Mugshot Matchmaking w/ Trevor Wallace | Your Mom's House Ep. 737
01:45:34 Share

The world is in peril. It's chaos everywhere. We're not covering any of it because we're too stupid. You're black, right? Right. Allegedly. Robert Paul Champagne. All it takes for rappers to join Pickleball is for Michael Jordan to make some Jordans for Pickleball. Merry Christmas, you guys. You sound like every gay in Manhattan. I feel gay. Try it out. Are washcloths for the poor? How much is it going to hurt again?

Ever heard of the Pulitzer Prize? We sure haven't. Go to YMHstudios.com to get your tickets right now.

What about the hoes though? That's really what I wanted. What about the hoes? Yeah. Really? There's some traction towards one tramp. Tramp traction. The secret to enjoying family time is to have a safe space away from them. I just would excuse myself and just go lay down somewhere whenever I wanted. Everything I did in high school was to try and attract women, but it only attracted men. I had a Honda Civic with two 12-inch subwoofers in the back. Chicks are going to hear me bump and walk a flock at 7 a.m. and be like, I need to suck his dick now. Yeah. Never happened.

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Mommies, I've added a show in Vancouver, British Columbia, and I've added a show in New York City and Seattle. Get your tickets now at ChristinaPOnline.com.

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim. It's a good thing.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

I love Sotva mattresses. You've heard me talk about Sotva Mattress Company for what, 15 years now? Because I believe in this company. I sleep on a Sotva mattress. I sleep on the Solaire. It goes up, it goes down, it vibrates, it lights up. It's so good. We also have the Lumen Leaf in our guest area so our guests can sleep on it. And my children sleep on Sotva mattresses.

I love it because it's a quality, quality product made right here in the United States of America. And you're not paying the extra costs that you would if you went to a regular mattress place. You're not paying for the overhead of a store, of salespeople to dick you around. It's just an honest product at a fantastic price. Do yourself a favor. Get a king-size mattress right now. Right now. Go to sattva.com slash the shit for $200 off. That's right. $200.

$200 off your next Sotva purchase. S-A-A-T-V-A dot com slash the shit. And we're... Yep. Welcome everybody to another episode of Your Mom's House. I'm Tim, she's Christine. It's great to be back here. Yeah. We had a nice little holiday break.

I'm so fat. Yeah. I feel like I'm the fattest piece of shit that ever lived, and I've really been flogging myself. It's the way to talk to yourself. Yeah. It's what they say. Just eat and drink and shit. That's what I did, too. God damn it, dude. I ate a lot. I ate a lot. And I'm going to eat a lot, because Christmas is now next. I know. I'm scared to get on the scale. I don't want to see it. Clothes fits. That's all you... Like, all my clothes, I'm like, all right, clothes fits. Barely. Mine don't. That's lucky. Okay. Fuck, dude. And like...

I've been getting constipated, you know? Yeah. You have been. I know. It's hormonal. It's perimenopause. That's how they say it. And anyway, I took a laxative and it says- You took it around- Well, here's the game I wanted to play with you guys. Yeah.

I took the laxative at 4 p.m. because your sister talked me into it. Was it only 4? 4 p.m. And on the box of Dulcolax, it says you go in between 6 to 12 hours from the time you take the pill. Yeah. So I did the math in my head and I was like, could be 10 p.m., could be 3 in the morning. Yeah. What do you think it was? Well, what do you guys think it was, judging by what you know about my bowels? You think it happened for me at 10 p.m.? I'm going to go 10 p.m. Go ahead. Annie? I'm going to go 9.30 p.m.

Wow. You guys are very optimistic. And there was, to make this clear, she was like, I'm having trouble. For days. I need something. My sister bumped this out and was like, here it is. You read the box and you go, oh, I can't do this. Yeah, stupid idea. This is going to hit me at the wrong time.

And everybody was like, no. Pressuring me. Charo and both your sisters were like, just do it. Of course, Jane's like, just do it. I was kind of unsure, to be honest. I was like, I don't know. Why didn't you speak up? Because I wasn't sure either. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure. And you were like, should I? I don't know. Should I? I don't think I should. But should I? And everybody was like, yeah. Yeah. Unsupportive. And then you did it. You took it. Unsupportive cunts. I took it. And then I started shitting at them.

- One in the morning. - One in the morning. - And then I shit every half hour until 5:30 in the morning. I spent the entire night on the toilet. That's how much caca. Thank you so much, you guys.

So much caca inside of me. You said it was just like mountains of shit. It's kind of crazy how much shit you can hold inside of the body. We know any is a professional caca holder honor. Yeah, that's right. And I looked it up. You know, you can carry between five to 20 pounds of shit in your body. It's pretty wild. Believe it. I believe it. It's like a bowling ball. I was on the shorter end of that, but yeah, I believe it. I could probably get there.

Pretty cool. 20 pounds of shit, dude. How much do you think came out of you? That's a baby. It was a bowling ball in my stomach when I was talking to your sisters and stuff. I think like a good 10 pounds of shit came out of me. Wow. And that's, look, I had only not shit for like three or four days. Like it was like pellets, you know? Mm-hmm.

So that was pretty crazy. Wait, are you saying you didn't weigh it though? No, I wish. I wish there was a special toilet you could buy that weighs all the brown before you flush it down. No, weigh yourself. Oh, no. I don't weigh myself as a rule because I'm so phobic of it. Like I'll start flogging myself. Yeah. I generally don't weigh myself. Great one, Christina. Yeah. Well, I'm really glad that it went well for you. Is this for the holidays? Because Christmas is coming. You eventually got some rest and everything. I did. I slept a little bit the next day. Yeah.

Okay. We have a lot to talk about. Here we go. Let's open the show. You ready? I'm so ready. Let's go. Hi, excuse me, sir. Don't bother me. I'm sorry. Who is Randy? Love that guy. Don't bother me. That guy's cool. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. And Christina Pagitsi. Christina Pagitsi.

Welcome to your mom's house.

It's Philly, yeah. Kabam. Don't bother me, you fuck. Don't fucking bother... That's a total... That's a real New Yorker right there. I like that so much. New York has a lot of these dudes, especially, that stand on the street and they're like, hey, can I ask you, what do you pay for your rent? Or like, what do you do? Or what's your advice on like, they just...

And it's channels of this stuff. And some of it's entertaining. It's cool. I like all of it. But it's funny. This guy was like, get the fuck out of my way. Talk to me. Yeah, it's great. It's good because that's old New York. That's what you associate. He's got something to do. He's on his way to something. He's got a buy, sell, buy, sell. He's one of those buy, sell, buy, sell guys. Yeah. He works on the, what is it? Stock exchange, right? Don't bother me, you...

They bleeped it. Obviously, we wouldn't have, but they bleeped it. I love that. Yeah, that was pretty great. Pretty great, man. I like the one where the guy's like, what do you do for a living that you drive this nice car? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy's like, actually, I...

That's a fun one. But they just kind of like, he goes up to you. Hey, this car is rad. What are you doing? People are like, what the fuck? Like, what? Fuck right off. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes they're like, uh. And you can tell they don't want to tell. Yeah. You can tell when it's somebody really young and they don't want to say, it's my dad's. Quite correct. Because a lot of times there's like 18, 19 year olds in like a fucking McLaren or whatever. Yeah. And then there's the shady people who are like, uh.

I just acquire and sell. And you're like, oh. You're a drug dealer. And there's people who have like a story, which is pretty good, you know? Yeah. But yeah, those things are, they're wildly entertaining. That, and I like the one where they walk up to old people who are like in their 90s. Asking their life lessons. How are you, or it was one woman was just in Washington Square in New York in Judeo-Titties. And-

she was just wearing like a coat and just watching people and she could move she wasn't hunched over yeah and the guy was like what do you do what did you do with your life that you're you know and she's like well I have interests that I stay interested in and I do hobbies and I have friends and you're like that seems to be the universal yeah you gotta have all that stuff but I like I like the ones that are like what do you what can you you know what are your big life lessons like those those are cool when it's somebody who's

engaging and has an interest has had an interesting life and and just shares tells you you know i wish i had done this or you know they'll tell you the the truth about their life that's pretty cool yeah well people like to cite friendships as being the most important a lot of people have said that on those tiktoks yeah take chances friends oh take chances have a little risk

Go for it. Yeah. Well, that one I hear. I wish I would have spent more time with my family, with my children. Yep. That one I hear a lot. Yeah. Take more risks. They do. Well, they say like if you're young and you want to do this thing, like I've seen the guys go like, oh, I wish I had done that. You know, instead I did this.

But their advice is like, yeah, yeah, go. Like you want to live abroad, go do it. Or you want to try this thing, go do it. For sure. Pursue the thing you're thinking about. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. So we saw family. Family. A bunch of family. We actually had a good time. We had a good trip. It was amazingly positive.

And I have a Charo update. Oh. For those of you listening, we know that Charo, her diet consists mainly of a toddler diet of French fries and chicken nuggies. Took her to a fancy restaurant. She ate one and a half salads. Oh my God, seriously? Yep. Tomatoes. Yeah. And French onion soup. It's crazy. It's crazy. How did you get that, Charo, you think? Well, I asked her. I asked her. I was like-

what is going on with you? Yeah. Are you taking pot? Like, what is it? Are you taking pot? And she's like, no, it's because of you. I'm like, I don't think so. I'm like, I think you're just, I don't know.

I don't know what the secret is. Maybe she's just like coming. She was just excited to see people. She was in a good mood the whole time. Very good mood. Yeah. Maybe having everybody around was good for her. Definitely. Yeah. And I've also learned the secret, you know, with Christmas coming up, the secret to enjoying family time is to have a safe space away from them. Stay in a hotel. I just had this conversation. Yeah. I just had a conversation. Somebody was asking me, how do you,

you know, how do you do it? How do you like make it through these holiday visits with family? And I was like, oh, I don't stay with them. And they were like, oh yeah, that's, that's a key thing is like, if you have to stay with them, it changes the whole dynamic. Then you're trapped. Right. So you just do like, ah, you know, we want to stay with you. I can't do that.

I had to do all this and that. So unfortunately, I'll be about 20 minutes away. Yeah. But I'll see you as much as I can. See you later. Yeah. And also, because, you know, your sister's very into like doing a lot of things in a day. And she's like, OK, one o'clock, we're not five o'clock. We're not better at the hall. And I was like, no, no, no. We're going to do one thing. I do one thing a day with the kids. We don't do five things. Yeah. Just one thing a day.

And then also, I really took a page from my father, from his book, where he would just get up and nap. Oh, that too. I would be drunk the whole time. I just would excuse myself and just go lay down somewhere whenever I wanted. I did that a lot. Yeah, you've been doing that quite a bit. Yeah. That was good. But I feel like guys do it in the form of watching football. You guys avoid interaction by pretending to be into this four-hour football game.

And I just go lay down. Thanksgiving week is great for football. Yeah. There's so much football on. It's all good. Yeah. What did you love? What games? No, I mean, Thanksgiving Day, you always have the big, there's always a couple NFL games that are fun. And so, I mean, they weren't great games, were they? No, not all of them. But then, I like college football, so it's rivalry week every Thanksgiving week. So you get to see all the big rivalry games. And that was really fun. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed it.

