Setting The Record Straight w/ Joe DeRosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 744
01:30:08 Share

Sort of getting my shit together. We talked about this. We talked about this, yeah. The mothership. So I started doing testosterone. Nice. How you feeling? I feel great. Process his dick two days later? Yeah. In the shower, yeah, as you were cleansing your body. Well, of course. I was cleansing my clam, and I had to think about... That's right.

You dropped off a trans man, is that what I heard? A trans woman. A trans woman, yes. How was that? We have so many questions. Fantastic. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, spend more.

Smile more. As-salamu alaykum and welcome to another episode. As-salamu alaykum. Your mom's house. She's Christine, I'm Tim. We're here and we're ready to rock and roll with you. We're here, we're queer, get used to it. Very excited. It's been a lot of fun, last few episodes. I just realized there's the blind shit fucking guy right there. Yeah, of course. Shit eyes, we're shit eyes, Brian.

I also like trains. I like aviation videos. And listening to you take a good shit. I tell you, he'd have a field day today. I've been tooting and farting. And I really need to take a dump. Right now? Kind of, but it's not. Do you want to just pause it? No, I want to build it up a little more. This is the difference between you and me, historically.

Is that I say, hey, I got to go. And it means I got to stop what I'm doing and shit. You, it's a 30-minute warning. Yeah. But how does your body not become constipated? Because if I ignore the waves, then it's dead. Everybody has a gift. Everybody has gifts. And I can just, yeah, I can just wait it out a little bit. Now, I also have right now moments where it's like, no, right now. That's because that's diarrhea. Yeah.

No, sometimes it's a regular and it's just like, this is it, this is last call. What's going on? I didn't take it because somebody didn't fucking do their job and that's you. That's your job. Oh yeah, drink it right now. Let's have them make some Metamucil. Can somebody bring in a glass, please? I have the water and some Metamucil and something to stir it up.

Please. It gets chalky if it sits. I would also like one, please. Are you going to get on this? Can you please bring anyone as well, please? Wow. Are you ready to shit with us? We take our fiber consumption seriously here.

Jesus Christ. Listen, so because I'm perimenopausal, the Metamucil game hasn't been putting a dent in my browns. So I texted our doc and he's like, you need to take at least three stool softeners a night. God. Or...

a dulcolax which is one laxative so i've been taking a laxative every night and that just makes you go normal that makes me take one normal brown in the morning and if i don't do it then i don't caca it's just wait what are your hormones doing to you i don't understand so it's like you you're just up and down and all over the don't admire my sweater i wasn't admiring don't admire it why is it falling apart because it's rad

And I'm middle-aged and this is what we crazy broads do. You get stuff that looks like a homeless person made it. And I couldn't love it more. Yeah. Can I tell you something? I bet it was real cheap too, right? Yeah, of course. This is from Goodwill. When I'm not wearing the sweater, I hang it up in my closet just so I may admire it. That's how much I love this crazy thing. I understand. I understand fashion passion. No, you don't. I understand fashion passion. You don't. I do. I do. Why? What are you obsessed with? Your beige and your khaki, your grays? Shut up. You're gay. Okay.

Thank you very much. Thanks team. Oh, do you want one or is that for? I can't. I already did my dog collection, but thank you all. Can you hang out here one second? I'll watch you. You can run this one into Edgenald. How much are you going to put in there today? You just do one? I usually do two. You need two. There we go. Load me up. Let's go. Have you tried this before?

Your first shit's going to be incredible. You never had this? You can't let it sit. You got to drink it right away. It coagulates. It's disgusting. It's like jizz. You got to drink it while it's hot. Will you bring that to him? You might need to stir it a little more. Speaking of jizz, have you seen that movie Salt Burn yet?

I did. Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. It's a pretty tasty part. Don't ruin it for the kids. Spoiler alert. If you're out there, I'll say this, though. You should give it a watch. You really should. You know why? Why? If anything, because some people are going to like it, some people are not, just like any film. But it is not your standard just-

Just blueprint of another movie where you're like, I know what's happening in this. Like there's, there's fun. There's surprises, surprises, surprise, surprise, surprise. And I will, one spoiler alert. There's a tremendous dong in the film, which I'm always a fan of.

And I think there's a couple of superfluous scenes in that film just to showcase what this guy was packing. You think so? For instance, there's an ending scene. The way it was done was just to showcase his unit. That's just my opinion because as a female director. You think it's tremendous? I think the hang on it was lovely. It was a lovely bounce, a soft bounce as they say.

And I mean, and to be able to see it in the shadows like that. Yeah. Wow. Now it is uncircumscribed. Yeah. And I've never had an uncircumcised cock before. It was healthy. I'll say that it was weighty and healthy. Yeah.

Yeah. Someone's a shower, not a grower. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it makes up for that face. Jesus Christ. I know. Okay. But the other guy's super handsome. He's on. I thought he was the R word. He has such a. Would you? He just has hooded eyes. I have hooded eyes. Well, you look like that too. And the Icelandics. So does Bjork. The Icelandics. Me and that guy. Yeah. Barry Coogan. Barry Coogan. He's Irish. Hmm.

He's got a huge dong. It's not huge. It's not huge. It's normal. It's a normal healthy peepee. It's not that big. It's not that big. You're misleading people. Well, he's also super short, so you've got to think of the proportions. Yeah, I agree. He's closer to the ground. It's a fuck yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, wow. And a nitro cold brew.

I think this shit's going to get a little accelerated today. He's a tremendous actor. He's a great actor. And the other boys in Euphoria, who I just adore. This guy's a great actor. He does have a really nice penis. You do get to see it. Yeah, it's the best part of the whole movie. It's not the best part of the movie. There's so much dick action. Jesus, you're such a whore. How's that Metamucil going down? Pretty good.

What do you think? Oh, yo, we have some very important follow-ups. Yeah, how's that? How's the Metamucil for you in your first shot? It's all right. Yeah, it's not like a milkshake or nothing. It tastes like fucking orange. No, but let's give a minute to Saltburn, though, for a second. Oh, sure, yeah. It's filthy. If you're into checking out a movie that's going to hit you with unexpected things, with surprises...

It's a, it's a, she captured, I'll say this without giving away, I'm not going to give away anything about what you're going to see. She captures the, the detachment of the uber wealthy from reality so well. So the characters are really, really well flushed out. You, you like really well done.

I think it's an enjoyable movie. I recommend it. I'm not going to spoil it for you. No, and Rosamund Pike, I adore her. She's great. This whole cast was just lovely. They're so good to look at. And it takes place at Oxford, which we all know Mommy loves. And once again, there's dicks. And there's dicks. One dick, but you get to see it multiple times. Sweet, right? You know what's funny, too? Here's what's funny about this lady. I bring up the dick...

From the shadow scene, she goes, you know, I really didn't notice it. I was kind of not paying attention. A couple days later, she's like, God, seeing that thing in the shadows. You know why? Why? I'll tell you why. Because in the moment, I was taken aback by the character, what had happened. Mm-hmm.

And I was convoluting the two. I wasn't giving Dick appreciation of what I should have. Give me a couple days to process what I saw. And in the shower today, I thought to myself, I said, self, that was a good scene. Because it took a couple days for me to get over the movie. You processed his dick two days later? Yeah. Well, I had to separate him from the character. In the shower, yeah, as you were cleansing your body. Well, of course. I was cleansing my clam. And I had to think about, that's what you think.

Where else should I think about penis? When I'm with my children, I can't think about dicks when I'm watching my kids. That's where I think about cocks. Speaking of cocks, we were discussing airtight, the concept of going airtight. That's when a lady gets one in the pink, one in the stink, and one in the mouth. And we said to ourselves and to the audience, does this really happen? IRL, as the kids said. Well, that would come after the opener, Gene.

Oh, I'm so sorry. We haven't even... No, we haven't opened it. All right, here you go. I've got cock on the brain. Yeah. I'm cock-smacked. Oh, my God. I killed about 10,000 Chinese and North Koreans with motor fire and artillery fire. Because there was a lot of targets, the best way to put it. Plus, with a rifle fire and hand grenades, I killed another 400. Yeah. Plus, I'm the...

top soldier in hand-to-hand combat in America. I've killed 20 people in hand-to-hand combat. Okay. Glad he's on our team. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pagitsky. Welcome to your mom's house. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Kill 20 people with my hands. I'm a sociopath.

But I work in the government, so that's okay.

It's a funny thing about old folks is you're like, what's this sweet old man? Yeah. This is your neighbor, Chuck. Hey, Grandpa. Yeah. He's like, how are you doing today? I'm a loft mite, some pumpkin pie, if y'all want to come over later. I mean, here. Yeah. Monster. I had a bad sense of humor, the best way to put it. I could have shot several people, but I beat them to death with my rifle. Instead, I kind of liked their rattle in their cage. Yeah.

He set a goal.

Nobody. I didn't make friends easy. The only person I had with me was a radio man, and I lost eight of them, three killed and five wounded. And then I had to send four back because they couldn't cut it. They just panicked too much, afraid of dying.

There you go. Because you got to be a stone cold killer. He just completely talked the way a total detached psychopath would talk about killing. He's just like kind of a bad sense of humor.

But what's the funny ha-ha part is that instead of just outright shooting somebody, he would butt their heads with his gun. With a rifle. That's the humorous part. That's the part where he goes, I like to rattle their cages. That is such a, I've never heard rattle their cage with a beat someone to death with my rifle. Eerie. Eerie.

