Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798
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Yeah. Would you marry your dad? Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze. Tommy, would you marry your son? Yes, of course. My God, I wish I could. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Yeah. Yeah, of course I would do it. Christina...

Would you marry your son? Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Would you marry your... Yeah, of course. I live for this. Yeah. Just like... Just like... Just like the gays. Just like... Alright, I'm ready. Just like the gays. I feel good now. You got it. Just like the gays. Just like... Just like the gays. Would you marry your mom? No. Come on. I think I'd marry my dad. Okay. Okay.

Would you marry your mom? I don't know. Would you marry your dad? Yeah. Of course. For sure. Yes. Yeah. I really would. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. This is so good. Would you marry your dad?

It's an appropriate song for some of the subjects today. Man. Man, today's going to be just rocking. We're on fire. We're rolling. There's so much to get into. There's so many interesting stories that some might not even expect that are going to be discussed today. Some revelations, things revealed in the world. Yeah.

I'm so excited. The third apocalypse, the third eagle of the apocalypse. Satanic. Revelations. Isn't his show something like that? Yeah, the third eagle of the apocalypse. Yeah, William Tapley. Yeah. He often talks about... Vote for the Donald. He is a man. Yeah. Third eagle. Yeah, and he's always in front of those birds. So upsetting that he won't reach out to us. I know. It's like...

We support him. We support his platform. We're all about his stuff. I wish he'd fucking get it. I love you. I miss you. You've been gone for so long. Yeah. What? No, I know. You were thinking. You were thinking about something else? Yeah, I was looking at something on the board there. Oh. Yeah, it's been a very busy time. All week? Yeah.

Now you're back. Now I'm back. Before that, we went to- I'm back. I'm here. Polly, I'm by. We went to Sedona for a little getaway to get away from our children for a few days. That was amazing. Sedona is a beautiful place. It is a high vibration place. The aliens, there are vortexes. I visited a vortex alone. You did not join me, but that's okay. I accompany you.

And we went on a spiritual journey. It was a spiritual journey. And we even experienced a sound bath. I enjoyed the sound bath. Did you? This was your first one. I loved it. You did? I really did. Did you go on a journey in your mind? Actually, yes. Tell me where you went. Can you share with us? No. But what I'll say is that I'll say what I told the sound bath lady, Echo, is that...

She was like, just let yourself go where it goes. And I went everywhere. You go into space? I went into space, but I had thoughts. There was times I was thinking about our kids, about you, friends, feelings. It was a real visual kind of journey that I let the sound kind of guide me. What did you think about us? Were you like, how do I murder? How do I kill? How do I conceal the bodies? Yeah.

No. Because I feel like that's a reprieve from what normally goes on in your brain, which is, I mean, yesterday I was watching the new Bridget Jones movie. Yeah. And you came in and you were like, the chick stuff. And I'm like. How did I say it? This stupid ass chick stuff. Yeah. And you were disappointed because there's no murder. Yeah. I was like, who gets killed in this? And you were like, nobody. I was like, oh, I don't want to watch this.

Yeah. Because what goes on in your mind all day is what goes on in there. So as a sound bath must have been a pretty crazy thing for you. It was enjoyable, though. I really enjoyed it. Yeah. It was like the I don't know, probably how long did it last? 30 minutes? Something like that? Maybe an hour. Okay. It's probably the only hour I didn't think about death in a long time. Yeah.

you know what I liked is she had, so I don't know if you've ever done a sound bath people here, but it was fucking cool. It's so fun. Cause they have different, different sounds. Like one is like a rain. So see that scroll up there, that second lady with, so it's sort of like that setup, but she had all these types of instruments, right? Objects that would make chimes. And then you lay down, you cover your eyes, which I'm a big fan of. I love eye covers. Um,

And you're comfortable. Yeah. And then sounds begin. Well, hold on. Echo told us. That was our lady, our sound guide. She, before, notified us that she would be calling in, remember this, spirits from other dimensions to assist us on our journey. And I was like, well, hold on. I didn't authorize that kind of stuff. The interesting thing is some of those spirits sort of sounded like Mexican kitchen workers that were in the room next door. Yeah.

I was like, wow, are the sound spirits named Jose and Maria? Well, that was the fatal flaw of our sound bath is that it took place in a conference room in a hotel. And every now and then somebody would open the door. Open the door. Oh, I'm so sorry. He said, oh, okay. I closed the door.

And then we were like, oh, okay. Kind of took us out of the moment of the journey. But then I would lose myself in it again. Yeah. It's easy to get back in. And I like the sounds. They sound like little twinkles, like twinkle. And then she walks around you. Yeah. So you would also get real loud. Boom, boom, boom. Whoa. And then you'd hear it fade to the next person. Yeah.

And then I was so worried you would fart because it's at a higher altitude, Sedona. And we all had altitude farts. But somebody was kind of the leader in that department. Remember who that was? Is it me? That was you. Thank you. Yeah.

Tell them. I like that you're supportive of... I wouldn't call it support. It was probably the boldest thing that I don't even know if you were aware that you did it because it was so offensive that somebody was outdoors reading a book by a fire pit, clearly in just the most relaxed, enjoyable state. This woman was...

She was at peace. She was reading outside. The climate was cool, but it was nice. The fire. And she's reading a book. And you walked right next to her and farted in her face. You farted in her face. And your ass was at her face level. And you just were like, hope you're enjoying the book. I didn't say that. Like right in her face. Basically. Yeah.

And that she was just went like, does she really do? Yeah, of course. She was like, that's your interpretation of what happened for me. It was just, I was trying to impress you trying to get on your level. Did you notice her before you did that? Yeah. Did not don't care. It's my vacation. This was my time in Sedona. I was connecting with higher vibrations. Vibrations are what she felt too.

I honestly did not know that I farted on a woman. It merited an apology, just so you know. Really? Absolutely. I did not. You should have been like, I'm so embarrassed. Excuse me. Oh, gosh. Now I feel bad. Yeah. Well, yeah. I did not know that. I really didn't know that. You farted in her face. Yeah. Her whole week got ruined. Yeah. What did she look like? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, this is not my fault. Thank you for bringing this up, Josh. Go ahead. He just Googled that gas and bloating at high altitudes are common and can be caused by a number of factors, including lower air pressure, trapped gas, and swallowing air. It's not my fault is what I think Josh Zola was trying to say. Thank you so much for being on my side here. I mean, you pushed it out. It wasn't like, oh, how did this happen? You pushed it out. I wanted to impress you. What's so bad about wanting your spouse's approval? That's our love language, babe. That's true. That is true. That is true.

I really enjoyed Sedona. I like that you and I did that. And then you went on a little bit of a psychedelic thing too. I did a little extra journey. I met a cool local named Sage. And they have the coolest names there, Echo, Sage. They all do. And I smoked DMT with him. What? Just a stranger at the place we were staying at. But that's Sedona. Yeah. Yeah.

And I got to say, visual journey. Tell me about it because I've never done that. I've never done that. I was scared of shit. I was scared too. And he was like, no, dude, you're not. Because I was just thinking, I always compare like something like that, anything that's presented to me like mushrooms or like ayahuasca, anything I always think of edibles. And I'm like, man, you know how a strong edible will fucking shh.

like wreck you. So I was like, that's all I keep going. That's my, for whatever reason, that's my reference point. I was like, I was like, oh man, because people talk about like breakthroughs and, and you know, these journeys. I'm like, is this going to be like a fucking 200 milligram edible? He kept saying no, but like also like, yeah, but, but prepare yourself. And I was like, all right. And I, I was worried about it. And I was like,

And so we sat by this fire pit. There was no one farting and we just sat there. What's the point? I know. And then I guess DMT, pure DMT has a lower burning point. What does that mean? That like the, you don't need a high flame for it to. Yo, I didn't even know you light it like crack.

I mean, I didn't think of crack. How do you take it? It's like a pipe? Yeah, I put it in a pipe. Oh my God, dude. Like opium or fucking crack? Yeah, so he was like, you ever smoke crack? And I was like, yeah. Who hasn't? And so what they do is they put the DMT in, they pack it around weed so that the weed kind of burns around it.

- What does the DMT look like? Is it sticky like opium? - Like white, yeah like crack. - Powder? - Like crack. - Like crack. - Yeah. - Dude, you smoked rocks, bro. - Yeah. - I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too.

