There's people, let's say, in the cosmetic surgery world that you get a patient who's like, "Give me another facelift." And you're like, "Ah, do you ever have a-" I cut 'em off. You cut 'em off. Yeah. But here's the thing. Let me give you- No more dick for you. You cut 'em off. One to ten, what do you think you are? Right now? Yeah. Six? Six and a half? No. Higher. But I think this is a fucking two. No, no, no. He's right. This is like a two.
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Welcome, good morning, good afternoon, good evening. We are rolling here in Tejas. It's another episode of Your Mom's House. Your Mom's House. This is jam-packed. This one really is other level today. The rolling is. Wait till you guys get through this one. Yeah. It's good stuff. It is good stuff. We've been very pumped for this one for a minute. We've been pumped. We've been loaded. We've been loaded.
A quick reminder for some dates here. Your boy, Tommy Bunz, I will be in Portland, Maine, February 29th.
San Antonio, Texas, March 8th. Belton, Texas, March 10th. I added a second show in St. Augustine, Florida. It's March 13th. And the next day, I'm in Orlando, Florida, March 14th. Tickets are at tomseguro.com slash tour. I think it's Horlando. Yep, that's right. Sometimes I mispronounce it. Yeah. Ugh.
Very nice. Yep. Very nice. Can I tell you, did you want to do a clip or may I tell you the revelation that I had? Tell me your revelation. I had a Pajitsky effect. Tell me. Where do prunes come from? Where do prunes come from? How do they grow? Is that like a dried out fruit? Is it a dried out plum or something? How did you know that? I didn't know that. Do you know that I just put that together that prunes are dried plums? What are raisins? Raisins.
Dried grapes. But why don't they call them dried plums? Because they call them dried apricots. Why do they call them a different word? I don't know. Why do they call raisins raisins and not dried grapes? I don't know. What about wine? What is that all about? Yeah, it should be called liquid grapes. Yeah. Dude. Grape juice plus. You're really on one today. Very impressive.
This is a big thing you discovered? Yeah, because I was eating some dried plums the other day and I'm like, well, this is so silly. Why don't they just call it what it is? How did you figure out that that's what it was though? I saw it on the package, the pictures. It shows you the origin story. So it's here and then it goes there. But I'm like, here's another dumb thought. Why does that make you brown?
The dried version. Do you know what I mean? It takes all the juice out of it. They always said, though, if you had constipation to eat a plum. I thought that was a thing. A plum. Yeah. Not a prune. I thought prune. Oh, and prune juice. Prune juice makes you shit. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. It's just that was my revelation this weekend. Wow. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. You got it. Thank you for saving that and sharing that. You got it.
You didn't tell me that. I thought it was much more excited than, I thought it'd be much more, I thought you'd be more enthusiastic about it, but I guess not. I'm pretty excited. Why don't we play this first clip and then we'll. Okay. Well, no, that's really, that's really cool. I mean, I just blew somebody's mind. That's really cool. So let's, let's start the show. Okay, here we go.
Today is day one of getting railed by 365 people in 365 days. So I'm starting off pretty vanilla. Today I am catching up with one of my old regulars who I haven't seen in like nine months. So it has been a while. We haven't really planned what we're going to do. All I know is he's taking me out for dinner and then I guess I'm going back to his and we'll have some fun. I'm honestly hoping for a cream pie, but we'll see what happens.
Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this. What the fuck is that? Wow. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. And Christina Pagitsin. Welcome to your mom's house. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. Cha, cha, cha. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
Wow. Isn't that cool? I have so many thoughts. Yeah. Well, so one a day for 365 days. But what if one day you're not feeling it? You got your period. You have diarrhea. You're sick. You have goals. If you're not disciplined about your goals, you don't achieve your goals.
That's true, Tom. Yeah. Like anything. You're like, oh, what if I don't feel like going for a run? Well, then you're not going to run today. Yeah. She's David Goggins-ing her love life. Yeah. Love is a different word I would use for this. Here's the good news. I don't think she's going to have trouble achieving her goals because she's pretty beautiful. She's pretty, very pretty woman. Yeah. And she's accent, she's Aussie accent, right? I mean, and she's actually also, she looks like this. If you told me this was someone's,
you know, journey goal. I'd be like, Oh, I'm sure when I see them or I hear them speak, they're going to be clinically insane. And she doesn't seem like that, you know? Well, well, I know, but what's really interesting is you got to remember something. This is day one. Okay. So what day one, why do you gesture? It's one you're in America. Number one, we're number one, right? Day one, day one. What do you show me your hand though? You should do it like this.
This is gay. This is heterosexual. What is this?
Gay. Straight. We're number one. Day two, day three. Oh my God. Day three, I was like this. Did you see that? Yeah. What is three again? Three is like that. Dude, are you foreign? Like, why are you doing it like that? I'm half foreign. What is this? Is this what Latins do? I don't know. I just know this is three. This is not three. Yeah, it is. Foreigner. This is three. This is three. Oh, give me a three, Josh. So, yeah. What country did you learn this from? I don't know.
This is three. I don't know, but I don't actually like mocking someone because they're different. Yeah.
So I don't appreciate what you're doing. Welcome to your mom's house. That's what we do here. Yeah. And then forever, I've always made fun of you for doing it. You're like, I'm like, Tom, where's the car? It's over there. You point like that. This is also very weird. What is, is this because you're anorexics? Yeah, I'm anorexic. So either hand can do, yeah. I bet it has something to do with that because it doesn't make sense that you're pointing, this is not normal. How do you give the bird to people?
I'm not a big bird guy, though. Show me the bird. It's a sideways bird. This is totally queer. How about four? It's four, bro. Didn't they teach you in kinder? Four. It's so weird. You're so gay. Okay. It's probably sucking dicks. All right. Show me the lady. Fucking...
Horrible person. I'm about to get filled up and a baby juice facial at the same time. This is day six of 365 days of getting railed by 365 people. And we are well above our target at this point. But hey, I'm not slowing down. That's a good idea. That's what I'm saying. If you get ahead of the game, you take a day off. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when we did the sober October challenges and we were like, I'm going to work out twice today. Yeah. You know? Yeah. We want to take Sundays down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Or you want to take off Thanksgiving, Christmas. She should get ahead of the game. She's like, I got another one. I did my cardio and I lifted today. I'm feeling good. Okay. Pretty cool. I've been put on the spit twice today and I'm exhausted. People do not realize how much energy this type of exercise
takes out of you like i'm so exhausted i had a girl coming over soon and then i had to cancel because i just can't i i've only got so much to give and that's what that's for in one day so i think we're gonna hit my 365 way before day 365 to be honest well yeah if you're doing four different views i think she said i was on the spit i think she meant like she
She had two threesomes this day. Is that right? Correct, yeah. So she already had two people at once twice in this day. That's exhausting. She's right. God damn, what an athlete. So keep going. I just got railed by my plumber. What the
That was actually really unexpected. Like I had this plumber come over to fix my tap in my bathroom, like not even thinking anything of it, but he arrived and he was so hot. Like it's crazy. I know I'm 27, but like, I forget that like I'm 27. I still feel like I'm 18. So when someone comes over and I'm like a plumber, I always picture like a 40 year old man. So when he came over and he was like 25, I was like, what? You're younger than me?
Yeah. That is a trip. Anyway, he was really hot, really tall, like, tatted. And I'm thinking in my head, I hope he bends me over this bench.
And fills me up. And I must have manifested it because that's exactly what happened. It didn't really happen like that, though. Like, he was fixing my tap and we were talking and I was flirting. And I told him about what I do for work. And one thing led to the other. And, yeah, I got a... He filled me up. I can't say that on TikTok, but he filled me up. That's awesome. You know what's interesting, though? This is essentially the male fantasy. So, like, porn...
is a fantasy. It's not reality. It's a, it's a woman, a beautiful woman who's like, Oh, like whoever comes over gets laid. Right. Sure. It's a, it's a,
It's not really what happens. And then this person is actually being like, no, this is reality for her. And she's saying it completely shameless, right? Like most people would have some level of shame. It's like just an interesting psychology of what's going on with this person. Like how come there's no shame? Why so much pride?
Well, I guess because we're in a different time now. No, it's not about the different time. This is an individual thing. Because most people who are doing this would feel... Most people who have this interaction would be like, I'll keep that to myself. It wouldn't be broadcast of like, got filled up again today. These people are... She might not be connected to what's going on inside of her. I really want to... I think it's a really interesting... She's not connected emotionally, babe. She has some issues. Yeah.
I'm going to venture there's something wrong. No, there's something wrong. I know that. I mean, I can't imagine that if the family saw this, that they're like...
That's our Becky. There she is. There she is. She's always been an extrovert and she's always been so much fun. But I think the reason she can't feel shame about it, which is an interesting point. I really like this. And I think it's because she's linking it to a goal. She's actually making it into like, this is just something I'm doing. So therefore, I don't have to have responsibility. And I'm not trying to shame her. I want to make that clear. What I'm saying is,
most people, the overwhelming majority of people would feel some level of shame or at least that they should keep this to themselves. Sure. But when you make it, the overarching goal is like, I'm going to run a marathon. She's trying to make it into something valuable. Right. It's for the greater cause of this goal. I'm doing something that's hard to do and not everybody can do this. Not everybody can do this and here's how I'm doing it. Really interesting stuff. Yeah. Yeah.
I left my boyfriend and I've been traveling for 10 days and I've slept with 22 people in that 10 days. These Aussie girls, huh? My goal was 20 and I just hit 22 this morning. It's 1pm now here in Paris and I need to check out because I'm going home. I really doubt I'm going to get another one on the board either on the plane or like on my layover. So I think 22 is where we're going to cap it out. But how did I go?
I guess the other interesting thing is that this stat chasing thing is usually something you associate with males. Males, yeah. Yeah, so that's why the other part of you that goes like, wow. Well, that's why it's a cool time for women. It is a cool time. They're equal and we can do what the guys are doing. I mean, listen, my first thought always goes to herpes.
genital warts, AIDS, like just all the diseases one can catch. Yeah, but that's like somebody who goes, oh, if I go run, what if I tear my Achilles? What if I get cramps? What if I, you know what I mean? Sure. Like you're just looking for excuses. Right. This person's not looking for excuses. Right, right. It's like, I can't,
You see the end goal. My ankles are weak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I got you. Oh, plantar fasciitis. How about fucking get out there and do it? Get out there and do it, you fucking dipshit. Well, she did 22 and how long was it? A day, she said? I don't know. I found this so cool. Yeah. And here's the problem, though, with this challenge. Yeah. I'm going to put this forward. Yeah.
For guys, it's a little trickier, right? Because they have to seduce and lure and lie and do the thing. For a woman to get laid, it's really simple. I could shout in the parking lot, who wants it? And somebody is going to give it to you. Give it a shot. See what kind of numbers you can get. It's not hard. So you know what? I changed my mind. I'm not impressed by Miss 365 or 22. In fact, listen, if I were a different...
place in my life i would double her challenge what's 365 times two oh my god no one can do that kind of math i think it's easy i think it's bullshit i would say 730 in a month i could do what's that what's 730 divided by 30
24 guys in a day. Easy. That's basically one an hour. Easy. Yeah, that's what I would do. Well, that's like ultra marathoner. Yeah. Because some people do 100 mile races. Okay. And you go, whoa.
This is not hard for a woman, especially cute blonde girls to get laid. It's shooting fish in a barrel. Now, if she were unattractive, maybe a little heavy, something's wrong with her, missing a limb. And she goes, I'm going to do 365. I'd be like, okay, this bitch has got a challenge. Yeah. Right? This is not a challenge. I hear you. I'm not impressed. Yeah. Well, it's settled. You're just a run of the mill whore. Not impressed whores. Yeah.
Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.
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It's easy. Have you ever been seated at a restaurant and found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth? Hey, everyone. We're plus size park hoppers and we range in sizes from 2X to 5X. Like this video and follow us for more plus size Disney content. We're starting a new dining series called If I Fit, I Sit. In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on Disney property and beyond, showing you the types of seating they offer, whether or not we find it comfortable, and we'll also review the food. I don't know why these people don't do what I did.
Just feel immense shame about the way you look and feel. Yeah. Stop embracing who you are. I hate it. We know how it feels to walk into a restaurant and only see chairs with arms on them. You know what you do at that point? You turn around and you leave the restaurant and you leave it for the regular folks. You leave it for the normals to eat there. Yeah, it's not for you. This is not for you. You go to a barn and you eat with like-sized people.
And being anxious about whether or not you'll fit. Our goal is to help you feel more at ease. Don't eat that. And to show you that there are accommodations out there. Don't eat that. With one of us gluten free, we'll also highlight the gluten free options throughout each restaurant. Gluten free? We'll rate each restaurant on comfort, atmosphere, food, and drinks. Don't you hate when you see arms on a chair? What the fuck is wrong with you?
will this chair hold me? Who the fuck is thinking that? There's arms here? I guess this isn't for me. Jesus Christ. Sit on the floor. That's what they should do. If you walk into a restaurant and you don't fit in the chair, you eat on the floor until you can fit in a chair. Like in Afghanistan, that's what they do. Jesus Christ. No, you should be a pig. You should be treated like a pig.
They have a trough where they put the food in. By the way, did you catch that these are Disney adults? Yeah. Disney. So this is an account not only for Disney adults, but plus size Disney. I got it. Whether or not they can go to their stupid park of their choice. And have you noticed this, by the way, the common denominator in all Disney adults? What? They always have a really high register in their books. They were all children. Yeah. Yeah.
The trauma is so apparent. There's a reason they love Disney and they're 400 pounds. They got my back. Trauma.
Holy shit. If I fit. Jesus Christ. Like humans eat at tables.
