Tom's Face Overshadowed Matthew McConaughey | YMH Ep. 786
01:23:30 Share

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Should we make it ourselves? That's my mom. She didn't know about Instacart's family carts, so... Want to make pecan pie this year? Yes or no? Oh,

Alex!

Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. Hi, Gene. I'm so happy to be back. I'm happy to be here. Looking very natural, very relaxed, very calm. Feeling good. I got a lot of people...

commented on the fact that I had a shaved head and a shaved face. Not just that. You guys had Matthew McConaughey on Two Bears, One Cave, and the majority of the comments were about your lack of a beard. Overwhelming. Yeah. People were not talking about the Oscar award-winning A-lister. No.

They were talking about my face. And here's the thing. They weren't that nice about it. That's weird. It was very strange. Why? What were they saying? Not nice things. My favorite comment you told me, they're like, I think Christina gave Tom her cancer. Well, here. Here's some of the comments. The beard looks like a baby who grew up fast. That's funny. Tom looks like he's been boiled. Yeah.

Tom going full Dallas Buyers Club for this guest. The movie where Matthew McConaughey had AIDS. Oh, sure. Yeah. Let's see. Who's the human hot dog sitting next to Bert? Invisalign really did a number on Tom. Oh. Why is John Lovitz hanging out with Bert and Matthew? I mean, Tom looks like the neighbor. I mean, I thought I looked like...

Can I tell you something? Actually, you photograph really well without the beard. In real life, it was very jarring and alarming. And those comments were accurate. But I feel like when you're...

Photographing, it's really nice. Why was it jarring in person? It's just not you. And I don't like how expressive you are. See, right now, this is the level of expression I'm used to, where your mouth is covered, everything's covered. It's just very placid and beige. You don't like me being more expressive? Nope, not at all. It's very weird because I'm not used to you having feelings. At first, you were like, oh, this is nice. I can see. I didn't know you had teeth. Your teeth are not as yellow as I thought they were when you had a beard.

beardless tom is post nut clarity in human form oh my god so true that's so true i think that's a good now that is john segura tom looks like an aggressive lesbian no i don't see that how you like that one he's really like and he liked that one is tom dying from christina's cancer it sure fucking looks that way that's funny

Tom without a beard is like seeing an owl's legs. Well, that's funny. Tom looks like the word ringworm. I mean. That's so true. Oh, and his reaction when I walked in that day was just. Slick on the legs of an owl. That's so true. That's so true. Holy shit. I didn't even know they had legs like that. Dude, will you chill out? That's amazing. That is 100% accurate. He laughed hysterically. That was the funniest shit.

That was the funniest shit because I thought you were just one of those fucking Poroso's niggas, you know what I'm saying? Wow. Yeah, one of the investors or whatever. And you're like, hey, Eni, I'm like, hey, what's up? Oh, it's you. You don't look like Tom, that's Timothy, nigga. That ain't you, dog. You're Timothy without, that's so true. It's Timothy. Because you're already a pretty white guy, but then it takes it to another level. Super white guy.

The whole world has been taken over by Timothy Segura. In fact, I would like to share something that I have done in honor of your lack of facial hair. It took the world by storm. And to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime thing that we saw Tom without his facial hair. It's like Haley's Comet. It's never going to happen again in your lifetime.

I have drawn. This took days. Days. You've really been getting into painting and drawing and everything. I've got a lot of free time. My hobbies. I'm into hobbies and stuff. And I sat down and this took about a month to do. It's only been a couple weeks, but okay. This is Tom...

right now. And what I love about this is the attention to detail. He doesn't seem to appreciate it, but people in the art world have really been enjoying it. Let's start with the top. I have it up on the screen. Oh, sure. I love what I did there. I like the attention to detail, the red splotches on the top of your head, you know, from various sunburn or just the pink hue in your skin. It just gets pinker up there.

The eyebrows are still the meanies. You've always got those meanies going. Beautiful blue eyes, as blue as the sea. And then the dark rings under them, you know, just that's always going to be there. The patchy, blotchy, swollen, puffy darkness. And then the nose. Now, some people would say, oh, that's not Tom's nose. It's Tom's future nose. I thought I would kind of give the picture a little time travel element. It's what's his name? Our favorite guy from...

Coming to America. John Amos. John Amos nose. And you got those beautiful mouth. That's a beautiful mouth. Beautiful full lips. And then the chest hair and the beige. I didn't have a beige crayon, so I used yellow. Well, real top tier work. Now, are you selling prints? Of course I am. I'll be selling these on ymhstudios.com, signed, of course, to commemorate Tom's birth.

What's the price on these? I haven't decided yet. What do you think? I mean, you tell me. I mean, it looks really, really like high-level stuff. It is, Tom. It took me a long time. It's very cool. I haven't decided yet. People also demanded, by the way, like so entitled, we demand an explanation. Yeah.

so i'll give you the explanation because you demand it yeah i did it for i had to do it for a television show that i've been shooting for a part that i i don't want to give away why when you see it you'll go oh this makes sense yeah but that's why i didn't do it just because i felt like on a whim well no i've been trying to get you to shave this beard for 15 years you won't do it both my parents my dad was alive and my mom are all they're always like please

My dad would be like, why don't you just get rid of this shit? Yeah. And my mom's like, please, Shafe, please. Well, the last time you had a bare face is when we were married. It's very long. 2008. 17,000 years ago. It feels like 5 million years ago. It feels a lot longer.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Um, it grew back very fast. My hair on my head grew back. It's amazing. What have you been doing? Just, uh, taking vitamins, man. Yeah. Yeah. You're on a lot of supplements and supplements. You know, vitamin. I went to the gym this morning, had one of those protein shakes. You like the, well, they give you massive farts. That's a problem.

I love that people are very upset by your lack of a girl. Very, very mad at me. But I get it. We know you one way. And then I would get like one out of 200 messages would be like, I think it looks good. Don't listen to everybody. Thank you. Yeah, I was like, oh, thanks.

But it is, you know, we all know you as bearded bear Tom. I don't like it when you change your appearance either. I'm back. Yeah. Your owl's legs face. That's so good. So it's a really, I gotta tell you, I feel real good today. This is nice going over all these comments and hearing your breakdown in this beautiful painting. Let's, uh. Yeah. YMHstudios.com. Let's open the show. Get your print now. Get your print now. Here we go.

Got a nice voice. Good job, Will. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Oh shit. Almost fucked up. Oh shit.

Hey, there you go. Will Blunderfeld. It's got a nice voice. He has an amazing voice. Also, what I love about Will Blunderfeld, because I keep up with him on the gram, Tom, is he finds unique, different ways every single day to advertise homosexuality to straight men. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think it's really about that. I think it's about just becoming comfortable with your own masculinity. I don't like the way you pivoted that. You know, I'm sorry. I'm going to make him creep.

That's something a straight guy can do. No, but yesterday's post was like, if you're not sucking on your bro's hummus cannon, don't expect to attract the ladies. Exactly. If you really want to attract ladies. If you are straight and you like women, one of the straightest things you can do is spend time nude with your friends. Your bros. Your guy friends. Exactly.

Suck their nipples. Yeah. Cup their balls. I've been saying this. It just feels, I feel validated by Will becoming kind of more well-known. But kind of, doesn't it make sense on a level? Oh, yeah. Tons of sense. Well, no, I'm being serious. I'm being serious, too. You're just generating more testosterone. More testosterone, yeah. More male hormone. If you're straight, fuck a guy. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing straighter than that. Of course. He makes a lot of sense. I've been really, I've been scared because I'm kind of, I guess I'm kind of homophobic, but...

Yeah, I've been wanting to fuck a guy. You should try it. Yeah. I think you should do it. It makes a lot of sense. Can I tell you the time to do it is now before people start recognizing you? Yeah. Because we walk down the streets and it's a little less people recognize you. You could probably get away with fucking a normal guy in a bar right now. Totally. Totally.

