The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
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I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Not everybody could do this. We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of this show. It's been a long transformation. Without you, our genes are low and loose. And if she let me eat her booty, yeah, I'm gonna eat her booty. It's Mom's House Live, bitch! Why I Make Live is so exciting. This is our first one in a while. This is a big, big episode. Ha ha ha ha!

I love you. Yeah. I don't anymore. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. I'm ready for my life to change. ABC Sunday, American Idol returns. Give it your all. Good luck. Come out with a golden ticket. Let's hear it. This is a man's world.

I've never seen anything like it. And a new chapter begins. I'm going to Hollywood! Carrie Underwood joins Lionel Richie, Luke Bryan, and Ryan Seacrest on American Idol. Season premieres Sunday, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu. What's everybody? It's time for the 800th episode of Your Mom's House.

Isn't that wild? That's so many genes. That's so crazy, man. We found 800 different ways to talk about brown, injuries, cool guys. So amazing. Mental illness. 800 episodes. Sexual things. Yeah. It's pretty cool. So today, yeah, this marks the 800th time we've done this podcast. That's amazing. Which I can't even wrap my head around that. It's just so many episodes. It's a blur. It's a blur. It's a blur.

It's been through really a huge part of our life. All of it. We've been doing this roughly 15 years now. So this was like we were married, but we had just gotten married. You were newlyweds, basically. We were in an apartment in Silver Lake. This took us through...

We've had two kids. I know. We've had family deaths. Yep. We've had so many. We've moved homes. We've moved states. We've had your Invisalign. Invisalign, which I would say of the last 15 years, the most traumatic thing that happened to either of us was Invisalign. To anybody in this family. Yeah, especially when they came off. I really hated that a lot. It hurt so bad. You had some other shit, but Invisalign...

is really what I think this sticks with us. Yeah. Yeah, so we're going to discuss some of those things, and plus, you know, there's other, you know what I'm saying, COVID. You know what I'm saying. You know, 19 virus. There's a bunch of things that we can talk about. You know what I'm saying. Real quick to let everybody know, in two days...

It is March 7th, and that means YMH Live 10 is coming. It is back. YMH Live is back, 7.30 p.m. Central Time. It's our biggest one yet. We're going to tell you some of the amazing details in a moment, but we have the great Dan Soder, one of the funniest comedians working today, is joining us live in studio.

Of course, there are brand new original sketches and things that we've shot. We're giving away $10,000. You can go to YMHstudios.com for more information there. Grab your ticket, and we will announce the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment. And don't miss the exclusive VIP post show with the great cockroach, Josh Potter. So that's all happening March 7th right here, YMHstudios.com.

These sketches, by the way, that we're doing for this YMH Live are, I think, the best we've ever done. It is. It's so good. It's other level. I mean, we should just say who's going to be appearing. Dare we? Yeah, I think it's worth saying that we brought Tony John to town. Woo! So he came to town. He came to Austin and did a sketch with us. He did. He came to town. And we also have...

I'm just appreciating my cock and my balls. The great Will Blunderfeld, Eni's close friend. Yep. Life partner, life coach. I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. That's what he says after he eats his cum, right? And yeah, it's... I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless. That is one of the times he says that. A really juicy anus workshop. Let's just say...

It's so good. We had a workshop with him. It's incredible. And on top of that, on top of all that, we have the one and only... What's up there, chomo? Charo. You don't like it? Charo did an amazing bid. So we have that. We have another...

a crazy short film that we made. It's not even a sketch, it's a short film. It's the biggest one we've ever done and we're super excited. So I hope you'll join us. And of course, I always have to remind people, I'm happy to do it. A lot of people worry because it's called YMH Live. They're like, what if I can't be there live? You can still watch the show after the original live version. If you get a ticket, you could watch it Saturday, Sunday, the next week after

It's viewable for you anytime. It's just if you want to be there live as it happens, it's going to be 7:30 p.m. Central on March 7th. -It's amazing. It's amaze. -It's amaze. You ready to start the show? -Amaze, of course. -All right, here you go. -Of course. -I just got my second foot job of all time. So let's talk about it in Reddit 1 through 10. Unfortunately, I would have to give this a 7 out of 10. I did finish from it, surprisingly, and I did love it. I don't know. It's just something about the grip on the bottom of the feet like the calluses.

And when they curve it and grip it, it feels so good to me. I don't even look at the feet. I make eye contact the whole entire time. Last time, I didn't like it because she was the order lady. But this time, she was my age. So I think that made a difference for sure. Yeah. Yeah. That would. That would make all the difference. Don't bring anyone loving to this. I'm in the fucking sand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, get it, Tom. With Tom Segura. Mom Segura. And Christina Pagitsa. Christina Pagitsa.

Welcome to your mom's house. Easy money given for jobs. I would do that for a cat. That's easy. Jack people up with my paws. So easy. I did finish from it surprisingly well.

So it's pretty cool that he's posting. My favorite thing is a young person going like, this is some things I'll put out. Like, this is your digital footprint. Forever. No pun intended. Like, yeah, I got a couple of foot jobs recently. And you just do an online review of them for people. Yeah, because is the community so vast and various that they need a reviewer? It's not like buying a car. I don't think, yeah. He looks like he's fucking,

I know. He's going to go in for an interview at some point where he'll be like, are you the foot job review guy? Or even a lady. Yeah. Maybe a dating person down the road is like, what the fuck? Why did you feel compelled to post this? I don't know what it is. I can't really explain it. Like, the grip is weird. The texture is weird. It's definitely weird, but it feels good. It's like trying octopus or squid. Like, it's definitely different, but it tastes good. It does. I will say the clarity does...

I will say that clarity does hit a lot harder than normal because it's like, damn, did I really just do that to a pair of feet? I didn't ask to do it this time. I was never going to ask again. She asked and I thought she was joking, but she actually kept on asking. So I was like, fuck it, let's do it. Fuck it. Oh. Well, that's cool. Also, I'll say this. His analogy was fantastic. Yes, it is like trying octopus or squid. Squid or octopus. You're like, this is not the normal thing I do. Well, he was saying too that the older broad...

has calluses which definitely that adds up that it's just inevitable over time yeah you know but how does she get the grip with the feet practice you just gotta practice that's what I'm wondering is how do you get a firm grip with the uh the middles of your feet yeah

I'll show you. So anyway, it's cool that I have a feeling this is just my assumption here. Yeah. This is not the only review this man has left. It may be worth exploring what other reviews he puts. There's no way he's just like living life and decided this is a one off. No, no, no. This person probably has a bunch of cool reviews. It's really risky to put it out there at 19. It's pretty.

It's pretty young. He's young. He's not at the end of his life where he's made his money. Yeah. The young doing, you know, not realizing what they're doing. So this is one lane where he's obviously talking about busting nuts. Here's another way that you could be young and kind of ruin things. What did you say about Mexican men? You know what 1444 means? Hammered. 14 mean. Hill Hitler. Oh, okay.

Oh. Oh. Do you have a- you go to school in general, huh? Don't listen to him. Shh, shh, shh. Bill Hitler, 1444. What? Look. Yeah, no. 1444, yeah. I'm reporting him, so exactly. Yeah, you guys dumbass bitches don't know shit. Shit. Don't listen to him. No, no, no, no, no. Don't listen to fat girl, fat girl. Yeah, what?

