Squashing The Bert Beef w/ Joe List | Your Mom's House Ep. 729
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This week on your mom's house. And it was that thing of like, should we get our phone? Because if he hits this woman, I really want the views. I don't want to vote. You should vote. If you're a woman and you're listening, don't vote. You're not ready. In Herc's defense, he kind of looks like a chomo. He does look like a chomo. What is chomo for those of us in the chat?

Oh, I was thinking a chump homo. Oh. That also works as a kink. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. Eh.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, small more. And we are back. I'm exhausted. Oh my gosh. So tired. I look like shit. I feel like shit. I look like shit too. My hair is all fucked. I slept till 9.30 today. So tired. I slept till 6.45 and got up and hate my life and wish it all ended right now. Well, let's talk about it. Why do you hate your life? Um...

Everything is sleep related. I don't care. Every great day is based on good sleep and every bad day is based on bad sleep. I'm serious. I think you are. Can I say something? You know what I decided is that I'm going to prioritize sleep over everything else. That's the way to live life. Because let's say I set my alarm and they're like, you got to wake up and do things early. And I'm like, yeah, but then I'm tired all day. So what if I've worked out early? Now my whole day is a wreck. I'm wrecked.

And your immune system goes down. Everything goes down. Everything does. I went to bed a little too late. And I just... I kept waking... I knew I was getting up early. Yeah. So I just...

I was doing that thing like when you have an early flight where your body just goes, wake up. Panic. And you're like, it's 3? Oh. And you go back and then, oh, it's 4.30? Oh, it's 5.15? Like, that's how I slept. It was terrible. Panic. Terrible. And, you know, family visiting just drains every ounce of goodwill and humanity left in you just kind of leaves your body. And you go, God, what a great trip. It was so great to have you. Lovely. Yeah.

I mean, we had... Look, we had Charo here. We had my sister Jane. It was fun to have them in town. I loved Jane. It was Charo's town for her... So much fun for her. Yeah. It was great to have her. And Charo's birthday. And then she came. Obviously, she did the Palmcast. She did some bits with us that were just... Oh, my God. Ridiculous. I mean, one of them is... I feel...

confident saying is one of the three hardest I've ever laughed in my whole life. You've been talking about it for days. I know. Maybe they'll show you a clip of it today in the edit room or something. I really was in physical pain and it was the, I mean, I almost couldn't continue doing it. She's very funny. I mean, I think her timing is impeccable. Her point of view, you're like, Oh my gosh, you're so funny. And I, yeah, go ahead. Can we tell them what we did for her birthday? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. So what's her actual? She turned 79. 79. Yeah. And we got a bunch of balloons in the house to say happy 100th birthday. And then we made her favorite meal, which is chicken nuggets and French fries. And French fries. And we literally were like, you can have anything. It's your special day. What would you like? And she was like, I like fries. I like fries.

She really is a toddler in every sense of the word. A toddler. Yeah. And she was thrilled. And she was like, oh my God, I am so happy to have this food. This is delicious. And then the guy was like, because we had some, we hired a guy and he was like, do you want me to make like grownup food for the rest of you? We were like, yeah, that'd be great. So we had other, other food made.

And then we had mariachis come and play. Yes. And she was weeping. Weeping. Ay! Ay! Ay! These are the songs from my childhood. Wait, but can I tell you what's so uncomfortable? Yeah. Is that she was staring at the mariachis. Oh, yeah. And they were all making eye contact with her. And she was literally just like... Holding the clasp in her hands. And I'm like, oh, how uncomfortable. And she's like singing. And you're like, oof, man. Could you put a fucking...

collar on or something shot collar i was like are we like is it horny like did you feel like it was like overwhelming emotion yeah overwhelming emotion um and so that was you know we were trying to we were spoiling her you know she's old as shit she's gonna die so we we uh make this last year count and then i i've been taking my flying lessons so i took her up and i don't want to give anything away but uh

The ride did not go as she thought it would go. And I very much enjoyed that. I'll have some footage to share with you guys at some point soon here. But I mounted some GoPros in the chopper. And the way that this helicopter is designed, if you're a rear passenger, you can't really see what's going on in the front. So I sit in the front with the pilot. We have the same controls. And so...

After we took off, I flew us across this area, and I'm taking us for like a scenic flight. And then I kind of banked over to this river, and then I just kind of looked at the guy, and I just – because I already told him I gave him a head nod, and he took the controls. He did some wild shit. She was in a fucking panic. That's hilarious. And she was screaming. She was like, ah! She was screaming, ah!

So can I tell you, your joy and elation at torturing her, I totally understand. You do understand it. I understand it. And may I, can we talk real talk for a second? Yeah, sure. My parents, my mother's dead. My father's still around. I think emotionally, they're about three years old a piece. They are emotional toddlers, my family. Yeah.

And there's two ways you can go when your folks are like that. Yeah. You can become enmeshed with that. You grow up and you go, but I have to take care of them. I'm responsible for that. And I know people like this. And you go full gray gardens and you know what I mean? You devote your life to trying to make them better and make them happy or you realize that

later like oh I can't make them happy you can't they're always gonna be who they are doesn't matter what you do it doesn't matter what you do so you may as well have fun with it and fuck with them and just be like I don't care I don't fucking care I also had set up I don't care before I was like you know tomorrow's your birth this is the day before I go tomorrow's your birthday I go I have a cold plunge what do you think I go it's a new year

And she goes, okay. And I was really surprised. I was like, really? She's like, yeah. I'm surprised too, actually. So she steps foot and she's like, ah! And my sister was like, you just got to get in, get in. And she's about halfway in and she is...

screaming, panicking. And I'm laughing so hard and she couldn't step out. So I had to pick her up and carry her out of it. And I was, again, I wasn't ear to ear. I was so happy. I've watched the video like 40 times. Yeah, I know. We haven't watched our wedding video once. Well, I'm talking about fun things. You were ear to ear. You were so pleased. And that was a full day of Charo torture. Cause that was before you did the airplane. And then you came home and you're like getting the coal plunge. Yeah.

Like, I never thought an old... She's getting there. She's frail. She could not. She'll break her hips. It's done. Like, she is done at this point. She was really... You were so stoked to mess with her like this. Yeah, I was. I mean, I was really... Let's see. But good for you. Legs out. Legs out. Put your legs out. Put your legs out. I got you. Put your legs out. Dad! Put your legs out. Dad!

- Kids are laughing. - My body hurts. -

So she's saying, Zach, I'm going to take me out. I had to pick her up. She couldn't step out of it. So I had to carry her out of it. It was so great. And the kids are loving it. And your sister's ear to ear, too. Everybody's loving the torture. And then she's laying down. We're like, okay, we'll lay down on this lounge chair and warm up. And she's like, my toes. My toes can't move. And they were like crippled toes. They were all scrunched over. It was pretty cold for your first time in one. It was pretty cold. How cold is it? It was 41. 41.

That's misery. That's my nightmare. That one doesn't get really much. That one, the lowest you can set it. I have it set at 39, but it never hits 39. It always stays at like 40 or 41. It's terrible. 41 is still terrible. It's cold. It's cold. And especially if you've never done it. And I was doing it like in the afternoon. So it was hot as fuck outside, but it's still, it shocks you. Yeah.

What do you enjoy about the, I mean, do you enjoy this or you just do it because you know it's good for you long term? It's good for you and you do feel, you just feel amazing when you get out of it. That's really why. Every day I think it sucks. I did it this morning and I looked at it and I was like, motherfucker. But I do it because when I get out, I do feel great. Okay. Yeah. And it is a fun thing to conquer something that you know sucks first thing in the morning. You know what I mean? I gotta say, I love you so much. This has to be our fundamental difference.

Is that I go for what gives me comfort and solace. And I have a, listen, I do different morning routine. I check in with my soul. I try to meditate and try to check in emotionally. But can I tell you something? Can I tell you why though? Because usually I'm up here. My whole thing in life is to get me from here to fucking here.

Right? Yeah. I think your whole thing is to get you from here to here. So you and I are just like, later, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. My whole thing is I'm overstimulated. I'm fucking over. I'm dysregulated. Oh, right. Let's bring it in. Bring it in, yeah. And you're like, I want to fucking torture myself. I want to push it to the limit, man. But that's also a guy thing. I was going to say broad. I was going to say you're a broad. I'm a broad. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm a broad. Yeah. It's not, you know what I mean? Yeah. And also our torture. And here's the thing. Broads that do what I'm do. Guess what? They're guys. They're dykes. Yeah. Well, they, uh, full lesbos. They're acting like, I'm just kidding. Straight friends that do it like I've really athletic. Yeah. They're kind of guys. I know. I mean, here's the thing. Do you want to fuck him? I mean, usually, you know,

A chick like that, you're like, hey, put it right here. Yeah, I don't like it. I'm not into it. You give them the bro hug. Oh my gosh, enough. All right, fist bump. You act like a guy. All right, see you later. Speaking of that, let's start the show. You ready? Oh my gosh, yeah. I'm so pumped.

Do you like being a man? Yes. You do like being a man, but thinking like a woman. I don't think I think like a woman. I think I think like a man. No, you don't. I'm going to tell you, you don't. I think what you're trying to say is I appear to be thinking in feminine ways. No, you think like a woman. I don't think so. I want to be real clear. Okay. You think like a woman. And I think I think like me. I understand that.

I'm so pumped for this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

How much do you fucking love Jesse Lee Peterson? I mean, these clips are gold. They're amazing. I found him on TikTok. I've seen like a few clips and every time I'm like, this is fucking amazing. He's sitting there telling this guy. He's like, I don't think I think like a woman. He's like, let there be no confusion. You think like a woman. I don't think I do. I think I think like a man.

Jesse Lee Peterson is a pastor and counselor. He is interviewing anti-sexism advocate Alan Corbin. I should be wearing my trans glasses. One second.

Co-chair of the National Organization for the Men Against Sexism. Oh. NOMAS. Their website lists four main tenets. Pro-feminism, LGBTQ affirmative, anti-racist, and enhancing men's lives. And Jesse is telling this man that because he advocates for feminism, he thinks like a woman. It's fantastic.

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You know, I just miss this. I do love this generation so much. And they're so amusing. Yeah. This is our dad's generation. Yeah, this guy's 74. He's from Midway, Alabama. That's where he was raised in Alabama. Yeah.

Let's see. His mother and father moved to Gary, Indiana, East Chicago, Indiana, respectively, where they separately started new families of their own. Peterson lived with his mother and stepfather in Gary as a teenager, briefly attending Edison High School. He then returned to Alabama, graduated from high school before moving to Los Angeles. And Gary, Indiana, of course, were the Jacksons, you know? That's right. The Jacksons are from Gary, Indiana. But then he went to LACC, homie. That's what's up. What's up, dawg? And I guess he's been...

you know, putting out his, his views, radio shows. And as a pastor, Peterson opposes allowing Muslims to serve in Western governments and says that racism does not exist. Instead, he believes that every conflict is a spiritual battle between good and evil. He has spoken out against Kwanzaa and black history month for those listening. He is a black man. His views have been described by various authors as being consistent with white supremacy. Yeah.

And it has been suggested that white nationalists are encouraged by his rhetoric and compelled to promote him because Peterson's blackness reduces the shock value of his opinions that would be considered outrageous if a white person expressed them.