You don't have to go to an escort is what I'm saying. He spreads my cheeks. Listen to that. Yeah. I love Will's passion. He's very passionate. Very passionate. He spreads my cheeks. Sing it again. There's so much sense he's making. And when he creams in his, where does he cream? Creams inside of him. Inside of him. In his B? Yeah. As he kisses him softly.

Oh, that's so nice. He's his number one daddy. Yeah. But then the thing is, you leave there and you're like, I feel like fucking a chick. That's, I think, what happens. I'm so juiced up. I'm so juiced up with all this jizz in my ass. I feel like giving it to a girl now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And really, when you think about it, you're like, oh, I'm full from the back and now I want to give it to the front to a girl. God, that makes so much sense. Who would you make gay love to? I hope it's somebody I don't know yet. Yeah.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to succeed and stand out online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything. They make it super easy to create a website with their AI design intelligence technology. You can make your website as unique and creative as you'd like to, suited to your business's needs.

Squarespace Payments makes it easy to start receiving payments from your clients and it gives them so many payment options like Apple Pay.

or ACH direct debit. And if you're selling content rather than products, Squarespace makes it easy to put your content behind a paywall. Simply set the price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or subscription for access. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash mom to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

They say first impressions are important, but what about lasting impressions? That's where Blue Chew comes in. Blue Chew helps boost your confidence in the bedroom so you can stay hard and perform at your very best. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. The process is simple. You sign up at bluechew.com, consult one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you can

and receive your prescription within days. We're talking high school boners. You remember waking up in high school and being like, Jesus,

This thing has got a mind of its own. Well, it doesn't anymore, but it can when you chew one of these up. Blue Chew wants you to have the confidence to perform at your best, so discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code YMH at checkout. You just pay $5 shipping. That's bluechew.com, promo code YMH to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.

Why not? Would you just hear me out? Would you try Will? Because he has so much. No, I'm too connected to him. I just know him too well. You need to have. I need to start. Emotional distance. Yeah. Just a stranger. Yeah. Don't know you. Yeah. You know, hook them horns. Yeah. Yeah. Get in there. And I'm like, wow, that was crazy. I'm super straight. And then just go. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, hey, where you been? I'd be like, I'm just fucking working out. What do you think I've been? That's where I went this morning to work out. Oh, I know. You're always having gay affairs. I'm convinced of it. I'm convinced of it every time you leave. So even though I hate to pivot away from that conversation, it's crazy how much has happened since the last time we were in here. We had our election. We have a new president, a familiar new president. So exciting. Yeah.

So exciting to return to stability and logic and just good old Americana. Times have changed, Tom. And cabinets being named. It's an exciting time. It's going to be a great four years. Very optimistic. I like to be optimistic. I think everything's going to be real cool and normal. And so that's fun. We have our president and we're...

You know, I will say, though, is that I've been on Melania TikTok. I've been going down her rabbit hole. She has an account? Well, no, just like videos of her. Yeah. Ugh, that is horrible. God, that's horrible.

I fucking hated that. I don't think I had a full appreciation for her when she was our first lady. And now, because she's Slovenian. And she also didn't really do or say much. She didn't want to be there. She just wanted to fucking do it. That's why I like her. Because she married a guy who was like, I have penthouses in New York. She's like, great. I like this life. Great. I want to have Birkenback. That's all she wanted out of this. And then they're like, you're living in D.C. now.

fucking terrible. I know. I think she hated it. She wants to go live on Park Avenue. Yeah. It's where I'd rather stay.

So it's going to be nice seeing her. She's very thin. She's very beautiful. Her outfits are great. Great outfits. Because, you know, the first ladies historically, I say aside from Michelle Obama, who was very attractive, they've been dogs, the dog pound. So it's nice to have a hot chick back. And Aaron's all a six, six. I know. And he's like a teen. He's 18. You're going to have like a whole other, you know, teen vibe, the teen vibe in the White House.

It'll be interesting to see what this kid is like. But yeah, Melania back. Very exciting. We're going to make America great again. Oh, sure. Yeah, see, look at these dogs. Look at those. Martha Jefferson looks like a smoke show. Martha Washington dog. Look at that. And these are paintings, which means they're forgiving. Forgiving, yeah. Looks like Angelica Van Buren was all right. Oof, Harrison.

It's just... Margaret Taylor. That's a fucking bad one. There's some real fucking dogs in here. Oof. Look at Patterson. But hold on. Do you think these chicks were hot for their time? No. Like Lucretia Garfield? Was she a smoke show? Was she the Melania of... Look at Grant. Look at Julia Grant. Hold on. Where is she? She looks like a runaway right there in the middle. Oh, yeah. She looks like a serial killer. Oof.

Yeah, there's some bad ones. Lucy Hayes. Ellen Arthur there. That's flattering. I'm going to say Frances Cleveland is the hottest so far. What? Frances Cleveland. I didn't see her. She's got the color portrait. I mean, dark beauty. I don't know. I don't know. Look at fucking McKinley there. They're like, just face the wall. Just so we don't have your whole face on the fucking thing. Oof. Oof. Eileen Wilson.

Look at her. She looks like a lunch lady. Hold on. Yo, Coolidge kind of bad, though. Where are we looking at Coolidge? Grace? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Grace could get it. Right, Tom, as you say. Mm-hmm. Oh, look at Mamie's got them baby bangs. Eisenhower. Yeah, she looks like a... All right. Jackie Kennedy. Yeah, and they didn't even really flatter her that much. No, Jackie had those pug eyes. They were kind of... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I think you've been found out, my friend. Shit. Nothing to see here. Shit.

Let's see who else. That's perfect. Patricia Nixon. See, can we- Betty Ford was a pill popper. That's pretty cool. Yeah, she started that whole thing. The thing. Barbara Bush. Ouch. She always looked old. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, she's always been old. Barbara Bush looked 80 when she was 40. Yes. That's really crazy. Yeah, but Nancy Reagan was hot. Flattering Hillary Clinton portrait. Yeah, yeah.

Laura Bush. Okay. Yeah, Laura was, she was attractive. Hey, there's Melania. She's like, I'm a model. Melania is totally the model look. Yeah. And then, I mean, Dr. Biden's an attractive lady. She's nice. She's a nice looking lady. What? What? No, it's not. So yeah, it's nice that we'll have a Slovenian model back in the White House. I'm a Slovenian model.

This fucking Christmas shit. Sounds like my mother. Yeah, it is. I don't want to do this Christmas shit. And she's one of the, like the only, because she's lived in like, you know, the greatest housing you could ever live in. She goes to the White House. She's like, this is bullshit. Of course. This is disgusting. This is not Park Avenue. And all you get is the residence quarters. Like you don't get, you don't live in the whole house. So she's like, this is fucking sucks. This is fucking bullshit. Yeah.

Hold on, though. Does Trump, correct me if I'm wrong, but did he lose some LBs and now his suits fit better? Like, did he finally alter his suit? He may have actually had them tailored, too. Yeah, he had a remix. They were always, like, super baggy. Yeah. Really weird. And he's not as orange this time around. He's using less orange. Somebody blended his concealer into his foundation. Yeah. And he stopped tanning so dark.

So somebody talked to him. Somebody got to him. I don't know who it was. About the appearance. Yeah. Maybe Melania. Maybe. Who knows? I love her so much. Oh, yeah. See, the suit's fit now. He's changing it. Yeah. Not as orange. And he's also 78. Yeah. He's not young. No.

But you know he doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke cigarettes. He doesn't do drogas. What does it say? He finally addresses his weight loss. What does it say? He lost, oh, 15, maybe 20 pounds. Yeah, that's significant. Yeah. He's 77 there, yeah. Because he's too busy to eat. All right. I love that he hired...