Should be sliced at the throat at the border we should slice you

Goddamn beaners at the throat. You want to know why? Come here. Bring the camera in. No, I'm listening. I'm listening. Bring the camera in. Yeah, I'm listening. We're listening. Everyone is. Why are you goddamn beaners should be sliced at the throat? Why? Listen. Yeah. Because you guys are goddamn border hopper niggers. Wow. What? What's your name again? Wow. What's your name again?

He shouldn't be drinking. He's only 21 years old. See, that sets you up for life. Yeah. This exists forever. Yeah, it's a good one. It's a good one to put out there. That's a good one. Because, you know, in the 90s, maybe every now and then you'd meet a rando like that. Yeah. And you're like, that guy's just fucked up. And then you talk about it for years. Yeah. But this. Yeah, you'd be like, remember the guy? Remember that guy that called you an N-word? And then you'd be like, this guy. This is the guy. This is the guy.

Here, let me pass this around. No, and his like... His life is over. His employment possibilities, his whole career trajectory. His life is done. It's so fucking... Fucking Bryce. Border hopper niggas. Bryce just destroyed his future. It's so crazy. And he probably had a good one because he's wearing a nice polo button-up. That might be a work... That looks like it's an actual... It's not like a choice from his closet. He might have been working this event. No.

You know, and tied one on. Yeah. Like when his boss was like, whoa, wait a minute. What are you doing? Wow. And not only that, I will say. He had a lot of notes. Yes. And what's really interesting is that he pulled out Beaner, which is old school. That's old school, yeah. So somebody older than him is training him. Yeah. Is what I'm thinking. The kids for today, they don't really know that. They don't know Beaner. No.

Goddamn beaners. He comes from a cool line of people. Right. His mom and dad are saying this crap to him. Yeah, it's not just him, man. It's pretty cool. Ooh, 1444. Yeah.

What? This is so stupid. He had it all. He got Hitler. Wow. He said, you fat bitches. Bitches, yeah. What's up, bitch? And he said to kill people, to slice their throats. I thought he was going to be like, you know why I just sliced your throats to the border? Because Mexican food's delicious. Yeah. I thought he was going to turn it to the food. Which is true. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, he's hearing this speech from dad, I think. Or uncle. Somebody our age is training him. Taking our job. Yeah.

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taking the jobs we want. - The gardening jobs, the landscaping. - What job did you, did you wanna pick strawberries? Like you realize that like these people are willing to work 18 hours a day and not complain for all this shit that you, it's unbelievable. But anyway. - But the problem is this guy never knew any beaners. You know what I mean? He didn't grow up around Mexicans the way that I did, you did in Latin culture. He has no respect for them.

No, he has no respect. No knowledge. He doesn't know any Mexicans. That's true. The country club he grew up in, he never met them. He didn't. He's going to get to know some now. He's going to have a whole new life experience now. You know, one good thing about... Are you the guy? They're going to go, are you the guy that said... Goddamn border hopper niggers. Is that you? Is that you? Because...

I was going to say that the one bright spot about MAGA and Donald Trump returning to office is that now these cool clips are resurfacing. Yeah. Of a lot of Hitler clips, a lot of, you know, get them out of the country, they're taking our job clips. Those are really surfacing up. It's making people poke their chest out again. Getting comfortable. Yeah.

Well, get comfortable with it. You're going to have a whole cool bunch of things happen in your life. It's fun that you're young enough that you get to experience a full life now. A full life. Yeah.

So anyway, there's so many cool things to review and talk about. One of the things we were going to do is talk about some of the best moments of the last 100 episodes. One of the first things that comes to mind is episode 704. This is when Ryan and Eni challenged each other to basketball. That was awesome. Do you remember? I remember how...

i couldn't believe how competitive any was like you really dug deep first of all you were like one of the only black guys i ever knew that was like i'm not good at basketball i didn't play it wasn't my obsession like growing up like you just had any yes well that's my other half talking

Oh, right. I got two sides to this shit. Right. But then you were like, I cannot let my black half down. Exactly. And I'm going to go all in. Exactly. Like, you know, the white man was talking for a minute and then he said, any amount. Yeah.

Any amount of money. And Blackstar was like, you gonna take that nigga? You gonna do that shit? You want them to just clown you like that? I'm like, no, fuck that nigga, man. All right. But you committed. You committed. Hell yeah, I did. I fucking, I went to go, what's it called? To that coach. Yeah. Mr. Jasper motherfucking trained me. A former pro, right? Wasn't he a pro? He was a... Like international player or something? Yeah, he was, fuck, was he, is it Denmark or some shit? But yeah, he was like 3v3 pro or something. Yeah. Yeah.

And yeah, he was great. But I mean, I told him as soon as I met him, I'm like, look, man, I got no fundamentals. I got no nothing. Just show me like one thing that I could do and I'll just do that. Be honest. Be honest when I ask you. Yeah. How did you describe your opponent to him?

I told him to watch. I told him to look. You're like, here's a white guy. He's kind of, he's 40. He's an old ass white guy. Yeah. I was like, well, cause he, he watched like, yo, he was invested, man. He got super invested into the, into the show. So he found the show. He saw the whole thing. And then he told me stuff where he's like, God, I forget what he said, but he was like, yeah, the way that he talked about backing you up and then like,

lobbing it or something. People don't say that. He said he played in college. He did not play in college. He's lying to you. So I think you might have a chance here. I think what Ryan was saying then was that he didn't claim to play on a

like a college team is that he played basketball in college. In other words, not for the school, but it was just like part of his. You mean like, you mean like he played in the gym? Yeah. Yeah. Like pickup games. Yeah. That's a weird way to say that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think when you say I played in college, that usually kind of means,

Right, right. If somebody goes, I played in college, they're saying, right. It's like, I got you. Got you, got you. And that's why I understood. I'm like, yo, any amount of money, I get it. Especially after I really did start to learn the game, I'm like, shit, all right. Real talk, though, if he was some... Did you play any more after that? No, not once. That was it? Not once, yeah. That was your mission. Yeah, man, I don't like basketball. Wow. Wow.

It was such a fun day. You don't swim though, right? Right in studio. I don't swim either. Go ahead. Get in there. You don't go in the ocean. I don't swim either, but guess what? I'll beat you in some laps too, nigga. Let's get it. Ryan, you're the Ryan that everyone's talking about. Do you want to comment on anything that's been being said here? I'm sitting in my office listening to everything. You got to push the button, big man. Which one?

I'm sitting in my office listening to everything he's saying. He's just lying left and right. Yes. He's good at that. By the way, one of the things we'll get to is that, and he's a huge liar. Go ahead, Ryan. Huge. Can be. Can be. He also lied saying that he wasn't training. He wasn't doing anything. I never said that. He concealed it. I never said it, but I did. What did you say? I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No one said anything about training or not training.

No, I asked you what you were doing. You said nothing. No, you did not. Yes, I did. Why did you ask me that? Was it on the show? No. You can't be trusted, so anything I'm saying right now... Was it on the show? No, it wasn't on the show. Exactly. I work with you all day, unfortunately. You did not ask me. So I talk to you a lot. You never asked me. I'm forced to. You never asked me. Okay, forget about that. Okay. You saying that I played in college, I would have never said I played in college. Oh, I'm pretty sure we have that on tape, too. Find it. I'll give you $1,000 of my own money if you can find it. Oh, my God! Right now. I'll give you...

Well, I don't have a way to look it up right now. But you have a thousand reasons to go find it. You have a thousand reasons to go find it. I think you did say that, though. No, I did not. But wait a minute. Here's the thing, though. Because we can get into the semantics of this.

