clean up the act. You okay? I am perfectly fine, thank you. Oh my God. You all right? I'm just making sure I'm just checking. It looked like you were about to, yeah. What? I thought you were going to have a belch. I was going to give you a moment. What is a belch? Like a burp? I thought you had gas. No, no, I don't have those things. Oh, okay. They were gone. Okay. What kind of things should we be talking about? Like if you could have notes for us on the show, what do you think would make it better?

Had to make it clear. How does my asshole smell, huh? That would be a good way to improve your show. Get out of those filthy stuff. Yeah. You can say, we will be back and put something funny. No, you're not like Mafalda. What is this? You mix farts with claps? I don't know. I thought we were talking about how we can improve things.

How we can get away from stuff like that. Something funny like Notting Hill. So should I be, I should watch that. Maybe we should watch Notting Hill as a company. You know, why don't we do, here's what I want you to do. Josh. I just saw it not too long ago. Josh, set up a screening of Notting Hill for the entire company to watch together. You got it. And then I want to do a podcast that is inspired by the movie Notting Hill. What does Notting Hill have to do with the kitchen? It's a tone. It's a tone that you want to adapt.

Okay. Okay. Well, we want you to come back on the show. And see if it's like Notting Hill approved. Wait a minute. What is Notting Hill? Because you thought it was funny. Remember you were at my house? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, you love it. And so I want to make a show that you're proud of. So I want to watch with the staff, Notting Hill, and see what's funny in there. And then maybe we could put that in your mom's house and make it a better show.

Yeah. One that you'd be proud of. I am always proud. No one you talk so grotesque and disgusting. It's yucky. It's so low class. It is so low class. But you guys are, what do you like to be in between? Let me be the lowest or the highest? The highest. The highest. The highest. No, we do. If it's not the highest, can you just be normal? To accept something grotesque and high. Don't compliment that bitch. This is coming to me. Yeah.

Yeah, what? Do you want a squirrel jacket? I can get one for you. Do you or don't you? But what is wrong with you? Why? Because you already asked me this around 25 times. But you don't want, you're telling me you don't admire me, Jack. You know what? I don't care what you tell me. I think you told me a lot of things about the squirrel. A lot of things on, okay, the squirrel stuff. Oh, they can kill me. When I show you the squirrel issues in this state.

love them but here's the thing the fact that the state is paying people to shoot squirrels and stab them like hit them with hatchets don't tell me that is true because that's not funny it's true and the homeless can hunt them and eat them you also by the way in this episode this is not funny did you know that this episode you have you have you don't waste your time with me you have cut me off so many times and told me to wrap it up quicker get to the point you know that you've done that multiple times

Yes. Very disrespectful. And I think, can I tell you something? I think it hurts Tom's feelings. What is it that I did? It hurts Tom's feelings when you don't listen to his full thought and you cut him off. But if you're going to make it 35 minutes every time what he thinks. Oh my gosh, that's not true. Number one, when was I rude? You cut him off. You know what? Did I tell him I'm having my own show?

Did you know that? You know what? I'm going to have my own show. Your own podcast. What is it going to be like? That thing. What is it going to be like? Nice things? Pleasant things? The name of the show? What's it called? Nice things? No, she's saying, what will your podcast be like? It's yours, so you can do whatever you want. I know. I'm thinking and making it amazing, but no, because you do something like that. Mm-hmm.

What could it be about? Well, that's the thing. I mean, what's compelling to you? What's interesting? No farts. Well, then. No farts. If I am not going to have followers because I'm not disgusting, doesn't make any sense that I have to show it. You know, if I can make it clean funny, I'll be there. So if you like it. Like Bill Cosby. He was clean funny. Yeah.

No, Bill Cosby's comedy was very clean funny. Yeah, and then in jail, you want me to do it like that? Well, that's not my fault. That's not my fault. Number one, I think I'm old, so I'm not as stupid as I was when I was 20. That's true. So you see, I want to do something. I just want the world to know you're not my son. You're actually adopted because I would never raise my kids.

to go on TV to do all disgusting things and I think it's funny you don't and I know you don't because I know you know what I'm saying it's a fear you know what I'm saying who is this what the fuck you guys shut up shut up you know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying yeah you know what I'm saying what is this do I have any TikToks we could show her I want to start talking in TikTok you are you should how do I do it oh you would have a huge TikTok following you would have a huge oh here we go

Oh, shit. I found this account that only shows people falling from heights. And I don't show it to me. Why? Because I don't think it's funny to be dumb. To be dumb? You go too high and decide to jump. It's an accident. This is to help people. It's an accident. Wait a minute. Waiting to happen and people enjoying it and paying to watch it? This is educating the public on what not to do to keep them safe. Why does it start like that? This is positive. Okay.