I'm sure you did. It's a small menu.
is that bone marrow on your salad
Fucking A, man. Gotta be kidding me. I feel like if you're a Disney adult, you have to register on a website somewhere just to let the normal parents know like, hey, I'm severely mentally ill and I'm going to be there too. You know what I mean? Just let the world know that you're fucked up. Do you want a little Billy to come with us to speak at a Disney? No. No.
Sarah got the petite fork and nice Caesar salad, which she really enjoyed. And the star of the show is this amazing French onion soup. Sarah gets this every time we come. Take a look at this cheese pull. Have you ever seen something so beautiful? For entrees, Ashley got the prime rib sandwich. She thought it was good, but the prime rib was a little dry. Katie got the best burger of her life. I'm done today.
She ate right through that dryness. Get out of here. Yeah. How about they should do the real segment, which is like how much diarrhea they had at Disney. I thought you were going to say how diabetic they are. Well, there's that too. Yeah. I got to also just say this. I had an incredible time in Las Vegas. Yes. Way too many days. I like having like a 48-hour max, but we had a huge promotional week with poor Osos.
and we did i i lost track of the amount of events but i have to give a shout out first of all i have to thank everybody that came to all the stuff that we did um all of you that that that got tickets to the show the show was it was one of the greatest shows i've ever been a part of i mean trevor wallace opened the show bobby lee went next shane gillis went next then burt and i went up
Um, we sold out of Porosus in 15 minutes. Oh my God. We sold a fucking insane amount of Porosus merch. We had a crazy after party. So many people came to like support us. Uh, Jelly Roll came, Kimmel came, Vince Vaughn was there. Um, got a, a, a, a big country came. Um, Michael Che, Dan Soder, uh,
I'm forgetting people. Chrissy D came. I mean, it was like, it was so many people. And it was just like, it was incredible to feel that level of support from people. It was really awesome. It was really awesome. We had our punt pass kick event. Will Compton, I got to say thank you to him. Warren Sapp came to that and participated. Joey Fatone came and participated.
And it was just so much fun. And so many people just supporting us, showing us love at all these things. And it was just very humbling. And I don't know. I had a lot of gratitude. Rich Eisen, Gronk, Edelman, they were fantastic. And it was just...
it was a lot of fun. A whirlwind, as they say. Yeah, that's exactly how to say it. Yeah. Well, Poros is an exceptional vodka and I am not even a huge vodka drinker and I love this vodka because it doesn't taste like rubbing alcohol. No, it's good. Do you know what I mean? Like it's, it doesn't have that awful after sting where you're like, a lot of people don't know, but you'll find out. And we also will not, we now added Nevada's also going to, so we're supposed to start with,
California, Texas, and Florida. And on that trip, MGM was like, we want to carry it in all our properties. We were like, holy shit. And then I can't say which yet, but then a major sports team was like, we'd like it to be the official drink of our team. And I was like, well, that's because it's good. It's awesome. Yeah. People think that we like for people think like, oh, you just threw your name on something. They don't know that we went through this whole process for a year and a half. Well, and we were even doing, we met with the mixologist and we did like,
Special drinks. And man, it was so good and fun. I actually feel like I don't really have to sell it because it honestly sells itself. Yeah. Yeah. So we're very fortunate and super thankful to everybody that came. Thank you for coming and thanks for showing the support. It was awesome. It was really cool. I don't think Disney will carry it, but I think a lot of other places will. Did you... What?
Had we talked about Bradley Cooper's thing? No, not yet. Not on the show. He had a cool facelift. I know. Maybe start thinking about my facelift, my upcoming facelift. Yeah? Are you going to do a full thing or a mini? I don't know. Blefts? Upper, lower? I want to do lower blefts. Yeah. I want to do my eyelids because, you know, my dad had it done when he was 50. I'm almost there. Look how they're drooping. I look like a dog. I can barely open my eyes. I need to get them cut. I'm going to do it this summer, I think.
I think really good lower bleph work is a game changer. Yeah, you can do it many. I want to do lower blephs. Yeah. Yeah. I think you should. You see tight blephs? You're like, phew. Tight blephs. That's some good bleph work. Because here's the deal, man. He didn't need a full facelift. Well, this before, by the way, that one is from fucking 25 years ago. I know. But his more recent one, yeah, it's like. He didn't need it.
You don't think so? I think Bradley Cooper was aging just fine, maybe with a little Botox. He's a very handsome guy. And filzies. I don't know why he went full face. He didn't even need it. Well, yeah, but again, that's many years apart. Some of these examples are, like that one above, right? Right.
There, that's probably, that's before and after. It's probably more recent. Okay. So he pulled too tight. You know what he could have done? What you're talking about. Just get maybe a little bit of eye stuff. Give me a little bluff work, baby. Because they pulled him back. Look, they did too much. Look at the eyebrows are too lifted. They pulled them too hard. Although it would be cool to do stand up after like a really extreme facelift. Where it's like, how's everybody doing? It's great to be in Phoenix. Yeah.
But here's the deal. I think you should always be honest about plastic surgery. Yeah. And when they deny it, it's just silly. So here's what happens. The handsome guys, the movie stars, they get cosmetic surgery and don't talk about it. And then the action stars are all on juice and then they either deny it or don't talk about it. And by the way, every fucking single one of them, every one of them,
They're all juicing. And I don't mean like tea. Like I take a little tea. I'm talking these dudes are on all of it. What's all of it? Deca, Anivar, Tren, HGH. They are taking huge cycles. Dude, they're regular dudes. They're not fucking superstar. They're regular dudes. They're in their 40s and 50s and they're like,
and you're like, oh yeah, chicken breasts. Like, nah, bro. That's not how that happens. And then there was a few that I was like, oh, maybe that guy isn't. And then I asked,
their representative and they were like, Oh no, fucking juice to the guilt. Yeah. They're all juiced out. And then the big thing is that they go, no, like, or they don't talk about it or they deny it. It's so fucking weird. Why? I don't know. I don't understand. I think what it is. Who cares? I think the reason that they deny is that,
People think if you juice, just juicing will get you that body, right? And the truth is you have to work out, like you have to be working out really hard. You still have to be disciplined with diet, but that's how you achieve this at this age. And they feel like it takes away from the real work that they're doing. So like, you know what I mean? And I think they don't want to be seen as taking shortcuts or doing something. So they just deny it, which is silly,
What's going to happen though, is that we're in an era where people are learning more and more about it. And we're starting to go like, oh, okay. Like more people are onto it going like, oh, I know that this is bullshit. And we're going to get to a point where everybody understands it. And then maybe at that point,
This will be the year of admission, you know, where people... But it's so silly. But yeah, the plastic surgery is the other one. Like somebody's fucking 55, all of a sudden they're like, hi. And then they go, no, I just rested. Do you know that Kylie Jenner claims to not have had plastic surgery? Oh, they're the most extreme. All those girls look nothing like they did. Bring up Kylie Jenner, her before and after. She was, she turned 17 or 18. It's so weird. Why are you...
Why are you? Why lie? Just be like, hey, I have a brilliant plastic surgeon. I afforded this. She claims it's just filler and Botox. What? No way. She's got a whole new face. Jesus Christ. It's not even the same person. She looks like an Instagram filter. She looks perfect. It doesn't even look like the same person. It looks like somebody who's a fan of hers. Yeah. You know? No, it looks crazy. That is not Botox and Filzies. That's a whole face. Wow.
- Oh my God. - It's crazy. Look, she had her chin maybe, the cheeks. - Ears were probably pulled back, all of it. - Brow lift, 'cause the arch on the eyes is different. They did her, yeah, the shape of her eyes. - And she's like, "I didn't have anything done?" - Yeah, she only claims to have Botox and filler. It's so stupid.
Why lie? I don't know. Nobody cares. But also her and every sister, they all did it. Of course. They all look completely different. Because they all look the same. They all look identical. Yeah. They look like the mom. They probably all went to the same doctor. Whoever it is, give me the name because brilliant work. I'll tell you what. Good work. When I get these blephs done. Ha ha ha.
You guys are going to know. I tell you what, I'm meeting with a guy pretty soon here in LA. A bleph guy? A bleph guy to get my lids done because these guys are drooping. I can barely see through. They're going to call me Tommy Blephs when this is over. Good, do it. Yeah. Why the fuck not? Let's start. Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. Tommy Blephs.
And we are back and joining us, very excited to have in the studio, is Bill Moore, the owner, the creator, and the guy that runs Fallow Phil. Correct? Correct. Fallow Phil. Fallow Phil. Everyone's excited. Thank you. You know, this has been, I think, a topic that never ends. I think every man, certainly, at some point in his life,
maybe for all of his life, has an obsession with his genitals. And he has a desire to, in most cases, enlarge them. - I agree with you. You know, I tell people when I speak to them and my friends,
I can't imagine one, I'm not sure that there are, most men, if they had a solution that they knew was safe and would leave them symmetrical and undetectable, would make their penis a little bit larger at least. A lot larger or at least a little bit larger. I think every man, they may not want to admit it to their friends. Yes.
but I think if they could do it in privacy, they would. Yeah. I mean, there's some guy, I mean, one of the guys in the booth there is like, Oh, not me, man. My shit's already nice. I'll let you guess which one said that. The, um, the, yeah, the majority of men. And we also have like,
probably almost an unhealthy obsession with like how, how we feel about it, what it says about us. It affects people's confidence. Right. And, and, and it's just something where,
Men always see that women, especially through the course of our life, went through this huge leap in breasts. Breasts are a big confidence thing for women. Some do get them reduced, but the majority has been this whole world of women enhancing their breasts. Of course. And it went from the...
the initial phase where they were just like boulders and they're just like rock solid. So like now it's undetectable in many ways, right? So how did you come up with this solution or what you've been doing? How did this start? Well, I guess you might say that my interest in girth enhancement started back in 2010. Have you guys heard of what's called the P-Shot, the Priapishat?
It's a procedure where we draw blood and we spit out your platelet-rich plasma, and then it's re-injected back into the penis, and it rejuvenates. They use it in the face for rejuvenation. Oh, yeah. Platelet-rich plasma. A rejuvenated penis. Vampire facelift. Okay, so it's the same concept. So the blood is drawn, you collect the growth factors, and you inject it back into the penis. It was supposed to make the penis grow. That's how it was presented in the very beginning in 2010. Okay.
It didn't do that. But I sent a newsletter out to 10,000 of my clients because I owned a really large med spa.
And I sent a newsletter out and it was overwhelming how many men responded back wanting that had an interest in the pea shot. Well, then I began to do them and I didn't get the results that I was that I had promised. So we had to pull that back and stop promising girth enhancement. But we were able to make their make their penis perform better. So we got better sexual enhancement from the procedure, but not growth.
So people continue to ask about it for years and years and years. And it wasn't until during COVID, I had begin to see more patients come in that had girth enhancement with silicone. And some of them were using a product called PMMA. That's basically acrylic beads. That's not meant to be used for dermal filler, but it's used a lot of Mexico for dermal filler. And,
It was placed unevenly. It was not symmetrical. It was lumpy. It looked really bad. So I knew that people were doing it. I talked to a urologist in Mexico that was doing it and kind of got some ideas of how he was doing it. I talked to a plastic surgeon in Mexico City that was doing it. I talked to some urologists here. I talked to a dermatologist here and kind of found out what I thought was working better.
And when we were closed for COVID, I began to experiment on my friends. Really? I had some friends that volunteered. Come over, let's have a drink. Well, they might've had a drink. Yeah. Yeah. So, so come over, we did the clinic. So the clinic, I could go into the clinic. So we did it at the clinic and,
And we begin to experiment and I came up with a way to lay the dermal filler evenly and they had a really good outcome. - How many injections are making it even? Like how many? - So if this were the shaft of the penis, we're gonna lay dermal filler all the way down the shaft on both sides. - Okay.
And it has to be done evenly. And so I teach the urologists that are our providers how to do this procedure. We have 21 locations, I believe now. We've got five more that I had signed up. And I think I have five more on a wait list to train with me. We'll be at 30 providers or 30 locations across the country.
before the end of the summer, I'm sure. This filler increases the girth of your flaccid penis. And erect. And erect. So it goes in... It's proportional. So if your flaccid penis is here, your erect penis is most likely here. I got you. Okay, if we take you...
Each treatment that we do moves you up one step. So these are all quarter inch increments. And each procedure increases your girth one quarter of an inch. We're very slow. We found that doing it very slow keeps the filler in place and keeps it symmetrical. When you try and inject a whole lot of it at one time, it's when it moves around. Now, how...
How long does this last? Well, I have it in me from 2020 that has not gone away yet. We have many patients from the very beginning that have not lost it. So we are telling patients three to four years. But I think it's longer. I think it's going to be longer, but we just, we can't promise what we haven't seen. May I ask you this though, because I do filler under my eyes and that's about a year. Why? You want to know why? Yeah. Why the difference?
- Let me tell you. So there's two, that's a good question, great question. - Thank you. - So there's two layers of fascia. I'm gonna tell you how the erection works. There's two layers of fascia in the penis. One is called the Buck's fascia and the other one is called the Dardo's fascia.
The dardo's fascia is the outer and the bug's fascia is the inner. What I want you to think about is one of those water hoses that is fabric. And whenever you turn the water on, it expands and it gets rigid. Oh, yeah, I love those. Yeah. And then when you turn the water off, it expands.
It gets soft again and you can move it around. That's exactly how the fascia works in the penis. It's very flexible whenever your penis is soft. And then whenever it becomes erect and it's just full of blood, that's what it is that makes it hard. The pressure expands and the fascia holds the penis erect. So what happens?
had been doing was they had been putting the dermal filler between the fascia and the skin. So it felt like a water balloon. It was very spongy. It wasn't firm. We found out a way, or I found out a way to put it below the first layer of fascia in between the second layer of fascia. So here's the layers of fascia. We put it right in between. And that's what I teach the urologist how to find and how to do injections.