He suggested in 2005 that most Africans Americans stranded in New Orleans during the Hurricane Katrina were relying on the government to save them. In 2012, he said about black unemployment, one of the things that I would do is take all black people back to the South and put them on the plantation. That's good. They need a good hard education on what it is to work. He has called Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela an evil man. Jesus. Okay. This is a lot of stuff. Now we're getting at it.

And that South Africa was better with apartheid. Let's go to marriage and women. He opposes sex outside marriage. During an interview with former slut walk organizer Amber Rose, he responded to the question, if women are sluts, what does that make you? By stating men are slut makers.

I'm not going to disagree with him there, though.

That is, I mean, that's not crazy. Right. Why? Because they vote on fashion. Because broads just have fucking, you know, emotion. They get their periods. It's too much for us. I watched the new Sex and the City. I feel like voting. This new season's pretty good. Hey, you watched it with me last night. And then you take that into the voting booth and you're like, I'm like, well, how did we get this guy in office? And you're like, well, it was right after Sarah Jessica Parker blew the fucking truck driver. Because I vote for Carrie Bradshaw, Tom.

Exactly. Political analyst Kristen Powers confronted Peterson on Sean Hannity's program, accusing him of using his status as a pastor to preach hatred and fear of women. In 2019, a person who was considering marrying a woman who had a previous child conceived by Peterson's radio show was told by Peterson, do not marry a woman who already has children. It's bad enough.

On kids, when they don't have both parents, it's worse when a so-called step-parent steps in. They want their natural father. Oh, that's nice. He is right. Step-family sucks. I've had a few. I wish my parents would have stayed single. Really? Listen, maybe you're one of those lucky motherfuckers that has a good step-parent. Nine times out of ten, it's not great. Yeah, because that person doesn't give a fuck about you. They don't. They don't give a fuck about you. But here's the flip side of that. They don't. Can I tell you that? Sometimes a child's...

biological parent doesn't give a fuck about them. Yeah. And a step parent is normal. Yeah. And caring and loving. But then again, how can a garbage person attract a good one? Very rare. Well, it happens. Usually they come in pairs. Yeah, I know, but it does happen. Personality disorder with alcoholism goes hand in hand. Like fudge and caramel. I think you're just talking about your own experience. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'll meet a woman that I think should be vote, but I think that...

You know what I mean? Like, I'm going off of the women I've met. Let's talk about it. Which women should vote? Fucking scientists? Supreme Court justices? Yeah. Doctors? Engineers? Doctors are smart, yeah. And then when you go to vote, they go, can we see your...

Your card that says you're an MD or something and you're like, oh, no, I just, you know. Yeah. I work down at the office. They go, oh, no, no, no. You're fucking. Yeah, you're too stupid. You got a whole bunch of broad ones. All right, let's do. Yeah. Yeah. Cold plunge broads. They should vote. Cold plunge. Yeah, because they're guys. They're guys. Yeah. Okay, buddy.

Okay.

That's what the homosexuals and the radical lesbians want you to say so they can feel justified by being wrong. That's good. But he is very interesting in that he's noting this trend where straight people are referred to their significant others as a partner, and that is in gay culture. I had only my whole life heard that because it was basically considered the...

Kind of like the polite way that a gay person would either announce that they're gay. Yeah. Announce that they're with someone. Right. They would go, well, my partner. And then it would be a cue to you. That you know they're gay. You know they're gay. Or also that you know that they're with someone. Well, and I think. And it was like the code for saying it. The code for the gays. And then, yeah. Straight people started going partner. But it also predates probably when they could marry legally. Yeah. So you couldn't say my husband. You'd have to say my partner. But now.

Right, right, right. Now, why did straights? I don't know. And I heard it when I was on the road in like some some Midwestern city. I met some 28 year old guy and he goes, my partner. And I go, oh, you're gay. He says, no, no, I have I'm dating a woman.

And I go, okay, are you like, what are you? He's like, well, I'm non-binary. He goes, I'm not bisexual anymore. I finished all that. Okay. So he's like, oh, okay. But the, uh, the Aussies, I heard it say it all the time. My partner. Yeah. And I hadn't heard them say it in previous years, but I heard it and maybe I missed it, but I heard it a lot when I was there. They're like partner, partner. I was like your partner. Tom, you're my partner. No, you're my partner.

Oh, here we go. Here's some new bullshit. All right. So when it comes to marriage, some married people might feel that the terms wife or husband have some traditional implications or historical weight that doesn't reflect their relationship. Using partner, on the other hand, is a way to express equity in the relationship. Grow the fuck up, you fucking pussy. By the way, this is horseshit. There's no equity in any fucking relationship. Of course not. There's no equity. You want to know why? No.

Because the woman carries the biological burden of making the baby, delivering the baby. The baby's dependent on the woman. Where the fuck is it? There's no equity. And then the man's burden is to provide for the family. Of course. Unless you're one of these cold plunge broads and you're out there, you know, making more money. You're going on fucking hikes and shit, yeah. Making more money than the guy. And then, by the way, you should marry a woman and then you should say partner. You know what? Jesse Lee Peterson makes a lot of sense. I mean, that's all I'm seeing so far. I don't know why anyone's making fun of this guy. Yeah.

All right. Here's a fun one. Why do you call them a partner? Is this your liberal homosexuals? It doesn't. Oh, here we go. This is how they brainwash you. It doesn't hurt anyone to say partner. The new speech. They have to tell you that it's okay. Yeah. Using the term partners.

When inquiring about strangers, how long have you been with your partner instead of how long you've been with your girlfriend, avoids the heteronormative assumption that the guy you are asking has a girlfriend, wife, or the gal you are asking has a... So if a person is straight, no harm done. I mean, God damn it. This is how they brainwash you into saying... No, no, these new... The new words... Yeah, the new...

It's okay. They're just words. They don't have any meaning. Don't worry. Just keep... Do our newspeak. Our Orwellian... It's just like the gays. Yeah. Orwellian fucking newspeak. You guys read George Orwell? It's the exact same thing. This whole thing where they have to tell you, it's okay. It's okay if you say something that no one has fucking said ever.

And now they're saying, just know that you're not hurting anyone. Shut the fuck up, man. Shut the fuck up. Just talk. Use the fucking language you know. It's normal to say, you have a girlfriend? Are you dating? How's your girlfriend? And then that person can go, well, actually, yeah, that is normal. You don't have to treat everybody like, hey, I'm going to go ahead and ask a question that you might not be ready for. I hope it doesn't affect you.

The way that the rest of your life goes, the weight that this will carry with what I say. By the way, do you have a boyfriend? Heteronormative. I really wish you hadn't said that. Fuck, my day is shot.

Grow up. Grow the fuck up, you fucking pussies. And by the way, the gays are very strong, usually. At least the old school gays I grew up on. They can be like, no, I'm gay. Oh, okay. Yeah, of course. Nobody fucking cares. That's so gay. All right, here's another one from this guy. Tom, you're my partner. You just stood on the side of white people just didn't say a we. We have. Remember when they were begging for civil rights? What's wrong with you? And then we gave them civil rights, right? They wanted to integrate the schools. Remember that?

You are amazing. Amazing. Breaking news. I grew up on a plantation in Alabama. You know about that? You grew up on a plantation and you still have this mentality? Yes. It's called free mentality. It's called master. When my master said he sent, I said, yes, master, we sent. That's a wild one. This one's getting too far. I agree with the partner stuff. I'm on the partner. Well, the guy that he's talking to is like...

like genuinely floored he's like remember when we gave them when they wanted and we gave them civil rights and the guy's like dude what are you talking about well it's just like just like the gays it is just like the gays and dog slavery right any that's right dog ownership dog owner this guy for sure this guy's out of line yeah that is that is some that is a wild pivot like

The fact that he's like, remember when we gave you guys civil rights? He's saying it like another black guy. It's crazy. Yeah, well, he has the mentalities that he's still brainwashed as a victim. He doesn't understand that he's actually... Oppressed? Yeah. Yeah. He's still in it. Yeah.

Yeah, he's identifying with the oppressors. Isn't that what they say? Yeah. We were like, yeah, that's right. No, but I don't know. But he's like, you blacks, man. We gave you guys like... You blacks. Like he's not a part of them. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, that's how I feel about being a woman sometimes. Sometimes you're like these fucking broads. I'm like, oh shit, wait a minute. Yeah, I don't blame you. Shit, one of these broads. I can't vote. I don't want to vote. You shouldn't vote. If you're a woman and you're listening, don't vote. You're not ready. You're not ready.

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Who are you going to vote for? For what? Trump or Biden. Oh, God. Can you believe that that's where we're at? I know there's two evils. There's really no way. I actually think if you think one indicator that we are near the end of civilization, it's that that is what our ballot is going to say. Is there a third person? It's the two dumbest motherfuckers ever.

Is there a space alien? Can I vote for fucking Alpha Centauri? I mean, I don't know. They're all dummies. Who do I vote for? I don't know. I like Jesse up until he's talking about identifying with a slave owner. What else do we have? Do we have the one? Yeah, I got one more here. I love his clips. And what made you become a liberal? I got a little older, a little smarter. Grew out of it, yeah. And you were tired of being a man? I was tired of being an idiot, but...

So you woke up one day, you know what? I'm tired of being a man. I want to be a liberal. There are plenty of men that are liberal. Not real men. Men who are liberals are betas. That is hilarious, dude. Yeah, it's good times. That's very funny. Men who are liberals are betas. Betas. I like the delivery of that. It resonates. I'm trying to think of any liberal male friends I have that are like...

dudes do you know any like alpha liberal I'm trying to add yeah I mean look I'm friends with beta liberals I'm down with them fine yeah I have a ton of friends that are yeah totally fine they're gay as fuck though even the straight ones yeah no cold plunging here no they're gay as shit they are

They are. They totally are. Should they be allowed to fuck? They're great guys. I mean, like, you know, they're like good people, I'm saying, right? And they're smart and all that stuff. But most of them are such pussies. But by the way, but aren't the betas... Hold on. The betas are the new nerds, the new geek. Like, isn't Zuckerberg a tad beta-ish?

He's a fucking beta. He's a robot. Like, I don't know. He's an alien. He's kind of, yeah. He's kind of. He's a beta. He's not cold plunging and lifting weights. No, he's doing jujitsu a bunch, yeah. Is he? Yeah, yeah, hardcore. All right, so maybe he changed his ways. Yeah, I think he, you know. Jiu-jitsu. Excuse me? Do they have to be so racist about it? I never thought of that.

Maybe you should. How can they let that one go? It's true. Huh? Yeah. Little racist. Maybe we should. By the way, I'm going to say the name of a martial art, and I want to make sure that everybody here knows that I don't mean anything offensive when I say it. Okay? The spelling is a non-traditional way of spelling it, and it comes...

Originally from Japan, it made its way to Brazil. So the martial art is called Jiu Jitsu. I hope that's okay with everybody.