Where he's nominated RFK Jr. to be the health minister. Yeah. And they celebrated by all having McDonald's together. I don't think anything summarizes Donald Trump more than that. Like the legacy is like. Yeah.

Here we are. Here's my new health guy. And you know it wasn't hot and fresh because they're on the plane. I know. So it's cold. And that's the worst way to eat McDonald's. Don't eat McDonald's cold. You got to have McDonald's at McDonald's. Piping hot. Piping hot. Otherwise you can taste how it's made. I'm going to fucking die after I eat this. You ever smell a McDonald's?

bag that you've left in your car in the car yeah just an hour later you're like did someone take a shit in here it's like actual poison yeah it's terrible it's like homeless dudes shitting in your car the kids leave fries all the time in the crevices of my car yeah it smells foul yeah it's no good yeah

Well, people are real stoked. I can tell you that. People are. America is pumped. I mean, people that I run into all the time are like, fucking, are you excited? And I was like, what? Okay. Sure. I just, it's just, it's just same shit, different toilet. I was in a production here. I'm going to take my. What are you doing? I'm telling you. What are you doing? I actually, this isn't my real life. Tom.

But my hair has been growing back. My beard's been growing back. Looks amazing. This is like eight days, nine days growth. Dude, you can grow a beard so fast. Yeah, it's coming back in. I have to shoot more of the show. Scenes? Scenes in the bearded scenes in a few weeks. So I actually need this to be back to where it was or close. So I'm shooting a show. And the morning after the election...

I'm in a, you know, this is a Hollywood production. It's no secret. Everybody that works on most people that work in production are pretty liberal. So we, we, um, the morning after everyone I run into is super bummed out. Right. I'm just, I'm just kind of like California's wailing and weeping. Of course. In Texas, they're like, everybody's so happy. Yeah.

So I walk in and I was, I mean, I don't think I've made it much of a mystery. Like I've never been a big Trump fan, but I also, I'm not like a panic bunny who's just going to like, like the world is that I just kind of accept what it is. So I'm like, yeah, we got this fucking retard back. And then I walk in to the trailer and everyone's like, good morning. Like, oh shit. And I'm like, good morning. And they're like,

Yeah. Kind of a long night. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. And then I try to joke. Oh, I walk up to one of the crew. I go, hey, we're getting our country back. And they do not laugh. No, they don't laugh at all. So I'm like, all right. And then it's just like we also are. We have to get to work. Right. We have a long day. It's six o'clock in the morning. We have a fucking 12 hours ahead of us. I get in the chair and get in makeup and costume.

And then we were at a location and we moved to another location. And when I move into the next location, I see someone who I haven't seen in a while who's a real Texan who's like, hey, it's good to see you. Glad you're shooting here. And I was like, yeah, you know, thanks for having us.

And I just go, how you doing? Because I'm like, how you been? How you doing? He goes, I'm feeling real loud. He goes, feeling pretty fucking good about last night. And I go, shut the fuck up. He's like, what? I go, dude, there's a hundred crew people here and none of them want to hear that. He's like, oh, right, right, right. He's like, yeah, but he's like, I'm pretty happy. I was like, yeah, cool, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just chill the fuck out. Yeah.

like you can't announce that right here you're gonna fuck up our whole day when's gonna start crying yeah but that's just yeah I just thought the way it is yeah I have people from California our friends texting us like is everything okay oh my god what's going on I'm like no one cares here Texas is its own universe

We're unaffected by everything. Of course. We could secede tomorrow and be totally fine. Yeah, but I also feel like with these elections, people always put so much into how things are going to change. I know. And shit's not going to change. It's only four years. I mean, look, I'm not a political person. It's like things are not going to change. Your life's not going to change. People are like, I miss gas prices. Like, huh? Do you know that that's not how gas prices work?

The president doesn't get in and go, new gas prices. That's not how it works. I don't think you know how. Do you have anything? New gas prices. Yeah, they're just like, gas was cheaper. And you're like, uh-huh.

You know it has to do with the price of oil at the time, right? The U.S. president doesn't dictate that. I mean, whatever. People are fucking morons. Yeah. What did the vice president do the last four years? Do you know what the vice president's job is? The vice president's not going to be like, here's what I've done the last four years. What is the vice president's job? To fucking be a figurehead and support the...

That's it. That's all they do. And whatever the president says, they go, that's right. Right. They're a hype man. Like they're just supposed to be there in case the press gets shot. Yes. And then you're back up. And you just are a mouthpiece for the press. You don't do anything. You're a, you're like a figure. You're like the queen of England. You just show up.

You show up places and you fade away and they go, get the fuck out of here. Yeah. You don't do anything. That sounds cool. They're figureheads. Do you want to run for president and I'll be your VP? No, I'd rather be VP. I don't want to fucking do anything. I don't want to do anything. Yeah. I don't want to be first lady. That's way too much. Yeah. You have, that's too much. You have to, I have to pretend to be into causes and stuff like no vice president. You show up, people go, we forgot you were a fucking vice president. You're like, yeah, I know. I've been busy at the residence. Yeah.

yeah they don't do shit and then all they do is like they go the press goes what do you think of the president's decision yeah it's great they go yeah the president has a great plan yeah

100% behind them. It's basically the job of a wife. Like whenever your husband does stupid shit, you have to be like, no, he's right. He's 100% right. That's 100% what it is. And I'm behind this person no matter what. The vice president should inherently be the first lady because the first lady knows how to do it. Yeah. If you get elected president, your wife is vice president. That should be how it goes. That should be the rule. Yeah. But then what happens if he gets shot? Then they go, guess what? Then you have to find a white guy to replace the vice president. That's right. I don't want to be president.

Is it just me or has TV gotten really complicated? I'm having to subscribe to a dozen different streaming services to make sure I can watch everything I love. Thankfully, Philo has changed all that for me. One service, all the stuff I need. Philo's got current seasons of the shows I can't miss live on networks like A&E, Paramount, Discovery, and TLC.

classics like The Office, Martin and Friends that I never get sick of, and all of the incredible originals on AMC+, from Mad Men to Orphan Black.

Don't forget their library of more than 75,000 movies and shows, all of which I can save and rewatch anytime for a whole year. Never miss a minute of shows like The Life and Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson on Lifetime or Killer Cases on A&E. Best of all, with Philo, you get all this for just $28 a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to philo.tv and check it out.

for a free seven-day trial. That's P-H-I-L-O dot T-V to start watching. Behind the delivery trucks that keep your life stocked, thousands of employees at BP go to work every day. People bringing a new offshore production platform online. People making our refineries capable of more, like making renewable diesel from agricultural waste. People trading and shipping fuels to our customers.

and people helping truckers fill up and get maintenance at our convenient locations. They're part of the more than 300,000 jobs BP supports across the country. Learn more at bp.com slash investing in America.

Yeah, I mean, yes. Technically, the VP is president of the Senate. Again, it's just a fucking... President of the Senate? That's a fake tie-in. They have a deciding vote on ties, but it's rarely ever something that they go to, but it's all like...

It's like a representation of something. It's not real work. It's being the wife to the president, basically. It should always be done by a woman because we're just easier to get along with. You think so? And we're just like, yeah, you're so smart, babe. It's kind of like what I do with you. I'm like, babe, you're so handsome. You're so smart. Everything you do is real rad. Now, here's something that there was a third-party candidate that wasn't on a lot of ballots. A lot of people don't know about. Diarrhea test 468. Initiate. Okay.

Test 468 complete. More data to follow.

This guy does this all the time. I can vote for this immediately. Don't step in it. He's afraid of stepping in it. He just loaded his shorts. He doesn't mind loading his shorts up, but you don't want to step. I know that feeling. You just don't want to step in it. It's like when your cat shits in the litter box and it's squirrely. He's trying not to step. This guy's brilliant. Yeah, he's been doing a lot of cool stuff. Uncle Ron. Now, might I make a suggestion to Uncle Ron? Yeah.