So now we put this dermal filler between these two layers of fascia. They don't have any blood flow and they don't have great lymphatic drainage. So it doesn't metabolize nearly as fast because it's free floating in the face and it's able to metabolize really quickly. But in the layers of fascia that we place it in,
that being behind that layer of fascia keeps it firm. So when you get erect, you cannot tell that there's dermal filler in there. It's just as firm as it always was. And it lasts because it's trapped between these two layers of fascia that just don't have the blood flow and the lymphatic drainage. Can you do labias next? Let me start working on that.
Now, some people, because I'm sure are curious, what about the head? Can they do... So lots of providers outside of our network do the head. They do the glands, but...
It's a totally different type of tissue. It's nothing at all like the tissue in the shaft of the penis. - What if they want the tip of their dick to look like a top hat? - Well, we personally don't do it at all. Let me tell you why. Because when you inject it in, it can't spread. The tissue is not the same. It's very spongy. It's a very spongy tissue and it's very rich in blood. It's like the face. It will dissolve even faster because it's so rich in blood.
And so it won't last long. And it looks like acne whenever people try and do it. I dissolve it for people because people will have it done somewhere else and they'll come to us for correction and we'll dissolve it out. But we don't have a way just yet to make the glands larger. Are these sizes that are on display on the table? Are these supposed to be flaccid sizes or just? It can be either one. Either one. So what we can do is. Let me put my glasses on.
Me too. Hold on. I want to get a better look at these guys. Yeah. This starts at three inches in circumference. And, you know, some guys will come to us and they are in these two areas, flaccid. Most likely their erection is probably somewhere over in here. So what I can do is I can ask a person, tell me what your erection is. They can look at it. They can say, I'm somewhere between here and here. I hand it to them. I say, close your eyes, close your eyes, feel that.
hey that's what's funny yeah yeah yeah i like to feel one yeah feel that i had something funny one day whenever i was in clinic and i was and i told a guy to put his hand out yeah he said oh wait i did this in high school and it didn't go really well so anyway um this is um we we let them decide where their where their erection is so they'll they'll determine this is why i see that one again
We're getting there. Is that close? I mean, it's kind of. Okay, so let me tell you. So what I would tell you, if you tell me that this is where you are, I would say the females, the research shows that somewhere in here is the best for stimulating a female. So that's between 5.75 and 6. It's like a baby's arm. That's where women have reported to have the best sex. Okay.
And it's not about length. It's about girth. Right. Sure. It's about stretching the body. Someone said the tuna can there on the end. Because the thing that you're right with length, for those guys listening that are like, yeah, but I want a big longy. It just ends up hitting your cervix and it hurts. The nice thing about whenever you have to take this for a spin. That's a spin. Maybe for your birthday.
Show up with one of those. Is it a liquid death can? I've got at least, I've got two guys that are larger than this and I don't have any idea where they put it. Oh, hold on. Can you make it darker too like this? Can you go darker in pigment? I think that's called Milano tan. There's something, there's some injection for that. Wait a minute. I got to ask this. I got a lot of questions for you. So do I. But do you ever, so there's people, let's say in the,
cosmetic surgery world that you get a patient who's like, give me another facelift. And they're like, do you ever have somebody who you're like, hey man. I cut them off. You cut them off. Yeah. But here's the thing.
Let me give you, let me give you. No more dick for you. You cut him off. But sometimes they taught me into continuing. Let me tell you some reasons. Okay, so if the penis is getting to be too large and I believe that it's going to be misshapen and it's going to like look unusual, I generally warn the guy. If it's a single guy, then he definitely does not want it to be misshapen if it gets to be too large. Because he's on the dating market, people have to be able to see it.
I've had some men tell me, my wife has had five vaginal births, and I'm only going to see my wife, and she doesn't care what it looks like whenever it's flaccid. I want you to keep going because the more that you put in, the better her orgasms are.
And so in that situation, I say, you know what? It's okay. I'll keep going because it's not a body dysmorphia issue. It's actually trying to please his wife that's had multiple vaginal births. And may I ask you this? If the guy goes too far, how do you dissolve the filler? So we have a product called hyaluronidase. And it is an enzyme that breaks the bond. And it basically turns the dermal filler into sugar and water. And it dissolves. And so we use that for sculpting.
So we get to the very end and let's just say that this is a penis and it has a little bit of a little irregularity here on the side, just a little one. I can do just a few little droplets of hyaluronidase in there and just smooth it out and make it perfect. So we're sculptors. These fillers
will increase your flaccid and erect size and your erection will maintain, will still be a full normal erection. Yes. And you're going to look longer when you're flaccid. So if you look at our before and afters, people say, well, look, you did make the, you did make it longer. We just made it hang better because it's got a lot of weight in it. It's heavy. I mean, sometimes I had a guy tell me one time, he's like, I lay down on my turn on my side and I feel my penis lay next to me.
He was kind of joking, but he, but you can, but you can feel it in your pants. Like people say, I feel, and they say, I feel different when I'm at work, when I'm sitting at a business meeting and I can feel my, can I say dick on the air? Sure. I can feel my dick and my underwear. It just makes me have big dick energy. I had a guy, this is what we're all after. I had a guy that came in last week and he said, you have no idea what this has done for my career.
He said, I was stagnant in my career. I was not motivated. Now I wake up in the morning when I get out of the shower. I see a completely different person than what I saw before. My energy is different. I go to work. I'm more assertive. I'm more productive. I mean, I've heard it a lot. I mean, this was just last week that someone told me, but I've heard this many times that people become stagnant.
They start new businesses and they just feel different. They date. I had a guy that told me that he was on Tinder and he said, you would not believe the tears that I was able to move up on Tinder dating when the size of my penis changed. Yeah. Like a totally different, totally different group of women. Can I see some photos of these penises? I'd love to look at photos. They're on the site. Can we look at some of the before and afters? I'd love to see them. Just for science, you know. Dash and...
Oh, look, you even straightened out. Look at that one on the right. Okay, I'm going to ask you because you're a female. Sure. The left side, would you even want to... Wait, the far left guy? Okay, the far right guy, there's two photos. Yeah. And the left picture is the before. Would you want that?
Oh, I'm so open to so many painters. Okay. I love them all. All flavors and sizes. He looks so much better on his after. Yeah, he does. He looks so much better. I'll say it. No, it's amazing. I'll say it. If I was jacking guys off, I would want the guy on the right. You'd want the guy on the right. I mean, that's miraculous. Scroll down. Is there more? There are more. But I wouldn't even know that's the same guy. I was trying to get you to the page where you don't have to give us your information. It was the...
Before, dash, and dash after. Up to the top. Before, and dash. You wouldn't even know. Right, right there. That, I think, is going to take you to all of them. This is the whole library. Go down. We've got better ones. Dude, they hang totally different. They look longer. And we don't, I don't like to go over.
over the top with them. These are nice enhancements. Very nice enhancements. Sometimes it's just three quarters to an inch enhancement. There's a lot of providers that look like hot dogs when they get finished. And that's not what our goal is. We want them to be undetectable, give them more confidence when they look in the mirror in the mornings,
More confidence dating. That one's very subtle. I like that. Can I ask you this? Yeah. Have you ever had a black patient? Yeah. Okay. Keep going. Those are lots. You know that BBC big black clock is not true. Well, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I actually feel that like it also needs to be said that if you're a black guy and you're feeling like, God, I don't have some. That's worse for them. Right. Because they're like everybody's expecting it. Yeah. It's really hard. Look at this guy right here. Wow.
Wow. That guy's Korean and he looks totally good. Oh, and here's a black guy right here. Here's a black guy. He didn't even need it though. Let's be honest.
- He was-- - He was long and thin. He was very thin. Well, I mean, he said his erections were somewhere down in here, and he needed to be up here. You gotta have girth to please. - Sure, sure. - There's more black guys on there if you keep going. - Let me ask you, Christina, is this-- - How many Russian Jews are on there? - How do you feel about this? - It's lovely. - That's a black guy. - Is that what you like? - Yeah. - That can be arranged. - Let's do it. - It's great, it's great. - Real quick. - Sorry, did you say Russian Jews? I feel like they're pretty, you know. - Whoa.
- That's a black guy. - Yeah, so bizarre. - That was a correction. That was trying to correct something that had happened with this guy's circumcision, just trying to make it a little bit better. He had some adhesions. - Oh, poor guy. - I got a question for you. - Yes.
So what's going on with that fucking thing? Well, it's uncircumcised and it's huge now. Now, so what you're looking at at the bottom where that little tight ring is, that's actually a medical condition called phimosis. And there's a little muscle that pulls the foreskin forward so that when you're a hunter and a gatherer, twigs don't hit the... That's what you think. We've learned differently though, remember? What have we learned? When you fight wars, the soldiers used to fight without...
- Oh, this is somebody else that, yeah, sorry. - It's a different guy. - I think Bill here knows what he's talking about. - Well, I would say God's plan was for it to be protected. And so that one is too tight. And so it's actually holding very tight on the gland of his penis. It's not supposed to be quite that tight.
Okay, this is one of the main questions that I had. - Just love this buffet. - You take, let's say, the before measurements, right? - Yes. - How do you know that I'm as small as I can get? Like what if I go in there, or you measure me, and you're like, "Okay, you're four inches in girth," and I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, "let me tell you something, doc.
this thing gets a lot smaller, right? Do you ever have? It doesn't make a difference. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We're going to inject you exactly the same. So people do come in. They have days that they're cold. They have days that they're warm. They have days that they've had caffeine or some other type of stimulant that may make them have less blood flow in their penis, a pseudothet. You know, there's things that can happen and they're smaller or larger, but we're going to inject them the same. Gotcha.
And their erect change is going to be really the key to know that you got the quarter of an inch growth because when you're erect, you're erect. And so we're going to be adding a quarter of an inch to the penis, whether it's flaccid or erect. And so they will see the changes.
every time in their erection. Does bonding with your brothers make a difference? - So a lot of males are into biohacking. They'll buy all the supplements, very expensive supplements, yet they never have seen their bros naked. They've never worked out naked. They've never played naked ultimate Frisbee. They've never done naked wrestling.
And there's a reason why testosterone and sperm counts are at an all time low. It's because men are not getting that vitamin that Robert Bly, who wrote Way of Iron John, said is an invisible food that gets transfused between men through the ethers when they get naked and do, for example, ball cupping or ball tapping rituals where you tap your bestest bros balls and look at his beautiful mushroom head and said good energy into it.
Is this effective? That is interesting. I've never heard that before. Well, he has like real world examples. So in my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bashar. I mean, they're all candidates, right?
Everyone's a candidate. He does these workshops called penis wellness. So it's all about your relationship with your cock and like really learning to love your penis. Because if you love your penis, your self-esteem goes up, I find. Which is kind of what you're talking about. It is true. It's very true. I'm just curious what's going to happen. Me too. Does anyone get in a bone? And then how about we go first? So we're going to look at each other's cocks and then take three deep breaths.
i can't wait for you guys to do that do you embrace their dick sometimes chinese medicine the dick is the outermost extension of your heart yeah and then you say brother you got a beautiful penis brother you got a beautiful piece then you hug you can convince these guys to do anything i have to hug at least for 30 seconds because i really forgot to go with me and the decks are definitely yeah are you chilling i am man i've been shivering since we got out oh
What's that other guy up to back there? I think the ringleader's kind of growing here. I think he is, too. I think he is. I think this is all a ruse. I'm trying to find if you're showing gay porn or if this is actually biohacking. This is what this guy teaches. It's called science. He's definitely growing. Yeah, he's totally growing. This is what you do at the seminar, babe. Yeah, this is the stuff I want to do.
Me and my bros want to do this. Hug each other naked. Post-show. Oh, my God. Great set. Is this what you did in Vegas after? So successful. God, I... So does this work? I have to go try it. I don't know. I haven't tried it. Yeah. Pretty interesting. I think that I can probably guarantee faster results.
Yeah, that's for sure. I mean, look. That's for sure. You don't have to convince me, Bill. I mean, the person that really is going to live with this choice is this one. So you really should be talking to her. Have you had children? Yeah, two of them. So mine's blasted out. You can tell. Stop!
And they're his babies. They're boys. So their heads. So they're big. Well, I was told, they're like, oh, you're not going to be able to deliver these vaginally because our first sons, they're like, the head is so big. You're narrow. There's no way. So they scheduled me for a C-section, but then I went into labor anyway. So anyway, long story short, I pushed both kids out of me. So it's a disaster zone down there. Yeah. What a disaster.
It's blown out. It's so blown out. What do you want? No, you tell me what you want. No, no, it's literally, you're the one that gets to choose. It's like shopping for an engagement. That's what it is. It's like, well, tell me, do you want the diamond cut? What do you want? The princess cut, I mean? Babe, can I ask a question? You're going to really regret passing on this decision right now. You're trying to be modest. You should pick one and roll with it. Do you have a dildo? How many? Yeah. Okay. Your favorite dildo.
Could you tell me on here where your favorite dildo is? The size? My favorite dildo. Maybe I should have asked that. You said that so sincerely. Your favorite dildo. You're totally right, Doc. Which one's your favorite dildo? Tell me which one's your favorite. I mean, you can't put me on the spot like this. Being on the spot's going to help. You really got to think. But here's the thing. I like them all. They're all delicious. This is diplomatic. Okay, I'll tell you the truth. I've had the liquid death can. It's not great, honestly. Okay.