I'll put in a fan anybody God forbid can I may I please talk about oh are we still doing this because I'm so fucking pumped about this next topic I have for you what is it bro bro like why every time I do like a women's fitness class yeah and I'm saying it's clearly for broads okay like you go on the website it's a bunch of broads and lululemon and you know nice crop tops and they're all in their 20s and

Yeah, it's for chicks, bro. Yeah, chick class. It's a group fitness chick class, 100%. You fucking know it. So I go to this chick class, and there's always, without...

one dude who comes in and you're like, what's this motherfucker doing? And he's never dressed appropriately. He's wearing like Dickie shorts, like the hard, the hard fabric, heavy fabric, heavy texture. It's not even moisture wicking fabric. It's they heat the room. So it's hot as fuck in there. And I'm like eyeball it. Like, I'm like,

this fucking asshole. Cause this used to happen in LA when I would do yoga, same shit, different toilet. Some weird beard comes in. He ain't, he's not even wearing the right attire. He just came in off the street. He just wants to look at hot chicks. And I see this fucking asshole and he comes in shirtless with just the dickies. I'm like, you get to get, get your life. And then, you know, you use weights too. And he pulls like the biggest weights and I'm watching, I'm like, get out of here. And he sits right in the middle.

attention everybody see me all eyes on me you have a rock and bod no so that that's they that's the move if you have a rock and bod then you go that's different yeah the hot guy shows up you're like who's the hot guy that's true see this is what this is this is the spin on this is that you're like this fucking guy yeah and that's because he's not cute right and if it was a super hot guy i'd be like you know what you wouldn't have even brought it up you've been like you know i got class again i'm

And Greg showed up. It's really, I don't know if you'd like it, but that's what it's all about. I wouldn't even tell my partner. No, you wouldn't. You'd leave your partner out of it. I mean, no harm, no foul. This heteronormative stuff. Just a little eye candy is fine. That would have been, but it's never. If he was rocking, come on. But it's never a hot guy. It's always some guy that looks partially homeless. He always looks like he's mentally ill and he stumbled in off the street and he's wearing the wrong clothes.

I'll make you come. Yeah. And he's like, what are you here for? Yeah. And his back was all red and weird and I was behind him. I'm like, dude, what are you fucking get out of here? Yeah. Creep. Yeah. I was like, they just throw you out immediately. Why doesn't the hottie ever come to that? Because he's not, you know, he's not trying to

He's not having a hard time finding chicks. That's why. He's not having a hard time. Right? Everywhere he goes, there's chicks in his life. Let me tell you something. I was at lunch with your sister. Yeah. Yeah. And we saw such an attractive man at the restaurant. And we were like, who is this? And I'm talking like jacked.

20 something, maybe 28, 30 max. And we're like, this guy's a movie star. Who is he with? Because as a woman, I would never date the hot jacked 30 year old. No way. Dude, the pressure. Because he's got pussy thrown at him at every angle. Well, you kind of did settle down with that guy. My partner had the glow up.

But do you know what I'm saying? Like, if you're going to go with a guy that hot, you, the woman, need to be at least 10 times hotter than him. So the woman showed up and we only saw her back because his face was facing us and she was seated with her back. Her body was gorgeous. And of course, she wore like a fucking crop top so you could see her belly. And we were like, let's see this broad's face.

It was okay. It was like a seven. Were they definitely together together? Yes. Like you could tell by the. It was a date. They were drinking drinks during the day. Like they were like, ha, LOLing and flirting. Yeah.

And then I'm like, dude, she's not hot enough for this guy. Yeah, but you also don't know a couple things. Go ahead. Well, A, because this guy. What do I not know? This is what I'm saying. Because this guy is at this good looking. Yeah. He has women like all the time. This could be a woman who he hasn't even bagged that is just like.

She found out that he broke up with his girl and she's just like, let's go. Let's talk about it. Let's have drink. Like she's just trying to get some. This could be one of six girls in his rotation. Okay. You know, there's a lot of variables that go into something like this. This could be, it could be different, you know, but don't you think if you're such a super attractive male, yeah. Like who do you go with?

Like, who do you... Okay, let's look at the most attractive actresses, let's say. Right. Like, who is Margot Robbie with? She's married. To who? Is he hot? Is he a 10? He's a good-looking man. No, he's a good-looking guy. I've seen the photo. He's a producer, I think. Right, but these... But, like, because... But you're also... But these all... Look, look, look. He ain't a fucking... I know, I know. But this is my point, though. What I'm saying is...

Also, you're different at 22 than you are at 30. So this guy also might be like, there's no cum left in my balls. I've done everything that I wanted to check off. And now he's trying to have a meaningful relationship. Because he's probably had his nuts drained since 13. The way you're describing, yeah, it's never slowed down. Literally, his body's like, could you please let us refill these for a day? These are empty every day.

They're begging him. They're begging him to fill up. Just slow down. Just slow down for a moment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because like the ultra hot, like Cindy Crawford. Reach out to us if you're super hot and let us know how you deal with it. Please send to your email to yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. There's no house in the email. It's yourmomspodcast at gmail.com and put I'm super hot in the subject line and let us know how you cope.

Because if you look at Cindy Crawford, she married a businessman, Gerber. He's a good looking man, though. Okay, but is he as hot as Cindy Crawford? What are you talking about? But I mean, he's a very good looking man who's also very successful. Obvi, but I'm saying 10s don't marry. Oh, yeah, he's really handsome. He's a handsome guy. Get out of here. But 10s don't marry 10s. What do you think this is? What do you call this? He's not a 10. Okay, what is he? Compared to Cindy Crawford, a superman.

model what do you want he she would literally have to marry another super model no it's weird you're talking weird shit now but that's what i'm saying homie tens don't marry tens who the fuck the ten marries they always marry down bro he did oh dang he modeled okay dang gerber what's up you're crazy bro first of all look at him

Look at him when they met. I know. Super cute. By the way, you guys have to watch this documentary about the supermodels, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell. I can't believe you're so passionate about that. You're like, what is left for these people? These...

They have nothing more. They're trying. They're trying. And there's no one hot enough to fuck them. You are really impassioned. I don't hear you talk about the homeless like this. I don't care about anything important. I don't care. Let's cleanse the palate with something fun. I don't give a shit. I got real problems. She lets him do it again. What a dummy.

I want to take my mother to do this. The next time she's in, we got to find somebody that'll let my mom, that'll do this to her.

Super cool, Tom. All right. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. And we're back with a guest for the first time here in the studio. He has a new special on YouTube called Enough for Everybody. Of course, he has Tuesdays with Stories with Mark Norman. Give it up for Joe List, everybody. Let him hear it. Thank you. Oh, wow. They really did clap. They really did clap. That was really sweet. I wasn't expecting that. East Coast represent. East Coast is crushing with comedy.

Yeah, we're really good. Yeah. People have said it before. You guys, New York knows how to do stand-up comedy. Did you shoot the special in New York? I did. I shot at the Village Underground, the Comedy Cellar. I've done three in a row there. I just keep going. Yeah. I got like an OCD approach to comedy. Yeah. I'm like, that worked. I'll just do that again. How do you feel about this one? Like this was the third time. It changes, right? Because the first time you're like, what the fuck am I? Like panic. Yeah.

Yeah, it felt, this one was much more silly and sort of relaxed. And I do a thing, I can't watch myself do comedy. I just really can't. So I don't, I just try, I just go, you edit it.

And they're like, well, watch this cut. And I try to watch it and I just can't. Same. And they ended up leaving in a bunch of stuff where I was like, that worked. That bombed. That was weird. How are you guys doing? That's in there. So a bunch of people were like, this really seems pretty not tight. And I'm like, well, it would have been, but I couldn't watch it. I should have cut those things out. So it's very loose. That is so funny. When I did this last special, I finally got a call where they were like, hey, man, I

If you don't watch this cut and tell us what to like, what you want, we're going to have to get a new release date. Cause like the release date was already set. Right. And I just wouldn't want, I wouldn't watch for like, I didn't watch for six months, seven months. Yeah. I was the same way. It really was. It was like the last, the last one. Really? Yeah. Why were you so reluctant?

I don't know. I just, I didn't want to, you know, it's like you're avoiding it. You're just a total avoidance. There's nothing worse than watching yourself do stand up. I hate it. I hate it. There are those sick, sick individuals who enjoy it, like Burt and people like that. Oh, he likes to watch his stand up? He likes to watch anything of himself. Ew. Loves photos of himself. That's so gross. Clips of himself. He loves the sound of his voice. He like, you know.

How do you get like that? Maybe I need a little bit of that. Everyone should have a little bit of it. He has a gross amount. Well, I think I'm good. When I'm on stage, I'm like, this is gold. It's just I don't want to watch it again later. And I listen to my sets to write, but it's not permanent. Do you find that hard? The listening of the set? I think that's very hard to do. No, I don't struggle with that too much. I mean, I do have...

the more time that passes, the more you feel like an idiot. Comedy really doesn't hold up well. Even from like three weeks ago, you're like, I thought that was good and that was stupid. Right. Do you listen right after? Um, usually the next day, sometimes right after if I did something specific. Yeah. But I do feel like that's the best way to write and create materials. Listen to yourself. Cause I feel like as a comic, anytime you're listening to comics, you're like, he should say this. And so you got to do that for yourself. I have to ask you because you're here. Um,

Did you hear Big Fat Bert's version of your guys? I've been dreading this. Really? Do you even know? You don't even know about it. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. So he, he detailed a, like a confrontation when they were in Tampa at a bachelor party and he,

he told a story and then Ari was like, that's not the fucking story. Ari was like, that's not what happened. And then eventually through Ari being very specific, Bert was like, okay, yeah, that's kind of true. Like he did a full 180. But what, can you tell me? I'm having nightmares of this. Really? When we booked the show, I'm like, Bert's going to come out from behind the wall. No, he's not, he's not. And shoot me. No, we had a big beef. It's all squash. You guys are good now? We're great. We were great.

A half an hour after it all was fantastic. But then it got built because Ari came on. Ari, that fucking pimple came on. Yeah. And he brought it up. And then Mark Norman mentioned it on Theo. So it became like an internet sensation. Yeah, it did. It did. And then in my special, because it was about pizza and Thai food. And then in my special, I have a bunch of jokes about ordering pizza. And all these people were like,

Oh, I love it. List is trolling Bert. The idea that I rewrote my act to fuck with Bert is insane. I would do that. That's true. You would do that. Yeah, we got in a tiff, but we worked it out. But you settled it. We settled it then, and it was great. This is so vague. I'm so like, what's the tiff? She doesn't know anything about it. Yeah, it's healthy because people listening maybe don't know. The short version is Bert ordered Thai food and I ordered pizza, and he got very upset about it. Because he'd been drinking.

Sorry, sorry. Postmates? Like, oh, you want to... No, no, no. So Bert goes down the street, right, with DeRosa. I drove him. They stay too long. They're drinking. They get kind of, they get a few pops. Bert and his, like, you know, belligerent kind of, I've had drinks, goes, I'm going to bring Thai food back for everybody as a gift. Like, this is me being generous.

So he shows up and he's like, look what I did for you guys. And he's like, I don't fucking like Thai food. Yeah. And then Bert gets offended that he ordered pizza. Why would you order pizza if I got Thai food for you? Well, which, hold on. I defend you thoroughly just off of hearing this because A, when you're ripped and you're drunk, Thai food's the last cuisine. He's not drunk though. Oh, but still like, is it, you're out late? Are you out?