I also took you guys to the Orlando Magic game. That was super fun. That was rad. So I'm playing the Amway Center in March. And so we reached out and we got to go to the game. They hook us up with this beautiful suite to stay in. And then I don't know exactly what they're like. Oh, yeah. And then we'll get you like involved for like promotional stuff.

for like, you know, just promote your date. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. So they go like, sometime during the first quarter, we're going to put you up on the Jumbotron. And like, you can just wave and we'll just say that you're here. And I was like, oh, okay. So the guy comes and, you know, puts the light on and then they put it on the thing. And I'm like, hi, right? And you guys are waving, hi. And then they're like, yeah, and then we're going to do another thing where we put your information on there. I'm like, oh, that's cool. And then they're like, and then in the fourth quarter,

during the second time out, you'll go to half court and take half court shots. And I was like, what? And then you can shoot the t-shirt gun into the crowd too. And I was like, that actually sounds fucking rad. So it was sold out. I mean, it was fucking 18,000 people there. And in the game is like,

An unbelievable game. And so many compression shorts. The leads are changing. So many, yeah. Yeah, you had a nice post about that. Yeah. And then we, I mean, the game was like really getting good. And the NBA does a really good job of keeping the live audience entertained. There's never a dull moment, you know? So they had this incredible...

hype squad you know that comes out and just like does incredible physical things like dance the stuff flips you know just like crazy keep people engaged and entertained there's never like a down moment stuff the uh the mascot so cute yeah like such such a like a legit athlete putting on the show

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.

Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.

So they grab me and they're like, stand right here. We'll all go out there when this timeout is called. And I'm like, you got to be shitting me. And so they all line up and then they grab our youngest. And the mascot puts him on an electric ATV. Oh. Like a little four-wheeler. Dude, he was ear to ear. And he was like, yeah, dude. And he's just like driving in circles on the court. That's like a mascot. And he was like, what?

He was so fucking happy. And, but they were shooting out the free t-shirts. Well, first I did my half court shot. To the crowd. First I did my shot. And I got to tell you, the guy prepped me. He's like, he's like, it's further than you think. He's like, put your legs into it. He's like, everybody comes. It's so far. Everybody comes up short. And I was like, all right. And there's nowhere to like practice it, you know?

So you're like, okay. So I get out there and they're like, here we go. And they're like, you know, I'm Tom Sagrera. You're like, all right. And the guy gives me the ball. First one, fucking eight feet short. Right. I was like, God damn it. Second one, two feet short. Third one, backboard. And they're like, you want to keep going? I was like, no, this is fucking horrible to watch. Just give me the fucking t-shirt gun.

So that was so fun. That was fun to watch. Prep it up, and then they just let you look at different people, and they're all going crazy, and you just fire the T-shirt gun. But it was such great energy. And then, like I said, the game was just insane. It was trading leads back and forth, and Magic ended up winning the game. But it was super fun. But then we had to drive back, and then I had to do the 5K the next morning, which...

So, you know, for runners, it's nothing. People who actually run a 5k is literally nothing. They don't blink at it. You know, like that's a standard, like that's not even a challenging amount. That's 3.1 miles like that. But for people who don't run, which is like, I think more people who are doing it, you know what I mean? That are like not really runners. It's a motherfucker. Three miles is like, if you don't do that on any type of regular basis, you're not going to be able to run.

So initially I got a 10 week like course prep, like training for like a novice to train for one of these things. And I was doing it. And then I was seven weeks out and I broke my big toe and my left foot. And they go, there's nothing you can do. Like all you do is you, you stay off of it, you tape it up and it heals on its own. They go, it'll heal in four to six weeks. And your gauge for when it's healed is,

is pain. They're like, if it hurts, it's still broken. If it doesn't hurt, it's fine. You're like, great. So I do what they say and I'm trying every week and I'm like, I could just, so I finally am able to run the Friday before Thanksgiving. So I haven't trained. I go out and I do a mile, I think Friday, Saturday, two miles, Sunday off, Monday, a mile and a half, Tuesday, one mile, Wednesday off. That was like my own game plan, like run, but don't overdo it.

you know, take a certain days off. So, but I've never done the three, like at least not in like years. I'm out there and I'm like, okay, I'm like trying to figure out how to do it. You know, I get through that first mile, I get to the second mile and then I just, I want to stop. I just want to walk. Like that's how you are when you run.

So I'm like, but just don't stop. And then I'll see like some fat old lady like in front of me. And I was like, you can't let this bitch beat you, you know? So I would, I would just keep pushing, you know, push it. And then you see like a kid, some fucking kid who runs like duck footed and you're like, fuck you kid. And you run by him and you just, you know, you start to just like eyeball people.

And use that as motivation. I wanted to stop so bad. But I didn't stop. That was to me the big achievement, like just not stopping. And my time was fucking terrible. It was terrible. But I still beat Big Head Steve, who had challenged me. I beat him by five minutes, which is kind of big. That's significant. Wow. That's huge. He talked a lot of shit. Yeah. It's amazing. He didn't break his fucking toe. No.

But yeah, he's a cancer survivor. But the thing is, I beat his ass, right? And I took his money. You took his money. But I couldn't believe, like, here's the thing. Now, this is how this shit fucks you up. Now you know you can do it. So now you're like, oh, I got to go out and run three miles. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because like you proved to yourself that you could. Yeah, yeah. So it just kind of like.

You're really now you're, you know, I mean, we have a family member who's just a runner. Yeah. And I was talking to him about it. And like, I, it really is a personality type where they're like, I just, I get into the zone. It calms me down. I feel like it might be something for you.

To really help you meditate. It's meditative. It is meditative. You know, because I walk a lot. That's what I love. But, you know, I got big tits. I don't like to run. Yeah. On my ankle. You could tape those tips down or get them removed. Yeah, but my ankle too. Running on a broken ankle is still no good. But you, I feel like you could really get into that. Yeah. You should. No, I enjoyed the challenge. You should run every fucking day. I enjoyed the challenge. And then cold plunge. I have a picture of you on the day of the race. Would you like to see it?

Go ahead, Josh. This is my husband after winning the turkey trots. Go ahead. Let's see. This is what you look like after you won. Oh. That was you for the remainder of the day. Yeah. Well, the reason I was this out, though, was less about the 5K and more about the sleep. Yeah, we didn't sleep the night before. We got back from the game. And by the time I fell asleep, it was...

Probably 1231. Oh, yeah. And I got up at 545. Oh, my God. So like I had no I had no fucking sleep. Why do they do that? Is there no way that they can run marathons at 8 a.m.? Can we start? It's winter. It's not hot out. Just fucking start at a normal hour. Here's the wildest godliest hour. The craziest thing about this. Jesus. I mean, it's always the the elite that we're mesmerized by. Yeah.

So I, there's a path and they close off the street and there's police and you know, so we're, we're on, there's thousands of people doing this by the way. So this is when I'm, I'm, I'm during the first mile. So this is my best pace of running. I'm running at like nine 35 pace. That's really good. Well, no, it's better than I've ever done. I mean, that's pretty fucking impressive. I'm going down this street with, you know, tons of people.

I see one, two, three, four, five, like split up guys running towards us. And they're all shirtless and they're super lean. Like they're, you could tell, oh, these are like real runners, cross country types, like pro, they have the physique. They're the men that are like 150 pounds, you know? Yeah. And they're just booking towards us. And I go, oh, at the end of the street must be

Like where we're running towards. And then they're running. They're already, they already made it to the end of the street and now they're running back. Right. Cause you can't quite see where they're. So they're passing us and they're going back. And then when we get to that end of the street where I think they must have, that's where you turn and go then down this street. Then you turn down another street. Then you come back and then you make the turn that they made. So they were on, they were on like part, like part,

two and a quarter miles in when we were on the half to three quarters of a mile. - Oh my gosh. - So these were the top 10 people that all finished in like 15 to 17 minutes, which means they're running like five minute miles. And so they were, and we were like, when I realized, like when we turned, I was like, no, no shit.

We're about to hit mile one and these guys are like about to finish. Fuck. Oh yeah, dog. Yeah. Dude, I went walking with a friend just around Lake Austin here last week. Yeah. And like, you know, when you're just doing like a leisurely walk and you see like the same motherfuckers run past you, like a couple of times, you're like, this motherfucker is running from demons, but there's some dark shit inside of you that you are avoiding if you're that

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course. You're just running from the devil in here. Yes. That's gnarly. But that might be good for you to get the rage out. Yeah. And the demons to get all the fucking shit out of your... That's why they run. Yeah, you're right. What you're running from. Yeah, you fucking... But you know what I really loved when we were at that Orlando game was watching people...

Go absolutely bat shit crazy. Yeah. Over getting a free t-shirt. Yeah. You're like, there's free stuff. Free is like, yeah. It's like, people go bananas for, and they're not great. You know, I don't know what those t-shirts were like. They're fine. But usually free t-shirts are like cardboard, sandpaper. They're not good. It's the wind. That's what it is.

It's the win. It's the feeling that, oh, did I get choked? Did you pick? That's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the feeling. It's the feeling. It's not even about...

This is great. It's I got one. Getting the gun. I got one. Yeah. That'll be fucking dope. That's the thrill. The thrill is I got one. Cause there's, um, we had a Gary Cannon, a comic friend of ours from, um, Los Angeles. He used to work in Burbank and he would do warmup crowd warmup for sitcoms. And he said, he's like, they didn't care for my jokes. The audience never gave a fuck about my jokes. But the minute I was like, who wants the free stuff? People go bonkers. Um,

Yeah, there's the element of being chosen. But then when you get swag, you know, like people give you bags of stuff and you're like, I don't want, I really don't need any of this. You think you want it. Yeah, you never do. And then you get it a few times. And the first, once you've had it a few times, you get the free thing and then you turn, you go, do you want this? Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens. Well, because I like tumblers. Like those are great to get. But then like I'll always lose the lid. And now I got one half of the fucking tumbler. Or you open a cabinet and you see 15 in there and you're like, okay.

Okay. What am I doing? And I also don't want to like advertise whoever that is. And that's the only reason they gave it to you. Yeah. Like I don't need to have this in my life. It's yeah. Yeah. But it's so, and I can see the allure of being chosen. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Thank you.

way to run your household, customized to your family's needs, and the easy way to raise financially smart kids. Get started with Greenlight today and get your first month free at greenlight.com slash Spotify. It's like, did I ever talk about this on the show? Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. There's this lovely story about a homeless man who gets on a subway in New York City and he just starts doing, he's like a crazy guy, and he just starts choosing people on the subway. He's like, you! You!

not you not you not you you and the person that was on the subway was like a story that was in a book maybe and they're like the desire to be chosen was so strong inside of me like to have this homeless guy yeah choose me it's like everything yeah and i'm like gosh that's so human that's so true you just want to be chosen that's a human thing yeah so is like the um

I remember I saw this line in a movie one time and it resonated so much with me. I think it was the girl with the dragon tattoo. I love that movie. And there's a line in it about your, I'm going to say it wrong, but it's like your desire to appear polite,

will sometimes supersede your, you know, your. The danger. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Right? So like, in other words, and I've, this really resonates with me because I'm always like, I'll be uncomfortable in a situation, not necessarily danger. Yeah. I guess, and sometimes it could be, but I would rather appear polite. Right? And that's the thing in that movie is there's a scene where that happens. And it's like, you sometimes have to remind yourself like, oh no, no.

put your desire or your safety first. This is full circle now. Much like to my laxative discussion earlier, I should have stuck to my intuition was like, don't do this dummy. It's 4 p.m. You're going to start shitting in the middle of the night. But the pressure of your sisters, and your sister's a nurse, so I believed her. She's like, let's talk about that. Let's talk about that.