Are you saying that he was like, I played basketball when I was in college? Or I played college ball? I definitely didn't say I played college ball because that would be a straight lie and anyone could look it up. But I also didn't say that I played in college. Okay. I played in high school. You know what I will... I do remember him saying he played in high school. I do remember that. That's very different. Yes. Maybe what...

Maybe what happened was that maybe Tom said that you did, and so I was like, that's where I heard it. Oh, blame it on Tom. Either way, I definitely heard that because he, the coach was saying it like that. Why don't you play me again now that I'm actually back in shape? My knees are blown out. That's what I was going to ask. Nigga, please. No. It's easy. Nigga, please. Wait, wait. What does that mean? Translate that for us. What does that mean? It means no. N-O-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G-A-L-E-S-T-O-M-E-N-G

How come? And I didn't get paid, nigga, no. No, you chose not to get paid. You chose not to. No, I'm choosing not. Chose what? What happened with the hair? You could have had long locks of hair. What do you mean? You got scared. You got scared. What did 10 G's say? Nigga, you said any amount of money. What happened? No, you wanted hair transplant. What happened? No, no. It pivoted after you got scared. I wanted 10 G's and y'all were like, that's an irresponsible amount of money. It's irresponsible for you to say any amount of money. No, the 10 G's was the rematch we were talking about. 10 G's, baby. 10 G's.

Even my head's about to explode. If you win a rematch. Hell no, ain't no rematch. 10 Gs. You wouldn't do it for $10,000? I already won $10,000. I'm out of here. We ain't doing another one so I could also not get paid for that shit. So was the bet for hair implants or $10,000? It was for hair implants.

- It was for 10. - It was for 10. And then y'all said that it was irresponsible and then we had to change the amount. - Wait a minute, it was for hair. The thing you were planning for was hair. - But see, what I'm saying is we went to that because y'all-- - Then you chickened out 'cause you heard that there was little blood, little micro needles and you're like, oh, that scares me. - Yes you did, you got scared.

I remember. You don't remember saying that you wanted this hair and that the hair thing was all set up? What I'm saying is how this started was he's like, name any amount of money Nadav was sitting in this chair and he texted him that and I said, nigga, 10 G's.

And then you were agreeing and it was like, okay, well, you were saying, Tom, that like, well, look, that's an irresponsible amount of money. Maybe we should do something else. So you forced, y'all forced me to come up with something else. So I was like, I don't, the only thing I could think of is hair, I guess. We got to review the tape. Okay. I don't remember. I don't remember the conversation going that way. I remember it.

asking what do you want and he goes I'd like to have hair I don't remember that and I remember setting up all the hair stuff too we were going to send you to Turkey and everything I remember that listen I'm not saying I didn't at a point agree to that I'm just saying that's not what I originally bet but wait you're saying bet

You guys bet each other that amount? He said any amount of money, and I said $10,000. And he's like, that should be no problem. I could use a nice, what did you say? Like a nice fucking pool with some shit. I don't know what the fuck he said. A pool, yeah, yeah. I think the reason that that was shot down was that even though you won, yes, you did, the idea that a boss...

your employer could take $10,000 if you had lost did feel like it's like an abuse to do. So two things. Number one, don't say any amount of money then because when you're making a bet, if you're going to say that, you better own up to it. Number two, I chose the money. I'm the one who chose $10,000. You're not wrong, but we didn't shake hands on $10,000. That's my point. So we started, yes, we started as going like, all right, any amount of money. And then, to Tom's point, we

we settled on something that would be entertaining not only for us, but something that you wanted and also something that felt like more of a bet. You did say it seemed thrilling.

thrilled at the hair idea I thought yeah again I thought that that might have been a cool thing because again you were forced me to come up with something else I'm like look I like money I want money I don't I don't fucking want anything else but fine if I had to think of something okay it's like all right fuck it I guess the hair okay but then but then yeah once it was in my face it's like nigga I do think I think you should rematch yeah I want no man I'll put ten thousand dollars in cash on the table oh okay

I'll put it on the table.

I'm chilling. You killed me last night. You destroyed me. Why wouldn't you want to play again? Because I don't like basketball. I already beat you, bro. What about swimming? Hold on. What about swimming? Right before Ryan came in, you said. That's so crazy, too. You already, man, you already gave it an L. Like, how many L's you want in your last name, dog? Two L's. Now you got three. I'm 40 pounds. I'm 40 pounds. Ryan, holla, la, la, la. That's what you want to be after this? Sure. I'm 40 pounds lighter. Like, how many L's you want, nigga? My knees are back in shape. I'm now much stronger than you. So, come on. Let's go. Oh.

Oh. What about laps? Swimming laps? Annie, you said it right before you came in that you would swim laps. You would learn to swim and swim laps. I'm excited to kick off my UK and Ireland tour this weekend. I'll be in Dublin this Saturday, March 15 at 3 Arena. Belfast for two shows at Waterfront Hall on March 16. First show is sold out. We added a second show.

Manchester at AO Arena, March 19. London at OVO Arena, Wembley, March 20. Glasgow at OVO Hydro, March 21. Nottingham at Motorpoint Arena, March 22. Cardiff at Utilita Arena, March 23. Go get your tickets at tomseguro.com slash tour. I'll see you there. They say money can't buy you happiness. That might be true. But money sure can make you feel a lot of other things, like stressed, depressed,

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Order at drinktrade.com slash YMH. That's drinktrade, T-R-A-D-E dot com slash YMH for 40% off your first order. Drinktrade.com slash YMH. Okay. Ryan, do you swim? I swim as a kid. I'm pretty good. Okay. Oh, that's what you said about basketball. Yeah, let's do it. Do you want to swim? Will you swim laps for 10 Gs? And neither of you has to give it up. I'll give it up.

up however uh i would if i don't have to pay for the coach this time i pay thousands of dollars for that i'll pay for the swimming coach too wow i'll pay for a swimming coach and i'll put the 10 grand up and i'll give it to whomever wins and i and i won't have a swimming coach you won't no i don't need one okay this is fucking this is amazing i won't either i only did because i figured you would but you don't know how to swim as you figured i wouldn't know because wait do you not know how to swim he's blind not like that not like that

It ain't about not knowing. It's about not choosing to swim. Maybe you need a swim instructor to learn first and then not a coach. We'll both cease the coaching. I'll figure that shit out. Let him figure it out. Let him figure it out. Every water activity I've invited any to, he does not come. Surprise, nigga. He doesn't. Yeah.

I wonder why. We planned a boat trip together. He's like, I'll help you pay for it. And then he just didn't come. Remember when I took everyone out on the boat? I remember. He canceled it. He didn't show up. He was like, oh, I overslept. What are you talking about? I went on the boat. No, you didn't. Not for my birthday. Not for the birthday. Yeah, not for the birthday. No, but for the boat you rented, I went to the lake with y'all.

Did he? Yes. See, this nigga ain't got bad man time. Okay, okay. All right. We will continue this. Let's move to the next thing here because this is nothing gives me more joy besides watching that take place than upsetting and horrifying someone. Stavros came on. Yes. This was episode 7-11 and he's

We showed him Norm's famous poutine, and it was one of my favorite things I've ever seen. This was so great. Yeah.

No. No. No. No. No.