Yeah. So I don't want that. I want pizza. I mean, I can give you a try. I try to do a bridged version real quick, but basically, yeah, everyone, it was like 15 of us. It was Norman's bachelor party. Everyone's banged up. I don't drink. So I was like the sober guy. Everyone's banged up and there's some other accoutrements going around and

And we were trying to figure out what we were going to eat. And some people were like, let's get delivery. Bert didn't want to get delivery. And then we were like, DeRosa was like, I'll cook. We got to go to the grocery store. I'll cook for everybody. And then I was the one sober one. So I was like, all right, I'll drive to the grocery store. And Bert and Joe were like, we'll go with you. And they were both banged up. So I tried to get Ari, who's kind of like the, I'm close with Ari. And I was like, he's the bridge between us. But then stupid Ari was like, I'm going to take a shower first. So while he was showering,

Somebody came up with the idea to get Thai food. I'm not sure who. But then Bert was like, we'll go to the bar together. We'll hang out at the bar while they're making the Thai food. And I just said, I don't want to hang out at the bar, but I'll drive you there.

So I drove Bert and Joe. And Bert really wanted me to hang out. And I was like, no, I'm dropping you off. I'll come back when you're ready. So I went back to the house. I started a charades game. We were all playing charades. And then Bert texted and said, I'm ready to be picked up. So I was like, I'm coming. So I ran over there in the car. I have the text. Because in the story he told, I kept them waiting, which is not true. That's exactly wrong. Yeah.

And this I have... I have receipts. This is everything. What you're saying right now is so specific to a Burt version of a story, though. This gross exaggeration of something that is...

that makes it where we kept just waiting forever, and then you're like, that's not true. That's very, okay, keep going. But to be fair, I think Ari said that, and Bert probably didn't remember and was like, oh yeah, he may have let us wait. I believe Ari put that out there. I don't want to be on Bert's side anymore. I mean, on his bad side. So I drove over, and then at this point, Bert came out and was like, get in here. Come on. I mean, he was pretty banged up. He was like, let's go. And I was like, oh no, I'm picking you up. And he was like, come on.

Get in here. And to be fair to Bert, he just wanted to hang and connect, I think. But I was like, I don't want to hang out at the bar. I'm hanging out. We're playing charades. So I went back. Then I came back a third time. I drove there. And this time they left me like in the car for like eight minutes. And so I texted Bert and was like, dude, because now I was getting furious that I was being treated kind of like an Uber driver. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

The other problem was, in this time, when they decided to eat Thai food, I'm a very picky eater. I'm a child. I'm a boy. And so I just turned to this guy, Chris Allen, great comic. And I was like, I don't really want Thai food. I kind of want like pizza and wings. It's a party. And he's like, I'll eat that. And I was like, I'm just going to order a bunch of that. So it's here.

And I should have said, hey, guys, Bert, I don't like Thai food, so I'm just going to order this additionally. So finally, Bert and Joe came out. And I think another problem was DeRosa came out first. And I was like, Joe, what the fuck? I've just been sitting out here. I've driven here three times. And Joe went in and told Bert, list is furious. And I think Bert...

Was I happy about that? Yeah. So then when he came out, he was very mad at me. I was very mad at him. It's just a lot of, it sounds like miscommunication. A lot of miscommunication. Yeah. And to your defense though, Thai food's very specific cuisine. Like either you like it or you fucking really don't care for it. Maybe it makes your asshole explode. Maybe it's too strong.

tough on your stomach it's like it's a very unique thing pizza's more everybody likes pizza it's a party food it's a party food a pizza party there's no Thai party it does seem though yeah there's no Thai party like at the real if you go to the ground zero of this whole thing it's all about Ari trying to stir some shit up oh

Oh, boy. Ari fucked us. Yeah. Well, Ari went and showered to go to the fucking Thai restaurant. It was just killing me. He was going to be the go-between. It was just going to be groceries. We were going to have a good adventure at the grocery store. So anyway, so then he got in the car. And the other problem was I hadn't told Bert that I was ordering pizza. And so when he got in the car, I was like... He was mad at me already. And I was like, I got to get back. The pizza's getting delivered. And he was like...

He's like, what the fuck? And then also, I'm going to push back on this. And I wish Bert were here and we should have this conversation. But he, in his mind, I believe that he thinks this. He said, I said, nobody wants your Thai food.

Which I did not say. Everybody did want Thai food. That's why I was like, I'm just going to order this pizza quietly. And again, I believe he thinks I said that because he's stuck to that story. It sounds like Bert was drunk. Yeah. He was bagged up. He's just drunk. He did leave a message for you. Oh, I can't wait. I'm a faggot. That's it.

But we worked it out then and there. And the only argument that Bert has is that I never said thank you, which is true. And this I know, yeah. But when he came out, I don't know when I could have said that because he came out and we were already fighting. And my counterpoint is...

Burt later ate pizza. I wasn't there for it. I'm never going to thank you for the pizza. Wow. And his big thing was... And I love Burt and we're cool, but he kept saying...

I went and got Thai food for everybody. But I went, too. I took you there and picked you up. I also went. You actually transported the Thai food. A few times you went back and forth. You delivered Thai food. Yeah, but I think the main thing that bothered him was that I didn't communicate. And when he got in the car, I was like, the pizza's coming. And he was like...

he was really furious about it. But again, we were fine that night and hung out and talked about this thing. And I love Bert. I think he's great and hilarious. Yeah, and he did a full, basically what you're doing, he told his story and then he went

above and beyond to be like, I love Joe. Joe's great. And, you know, I wish I could help his baseball swing or something like that. And then that was another point of contention. Also, we started off Rocky. By the way, the first thing that happened, I don't even know if he remembers this. He showed up. I think he didn't know it was there, but he brought a bunch of cigars and he was like, I'm not going to let fucking Joe list pick cigars for everybody.

And I was like, what? And he was like, oh, hey, you piece of shit. Like kind of busting balls. And so we got off and I was like, he doesn't like my cigar. And then he was shitting on my baseball swing, which by the way, I recently found my baseball camp. I went to baseball camp. Yeah, sure. And I have a note from the coach. He said, Joe has a perfect swing. Sweet stroke. Wow.

I'll send it to you after we can post it. I mean... And also, I was on a minor league team. I played for a day, and I'm taking live BP, and I hit many into the ground, but I made contact with every ball, hit many into the outfield. At one point, they were like, go opposite field.

I did. I also switched around and hit from the left side. Jesus Christ. How many 41-year-old comedians can hit from both sides? You're in the top 0.002% right now. Now, Bird is a better hitter and player and athlete than I am. And I certainly will admit that. But I think I have a pretty beautiful swing. And I'm happy to post some videos. I would love for you to send us... I'll send you my whole package. Yeah, please send us the package when you get home.

Please make this a priority over everything going on in your life. Absolutely. Yeah. But no, it was all great. And we never were, we hugged and chatted that day. We went to the titty bar, the whole thing. It was wonderful. Nice. Man, that was great. That was stressful. Everybody here is happy. I'm terrified. Speaking of athletes and being out there and

Taking a swing. We got this. This is a guy who I believe has taken the golf ball. Do you play golf? I do a little bit. Not as much as I'd like. This guy picked up another player's ball and put it in his pocket. We got a Karen on the golf course right now. I'm going to take your club. Take it.

Bro you took her boss If you need money for a golf balls

Whoa. Shitstack. Amazing. Shitstack.

That's what's up. I think he said he's been to heaven. Nice. He's showing the bod. And that did work. They left. He peacocked and they left. I really liked the pivot, though, because it was like, don't talk to me. And then it just was a full...

And then she goes, this guy's mentally ill. I don't know if she caught it. Yeah, well, he is, clearly. He's got voices telling him to do that. I like that he peeked at his own flex at the end. He did. Sometimes you have better days. Some days are better than others. You know, he kind of flexed and was like, how do I look today? He was like, I do look pretty good. What's up? Hey. I look good. Hey.

Leave me alone. Yeah. So he's been deeply traumatized, this man. Sure. I would have paused and been like, what was heaven like? That's quite a claim. He's gone to heaven. Yeah. Yeah. This guy's got a lot of bravado for someone that I don't believe can back any of it up. What part of the world is this? Is this East Coast? Is this your tribe? I don't know.

I don't know. That feels very East Coast to me. He also seems to be golfing by himself. There's only one bag on his cart. He's just a solo golfer getting into it. He really likes to be alone. Oh, Michigan. He made it very clear. Midwest. Oh, it's in Michigan. I feel like once you've gone to heaven, it's hard to connect with people on a friendship level if they haven't been to all of them. That's so true. That's so true. That's weird. Well...

That's cool. They video. I mean, aren't you so pumped that people can just video this stuff right now? It's one of the, that's one of the real plus sides of, of the world today is that when somebody takes it here, someone always just gets to capture it and gets to share it with everybody. So he stole their ball. And then when they wanted it back, the, what I understand from watching this is they're like, you took, you took her, but he's holding, he's like, this is your ball. He puts it in his pocket. He's like, I asked you to get away from me and not to talk to me. And they're like, you have her ball.

And then he's like... Are they that expensive, golf balls? No, but it's really, really crazy to take someone's golf ball. Right. So to my point, I would go, oh, he's crazy. Let him have it. Like, I'm not even going to talk to this guy. I think at first, though, you're like, hey, what are you doing? And that's probably this guy's like, I asked you not to talk to me. It's taking you a second to register how crazy he is. At this point, they're fully informed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at first, he's like, can I have my ball? What are you doing?

I think also as an amateur golfer, if you don't golf that much, to keep one ball for 18 holes is really an accomplishment. You feel really good. So to have someone just take your ball, you're like, maybe that's what it is. Yeah. Right. At first he's just like, I would, I would like to keep playing with my ball. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I also, it's also a weird thing. You never know when the right time is to take the camera. I was in Nashville last weekend waiting for a table at a breakfast restaurant and a guy, I don't know what happened, but a guy smashed, I heard the glass smash and this man got up and started screaming in a waitress's face and he's like, we're all out of here. Fuck this shit. And it was that thing of like, should we get our phone? Like,

Because if he hits this woman, I really want the views. Missed it. But you don't want to be the guy that pulls the camera out too soon. So it's a weird line. When do you pull it out? When do you pull it out? Yeah. You got to be there. I would have liked to see in the beginning of this. I wish it had been out earlier. Yeah, that's true. That's true. They didn't know that they were going to get into a really cool confrontation, though. And you know what's neat about this is you don't, I guess you don't see people freak out at golf. It's a very tame sport. So it's kind of cool to see a golf freak out.

Yeah. Do people freak out? No. Agent Gene's dad, remember those? Well, yeah, he, I mean, his dad is wild, but that's like, you know, people get pissed at themselves. That's very common, but there's a total like etiquette to playing. I mean, it's supposed to be a gentleman's sport, you know? Sure. Yeah. You don't, you know, this is not normal. Not normal. No. Not normal. Fuck no. Joe, do you call your, your wife, your partner? Yeah.

I do not really know. But on stage, I use the term partner on stage. You do? So people can, you know. Think you're gay? Yeah.