It was so dark. Holy shit. But dude, how rad is it that he's on our team, you know? Yeah. He's got the medal of honor, man. That's the highest reward award you can get. You know, crushing skulls. Yeah. For America as a wild. And there's a description of, of what he did for the medal of honor. Cause you don't just get it for body counts. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can't just be like, I killed a thousand people. And like, here's the medal of honor. He actually has, there's a story of where he got, if you, if you can fight, if you pull up that source video, uh,

Oh, it might be there as well. Dude, this fool has a Wikipedia? Yeah, well. Dang. I didn't realize he was that official. Here it is. Listen to this. Put on my dad shades.

Corporal Rosser distinguished himself by conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty while assaulting heavily fortified hill positions. Company L, 38th Infantry Regiment, was stopped by fierce automatic weapons, small arms, artillery, and mortar fire. Corporal Rosser, a forward observer with the lead platoon of Company L, when it came under fire from two directions...

turned his radio over to his assistant, disregarding the enemy fire, charged the enemy positions, armed only with carbine and a grenade. At the first bunker, he silenced its occupants with a burst from his weapon."

Getting to the top of the hill, he killed two enemy soldiers, then went down the trench, killed five more as he advanced. He then hurled his grenade into a bunker and shot two other soldiers as they emerged. Having exhausted his ammunition, he returned through the enemy fire to obtain more ammunition and grenades and charged the hill once more, calling on others to follow him. He assaulted two more enemy bunkers, although those bunkers

who attempted to join him became casualties. Corporal Rosser once again exhausted his ammunition, obtained a new supply, and returned to the hilltop a third time, hurled grenades into the enemy positions. During his heroic action, Corporal Rosser single-handedly killed at least 13 of the enemy. After exhausting his ammunition, he accompanied the withdrawing platoon, and though himself wounded, made several trips across terrain still under enemy fire to help remove other men injured more seriously than himself.

So, yeah, that's, you know. You did a lot that day. That's a lot, yeah. I had a bad sense of humor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's a wild story. I mean. That's somebody's granddad, dude. It sure is, yeah. Yeah, you would never know. He was the oldest of 17 children, this guy. Nah, he looks like a badass there. Yeah, he sure fucking does.

Yeah. This guy's a stone cold killer. I tell you this, you don't shake that man's with a soft shake. You know what I mean? Like you fucking. Well, no. You give him a grip. That good. Yeah. Yeah. I might want to rattle your cage if you give me a soft grip. Pretty fucking wild. Yeah, he's hard. Well, salute, sir. We're glad you're on the good guy's team. Gosh. Yeah.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.

Well, anyway...

That was a cool uplifting story. Thanks, Tom, for that. Another YMH news. This is the Airtight follow-up. We asked women to write in. Are there any broads out there that are into Airtight? Surprise, surprise. Two dudes wrote in. Yeah, there you go. I knew a girl. We all fucked her. Not simultaneously. Her name was McKenna, and McKenna was a nasty whore. McKenna is such a whore name. Such a whore name, yeah. Yeah.

She was great. Let me see all that gum. Anyway, she fucked my three friends once. She was disgusting, but this was out of character even for her. Two of them were fat. This is like a fucking five-year-old wrote this. Two of them were fat.

One of the fats smelled bad. Oh. Smelled bad. And the guy that was in the mouth was the only one who was a normal looking, somewhat attractive dude. That was your boyfriend too. To sum it up, everyone was fucked up that night and they broke up shortly after. For the record, I fucked her a few weeks before this happened. Well, good for you, Peace. His name is Peace. I'm glad you got in there before all these nasty pigs. Oh my God. I wonder what McKenna's life story is like. Sounds good. If that's one night, there's got to be other nights. Yeah.

A lot of bad decisions led up to that one night.

Uh, this is from Brock. He writes, love the pod figured I could give insight into the latest episode. I think your numbers are wildly downplayed. I'd gander to say most women, most women have had two guys at once. If not more shit, this, this girl hasn't, uh, that's, or I grew up in the most whorish sector of the U S I know multiple females that have taken two guys at once. Like a lot.

I also know a few girls who have done three at once. Three's wild. But I'll do you one better. My ex took a trip to Gulfport to the military base down there to cheat on me and wound up doing five at once.

I didn't even know that could happen. Five at once, all holes in both hands. First of all, okay. Oh, wait a minute. Wait, here's the thing. That's not even true. That's not real. Also, how do you get that story out of the girl? Because like anybody who does that is not like, I went down to golf park and I had five cocks.

Like no one's telling you that story. Yeah, but loose lips sink ships. And I'm guessing if there's five guys, one of them is talking. Because if they're on a military base, they're young. Five at once? I mean, that's porno shit. Yeah, but all holes in both hands.

Yeah, that's pretty insane. All hands on deck. But that literally is like... That's horrible. That's pro-level shit. I would guess that even five guys wouldn't even know what to do. They'd be like, I don't... You know, like... Well, let's even look at it logistically. You've got two... One in the pink, one in the stink, one in the mouth. How do you even know how to do it? That's what I'm saying. It's too much. For most guys, if they get in the room together, let's go both, they're like, I don't know. I'll just wait till you're done. They're not going to...

They're not pros. You know what I mean? But imagine you're 20 years old. You're on a military base. Maybe you haven't been with a woman in a minute. Yeah, sure. I can see how you want to do it. I'm just saying five at once feels make-believe. And this old port shows up to Gulfport. I would reply to this guy. Be like, yeah, can we get more details on this story? It's a little questionable that dudes write it. Like,

They always know a whole lot. Also, here's something. Did you see Soulburn? Please. Yeah. Okay, here's my question. Do you think, because we kind of just got off the cock topic right away. Oh, sorry. I didn't finish this email, though. Do you think he fluffed before his scenes? Yes. You got to. Yeah, and that's what I was going to ask. Would you fluff before that scene? Of course. Of course. Yeah. It's like doing push-ups before you take your shirt off for the scene. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, I would be like, just another minute. Yeah.

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. You ready? Not quite yet. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Pull, pull, pull. Yes. Because it was a heavy hang. And then like as soon as it like- It wasn't a soft high bounce. It was a heavy hang bounce. Yeah, yeah. And I was- I'm an expert. Jesus Christ. That hang was ready almost one notch away from ready to go. From getting up. That's what I'm saying. Because everybody has like, this is the last moment before it raises. It was there. Yeah.

And every time we cut, I would be like, I need another few minutes. Go back in the room, in the trailer. Flash, flash, flash, flash, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. And I'd be sitting here like, are we ready to shoot? Are we ready to shoot? Are we ready to shoot? Okay. And action. I'd be like, oh my God. Am I really hanging like that? Well, I wonder if he fluffed himself or if that's like a hair and makeup thing. Like did someone else? No, he touches on things. I mean, there's a whole crew there. Yeah, there's a whole crew. But it's not that kind of movie.

You might need some help. That's the whole finale of the movie. Maybe you just need a little eye contact too. You just go, hey, you, keep looking at me. Keep fluffing, mate. Keep on fucking fluffing. But everybody was so good looking in that cast. He's probably semi-hard all day. Yeah, true. The guys, the gals, everybody, so good looking. Here's what you don't want when you shoot a scene like that. You don't want empty balls.

You don't want empty balls. Oh, because you want to be erected. You want to be like, hey, I'm going to keep it full for two weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Yeah. That's cool. It is cool. This is cool, too. So one of the reasons why I am single is because I... What? Do you want to know what happened to the girl with five...

Five at once. Oh, I thought we could. There's more. There's consequences. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. So she later got knocked up by a fat, miserable piece of shit. Jesus Christ. And they have been going downhill together ever since, which is great revenge. Just seeing her get fat and depressed while I live my dream, traveling with my family and racing motorcycles. Hope this helps.

You got to reach back out to this person. I want to know how you learn a five at once. I mean... You have two in you, you have three in you. Five at once. I mean, I'm not even... I can't even fathom being that coordinated. You're just bracing yourself on one end. You're doing something with your mouth. And also... And then your hands, too. Here's the thing, too. It's like, if you're a guy, you haven't been with a woman in a while, and you're super horny, it's still like...

You still have to deal with the fact that there's four other guys there. That's so gross. Most guys would be like, yeah, no. And they're all grunting and like, ugh, ugh, ugh. That's another thing. Well, I'm not going to. Is this a spoiler alert? If I bring up, the people in this movie, they masturbate loudly.

And I'm just wondering in real IRL, if people are masturbating this loudly. Yeah. Cause I, if it's very quiet and quick for me, I don't, I don't have a whole lot of leisure time. I'm not very performative either with it. I'm not like, yeah, no. Like who is leisurely masturbating and then making sound and grunting and breathing heavy for so long. Most people are quiet. It's shameful. It's disgusting. You just get in, you get out, you get on with your life. Yeah.

I just don't see many people really taking the time. Right. Mm hmm.

That's just me. I don't know. All right. No more spoilers. No, I'm sorry. Let's go back to the more important thing, which is this gentleman. This is the best thing. So one of the reasons why I am single is because I'm a double soul shaman. And in ancient cultures, I would have been the one that the quote unquote straight dudes would have gone to for healing, especially sexual healing when their wives were on their periods. Yeah. It's not that the women were dirty when they were menstruating. Or four days or something.

powerful for the alphas stag dudes the warrior dudes who usually have many many wives and many many babies to be around so they would go to somebody like me for sexual healing and i would help them sharpen their masculine essence

And how do you do this? He's a twin soul, double soul shaman. Now, because we are in the Matrix, we are slowly breaking out of it. Most dudes are still, their psyches are still brainwashed. So much so by the Matrix that the idea of them marrying a double soul shaman instead of a woman, it just goes right over their heads. Like, oh no, that's not me. Society's so fucked up.