You ready? This guy's cocking a little fucking thing. He's got a little cage. He paces through the cage. Yeah. Which, it's in his urethra, so I don't know how he's... Oh, fuck. No, dude. No! You gotta have all the ingredients. I take back what I said about his recipe. I don't want to... No! Watch this! Oh, no!

OOOH NOOOOO! OW FUCK! NOOOO! Fuck dude, that's disgusting. That fucking sucks so much. Oh my god. Why did it come out so fast? Why did it come out so fast? So gross! Now, take the cheese, and like... Jesus Christ. I literally...

I don't even gag easy, dude. That shit is fucked up. No, I don't want to watch me eat it. Don't eat it, Norm, please. I beg you, Norm, don't eat your own shit. No. Look at this gooey.

Oh my god. Oh, so bad. Oh. Oh.

Why the fuck did it come out so fast? That was just... Oh, God, it's stressing me out to re-watch that. I know. It's also getting me primed for YMH Live. I just realized we're going to get more treats like this. Did you get the zing of excitement? Yeah, I know. Because every time that heavy segment starts, I'm like, ooh. These clips get me so jazzed. I might get sick here in a second. That's why I think you and I are team jeans. May I take this moment to just...

promote my lipsticks. This is a perfect moment. Go ahead, guys. Buy your lipsticks at ChristinaP.com. Today I'm wearing Madison, which is just like a light mauve sensation. And then I have Atomic Red, The Perfect Red, and Berlin. ChristinaP.com. Buy all four at the same time for your lady or for your gentleman that wears lipstick. By the way, I'm working on a new piece of art. Oh, for fuck's sake. It's really good.

Look at that. Beautiful. Stop buying her art. No. It's taken on a life of its own. People are now sending us art based on my art, like famous artists. Yeah, that's right. It's great. It's really a movement. The choke. Anyway, that was an amazing time with Stavros. It was incredible. Soon after that, by the way, it finally happened. It was something that we were all anticipating. We didn't know if it would ever happen, and that's when Garth Brooks blocked me, finally. I know.

on Instagram. You, by the way, the great fans, the listeners and viewers of this program are the ones who got Garth to eventually go private on his

He restricted all comments at some point because you literally took over all of his social media. Destroyed it. Destroyed it. Everywhere that it exists. Destroyed it. You destroyed it. It was incredible that it happened, but it started with him blocking certain people, restricting comments. I got a few times where I had comments in there and they would get liked and commented on. And then it just, it all went to,

to shit um he just refused to allow anybody in he eventually it happened on instagram then you guys went over took over his facebook his twitter he basically realized there was nowhere safe and so that was really exciting he's breaking down the walls between us he's breaking down the walls between you and me and then he thought better of it um in episode 725 something uh which also is appropriate for this week which is that we had dan soda on dan soda

is not just an incredible comedian, and he's super talented in many regards, he also does what many people think is the best impression of Dave Chappelle. Yes. He can actually, he really sounds like him. Yes. And he just, he sounds like him, and he also has the, um,

Like, not just the cadence down, but he'll speak the way, like, things he would say. It's pretty fucking impressive. That's really cool. What's the, I haven't heard you do it, but you do a good Chappelle? Oh, yeah. We prank phone called Chappelle on Legion of Skanks. You called him? No, we prank phone called, sorry, we prank phone called a news, a Fox News producer that thought Louis...

Jay Gomez had given her Dave Chappelle's number, but he had given her Dave Smith's number. It's on YouTube, and it's part of the episode. But I was just at home playing video games, and they were like, hey, can you call this lady as Dave Chappelle? And she fucking bit, dude. She bit hard. And it was like, I was trying to just keep talking about how important Lewis was to comedy. I would just add different things in where I'd be like, I've heard he's got a very dangerous foot fetish.

I wouldn't show you toes if I was around them. And she was like, oh my God, I think I was wearing open-toed sandals. She was talking to Chappelle. That's great. That's amazing. Were you always doing him? I mean, I'm a massive Chappelle fan. Sure.

In 2012 at the Cellar, I got blackout drunk and hung out with him. And I was like telling him old bits he hadn't done on any specials. And I think it freaked him out. And I've stayed away from him ever since. Ever since then. Because I felt that moment where I was like, I think...

i think this is a lot too much i was like do you remember you used to the what white people eat bit was so much longer and he was like man you know my bits better than i do yeah but he did have i had the coolest moment possibly ever in stand up speaking of cigarettes

at the cellar that night he got off stage and he coming he came and hung out at the table and he was sitting next to me holding a cigarette and i was like i always want to know what kind of cigarettes i've been like i've been going to see you since i was 16 yeah i just want to know what kind of cigarettes you smoke and he was like oh i smoke american spirits and he handed me one yeah i was like this is we're at the table at the olive tree yeah inside and i go oh you want to smoke a cigarette and he goes smoke right here and i go well

I can't because I need this place for rent. But you're Dave Chappelle. You can smoke here if you want to. And he goes, you can if Dave Chappelle lights you a cigarette. And I looked at Esty and Esty went,

like that and i i took and i swear to god by the third drag yeah every waiter and bartender was staring at me like fucking soda gets to smoke inside and i was like this is fucking unbelievable yeah yeah i took a couple hits and i put it in that's awesome in like the ashtray and he was like i did um when i did uh what was it the after yeah the after party of the brady roast we went up to the lounge inside

And we're in, what's it called? What's the venue there? Which one were you at? The Forum. We're in the Forum. So we're at the Forum Club, I guess. And it's the party. And I see Dave. And he's like, hey, man, let me get a cigarette. And I give it to him. And I was like, same kind of thing. I was like, we can smoke in here? He was like, yeah, cool. So I light one up with him. And then the bartender's like, you can't smoke here. And I was like, OK, fine.

just turned to Dave. I was like, they said we can't smoke here. And he was like, so I was like, I'll put this out when you put it out. And he was like, I'll put it out when it's done. I was like, okay, cool. I was like, great. I smoked. I like chuffed on that thing. Cause I kind of felt bad. Cause I was like, please,

And then I just waited until he was done smoking. Well, because there is a level of celebrity. Like you're going to tell Dave Chappelle. It's the top tier level. You're going to tell Dave. It's like you're going to tell Tom Cruise to put the cigarette out. Well, they kind of do. That's the thing is the guy didn't tell Dave.

He told me. Yeah. He's like, you can't smoke here. And I was like. But that's why he's like, fuck, I don't give a shit. He's right there. Wow. And also watching that Dan Soder clip makes you realize like when you meet your idol, when you meet your hero, there is nothing cool to say. Yeah. You cannot talk about how much you love them because it's not going to work. It's never going to work. You have to talk about anything else except the shit that they've done as like an artist or whatever. You can't. You just can't. You can't dork out on them.

Yeah, it's... But the cool thing is, though, that he actually has a great... He still has a great memory of it. Of course. Because you could have, I met my hero and it's a fucking disaster. And that wasn't that. That's why I don't want to meet Robert Smith from The Cure. Oh, for fuck's sake. But if you wanted to dress like Robert Smith. Oh, stop. I can't believe you would even want to see something like that. I mean, hey, he doesn't look good. He does. He's still beautiful. This is how women are different, though. I love Robert. Is that you guys...

can still find someone attractive even if it's not looking that great. Yeah, because you know why? We have souls and we're not superficial shitheads. I know. You guys are the worst. Men are the worst. Yeah, we are like, I don't give a fuck about her soul. Yeah, you guys are the worst. What's up with that tits itch? Yeah, let me leave this family and go bang a 20-year-old yoga instructor. See, he's so hot. He's cute. I love him. Forever, forever. Okay. That's what you want. Yep.