If you really want to engage your followers, you should make cellophane underwear. Tight cellophane. So you can actually see. I want to see what I'm missing. Yeah. This is too much of the imagination. Diarrhea test 470. Initiate. Don't push too hard. You don't have to push. Oh, he's peeing too.

That's the greatest. Who is this man? It appears to be just your very interesting findings. More to follow. You got to keep looking up that data. I am a fucking loser. Damn it. That's how I feel when I piss and don't shit. He does a lot of humor posts, though, too. I follow this guy. Where are you finding him? He's on IG. These are on Instagram. No. Yeah. How missed this guy? You may have seen him in another one of his other videos. What's his name? I mean, Uncle... What is the actual...

Uncle Ron Returns. Is that the name of the handle? Yeah. Is this on YouTube? No, I think it's just Instagram. This is awesome. Now, see, Instagram has caught up to TikTok, and I will even say surpass TikTok now when I find my curations. Yeah. It's become more mainstream. I hate that it says that you flagged this for me, that I have to watch this. Yeah. Oh, man.

For those people just listening, it's a dude on public transportation violently picking his nose and then eating the books. Oh, my God. Oh, isn't that special? Jesus. This is an Asian one. This is what, Japan? Usually they're not that disgusting, right? Aren't Japanese people hygienic and public and stuff? I don't know. I could be wrong. I'm fucking sick to my stomach. Did you like that? No, I hated it so much. Why do you hate that so bad? Ugh. Ugh.

I know what you're doing. I know what the fuck you're doing. You're looking for a retaliation video. No, I would never do that. Yes, you are. I know I'm not. This will probably kill you, right? Nah, nah. I love it. This won't kill me. Do you know what? They kind of look like those don't eat packets. You know what I'm talking about? Like the don't eat packets. Yeah. He's going to puke. Nicotine? Yeah.

Dang. You're a bad influence, Michael. I'm so honored that I'm the person who's peer pressured you to do nicotine patches for the first time. Yeah, I've never done nicotine ever, so I don't know what to expect. It's so good. The first time? The Rick Ross. Yeah, I do look like Rick Ross. Those kids get a free style. Sometimes, if I'm in the right head space. One time I was freestyling.

He's sweating already. That's me. I wouldn't do this. No, he's not fine. He's fine. He was just fine.

You missed it. He was fine. No, I don't want to see it. I knew you would fucking do this. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Don't lie to me. He passes out. Sometimes, if I'm in the right headspace. He passes out. Yeah. One time I was reselling you with a bunch of people from a doctor. Look, he hits the table with his head. Now he's going to puke. Yes, no, he doesn't. He hits the table with his head. Look. You're missing. No. Look. Not missing. I don't like it. You fucker. You fucking asshole. You fuck ass. Ew, he puked up everywhere. It's all pink.

Is that going to happen to me if I try that? No. You're such a fucker, you know that? Yeah. I hate you. I take back everything nice I've ever fucking said about you. What happened? You said you're done with something? I hate you so much. What were you done with? Yeah, anyway. Yeah, I finished Radiation. Oh! Thank you for your support, Tom. Anyway, thanks, Josh.

This is a YMA health experiment. You smelt it here first. Dad, I did 35 rounds of fucking Chernobyl in my tits and my body, and I'm glad I'm done. Cancer treatment is officially over. I'm cancer-free, and I'm fucking back, and then I'll get my tits done in six months. But I know you guys have been wondering what magazines did I leave on my last day of cancer.

I have photos. Okay, so I had to go all over Austin to find a magazine stand. It's very hard to find quality mags these days. Okay, so I did find like a gay...

gay travel magazine I don't have that one no no no because I didn't I ended up not dropping it it was too aggressive like they were like kind of holding each other too much and like they're touching their junk okay so what I left instead was Elizabeth Hurley on the cover of Maxim this is in the waiting room I've been dropping it you

You know, fun mags. Oh, and she's leaning over and the tits are out. Yeah, and her tits are out. You know, she's older for a Maxim model, I'd say, but I figure the older crowd would appreciate that. And then, of course, my final token, Weed World. Weed World. I thought that was pretty fun. That's very cool. And also, this is the right audience for getting into weed. Yeah, that's true. The cancer crowd. The cancer crowd. I love it. It's like, you know, I've been hearing about this stuff. That's true. I didn't even think about that. What? Tangerine dream. Tangerine dream. So that's it. Okay.

I'm done. I wore a prom dress to my last treatment. Look at you. There I am. You look great. It's my Chernobyl yellow dress. You look festive. Here's my buddy. I'm super happy. I rang the bell and I was worried that I would be kind of a nanny nanny poo poo to the sick people. Guess what? What? They all clapped and cheered and it was very special and beautiful. That's very sweet. And that was it. And now I'm severely traumatized. I've been reading...

Horror horror porn like Clive Barker books like books of blood. Yeah, I don't know what that means very dark Yeah, but also very horny at the same time. It's horny. It's horny and dark. How's it? Why I don't understand cuz it's like it's like they talk about sexual stuff at the same time like ripping flesh off of bones and stuff and

And like it'll get them aroused to see like blood and guts. Who's aroused by it? Like the characters. These are all short stories.

But they're aroused by horror and gore and weirdness. It's a whole new genre I'm into right now. That's kind of a thing that happens in real life to some people who are like somebody who's in a war zone. Yeah, that's me. So you get aroused because it's not that you're aroused by it. It's that your system is shocked by trauma. Yeah. And to process it, some people don't know how to process it. And so...

It finds it. It basically manifests its way out of you through sometimes horniness. Well, that's probably where I'm at because I've been reading, like I said, Clive Barker, who wrote Hellraiser. I'm a huge fan. Yeah. And the Books of Blood is what that stuff's based on. Interesting. And I think, yeah, maybe I'm just super traumatized and

There you go. There you go. Shout out also Doug Bradley who plays Pinhead. He's a fan of the show. Also, I'm very proud of you and I'm very happy for you. Thanks. Yeah. Well, yeah, because, you know, without me, like who's going to, who's going to, you know, love you and take care of your kids and stuff and tell you how great you are. Who's going to be your vice president without me? There you go.

Thanks, VP. Thank you. Yeah. I'm happy. Also... And I think it was real sweet that you dropped off the magazines for them. I really did. It's one of my favorite bits you've done. But we'll see if they've pinned it to me, if they've identified me. Well, they're going to get a good tip now. They're going to know now. I know. I'm going to go back in for my checkup tomorrow. It'd be cool if they're like, oh, you had an appointment here, but we're canceling your appointment. They know. They know that I'm an asshole. But I know that a lot's been going on in my world with cancer and the radiation, but...

More importantly, major news in your world we haven't even talked about yet. Which is? The return of the jacket. Oh my God. So... The jacket. Wow, it goes back this far. Yeah. Let's show the people this story first. I think this should summarize it for everybody first. It happened about seven years ago.

I couldn't believe it. This jacket fit like a glove, man. And I just, I absolutely loved this jacket. You mean you lost it? Well, I think I did lose it, but I wasn't sure. Maybe if you loved it, you would have kept a better eye on it. Such an asshole concept, you know? It was the best jacket. It just bothers me that it's gone. I know. You have to let it go. You gotta let it go, Tom. You really broke my heart. I just thought it was irreplaceable, you know?

Jacket karma. You lose a jacket. And you're going to gain an even better jacket. Just watch. You'll see it. It'll come to you. Then I came to Paris. I saw this jacket, and oh my God. It's the best jacket in Paris.