But what I really want to share is in ancient cultures, the alpha dudes, if they didn't marry a woman and they married one of the double soul shamans, that was considered like the highest honor. Yeah. For the shaman or for the man? The highest honor. Oh, for the man, for the regular guy. To marry a double soul shaman. If I married him, that's an honor for me. I'm like, I'm with a double soul shaman, you stupid bitch. Yeah. I can see that. I get it. I'm just saying that.

to marry a double soul shaman dude instead of a female or in addition to a female was considered a very beautiful thing that was celebrated by the tribes in over 85% of the First Nations tribes that I studied, for example, in North America before the white people came and fucked everything up. Same with my druidic ancestors before the British fucked us up up in Scotland. Pretty wild. This guy, we featured him before, you know.

Yeah, we've played him before. What's up, Yogi? So he and Frank just taught a really juicy anus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too. He's the best. And that caused some pre-cum to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm teeped out, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermidine, which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain and your nervous system. Can I say this though real quick? This guy's skin looks amazing. He looks amazing.

He really looks great. He looks so healthy. Whatever he's doing, you need to be doing. The glow, the tan. It just...

It's so smooth and he just has, he looks like he has great skin. Well, you know what you need to do. Well, yeah. I mean, you got to drink your piss and you come. What else came out? A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, a bonding hormone, which lowers cortisol. So not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy, which is powerful on its own, the Shibambu, I should call it. But I'm also getting the benefit of the sperm, the semen, tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine. Yeah.

that's like your turbo your nitro cold brew that's fucking good jesus yeah try this time wow yeah is this guy i'm feeling he's wow that's very very potent he's got to be in austin yeah where is he located i don't know we got to bring him in i can be married to him and you

That's pretty cool. Well, he's a twin soul shaman. Now, my question is, how do you find out you're a twin soul? Is this him? Or is this just an article about that? No, it's just an article. So is it good for it? A lot of people claim that it is. But there's no science. I got to drink it? Or can I just rub it on my skin? You have to drink it, dummy. God. I don't know. I think both work.

Yeah, the Google says both. You could do either. Honestly, looking at him right here, if he was like, this is all due to piss, I'd be like, that's a good sales pitch for that. I mean, there's got to be a filter, though, right? Yeah, it might be a filter and some makeup. I think it's some heavy filters. I mean, if he's doing that, it's really shameful. Because we're all sitting here learning about your piss and your jizz, thinking it's going to make us look like you, and now you're throwing filters and makeup on? That's fucking crazy. Bullshit. Yeah. Bullshit. I just did an annual workshop, and I fucking...

Now I'm learning you're wearing goddamn makeup. God, yeah, he looks great. He's a double soul shaman. Do you know what's so crazy? So, like, first of all, how does one even become a shaman? You know that I went to college with a guy? Great question, Christine. Just like a white guy. And he's like, I'm a shaman now. And he just went and became a shaman. Now he's a shaman. Yeah. What? What?

Like, I don't think that's not for you, bro. There's people who just like, I'm a medium. I'm, you know, I'm intuitive. I, yeah. How do you qualify for that? They just say they are. Yeah. He's like, I'm just a fucking double soul shaman, bro. Yeah, sure. Okay.

Want to teach your kids financial literacy, but not sure where to start? Greenlight can help. With Greenlight, parents can keep an eye on kids' spending and saving, while kids and teens use a card of their own to build money confidence. As a parent, you can send instant money transfers, set up chores, automate allowance, and more. It's a convenient way to run your household, customized to your family's needs, and the easy way to raise financially smart kids. Get started with Greenlight today and get your first month free at greenlight.com slash Spotify.

Reporting live from under my blanket, I'm Susan Curtis with Dunkin' at Home. Breaking news, pumpkin spice iced and hot coffees are back. I'll pass it to Mr. Curtis with his blanket for the full story. That is so right, Susan. You know, it's never too early to get in a spicy mood. I'm talking cinnamony goodness that's so tasty, people don't want to leave their blankets either. Back to you. No, back to you. All you. The home with Dunkin' Pumpkin Spice is where you want to be.

It looks amazing. I got you, brother. I got you. I'm holding you. I'm holding you. Bring your feet together. I got you. I got you, brother. I got you. That's it, brother. That's the home run. Oh, my goodness. Sounds like he's masturbating in salt burn. I got one more. It's about to come. I don't know. I guess leave it.

I don't know. I don't think you can do that. He's got a pain. 30 more years of that pain. Slow down. Jesus. Give it a second. Give it a second. Give it a second. Hold on. Hold on. This poor man. He's got a prosthetic leg and everything. No mas. Let me do the bust. Let me do the bust.

What did he say? Did he say, like, I'm free of pain in Spanish? No, no. He said something about the bone. He's like, I can't walk. Yeah, let me see. I think it stretches out the bone, the whole bone. That first one, though, is insane, man. It's terrible. Like, that is just...

I got you, brother. I got you. Is that relief? I don't know. I got you, brother. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's... That was terrible. That's... Is that what that sounds like when you go to a chiropractor? Yeah, or when you jizz. Salt burn. I wish they did this to Disney adults, don't you? Yeah, with like a fucking meat cleaver.

Very divisive topic, apparently. Making fun of Disney adults. Yeah, they get really upset. Yeah, they get so mad. We're like, man, but you're a grower. What are you doing? Well, especially the one in Anaheim. Like, there's no alcohol there, except if you go to California Adventure. Yeah. Or Club 33, right? You have to get, like, invited in. Yeah. I mean, there's nothing to do for an adult. You want to do the fucking Peter Pan ride again?

You want to go on Dumbo? You want to wait two hours to ride a 90 second Dumbo ride? I had the best time.

But that was fun. But the Star Wars was good. You liked that a whole lot. That is a 18-minute immersive experience. Immersive experience. It really is. Yeah. 20-minute experience. I know. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. But that's not a 90-second ride. That's my point. It's not a 90-second ride. No. That's for adults. It's also, like, conservatively, I would say that is a $100 million experience.

thing that they built. I know. And it also feels like 40... Like just that. Again, it feels like 40 years too late. Like you guys, Star Wars was hot in like 80. Can we have stepped up the pacing on that? It's a franchise forever now. It's never gonna... No, but it is like... It's like you're on set. Yes. They built a completely insane set for you to do. And they walk you through... Then they have trained... What are like... Not the stormtroopers, but the people that are...

like in uniform for that's for the dark side. I don't know. Okay. They have trained people to do that. And they're like, they, they berate the people that come in. They're like, it's not that complicated. Stand on the orange mark. You should be able to do that at least. Oh, that's good. And people are like, what? And like, so they're, they're kind of abusive because they're supposed to be the bad guys.

No, that part, that actually was incredible. That was incredible. But Dumbo and the teacups. The teacups. I go for the teacups. It's one of my greatest. Yeah, I mean, that's for like a, you know. Yeah. Your eight-year-old likes the teacups. But I love Peter Pan. It just reminds me of my childhood.

small world I mean you know that's pretty funny that naked guy got a small world yeah I wonder how he was hanging no one really talked about that nobody talked about that it's also it's not the place you want to be known for being in the small world right oh that's true I guess it is a small world after all pee in my cereal pee under my eyelids yeah blow up my foreskin like a balloon that's so weird shit on my chest poor girl dude

She's such a sweetheart. Poor girl. Yeah. Here you go. You'll kind of like this, I think. This is definitely up your alley. I know you'll like it. 30 years of back pain. I don't think he resolved it for this guy, do you? Oh, my God. I think he's made it worse. Oh, I think something horrible happened to that man. Yeah. He doesn't seem happier at the end of the... He's not relieved. Yeah, he's like, dude...

He's like, well, oh no. Oh yeah. I'm a fat athlete. And despite 15 years of experience and being a certified personal trainer, whenever I walk into a fitness space, everyone assumes I'm a beginner. I'm a fat athlete. Of course I play in men's gear that doesn't accommodate my chest well because they don't make plus size women's sports gear. I'm a fat athlete and I don't see bodies that look like mine represented in my industry's mainstream media. Oh, do better. I'm a fat athlete.

I can never find a single in my size. It's either a men's or custom made. Either way, can never find shit. I'm a fat athlete, so of course I'm always doing my sports in gear that doesn't fit me particularly well or in gear that costs three to four times what my straight-sized peers pay because I had to go custom. These are fat athlete problems. I'm always completely unaware of this marginalized community. Thank God we get to really know what's going on. Pretty cool.

I thought you guys were going to put bird at the end of this. I did. That would have been great. Look, everybody. I mean, look, I've got huge tits. I've had to buy special bras my whole life. Yeah. He's got something. No, I mean, I guess. You've got dad eyes. Yeah, I do have dad eyes. I think fat athletes deserve representation. Yeah.

Well, I feel like they're already on the Adidas website. Yeah. You see fatsoes in the athletic year. Yeah. And they do cater to... They do. If I fucking walked into a gym, though, and they were like, all right, your first session is with this trainer here. I'd be like, that's not happening. Not happening. She's a trainer. A certified trainer. Get the fuck out of here. You're not working out enough. No. I'm definitely not taking your nutrition plans. No.