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It's just like cool crack. Okay, so it's sprinkled in with pot so that you get... See, the pot alone would make me crazy. Can you do it purely without the pot? I guess you can, but I think it burns easier if you have the... That's what it was told. I'm not the expert. I was too scared to touch it. I know. You were like, do you want to go into the forest with this guy I met? Yeah. Do DMTs? No, I don't. They got DMT pens now. Yeah, they got DMT pens. Oh, I'm scared. I'm scared.

This is my first time. So I've been offered the pens before. I haven't done it. But anyway, he was like, get naked. And I was like, okay. And he's like, I'll sit on your lap. This will make you relax. And a massage, sexual massage. No, totally not sexual, actually. It's not sexual. You just rub each other's prostate and you're like, all right, I'm ready, I'm ready. And then...

Yeah. Is Will Blunderfeld there? No, no, no, no. Not like that. But then, so we kiss a little bit and then he gives me the pipe and...

Wait, his name is Sage. Yeah. He goes, take three, take three hits. Three hits. Yeah. He goes the first, the, after the second one, you're not going to want the third one, but you need the third one. That's what he said. But you need it. You're not going to want it, but you need it. I was like, okay. So I pulled the first one. He was like, Ooh, that's a good pool. And then I was like, second one. He's like, and now the third, do that third. Dang. Okay. And I did the third and, um,

Yeah, you go... Like...

I felt like something was like holding you down in the seat. Like I couldn't really move. Sounds terrible. You were in a chair. Yeah, I was in a chair. Comfortable. Okay, so you go back in your chair, like heroin kind of. And you feel heavy? Yeah, kind of, yeah. Yeah, kind of heavy in the head and I couldn't open my eyes. Did that scare you? No, because the visuals started to become like really cool. In your brain. Yeah. Like you're popping in your brain. Yeah, you're seeing...

Like neurons and stuff firing. All kinds of shapes and colors. And, you know, I saw a bunch of like, I saw this red caterpillar that had like fire going around it. You're not telling me. Tell me the truth. I swear. A caterpillar. Yeah, a red one. Like Alice in Wonderland. Like fire red. Yeah. That's tight. Yeah. And things were like moving and then bones that were turning in circles and then.

I was like really enjoying it. And then one time he was, uh, Oh, we did it a second time. So then he was like, I don't know if you really got the full thing. Let's do it again. So we did it a second time and he put more in there. And then on the second time I was really like, Whoa, seeing all this shit. And then he goes, wait, after I was over, he's like, what'd you see there? I go, why? He goes, you went like this.

I was like, oh. He's just watching you? Yeah. What a creep. He goes, I go, there's a blue dragon that kept like trying to bite. He goes, yeah, because you went. And then the next day when I saw him walk around, he went.

Did he cup your balls to comfort you? Yeah, he was just like, come in my hand. Yeah. That's what I did. Because he gave you drugs that floored you, and then he was watching you fry, like watching you take a journey. Yeah. That doesn't sound remotely gay. Well, he was jacking off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, we haven't even opened the show. Hold on. I've got so many more questions. Well, that's the end of your questions. Here we go. Let's open the show. I'm outside Victoria's Secret.

Oh, so good. I get it. I love that entree. That's the secret. Welcome to your mom's house.

Bam. I didn't even tell you what happened to me in my vortex. Yeah. Did I? So I went to a vortex. In Sedona. It's a spiritual location in Sedona where you get downloads and, you know, your high vibrations. Yeah.

And I didn't get any. But I got to see a bird fly at like my eye level, bro. Like a fucking black crow. It was like chilling like right there. And I was like, oh, that was worth it. That was worth it. You ever seen a fucking crow fly? Like right at your fucking eye level. Tight.

Yeah dude You know what I'm saying I was too scared to do the drugs But I I tripped out on a fucking word That's okay Bro was like talking to me He was all He's all let go bitch I asked Sage for More DMT Oh no I'm not taking that stuff Yeah I was like send some bro Cause you know what I've done LSD in my formative years Yeah I don't know why I'm whispering I don't know either But

I don't need to see stuff anymore. Okay. That's fine. But that's, I'm happy for you. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Did you learn anything? No, it was just like, it was a nice, it was a good experience. Yeah. I enjoyed it. Yeah, it was the opposite of scary. That's nice. That is nice. It wasn't scary. Okay. Okay, so this, I have so many thoughts about this opening clip. Yeah. I mean, first of all, Orange Chicken at Panda Express. The secret is that I just took a diarrhea. That's Victoria's secret.

I understand she's in a mall, clearly. She went to the food court. Yeah. Get it. Why not find a toilet? I've had diarrhea in the mall here at the domain. One time I was at Free People and I felt diarrhea coming on. You know what I did? Yeah. I left and I looked for a toilet and I found one. Yeah. Malls have toilets. So my question is, was she trying on a thong? Don't think so.

i'm looking i don't think it's the thought yeah i don't think she's trying on stuff at victoria i think she went in there just to in the dressing room shut the front door i mean look at her who does that her what do you think that lays above where she shouldn't but then is she in her pants and the no no she's pulling down her pants and then going into the the room she went from panda express to victoria's secret first of all this woman's a menace

Why? What's wrong with those? What's wrong? What do you mean? That's not the two-stop way to do things. Oh. Panda Express, then go, I'm going to go to the lingerie store? That's true. I don't think so. You should flip the order. Yeah. You buy your lingerie first. First, and then you fill up with diarrhea food. Yeah. Panda Express is so goddamn good, though. Sure. That orange chicken? No one's mad at that. Goddamn. But she's gnarly.

That's the secret. She has nice hair, Tom. She has nice hair. She has nice hair. Have you ever shat in a dressing room? No. I haven't either. By the way, you want to do like a little vibe shift real quick? Of course. Don't I? Oh, yes. He's drinking Joe, too. Wow. Wow.

Oh my god. How long can he sustain that? I don't know. How do you do this? Oof.

It's so crazy. So I looked this up. Yeah. Because I don't know what's happening. Sure. It's throat whistling. But I've never even heard. Because whistling, typically you see people with their lips, right? Like the sound. He can whistle from here. I don't even understand that. I don't understand it either. What a skill. I don't understand how it happens. I don't either. And how he manipulates. I mean, how he manipulates. Well, that's how he calibrates the sounds. Right, but.

How does it even start? You know, I was a blues man when this shit came out. Rock and roll was so fucked up back then. Right. Whoa. Oh, I love the song. Guns and Roses. Oh, wow. Holy shit. I would pay to see him do a concert of all my favorite songs. I bet you can. You think he could cover Bauhaus or The Cure?

Oh, wow. I wish you would do Bela Lugosi's Dead. That's a long one. Okay, here's what it says online. To whistle with your throat, also called throat whistling, you essentially create a constriction in your throat by manipulating your vocal cords while directing a stream of air through a specific mouth position.

usually with a slightly open mouth and a flattened tongue near the bottom teeth, allowing the air to vibrate and produce a whistling sound. This technique requires practice and precise control of your throat muscles and tongue placement. And now, everybody, let's all see everybody try to throat whistle. You try it, Tom. Any? No. Give it a shot. Just try. No. It ain't there, bro.

I don't know how you do this. Yeah, I mean, this guy, when you talk about unique talents for real, there's nobody that can do what this guy does. I've never even met a throat whistle. Neither have I. None of my friends have ever been like, hey, you want to see some shit? No. And drop the throat whistle. Nobody. I mean, I've had friends that can do the two fingers and that. That is awesome when people do that. Yeah. And it sounds like. I feel like Bert can do that. Doesn't Bert do that? Or he goes like that. Like he does that. Who? Bert Kirshner. Doesn't he do that?

What's up, everybody, man? We are sitting here in the NOLA, the Big Easy, at Super Bowl 59, man. The biggest event in America. Sitting right next to Burt Kershaw. How do you pronounce your last name? Burt Kreiser. Burt Kreiser.

just he can't win that bit is fucking 15 years old now and nobody's ever caught on burt kershire that's a new one we've heard so many variations kershire nobody can get it and look at his face he burst like yeah here we go at the super bowl

I love that part of his head goes, I thought I was famous enough for someone to get it right. It's amazing. That's why I changed my last name from Pajitsky to P. That was a good call. By the way, buy my lipstick, ChristinaP.com. You should get all four colors at the same time. I'm wearing Berlin today. That's the darkest. Perfect red, atomic red, Madison, Berlin. Someone came up to me this weekend. Yes. Goes, I never wear red lipstick.

And I go, okay. And she goes, I bought Christina's. She goes, that's the only red that I've ever worn. She goes, I love it. Because it's the perfect one. It is perfect. It's not too chalky. It's not too runny. It lasts just the right amount of time in my estimation. So try it out. ChristinaP.com. Try it out. Try it out.