And I was like, all right, I'll do it. And then I felt happy because they applauded my decision. See? And I'm a fucking idiot. I should have been like, no. Exactly. Thank you. I'll take these at midnight and then I'll wake up at 6 a.m. and shit. That's exactly right. Fucking retard. But you wanted to appear. I wanted to appear like one of the guys. Yeah. One of the gals. I'm accepted. It's a lesson to learn over life. Now. Oh, fuck.

Chips in a bowl. Cats eating kibble. Yep. It's been a while. We are super excited. Next Friday, December 15th, 69 minutes, our first original comedy special comes out. Tickets are on sale now at YMAStudios.com. Who appears in this episode?

Special Stavros. Yeah. Whitney Cummings, Danny Brown, Rob Eiler, Lauren Compton, Rachel Wolfson, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Joe List, Dr. Drew, Duncan Trussell, Mateo Lane, Johnny Mitchell, Kevin Ryan, H Foley, Rory Scoville, Kim Congdon, Brian Simpson, Ryan Sickler and Jessica Curzon. And goes on and on. Yeah. So for those people asking, because every time we do.

a special ticketed event. Usually it's YMH Live or it's Two Bears Live. I just want to be very transparent about why this is the way it is. People will ask like, who's going to buy tickets? Why would you sell a ticket to this? So every time you do something like this, it is an experiment. The first time we did YMH Live, it's an experiment. This is the first time we're ever doing

a fully produced comedy special. It's not a standup comedy special, but it's a comedy special. And what we essentially did was we made an episode of television. You know, it's a 69 minute episode of television content like that is, you know, comedy driven. It has tons of segments in it.

And it takes an enormous amount of resources to make that happen. We're a small production company. This is like writing, producing, casting, locations, travel, sound stages, hair, makeup, audio, lighting, tons of time in post-production. And so that comes at a cost. And the idea is, just so you know, that if you buy a ticket to watch this, which I hope you do, I'm super proud of it. I think it's really great.

Enough tickets bought on this thing. What it really does is it reinforces to us that this is the path. This is something you want to see. We're in a unique relationship with you guys where we have a direct-to-consumer relationship. We don't have to pitch every idea to a studio or a network. We get to make them. And then if you like it, what it tells us is keep doing this kind of thing. We obviously got the message loud and clear online.

with the YMH Lives, that's why we've done it multiple times and there'll definitely be another one in the future. Same with Two Bears Live, but this is the first time we're trying something like this. So we're excited about it. We're really proud of it. I think it's really funny. I think it's great. I hope you like it. And that's why there's a ticket. It's a $10 ticket. I think it's a really accessible ticket price.

And I think you'll enjoy it. It's really, really funny. Also, Charo makes an appearance in it. Probably the hardest I've ever laughed in all the times she's done something.

But yeah, that's it. I hope you guys enjoy it. It's so unique in that we don't, like you said, we don't have to clear anything with the FCC. No. We don't have to even talk to, you know, the big bosses. We are the bosses. So we make the stuff that we know is funny and you guys are going to like, which is huge, which is why we do it. Yeah, it's pretty great. Because like everything sucks. It's on TV. It's pretty great. I really, really am super proud of it. No, it's, I think you're going to laugh a lot. There's some...

Black people can swim. Don't you know that, Annie? Black people can swim. Black people can swim. That's pretty cool. I like that tune. Black people can swim. And they marched in with it. That was pretty cool. I wish Andre 3000 would take that and make a rap over it. That right there? Yeah.

Oh, you're not into the flute album? No, I like it. I like the titles. Yeah. He called it crazy. Everything is titled crazy. Like the word pussy is so much better than the word vagina. What's the name of the track? Yeah. Will you mind looking up the track listing for Andre 3000's new flute album? Speaking of black people. Where is this again? The black people consume. Is this Philly? Atlanta. Atlanta. Yeah. That's cool. A lot of people to convert there. But this is a.

The new album. What's the new album called? All right. It's his new flute album. Annie, can you swim?

I mean, I could. I ain't trying to. Yeah, you're not trying to. You're just opposed to swimming in a pool even? Yeah, what the fuck I'm trying to do, man? It feels nice. I really like swimming. But you can swim? I mean, yeah. Okay, I don't know. It's been a minute though. If you back up and just go to the wiki, it probably has... Is this the list? No, this isn't. Hold on. It's on iTunes too. Do you believe that stereotype?

That black people can't swim? Yeah. I think it's more that black people don't want to swim. Why don't they want to swim? What the fuck are we swimming for? Why is anyone swimming? Exactly. Because y'all just need some shit to do. Why are we trying to swim, man? We're trying to fuck around. It's a good skill to have, right? Good skill to have. Swimming? It's a great exercise. I ain't trying to go to the ocean. I'm scared of the ocean. The ocean's crazy. I ain't trying to go swimming for what? Well, I do agree. But you don't think it's a skill that can benefit...

Take exercise and the enjoyment of it out. If somebody finds themselves in a body of water, it's beneficial to know how to swim. Yeah, but why are you finding yourself in a body of water? Well, I mean, life can lead you to places you don't expect to be all the time, right? What about boating? You ever go on Lake Austin in the summertime? Fuck a boat. But I'm saying somebody who goes, I know how to make a fire. You go, what do you need? But you find yourself, for whatever reason, circumstances lead you to somewhere where...

you're in the wilderness, you could have been on a trip and something went wrong, but you have the skill, you know how to make the fire. All of a sudden you're staying warm, you can cook food. You could find yourself in a situation in life

You are near or in a body of water having the skill of swimming is beneficial in that situation You don't disagree with that I mean I hear what you're saying But I feel like I can imagine a lot of scenarios where I could end up needing to build a fire Mm-hmm. So that's that is a good skill because it's like that could just hit you Maybe you just start to maybe you're just out there. Maybe I don't know You're on the side of the street or some shit you stranded you got to figure some shit out Okay, I could see a situation like that how to fuck life gonna just drop me in a body of water

I'm going to have to choose that. I mean, most of the earth is water. Yeah, but I'm going to have to choose to go there. I ain't just going to land in water. This is such a wild argument to have with somebody. The only time I could imagine just landing in a body of water without choosing to be there would be like a plane crash. Maybe a plane burn. Yeah, I already got backups for that. We good. What's the backup for that? No, I mean, there's no bad. I just die. Oh, okay. I got a scheduled email that goes up. Do you mean to tell me that you don't even enjoy water adjacent activities? I like showers.

Okay. I've invited any on a boat. Sure. I've invited him to my pool several times. Yeah. Not once. Not once. Surprise. Well, first he says yes, but then he just doesn't. Surprise, surprise. Do you know what the origin of the stereotype is?

black people can't swim. Do you know what it comes from? I don't. Are you saying, do you? I know what it comes from. Yeah. Oh shit. I don't. It's, it's rooted in racism. I mean, that's usually anything from black. What it, what it, what it originates from is that of course no one is DNA, like, like predisposed to being able to swim or nothing. It's a taught thing like anything else. So when segregation became prominent in this country, um,

you had pools that would say like, stay out of here. So black people had less access to swimming. And so what happened was then they would tell their children, we can't swim. So you stay away from water. Well, then that kid would grow up

have his own kids and just be like, we can't swim and so on and so forth. But it originates from the segregation in the pools and not having access to those pools. Wow. That makes more sense why they took us on the boats now. Yeah. How the fuck we gonna get away? Shit. Now you get it. Now you get it. God damn it, we gotta show the swim. I swear I really wanted to make a rap album, but this is literally the way the wind blew me this time. That is track number one on Andre 3000's album.

And by the way, like the most sensical, sensible, sensical one. And then it's a 12 minute long track. I know, bro. Okay. Read number two. The slang word pussy rolls off the tongue with a far better ease than the proper word vagina. Do you agree? That's track number two. And it's 13 minutes and 50 seconds long.

Track number three is that night in Hawaii when I turned into a panther and started making these low register purring tones I couldn't control. Shit was wild. That's track three. It's 10 minutes and 29 seconds long. Bi polo disorders daughter wears a 3000 button down embroidered. That's track number four. It's 13 minutes long. 93 to infinity and Beyonce. Track number five. It's only three minutes and 49 seconds.

Gandhi, Dalai Lama, Your Lord and Savior, J.C., Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and John Wayne Gacy. That's chart number six. It's 10 minutes long. Ants to you, gods to who? Track seven. And dreams once buried beneath the dungeon floor slowly sprout into undying gardens. See, what this is is the equivalent of...

of just being like a billionaire and buying, like I saw this thing that they said, yeah, exactly. I saw this thing that Jeff Bezos spent $42 million on a clock that will outlive humanity. It's being built somewhere in tech. And you go like, what the fuck? Well, it's like, well, you have $200 billion. Like he just does that.

Andre 3000 has so much clout as a musician that he can just be like, titles. I'm just going to stream it. Yeah, just write down. And no one's going to. But the misfortune of the titling, which I'm fully, I love this. It's fucking hilarious. I'm into this. Is that on iTunes, when I bring it up on my phone, it won't show the whole title. Oh, it doesn't? So it's wasted cleverness because it'll only be like the word pussy. And then I'm like, what about the, what about?

You know. Which is so great. But it got you to look it up. I love it. Yeah. No, he's amazing. I'm just saying. I'm just saying that you're saying that it didn't show you on Spotify. He's smart. But then I had to go look. But yeah, for my podcast. You got to Google it. You got me Google. But he's so brilliant. And he goes, I don't have anything to rap about. I'm 48.

48 years old. He's like, well, what about my colonoscopy? And I'm like, it sounds like you've got a lot of shit in your head still, bro. Oh, yeah. Well, he's brilliant. Those titles are... No, he's... Listen, Hey Ya comes on anywhere and I'm just like, I get very excited. Yeah, of course. Do you ever see that breakdown of that? Yes, about complicated musically. And how he doesn't know how to read or write music. It's a crazy town. Like he came up with...

all that music just from like how about like this wild but not not you know c flat d major stuff amazing yeah it's pretty incredible yeah oh my fucking slides

That's a good freeze frame right there. Fuck, slobs. Let me tell you, I was at a hotel pool with our kid the other day. Yeah. And a total Russian family down there at the pool. The father was in the jacuzzi with his two kids, blowing his nose into his hand and putting it into the jacuzzi. That's pretty wild at a shared pool. Bro, what are you doing, homie? Like, that's this tribe. Yeah.

That's the tribe. She doesn't give a fuck about shit. This is my tribe. I'm so sorry. I apologize. Can you believe? Here's another Rusky thing here. There's no way you're supposed to do it like that. Oh my God. No.

No way, bro. He does not have a license to practice in the United States. That's fucking amazing. Yeah. I just love these chiropractic things so much. Would you ever try this? Not with him. Fuck no. No. I've gone to one before, but not like this kind. No way. Yeah. Can we pay anybody in the booth to do it? Does anyone want to try it? Is it good for this dude? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it probably ain't that bad. I'll do it. Nice. All right. Solo, you know what to do. Reach out. All right. You know what to do. All right. We're taking a quick break. We'll be right back. Bye.