Definitely not. I mean, that's the whole point of hiring a trainer is that you're, you're, the illusion is you're going to look like that. That's the illusion. Cause they know what they're doing and they're going to teach you to do what they're doing. Oh yeah. I'll just follow what you do so that I look like you. Yeah. You don't want to look like that. No, this is fucking insane, man.

Yeah, that's fucking insane. We're underrepresented. Like fat coaches, you kind of grow to accept. And I think it's upsetting too. Have you ever had a fat coach on a team? You're like, get the fuck. Because they're like, you guys need to pick up the pace. And you're like, fuck.

and you need to do something. You need to pick up the pace. But a personal trainer is supposed to be somebody that lives by that, right? Like their whole thing is training and eating well. Yeah, and hold on. If you're fat, then you're not an athlete, correct? This is kind of a... Well, no, you can be...

A fat athlete. Well, you could be a sumo wrestler if you're a fat athlete. There's some offensive linemen, defensive linemen that are freak show athletes. But what is she? She's a fat boxer? What is her fat storm sport? I think she's saying that she probably likes...

you know, some sports and she's, she knows like what you need, maybe the mechanics of things, what you need to do. But my thing would be like, I don't feel like you're a practitioner. Like you're not doing it. I don't think so. And she's probably going to be like, yes, I am. I know. I know. Yes, I am. I don't think so. I mean, look, if you're working that hard, wouldn't you want to be slender? You know what I mean? You're putting in all that time and stuff. You're being,

Bias now. Very binary in my thing. Yeah. Anyway. Whatever. Thank you, Fat App. Hate from Austin.

We're taking a quick break. We'll be right back. Excuse me. Oh, God. Welcome back. And with us today for the first time on the program is a comedian. You can get tickets at JoeDeRosa.com. Check out his sandwich shop, Joey Rose's? Joey Rose's. Oh, in New York. That's your shop? Yeah. What? Give it up for Joe DeRosa, everybody. Let him hear it. That's cool. Is that a sandwich shop? Wait, you said that...

Because I was reading it. I was like, I thought it was like, check out his podcast, Sandwich Shop. Yeah, his special. You know what I mean? So I was like reading it like, huh? No, no, no, no. I opened with Paul Italia. We opened a sandwich shop in a bar on the Lower East Side called Joey Rose's. That's rad. Sorry, I should have paid for it before. It's fun. It's stressful, but it's fun. What kind of- But anyway, you can get, yeah, joyeroses.com. What kind of sandies are there?

It's like East Coast. It's kind of based in the Philly stuff I grew up with, the hoagie style. Italian deli, Italian American deli. Delicious. Yeah, people like them. We're lucky. People are enjoying it. So it was a pandemic venture and still going. So hey, all right. Well, when I go to New York, I got to check it out.

I would hope so. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know about this. Yeah. Yeah. Please come through the loop. It's okay. It's, it's not like, you know, the hot gosh. Hey man, I think a comic having like a food spot is the move. I think it's the shit. It's very, it's very, I'm not, yes, I'm not, I'm not shitting on myself. It's very, it's very nice to do. It's, it's wild. Cause it's like, I can't believe we opened a place in New York and it's still open. Yeah. Uh,

And during the pandemic, you said. Yes. That's got to be hard. We started as a pop-up at The Stand, the comedy club The Stand, because Paul owns that. And...

We started there and we were doing a pop-up during the pandemic. When we first started, it was locked down still. You could serve food, but you couldn't have anybody eat in. It was like that period or whatever. Yes, I remember that. So stupid. So that's when we started that. And then people liked it. And then when you could eat inside, people were coming in for the sandwiches. And then-

Paul, who also worked in real estate, was like, look, man, if we want to do a brick and mortar, now's the time. We're not going to get an opportunity like this again. Because rates will be much better? Mm-hmm. Yeah. You signed that long-term lease, though, right? 52-year lease. That's nice. We're in. We're in for good. And that's it. Well, we'll get to the food. There's food things I want to ask you. You jacked off a trans man. Is that what I heard? What? Did you jack off a trans man?

I jacked a trans woman. A trans woman. Yes. How was that? We have so many. We're so interested. So many questions. Yeah. Tell us everything. She didn't orgasm, but it was great. Wow.

I enjoyed it. Yeah. Ask away. Wait, a trans woman. So just because I'm a dummy. It's a woman. It's a man that became a woman. The transition. So he was born male, but is now a woman. Okay. And they had the unit? With a penis still. Yes. Okay. She's lovely. Her name is Nikki Fox. That's exciting. Is that like a professional name? That's a professional name, right?

I assume that's not her. That's not your person. Yeah, that's a really good name. I never asked her. And this was at Skank Fest. It was at Skank Fest, yeah. So you, what I heard secondhand story, you guys are like, whatever, this person's like, I can suck my own dick. I need some help. She said if she was, okay, so Skank, it was the inaugural Legion of Skanks at Skank Fest. It was the one, the episode that starts the whole festival. Yeah. And-

And they were doing a contest to get ring girls or something for fights they were doing or something. Right. And she was one of the five finalists. And they said, what's your talent? She said, I could suck my own dick if it's erect. Wow.

Because she's got quite a piece on her. Oh, really? Quite a piece. We were talking about pieces right before you got here. What kind of piece are we talking about? Piece. Really? Yeah, like a solid, I don't know who to compare it to, but like a porn star piece. Really? Yeah, like a unit. Absolutely. Like a flaccid piece? Like was it flaccid? It shows and it grows. Wow.

Wow. But that's exciting. I mean, that is the best you can get in this world. Shows and grows. I know. Mine don't show. Mine grows enough. Mine grows like 4,000%. Yeah. Remind me, I got to tell you something. Okay. That's about our past, you and me. Okay. I didn't jerk them off or anything. Scary, yeah. But I have to tell you this while I'm here, but it's for later. It's completely off subject. Anyway, um...

So wait, first of all, does it, you said Nikki? Nikki, yes. Does Nikki tell you what you're in for or is it all a surprise? So this is what happened. So we're on stage and she says she can do this and she goes, but I can only do it if it's erect. And they said, well, okay, well, great. Like, how do we get you hard? Because there was all these hot girls on stage and she was like, and they were like, make out one of the girls. I forget what they said. She's like, no, that doesn't do it for me.

A guy will do it for me. And she had DM'd me. Oh. This is where I didn't know. There's the history. Like a year prior. Just saying, hey. Just saying, hey. She basically said, Nikki, I hope this isn't too much. She DM'd me and she said, I want to suck your cock at Skank Fest. Wow, it's meant to be. Yeah, this is like the universe is telling you to do this. So I was like, I didn't really respond. Not because I was offended. I just didn't really know what to say. Yeah, you were like, okay. And...

I don't take compliments well. Sure. And so she said, so anyway, that was, I guess, in the ether.

And we were on stage, and she was kind of like making, like flirting. And we were like waving, and she was flirting a little bit with me. So you know that you're recognizing her at least. Oh, yeah, 100%. Okay. And then she was like, I need a guy to do it. And then I think everybody picked, if I remember correctly, people picked up on that she was kind of looking and talking to me or motioning to me. And Louis or somebody was like, would you do it with DeRosa? And she's like, yeah. And he was like, okay, if DeRosa takes you off stage...

And you guys go into another room. And will you fuck around? If he gets you hard, will you come back out here and do it? And she said, yeah. And I said, okay. I said, let me think for a second. Are you drinking at this point? Are you like inebriated? I was so fucking hungover. I was up the night before. This is a true story. I was woken up at 6 a.m. in the corner of a strip club.

By two Puerto Rican strippers who were two of the hottest women I've ever seen in my life. And they were like, baby, wake up. Let's go play. And I went to an ATM and got money out and continued to hang out in the strip club until 7 a.m. I got back to my hotel at quarter to eight. I went to bed at 1015. My phone rang because I forgot to turn the ringer off.

And it woke me up and it was Alex, the producer of Skank Fest or Legion of Skanks. And she goes, can you please come do the 12 p.m. Skanks? And I was like, well, what am I going to do? Be a fucking loser? Like I'm in Vegas. Like, oh no, I partied too late. I got, I was like, I'm here. It's the festival. I'm going to go. So I got my ass out of bed and I went.

And at 11:45, I was like, pour me a fucking whiskey because we're in the zone right now. - I don't know why, what it is about even stories of being sleep deprived emotionally affect me. - Yeah, I mean, it's just traumatic. - I feel like there's nothing worse for me than not getting enough sleep. Nothing ruins my day more.

Well, yeah. Too little sleep is rough. Yeah. And too little sleep... And hungover is... With a bunch of fucking booze in your system is really rough. It's super rough. So fast forward... I mean, you looked like affected when I said that. Like when I just... When I described the 6 a.m., you looked like scared almost. Because like... Yeah. To his point, like we have two children. We have two small boys. So like...