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Oh, fuck, I forget. There is this fart thing that you might like. Yeah. That maybe... I always like fart things. Why should you never hold in a fart?

You know, farts is a gas. You know, it's a chemical. It's a bunch of chemicals. And when you hold in a fart, there's a percentage of that fart vapor, which will diffuse through the walls of the colon, through the walls of the intestine. The colon. And eventually it will go to your bloodstream. Oh, shit. And all the blood circulates and eventually goes to the lungs, where the waste products are then exhaled out.

So there's a tiny percentage of your fart, which if you hold it in, will go to your bloodstream, go to the lungs, and then be exhaled out. So you will have farting. You're going to breathe it instead of farting it if you don't fart it. You will exhale fart. So you will literally breathe out fart fumes if you hold it in. It's physiology. It's science. Science, baby. This is what we're here for.

That is horrifying. Yeah. So you did that lady a favor. I did her a big favor. Do you know that there's couples? By the way, that's Chris. Yeah. And I did his podcast. If you don't know, it's called Modern Wisdom. Yes. I just did it a couple weeks ago. Very sweet. I've met him at the mothership. Really nice guy. Yeah. Yeah. Super sweet. There's couples that don't fart in front of each other and couples that hold in farts for years and years. Can you imagine? I know.

Or I've heard that because I've heard people go, oh, when you meet somebody, I go, what do you do? And they're like, well, you know, you excuse yourself or you leave them. Like for what if you have like a bunch of farts, you just keep get up and you leave over and over. It's kind of weird, right? It just seems like.

Like a hard way to live your entire life with another person. Excuse me. Oh, and he's one of these. Ew. Don't you have a policy, right? A girl can't fart in front of you? No, no, I didn't say that. I thought you told me before that you were completely against a girl ever farting in front of you. No, there was a time that a girl burped in my face and I almost broke up with her. I was like, that shit ain't funny. But no, I don't care about farts. Also, that thing with the breathing shit don't make sense because how are you going to not breathe in the fart when you fart?

You're already breathing it in. What do you mean? Wait, what are you saying? What you're saying is if you fart... If you fart, you're already breathing it. Oh, wow. I didn't even think about that. So you're afraid of partial breathing a fart that you didn't fart? Oh, my God. That's no-win situation. You're breathing it regardless. Well, look, you may as well enjoy the sound that the fart makes and laugh. Why not have a laugh at the same time as you're breathing in farts? Oh, speaking of farts, Tom, I remember you were hyped about the fart walk.

Right. Long time ago. Yes. He can fart. He goes as you walk. Right. I was wondering if you've if you've the other day I experienced, I think, the optimal fart walk. What's that? It's a fart walk downstairs.

Oh, wow. As you go down the stairs. Yo. Because as you go down, you've got to spread your cheeks further. That's right. Going the next step. Yo. Because it gets real musical. Yeah. Yeah. The pitch changes more than a flat road fart walk. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I don't think I've had one. I don't know if I've had one. Oh, no. I've done that. Yeah. The fart stair walk. The fart stair walk is cool. Wow. I don't think I could relax enough to do that.

Sometimes, too, if you jog. Oh, yeah. So it's more of a fart jog. Sure. Also, the movement is a little more than a walk stride. Sure. So you'll hear different pitches. It's pretty cool. Yeah. That's really cool, Tom. It's very cool. It's Black History Month. Oh, Annie, congratulations. Oh, yeah. Congrats, Annie. Thanks, guys. In honor of you, our black brothers and sisters-

We bring you this gift. All right. Okay.

So cool. That's a great, that's in the Castro. It looks like. Queering out the women. They were queering out the dudes. Yeah. Hitler burned queer books. You know, this comes right off the tail of. Yeah.

Black and indigenous, Creole and Romani. Do I sound like that? Dude, that's fantastic. I've been listening to it on a roll. It sounds like it. Yeah. African Americans, Puerto Rican, and not the Jews because nobody likes them. Everybody else is included. Creole. Creole. Creole.

Romani Creole. Before Hitler got on meth, he was a guy to go fishing with. That's what I'm saying. That's the craziest sentence I've ever heard. Before Hitler got on meth. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like Stevie. Yeah. Old Stevie. It's exactly the same. Cat's Fist and Bash loves frogs. I'm smart. I know what's to do. Yeah. He sounds just like Stevie. That's true. Wow.

Wow. This is a powerful song. We got to learn this. Yeah, this one's really cool. Follow your black sisters. Yeah, that is. It's funny. It's always white ladies taking up this cause. They always take up everybody else's cause. The white ladies, huh? Yeah. These fucking ladies, these broads. Do you think these broads fuck? Oh, here we go. Black and indigenous people of color. Black and indigenous people of color.

Oh, Pacific Islanders. We forgot. Oh, shit. Romanis? You're Latino. How come she's got regular Asians? Just Asian Americans?

She didn't say black, did she? Yeah. It was the first African American. Oh, it was African American. Yeah.

There was no Jewish mention, though. That is interesting. She mentioned everybody. Oh, my. I felt that anti-Semitism. Kind of makes you wonder. I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy. That's kind of strange to list everybody. Dude, she didn't list the Jews. Yeah. Or Palestinians. Did she list Muslims? I didn't hear that. Wow. She did not, Tom. It's actually a very not inclusive song. Wow. You specifically left out Jews.

Two very... Big groups. Big, small groups. Right. Yeah. She's so full of hate. But she made it all about the gays. It says about the gays. The first part of the song is just about the gays. And then she goes into the people of color. Shameless. But then she lumps in Creole with Latin and Hispanic. Wait, hold on. Latin and Hispanic aren't the same? Aren't you guys all the... No. What's the difference between Latin and...

Well, here's a little geography lesson for you. Latin encompasses Latin America, which is the basis of what you know as... Not this America. I'll tell you that. So like kind of further down south. Sure. And Hispanic would be Hispano, like Spain. Oh, I did not know that. The Spanish people are Hispanic. Didn't know that. I just lumped you guys all in. We're not the same. Speaking your fucking dirty... The Hispanics are not Latin. Not European is what I called it. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's Christina for you guys. She did not include...

She didn't include my people. Slovakian, Romanian, Hungarians. Come on, man. She's full of hate. People are saying, by the way, speaking of Latins, people are saying this is Charo at Disney. Have you seen this? That's her. Nightmare. And that's me. You like that picture? Is that Charo?

Ew. Your mom's way classier. I'd like to say something. I'm gonna... And I...

I'm not a Disney adult by any stretch. No. Is this Disneyland? This appears to be Disneyland, correct? Not Disney World? Yeah, I think so. I mean, last time we were at Disneyland, I felt that it wasn't indicative of a real classy Disney experience. The people they're hiring now are not upholding the Disney brand. They're being rude. They're being too casual. Welcome to the fucking new world, dude. This is everything. I don't like it. This is everything.

This is everything after COVID, honestly. You think, what is that? It's just like they can't find people? Yes. Like normal people? Yeah. This is disgusting. Imagine your fucking kid. You get these bottom feeders working everywhere now. You get these. I'm serious. Every fucking service person is dog shit now. They're the worst. Yeah. And I'm talking to you. If you have a job like that, you suck. Jesus Christ, Tom. No. They're the worst. They're not all suck. They're all fucking losers. No. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they are. You guys are the worst.

Disneyland workers who flip their tongues out at you. No.

They suck. She doesn't get included. No, because when we took our boys to Disney last year, I noticed that, that the staffers, they're not upholding the Disney vibe anymore. Yeah. That's terrible. No, it's not the same. It's not the same. But I was making the comment more seriously about the service industry. It is totally different now. Oh, stop. It hasn't bounced back? Definitely not. You don't feel that anymore? Any type of, like, go to...

Restaurants, hotels, airlines, every place that like there's some type- Airlines are always atrocious. But it's worse. It's all worse. It's way worse. Airlines are garbage. Hotels are worse. Restaurants are worse. Because I don't leave the house as much anymore. Because people left-

who had some of these jobs and they replaced it with the fucking B squad. Actually, like the C squad. So that's who has the job now. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks. We had a waiter. You remember the waiter? Yeah. In Sedona who, like. How do I describe what my husband?

It was like too much. And he had like rehearsed. He had bits. He had bits. I hate the bits. I hate the... I've been a server at high, like a high-end French restaurant. I've been a server. I've been a cocktail waitress. I've worked at many levels. I don't know what the... Yes. And there's a way to give service to people where it's not disingenuous. Like, hey, I can tell you didn't like that a bunch. Or like...