It's not. It's too much. It's like giving birth again for me personally. But then again, I was in my 20s, so I can't. How do I gauge? You had this. Hold this. I had in my 20s that. This? Yeah. Not the length, but the girth. This girth? Yeah. Jesus Christ. I'm telling you. And he was short. Short. It was like that. It was like that. Like that? Okay, honestly, when he gave it to me to hold, I was having a flashback.
Gosh. I was like... I was remembering the summer of 1997, was it? Fingers didn't touch? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm telling you, but we didn't day long. Yeah.
Because it just wasn't for me. Okay. I mean, I feel like this one's good. This is a good one. That's a pretty common choice. Yeah, that seems like... It's a pretty common choice. Yeah, because it's not going to like... Yeah, I like that one. All right, Tom, and you said that you think that your erection is here? Let me see. Let me see. No, it's bigger than that. Okay, let's go here. Let me switch with you there. Wait, where am I? Here? I don't know. Am I here? Yeah, try that one.
Yeah, I think full girth is probably there. The larger one. Yeah. Okay. Then we're talking two treatments. Two to three. We did three treatments. He would be to hear. I don't think so. That's too much. Too much. Yeah. Okay. Even though I've had two kids, like I don't want to be stretched out more. It would just be temporarily stretched, which puts the nerves on the stretch, which makes you have more sensitivity. Okay.
Of course. So, but two treatments for Tom would put him exactly this space. And then we determine how many syringes that we're going to put in you. Look, I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that my wife's had a liquid death can in her before. I was thinking about how you were going to handle that a second ago when she told you. I was just wondering how the conversation was going. No, yeah, that's it. I was like, wow, Jesus. Yeah, he was a real loser too.
They usually are. There's some type of balance. There is some balance in the universe. The blood goes. Yeah, it wasn't the brightest candle. And I didn't like it. I didn't like his dong, actually. Yeah. No, I didn't. That's a good spin on it. I didn't.
And then, of course, the number of syringes are determined by the length. So if someone has a much longer penis, then it takes more dermal filler to get down the length of the shaft. If they have a smaller, shorter penis, it doesn't take as much dermal filler. Wait, can I ask you the dumbest question? When you put in the filler, do you have to smooth it out? I do. Do you rub it? I use my thumb. I use my thumb. We model it, and then we use our thumb. Because I know how that goes here. It just goes.
- There's a process that we teach. I mean, we have a protocol that is step by step for our providers.
And everyone that we have is a urologist. We have one dermatologist and one OBGYN, but it's primarily urologists. I have the top urologists in the country. They're called KOLs, key opportunity leaders, that are the ones who do the best research and are the most published. They have embraced this procedure for the first time because there's never been a procedure that offered safety, efficacy, and
and symmetry that was undetectable. - I mean, this sounds like the perfect pitch. - It's a win-win. - Yeah, we were just featured. They had this North America Sexual Medicine Society meeting. It was in San Diego. It was all the top sexual medicine doctors in North America come.
And one of my providers presented on safety and efficacy. And when they sent out the email that said, thank you all for coming to the conference, they actually put Faddle Phil in a video of her talking at the very top. So they really have embraced it and they have pushed it out to all their urologists. - Can I ask you a question? How did it fit in your mouth? - I was 23. I don't even remember, babe.
Did you have to unhinge? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I'm telling you, the guy was such a lose, though. Let's not go into any of the loser. He used to have to bang at his parents' house and stuff. You know, so sad. It's before you, babe. This is a summer boyfriend? Wait a minute. Yeah. No. You know who it is, huh? Yeah. No. No? I know who it is. Do you know him?
I've seen him. Yeah. I've seen him. Yep. Yeah, I've seen him. One time we were together. And we saw him. And I saw her go like this. She goes. No. And I was like, what are you doing? I did that with my cat. I was like, let's get out of here immediately. God. Isn't that cool when you could put a dick to the face like that of your wife's sexual history? Ugh.
I feel like I'm a dick whisperer now. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like I've seen so many, like, and I can look at hands and nose and I can feel like I can look at skin textures. I can look at features of people and I almost feel like I have an idea of
of what it's gonna look like before they take their pants off. - Aw, nice. - Like Superman. - Yeah, wish I had that power. - The myth is that it's shoe size, that it's completely unrelated. - I don't think shoe size is. - Yeah, that's completely unrelated, but that like index fingers and-- - I've seen thickness, and I can even look at the size of fingernails. There's traits that I had put together
that will let me sort of know in my head what they're going to be. You know, I think most urologists are not looking at that. They're just in there to treat an STD or a UTI. They're not thinking about trying to see how to make this penis larger. So I think I've put a lot...
I've treated a lot of people. Dicks for your life. And so I've, yeah. Can I ask you, is there any potentiality for nerve damage? We have never had it reported. So no one has ever reported loss of sensitivity and no one has ever reported erectile dysfunction at any of our practices, which is really, really amazing because people claim erectile dysfunction because of, you know, sexual performance anxiety. There's all kinds of reasons that people can have erectile dysfunction without actually having damage. So we've never had it reported. This is what you already have.
- That one? - Yeah. - So then we have to go up. - Yeah. - Okay. - We're gonna go up to here? - She just wants to go up to there. - I think that you go up to there. If you've had two big kids, I think that that would be a good size. - Actually, she's right. - I really think that's a great size. And so that's about three treatments for him. - That's a level up, yeah. - I'm gonna ask you, does it make you scared to think about having it done?
Yeah. Because having all the needles put in your penis, it's not what you, on New Year's Day, it wasn't your resolution to say, okay, this year I'm going to have- I can't do it today, by the way. I have to do it. No, no, no. I'm just saying, but on New Year's Day, you didn't say-
I'm going to have needles put in my penis, yeah. But you numb it, yeah? So that they don't feel it. We use lidocaine. No, I just realized something. I have to top that guy. So we have to go up to whatever's one beyond that. Beyond liquid death? I'm going to be flying back and forth from Dallas to Austin quite a bit, it looks like. Don't do that.
- So, okay, so it won't hurt is what you're saying 'cause there's lidocaine in it. - No, no, it feels like a, the very first lidocaine injection is with a little tiny insulin syringe. It feels like a dick. - God, that makes so much sense. She's always talking about dicks. And like every time some girl comes over who's like a friend, she's like, "I went on a date." She goes, "What was that dick like?"
Do you know why? Because they're so varied as we saw in that buffet that you showed us, the assortment. They're so interesting because they don't, there's no two dicks that are the same. There's no two dicks that are alike. And they're fascinating to me because their external genitalia, it's so weird. It is weird and interesting. It is. And that's what they tell you in kindergarten. They go, no two dicks are alike. That's what they teach you. All of you are unique.
I've heard a urologist say, you know, they say, if you've seen one dick, you've seen them all. No way. But that's not true. He says, if you've seen one dick, you've seen one dick. Yeah. Because there's never another one like it. No. And I'm sure badges are the same way, right? And there's some ugly ones that come through. Ugly dicks? Yeah. Yeah, I saw some there. There's some that has bad coloring, bad texture, just...
Some guys are just, were not blessed with the best genetics when it comes to that. And some guys just come in and everything is just perfect. I mean, they want it larger, but the color is perfect and the shape is perfect. There are some beautiful dicks out there. There really are. You know, I've seen some really nice ones. And it's the same thing with vaginas. True. There are some that look like they're gunshot wounds. Even before childbirth, before childbirth, they look like they've been wrecked.
And there's some beautiful ones after childbirth. I mean, I personally like to look at both. Yeah. The good thing is guys don't really care. I mean, all the guys that I sleep with now seem to care before and after. Guys really don't care what your vag looks like. I got to tell you, we, you know, you do go like, Oh, that one is, is whatever. And this one is this, but like ultimately, um,
You just want to finish inside of it. I know. You don't really care. I know. That's what I'm saying. Women who are, that's a, I get it. Like, but that's your own personal insecurity. Guys, we really, we're not like, oh yeah. And it looked like, like no one gives a shit. No, even maybe with boobs. Like there are guys that like hungry tits and then guys that like big sloths. I've always been with breasts. Like I don't,
I've loved small breasts, big breasts. I don't go like, oh, if it's not like this, I can't be happy. It just doesn't affect me that way. There's got to be something on a female. You said it's not breast. It's not the vagina. Are you a butt man? I mean, there's got to be something. I like butts, sure. I like butts. I like her teeth. I have nice teeth. You have beautiful teeth. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, my braces and stuff. - I wish you'd cut your hair off. - Wait, shorter, spikier, darker. - Oh, if she had bad feet, I wouldn't have dated her. - I think that feet are important too. And feet is another thing that could guide me to what the penis is gonna look like. - Really? - Yeah, people that have nice feet generally have a nice looking penis from what I've seen. - Wow. - We need to do a survey. - Like if you had like hammer toes and stuff, it wouldn't have been a second date. - No, no, I agree. Feet are very important.
Wait, you can look at a dude's feet and guess the Peter? You can put it all together, all the little attributes. I mean, there's lots of things on the body that I feel like that I look at. I mean, there's no science of what I'm telling you. Do you ever have a big surprise, though, where you think you're going to see something? Oh, of course. I mean, of course I'm not accurate all the time. Sometimes I'll have a guy that comes in that's skinny and a little hands and he pulls it down and I'm like, holy shit.
It's long, maybe not Garthy, but yeah, it surprises me. So have you had the, this is my first time I'm coming in for an assessment and you're like, dude, this is a really full, you don't need anything. Yeah, of course I have. And you tell those guys, what are you doing here? Well, they say I would like to have a bigger penis. Jesus Christ. Wow, greedy. And so-
If somebody comes in with a large penis and I find that there's a problem and there's body dysmorphia and I think that they're never going to be happy with no matter what I do to them because there's dysmorphia, we don't treat those people.
we just tell them that you're not a great candidate for the procedure and we're not going to be able to do a treatment. Do you need an assistant in your Dallas facility? I used to have an assistant that would hand me syringes and would do everything for me. And during COVID, he refused the vaccine and so we lost him because of that, because it was required in Texas.
And so I haven't had one since and I'm not gonna hire another one 'cause I just grab everything myself off the table. - You know what this would be great for? Because it's always been such a bummer when people like trans people, when they transition to male, they don't often give them good units. - I wanna get into that so bad. - Yeah, that would be great for that. - Let me tell you, what I've been doing, I've been going on Reddit and there's some rooms that are female to male trans
And they've been taking hormones. And I think that they also use some suction devices and so forth for the clitoris. And there's some, they get some really nice growth and almost develop a glands or a head on the clitoris when they've been taking hormones long enough. And I really want to find some female to male trans men to try and do my procedure on. Yeah, that would probably help. See if I can make their, make their, their,
which is now looking like a penis, larger. I think I can. - Yeah, that'd be awesome. - 'Cause it's the same structure. It just changed when we were in the mother's womb, but it started off to be the same structure. - Yeah, we're all the same meat, just different formation. - Was he a good lover? - No, no, no, no. - No, no, tell us the truth. - No, no. - How hard did you, how hard did you try? - No, babe, stop. - Was it better?
Is it better? We can keep going. I am kind of curious. Yeah, she's not like, she's playing cool. No, I'll tell you what. Honestly, okay, if I have to go back in my Rolodex, not top three. What? Honestly, and I mean it, not my favorite. Why? Just not for me. It wasn't for me. It's not better orgasms? No. What do you want from me? We want the truth. This is the truth.
It wasn't my favorites. No, not in the top three. Not... Oh, I'm going to puke. Stop. You're making everybody uncomfortable. No, I'm not. Yes. I'm curious how long it was. But literally like that. Literally. So it was short and thick. Short and thick. Yeah. And you came so fucking hard. Stop it. I'm going to puke. Why? You're blushing because it's true. Oh my God. Stop. Stop.
I hate this. So you don't think that if we kept going, it would be like the best sex you've ever had? Flashback. Yeah. Babe, you're asking me something that happened like over 20 years ago. Oh, you remember. Don't give me this 20 years ago thing. Not that, you know, details. I vaguely remember. You don't remember if it was great sex? No, it wasn't.
It was not. It was not. Bill, what do you think? I want to know if it had good... I'd tell you it wasn't. Was it pretty? Was it a handsome dick? Sure. It had nice color and nice... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He maybe could have been a prostitute. Maybe. He missed his calling. Maybe. Yeah, it's just not for me. Not for her. So what else do you want to know about Garth? So is this guy a candidate? Look at it!
Who are you? Remove it! Remove it! Remove it! Remove that cloth! He's possessed. Remove it! Remove it! 20 days! It has been like this for 20 days! 20 days! He's had an erection. Suffering! Why? Why is the man of God like that? I don't want him to marry me. Why is the man of God like that? He's really had an erection for 20 days? He's having an exorcism done. We worship you. We give you glory.
I think maybe a doctor would be who we should seek out. No, but this is religious. God gives you erections. Oh, demons give him directions. But God will lower your... Oh, a somersault.
to be fair one day at lunch i saw any do the same thing and i was hard to do how many weeks three weeks almost a month now he has been suffering like this no way because of this doc he seems like he's got pretty good that's a pretty big that's a pretty big doc pretty big dick yeah pretty big dick christina where's this one right i mean it's got a big gland on it too it's got a big it's got a big head yeah oh
You can see that through the undies. I mean, as you can tell. Yeah. And we're talking to an expert. And I thought I was an expert. Yeah. You're definitely. Hey, you ever go to NBA games? Not often. You should come with us and just look at the dicks through the shorts and tell me what you see. It never stops. That one's so fun. Cause I do like to imagine like, what am I dealing with? And that was. That sounds like fun. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. He has the biggest. Yeah. Yeah.