Those sleepless nights when your kids are up sick or just whatever, it's so painful to me. I'm 47 years old. I'm done having those nights. I dread the cry in the middle of the night. I can't do them anymore. You were telling me last time I saw you, you go, I don't drink much or whatever. Am I misremembering? You used to be a guy that was down to have 87 beers. Or am I just misremembering that? Never. No? No. I mean, I've obviously had nights where I've drank too much and-

and hung over and sure, but I was never a big drinker. Really? Oh, I didn't know that. No, I remember, I think it was with you. And I'd only, I'd had a few, but nothing crazy in Montreal. That's the story I'm going to tell you. Oh. There was a Montreal, dude, this is so funny. Canaan. No, no. Well, no, Canaan was, do you remember the night? Wait, were you with us when we went and ate poutine with Canaan? I remember walking out of McDonald's

Oh, when I stole Kurt's glasses. No, what I remember, I thought, maybe I'm mixing up details. It was either you or Kinane had your, like, just got your McDonald's, your hot McDonald's. And one of you, the two of you knocked it out of the other one's hands. Yeah, I remember. It was me, Kurt, and Kinane. Yeah. And Kurt Braunholer knocked my McDonald's out of my hands. Okay, there it is. Okay. I was like.

Which I deserved because I've done that so many times to people. Really? Yeah, that's a big New York comedy joke. Like, knock the thing out of your hand. Fuck, I'd be so bummed. It sucks, but it's really funny. And he knocked my McDonald's to the ground. Fuck. And then I believe jumped up and landed on it with his feet to make it like you're not eating this. What a dick, dude. Yeah.

It took a while to get it. So I grabbed his glasses off his face and ran away to the hotel. And he called me drunk, like in a panic, like, please, I can't see anything. I need my glasses. But that's not the story. That's not the story. No, the story is, it wasn't that Montreal. It was a different one. There was a Montreal hotel.

where you were there, but you weren't performing. You were just there hanging out. In Montreal? Yes. At the festival? You went up. It was the year of my short movie. Remember me and Bobby Kelly and Bill Burr did Cheat? That short film? Do you remember the year? Because I can kind of like... That was like one of the earliest years I was ever there. So it was early. It was early for both of us. And you were there, and you were just kind of hanging out. Okay. Like, just hanging out. That seems weird to me, but okay. Okay.

Am I misremembering this too? He's not a big hanger-outer. I mean, I can't see myself going to Montreal to hang out. Did you go, you never went to Montreal just to spend time at the festival? No. Definitely not.

Oh, boy. Well, tell me your thing so I can at least... This is how I remember it. Okay. Was you were there just hanging out and you said, hey, I went to see Cheat. Well, if you've never seen the movie, then it's definitely not you. It's definitely not me. It's a different bearded guy. Oh, I got a different fucking person. Yeah. It's another fat guy with a beard probably. Whoever it was, I remember thinking to myself, this is what would have made it a great story.

This poor bastard is up here just hanging out. I hope things work out for this guy. And I thought it was you. And I was like, how amazing is it that that happened at that point in time? And now you're on top of the fucking world. I was like, that's so incredible. And it's not you. So now the story means absolutely nothing. I would really love to know who it happened to.

I thought it was you. Who is it? No. Some guy with a beard likes to drink a lot. Kyle Kinane? No, it wasn't Kinane. It wasn't Kinane? It was, who was another? Matt Bronker? No. Bronker had a beard. What's the movie about? What's Cheat?

Oh, boy. Me and Bobby Kelly and Bill Burr wrote a movie. Yeah. A short film that I directed. It was called Cheat. It was a comedy. I remember this. It's like a heist. The joke, the gag of the movie is it's a guy who's trying to cheat on his girlfriend while she's out of town for like a 12-hour window. Okay. And he has to bring the girl to his house.

And he has all these obstacles to get through because he's got a nosy doorman and blah, blah, blah. He's got to get her out by a certain time. Okay. His girlfriend comes back early. And it's like a heist movie. Okay. But it's him trying to pull off a chief. Yeah. I mean, you don't remember the actual year. No, God, no. 2008, maybe. I mean, it's a while ago. That was like your... No, 07 was my first one. And then I think I went back in 09...

And maybe 12. 2015, we went together. It's not you. I remember 2012 was the first time I met you. Oh. Yes. 2011. Special year. I remember you had just posted or something that you got married or were about to get married or engaged, whatever. You guys were walking through the lobby. And when? When? Like 20, probably 12. It was like, I don't think it was 15. It might have been 15. I don't think it was. But it was like when...

You know, that area when you get off the elevator where all the transports pick you up. Yeah. You were walking out and I was walking in. And I met you for the first time. I go, oh, that's that. All right. Yeah. I've seen her in the pictures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, back to the transvestite lady, though. Yeah. Trans woman. Trans woman. Yes. Yeah. Sorry. That's okay. What do we... Am I going to get attacked for being too woke? I know.

Wait, what does transvestite mean? Transvestite is a man that wears women's clothing. Oh, yeah, that's clearly not accurate. But also, I think, I don't know a lot about this, but I think transvestite also could mean like...

I don't think they identify as a woman in any way. Oh, that's totally wrong. Transvestites, like they dress. Yeah, sometimes it's a straight guy even. Yeah, transsexual, sorry. Okay. That's okay. So wait a minute. I'm not offended. You get called, no. Yeah, so then they're like, all right, well, you go back into this room and you're like, you know, I'm thinking about it. I have to gather myself. So they, okay, so they said, they said, you're going to go off stage. And I was like, look,

we're not, first I said, can we bring another girl and do like a three? And she was like, no, I'm not into chicks. And I was like, all right. Okay.

So I said, okay, let's do it. I go, but we're going to walk out of here. It has to be in another room. Because at first they're like, go behind this curtain. I was like, are you crazy? I'm like, I'm not doing this on the air. And so we found like a private room, very much off camera. And that was that. We just, you know, hooked up. You hooked up. Yes. And then did this person perform their trick for everybody? Oh, yeah. No, because I got...

I gave her a hand job and she got erect. She gave me a blow job. That's awesome. And a hand job. And I 100% had to know. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. But she didn't. So I got her and she was like, dude, we're so far from the stage. She goes, I don't know if this is going to stay up.

And we tried. We really tried to make a run for it. But they were like, somebody was knocking on the door like, dude, you guys have to come back. You can't be up here any longer. Like, we have to end the show. There were a lot of factors. She lost it. She lost it. But we did our best. And all parties were happy. But again, hefty piece on this. Hefty, dude. That's exciting. Hefty. Yeah, yeah. Like the one we looked at in Montreal. Yeah, of course. Yeah, staring at Cox. I remember it.

I can't believe my Montreal story's wrong. I was so excited to tell that story. Like, look how far my little babies go. Different bearded guy. Who the fuck was that?

I don't know, but I'm really curious. Maybe it was Crusher. Maybe it was. Maybe. It might have been Crusher. Except he wouldn't have gone either. No, no. It was somebody. To hang. Oh, I can't even remember. Speaking of Bert. Anyway, go ahead. Yeah. You were there because it was like a whole drama that we had. I had Ari on and he brought this up and then Bert called in and then he commented on it. And then we had Joe List in here and he commented on it. You were actually at that event.

I was with Bert when the shit went down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how accurate did you hear there? 100% accurate. From whose perspective?

From both of theirs. Oh, so they're both right in their own... From what I know about how Bert tells the story and how Joe tells the story, both are 100% right. And they're just telling it... From each of their perspectives. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a fucking Scorsese movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with competing storylines. But like the... I was with Bert. We went to that sushi place and he bought like... Or it was a Thai place that also had sushi. And he bought...

everybody food yeah yeah it was like 11 dudes that sounds like it sounds like a lot it was a lot you know it was it was for fucking takeout it was expensive it was like 300 and 400 bucks or something yeah and um and i remember we were inside burt and i were in such a good mood because we were already buzzed we were drinking like we were feeling good i i showed up as a surprise i told them i wasn't coming to the bachelor party and then i showed up

with a tray of shots at a bar, like it pretended to be the waiter. And like, it was like, I was riding, I was walking on fucking air. We were feeling so good. Yeah. And, uh, and Bert and I were in that sushi place, in that place when we were waiting for the food and we were so hungry and they were like, do you want some sushi while you wait?

And I remember we got a spicy tuna roll. And we were like, this is the best fucking spicy tuna roll I've ever had in my life. It really was. It was amazing. It was amazing. And we couldn't stop talking about the spicy tuna roll. And Bert was being like, dude, fuck it. Whatever happens on this trip, we had that fucking spicy tuna roll. That was the best thing ever. You know what I mean? Like, we were so enamored by this thing. Yeah. And then we went outside and Les was in his car. And he just started yelling at us.

He's like, fucking sit out here. He's fucking doing his Larry David squints. Yeah. As he's sitting there, he's going, fucking sitting out here. And I was like, uh-oh.

And then I heard Bert go, I just don't appreciate being spoken to that way after I buy everybody $400 worth of takeout. And I was like, this isn't going to go well. Did you know that Joe was going to be like, I don't even eat that shit? Because Joe has specific eating habits. I already knew. Yeah, because we had Joe on Taste Buds. And I already knew Joe only eats like three things. And fucking Pad Thai wasn't going to be one of them. Because he likes like chicken fingers, right? And like...

Joe eats, yeah, like a movie theater food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like pretzel bites. Toddlers. Yeah. That's so funny, dude. And I was just like, and Joe, but then, but the reason I'm saying they're both accurate is because from Joe's side, Joe came down to pick us up. Right. And he's picking up

two guys that are getting food that he's not even interested in. Yeah, yeah. And he's the only sober guy in the house. So he's the only guy able to drive to come get us. So he felt like, it was like, hey, sober guy, go do this for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's sitting out there. Like he's a cab. Yeah, exactly. And then me and Bert aren't coming out. How do we do come out? We're gleefully like, we wasted your time. You should have had this spicy tuna roll. He's like, fuck.