I think it's a Persian guy. I don't have a clue. Maybe Turkish? Yeah, it could be like Turkish. I don't know what it is. Okay. Or is that Arabic? What is he saying? I don't know.

Are you answering him? This might be a good segment for your new show. Yes! I have an idea. What if it's a Love Connection show? I could do that. I would have my follower for Love Connection. How do we call it? Because there's 50,000 goal... Como era? Love Connection. How many of these did they have? I don't know. It's last chapter Love Connection? This is it? The final connection? The final connection.

Because you're killing us? No, because you guys are about to die because you're old. That's dumb. Okay. You can die before us. Terminal connection. Be careful. You know, you think this is funny? Yeah. I don't think guys think it's funny. Well, I'm not laughing. Hey, I'm going to probably die before you. Oh, you start by laughing. We almost hit this when you were laughing. Okay. I'm not laughing. So what about just like...

We're old, but we ain't dead or something like that. What are we talking about right now? Your show. My show? I have nothing to do with my show. Okay. Hello, Sick Nation. I'm calling from Uppsala in Sweden, and I want to show this amazing stick that I found. Wow, that stick is incredible. It's super sick, yeah. It's a big crown here. Who want me to do stuff like that? Maybe you can do a thing about sticks that you find in the yard. And then I find you to do it for me. No, this would be your...

I'm not going to have a show about dumb things. You know, one time people were like, this is so dumb. People asked to see more cactus material. Remember when we were doing the cactus stuff or sticks? You could do a whole thing on sticks?

Wait, can I tell you something? I think you guys, you know, you were going up, up, up in the race and don't know what else to do. Thinking and going better, you're starting like this. Hold on. My rage has been overflowing lately, so I filmed my rage ritual this morning so you can see what healthy rage can be. Catharsis. I like it. Yeah, she's letting out her... Is this how you spend your mornings? But she's making money. Not to make my money, but I will do it.

Is this how you feel doing our show? I know some people do this. No, I don't want. You're talking about me doing this for a show? You don't have to do this for the show. I'm saying that. No, no, no, no. It's healthy rage. If I am desperate to make money and somebody tell me I'm this dumb but I make money, I'd be this dumb. I don't know. You could totally do this on your own, you just said.

So my show is going to be You hitting this pillow getting out your rage Maybe against Tom and me for putting you through this show And Josh Zolo and any Here's the other thing you have to You are doing a commercial for yourself right now What? Hold on You thank Tom and me And them for playing these clips Listen this is a real serious question

The other ones weren't serious? Well, this one's more serious. If you have a very committed fan who is... They subscribe to you. And you know that when they send you a message, when somebody sends you a message like, what's up? And you reply, they have to pay you to reply. Okay? So every time... To reply? Yes. But just let me finish. So if they're very committed, they're paying their monthly subscription, they're choosing to engage with you, and...

paying you to reply every time a couple bucks, like, you know, if you have a 20 message reply, you made like 50 or more dollars. If someone's doing that day after day, would you consider having like a little fart video that you would send as a bonus? Well, don't you start by that. That's too dumb. Okay. We're wasting time. No, no. All right. You made me talk about money for a leg day. Oh, holy. Well, who's that? Sorry. Tommy. Tommy.

This is Martez. He has made a serious mistake. Somehow he has squeezed into this maze.

He's an idiot! He's an idiot? Yep. He's so stupid. Can I get a coffee, please? What do you mean, another coffee? One cup of coffee doesn't make me ANOTHER coffee!

Please? But for today? Do I push a button and they come? Like a butler? No. I can do that. Here, I have to get the right button. This isn't the four seasons. For me, it's like five seasons. And then, watch. There? Yeah.

Wait, can I explain what you're watching? Go off your own way. This grown man got to, in a children's playground, got stuck inside of like a metal children's playground toy. He's sweating. And now he can't get out. He might die in there, yeah. Yeah, that's what I think. No, I don't want him to die. He's just too concerned. Die is not something you wish to anybody. How are they going to get him out? They can't cut the... Yeah, they cut. So thick. They stop and they cut it and then put him in jail and just leave him there to try to pay for...