He had stock lines for everything. I hated it. As somebody that makes fun of people all the time, I can't mock those people in front of them. Do you know what I mean? Well, it's mean, yeah. Yeah. Is it like just a nice thing that I'm doing? Yes, because it's mean. Because I sympathize with and I just go along and I never mock them. That guy, man, it starts with a...

Just like the approach to the table. He goes, Hey, I'm like, yeah, it's too much. Jeff, we take care of you guys tonight. Where are we in from? Where, where's everybody coming from? And right away I'm like, but I still go, I don't mock them. I go, I'm coming from Austin, Austin, Longhorns. And you're like, yeah,

And he's like, what are we celebrating? Whenever everybody tells me what are we celebrating, I always just go dinner. Yeah. I don't know. We're just here, guys. It's fucking hula hands. There doesn't have to be a celebration. Birthdays, anniversaries, special occasion. I'm like, just dinner. It's evening. I haven't eaten dinner yet. And then he's like, okay, right. And then he just runs through his bits. A little special something here off the menu. Yeah.

Then he does like, oh yeah, there's like a seafood thing. He's like, it's not local because there's no ocean. And you're like, no, I know. We got the bit. He's like, flew it in, but I promise. Didn't come in last week. And then he starts laughing at all his stuff. And you have to go like, because there's no ocean. No. I know. But I can't mock him. He's like Colin Robinson, the emotional vampire from what we do in The Shadows. Yeah.

Like they, waiters can drain you of your life supply. Yeah, yeah. And he was, and I'll tell you something, as someone that's been a waitress. He's a career waiter. He is. And he provides excellent service. We'll say like the level of service was great. Like he totally did his job. But I think when you become the main character in someone's dinner, you're also robbing that table of,

of them just having an experience at a restaurant. Cause now you're like the life of the party. They don't need you to be the life of the party. You're just there to bring their food. He's doing his best. That's, that's the other thing. I know. But as, like I said, like he doesn't need to ever in every five seconds, you're like part of my reach. Like,

It's fine. You don't need to pardon the reach. Just get the cup out of my fucking life. Okay? And then they give 500 plates for one thing. You know what I mean? Like, just fucking, it's okay. You don't have to come every Tuesday. Everything okay? I have everything tasting. Just shut the fuck up. Don't worry. You still good? Yeah, I'm fucking still good. I'll let you know. It's too much service. And what I learned in a French restaurant when I worked at a French restaurant, you know what they teach you in a French restaurant?

is that when you're not bringing food to tables or waiting, you just stand in the room. You stand up against the wall with your hands, you know. And if they need you, they call you. Well, you read people, right? You read body language. You're just looking. You just look. That's because you know what that takes though? Because I learned this about, I learned this from, so Acme Comedy Club is one of the best comedy clubs in the country. So for people that don't know how the way, the way most comedy clubs work is,

You're on stage, right? You're performing. Everybody has ordered. Everyone knows about two drink minimum, right? And then this thing that all comedians get to know, the check drop. Yeah. What that means is usually like 45 minutes into the headliner set, every server will drop the check for the people to pay.

before the show ends. And it always destroys the momentum of what you're doing on stage. It's the worst. But most comedy clubs don't care. They're just like, who cares? Time to get that money. So you're on stage, you're like in the middle of, let's say, your best, most well-structured bit.

It's a closer because you're working towards your closer. And then they're just like, well, you got to pay. Is that a visa? We don't take American. You're like, cool. And then you just deal with it, right? So you just, what ends up happening is as a seasoned comedian, you start to learn that if that check drop happens, pivot to something that doesn't need their focus because they can't focus while they're paying their bill. So anyway, the first time I did Acme, I remember I got off stage and I was like,

I was like, man, everybody paid attention. I was like, what's that? Is there no check drop here? And they're like, oh no, there is. And I'm like, wait a minute. I didn't notice though. Yeah. And they go, oh no, we give people their checks throughout the show, depending on their pattern of ordering and consuming. And I was like, there you go. So what they're doing is let's say somebody has a beer and then, then their second one, they're nursing it. Right. And it's 20 minutes into the show.

They will just quietly put the bill there and they go, this person's not going to be consuming. Somebody else, let's say, orders a bucket of beers. They go, well, that's all they're going to order. So then they give them their bill 18 minutes in. So it's staggered so that when that 45-minute, 50-minute time comes, there's not a massive drop. Smart.

And I was like, oh, but what it takes is like thought. Nuance. And they train the servers. They go, watch the person. Yeah. Like watch how they do it.

and then drop it at the appropriate time. - Right, 'cause let's say, God forbid, the guy with the six bucket of beers wants more alcohol, great, reopen the check. - Yeah, do it again. - And then I'd rather take the time as a server to reopen a check in the middle of the show versus at the very end of the night having a stack of fucking, you have to close out everybody's bill. It's a lot of work. - And then there's always like, well, how does the person respond to the bill? Sort of like this guy, you know? - Spell it how you say it, but swear to God, two chicken sandwiches, two waters,

Wow. Guy Fieri. It's Guy Fieri. For those of you listening.

By the way, a dollar for sauces is ridiculous. Those should be complimentary. So this is posted by Dan, a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, and YouTuber. He's complaining about prices at Guy Fieri's restaurant. I'll say this. I love Guy Fieri. I think he's a fantastic person. I loved when I met him and hung out with him.

He was so gracious and so cool. I'm wondering because of the noise here in the background. First of all, it sounds very busy. It sounds like a lot of people are paying $70 for two chicken sandwiches and two waters. This feels like Vegas pricing, which is standard. Vegas everything is like, what, you want a basket of fries? It's $40. And by the way, I've eaten at Guy Fieri's restaurant in an airport. Outstanding. It's good food. I really liked it. So I'll pay a dollar for a condiment.

Okay, look, Hawaiian. I can't read this. Motley Q. And I like that they name things funny. Motley Q. Pulled pork sandwich. Adorable. $23.99. That is a lot of money for a... Is this in Vegas? You're right. I don't know. That is a lot for a pulled pork sandwich? Yeah, but here's the thing. 23 bones. This is...

This is a tier of restaurants. Babe, a bacon mac and cheeseburger at $24.99. Yeah, but this is my point though. Wow. This is not McDonald's. No, it's not. It's an upper. Yeah. But here's my thinking from a branding perspective. Yeah. Guy Fieri, I thought would appeal to a maybe like not so high tier price point. You know what I'm saying? It's Vegas. Oh, it's Vegas, baby. It's not crazy. Well, then it's Vegas. That's not crazy. That's Vegas. Yeah. Vegas, baby. Vegas, everything is like this. Yeah.

Also, there's definitely a tier above this if you're looking for high-priced items. Sure. No, that's Vegas prices. That's pretty standard. You go anywhere else, and you're going to pay this much for a craft. Absolutely. If you go to Chili's in Vegas, you're going to pay this. Yeah, no, this is not fair to do to a guy. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, man. Can I tell you what is kind of disturbing, though, is that guy is holding the live chicken. And you're going to eat it? Yeah. Like, maybe not.

like i would hold the cooked version no because you don't want to think about the animal you're butchering i put my arm around a cow and be like tom's grew his steaks yeah this guy's so mad that's what i'm laughing at this dude is so pissed off but like he didn't funniest thing but he didn't see the prices before he ordered like you can look at the menu bro um you don't gotta eat there homie

there, homie. Look at the prices before you fucking... He's so mad. He's so mad. ...how you say it, but swear to God, two chicken sandwiches, two waters, seven fucking dollars. That's a lot. Oh, by the way, you want sauces on your thing? You're a dollar a piece. These places are closing left and right. This guy's a complete piece of shit. You're so tired.

He's so mad. Can you go to his Instagram? Wow. It's IA allegedly. I allegedly. Is that right? Is that his? You know, we've all got our things. So what's he normally like? What's he say here?

I just wanted to say happy new year. I truly appreciate each and every one of you being part of I Allegedly and subscribing to the channel. And I look forward to 2025. We're going to have an amazing year. So much is going to happen. Very different energy. Yeah, he's normal here. He's professional. Onward and upward, guys. You know what it is? You go to Vegas, you put a few in him, and he starts – he gets angry. Look, he's happy in that one, the one you just clicked on there. Yeah. Yeah.

He's sauced up in that one. I'm on St. Kitts shopping. St. Kitts? They've got cigarettes. He's happy about smokes. And they say smoking kills. So kids, don't smoke, okay? Because smoking kills. That is hilarious, guys. Look at this. All say smoking kills. Smoking kills.