Fuck you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so that's, I think it's fair. Okay. So they both told their truth. Yes. Each one of them had their own truth. And then they went outside on the balcony to talk it out. And they were out there and it was like being in a zoo and watching. Yeah. Because we couldn't hear what they were saying, but you could just see the energy. Yeah. You could see that it was not,

animated aggression i don't know if it looked like a fight it just didn't look like they were having a pleasant talk sure so uh but they worked it out they did it was fine they worked it out that they came inside being like all right dude cool i'm sorry too i'm sorry too and that was it like that was the end of it so really the the the real end story to all this is that ari is a fucking shitster because you don't say he had to bring it up and he had to keep

And he was like Bert really fucking got upset. He's such a little fucking shit He's such It's just we just had to cut a thing out of taste buds. Really? Yeah, cuz he was on the show at me and I and I I you on fucking fucking camera

i have to he's co-hosting with me he filled in for sal and i go to i go dude i have to pee so bad i can't hold it anymore so i'm gonna leave the room you take the steering wheel

And I stand up and I go, please, dude, don't do anything fucked up while I'm gone. Please just don't do anything fucked up while I'm gone. Which... I hate... I can see this coming already. It's giving me anxiety. See? Which... But by the way... Because I know him, yeah. When you say that, that means... Yeah. That's it. You can't do anything fucked up. Not because, oh, it's a rule. It's because I'm already beating you to the punch of knowing you're going to do something fucked up. So it doesn't count now. So just don't do it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like when somebody's like, oh, I was fucking with you. And you go, remember when I said immediately you're fucking with me? Yeah, yeah. And you just kept doing it to the point of exhaustion. So anyway. What did he do? Well, at the time, I thought nothing. Right. You watched it back later. Well, the night before the episode came out, Mike Lavin, Homeless Pimp, who at the time was our producer, said,

sent us a clip and he goes hey guys uh i just want to know if you approve this or not or you want me to cut it out of the show it's ari's asshole yeah i go exactly dick or his ass oh well i go what he goes ari got kind of wild i go what i forgot we had recorded the episode like six weeks prior to that or whatever and he sends the clip of me going please don't do anything i leave ari takes down his pants full bare asshole bare asshole

Not just sits in my chair. Not just rubs his butt on my chair.

like vigorously grinds his asshole. Is it protruded too? Is it like, you know how it's prolapsed? He didn't show, he didn't turn to the, he didn't face camera. I've seen it hang out. It's fucking. It's disgusting. It's really horrifying. Yeah, which so for anybody listening or watching that doesn't know, Ari's got a legendarily like disgusting asshole. For years. Yeah, look up, you can Google Jew clam. It's so gross. Yeah. Bring up Jew clam. It's prolapsed.

Yeah. Why is it so for, is it the hemorrhoids he's had over the years? Yeah. Yeah. So he, uh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So he, yeah, he rubs it all over the chair. And then of course I come back in and sit in the chair and I was like,

cut that out of the fucking show. That's not going out. I was like, no, that's not going out. Yeah. I mean, how did I know? You knew exactly what was going to happen. So anyway, yes, the end all be all of the Bert Kreischer Joe List story is Ari has to stir up the shit. He stirs it up. No matter what. He loves to stir it up.

He is like a toddler where you're like, don't do this. And he's like, okay. That's a dare. It's like a dare, yeah. He's always been like that. I mean, always. Yeah, that's true. It's very consistent. I remember him getting, remember when he got banned from the Irvine Improv for showing his painter? Yeah, he took his dick out and just like stood there. Yeah. My favorite, my favorite comeback to say to Ari when he makes fun of something.

Like when he'll be like, that's stupid or your friend sucks. Or he will say that. He says that. All your friends are shitty. Like this one was less shitty. And I'll, I'll go, well, I get it, dude. They're not quite as nuanced as saying Kobe Bryant is a and deserve to die. But you know, dude, we're all, we're all kind of different. And he's usually like, all right, all right. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. Um,

Is he in, is he in Judor Titties? Is what? Is he in New York?

Is he in New York? We call it Jewdork Titties on the show. Jewdork Titties? We have names for all the cities. Jewdork Titties. Jewdork Titties, Mini Apple Tits. What else? Fart Lauderdale. Fart Lauderdale. Porkland Horrigan. It's a stupid thing we do on the show. I enjoy it. I like it. You guys have fun around here. We have fun. He does live in Jewdork Titties. He's in Jewdork Titties. He does. He does. Yes. He lives right near me. We became very close during lockdown.

Well, that's good. Yes. So you have a pod you do with Sal. And you guys have food takes. And I just became informed of a couple of yours recently.

that I'm curious about. One is that when you did First Date with Lauren, did you guys get into it about tacos? Taco kits. This would be your last meal. Taco kits. I said one of my last meal picks is a taco kit. I go, I love, it's one of my favorite foods on earth. She didn't know what taco kits were, thought I'd made them up.

I've actually never heard. Have I lied? Yeah, I've never heard of it. I've never heard someone say it. Do you mean that you buy it in the store as a fully made kit in New York? No, I'm serious. I've never heard it either. We're West Coasters, dude. I've never heard it either. That's sacrilege to us. Stop it. I've never heard it. Oh, stop it. We have Mexicans in LA that make real Mexican food.

You don't do taco kits on the West Coast. That's considered sacrilege, bro. I swear I've never heard it. I wouldn't lie to you about that. I've never heard someone say, I'm going to get a taco kit. I've never heard that before. That's East Coast, bro. No, no, no, no. It's got to be. I lived in LA for six years. I ate taco kits while I was there. What is a taco kit? I also ate traditional Mexican tacos. Taco kit is Tex-Mex. Okay. What?

What does taco kit mean? It's you go down the international foods aisle and they have like the old Ortega, Taco Bell mix one, old El Paso, sorry, Ortega, old El Paso and Taco Bell are your top three. Ortega and El Paso are really the top three.

But is kit supposed to reference getting all these different... The kit is a box. In that box is 12 shells. Yeah. Right. They have different kinds of kits, but the traditional kit is 12 shells, a packet of seasoning for the meat, and then a packet of sauce. I don't use the sauce. I use my own hot sauce. Okay. Obviously, the seasoning is for... Does it say kit on the box? Is that why it's... Or is this just like a slang thing? I think it says kit. You look it up. It's like a product you buy. Okay. Because I thought you meant you buy everything kind of separately and then you make it at home. Oh, it says taco kit. Okay. Oh, shit. I'd never heard that before.

Now, Lauren's argument was a kit would insinuate that it has the meat and the cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Oh, it has everything you need. Which she said that somewhere. And then Seamus, esoteric, our boy, sent me a screen cap for that.

Because he was in disbelief that she also was so unfamiliar with taco kits. Yeah, I'm totally unfamiliar. And I said, they're not Lunchables. They don't have everything inside of it. You buy a cake kit, you have to buy a few other things, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so... You see, I would have hoped it would be everything. Now, here's the thing. That's my hope. Your taco kit choice, I mean, I'm down. I love...

get making the shells and the meat yeah we do that it's great so you do it yeah but i didn't know i thought you meant that you buy everything on the cart and then you you just put it together on your you know counter and you put the tacos together but the taco kit implies it's a single product you can buy with all the shit no no i'm saying you go and you buy that you've bought that thing of the shells yeah yeah but now with the sauce and now with the other shit just the shells bro well you can buy they started doing that late

Sorry. Am I too intense about this? No, this is good. This is a hot topic. I don't mean to sound like I'm talking down. I'm not talking down. I'm lifting up. I just never... Maybe I... I should have opened with this instead of the Montreal story. But maybe I didn't see it. You know, I don't read it. I just see shells. I buy the shells. But now I got to fucking... You can buy the shells separately from the seasoning, which I do now. I've been doing that then. East Coast was late to the game on that. East Coast was like really for a while. It was the kit.

And that's why I didn't know what good taco sauce was because, or even good hot sauce, I mean, because I would just had that shit that came in the kit. And then when I started to learn about different hot sauces and I was like, I actually like this better. What do you like? What's your sauce? What's your hot sauce? What is it? Cholula? Oh, this slaps. Which one? Is it the original or they make like 10? The original. The original. I fucks with the original and then sometimes I get a green. Green's my go-to. Yeah, yeah.

I like the green a little too vinegary for me but I like it you know it's your little mixed taco seasoning now

Yeah. They're new to the game, but they're making seasoning. I like, I'm going to purchase that. I do like the Taco Bell seasoning. It's great. That's really good. Yeah. The Taco Bell seasoning. Crushes. Could be the champion seasoning because when you take that flavoring and put it on actual quality meat, like some grass fed ground beef. No, it's so good. You're like, holy shit. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's so good. It's like making a Big Mac yourself with real ingredients. You're like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? So, not that I don't love Big Macs or Taco Bell, but.

Do you frequent Taco Bell? I don't frequent fast food at all anymore because I just had to start sort of getting my shit together. We talked about this. We talked about this, yeah. The mothership. So I started doing testosterone. Nice.