And we're back. You know him from his podcast, Stiff Socks. And now you can watch his all-new special, Pterodactyl. It's out right now on Amazon Prime. It's Trevor Wallace, everybody. Yes, thank you. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Where did you shoot Pterodactyl? In Austin, at the Paramount. Oh, you did? Yeah. Paramount's great. Oh, it's beautiful. I did it like two years ago, and I just felt right. I love Austin. It's got enough like yee-yee sense of Texas, but also like the tech bros. Yeah.

you know, an Adderall joke will hit right down the middle. Yeah. And you have that famous viral video about Austin. I remember it. Right. I saw it a while ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like move to Austin. I forget how the set up. It was just like your friend who wants to move to Austin. Yeah. Right in that boom of that. How did, did you know, like,

Did you just start making... I'm assuming you made things like that just as something to do, right? Like just make stuff. But then your stuff really took off. I went to film school, but whatever, dude. It's fine. I'm kidding. San Jose State. It barely counts. But I've been making videos since Vine and shit. And then so I just have been making videos for maybe a decade, I think. That's a while. Yeah. And then...

It's just whenever I'm traveling, I'm like, what does this city have that I can film here? Because anytime you switch it up on the set, the scenery, people are like, whoa, where's Trevor at? What's he doing? And that shot opens right in front of the Capitol. So, you know, storm that bitch. Do you plan those out really, like meticulously?

Like how the video will go, you know, like half and half. Yeah. I'll like write down some beats and then riff the rest. Cause I feel like the, the, the funny is in the riff. Sure. And then also, you never really know what you're going to get until you're there. You know, you're like on six street and it's just so insane. And then your brain starts like racing with ideas and you're like scooters, scooters, what round of scooters, shooters, scooters and shooters. And like, that's like the one thing, the quote from that video that like kind of got some like traction. It's just like,

Once you're in the element, it's just so much easier to create, I think. And when you're uploading stuff like that, have you gone through the thing where you're like...

this is a banger. It's going to. Oh yeah. Every time I say it's a banger, it's going to flop. And then ones where you're like, well, I'll just throw something up. Yeah. Then that goes like 20 million. Ain't that the truth? It's like the simplest thing I always do on my TikTok people love and the things I put lots of thought into. Yeah. Just thought. Not to get deep or anything, but like, I feel like that's like life. Like anytime you try too hard, it flops. And then it's like when you genuinely care or it's like a good idea. Yeah. It's always that. Yeah.

But, yeah, I uploaded something last week. I thought it was so funny. It was like how TLC pitches shows. And it's like armed and ambidextrous and, you know, overweight and loaded and just like all this like random thing flopped. And then I uploaded the dumbest thing about like how fast like out of office emails come in. 20 million views. 20 million. It did 10 million on Instagram. But.

Because that's just like so many people being like, that's essentially, that's me too. Like, oh, I get that. Yeah. It's just very shareable. Which I get. But you got to like level that. You have half that's like, oh, this was a passion video. It was like the TLC was like, oh, I think this is so funny. It's funny for me. And then you do one that's just like, this is very easy. Same though. Like for standup clips, like, you know, you chop them up. The one where you're like, it's about kids, you know, having two kids. I'm like, yeah, sure. Put it up.

19 million views and then the one where you're like well this was like this is really funny it'll be well the hard part is you know the payoff is like minute 47 and that callback is fucking really ties it together but people watching at home they're like I don't know give me three seconds yeah it's so yeah that's the whole thing about with the specials like Amazon's so great they're like yeah post whatever and now I'm like there's an hour to choose from do I do these 30 second clips do I do three minutes one minute yeah how do you pick what do you do I'm just now trying shit and

And yeah, it's the random stuff that hits. It's 30 second things. I mean, the attention span is crazy. You should press them for like data because they're Amazon. I just did this morning. I was, I just sent out a group text to like everybody. What should we put? Where should we be put? Like they have every fucking bit of data. They have everything. Yeah. They know everything. But that's a problem. They don't want to share it because then they like give away their secrets. They put like the innocent card. You should be like, whose house should I show up at? Exactly. I have a gun. Where do I go? They'll be like, yeah, go to this person's house. They won't mind.

Yeah, I don't know if streamers ever really show you numbers because then you feel like you might have an advantage over them. So they just started. It's the weirdest fucking thing what Netflix does. So it used to be like they'd go...

Yeah, we're happy. Yeah. And you go, what? And they're like, yeah, everyone's happy over here. And that was your report. You're talking to mom and dad, like things are good. We love each other. That was your report. And then like two, no, three years ago, almost four years ago, they're like, they're going to give you some data now. And you're like, no shit. Well, here's the thing. They won't give it to your agent.

They will only give it. They won't give it to your agent. Because agents are going to find a way to make money off of it. Of course. They only give it to managers. Oh, what? Stop. I swear to God. Why? What a weird. Why only managers? This is the policy. That's some mafia shit. This is so weird. So they call the manager and they give them the full report knowing that the manager will hang up and call the agent. And they go, yeah, I know. But we can only share it with the manager. That's so weird. And then they both call you and they give you

The data that was shared with them. Wow. But, you know, it's also like it's cool that it's some insight. Like you're like, I don't know anything. You told me you're happy with me. Right. But then now they give you a little. But as soon as you start asking the next logical question about more data, they're like, that's enough. Yeah, that's enough. You get one question. You get one phone a friend here. That's it. Do you know your numbers on Sledgehammer? Yeah. Yeah.

Good? Great? Yeah. Awesome. The best of all of them. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Did it exceed the number in your head? Like, we were like, oh, it's probably at X amount of views. Well, here's the thing that was, like, surprising to me. So the last, the one before it was called Ball Hog, and it happened to come out in April of,

April of 2020, which was lockdown. Oh, shit. It was the beginning marketing on your part. So they go when that one came out, they gave us numbers and they were like, these are great. But keep in mind, people are forced to

to be in their homes and are looking for content. So like, they're like, why would they throw that in there? They're, you know, this was, well, they, you know, they just, everyone was kind of like, these are probably inflated numbers based on the fact that people are just looking for something to, to watch. And you're like, okay. But they're like, yeah, so it's great. Just in case you try to get more money off them on the next one. This was inflated. Yeah. So the new one,

Sledgehammer exceeded those and there's no pandemic. So then they're like, oh, that's great. Wow. So you didn't need to start the whole pandemic in 2020. I didn't have to do it again. No. I didn't have to. Now, you're very famous on TikTok as well. What are the perks? Are there TikTok tramps? Is there perks? That slide into your DMs? Are you a married guy? Are you single? I think tramps, you got to be like 40 and up. Is there like 20-year-old tramps? Yeah. They're behind a Bucky's. Hey.

What are the perks? You get to cut lines at shitty bars in LA. You know, you go to like Barney's Beanery and they're like, right this way. This is my guy. And then what are the perks? What about the hoes though? That's really what I want to know. What about the hoes? Yeah. There's some hoes in life. Yeah. You know, it feels like there could be one right now. Really? There's some traction towards one tramp. Hold on. Tramp traction. Are you attracting the hoes via the talk or the stand up? Do you know what I mean? My personality. My personality.

Yeah. No, God, no. They're seeing numbers and they're like, this guy. This guy's got it. This guy's got it. He's getting paid. Yeah. Honestly, like it's a mixture of like DMs and then like the post show DM that's like, I can't laugh after eight. And then they quote a joke. Nice. Like I have a whole joke that's in the special that I used to do. And it was like the epitome. It was like the DMs would just leech off that. It was talking about like how a girl made fun of me for ordering carrot cake. And then girls were like, I wouldn't mind if you ordered carrot cake.

And I'm like, what a weird thing to- - I wouldn't mind. - But it's so funny 'cause you can find anything in somebody's set to make horny. - Of course. - Yeah. - Oh, that's so true. - I'll be your ring doorbell and you're like, what does that mean? - Or even people will reference things I've said on this show. And I'm like, I don't remember half the shit that I've said in my life, bro. And he's like, remember that time

the Fritos. I don't fucking know. So, so what you're saying is, okay, but do they send you sexy videos on tech talk or are they like, like they don't send you tits. If I get tits in my dams, I'm like, you're a robot. This is from Russia. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can always see, um, you ever like, it could be on, on Twitter or on, I guess maybe Instagram too, but you get like liked by something and you hit, you hit it and you're like, Oh, this is a, this is a bot. You're getting liked by bots, you know?

Yeah. What do you mean, Tom? Like where? You hit their profile and you see zero, either zero followers or following zero. Or they're just a loser. Because you're like, sexy girl 5,000 likes me. No. And then you're like, what is she all about? And then is that what you're saying you're doing? I'll message her like, hey, did you like what I posted? Yeah, because I don't actually click who liked me to see who they are. Oh, really? Never. Never? No. There's a lot of chicks. Yeah.

There's a lot of chicks. Yeah, no, mine too. You know who loves me? I get overflow from Tom. Like, hear from Tom's page. Oh, pussy. But here's what sucks, though. What? Is you're like, show me that, like you said, send me a pic of your tits or something. Yeah. And then it's a...

You could tell that it's a bot response. That's so upsetting. Yeah. You ever seen bot tits? Not good. No, but you know what? It's like two jewel pods right here. A lot of prostitutes like me. Really? I don't lately. Hookers, like prostitutes on TikTok and on Instagram. They're on TikTok? Oh, lots. Hookers, strippers love me. Yeah. Show me. Sure. You want to see? No, I'm serious. Yeah. I report sometimes. They're not real. That's so cool. You report? Yeah.

You're a fucking narc, dude? If it's a sex post, like some people post on TikTok things fucking as a cartoon. And I'm like, dude, what if somebody's kid is scrolling and seeing like fucking? You're welcome, you know? It's inevitable. Like I can't check Instagram before 11 a.m. It's just too horny. Do you ever get tagged? You get tagged photos. Tagged photos and it'll be like just horny.

And you're like, why am I tagging this? A lot of just Indian dudes just throwing up videos and they'll ask me to collaborate. Oh, yeah. And I want to. It'd be so funny one day, it's like, oh, what's Trevor doing with this guy? And just nothing. Just get this guy's views up. You should start collaborating with all of them. Just random dudes. Just blow up their pages. Indian pornographers? Now I'm getting Indian tits. I don't think you could, if they're the originator, you wouldn't be...

Right? Like struck from, like you wouldn't get like a flag from them. If you collaborate. I wonder if the algorithm is just to turn a blind eye to them because they're just straight up porn of my tag photos. It's just like show flyers and then tits. Yeah.

My algorithm is just mostly accidents and debt, like workplace accidents. Workplace accidents? Just like somebody working in a factory. You get hit by a car and shit? Yeah, like the machine malfunctions. The guy gets sucked into his body, got ripped in half. A lot of airplane ones like that. I get a lot of car accidents, like a lot of motorcycle accidents. Really? Yeah.

A lot. And this is what you like come to or what is this? It's just I open Instagram and it's just like they're like, you want to see someone die? And I'm like, OK. I feel like I always had a friend like that growing up. You want to see a beheading video? Yeah. Yeah. I don't plug on those websites. I don't want to see the airplane ones. It's funny. Are you talking about the people that get sucked into engines? Yeah. Yeah. They're like loading up the plane and then they're like, it's pretty hot. Let me see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I just found out about this because I was talking to an airline employee and she's like, yeah, we have to watch videos on that type of safety. Could you imagine? You're like, oh my God, did you guys hear about Carl? He got sucked into the jet.

I'll tell you what I have liked lately though, are people and things hit by trains. That is a fucking cool lane. Yeah. Cause it'll be something either a car. It's a good way to go out. Yeah. Or somebody, a lot of times it's someone who's like, Hey, you video me standing by the tracks. Yeah. And the person who's getting videoed is like trying to be cool. Like they're like, Oh dear. And then the train, you see the train coming and they're, and they're literally just too close. And then you see the train, uh,

that is carrying whatever, a million pounds, just decimate this person's shoulder. And trains, I don't think they stop. I think they're like, afterwards they're like, all right. Well, not even that, but like after the body's hit, they're like, all right, anybody going to Newark? Like they're just back on it. Like I don't think there's like a slowdown that day. Oh yeah, in India, they don't give a fuck. They kill you. You're just, like I've seen videos, TikToks where people just get hit in the street in India and they're like, all right, just drive around him. And you're like, Jesus dude. I saw a train hit a sheep.