It's the best jacket in the world. People are asking about the jacket. Is it true that he's wearing the jacket today? His jacket, man. Oh la la, sexy. Where can I get one? People are touching it and they're talking to me about it. It's so hot, so much jacket. It's the best jacket. Je veux voir la veste. Sexy jacket. Votre veste, elle est star. La veste, elle est star. I want to see the jacket. I'm not going to lose this one.

There's going to be a great resolution to your loss jacket. You'll see. I can't keep it. It's got to rest. You know, the Nazis.

Wow, the jacket. That's the jacket story. The origin. So the first one, the one that we flash back to, I remember that. You remember when we did Nikki Glaser's show together? The Comedy Central show? Yes, Not Safe. That's what that still was from because I wore it that day. I just don't remember it after that. But when I lost it, I was heartbroken. And you were right. One jacket left. And years, it took years. Years. Years. And then this jacket came into my life.

I wore it to the Mike Tyson fight. Yeah. So many BTBs. BTBs? Big Time Blacks. Oh, yeah. Gave me incredible compliments. Yeah. People were talking about it left and right. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was... People couldn't focus on the fight. Here I am with Pac-Man Jones. Yeah. Oh, there we are. Oh, there we are. Page six. I don't know. What? I guess. How did I even realize I'd been photographed? Oh, yeah. I remember when they took that. Yeah. Anyway...

I would forget that I had the jacket on. Yeah. And then I was reminded constantly. People were like, that's a fresh jacket. That's a nice jacket. Where'd you get that jacket? People were asking me left and right. So much fun. I introduced you to Pac-Man. Pac-Man Jones was there. And he was so vintage Pac-Man. He was the life of the pre-party. Yeah. During the fight, they were bringing out...

like clearly these boxes that were meant for somebody he was like hey give me that just take like six of them and hand them out to us and people around us they were like snack boxes that netflix had provided but they were they were going somewhere and he was like nope hilarious and no and then and then wait wait the best part is he opened one yeah didn't like the contents yeah and then handed it to me like hey you want this shit yeah it's

He was the life of the party. He really was. And I had so much fun. And then we talked about getting together. He also wants to come on tour and see a show. And I was so stoked. And then the next day, I get a text from someone. They're like, oh, sucks about Pac-Man. I'm like, what do you mean sucks about Pac-Man? And they were like, they sent me this. There's the jacket. There's the jacket. And there's me and Pac-Man.

Yeah. And then I know it fucking sucks. We'll read the, it says former NFL player, Adam Pacman Jones arrested on multiple charges after Mike Tyson, Jake Paul fight police say, and I was like, no, and you're in the photo. I'm in the photo that they, they did it with. But, um, yeah, he got arrested just after one. So it was only like a couple hours after we said bye to him. But can I tell you that I kind of, I understand him getting so fired up because I think,

You had to be in the room to feel the energy of the level of disappointment that we all felt from that fight. Because the women went up first. The two women fought. Taylor and Serrano. Oh, my God. And that was like... That was a brawl. Palpable energy. And people were fucking losing their minds. We were all like...

And you know who fucking knew that was going to be a fight was Kendall. That's right. Kendall Toole. We ran into her. We ran into her. And she was like, get to your seat for this fight. Because this was like their rematch. Maybe even the third fight. And she was like, this is going to be a good fight. And that fight was incredible. That crushed. She had her eye gashed open. Yeah. And we could see that. And Taylor was...

That was amazing. I'm totally into women's boxing now and I want to go see UFC. You got to go live. I got to go see LSU. Live is a total, it's just like when people go, I watch comedy specials and you're like, you've never been to a live show? Like it's a totally different thing. Well, and I have to admit that I was very sexist against women when I saw them fighting each other the first time. I remember even saying to Joe, like privately one day, I was like, I don't, I don't know. I don't like seeing women fight.

hitting each other and stuff. He's like, goes, Christina, they're warriors. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Like that kind of, yeah, they're not, that makes sense. They're not regular chicks. No. And then I was like, I get it. Cause when a bitch fights, fuck,

You know how fucked up you have to be to be a female comic? Take that times 100 and you're a female boxer? Holy shit. Now I got to get into this. I love it. And there's some incredible UFC, MMA fighters. No, I want to watch. So hold on. So the room is electric. It's electric in there. Everybody's pumped and we're all waiting for Tyson to come out.

right and and the other guy jake paul jake ryan jake paul paul ryan comes out and we're just like boo fuck that guy everybody booed it was insane that it was like a a fucking stadium booing and then a stadium cheering it was insane no one gives a shit about that guy here's the thing i mean obviously a lot of people watch this live so i'm not telling you a thing you don't know but we're at this point they move us we're in the fourth row and we have great like just right there

And like that first round, you know, you're like, okay, it's first round kind of jitters, uh, feeling each other out. Like, okay. And you get into like the second and third round and you clearly see something. Two things really that stand out to me. A Tyson's footwork is just, it's, it's odd and it's off. Right.

But the other thing that's real clear is that he doesn't press once. So he would set something up, like a clean jab, rock, and then there's a window for you to go in. And that's how he made a name for himself, right? It was like, bap, bap, and then the attack, right? You press, bap, bap, and unload on somebody. And every time you're seeing a window for it, he's actually retreating, clearly. So he's like, boom, and then, you know...

Your opponent gets rocked, so this is like the window for you now to attack. Their defense is down for a brief moment, and he would retreat, and you're just watching this. And then by the fifth round, the sixth round, that's all you're seeing. You're just seeing retreating, and you're like, oh. And then it's clear. To be fair to Jake, he also is doing the same thing. He's setting up something with a jab and then retreating. And then you're like, what we're watching is,

is a friendly spar. We're watching like sparring, light sparring. We're not watching a fight. And then it's like, it takes, it just takes you a moment to process it. You're like, Oh, I can't believe that's what I'm watching right now. I got all excited for, you know, a fight, a brawl. And then, and it's just clearly not that. And so, yeah, there was just this, um,

real cloud of disappointment in the year. I mean, the crowd started to boo pretty loud by the sixth, seventh, and eighth round. I was upset. I wanted my hero to win. Yeah, everybody was just like, what the fuck is this? I mean, it just felt like there was clearly...

an arrangement. Yeah, right? Yeah, that's what it felt like. The energy was just, and the energy was upset. It pivoted so much. It was such blue balls. Yeah. You know? We were all like, we're gonna nut so hard. So fucking hard, dude. And then everybody was like, no, oh, we're, this isn't a topless place. Yeah. We keep our bikinis on. That's bullshit. What the fuck are we doing here? I know. Yeah.

I know. $6,000 in cash. I know. I'm just going to watch you dance. I don't give a shit about your dancing. I see your tits. Thanks, Tom. That's a really perfect analogy. I just pulled that out of the way. So here's the thing that I heard that I wanted to tell you about Pac-Man is that I get, I see this. I'm like, damn, I'm so sad. I see the write-up. Then I went to Pac-Man's page. And if you go to Pac-Man's Instagram page,

That one on the left there with all those people, that's from the night. Put the audio. Whoa! That's where at the place he got arrested. You hear that lady drop the N-bomb? Yeah, I did. I did. And there's Pac-Man. Calling him an N-bomb.

They're touching him. Right? Yeah, he did. That's two of them. Calling him the n-bomb. Anyway. Yeah. Pretty crazy that that's who is saying shit like that to him. And clearly, that's considered assault too, you know? Yes. Like touching somebody. Anyway. Anyway.

By the time you guys see this, I'm sure he will have given more info on it. But it's like sometimes you just see an article and you're like, oh, what happened? Then you see something like this and it's pretty gross. Yeah, the guy instigated it for sure. Pretty gross. Again, the emotions were high. Everybody was, there's a lot going on. Listen, I got to pish real quick. Okay. And then I got to make a big announcement. I'm Polly and I'm Bobby. Go ahead. You peed. I took my hair off.