Dude, he's so cool, too. I get that he's cool. Yeah, he is cool. He's rad. But I mean, I think he's a solid citizen, too. Is he wearing the perfect red? Of course he is. It was based on Robert Smith's red. The perfect red. I should send him some. Do you like his voice? Love his voice. Of course. What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah, he's Robert Smith. He's like the father of all this. I love him. I love him. Yeah, he's definitely wearing a lot of lipstick there. Yeah. Eyeliner? Adorable. Of course. You want to see me in eyeliner? Of course.

Do I? Oh, for fuck's sake. I would love to. Black eyeliner. Let's move on. The next episode that I think is notable, our former producer Nadav passed away. That was super sad. Yeah. He was, I think, eating a dreidel and then he just fell down. Rest in peace, Nadav. We hope you're okay. Up in heaven. It's just really sad.

He's dead. I know. I miss him. I miss him too. Look at those tits I used to have. Those are my OG tits. God, they were big. I was at my house and I was like, why do I feel sad? This is weird. And I was really sad to lose Nadab. You've been in our lives since 2016, since the birth of our first child, but you were like our first retarded son. We do have a lot of great memories of you. And we've actually put together a little...

Oh, is this, this is either going to make me cry or mad. What's, what's going to happen? No, I think you'll like it. It's nice. I think we should all watch this together. Oh my God. My name is Nadav Itzkowitz. I am a producer here at YMH Studios. Get ready to have a good fun show in Chumash. Arba. Shalom. Same. You don't think he's okay? You think he went to work the next day? I think he's totally fine.

You can't get too much cum in those balls. You get too much cum in your bladder. Wow.

What amount of money would you pay to permanently hurt me? I don't want to permanently hurt you. I just want to hurt me bad. One. Have you ever fallen in love with a dog? Yes. What were the attributes that person had that made you fall in love? I think it was talking shit to me. You surround yourself with such bullshit. What is your favorite movie? So the story is about Nick King. Oh my God. He's a dumb piece of shit. You got a nice haircut. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I threatened to show you somebody getting very severely hurt. Yeah, I don't like those, dude. Me neither. That's the hardest I've ever heard Nadal laugh. That's the hardest I've ever heard Nadal laugh.

Fucking Jewel. Lord knows I'm not a fan of this J shit. What's your new name going to be? Patty O'Callaghan. What's getting the dog baptized? The fun bit. You need some Up Dog. What's Up Dog? I'm not supposed to up with you, dog. You're fucking dead. You want to kill him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just an outside dog who keeps shitting inside. You deserve it all. The kicks, the screams, the blood. Look, and he's having such a good time.

Look how happy you made him. The dog's too bad. Why does he have a job? Hurry up and find that shit. You fucking Jew. Oh, man.

That was pretty good. There he is. So many great moments with Nadav over the years. So many good ones. My favorite part, I have two favorite memories about Nadav. Number one, that his favorite movie, like the movie he watches over and over, is Drumline. Yeah, starring Nick Cannon, yeah. Yeah, and I watched it just to see what all the big stink is. Yeah. It's not very good. It's not a good movie. It's not a good movie. And I love Nick Cannon. I like the idea. It's stupid. Number two, remember when we were...

In the Reseda, it was during COVID, and it was hard to come by getting the vaccine. And you had to be a certain weight to be considered morbidly obese to get the vaccine early. And he was like, I'm working on my vaccine weight. I'm going to become morbidly obese to get the vaccine. I'm in a gain phase right now. He made me laugh so much. He was like, how are you doing? How's your weight? He's like, I'm almost there. I'm almost there.

God bless him. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, Nadav. Bless him. There's another one that was fantastic. And I ended up meeting her. Remember the coffee girl? Of course. Sweetest. Oh, my God. That was also in the last hundred where she came in here because we had read comments where people were. That's where hate from came. Hate from Australia. Hate from all these places in the world.

That was just like unbelievable that we, and then I actually, she came to Austin. She came in studio. I went to the gym with her. She was really, really sweet. Yeah.

And she's in Toronto. She has her coffee business. But that was... The sweetest. Yeah, was it Caitlin? Caitlin. She's so sweet. And her coffee's fantastic. And she just made sincere videos. Like, this is how I start my day. People were like, I hate you. Waking up. Yeah. Just so sweet. So innocent. It was really crazy, man. There she is.

Sweetheart.

Following the gym. It is coffee time, baby. We're going to start by making a hot latte for Papa Street Brew, even though I have converted him to iced espressos. But we're going to make an iced espresso for me, do a little outfit change, an outfit check for a video that we're going to post. And then it's time to sit in the office, do a couple calls,

and do some work. Bonus points, find some clients you can talk sneakers with on your calls because, I mean, that's the best way to do things, right? After spending most of the morning in Zoom calls and doing some admin work, it's time to start filming some content and making some more coffee. So we're going to do some drip coffee, some pour-overs, some espresso stuff as well. I think we get it. A couple other little things. So this is like that vlog cadence that also people wanted to die with. Yeah. Please delete your account, people.

He would say such mean shit to her, but she ended up being, of course, like the sweetest person. The nicest. Probably one of the sweetest guests we've ever had. Hate from Australia. That was so funny. She was delightful. We had a run of some incredible guests that came in. Jesse Lee Peterson came in. Oh, my God.

Then Gene Simmons. And then Will Blunderfeld. One of the coolest guys. So many gets this year. Oh my God. It was just like. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. How much fun was Gene Simmons too? I mean, he really came. If you love your penis, your self esteem goes up. I mean, that's also true.

Will change my life. Like getting to meet him in person and feel his aura and to feel his love and presence. I just think he's such a special human being. He is a special human being. He's really amazing. Then shortly thereafter that ICP came on. Now, one of the building blocks, the foundations of this show, if you don't know, is... You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And we have always done... You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Supercuts, right? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I don't know what you're saying. And these guys came in. Oh, not these guys. Sorry. At this time, wasn't it just the... Was it both? No, it was both. Shaggy. That's right. Because the first time, it was just one. Yeah. Well, they came in and we got to do...

after their appearance, their appearance, excuse me, the, maybe the super cut of super cuts. Oh my God. Which was a, you know what I'm saying? Yep. Super cut from these guys that was just unbelievable. They, they dropped so many, you know what I'm saying? That we had to spend hours going through this and putting together, by the way, this super cut of, you know what I'm saying? Doesn't even have all the, you know what I'm saying? They had to like whittle it down. Yeah.

Just to get the proper, you know what I'm saying, supercut going. So we have that for you. Oh my God. You know what I'm saying? It's because of his hair and shit. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? They're incredible. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? As a stripper or anything. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's what you're saying.

Unbelievable. Wow. That was, yeah, that was really... You know what I'm saying? Supercuts of, you know what I'm saying? Supercuts. That's the best. I don't think you can make another one after that. No. That episode was explosive. We also got that supercut, but don't forget, that's where we learned that going airtight is gay. It is, according to some. To some. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, airtight really was a thing that we really wanted to dig deep in. Yeah.

We've had conversations with people who had had threesomes and we thought, what more could you want? And it turns out one more is what you want sometimes. And so some women opt for every hole to be plugged. And through that conversation, it led to us meeting Airtight Abby. And Abby called...

called into the show and she gave explicit details about her exploits. And she was a very adventurous person. Was Abby the one where she went and she had sex with all the black guys? That's the one. On the team? Yeah. That is the one. That was wild. Then she told another story that kind of made us all sad. But yeah, I think she met a guy at the club and she took him back to the, or went back to his place and then eventually people started walking out.