And that sheep wanted to go out. I don't know, but it just exploded. Yeah. Like it exploded. It's like that bird that Randy Johnson hit with the baseball back in the day. Greatest. Great clip. I didn't see that. I mean, that should have been in the Hall of Fame immediately. Unbelievable. Is it like during a baseball? Yeah, he throws a fastball. The probability of that happening, I'm saying, is. Can we see this footage? I think that bird was trying to end it. I think that bird's like, it's been a lonely winter, not enough worms. Yo, what?

What? What are the chances? Has this ever happened in the history of the world ever? Look at that. That bird is flying low. How the fuck? That bird was trying to end a few things. This is a guy who's throwing 100 mile an hour pitches and like a bird. What does the umpire do? He's like...

ball I don't know strike that's gotta be a strike I don't care if it wasn't that's gotta be a strike that's a you gotta give them the strike even the batters like give them the strike the batter's like I'll take this one out I'll take my out he deserves it yeah no my Instagram is just it's literally just hot chicks and Matt Rife clips so pretty cool that's all my algorithm is yeah that's the world all in itself is that what you like to watch on TikTok is that like what do you like to watch what's your jam

I don't even... I like prison TikTok. You ever watch those? Yeah. Where they make food in prison? Oh, yeah. I love that. That was like the most loving thing. It's just bonded over there. Well, I love... Yeah, I agree. I like watching how they create food in prison. And they're like, you get your Frito bag from commissary. You roll it up with some beef jerky. And you're like, what, dude? And it's always Top Ramen. They made a chimichanga out of Top Ramen. Shit's so good. I'm like, this is so much better than Chopped. Chopped's like, mm, put some chives in there. Shut the fuck up. I know.

Somebody's cooking out here on a Timberland boot with a flame. It's pretty amazing. They're so sourceful. They're so smart. The first time we ever had Danny Brown on, he talked to us about cooking in jail and how he missed it. He was like, I actually missed some of those things we made. It's the best because it's so like,

You don't have to do your dishes. It just shows how everybody will adapt, you know, to their situations. And also what they go through to film that. Like you ever put a Samson in your ass just to make a cooking TikTok? Anytime I'm ever not motivated, I'm like, I got my phone out of the Verizon store. I should be thankful. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Yeah. How'd they fucking get a phone? It's got an iPhone 15 up there. Yeah. And uploading that shit. Yeah. How, bro? This is a fun game we like to play. It's a perfect segue. You're going to love this. There's these inmates in Idaho who- Great place to be locked up. Right? They're looking for love and they're looking for friendship. And they put up their video of like, hey, you can hit me up.

I'm looking for it. And then we play it and then you guess what they're locked up for. Oh, that's fun. I like that. So here's Christopher. You guys have obviously seen that. This is not long enough to get to know somebody, but a quick idea. This guy shot up an ICP concert. I've been drawing my whole life. Wow. That's very good. It's good artwork. Cool tattoos. Hot rods. Rat rods. Motorcycles. Good music. I don't care about the genre as long as it's good music.

Looking for somebody to talk to that's not testosterone-filled. Tough guys. Good. Tired of that. I don't want to deal with it no more. So if you fit that criteria, get a hold of me. Bye. There you go. Was that a gun or Florida tattoo on his face? Yeah, that's a good question. That's a good question. Hmm. Okay. So what do you think he did? Now, this is the tricky part, Trevor. Might I warn you, just...

It's not, it's never what you think it is. Yeah. It's never what you think it is. My first thought is arson. He's got the hat for arson. Uh, yeah.

I'm going to go Grand Theft Auto on a bike. Okay. Oh, wow. Very specific. Yeah. Okay. He's into tattooing because he can draw tattoos. That looks like tattoo art, if I'm not mistaken. He's got a lot of tats on his hands, his face. He's in that culture. I'm going to go with drugs, crystal meth or something. Maybe he was high on meth and he robbed a liquor store. All right. Well, Christopher Woods, shout out to Unit 10. That's where he's locked up.

Arrested for possession of illegal substance twice. Nice. The second time he was arrested, had a $50,000 fugitive warrant in the state of Idaho. Was apprehended in California, driving on his way to Stockton with a woman and an infant. Oh, Stockton. Yeah. He checks out. Hey, Kelly. Checks out, baby. So, you know, not the worst guy. No. Jesus Christ. Free him. If anything. Let's start the hashtag. He's eligible for parole in 25. That's great.

And that's what you realize too is like the drug charge people, you're like, what are you doing? Why are you taking up space in this place? Just let him out. He's chill. He likes all types of music. Just don't bring that testosterone around me. I mean, that's a chill guy. He's against toxic masculinity. That's what we need. He's a friend to women. Do you know what would be really fucked up? It just occurred to me too is that there's so many...

Now we know famous examples of catfishing. It's like, imagine the person, the guy, that poses as a woman to these guys. Wait, say it again. Oh, shit. Like how fucked up that would be. So how do they get that in there? I'm saying because you could pen pal. This is like to, I think to pen pal with the people. Oh, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. You could really...

Fuck with someone. I was wondering if you have like a tattoo of like tits on your arm, like you think you could sell like, like give me that pudding and we'll give you a peak. You're right. That's only fans in prison right there. It is. Like wear a sleeve. Yeah. Like especially those super hyper real ones. Oh yeah. Yeah. That'd be rad. I'd be selling that for pudding pads. My name's Gabe Allen. 24 years old. Super young. Looks good. Just looking for shit to do. People to talk to.

My information's in the description. No. My information's in the description. That was really sad. Chad Tyson, this guy's a stone cold killer. Yeah, he shot up a build-a-bear. He killed his family. He killed like a sibling or something. Jesus. This guy is dark. I'm telling you, don't fall for the cute teddy boy act. That's what I've learned. He could be in the, what's that show, The Bear? He looks like he'd be in the cast. Yeah, you're right. He kind of looks like that guy a little bit. Jeremy Allen, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a bad looking dude. And he played the sympathy card. He's like, you know, my information is in the description. If you even care. Yeah. Yeah. He's manipulative. Oh shit. Yeah. He does look like Jeremy Allen White. Yeah. Oh my God. Good call, dude. Wow. That was perfect. Free him. I'm sure I say that for everybody. So you got a guess? I think he did something drunk and maybe took out a part of a family.

Good guess. Aggravated DUI. Oh. Oh, okay. What does aggravated mean? It's just kind of bothered while you're getting your DUI. You know? A little annoyed. Like, I really got to pee. Maybe did he like, does that mean like you hit the cop or you try to like assault? Like you hit somebody? Aggravated DUI?

How long is he locked up for? Do we know that? Here's what distinguishes an aggravated DWI from a regular one, that you must be charged with more than just impaired driving or blood alcohol content higher than 0.08%. You could also be charged with intoxicated manslaughter. Oh, snap. While driving drunk. Okay. So multiple, yeah. He's eligible for, or he's going to be released in until 29. Yeah.

2029? Yeah. For 29 years. No, 2029. But that's a long time. He'll still be hot when he gets out. Yeah. Yeah. But also that means that this just wasn't like that aggravated distinction means that there's got to be more involved in this. Yeah. It's just not the information isn't here, but it's not as simple as...

Oh, I got pulled over last night. He killed somebody maybe or. Yeah. Paralyzed maybe. Yeah. Or yelled it out the window. He's like, I'll kill you. But hold on. So this kid could have just had a DUI like, like a lot of people get, but he had like extra bad luck. Like maybe he accidentally killed somebody. Could have. Sucks. Cause he does have sadness. Like there's so much in him. Yeah. He's very sad. Oh no, I'm attracted to him. Is this his story?

Oh, it is his story. Dang. Where's he from? Where'd it go? Lewiston. They say California. Did they say California? Lewiston was traveling north when he lost control, crossed into the opposite lane, being driven by Ford. Alcohol was a factor in the collision and charges are pending. Both drivers were injured and transported. Maybe it's that somebody was severely injured. He was in a Kia Optima? Yeah. Maybe it's that. Classic DUI call. Yeah.

So is the 41-year-old Melinda alive? It says injured. It doesn't say died. Oh, yeah, free him. Yeah. We keep freeing folks here. I know. I wish we had the veto button that's like, free him. Free him. My name's Caleb. I'm going to be down for like a year or two. 21, 6 foot, 160 pounds, green eyes. Doing it like he's about to get recruited to Penn State. Be nice, have a friend. Get at me.

I don't know what he did, but keep him locked up. Yeah. He was running that like it was D1 stats. Well, he gave away some, right? He's like, I'm going to be locked up a year or two. So you know it's not 25 years since. Yeah. Ye fucking... 21. Young dude. Yo, he like...

This guy stole like a nerd's rope or something. Yeah, he just did some bullshit. Like he stole something out of a car. But he had the hardest like prison accent out of everybody. He did. He's only doing two years. But it's also when you're 21, you're putting on more, right? To protect, like you're trying to posture more. Okay. Than like a 38 year old guy who's locked up, you know? That also looks like a Zoom background. Like it doesn't really look like he's in prison. Yeah.

it does look like he's making a sketch about this it's like a green screen like if he moves it's gonna glitch a little bit no eye contact is also that's when you know it's like more posturing I think you know what I mean I might be here one or two if I stay you know I might be here for three if I want it's all up to me yeah he's leaving it on his toes alright

What do you do? You ready? He just stole some shit, some little bullshit. He is incarcerated for possession of a controlled substance with the intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of LSD, grand theft by receiving, possession or disposing of stolen property and grand theft. So it's pretty, it's not like. Bullshit.

Free him, right? Yeah. But he's on LSD. I feel like he had, like, such a hard tone. Like, you think he'd be more, like, in the Whippet world. That'd be a fun museum. For fentanyl, like, LSD doesn't kill anybody. So who gives a shit? Just kills your dreams. Yeah. Who cares if he sells? Just melts your brain. It's not that big a deal. I'm done playing. But he didn't give, like, LSD vibes. No.

Damn, dude. Yeah, Caleb, best of luck. These kids got fucked. Well, we'll see them in a year. Yeah. I feel like these are the type of guys that would see them get out of it and then come to somebody at one of our shows and be like, dude, I saw you in your mom's house. For sure. A thousand percent. And here's the thing. You're going to be doing a show in like 2026 and somebody's going to be like, what's up, fool? Remember me? And then he's going to be like, dude, I'm Zoom background. Oh, what's up, dude? Scaredy, get him out. Yeah.

Have you had shit like that before where people just like come to your shows? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You talked about me or you played this video. But I haven't had a prisoner do it yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet, homie. But if they're getting phones in there, like they got to be watching podcasts in prison. For sure. For sure. For sure. That's so funny. Somebody is definitely has. We've been playing this game for a minute. Yeah. There's definitely people who are like, check me out. Yo, showing the guys. Oh, yeah. I'll do anything for prison club. Which is why we love the prisoners of Idaho State Prison.