How are you feeling? I feel great. Good. And it tightened my body up. I don't work out yet. I've lost some weight. Nice. I eat less. I eat better. Good. But I'm getting some, see, I got some pimples here. And I think, is that a result of testosterone? I mean, what kind of dosage are you on? I do the inject three days a week. How much do you inject? How many cc's you pump in there? Two, five. Twenty-five. Yeah.

Yeah, no, you should be. Or 0.25. Whatever 25 is on the menu. No, yeah, yeah. 25 units. It could be food related. Sometimes food, if you're eating tomato based, because I used to get this too. It's like a rosacea or an eczema. I eat a lot of tomato food. A lot. That can aggravate this around your mouth. I'm also constantly dehydrated. Oh, that's. I don't drink enough water. Well, that could really be a thing. You just go to Derm, get a little creamy on there and clear right up. Yeah, get the cream. I'm back on the Proactiv.

It's working. Oh, for acne? Is that what that is? I just... What's that? That may not be acne, though. Oh, it's definitely... It's acne. Okay. It's zits. Okay. Ladies. But you're feeling much better. You're feeling better. Oh, the testosterone is no joke. Yeah. I say... Last time I saw Hinchcliffe, I go, dude, I'm on testosterone, man. And he goes, is it working? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it's not even...

He's on it, right? Isn't he on it or no? Am I wrong? I don't know. Now I'm like, shit, should I not have said that? I'm very paranoid. Why? Because with... Not because of your podcast. Just with podcasts in general...

I feel like we're all on them all the time. Yeah. And we're all, I'm losing sight of the lines of private conversations, which is what was said on air, which wasn't what maybe don't you want me to repeat publicly, but I don't know. And then, but isn't there also a very hard to where like, you know,

I mean, most of the time, every time that I've had either people on or been on someone's, they always are just like, hey, if you want me to cut that out or, you know, it's like a conversation you have. Let me rephrase. Then I'm more paranoid now about talking when the person isn't present. Oh, I hear you. Because I'm like, oh, shit, should I not have said that? I don't know. I found that weirdly, especially as we all continue to become more successful as we get older and have...

more at stake in our private lives and things to take care of and things to protect, I'm always sort of surprised sometimes at what certain people I know

Or like, no, no, no, that's my no-no. I don't go for that. And you're like, oh, I would have thought that you wouldn't give a fuck about that at all. You know what I mean? So I don't know. That's why when I say paranoid. Okay. So taco kit is your primary meal. And then let's go to dessert. What's your death row dessert? Do you do dessert? Some people don't like sweets, which I find hard to believe. Death row dessert? I would eat a whole...

I would eat a whole Entenmann's raspberry, what's that called? Entenmann's, really? Raspberry.

What's the raspberry one called? I know what you're talking about. It's like the sugary shit, the glaze, and then the raspberry filling. The raspberry twist? Yeah, the one that's like the... Oh, that's good. Their flagship item. This is your death row one? That's one of them. Okay. Raspberry Danish twist. And then full... You're a latchkey kid, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is total... Are you? Yeah, I have like garbage food preferences as well. Do you eat a lot of Italian food?

Could you say that less racist? No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I do. DeRosa's from Italy. But I'm adopted. I'm not by blood Italian. Really? I'm Arab. You're Arab? Yeah, I'm mostly Egyptian. Oh, assalamu alaikum. I can see it now. Yes.

But you guys pass for Italian. I know. I pass for white. I pass for all the good stuff. Holy shit. We got an A-Rab here today. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the first one in Texas? I don't know. Yeah, I thought so. Do you know your country of origin?

uh egypt mostly egypt okay but i got a little hardcore middle eastern in me yeah i got like a little like or like saudi arabian do you uh do you also are you a fan of uh middle eastern food yeah i like it i like it there's very few foods that i'm like pass right but but yeah i like middle eastern food you'll go for like you'll try everything are you are you adventurous as an eater fairly fairly unless unless it's

I wish I was a little more adventurous. What do you like shut down? What do you go like, uh-uh? I was in China and I couldn't fuck with the smelly shit. That doesn't seem like that's that crazy though. Like stinky tofu? That I couldn't do. I couldn't do the stink fruit. No, that's horrible though. I think even Asians aren't into that. I just wanted to like... I wish if you said to me like this is...

what was that show where the guy would travel and eat like the wildest, like, Oh, that was Zimmerman. Yeah. That was Andrew. Andrew. That was a rip off of Bourdain would eat the weird thing. No, but he was more like, I'm getting to know the bizarre foods. That's what I'm saying. That Bourdain would do the anomaly like, Oh gosh, okay. I guess I'll try these crickets because I'm being respectful of this tribe in New Guinea. And then Zimmerman's whole thing was, I'm going to eat all weird.

shit. It was so weird. My friend Paul Chell, who's in my band with me, Salsa Windfall. You got a fucking band? I got a band. Actually, we might be doing a show here. We might be doing a show in Austin. We're actually trying to see if... Do you sing? You play an instrument? You do everything? Paul and I write everything. I do the primary vocals and he plays guitars and I do a lot of the drum programming. Look at you. It's fun. It's like odd pop. Anyway, we might come back

in the early spring to do a show in Austin, if anybody's interested. You can go to my website, whatever. Awesome. Anyway, and let us know. But anyway, he is a chef in New Orleans, and he was like,

When he, there's a fish that they bury in the ground in parts of Asia. Yes. Yes. And I was like, they also do this in some of the native communities where they'll bury it. Yeah. Inuit communities will do that too. But he wouldn't, he was like, I, he was like, I drew the line. I can't. He goes, I just couldn't do it. It was too much. When we were in,

They were like, hey, if you want to have a real authentic experience, we have this whatever, seal buried or something. And they're like, you're going to throw up. I was like, no, pass. I don't want to go do that. They said you're going to throw up. They told us how it's going to be foul, but they're like, this is a genuine. I was like, no, dude. Did you at least go to the meal? No.

Like, did you go to where the seal was and go, I'm not going to eat it? No, no, no. This was like a call ahead of time where like they called like an agent or a tour manager and then relayed the message. This would be an authentic. I was like, we can skip that. I got you. Yeah. I got you. But I generally like, I try to go try everything. But if you're getting like a heads up on like, you'll probably think this is gross. Then I'm like, I don't need to do that. Yeah.

I wish I was the one place I really wish I was more adventurous. The gross stuff I can live without. Hot food, something that's too like hot ones. I honestly don't even know if I could do it. If I ever got it. Are you super sensitive? I just can't. The it's the side effects of hot food where I'm like, I just don't. It just it's not. It freaks me out. It's not. It's not as crazy as diarrhea. Yeah.

It's not even that. It's the part where I feel like I would feel like I was on a bad drug trip and I don't want that. Yeah, panicky. Yeah, yes. Here's the thing about that though on that show because I've done the show. Your experience with eating hot foods is usually if you're having a hot meal, you don't realize how many bites of hot... Have you ever had a thing where you're like... You keep eating it, right? And that's kind of what makes it so crazy. The thing about hot ones is...

Yeah, you have like a crazy bite and you're like, holy shit, but that's it. Like it's the first seven are pretty mild. Yeah, but what's your tolerance as you're saying this? I don't have a crazy high tolerance. He's very bland. Really? Very beige tastes. No spice, no flavors. No, that's not true. That's not true. She's being good.

I like Korean food. I make my own Korean soups at home and he won't even whiff it. He won't. Every fucking broad that talks out of the side of her mouth, she doesn't know what she's saying. I enjoy spice. I just don't like the shum of the bullshit she makes. But like...

Are you guys just discovering this about one another? Yeah, I mean, I... This is a wild thing to be discovering for the first time. I put spice and sauce and shit all the time. I'm just not eating her fucking bullshit. So... Oh, Korean food, one of the greatest cuisines? No, I'm not eating the white... I'm not eating Guilo's fucking Korean food. I eat Korean people's Korean food. Can I ask... I want to ask our friend here, what's...

Cause you do have extremely latchkey kid taste as do I. Like I love Kraft macaroni and cheese. That's all I would feed our kids. I wouldn't even, I don't even, they don't even know what real mac and cheese tastes like real meaning with like real cheese. I love, um, shaky cheese, Parmesan, you know, to craft. I like it too. I, I,

Not anymore, but yeah. Why? What happened? I grade it myself now. You're a fucking grown up. Yeah, but I'm not knocking what you're saying. I used to love mac and cheese. You know, I've grown to dislike all mac and cheese. All in many forms. She's like a junkyard dog. She doesn't eat like a person. Oh my God. You know what my favorite is now? Is cream of wheat. Ew. Just gross. I've been eating it for a month every morning. Because it's just bland and like...

I don't know. It's just typical cracker food. Just some milk. Yeah. Sugar.

So anyway, I'm not a big soup guy. I mean, if it's the dead of winter and you're like, you know, it's prepared. Sure. But like, she's always having soups, which is fucking gay. Gay? Yeah, it's gay. It's homosexual? Yeah. Soups are gay, but dumplings are fucking delicious. Yeah. Yeah, they're good. But what's... She's like an old gay lady. What's that? She's like an old gay lady. You sent you another food...

food picks that you wanted to challenge. Oh, there's one that I just heard. No, the one I just heard, I was like, this is fucking insane. This is why I'm dehydrated. My lips, I can feel how dry they are. You gotta drink more, dude. I've drank a second. I haven't even sipped this water. Sip it. I hate drinking water. And you're indoors. The heater's on. Why don't you put like liquid IV in the water? It gives it flavor, more hydrate. Why don't you just do that?