No, because I'll be like, I'll say something like, you ever have sex with your partner? Because that way it's like, if you're gay, if you're a man, if you're a woman, it's universal. So I do use partner, but only because it's like, I don't want to be like, oh, your husband or your wife, your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. That summarizes it all. Yeah. That's very open-minded. That's different than, no, but that's,

That's actually trimming the fat. You say less words and you are still getting the same effect. Yeah, but I don't introduce... I'm not like, this is my partner, Sarah. My partner, we are with child. I love the American Beauty, which I think is an overrated film, but it is very funny. This is my partner. And he goes, what's your business? And then they named two different businesses. That's very funny. Yeah, that's very funny. Yeah.

um what is this here i don't know what this is cakes from most comfortable to sit on least comfortable to sit on i want to say that i'm not encouraging people to do this i'm a professional so my very favorite is a big fat sheet cake specifically vanilla frosting because chocolate frosting looks a little weird no writing no designs nothing in the middle that is my favorite cake sometimes when there's ice cream inside it's nice but usually i prefer no ice cream great sitting cake my

My second favorite is a Swiss roll, but it has to be one like this, like smooth and one that's long ways. And I like the pink ones the best. Good.

So she's on TikTok. She's actually a fan of us. She is? Yeah. She and I have made contact. We like DM. No shit. Yeah. She does these fetish videos. She's a fetish girl on TikTok. She's really sweet, actually. And she's being quite sincere when she does her sitting videos. Those are the good cakes. Let's find out the bad ones. Like this with the stuff on top? Absolutely not. I have my third favorite, but just without the fruits, without the stems. Love a good buttercream frosting. This is

similar to the sheet cake but not as good as the Swiss roll. Cupcakes are my second to least favorite. Oh, sure. Not enough square footage. Unless they are arranged like this and then this is really fun. Have you ever sat on cake or... No. Are you a fan of those videos? No.

No, this is my first time watching a sit-up cake. Yeah, cake shooting is a whole thing. But now that I think about it, it's exciting. I get it. When she breaks it down for you, like, well, you need something flat, and you sit on there, and then, like, the imprints of the frosting on her tush, I can see that's very erotic. And last but not least, actually, yeah, least, cinnamon cake. Any kind of cinnamon cake. Oh, the crumbs. Spice it. Burns, yeah.

So you're doing this pantsless. No undies. Yeah, it's a fetish thing, like cake sitting. Yeah. Depicting females sitting on their birthday cakes. Yeah. Wet and messy with the food crush fetish. Wow. Yeah, it shares some similarities with cake fart fetishism. Cake sitting does not necessarily involve passing of wind or deliberate discharge of any other body fluids. You just sit on the cake and then you get to see...

You know, genitals and butt bean and delicious frosting. I get it. Yeah, and then you want to eat the frosting. I wish you would do a cake junk smush. I would like that. Okay. That could be arranged. Sure. Yeah, we know that baker, the great baker. We do from the party. But she's right. Cinnamon would burn your jine. Yeah. Because all that cinnamon, you don't want it in your coach. Now, do you want a soft...

a member in the cake or a fully aroused dong in the cake? Either. I think soft and then, you know, we can take it further. That'd be fun. Smash the cake with a hard cock. Yeah, it's really... You know? And then you go, you know what, here's your spoon and you just...

shove it in her mouth. By the way, if I had read cake sitting, I literally would have thought that meant like keeping an eye on the cake while the baker is out. I'm cake sitting this weekend. Joe, you go ahead and cake sit. You got it. You're in full baby mode. That's why you're about to have a baby. I think you're right. Nothing calms me down quite like a plug, okay? Like I have the worst ADHD, so I will walk around my house half finishing a million tasks. But if I put a plug in and try and go do those tasks,

I'm completing them in half the time. I'm completing them in record speed. And I have tunnel vision and focus the entire time. You know what plug she's talking about? A butt plug, I'm presuming? Yeah. Because this is another one I wouldn't, this wouldn't have been my first thought. Yeah.

Because you're not saving that much time by just saying plug. So I feel like I would be specific. Butt plug. Again, you're thinking like a great writer. Much like you're using partner in your act versus husband or wife. I'm getting specific here. Butt plug. Plus they're so cute and fun. Like look at the top of this one. And like this one has a whole tail. And this one's fun because it has a handle if you really need some grip. But don't fall asleep with one in because I did that once and it was a big mistake.

Big mistake. That's also very important. But why is it a big mistake? If you take anything with you, it's that. Take it out before you go to bed. But why is it a big mistake? Well, maybe you roll over and it really gets in there too deep. Or it stretches you out so much. Because if you fall asleep, it's in there for what? Six hours, eight hours or something? And then your leak poopoo comes out. Yeah, and the poopoo comes out. That's not good. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a lesson. She's really a delight. You guys, it's at C, the letter C, GetSnaky. She's on TikTok. She makes great content, actually. She's a very sweet girl. Yeah. She seems very sweet. Yeah, I really like her. Yeah, me too. I like that she's straightforward about this stuff. You know? Like, she's very matter-of-fact about it. Yeah, she's professional. Yep. And it's very normalizing, also. Yeah, exactly. She's not like...

Guys, I know this is insane to stick things in your ass. She's just like, when I do it, that's what I do. I focus. That's what I do. Sometimes I focus so much that I forget to take it out. It's what I do. It's what she does. I don't know if you're familiar with some of the people we've highlighted on this show, but I figured you haven't been, so I wanted to show you some of our classics.

If you've had any kind of erectile disorder problems, I'm here to tell you, forget about Viagra, forget about salads, forget about dick and plants and all that stuff. So I don't know if you believe me or not.

But if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small, limp dick, it doesn't get harder any other way. And watch it get harder and harder. The more I smoke, the harder my dick gets. It's unbelievable. Your dickhead becomes so sensitive that you don't need lube. You don't need spit. You just stroke that dickhead just up and down four times. It's hard to do it. And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick, thick, hot white cum. Can I ask you...

What ethnicity do you see this man as? African-American. Thank you. Yeah. He sounds like Bob Ross. I mean, that sounds exactly like Bob Ross to me. But I mean, he's clearly a black man. Here, let's just keep going. No, I don't see that. My brother didn't believe me.

Joe, his brother didn't believe him until he tried it. Now I'm a believer. That's what that song's about.

And then his brother pulled his dagani and he jacked off in four strokes. That's impressive. I mean, this man's voice is just delightful. I feel like I could fall asleep to it. It really does feel like a Bob Ross painting. Happy little strokes. Yeah, it's kind of nice, right? Strokes. It's not a four strokes guy. It's pretty good. Pretty good, man. Yeah. You know, every time we watch this, it just presents more and more to me. I'm noticing the piece of fabric there on the side. Is it because...

hold on, that hat might be tied on like a do-rag. And there's a piece of fabric. And the hat is always mesmerizing to me because you're like, it's just a piece of cloth that he found on the floor. It's a shitty hat for sure. Yeah, it doesn't fit in well. It's not a good hat. And I'm like, how is this hat staying on? So now I see it. Maybe that's the tie.

But I don't see him as being ethnically black. I don't see black. I always assumed, because I've seen this video for years, that he's black. And one day I brought it up and then half the crew was like, he's not black. I was like, what are you talking about? May I present the argument against him being black? I think his facial hair would be darker. No? No, he's older. Oh, he's old. He's older. Yeah.

And also, it's not that I think he kind of, he looks clearly like a black guy to me. Yeah, I feel similarly. Wow. Even his sweater is black. Yeah. Do you think black guys wear other colored sweaters?

They don't. They don't. I can tell you that. That I know for sure. Black people wear exclusively black sweaters. Yeah. This is as fucking first grade shit. Anyway. Open and shut case here. All right. Here's another classic of ours to introduce you to the show.

Hey, brother, I'm on record for a moment. What is this place anyways? What is this place? You don't need to film me. Oh, I'm doing a documentary. Listen here. I don't care. This is America, you dumb son of a bitch, okay? You dumb son of a bitch. I'm a private person, and I don't want to be filmed. I'm a fucking American, you stupid fuck. I can ask you anything I want. I can tell you know anytime I want. You're getting a fucking baby on your face, okay? You want a baby? You're the one who looks like a baby. Baby.

Would you escape from jail? What's up there, Chomo? Listen here. What do you guys, how do you get a job here, you fuckface? Well, not by talking like that. Well, you know what? You're fired, bud. No, I'm not. You're talking to me. I'm a fucking American, you fuck. You're the one touching my camera through the fence, you fuck. I'm going to talk to the sheriff's department about you, buddy, okay? Go get him. Go get him.

He's known as Fed Smoker. Herc, he's out getting crooked cops in his mind. And he sees a guy in uniform and he immediately confronts him. That's what he's known for. Okay.

You know what strikes me now? Because, again, this is something we've viewed over the course of a few years, is how this guy's responding to his nuttery. Yeah. You know? And he's like, you're Chomo. You should get fired. And he's like, I'm not going to fire. It's like, don't respond to the crazy. Yeah. Well, it's also, it's startling, though. Because you're trying to put together. The guy's just used to someone being like, we have a delivery. You know? And he's like, hey, fuck face.

How'd you get a job? You're fucking fired, Chomo. It's so out of the norm for him that he's trying to adapt to it. He does feel like he's starting to crack a little bit. He's smiling a little bit. Yeah, he's getting it. What's happening is he's putting together, this guy's fucking crazy. Yeah. And I don't think his mustache is crazy. Look at that smile. Proto. Proto.

You know what protocol is? Yeah. I take cops badges all the time doing it. You know who you're talking to? Retired double agent there, you fucking retard. Retired double agent. Okay, now he's having fun. Yeah. And his mustache is trimmed poorly. I don't like the trim of this. It's not really well maintained. It's not good. That's true. He does, in Herc's defense, he kind of looks like a chomo. He does look like a chomo. What is chomo for those of us at the top?

Oh, I was thinking a chump homo. Oh. That also works as thinking. Chump homo. I was like, that's pretty nice. Yeah, it's a prison term. Chump homo. Child.

I've never heard that. I think I like Champomo better. He just lost your life, okay? As far as your job goes. I told you, job. Job, bitch. That's not what you said, asshole. Well, we're changing it to job because you're taking it out of context there. What's your name anyway? I also like that guy who's really crazy and aggressive knows to be like, well, I shouldn't threaten his life. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, not out of context. He got serious there. He was smiling and then he got serious for a moment. Yeah, because he knew he had something there. Yeah.

And then he's like, my work is done for this walk. And he does this a lot?

He did. Did. Oh, yeah. He passed. Joe passed, in case you couldn't guess. That's very sad. Oh, no. No, he goes up to, like, police officers. Wow. Like, uniform. Hey, are you State Patrol? Like, he just does that. What's your name? What is it? And who's your captain? The captain out here? Yeah, your captain. I just had a sheriff deputy, you know, his buddy come up and go, was you filming some lady? Did you hear about it?

He just, you know, it's the meth. Like the meth...

fuels the confrontations. Sure. Man, say, this cop has beautiful lips. I mean, look at his whole skin, everything. I don't want to sound like a chomo here. You are a chomo. You're a chompomo. And the best part is that, you know, in the beginning, he's very sincere and sweet and he's young and he answers the question, like, who's your captain? He's like, oh, it's David Sheldon. And you realize that this guy's like, hey, who's your captain, buddy? Like, he's walking up to people with his phone in their face.

really aggressive. Yeah, because it does catch you off guard when some crazy person comes up to you. And he's so sweet that he actually answers Herc's dumb line of questioning. Oh, yeah. And you're like... Well, the cops that don't know that cameras are legal need to be fired. And you know they're legal, don't you? Why are they wasting government time on cameras, brother? Why are they wasting it? I can film everybody in this country. You know that, don't you? They're retarded here. I'm going to go to the court of them.