Yes. Huge fans. Are you doing Boise anytime soon? I am. I am actually. Holy shit. Sorry, Boise. That's right. That's right. You have cousins up there. Okay. It's Boise. Oh. That's jacked. Christian. Christian. Oh. Bicep right at the end. Oh. Oh. Oh, shit. There we go. This is new. There we go. Yes. Dang. He's jacked. Okay. Staying fucking in shape, man. Porfirio. All right. Okay.

Here's the deal, man. He's like, I'm Christian. That means he's definitely compensating for some dark shit. Oh, yeah. He's vain because he's taking the shirt off and he's showing you his muscles. He's totally a narcissist, like checked out. So this kind of guy can kill. Yeah, it looks like he's so like Molly at EDC or something. I would be more impressed by the person in the back mopping. Like if I was watching, I'd be like, oh, what's that guy? Yeah.

Well, you know, it's interesting as you point out his narcissism. He also says in the video that he's 28, but the inmate Instagram caption says he's 31. So he's actually knocking his age down too. Interesting. That's the red flag right there. But sorry to disappoint you. It's drug trafficking. That's it? Yeah. Wow.

Any good drugs, do they say? Doesn't say. Sometimes you get like a full report. Sometimes you just get a little bit. Have you guys seen that Instagram mug shotties? Yeah, I was just telling her about that. Yeah. That's crazy. They're just like hot chicks? Hot chicks and it says what they're locked up for. And the comments are insane. But I think the comments are hilarious. But the thing about it is that it really is this, it's playing this thing in your mind of you go, oh, a hot chick.

couldn't you know you you have your idea of what someone like that is capable of and then you see of course like you know public drunkenness dui and then you scroll and they're like fucking stabbed her boyfriend 18 times you're like whoa like really crazy shit you know armed robberies yeah she's single and she's cool it's an insane page would you mind bringing it's pretty fun instagram has some gems right now have you seen the the stand-up clips of like the kids doing the

the Cool Beans comedy. It's kids doing, it's at the Ice House and they're shooting their shows but it's like 4K. It's their first set like ever and the comments are horrendous. Really? The comments are like life-threatening. Oh, come on. But in a funny way. Oh, okay. Funny way. But like, it's kids doing their first set of stand-up

ever. And it's shot like a special, but it's weird that they're uploading it. Like, I don't, that's very weird. It is weird. Kids should not be put on social media at all. And especially so vulnerable. My goodness. They're like eight. I'm like, what are you going to plug your tour dates? Y'all be at the McDonald's playpen tomorrow. It's, it's, it's, it's bizarre. Amanda Bynes did stand up as a child at the laugh factory. And really, you can tell what at age, you know, seven or eight, you're like, this girl's got so much talent.

Like even her timing was great. You know, her parents probably helped, right? Yeah. Somebody from this will like pop off, but like, yeah. So click the first photo. These all look like album covers. Yeah. Right, right. DUI Lipa. What a great comment. What a great, you know. That's gracious. I don't know who's account you're on, but like that shit. That's a good comment right there. This is like the kind of thing too that you see. It's like you see her photo, DUI, first offense, and then comment like putting me under her influence, second offense. Right?

That's amazing. But then click to the right. Damn, her makeup looks good. Her hair looks good. Crash into a parked car. When cops asked if she had anything to drink, she said, I don't drink at all. She's delusional. You got to love that. You got to love it. Hot women. She looks great. Does she put on? And by the way, she put on her lipstick before the shot because to get it that fresh. Yeah, that's fresh. So he says, okay, so it's a little have a couple of road beers? Question mark. Free her. Yeah.

That's it. There's the theme of this episode. Wow. Oh, my God. It looks like Tia Tequila. Yeah. Tia Tequila when she was normal. Possession of cocaine. She's still coked out in that photo. She's so coked out. She's like, I haven't gotten new headshots in a while. Might as well. Yeah. She's smiling. I've been booking. A lot of times you see the big smile. Go ahead. She's a real sociable. Keep her locked up. Yeah. Yeah.

She met a 61-year-old man on a sugar daddy website, trashed his home, stole a bunch of items, dumped laundry detergent on his head after he refused to give her money. Yeah. Somebody deserves to be locked up. Also, what are you stealing from a 61-year-old's house? Come on. A cane? What are you stealing? Butter scotch candy.

Can I tell you that? Hold on. Go look at her. The lack of eyebrows, a shaved eyebrow. Look at this. Oh, I know. Open murder. She's hot. Looks like that color. Daddy girl. Yeah. What is open murder? It's between first and second degree murder.

It's a combination. It's open for interpretation. Yeah. However you want to view it. I only went to law school for two weeks. We didn't get that. Oh, really? I never heard that before. But like, here's the thing, right? This is what's fascinating about this site, I think, is you just look at this person and

You don't think homicide. Never in a million years. The eyes say murder, though. The eyes are very vicious, but still. The mask is a nice touch, though. Yeah, it is. She's safe. She cares about getting somebody else sick. Can we read more? Sorry about her charge. I'm just curious because...

entering a dwelling while so she went in to a place and kill someone yo a guy fucked her over hell hath no fury some guy fucked this bitch over she looks like she works for like a dentist or something yep she's wearing her scrubs dude maybe this bitch cleaned your teeth last week

It does look like that moment where they're like, okay. Yeah. Do you have an appointment? And then she just goes, yeah. She has an open invitation to enter my dwelling anytime she wishes. Yeah. The comments are insane. People are so desperate. Every man is commenting. These are just like, yeah, she deserves probation. What do you do if your girlfriend and your boyfriend's commenting on these photos? Desperate stuff. Do you say anything? You just like, do you scroll a few more?

Go to the right. Sorry, I'm going to photo wise. Watch Thompson-Grogg. Go ahead. Thief. That's a big one you'll see on this too. A lot of theft. Paris Fashion Week right there. Yeah, and I think she probably was stealing designer stuff too. I could see that, right? She looks crazy. She has crazy eyes. Yeah, she's crazy. Also, like a denim jacket in jail doesn't sit right. She got a turtleneck. She got some loosies in there for sure. Sure, for sure. Oh, drugs.

Aggravated, endangering child. It kind of looks like me, if we're going to be honest. From the side? Oh my God, you're right, dude. You're telling me? Yeah.

No, she's tough, though. You can tell this chick has been in fights, right? You can tell. She's got that fucking aggression in her. 100%. She's beat up boys before, you know? Gosh. Then the comments get real. Some guy just wrote, she's not even hot, question mark. Damn. She's already going to prison. Why you got to be such a dick to her? No, I think she photographs well straight on. Yeah. Yeah. She knows her angles. Yeah, she's a front on shot. She knows her angles because she's done.

Front shot shoddy. That's what we'll call her. Go ahead. Go ahead. Attempted carjacking. Keep going. Get her nice girl smile. Now we're talking. Weed. Come on. It's funny when you see people locked up for weed. I look at her face. She's like, whoa, what's with the outfit? That's DUI. That looks like the people that would DM you from like bots right there. Wait, why is she wrapped in gauze? What's that outfit? Maybe what she was wearing. That's what she was wearing? She got dress coded. They cover her up.

Oh, like she like it could be that it's torn or it's inappropriate. And they cover up. She had the spaghetti straps. They don't allow it. Go ahead. More. Do you like the smile? Me, too. She's got a little something going on. The hottest one for me the whole time. Yeah. You like her, huh? Yeah. A little like face tattoos. She's probably speeding to my heart, you know. Yeah.

What does that singer that's dead? Amy Winehouse? Yeah, she's got Winehouse vibes to her. She's reckless as fuck. Wow, four counts of sexual assault. Hey, that's rare. Institutional sexual assault. With a person under 16. School counselor.

No shit. That's the chick that balls you when you're a teenager. And this photo too is such a moment because this photo is the moment that this woman is realizing her world has completely flipped up. It's right in this moment. She's like, fuck. Yeah.

Like she knows right now that everything is about to change. She kind of looks like a Wii character if you ever played a Wii girl. Those eyebrows are not bad. Well, that's again, I was going to say, if you'll notice the common denominator, the eyebrows get thinner and thinner and weirder and weirder and more and more penciled in. Yes. Oh, the bigger the crime, the smaller the eyebrows. Notice the eyebrows. Nobody saw, I don't think many of them have normal eyebrows. No.

No. It's always like I shade it off, I pencil it in. I've met people who have tattooed eyebrows. Sure. But not like the line. It's like shaded in. Microblading, they call it. Yeah, it's like shaded in so it looks real. Bro, I would never commit to tattooing anything on my face, even like eyebrows.

You know what I mean? What if you change your mind one day and you're like, I don't like that shape. We got one more. We got one more from Idaho Correctional Facility here. Beautiful. Hey, what's up? My name's Sean. I appreciate you taking the time to watch my video and possibly get to know me. It's pretty as fuck back here, but it'd be a lot more interesting if you'd hit me up. I guess I'll be here waiting. Later.

Later. Later. I'm a huge fan of Sean. He's about to lean in and kiss the camera. Look at that party smile too. That little smirk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you know you liked what I just did. And I love when they have lines. Like they come with like a little line like, I'm just a shorty trying to make a hoodie. I like him. Yeah. Oh man, he's done the worst of it. You think so? Because I like him the most. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? I think Grand Theft Auto, but like a good car, like a Mini Cooper, you know, something cute. Something like have it, you know. Yeah.

He stabbed someone in the chest during a fight. Aggravated battery. I was close. Fuck, dude. I was close. Fuck. Yeah. He stabbed somebody? Yeah, he's in maximum security, yeah. Damn. Oh, no. Yeah, you can tell. He's the first guy with bars behind his camera. That's why the... That's his room right there. That's right. It's usually you can tell how much freedom they have behind them. They're like, oh.

This dude's recording in a hamster cage. Murderers and shit. They're not roaming free. They don't get to go to the commissary. Pretty cool, right? Fun game? That's a great game. Yeah. That's a fun one. I like that. You're welcome.

It's pretty cool. Yeah. You're going to like the way you look. Yep. I guarantee it. This is the most fun thing that I've seen though that they pulled for us is that this guy couldn't get a reservation at like one of the most popular restaurants, I think in London. Goodman Mayfair, a fancy steakhouse in London. Sounds rich. So they couldn't, they were like, we're totally booked. You know, like, like what happens in big cities with, with great restaurants. Yeah. So,

So he told them that he was the prime minister of Morocco. Ooh. And then they were like, okay. So he was treated like royalty. Oh my God. And then as this happens in nice restaurants, they get wind of who's there and they were like, can you take a photo? Can you sign things? They're asking him. No. He's signing plates? Yeah.

I would fully just write Prime Minister. I wouldn't do my name. It's just some guy. Oh my God. So he fully committed. What? He's wearing a Tommy Bahama t-shirt. I know. And they're like, where's your security detail? Yeah, he just strolls in. I mean, is that illegal? To pretend to be like a...

I don't think so. Not to get a reservation. Prime minister of another country? I might start trying that. Dude, you have to do that. You have to do that. Oh, in some places, yeah. I'll have my friends call places and pretend to be my manager. Or you're also, you're young enough and look young enough where they could be like the son of. Son of. Yeah. Son of the ambassador is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I would believe. One of the things that I do that some of you may not realize or may realize is that I take the...

doll houses and I recreate the actual murders of families that took place in houses in the house itself. They're 1-12 scale and I study the crime scene photos and I recreate them as closely as possible right down to the knots tied around their hands and feet. Isn't that cool? We could start having these all over the house.