All right, Doc. Sorry, Bill. Oh, shoot. Oh, the water. The water helps, too. Wow. So, you're in Dallas. I come down for my first treatment.
How long does it last, the procedure? I book people even when they're new for one hour. But if they're a repeat client, I can probably get them in and out in 30 minutes. It doesn't take me very long. I'm pretty fast with it. And one treatment will get me up a level? Each treatment will move you one size up. Wow. But it's in and out pretty fast. And how long do you recommend between, like if I go up one and I go up another one, how long? Three weeks. Three weeks. Okay. Yeah.
and you're gonna have to avoid sex for 10 days because we don't want the filler to migrate. I patented a post-care sleeve. This is the first time that anyone has ever seen this in public on your show because I'm far enough into the patent process that it really can't be replicated now. And this is our secret sauce. We put this on the penis. We have 10 different sizes. The gland is captured by that little ring and it keeps the penis extended
are elongated and compressed and so they wear that for three weeks under their clothes it makes your dick look bigger people that have it on they're like this is like a push-up bra for my dick um you put it on your penis looks bigger in your pants and it holds the filler it holds the filler in place and we're the only ones that have that everyone else uses an ace bandage or that co-band that they put on you when you have your blood drawn that that sticky um fabric take tape
So we have this, this sets us apart. No one else has this post-care garment besides us. And literally this is the first time I've shown it. Our patients, of course, have been wearing it for almost two years now, but I've asked them to keep it off blogs and to not post pictures of it because we were in the process. You know what I was listening to that as a woman, you can look at this thing and you could probably put a face to every size. Actually, I'm doing that. That's so funny. I know you are. I know you are.
You're like, that's him. Because I've had the full gamut. Literally, I've had your first guy. Did you really? I have. And I've had the last guy. That's fucking crazy, by the way, that you've had the co-keeper. But that's what I'm so fascinated by, because I've had, like I said, a guy that you wouldn't imagine had the one. And then another guy, you're like, that guy looks normal. I think I know who this guy is, too. What?
I think I know a few of her. Tom and I have been together for like 20 years, so he's heard all my stories. Was it really erect like this? It was erect maybe a little more, but you know, again...
I don't have exact dick memories. I know. I know. Yes. Between one and two. Wow. Yeah. It was sad. Kind of, you know. I've seen it. Yeah. Of course I've seen it. So like, if you could help that guy, that would be, you know. You can give him the information. No. I don't talk to. I don't talk to. Give it to me and I'll tell you. The ghost of Christmas pasts here. I don't talk to him. I'll talk to him.
Yeah. It's a full gamut, I'll tell you. Yeah, and then you're like, oh, and that was Oxford, and that was... That was San Francisco. San Francisco over there. Los Angeles summertime. Barista. I've got a tape measure here if you need to measure yours. I'm going to leave it for you. Doing girths or lengthies? So you can do the length, and then you can do the girth. Okay, look, we have to wrap up, but I wanted to say this.
I think this is a very cool option for men.
And they can go to fallowfill.com. That's right. And you have locations all over the country. All over the country. Oh, great. From the Northeast down to Southern California, down to Miami. We're struggling to find providers, good providers up in the Northwest. We've got some that we're talking to, but we're pretty well covered up by Chicago and Detroit and Indianapolis. Great. Is this the correct way to do this? Yes, that is the Garth. So that Garth, if you're measuring it, it should come out to be...
Five and a half inches. You're measuring centimeters. You got to know the centimeter side. I'm serious about filler in my labes. I mean, because it does get wrinklier over time just to give it a little pep.
You know what you might try? There's a procedure that exosomes, stem cells, and stem cells release exosomes, which cause rejuvenation. That can be injected into any tissue and make it rejuvenate. So if you think that there's a problem where it's aged and you think that you're trying to reverse it, the first thing that I would do is I would try to have someone inject exosomes into it to try and rejuvenate. That's a whole other topic. But
But it's a great procedure. I'll talk to my plastic surgeon. I wish you had a table of coochies out here and I would be like, I can run through all of this. I know. That's why I want him to do vages now. That'd be fun. Can we find a vag, a vag rejuvenator and we'll have her come or him come? That'd be fun. All right.
All right. Well, this is awesome. Thank you, Bill. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. You guys want to do it. Fallowphil.com. Get your dicks bigger. Thank you. And we are back and our guest has a new special dropping tomorrow on Max. Religion, sex, and a few things in between. Everybody, it's Rory Scovel. Let him hear it. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Good to see you. I appreciate that. Did I say that right? Is it Scovel? Scovel. Scovel. Yeah. Should I put these on? Scovel. Oh, yeah. You guys have cooler, more... Yeah. Yeah. I feel like a pilot. You kind of look like a pilot. Yeah, that looks good.
That's a good look for me. I like it. Giant headphones. Um, congratulations on the special. Thanks. Where'd you shoot it? Uh, we did it in Minneapolis at a place called the, uh, Good Ale Theater. Oh, Minneapolis is a great comedy town. Yeah. We didn't book, when we did the tour, we didn't book, uh, Minneapolis cause I just had it in the back of my head. Like that might be the spot to, you got to do it once, once a tour, you got to leave one at least one of the good ones, but it's hard to know. It's hard to know what that city should be, but yeah, this is a good, a good one. Yeah. Um,
You did one of the most amazing... We almost were able to podcast at the time because I was like, to me, nothing gives me more anxiety than what you did, which is why I was like, well, we have to celebrate it, which is the last thing you did, which is where you go, I'm just going to go on tour and every night I'll just come up with something new. Oh, in Atlanta, the docu-special. Yeah, dude. That was fun. That wasn't meant to be a documentary. I just wanted to try that. And I was like, oh, let's do it
The whole week. Let's do six nights in a row. And we'll charge like $5 because it could be just shit. Yeah. I kind of thought that's, I was like, Oh, I'll probably bomb. But people will walk away being like, Oh, who gives a shit? It's five bucks. So people kind of give you the benefit of the doubt. And someone was, I told Jay Larson about it and he was like,
You got to shoot that. That should be a documentary. And so then we just put... Abso gave us some money and we went and shot it. Yeah, but how do you deal... Because every comedian fear is bombing. So how come you don't fear it as much? I think I do. I think I do. I think everybody does. And I think that nervous energy suddenly just drives the show. But the both of you could also do it. You just...
you just haven't gone out and just said, all right, I'm just going to go talk for an hour. And you would surprise yourself 10 minutes in where you're like, Oh, I actually think I could just keep, uh,
I don't know. And you realize you're just being entertaining. Yeah, I think I could do it for a little bit because I've done that. I have shown up and been like, all right. Sure. And signed up for the no material, whatever kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the fact that you were doing full sets, doing it that way, I'm like, this is insane. Well, by the third night is when I was getting the most... My brain was like,
like think of something that feels like a secret you don't want to tell anybody. And then quickly I was realizing, oh, this is actually the most interesting thing
And I also started to realize, oh, instead of the audience either laughing or not laughing, I saw them just get engaged by me just saying something like vulnerable. Like I remember at one point, my brain was like, just tell them you've seen gay porn. And so I just said that. And I could see the audience being like, all right, go on. And I was like, oh yeah, all right, I'll just talk about this. And like, I didn't have a joke with it. I just kind of talked about it. That's what I was going to say. So did it, did sometimes it stay in your head?
This isn't really funny in this moment. This is just revealing. I think... You know what I mean? Almost like you're doing therapy in a way, but like... Yes. And then you'll find a joke later on? Yes. Okay. And that's why I think we could all do... I think more comedians can do it than think because...
Once you just start talking about a topic, you know if you just keep going, there's going to be some kind of dots to connect. And you go, oh, that's funny. That's where the laugh is. You know what's so interesting? Because I was watching a bunch of newer comedians at Mothership a week ago, and I was like, okay, they're all skilled comedians. But what's interesting...
interesting to watch is someone that's honest and vulnerable, at least for me. I want to see the guy who's like, I watch gay porn. You're like, yeah? I may have masturbated. And then you're like, yeah? It's really...
It's the content, not so much the form. Because everyone can be proficient at some point at a skill set. Well, I think we can all, at least doing that documentary was eye-opening for me to be like, oh, and this constant search of like, oh, I need material. I think I always saw it like, oh, I need 60 minutes of material. But there's nothing really in that. This docu-special made me really step back and be like, oh, actually, what do I want to say? Hmm.
for 60 minutes and live or die by it. Maybe it's funny, maybe it's not. And it kind of shifted my brain. This special is actually most of the sex jokes are
were born out of that week in Atlanta. And my goal with it was like, oh, we shot this documentary, so I'll have the birth of the joke. And then when I finally shoot the special, it'll be the death of it. I'm not going to do it again. So this is kind of what that is. Well, that's like my favorite show here in town. It's called Bottom of the Barrel, where they have a literal little barrel on stage, and it has...
uh just written suggestions from the audience yeah you pull it out and if you don't want to do it you drop it but if you read it you just say the thing yeah and then you just see where it goes because you get bits out of random suggestions yeah if you're willing to just kind of talk you have to talk talk talk yeah the way it goes wrong I think is if you just go like you look at it and it's just
silly joke, silly joke. Like you have to actually talk, you know, you have to be willing to kind of make it, you have to be willing to be uninteresting to perhaps pay off on being funny. You gotta go to the peaks and the valleys. I think so. And I think when you're in those valleys, you don't panic. You stay, you stay in it. And the thing I kept trying to remind myself with these shows, I still try to do it is like the
The material is one thing, but can I just like be fun? Like when I get out there, can people be like, oh, this, this is, this is attractive. This is like, I'm compelled to want to hear this person talk. I think we see it in acting all the time. There's like,
Just some actors are like, yeah, they're just like standing there. You're like, yeah, I'll watch. I'll see what you're doing. And it's like, I think we have that too. I mean, really, if you think about what we do, it's kind of bizarre that it's even a thing. Yeah. That people show up to hear our speeches. Yeah. For an hour. And also for us, for them to think that our perspective on stuff is so important or interesting. Like it's like we are, you have to be a little full of yourself. Yeah.
to think, oh, what I have to say is valid. I'm worth listening to. But also to that point, yes, what you have to say, but then also, whenever I watch Ron White, it's like you want to hang out with that person. You want to hang out with Uncle Ron White. And I think, too, when people buy your merch or something, they want a piece of your soul. You are selling...
your soul, your essence, your being when you're a performer and entertainer. Well, nowadays, I mean, you guys know it. Like nowadays it's like you give, you give everything. It's no longer like, Oh, you're just on the stage. It's like, we're in this world of like the social media, the podcast. No, but you know, the funny thing is, are the comedians, the, are the comedians who are like, ah, like, and I knew them all. We knew them all coming up who are like, I'm just gonna, I'm not going to do all that other stuff.
I'm just going to do my spots. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then what happens to all, 100% of them,
is after a certain amount of time, they're like, hey, how do I do this? And how do I do that? And how do I do that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm guilty of it in my own way. You try to steer your own ship and you go, I'm going to do a little bit differently, like you're saying. But it is interesting that at least in the world of social media, you've had to kind of come to terms with the fact that this is how audiences find you or even decide that they want to buy a ticket.
to see more of it. It's just reality. It's just what it is, man. This is what it is. This is how this is done now. You are a comedian. Guess what?
You got to have a place like a website that people can go to to watch things and buy tickets, have links. And you got to put, you have to be present more than just on stage. Isn't that crazy? It's such a different industry. Yeah, it is. Like when we started, we were all trying to get our VHS tapes to mail to a club to host. We were just talking about, do you remember Dublin's? Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just telling him, so I remember, uh, Jay Davis ran that. And I remember walking in there and handing him a VHS tape and him being like,
Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Being like, can I get on this show? Yeah. Yeah. And that was just the way of it. And then the big shift was like, oh, DVDs. Yeah. And I had to learn how to burn a DVD. Then it was like, no, you got to have a thing on YouTube. Yeah. Now you're doing YouTube. Now. MySpace videos. Yeah. Or MySpace video. And also then it shifted into, well, how many followers do you have? Oh.
Oh, yeah. Because that creates the value. And I think that's where suddenly things changed. You can now have this perceived value based on how many people find you interesting. Yeah. And that is a good metric. Yeah. But I think sometimes we don't step back and go, oh, you can buy. Yeah.
Yeah, you can buy these. You can buy those followers to like have it. You can like rig it a little bit. It's not, you know, it's not completely an even exchange. Like I know, I don't want to like say the people, but it's like, I know somebody who, whose social media following is impressive by most people's measure, but it's not the biggest and they have massive ticket sales. Yes. You know what I mean? So it's not like the same. Yeah.
But I think now when you start, when we had to learn how to make a VHS tape and just go to the mailbox, now it's like, no, you need to know what time to upload to TikTok and how to title it and how to like... And I mean from perspective of if you're not in the position to pay someone to do that for you, if you're just starting, someone would be like, hey, it's hard enough just to figure out how to go on stage and be vulnerable and be honest and find that material. It's like...
Well, while you're not doing that, you need to be offstage making sure you know how to work your cell phone to really upload Insta at the right time. So much. Well, you have to be business-minded now. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There's no way around it. Yes. 100%. But you always should have been. I think even 20 years ago, we should have been more business-minded. I think that's going back. I think that was my, I'm going to go my own way. I'm an artist. Yeah. Yeah.
And you can always catch up. I think people find, you know, in a position like I can't sit here and be like, I should have made these other choices. Like I do have a special coming out. So I'm doing fine. People will see a thing. Yeah. But it does make you wonder like what you can be doing and then how to do those things. Also, I mean, I don't know. I also remember things like I remember being in Indianapolis and this guy was like, can I get a guest spot? And I just met him.