Of the apartment. They're like, can I get in on this? She was like, sure. But Airtide Abbey was, yeah. What a find. It was such a cool story. Because you and I couldn't believe that people did it in real life. Yeah. Because it sounded so incredible. It sounds like such adult film-like. Yeah. Like just a fantasy, not real. Who gets to do that? She was like, no, I did it. I did it. This generation, boy, they get it all. They get it all. Airtide Abbey. Airtide. Really, really sweet girl.

I had the opportunity to meet her. You did? You don't remember that? No. Oh, yeah. I didn't. You didn't go airtight on her? No, I didn't. I didn't. No. There was an option to meet her somewhere. I didn't. You were like, no thanks. No, I believe you said no thanks. I was like, don't you meet airtight out. Yeah, that's how that went.

How dare you? Yeah. Just a jealous lady. No. I'm sure she's a sweetheart, by the way. But the best moment with these two, the ICP guys are the best. Yeah, I was like, you guys don't go airtight with each other? And he's like, what? Hell no, that's gay. Such a good moment. There's so many...

crazy things that happened obviously over these years. But another thing is that we had our suspicions, but we learned that our

very own technical director, Eni, is a really high-level sociopath. I don't know if I'd describe it like that. Fartgate 2024 was such a revelation. I've never seen... The episodes of the first 48 that I've seen all made more sense.

And he was pressed with a crime because he was so believable. It was just insane. And it turned out he was just a huge fucking liar. He's a liar. And he's a good liar. Good one. Because I was siding with him for years I've been on any side. Not anymore, bro. That's not nice. Fool me once. I did nothing. I know. That whole time I was like, you know how fucking crazy AI is these days? You're saying it's me? What does Chad have against him? Like, it was just crazy.

Yeah. And what Chad had against him is that, and he's a fucking liar. He's a liar. And Chad was right. Chad was just being an honest good boy. And the whole staff was like, yeah. And he was like, man, these motherfuckers are all lying. Yeah. This is crazy. Do you realize, like, we have him on tape farting. Yeah. And then he has the audacity to deny it to his bosses. Yeah.

And then to millions of people who watch this program. Yeah. That is other level sociopathy. It was huge. Which is exactly why you're employee of the month. And he also, he did this crazy reveal. You belong here. Where like, remember the video played and I thought we were going to. Yeah. Exonerate him. Yes. Yes.

And it was just like, ha ha, I got you guys. This guy is nuts. He's out of his fucking mind. I don't know who made that shit, man. It's ridiculous. Okay, we don't believe you. Didn't he deny it even after he showed that video? Didn't he bring it up at the Christmas party, Tom? I'm still denying it. I'm still denying it. Denying it to your face right now? Yeah.

I wouldn't do that, bro. Bro, look at AI, bro. We don't know what the fuck is real anymore. I didn't do shit. It's not that good. And I don't know who hired that shit, but it's ridiculous, man. But I saw it with my own eyes. I'm done with it. I don't see in AI. Is this when we first saw this video? Is that what this is? No, this is the video that you're talking about. The surveillance? The surveillance or his reveal? This is his reveal. Okay. Okay. Yeah, let's see. I forgot some of it, actually. Yeah, blocked it out. Traumatic.

What the fuck? Was that you? I think Eni just farted into the mic. That's fucking crazy, dude. Jesus Christ, bro. Hey, you're talking over the video, man. Is that real?

What happened there, Eni? What do you mean? Bro, it's all narrated. This is what Chad does. He's a fucking documentary film professor. In what way did I narrate this? You put the text on the thing. It's black video. I'm transcribing the actual audio. Yeah, but what you're doing is setting it up so that it makes sense to your story, but it's a not true story. You're just fucking putting it out there.

So was that fart, did that fart happen in that moment or no? I mean, see, the thing about these is like, I don't remember, I don't even know what recording that was. Yes, he does. Here's the thing. He went in and deleted this audio, but what he doesn't know is that I back up the audio onto a separate hard drive that he didn't have access to. Yeah, so you just happen to have the footage that both you edited and this backup. Zolo, you don't remember this day?

I think I need to stay a neutral party in this matter until all the evidence has been presented. Okay. But you did hear yourself in there. Yeah. I was there. Yeah, but Your Honor...

I feel like because we didn't see the conversation that, and he has a good point, like anybody can go. You can just play a fart. Yeah, and then he could have had them be actors and create a moment. And Cougar would say, holy, any fart for no reason? That's something, maybe he wrote the script and then they recorded it over a black screen. But that wasn't Cougar. So, this, yeah, this, if you watch this and you don't immediately have more respect for what law enforcement goes through, like,

They have to deal with this shit all the time. Yeah. Like he lies. Professionals. No, no, I know.

That's part of being a good criminal is lying. And postscript to this whole thing, now any apparently just farts with reckless abandon all the time. Yeah, he's a psycho. Do you take credit for the farts now? What farts, bro? Oh my God. Put me on tape, fam. Get me on tape. We had it on tape. Get me on live. You put yourself on tape doing it. No, I didn't. That was AI, bro. You know how good AI is these days. This is crazy, man. It's compulsive. Yeah.

He cannot help himself with the lies. You can't help yourself, can you, you sicko? Fartgate was... Fartgate, and then the lying about what the bet was on the last thing we talked about. Like, oh, he said it was 10, or any amount of money. Oh, then this is him right here. Yeah. Just going... Yeah. Like, where is that? That ain't my house. That ain't what my house looks like. See you next week. Bye, Mommy. Did you fart? No. Who farted? Did you hear a fart?

Wow. Jesus. Yep. Because you always talk about how disrespectful it is. Like all the time, you're like, it's so disrespectful. He loves that line. Yeah. He's like the level of disrespect. What's this accent? Hey, yo. Hey, yo. He's like, hey, man. Hey, man. We disrespect brother like that. Shit.

shit ain't nice this is crazy this reminds that right there that yeah what we just saw yeah if that doesn't remind you of presumed innocent the incredible debut of edward norton as an actor with richard gear where he's accused of killing that priest and then you and he's like he's all you know yeah

the whole movie and at the end he's like I convinced them all didn't I and you're like oh my fucking god it was exactly like that give him his Oscar give him his Oscar or just sentence him to 25 years in prison because that's a fucking career criminal right there what is he doing in his off time don't you think if he's lying this much to his employers he's probably doing foot job review videos I don't know it's just

It's crazy. Crazy. Yep. Typical. Typical. Typical. Typical what? Typical any. Lies. Usual suspects. You know what I'm saying? Oh, there it is. You niggas. Ah, shit. Hey, I stood up for you. You saw it on tape. Man, you were part of the bit. No, I wasn't.

You were part of the bit? Oh, eventually, yeah. He admitted it. Sorry, I forgot to tell you that part. Yeah, what up now, bro? Because I was like, any, they're totally... Because this is off camera. I was like, any, they're totally...

They're totally getting up on you. Is this true? Like I was so doe-eyed and I came up to him and he was like, yeah, farted. And I was like, what? And I was shattered. Right? Do you remember that day? I was fucking shattered. I'm kind of shattered now. You were smiling. I was shattered. I was heartbroken. And then I was like, let's keep fucking with Tom now. I forgot. Sorry. I blocked it out. You just remembered right now. Yeah. Cool.