And this is my next project. This house came to me via my friend Carrie all the way from, I don't even know where she got it, somewhere in Pennsylvania. It's always Pennsylvania. All four sides open up and I can't wait to get started. I don't know what kind of murder it's going to be yet, but stay tuned and you'll find out. Fun for the holidays. You can do a gingerbread house. Yeah. An edible one? Yeah. That's a good idea. Dude, that is insane. That's really cool. You know, it's, yeah, I don't know if I'm on board with this, but

I have visited the house that Sharon Tate got murdered in. Really? The Manson murder house. Who's more fucked up in this table right now? Not for fun. The guy who was like, hey, like this video? Or someone who's like, hey, I went to the house. Because the person that bought it, I had a meeting with that person. At their house? At their house. They tore it down, redid the house, changed the address.

obviously. And I can do that. You can do that. No, no. But now the real question is why? Right. So I was sitting down. Very nice person. And I go, I just have to ask you why on earth does this make murder in here? Yeah. Why would you buy the Sharon Tate murder house? And, you know, he goes, well, it turns out land where people get murdered on gets pretty good discount. So I got a really good deal on this. That is true. I was like, what? Not a bad idea.

I don't know. Is it worth it? I wouldn't want to live there. No. Weird vibes, weird voodoo going on. And that was really horrific what happened there, you know? That was gnarly. Cut her up while she was pregnant. I'm not interested, bro. Well, Nine Inch Nails record, Trent Reznor rented the house out too. If I was in a band, I'd live there. Give me some dark energy. Some dark vibes. Yeah. Could you sleep there at night though?

I'd be so fucked up, dude. I'd record there in the day. If you were goth, yeah. Yeah, sleep upside down. Yeah, dog. Like a bat or something. Were you weird in high school? I did have like, I had a year where I listened to like metal music and I had like gauges in my ears. Oh. You did? Can I see them now? Did they close up? Yeah, they closed up, but like I could show you a photo like.

Wow. Yeah, it was just weird. Like, I could put my pinky through my ear. It was weird. I thought chicks would be like, that's so hot. It was just guys being like, yo, what size is that? Everything I did in high school was to try and attract women, but it only attracted men. Yeah. Everything. I had a Honda Civic with two 12-inch subwoofers in the back. Sweet. Chicks are going to hear me bumping Waka Flocka at 7 a.m. and be like, I need to suck his dick now. Yeah. Never happened. Never.

It was just guys being like, yo, how many decibels can those cranes? I hate everything. I was just a chameleon in high school. I don't know what I was. I had a metal phase and then the rap. Did you figure it out right after graduating or was that a process? Pretty much after graduating. I went to college and that's when I kind of found it out. That's when I started making Vine and doing stand-up. Being yourself. Yeah. Well, I was just myself because it was a whole new... Where was college? San Jose State, up in the Bay Area. Yeah, it was a whole new slate. So I was just myself and then...

that got kind of highlighted, I think. Cause I was like the funny guy in the group, but not like funny to the whole like fraternity. And then I was making vines and then there's like a decent standup scene in San Jose. So I was doing like, and I was in a frat. So I would hit up the guys at the San Jose improv and I'd be like, yo, I can bring 50 people for a five minute set. And they're just like, all they hear is just dollar signs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come do five. We don't give a fuck. So I was getting early stage time. And were your vines blowing up when you were in school? I don't,

like one or two do decent, but nothing where like I could, I can have a career off of it. How many followers did you get? When they did decent though, I'm saying that when you're on campus, is that like a thing? I got recognized once on campus and it was great day. It was great. Huge day for me. Chick. Hey. Do you like make videos? And you had to be like, what? Me? Yeah.

Yeah. I've thought about it. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I had one get big and then it kind of died out right as I moved to L.A. Really? Yeah, 2015. And then I just only did stand up and like mics and then making YouTube videos on Facebook and Facebook videos like 2017. But what happened to Vine? Why did it die? It seems like it was hugely popular. It kind of like started to die off and then I think they were just pulled the plug on it, which I think is better. I think how they just kept running its course would have turned into something weird. Yeah. Yeah. It would have been bought by something. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it was already owned by Twitter, which is weird because you'd think they wouldn't let that die. Yeah. Why? I don't know. Yeah. But it's kind of good. It's more of like a chunk in time. It's kind of like the Chappelle show effect where it's like, why only two and a half seasons? I think if they let Vine keep going, it would have got so bad. Does the app stay functional? No. I think you can still on your desktop hold up, but the app's not. The app doesn't work. It's not even functioning. Uh-uh. That is crazy that they just go, yeah, shut it down. There's none. None.

They'll probably like redrop an archive or something in the future. I don't know. There's always like a rumor that they're going to start a second one. But the good news is that Vine is so similar to TikTok, no? Like format. It's the same shit, different toilet to quote Allen Iverson.

the late great ai yeah yeah uh yeah i i i think i was just on it for a couple years it gave me a little bit of inspo and like oh cool this is how you make because i went to film school and they were teaching me all these like giant ass cameras i'm like this sucks what am i going to do with this massive film rig it's like how do i just make sure my friends did you love film school no no they were like just it was honestly lazy they would just show us like

like an old, old, old like film and be like, this is how you do it. And I'm like, okay, now what? Yeah. The old Wes Anderson. But didn't you make, then you get to make your stuff too? Like you. Yeah. But the, we were making it on like not fun stuff. Like we were shooting on like, like a giant, like news camera. So it's not like the stuff I wanted to make. The best stuff was like the stuff I was making my friends outside of film school on like a little Canon, like a Sony DSLR or something. And then,

Right after that, pretty much, like, moved to L.A. and then just started making stuff behind the scenes. That's awesome. There's more YouTube videos, really. That's so cool. You're such... I mean, how old... You might have asked how old you are. Yeah, like, you grew up purely digital. And I'm... Tom, too. We're, like, the last of the analog generation. I didn't have a cell phone or send an email until... I sent my first email when I was 19. Holy shit. And then my first...

I was 22, 23. So to have your brain formed in Vine, your brain's literally been formed in apps, in the iPhone. Yeah. That's really cool. I had a phone in sixth grade. I'm like, whoa. Sixth grade. Wow. Sixth grade.

I've been clocked out for a minute now. Were you guys all watching porn then too? No, they didn't have, that was the time where like internet was like, Oh fuck. I clicked the internet button. Get out. Cause it's going to charge data. I don't think I was able to watch porn on a phone until like, I don't know. I touch and like high school and I touch myself. Yeah. Um, yeah, probably, probably, uh, high, late high school.

But it was great because I grew up in that era, but then I was also doing so much stand-up that I was able to balance out, like, oh, is this idea more stand-up or is this more of a video? I've always just kind of been in between all that. And do you gauge, like, oh, that bit did well on TikTok. That'll really crush in stand-up? Like, do you ever try a joke out on TikTok and then take it to stage? Usually if it goes on TikTok, then I'm kind of like, that joke's been burned, essentially. Like, that video. Yeah.

but a lot of times if a, if a standup isn't like working on stage, I'm like, you maybe just needs to be more like a visual. Then I'll just make the video out of it. Oh, Oh wow. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to paint the picture. It's so clear in my head, but then you're describing it and people are like, I'm lost. And then you're just like, Oh, I just will put this on a green screen or I'll just make this somewhere. And,

Yeah. It's so much easier to show. Wow. But that's so unique that your brain can work both as a stand-up comic and that world. Yeah, it's like two different jobs in my head. Like all daytime I focus on like video stuff and then around like five is when I start getting more in stand-up mode and like, you know, switch it over. Yeah, switch it over. It's a totally different beast in my mind because stand-up is relational. It's you with the audience and getting that flow and that rhythm and that feedback.

But this, just making a TikTok, it's just you and the camera and it feels so isolating and weird. It's fucking lonely posting videos because these views are just like, does this, not to sound fucking emotional, but like, does this mean anything? You like refresh it and you're like, okay. Yeah.

But then you try a new tag and that hits it like, wow, my day is so much better now. Yeah. So I like both. I have to have the duality of both. And I think they both help and podcasting because you guys podcast. Yeah. Podcast podcasting is great, too. And podcasting is great because I'll just like spew some memory out that I had years ago. And I'm like, it's such a good like I could write that out. Yeah. You know, it's not something I would ever think about. How long you guys been doing it now? You've been doing it for like four years. Oh, wow. Four, maybe five.

Yeah, that's stiff socks. It's me and my buddy. Is that all sex then? Is that like sex themed? It didn't end up being like that. It was just like a funny name. I don't even know where the name came from. I just wanted something that wasn't like the Trevor and Michael show. It just sounds so like AM radio. Yeah, stiff socks is a good name. Yeah, I think it just stuck. And then what happened, we had one porn star hit us up.

to be like, hey, we love your stuff. Can we be on the show? I was like, sure. And then that episode just did crazy. And then it fuels more. Yeah, and then their friends hit us up. And it's like, now we're like, okay, let's not. And then we'll go like six months and views are low. And we're like, Riley Reid, where are you at? But they are great interviews. But it's like, we don't want that to be like the number one. It's so funny when I'm at an airport and a 13-year-old comes up with his parents like, oh, I watch Stiff Socks. And the parents are like, what? And I'm like, I don't think you should be there.

You know? Sure. It's a weird... But yeah, it's not like...

A lot of people do think it. But also what's great about that, being called Stiff Socks, is like if we ever say anything that you get mad about, it's like imagine citing that source. Stiff Socks podcast said, it's like, yeah, it's a cum podcast. Yeah, it's about jizzing. Yeah. So if it comes, turns on us, we're just like, yeah, it's just cum talk. What do you mean? Cum talk. Cum talk. That's the name of the other podcast. That's what it is. Yes. Prison talk and then cum talk. Cum talk. Oh, gosh. Cum talk about prison. Yeah. Ta-da. Dude, those are like my favorite topics. Somebody should just start cum talk.

I mean, there's a bunch of podcasts that are basically tum-tum. Yeah, 80 podcasts with more than two dudes. Yeah. Have you seen the ones that are in like Miami and it's like 10 people around the table? Yeah, the round table thing? Yeah, it's like two dudes and then like 10 women. And those clips are great because he's like,

What do you, how would you rate yourself? Yeah. And then she's like, I don't know. I think I'm like a nine. He's like, in what world? Yeah. He's literally just like crowd work with that. Yeah. And then he just like shits on me. He's like, what do you fucking bring to the table? And then the girl is just like, I think I've read, I've read like, what kind of job do you have? Yeah. It's just like this interrogation to strip down some shit. You invited me here. Why are you talking shit? Yeah. Exactly. If you guys did that to me right now, you're like, how's your special? I'm like, that's pretty good. It was fucking pretty good. Is it? Pterodactyl? Spell it, dumbass. Can you spell it?

T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-Y-L. Dang. I've had to look at it so fucking... Did I do it? Yeah, you did. I've had to look at it so many goddamn times promoting this thing, but I thought it was a good name because it stuck. I thought Sledgehammer was great. It's right down the middle. It sticks. And there's like three dinosaurs that anybody knows. T-Rex, Brontosaurus, Pterodactyl.

Yeah, I think that was all of them. Yeah, T-Rex was banned. Oh fucking slapped bang a gong get it on. Oh, I know song. Yes. Yes. I want to say what? So I wanted a title that was like, oh what's going on here? Yeah. Yeah, it leads to a question

It's either the dumbest talk you've ever heard or you're like, huh. Does it play any significance in the show? Yeah, I have a couple callbacks to it and I have a reference to it and then a callback, one or two more in it. So it had a nice reoccurring theme to it. You know what's funny is that girls, when we do specials, you can't do anything weird like that really. It can't be like, silly knickers because they're like, wait, what if that has nothing to do with anything? And you're like, yeah, but it's just a funny... I don't think you can use that one. No, no, because it sounds a little something like something else, right?