And I told the owner, I was like, can you get a guest spot? And they were like, are you endorsing him? And I was like, yeah. And then he went up there and he absolutely just bombed. You don't say. Horrifically. And then the owner was like, I thought you said...
that this was gonna be good. - Then you're doubling down. He's my favorite comedian. - I go, I don't know, so I go to him, I go, "What the fuck, man?" And he goes, "Yeah, I'm gonna do different stuff "if I can get one more guest." - No! - You keep falling for it. - Yeah, and I was like-- - Was this like a five show weekend? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was like, "All right." So I was like, "Just let him do one more spot."
And he was like, I'm going to do something like totally, I'll do this like my killer stuff now. I go, okay. And he went up there and he did verbatim the same set. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, yeah, I don't know. And the funny thing is the other point of this guy is that I remember he showed me his website. Yeah. And it was fucking amazing. Oh, yeah. It looks like, like, like fucking like Ford's website. You know what I mean? It was like, okay.
Things were moving. When something's in motion, you're like, whoa. And this is like a while ago. This is like many years ago. When like a video on a website was like mind blowing. Oh, and then like that comic would have testimonials of other comedians saying how funny they are. This guy's lightning in a bottle. I definitely asked somebody for one of those. The next so-and-so. Yeah. Yeah.
The next so-and-so. And you're like, damn, I got to make a website like this. Yeah, exactly. We were all trying to do that. That's what I thought. That's what I thought leaving there. I was like, that guy sucks, but his website's the shit.
this shit. I wonder what it is like for like we have our perspective of you know this and how we find you know if someone's new and like really great like our way of finding them is either you know maybe you scroll or but usually someone tell you. Yeah. I wonder what it is like for an audience now. Maybe they don't know the what the business side of what we have to do now. Yeah. On top of try to make art like literally try to make a thing to watch that's interesting for 60 minutes.
I wonder how they, what their perspective is of finding comedians. I mean, judging by my friends that aren't in show business sometimes, I'm mortified. You know when they say, like, this is hilarious. And you're like, it's Ted Lasso. You're like, go fuck your mother. This is terrible. Don't send me anything you think is funny ever.
It is actually disheartening. Because if your circle of friends is comedians, first of all, it's not saying that it's impossible to talk. It's just that comedians, it's obvious, right? You work in comedy. You write comedy. You perform comedy. So when you hang out with them...
the, the, like your gauge for like, Oh shit, that's really funny. It is going to be different. You're, you're kind of more in tune to things. And usually when you're like, Oh my God, it's, it's like a, it's a different thing. When my friends who don't do stand up and fucking send me clips of shit, I'm always like, I always go, ha ha. I'm like,
Very funny. I know, because you don't want to get involved. I know. You don't want to be like, well, here's what I really think. Yeah, no. And also, like, I feel... Let's just stay out of it. So I send them the most... Like, for me, I'm like, thank God they can't hear the tone, but I'll just write, like, that is funny. Or like, such a good find.
You should be an agent. Yeah, wow. Wow, clever. You have a very good sense of humor. Yeah, because comedians don't send each other traditionally funny things, I don't think. That's true. We send each other dark, awful, and then you're like, that's fucking amazing, dude. It's dark, awful, or like, that's when, because my, I sometimes, I think my wife hates memes, and I try to tell her like, a meme really is kind of the ultimate thing
I'm not going to send someone probably a stand-up clip. No. But a meme that gets me to laugh, I'll send it to someone and I'll go, the person who made this doesn't even, they probably don't even know they could probably write comedy.
Yeah. To spot a still frame and figure out what is the joke that goes with it. Yeah, it's so good. So funny. But also, that's what you would share. You would go, here, I think this is funny. But to your point, too, it's like when they get it from us, it's usually always dark. And you're like, I need it now. I need it to be this dark now. Right, it's like pornography. I've worn myself down. We've seen it all.
Like send me someone pissing on their sister. I need a different angle. I'm burnout. Yeah, exactly. Porn is actually a great analogy for it because, you know,
What do you think the porn people send each other? They're like, hey, check this out. Her tits are off. You know what I mean? She took her top off. Wow. God, that's even great too. Are they sending each other porn clips? Like, hey. I'm sure. Look at the new kid. I'm sure. The kid in the biz. I'm sure they are. They have to send each other shit that makes them laugh, I bet. It's just like, oh my God, look the way he held up her leg, you know?
Technicalities. Such a rookie. Wrong angle. You can't even see anything. The camera's blocked. Yeah, that's the kind of stuff.
I will say the one thing that traditionally made me laugh when we were on that plane ride a few days ago, it was some guy in Central Park in New York City and he's laying on a wall and he just puts his leg up and he goes, hey ladies, welcome to the barbecue. And then he farts. Yeah. And he just got like people's react. That's probably the most traditional thing I've laughed at in years. Because what's great too is that he does that and then the camera stays on. It's like, you know, it's set up. Sure, yeah, yeah. The camera stays on the girls who walk by them and they're like,
Or like the one girl would be like laughing. Because it's like, it's real human interactions and behavior. It's so genuine, you know? It is very telling of how you respond to that. Yeah. Yeah. Where someone's like, I'll fight you. Right. Jesus. Yeah, dude. If you're fighting farts, I know. It's so insane. You farted from a distance? Yeah. I remember one time I went into, when we used to go into like music stores to buy CDs. Yeah. And they'd have listening stations. Right.
Right, yeah, yeah. And the guy, it was a big guy, like a real big dude. And he had the cans on like you. Yeah. And he was listening and he was like, and then don't you know. And he farted. And we like, we ducked behind the other CD rack because we were laughing so hard. Right. Because I don't think he knew that he farted. It didn't perceive. No, he just kept singing. As he's singing, it was pretty great. That was pretty great. That's a golden moment. Yeah. This is a golden moment here. Good times, Rory.
My genuine reaction to seeing a flight tech with three female pilots for the first time. They're laughing. I can't tell if they're happy about it or actually...
I mean, they made a video about it. Wait, were they laughing? Goofing on them? It looked like they were like, how are we going to fucking make it? You know? I like, thanks, Delta. Thanks, Delta. Thanks. I don't know. Delta set it up. They're like, we want to give you this. Yeah. Yeah, personally. Can you look at their, like, go back. Like, they were in great seats. Yeah. Were they? That's a lay down. This is business class. It's a long trip. But I can't tell. It's almost like, I mean, the.
Is she? Oh, she's emotional. Oh, okay. Like, she's doing great, too. Okay. She's doing great. She's in business class. At first glance, I thought she was like...
There's three chicks flying this thing. But she's actually moved by it. Yeah. I can't tell you as a female how indifferent I am to the gender of my pilot. Yeah. I am so indifferent. But, you know. I always ask to see the certification, you know. Well, you're more particular. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Let me see your license. I think that's valid. Your life is in their hands. Are you for real? Are you for real, pilot? I was asking that. What are you running away from? The one on the left is very handsome. Huh? She's very handsome. Yeah, there's... You know, they're all... They're all, you know... They...
What is the pilot that sits in the backseat? Yeah, what's their story? Like, if you show me it was a war plane, I'd be like, oh, yeah, they're like looking at it. The gunner? Yeah. Yeah. But, like, on just a flight like this, what are they up to? You know what might be happening here? I don't know if I'm correct, but because of those business lay flats, this could be like a long-haul flight. Yeah. Okay. You have a rotating, because if it's like a 16-hour flight. Oh, I see. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a longie. Yeah.
A longie. And they're like, hey, you're on your period. I know you're going to get emotional. I'll come in and fly when you throw a tantrum. Stop. You know, because your fucking nails aren't painted or whatever you guys do. You know, they should put a shitter in there, though, because I hate when they block off the shitter. Just any cliche female moment. Your nails aren't painted. Yeah. That's what the discussions they're having. That's what they're having, yeah. As a pilot.
I know you hate to fly when you don't shave your legs. I know the public can't even see us because we're behind this armored door. You're all emotional because your tits are leaking or whatever. Jesus. What? Tits are leaking. Women are different. I don't know. Different. Different. Different. I'm thrilled she's so happy about it. Okay. Okay. I volunteered in my daughter's school with a fear of bubbles. And there's a kid in there who likes to wash his hands a lot.
And he was washing his hands. He did it like five times that we were in there. And he left suds everywhere. And then he started shaking his hands. He got suds all over me. He got soaked suds all over me. All over my Dutch Bros coffee that I didn't get to drink.
I mean, first of all, I just wonder how you... You paused that, right? That can't be the complete video. No, I paused it. She's like, I got it. So, but she's a fear of bubbles, but she's a mom. A fear of bubbles? That's what she's saying. I have a fear of bubbles. She's in the classroom. The kid washed his hands five times. Why is she volunteering? You can't volunteer. You're a parent. Imagine having not...
not dealing with bubbles any time in the last few years. Like how? It's the main focus. It's one of the main goals. Two to six. Two to six. It's like, it's life. Bubble cities. Bubble, that's cocaine. What is she? It makes her nauseous though. Why, if you are literally about to puke,
How do you not, like, ah, maybe I'll make a video later. You know what? Do I need to make this video the moment I get in the car? I know. Or can I recap? Will I remember if I just recap in an hour?
I know, the urgency. I think it's because it's so... She has to catch the moment. It's really... She just got in the car. I think what we're not... She's not saying, and what we didn't get to see is that little kid who was washing his hand, covered in shit. Covered in shit, yeah. Head to toe. Only his hands were clean. Yeah, and... And so even still, when he touches your coffee, you're like, you are covered in shit, though. Maybe there's shit bubbles that she's actually afraid of. But might I add... So I don't like vomiting, but when I see it, it doesn't make me vomit. Like,
But isn't that, I don't know, I'm just asking for a phobia. Wouldn't she be terrified, not nauseous? I mean, she's having some type of real, this real reaction here. I just washed my hair. I have to go wash it again because he had soap suds.
She's washing your hair is soap size. Yeah, how do you wash your hair? That's what I'm saying. How do you avoid soap size? Maybe she just closes her eyes and quickly, I don't know, dude. It must be a big thing. It's a fear I've never heard of. When the kid was like, hey, mom, can you not react that way? It's embarrassing. Was the mom like, wait till I get in the car and feel the need to broadcast it? Share all the emotions? Yeah.
That's a big thing, too, is that... Why do we all assume we have an audience? I don't know. Why do we assume that? Like, nothing against this person, but, you know, you get in the car and you're like, guys, listen up. And you're just like, who are those people? Have you seen the broadcasting of the Tears?
When somebody is like going through an emotional moment and then they hit record then and then they upload. I was like, tears coming down. I always think like, I think maybe we think about this because we think about production. Yeah. But you are like, so you started it to have your thing and then turned it off.
My favorite though is the... But she's a great person. She's fine. My favorite though is like the famous husband and the not famous wife. And then she feels like she needs to have a voice too on social media. And it's literally like...
Hey guys, I'm making broccoli. Who doesn't love broccoli? Comment below. And you're like, why? You don't need a platform. Always comment below. You've got to get the engagement. Without the engagement, you'll never get booked at the Ha Ha Shack. Like why? Yeah. Why broadcast? This might be her tape to try to get booked. I know. You're ruining your opportunities, Rory. The weird thing is when they go comment below and the
the thing they're asking is so uninteresting. I know. You know, like, like, uh, uh, I'm making broccoli. Uh, what, what's your favorite vegetable? Yeah. No one, who gives a fuck what someone's favorite. Yeah. It's a desperation. Yeah. It's like, there's no thought put into it. Like one celebrity, I won't say who was like, you're watching the Superbowl. Who can I not do this? Do whatever you want. Oh,
Do it. Do it. Now they're like, which team do you want to win? And I'm like, really? Are you going to read all? Like, one for 49ers, check. One for the, I'm so happy. I kept up with the list. And then you comment at the end, looks like you guys are split on this. It's like, yeah, there's two fucking teams. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Literally. Right down the middle. Can't tell who you want to win more.
Thank you. Was that fun? I was following on social media. What's that? Going to Vegas and doing the whole thing. Okay. Was it? Yeah. Well, that's what I wonder your vibe because I know you and Bert are in different places in terms of let's go get smashed.
I'll say this. I think it's definitely not my wheelhouse to be like, let's go to a bunch of events and wave and shake a lot of hands and rah, rah, rah. I'm more in that world. I think I did the best that I could, and I think I made the most fun by far was that show. The show at the end was absolutely fucking bonkers, and the energy was... I mean, I'm not kidding you. It was insanity. It was really crazy, and
All the guests were surprise guests. Oh, that's fun. Trevor at Walls coming was a surprise. Bobby Lee coming up was a surprise. Shane Gill was coming. So every time somebody would get announced, they would just go absolutely crazy. And then when we came on stage...
It was just, it was pandemonium and, and they, you know, so everything culminated in that show. Yeah. Which was really fun. You know, I don't think I, I need to do 10 events every time I go to Vegas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, I tried to have fun with it. Yeah. Yeah. What was the reaction when you let the guest guy go back up?
All these years later. Did you let him come to the- to the show? Which guy? I met this guy in Indianapolis. Oh. Oh yeah, I know. You know, he's gotten way better. He's gotten way better. Yeah. Same set. Yeah, same set. Better timing. Yeah. What does the wild naked man drink? I'm gonna fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful Orin. Rory, I can see you playing this guy. Which is medicinal. Oh.
Is that true? Is that medicinal? Yeah. I don't believe it. That stream is too powerful. That's a powerful stream.
And really, that's all there is to life. That's a very convincing trickle sound. I actually do feel like you would be amazing at playing this guy. Yes. Because... I'm in. Let me just say, shout out, we said this off camera, the show Physical with Rose Byrne is my absolute favorite. And you play kind of a douchey adjacent character. I pitched every season, please let my character drink his own piss.