And now this guy's like, oh, okay. This guy's out of his fucking mind. But yeah, he's probably did this, I don't know, a few hundred thousand times. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah. I mean, he also took it to like other places, you know, like. Stings first. You want to take yourself a hook knife. Oh, geez.

This is... Like this works best. Try to get all the dog food off it. Or some Pepsi, maybe. This is probably going to hurt just a little bit. It's going to hurt just a little bit, so bear with me. I can't watch this. Well... What's nice about this knife here is the tip's been broke off, so... Yeah. We're going to... Bear with me. Yep. Yep.

Oh, what are we doing here? Well, why go to the dentist? Oh, yeah, I can't look at this. Really? I can't watch Tim Dillon take a tooth out. Totally, dude. This is insane. We're parked illegally. Quit. Quit, quit, quit. Did he do it? Is it over? Oh, I can't. I'm going to look over in this area. You know how strong he is? You know how hard it is to yank a tooth out?

I've never tried. Usually it takes, so I saw a video once of two Hungarian men, one doing this to another one, and he has to take fires and like brace and use his leg. This is not easy to do. He's using leg. Oh, I just heard a click. Oh boy. Dude, come on man. And this list has a lot of views and everything. People are into this.

Well, I mean, this guy's legendary. Oh, come on. He's like, and then he tells you. He's like...

Oh, God, I think I got it. Oh, fuck. He's holding it. I don't like it. Look at that bad tooth, folks. That's a hell of a bosom he has. Look at that fucking thing. Look at that tooth. That's the way you do a fucking car wash. So he's at the car wash. Oh, okay. And he's just kind of explaining that you can do this, too. That makes me more understandable. You know how unsanitary it is to perform surgery on yourself with a German Shepherd in the car? Yeah, well, he said you've got to get the dog hair off of your knife.

Before you do it. Can we do some of my favorites, the dating profiles for Joe? Oh, sure. I love this, by the way. I can't wait. We've, I found these, um, on, there's an account on Instagram of inmates in Idaho prison and they want pen pals.

And it's them making their videos. And then the fun thing to do is I show you them putting out their video, and then we guess what they're incarcerated for. Oh, great. I can't wait. Hey, what's up? My name's Jose. I'm looking for some pen pals, anybody to help pass the time with. I don't want drama. I don't want no problems. I don't want no nothing. Just somebody to help better myself. I've been here for about a year. So if you want to shoot me a message, go for it. My IDOC number is...

And yeah, hopefully you guys have a good day. I think Jose got in with a bad crowd. He's done some minor shit and he has learned his lesson and he's like, I don't want no trouble. I just want to get out of this shit. And look, he's with Jen Pop. He's not isolated. He's not doing some weird shit. Like this guy is socially. Oh, no, he's a demon. No.

What did he do? I'm going to say like theft, like some small theft. Yeah, he said he's getting out in a year. No, he said I've been in for a year. Oh, I thought he's getting out for a year. Oh, I thought he said I'm in for about a year. Same. Same.

I heard I've been in here for about a year. We can bring it back. Let's get some clarity on the topic here. I'll be here for about a year. I will be here for about a year. You're right. Okay, my bad. It's minor. So it's got to be minor. I'm going to say maybe... I don't know the prison system too well. Okay. But I'm going to say...

Breaking and entering B&E. Wow. All right. He was incarcerated on two counts of possession of a controlled substance and burglary. Okay. All right. Good guess. Good guesses all around, guys. Good one. I feel good. All right. Here's our next one. Oh. Oh, it's a gag. Yeah. It'd be nice to have somebody write me. Bye. Bye.

Oh, I really like her. She's fun. I just fell in love. Hold on. Seriously? Are you guys being serious? I'm being serious. If you have to choose an inmate and you saw that, that really... I like her.

She seems like she's in like sketch. She's like a UCB chick. She did a full character. She did a crazy person character and then she was like, seriously, it would be fun. See, you guys, I thought this would be Dick Kryptonite to come into it like doing a gag. I'm not rock hard. I'm just saying that like I thought it's fun. She's fun. So you would choose her over the other ones, the other female inmates we've seen? So far. If you have to write somebody, she's your pen pal? I mean, so far, yeah, she'd be near the top.

Yeah. I mean, this is not far off from my wife. I mean, she's kind of, you know, she's doing characters, being a little silly and then being like, no, I'm just kidding. How was your day? That's what I'm looking for. I like it too. I just didn't think it was attractive to men. I thought men were more boring. Here, let me reach under the table.

Yeah, Joe's hard. Yeah, so... No, well, we're secure in our masculinity. We're happy to be around funny women. I mean, a lot of men would be like, ah, get out of here, you coos. That's what I thought, because I'm always so like, ugh, men don't like funny women, you know, generally. But that's really exciting for me. That's cool. She's fun. All right, what's she in for? Oh, this bitch is crazy, dude. She's just fucking...

Women are tricky in the system because there's usually a guy who, like a bad guy they've dated, that will usher them into bullshit. Women are not self-starters in the crime world. Am I, you know, drugs? Drugs. Clearly. Duh. Wait. I'm going to have to think twice about this. She's on drugs. I'm going to say this woman stole a car. She is in for drug trafficking. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, she was like taping stuff to her for her band. Yes. It's the guys that rope them. Next up is Manuel. My name is Manuel. Excuse me, Manuel. To be honest, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. Honest. Maybe it's pass by time bullshit. Maybe more. I don't know. You know what you want. If you want to hit me up on JP. I look forward to getting to know you.

Anyways, have a good day. He's so full. You know what? He lacks so much self-awareness. He doesn't even know what he wants. He's lying. He's a manipulator. Yeah, I'm not into it. Like, oh, maybe a friend, maybe I fuck you. Like, bitch, you know what you want. Yeah. You know what you want. He does that weird thing that I see people do in movies sometimes where they hold the phone over the receiver. I don't get it. I'm like, why are you covering the mic? What if I just did the podcast? Yeah, it's so strange. It doesn't make any sense. And you know what else I hate? My father would go,

into the receiver and you're like dude stop I also hate when they don't say goodbye in movies and they just hang up or when you see somebody I'll be there at 8 yeah no one says fucking goodbye or when they they touch their iPhone like this you know I seldom use this I do thumbs right you know who does that the elderly yeah and they also they close apps like that my mom goes yes yeah yeah thanks sweet

Yeah. Big swoops. All right. What Manuel in for? He's such a con artist. Yeah. This guy's a real piece of shit. I'm going to go big crime because he didn't say how long he's in. Like he doesn't disclose shit. Mm hmm.

I'm going to say he fucking killed somebody. Wow. It's always the nice ones you think are normal and they're not, bro. Yeah, I was thinking this too. I think this guy has just a lot of things. I think he's been mixed up in the wrong crowds. I do think he's a manipulator and a bit violent. I feel like he's been violent specifically towards women. I'm going to say aggravated assault. Ooh, ag assault. He's in for possession with intent to deliver.

Oh, I was way off. I feel terrible. I was way off. I'm so sorry. You misread the guy. He says his name a little funny, too. He says Manuel. If you girls think your crazy match is my crazy, go ahead and send me a message. You know, hit me up. Tyson. Hey, buddy. Yeah, no. Just making a video. Yeah, fuck that guy. I'm a huge fan. I already like him. He reminds me of Rob Dyrdek, the skateboarder, kind of. He's got, like, good vibes. Yeah. He's, like, funny, lighthearted. Yep.

Good time. I like him. So far, he's my pick. I don't know, man. I think this man is violent also. I swung and missed on the last one. I'm going to say this is a violent man. I picture him with a bike chain hitting somebody with a bike like Max Cady. Well, I'm going to go ahead and say this. Christina, your picker is off.

Joe, very good guess. Thank you. He is in for two counts of aggravated battery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, grand theft auto, and robbery. Wow. Yeah, that's a bad seed. Yeah.

Damn, he's the most violent of all the guys we've seen, and he's my favorite. Yeah, that's trouble. Yeah, and Christina was like, I'd like to link up with this guy. I'm all in on Tis and Tyson. Well, I like this place. I'm 23 years old. I'm locked up in Idaho prison. I'm looking for people to get to know and talk to while I finish my vacation. I'll be up on J-Pay if you want to talk. Looking forward to hearing from you. Okay. By the way, this is a...

Pretty face, the eyes. The lighting. She is one who can seduce and get people to do, men and women, what she wants. That's just my assessment of this person out of the gate. Real master manipulator. I really like her way of holding the phone. She's just...

doing her own thing, you know? And she's prison hot. Yes. She's not really out and about hot, but like very prison hot. She's a prison 10. And by the way, from what I've learned in prison, it's hard to find makeup. Like you usually have to do your, you have to like light a match and use the black, whatever part of the match to get the eyeliner. So she put in a lot of effort. She put an effort into her lighting and,

She's a seducer. So hold on. Do we like her or the girl that had the sense of humor first? I still like the other girl better. This girl's trouble. I don't trust her as far as I'm aware. Oh, that's what I sense too. Lots of trouble. Yeah.

She's in for possession of a stolen vehicle and escaping prison. Wow. You're right. So she probably manipulated her with a guard. Oh, yeah. What she did was, yeah, she probably flirted her way into like, leave that door open, you know? Dang. I mean, by flirting, I mean sucking the guy off sometimes. Yeah. That's what I'd do. Yeah. That's what I would do, too. I would be sucking off all the fucking security officers. Okay, chill. Just relax a little bit. Even if it didn't get me out, I would just do it for fun. Yeah.

Yeah, because it'd be something to do also. Yeah, it's past the time. Yeah. Well, I would do it just to get stuff, like, you know, like gum or cigarettes. And a pat on the back. Good job on that blowjob. Not just that, but like, you know, commissary items or like tampons.

Commissariat. Commissariat. Yeah. You know? Nice underwear, bras, shit like that. Absolutely. Well, that was fun. It's always fun to do prisoner. Yeah, it was great. Prisoner dating show. Do you want to show Joe some of your curation? Fuck yeah, I do. Joe, are you familiar with TikTok? I'm familiar with it. I'm not on TikTok, which I guess is a big career mistake. I know. That's what everyone tells me. Especially your new special. Yeah, you should chop up. I know. I know. I really, I got mental problems. Okay. Well,

I like to... Well, if you have mental problems, this is the segment for you. I like to show the outliers in the TikTok community. Mm-hmm. The underrepresented...

So for those just listening, this is a man at a salad bar of a nice place like a Whole Foods and he has the ladle in the soup container and he's drinking straight from the ladle and putting it back into the soup. You know what I love about a video like this is that, you know, you show me this man two seconds later, I'd be like, hello, sir. Yeah. Right. Good afternoon. He's so normal looking. Yeah. Nice sneaks. Yeah. He's got his bag of bagels or whatever. Howard.

how are you? He's like, you know, they have good soup today. What's also crazy is it's not that much more difficult to just put it in one of the cups. Yeah. I know. You could steal it without doing it that way. It's either he's not cognizant, you know, like abilities are cognitive abilities are kind of going on him or he's just entitled and doesn't give a fuck. I think he's entitled and doesn't give a fuck.