We're just getting comfortable. So, you know, as a lifelong goth and goth fan, I brought something to your attention because I'm always trying to get you to learn more about me. And Boise State has a volleyball player? A goth beach volleyball player, Nora Haid, a sophomore beach volleyball player at Boise State University has gone viral for her unconventional goth look featured in her team's roster photo. She looks rad. No, she is rad.

Now, I will say, as a goth, very strange to choose beach volleyball, considering we don't like to get a ton of sunlight. And also, like, that's kind of like festive sport. It is a perky thing. I mean, I would go with something angry like lacrosse, maybe horseback riding, solo sport, maybe tennis. A goth tennis player would be great. But I'm stoked.

It says, standing out with her pink dyed bangs, bold eyeliner, and septum ring, Haid has earned a large online following for bringing an alternative aesthetic to sport, to a sport often associated with traditional beach culture. So good. Okay. It says, Haid's unique appearance has sparked a humorous online debate over whether her style leans more toward goth or juggalo. Oh, I can see that. Yeah.

But she remains focused on combining her love for sports and artistic self-expression. Very cool. You guys, one of the things you do as a goth is you, because sometimes like some of your friends, like you'll meet somebody and you're like, oh, she's goth, but you're like, she's this type of goth. She's like a new age goth or whatever. So I'm a trad. I consider myself trad goth. We're the first wave of

I know I stopped there. I don't like Marilyn Manson. I know. I know. Sorry, guys. I stop at like the 80s music. Is this sort of like a trans exclusive radical feminist? Are you the J.K. Rowling of goths? So she would be, I guess, I want to go with like not a cyber goth, but definitely the newest generation of goth, which I'm not even familiar with.

But I like it. It's a little juggalette. I can see that. Yeah, but she seems very cool. But I respect the hair. I respect the tradition. Here's the thing. You're always into somebody who owns what they're into. You know what I mean? Always. Owns what they are. I love her. She is what she is, man. Good for her. Speaking of people who are just who they are, Fancy Chef apparently went to the script club.

He's in the script club and that's someone's ass for sure. Well, and her pussy too. The outline of it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. That's crazy. He's doing his thing, you know? Yeah, good for him. He's doing his thing, man. He's still wearing his chef's uniform under the fur coat, which is rad. Always, always chefing. Never not chef. I was following him. He went to Philly and he wore the mink with the chef shit underneath. And yeah, he was really out there. But I got an update. I don't know if you know this. He's upset. He's upset. That's what Zolo told me. What? Why? Zolo? Why?

Apparently we called him or somebody called him autistic on the show. That's probably me. Yeah, he wants to set the record straight that he's not. There you go. Well, I'm sorry. I'm probably sure I did. From the source himself, let it be known that the fanciest chef on the planet, not autistic. No. So I hope that clears the air. Definitely not. I can't believe anybody. I'm sure it was me. You must have misspoke that day. Totally. I must have. Just whatever.

Here's a question. Is this guy autistic? I think about 4,500 would probably be good. That's...

Again, if I'm calling about, like, you know, I put an ad in there for my car. Why would I be doing that if I'm trying to sell my car? That doesn't make any sense. Well, it doesn't make any sense to be shitting into the phone either, but it sure does sound like that's what you're doing. I mean, by God's eye, I'm calling a spade a spade. That guy let it go for a second, and he's like, the fuck are you doing? What?

I do like the Southern, like, hey, man. I do like this game of farting on serious phone calls. I think that's a very fun game. Well, hold on. What?

Does anyone else see the irony here? Yep, yep. Annie, go ahead and point it out to my husband. Well, yeah, he was a little angry when you did that. I mean, to be fair, it wasn't in a little non-joking way, to be fair. Non-joking, in all seriousness. What, when, what? What are you talking about? That I would make business calls on the toilet. No, that's a toilet. That's totally different. This is a toilet. What do you do on the toilet?

Yeah, what do you do on the toilet? No, you have no respect for humanity. I'm talking about this is a fun game. He's laying on the bed. It's totally different. You're taking dumps talking to people. No, I didn't poo with Brendan. I only made... You need to be with Uncle Ron making videos. This guy is more, I think, this is a more fun speed here, okay? I like it. Also, for some reason, it violently shakes.

It only does that when I get filled up with gas. It only violently shakes when I fill it up with gas. Okay, so it's fine. Unfortunately, I don't do it, actually. You got everybody on that one. You guys like that one. Yeah, I do that to my cousin Jeanette a lot. If I talk to her on the phone. You do that to everyone. No, not like that. Babe, you do...

Like that? Why are you lying? I do that. Pinocchio, your nose is going to grow even bigger. No, I did. I was with you and you called down to the front desk. Remember when- Oh my God. And I just- You beefed. Yeah. Yeah, but you beef and then you pull your legs up and you pump your legs and you spread your legs. You beef all the time. That's not true. Why are you lying? That's not true. You're so disgusting. No. And then you're like, well, let's fuck. I want to fuck. And then you just beef on me all the time. No. Yeah. That's not true.

You beefed in the room last night. We were putting the boys down and it smelled so bad we kicked you out. That's true. That is a true story. You're the king of beefs. Hey, may I please segue before we get into something else? Yeah, sure. Please. I'm very excited to announce this. Announce? It's a beautiful lead-in. Here. Thank you. Let's see here. Chips in a bowl. I want cats eating kibble. Oh, wow. This is a big fucking thing. It's such a good sound. This is for a big announcement. This is a big announcement, kids.

Chips in a bowl. Mommies. The stage is set. Go ahead. Jeans. Everybody, pull your jeans up over your eyes as high and tight as they can go. At long last, at long last, you know, last summer I came out as Polly. And bi. And bi. And I came out with the perfect red. This was my first lipstick. And I believe this to be the most perfect shade of red, the perfect consistency, everything. Because I've been wearing red since I was 13 years old.

And I researched it and I made it in Italy. And it's been such a success. And I thank everybody that's bought the perfect red that now this is a blue based red. I have created a orange based red called the the not the atomic red. And this one is orange based and it's lighter. Same formula, different color. And I've also added two more colors.

which is a mauve. This one you can wear, you know, picking up the kids, going to the grocery store. It just kind of elevates your everyday look. And then if you want to get spooky and you really want to show motherfuckers what's up, Berlin. This is a dark burgundy and it's only for the real goths out there. It's real Gs, maybe the Chola goths, whatever. This is if you really want to... Why don't you send that volleyball player one? I would love to send the volleyball player...

all four. You can buy the perfect four by the collection together. And I also have a bunch of new merch in my store. By the way, I have a brand new website too, christinap.com. No more christinaponline.com, which is so awful.

ChristinaP.com, you can find all my new merch, new designs. I've actually drawn a lot of the doodles that are on these shirts myself. So you have to buy it. You have to check it out. It's very cool stuff. I will say this, Christineza, in all the years that we've had items, shirts, hats, mugs, whatever, tote bags, you name it.

And you brought the idea of your lipstick. Yeah. And doing it, I was like, you know, fucking broad. Dumb broad. Yeah. And you know that it's the best-selling thing that we've ever had in the store, in any store. And it's all because you thought...

Thank you guys. Thank you. And it's all because of the mommies out there. It is because of the mommies, but I'm saying it's because you believed in this going down this path. Well, I'll tell you why I believe in it because I have a passion for it. That's true. I am fanatic about lipstick. You guys know me. I wear my red every single time we film the show. I'm passionate about lipstick and I believe in it. And that's why I spent a ton of money doing this. This is not a bullshit, cheapy thing.

No, I know. This is made in Italy. It's imported. It's the best quality lipstick. You did a great job. A lot of companies, even the brands you think should be fancy, expensive, they're not fancy and nice. Yeah, they're not beautiful and nice. They use cheap shit and they're not beautiful and nice. This is the real deal. The way you feel about that is how I feel about the sex dolls that I've been working on.