And they were like, we just can't. We can't. You really did? It makes no sense. You should. You really should. So no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years. Everything that's bad for us, like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body, is made to seem good. And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world.
So try it for yourself. I mean, that's a great special title. Inverted Clown World? Get the fuck out. That is an amazing title for a special. Inverted Clown World. That is. I love that. That's really good. That's really good. That's a great title. He does a lot of cool things. But also, you know,
And I don't know anything, but it is the body getting rid of waste that it doesn't need, right? Yes. I mean, I don't know. Sometimes there's a little bit of... That's what I thought. That's what the mainstream media will tell you, Rory. That it's your body getting rid of waste. Where's the one where he drinks and then he's like...
That one I don't see in here. I've never seen... That's why the yogis have been doing it for 5... Did he say 5,000 years? I think so. Which ones? I don't know. I mean, really? 5,000 years. Well, you know, also, like the samurai... How could you know that? Yeah.
And the Celtic warriors, you know, they would cup each other's balls and sniff each other's taints before they went into battle. Is that real? He said it. Well... Oh, okay. I didn't know it came from this source. And they would fight with their genitals out. Yeah. Not armored. Yeah. To show... Which seems counterintuitive. Yeah. And something that a liar might say. Yeah. But...
It's the truth. But it's ballsy. And that joke is sitting there the whole time. It's just sitting there. No one even wants it. That's like taking the last piece of shitty pizza that's been there way too long. And it's ballsy. Right?
His beard is really thick. He's beautiful. Is it real? I find it so cute and funny and kind of annoying that so many modern menswear leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture. And they call it the modern warrior journal or, you know, we're the samurai brotherhood, you know? Yeah.
Yet they never get naked. They never do ball cupping rituals. I was going to say the same thing. They never see each other's cocks. The outermost extension of each other's hearts are completely hidden by their Lululemon polyester underwear that's leeching feminizing chemicals right into their ball sacks. When really they could be leeching good high vibrational brotherhood vibrations into each other's ball sacks through cupping.
Which is exactly what the Spartans did. You know, if you claim to be a Spartan... Can I just say that I have pitched this to my wife so many times. So many times. And I go, no, I don't want you to do it for those reasons. You're the one who's being too sexual. I want you to do it to prepare me for battle. Yeah. Well...
That's such a good point. You need a double-souled shaman in your marriage. Like, I'm not... Babe, this isn't about sex. No. This isn't about sexual contact. No. This is about... Being a man. What if I have to fight today? Yeah. Yeah. And what... Do you want me to lose? Yeah. Do you want me to lose the fight? Yeah. Either way, like...
Here's who I want to comment first. Somebody goes, I cup every day and I also wear Lululemon. Why bring that to my doorstep? What's your answer to that? That's going to be there. You're going to get a percentage of... That's going to be there. I drink my own piss.
I wear Lululemon. Don't think we're not out here. We are. We're out here, dude. It's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls. The Spartans were cuddling and sucking each other's nipples before battle on animal skins. You see if Jordan will do that right before battle. Well, here's the thing. Oh, it's got to be a guy. Sorry. History is only passed down by the winners. True. I have not heard this version yet.
Yet. This is literally the first time ever. Yeah. Now, by the way, I was going to say this. I do want to play this guy. Oh my God, please. Your hair...
And your skin looked great. Thank you. Did you just get back from like a trip, like a vacation or something? No. But I did have a photo shoot yesterday where they put makeup on me and I don't know if I got it all off. Wow. Residual makeup. Maybe. It looks good. I got a little haircut. Looks nice. You look tan. Your eyes look clear. Your skin looks great. This is your natural skin tone? This is my natural skin tone. Wow. Yeah. Wow.
You mean that? I feel like I'm going to go back and watch this and I'll be like, blow. No, you look great. No, I'm serious. It looks like you're just like, oh, you know, the Bahamas. I was just chilling. I'd love that. Yeah. Because are you British? Is that your background? I think French. Yeah. You guys don't tan usually very well.
But you look very healthy. That's how lazy I am. The furthest research I did was, I think French. Yeah. No interest. You haven't gone any deeper than that? I think French. And I just left it at that. Never a talk with mom or dad? My aunt is obsessed with genealogy. And she said that at one point, our last name was spelled Scoville, V-I-L-L-E. Our family got into it. Half of them split, changed the spelling.
And that's our family history. So I was kind of right. So I only know that much. The way I said it was kind of right. Wait, what did you say? The way that I said your last name was kind of right. It was kind of right. And you attacked me. I don't know if I attacked. You'll know if I'm attacking because I'll be blowing you.
cupping, sucking each other's nipples on animal skins. When I go flick your nipples and cup your balls while I suck your dick, that's when you'll know I want to fight you. I want to fight you. When you're jizzing all over the place, it's almost time to fight. Yeah, and that's when you'll know I'm ready to fight now. That you're ultimately relaxed. This is a...
This is a city council meeting, I think. Have you seen this? I haven't seen this one yet. Good evening, cowards. Rick Hebert, 97 Spruce Lane. Nice to see a bunch of fat, ugly women.
Excuse you! No, no, no, no. I like that right out of the gate. He's like, what? You don't have to. Bye. It's called free speech. Bye. That's not free speech. That's insulting. I love that they all went, whoa. Okay, everybody, stop. Let Mr. Hubbard speak, please. It's factually inaccurate. Enough.
Go ahead, Rick. And we wonder why children are retarded stupid today. We wonder why. We wonder why when we have these pathetic people here called teachers rape the children's mind. Whoa, whoa. Wow. Anyway, that's all we got from Rick. So far, good arguments. It just ends there. He nailed it. He nailed it, dude.
Here's the thing. The other guy was drinking his own piss and talking about samurai battle. This guy, way too much green. So much green. So much green. Good. Cool guy. I'm mostly offended by the lack of...
I agree. Green on green is a little aggressive. Two greens? How great would it have been, though, if he had on a bright blue hat and a yellow sweatshirt and been like, hey, you ugly fat pigs. Here's what I do want to say. To be fair, it does look like he just docked from potentially a 20-year boat trip.
It does. It does. He just got back with all the tuna. So if things have changed socially, he might not know. He's been out at sea. What do you mean you can't talk like this? That's why he was initially like, wait, what? Huh?
Is that bad? Fat, ugly broads up here. That is how you would talk on the boat, you know? Wait, what was his gripe? He's like, they're making our kids wicked retarded? Yeah. Well, he said that the teachers are wrecking the children's minds. Oh, because they're fat. I thought he was going to go with they're actually physically touching children. Yeah, me too. It's the ideas. I wish I knew more of like...
Where is this? And what specifically sent this dude off? I'm going to say the Northeast is a block for sure. But I like she's like, okay, Rick. He's there every week. All right, Rick, tell us more about the mind. And she's just like, get to it. What is it again, Rick? She's unfazed. Bunch of retard kids here. Oh my God. Yeah.
I could watch this all day with Rick. Yeah. But every time he's in a different color. It's stupid. It's so yellow, yellow, orange, orange. No one knows what to like ultimately perceive him as. Yeah. Ugly women is what they are.
It's so funny. It is crazy that... It's a good one. I gotta say, even the woman up there being like, let him speak. She's almost fully aware. He needs three minutes. He won't pay for a therapist. Just let him come in here. Do your thing. Rick, hurry it up. We have real issues to try to work out. It's Dover, New Hampshire. Can we talk about this, by the way? This is not planned. I just remembered this. I...
I told you this. We work with the same lady. She doesn't want her name spoken. Good. But I was in her office. Yes. I look up and I'm like, oh, that's a fucking rad painting. And she's like, oh, yeah, Rory painted it. Why? You're a painter too? No, he's a super legit. What? I am obsessed. That's awesome. I want to paint. And I'm very addicted to it.
Very addicted to it. Wow. That's your shit? That's some of my stuff right there. Bro, I love it. Look at that picture in the middle, though. Oh, shit. Look at that. Look at this. That is sexual. That's a guy that rapes your mind. Look at that fucking guy. That's a fucker.
That's so hot. That's a GQ photo. That really is a good look. Buddy, you're so talented. And can I ask you this? I feel like it was said in jest when we did our bid on 69 Minutes. It felt like we were doing a bid. But I want to buy a painting. You really do? I really do. I collect art. I have so many.
I guess you maybe edit that out. Our friend, our mutual friend recently just purchased one yesterday. But I'm obsessed. I started doing it. I was kind of doing it a little bit before COVID, and then I really was doing it
A lot during COVID. You know, there's nights you did nothing to do. I would go get high and just go to the garage. Nice. And it was shit most of the time. Can you send me options? Yeah, I'll send you a bunch. I love it. I love that yellow and black one. That's cool. Dude, it's fucking rad. I like them all, actually.
I like the circle. Chad Daniels bought that one next to the one with me and my dog, that colorful one on the left. Oh, that's cool. Not that. Yeah, that one. He bought that? Yeah. How about these circles right there on the top right? That was a gift for my sister. So that's it at her place. Hey, can you do this? Can you go take it back from her? Yeah. Okay. If you want it. That's what I'm saying. I'll buy it. You know I'll do that. Did your sister pay? Nothing. Okay. Your buddy Tom will. And you know I'll do that. Okay.
I love it. I just break in. Yeah, and then when she's like, where is that? I'd be like, I fucking took it back. Oh, I don't know. Did you take any lessons online or anything? No, I just started doing it. I think what happened was that I started... You guys have kids, you know the deal. My daughter was doing it in school when they're just like crayons and finger... All that stuff. And I was like...
I don't remember. I think one afternoon, I was like, oh yeah, why don't we just do this together? And I just started doing it, and I was like, why don't we ever stop just doing something that's mindless? Not that I really like coloring, definitely. And I'm not great at drawing. But when she would have to paint, I was like, this is fun to do, but at some point in your youth, you're either really good at it, and they go, oh, you're good at art. Or they go, oh, you're not. You'll do something else. But instead...
I don't know why people don't go, hey, you know what's really fun is getting high and sitting in your garage and just painting for 30 minutes and then being like, yeah, I don't know. That just felt good. I just went out and did that. So good. I don't know. I think for my own mental health...
My dad passed away in COVID is like June of 2020. And I remember I came back to L.A. after the funeral and I started like just I was like, I'm going to paint something for my siblings. I'm one of seven kids. I was like, I'm going to send everybody a painting. It'll take me a long time. This will be a good like, you know, I don't know, grieving. I don't know what I was looking for.
But I started doing one and I sent a picture of it halfway down to my sister. And she was like, can I have that one? And I was already planning on doing that. And I was like, yeah. I go, I'll finish it and I'll send it to you. And that just in itself felt really fun. Like I was like, oh, I think this is good and I'll send it to her. And then I did it for all of them. And it's just kept...
kind of going. - I think this is a great explanation for doing art, but also for all these things that you, I think you get older and you realize, oh, I don't have to be the best to enjoy doing something. - Oh my God. - We think like that for a long time. I'm not the best, so I should not do that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and I think people are, that's the other thing that I like about it. I mean, I could go off on a tangent and talk about this forever, but the great thing about
painting is that I think we think everybody who does paint and makes money and is a professional and is famous, like that they know what they're doing. But you start doing it and it starts to occur to you like, oh, no one really does know. They just do something that they then show and then other people kind of decide the value. That's 100% right. And then it just becomes this very...
abstract sort of thing where you're like i think this is worth this much and then maybe someone agrees to that i think you can also like the uh the analogy is like pretty applies i think to stand up where like yeah yeah people think of like people being like super proficient and what you don't hear are the conversations literally before going on stage where a couple comics are like man
I don't have this shit sucks. And the other one's like, I don't, this is not worth the shit. I hate myself. God, I suck. And then they walk on stage and like kill. Yes. And then walk off and they're like, I mean, I guess they liked it, but that wasn't good. Right. That's how comedians are. Yes. I think that, yeah, that level of doubt is like, it's good. It's so much. I think it's good to have. And that nervous energy is good to have. But also I think like painting, um,
In terms of stand-up comedy, when someone's new, if you're like, who's your favorite comic? If they're like, oh, I like Tom Segura. It's like, oh, okay. And then you see them go on stage and they're trying to... Well, Tom did this and he's getting laughs and he's doing well. I'll do that. And you don't know how to explain to them...
you could sound identical. Yeah. It's not interesting because that's already claimed that whatever that thing is, is already happening from a certain outlet that people enjoy getting it from, um,
that it makes you go, well then, well then shit, who am I? Like, what is my thing? And that's what you got to figure out. And you kind of figured out in painting too, you can try to like paint the way someone paints, but you do also try to get to a place where you're like, well, what do I think is an interesting painting that makes me feel like, you know, I'm not that you have to be like some crazy original person at the end of the day, it's going to be shapes and colors and yeah. Oh, this looks like so-and-so like, yeah, of course now, but yeah.
I, it does put you in a position to be like, well, getting to a point where you go, well, when do I think I like it? And I think that's so powerful when you stand behind the thing you like, it gets you further away from, ah, fuck, I don't have anything. They're not going to like it. Like, it's kind of more fun to watch someone go. I actually, uh,
I don't have anything, but I'm going to fucking crush it. And then it's kind of great when they don't. And they come off stage and they're kind of not even phased. And they're like, I don't know. I liked it. You're like, all right, that's kind of terrifying. But I get it. And you kind of like it. That was confusing. No, but I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. Do you get what she's saying? People ask us.
Do you love this? I love this. Yeah. Oh, I love it. Do you love this? Living? That fucking music is great. So wonderful. Wow.