Yeah, they're not subtle about that in other countries. They put pictures of lungs and stuff in Europe. It says, please be kind to everyone. Onward and upward. All the best. Fuck you, guy. You piece of shit. He really did not like getting that bill. Also, didn't he know the prices? That's what I said. Right?

I literally said that when we, yeah, like you can see the prices on the menu before you order. So why is he shocked? Because if they're like $23.99 each. Yeah, dude. I mean, look, you and I were in Vegas when we were broke as Broke Comics. You know where we ate? Where? Chipotle. Remember? We ate at Chipotle every day. A lot there.

It's a lot there. You don't have to eat at Guy's place. But he doesn't like Kamala. Let's see that. I absolutely get a kick out of our politicians saying things that are not questioned.

Kamala Harris last week announced her economic plan. And one thing she announced was that she was going to build 3 million low-cost houses and apartments. That's fantastic, guys. Think about this. In a four-year term, that would be 1,460 days. If you divide that by 3 million, it's 2,064 a day that she would have to build. What? Oh, Dan, you're being a buzzkill.

Come on, man. You just got to do it. He puts his own picture of him. No. That's amazing. Guys, have accountability for these guys. I love it. It's that simple. We can't do the Oprah. You get a car. You get a car. You get a car. Oh, you don't get a car? He's having fun with stickers. Yeah. Slow down. I can't even do that in my videos. That's cool. No. It's not going to happen. Okay. All right. Oh, he's so clever. Did you see that? He gave that like, hmm, see how smart I am? Yep.

Fuck you, Bill Maher. I got this down. I love when guys like him break it down for you, too. The economics of stuff, Tom. I want to see. I'd like it, too. This is like when your dad explains politics to you. This guy. I'd like to see him lose his shit. Not my dad. Oh, that's a cool American flag shirt. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Here's the Christmas post. Do you think he's going to complain that they don't say Merry Christmas where he's from or that they forgotten Jesus? What do you think that video is? It's going to be, there's some complaint about how America has gone South with Christmas. They forgotten the real meaning. That's a big one. Yeah. That's where my money is. What is yours? I mean, I don't think you're wrong. Hey guys, it's that time of the year and I just want to be the first.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Fucking asshole. Fucking Guy Fieri, $70. Oh, boy. Yeah, he's a real. I think that's really the only time he's lost his shit in any of these. We just really got him at a time that he really did not. What's about Popeye's? He's got it around here. Let's see. So I was filming in Pasadena, and as I was leaving, I was on the phone with a buddy and said, oh, wow, there's a Popeye's chicken. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

We just see the container.

Yeah, I'd like to see the product. $7.11. Uh-oh. $7.11. Uh-oh. For K-Jar's. Is that Looneyville, guys? That's nuts. You wonder why families are suffering right now. Because they cannot make it. Get the rice at Popeye's? $7.11. What does this guy want prices to be? I don't understand what he thinks everything should cost. And you don't have to eat at Popeye's. Who can afford these ridiculous fast food prices? Nobody can afford this.

This is why they are going out of business. What? Are they going out of business, Popeyes? I don't know. I don't think so. There's very few around. Okay. I mean. Okay. What is his, is it because he's a business page? Is his advice like, look, start a business, never charge a lot for anything and then you'll be good. Like, how does he advise people? Okay. This guy's fucking. No, Popeyes is not going out of business.

I like that it answers you like that. No. No, dipshit. But I am upset that California Pizza Kitchen has gone out of business. Is that? Yeah. Can you believe that? It's done? Will you Google it? Because there used to be one here at the Bromain in Austin. That's our children's favorite restaurant, CPK. And it's gone. And I don't think it's gone from... No. No.

It did file for bankruptcy in 2020. That was five years ago. The company emerged with a reduced debt load. Well, the one in Austin's gone, and I am deeply upset. Please, CPK, bring back your Austin location. It's focused on expanding its franchise footprint, innovating its menu, investing in marketing and digital, and looking to captivate. Nonsense. Captive dining audiences at airports as a source of customers, and also their prices are going to remain at $3 for full pizzas and entire meals. Yeah.

Following the I allegedly business footprint. You believe these fucking prices? This pizza was $11. Jesus Christ. Who the fuck can afford this shit? CPK does provide a great product. Can you go back to his thing? Can you scroll to the top? I just want to see like. Yeah, what is he like? What is this? Okay. Oh, he's only got like 2,800 followers. Babe, he's only got 2,800 followers. I know, he's going to have more now.

Some things haven't been proven yet. Is this like a third eagle of the apocalypse type? He's a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, YouTuber. In my career, I've survived the crash of 2000, 2008, 2020, all through the ups and downs. I've learned not just to survive but thrive. In my experience, tough economic times always provides new opportunities for

I'm what's known as a connected marketer. I help businesses raise money and get connected as strategic partners. What? All this gobbledygook, this jargon. I don't understand what these people do. You've got to fucking redesign this page. I was about to say, the number one thing I know about him is that he definitely made this website. He's all about saving a buck, but sometimes...

you gotta spend a few to make it look like you didn't build this in fucking 1996 let's go to his YouTube let's see what these episodes are like like what is he doing entire episodes on he's got 300,000 subscribers okay so he's legit okay I've been banned for life from Walmart what the fuck hey it's Dan welcome back to watch an eye allegedly

And I've got a good one for you today because I've been fanned for life from Walmart. Please hit the like button. Please subscribe to the channel. Yes. Today we have a sponsor, Private Internet Access, which I will get into in a little bit. But let's get right into it. Yeah.

Okay, so it's not me that's been banned. It's a woman named Ashley Cross. And this is something that we've talked about a few months ago. But Ashley Cross has been banned from 4,600 Walmarts. All of them. Can't step in. And the reason for that is that she went out and she took one item that was very inexpensive and then she would...

scan it at the self-checkout and what she would do is she would use a watch battery which was a little over a dollar and she would then scan that and they caught her scanning about 180 dollars worth of merchandise jeans and shirts and other things yeah and with that they said no you're done so

They are fed up with this. They're absolutely done with this behavior. The self-checkout is where they get robbed blind. Well, yeah. Why are they doing that? I hate self-checkout. Scan five items, take out six. And Walmart is fed up with it. Walmart's completely done with it. And so she's done. Okay. Is that the story? This is a 19-minute video about Ashley scanning? Jesus Christ. Okay.

Are we still, if this is still the Ashley story, I'm going to absolutely die. He's walking home. But again, arrested her for this. This is what you want to avoid guys. I'm telling you. What? Want to avoid stealing? I had a guy I was filming at that self checkout. Oh, it was first time in a grocery store, man. No. So I said something. Anyways,

You know, come on, guys. Find your own business. Be aware of this stuff, guys, because I'm telling you this right now. You want to do something interesting? Do a search on how many people have been arrested at the self-checkout. This is a business advice, guy? I know. Don't do self-checkout. Yeah, no shit. Don't steal or you'll get a ban from Walmart.

Okay. That's insane. All right. I hate self-checkout. Good luck with your page, sir. It's very interesting that you're doing all that. Can we please do some happy birthdays? Yeah. Oh, it's my absolute faves. Yes. So as you know, or if you don't know, you go to a drive-thru. Hopefully it's a coffee place, like a Starbucks or something. You use either a British Cockney accent or an accent of your choosing.

You say happy birthday. You say I love you. And you just see how it goes. Hey, my name is James. James, what are we getting for you? I'd like two pink drinks, please. What size? Large. Two large pink drinks. Anything else? That'll be all, love. All right, we'll see you out there. It's so bad. I love it. I love how bad it is. Have a good day. And this is for you. Oh, thank you. Happy birthday. Have a good day. It's so sad.

It's so dumb to hand somebody a chip and be like, happy birthday. And they're like, okay. It's not, but yeah. Thank you. Happy birthday, love. Especially the bad Cockney accent is really what gives me the most joy. So good. Thanks, James. I love when it's bad. Yeah, it's got to be bad. With vanilla. I'll take it hot, please. And may I have that with vanilla? Oh, his is good. And then for me...

I think I'll try one of them new Cortados. That's really good. No, thank you, please. All right. No, thank you. Drink stopper, please. Thank you. And this is for y'all. Yep. It's your birthday. Happy birthday. It's your birthday. Happy birthday. So stupid. I also like how many happy birthdays you can get. I felt like he either is British or has like British parents or something. I know. Because he had the little like kind of colloquialisms in there. Yeah, he was good. Yeah.