I always err on the side of the worst of humanity. I never, I don't like to give anyone the benefit of doubt. I think he's a piece of shit. Selfish cunt. How in the world do I survive out here without air conditioning and over 100 degree weather? Ah, it's easy. I just stay naked and wet. Just need a bucket of water. Right? Ooh, and then the breeze. Ooh.

Yuck. I want to say she's in for a salt. I don't like her at all. I don't like this video at all. This is what it's like to be a Burning Man. Just so you know. Like it's hot as fuck. She's not a Burning Man, but it's horrible.

You know, my grandmother used to just wear a wet bathing suit and sit in it in summertime when she'd visit us. Oh, I think that's bad for you. And I'd be like, of course it's bad. It gives you a yeast infection. And she'd be like, I don't even need air conditioning. You see, I wear just a wet bathing suit. I'm like, that is so disgusting. It's gross, too. This is disgusting to sit in a bucket all day long. They just get air conditioning. That's pretty impressive. For those listening, it's just a guy blowing out candles with his farts in a tube.

I mean... Oh, he's running out of gas. This is a Japanese guy. And he's like, I really did something. Oh, he's like a... He's winded. It's like when someone goes, do 100 push-ups. He's like, 98. 98.

And everyone's like, good job, man. But I feel like you're not as dazzled by this. This is a talent. It's pretty crazy. No, I am impressed. I mean, that's very cool. He did a whole menorah's worth. Yeah. It was like Japanese Hanukkah. Yeah, that was really. I mean, those farts, they feel very queefy to me. I think he has that capability to like inhale and exhale. Yeah. You think that's what it is? Yeah, yeah. It's like the people, I had a roommate that could like fart on command, but he could just draw air in, you know?

He probably slept with his butt plugged in a whole lot. He did. And he said he would focus so much when he did it. It's pretty cool. I'm impressed. This guy's got a series of videos where he uses his farts to do funny tricks. I think they're wonderful. Well, I mean, thank you for bringing them to our attention. You're really doing good work. Hey, guys. Oh, no. Update. I didn't get the job. I just got the email.

I'm guessing my appearance had a lot to do with it. No. Just for people listening, her appearance is her entire almost upper part of her face is tattooed in. Yeah. Fully tattooed in. Like a Batman mask. Yeah. Not like a design. It's just tattoo ink. It's just like when an ink, like a pen just breaks on you. It's just that on her face. Yeah.

It's a real crazy thing. And what a bummer that she didn't get the job. What do you think the job was that she was applying for? There's not a lot. There's a lot of jobs where they would be like, nah. Customer service, sight unseen. You could be in a back room somewhere. Yeah, that's true. That could be a job for her. Working the phones? Yeah, dude. You don't know what she looks like. Sure. Sex worker, phone sex worker.

Oh, phone sex. Yeah. I was thinking more like 1-800, you know, could you help me fix my television? Yeah, like a stock girl, boy, person. She can work in a warehouse. Yeah. Only fans? Maybe there's an audience for this? There is an audience, for sure. For sure that's somebody's favorite thing. Yeah. Sit on a cake with a tattoo on your face? Yeah. Is that 6th Street? Yeah, it is. Welcome to Austin, y'all.

And she's holding the horse shit in her hands like Play-Doh. Eat it. This is what the police are responding to? She's rolling around in horse shit. And they're just like, this bitch is crazy. They're walking right by her. Go ahead and play in our horse shit. She's rubbing it on her face. Oh, man. Rubbing it on her face. This is the 21st century version of the monk who lit himself on fire. What?

Oh, fuck, dude. The cops did just walk right on by. They did. I mean, this person needs an ambulance. Yeah, what is this, 5150? She needs to be... She's gonna do a push-up in it, dude. How does it feel to be bringing a child into the world? Is that exciting? It's frightening, yeah. I'm gonna move to the woods, I think, and just get a bucket of water and sit and stay cool.

It's so fucking depressing. But here's the thing. Thank you. You guys are not thinking this through. Horse caca is just made of grass. There are some people that enjoy the smell of horse poop because it's so natural. Horse girls love the smell of horse shit. It's just grass. They love the smell of horse shit? Horse people love the smell of horse caca because it's kind of fresh. They just eat nothing. They eat plants, dude. They're herbivores. They don't eat fucking hot dogs like we do.

This is really upsetting. They're not eating bean and cheese burritos. I don't like any of what you're doing. This semen sample came all the way from Australia. I would try to do the accent, but I really can't. Anywho, our client ordered a beautiful single pearl necklace off the website and we got their sample in

the mail. Now we just have to take the liquid and put it into a powder that's workable with the clay. We have a special little concoction that we mix it with and we'll need it to dry for it to turn into the powder. Is that what happens to come if you leave it? So not a lot. Because it came such a long way from Australia to Canada, as you can tell the viscosity and the coloring did change a little bit. However, with our process, we

We are able to get it back to a little bit more of a natural coloring. That looks like cum. But always with a little bit of sparkle added. Once it's completely dried and we're able to grind it into a super fine powder, that's when I'm able to incorporate it into clay. Shape out the pieces that we want. Now, pieces are completely sealed when they're done. Not only to give it a really nice gloss finish, but also as a level of protection as well. And of course, I have some extras for some prebys. So would you...

do something like this for your wife like a nice necklace or earrings yeah maybe I mean a ring maybe yeah a nice cum ring would you like that I would love to have your cum earrings of course I love you I've made babies with your cum yeah that's true your jizz is part of my DNA now you want you want the earrings oh where'd you get those earrings well you actually my husband shot a load into a cup and then

And then we sent it to these lovely people in Canada. Well, that one came all the way from Australia. I think you guys are grossed out because it oxidized and changed color. It was like yellow liquid. Yeah, it looked like melted butter. That's not the part that grossed me out. Maybe if you overnighted it, it wouldn't be so yellow. Yeah, why'd you have to be so cheap with your cum earrings? You couldn't overnight it? DHL, buddy? The earrings made of cum are literally less gross to me than the yellow liquid male cum. Ugh.

I love how upset you are. So you may have seen this video going around. Oh, hell yeah. This hair tattoo. I'm guessing it was going to take $200. And in this case, this is what a $2,000 hair tattoo looks like. Oh, wow. I would say probably worth it. Wow. Which one are you going for, Tom? I think I would go for the $200. I like the illusion that I have some hair. I like it a lot. It looks so believable. Oh, my God.

And cool. Looks like it was done with pen. Yeah. That is amazing. And someone was like, hey man, you got some, you got gel in your hair? What's going on? Well, also they didn't brush it. Like when I brush our boy's hair, you gotta brush and it's unbrushed. It's a cool illusion. I like that this is the $200 version and then this is two grand.

The two grand just makes it look like you have a daze of stubble. But also the $200 one, it looks like a Stasi haircut. Like, why is it like Hitler? I know. It's so fucking, it's so insane. Why are you getting mad? It looks like a cartoon from the 30s, right? It really does. Yeah. You got steamboat willy hair. Yeah, it's so bonkers. Yeah, it's terrible. At least make it look like that. I want to see this guy's face more clearly so I can know how completely insane this man is.

Yeah, they cut right before they show you the craziest guy on the planet. But also, isn't this kind of crazy? That's amazing. But that looks good. But that looks... It looks good, but like... Would you do that? Would you go, I have tattooed stubble? It's kind of a... Eddie, you have a bald head. Would you do this? Fuck no. And tell me why. I mean, I bet it doesn't look good in certain situations too. You know, like a glare or something would make it look weird as fuck. Yeah. It's just...

Also, all that just for that? Like there's no other option you could have? Right. Just the stubble? Yeah. You can't shave it now. Yeah. But this guy looks acceptable. But yeah, you can never shave it and you could just get a wig. I mean, a wig or a piece. Or this right here. I mean, this is actually his natural stubble is probably close to this. Right. I'm not sure why you would do this.

Because I don't shave for a couple of days. You know, it's, it's a version of this. Yeah. You've got a widow's peak. Maybe you could fill in the widow's peak, you know, with tattoo. Yeah, you're right. All right. I'll do this. Sold. Sold. Whoa. I love these guys. White martial arts guys letting you know what's up.

Yeah. Hitting the log. I don't know what he hit. There's no way you'd be prepared for that guy. No way. I'm pretty impressed by that guy. Yeah. There's a lot of the guys in this lane of like, yeah, self-defense, martial arts with inanimate objects. Yeah. I like the time he spent. He got the hat and the glasses. He just broke cold plates. I mean, you think that's a fucking joke or something? It's not a joke. He's very dangerous. This guy is very serious. Is he in your jujitsu class? Please. This guy is already, he's a natural born black belt. That's what he's called. For sure. Yeah.

So this is called a subdermal implant. It sits right here on the hand. There should be a hole right here, but there's still swelling. It should go down within a week or two. I don't like that. It's horrible. It sits right in there. Incision is right there. Ah. What is that? Subdermal implant. What is that? So they put in, I'm assuming it's a form of plastic or something that you can put

under the layer of skin so that it just creates... Sometimes they put it in their foreheads and their face so it gives the illusion that something's growing in there. Just for fun? It's a body modification. I mean, look at it. She's got face tattoos, forehead, teeth are pretty wild. Either eye tattoos or contacts. Now, do you think she's normal in bed? Do you think it's just regular? She's like, yeah, I like doggy style.

No, I don't like this. This is bumming me out. Is this a real person? Yeah, this is a real thing. She's got a small tit in her hand. Lizard person. Yeah, yeah. She's got tit hands. Tit hands. Yeah. Puffy. And she's like, the swelling will go down. God. That's wild, dude. Yeah. Also, I mean, isn't that not dangerous? There you go. To fuck with. Ugh. Yeah, so that makes it look like they're Klingons and shit. Wow.

I like the spider one. That's kind of cool. Now, is this the dark web? Is this considered the dark web? Look at that spider one. It looks like there's a fucking tarantula under your skin. That's cool shit. I'm going to do that. That one makes at least sense. It's like, whoa, look at that. These ones kind of make more sense to me. I like the ones that get the horns here, like little double horns. They're kind of cool. Yeah, that guy's cool. He's got a cool thing going on. You think he got the job? Yeah.

I think they called him and they're like, guess what, man? Good news. Wait a minute. Could you do this to your dick to make your dick look bigger? You always bring it up. I think so. Like a sheath of transdermal or whatever, subdermal. Like, I'm just trying to help the community of men that have small dicks. Yeah, I think so. Because they do that. I think you can make it ridge too. That might feel nice. That might feel really nice. Rib for her pleasure. Yeah. Put these bumps in there. In your dick. Yeah.

Well, there you go. Great idea for your lady for her birthday or for Christmas this year. Just get a dick implant. Why not? Very good suggestion. I like the idea of getting the ribs on there. That's kind of cool. It would feel like you're having a toy. Oh, look. There it is. Oh, shit. My dick looked like that for a period, but I got it laser-like. Penile pearls. There you go. And there's a lot of images that are not even allowed to see. Can we unblock?

Oh, boy. I'm a little nervous. Oh. All right. Okay. They pulled back the dick skin, bro. They cut off the dick skin. They pulled. No, I want to see it.

And they put the implant under the dick skin? Can this go on YouTube? Oh, right. It's educational. This is educational. Yes, I'm learning a lot. Let's see the next video. We're good now, and we're going to move it along. Just because you have a red dick. I'm not a sociopath, and people don't believe it until I discard them. Just because I'm aware of my disorder doesn't mean I don't mess up.