Those are bees. There's bees in my house. Doing their thing. Doing their thing. So good. Hi, baby. So good. So cool. I love the metal. The cat's like, I don't like it. The cat's got a cigarette. Oh, you don't mind it? It sucks.
I get stung every morning. So these two maniacs live in a, quote, nature house with no windows, screens, or doors. That's so cool. And they're like, how do we live with the bugs? And they sleep. I don't know if there's another one. Is there other videos in there? I just sent that one.
Yeah, there's more. It's interesting that they have stuff like actual artwork and stuff. Well, and then the two of them are sitting on their couch next to an open window and there's like just bugs and things crawling. And they're like, yeah, when we sleep, bugs just crawl all over us. Yeah. Just get used to it. I'm like, that sounds great. That sounds awesome. That sounds like your dream. It's such a cool thing. I saw a cockroach in a hotel recently and I just killed it. I killed it.
I just laid in bed and I just debated the whole time. I was like, this isn't a gross hotel. It's not the nicest. Oh, no. But it's not gross, you know, by our standards of what we've been through in our careers. Yeah. I was like, it isn't one of those. There shouldn't have been a cockroach. I just laid in bed wondering, how do I, do I bring this up? So I just, I had the dead cockroach on a,
towel and I just let it be out to convey, hey, you might want to... No, it was in the room because I was checking out. I was like, anyways, there it is. There it is. This is also in here, just so you know. But I just laid in bed and I was just like, all I thought about was another one crawling on my mouth. On your face, in your ear. On my mouth. I've worked in the service industry for years in the beginning. Just so you know, all your favorite restaurants...
Roaches. Name them. Applebees. Chilies. Rats. It's like, it's par for the course. If you're in the restaurant business, chances are there's shit. There's Sherman. It's fucking gnarly. Yeah, Temple of Doom ruined everything for me. Oh, bro. I know what you're talking about. I'm scarred forever. That's... And I've never even seen any of those actual bugs in real life because they're so exotic. Bro, that was...
How did they even film that? She had to put her hand through it. Stop! And he's like, if you don't, we get smushed. And she just had to do it. I was like, I think I would just lose my friends. What is grosser to you? Or like more, you know, like skis you out more? Roaches? Oh, fuck you. Rats? Aye, aye, aye. Or snakes? Probably roaches, honestly. Which seems like a weird answer.
But I think roaches. What kind of snakes? Like big pythons that'll eat you whole or like little ones that can slither all over you and get in your bed? Like a bed full of snakes, a bed full of roaches, or a bed full of rats? Holy fuck, that's, yeah. At least like a snake, you're kind of like, you know where they are. Roaches, you're like, you're everywhere. You're in the walls. You're hiding. You're upside down on things. Snakes are kind of like...
I'm over here. Yeah. Hey, no, hey, hey, hey. I'm not trying to surprise you. And rats are like, I'm trying to hide like a cockroach. I'm too big, I can't hide. I think they're all gross. It's hard to actually. Those are all gross. It's hard to rank them. Okay, here's what I'm going to say. Terrify me a bit.
Roaches will crawl in your ears and your eyes and crawl on your face. Rats have teeth and will bite you and bite your face out. What restaurants have you worked? I think actually we should name the restaurants. Now knowing what you have seen, I think people should know. Don't eat your face. You're talking about Cheesecake Factory? No, I'm talking about there's a particular Indian restaurant, I'll tell you off camera, in Los Angeles. Wowzers. Wow.
wow you saw them eat people's faces wow wow teeth they can bite you snakes like little like a garden snake around the garter snake yeah they'll like they'll pile at the foot probably and like and be in like circles together so i would do snakes like not poisonous yeah
Snakes. They're not gonna bite you if they're non-poisonous. And they're just trying to sleep too. Snakes are gonna leave you alone probably. And snakes are almost kind of like, I'm sorry I look like this. Rats and cockroaches don't seem to care. But snakes are kind of like, I know, it's embarrassing. I don't have legs. I think the roach is gonna... My entire body is muscle.
The roaches might fuck with you the most in a way. It's the least harmful, but it's the one that's going to... It's going to move all night. They don't sleep, right? They'll survive the apocalypse. That freaks me out. What do they know? Yeah. That's true. Okay, I don't understand this. How come when it gets cold... They're also building a bunker in Hawaii. How come when it gets cold, they all die, right? All the bugs die. Yeah. Temperature raises. They're all back. How do they get all back? They all just come back. How? How?
Did you know that this year, I think it's this year, is like the crazy, I think, cicada 200-year thing where it's about to be a massive plague of bugs from underground? I know everything I just said sounds like I drink my own piss, but I swear to God. It's good for you, though. It's so good for you. But there's nutrients in there that your body said, I don't need the first time? Your body's not right. Your body's not right. Yeah.
Spermicide. No, he's right. So the cicadas, they live underground, so it's cold. And then when it's warm, they like awaken and they come up and out. Yeah. But I don't know what you mean. I don't know. I always think that too. Do you like this? Liquid death, yeah. You got to ask Jordan if this has been inside of her because it's been inside of Christina. Liquid death has been inside of you? No, the can. Oh, you've put the can inside of you? That one. That particular can. We gave it to you as a gift. Yeah.
It's before every guest comes on the show, I put the can inside of me and I offer it to you. No, no, I'm used to it. My wife does that when she's going into battle. Can't really touch the fingers or the thumb. Cool. Oh, I can't at all. Yeah. That's like a solid inch and a half. Cicadas are cool. Also... Pull it right back in. Glow bugs. What are they called, those glow... I never see them. Lightning bugs? Looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen. What the...
What is happening? So it's this woman and she's like, reading a comment that somebody left her that says, you looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen. Because she has kind of like the androgynous haircut, you know? You looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen. She's got a good sense of humor. I mean, that just crushed her. That crushed her. It's really funny. Yeah. Yeah.
That really did break her down. That broke her in half, dude. That's it. That's it right there. Do you have any thoughts about the lady that the Prince of Wales should marry? Well, I suppose... Did you see the tongue work at the beginning? You've got to remember that when you marry, in my position, you're going to marry somebody who perhaps one day is going to become queen. And you've got to choose somebody very carefully, I think.
And it's got to be something pretty special. Because if you choose somebody who isn't used to it, it can, I think, probably cause... But I wanted to... This is the King Ralph. This is King Ralph, yeah. John Goodman walks in on the next scene. I remember this now.
I wanted to bring this up apropos a discussion we had like a while ago, how I brought the idea that Prince Charles was attractive at some point in his life. And I would like to cite... The fact that this is your example is really alarming. I think he's cute with the tongue action in the beginning. Just play the tongue in the beginning. That was horrible. Such a lizard vibe, right? This is what's so weird about you. This is so weird about you. This is your example of like, that's pretty sexy. Oh, I like his mouth.
Like, this is your example of like a sexy guy. If I'm, if you're sitting here saying, if I have to be like her lawyer. Yeah. You know what I mean? I go, ah, his eyes. My paws are sweaty. He doesn't look good. That action right there. Christina's picturing her huge clam. Her huge clam getting licked right now by that big tongue. That look right after the tongue goes away. I mean,
I thought he was cute. I don't know. Look, I thought he was cute. Is it his eyes? Do you like his eyes? I like his mouth. I like his eyes. I think he's kind of cute and dorky and British. I like him. Let me see post-tongue mouth. Maybe that's... Because tongue mouth...
He's cute. Cover the ears. You know, he does look like he has good lips. Cute. Yeah. Cover his ears. I think you're right. He's cute. I think you're right. He's fine. No, you don't. You don't, and you're being kind. The truth is, his eyes are too close together. He's got big old fucking elephant ears. I don't like the ears. He looks goofy as shit. I don't like the ears. The ears aren't good. I've just said that. Look, cover the ears. Cover the face is good. Now we have to cover parts of the face to appreciate the face. Yes.
Okay. He looks like his mother and she was attractive. It's not bad. You know what? Yeah, it's not bad. I think if you get rid of those ears, you're doing something. Yeah. But that tongue thing. I love that. I love that.
I love the lick. Do you think the interviewer was like, sorry, do you want to take a break or are you good? No, no, I'm just licking my lips. Okay, because just the way you did it, it just felt like... It kind of creeped everybody out. It just felt like you're going to try to kill me. So just so you know, this footage, it was a meme and the footage was slowed down of him. So the lick in real time is just like, like it's a lick, but they slowed it down for this effect, which I thought was funny. Yeah, that's cool. I just, I don't think I've ever been sitting with anyone and been like...
Ugh. Oh, I'm fine. Not a little dry. Just a little dry. Yeah, I like that. There you go. But you also like this, which is fucking disgusting. I like this.
No, no. Well, Tom, what does that make you think? No, but that's the part. That's the problem. It's not the Tom. When she says... It's that you find the face attractive actually upsets me. Yeah, because does it make you... Because if you're supposed to find me attractive, this guy's fucking ugly as shit and you're saying that he's attractive. Does it make you think you've been misperceiving yourself this whole time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the part that upsets you is you're like, wait a minute, what the fuck do I look like? Like one to ten, what do you think you are? On a scale of one to ten? Yeah. Maybe like right now? Yeah. Yeah.
Six and a half? No, higher. But I think this is a fucking two. No, no, he's right. This is like a two. This is a two. This is like a one or a two. Like,
Like if I'm being honest, if you told me to like, that's not real. No, this isn't for you. Not realistic. This is a one or a two on a scale of one to 10. No, no, no. If you add the whole package and you have to include the ears, you don't get to delete. You can't delete ears. Can't delete. Fucking ugly guy. And he's not the king. It's a fucking ugly guy. You like ugly fucking guys. And so like, you shouldn't be with me because I'm not a fucking ugly guy like this. You're like ugly guys. You should be with ugly people.
This is fucking gross. I think he... It's upsetting how ugly he is. I'm going to give him a three at most a four. Wow. Okay, but it's four. No, it's not a four. It's a three. And I'll give you three. Because he's a two, I'll give you a three. And the fact that you're celebrating a three is really upsetting. No, and in addition, he is the Prince of Wales. Get the fuck out of here with this shit. Listen, you have to add his status. I looked it up. Okay.
You have to add his step well now he's the king But you have to add his social status and his wealth to the equation because he's a dude. It's not like a picture with us fingers Yeah, yeah, his cancer. Thanks for making fun of him. Thank you out you what kind of cancer causes your fingers to do that No, he's in treatment thousand comments about the different types of cancers. Oh, sorry He did yeah, no he's got cancer is so ugly I
So fucking ugly. I thought he was cute when he was younger. No, no. The guy is ugly. He's a little boy. He's a young man. Young adult. Old man. He's an ugly man. Can we agree that a young Prince William was hot? No, of course not. He was so attractive when he had hair and he was like 20. Oh, Prince William. Dude, he was a smoke show. Okay. I don't know if I got smoke show. He was hot. He didn't look like that.
Google hot ass Prince William. No, you don't. You don't have to. No, I actually would like it if you specifically Googled that. Hot ass Prince William. Oh, that's the guy. Yeah. Wait, what guy? It's that small world Disneyland guy that took his clothes off. He's kind of out of his mind high. Hi. Hi.
it's a disney adult he's got good abs how come there's never a where are they now about people like this so the thing is he eventually ended up taking all of his clothes off which i was kind of hoping we could see what we're dealing with here look at that lady's face she's probably sitting with her kid
Fuck we were there the week after this happened actually was the ride shut down. No, he's still there He was there for a while. They couldn't they couldn't get him for a while Wait he made it out he made it out he walked out of the tunnel I
You know, this is a true story. It's not even a fun story. But we were on this ride in Disneyland. And the couple behind us put up, at the end of the ride, they put up a picture of me on their phone. And the guy goes, is this you?
And I turn around and I was like, yeah, I was like, that is me. And he goes, I can't believe we just ran into you on this ride. And I just go, that is a small world after all. And my wife rolled her eyes like they just like went all the way back around. And when we got off, I go, I was like, what is more perfect than that line on this ride? I go, that guy didn't set it up.
I go, even the guy didn't fully appreciate it, but I was like, this was a perfect, the planets lined up beautifully for me to say, it's a small world after all. And no one really, no one really loved it, and I stand by it. And I'll say this, you deserve this. It was fucking awesome. I deserve an explosion sound effect. That was fucking awesome, dude. If you want more jokes like that, Rory Scoble's new special, Religion, Sex, and a Few Things in Between is out tomorrow on Macbook.
Max. That's right. Rory is a great artist. You're going to send me some options for artwork. You might steal something from your sister. That's right. People can follow you on at all at Rory Scovel. All of the things. RoryScovel.com. Rory's at Rory Scovel. I don't even know what I have. Check out his great performance in the show. Physical. Apple TV Plus. God, you're so good on that. Check it out. Thank you. Thanks for coming in. We love you. Thanks, Rory. This was great. Bye, guys. See you next time.
This program is a continuation of my series on the Denver International Airport, and especially the murals and the art contained therein. And on this program, I will find out that many of them are phallic. They are evil. They are signs of Satanism. See what I am talking about. The male genitalia. They are evil.
phallic, phallic, they are signs of satanism, phallic, phallic, see what I am talking about, phallic, phallic, the male genitalia. Let's take a look at the first of these, which I have called the birth of the antichrist. This is actually the figure of a naked woman, and the crotch is formed by a bird, but right opposite the woman is a penguin.
This sign in the penguin's cage constitutes the phallic symbol, and in fact represents the gigantic phallic. They are evil. Phallic. They are signs of satanism. Phallic. See what I am talking about. Phallic. The male genitalia. Phallic. They are evil. Phallic. They are signs of satanism. Phallic.
See what I'm talking about. Phallic, the male genitalia.