Just like that time when you left town and I put a hole in the wall to get the hamster out of the wall. Yeah. I was behind you at dinner. It's two sneaky things I did this year to you. Jesus Christ. And then there's Chris Larson's video came in. Ice cold Pepsi. Cheers. He's the only Pepsi guy here. Yeah. Crazy. Nobody likes Pepsi except for Chris. It's so funny. I told you what it is, right? I don't care if he kills me.

You should. Yeah, drink water, dummy. He loves Pepsi. Fuck that. I do what I want. It kills me, kills me. You got free will. You can do that. Those are big gulps, too. Yeah, but I would see people like him in radiation. What?

They don't hold up very well after treatment for these things. You don't want to start your life that way. It's crazy. You know, we've been sharing those haircut things. Oh my gosh. You and I have been passing each other these videos, these awful haircut videos. You know Andy Milonakis, right? Yes, of course. So he's been around forever. He still looks 13 or whatever. He's done a lot of funny shit, but I saw this.

Oh, hair cutting place! He's in Italy. This is it. Hello, how you doing? Do you guys have any appointments open for tonight? Yeah? Okay, thank you so much. How do you prefer the cut? Well, I just got a haircut like a couple days ago, but they didn't cut enough. I want to keep it shaggy, but maybe a little less fluff. Maybe like three or four inches in the back. You got a photo?

It's still really shaggy in the front, but it's not really long on the back. What is your job? My job is to be a clown. A clown? I'm a hired clown. So wait, so he's in Italy, clearly walks into a place, tells him what he wants. Hold on. Okay, thank you. Perfect.

Oh my God. Bella. Bella. It's fantastic. He's like, you're a beautiful woman. He gave her the fucking middle-aged administration lady at a public high school. Terrible cut. And he thought it was a lady. I like when he sees it, he goes, mmm, this is interesting.

Sucks so bad. Oh my god. That's all you can do. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Perfect. Perfect. Nice lady. Bella. It's fantastic. Peace.

Oh, shit. That made me laugh. That's the worst haircut. Fuck. That's the worst. That's so bad. It's terrible. It's the sad lady shut it down fucking haircut. It's the shut it down menopause cut. This is why I stick with the same hairdresser, Alan Martinez. Shout out for the last fucking 20 some years. You know, one time when I was in England, I couldn't see Alan. And I went in to get a haircut. And I was like, just like a bob. Like I've always had a bob. Just give me like a shorter bob, okay? Yeah. This fucking cunt rag.

cut my hair like meow like the like so like a mushroom meow like this fucking short the thing you don't realize until you see it how much hair informs it's everything like this looks like a sad lady right like that's what he looks like now he didn't know that was a boy crazy he didn't know that was like a gentleman no he didn't he had no idea he gave him the prettiest old lady yeah

You are sexy still. Don't let anybody tell you you are not. But also very rare that they straighten out curly hair unless you say, I want straight hair. He's naturally wavy. Yeah. They should have cut the hair wavy. That's crazy. Okay. God, that's so upsetting. You remember a few weeks ago we were all, the whole world was really taken by this, right? Hitler, hell and the Nazis.

i i really don't think that he was uh because i honestly think that hitler was a good guy based upon my own research not my own it's always your own research i didn't listen to it so he's yeah we were all like this is the last we're going to see of bryce mitchell it's not thank god he is out there uh he um keep going bryce the best thing is that this begins with what you believe is addressing this video right

Okay.

Let me tell you what I mean.

Here is a picture of the circle of the earth, supposedly, if you believe in a globe. And the red circle is the helicopter. When the helicopter ascends above the earth's surface, it now has a larger flight path around the earth. As in, when the earth, the inside circle, the black circle, does one full rotation...

The red circle, or the flight of the helicopter, actually has to cover more distance to get back to the same spot. A helicopter can't fly around there.

I don't understand what this fucking hillbilly saying. That's what I meant. Okay. If you don't understand geometry of spheres and circles, that's going to go right over your head. But, uh, what I said makes perfect sense. And, uh, I'm actually a lot smarter than a lot of y'all think. Some of y'all can't even keep up with me. That's the sad part. This is basic geometry. Some of y'all might not be able to understand what I'm saying. Uh,

I'm one of them. But God bless you. And keep doing your own research because there is no proof that the earth rotates. That's a lie from the devil. And keep thinking what you want and calling me stupid. But I know geometry. I know inertia. An object in motion stays in motion. If I put my foot up your ass, it's going to keep going up your ass until I stop it. How about that, buddy? Yeah.

It's cool that his little kid gets to hear this stuff, too. What a lucky baby. He's going to get that firsthand education. You know, you got to do your own research, Tom. It's always good when somebody leads with that. Your own research. Have you done your own research? Like what? Just internet stuff? Like weird articles? Nothing about...

Life on Earth makes me think that it's round or rotating. Why are they so against the Earth being round? What is that? Because they told us that. The scientists? Yeah. Just trying to get us to fucking believe stupid shit. Is it anti-Christian or something? The Earth being round? He said the devil at one point. Oh, so Satan's in charge of the roundness of things? Of the Earth?

Is that what it is? Maybe. That's so weird. I don't know why they don't... He's so content, though. That's the thing about being dumb. Yeah. That is like, it's really, I think, satisfying. It's enviable. You believe your own dumb thoughts and then you're so pleased with yourself. I know. You know? I thought about that for my whole life. Yeah. If I could just be a little dumber, how much happier I'd be. You... Or maybe a... Yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's... He's...

He's not the brightest guy, but yeah. Oh, and it says the earth is a circle. Isaiah 40 verse 22 or whatever. Made with a compass. Yeah. Laid upon a face which is bounded as it ends. It does not move and is covered by a dome contained. So this is like the biblical conception of

cosmology whatever it's silly though this is that's my own research I hate everything do your own research your own research try your own diagrams fucking dummy do your own research that's that's kind of like the that's usually like the first thing that people who are really dumb yeah they do their own research I do my own research what are you talking about anyway I can't I can't Tom um

Can we switch topics here for a moment? He's the only dad I've ever known. It kind of makes you think of Stevie. I think it is Stevie. That's where I get my name, Snake, from. I ain't afraid of him. Never have been, except whenever I was a kid. People get mad. They get over it. They realize stuff later on down the road. Do your own research. Yeah. He also had this. This is another one. What's your issue with seatbelts?

Seatbelts, I think it's just like you get to choose if you want to wear a seatbelt. The government doesn't, you know, they don't wipe my ass for me, and they shouldn't be able to tell me if I want to wear a seatbelt. I personally don't like them because I think, what if you've got to jump out of the car and roll, you know, duck and roll? Nobody ever thinks about that. Nobody. So I don't personally wear a seatbelt, but I grew up, my mom never wore one. I just don't believe in them, and it's not...

Up to the government to decide if I should wear a seatbelt or not. So that's just my view on it. That's why I don't wear them. But maybe, you know, I strap my baby in, you know, I strap Tucker in. Why? But I just don't like wearing them. I like the maneuverability. Maneuverability. Maneuverability.

It's crazy, too, when someone this dumb is this good at fighting because he can kick 99% of people's asses on earth. So it's like you could argue with the dumbest fucking guy you've ever met and then he could just kill you. Yeah. Yeah. But that's because God only gives you one or two talents, tops. You can't be all things. You got to choose one or two lanes and just stay in your lane. Yeah. You shouldn't be a podcaster if you're this stupid.