It's my passion. It's what I believe in. And they're going to be in the store real soon. And you guys can be doing the same stuff I've been doing. Look at that. It's so beautiful. And the new website...

Has pretty stuff on there too. I'm so pumped. And also on my TikTok, if you go to Christina P, you can now buy this on my shop. I've got a TikTok shop and I'll be on there all the time just talking about lipstick. You did it, Jean. I know. I'm obsessed with lipstick. I just love it. Do you? I want you to try it on. Will you wear this? Can I get you to try on? Because your lips are very pretty. Which color would you be? I think you're a Berlin because you're kind of saucy.

Okay, so you've got like a reddish pink. Shh, don't sneeze during the show. You've got a pink undertone. If you're going to do that, leave the room. So I would go with this to dim that. Yeah, we'll try that. You remember this, right? You definitely remember this. You drink red wine. I love him. I love this guy too. Pepperoni's really greasy. Yeah. And I love pepperoni. Yeah, me too. I like pizza, but I love pepperoni. Yeah, I feel this too. It's the best. Right? Yeah. I chew it up really well. Yeah. Yeah.

I get your juices and grease in my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Both sides of my cheeks. And then? Then I sip my red wine. With crushed ice. So good. Swish it. Way around my mouth. Yeah. I love feeling the grease come out of my cheeks. He literally looks like a stick of pepper. Yeah. Learn how to drink wine. Well, guess what? Get the greases out of you.

But he, can I tell you something now? This is a man of the people. He finally gets what we like. Well, here's the thing. I love this guy because it's like your lipstick thing. He is not only looks like he's covered in it, but this guy is completely authentic. Yeah. He's unpretentious. Yeah. And he's just genuinely sharing what makes him happy. Right. Guess what? More. Good. I'm drinking ice and wine.

I love to eat hot dogs. Yes. But the famous hot dog for me to eat at home on Chucks on the Avenue is burnt hot dogs. Yeah. And burnt hot dogs are delicious when I put them on a bun with mustard and sip my wine. That's what's up, bro. So we're going to take the famous bunny bread of New Orleans with some French yellow mustard, no chili. We're going to take a bite of this beautiful burnt hot dog. Fuck yeah, dog. Delicious. Delicious.

But it's even better with crushed ice and wine. Oh, yeah. Dude, I bet that tastes so good. Yeah. Delicious. I love it. I'll tell you what. Can I tell you the truth? Yeah. Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, talk to me. I know you like fancy meals. And we go to these sometimes very fancy places. And there's multiple courses. And I know I'm supposed to enjoy it.

I sometimes I most of the time I'd rather just be eating a burnt hot dog. Yeah, I hear you on that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I like that too, though. I mean, I do. I think my favorite thing to eat in this world is a smash burger. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. Like that NADC burger. Yeah. Yeah. Good. I mean, that's my favorite burger. Do you know my favorite is? And I've even ordered it from L.A. frozen in a box. Cupid's hot dogs. Yeah. Cupid's in the valley.

I think I told you this the other day. I love it. I think I've discovered. Hold on. Can I tell you what I like? Huh? The chili dog. You know, you cupids remember cupids, the chili with mustard and onion. Do you do it? You do it that way too.

Yeah. I grew up eating those after school. I think I've discovered that I just can't have a hot dog anymore. No. Not at your age. It's like five times now over, let's say, five months where a random hot dog finds its way into your life. And I'm like, yeah, I'll have a hot dog. I get minimum 24 hours of indigestion from a hot dog. Well, it's because you look like a hot dog right now.

Kind of pink. You know, I got that. You know what? There's so much sodium. It's too much sodium. If they can make a, do they make low sodium dogs? I'm sure they do. Guess what? I'm not going to try it. I'm not going to do it. It's just, I've had, it's proven now. You're just going to give up like that? Done with hot dogs. So I'm at the Laker game last week and I got great seats, amazing seats, sitting courtside. It's a great game.

I see Spade and Rock, Chris Rock, David Spade, sitting like over here. So I go say hi to them. And then at halftime, we sit together in this lounge. It's me, Jimmy Miller, Chris Rock, David Spade. And then we're hanging out. And then Sebastian comes over. And he's like, oh, hey, what's up? And he turns to me and he goes, hey, Sebastian. And I go, I'm like, what? And it's kind of loud. There's noise and music or whatever.

And then he sits like, you know, I don't know, six, seven feet away over there. And he's talking to the spade. And we're all just kind of like, you know, you have to kind of project to, you know, say something. Oh, this is good. Blah, blah, blah. And so I say something to him. And he's like, what's that? And I try to say it again. He's like, I can't hear you. So he comes over.

And like I'm talking to him and I just see him. He's just like looking at me. And then he goes, oh, my God. He goes, I didn't know it was you. What the fuck? And I go, yeah, well, I'm talking to you like five minutes. And he's like, bro, I saw you on the Instagram with the shaved face. And I go, I guess this is his face now.

But then I had, you know, five days growth of this. He had no idea who I was. No. None. You look like a totally different bro, I'm telling you. It is a good time to be gay. This is the time. If you want to go suck dicks randomly, do it now. No one will be like, no, that wasn't me. You got that pretty little mouth. That wasn't me. People can see your pretty mouth now. Okay. I have something fun to show you. Uh-oh. All right. The grease, the juices. Is this guy... Down my throat. Horrible? Uh-oh. Or hilarious?

Ah, shit. This is why I don't fucking do this. Fuck! That's horrible. That's my worst nightmare. That's so crazy to think to smell the cork. The fuck, dude? That's insane. Hopefully, that's the last time she does that. You didn't like that one? No. That's literally my nightmare. Literally. I like this one. You like that? Why are you messing with the crocodile? Did he lose a digit? No.

He didn't get fucked up enough. Uh, attempting to desensitize the gator so he could complete the stunt. Usually done by tapping the gator lightly on the head until it becomes used to feeling incinerated. He is perfectly okay. Yeah. I thought he may have lost a digit. Uh,

I don't think he screamed enough, I want to say. Well, he could have lost a digit. Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could have happened quick. Yeah. Yeah, that could have happened real quick. What he got lucky with was the release. Because usually they just hold on. Yeah. Yeah. That was a croc. Don't put your hand in a croc's mouth. Oh, yeah. This is pretty cool. All right, you get out of here. I'll hold the door open for you. Let me see that hand. He's going to go. Oh! He's mad.

The fuck? Is that a chick? The face is covered. I feel like that's a chick movement. She just broke every finger bone. It really wasn't her fault, though. No. She's pulling out like she didn't know. But I think that was a fun one. I don't think so. No one's laughing. Okay. Oh, shit. The recovery was great. Yeah, it was a good recovery. It happens. Those are big heels. You just don't want to twist your ankles. I know, but isn't it public falling?

everybody has the thing to like look like they're okay right unless it's devastating pain you got to go like okay you got to spin out of it yeah i've fallen off a stage before in dallas you fell off yeah getting off it was some club and one two i lost my footing and i ate shit and the audience was like and then i just popped uh didn't that happen to ralphie may oh yeah it happened to ralphie may once

And he claimed later that it was a bit, like he was doing it for the laugh. And there was another guy, this other comic, Bill something. And when he was like 600 pounds, he fell and the audience thought it was a bit and they were like laughing because he was so big. And it was not a bit. Yeah. That's not good. You don't want to do that. That size, it can be real. God. Yep. These are always good.

You good, pal? Oh, no, no. He's going to drop the team. That was fun. I don't know. I mean, I feel like, oh, Josh likes it. How come they don't prepare for that? They should. I feel like that should be part of the job that they prepare for that.