What is it that he did? He got stuck in a children's playground toy like an idiot. Now, when you say it's just a coffee, just so you know, since you've been here, this will be number four or five that you're having, just so you know. After the three I have at home? Yeah. And none of these are decaf. No? No. We don't have decaf. No, we don't do that. What do you mean you don't do that? It's not the disease. It's not.

I do it at my house for you. I have special decaf pods for you at my house because I have empathy for that. All right. No, wait a minute. Do you know what I just realized? What's that? I never talk about I want to talk. Oh, shit. That was pretty good. I have to throw it and absorb everything you talk to me. And when I ask you for 10 minutes of my time, I can't. Well, we covered everything already. Okay.

Number one, did we talk about the cruise? Yes. Yes. Hours ago. And did I thank you enough? Yeah, well, enough. I don't think enough. I don't think people understand the magnitude of the present. And it's not only, God knows how many million dollars you're spending doing this, but including us and giving us that love. Another coffee. But it's not with alcohol. Thank you, Heather. No, she's not dosing you.

Hey, that's my Royal Cup. What do you think? That's from the Queen. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's from the Jubilee. Pretty cool, huh? God save the Queen. I think that's from her Platinum Jubilee. Don't be retarded. Who's that? I didn't say that. Who's that? How did you get that? I ordered it from Buckingham Palace.

It's from England. No, but don't be retarded. And the worst part? Sounds like it's me. No. No. That's not you. It doesn't sound like you. Are you retarded? No, wait a minute. I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid. Okay. So, yes. Ghostface Killers is a poet from the streets. That's how I like my MCs.

I had no... Both pain, tears, is accomplished from my foot. God save the queen. Yeah. The word is fat and racist. ¿Qué cosa es eso, Cristina? Hello, Gavna. Hello, Gavna. ¿Por qué suena como si fuera mi voz? I don't know. What's up there, chomo? That's my voice, Tommy. You don't like it? Tata there, retard. Tata... Tata there, retard?

Is that my voice? I don't know. Maybe it's like somebody who sounds like it. Well, then they have to pay me. No, no. I'd be retarded. Can I be retarded? I don't know. You can. Who's that guy upstairs that says I'm concerned? That's the guy we were just talking about on the playground.

He's stuck in the playground, remember? He's stuck in the playground, remember? You wanted him to die a minute ago. You were happy that he died. I don't want him to die. Oh. I don't wish death to anybody. Make it clear. Okay. Sorry, I misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I misunderstood. Okay. Forgive me, please. Hold on, hold on. No. Okay. Annie, you really need to take a shit. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit. Que cosa? Well, there's Annie right there. I don't know.

Annie, you need to shed? Thank you. I will. Thanks for the reminder, Kachara. I appreciate you. Why did you say that? Why would I talk about stuff like that? You've said that to me pretty much every time you've come in here. Who is this? That's Annie. That's Annie. Me. Annie? The good-looking, the young one? Yeah, the good-looking young one right there. He's waving at you. No, the old, ugly one. That's me. Oh, good-looking, good-looking. But...

I told you what? You said you have to take a shit. I know you're black. What? I mean, isn't that what the thing said? Eddie? What did you say? Eddie. Not Eddie. Eddie. Yeah. The guy said you have to shit. And you can tell me. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shit. Yeah, because you know how sometimes black guys, we don't shit. I can roar. No, this is not funny. I'm not taking this as funny. Why is it funny?

- You guys are rude. I can't believe you make my words to become disgusting. No way. - Okay, okay. - Did you guys do that on AI? - No, but guess what? - What? - Guess what? - What? - I'm taking you to buy me something. - This is Charo, the real mom at your mom's house. Kick back, call your nuts, and listen to this real ass new shit.

That's not me, Tommy. No, no, no. That's AI. I think this is what they did. They put this together with artificial intelligence and they're framing you. They're trying to make you say bad things. That really pisses me off. Me too. Me too. And you guys, we're going to get to the bottom of this. No, the bottom is you don't get a bit. What are you talking about? After this, we're going to scold them. It's dangerous. I want to talk about three things. Protect your neck, brother. No, no, this is serious. I know I will talk about the cruise.

No. Did I thank you enough? Yes. It made me cry. I have never in my wildest dreams ever imagined a trip like this. I'm so glad that we were all able to do it. I was talking, you know, from picking us up to taking the most amazing any human being, millionaire or billionaire could have. And I want to talk about the movie here. The two of you have gone above and beyond

Not only inviting us, you bought a house that you lend to us and it's beautiful and you're fixing everything. By the way, I need a washer and dryer and a dryer. You know a washer and dryer doesn't work. I have to say it because it's... I don't know. I don't know. I think I forgot about the garbage. That's my fault. I'm going to go pee. No, that's true. I really have to urinate. I am a fucking Jewel.