Hello there, love. Can I get a, uh, large chestnut frappuccino, please? What would you like, love? Oh yes, can I get another large matcha frappuccino, please? Oh, stupid. Do they... Oh yes, uh, do you have strawberry drizzle?

His accent is all over the place. He just dropped it completely. Is it your birthday? I do like the long... The long... That could be a whole new lane. We're...

I think I'll add... If you could do a really long pause like that, like see how long we could get those pauses? Oh my God. Those are great. That's really funny. Wow. That was fucking awesome. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

You'll like this for sure. Yeah, he didn't even hear him. I don't think he heard. You look retarded, bro. I think he heard him. He did. And he said, thank you. Thank you, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. What's going on with that kid? What do you think? I mean, this is definitely not a cry for attention. We're not fucking house as a hat. Yeah. Gosh. Yeah. Yeah. He's all over the map. That kid.

Stupid. It is fucking stupid. Um, I know your ultimate dream is to see me as Robert Smith. Of course. But then we also, when your other, one of your favorites of all time, Peter Murphy, of course, this side by side is pretty crazy. Um,

Let's see you. Oh, you could so do this. Look at that. You guys are twin brothers already. Wow. Look at him. Oh my God. You guys really are blue eyes. You got the blue eyes. His eyes look really good though. Oh, he's stunning. And is it that he has good eyelashes too? Of course. Peter Murphy's got good everything. Good cheek structure, good eyelashes. So here's what you'd have to do to do this. You got to get a spray tan. I don't think Peter Murphy spray tans. I think that you're exceptionally pasty. Thank you.

Thank you. And you need to spray tan and then we got to put some blue eyeshadow and that's pretty much it. Are those eyeliner? Is that eyeliner or is that eyelashes? Yeah, it's a little eyeliner. He does it in the waterline as they say. Oh. You could do that, but I still think. God, maybe I should start doing eyeliner every day, right? Isn't that like a cool idea?

Are you being serious? I would love that. Really? I would love that. Would you try? Sure, I'll try it, yeah. I love guys in black eyeliner. Oh, I mean, that's been one of my dreams. Here's the deal, man. You can't wear lipstick with a beard. I mean, that's probably why Peter Murphy doesn't do that. It looks, it's not appropriate. Mm-hmm.

he looks really good though no he's he's incredibly good looking he's still you know he's thin he kept himself in shape and everything but yeah i still i love peter murphy but robert smith is where my heart is jesus christ i mean robert smith is like my first crush can you listen to me i mean growing up as a teenage girl 13 years old he's my first big crush i have posters of him everywhere

I'm obsessed with Robert Smith. If you could do Robert Smith, you gonna do it? Yeah. No, really? Sure. Don't get my hopes up. I am. I'm thinking. I'm trying to figure out a way that we could do it. Okay. Ready for a vibe shift? I love Peter Murphy. Yeah. Okay. Bitch, don't play with me. Do not play with me. Do not play with me because I'm not the one or the two. You're not the one or the two. Let's go. You ain't got shit to do.

Spirit air. Remember what I was telling you about the service industry? Not good. Right? Yeah, it's spirit.

Yes, you are. Jesus. Fuck out of here. You and your rat. Fuck out of here. Go suck. Like I said, I said what I said. And I said what I said. Please step to me like you want it. Imagine you're about to board a flight and you're like, what the fuck? It's so terrifying. You're like, where are they yelling at? You're not the one or the two. Fuck. I'd be so scared if you were in line. Yeah, fuck, man. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Nigga, my night. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. Mommy. Yeah. I have to... And I... Look, this is not very politically... Spirit is insane. ...correct to say, but nothing...

scares me more than black girls yelling, like black women yelling. Holy shit. Girl, get your life. I mean, I think it harkens back to public school and like, this shit escalates, bro, and they will fucking throw down. Yeah. They fight. Yeah. Here's my pussy.

The shit gets real. I know, I know. This is like, I'm having flashbacks to seventh grade. What is it, Portola? Fucking Portola Junior High. Yeah, yeah. Dude, black girls are vicious though. They will fucking... In middle school. Cut you, bro. Not even here, look at this. You have a good motherfucking night.

The shit that they say to each other, I can't even come up with. Yeah. I know. It's pretty good. It's like... Yeah, dude. Yeah? All right. I said what I said. I said what I said. Did you ever get jumped? Of course. Of course. What? Yeah.

I mean, but yes. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I didn't. Here's the problem, man, is I had come from a nice Lutheran school. I was like this quiet little blonde girl. I had a little bit of scrappy, a little bit of an attitude. And black girls would talk some shit in the locker room and talk shit everywhere. And I didn't know to shut the fuck. I just didn't know that you don't say anything. And I told them, I was like, why don't you shut up? Shut the fuck up. But this is a locker room.

Bad idea. And then I got on the radar and they're fucking me up. Well, you learned a life lesson. Yeah. Don't talk to black people. No, that's not the life lesson. You should be afraid of black chicks. No, no, no. It's just, you gotta, that's no, you gotta read a room and you gotta know when to, when to shut up. Yeah. That's the lesson. I know. I just, I don't know what was wrong with me.

I don't know. But that shit scares me, dude. To this day, I'm like, foof, get away from that. Yeah. Get away from that. Don't get in your spirit place. I remember middle school in Milwaukee. And, you know, it was a similar experience. But I already knew. Yeah.

I already knew when to shut the fuck up. Yeah, I didn't know that one yet. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, I defended myself not very well, but I fought. I tried. Dude, but these bitches got crazy, dude. Like ripping braids out during lunchtime and...

They fucking fought. They fought hard. Harder than like Chola girls because Cholas would fight but never at school. I feel like I didn't see Mexican girls throw down at school the way black girls throw down. At school. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I know they fucked each other up but that was like they did that somewhere else. Does that make sense? I don't feel like I didn't see Cholas fight Angelinos.

Anyone? Cholas fighting? Cholas fighting? Cholas, girls. Yeah, Cholas, yeah. I've seen that growing up in school. Yeah? Yeah, they know how to fight. Yeah. They fight at school? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. That was big in my school. Do you ever see white girls throw down like that? One time in middle school, these two ghetto white bitches...

They threw down. They were throwing kicks and stuff. That was during a passing period. That was kind of cool to watch. That's always when the nails come out. The most violent fighting I ever saw was actually with white boys, though. White boys? That I witnessed? Yeah. Like, bludgeoning. Yeah, white boys get crazy. There was this dude who hit... There was another guy who was just, like, commenting, I think. Not even, like, in a...

I think this guy was talking about another guy's girlfriend and not in a grotesque way. It was just that he was like talking about her and the boyfriend felt threatened by this. He was like, stop talking about my girl and just in the middle of the hall in front of like everybody.

like punched him and then got on top and just started like wailing. Like when you see like a UFC fight and they're just like, pow, pow. And you saw blood like shooting out of the guy's face. And yeah, this is a good point. Cause UFC fighters are all crazy white guys, right? A lot. Not all. Yeah. The majority is like crazy white guy. Like there's some crazy white guys. Trashy whites. There's a lot of trashy whites. Trashy whites. Yeah. Love the UFC. So there's something to it. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Violence. God damn.

Asians don't fight. You ever seen Asians fight? I mean, Asians fight. In the ninja movies, yeah. Kung fu movies, yeah. Actually, low key, no, I've never seen an Asian fight. That's crazy. Thank you. Like I'm saying in school, like public school. Yeah, in school I didn't see Asians fight. You ever see the Chinese kids throw down? No. Never. He had to be mixed. I'm pretty sure I've seen one, but the motherfucker had to be mixed. Yeah. I was saying it was Asian and black probably. I saw a white kid get turned into a vegetable.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Mom, this kid I know punched this other guy I know. And then the kid got knocked out and hit his head on a curb and now he's broccoli. Whoa. Dang. I grew up in small town Nebraska and it was all like farmers and like trailer kids fighting all the time. Like,

Yeah. White kids, small towns. But no Asians. No. No Chinese kids. I never saw an Asian kid. Not one. Koreans, no. But I know that right now there's definitely people listening and watching being like, bro. Yeah. I saw fucking Dat Nguyen fucks this kid up. Like they just are yelling at them. Dat Nguyen. Yeah. That Vietnamese motherfucker. He motherfucking lit this dude up. Yeah, for sure. Well, that's true because I do know there are Asian kids.

you know, gangbangers, Asian gangs. Yeah, a thousand percent. Especially in LA. Yeah. I just haven't seen it. I just haven't seen it. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Let's get some emails. Yeah. Let's get some cool Asian stories. Asian fight bullying stories. Yeah.