You really can't. I'm glad that he's putting this out there. I feel like this is going to be a real well of information. If he continues, Pike. I think he's going to. If he gets sponsors. The engagement is going to be, it has to be crazy for him. Sure. Of course, it's not that positive, but yeah. You do see, though, that a lot of people are on board with him. I know. There are people who are like, fuck yeah, people trying to tell you that Earth rotates. The man telling me to wear a seatbelt.

Well, good for him. What if you got to stop, drop, and roll? Stop, drop, and roll. What if the car rolls? Is he driving like the Jeep with no doors? Is that what he's thinking about? I don't fucking know. I don't know. You got to tuck and roll. Yeah.

But, oh, I wanted to get to this so we don't run out of time. Yeah. Because it is a timely topic and I wanted to go there because the mom world is ablaze with the new Ilaria Hillary Baldwin. Alec Baldwin show. Alec Baldwin show on TLC. Now, I haven't watched a full episode, but I thought we could go through some of the footage. I mean, look how handsome he was when they started together. Dating, yeah. A while ago, yeah. Yeah. How do we...

Seven children. Seven. Six animals. What? Two parents. How many nannies? My old family. Don't be in that pool. Gross. What's the matter? Happy face. My son lost his mom in the most unthinkable tragedy. This is never something to forget. Oh, a little Latin there. And trying to parent through it. Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids. It's okay, just ignore him.

We've had bad moments, but we found our foundation. She says you should look like this. We're solid and we're here together. Together. We're solid and we're here, pero together. Somos juntos. He looks like hot dog shit. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't look the same. He's also, how old is Alec Baldwin? He's got to be in his 60s, right?

Has he been in the 60s now? At least. But he was, can I tell you what the great tragedy is? He's 66. He's 66 years old. I know, but the great tragedy is how hot he was. I mean, I had such a crush on him as a teenage girl. He's a movie star. The Marrying Man, I think. Look him up in that movie, The Marrying Man. Look at Alec Baldwin, 1989, 1990. Oh my God. Yeah, dude. Him with Kim Basinger, Basinger, the two of them were together. That's right.

That's right. God damn, couldn't there be a more attractive couple? Yeah, he's a very good looking guy. Stunning. He played Jack Ryan in those movies.

that with his scarf this is so cute no no the whole all the baldwins are hot good looking guys man and then i think having seven kids on top of this accident thing must have just aged him in dog years and he's really good by the way not just a good looking guy he's a really good actor yeah he's done oh my of course beetle juice my favorite and he's got a great voice that gravel voice oh yeah it's like he speaks in like that yeah yeah

He narrates on that Wes Anderson, the Tenenbaums. Look at that chest. Hairy chest. Oof. That's a man right there. Yeah, dog. I'm looking at it, and right underneath it, it says, Alec Baldwin mistaken as a hobo. That sucks. You know what that is? That's life. That's how life actually goes. There's a certain link that says, hottie Alec, and this one says, mistaken as a hobo. Mistaken as a hobo. Yeah, he's got it rough. There he is with Kim Basinger in the 80s. What?

Yeah, but you can't be, you know, you can't judge the guy for his looks at 66. I can't.

I can. I mean, I know, but he's 66. I just think it's bad life decisions. I think that having seven children would age anybody that way. Well, of course it would. It's not cool. It's too many kids. I don't know why you keep having that many kids. It's too many. I know, it's insane. And by the way, how many nannies do they have? Give me a fucking break that it's just the two of them. The 66-year-old dad and her. What can a 66-year-old dad contribute? He can't do shit. It's basically grandpa. Of course. It's too much. Yeah.

Yeah. He came to play. So my friend, my mom friend. We're all going to nap. That's what's going to happen in that. Oh my God. Alex dreadful reality shows a new low for TV. Fucking a man. Yeah. But that, you know, but they, they don't like the good stuff we do. Like my husband is not gay. They probably low reviewed that show too. I'm SSA. I'm SSA. They don't know what they're talking about. Don't listen to these motherfuckers.

So anyway, my mom friends were texting me. Would you like to hear their review? Yeah. Let me show you what my friend fucking... What are the moms saying out there? In the mom world... Okay, because we keep up on the Elaria. I watched it yesterday. It's on Max. You have to watch. There are babies crawling up on tables, kids running around screaming. It's a madhouse. It's a madhouse. It's got to be. And then my other mom friend was saying there's this part of the episode where...

he's complaining to Ilaria that she's the one in charge of getting the kids going. She's in control of the kids. And he's like, I used to have a say in how the kids were. I don't have a say anymore. And she's like, well, yeah, I'm the mom. Yeah. And I fucking agree. I agree too. It's like, go work, go make the money. Go do things. Let me deal with the kids. Yeah. Because dads are not wired for that shit. I agree. What meds does Juju need to take it? Yeah, right. Whatever you say. What size are Juju's pants? 16. 16.

You don't know shit. I know. And that's just most dads. No, it's just our generation, especially Alec Baldwin's generation. He don't know shit about the kids. Yeah. Let him go to work. Yeah. And let the fake Latin lady run the house. Okay. Women are better at that stuff.

I agree. I agree. Guys, this is not for men. Not for straight guys. You run. That's the company. You run that company. That's right. I think the traditional way is fine. Unless you have some fucking beta cuck husband. He doesn't want all that to say. Nobody does. Nobody fucks. Men don't want to do it. No. He doesn't want to raise the kids. People had asked, by the way, they wanted to know the update for the...

Woman hitting my car. Oh, my God. I just wanted to tell you without getting into too much detail, it's being taken care of. Okay? Stupid bitch.

And by that, I don't mean that I'm letting it go. I'm not letting it go. And that's how it's being taken care of. Okay. Don't you dare. So what is this? So we did make some, I don't know if you want to say it or not, but we made a little bit of progress in your investigation of Brigitte Macron. Yes. And do you want to say that we reached out? You say it. Well, we reached out.

To Brigitte. No. Just kidding. To Candace Owens. Who you said is like the leader in this story. Of course. This is Candace Owens' big moment right now. She is exposed, Brigitte Macron. And as you know, Candace is pregnant right now. So I think flying in might not be doable for her. But we're arranging a Zoom interview so she can fill us in on this Brigitte Macron thing.

And I'm telling you, the Macrons are panicking. They're sending her, you know, hundred letter letters.

threats and all this it is real and none of them being like hey brigitte is a woman stop saying that that's not true that's they're not even trying to call her out on that no it's very exciting stuff please do not use gendered language i miss all that so we'll find out what the real story is here yeah it's huge yeah what's your pronoun what's their product yeah what's the problem wearing out the women they were queering out the dudes

That's what happened. So hopefully we'll get the full story soon. I can't wait.

But just let us say this now as we wrap up, that it has been the most fun, I think, of our careers that we've gotten to do this show. I never want to stop doing YMH. This is episode 800, and I hope we're doing 800 more of these. It's been a lot of fun. And thank you, you guys, for making this possible. Thank you so much. This started as a silly dream in our little house in Silver Lake with a neighbor that made smelly food through the walls. Yeah.

And we've moved it to every house we've been to. And you guys have come with us. And we really appreciate that. It's been quite a ride. It's been amazing. We look forward to doing it more. And hopefully we'll see many of you on March 7th. YMHstudios.com. YMH Live is back. And we'll see you soon. Bye, Gene. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone live into this. Your mama in the funk is there. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Persesca. Welcome to your mom's house.