I have a tendency to get excited when I meet new people and end up love bombing them. These are the kinds of people I probably wouldn't talk to on the street, but I get blinded by the narc supply. I literally talk about my personality all the time on social media and people are still surprised when I act like a sociopath. I don't realise my own importance in their lives, so when I drop them, they get angry and I get confused.

I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think they should think it's a big deal. I can't put myself in your shoes. So, no, I don't understand every time. My genuine friends still get worried that I'll drop them, but they don't understand the lengths I would go to to protect them. To my audience, is it my fault if they get obsessed? Or should I be more self-aware? Her nose looks like an outlet. Like it looks like you charge your phone in there.

And no blinking. No blinks. No. No, she's really interesting. A lot of makeup. I mean, a lot. A lot. Yeah. Yeah, she's fascinating. She tells you the tips and tricks of a sociopath, how to infiltrate male friend groups to get the guy to like you, stuff like that. She's really, really informative. Really cool. Wow. She's a very cool person. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for showing us. I'd like to spend some time with her. Yeah. I bet she'd be lovely to connect with.

I'm always excited when I find a way that I can replace things that I buy with things I can make from the land. So today's thing that I'm excited about is my toothbrush. I've had this wooden toothbrush for a long time, and I think because it's been sitting outside often because I brush my teeth outside at my outdoor sink.

that it started falling apart because of the sun. And the little bristles that are coming out are like plastic or something. And I'm like, you know, even if I get another wooden toothbrush, it's going to have these plastic bristles. And it's not ideal for me. So I started looking up how to make my own toothbrush. And it just looked...

Okay, this is like a four minute video. But don't you like it? She just uses the stuff off the landing. I hate it. That's the same lady from earlier, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm naked and it's outside and I'm cold. Yeah, so hot. Her teeth look quite nice though for a person that's brushing with a... With a plastic fucking fork. Why aren't you trying? Yeah. Fork.

And I was reading about how Native Americans brush their teeth and, you know, I read about how they take a stick and chew the fibers on the end and use those to clean their teeth. And that actually works really well. But then I got the idea to use this. Oh, my face hurts. I look upset. You're getting watching this.

Of the yucca leaf. Oh, this is going to be gross too. And I use the yucca plant for so many things. It's unreal. I make my dish scrubbies out of it and I make my lawn. I hate this so much. Why do you hate living off the land? I'm just not, I'm not into it. I don't care. I don't want to do it. I'm not interested in doing it. Hold on. I live in modern society and I like all the modern amenities and I don't want to fucking use the yucca plant to make my scrubby brush. Hold on. Can I give you a would you rather? Yeah.

Would you rather live in a tiny house? Go to prison. Or live with, like this woman does, out in the desert. Wait, say, what's the first option? You have two living scenarios. Either you live in a tiny house, like one of those little 300 square feet homes. Alone?

No, with me. I'm married to you. Oh, you're my partner. And our children. Oh, Jesus. I'm your partner. Or you and me and the kids go live out in the dessert with her. And you use wooden toothbrushes and you find... Get the fuck out of here. You already know the answers. What's the answer? The tiny house. I'm not living with this fucking psycho. Not with her. Like her. You must live like her and live off the land. No, I'm not doing that. Why does it upset you so much to live off the land? Hate camping? Yeah.

Is it because it's like poor people things? Is it because it's poor? No. I just... I'm not... There's things that people like and don't like, you know? Thai food. Like you're just not into it. You're really repulsed by living off the land. I don't want to live off the land. I don't give a shit. I don't care that that's how our ancestors did it. I don't care that you're good at it. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to do it. I don't want to rock climb. I don't give a shit about any of that. I don't care about how you brush your teeth with sticks. What about hiking? You like to hike? I mean...

I've been on some hikes. It's fine. I've been on some hikes.

Do a little dancing. Yeah. Joe, what about you? Tiny house or live off the land and brush your teeth like this woman? I'd go house. I also, I like camping until it's time for bed. I like to camp at a place with, I like to be indoors. I can't sleep on the ground. Yeah, I mean. I like a campfire. I like to smoke a cigar by the fire and drink hot tea in the morning. And I love hiking. I like the outdoors, but I want a bed and some air conditioning. I like the outdoors. I like, you know, I love Colorado. I love spending time like.

But then I like to go to a home. Yeah, me too. I love a bed. A nice blanket. I don't want to make a tent and dig a fucking hole. You know what? You guys are just like...

And I know some people are like, bro, you don't get it. Guess what? Here's the thing. I don't want to get it. I'm not interested in getting it. If you have it, you can keep it. You'll never see me there. I'm not interested. I agree. I might try camping if it weren't hot as shit. Like the desert is torture. I don't know why she's doing this to herself. There's cooler climates you can do this to yourself in. Yeah, she wants to do this.

I wouldn't do the dessert. I would do colder climates. Or like, fuck the jungle. Remember that show Alone, Tommy? Yeah. Where they're out in the wilderness? I would maybe do that kind of thing. Here's the thing. I want to make it clear. I respect those people. Yeah, for sure. When I watched Alone, you know that concept of that show. They just drop them in fucking wild, non-habited area in Canada. Yeah.

And you watch them and it is impressive. It's impressive that they create homes. But I'm saying there are just things that I am not interested in doing either. Right. Like, I'm just not interested. Yeah. I think these people are also a bit unwell. No. People that are like, I'm out of society. I'm going to live in the woods. Everybody on that show was a little off. Everybody. Whatever, guys. No, they're severely traumatized. They have a lot of childhood trauma. These motherfuckers made this. It's amazing. Yeah, it's amazing.

It's amazing. And they usually go down, if not from loneliness, not the diehards, but from like intestinal parasites because they'll eat beaver. They get sick. They get sick from the living off of the food that they catch. They usually could do it forever. The psychological stuff has a big impact too.

That's for the pussies, the newbies, not the old schoolers. The hardcore ones absolutely get depressed. Yeah, of course. Because they miss human consciousness. Even the hardcore ones. Oh, my God. That's like Into the Wild, my favorite book of all time. Yeah. He wrote, he inscribed, happiness is only real when enjoyed with others before he died. How long would you last? Be honest, alone. How long? A couple hours. A couple hours.

No, I'm saying like the isolation bit. Like in comics, we can also be very isolated because we've done the road, you know. Yeah, yeah. No, I like to isolate. But yeah, for maybe 28, 36 hours, I like to go. I don't do drive-thrus. I like to go into Starbucks, get my dopamine, some eye contact, really chat it up. You know, we need people, guys. Yeah, we need people. I can do it for a little while. But I'm saying like give me days. Wait, what's the most I could push it? Total isolation? Yeah.

I think a few days would be my max. I think I could do three days. And by the third day, I'm talking to myself like a really crazy person. Like I'm setting up the volleyball and putting a handprint on it. I mean, even the most hardcore, I mean, truly hardened prisoners would be like, they all are like, there's nothing worse than the hole. The hole is isolation. And darkness. Yeah. Well, that's kind of like...

what you assume with it, but it's about being isolated. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they have no interaction sometimes for 30 days. That's terrible. And they freak out. That's so cruel. Those guys are like killers and they freak out. No, it's cruel. Yeah. Inhumane. Yeah, it really is. I wouldn't do it to anybody. That is the worst. Here's your last one. Let's hope it's a nice one. What a spot other swingers enjoy.

If you're at a restaurant, if you're at a bar, if you're out downtown, how do you spot and know that other people are swingers? And how do you go up and say hello to them or approach them? You don't. You don't.

Majority of swingers out there are very discreet. This is a lifestyle that we add a little bit of added spiciness into our relationships. This is not our entire life. So when people are out in public, most people don't want to be known that they're swingers. Most people don't want to be approached that they're swingers. So when it comes down to meeting others and approaching others, the really appropriate place to do it is at lifestyle clubs or at meet and greets.

But when you see people who are out in public and you think that they might be... I like the softening of the language. Meet and greets. Lifestyle. You mean fuck parties? Yeah, they're just horny. They're so horny. You mean fuck parties with other savages? You fucking hound.

Why is it called lifestyle? Lifestyle? And they put a little spiciness on it. You go, hey, you wanna fuck? Like that.

That's how you do it. But the pineapple is the universal sign that he's wearing on his head. And making TikToks. He's also Professor Pineapple. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, that's his handle. The Professor Pineapple 1.0. He talks with his hands way too much in the videos. It thoroughly irritates me. And he's too wordy, but he does give valuable information about the lifestyle. Yeah, well, I'd love to meet you at a club. Maybe we could fuck, sir. God.

I mean, you can be my partner for the evening. Joe, are you a swinger? No, I'm not a swinger, but I did go to Palm Springs and there's a lot of swinging there. And my wife and I watched like a B movie called Palm Swings right before we went. Nice. And Tia Carrera, is that how you say it? She's in it.

And it's a really fun, funny movie because it's kind of like softcore porn and it has a fun plot. But I thought they really missed an opportunity to put some levity in there. They all put their keys in a fishbowl and then they pick it out. And there should have been a moment where someone gets like a really fat asshole. Yeah, sure. But everyone was like really hot. But I feel like in real life, swingers, not so much. That's the fantasy. The fantasy is that they're all that hot. Yeah. Then you go and you see the real ones and you're like, oh.

Right. Great film though. Palm Swings. Highly recommend. Taylor Carrera. Smoke show, man. Yeah. Joe List, everybody, has a new special on YouTube called Enough for Everybody. You can, of course, listen to the podcast Tuesdays with Stories with Joe and Mark Norman. And also, you also host Mindful Metal Jacket where you sit down with fellow comics. You talk about anxiety and depression

personal feelings. Oh, cool. I didn't even point out that I saw Fourth of July, the filming you did with Louis C.K. Oh, thanks for watching. Yeah, that was really good, man. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Based on your life, like your family, right? Yeah, pretty autobiographical, yeah. Yeah. My mother's very nice. Right. My mother in the movie is very crazy. Yeah, but I mean, it's cool to see... Well, I love watching comics do it, you know? Yeah. And like...

You could tell that there's real emotion. Oh, thank you. Yeah. You did a great job. Oh, I appreciate that. That's very nice. Did you have a fun time working on it? I had the best time of my life, literally. I mean, it was amazing. And we went to Lake George and stayed in a really nice house. I swam in the lake every morning. Oh.

And I had a bunch of friends, Tony V, Nick DiPaolo, Chris Walsh. He was great in it. Bob. Bobby Kelly. It was really... Such a good actor. The happiest time of my life. It's been all downhill since then. Yeah. Well, that's how it goes. But check that out too if you haven't seen Fourth of July. And thanks for coming, man. Yeah, thanks for having me. I appreciate the hospitality. It's been a lot of fun. We'll see you guys next week. Bye, Mommy.

Welcome to Maccabees Medical Monday. It's all about this, the cucumber, or as they call it in Jamaica, the cucumber.

Put it in a jug of water overnight. You know what you get for a fraction of the price? Energy drink full of electrolytes.

♪♪

You're very handsome. You're my fresh last meet. Whoa, thank you. What's going on? What's going on? I've been having, uh... Cucumbers. Where? You ate cucumbers? Yeah, I ate cucumbers and then it makes me look better. Cucumbers.

Bye.