I have. And then what I start doing is I start putting liquid IV in every water. Yeah. And now I'm drinking. It's like you just drank a bottle of soda, basically, because it does have some sugar in it. Get the sugar-free one. We have it here. I'll give it to you. All right. So I heard that Rob Eiler and you had it out about Shake Shack and Burger King. Shake Shack versus Burger King, and you were on the side of Sweet. Burger King. That's crazy. That's crazy talk. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, you don't get, I thought you'd be with me on this. I mean, the junkyard dog in me likes the fakeness, but the meat is not as good at BK. Honestly, the meat has always been a deterrent. Do you not like a Shake Shack burger? No, I like a Shake Shack burger. I'll lay out exactly what my... But you're saying a Burger King burger is superior.

Well, this is what I will say. First of all, you didn't even have Shake Shack growing up. No. In Cali. I had on the road. Right. Like Indianapolis. Yes, we've done it. This is what I said to Rob. And this is what I said to Sal when we battled McDonald's versus Wendy's. Wow. I was like, if we're going to talk fast... And I was McDonald's. I go, if you were going to talk fast food, don't bring some shit in my face that I can make at home. Mm-hmm.

I can make a Wendy's. I can make a burger at home that tastes like Wendy's. I like Wendy's. I fucks with Wendy's. I like Shake Shack. But you feel like you can make it at home. You can make a Shake Shack burger at home or something that tastes like a Shake Shack burger. You get a Whopper

And that was my other argument. I go, dude, there's like three titans, maybe. Big Mac, Whopper.

Hold on. Baconator, maybe? I don't even know what the third one was. The Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr. is, I think, one of the greatest. It's not banging on an international level the way the Whopper and the Big Mac are. Wow. You know what I mean? But I'm saying it hasn't footed itself yet. Of course not. I'm telling you. I love that thing. I love it, too. She has the same, like a homeless person has the same. Okay, In-N-Out versus Shake Shack.

Let me tell you about In-N-Out. Wow. Let me tell you about In-N-Out. You're talking to a lot of Californians in here, man. In-N-Out is useless to me. Wow. And here's why. It's a good burger. Wow. It's a good burger. Wow. Fries are, the fries are inedible. The fries taste stale. A lot of people feel this way. They taste stale. It's because it's fresh. People are used to eating a shittier fry quality, basically. They're not used to eating a fry that doesn't taste stale. Well, it's a fresh sliced potato, like right there. They slice it in front of you. And it's massively overcooked. Yeah.

They're chewy, dude. They're not like- What's your favorite fry? What's the best fry? McDonald's fries. Yeah, I agree. That's for sure. You know what I'm saying. You're a reasonable guy. Okay.

You know who's got good fries? I say it all the time. Del Taco. The crinkle fries at Del Taco. Really? It's the best kept secret of fast food. I'm telling you something. Are you a hardy's? I want you to go to Del Taco and get some crinkle fries and you're going to be like, holy shit. I've never heard this before. Oh, he's signing up on it. Wow, Eddie. It's a best kept secret. Nobody goes there for fries. Are you a hardy's curly fry guy? I'm not a big, I don't like the seasoning on curly fries. I used to be. I used to be.

But, hold on, we're going too fast here. What about Jack in the Box tacos with the American cheese? I bet you like those too. I love Jack in the Box. I was never big on the tacos, but the bacon potato, I'm sorry, the bacon cheddar potato wedges. And that, I love Jack in the Box. It's so gross to me. It is, because we're old now. Yeah, I know. It's so gross. Like if I ate it now, I would die. But wait a second.

Back to that Carl's Jr. burger. I have so many things. Western bacon cheeseburger. Yes. It's a great burger. I get extra sauce. It's a great burger, but here's my point. The onion rings on it? Yes. And the fucking bacon? It's good. And the pickles is good as shit. There's no pickles. Wait a minute. Maybe I had pickles. I thought I had pickles. There's no pickles on a Western bacon. I might be mixing it up with the bacon. I gained 80 pounds eating that pregnant. Are you a pickles fan? I know. Love pickles. No pickle on that. But here's what I'm saying about Burger King versus Shake Shack. Yeah. The Whopper.

Remember in Donnie Brasco when Pacino's like...

you go to any borough, I'm known. Ask them about Lefty. That's the whopper. - No, that's true. It's universal. I agree. - It is universal. - It's worldwide. - Well, I'm not arguing who's like the more famous guy between the two. That's crazy to argue. - It's McDonald's all the way. - But also, I mean, you could also make the argument that the reason is like, I mean, a Burger King is a restaurant that has fucking 15,000 locations, but that doesn't mean that the quality

is better than what you'd find at a Shake Shack. Well, I would speak to that by saying when I get a Burger King craving, nothing is satang that craving except Burger King. I could get a Shake Shack craving and go make it. I like your argument. I like the argument. Even though I think the Shake Shack burger is superior, I like the argument that it's a version of something you can do versus what you probably can't do. The Whopper, whatever they do,

I know they say they're flame broiled and I don't buy it for a second. They're pouring some kind of liquid on it to make it taste like that, I think. But whatever that flavor is. The flame broiled flavor on the patty is what... See, I never liked the Whopper for that reason. And it always gave me indigestion. That's fair. Now, let's be real. I mean, Burger King or McDonald's... McDonald's is my queen. Yeah, you'll never... She's amazing. I have a sign in my house that...

that was an actual sign for McDonald's. That was a sign, the golden arches that sat outside of a real McDonald's. It's like weathered because McDonald's heard me talk about McDonald's so many times on Taste Buds, their publicity team sent me an actual McDonald's sign. That's right. That's awesome. Yeah. I love the- I ride or die with it. Yeah, they're a great company. There was a news story where this person found a burger that was 60 years old. Yeah.

that was like wrapped up and they unwrapped it and it looked like it was made earlier that day. That's one of the craziest things that I've ever... Yeah, it's fucked up. I mean, how does that happen? Well, we know. We just don't have the ingredients. But it's just 60 years old. Science. Where did they find it, by the way? In a wall. In their wall. In their wall.

I mean... But you know what's interesting about McDonald's? We just talked about this last week. McDonald's is one of the fast foods. You have to eat it hot. Like right fresh from whatever they do to you. If it even waits, it smells like farts and your car will smell like farts. There's two McDonald's foods that I...

I have to go. Still like cold? Yeah. Big Mac? Cold? No, no, no. I prefer it hot. But I could eat a cold Big Mac any day of the week. And I can weirdly eat cold McNuggets any day of the week. But I need sauce. Which one? Honey? Honey?

Hot mustard, hot mustard all day long and barbecue. I like hot mustard. That's the one-two punch at McDonald's. It's no joke. I would argue there's not an entree I dislike at McDonald's. Actually, the fuck a salad. Why are you even getting that there? However, I do like the older pies. They used to deep fry them back when I was a kid and I prefer a deep fried apple pie. Agreed.

I will say the... How come the ice cream machine never works? That too. It's upsetting. The advance towards quality at McDonald's where they're trying to like kind of clean it up. I don't like that. I don't care for it. I think it affects...

I get why, ethically, but it's affecting the flavor. All right. What's the name of the sandwich shop again? Sandwich shop is Joey Rose's. Joey Rose's. Seven days a week. And it's on the Lower East Side. Lower East Side, 174 Rivington Street in New York City. What's the sandwich that everyone should try? What should you go get? I mean, obviously, I believe in all of them. The local, though, is probably my favorite of all of them. The local is white American cheese, turkey, homemade roast beef.

Mayo, tomatoes, onions, and hot cherry peppers. Are you a mayo fan? It's great. Yeah, depending. Yeah, on the rice. Yeah, I'm down with mayo. Me too. And then I'm on the road, too. Can I? Yeah, of course. Oh, thank you.

I never promised you a Rose Garden is the name of the tour and the show I'm doing. Oh, that's a great title. Thank you very much. I'm on the mothership this weekend, but thank you, Austin, for packing the shows. There's no tickets left, but I got Nashville, Tennessee coming up. I have South Carolina and North Carolina coming up early February. Those are the next dates. Go to Jotarosa.com for tickets.

and then I got a ton of dates after them on the West Coast and throughout the country. All the dates are there. All the tickets are there. Jodorowska.com, and check out Taste Buds podcast with you and Sal Volcano. Yeah, yeah. And Ari's asshole. So...

Joe, thank you for coming by today. Thank you for being here. Oh, dude, it was so nice. I'm glad to sit and talk to you guys. Taco Kits, dude. We're getting them. Yeah. All right. See you guys next week. Bye. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Lay a fish. McDonald's. Chicken nuggets. McDonald's. Fries. Free McDonald's all the time. Free McDonald's all the time. You got a McDonald's, nigga?

Burger. Burger. Burger. Play a fish. Burger. Burger. Burger. Chicken nuggets. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Play a fish. It's so good. It's so good. Thanks, McDonald's. Thank you, McDonald's. It's a happy meal for a boy or a girl. Yeah, what's up with that? Why don't you pick your own pronoun? And the nuggets. I love the nuggets. When's the last time you had a big one?

How does $2.3 million sound?

Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. Filet-O-Fish. Burgers. Burgers. Burgers. I like these fries. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Filet-O-Fish. Thanks, McDonald's. It's delicious. Hey, I can't remember the last time I had a Filet-O-Fish, but it's fantastic. Oh, fuck yeah.