It's a nice thing to just put into the universe. Hey, did you witness an Asian kid beat the shit out of somebody? Please share it with us. We've never seen it. Wait, Tanner, you saw this fight? Yeah, I was at a house party, and so he punched him, and then the kid was perfectly placed when he fell, his head hit the back of a curb, and now he's...

He's pretty retarded. Did that other, because usually when those things happen, you get like, you get arrested. Yeah, he got arrested. I was supposed to go to school with him. I was supposed to go to college with him. And since he had a court case, he couldn't come to school.

You know that this, by the way, always reminds me of when I saw this orthopedic surgeon after I broke my arm and my leg snapped playing ball. And he goes... And I was all fucked up. I was like, ha. And he goes, you're lucky. I go, lucky? He goes, well, you could have hit the back of your head. And then you'd be eating through a straw for the rest of your life. I was like, okay, cool. I'm lucky. Because...

He's like, you could have landed on your head, man. No, I'm lucky. Otherwise, I've had you as a husband. Mike! Tom, go do your act. Mike! Mike. Go do your act, Tom. Get out on the road. Jesus Christ. Tom. Tom. I look at the screen and it goes, what's up, motherfuckers? Tom. Do I have permission then to have lovers? Oh, get the fuck out of here, you bitch.

Girl, get your life. All right. What? Nothing. How do we get down this hole? Oh, the Spirit Air employees. Spirit, man. I'm telling you. You're like, no, service industry is cool. No, it's not. It's fucking dog shit. I know. I just, look, I have sympathy for them. It's a tough gig. Serving the public is. I don't think it's easy. Damn, it's the worst job. It's harsh. Public, you know what's really hard is customer service and people are always angry and ugh.

And our pussies fucking stink. Okay. Yeah. Here we go. A lot of people are celebrating over it and counting about how great it is. Of course, there's the other angle, this participation rate. Explain that to us and why we need to look at that. We're in a very good position to talk about what's going on. Okay. Jesus Christ.

All right. It's a, Dr. Drew, it's a hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. I saw a clip of a guy, by the way, talking about, he was a basketball player, talking about, you know, when you play this position. Yeah. He goes, yeah, you know, as a, when you play, I forget if it was like guard or forward, he's like, you know, there's a stigmatism associated with playing that position. A stigmatism. Yeah, and everybody was like, right, right, right. Like nobody. Yeah.

You know, as a small forward, there's always a stigmatism that we don't put the ball on the floor a lot. And you're like, right, right. How does this chick go on television and not say something? Sorry, my eyes are wide open. Yeah, sorry I'm freaking you the fuck out. Try to listen to the words and not look at me.

And she knows how she looks. Of course she knows. Why don't you just say something? Jesus Christ. She hasn't blinked either. No. I'm going to puke. She didn't blink. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Wow, that was cool. Imagine if that was your partner. Partner? Yeah. You mean your gay partner? There's people like this. This is usually in women you see. Yeah. I feel like I've seen bitches like this where you're like, close your eyes, dude. Close your eyes. Isn't that crazy? She can't go. She either goes close or this. There is no in between. Also, there's no way to resolve that. You can't be like, hey, fix this.

Of course there is. There's a medical problem happening. Unless she's gacked on drugs. She's not gacked. She's got an issue. She's got a problem. Listen, as a middle-aged man, there's a stigmatism involved.

Everybody else fucking does.

And they're like, I was like, you maybe should look at me a little closer. Cause what are you seeing? What's a misandrist? It's the opposite of misogynist. Yeah. Someone that hates men. Oh, it's a fake word. So yeah. Misogyny is woman hating and misandry is man hating. Misandrist. Well, but he's saying I'm a man. Yeah. I don't understand this shit.

Dislike or contempt against men. I.e. the male sex. Contempt for men. I know a bunch of bitches like this. I know. I feel like that's being popular right now. Yeah. Yeah.

It's usually a bunch of busted ass hoes who can't find anyone to date them or fuck them anyway. It's never... A bunch of broke, busted, ugly ass bitches. Yeah. It's never hot chicks. No. They're like, I fucking hate men. It's like, no, dude. Bitches that were thrown to the side because they look like fucking dogs. You all right? All right. Oh my God. I was rewatching Kevin Samuels yesterday just to myself. And he's like...

Okay, how tall are you? 5'2"? How much do you weigh? 145? Okay, no, no, no. Like he just straight out. I saw the clip. I don't know if we have it of somebody. She's like, well, I need to know what my options are. And he goes, how old are you? And she was like 43. He goes, none.

And she goes, um, he goes, none. And she goes, uh, he goes, um, she's like, I have three kids. He goes, nah, nah. Are you hearing me? None. Nothing. Nope. Nothing. She goes, I have no options. He's like, no. Okay. You're 43. You got three kids. Who the fuck would want you? Who the fuck wants you? He just totally destroys her. If this circle represents all of the open defecation that happens in the world. Come on.

This is the fraction that happens in India. Jesus Christ. And this is the fraction that happens only in rural India. 35% of rural Indians defecate in the open. Yeah. So what that means is that most of the open defecation that happens in the world happens in rural India. Yeah, we got it. And most rural Indians defecate in the open. We got it. Every day, 500 million people...

In villages in India, go in the fields rather than use a toilet or a latrine. We got it. That's bigger than the population of the United States. Why? Why choose to do that? They're all poor and stuff. No. It's India. What's the reason to choose the field shit? Why not? It's perfect to shit out there. Wouldn't you love to shit in a field? I would love to shit outside with the nice warm breeze. I love toilets. I love shitting in my toilet. I would like to open defecate. Can we build me an open defecate?

You can just go out in the yard and wave at the neighbors and take your shit. I'd love to. I've never experienced open defecation. Nothing's stopping you from doing this. I know. There must be something to it because all the Indians love doing it. That's true. Lack of readily accessible toilets, deeply ingrained cultural norms that accept the practice. It's fine. Poverty, inadequate sanitation infrastructure. It's fine. Who cares? Just shit out in the field. There's nothing out there anyway. It's rural. Who's it hurting?

I think, you know what? I think this woman is open defecation phobic. And I think she needs to fucking... I actually always think about, like when you're thinking about this, open defecation, is the cleanup, the wiping. Yeah. They use their hands. Really? Well, I know in the, I don't know actually, I know in Muslim countries you use your hand. All Muslim countries? No. I've just learned that when I was in Afghanistan that yes, sometimes they use their hand and they wash their hand. That's why you eat with the...

eat with the left yeah wipe with the right or vice versa i forget okay i don't know but they're they're not bringing paper towels out oh the way around yeah they're not bringing paper towels to the field no way maybe they're wiping with plants or leaves or something look humans have been for centuries this is how we all used to open defecate okay

Across North Africa, Middle East, and Asia, people traditionally use their hands to wipe after using the toilet, followed by washing them with water, often using the left hand specifically for this purpose due to cultural hygiene practices. This is particularly prevalent in Muslim countries where water-based cleansing is emphasized. Yeah. So you wipe with your left and you eat with your right. Got it. You don't ever want to shake a Muslim's left hand. Yeah, that's considered very, yeah.

So you got Dookie on it. Look, I don't know why she's just singling out the Indians. I'm telling you, it's got to be other. Well, no, open defecation. Yeah, good for her. Good for them. Good for them.

I think it's causing some issues. This is why she's giving a speech. Oh, well, I do remember the story about open defecation where they would come to like Disneyland and shit out in public or come to cities and then still open defecate. Yeah. They just haven't learned how to use a toilet. Oh, that's a big thing in mainland China. Yeah. So a lot of mainlanders that shit just anywhere will visit like Beijing or

or Macau or Hong Kong or Shanghai and they're rural Chinese and they go into the big city and they're like, I gotta shit, I'm just gonna drop my pants right here and shit on the floor of this mall.

And then they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. See, and you know, don't think I didn't notice that when I brought up the idea that the Muslims use their left hand to wipe their ass, you looked at me like I was crazy. Okay. I just didn't know. Cause you guys are always like, Oh, Christina, you got these crazy ideas. Let me tell you about the next crazy idea I'm on. Can I tell you what's, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, man. It's huge in the mommy TikTok world right now. The mommy sleuths out there. If you're, if it,

Candace Owens, I love you, girl. Candace, come on your mom's house. You need to explain this, what I'm about to tell my husband. It is so good. You guys have to go to her website, CandaceOwens.com, to see the stuff for her YouTube. She's staking her career on the fact that Brigitte Macron, allegedly, Candace Owens is saying that Brigitte Macron, the first lady of France, is actually a man.