Yeah, we don't know the aftermath, but we do know that the tree had become overgrown and the homeowner did not want to pay professionals to do that because he thought it was too expensive. Oh, cool. Well, then that's hilarious. It's kind of funny. Being cheap. It's pretty good. Okay. So, oh, these were part of the package I wanted to put together for you because I know that you love this. And I also wanted to say...

Congratulations on finishing radiation. Thanks, pal. So I had these flagged for you. Flagged? Yeah. Please look at the screen. Okay. Let's look at the Denver. Isn't that nice? I think he's just watching television, which is cool. Yeah, he is. But he's just, you know, he recorded this and then he uploaded it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best part. He didn't think twice about uploading it. Oh. A little lick, lick. A little lick, lick. Cool. Isn't that nice? It's very nice. He's just breathing. Shirtless.

Laying back. Just breathing. There you go. Yeah. Oh, here we go. He's got his shirt off this time. Also. TV in the background. I want to say Russian or the language. Yeah, it's like some Slavic kind of shit going on. He's got a big potato nose, so he's been drinking. And that's a real old world kind of bullshit on the wall there. Yep, yep, yep. Whatever the fuck that is. Yep. Oh, oh.

I thought I would bring it home with that for you. Thank you. Oh, he's at the laundromat. Yeah. That's a good place to do shit like that. Yeah. Cause I had some girl be like, I know where that guy is. Yeah. Go there right now. That's what he's hoping for. Right? Yeah. Pretty cool. That was so nice. Thank you. There you go. Congratulations. You're all done. They can make out with these dudes. Yeah. That's so rad. Yeah. It's finally time. Look at that. Side by side guys. Get your prints right now. Right? Right?

Christina P. Dot com. Miami Studios. What the fuck are you guys laughing? It's perfect. It's spot on. That's way better than I thought. Yeah. Christ. You guys have been looking at this mug for 20 years. Whatever, guys. I think I don't know that face. Oops. I got your vagina. Want a bag? Too bad. It's mine. Oh, wait, wait. How did that make you feel? What did you think? I mean, it was cool.

I like that. It's a good way to... You know what's a good... You realize that all things like this are just a version of just... Throwing the dice. Rolling the dice, always. Well, I will say I admire the attempt at humor. Somebody is like, oh, he's cute and he's funny. Someone's going to enjoy it, for sure. Today we're going to be making piss popsicles, otherwise known as pissicles. So what you're going to want to do is pour this in here. Put that in there. Put it in there until it fills up.

Pour some on my floor right now, but who cares? Pour it in there. That piss is so dark. All right. Then after that, you're going to want to bottle this up and then put it in the freezer for a couple of hours. All right. The bicycle is ready. Oh, yeah. There you go. The place looks nice. Those nails are so long, too. The fridge door there. Ooh, all of it. So this is a new guy. I mean, we used to have piss spots, and now this guy's teaching us. This guy's stuff has come up on my feed, too. It's really, oof. Is that the way to show it?

Guys, 72 pounds down, carnivore diet. He goes down, dot, dot, carnivore diet. He's just letting you know. But why show it this way? He's showing you his chest, babe. He looks good. You don't think he looks good? I think he looks good. Carnivore diet. The stare, too. The stare is really jarring. It's meant to penetrate whoever it is.

Yeah. He's fucking you. He's eye fucking you. Yeah. He's also in his car or his truck. Yeah. Or a bus. Is that a bus? He's just feeling it. I don't know, dude. That's yeah. Thank you for that. That was a good one. I usually pull these for you. The Indian version. Oh shit. Careful. Oh, he's toying with us. A little smirk there.

He almost wants to give you an oopsie. Oopsie. There's my ding dong. Oops. I didn't know the camera went down that far. My bad. He's super hairy. What's up, guys? Today I'm going to be teaching you how to make a piss hot pocket. Otherwise known as a piss pocket. So basically what you're going to want to do is open up like the top part of the hot pocket and just kind of scoop out all of the... Oh, the stuff in there. You can fill it with piss? Is that where we're going to go? Yeah.

Oh, fuck, Christina. You act like I made it. The next thing that is going to absolutely make me vomit. But that's a lighter color piss. Pour it in there slowly. Uh-oh. There's a flaw in the system. Make sure you show your friends and family this.

This guy is, you know what's funny is that this guy is severely mentally ill. No. Like he's a hoarder and a total, but he actually has a very funny sense of humor. Yeah. But a lot of times the sense of humor goes with this level of mental illness, you know, because it's all like, but he's like, make sure you share this with friends and family. He knows what he's saying. Yeah. He's winking at us. Today is going to be the day when we're going to get back to you.

Yeah. It's Oasis. It's good, right? It's really good. I hope she opens for them. I heard she's going to open for them. It's cool that I had to go through prosthetics to get this whole look down, but it's neat.

She's just like this. I want to hear every other Oasis song too. From her. Are you going to go see them? Of course I am if they come to America. Didn't they announce U.S. dates or no? Did they announce it? I don't know. I've kind of been in a bubble. I would love to see them. No. Brighton, Cardiff. They said they're going to announce USA. All right. Hold on. Manchester. Oh, yeah.

The Rose Bowl sold out fucking cunts. Yeah. Sorry, guys. I've been under. Wait, where's the Rose Bowl? I don't see it. In the middle of September. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell. All right, Agent Jeans, you're listening to this. Look at that. Look at how quickly that. Wait, is that the only America? They're doing L.A., Chicago, East Rutherford. That's so random. Why East Rutherford, New Jersey, and then L.A. and Chicago? That's where the stadium is.

Go, because they can get the East Coast. They're getting East and West and Midwest. They're doing New York, LA. That's it. Fuck. I fucking failed. Oh, they're doing Chicago? Yeah. Toronto. All sold out. This is insane. Agent Jeans, get me tickets. Okay. Here we go. Incredible.

This pubic hair ring turned out to be one of my favorites. I had an amazing client that sent me a ring core blank that she wanted used along with tufts of pubic hair. I did have to cut the hairs a little bit shorter so that way I could get everything super precise because the important thing was that the gold borders remained visible and not have any hairs over them. So it was quite a lengthy process doing them each individually. Did you know that the- Can I just move on?

Wait, you don't think you'd do this for me? No. You don't love me enough? I'm a bad pussycat. You're a sad pussycat. But I'm awake. You're asleep. Let's go play, pussycat. I'm going to rap, pussycat. Sit on your lap, pussycat. Sing this song all day long. Can't go wrong, pussycat. It's crazy. Whenever I see videos like this, I always think of the person who's like,

That's Jeff. I know. Like, I see him at Chipotle all the time. Yep. That's somebody's. That's somebody. That's somebody's, like, Ford sales rep. I know. Like, I bought a truck from that guy. I know. He's like, just fucking. Just putting it out there. Doing his. Okay. God, don't put it out there. Congrats on the new job, Michael. He's great. He's so right. He's just so precise. I know. He doesn't waste any words. No. Economy of words. It's really something you have to learn. Yep.

Well, I think I'm pretty good for today. That left me feeling way different than when we started, which is really exciting. Thanks again for all the encouragement that I received for having shaved my face.

I will do it again. I'll try to do it again pretty soon because I know how much people enjoyed it. Don't forget my lipstick's the perfect for now in my store, ChristinaP.com. Check it out. Try it out. Check it out. Try it out. Here's my colors. Got it. Boop, boop, boop. And don't forget to buy your original Christina P. drawing of Tom without a beard. Un-fucking-believable. All right.

Love you guys. Thanks for watching. I'm going to yawn on the way out. Yeah, I'm tired. Love you guys. Love you too. Bye. Stay blessed.

Don't stop, Christine. And it was endless. It was fucking endless. And when I took my dick out, she went... Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for stopping by. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Don't stop, Christine. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop. Christine, don't stop. It was one of those loads, Christine, that don't stop.

Christine that don't stop.

It was fucking endless.