I was thanking you, Tommy. No, I know. I appreciate what you're saying. Well, pass it in and let me thank you. Okay. I'm not talking. I can't hear anything. Okay. I hear your gratitude and it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. I haven't finished. You did a pretty good job. No, Tommy. You're not going to interrupt me when I'm thanking you. I think what we'll do is we should probably get focused on a washer and dryer that work for you. Thank you, Tommy. Sure. We have two weeks.

Of dirty clothes in the house. I like that I had no idea and then I just found out now. I don't have washer and dryer. I don't have a dishwasher. Okay.

The house had a dishwasher. It doesn't work? No, they didn't put a dishwasher. They took it out. Oh, they took it out. Okay. So I want to thank the audience for thanking my husband and his wonderful wife for donating us a washer and dryer. Oh, wow. And a dishwasher. However, I want to make sure that I never even talk about the fact about this house. Tommy and Christina were not knowing what they were getting, but they thought they were going to be excited to have us here.

And they couldn't do any more than what they did. So we embarked in this trip with Jane. We took an RV with the dogs. And then from there, he took us in a cruise that I, you said I already talked about. Yeah, we definitely talked about it. We covered the cruise. Did I thank you enough? Yes. Yes. Did I tell any human being who has a dream in life to do this? I really should have to pee bad. No, we're about to wrap. So just stay here a second. Okay. Okay. I did that. Mm-hmm.

Then I want to talk about the house. I know the house is Tommy's house and Christina's house. Sure. But of course it's true. You don't need to say it like that. Oh, sorry. That was, don't remember. Don't forget that it's my house. I didn't say it like that. No, you said it's true. It is true, though. We do own it. We're the signers on it. I don't pay a penny, so yes, you're right. Yeah. That's what I wanted to say. No, I want to grab, record these words.

I left a little house in Florida to come here and basically a mansion that I have to get used to make orders because so far I cannot tell you anything. But you were so, so, so incredible. Not only generous in buying the house and fixing anything that is not working, which Tommy just granted a washer and dryer and a dishwasher. You did? I did, yes. You told me this. I did. I'm thrilled to be able to do it. He's the most generous human being I know. The most. The most.

No, no. You guys laugh whenever the word you use. Women are stupid. Excuse me? Tanner. Who did that, huh? I don't know. Tanner. How can you? You run this show. This is absolutely unacceptable. I'm when your mother talks. That is unacceptable. We're going to meet in the conference room right after this. I fired him. Yeah, he's done. It's unbelievable.

So this has been such a wild treat, the most unhinged and hectic episode in the 15 years that we've been doing this podcast. The time is up, though. The crew has to go home. The crew has to go home. We're in overtime now. They have to do ads. Yeah. But this has been such a remarkably interesting and... I have to say this. Yes. I forgot to tell you. Where did you get those mattresses? Do you like your mattress? I like the mattress. I want to know if it has a box spring and then I complete my dream.

I'm sure. Sponsor. So can I get it publicly, please? Oh my God. Okay. Oh my God. It's not the yes or no. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Please. I don't know what you're asking me. I forgot. I don't know either. A back spring. But thank you guys for watching. A back spring. Thank you for listening. From the same company. I got a mattress. Tell me the name. And we will see you next week. This has been the most fun episode. We thank Charles for coming in. We thank all of you for, of course, sending in the...

Happy birthday videos. And of course, for encouraging the OnlyFans, which will be hitting the World Wide Web quite soon. I want to thank, of course, my lovely co-host, Christine, for always being here with me. Thank you, Tim. Our soon very reduced staff.

for all their misbehavior. They're all getting fired after this. People are getting fired after this. For what? And of course, the great Charo for joining us. And our closing song is going to play right now. We love you guys. We'll see you soon. You're fighting people for real? Yeah, because you're so unhappy. Why am I unhappy? Because you hate them, Matt. You're not hearing? It's a closing song.

Hobbiton? It is part of your show? It's a song that goes to show. Shh. Shh, we're listening. Yes, we're listening.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I'm listening. I'm sorry.

It's a done but whole, naked but divine. Makes me feel so made clown, but I won't let that get me down. You need to fight, find some cheer. My personal fragrance is crystal clear. Dinner was beans and now I see. My own bouquet just flattering me.

A little best, a private delight, makes my whole day.