But, sorry, I don't know why. I just thought the word was funny. That fireplace has got real warm in here, you know? Some unusual example. But it always has to...

Well, it has to be related to being a lady. It's so funny because every time I, because I tried to submit like a normal title, a comedy title. Mom jeans. No. And it became that later because they're like, but what about like, what's like, who are you? What's your name? And you're like, oh, you need like a Mormon title. You should just call her dat bitch. The next one's going to be, yeah, what should we take? What should I name my next one? Silly. Silly. Silly knickers. Yeah. Doubling down. K-N-I-C-K. I think you just lose the silly. Really? Yeah.

That's a word for pants? Yeah. Yeah. Your knickers. You never heard of them? Here we go. Number three. It's panties. This is a word in the English language, guys. It sure is. We have English, British viewers, the UK, that's what they call them. I watch a lot of British television. That is what they're called in the UK. So have you ever seen...

What is the science behind drinking your own pee? It's good for parasites. It's extremely powerful. I have a little bit in the morning and the topical. This is what podcasting should be. As well. So you pee on your skin. I pee in a Mason jar and I let it ferment for a couple of weeks. I put it on my body. I'll go work out. Like I'll lay in the sun for a while. Who is this guy? He looks great. He looks great. I can only imagine. I just feel pumped. I feel vascular.

Can I say something? We've had so many pee drinkers over the years on this show. They've never been a guest. I mean, we feature them. There's got to be a disorder at this point, no? Can you Google it? Like, is this a disorder? His name is Troy Casey. He's an ex-model and world-renowned life coach and healer who has written books in health about how he teaches. Imagine you pay for a life coach and he's like, let me see your urine. Are you not saving this? Yeah, you got to let this sit in your closet for a few weeks.

So he just rubs it on him and he drinks it. But he lets it ferment, which I usually in the pee drinking community, I've never heard that. I usually hear it's fresh out of the tank or you let it separate and then you drink the top layer. Oh, you can drink your own urine. It is sterile. He seems like a silly separates a silly. How would you say it again? He's a silly knicker.

christ zoom in on christina for that i don't care okay um yeah it's extreme it's good for you man you know it's extremely powerful science overwhelmingly agrees that urine is not safe or healthy to consume despite what dramatic survival movies suggest drinking urine isn't even a good way to hydrate

Here's the breakdown of why you should never drink urine. It's a potent combination of salts and chemicals that your body is attempting to remove. Yeah. And you're like, no, put it back. Yeah. What does WebMD know? Give it back. The only way I'd ever drink my urine is if I could pee into my own mouth. The average adult's urine contains a significant amount of salt, which gets much more concentrated if you become dehydrated. Dehydrated.

Of course. Yeah.

well yeah i don't know but i mean also his skin looks great look at this guy yeah and he's fit jacked fit as a fiddle sure is i mean i dream on p i would too have you done it i try it how about your loads never never try to load have you no i've had it like shot you know oh man you know yeah the glasses are good for that they're good for that sometimes you get it like right here right here no i never would aim a gun at myself so i mean i've just been laying back you know yeah yeah wow

I had a singer on my show on Where My Mom's At, Mandy Mayhem. She's a rapper and she drank a man's piss like right out of his dick hole into her mouth. Like a beer bong? Yeah, dude. Who did this? Mandy Mayhem. She was on my show just recently on Where

on where my mom's at she they planned it and so he drank a lot of water 24 hours prior to her drinking his piss really fresh out of the tap and she went from like farm to table dude like right there i got it i got a little bit isn't that wild and she she gulped it enjoyed it no she just was kind of like i did it because it was okay and i was like well what was it like what did it feel like she like it was just kind of warm like calm is warm and i was like yeah

And it didn't taste a whole lot because it was slow though. No, like I, it takes me like a minute and a half to pee. I got a small pee hole. Doctor told me that. Seriously? Yeah. So does Heather McMahon. She pees super fast. It comes out of her. I don't pee fast. He pees slow. Slow. Oh. Yeah. It's a lot of, you know, it's a lot of people trying to get out at once. Gotcha. Yeah. And this person's a comic? Heather McMahon has a tiny pee hole too. No, I mean the person that drank the pee. Oh yeah. No, no, she's not a comic. Sorry. She's done comedy sketches, but she's a rapper. Mandy Mayhem. Oh.

And she's a rapper. Yeah, she's on TikTok and Instagram. You can find her everywhere. I was wondering what the dude's doing the whole time. Enjoying himself because it was his fetish. He was so stoked. Oh, got you. Yeah, no, he prepared for it. Like they talked it over. That was his fetish. And he spent days like preparing his urine. She's like, you can't have asparagus for a week. She provides.

fetish service it? No, they were dating for like a while. You gotta spice it up every once in a while. He just really wanted her to drink his piss. She was like, alright, I tried that. Gotta keep her fresh. Yeah, I'm not good. I'm not into that. I'm not into that either. I don't think I want her to piss. No, because then she's gonna just have to

It'd be funny if he had it after. Like a human centipede. Like a human centipede, a piss. Human centipede, yeah. So she pees out his pee and then he drinks his pee and then pees into her mouth again? We're back in. All right.

How did they pick the order for human centipede? Who got first? Who got last? Such a good point. First is where you want to be. First is great. You just get your ass eaten and then you're just done. Yeah. You're just hanging out. And you're just dumping the whole time? Wait, but hold on. Isn't the purpose? I don't think there is a first, you guys. I think they connect. Don't they connect? No. Oh, like a circle? Yeah, dude. No, I think that first person leads the way. I think it's a line. Yeah. Congo line. Circle would make sense, but it's like a game of telephones.

You know, see if it gets back to the original. - But you're the back of that thing. That's rough. - Oh, the last guy in the set? - You're like, "Oh fuck, I'm late." And you're like, "Oh no." - Oh. - Just pointing at the end of the line. - How do you not just- - That's my worst nightmare. Wait, hold on. That might be my worst nightmare, to be in a human centipede. - Yeah, be in the back of the line? At least being in the middle is kind of warm. You feel surrounded. You feel loved. - Do you think you'd feel sick?

I would just want to die. I would choke on it. Here's the thing, it would take so long for you to die. So long. Wait, how long before you die from eating caca? What do you feel like sneeze while you're in the middle of it? Hey, come on now. Do you think you would die? Wait, you would starve to death, right? Like for malnutrition. Because you can eat poo. Dr. Drew's told us you can eat poo. Oh.

Oh my God. I think it depends what the person before you is eating. Are they high in nutrients? No, but the nutrients have been taken out theoretically because it's been digested and digested by the time it's to you. Oh, that's how food works. Gotcha. What happens when you eat food? Wait, should we ask Dr. Drew what happens how long before you die from eating food? No, dude. I'm going to be sick. I mean, you should be shot in the head after one meal of shit. I think it's from malnutrition, honestly. You should be taken out back and just...

The Google on every producer's laptop is so funny. I know. It's so gnarly. You should just put one of these in an airport and just leave it. Somebody really asked this question. Yeah, this is... This is somebody in the middle of a pandemic just staring at a plate of shit like, oh, God. God bless the internet. Considering you would die if you couldn't poo not long, urine is sterile, poop is smelly, full of bacteria. However, in theory, ingesting stool should not be that harmful as long as it's, quote, clean.

ingesting these bacteria back in the colon could metabolize non-digested food. Thus, eating poop would give you a second chance to absorb the food again. However, a lot of infections come from contact with poop. Practically all foodborne infections come from other people's poop, making it dangerous to eat if it's not your own. Conclusion,

Assuming you are a healthy person, eating your own poop would probably not harm you. Eating other people's poop could kill you. It's someone else's cuckoo that will lead you astray. I like how they cited their sources. Like somebody was going to read this and be like, yeah, but where did you hear this from? Well, Francis took it upon himself to look it up. Yeah.

Oh, 404. Let's see. What's gawker.com? You know what's interesting is that Dr. Drew, we should have been more specific. We're like, can you eat poo? The question is, can you eat somebody else's poo? You can eat your own poo. This is the linchpin to the whole thing. You just can't eat somebody else's poo.

Yeah, that's fucking oh Jesus. Well, I won't try it today. Okay, you meet your dream girl. She's your dream girl. I mean this is best She just she does everything you love she goggles your pee gargles your paint but her one thing and she's like I Once a year you need to eat my poo. Can I pick the day? Yeah. Okay. Does that matter?

Yeah, probably. Dude, in like December when you're like not working as much. I think you've got to take control of her diet for like a week if you want to do that. Yeah. So what do you do? Cows are grass fed. I'm like, can she be, you know. Yeah, you can do that. She'll work with you on that. The whole thing? Or just like a bite? A bite, a bite, a bite. Just a bite of poo. Do you like butt stuff? Just a bite of poo. For the woman of your dreams. Are you licking butts a lot? No, I think I did it once. And then the girl was like, what are you doing? I was like, oh, it's an accident.

He got shamed. Do you like your butt getting toyed with and everything? I've had that. It's not bad. Male G-spot hiding back there. Olly olly oxen free. That's where the hiding spot is. There you go. It's not bad. I forgot that saying. Olly olly oxen free. Yeah, it's been a while. That sounds like something you would yell. That's your next special name. Let's see if I can get it passed. Yeah, the other one, I think we've kind of all voted on that. I think I would just get so many people in there. But it would, you know, Rumble would love it.

Rumble would love it. I don't know what Rumble is. You don't know what Rumble is? Really? You're so wholesome. Yeah. No? She's like, I'm a mom. I spent a lot of time with a five and eight year old. So I know I can tell you. Get them on Rumble. I can tell you about Pickle and Peanut. Oh, okay. I can talk about fucking cartoons. Wait. So wait, what's Rumble? I don't know. It's like the answer to YouTube. So like zero censorship. Oh, shit. But it's just become like a voice for the right wing. Oh, fuck.

No, it's actually funny. If you go on there, there's like, it's like 12 hours of Andrew Tate motivational music and like people like study to it. So it's exactly like YouTube, but just parallel because people listen to like lo-fi music when they're studying on YouTube, but there's like Andrew Tate motivational music for 12 hours. It's motivational music. Yeah. It's just like, like, like, um, I don't even know what it is.

I forget his background, but it's like that type of music. Okay. And just play it. Yeah. Like a Grand Theft Auto, like loading screen. Hilarious. Yeah. And so it just plays for 12 hours. It's YouTube, but just super like fucking. Well, YouTube is like so inconsistent. That's the one thing. It's very bizarre. It's very bizarre. What they'll pull and what they won't.

All right. Well, we got to wrap, but Trevor Wallace's special pterodactyl is out now on Amazon Prime. Of course, you can listen to his podcast, Stiff Socks, as well, and follow him on all the platforms. You're on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, the whole thing. All that shit. It's all Trevor Wallace. Yeah, all Trevor Wallace. Trevor Wallace. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you for coming, man. Thank you for coming in. Thank you. Thank you. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

I heard her say a word that I know is distinctly unparliamentary.

F-A-R-T. Fart in the room. F-A-R-T. That nobody wants to talk about. F-A-R-T. Fart in the room. F-A-R-T. That nobody wants to talk about. I farted. What's it like in your room? You know what I'm saying? Farted. Oh, here's a cool fart. I farted. Farted. Farted.

Hot fart. Hot sloppy dumps. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart. Hot fart