Is actually a dude. Come on. I know it's crazy. And she's got a ton of evidence. And this Poulard guy who wrote a book. I bought the book. I'm all into it, Candace. I would love for you to come on and explain this to the world. You're so into this story. I sound insane. I've been into it for like a month now. Every day I'm like, holy shit, dude. Brigitte Macron is a dude.

bro is a dude. Let's pull up a Brigitte Macron. So here's what I, oh, we talked about this already on the show. Sorry. Yes. But so the series is called Becoming Brigitte and she goes through their genealogy of the family and how these two meet. And by the way, there's all these stories that Macron meets Brigitte when he is 17 and she is 36. First of all, that's not true.

They were saying that he was 14 and she was, what, like in her 40s or something? 39. 39. And that's when they hooked up. And there's a whole ton of evidence. You guys have to get into every detail because it's fascinating that there's no photographs, allegedly, of this Brigitte Macron for 30 years. 30 years, no photographs, okay? She just...

She's born. Okay, so then there's like three photographs that they put out of her. This is supposedly her at her wedding. Well, they do these AI analyses now of photographs, like the kind that the Chinese use or whatever. And the AI is like, that ain't Brigitte Macron. And that guy is actually her, I don't know, uncle, brother, whoever the fuck. It's a whole crazy story. Allegedly, she's assumed the... She's actually...

There's a family photo. Hold on. Where's that family photo? Okay. Let's go back. Her name is actually Jean-Michel something. Go Google. Well, that's her. That's her in her 40s. So that's when she's teaching. Okay. Google Brigitte Macron Young family photo. So it starts with here. So basically what happens is she...

She and her husband get into the Elysee, whatever. He's prime minister. And like well-meaning journalists are wanting to investigate her background. Correct. And what they realize is that there's a black hole in Brigitte Macron's history, which is like you can dig up school photos. You can dig up everything. Everything's public. Right.

So they're saying, this Poulard and Candace, that actually Brigitte Macron is the little boy here on the left, my left. And I don't know who the hell this one is sitting on the lap of.

But isn't it possible that that's Brigitte on the lap, sitting on the lap? No, because they did like AI analysis of the boy. AI analysis? I'm telling you, bro. I mean, but why is AI analysis? Or whatever, photo recognition softwares and all of this. And they're like, that's not her. Well, if you look at, okay, can you Google childhood photo of Jean-Michel side by side with Brigitte Macron? I'm telling you, this little boy is identical to Brigitte Macron. If you do a side by side...

And then they found a few photographs of Brigitte. Who's Jean-Michel? That's Brigitte Macron before she became Brigitte. So she disappears. She goes to Algiers, has a sex change, supposedly comes back, and now is Brigitte. It's bananas. No, this is Michael Jackson. Who are you bringing up? Anyway, Candace, please come on the show and explain this better than I am. It's a whole story. It's fascinating stuff. Okay.

Tucker Carlson follows her, too. It's a whole thing. Allegedly, allegedly. Well, I know that you're very... I would love to hear firsthand this account of how... Candace, come on. I know you're a pregnant girl. You're in Tennessee. Brigitte Macron is really Jean-Michel. Jean-Michel. A man. A man. Who's fucking a boy. Correct. Cool. Right, so she's actually Jean-Michel.

She disappears, she comes back, and now she lives as a woman named Veronique for a while. It's a whole fucking thing, man. - Okay. - It's crazy. - It's in there, this allegedly-- - Why is she staking her career on this though? Why is this so interesting? - I'll tell you why. Because it's not just that this woman is a man. Big whoop. - Back up one. - There you go. See those photos, those four photos? - Women who falsely claimed Bridgette Macron is transgender.

Yeah, so they sued them for defamation or slander. But it's not on the claims that Brigitte is a woman. I'm sorry, Brigitte is a man. There's slander in the details of the stories. It's a long story. It's not what you think it is. So go back to those images, those four images. Go up. Boom. Next row, second row. Scroll down. Scroll down, mommy. There. Look at those. Okay. Look at teeth don't lie. Look at the middle two images. Yeah. Oh, you're saying that those are the same. That's Brigitte as, okay. Okay.

Got it.

See that young man? Yes. And then you see Brigitte Macron. Look at that. I mean, am I, are my eyes deceiving me? And like Candace says. But wait, but I'm saying, what's the way to, like, why do people care? Why do people care? Oh, sorry. So the implications for this being, A, if this really is a man who transitioned to a woman, is because having a relationship with a 14-year-old boy is completely inappropriate and illegal and wrong. Secondly, there's ties to, oh,

allegedly, Candace is saying, in the Élysée, in the government, they're protecting because they, you know, she believes that this is a culture and they're protecting. There's also links to the Rothschild family. Reggie Macron is actually a Rothschild, which is like the biggest banking company in France. I know. And they're protecting each other's interests. There's incest. There's all kinds of gross things happening. Have you been talking to Sam Tripoli? Satanic cults!

The lizard people are controlling. Here's my problem, Tom. Can I tell you my problem? Sure. I'm not doing stand-up anymore. I'm not out in the world. We need to get you on stage. I'm on the mommy sleuth TikTok, and I'm here for it. I love it all. I need to get out of the house. I agree. I agree. I know it. But Candice, I love you. You're doing God's work. All right. I want to hear the full story. Can we do some talks? These are talks.

I'm the talk. We gotta go, man. What are you doing? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the talk. Yeah. I'm the TikTok today. Aliens. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? That was like a Danish dating show or something. He goes to French. That's the Macron family. That's actually footage of how they say hello to each other at holidays. It's just a cool lady. She's got great tits. Eddie? Eddie?

Down. Down. Down. Yeah. Nice, Enny. Hell yeah.

they have therian masks at ikea um breaking news these are legit this is a therian mask i don't know how you can not know me otherwise cool um they have a whole box of them and i just think ikea's getting with the times uh if you're doing quadrobics at the ikea i don't think they would judge what the what first of all what's a therion

I think these are like the mass cosplay nerds. This is what dorks are doing. Yeah, cosplay. Therian, furry. This is furry culture. Okay. And then quadronics. I'm not sure what a quadronic. Oh, maybe you're getting on all fours, quad, doing that dorky shit these nerds do on TikTok. Okay. I don't know when it... These fucking nerds, man. Yeah. Very cool. They need to go back to being ashamed of themselves and... Very cool. Yeah.

Well, it's upsetting now that Ikea is embracing their stupidity. Got it, yeah. This weird furry thing. I think Ikea was just like, here's an animal mask. That's what I think too, but this nerd sees it as a cultural validation. Well, yeah, you see what you want to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Satanic. I think Brigitte is a woman. Brigitte.

See, I've not been real proud of it, but my grandmother was a witch, an astrologist, somebody that studied the stars. My mother's name's Jojo. You know, the government knows Dorinda. The FBI knows Jojo. Annie? She said the government. The government. Would you smash? She's got nice teeth. Yeah, I'd give it around. She's got nice teeth, yeah. I bet she could take them out. Awesome.

Cool. Cool. Come hang out. Good time to record. Outside.

We're going to keep it going. But thank you so much, Tina. This shirt will be for auction eventually. I'll autograph it and see if anybody wants it. Yeah. Gonorrhea boy. All right. That was really cool. There's... What? Nothing. Go ahead. There's just a lane of people that are proud of their STIs and they like to... They don't want to be shamed. He gave out like a location where he'll be for like three hours. If anyone wants to come hang out, then I'll autograph this. If anyone wants it. What the fuck?

So cool. If anybody could let us know if you bought the gonorrhea boy shirt, I would love to know. All right. This was a lot of fun today. It was really fun. I love you. We got to get going though. We have a lot to do now. Yeah. Lots of stuff to prepare. Busy. Okay. We love you. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week.

10 million.

♪♪

I'll be popping. I'll be popping. I'll be popping. I'll be

I'll be popping, call me 10 million. 10 million in the bank, got a clarin'. I just got this new whip, Karen staring. 10 million away, I'll be losing sight. I'll be writing mostly stories, now I'm on a flight. Feeling kind of thrilled. White girl cornrows with a crazy bill. Disgraceful, completely normal, this bitch a boss.

I'll be popping, call me 10 million. I'll be popping, call me 10 million. I'll be popping, call me 10 million. I'll be popping, call me 10 million.

I be topin' with my chain, me leecho I be topin' with my chain, me leecho